#cw amanormativity

[gemstarstarlight]

I need you all to know that my roommate recently was talking to my dad and, apparently, he asked her some version of, “Do you think anyone’s going to tie down my daughter?”

My roommate responded, “She’s open to it but…eh…”

Apparently, my dad sighed and nodded to himself in the way of a weary old man who already knows the answer to his question.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

i wanted to talk about my relationship with my sexual/romantic orientation (aspec), so i guess im sharing my expierence (cw i talk a lot about sex)

so im asexual, i dont think i feel sexual attraction at all. however i was looking into microlabels (i prefer only using the label asexual but i wanted to know if there was a microlabel that fitted my expierence better, even if i didnt planned on using them), i did not find one that fit me. i dont want to have sex. however i masturbate (when i ovulate/have a lot of pain, i have chronic pain and masturbation is a natural pain reliever, i actually found about that in tumblr from another asexual with chronic pain and it help me a lot when meds werent working), so i was thinking maybe i fit the aegosexual label, but from what i hear, in the "fantasies" you dont think about yourself doing it. i do picture myself doing it but not bc i want to? like, i picture myself having sex but in the """fantasy""" i dont enjoy said sex but i do it anyway. is that weird? i think its because i know i will never enjoy sex if i have it and i cant think of other people having sex bc it feels weird? intrusive? sexualizing them? (even if they are fictional character)

and like, i like to do this, but i cannot read smut or watch people naked in movies, or not even naked, but you know when they make you think ina movie/show two people are having sex but they never show it show it, only the socially acceptable and the rest is cover by a blanket/camara tricks. i cannot watch that. which i find rather weird cause i have no problem with sexual fantasies about me but i cannot handle actually seeing sexual content

i always see the labels, sex repulsed, sex neutral and sex positive and i have no idea which of them i am bc i fit in none of them

also, i have no idea how to differentiate aesthetic attraction from gender envy (im in a gender crisis)

also, i dont know if i want a relationship bc im romance positive or if i want a relationship bc of amanormativity

bc i have romantic fantasies, but most of them are other people reaction to the relationship, which makes me think im not actually fantasing about a romantic relationship, im fantasing about fitting society rules. however, i do enjoy a lot those scenarios.

also, i think dating would be fun? like, going on dates, cuddling, holding hands, sharing talks at 3am, but i can do those same things with my best friend, but it doesnt feel like the same cause I know one he will find a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a partner and it will be over (plus, i wont cuddle with him, it would be weird, but like a different person). maybe a queerplatonic relationship is what i want?

i want to cuddle. i love that.cuddling with femenine-built bodies is different than masculine-built bodies. i dont know if that was the right way to say it. i want to cuddle with both depending on the mood.

and thats kinda my view of romance. i want a partner to cuddle. thats it.

sorry for all the vent, i wanted to see if i was the only one or share or something like that, i dont know, thanks for bothering to read

hey anon, that sounds rough. if you need advice do ask, i dont want to give some without permission as i prefer to let people vent.

[jamescarstairs]

hey, I wanted to know your opinion about the way they are dealing with Raphael's sexuality on shadowhunters?

Hey, and I’m quite glad you asked this because it’s been on my mind for a whilst. I think I should point out first is that I’m like ¾ episodes behind and what I’m going on is what I’ve seen in gifs and what people who watch the show have told me. [also this is probably gonna turn out really long because I have a lot to say on this topic]

And I think the way they’re dealing with it is awful. I know it’s a taboo subject for non aroace people. But Raphael is aroace. I don’t care if it’s “not technically canon” because it was revealed on twitter. We aroaces have little to nothing so anything we are given we take. 

If I’ve been told correctly Raphael is now addicted to blood(?). This trope in itself is harmful, I believe they’ve turned it into something like a drug addiction. Yes I get that he’s a vampire but the way they’re spinning it I don’t like. And this trope of shoving an aroace character in a sexual and romantic relationship is so harmful, and it upsets me so much. 

I’m going to talk about it without the blood addiction. And my experience as an aroace person and finding out that Raphael was aroace prior to the show. I read TMI later than most people, I hadn’t yet discovered I was aroace but when reading the books I really connected to Raphael, and once I realised I was aroace and so was he I connected the dots. 

This forcing of aroace characters into sexual and romantic relationships is harmful and the fact that this happened and the Riverdale & B.ghead happened in the matter of the same week is such a blow to me as an aroace. I talked about my experience a lot on twitter in regards to riverdale but it applies here too. Amanormativity is such an awful thing, and the way they are dealing with it with Raphael is so harmful because it’s telling me someone who related to Raphael as an aroace person that I need to be in a relationship because it’s “human nature”. It tells me that I’m broken and in need of fixing. 

I fear for young aroaces because they’re seeing not one but two aroace characters, one in which is romance repulsed and touch adverse (I know you asked about Raphael directly but the Jughead thing relates to my point) straightwashed and forced into relationships, they’re gonna see these two characters and then they’re gonna force themselves into romantic or sexual relationships because the only representation that they have, and the media’s portrayal of them is showing them that it’s “not right to be this way” and I know because I was this person. 

When I was 15 I didn’t know the terms aromantic & asexual existed, and I constantly questioned what love was. I had never been in a relationship and I hated myself because of it. I broke so many of my boundaries because I was uneducated on my sexuality. And the fact that SH has the amazing, perfect opportunity to use Raphael to show that aroace don’t have to conform to amanormativity and that they are perfect the way they are, that they don’t need a romantic or sexual relationship to be complete or “human”. And they decided to do a 180 on this and show this character as someone who he isn’t. It breaks my heart. And I honestly lost so much respect for the writers.

I had so much hope that the Shadowhunters writers would do us right, they’d do what Riverdale didn’t. But here I am again, the same situation, the same boat, just another show and another character. And this time I don’t even have the excuse that it’s The CW who is the problem. When it’s not. It’s people who don’t give a shit over this harmful trope of “love fixes broken people”. 

They can fix it, it can be easily fixed. In a similar way to how I described it for how Riverdale can fix it for Jughead here in this thread. But the fact that he is addicted to something makes this even more harmful because it’s giving me the message that I need to do something to fix something that has never been a problem. This is who I am. There’s nothing I want to do to change that. I love being aroace, but this erasure sometimes makes me question why I do. 

They can easily fix this, but the damage has been done.