#cus the universe don't give me a choice

[oh-no-i-got-obsessed-again]

I keep thinking that getting into fandom and random ship is normal because I'm on a side of the internet where everybody does it but then I get back to the world and I start to realize that no, not everyone does that so I cannot just go up to a random person and start ranting about my latest ship and how they're driving me crazy.

[christiansorrell]

RPG Read-through: .dungeon//remastered

For a while on Twitter, I've been doing read-through threads where I post my thoughts as I'm reading through a game for the first time. I recently did the same with Snow's .dungeon//remastered, a TTRPG where you are players logging in to a dead/dying MMO and exploring the digital fantasy world. I'm adapting those thoughts here for a proper Tumblr post! Enjoy!

First up, credits! Good folks who do good work in my experience. Also, we get the first of what seems to be a common through-line here that I enjoy: an online fandom bent to this all being a sort of GameFAQ style guide for an in-universe game.

My initial impression from most of the interior spreads I've seen just flipping through it is that I really love the style and layout. I think black and white layouts are underrated generally, but it really pops here with the pixelated text/symbols and the old school GUIs.

It's interesting to have these kind of "no bigotry" rules you see in many games couched within an in-universe framing. I think this more personal angle actually makes them land better for me than they typically do in games.

Of course, the author is still powerless to stop the players (just like with any instance of these rules, and all game rules in general tbh) BUT this is worldbuilding too, and it gives me a greater sense for the kind of in-universe fandom that's risen up around .dungeon.

Similarly, here's the game's unique version of safety tools - an in-game help menu that reworks things like lines/veils, x-card and more into the game world itself. I really like this.

Once again, the art in this is just great. I love the Fez-like runes/symbols. My ARG brain wants to know if there's a hidden message here.

I was surprised it was jumping right into the starter adventure, Tutorial Town, but I quickly found out that this is character creation AND a starting area/adventure all wrapped into one, video game-style, and that's so cool.

Each room of the starting area introduces a step of character creation. It's interesting that stats are based on real-world (not you the player at the table real-world but your PC at the "real-world" computer playing the game) ability. Your game knowledge, response time, etc.

As a long time Dota player, I also just really enjoy that the saving throw-like stat here is TILT. I have tilted many times and known many of my teammates to tilt regularly. Just fun to see that phrasing in a TTRPG.

There's more of the in-universe real-world player here than I expected coming in. Definitely has some really intriguing potential. I do wonder though if the intent is to be playing a "real-world" level character or if you are "playing" as yourself at that layer. Both would work.

Monster statblocks. Easy to parse and straightforward to run as the GM (tho at time the layout does have one two many things laid on top of one another that can make them hard to read at first glance - like where "GOBLIN" is here):

Health here is SYNC, and it's shared across the whole party - I'm interested to see how that full mechanic plays out and how it may affect play.

Reaction rolls. I'm surprised to see them given the video game setting, cus mobs in MMOs just always attack you. I've gone back and forth on it with my video game-inspired TTRPG. Don't think it's a bad choice, just one that means the game world is more than a usual video game.

So you have your real-world level Job (based on your characters' out of game job) and your in-game "Role" which follow the classic "holy trinity" of MMO design:

PCs and monsters can team up to attack and can forego damage for stunts - potentially fun/interesting moments happening from that. Monsters deal dmg to SYNC but only per type is interesting, means a crowd of one-enemy is more a long trickle of damage than an overwhelming burst.

Not knowing the ramifications of SYNC damage yet, I'm not sure what the Risk v Reward looks like for Respawns but it's intriguing. Letting your avatar die to keep the party in a stronger position overall (but being able to re-join after a fight) is definitely unique.

This is another fun room (and I like that other than saying late 90s/early 2000s it leaves appearance options open). I am not sure where to find the starting origins tho (they aren't on this spread and there's no page reference). Sadly, the PDF isn't bookmarked either, it seems.

This feels like a smart roadblock to place in player's paths early on. It's unlikely they'll have a lockpick at this point so really, it's about getting players into that creative mindset. What is in the room for you to exploit? What gear do you have you can use in a new way?

Might seem basic, especially to the OSR-experienced out there, but you'd be surprised how many players don't have experience with thinking more freeformly about the game in this way. No fault to them, most trad games condition you to use your PC's abilities/skills as a menu.

Another cool interaction between the layers of the game here (tho I do wish they all played more off of something more than just the tarot card being in the real-world layer). Still wondering if most folks play as themselves or as a real-world level PC.

This is interesting. I wonder if there is going to be a real-world layer to play or if this is meant to be the amount your party can heal between sessions of play (like when the actual real you stops playing in actual real life - this meta layer stuff is tricky to communicate).

I like this - a very short and sweet travel system.

I continue to love this art. Also, this tease here around dual-wielding requiring the discovery of new Roles out in the game world somewhere first is really enticing (I added the highlighter there btw).

This is fun - there are both in-game NPCs and PUGs which are other real-world players' in-game avatars. That extra layer to those types of NPCs is really fun and them running the gamut of fully out-of-character chatting to being hardcore RPers is fun to consider.

Whenever it leans into the digital world aspects, I'm super into it. Very much my kinda thing. I do wonder though how often players can swap their Roles. I don't believe I've seen that said yet - my inclination would be once on the fly (like Final Fantasy's Job systems).

And if these various layers weren't enough, .dungeon also features in-game collectible cards that are sort of enchantments and buffs. I wonder if my real-world level character can spend real money to buy Bytes to buy more packs from a merchant in town? lol

I won't spoil/detail too many more of these but these kind of fun (and common to video games but rarely seen when thinking of the world of a game or the intended way to play) moments are really appealing. Also, this game has Goons in it. Oh no.

Now I'm thinking the intention is the "real-world" level of play should be the real actual you, the person playing .dungeon the TTRPG (as opposed to a real-world level character still within the fiction of the game) since stuff like this would be tricky to track. Cool item!

Tutorial Island is cool, a good blend of char creation, intro to what the game is, and just a fun adventure with a session or more of play to it. I'd have to run/play this to really see but I find the Sync being tied to essentially your real-world session length interesting.

This stuff is cool and leans into that meta/fan-level play that only comes out of these big community-driven games, both MMOs but also things like Dark Souls.

A lot of these kind of possible secrets come as comments in the text, possibly just to inspire the GM and to get players interested in ways that the table can build out on their own over time. So far, I don't see some of the more esoteric secrets to be laid out (which I like).

The rest of the book, as far as I've seen, is lots of resources, gear tables, monsters, etc. to build out the game after player's leave Tutorial Island. The game world here has that anything goes Final Fantasy bent to it. There's swords & wagons, but laser guns & skateboards too.

The setting here is also explicitly queer (mostly seen so far in the "real-world" PUGs) and includes things like sex workers and other elements that it maybe could not have had but that would certainly lessen the richness of its world, the fandom presented throughout, etc.

The spellcasting uses the in-game money as mana points essentially. That's a cool way to limit spellcasting and motivate player's, especially spellcasters, to get out there and make some $$$.

Okay, here's the real-world explanation I was waiting for (after the in-game gear lists and such). This is cool - it's fun to have a real-life layer to this and to have the game's world support that sort of dropping in and out, doing things outside of a full party session, etc.

I know a lot of folks do this with ongoing campaigns anyway, but this is one of those fun things to include here to build that in as an expectation in play. You have your raid nights with friends and you have your little solo sessions after work where you sell your loot.

Now, the rest is a nice collection of random dungeon, NPC, settlement, hexfill tables and more. Everything you'd expect from an OSR-like ruleset but occasionally with some fun added meta-layers.

Players getting a quest from an in-game Moderator and then being able to become a Mod themselves is a really fun idea and something I could envision becoming a long-term goal for one or more players at a table. The threat of encountering an Admin is scary as well!

To finish it up, we've got a cool AASCII-style character sheet, complete with MingLiU-ExtB font (my beloved)!

And that's .dungeon//remastered! I really enjoyed reading this, and I think it has a strong core that's really enhanced by its real-world interaction layer. Gonna put this on "Play Soon" list. There are some smart rules in particular I'll likely steal for a future project.

.dungeon//remastered is available digitally NOW with, I believe, physical copies coming soon. I backed the Kickstarter to get this digital version. CHECK IT OUT HERE!

[bloggingboutburgers]

I need some help.

So, I have this friend who’s Aro/Ace, and we have a very close group of us and like 2 other people. He recently came out to this group, and we’re all super supportive. He actually came out to me before the others, and I helped encourage him to tell them.

I am demisexual, and was planning on telling these same people around that time, but he got there first, and I didn’t want to be a jerk so I waited like a day to tell them, but I’m not sure if I waited long enough. He‘s also being weird about me being demi, and kind of treating me like I’m not really part of the same community, like, just little comments, not malicious or anything, but lots of little things.

I was the one to introduce him to all the fun ace memes, like, garlic bread, and such, and I’m the one who explained the difference between romantic and sexual attraction to him, and I introduced him to qprs, but he still treats me like I’m not the same.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I’m already insecure about being aspec, but not fully ace, so it’s just kinda freaking me out. Should I talk to him about it? Just deal with it? I don’t know. I don’t want to „me too“ his identity, but I don’t want to be erased.

Thanks.

Is that like... Ace gatekeeping of sorts...? Man I'm sorry you're going through this, that sounds awkward.

Sorry I'm replying so late, I hope I'm not too late, but... Yeah, personally I would recommend talking to him about it, to find out why he's doing this. I have no idea what's going on here, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he might have felt your coming out might have undermined his in ways, even though that wasn't your intention at all and now HE's undermining yours...

Coming out is a very personal experience that should be up to a person's choice on when and how it's best to do it, so it's important for him to be able to respect yours like you did your best to respect his.

Being queer, and being on the asexual spectrum, is also very personal and CAN lead one to being defensive after having been othered for so long, not sure why, maybe 'cus we're afraid we might be damaged in the process or reduced to an image we don't wanna be reduced to. I mean... I don't know if it's a universal experience, but for instance, while I'm always happy to meet other aros and aces, I have trouble engaging in aroace-dedicated communities (welp... mostly 'cus I'm afraid of groups) but also and mostly, every time I get recommended a work with aro or ace characters in it, it hardly ever fails to give me a massive nervous stomachache and make me want to put off checking out said work forever, 'cus... I think I'm scared of finding out the many ways my identity can get undermined in the process, ironically.

I'm not sure what causes this. Maybe growing up in a reality that's so hostile to being on the aro and ace spectrums fucked me up. And maybe there's something like that going on for him too, though I don't wanna project at all. I can only ever speak about my own experience.

Either way... Both of you are valid in both of your ways, he shouldn't be gatekeeping anything, indirectly or not, especially when you've been so open to sharing your experience, and yeah, you're not the same, but you're on the same spectrum, and there are part of your struggles that you share, and he should respect that. Just because your experience doesn't 100% align with his doesn't undermine either of you. You're in this together and you should be able to have each others' backs. I sincerely hope you can talk it out and I hope he doesn't get too defensive about it... But yeah, I hope you can get your feelings across to him as well, 'cus you don't deserve this. I sincerely wish you both the best.

[sonjuponju]

now YOU tell me about YOUR ocs...!!! (if you want) is your pfp enix...🧡

IT IS IT IS!!! that drawing turned out so good i just stick it everywhere now 😭

the thing about my ocs is that i hardly get anything done with them if i don't have someone to constantly validate my choices and help me build ideas and stuff so most of my stories are pretty incomplete and all over the place 🥲 but i do have some bits and pieces that i can share!!

ima put everything under a read more cus there's gonna be a LOT of stuff. you really don't have to read all of it if you find it longwinded, i just really love rambling about my dudes (but only if someone asks 😭)

ENIX, he/him - he's actually one of my older ocs, i created him way back in 2017 when i was like 11 😭 fun fact! his original name was vixen but due to the definition of the word bugging me i recently changed his name to enix :3 another fact but kind of an embarrassing one - he used to have DID, and my 11 year old ass played RIGHT into the "evil alter" trope, so yeahhhh... the only good thing to come out of that was that the "evil alter" eventually became a wholly separate blorbo, named feliks! who we will get into now B)

FELIKS, he/him - my fucking sweet baby. my angel. he has gone through so many transformations it's hilarious

here he is in his "evil alter" days. already got the black eye to signify his "evilness". though i don't think it took very long for me to decide that he was actually the host of the body, not enix. in any case his usual day-to-day activities included pissing everyone around him off and trying some evil schemes every now and then

in like 2018 i got REALLY into this visual novel called "the arcana" and feliks was the ex best friend of the MC my friend cooked up for our version of the story. i didn't want him to be a cyclops for this iteration because i thought it didn't fit the theme, so he had to get a human design. he didn't have DID in this version, but he did have an identical twin brother, named vance. in this story feliks killed vance and became the boyfriend of the villain of the story, also becoming one of the villains in the process. his ex best friend ellis ended up defeating him and he got hanged with his boyfriend for their crimes

now here's where the story gets really juicy. feliks reincarnated in the modern world, and i think i ditched him having DID and instead the "alters" turned out to be the fragmented parts of feliks' dead brother's personality. vance had basically come back to haunt him in a form that was kind of comparable to alters, but also not really

the main arcana characters alongside ellis also reincarnated and ended up finding feliks (who was still evil btw). they were kind of like a friend group for a while until shit hit the fan when everyone found out that feliks killed his brother way back in their past life (they had no idea up until now). ellis became incredibly angry with him and him being a magician turned feliks into water and put him in a vase so he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again

before this happened though i think ellis and his also magician boyfriend were able to piece vance back together and give him a body, so he was reincarnated too. after receiving a second chance at life, vance got himself a boyfriend, and even got married with him. the happiness didn't last for long though when feliks was able to sneak himself in his water form into vance's husband's water bottle. the husband drunk the water and ended up possessed by feliks 🙃 feliks killed vance AGAIN, was able to return to his own body by also killing vance's husband, annnnddd... then ellis caught up to him and beheaded him with his scythe. (god i still love this story)

after death feliks became a demon in hell, and that's basically where his story ends. idk i must've gotten another interest at this point because i didn't get any further with the story

in 2020 i decided to revamp him AGAIN, this time making my own fantasy universe for him. i got a couple of my friends involved with it too (this was basically a species i made specifically for that thing and my friends made ocs of that species). the story for it was really juicy too but im not gonna be telling about it cus it's almost identical to my current project with him and i might wanna make it into a real thing one day so.. SPEAKING OF WHICH

HIS CURRENT DESIGN. MORE PHOTOS.

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM!!!!!!! GAAGAHAJJSDJDKSK

anyway. yeah, there isn't much i can tell about the story, but i can tell you about how SHIT it is trying to come up with fantasy clothing. i am no fashion designer, not by a longshot, so my boy has his tits out 24/7 because i can't think of anything he could wear (and also i just love seeing him bare chested ❤️). i kinda don't even know where to start with the clothes cus i don't want them to be the generic european medieval stuff you see in fantasy CONSTANTLY and i am awfully lazy at researching anything that isn't my number 1 interest so. yah. to combat not being able to draw him with a canon design, i made a domestic modern au 🫶

here's feliks and his roomie clancy :3 they are my biggest blorbos rn and i would REALLY love to talk more about them but um. yeah this post is long enough especially considering there is still one oc i wanna mention

here's valo!! she is feliks' sister. you might think wait you didn't mention feliks having a sister? no i didn't because she is his BROTHER. I GENDERBENDED VANCE. BECAUSE IT WOULD FUCK. and yeah she is absolutely incredible i love her from the bottom of my heart. valo and feliks still have kind of a complicated relationship but at least in the au feliks doesn't kill her :D she's just kinda chilling with her gf until i come up with a story for her too

so ya that's all i wanted to talk about for now!! if you read this far then thank you 😭🫶 i had so much fun writing this. i was busy the whole day today but i just kept thinking about how much i wanted to answer your ask haha. i didn't plan for it to get so long though but im super grateful if you read this far 🥹

[cirqosmos]

Same. Sometimes i just want to stop writing. We give out so much, but receives so little (even receive hate as if we owe anyone anything in the first place). But my mind cant shut up, i just have to write them down -- let the universe live. Then i share it again, knowing very well i wouldnt get as much appreciation as I wish but at least my mind and heart is freed (slightly).

yep true, this is how i exactly felt. only writers will understand each others' troubles :') the lack of feedbacks and spam likers is getting annoying, but still that's a tiny bit okay. but when some unhinged people and more brazen they are to have their anon toggled on, that's when they crossed the line. we don't owe any damn thing to a disrespectful, obnoxious, immature, fucked up in the head kind of person. like that clown 🤡 yes I'm talking about u the clown anon of the year, i am not even mad but just amused cus it shows how mentally fucked up you are in the head </3

so when that happens, i am not going to back down lol. an eye for an eye. if people act like an immature kid, then they should be treated as one. so you shouldn't let them do that to u either, but again it's your choice, and it shouldn't cost your peace of mind. we can't really give up on writing anyways, that's true. our soul is meant to pour out, not to keep in. ig this is a never ending lifelong lesson to keep going on for our sake. to keep less expectations for others, and to only pour everything for ourselves. for us!

let's not give up on writing! (tbh I'm not sure but since you said you write, i assume you have a writing blog too? i badly wanna support u but no pressure<33) this is getting long, but i'm grateful for you reaching out and talking w me, it makes me happy to talk w u!!

[theradicalkanji]

I don't know what to think of the last of us movie.

I don't know what to expect of the last of us movie.

I don't know what to want of the last of us movie.

The ending of the first game was controversial fo sho. It was absolutely fucked up. Which isn't to say it was a bad ending in the whole narrative sense. The ending worked for the story it was telling, but would they really want to use the same ending for the movie? Would that ending fly in Hollywood? Would the ending lack a solid punch if they just rehashed the exact same story from the game? Would deviating from the original story help or hinder the movie?

There's numerous ways this can shake out. The movie tries and fails to tell the story of the game due to time constraints.

The movie tells a similar story but not the same and it ends up being a tepid approximation.

They do something different and play within the constraints of the movie medium to make a story that follows the same vibe as the game but is at its core not the same story.

These are just a few examples. None are inherently wrong choices yet there will be a segment of the audience who will be opposed to it no matter what. People who are OG story pirosts. People who want to see something new. People who have no prior knowledge of the series and expect something that is easy for a beginner to get into with no prior knowledge. Old fans who want a deeper dive into the story they already know.

I think about other video game movies (and by extension movies based on "nerd culture IPs") and I realize how rare it is they get it right. You have things like the Warcraft movie which is (ignoring the poor acting) is basically just a highlight real of the cool shit that happened in the first game with no real attempt to set the stage or give the audience backstory. You're just dropped in and expected to know what you're watching because you already did the reading beforehand.

Similarly the Ghost in the Shell movie was a bunch of the Cool Shit that happened in the series remade shot for shot in CGI and then strung together in a loose semblance of a plot. It was literally just some guy who wanted to see Scarlet Johanson cosplay as Major and redo all the stunts from the show while ignoring the actual story. Like, visually the show was neato but there was no plot.

Then you have stuff like the old Mario Bros movie which was A Trip. It's definitely a cult classic and a point of contention among video game fans and movie goers. It was def an AU where the Mario Bros universe was given a cool gritty 90s dystopian cyberpunk facelift. It was so bizarre in that it made an effort to incorporate a lot of Mario things, such as familiar enemies and characters (albeit very different from their original versions).

Speaking of losing the plot. This post kinda got away from me. I'm curious but cautious of the LOU movie. I'll probably see it eventually cus Pablo Pascal is hawt and I'm not above thirsting, but it'd be neat if the movie is actually good.

[poisonouslightslayer]

Hi,

As those of you know who still follow me I have been on hiatus for quite sometime and it's due to personal reasons. I keep this account open because part of me can't close it since I worked so hard on it over the years. I don't want to have any regrets if I just deleted. There may be times I'll want to submit an ask in character and reply to ones I receive. It's nice to have that option if inspiration strikes me.

Sting is my favorite character from Fairy Tail and will always hold a special place. I didn't even know there was a Sting day (Sept. 6th) until now which became official on Twitter two years ago. I have other interests though in other anime that being the Fate universe so I've been doing my research there and have some select favorites those being Achilles [Rider of Red] (Fate Apocrypha), Cu Chulainn [Lancer](Fate Stay Night 3 routes), Gilgamesh[Archer] Diarmuid,[Lancer] and Ozymandias[Rider] etc. They are wonderful and interesting characters, but Achilles will always hold that special place in my heart, due to how much he is like my younger brother who unfortunately passed away a year ago in May.

I have been gone a while and things have definitely changed. What I disagree with is lately on posts here and other social media there are some are trying to make almost any character into something they are not. I understand head canons which are creative and unique, but at least have some description as to why they are that way? Because I said so and it's my blog doesn't cut it. Reasons need to exist as to the choices that make up a muse that way. Otherwise I find it disrespectful to the creators because it can destroy the image of who they are. I miss how tumblr used to be without so much toxicity and if one has a difference in opinion, they get yelled at and called horrible names rather then have a mature conversation about why they disagree. I digress. All fandoms are like that I suppose.

My interest in Fairy Tail has waned a bit because I'm very selective as to what I like, but I still keep an eye on future projects and the 100 years spin off. The same can be said in other fandoms. I can be found on discord though since it's easier for me to rp there from mobile and I do like the character bots where I can rp as many characters from different anime, video games and live action media. If anyone is interested then send me a private message or direct message and I'll give you my name there.

I don't know if I will ever be more active here to rp, but for now this blog will stay open and will be used for when I feel like I can post either ooc or on character.

In honor of my brother I made this edit. The one in the background is Cu Chulainn and in the front is Achilles.

Love you bro

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

After six long months, I present to you:

Tupelo Honey

Word Count- 3k

Warnings- language, angst, discussion of abortion

A/N- With help from familiar strangers, Honey makes a choice that will change Leon's life and hers forever.

Chapter 4: Angel of The Morning

Late fall of 1968, Morning:

Honey clutched at the pillow as her hips flew towards the ceiling. Her back arched before she bent forward and twisted her free hand in Leon's thick hair. His name echoed off the bedroom walls as she came without caring if they woke Johnny this early.

Honey’s chest heaved as her body attempted to regulate her breath. Leon threw the sheets back and looked up at her. His hand absently ran up and down her stomach to her breasts and back.

“What?” Honey’s voice was sleepy as she met a green-eyed gaze. She propped up on her elbows when his brows knit together. “What's wrong?”

“Not much, love. It's just, your..” Leon's cheeks turned kinda pink, “stuff tastes different. You been eating anything new?”

“No? You mean it tastes different when I cum?”

“Just this time. You gonna start your thing?” He pointed towards Honey’s sex. “Period.”

“I don't think so. Should be around any day now though.”

Leon crawled up towards the pillows and laid down beside his girlfriend. His arm draped across her collarbone as he snuggled up to her shoulder. He nipped at the skin before kissing it. Then pressed his forehead into her neck.

Honey caught a scent of herself on him. “It even kinda smells different. I better get to the clinic just in case. I've not felt that weird other than that stomach bug.” Her nails lightly scratched Leon's forearm as she spoke. “I can't have an STI, since you went all mad and demanded my undying monogamy.”

Leon ignored her. “Maybe,” he yawned and stretched his impossibly long arms and legs straight out, “you caught a case of the pregnancy.” He sat up and leaned down to kiss her stomach.

“Don't say that!” Leon's familiar whine filled Honey’s own voice. “I won't keep it. That's legal here now.”

Leon stared back at her, “Just like that.”

“It's my body, Leonidas. Look at how short I am. Imagine this knocked up,” Honey waved a hand down the length of her naked self.

“I do.” It came out a whisper. Honey glowered. “Don't pull that face on me, Gracie. I know it's your body. We just ain't exactly safe with our shaggin’ are we? Leavin’ it up to chance. Then you get angry if there's one on the way. Keep it. End it. Give it up for adoption. I know it's YOUR choice. You tell me all the bloody time about it being your body. I respect that because I love you. Before you give me cheek, I think about having a baby with you loads.”

“Leon that's not what we want.” Honey sat up on her haunches beside him. “Look at us. We share a one bedroom flat with a ginger con man that we don't even sleep in half the time based on whether he wants to fuck someone or not. Our loo is literally a closet, and we have to shower at your parents’. There's one dresser and half a wardrobe for both of us. Where the hell would we even PUT a baby let alone afford to have one.”

“We've saved money! My parents would help us get a proper house or flat. Or stay with them until we could.”

“Oh sure. Us, your parents, your Yia Yia, one uncle and a baby. Sounds cozy.”

“I grew up in a place with more living there than that. We could get a loan.”

“What will we put down for occupations, Leon?!” Honey was losing her cool. A wave of nausea hit her, but she choked it back. “Occasional actor, waiter, and FBI fugitive?! I can't out myself like that.”

“We lie. I'm an actor. I'm sure you know loads of people who could fake it. Look respectable. I'll cut my hair and clean up my face.” Leon was equally annoyed, hands fidgeting in his lap. His legs started to bounce up and down as he reached, but fumbled with the nightstand drawer.

“Don't you fucking dare cut that hair. Who will we even pretend to be? Patti Boyd and fucking George Harrison? I'm an awful blonde and your hair would take hours to straighten. Leon we would have to fake marriage certificates. That's fraud. Real and proper, honest prison time fraud.”

Leon ignored her and finally yanked the drawer practically in half. The handle came off in his hands causing him to mumble under his breath and drop it to the ground. In a fury he tossed the contents aside in a search for something Honey wasn't sure of.

“If you're about to get high, I'll fucking leave you right now.” Honey got up and snapped her fingers in Leon's face. “We're not done talking about this.”

He looked up at her, his green eyes ablaze for the first time in their relationship. “I'm not GETTING high! Will you quit talking to me like I'm a bloody fucking child? You and Johnny always like I'm mad or deficient. I have a university degree from Cambridge, and I speak three languages. I'm observant not stupid.”

“That's.. That's not what I meant,” Honey bit her lip. “You are one of the smartest guys I've ever met. I just.. Worry about the amount of opium you started sneaking into your pot. You're working less and letting Johnny call the shots.”

Leon was lost in his search, “You’re just jealous of someone else pushing me around?” He waved his hand dismissively before Honey could answer. “I’m fine, love. I'm just a bit stressed is all. It helps me relax.”

“Leon, it's heroin. You know what happened to my uncle.”

He ignored her, “I’ll be swell. Promise. Plus I think this idea Johnny has finally.. DAMMIT WHERE'S THAT TOSSER OF A RING?!”

Something fell off the bed onto the wooden floor with a PING! Leon got down on all fours, stark naked and put his eye to the wood. His arm outstretched and came back to him with an object between his long fingers. He held it aloft towards Honey and took her tiny hand inside of his large one. Honey stopped breathing.

“It's not exactly proper, but you aren't exactly a girl into convention, are ya?” Leon smiled up at his girlfriend. He kissed the back of Honey’s hand. “You think better of me than I think of myself. I want to make you happy, and I want to be a good husband and daddy. If this meeting tonight doesn't go well, I'll stop acting. No more pot or opium or acid or coke right bloody now. I'll get a proper job and we can get a proper house and when the time comes, you choose whatever you want. Stay home. Go to work, I'll stay home. So you aren't loaded down by the patriarchy or whatever.”

“Leon,” Honey’s face was pale and she started to swoon. She saw the way his hand swallowed hers, and panicked. Her fucked up brain saw herself lost in Leon the same way.

“Even if we go to the court, just us. Even if we have to leave London because you're worried. I'll go with you. To India like you sorted out before we met. I don't want you to give up on any dream because of this baby. Or me.”

Before she could get any answer out, Leon slid the ring on Honey’s finger. It was stunning, carved marble and amethyst. She knew it was old, Grecian.

“It's purple because Dionysus cried and spilled his wine onto a maiden he offended by his drunkenness. Artemis protected her, turned her to crystal and she absorbed his wine. It sobered him. Your love, when I'm not foolish, will sober me.”

“Leon,” Honey said again, unable to say anything else.

“Will you please marry me, Gracie?”

The question was so pure. His eyes were so green and hopeful. Honey couldn't think or speak around the lump in her throat. But then..

“I can't,” she whispered. “I have to go to the clinic. You've got an early shift at the restaurant.”

Honey was numb as she pulled on some clothes and her coat. She left the flat and Leon naked on his knees in the bedroom.

----

Later that afternoon:

Honey stared straight passed the nurse as she explained exactly what would happen if she decided to not keep the baby. How they suggest she not be alone and to have someone willing to care for her. To make sure there's no infection.

“Ultimately, dove, it's your decision. Unless you're cold-hearted, it might do your head in. It's not as easy as you modern girls think. You might not regret it, but you might. You prepared? Is your husband keen on this idea too?” The nurse nodded at the ring.

“Oh.. we aren't.. I didn't really give him a choice?”

“Well let's see if you're even pregnant first. Then I want you to go back to your partner and have a good talk. Promise me you'll do that?”

The young woman smiled. It was tentative and nervous. “Yeah. Ok. But it won't change my mind.” She held out her arm for the blood draw and took a cup and left for the loo.

Honey sat on the stairs of the clinic and bent down in a wave of nausea. It was amazing that now she knew she was knocked up the symptoms seemed to worsen. Like how noticing a paper cut makes it suddenly sting.

Her breasts were swollen and a fire built in her chest and stomach every time she laid down. What was the absolute worst, she came to realize, how mean she had been to Leon. A total uncool bitch. Honey looked down at the amethyst on her ring finger and began to cry.

“Hey man, you ok?” a voice asked. American.

“Jesus, don't call her man! What is wrong with you?” a female American voice.

“Leave me alone! Last time I was here, I was in Vietnam. I'm freaking the fuck out, Sel.”

“weren't you a cu-”

“Uh!! This is about them, not me.”

One of them sat down next to Honey. “My brother is right, are you ok? Honey, right?”

Honey looked up to meet eyes that almost took her breath away. A young woman around her age smiled and it reminded her of Leon. Her shoulder length hair had soft waves and curls, but her eyes. Her eyes somehow looked like Honey’s.

“Do I know you?” she squinted her eyes and tilted her head.

“Not yet,” the woman’s cheeks pinked a little. “We're.. Leon's..”

“Cousins!” a male voice interjected.

“I didn't know Leon had cousins from- Fuck me on the tube.”

“Tempting, but I don't think Leon would be down for that.” The inflection of his voice, despite being yank, was so much like his.. cousin’s. “My sister and I have been looking all over this stupid city for you the last few days. To meet you before we left. Leon told my sister you were here. He seemed pretty pissed. This is an uh,” he gestured at the building.

“Abortion clinic?”

“You sure that's how you want to handle it?” the young woman questioned softly.

“Well I don't think Leon has the balls to push me down the stairs,” Honey shrugged.

Leon’s cousin, if that's who she was heaved a sigh. “I like to think I have a sharp tongue and a bit of a shrewd mind. I get it from MY mom. Can I be straight with you?”

“I mean I guess it's easier from a stranger?”

“I know for a FACT you won't be giving up on anything. You are already more involved in changing the world than most people your age. And that doesn't have to stop because you're pregnant. Activists can have children or partners. Take her with you! Take Leon! You come from a long line of shit kickers, right?”

Honey narrowed her eyes. She studied this woman’s face again. Her eyes. HER eyes somehow. But Leon’s features. If she had a daughter, this is who she would want her to be. Sharp, like herself, but optimistic like her daddy.

Daddy.. “Did you say her? How do you know any of this? I swear Leon’s family is here or in Greece. You've got to be close, this one is like fucking Patty Duke. Identical cousins. Man you sure you're cool?”

He scratched his body and Honey heard a tinkling. Then she saw the dog tags. “Yeah I'm gravy.” He looked the way Leon had when she rejected him earlier. It broke Honey’s heart all over.

“Drafted?”

He held out his tags and had this longing in his eyes, “Love.”

“You went to Vietnam for love?”

“I stayed for it. Hardest thing I've ever done besides sobriety. Having a kid and an old man is a fucking piece of cake. If you were gonna go through with.. Termination, I think you would've done it right?”

“I just don't know if I have good enough of a reason besides maybe it'll be fine. I don't know what is freaking me the hell out! We both have happily married parents!! And grandparents. But I've put so much on hold for men. I've let them.”

“Yeah but Leon’s not like that.”

“No. He's not. But the drugs and the hare brained schemes terrify me. My uncle, Lenny Bruce? He ran cons with his wife that he knocked up and they were just. Tumultuous. He loved heroin almost more than Honey and Kitty. It killed him in the end. I don't want Leon and I to be the fluke too.”

“If I tell you to say the FIRST thing that comes to your mind about Leon. No thinking, open your mouth and speak. What is the first part of him you think of.”

“His kind eyes. Your eyes,” she gestured towards the man. “Yours are a bit lost, but they're still just as gentle.”

He bit his lip. Honey noticed it trembled just a tad. “Same thing,” his voice hoarse. “What's the first thing that you would DO for him?”

“Be with him in every life we've ever lived and ever will.”

The woman beside her took Honey’s hand in both of hers. Her annoying familiarity forced Honey to listen to everything she was about to say.

“My parents came from a similar taboo situation. They were immigrants (my dad twice), during the worst war. Activists who got in a bit of a mess. They were separated for a while when my mom was pregnant with me. She had me alone. Yet they have been together for OVER 25 years.”

“I cannot imagine two people better suited for each other than my parents. They trust one another IMPLICITLY and are both still very attracted to one another. Trust me. It's gross.!

“Now they have a successful business. My younger brother and I have our own jobs to pay for ourselves, but our parents are paying for us to go to school. Marriage or partnerships are work, but I have seen that it's worth it. I hope I can be as fearless as they are one day.”

Honey took her hand back and rubbed her face. “Why are you two so hell bent on me staying knocked up? Like there’s something real heavy you're not telling me.”

“We're just like, REALLY invested in Leon’s happiness!” the woman exclaimed.

“Or we could just tell her? I saved Dave that way.”

Honey narrowed her eyes, “Convincing.”

“You and Leon and this baby are going to literally save the world?”

“Alright,” Leon's doppelganger decided to take a turn. “Someone took me away from our mom when I was just a baby. I was raised pretty abusively. But I found my parents, OUR parents,” he gestured at his sister. “They just.. welcomed me in, AND my other adopted siblings.”

“You are so, so much like her. You and Leon are like BOTH of our parents. Really we Kostases.. Kosti? We leap without looking. If we fly, we fly. So I know what Leon's decision is. You said it yourself, he's worth being with in every life you live. Isn't that your answer?”

Honey sighed again and stood up. She looked back and forth between the man and woman claiming to have her best interest at heart. The siblings with her eyes and Leon’s. “I can't just rush into this.”

“Says the woman who fell in love on the set of a porno film.”

Honey ignored him. Ignored how he knew that. She put her hand on her stomach tenderly. “I have to say, if we have this kid, I'm not sure why, but I hope it.. she's like you. What's your name?”

“Selina. After the moon.”

Honey smiled in a knowing way. “Stick around, I'm sure Leon would love to see you.”

“We can't, but you'll understand all of this one day.”

“I'll see you again?”

“I promise.”

Then Honey and the cousins parted ways. She and Leon had a lot to discuss.

Tag: @neuroticpuppy @elliethesuperfruitlover @messengeronthemoon @super-unpredictable98 @bisexualnathanyoung @forenschik @nightmonsters @firstpersonnarrator @rob-private @frogs--are--bitches @ghouls-buddy @a-ghoulish-tale @bwritesstuff @icecoffeegirl @070188

[notasdriedapricots]

Well, @gin-o-clock here you have a translation, just in case 😂

Oh, Rara, Rara... It's... strange saying your name because it's also a word in Spanish. A word I don't think fits you unless it's used in the good way, but that's another subject. It's super weird writing in Spanish when my brain associates (you and tumblr in general) with English. I'M RAMBLING AGAIN, see how it has nothing to do with the language?

ANYWAY. I told you the other day that I couldn't put into coherent English my reaction to your chapter, so let's try it this way. First off, it's spec-ta-cu-lar I hope I spaced that correctly; everything, absolutely everything, it doesn't have a single flaw. The narration? Perfect. The dialogue? Incredible. The details? Immaculate. The pacing? Impeccable. The characters? I already love them.

Second, the vibe; son of a bitch ("daughter of a bitch"? I don't know, I'm calling you names affectionately), how dare you tell me I'm good at writing, you're laughing in my face. The vibe of that little universe jumps from the chapter and wraps you up completely to the point where I feel like I'm watching a movie instead of reading. It's precise, concise, effective, and unique. It fits Este, it fits Lucas, it fits Henrik, it fits with everything.

Third, there's a beautiful balance between present and past, like some kind of flashback masterfully hidden in the narration. If you were worried it would be pure background and little action, you were so wrong; it feels necessary and pertinent, completely far from any hint of exposition. That past frames the actions and adds a layer of meaning to them that they wouldn't have on their own. It's not condescending towards the reader; it doesn't say "this feels like this because of this other thing that happened before". No, it gives you the framework first and the climate by itself affects the interpretation of everything that is actually happening in that moment.

Fourth, THE DETAILS. There's so many details sprinkled inadvertently but that have so, so much weight. The fact that you decided to add them when and where you did is talent, woman, there's no way around it. You could have omitted them, because by themselves they don't affect the plot, but they add to the depth of the story you're telling, and the characters (your characters) that inhabit them. All those details, all those little choices you made, do nothing else than adding to that feeling that that world is theirs, not ours.

This is where I picked the draft back up and I don't remember what the fuck else I was gonna say so I think we'll leave it here, until the next chapter. Hey, I tried to be half-coherent and I think that something came out. ANYWAY. You're ✨the best✨.

Bye.

Heeeeey, @gin-o-clock what up? I forgot this has been in my drafts since you published your first chapter, so here it is. It's too late for me to actually translate it because slang, you know? But I will do it tomorrow, I promise lol. In the meantime... Have fun with Google's shitty translator 😘 😂

Ay, Rara, Rara... Es... extraño decir tu nombre porque es también una palabra en español. Una palabra que no creo que te identifique a menos que se use en el buen sentido, pero eso es tema aparte. Es rarísimo escribir en español cuando mi cerebro te asocia (a vos y a tumblr en general) con el inglés. ESTOY DIVAGANDO DE NUEVO, ¿ves que no tiene que ver con el idioma?

EN FIN. Te dije el otro día que no podía poner en un inglés coherente mi reacción a tu capítulo, así que tratemos en por acá. Primero, es es-pec-ta-cu-lar; todo, absolutamente todo, no tiene un solo defecto. ¿La narración? Perfecta. ¿Los diálogos? Increíbles. ¿Los detalles? Inmaculados. ¿El ritmo? Impecable. ¿Los personajes? Ya los amo.

Segundo, la ambientación; hija de puta, con qué cara me decís que escribo bien, te me estás cagando de risa. La onda de ese pequeño universo salta desde el capítulo y te envuelve completamente al punto de que siento que estoy viendo una película en vez de leyendo. Es preciso, conciso, efectivo, y único. Encaja con Este, encaja con Lucas, encaja con Henrik, encaja con todo.

Tercero, hay un balance hermoso entre el presente y el pasado, como una especie de flashback escondido magistralmente en la narración. Si te preocupaba que fuesen puros antecedentes con poca acción, estabas equivocadísima; se siente necesario y pertinente, completamente alejado de cualquier dejo de exposición. Ese pasado enmarca las acciones y les agrega una capa de significado que por sí solas no tendrían. No es condescendiente para con el lector; no dice "esto se siente así porque esto otro pasó antes". No, te enmarca primero y el clima por sí mismo influye en la interpretación de todo lo que sí está pasando en ese momento.

Cuarto, LOS DETALLES. Hay tantos detalles espolvoreados inadvertidamente pero que tienen tanto, tanto peso. El hecho de que hayas decidido agregarlos cuando y donde lo hiciste es talento, mujer, no hay con qué darle. Podrías haberlos obviado, porque en sí no influyen en la trama, pero agregan a la profundidad de la historia que estás contando, y los personajes (tus personajes) que la habitan. Todos esos detalles, todas esas pequeñas decisiones que tomaste, no hacen más que sumar a esa sensación de que ese mundo es suyo, no nuestro.

Acá es donde retomé el borrador y ya no me acuerdo qué mierda más iba a decir así que me parece que lo dejamos acá, hasta el próximo capítulo. Che, traté de ser medianamente coherente y creo que algo quedó. EN FIN. Sos ✨la mejor✨

Chau.

[joshuahong]

I think it was about the boy I told u abt last year... I met him at the drama competition and well, we've been texting each other for the entire of last year. but, we haven't met in person yet. I don't want to develop a crush on him when I haven't even seen the guy other than our first meeting. (cus he is such a funny dork) i haven't even texted him back since new years cus he kinda sent an unanswerable message? and idk I miss talking to him cus i love how he easily flows the convo >

about my future, I want to go to a good uni & not having a lot of options here for MassComm is pretty hard. the best one is slightly out of my dad's budget. & my 2nd choice is much better in terms of $ but, i'm worried it won't be as amazing as the first cus its not really wellknown for Arts. i wanted to try for a scholarship, but my dad's like "just start early at the place where u can, dont try chasing things u might not get." and it really put me down.. its like he doesnt trust me - S.A Anon

Ah I remember! And what I’ve learned to do is to just send a message to the person I want to talk to because if I never initiate it because I wait for the other person, then I will regret it, you know? So I think you should message him since you enjoy talking to him so much :) Ask him how he is or what he’s up to!

Also, if meeting him again is intimidating, I would facetime him or skype him so you two are pretty comfortable with each other once the time comes, since texting can be different from talking to someone in person! I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL WITH HIM

And I’m so sorry your dad put you down like that :/ I hope he didn’t mean it. Scholarships are a win-win situation imo, all you do is apply (which gives you experience on applying to other scholarships) and if you get it, you earn money to afford the school you want!

And as for going to the school of your dreams, I actually dealt with a similar situation: I literally dreamed of attending USC because of the name, atmosphere, state, and prestige. Unfortunately I wasn’t accepted (California universities are also crazy expensive) and I was really bummed out. I ended up attending my state university and you know what...I’m glad I got rejected and went to my 2nd choice. You never know your experience at a school until you’re actually there imo. No matter how much people tell you stories, or how much research you put in, the experience you receive at a school depends on your attitude and how you make of it!

I know you are capable of achieving what your mind believes in, so I say go for it! But don’t worry about your 2nd choice not living up to your 1st!

[kimtaetae16ii]

I really feel alone and nobody to talk to sometimes but most of the time, I mean not all time rt. I never had real friend that always stick with me all the time. I am the one who stick with them but also me that push them away. I don't knoeeee.. I really feel alone bcs they don't care so much about me. University life is really tough + difficult. Those who talk to me only take me as their competitors not friend. I fee so annoyed everytime the lecturer gve the result of our test/quizzes, they will ask me how many marks tht I got. If I got lower than them, they didn't fucking give me encourage words. Fucking nothing. Just fucking selfish person. But I have no choice ,I just still stick with them. I distract myself from them when I feel like I want to ( most of the time) my emotional is really not stable. I've wondered if I hv bipolar? Is bipolar feel like this? Ppl around me might not care of it. They'll think it just common sick thing like getting fever. I looked above the sky nd sighed heavy why I'm in the situation. What kind of lesson I would get? I believe in God and I cannot denied what He did is truly gonna happen. It just that I'm dealing the unstable emo with myself and only God knows how much I want to cut myself but bcs I'm feared of Him, I didn't commit it.... Now, I really feel bad. Don't know what will happen in the future of me. I feel dumb bcs I'm not a smart kids. I don't even I hv mood to do all revisions all the time like the smart ass kids. Im the stupid amongst them.... cus I need to deal with my emo first.

“Please be careful with me. Sometimes I’m just sad and I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

-lunas-worlds-blog