#dads cup is still sitting on moms bedside table and she refuses to let anyone clean it

[milo-is-rambling]

Randomly thought of the fact that my father died so unexpectedly fast that when he died and mom had to drive home there was still ice from home in his yeti cooler cup

[buckleysjareau]

everything is blue

When Evan Buckley is ten, he discovers nail polish.

-

In which Buck paints his nails, Eddie is flustered, and May is matchmaker.

read on ao3

When Evan Buckley is ten years old, he discovers nail polish. At twenty-eight years old, thinking back, he feels like an idiot because who doesn’t know what nail polish is?

Maddie always had some bright color on her nails and ten year old Buck wanted to have bright nails more than anything. He sneaks the nail polish from his sister’s room at three in the morning, thanking God he’s always been good at keeping quiet, and he picks out a sky blue polish. Watching Maddie, he figured it would be as easy as she made it look, but the nail polish is all over his nails and fingers by the time Maddie finds him. 

“If you wanted me to paint your nails, you could have just asked.” She whispers. 

Buck jumps. “Please don’t tell mom and dad.”

Maddie tiredly smiles. “Lips are sealed.” 

“Throw away the key?”

“Throw away the key.” She holds out her pinky and smiles when his small pinky links with hers. “Here, let me help.” She guides Buck to the toilet, sits him down, and grabs nail polish remover from the cabinet. 

“You still want this color?” Maddie smiles as she holds up the Essie bottle. 

Buck grins. “Yeah, it reminds me of summer.” 

When Maddie finishes his nails, he’s beaming. He’s wanted to have pretty nails since he saw Maddie’s glitter polish collection. 

“Alright, Evan, time for bed. You better get up tomorrow when I wake you up for school.” Maddie warns. 

Buck just rolls his eyes. “Yes, mom.”

The next day, things go from good to bad within a second. He’s reeling, so happy and loves the color of his nails and he feels like nothing can take it away. Until something does take it away.

That something being Logan Hawk. He’s always had a problem with the sixth grader, he thought he owned their grade school and even at ten years old, Buck wanted to punch the asshole out of him but because he’s little wimpy Evan he won’t. 

“You a queer or somethin’, Buckley?” Logan grabs Buck’s hand and examines the blue on his nails. “Huh? Use your words, queer.” 

He doesn’t remember doing what he does next, and he hates that he doesn’t remember it. He’d love to remember finally punching Logan Hawk. He does however remember his parents coming in to take him home for being suspended. 

He remembers the entire ride home, his dad’s yelling loud enough to hurt Buck’s ears. Madeline is going to pay for letting you use her nail polish. Doesn’t she know it’s only for girls? No son of mine is gonna be a queer, you hear me? As soon as we get home, wash that shit off your nails, Evan. If not, there will be hell to pay.

 That was the first and only time he’d painted his nails. Now at twenty-eight, a little more than drunk, he doesn’t hear Logan’s voice or his dad’s as he feels the need to paint his nails a pretty color. Or colors, more than one color would be exciting.

He picks up his phone and dials the one person who he knows isn’t at work and would have nail polish. “Hey ‘Thena.” 

“What’s up, Buckaroo?” He hears the amusement in her voice and grins. 

“Will you come over and paint my nails?” 

“Paint your nails?” She tries to clarify.

“Yeah, I really want to paint them but I have none and I’m really shit at it. Can you bring nail polish?” 

“You’re lucky I love you, Buckaroo.” 

Buck feels like there’s sunshine coming from his heart and lighting his whole apartment. “Awwwww, ‘Thena, I love you too.”

The phone hangs up and ten minutes later, Athena is letting herself in with the key he gave her after he’d fallen down the stairs trying to get to his bed in his cast. She’s got a small bin in her hand, full of colors and glitter, and Buck is beaming.

“Should I be concerned that it’s only eight at night and you’re this drunk?” Athena raises her brow and crosses her arms and Buck thinks it’s so motherly, he wants to cry. 

“I’m not that drunk.” He pouts. “Can I see the colors?”

Athena snorts. “Knock yourself out, kid.” 

He sets aside a silver nail polish and continues to look. He does the same thing with the pink, and when he finds the exact shade Buck used when he was ten, he grips it in his hand and places it near his chest. Athena’s looking at him weird, but really, Buck couldn’t find it in him to be embarrassed about it.

“Can you do these three colors?” 

“I sure can. Can you get me a paper towel and some tissues?” 

Buck does as she says and gets comfortable on the couch when he gets back. 

It’s quiet for a minute as she carefully does the first coat of pink. When she’s done, she reaches for his other hand. “Don’t touch those, they’re not dry.” 

“Aye, aye, Captain.” He snorts. 

Athena fondly rolls her eyes. “So what’s with the sudden urge to have your nails painted?”

“It’s not sudden. I’ve wanted to paint my nails since I was ten. It didn’t go well the first time I did it, so I haven’t since. But a school bully and my asshole of a father aren’t here to tell me I can’t. Fuck toxic masculinity.” Buck is honest when he’s drunk, he’ll spill his deepest darkest secrets and not remember doing it the next day. He hates that but, here he is, still drinking and still spilling secrets. 

“Well, I’m sorry it didn’t go as well the first time, but I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to trust me to paint them for you.” 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Buck whispers dramatically.

“You can tell me anything.”

“I love Eddie so much it’s starting to hurt.” He pauses. “Do you think he’ll like my nails?”

Athena smiles. “He’ll love your nails. Maybe you should end the hurt and ask him out?”

“He’d never say yes to me.” He sighs miserably. “But, hey, let’s not focus on my breaking heart. Let’s focus on happy things because my nails already look good.”

Athena’s about to respond when her phone cuts her off. “May’s Facetiming. Probably to ask where her nail polish is.” She laughs. 

“Answer, answer, I wanna tell her she has amazing taste in nail polish.”

“You’re a child, Evan Buckley.” She rolls her eyes but answers the phone. “Hey, May.”

“Where did all the nail polish go?” The tinny voice has Buck laughing. “Is that Buck?”

“Hi, May! I’m holding your nail polish hostage, is that okay?”

He sees May laugh. “Normally when someone is held hostage, it’s not usually okay with the other person. But, yes, it’s fine.”

Buck holds up his right hand, which is completely done. “Look how pretty.”

“I see you used my sky blue Essie.” She grins, holding up her own hand with the exact shade. 

“I wore that shade when I was ten!” He giggles. “I was so happy to find it in here. You should paint my nails, too, one day!” 

May giggles. “I’ll be there. I gotta study, bye Buck, love you mom.”

Buck wakes up the next morning to his alarm. The night before rushes back to his mind and he looks at his newly painted nails. He loves them, but now sober, he hears Logan and his dad. He can hear Eddie saying something bad, even though if Buck were being rational, he knows he never would. 

He notices a note on his bedside table, a glass of water and two Advil next to it.

Remember what you said. Do what makes you happy. - Athena.

He hates that Athena knows him so well, but he holds the note to his chest and counts to ten before getting up to shower. 

The drive to the station is silent. He looks down at his nails every so often and holds onto the feeling of not caring. He gets to the station and smiles at Hen as he walks to the locker room. He changes, grabs a cup of coffee and sits down at the counter before anyone notices his nails. 

“I like the colors.” Bobby grins. Buck lets out a huge sigh of relief. 

“Me too.” 

“You painted your nails?” Hen raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Actually, Athena did.”

Clash. 

They all turn towards Eddie, who dropped his mug filled with hot coffee, as he stares at Buck’s nails. 

“What? Can’t a guy paint his nails?” Buck’s entire face is red under the stare of his best friend. 

“I- I- uh- you- I love your nails.” He's stumbling with his words and Buck is as big of a mess as he is so he refuses to talk. He smiles and grabs a broom, starting to sweep up the broken glass as Eddie continues to stare. 

“Eddie, take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Chimney snorts. 

Eddie doesn’t have a chance to quip back before the bell rings. A pileup on the 405, two major injuries, no fatalities. People really need to learn how to drive.

When they arrive at the scene, Buck follows Eddie to the first car to check on the driver.

“Sir, I’m Buck and this is Eddie, we’re here to get you out.” He starts. “What’s your name, sir?”

The man is about to reply before his eyes land on Buck’s nails and suddenly he feels self conscious. 

“Only pansies and girls paint their nails. Go help someone el-”

Eddie cuts in. “Who says nail polish is only for girls, huh? Is there a rule book somewhere that says it in writing?”

It makes you happy, don’t let them ruin it for you. There doesn’t have to be a reason to be happy because your nails are painted. I am happy. 

Athena’s voice repeats in his head as Bobby walks up.

“Is there a problem?” He has the jaws of life in his hand, so Buck figures Eddie must have asked for it when Buck spaced out. 

“No, sir.” The asshole answers. 

“Good.”

No one else bothers Buck about his nails after that. It’s been a week and Eddie is acting weird around Buck, ten times more clumsy than usual. May says it’s because he’s so flustered around him that he’s acting this way. Buck calls bullshit. 

“What’s Eddie’s favorite color?” 

“Red.” He answers before May can really finish the question. She rolls her eyes but takes out the red nail polish. “May, I’m gonna match the firetruck.” 

He can hear Bobby laugh from the kitchen and sees him peeking out. “I think Eddie would love that.”

May hums in agreement. 

“You know, I’m not painting my nails for Eddie.” 

“You’re not painting your nails, I am.” May laughs when Buck grumbles. “I wasn’t painting my nails for Darius but this red here got me a second date, so trust it.” 

Buck rolls his eyes. “Still mad I didn’t get to give him the shovel talk before Bobby.”

“That would have been one too many shovel talks though. Between mom, dad, and Bobby? He would have walked out for sure if you gave him one.” 

Buck snorts. “If he walked away because of an extra shovel talk then he deserves the shovel talks.” 

“Alright, alright, we’re not talking about Darius and me. We’re talking about you and Eddie.”

“Were we?” 

“Yes.” Bobby, Athena, and May say in unison. 

“That’s funny because there is no me and Eddie.” 

“Whatever you say, lover boy.” May quips as she paints the pinky. “All done.” 

“You staying for dinner, kid?” Bobby asks as Buck stands. 

“Wish I could but Eddie and I are taking Christopher to the skatepark.” He rolls his eyes when he receives identical looks from Athena and May. “Has anyone ever told you how creepy it is how much you look alike?” 

“Every day.” 

Buck can’t really point out why he felt so nervous driving to Eddie’s house. Eddie had no issue with Buck wanting to paint his nails, he wasn’t mad, he was just...acting weird.

So why does today feel life changing? He’s hanging out with Eddie and Christopher like he does every weekend. There should be nothing different in the way he feels but there is and Buck can’t tell if it’s his anxiety or something is going to happen.

He knocks on the door when he gets there. He never usually knocks but somehow this time, it seemed appropriate to knock instead of walking in. 

“Since when do you knock?” Eddie asks in lieu of his normal greeting. 

Buck only shrugs in response. “You guys ready?”

“Not quite. Chris still needs to finish his homework.” 

They’re walking into the kitchen when Buck spots a lot of dark blue stains on a dish towel. He looks over and sees the nail polish and Buck can’t seem to function. He just looks back and forth between Eddie and the nail polish. 

Eddie looks sheepish. “Uh, yeah, I tried to paint my nails. Not as easy as Shannon made it look.”

Buck doesn’t answer. He feels like he lost all ability to function. 

“Buck? Did I break y-” Buck’s lips are on Eddie’s before he gets the chance to finish his sentence. Eddie is kissing back, cups Buck’s jaw in his hands and Buck mirrors his movements. His heart is beating out of his chest, he can’t believe this is happening, thinks maybe it’s an amazing dream and he’ll wake up and be ten years old again but he prays to stay in this dream as long as possible. 

They break apart for air. 

“Wow.” Eddie breathes. “If I knew painting my nails would have gotten you to kiss me like that, I would have done it way sooner.” 

Buck feels like he’s about to choke on his own spit. “I- you- what?” 

“I you what?” Eddie smirks. “By the way, love the red.”

“I guess May was right then.” Buck sighs. “Since we’ve got time, maybe painting someone else’s nails is easier than painting your own?” 

“What was May right about?” 

“That the red would get me a date?” He smiles innocently.

“Funny. She said the same thing when I borrowed the blue from her.” Eddie laughs and the two look at each before laughing, realizing May set them up. “She gave me the shovel talk, you know.”

“That girl is a carbon copy of her mother, I swear.” Buck laughs. “So how about that date?”

“I’ll pick you up Friday at eight.” 

“Don’t be late.” Buck winks.

“Are you talking to yourself?” 

“Rude!”

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Stepping Up Again: Part 3

Pairings: Chibs x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, teenage pregnancy

Word Count: 1,652

A/N: This series is a continuation of Stepping Up! Read that first if you haven’t! Hold onto your pants, though because this is gunna be a wild ride!

Stepping Up Masterlist        Aesthetic by @ravenangel33

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom! Do I have to go to school?” Kelsi whined as she stomped into the kitchen. You nodded absentmindedly as you served Kellan’s breakfast.

“Yep. Don’t wanna hear it, Kels. Kellan, phone down at the table.” Your daughter whined and stomped her feet over to the table.

“So unfair.” She groaned as she rubbed her hand over her five and a half month along baby bump.

“It’s your fault you got knocked up.” Kellan teased as he broke off some of his pop tart and shoved them in his mouth.

“Kellan, I will kill you!” Kelsi shouted as she lunged toward her brother.

“Kelsi, sit down! Kellan, leave your sister alone, damn it. It’s enough!” You glared at your kids and handed Kelsi a smoothie. “It’s just enough.” The three of you looked up in different directions as Chibs came in to get his breakfast at the same time Mike came in to take Kelsi to school for second period.

“Out’a m’ouse.” Chibs said simply with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Dad.” Kelsi sighed as she grabbed a lid for her breakfast.

“Nope, m’ouse, m’rules. ‘e can still take ye ta school an’ ‘e’s still a prospect bu’ ‘e’s still no’ welcome in m’ouse.” You rolled your eyes at your husband but choose not to say anything as you handed Kelsi her lunch. You gave her a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her backpack and followed her boyfriend out the door. The second it latched behind her, you rounded on your husband and whacked his stomach.

“Cut the shit.” He shrugged dismissively as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Your eyes narrowed as he turned around to look at you as if he wasn’t in the wrong and once again, you found yourself squaring off for another fight with your old man. “Kellan, go to your room.”

“Aw, mom.” He whined.

“Kellan! Go!” You heard him huff over the sound of his chair scraping on your tile floor and you and Chibs stood in a stare off until you heard his door close. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I don’ ‘ave ta like ‘im, (Y/N)!”

“That’s not the point here, Filip! The point is, you are doing every single Goddamn thing in your power to push our daughter out of our lives. You get that, right?”

“She’s no’ goin’ anywhere, luv.” He snapped as he gestured to the door. “‘e’s no’ stupid enough ta take ‘er away from Charmin’…”

“No but he loves her. And if she tells him to jump he’s going to ask how high in a heart beat. You are pushing my baby away…” You almost instantly burst into tears and Chibs lost any and all fight in the situation.

“Shit… luv I’m sorry…”

“That’s our daughter, Filip and our granddaughter. We have to support… ev-everything…”

“I know. Shh, I know. I’m done fightin’ it, m’luv.”

“She gets you every time with the tears…” Kellan said as he leaned against the door frame leading into the kitchen.

“Boy-o, ye best ge’ yer smart ass ta the truck ‘fore I beat yer ass.” Chibs growled as he turned to glare at your son. Your son and his smart mouth ran through the kitchen as fast as he could to get away from his father’s current wrath.

“Why are you boys such assholes?” You sobbed as your husband ran his hand across the back of your head.

“Because we’re assholes, luv. Simple as tha’.” You nodded at him as he took a step back and gently kissed your forehead. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).” You nodded again as he brushed your tears away.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Mike and Kelsi. Because they are the ones you have been upsetting the most in the past five and a half months.” He nodded at you as your son honked your car horn so he wouldn’t be late for middle school. “I’ll see you at work.” Chibs nodded as he grabbed his cup of coffee to finish it quickly so he could get to the club, too.

——

“Is this Mrs. Telford?” Your brow furrowed as you looked away from the computer to give the woman on the phone your complete attention.

“Yes, this is.” You heard the woman hum on the other end of the call as you sat back in your chair.

“Mrs. Telford, this is Karen Smith from Charming High School. I’m calling to find out if Kelsi was home sick today and you may have forgotten to call…?” Your stomach turned as you quickly sat up straight.

“What? No, she went to school today.” You jumped up from the chair and walked as quickly as you could toward the club house to try and find the prospect.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Telford. She wasn’t in second or third period.” You nodded to yourself as you yanked open the back door to the club.

“Well thank you for letting me know. I’ll call her cell phone now.” You barely heard the woman say good-bye as you ripped open the doors to the chapel, not giving a shit about the rules. “Where is that little prick?” You spat as you looked around the room for Mike.

“Luv…?” Chibs tried as you found his eyes.

“Kelsi’s not in school.” You said as you pointed your finger at him. “I fucking told you.” You turned on your heel and left the chapel as you started calling your daughter. Her phone went straight to voicemail and you took a deep breath trying to steady yourself as Jax grabbed your arm.

“What the hell is going on?” You shook your head as you tried her cell again while grabbing his cigarettes from his kutte pocket.

“Chibs kicked Mike out of the house again this morning when he came to pick up Kelsi. She was already complaining about not wanting to go to school… Kelsi, it’s mom. You need to call me right away. I’m not mad, I just need you to call me so I know you’re OK.”

“Call every charter we got.” Jax said as he turned back to the other Sons. “I want every single man available looking for them.”

“Luv, we’ll find them.” Chibs tried as Juice got on the phone to start putting the word out. Your eyes narrowed at him and you shook your head.

“I’ve been warning you for months, Filip. Now let’s just pray to God my baby comes home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s gunna come home.” Lyla said as the two of you sat in the living room of your house, staring at the front door. You shook your head and tears rolled down your cheeks as you absentmindedly ran your fingers through Kellan’s hair. He had refused to leave your side for any reason since he got home and despite the fact that he would never admit it to anyone, he had cried himself to sleep with his head on your lap about an hour before.

“I should have let her stay home.” You said for probably the hundredth time. Lyla shook her head as she rubbed your back reassuringly.

“She’ll come home, (Y/N).” Your head shot up as the sweep of a set of headlights across your front window but the distant rumble of motorcycles made your heart nearly stop. You let out a choked sob, that woke up Kellan as Chibs, Jax, and Opie came into the living room.

“Let’s go to bed, Kel.” You said as you completely ignored your husband. You got to your feet and dipped your shoulder out of his reach as you followed your son to his room.

“Can you call her again?” He asked as he climbed into bed and scooted all the way across the full size mattress. You nodded as you lifted up the covers and got into bed beside him.

“Hey! It’s ya girl, Kelsi! You got my voicemail because I’m probably out with my boo, with friends, or at school. Leave a message at the beep and I’ll get back to you. Oh, and yes dad, I know that time curfew is!” “The mailbox you are trying to call is full.”

You played the message one more time as Kellan curled up against your side with tears in his eyes.

“She’s gunna come home, right mom?” He asked softly as you set your phone on the bedside table. “I promise I won’t pick on her anymore.” Your already shattered heart broke even more as you held onto your son as tightly as you could.

“She’ll come home, baby. I know she will. We just have to give her some time, ya know?” He nodded his head as you pulled up the blanket over his shoulders.

“Momma… can you sing?” Tears welled in your eyes and you nodded against the top of his head.

“Of course, baby.” You saw a shadow fall across the wall in front of you from the hall way as you started singing ‘Three Little Birds’ to your son. You closed your eyes and shook your head subtly as you rubbed Kellan’s back until he fell back asleep. As you laid there singing the same song over and over, you could hear Chibs crying from the hallway behind you. You let him sit and wallow in his misery for nearly twenty minutes before you carefully reached your hand back and snapped your fingers to get his attention. With a simple, slightly awkward wave of your hand, you heard him get off the floor and come over to the bed.

“Anything?” You whispered as he climbed into Kellan’s bed behind you. He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around the two of you.

“Keep… keep singin’… please luv?” You nodded as you laced your fingers with his on Kellan’s side but no matter how much you didn’t want to, you cried through every single word.

Part 4

[hbickurthummel-blog1]

sun come down, come down, come and make it right.

Once English ended, Kurt went to the journalism class for the school newspaper. Then he had AP Psych with both Marley and Mercedes, which managed to cheer him up quite a bit, enough that he had forgotten about the fight for the most part. Then he had French, which was easily one of his best subjects, and they started the day with practicing their speaking skills. Kurt talked with his partner about what they did last weekend and what they had planned for the next one, as per Madame’s instructions. All the while, Kurt thought about his math teacher. It was hard to concentrate in math lately. He had been taking a lot of notes and actually doing his best to follow along with concepts that were still a little bit too advanced for him, but lately he’d only been able to think about how much he wanted him to fuck him in the locker room or over his desk or throw him over his knee...Kurt never expected to be so drawn in on dumb fantasies he told to tease someone he was sleeping with, but if he kept this up, he’d soon have a Pavlovian response to math. 

He was snapped back to reality when someone called his name. Kurt looked over at his french teacher, who was speaking to the counselor at the door. She gestured for him to come over and Kurt slowly stood up and grabbed his things before walking over. Miss Pillsbury, the counselor, thanked his teacher and told Kurt to follow her to her office.

Kurt panicked. Did he do something wrong? Did they -- did they find out about Puck? Kurt’s heart was beating fast as they walked to her office where Coach Sylvester was there. ‘Hey, Porcelain,’ she said, looking a bit grim. His pet nickname? Uh oh.

Miss Pillsbury had him sit down and his coach put a hand on his shoulder, which just made him more tense. ‘We just got some news that, um, we thought you should hear. I figured it’d be good for one of your favorite teachers to be here.’ Kurt nodded slowly, though he wasn’t sure what was happening still. He couldn’t make his vocal cords work as his brain tried to come up with ways to deny any accusations they made about him and Puck. His heart was hammering as the counselor opened his mouth and finally said, ‘Your dad had a heart attack.’

With that, everything stopped, including his own heart. 

“What?” Kurt asked, his voice already cracking with emotion. She went on to explain that there was a customer and another worker there, so he had gotten right to the hospital, but they didn’t know anything else. She explained that he was excused from class for the rest of the day and for the next days, and they’d help him with whatever he needed. Sue even said he was excused from Cheerios practice, but Kurt barely registered any of that.

“Where is he?” Kurt asked quietly, interrupting Miss Pillsbury’s speech about how he could turn to her if he needed help through this time. As soon as she told him the hospital’s name, Kurt stood back up and ran out of the room and out of the school to his car. 

He barely remembered his drive to the hospital or how he managed to find out where to wait. The waiting felt like hours, until, finally, a doctor came out to tell him what was going on. He said a lot of words Kurt couldn’t understand, medical jargon that was much too hard to process in his state. The gist of it was that his dad was in a coma and they didn’t know when -- or if -- he’d wake up.

The doctor led him to his dad’s room and told him something about when visiting hours were over, and Kurt just nodded, still not paying attention. How could he when his dad was lying comatose in front of him? Kurt just grabbed his hand, the thing that always gave him comfort as a child, only to find it cold and lifeless. “Dad...” Kurt whispered desperately, his mind spinning through all of what he had said to him that morning, how he had sounded like he didn’t care, and how those could be the last words his dad ever heard from him. 

He somehow managed to land in a chair as the dizziness start to overpower him, and that was where he stayed for the next several hours, only getting up to use the bathroom or when one of the nurses came in to check up on his dad. One of them asked if his mom would be coming, and Kurt’s throat tightened even more as he shook his head. That one gave him a Jell-O cup later, which he half-heartedly ate.

Eventually the sun went down and he was told he needed to leave. Kurt wasn’t sure if it was a visiting hours thing or if the nurses just thought he had been there too long, but he did what they asked him to do, since he didn’t think he had the ability to actually speak back to them. He leaned forward to kiss his dad on the forehead and give his hand another squeeze before leaving the hospital and driving home.

Kurt was used to an empty house. There were still even several weekdays where his dad would be gone. It was something he should’ve been able to deal with, and he told himself all of that as he went down to his room, not even thinking about cooking dinner. But when he sat down on his bed, he looked over at the picture on his bedside table, the one of him and his parents when he was a kid. Kurt, who had been crying on and off all day, started to cry again. He wasn’t sure he ever appreciated either of them enough; a nine year old really couldn’t do that and it wasn’t like he was super appreciative of his dad that morning. Was his dad going to ever know how much he meant to him? Had Kurt ever really let him know?

He stood up suddenly and ran to his closet to find a bag, a big one he used to use for when he had to spend the night at his friends’ places when his dad went out of town. He dusted it off and ran to the bathroom, throwing in random cleansers and moisturizers and shampoos in a plastic bag he used for vacations. He threw that into the bag and then ran back to his closet, not even looking at what pants and shirts and underwear he grabbed, just stuffing up his overnight bag as full as possible. Then Kurt grabbed his school bag and keys and, after turning off the lights and locking the doors, Kurt drove off yet again. There was no way he could stay in there, not tonight. It was one thing to be alone when his dad was coming back; it was another when he didn’t know if that would happen.

As he turned out of his neighborhood, he started driving to Mercedes’ house, since her was the closest. Then he realized, no, he couldn’t do that, since once he told her what happened, she’d probably pray and he just couldn’t deal with that, not when he was at his most vulnerable, not when he had tried prayers so many times when his mom was dying. 

He turned around at the next light to head to Marley’s. Did Coach tell the team why he wasn’t there? Did she know? She would’ve texted him regardless, right? His phone hadn’t gone off all day. Kurt pulled out his phone, only to realize that the battery ran out; that had to be a first. That also meant Marley at least knew something was up, even if she didn’t know what, and the idea of having to tell her or having to see her face...no. Seeing any of his friends’ reactions was too much, whether her of Mercedes. It would make the situation too real. 

So Kurt drove past Marley’s neighborhood, not sure where he was going to go. Sebastian was too far, so that wasn’t an option. He wasn’t close to any other Cheerio or really anyone nearby. There were his dad’s employees, but he wasn’t sure any of them would really want to be held responsible for the boss’ son. Kurt drove by The Lima Inn and almost pulled over, only to realize he wasn’t 18, so he was pretty sure no one would rent a hotel room to him. Kurt really didn’t know which way to turn.

Then he saw the sign for the highway entrance.

Kurt nodded to himself and got onto the freeway. He knew where he needed to go. He knew he had another person to say something to before it was too late.

He soon parked on the now vaguely familiar street and grabbed his bags. Kurt locked his car and ran up to the small house in the cold and rang the doorbell, shivering without his coat on. He didn’t even know what time it was, but the porch light was still on, so he figured no one was asleep yet.

Kurt heard Maya’s bark when another thought entered his head. What if Rachel was back? What if she answered the door? Did Puck know what happened? What if he refused?

Thankfully Puck answered the door with his hand on Maya’s collar to keep her from leaping on him. “Hi,” Kurt said, his voice tight and high, his eyes red and puffy, his hair deflated, and his hands wrapped nervously around the straps of his bags as he shivered in the night. If he wasn’t in such a frenzied, upset state, he would’ve appreciated how dramatic he looked; the only thing missing was a downpour of rain. “Can I -- is Rachel -- please, I -- ” Kurt took a breath and asked, “Can I stay here tonight? I just -- ” Kurt drew in a shaky breath and whispered desperately, “Please?”