#cw:implied/referenced child abuse

[bramble--jam]

Electric Storms

“ “Boys,” Marlene gasped, like they were still sixteen and she hadn’t seen them both fight Death Eaters to the death. “He’s just a house elf.” “

- - - - -

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | AO3 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

- - - - -

James held Sirius for the whole time he cried and swore viciously when Kreacher started to berate him for being a weak, flobberworm hearted blood traitor, having gotten over his master’s deathly state. Lily helped Marlene as best she could whilst she worked, holding him this way and that, casting simpler healing spells they all knew. Sirius knew she was doing it at least partially to save him from the humiliation of having them close by as he fell apart, and was grateful for it in a way he couldn’t even begin to express.

Eventually, Marlene stood, wiped her yellow and red stained fingers on her jeans and put her hands on her hips, a thoughtful expression on her sharp featured face. Sirius dried his eyes on James’s sleeves and came to stand beside her, looking over the sleeping form of his brother’s body. His wounds were mostly closed, his breathing full and even and though he was still pale as the dead, Sirius knew he would be alright.

“I want to take him to St. Mungos,” Marlene stated and gave Sirius a level stare when he said they couldn’t. “I know that, Sirius, they’d take him to Azkaban straight away, I just want to. So I could keep a better eye on him, see how well the poison is diffusing.”

“Lets take him to our place,” he suggested instead. “Could we apparate with him?”

Lily hissed like it was an awful idea, and Marlene grimaced. “Its not really safe, but he can’t stay here.”

“He can!” Kreacher piped up, obviously angry at having been left out of the discussion. “Kreacher will take care of him!”

“No,” James and Sirius said in unison.

“When’s Walburga going to get here?” Sirius asked, barely able to look at the warped little elf. He turned instead to look for the locket, to see if it really was worth nearly dying for, and found the place where it was gone empty, the floor gleaming back at him without a blemish.

“Kreacher’s doesn’t know, she never says.” Kreacher sounded nervous, Sirius could feel the sharpness of his eyes on his back.

He murmured a summoning spell, waited a few moments, and looked up at James. He didn’t need to say anything, the glance they shared was enough, and James held Kreacher tightly by the wrist before Sirius had even stood up.

“James!” Marlene cried, hand going to stop him, but James ignored her.

“Where’s the horcrux Kreacher?” he snarled, twisting his wrist ever so slightly when he only shook his head.

“Kreacher doesn’t know what a horcrux is!”

“The locket Kreacher, where’s the locket?” Sirius moved to crouch before the house elf, the hand on his shoulder would have been tender if it weren’t for the look of rage his face.

“Kreacher hasn’t seen it since his master gave it to you!” Kreacher was nearly sobbing, but Sirius knew acromantula tears when he saw them. He touched James’s elbow, a silent request to let the house elf go, and stopped Kreacher from falling when he released his wrist.

“Liar.” He didn’t shout it, or snarl it, just said it evenly, almost like he was asking about the weather, as the muggles were prone to do. He thought that’s why Kreacher’s eyes widened further in fear, and he hastily pulled out the locket from a pouch he must have had somewhere on his person.

It pulsed again when Sirius took it from him and stood. The S was styled like a snake and almost seemed to move as Sirius looked at it. It clearly isn’t a normal locket, but Sirius wasn’t going to try and open it without first finding some more about it.

“Boys,” Marlene gasped, like they were still sixteen and she hadn’t seen them both fight Death Eaters to the death. “He’s just a house elf.”

“You don’t know what he’s like,” Lily said darkly, surprising Sirius. Sirius had never told Lily about Kreacher, and as far as he’s aware, this is the first time they’ve met. He supposed James had told her about his childhood, and though it hurt a little that James would give away his closest secrets, things not even Remus and Peter knew - though he suspected Remus did know, just hadn’t needed to be told about it - he was mostly pleased she understood, wasn’t giving him and James the same horrified look Marlene was.

Marlene looked between the three of them, eyes sharp and calculating, and pursed her lips together.

“I’m going home,” she said. “Get him out of here, and for Merlin’s sake Sirius, never come back if its making you like this.” She said goodbye to each of them and walked out the door when her apparation failed.

Marlene had never spoken to Sirius like that, like he’d done something awful, and he found himself wanting to apologise to the house elf. For a moment, he stared at Kreacher, the words ready in his throat, yet he couldn’t seem to form them on his tongue, to make his mouth say the words. Instead, telling himself that he hadn’t been that bad, not compared to how Kreacher had always treated him, he turned to look over Regulus again.

He was whole, yes, and healing well, but Marlene and Lily had been right; there was no way to apparate him without doing serious damage to his already weakened body. Asleep, there wasn’t even any way of getting assistance in moving him. The clock in the hall stuck four, the melodic song it let out vibrating in Sirius ears, almost hiding the sound of the front door opening.

Sirius’s mouth went dry, his breathing quickened as fear licked up his spine, paralysing him. His mind filled with memories of Walburga the last time he’d seen her, about to send a spell that would do more damage than Sirius had ever sustained since, purple with rage in a way he’d never seen before. A hand slipped into his, squeezing it tightly and bringing him sharply back to reality.

“Help me lift him,” James whispered, not letting go of him as they moved forward. Lily watched them, wide eyed, supporting his head as Sirius released James to sweep Regulus up. He was lighter than he should’ve been, and the world was going starting to blur at the edges as his panic constricted his lungs.

“Kreacher!” Walburga screamed when her house elf didn’t come running to her immediately. “Kreacher!”

“They’ve killed him Mistress!” Kreacher shouted as he darted out the room. “The mudblood and the blood traitors have killed Master Regulus!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” James muttered as he pushed open the back door, holding it open for Sirius and Lily, Regulus a dead weight in their arms.

“What?” The fury in Walburga’s voice carried in full force into the garden, carefully maintained by Kreacher. Sirius’s knees buckled as he gasped for air - why was there no air? - Lily moving closer to slip an arm around his waist, giving him her support.

- - - - -

Sirius couldn’t remember what happened next, his thoughts coming in flashes intermingled with memories of his mother. One moment, he was collapsing into the dirt, Regulus cradled in his arms, the next he was writhing in pain on the drawing room carpet, screaming his throat raw from the agony, the next again he was on Regulus’s old broomstick, James holding him close to his chest.

“C’mon, broom, don’t fail me now,” he could hear James say, the words broken inside Sirius’s head. He focussed on his voice, not at all soothing, but James hadn’t been there that day, so it couldn’t be real, he wasn’t there anymore. “Si, I’ve got you, you’re safe. I’m here, you’re safe. You’re safe.” Sirius felt the impossible grip on his chest loosen ever so slightly, enough that the blackness around his vision started to fade. “Lily hold on tighter!” James called over his shoulder and the broom accelerated into the sky sharply, overcoming the weight trying to keep it on the ground.

Slowly, so slowly, the feel of James’s chest along his back, the sound of his voice changing between soft comfort in his ear and checking in on Lily behind them and the freezing wind forcing its way down into his lungs cleared his head, eased away the panic. He wanted to lean back even further into James, but knew it would only hinder his already tenuous control over the broom and so consoled himself with looking below them as London rushed past. They were already far away from the area Sirius had grown up in, he could see his building’s roof in the distance. He kept is eyes on it, watching as it drew closer and closer until James had them landing on it.

With so many bodies on a broomstick built for one, it seemed to give out entirely instead of land, rolling all four of them hard into the slate tiles. Sirius let out a puff of air, sharp and painful but not at all like when panic had stolen away his breath entirely and quickly rolled onto his side. Lily was already crouched over Regulus, awake after his harsh landing and James was on his way over to Sirius, worry all over his face.

“I’m fine,” Sirius assured him as he stood, hands out in a placating gesture. “I want him inside first.”

James gave him a quick once over, a tiny line between his eyebrows where they wanted to draw closer together in a frown. Sirius reached out for him, gripping his wrist for a moment before he made his way over the Regulus, who lay flat on his back, staring up at the deep blue sky, black at one horizon and a symphony of pinks, purples and oranges at the other. He wondered if Regulus still made sure to go outside as the sun set each night, desperate to see his star as he had as a child, like Sirius did sometimes still.

His brother’s eyes flicked to his when he drew near, sharper and more focussed than he’d expected of a man who’d been on the verge of death mere hours ago. Sirius crouched by his head, debating if it was worth offering his arm to pull him up and expecting a litany of abuse for daring to take him from Walburga. None came, and Regulus pushed himself up into a sitting position, leaving him panting and clutching at his chest like even the small effort had exhausted him entirely. Sirius reached out his arm in support, knowing he’d probably be pushed aside so Regulus could martyr himself by getting up alone. He had no doubt the surprise showed on his face when Regulus grasped his elbow.

It wasn’t easy getting into the flat from the roof. There was no access to the rest of the building from up there and it slanted sharply, the slate tiles slippery with the autumn rain. Eventually it was Lily who managed to shimmy down the drainpipe to Sirius’s bedroom window, sending out James’s broomstick so they could all float down. They sent Regulus down first, clutching the handle so tightly his knuckles went white and having to lean heavily on Lily when he tried to clamber through the window.

As Sirius landed on his bedroom floor, he made to speak to Regulus and Lily who were both waiting on him there, when the door burst open, a tall, lanky figure standing silhouetted in the doorway. He had his wand brandished in front of him, grip sure and unflinching around the handle. Sirius had his own wand out in an instant, pointed directly at where the strangers face would be.

“Remus its fine,” Lily said, gesturing wildly at Sirius to drop his wand as her hand went up to the figure’s shoulder.

James closed the window behind him as the last of his long limbs made it through, tossing his broomstick onto Sirius’s bed, the least care he’d ever shown for it as far as Sirius was aware. “What’s going on?”

“I thought you were Death Eaters!” Remus explained, switching on the light to show all five of them clearly. Regulus had sunk to the floor against the wall at some point between then and when he’d entered the room, a collapsed heap of gangly limbs and dull black hair, and he made a weak sound at the Remus’s voice.

Sirius bit back on the remark desperate the leave his lips about how some of them were Death Eaters. “What’re you doing here?” he asked instead, hoping Remus didn’t take it to mean that he wasn’t welcome.

Remus flushed, his normally stoic face red hot with embarrassment. “I put a spell on this place when I stayed over, so that I’d know if anyone came in through unusual means.” It was rare for Remus to openly admit that he cared deeply for his friends, though they all knew he did, and he showed it often enough. James smiled at him, not the cocky grin Sirius would’ve expected, both pleased and sad at once, and gripped his shoulder in a quiet show of support.

Lily looked between the three of them, a soft look of affection in her eyes. “We should probably move this to the living room,” she announced and they all followed, even Regulus, unfolding himself and pushing to his feet. This time, he refused Sirius’s assistance, and he guessed their own moments of caring for each other had passed.

- - - - -

James made tea as Sirius explained to the other two what was going on, Regulus a silent dark cloud in the corner opposite the TV. He seemed uncomfortable at its existence in his brother’s flat, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel a little smug at his displeasure at being so close to something so obviously muggle. Remus and Lily nodded along with the story, occasionally giving Regulus disbelieving glances from the corners of their eyes. He ignored them both unwaveringly, only looking up to take the tea James had sent to float before his face, taking a sip and scrunching up his face when it burned his tongue. Sirius smirked and blew at his own.

“So this is it,” Lily stated as Sirius passed her the locket, turning it over in her pale hands. It seemed to shimmer where it touched her skin and she scowled at it for several moments before she placed it gently onto the coffee table. “I don’t think we should spend too much time touching something that holds You-Know-Who’s soul.”

“Have you tried destroying it yet?” Remus asked softly, the question directed at Regulus. The question was complete without judgement and his eyes were warm and earnest.

He sneered, his gaunt face twisting into something awful. “Of course not, you idiotic half breed, I was too busy dying.”

Sirius was on his feet, James beside him, both their wands pointed straight at Regulus’s face as soon as he said the slur. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” James snapped, the anger in his voice matching the rage Sirius could feel swelling in his chest.

“Enough,” Remus commanded, raising one hand into the air. It was, as they had always called it, his Prefect Voice, very different than James’s Head Boy Voice, the one he’d never used on James or Sirius themselves but that they’re heard strike fear into the hearts of many of the younger and even older pupils. He didn’t sound angry, or even disappointed, yet the promise of punishment if the behaviour continued was there, clear as glass.

James and Sirius both slid back into their seats, not meeting each other’s eyes, and even Regulus looked abashed, hints of pink staining his cheeks. Remus gave Regulus a hard look for a moment, assessing, Sirius could see the calculations whirl around in his heads.

“How do you destroy a horcrux?”

“I don’t know,” Regulus admitted, sounding far smaller than he had when he’d been spitting at Remus like the furious little snake he was. “That’s why I contacted Sirius.”

Remus looked to Sirius, then James, then Lily, all three of them shaking their heads slightly. Silence stretched between them, broken only by beginnings of rain tapping inconsistently against the windows. Without meaning to, Sirius started bouncing his leg as an itch to do something, anything, crept under his skin. His eyes met James’s briefly across the room, the impatience burning in him echoed straight back in them, and without a word they both stood in one fluid movement.

“Well, I’m not going to just sit here,” Sirius announced, and scooped up locket.

- - - - -

James and Sirius left Lily watching Regulus in the flat as they and Remus left the building and apparated away to a wet, dark field several miles outside of London where Sirius had taught himself to ride his motorbike. It’d been dark and wet then too, and James had laughed himself hoarse watching him fall again and again and again until he finally got the hang of it and he’d clung to his mud-covered waist as he drove them all the way back to the flat. James certainly wasn’t laughing now, none of them were.

The locket sat on a large, flat stone they’d found at the edge of the field, barely visible in the moonlight. In the middle of the English countryside, it seemed no more menacing than the bracelet Sirius always wore, a gift from James on his sixteenth birthday, engraved with the date he’d met him to remind him he was always loved. There was no magic in it, yet it always felt warm to the touch, as if it were James’s hand holding him.

There was plenty of dark magic in the locket, and all three of them stood as far back as they could and still see it as Sirius shouted, “Reducto!” and a flash of blue light shot from his wand, hitting the locket and flipping it backwards into the air, landing some way away. The three shared a wary look and James went to collect it, using his t-shirt to wipe of some of the mud it was caked in. He brought it over so the other two could examine it with him.

“It looks the same,” James observed, and Sirius couldn’t help but agree.

“How do we know if the soul’s been destroyed?” Sirius asked. “How do we even know it is a horcrux and Regulus isn’t lying?”

“It’s definitely something,” Remus said and took the locket from James’s open hand. He turned it over in his hands, long fingers twisting it this way and that. “I think he’s telling the truth. He almost died, Padfoot.”

“I know,” Sirius snapped. He couldn’t shake the memory of Regulus, half dead on the kitchen table, blood everywhere, his breathing so raw Sirius worried each one would be his last. It felt like it been weeks ago, not hours, yet the thought of his only brother dead left him sick to his stomach, and abruptly he wanted to see him in a way he hadn’t done it many years. “Come on, let’s try something else.”

For hours they stood in the field, casting spell after spell at the locket as the stars turned overhead, until the sun started to rise, casting its watery grey light over them. Remus squinted at the face of the rising sun, crossing his arms and hugging his elbows close to his body.

“I need to go home,” he said around an enormous yawn that Sirius might have found amusing in other circumstances. Just then, all he could do was observe how thin he’d gotten in the time since the full moon, going from just the healthy side of slim to decidedly gaunt, and how the bruise like bags under his eyes seemed to be a permanent feature.

“Yes,” James agreed. “We should go rescue Lily from your brother, too.” His eyes met Sirius, a question in them; Remus can stay with us?

With Regulus staying, and possibly Lily, they didn’t really have space. He nodded yes all the same.

- - - - - 

The living room was bathed in pale pinks and oranges from the rising sun when the arrived back at the flat, highlighting Lily’s red hair as it fanned out around her head where it lay on the arm of the sofa, her face peaceful in sleep. Sirius watched James look at her, a sorrowful frown pulling his mouth down, and Sirius found himself wondering if he was worth it, if James regretted his decision to leave Lily just so he could spend more time with Sirius. His heart squeezed painfully at the idea of James leaving again and turned instead to look at Regulus so James couldn’t read his hurt of his face.

Regulus was sitting on the floor, his head resting against the wall, his face still visibly troubled even in his sleep. He looked better than he had done earlier though, his skin back to its normal shade of pale brown, the same as Sirius’s, and he wondered if Lily had cast a few more healing charms on him at some point in the night. A fine silver chain was wrapped around both his wrists and lead to the ornate oak dresser their uncle had left Sirius that he knew was impossibly heavy from when he had James and moved it from Alphard’s own flat close to Grimmauld Place to here. Clearly, Lily had tied him up with no intention of letting him go anywhere.

“You should stay here,” he heard James say to Remus, and looked to see his friend standing by the door, obviously on his way out.

“I have to meet Dumbledore at eight, he has a mission for me,” he said, glancing at the clock on the wall that showed it was nearly eight. Sirius hadn’t realised they’d been out so long. “I’ll come by after, okay?”

“Promise you will,” James insisted.

A half smile pulled at the corner of Remus’s lips, full of gentle affection. “I promise, Prongs.” And then he was gone, out the door before James or Sirius could say another word.

Finally alone, or as close as they were likely to get, James and Sirius made their way to the kitchen and Sirius filled the kettle and set it to boil by hand. Fatigue had long since settled in his bones, and he was freezing, his clothes soaking from the persistent rain that had lasted all night, but he knew he wouldn’t settle, his mind buzzing with spells and ideas for destroying the horcrux, the image of Regulus dying on a table, and the sight of James watching Lily.

Hands touched his waist gently and he turned to see James’s face inches from his, his expression pinched with worry. Thoughts of everything but James left his mind as he skimmed one of his hands still resting on his waist up to grip his shoulder, paused there, then moved it up further to cup his neck, his thumb brushing against Sirius’s jaw. They were so close together Sirius could feel James’s breath against his lips. The knowledge that if he moved forward, just a little, they would be kissing, rose in him, and instead of being startled by the idea like he should have been, it seemed natural, the most natural thing in the world. Sirius restrained himself.

“Are you okay, really? What happened at Grimmauld Place…” James asked, voice loud in the silence of their kitchen.

Sirius leaned his head forward to lean their foreheads together, noses nudging. “I thought he was going to die, Prongs,” he whispered, and felt a lump form in his throat, his eyes burning with unshed tears. “He was going to die, and it would be all my fault.” His voice cracked on the last word and James pulled him even closer, tucking Sirius’s head under his chin even though Sirius was taller by an inch or so. Sirius pressed his face to James’s chest.

“And then he was okay but Walburga came back and I-I knew she would kill me if she saw me-”

“I will never, ever, let her touch you ever again,” James promised fervently as Sirius’s voice broke on every other word. “I swore I would look after you for as long as I live and I meant it, Si.”

“I know, but all I could think of was last time and I couldn’t breathe. And Lily.” He didn’t know how to tell him about Lily, about how he’d been so relieved she was there and that she got it, but that some jealous, ridiculous part of him had wanted her gone when he saw James look at her, and how that was somehow almost as bad as everything else.

James didn’t press him, just wrapped his arms around him tighter.

“Could you sleep?” he asked into Sirius’s waves of black hair. Sirius could feel his lips move against his skin and suppressed the shiver that threatened to crawl up his spine.

“Stay with me?” Sirius felt ludicrous, and half hoped the quiet question was muffled enough by James’s robes that he missed it. Instead, James lead him to his bedroom, cast a drying spell on them both, and they fell asleep with their noses nuzzling against each other, still fully clothed.

- - - - -

They hadn’t been asleep long, Sirius didn’t think, when the door pushed open and Lily entered. The light from the hallway fell into his eyes, and for a moment he forgot himself, tried to push closer to James to get away from it before he remembered who James was to Lily and shot up, shame and guilt staining his cheeks as he pushed at James shoulder to wake him.

Lily didn’t look annoyed, somehow, and smiled a little, placing herself at the end of the bed.

“How’d it go with the locket?” she asked, though she didn’t sound hopeful about whatever their answer would be.

Sirius shoved his hands into the pockets of the jacket he hadn’t bothered to take off, the leather still damp in places despite James trying to get them dry, and pulled out the horcrux. It was covered in mud, the S barely visible, however power still pulsed within it. Irritation of Lily flared in his gut and, appalled with himself, he dropped the locket onto the bed. The irritation bled away immediately, and Sirius wondered how much the horcrux could influence people’s emotions.

“Nothing even touched it,” he admitted and felt James shift away slightly as he woke, then more significantly when he noticed Lily at the end of the bed.

“What’s next, then?”

“We don’t know. Maybe we should ask Dumbledore.” Sirius was absolutely sure Dumbledore would know something more useful than they did and hoped Remus would have the presence of mind to ask him when he saw him.

Unexpectedly, Lily shook her head. “Regulus doesn’t want any of the higher ups informed, he’s terrified they’ll send him straight to Azkaban.”

“Dumbledore won’t tell anyone if he thinks he’s turned to our side,” James said, his voice sounding surer than Sirius felt. Dumbledore was a good man at heart, he’d always felt, but he couldn’t deny that his ruthlessness when it came to defeating Voldemort sometimes came at a cost Sirius himself wouldn’t have paid.

Lily pursed her lips to keep herself from voicing her disagreement and turned back to face Sirius, as if asking his opinion.

“We’ll see what Remus says when he comes home.” James and Lily both nodded at that, reluctantly. Sirius watched them both for a long moment, trying to read their reactions to each other from their faces. He’d always found James easy to read, and now was no different; he was annoyed that Lily didn’t trust Dumbledore like he did, he found it discomforting to have her so close when he’d been in a such a vulnerable position, there was fear there too, which Sirius couldn’t quite understand, and guilt, which he did.

Whilst a far cry from the impenetrable mask Remus was known for putting on in situations he felt uncomfortable, Lily’s face was still much harder to understand, the soft lines and planes of it less familiar to him, though he’d been her friend for many years. She hadn’t liked seeing them sleeping so close together, he guessed, yet there was no annoyance there, only a quiet, resigned sort of understanding. She met James’s eyes for the first time since she’d walked in the room, quickly flickering her eyes to Sirius before settling back on James. James, for his part, looked downwards at his feet, Sirius knew from years of friendship he would be blushing underneath his dark skin, and Lily rolled her eyes. The whole exchange took less than five seconds, and had Sirius not been looking at them so closely, he wouldn’t have seen it at all.

“Sorry for leaving you with Regulus all night,” Sirius said, breaking the heavy silence that had settled over the room. He wished Remus was here, he shamefully wished Lily wasn’t.

“It’s all right,” Lily said, a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips. Sirius wasn’t sure he hid his surprise well, and heard it mirrored in the tiny squeak James made. “He’s not as bad as I thought he would be.”

“He didn’t call you, you know, did he?” Sirius asked, remembering distinctly the look on Lily’s face the first time Snape had called her that, and the destroyed look hiding at the back of her eyes for days afterwards.

“No,” she said. “I expected him too. He said he was ashamed of the way your parents raised him, Sirius, that he wished he’d been brave like you to escape them.”

At that, Sirius couldn’t hide his shock, spluttering as his eyebrows drew up into his hair.

“He what?” James demanded, sounding outraged.

Unconsciously, Sirius reached for his hand to calm him, braced on the bed as it was to keep him upright, and let James twine their fingers for a second before they both flinched away when Lily looked down at their tangled hands. She only smirked, though the expression didn’t meet her eyes.

She stood and made her way back to the hallway. “I’ll leave you two to get more sleep,” she said, ignoring the men’s reactions. “And don’t worry about Regulus and I.”

James and Sirius looked at each other for a long moment, confused and exhausted, before wordlessly returning to their previous positions curled around each other. It seemed more deliberate now than it had when they originally went to bed, yet Sirius found he didn’t want to move, and they were both asleep within seconds.