#cuz like first off her relationship with shinji is really interesting to me and i wanna explore it further but theres not much time in the

[hecksupremechips]

Can we talk about mitsuham I think we should talk about mitsuham yes I’d like that very much

Imagine Mitsuru her life has been planned out for her by a bunch of men her choices are not hers to make every move is political she is nothing but a tool forced to fight as a child never allowed to burden anyone with her feelings. Her life isn’t hers, it’s never been hers for a second, she exists to further the careers of the men around her. The first two friends she makes are both boys and she was in charge of leading them, using them just to further the Kirijo agenda. Genuine friendship did blossom between them, but things fell apart pretty quickly. Shinjiro can’t control Castor, something is seriously wrong with him, he kills someone, then he leaves and the Kirijos cover it up. Was it to protect him, or to protect themselves? Mitsuru certainly doesn’t know anymore but she’s lost a friend and can’t reach him again, he’s too traumatized by personas and Akihiko is still there but he’s always so stuck on Shinjiro and Mitsuru feels like she failed both of them. Just more men for her to let down by not being good enough

Then there’s Kotone. Sweet, strong, clumsy, talented Kotone. She’s so bubbly and friendly, but behind those warm smiles is horrible loneliness. Pain. But she’s never ever gonna let anyone see that. She busies herself by taking care of everyone else, listening to their problems and never burdening them with her own feelings. She can just fix everything and make everyone happy if she works herself hard enough. She just has this way about her, so reliable and so kind

And Mitsuru watches Kotone from above. Trusts her to be the leader, or maybe she just wanted to push a burden onto someone else for a change. Someone who’s able to take on burdens with a smile for fucks sake. And Kotone leads, seemingly effortlessly, and is able to recruit several members in a short time and achieve just so much more than Mitsuru could in her entire lifetime. Just, perfectly. Without even possessing any prior knowledge of the dark hour or personas. And she does this while being so emotional, so social, so weird, so fucking cute, it’s absolutely nauseating. This should be fine, right? It’s what Mitsuru’s always wanted, for someone else to ease her burden. And hell, it’s a woman too, a woman who’s perfectly capable of doing it all without a bunch of men helping her. It’s inspiring, isn’t it?

But there’s the pain. The envy. Kotone is perfect and she doesn’t even have to try. Mitsuru on the other hand has been shaving herself down to nothing just to be allowed a place. She makes the perfect grades and wears the beautiful clothes and applies the fucking makeup and is mature for her age and never speaks out or feels anything that could possibly make her be seen as a human, a filthy fucking human. So why does a woman as unashamed as Kotone get to have it all? And why is Mitsuru still here, still acting as the Kirijo tool, still doing whatever she possibly can to hurt herself to make a man feel better? Why isn’t she useful anywhere? It’s not fair

And then when she actually spends the time with Kotone she’s trying so hard to be that wise and mature figure she’s always been, trying so hard to force herself to smile through the pain, but she’s talking to someone who can see right through that shit cuz Kotone Shiomi invented lying through her teeth to make others feel better. It’s annoying really, how Kotone is supposed to be the childish one, yet it’s Mitsuru who can’t get it together and can’t seem to look into those bright eyes without breaking. And Kotone isn’t disgusted by what she sees, even though Mitsuru is being unreasonable and emotional and talking about wanting to run away and how much she hates her life and how she’s not only eating fast food but enjoying it, letting herself enjoy an indulgence that won’t make her pretty anymore. No, Kotone sees this and listens and encourages it and celebrates it, celebrates how utterly human Mitsuru is. She holds her hand and says "let me take on your burden". And it’s horrible, this kindness, Mitsuru hasn’t even broken all her bones to make Kotone happy, so why is she being so fucking nice? And then something breaks, and Kotone defends her. Stands up for her against a man. Lets herself once again take a hit to protect someone else. And it’s just too familiar, too much to fucking bear, and it pisses Mitsuru the fuck off. And she is able to tell a man to go fuck himself, because no one gets to fucking talk to this girl like she isn’t the most amazing person ever to exist. Not after everything she’s done, everything she still does, not after giving her all and never once asking for anything in return. And in standing up for Kotone, Mitsuru is able to stand up for herself for the first time in her life. And she looks at Kotone and says "let’s take on each other’s burdens"

Oh and also they watch a scary movie together and hold hands and ride a motorcycle and Mitsuru calls Kotone adorable I mean that’s pretty gay man

[miracleboiz]

Making a Home Ch. 16

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

This week is Rintaro, Hitoshi, and Akagi’s POV:

Suna Rintaro wasn’t the biggest fan of people. He didn’t really have a lot of experience with them as it was, and when he did they tended to just rub him the wrong way.

If he went with his parents to events he had to deal with countless adults asking if he was as smart as his parents, if he was going to be doctors like them, could he even read? If he said yes he was as smart as them, no he wasn’t going to be a doctor because they never seemed happy, and ‘I’m six not three, do you know how to read?’ Then he had to deal with two hours of admonishments about pride instead of leaving him alone.

On the other hand, the other kids at school felt like screaming babies. Rintaro already knew how to write his name in Katakana, Kanji, and Hiragana, and yet they just went over it every single day. The other kids were still scratching out the characters slowly as if they’d never read anything before and Rintaro was bored.

Not to mention how often he had to deal with laughter when he used bigger words and the teachers would ask if he actually knew what they meant. Why would he use it if he didn’t know what it meant?

Hitoshi, atleast, seemed to catch on quickly to what Rintaro was saying. He could actually talk and didn’t care if Rintaro said too many big words. Plus he didn’t seem to care if Rintaro wanted to drag him around town trying new things.

Hitoshi did have a strange crush on Matsukawa Shinji that Rintaro just couldn’t understand. Shinji was nice but… boring. Shigeru was much more interesting, he could not only keep up with Rintaro in class but also wouldn’t cry if Rintaro punched him. What more could someone want in a rival?

Overall, Rintaro didn’t like people and liked having a single friend and a single enemy and not having to worry about anything else.

Then he met the Miya twins.

He wasn’t sure about Atsumu, he seemed angry and Rintaro didn’t really think that was worth dealing with. He was nice enough when talking though, and he was nice to Hitoshi so Rintaro couldn’t write him off just yet. If he was good enough for Hitoshi to like then Rintaro could put up with some anger issues.

Osamu though, was interesting. He seemed quiet like Hitoshi at first, until Rintaro started poking and prodding with a few quick words about his brother. Instantly he’d started to puff up like an angry bird before Rintaro had added that they could be friends. The bewilderment in his eyes was well worth risking getting punched, in Rintaro’s opinion.

Osamu had settled a lot faster into ‘friendship’ then Rintaro had expected. Most of the other kids still wanted to punch him even after nine months of school, but Osamu genuinely seemed to want to be friends. Even after Rintaro had scared him by fighting with Shigeru.

Secretly, guilt rolled in his stomach about that. He still didn’t understand why Osamu had looked so shaken when Ito-sensei came over to yell at them, it wasn’t like adults didn’t yell all the time. Yet Osamu looked seconds away from tears even after lunch ended and he’d held onto his brother the entire way, only cheering up a little when Shinji started talking to him quietly.

“Hey… Don’t be mean to Osamu or Atsumu…” Rintaro was shaken from his thoughts by Shigeru’s voice, so much softer than he’d ever heard. His rival’s eyes were pointed directly at his brother, looking almost sad.

“Why the hell would-” Rintaro started, anger filling his chest. He wasn’t like his parents, he didn’t just bully people for being sad.

A hand smacked his chest, narrowly avoiding Hitoshi who squeaked quietly before trying to square his shoulders in case another fist fight broke out.

“I’m serious! He’s not like you, okay?” Shigeru hissed, finally turning to look at him. “He’s like me… He’s a foster kid, the other kids are going to find out soon and they’re gonna be mean, real mean. Remember my first week? Me and Shinji didn’t tell anyone but they found out and kept pickin’ on him until I punched ‘em. They’re gonna find out, and I don’t care how long we’ve been friends. If you bully them I’ll punch you too.”

Rintaro froze, glancing over at the two twins talking with Shinji and then back to the silver haired one who had him stuck in the middle of the hall. How long had he and Shigeru been friends? Were they seriously adopted?

After a second, Rintaro realized he was an idiot for not noticing sooner, but it wasn’t like he listened to the other kids and their gossip anyways.

“I’m not going to say anything… I don’t care about that.” Rintaro insisted, glaring back at Shigeru until the other kid finally dropped his hand. “Who cares if they’re adopted? Atleast that means their parents want them.”

“... Sorry, Rin.” Shigeru muttered, gently punching his shoulder with a half smile. Rintaro punched him back and the smile immediately brightened, seconds before an actual blow bounced off his arm and the silver haired rat took off.

Hitoshi immediately wrapped his arms around Rintaro’s left arm, keeping him from running after Shigeru.

“Why’dya always gotta fight with him?” Hitoshi whined, blinking up at him when Rintaro glowered at him. Hitoshi had long since learned that while Rintaro would fight Shigeru any day of the week, he wouldn’t hit anyone else. Which sucked, because now he didn’t care about putting himself between them and Rintaro couldn’t do anything.

“He punched me?” Rintaro whined right back, letting himself be dragged towards the classroom again. “Besides, he likes it.”

“.... Just… Don’t hurt him.” Hitoshi said, squeaking when Rintaro stopped and looked at him with a scrunched up face.

“Ew, don’t tell me you… like Shigeru? Atleast Shinji's pretty, Shigeru’s like… like… a ungly mean creampuff.” 

“Wha- No!” Hitoshi shook his head, looking embarrassed. “I just… Rin-kun… I… Papa hit mama and she left. And if Shigeru leaves then you’re going to be really upset and I’m going to be upset and then I’m going to cry and then Neesan will tell me to shut up and then you’re going to be angry and then I’m going to cry again and-”

“Hitoshi, breathe.” Rintaro reached forward in a panic, smooshing Hitoshi’s cheeks together and the smaller child sucked in a loud breath and let it out again. Directly into Rintaro’s face.

“Ewww, you’re gross… And you didn’t brush your teeth this morning. I can smell nachos from yesterday.” Rintaro pressed his cheeks again. “I won’t hurt Shigeru. Pinky promise.”

He held out his hand and Hitoshi watched him, face still red from his momentary panic before he nodded, reaching and curling their pinkies together.

“Hey! Slowpokes, are ya comin’?” Shigeru’s face came from the class, glancing up at the clock across the room. “You’re going to be late.”

“Don’t close the door!” Hitoshi and Rintaro yelled, running at the room as the bell rang.

“Hey, Osamu,” Rintaro said quietly, offering Shigeru the scissors.

They were separated into groups and Atsumu, Hitoshi, and Shinji had been banished to the other side of the room after Shinji and Shigeru had started to giggle together too loudly. Thankfully both Atsumu and Hitoshi seemed fine with it, beyond a few eyerolls from Atsumu. Rintaro was worried Atsumu or Osamu were going to start crying at being separated again but whatever Shinji had said to them after lunch had apparently helped.

“Mm?” Osamu looked up from his paper, a shredded piece of paper stuck to his cheek. His face was rather blank when his brother wasn’t around, which Rintaro found strangely comforting. Finally he wasn’t the only one with a ‘dead face’ as his mother called it.

“What’s it like bein’ wanted? Y’know by your parents? My parents don’t want me at all, but if you’re adopted, they chose ya right- Ow!” Rintaro spun to glower at Shigeru, whose foot was still against his leg. Shigeru’s face was scrunched up in anger as he glared back, opening his mouth probably to tell Rintaro off.

“I wouldn’t know.” Osamu said, and Rintaro turned back to see him staring at his paper. “No ones ever wanted me. Well, ‘cept ‘Tsumu.”

Rintaro froze, terrified to press for more. He thought Shigeru said Osamu was like him, which would mean that he was adopted right? Or were his parents like Rin’s?

Another kick to his knee was followed by a hissed “Say you’re sorry, jerk! He’s doesn’t have parents yet.”

“S-sorry… I thought you were adopted already.” Rintaro tried to explain, trying to fix the guilt that was crushing his chest. 

“Oh…” Osamu brightened a little at the new information before shaking his head. “No, no, Shinsuke-san is just fostering us, cuz no one wants us…. I do hope he decides to let us stay though… He’s a lot nicer than the other foster parents.”

Rintaro wasn’t sure what to say to that. Though… His parents probably wouldn’t notice a new kid in the house and he knew how to write their signatures…

“I really like Shinsuke-san,” Osamu continued, his voice soft as he glued together two shapes. “He’s really nice and I think he likes us too… And I like going to the shop, ‘cuz it’s pretty and it’s fun to make things with all the ribbons. And I don’t want to lose my friends again when I have to leave.”

Rintaro blinked twice at him before reaching over and hugging him as tightly as he could.

“If anyone tries to send you away, me ‘n Shigeru’ll fight ‘em and you can stay with us.” Rintaro promised. “Pinky promise… Or you can stay with Hitoshi-kun, his Okaasan is super super nice, you just have to watch out for his neesan because she likes to bully people who are shorter than her, but I’ll fight her for you and you can just hang out with his Okaasan.”

Shigeru collapses onto Osamu’s other side, squeezing him between his two new friends.

“And if she can’t take you, I’ll ask Tatay and you can be my new baby brother and Atsumu too and you can be Akira’s big brothers and he’ll hug you for hours and be grumpy about it.” Shigeru laughed, holding tighter and Osamu giggled.

Rintaro watched Osamu melt between them, trying to hug both of them at the same time while laughing. Three more shaped pieces of paper had been glued to his cheeks and a few shreds were on his fingers, transferring themselves to Rintaro. He couldn’t really bring himself to care.

He had two brand new friends now and he was going to protect them just like Hitoshi.

Hitoshi wasn’t a big fan of fighting. It had always scared him, even just watching cartoons on tv when he was a toddler would quickly send him into a crying fit. He remained the same through the first few months of school, crying at any minor argument between the other kids until the school bullies realized he was the easiest to pick on.

It continued until he heard them laughing at Rintaro for using ‘condescending’ towards their history teacher. In a flash of bravery he never saw coming, he’d spun around and told them to shut up.

“You’re dumb, and you’re condescending.” Hitoshi had shouted, bringing everything to a standstill as the awful realization washed over him that he’d yelled at someone who could hit him. He’d been sent to the office for the remainder of class and by the time he’d returned he’d found himself with his first school friend.

He didn’t mind only having one friend. Rintaro was always really nice to him and liked to teach him new words just like Hitoshi’s mom had done before she had to get a second job. He never left Hitoshi alone or ran off with other people and forgot about him and he even got his neesan to stop calling him a baby.

Hitoshi didn’t think Shigeru counted as his friend because he was always messing around with Rintaro but he was nice so Hitoshi didn’t mind it when he came over to play during recess or spent the classes talking with Rintaro. After all, Shigeru might decide Hitoshi was interesting too and then he’d have two friends.

He’d tried to become friends with Shinji, after all the Matsukawa brothers were known as the friendliest in the entire school and the least scary. However, twenty seconds into being handed a fresh muffin from a smiling Shinji for saying hello, Hitoshi had decided he would never talk to him again. The hot face and nervous stomach was not worth a muffin, even if he did think Shinji was very nice. Very very nice.

Rintaro thought his ‘crush’ was funny but Hitoshi honestly just wanted to give Shinji something cool back. Since he didn’t have anything as nice as a fresh muffin, Hitoshi was just going to never talk to Shinji again.

It was foolproof.

Until the new kid, who was also nice but didn’t have muffins, immediately started a conversation with Shinji with absolutely no hesitation or worry. Hitoshi didn’t know what he was more jealous of, the fact that the new kid could make friends so quickly or that he didn’t get super nervous just by looking at Shinji.

Now, he was squished between Shinji and Atsumu in the back corner of the room trying to glue together a bunch of paper shapes to make cards. Part of Hitoshi wondered if this was payback for every time he didn’t stop Rintaro from eating Shigeru’s lunch. 

The gods must have been laughing because as soon as Shinji sat down he was pulling out two slightly squashed cupcakes.

Internally Hitoshi swore he was going straight home today and giving the gods anything they wanted if they stopped torturing him. Instead of saying any of that, he just inclined his head gratefully to Shinji and shoved the cupcake in his mouth before the teacher noticed and told them to put it away.

Atsumu was carefully peeling his and nibbling at the rich pink and white frosting, a giant cat cut out from paper in front of him. Hitoshi took a moment to watch him, curious.

Everyone in school knew Shinji and Shigeru weren’t the Matsukawa’s real kids, but it wasn’t the same thing. They were already adopted, but the Miya twins were actual foster kids and Hitoshi had never met one of them before.

Atsumu didn’t look any different then the other kids, other than the black bruises down the side of his face but Hitoshi barely noticed them. His mom was really clumsy too and used to have bruises all the time too.

He was a little grumpier then Hitoshi thought especially since Shigeru and Shinji were always so happy. Then he thought about it. If he was taken away from his mom he’d be upset and angry too and Atsumu didn’t even have a mom or dad to go home too. 

“What’re you starin’ at me for?” Atsumu grumbled and Hitoshi jumped, squeaking out an apology and shrinking down when he was glared at.

“Atsumu,” Shinji intervened with the talent of someone used to keeping Shigeru from fighting other kids, “he was just looking at you. Hitoshi-kun doesn’t talk much, he was probably just trying to think of something to say… right Hitoshi-kun?”

The urge to run screaming to hide behind Rintaro built in his chest as Hitoshi nodded, trying not to look Shinji in the eye in case he turned into a tomato. That didn’t stop Shinji from smiling as widely as he could at him before turning to Atsumu.

“See? You don’t have to be mean to your friends, Atsumu… and yes, being grumpy at them is mean.” Shinji giggled, endlessly cheerful as Atsumu seemed to sulk slightly in his chair. Hitoshi couldn’t help but be fascinated by him.

He had been so nice at first even if he was really protective of his brother, and now he was grumpy again. Was it because Osamu was having fun without him? Hitoshi’s neesan always had fun without him so he didn’t really see the problem.

“Atsumu-kun,” Hitoshi started, only to squeak as a paper ball struck the back of his head.

Sniggers erupted behind him and Hitoshi sighed, shrinking down slightly. This was why he always tried to group up with Rintaro and Shigeru. No one was going to fight those two just to make him cry.

“Hitoshi-kun?” Atsumu looked confused at his squeak, head tilted almost completely to his shoulder. Shinji on the other hand, already had his eyes narrowed on the group of laughing kids behind them.

“It’s okay, really… Really Shinji-kun, it’s okay.” Hitoshi tried to insist without letting his voice pitch too high. Shinji glanced at him before sighing and offering him the glue stick.

“You know, you should just tell Shigeru,” Shinji said, silver eyes glowing with a surprising amount of hostility, “He’d take care of any bullies.”

“Shigeru-kun would get in trouble for it and it’s not worth getting in trouble for me. I can handle it-” Two more balls smacked against his back, tearing out a small shriek before Hitoshi clamped his hands over his mouth.

The sounds of two chairs being thrown back made the room go silent as both Atsumu and Shinji stood up. There was a moment of silence as everyone else tried to understand what was going on and Hitoshi had to wave his hand frantically to stop Rintaro and Shigeru from rising up.

“Atsumu-kun! Shinji-kun! What are you two doing? Sit back down.” The teacher called from the front, lips twisted in a frown. “Don’t make me have to call your parents, especially you Shinji-kun. You haven’t been listening at all today, its not like you.”

Slowly, they lowered themselves back into their seats. Shinji looked only a little annoyed but Atsumu looked genuinely upset and Hitoshi immediately scooted closer.

“It’s okay, really.” Hitoshi whispered over to him, trying to offer him a crayon. “I’m used to it, don’t get in trouble with the teacher.”

“I don’t care about the teacher, but Shinsuke-san…” Atsumu cut himself off, looking close to tears.

“Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi prompted, glancing up when Shinji stood up and started making his way to the teacher.

“Shinsuke-san… is my… foster parent.” Atsumu looked away, voice getting softer and softer as if he was embarrassed by what he was saying.

“Is he… mean?” Hitoshi said after a moment of confusion. Atsumu looked up immediately, shaking his head panickedly.

“No! No, Shinsuke-san is really really nice… He’s… He’s the nicest parent I’ve ever had… but foster parents don’t like it when you get into trouble… they say you make them look bad and then they don’t want you anymore… and if… If we do really good then… Shinsuke-san might keep Osamu so… Osamu will have a dad.”

Hitoshi hesitated, trying to think it all over. How could a child make their parents look bad? His mother loved him no matter how bad Hitoshi did in school or if he got in trouble. She’d be upset but she always wanted him, always loved him. 

Suddenly Hitoshi felt terrible for anytime he’d thought about wanting parents like the other kids. At least he had his mom and she’d do anything for him. Osamu and Atsumu didn’t have anyone at all.

“What about you? Why don’t you get to be adopted?” Hitoshi forced the question out, certain he didn’t want to hear the answer. Atsumu looked confused at Hitoshi’s question, like he couldn’t understand why Hitoshi didn’t already know.

“No one wants me, Hitoshi-kun. I’m a bad kid. Kids like me… we just get kicked around until we’re adults then we take care of ourselves. Nobody willingly adopts trouble-makers. But Osamu is a good kid, he listens to all of his elders and eats his vegetables and he’s good at cleaning. He never talks too much and doesn’t trip and get hurt or make too much noise. If he gets adopted then he won’t have to leave, and he can be happy.” Atsumu didn’t seem to see anything wrong with what he said but Hitoshi felt sick.

His mother always told him that there was no such thing as a bad kid, just a misunderstood one. How could anyone tell Atsumu he was bad? He was nice, even if he was grumpy, he just wanted to protect his brother.

He opened his mouth, ready to tell Atsumu that he and his brother could move in when a pencil smacked against his cheek.

He yelped, immediately shielding his eye as his cheek twinged with pain. Atsumu was standing up again, hand closing around Hitoshi’s shirt like he was going to throw Hitoshi behind him.

“No, what about, what about Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi squeaked and Atsumu froze. Guilt and panic flooded Atsumu’s eyes.

“Sensei, they’re…” Atsumu said, barely catching her attention from Shinji who immediately stopped talking, looking worried. “They’re throwing things at Hitoshi-kun.”

Atsumu seemed to be shaking even as the teacher glanced over at the other group of tables. She sighed, shaking her head at them.

“You and Shinji both today, stop it with the tattling.” The teacher sighed, shaking her head and pointing back at their table. “Finish your cards, I don’t want to hear anything else about this. They’re just paper balls.”

Atsumu looked as sick as Hitoshi felt, watching Shinji walk towards them with stiff shoulders. The sniggers were grating on Hitoshi’s ears as Shinji took his seat, all of their faces bright red after the teacher’s words.

“I’m sorry,” Hitoshi whimpered, tears already starting to leak out of his eyes.

“No, Hitoshi-kun. It’s not your fault.” Shinji reached out, trying to wipe them away but it did nothing to stop the stream. Instead he just hiccuped and sobbed, nodding his head. 

His new friend was getting in trouble because of him and Atsumu looked scared and it was Hitoshi’s fault. Hitoshi got him in trouble and he might get in trouble at home too. Hitoshi just messed up everything, every time, he couldn’t do anything right.

Atsumu reached over, trying to nudge his new friend to break him out of his panic when he hit someone else. He looked up to see the kid sitting behind them that had thrown the pencil. Already Atsumu wanted to smack him to get him away from Hitoshi.

“What are you two doing with this baby? I know your brother likes to hang out with them but I thought you were better than that Shinji-kun.” The other kid said, sneering down at Hitoshi’s choked sobs. “He’s just a baby, he shouldn’t even be in school.”

“Shut up.” Shinji snapped, turning to Hitoshi and dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “It’s okay Hitosh-kuni, don’t listen to him. It’s okay.”

“Seriously? He can’t even stop crying.” The kid looked disgusted, turning and shoving Hitoshi out of the chair. “Look he’s just a-”

Whatever he was, he didn’t get to share because Shinji launched himself out of his chair with a string of words that didn’t sound like Japanese. In seconds the other boy was on the ground, the full weight of the older student on him and holding him down.

Atsumu didn’t even think, moving to Hitoshi’s side and pulling him up to his feet before standing in front of him, arms out in case anyone else tried to hit him.

“Shinji! Atsumu! What are you two doing?” The teacher yelled and Atsumu’s heart sank.

Shinsuke was going to be so upset with him.

Akagi had known Kita Shinsuke since their first year of middle school. Since the moment the kid had taken the watch Akagi had stolen from the middle school bully and put it back in the bully’s bag and sat by passively as the teacher admonished the bully for lying about thieves.

“You shouldn’t have stolen it… But he shouldn’t have broken Yuna-chan’s nose.” Shinsuke had said and Akagi had refused to leave his side ever since.

He’d met Ojiro Aran on the first day of highschool with a spike to the face and he’d never made a friend faster.

He’d grown up with them and watched his team spread apart.

Akagi never worried for Aran. Aran knew where he was going and absolutely no one would ever stop him. Until he basically dropped off the map three years ago.

Sure, Akagi knew he was actually just in France and he was still playing at the top. Yet, even Akagi who spent his days travelling over the entire world freelance saw their friends more than he did. For three years Akagi only saw him once a year, still happy, still healthy, but so far away.

Oomimi, of course, was never someone anyone had to worry about. He was the only one Akagi knew should actually be trusted to be an adult, because even after having the title for ten years Akagi knew he wasn’t an adult. He’d chosen to become a social worker, helping children and trying to battle against the system to protect them.

He always left a key for Akagi and never minded a visit. He always checked up on Shinsuke and kept updates on Aran as best as he could between the man’s erratic texting skills.

Shinsuke, however, Shinsuke always worried Akagi.

Not because he wasn’t mature, no, no, he was the most emotionally aware and probably the strongest person Akagi had ever met. Sometimes, though, Shinsuke would get trapped in his own mind without realizing it. 

He always had his routines, the way he’d clean the bathrooms at exactly 2:58 until 3:13 then move to the locker rooms and change in precisely three minutes. He’d stretch for ten minutes, run four laps and stretch for another three. Then serves, then blocking, then receives. Everything was planned and ordered and any deviation would scratch at him like an itch until he either broke or fixed his schedule.

Shinsuke’d become more tolerant of mishaps in his routine as he got older, no longer completely breaking down when not able to finish something properly. He’d insisted that he learn how to handle it, refusing to lose even a second of his life to panic.

He was doing well, Akagi knew it. He adapted to the changing schedules of his employees, making his own routine in little things. Getting up, cleaning the house, visiting the shop, leaving for the gym, evening reading. The foster kids helped, keeping him on his toes and away from a routine set in stone while he still got to encourage and help them.

Shinsuke always loved kids after all, and he’d been so excited to take after not only his Grandmother but his late parents’ old wedding shop. Then he’d quit being assigned foster kids, not through any fault of his but there just wasn’t as many in their area and the government wasn’t in the habit of shipping kids across prefectures over and over again.

Shinsuke had fallen into old habits. Every part of his day was perfectly planned out, even to the point of letting him craft a ‘plan’ for the next few years that panicked him to deviate from. Though he adjusted better than Akagi thought he would with the twins, he could still see the way it picked at him not being able to follow his routine.

He could see it in the way Shinsuke twitched toward the door before he’d remember he had promised to show Osamu how to make pancakes. The way his breath would catch when he saw the time and would shift to look away. Even the constant tapping of his fingers gave him away, the itch that burrowed in his mind and was driving him subtly insane.

The adoration for the twins was holding back the worst of the reactions but Akagi knew Shinsuke would start to crack soon if he couldn’t get it out. If he didn’t face it head on and start adjusting his ‘plan’ accordingly.

Akagi knew his best friend far too well. He saw the way Shinsuke had grown too attached to the boys, his endless pride for each tiny step in the right direction, the way he shifted his routine to try and welcome them regardless of the internal consequences. Yet Shinsuke insisted he was going to let them go and find them a ‘proper’ home as if they couldn’t all see how much Shinsuke loved them. He would hold to that ‘plan’ until he was torn apart.

Which was why Akagi had harassed Tooru into helping him. Tooru hadn’t been the most willing, as loyal to their boss as everyone else in the shop but he also was the most stubborn. Once he heard about Shinsuke refusing to take a day off, he’d immediately jumped on board and promised to keep Shinsuke out of the shop. Then Akagi told a white lie to Oomimi and waited until he knew Shinsuke was going stir crazy after a too long set routine of constant mental and physical stimulation and told Oomimi to call him and ask him where he was.

Akagi hadn’t planned on Aran taking such advantage of the chance to hold Shinsuke, much less straight up hold his hand, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Even now, as he skated toward the rink wall, he could see them sitting together with Shinsuke’s head on his shoulder as they talked.

“If they find out you’re trying to set them up, you’ll be in trouble.” Oomimi hummed, offering him a water bottle. The tall social worker didn’t seem bothered by Akagi’s tricks, but he’d also known Akagi was going to try and shove Aran and Shinsuke together from the moment Aran was back in town.

“It’s okay, Oomimi-kun will protect me.” Akagi laughed, fluttering his eyes at the bored look in Oomimi’s eyes. “Besides, they’re so busy just starin’ at each other they wouldn’t notice if I stripped naked.”

Oomimi froze, eyes narrowed before he relaxed again when he realized Akagi meant it only as a joke.

“Why do you care anyways? You don’t even believe in romance.” Oomimi sighed, taking back the water bottle and putting it on the bench behind him. He glanced back at the two, watching their lips curve up in identical smiles neither party aware of it. Much more and Oomimi was going to have to interrupt to tell them to either kiss or stop looking at each other like that.

“I don’t not believe in romance,” Akagi said, flicking his hand dismissively, “I just think most people chase after it thinking it’s this great feeling. Then they give up as soon as it goes away. I find it shallow and honestly boring, makes me glad I don’t have to deal with it. But…”

His eyes traveled to the two talking, the light pink on Shinsuke’s cheeks and the laughter coming from Aran. In over fourteen years, he’d never seen them look at anyone else like they looked at each other. They just molded together perfectly, enhancing every moment and supporting each other endlessly. Theirs was the only romantic story that could ever make Akagi wonder what it would be like if he felt the same romantic feelings they did.

“They make each other happy. Even just being friends, they’re really happy. They know each other even after being apart, ‘Mimi. They know how to keep each other stable and they deserve to have that. They’re just both dumb. Aran’s stuck in his own world of ‘someone like Shinsuke could never love me, because I’m a big dumb gay baby’ and Shinsuke’s stuck in this world of ‘If I didn’t put it in the plan it’s not happening and I will fight the gods for my right to fuck up my own life.’ I love them so much.”

Oomimi snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Michinari. Stop bullying them.”

“Ren, make me.” Akagi stuck out his tongue and Oomimi rolled his eyes, reaching out to flick his nose.

“They’ll figure it out. You don’t have to push them together, they’re adults now.” Oomimi looked rather amused, leaning against the skating wall. “Trust me. Everything’s going to be just fine.”

“... You sound a little bit too certain of that.” Akagi narrowed his eyes at his best friend, gasping at the curve of his mouth moving up. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what you mean… But I will tell you that you should buy a house if Shinsuke doesn’t decide to adopt the boys in two weeks because Aran still lives in an apartment and I’ve got so many paperwork packets that just need signatures.”

“So… If Shinsuke doesn’t adopt the boys… I get to adopt them.” Akagi gasped, amusement flooding through him as Oomimi seemed to immediately regret what he’d said.

“On the other hand, I can buy a house and just give it to Aran, it’s fine.”

“What! No, no I want the boys. Give me the twins, I pinky promise I’ll only teach them a few bad words.” Akagi whined, squawking when another voice cut in.

“You will not be teaching the boys any bad words.” Shinsuke was half wrapped around Aran’s arm, still slipping even on the rubber mats. He looked only mildly annoyed in the turn of his lips, his gaze bright with amusement and Akagi cackled softly.

Aran looked as soft as ever, easily carrying Shinsuke’s weight and looking at his two other friends. He still had a tinge of dark blush over his cheeks and Akagi had to admit he was cute, no wonder so many people had confessed to him senior year.

“Hey, Aran, marry me and we’ll steal Kita’s kids.” Akagi chirped, laughing even louder when Aran face palmed.

“I’m not marrying you to adopt the twins, I’ll just adopt them on my own.” Aran said, ignoring Akagi’s dramatic gasp.

“Don’t touch my kids… Don’t let him touch my kids. Osamu doesn’t need to know any bad words, he’d like them far too much.” Shinsuke said, looking at Oomimi before stepping towards the ice carefully.

Akagi held his breath, hoping to hear him squeak or yelp but he got nothing. How boring, his friends were so inconsiderate to not help him out and give him something to laugh at them for.

Aran held him carefully until he was sure Shinsuke wouldn’t fall, then stepped after him. Akagi yowled as an arm wrapped around his neck and tucked him into a firm chest, then he relaxed, sticking his tongue up at Aran.

“C’mon Ren. You can watch me fall.” Shinsuke teased, holding his hand out to Oomimi who sighed dramatically before skating over to Shinsuke’s side and taking his hand.

“If we go down, we’re taking them with us.” Oomimi told Shinsuke who nodded and tightened his hold on Aran.

“Oh I plan too.”

Aran’s complaint made them all laugh and Akagi relaxed into his friend's hold. Aran shook his head at Shinsuke, eyes gentle and adoring as he looked down at his best friend. Akagi took the first step forward, dragging them all forward. Oomimi was right, they would be just fine. All of them.

[doedipus]

2019 Writer’s Roundup

Tagged by: @erintoknow (thanks!)

Tagging: I’m actually not super tuned in to whether a lot of my mutuals or followers write tbh. I’m pretty sure @azdoine, @liathepenguinologist and @hypdadaist do, but if anyone else wants to jump in, consider yourselves tagged.

Word count

I think I did about 50k words of fiction this year and maybe another 4-10k of nonfiction/essays/analysis type stuff, but I’m not sure if that counts.

Number of smut scenes

zero. I’d like to try it eventually, but between my own inexperience and my weird relationship with sex and sexuality irl, it’s not something I feel super comfortable writing about explicitly at the moment. plus like, the stuff I’ve worked on this year really hasn’t been conducive as a jumping off point for that anyway. 

New things I tried this year

oh god, so much shit. I’m really still getting used to the medium in a lot of ways so basically everything I did was new lol.

the big one I think was trying to work on a longer-form project in general. like all of my other stuff has topped out at around 6k words, so trying to keep a narrative arc going for several times that has been an adventure. 

besides that, I’ve been trying a lot of like, ~literary~ shit with methods of bioterrorism, specifically messing around with symbolism and motif and changing the narrative voice around a lot depending on the pov character. also just like, having antagonists lol

also illustrations! I’m super inexperienced with visual art, so figuring out a process for that that I could do consistently and looked okay was definitely a challenge

and the last thing would be writing an rpg scenario as opposed to a more traditional narrative. I’m still itching to actually run it and see if it’s functional in practice, but it was a weird sort of more open-ended storytelling medium that was interesting to work in.

Favorite thing I wrote this year

there’s only two fiction things I did this year and it’s super hard to choose between them honestly. 

I reeeeally like gates of delirium because that kind of trippy magical realism thing is just an aesthetic I’m absolutely obsessed with, and I was basically just cackling to myself the whole time I was writing it about how my rpg group would respond to like, an npc trying to recruit them into a cult or giant fuck you spiders

but also I think methods of bioterrorism helped me expand my creative horizons a ton and also lowkey helped me wean myself off of getting into stupid arguments on reddit constantly, cuz like, basically all the stuff I’d use reddit slapfights to opine about is in that fic in some form or another. plus I got to do a lot of community interaction through it, which was neat

I think I’d have to pick bioterrorism, but it’s a really difficult choice

Favorite fic I read this year

I feel super weird saying this, but I don’t actually read a whole lot of fanfic tbh. I don’t really read much anymore in general, though. 

I read part of amx004qubeley’s fic the human abstract which seemed pretty neat, but a couple chapters in, I just got like, paralyzed over comparing my own fic to hers and dropped it. from what I read, it looked super interesting and if anyone’s on the lookout for more trans eva content, it’s probably a good place to start.

and then the other one I really liked was and the heart that fed by an anonymous author. there needs to be more dungeon meshi fanfic in general, but especially in the vein of this fic. the author did a great job capturing the characters and tone of the original manga and it totally feels like it could have been part of the original work. 

Writing goals for 2020

the big ones are a) finish methods of bioterrorism and b) write another weird magical realism/urban fantasy thing

there’s a bunch of half-baked story ideas in my head that I’d like to develop as well, especially the “shinji gets put in a spare rei clone” concept, but those things are more flexible

I think in a more general sense, I want to figure out how to keep this stuff going once I start working full-time in the coming months and I can’t just sit around and periodically vomit words as they come to me lol

Words of Thanks

shoutouts to @azdoine for basically being the first point of contact I had with the idea of fanfiction as like, a fun hobby a person could have as opposed to a punchline for mean-spirited internet humor

also thanks to all the people who helped spread my stuff around on the internet, both here and on reddit. I loved seeing like, sneerclub stumble upon methods and geeking out about it and stuff. 

and obviously thanks to everyone who left comments and everything else. it’s always super gratifying to see other people enjoying and engaging with things I’ve worked on :D