#dad bojack/ baby cartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

getting erics voicemail of how he went to get his drunk ass, got abudcted by aliens but still placed a blanket over him on the couch anyway , made him dinner hearing how broken and sad he got

Bojack was just.. fuck...

"I am a piece of shit.. a real a piece of shit... "

@ccartman

[nightcoremoon]

there's lots of tiny brained bad takes of the far left branding things as Bad™ based solely on their association to other things or certain aspects of part of their fanbase.

this isn't to discredit the shit idiot brain fungus plaguing everyone from centrists, the moderate right, the far right, and the alt right, and even some of the moderate left, where they label everything that isn't about a Cishet White Male American Capitalist Bootlicker who's stateist, ambiguously christian/atheist, neurotypical, able-bodied, has "aryan" facial attributes, is an insufferable asshole, and the like, as "SJW garbage".

but see, prejudice and judgment is bad even if it's not motivated by minority demographic. being a rude dismissive asshole is, you know, bad. maybe making fun of a furry or whatever isn't as bad as being a racist, but you're still a fucking dickhead either way. fuck both of you but fuck the racist more. I'll punch both of you but punch the racist twice (maybe a third time for good measure). do y'all understand what I'm trying to get at here with the tiers of badness? the shades of grey? the steps down the path of evil from "kind of rude" to "literally hitler"?

bigotry is not the only bad thing in the world. yeah it's one of the worst, but you can talk about other bad things without discrediting that, which I know is next to impossible for teenagers (or people who never bothered to mentally progress from such) to comprehend.

anyway what sparked this is all the fuckin joker memes. now I went into it expecting, you know, literally taxi driver 2 followed by a silly horror movie about a clown murdering people. which is what the joker of the comics is all about. if I never watched the movie and only saw, what, the killing murray scene, the stairway dancing scene, the trailers, and joaquin phoenix sitting in a padded room and laughing, that's exactly what I'd had gotten.

but like. I fucking watched it because my dad wanted to watch it with me and he fucking loves all things batman (except Ben Affleck). and wolverine but mostly batman. he's a comic nerd. so yeah I went to watch it with him.

and it was legitimately terrifying from a purely psychological perspective. it's LITERALLY the best scary movie I've ever seen without being horror in the slightest. the acting, the writing, the score, the pacing, the cinematography, it was well put together without being a moffat level overproduced mess. it was a good movie. you're allowed to not care for it or not like it but to objectively call it a bad movie is not only a logical fallacy (eye of the beholder) but it also discredits the opinion of every single person who didn't hate it and makes you come off as a pompous fucking asshole rather than having different tastes.

it's about a guy with severe mental trauma in a bad situation trying to make the best of it and care for his family and hold down a job but he gets fucked over from literally every angle and eventually he snaps and makes a mistake and kills the misogynist rich asshats on the train. oh fuck. he could have gone to the police and said self defense and go through the court system but wait, society in gotham doesn't allow for a clean system of justice when you aren't rich. so instead he proceeds to be a major creepazoid turned murdering lunatic blaming everyone else for his own bad situation instead of the whole deal where he did stupid shit like taking a gun into a fucking children's hospital and stuck his fingers inside a child's mouth and stealing shit and falling further down the rabbit hole. until finally, he says fuck it and seeks revenge. the whole bloody mess that follows is his own fault. he chose to kill people. he chose to murder for petty reasons. he made his decisions and he suffered the consequences for it. all of the festering rotten crime in the city spawned by waynecorp's supreme negligence heralded him as a hero and so begins batman's story.

arthur fleck is not a fucking hero. he is a villain through and through. his circumstances were unfortunate but he made the wrong decisions. the world fucked him over and he said okay and retaliated. joker is exactly the fucking same as breaking bad. arthur and walter white are both evil people through their own decisions. but they were once normal people. and that's the point. the scariest monsters in the world are usually the white men angry at the world for their own shortcomings. oswald. ruby. dahmer. bundy. gein. manson. klebold and harris. white. fleck. they're all the filth stuck in the gutter of society that, if left unchecked, has deadly results.

I'm not kidding at all when I say joker was an important movie for myself personally to see exactly when I saw it. because that first half, I'm not gonna lie, it got me. the therapy didn't work and then it was taken away. he didn't eat most days because he had to support his mother. the people he worked with were dickheads, the people he commuted with were dickheads, his boss was a dickhead, people treated him like garbage on the streets. he couldn't remember the trauma inflicted on him when he was a baby but it still warped every aspect of his life. he had aspirations but lacked the skills. he was sad. alone. empty. he was suicidal. he was me.

then he started killing people and using the neighbor girl as a tulpa and I realized oh no oh god oh shit OH FUCK I need to change from this. and I did.

joker is a perfect template of how not to react to the world when it kicks in your teeth. it's a perfect template of a dark movie. just enough to sympathize with the bad guy but not enough to excuse his actions. the opposite of star wars with kylo ren. a good movie. a good character. an amazing actor. a terrible person.

if you watched joker thinking you're watching the story of the protagonist, you're right, but if you conflate protagonist with the good guy, yeah you won't like the fucking movie because it'll leave a sour taste in your mouth. you'll feel slimy. disgusting. unless you're a megadouche shitlord piece of human fucking garbage who wants to cosplay arthur fleck because he's so damn cool like walter white and eric cartman and rick sanchez and bojack horseman and tyler durden and all those FUCKING HORRIBLE LOATHESOME HUMANS TO NEVER EVER TRY TO EMULATE OR YOU ARE AN UNEMPHATIC ASSHOLE AND A MORON TO BOOT.

if you hated the movie, that's fine. you're kinda supposed to hate it. and if you loved the movie, that's fine so long as you understand what the message was. but if it's one of your favorite movies of all time ever made holy shit please go to therapy jesus christ.

still the point of this post is, discrediting the movie as a steaming pile of shit is incredibly ignorant. and as for the "good movies made by white men are only liked by other white men and are therefore bad movies" thing... if y'all can thirst over eddie brock in the trainwreck of venom and admit that the standards of good movie vs bad movie are all subjective, you're a goddamn idiot if you can't apply the same logic and reason to every movie just because some white boys like edgy clowns (even tho joker is way less edgy than pennywise but go off) in abusive relationships with harlequins. oh and assflash newshole, I'm not a white man.

I swear this bandwagoning bullshit is exactly the same mentality as "hurr durr nickelback worst band ever" even though nickelback is ripe with musical talent underneath a few pop songs that they wrote for the record label as part of their career so they can make a fuckin living BECAUSE CAPITALISM IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL and also because of all the misogyny that bled its way into the music industry in the 2000s but that's a topic for another day. 'joker bad' and 'nickelback bad' are products of the same mental decay that social media wrought upon us all, inflicting mass mob mentality and incapacity for individualistic rational thought. which is exactly why there's a war between camp 'joker is bad' and 'joker is amazing' and nobody acknowledges the group in the middle that's like 'joker was good objectively but also terrible subjectively and content-wise'. polar. I could make a political statement and also say how the neoliberals and the fascists are at war while the people in the middle are caught in the crossfire and forced to fight like pawns on a chessboard, but the moderate right, dumbass centrists, pastel commies, and pockets of the moderate left, but that just throws everything into chaos.

tl;dr learn to think for yourselves omg

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

Eric: I killed my father, turned him to chili and fed to a kid , I might have killed a 1000 + people oh and I gave Kyle AIDS

Bojacks brain

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

End of post covid no happy ending for cartman

end of bojack bittersweet happy ending .. I guess...

You/ Me throwing em togther to give em so sorta happy family that the show decided to snatch away

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

@ccartman

S. Bear Bergman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

(:

@ccartman

write a fictional story of bojack horseman pushing eric cartman on the swingsChatGPT

Bojack Horseman had always been a solitary creature, preferring the company of bottles and drugs to that of other animals. But on this particular day, he found himself pushing a young Eric Cartman on the swings at a local park.

At first, Bojack was hesitant to approach the pudgy, foul-mouthed kid with a penchant for mischief. But as he sat alone on a nearby bench, he couldn't help but notice the way Cartman's eyes lit up as he soared through the air on the swings.

Something about the way Cartman laughed and yelled made Bojack feel a flicker of nostalgia. He remembered a time before fame and fortune, before the weight of his own mistakes had crushed his spirit. A time when he, too, had felt the simple joy of swinging in the park.

So, without really knowing why, Bojack walked over to the swing set and asked Cartman if he wanted a push.

Cartman, of course, was skeptical. He eyed Bojack warily, as if waiting for the older horse to pull some kind of prank. But when Bojack pushed him gently, Cartman's eyes widened in surprise. He let out a whoop of delight as he soared higher and higher.

Bojack found himself grinning in spite of himself. He pushed Cartman harder, reveling in the simple pleasure of seeing the kid's joy.

For a few minutes, they swung in companionable silence. Bojack couldn't remember the last time he had felt so carefree. But then, inevitably, his mind started to wander. He thought about all the mistakes he had made in his life, all the people he had hurt. He thought about how empty he felt, despite his fame and success.

Suddenly, he couldn't stand it anymore. He came to a stop, causing Cartman to protest in confusion.

"What the hell, man? Why'd you stop?"

Bojack took a deep breath, then turned to Cartman.

"Listen, kid. I know you don't know me from Adam. But trust me when I say that life is too short to waste on the wrong things. You've got to find the things that make you happy, and hold on to them. Don't let anyone or anything take that away from you."

Cartman stared at Bojack for a long moment, as if trying to process what he had just heard. Then, to Bojack's surprise, he grinned.

"Whatever, man. I'm just here to swing."

And with that, Cartman took off again, cackling with glee. Bojack watched him for a moment, then shook his head in wonder. He realized, for the first time in a long while, that maybe there was hope for him yet.

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

where's bojack? (:

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

(:

@ccartman

As they lay there in silence, Bojack's mind drifted back to his own childhood. He had never had anyone to protect him, and he had certainly never felt safe or loved. But now, with Eric beside him, he felt a small glimmer of hope that maybe he could make a difference in someone else's life.

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

SAME I love em so much!

I got lazy with the background whoops- ANYWAY I've been having a lot of fun rping lately :')

@bojackhorsemanobviously

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

bojack feeling bad starts spoiling cartman only for cartman to be like BRO I just want to spend time with you i dont want all this stuff ):

so i can take back the new, x/yz some special toy that eric really wanted.

cartman: we dont need to go that far

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

I had to keep regenerating this as the AI kept deleting it for violiting policy so annoying

@ccartman (CARTMANS BIG ASS SCREWS HIM OVER/ Bojack horseman sees something that will haunt him forever and realizes SP IS FULL OF IDIOTS)

Bojack horseman had recently moved to south park in hopes of a new peaceful life when heard the shouts of someone faintly, yelling, " nooooooooo." behind some bushes . . Concerned he decided to investigate much to his horror he saw a young eric cartman

Bojack horseman had recently moved to South Park in hopes of a fresh start, but what he found was anything but peaceful. He heard the sound of someone crying out in distress and knew that he had to investigate.

As he approached the bushes, he saw a group of boys surrounding a young Eric Cartman. They were grabbing at his exposed buttocks, mistaking them for breasts, and Cartman was screaming and crying for them to stop. Bojack was in shock, disgusted by what he was witnessing.

He knew that he couldn't just stand by and watch as a young boy was being sexually assaulted. He charged at the group, pulling them away from Cartman and forcing them to stop.

"HEY! What the hell are you boys doing?" Bojack stormed over eyes blazing. "Playing with boobs dude!" The leader of the 6th graders answered

!

Bojack's anger boiled over at the boy's response. He grabbed the leader by his shirt and pulled him close to his face. "Those aren't boobs, you idiot! That's a child's body you're violating!" he snarled.

"WHAT? NO way dude! That's stan marsh's mom boobs!"

Bojack's face twisted in confusion at the boy's response. "What are you talking about?" he asked, releasing his grip on the boy's shirt.

The boy sneered, "Everyone knows that Stan Marsh's mom has huge boobs! We were just trying to get a good look!" The other boys snickered in agreement

. Bojack shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe that these boys were so obsessed with someone's body that they would stoop to violating another child.

Bojack roughly threw the boy to the ground making sure that he felt the hard ground before turning to a sniffling eric cartman feeling terrible for the scared boy

Bojack's fury was overwhelming as he threw the boy to the ground, making sure he felt the full force of his anger. He then turned to Cartman, who was still crying and shaking with fear.

Bojack approached Cartman slowly, trying to appear less threatening. He knelt down beside him, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly. "You're safe now. Those guys won't hurt you anymore."

Cartman looked up at Bojack, still sniffling. "Thanks," he whispered, wiping away his tears.

Bojack sighed heavily, feeling a mix of anger and sadness wash over him. He knew he couldn't just leave Cartman alone after what he had witnessed. "Come on, let's get you out of here," he said, helping Cartman to his feet.

Together, they walked away from the scene, Bojack keeping a watchful eye out for any more trouble. He knew that Cartman had been through a traumatic experience, and he was determined to do whatever he could to help him through it.

"How the hell did this even happen?" Bojack frowned very confused by the situation

Eric Cartman explained that it all started with a bully who had been targeting him and his friends. They had heard that the bully was looking for them and wanted to beat them up, so they came up with a plan to protect themselves. They had heard that the 6th graders were looking for a picture of Stan Marsh's mom's breasts, and so they came up with the plan to take a photo of Eric's own "boobs" with a necklace in exchange for protection from the bully.

Eric and his friends had managed to acutally get the bully sent back to juvy and the 6hth graders just took him to the bushes believing his ass was stan moms boobs

Bojack shook his head in disbelief. "Kids these days," he muttered. "This is insane. You're lucky I came along when I did. You could have been seriously hurt." Eric nodded, still sniffling. "Thanks, Bojack. I don't know what I would have done without you." Bojack put a reassuring hand on Eric's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, kid. I'm just glad I could help. Let's get you home and make sure you're okay."

Bojack was still deeply confused by this whole situation there was very off about this town.

"I don't understand this town," Bojack muttered to himself, shaking his head. "It's like every day here is weirder than the last."

Eric nodded in agreement, still sniffling. "Yeah, South Park can be a really messed up place sometimes," he said.

Bojack looked down at him, feeling a pang of sympathy. "You shouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff, kid," he said, patting Eric's back. "No one should."

Eric looked up at him, his eyes wide. "Thanks, Bojack," he said softly. "You're a good guy."

Bojack smiled sadly. "I'm not sure that's entirely true, but I'm trying to be," he said. "I'm just trying to do better."

Eric looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "I get that," he said. "I'm trying to do better too."

Bojack patted his back again, then stood up. "Come on, let's get out of here," he said, holding out his hand. "I'll take you home."

Eric took his hand gratefully, and the two of them walked out of the park, ready to face whatever weirdness South Park had in store for them next.

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

@ccartman

The perfect gift to say I LOVE YOU https://etsy.me/41avGXt

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

(:

@ccartman

write a fictional story were bojack horseman goes to Lianes house for a fun night only to find her son a 4 year old eric cartman who is in a little milkman outfit as part of a performance for him of which eric isn't really comfortable about

Bojack Horseman had been feeling lonely lately. He had been struggling to find purpose in his life and his relationships had suffered because of it. One day, he decided to reach out to his old friend Liane for a night of fun and catching up.

Liane was more than happy to have Bojack over. She had prepared a delicious dinner and was excited to spend the evening with her old friend. Bojack arrived at her house, feeling a bit nervous but also excited to see Liane again.

As soon as he walked in the door, Bojack noticed something strange. There was a little boy in a milkman outfit, standing in the living room. He looked up at Bojack with wide eyes and a toothy grin.

"Hey there, little guy," Bojack said, kneeling down to get a better look. "What's your name?"

The boy, Eric, looked at Bojack and then turned to his mother, Liane. "Mommy, I don't want to do the performance anymore," he said, his lip quivering.

Liane looked at Eric and then at Bojack. "I'm sorry, Bojack, I didn't think Eric would be so nervous," she said apologetically.

Bojack understood. "That's okay," he said, standing up. "I'm sure we can find something else to do."

Liane suggested they watch a movie and Bojack agreed. They settled on a comedy and soon they were all laughing together.

As they watched the movie, Bojack couldn't help but feel a little sad for Eric. He remembered how he had felt as a child, forced to perform and put on a show for others. He didn't want Eric to feel that same pressure.

After the movie was over, Bojack pulled Eric onto his lap. "Hey buddy, it's okay to be nervous. You don't have to perform for me if you don't want to," he said gently.

Eric looked at Bojack, his eyes filling with tears. "Really?" he whispered.

Bojack nodded. "Really. We can just hang out and have fun together, okay?"

Eric smiled and wrapped his arms around Bojack's neck. "Okay," he said, feeling much happier now that the pressure was off.

The rest of the night was spent playing board games and making silly faces. Bojack felt a warmth in his heart that he hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe this was just what he needed - a night of fun and laughter with a friend, and a little bit of unexpected joy in the form of a four-year-old boy in a milkman outfit who just needed a little bit of understanding.

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

They say we are what we are But we don't have to be I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way I'll be the watcher (watcher) Of the eternal flame I'll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (glass) I try to picture me without you but I can't

'Cause we could be immortals, immortals Just not for long, for long Live with me forever now Pull the blackout curtains down Just not for long, for long

We could be immortals Immortals Immortals Immortals (Immortals)

Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith Is when it's tested again and again everyday I'm still comparing your past to my future It might be your wound but they're my sutures

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (glass) I try to picture me without you but I can't

'Cause we could be immortals, immortals Just not for long, for long Live with me forever now

@ccartman

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

@ccartman

write a dark fictional story of bojack horseman saving eric cartman from kidnappers

Bojack Horseman had always been a deeply flawed and troubled individual. He had spent years grappling with his inner demons, battling addiction and depression, and struggling to find meaning in his life. But when he heard that Eric Cartman, the notoriously foul-mouthed and obnoxious resident of South Park, had been kidnapped, Bojack knew that he had to act.

He didn't know exactly why he felt so drawn to Cartman. Perhaps it was because they were both outsiders in their own way, both struggling to find their place in the world. Or maybe it was because he saw something of himself in the young boy, something that he wanted to save.

Bojack set out on a desperate quest to find Cartman, tracking down clues and following leads across the country. He encountered all manner of danger and obstacles, facing down violent gangs and corrupt officials in his search for the missing boy.

Finally, after weeks of relentless pursuit, Bojack discovered the location where Cartman was being held. It was a dingy basement in the heart of a rundown industrial district, filled with the stench of sweat and fear. Cartman was chained to a wall, his eyes wide with terror as his captors taunted and threatened him.

Bojack burst into the room, his heart pounding with adrenaline. He was ready to fight to the death to save Cartman, to prove to himself that he was capable of being a hero. The kidnappers sneered at him, brandishing their weapons and daring him to make a move.

But Bojack was faster than they expected. He launched himself at them, a blur of fury and determination, knocking them to the ground with a fierce barrage of punches and kicks. The room echoed with the sound of breaking bones and screams of pain, and in the chaos, Bojack managed to free Cartman from his restraints.

Together, they fought their way out of the basement, racing through the streets and dodging bullets as they went. Bojack could feel Cartman trembling with fear beside him, but he refused to let go of the boy's hand. He was determined to protect him, to keep him safe no matter what.

When they finally emerged into the sunlight, battered and bruised but alive, Bojack collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. He looked up at Cartman, his eyes filled with tears.

"I did it," he whispered. "I saved you."

Cartman stared back at him, his expression unreadable. But Bojack could sense something shifting between them, some unspoken bond that had formed in the heat of battle. They were both survivors, both fighters, and in that moment, they were connected in a way that neither of them could fully understand.

As they limped away from the scene of the rescue, Bojack knew that he had found something that he had been searching for all his life. A sense of purpose, a reason to keep fighting, a hope that maybe, just maybe, he could be something more than the sum of his mistakes.