#currently having red days so there's the muscle cramps + abdominal pain getting in the way ._.

[gotchibam]

Mewtwo ko-fi doodle for Myutsuwu!

[male-reader-requests]

Dog Days Pt. 2

Pairings: Mirio Togata x Male!Reader

Word Count: 1,893

Warnings: Second installment! Slightly angsty I guess, I could not remember for the life of me where I was going with this considering it's been 2 months but you know, is what it is. It does have a very small bit of potential sexual harassment, so that's a warning there, but nothing actually happens!

-

Midoriya felt horrible. 

Mirio was still in the middle of his fight, fighting pretty playfully to tire out Tenya, but the green-haired male was hoping for him to finish faster. 

He'd been talking to himself, normal, and it had been about (M/N). Said male had gotten curious and came over to question him and Midoriya had freaked out. 

Really he hadn't meant to! He'd been so absorbed into his own world that he hadn't noticed that (M/N) had gotten so close until he'd tugged at his uniform!

Midoriya was still on the floor, laying down this time as he looked at the ceiling as if it was the thing causing all his problems. He had wanted to talk to (M/N), to understand his quirk a bit better, and get to know the tall male. (M/N) was dating Mirio, and Midoriya loved Mirio like a brother so he wanted to know his significant other. Then he'd gone and fucked up. 

Tilting his head a bit Midoriya could see that (M/N) was sitting in the corner of the room, relaxed against the wall with one knee propped up. He looked quite calm actually, but he was glaring harshly at the floor.

Midoriya had struggled with himself enough to recognize that (M/N) was beating himself up mentally, that he was replaying the encounter over and over again to see what he'd done wrong and could have done better, but there was nothing.

(M/N) had done nothing wrong, Midoriya was just jumpy and had reacted badly. 

Midoriya felt horrible and knew he should approach the other male and apologize, but he couldn't find the strength to drag himself up. What if (M/N) reacted badly to Midoriya approaching him? What if he didn't accept the apology and was pissed? Was he pissed?

Midoriya was working himself up, mumbling again. But before his own mumbling could get too loud he noticed someone else was mumbling. Not very many people had a habit like that in the class. Confused he looked over (M/N) to see if it was him, but he was just sitting against the wall with his chin against his chest, mouth and nose buried in his jacket collar.

Midoriya looked around a bit more, going from person to person only to find nothing. Confused he sat up, trying to get a better angle of everything, and this time he found purple in the form of Mineta. He was partially in the shadows, this stupid grin resting on his face, a stupid grin that Midoriya, unfortunately, knew very well.

The girls could all take care of themselves, Mineta was more or less just annoying, and the guys had all given up trying to reprimand him. Well, Tenya still tried but that was just part of his personality.

Mineta was currently eyeing up Jirou, who was still quite out of it due to (M/N)'s venom. It was of no surprise really that Mineta would go after her. (M/N) had explained to all of them beforehand that his venom in the small dose he used would make them sleepy and pliant, having a fuzzy memory of everything after it had worn off. So it was no surprise that Mineta was going after the one girl that wouldn't remember it very well. 

Midoriya moved to stand up, but out of the corner of his eyes he saw that (M/N) was slowly getting up. The tall male was leaning against the wall still, but he had his feet under him so he was crouched down, his eyes still closed. As Midoriya looked at him in curiosity he watched as those red eyes moved about, tracking something.

Belatedly he realized the taller male was tracking Mineta who had his back turned to (M/N). His face was against the wall, he looked relaxed, but Midoriya knew the signs of tensing muscles. 

He was moving slowly to stand up, close to the wall in a way you could only ever expect of a spider. 

Once he stood up completely (M/N) was terrifying. He was taller than everyone else in the class, and while only being dressed in jeans and a hoodie he looked almost like a villain. Is that why he'd freaked out earlier?

(M/N)'s hands were trailing on the wall as he walked forward, silent as a free hand stuffed into his hoodie pocket pulled out the gun he used for his venom. 

(M/M) was an all-over fighter, he could do short-range or long-range, but with long-range he couldn't use his venom which could incapacitate someone with one hit. With that in mind, the support class had made him a little gun he could load with his venom to use so he could inject it in a better way.

Midoriya looked around, looking to see if anyone else had noticed but everyone was watching Mirio and Tenya fight. He watched as (M/N) pulled the little vile that held the venom out, holding it against elongated canine teeth the collect the venom much like people do with snakes. 

It only took a second or two for the vile to fill up, for (M/N) to be standing right behind Mineta.

He crouched down, still towering over the purple male, but Mineta finally seemed to realize something was wrong. Midoriya watched as he shakily looked up, meeting a mass of red and (E/C) eyes looking down at him.

Mineta tried to scream, (M/N) clamping a hand over his mouth with a light shushing sound.

Midoriya looked around again, but everyone was ignoring what was happening. He seemed to be the only one who had noticed, the only one close enough to hear the two of them.

Two of (M/N)'s hands come out into Mineta's sight, one holding the gun, the other holding the vile. 

"You know what's in this?" he whispered, shaking the little vile of (F/C) venom. Mineta nodded erratically, trying to squirm out of (M/N)'s grip but was unable to move. 

"Then you know what would happen if I injected more than I should, right?" Mineta nodded again, tears almost coming to his eyes.

Midoriya went back to earlier this afternoon again, to when (M/N) had been explaining his abilities. His venom was always a set amount, half an ML mixed with some solution to be injected via needle darts from his gun. It caused exhaustion basically, zapping anyone hit of their energy.

He'd told them that he would only use more if absolutely necessary, mostly due to Bakugo saying he was more resilient than the rest of them, but had proceeded to tell them what would happen if he used more.

It was still safe between 1 and 3 ML, depending on the persons size and their health records, but once you got past that it got dangerous. He had a Neurotoxic Venom, the kind that was used to paralyze prey in actual spiders. 

He had explained that the general dose, besides the memory haze, would cause muscle spasms, cramps, twitching, sweating, drooling, and gooseflesh. As the dose got larger it would start to cause painful abdominal cramps, strange sensations, unstable blood pressure, and severe pain in the limbs.

Then, with a blush that rivaled Mina's hair, he had said in rare cases it could cause damage to Autonomic effects, such as temperature control, digestion, bladder control, and unfortunately sexual function. Basically, if he gave a bigger dose than safe he could cause any of the males to get a painful erection. He'd sighed after that, filling a little vile with his venom to show them all the color of it so they'd recognize it. 

Coming back to himself Midoriya's eyes focused again, looking to (M/N) and Mineta who had been talking softly. Or (M/N) had been talking with Mineta nodding along the best he could. 

(M/N) pulled back after a second or two of silence, putting the gun back in his pocket but keeping a firm hand over Mineta's mouth.

"Now I suggest you find a new hobby or you'll end up confused and dazed, not having any memory of the next 12 hours," (M/N) smiled lightly, head tilting a bit to the side, "You understand, right?"

Mineta nodded aggressively again, (M/N) smile getting larger before patting him on the back, standing up, and moving away from him. Midoriya watched Mineta for a second or two more before looking back to (M/N), flinching when he locked eyes with him.

(M/N) was just standing there, partially in the shadows staring at him. It was horrifying.

"(M/N)!" a voice called out, Mirio coming into the room with a shining smile.

Immediately all of the murderous intent left (M/N)'s system, a soft smile so different from the one a few minutes ago coming to his face. He looked exhausted, he had before but now even more so. 

Mirio came over, talking excitedly and waving his hands around, gently elbowing the taller male in the ribs as he laughed at something. (M/N) didn't say anything, just smiled and nodded, ruffling blond hair when he had to leave for his next fight.

Mirio's smile fell once (M/N) was out on the field, turning to look at Midoriya instead of his boyfriend through the glass.

"What happened?" he asked, face void of the happiness it had shown with seconds before. Now he just looked concerned, confused and concerned.

"I don't really know," Midoriya started, rubbing at the back of his neck as he looked at the ground. "I'd gotten lost in thought so he'd startled me when he tugged on my shirt and then he scared Mineta when he was creeping on Jirou.

Mirio sighed, looking back to the glass that protected them from the fight happening below. (M/N) was fighting Mina, the pink girl easy to spot against the mass of rubble around them. She was laughing, struggling to breath as she slapped her thighs. Mirio smiled lightly at that, (M/N) had said some dumb joke in order to distract her. Partial for the fight and partial for himself.

"Yeah that's (M/N)," he chuckled softly, watching as the young girl fell over, laughing so much she was crying with (M/N) frantically crouched over her, clearing panicking as if he'd done something wrong. "He's always nice to everyone, easily excitable but he's also pretty awkward."

Mirio then let out a slightly forced laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck. "He's also always been someone who acts, so if Mineta was being a creap then I can't really blame (M/N)." 

Midoriya nodded, watching as Mina struggled to get up, (M/N) helping her the best he could with their height difference.

Maybe he'd just caught (M/N) on a bad day? Hopefully, they could be friends, or at least get along.

[nonsensicalobsessions]

Shattered

Tom was doing his level best not to be overcome with his irritability, but honestly, Cara was just being unreasonable now.

Granted, he was the one who had been irascible on their last video call, but he was tired. Cara was refusing to open up (as usual) and passing off her unwillingness to talk about whatever was bothering her as feeling unwell (far be it from him to be less than sympathetic about that time of the month but he had to drag even that much out of her, which was absurd).

Tom loved Cara. He did, and she knew it, and he knew she knew it. They had been together for over a year now. Everyone had predicted the relationship was doomed from the beginning, from Luke to Ben to even his own mother. Not because Cara was playing him for a fool, using him for her own advantage, hoping to further her own career. Cara was a successful woman in her own right, a freelance author whose short stories had won numerous awards and was published in a variety of publications around the world and in several languages. She now had two separate anthologies that enjoyed critical acclaim.

The problem, as they saw it, was that Cara was so quiet. They attributed it to almost painful shyness. They all said she would never be able to cope with the demands of Tom’s career, and she would ultimately crack under the pressure, and drag him down. When Ben spoke with Tom about it, he was gentle, but firm.

“Look, mate. Even if she was never to step foot with you on a red carpet, she would still have to be able to cope with the constant pressure of the media hounding your every move...and that would be unfair to you both. You deserve to be supported, Tom. I simply don’t see this relationship ending well. You need more than she can give. There is nothing wrong with that. It is unfair to ask her for more than she can give.”

Tom had just shaken his head. They didn’t know Cara like he did. They didn’t see the way she made him laugh until he was holding his sides, tears coming from his eyes and his face and abdominal muscles aching with joyful torment. They definitely didn’t see the passionate woman  who could set him aflame with a single look, a touch. No one had ever affected him the way Cara did. She was beautiful and brilliant and sexy and maddening and yes sometimes there was friction between the two of them...

...like now...

Cara’s quietness wasn’t a figment of others’ imaginations. Tom knew it was due to her unhappy childhood (no, he amended, her abusive childhood, calling it anything less was a failure to acknowledge her bravery, her survival) which made her very slow to trust. He quickly learned she still feared angry voices, and sudden movements made her flinch. She couldn’t help it. It was part of her deeply ingrained survival mechanisms. Initially he was deeply saddened. Then he was frustrated, surely she must know by now he meant her no harm? Finally, he recognized they were simply reflexive, and did not take them personally, but tried to adapt his behaviors to keep his beloved more at peace.

It was her emotional barriers that gave him the most difficulty. There were so many things Cara struggled to share with him. Her love was not one of them, nor was her passion, but her fears, her insecurities, her pains, she kept under tight lock and key. Tom’s emotions were as free flowing as a river in flood. Cara could handle all that Tom flung at her, his joys, sorrows, even his angers, as rare as they were...but her inability to reciprocate was a constant sore spot. 

Hence Tom’s current mood.

Yes. He was short with her. He was tired and wanted nothing more than return home to London and be done with this interminable press tour. His current film hadn’t even been released yet and he was already tired of promoting it, which was a bad sign. It wasn’t the work, he was simply exhausted, he had been pushing himself for years on end, and he was feeling like he was finally reaching the end of his tether. He needed a few weeks (months) to regain his usual joie de vivre. 

He was missing Cara, badly.

When he contacted her, she was subdued. She listened to him vent about the usual mishaps and frustrations about being on tour, and responded lovingly, but Tom could sense she wasn’t fully engaged, and called her on it. She flushed, and apologized, simply saying that she wasn’t feeling her best. Tom had to badger her (so he felt) before she would admit she had cramps. At this admission, he had exploded.

“Cara, why do I have to pull every single thing out of you? Jesus, woman! If you’re on your period, all you have to do is say so...! Oh, God, and now you’re embarrassed? You think I don’t know what a period is, for Christ’s sake?”

“Tom, why are you yelling at me? All I said was...”

“It’s what you didn’t say, it’s what you never say!”

Predictably, she was silent for a few moments, before she sighed, “Tom, you are obviously upset, so I am trying to listen to you. Telling you I am feeling unwell, when there is nothing you can do about it, will not help you. I am doing my best, but you are still upset with me. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.”

Tom’s lips thinned in frustration. “Never mind...I’ll see you in a few days.”

He ended the call without the usual exchange of “I love you.” He felt guilty about this later, but he was so exasperated, after all.

Then, of all things, Cara pulled this unexpected tantrum. After the video call, she stopped responding to him. No texts, no emails. It was most unlike her, but considering how difficult it was to get her to be open when she was upset, Tom was not overly surprised. It was their first real fight, and it was when he was away in the bargain.

So unreasonable, though.

It tainted his happiness at his return home, knowing he was coming back to a row. He and Cara still lived separately, which niggled at the back of his head. Something kept him from asking her to move in with him, and he didn’t know what it was. Was it her reticence to open up to him? Was it her pride in having her own place, an overt symbol of her own success both personally and professionally? Was it something less attractive, like the fact her house was only two blocks away, allowing him to maintain his status quo just as he liked it, without having to adapt or change? 

As he stalked towards her home, the last option began to feel more and more likely, even though he was still annoyed, and he tamped down his shame. Thoughts of the many times Cara stayed the night at his home when he was feeling ill, out of sorts, or otherwise in need vastly outweighed the times he slept in her bed for the night, even though it was just as comfortable...and yet he wondered why she might be slow to ask for assistance...

He resolved to do better even as he reminded himself the current grievance was his, and just, as he walked up to her gate, and unlatched it.

The first sign that things might not be as they appeared on the surface was the full mailbox, and papers still sitting on the front step. Her car was sitting on the drive. Once more, Tom dialed her number, and once more, it went straight to voicemail. He gritted his teeth as he tried texting her, with no reply.

“God damn it, Cara, this is so petty,” he hissed, even as he looked at the mail. True, sometimes she did get so caught up in her work that she forgot the world outside, but this would be a first...well, so be it. She drove him to it.

He used the key he knew she had hidden under a planter and let himself inside.

“Cara? Cara, it’s Tom...I know you’re here...it’s beneath you to keep ignoring me, you know...”

The house was utterly still, and silent. The very air felt stationary. Tom looked into the kitchen, and saw an empty glass tipped over on its side.

That was not normal.

“Cara? Cara, where are you? Are you all right?”

He looked around and then quickly went up the stairs, taking two at a time.

He headed straight for her bedroom, and the first thing he spotted her her phone, lying shattered on the floor by the side of her bed. 

The second was Cara herself, lying in a fetal position in the center of it, covered in a mountain of duvets and blankets.

“Cara?”

He rushed to her, and saw her slowly open her eyes.

“Oh thank God, darling, you frightened me...” 

Her voice was very, very soft. “Tom? Is it really you?”

Her response frightened him anew and he sat besides her to stroke her face, and almost recoiled. “Cara, you’re freezing...” He reached for her hand, which was, impossibly, even colder. Her face was almost grey, her lips had a bluish cast, and her eyes seemed hazy, as though she was fighting to focus on him. He fumbled for his mobile and immediately dialed 999. “I need an ambulance, right away...”

As soon as he gave her address, she sighed, “I was so hoping to see you again...”

He paused, sliding the phone away from his mouth. “Of course you were going to see me again, sweetheart, it was a little tiff, that’s all it was, and I was being a right tit...Yes, please God hurry, she’s frightfully pale, very disoriented, her skin is like ice...”

“Tom...” her voice was barely audible now. “Tom...I can’t...can’t breathe, Tom...”

He dropped the phone completely, one hand gripping hers tightly, the other cupping her face to force her to focus on his eyes. “Cara. Cara, look at me. Focus on me, love. That’s it...now, breathe with me...look at me, keep your eyes open, Cara, Cara, look at me...in...and out...that’s right...in...and out...Cara, open your eyes! In...and out...do you hear the sirens, love? Help is coming...in...and out...Cara, look at me...”

There was the crashing of the emergency responders, Tom quickly moved to the other side of the bed, grabbing his phone as the paramedics pulled the duvets and blankets away...and then he cried out at the unhappy discovery at what was underneath.

He sat right by her head in the ambulance, saying nothing, but kept his eyes locked on hers the entire way, stroking her hair. She was going to be fine, she had an oxygen mask on, the paramedics had already hung up a unit of blood, and clearly they knew what they were about. Cara never once closed her eyes, but looked at him the entire way.

“What? What do you mean, it’s too late, that’s absurd, you identified the problem, you’re replacing the blood lost, so why aren’t you prepping her for surgery to correct the issue?”

“Mr. Hiddleston, you aren’t listening to me. She has lost too much blood. She would never survive the surgery.”

“Then can’t you continue the transfusions until...”

“Her organs are already shutting down. I’m very sorry.”

“That’s not good enough! She was conscious when I got there, she was conscious all the way to the hospital...!”

“And quite frankly I don’t understand how she was. Mr. Hiddleston, you have to prepare yourself. She only has a short amount of time left. I suggest to pull yourself together so you can say your goodbyes to her.”

“No. No. This is not...” Tom stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Is...is she in any pain?”

“We are keeping her as comfortable as we possibly can.”

“Does...does she know?” Tom’s voice was choked as the reality of the situation began to sink in...Cara hadn’t been ignoring him, she had been too ill to respond. He was castigating her all the while she was lying in  her bed, under as many blankets as she could gather, undoubtedly thinking she was going to improve on her own until she realized she was getting beyond that, she reached for her phone and in her weakness, dropped it. Tom never once thought to send someone to check on her.

“Yes. Her first concern was for you. She seemed to have recognized the severity of her situation awhile ago. Is there anyone else we should contact?”

Tom didn’t answer, just left the so-called “Quiet Room” and headed straight for Cara.

She was propped at a slight angle, with an oxygen cannula and quiet heart rate monitor in the room. Her eyes were closed, but opened slightly when Tom entered.

“Cara.”

“Tom.”

He noticed she was shivering. He looked scornfully at the thin sheet and blanket she was covered with, of course she was shivering, lying on that wretched hospital mattress. He toed off his shoes, and lowered a side railing so he could slide onto it and gather her into his arms on the bed. She sighed in relief as the warmth of his embrace and body quickly eased the shuddering.

“There, now,” he murmured. She was still under the poor excuse of a blanket as he wrapped it snugly around her, but she was in her favorite position, with her head cradled in the crook of his shoulder and his arm around her, one of his legs wrapped about her body. “Better?”

She nodded. Tom noticed her chest was moving in shallow, rapid flutters, and she was almost gasping. He caressed her cheek. “Easy, Cara. I have you.”

He then kissed her temple and whispered, “I love you, so very much.”

Cara struggled to take a breath deep enough to say, “I’m so sorry, Tom.”

“Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for...”

She shook her head feebly. “I had...a gift...to give you...”

“You already did. You always did...Cara, didn’t you know? Every day with you was a gift...no one’s ever made me happy like you do.” He stroked her hair and fiercely willed himself not to cry, to keep his voice tender and warm and steady.

A smile crossed her face even as her eyes began to droop. “Made...you...happy?”

“Darling, do you need to ask? After all the laughter, conversations, and the joy I found in your arms? Yes, sweetheart. You made me very happy.”

Her eyes opened suddenly and she spoke as clearly as she did the first day she met him. “I don’t want to leave you, Tom. I love you, with all my heart.”

“I don’t want you to go, Cara. I will always love you. Always.”

He could tell she used the last bit of energy, last bit of life, to speak to him so. He felt her sink into his arms, nestling her head into the nape of his neck as she had done so many times before, and relax. He rocked her gently, and spoke softly to her, “I love you, Cara. I’ve got you, darling. I love you so. Be at peace, sweetheart. You are loved. I have you, Cara, I have you.” His cadence never faltered even as the tears ran down his face, the dam broken.

He didn’t need to hear the heart monitor become silent to know when her heart stopped and his shattered. He knew when he was the only person left in the room.

[builder051]

My world’s on fire (how ‘bout yours)

Nat on Fire 9.0.  

Please note that I do not write scat outright, though this fic relies heavily on the idea of it.

Eating disorder tag warning

________________________

It’s not supposed to happen this way.  

Nat rests her cheek on the toilet seat.  It’s gone sticky with either her sweat or her vomit; she doesn’t care much which, and she’s certainly not going to take any steps to find out. Her gorge rises again, and she lets the preemptive saliva run out the side of her mouth.  It hangs in a long rope that refuses to touch down into the cloudy water.  Nat’s sure that if it did, it would part company with her lip, and she could tidy herself up.  But no such luck.  

Her stomach gives an ominous gurgle, and Nat clenches her abdominal muscles.  “No,” she growls, giving the side eye to foil packet of laxatives that didn’t quite make it into the trash can.  It’s the second packet.  Her hands got shaky and her gut started doing somersaults before she could successfully lob it across the tiny bathroom.  

It’s not supposed to happen this way.  

They’re onto her at SHIELD; Fury giving her extra-long stares in meetings, Maria tapping her pen as Nat steps on the scale in her medical debriefs.  Then there’s Steve, who practically lives with her when he’s not called away on missions of his own.  “Just want to make sure you’re alright,” he says.  “Because I care about you,” he says.

Plainly he doesn’t care enough.  He took his bike back to Alexandria after the plane touched down last night, and Nat has seen neither hide nor hair of him since.  Good riddance, she’d thought.  So she’d hopped, skipped, and jumped straight to the pharmacy and loaded up on her favorite brand of laxatives.  They’ve updated the font on the box, and the colors are a little brighter since the decade has changed, but the formulation is the same.  Nat has the ingredients list memorized.  She could probably formulate the medication herself if she had access to all the right -ics and -ates.  

Nat’s rock-hard core can only prevent the inevitable for so long, and when the pit of her stomach begins to feel as though it’s scorching on a bed of hot coals, she reluctantly lets go, leaning forward and letting sourness spill over her tongue again.  

She tastes the plasticky reddish coating.  It’s slightly sweet, and Nat finds herself wondering vaguely how much sucralose is swimming in her stomach.  Or maybe aspartame.  Or even maltitol.  That would be a fitting choice.  She nearly snorts, but it becomes a heave.  A wave of pinkish fluid, chunky with mucous flows into the toilet slowly, almost languidly, as if it’s just dying to choke her on an ill-timed breath.

Nat spits hard, then squeezes her pelvic floor again.  She’ll do just about anything in her power to keep from losing her bowels all over the bathmat.  For a second she considers clawing her way up the tank and plopping down on the toilet seat, but that would be too much effort. And inviting the worst.  No, she’ll stay in her current position, thank you very much.

She’s about to lie the side of her face down again when an infernal buzzing fills her ears.  The bathroom may be the size of a matchbox, but the subway tiling makes it echo like Grand Central Station.  She glances sideways at her phone, balanced on the lip of the bathtub, and rotating slightly with each thrumming vibration.  

It’s Steve’s picture that pops up on the screen, a jaunty shot of him in a leather jacket, standing beside his bike.  Nat scoffs.  The image is practically half a decade in age, but she still feels jealousy along with the pain in the pit of her stomach.  He’s out having fun, or whatever, while she’s cooped up doing... this.

This is her choice, though.  And it’s her choice whether to answer the call.  She bites her lip, tasting a tinge of coppery blood through the sourness and sweetness that are already there.  Nat rolls her eyes, then regrets it almost immediately.  It bypasses making her head hurt and goes straight to her stomach, ramping up the nausea and forcing her to roll to face the mess in the toilet water once more.

The phone stops ringing as she pukes up air and not much else.  Nat sighs in relief, though she’s careful not to relax her body too much.  But her temper spikes again quickly when the devices begins to vibrate again almost immediately.  

“Can’t you just shut the fuck up?” she mumbles, swatting a hand in the phone’s general direction.  The phone stubbornly ignores her.  

“Right.”

Not trusting herself to stray far from the toilet, Nat uses her foot to knock the device onto the floor so she can pick it up.  She snags it in her clammy grip and snorts in distaste before swiping at the green answer button.

“Yeah?” she asks gruffly, hoping the hoarseness in her voice will be lost to a combination of bad mood and bad signal.

“You ok?” Steve asks on the other end of the crackling line.  “I know it’s been a few days.”

Nat wonders if any of her old lines will work on him.  I’ve got the stomach flu, she considers saying.  I ate some bad takeout.

“Having a smoke,” she decides on.  At least it’ll explain the note of guilt in her voice.  

“In the bathroom?” Steve asks.  Of course he can hear the echo.  Of course he can.

Nat struggles to think on her feet.  “Gotta avoid the smoke detectors somehow.”  She tries to grin, but loosening her mouth makes other parts of her body loose as well.  She clenches again and bares her teeth.

“Want me to come over?  Between the two of us we can probably rewire it--”

“No,” Nat interrupts.  The only reason she hasn’t already done so is because the place is a rental.  On the very real chance that a spark from her gun or the ash from a joint hit the carpet, she doesn’t want to be in trouble with management.  She decides to throw in a touch of shade, just for good measure.  “Like I’d need your help with a project like that.”

“Oh.  Sure.”  Steve sounds properly chagrined. “But still, I could pick up something.  Korean barbecue, or something.”

Nat tries not to spill her guts again.  From any direction.  “I don’t like barbecue.  From any country,” she says snootily.  

“Right...”  She can tell Steve’s trying to fact check her.  “But weren’t you at Clint’s thing--?”

“I don’t like it,” Nat insists, which probably does the opposite of any good.  She just doesn’t feel well enough to come up with any other excuses.  Best to keep beating the last horse till it’s well and truly deceased.  Unfortunately, this brings up an image of ground equine like she’s seen in European factories, covered in a generous serving of Carolina’s best concoction of tomato and brown sugar.

Nat pulls the phone from her ear to her cleavage and heaves hard.  For a moment everything hangs in limbo, and she’s not sure where the sickness in the pit of her stomach is going to come from next.  But then with another cough, it’s all down her chin and speckled across the toilet seat, pink and gluey.

“Nat?”  Steve’s muffled voice asks, the phone buzzing in time with his words and sending minute vibrations through her shirt and into her very skin.  “You ok?  What’s going on?”

She has a split second to decide what to say.  If she hangs up, he’ll be onto her in a second.  If she makes an excuse, will he buy it?  Can she claim PMS?  Has she told him yet that she’s infertile?  Nat clenches her abs and glutes as she tries to remember.

“Natasha?”

“I’m just sick,” she says guiltily, hanging her head in mock shame that feels more than real.  

“I thought you were smoking...”  He’s suspicious now.  Nat can practically see the concerned crease between Steve’s eyebrows.

“I was.”  Nat breathes through a cramp.  “I just, uh, it’s been too long.  Turned my stomach.”

She’s surprised when Steve starts to laugh.  “Hm.  Yeah,” he says with a chuckle.  “I know how that is.  Only happened to me about twenty times before Buck finally banned me from cigarettes...”  He sounds almost wistful now.

“Yeh.”  Nat does her best to agree while swallowing another rising gag.

“You want me to come?  Best remedy there is to have something to eat.  Maybe rice and egg drop soup?” Steve offers.  “I promise to leave the barbecue there.”

Nat would smile if she thought she could.  Maybe.  Possibly.  She hasn’t yet decided.  What she can do is grimace as her lower abdomen begins to twist in a manner of more familiar discomfort.

“Nah,” she whispers, trying not to gasp in pain.  “I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

Steve sighs over the other end of the line.  He pauses, then says, “Ok.  Later, then?”

Nat knows she isn’t getting off the hook.  Best she can do is keep him away long enough to let her empty out in peace.  She doesn’t know how long it’ll take.  Hours, possibly.  

She doesn’t know what time it is, but Nat assumes it’s close to the lunch hour, since it’s light outside and Steve’s so hell bent on food.  “Maybe dinner?” she poses.  

“Sure,” Steve says with what can only be described as a sigh as relief.  It must confirm to him that she’s not too far gone.  

Nat’s pleased with what she’s managed to do, but now guilt squeezes her gut and threatens to make her sick all over again.  

“Eight, maybe?” Steve suggests.  “I’ll bring the food.”

“Yeah, ok.”  Nat’s mouth is watering again, but not with anticipation of the meal to come.  She wants to get off the phone before she vomits again, or, god forbid, before her body decides to do anything else.  “Thanks.”

“Sure thing.”

“Ok.  See you.” Nat lowers the phone and presses the red button before Steve finishes saying goodbye.

“Ok,” she sighs, lowering her forehead to the toilet seat again.  “Ok.”  She glances down at her phone again to check the time.  Just under seven hours to go.  It’s more than enough time.  She’ll be fine.  

Nat considers bolting across the tiny studio to crack the window and air the place out, but her stomach drops again, and she knows she won’t make it in time.  Oh well.  Just another thing to do later, then.  Along with cleaning up.  Getting dressed.  Readying the disaster of an apartment for favorite unwanted houseguest.  

Because for fuck’s sake, it’s not supposed to happen this way. 

[andmoonlightswims]

the unexpected

↳ when that time of the month hijacks quality time with Niall

a/n:  i happened to see this particular instagram story of Niall’s on a day where i was seeking menstrual refuge with my heating pad. i had a lot of feelings regarding his keen vocalization on social media, evidently.

this one-shot is dedicated to my lovely @illbecomingbackforyou​ who occupies one of the few vip passes to hearing and entertaining some of my creative, and wacky ideas during whichever stage it’s in. love you ♥

Rating: T+ | Pairing: M/F ●⚤

*warning: contains candid descriptions of the menstruation experience, and a political discussion (with inserted quotes that are indeed..fake) that is left-wing/democratic leaning.

~*~

Soft voices from the television become more distinguishable once your body gradually stirs. The press conference with the British Prime Minister and the U.S. President is shortly underway; a BBC News anchor’s delivery is highly energized as they quickly pace through the mid-day headlines.

You let out a tiny exhale into the expanse of Niall’s lower bare chest that you’ve been soundly resting upon. It’s a gloomy afternoon in London, with the sun barely making a crack through the blinds of Niall’s bedroom windows. The ominous weather arrived shortly after returning from your Brunch date, beckoning for an easy opportunity to lose yourself in an afternoon nap that you are now semi-awake from.

With you visiting Niall in London for the next several days, your body not only has to assimilate to the weather, and time changes, but also the sudden, not-so-welcoming arrival of your period.

And Niall has been continuously gentle, patient and a great source of humor with you through your complex emotions of excitement, exhaustion, and desperation for particular food cravings.  For instance, deciding on the location for your Brunch outing felt like a no brainer in your mind once desire kicked into motion. You quickly raked through the side of Niall’s walk-in closet that occupied your clothing to find the comfiest set of lounge clothing to change into. (The cute outfits you spent time selecting to pack had barely been touched since the arrival of the red sea.) 

You settled on a royal blue Henley tank top, with a pastel pink floral hoodie overtop, and black leggings paired your trusted Nike trainers. Your restaurant of choice is a few shy steps away from Niall’s place. You just so happened to dine there the day prior, and Niall didn’t show a sign of disinterest in your repeated request. You couldn’t get enough of their extensive crêpe selection, and at this rate, you’re certain the restaurant staff is truly privy of that news as well.

Blame it on the sugar crash, or more so, general fatigue that consumes you during this time of the month – the pep in your literal steps was relinquishing as the two of you exited the restaurant. Niall wrapped an easy arm around your waist, practically guiding you toward the familiar trail of his home.

Before you’d fallen asleep along his black silk sheets, warmth was consuming your skin, leading to the removal of your hoodie. Freedom of that fleece left you in tank top that had the tendency to ride up your skin. Your lethargic mind can’t exactly recall when Niall became shirtless, but having near skin on skin contact with him is always welcome. If it wasn’t for your breasts’ current status of being aggressively tender, you would possibly consider sleeping topless. 

The last memory you recollect was Niall shyly asking if he could lightly massage that particular area of your lower stomach where cramps arise. You didn’t expect to wake up to the ongoing soothing graze of his fingers circulating along your exposed stomach, but this is Niall, after all – he’s dedicated to anything he set his mind to.

His assuring touch is an indescribable remedy to your afternoon cramps, dare you boldly say: practically rivalling your beloved heating pad.  You marvel in the feeling of utter relaxation, focusing on his dependent fingers as they operate in harmony; tenderly dipping into the plush of your skin. Seconds pass where you find yourself nuzzling into the home of his body, sleep effortlessly taking you once again.

~*~

When you fully wake up about forty-five minutes later, you ardently blink a few times before slowly tilting your head to sleepily peek at your boyfriend. A tightness in Niall's jaw is evident as he sits upright by your side; his attention is so immersed in the press conference that you’re surprised that he hasn’t ceased his gentle tendering to your body. Perhaps this intimate action inadvertently provides him comfort, too.

“Ni?” You gradually move up from his lower region; the sudden movement surprises him; his massaging fingers inharmoniously expand over your warm, soft skin.

Niall’s chest gently deflates when he looks at you. His intense blue-eyed gaze simmers to a doting one. It’s reminiscent of the moment he finally spotted you at the arrival terminal at Heathrow Airport two days prior. Your flight had undergone a two-hour delay; his wandering and worrisome stare drifted into a loving, relieved glimmer once his eyes finally met yours.

“Hi, love.” He places a soft peck along your forehead, his large circulating hand now firmly resting along your lower stomach. “Rest well?”

You tilt your head upward, connecting your lips with his in a kiss. His mouth is gentle, and you prolong the kiss, marvelling over his facial hair tickling your cheeks, humming into his mouth.

“Mmhm. Are you okay?” You whisper, an element of pleasure laced around your voice. A hand of yours feathers down the planes of his chest, and his breath fans over your lips. You’re now in tune with the emergence of your overly-eager hormones, and despise the obvious boundary that is in your way.

Niall nods a moment later. “Better with you bein’ awake.”

“Mmmhm.”

He keeps a careful eye on you as you settle your head along the lower region of his chest. You feel his fingers gently rub your back, and a low moan of gratitude leaves your lips. He loves to cater to the slight back pain you receive at this time of the month. “How’re you feelin’?”

Your nose trickles along his deep trail of abdominal hair and you begin to press kisses along his right pectoral muscles. “I’m okay, baby.”

Niall takes an extensive inhale, softly emoting your name seconds later. You want to memorize the sound of it - like the most heavenly part of a chorus that you wouldn’t mind hearing on repeat all night. The way you easily have Niall in the palm of your hand with every kiss you lay on his skin provides you with more reason to continue to love on him.

But during times of menstruation, with many comforting moment comes a plot twist. You found that you spoke your aforementioned affirmative words a bit too soon as it hits you.

Fuck.

Your enthusiastic lips pause along Niall’s skin as you wait for the red storm to settle – a thick blood clot passing through the depths of you. 

Not only does your period have the audacity to arrive two weeks earlier - right at the beginning of your trip to see Niall, mind you. But now, it couldn’t even grant you a moment of peace to love on your man? It’s a cruel world.

You’re fairly convinced that your feminine hygiene product of choice is fully saturated at this point, and that realization has you gently squirming along your boyfriend’s side; discomfort overshadowing any arousal you previously bared. What you now need is to cleanse, and change - immediately. The whine that escapes your lips vibrates against Niall’s chest.

His gentle voice interrupts your internal argument with your body.

“Y’alright, love?” Niall traces tender patterns along your upper arm. He begins to list items that he can help you get: a glass of water, crackers, ginger ale, medicine.

You gradually lean up from the resting pillow of his chest, hoping the smile you give him doesn’t appear too forced. While you earnestly appreciate his continuous consideration for you, you’d also adore a bathroom visit.

“I’m okay, thank you.” You assure him, your knees smoothly trudge along his silk sheets, towards him. Niall practically wraps you within his arms once you’re within eye-level with him.  His familiar and consuming scent is all you want to bask in, but..duty calls. “I just..have to use the bathroom, I’ll be back in a bit.” You place a peck on his cheek, doing a quick look-over of his silk sheets as you part from him.

“Hey, don’t worry about anythin’..” Niall’s tone is so gentle that it practically has you second guessing your inspection. He’s been persistent in not letting you harbor any concerns of possibly leaking, but you are hell bent on making sure that wouldn’t be a possibility. You loved his linen collection too much to leave a mark on ‘em. And admittedly, their price point does slightly intimidate you.

A few moments later, you dramatically lean against Niall’s master bathroom door, damning the act of bad timing. Niall’s casually looking like a Calvin Klein model as he lays shirtless with grey Nike Fleece Joggers. The scruff decorating his jawline is even thicker than when you last saw him. It might as well be screaming to make acquaintance with your inner thighs.

You cannot wait for your period to be over.

You peer at the few products on Niall’s scattered along his counter top: a facial cleanser, conditioning beard oil, his electric shaver - and make acquaintance with your toiletries bag alongside those products. 

The action of you unzipping the bag to retrieve your menstrual hygiene essentials couldn’t be more unenthusiastic.

Maybe prolonging the ordeal will magically make it disappear all together? 

You sigh at the ridiculous idea that you tossed around in your mind. 

You already know the answer to it.

~*~

After a quick replenishing, doing a swap of feminine hygiene products, and being somewhat pleased with your hair in its post-sleep state of mind, you re-enter Niall’s bedroom.

Your curious eyes are met with BBC News displaying highlights from the political leader joint press conference. You turn your focus towards Niall, finding him adamantly typing on his phone; from his indignant facial features, you know the subject matter is likely pertaining to a particular leader.

You lean against the master bathroom door’s frame, quirking a brow at Niall.

“I’m surprised you’re watching this.” You murmur.

Niall sighs, running his empty hand through his tousled hair. “Didn’t plan on it,” He explains, placing his phone back on his nightstand.

He lays his eyes on you as you wander back to your side of the bed. “But..I jus’ had to hear what’s bein said, petal. Yet, it all jus’ gets me so fuckin’ angry, feels like an endless cycle...”

You let out a sound of sympathy before taking a swig of the water by your designated nightstand. “I know, babe.”

Once you’re within closer reach, Niall brings you into the familiar space of his arms. You mark a kiss along his neck before nervously gazing at the absurdity occurring on Niall’s television screen.

The voice of the 45th President of the United States practically surges through your eardrums as he answers a reporter’s question. You can’t help but wince. Has his voice always been this grating, or was this your period operating alongside your body to impose an even stronger bias against him?

“Well, listen.” The President attempts to seem nonchalant in his demand, but in reality, he appears evidently close to having a full on temper tantrum, if the vein popping out of his neck has anything to say.

His hands are frozen in the air as he prepares to undoubtedly denounce someone. “When I left my hotel earlier today - stayed at The InterContinental London Park Lane - great staff...meh, food could've been better...” He croaks on, and his infantile behavior reminds you of why you barely sit through his speeches. “I only saw a small protest of people.”  

He clears his throat, unnecessarily emphasizing the supposed gathering size with a showing of a small finger gesture. “A small one!” He pauses for unwarranted emphasis. “All reports and tweets..” He elongates his pronunciation of these terms, rolling his eyes when he says them, as if the idea of something existing in opposition of him is ludicrous. “...about larger protests are nothing but fake news.”

A gruff laugh escapes Niall’s lips. “He only hears and sees what he wants - there’s 250,000 protesters on the street as we speak.”    

You cuddle further into him, nodding along his jaw. You love Niall’s enthusiasm for politics, and social justice - especially during a time that is so tumultuous and in dire need of true societal change. 

He has enough combative nature igniting with him for the both of you, which is appreciative during this very moment - where you’re in the early stages of your period and very content with being wrapped up in your boyfriend, and not utilizing your energy on the President of the United States.

“Never seen a more incompetent leader in all of my days...” Niall continues on, maintaining a gentle caress of your waist. 

As his mouth becomes fouler in language, his accent grows thicker. “..Fuckin’ ridiculous - what he stands for, and the lack of effort he puts into what actually needs to be done for the country. Doesn’t even realize the international ripple effect of it all, too.”

Niall shakes his head, grabbing his television remote to lower down the volume exponentially. With the remote now residing on his nightstand, he runs a hand over his thick scruff before landing his gaze on you.

“M’sorry,” His voice is much gentler as he focuses on you. “We don’t have to talk about this right now.”

Your fingers reach out to caress his cheek, toying with his facial hair.

“I love how unapologetically vocal you are with this,” you shake you head in wonderment. “It’s..amazing. And your willingness to step outside of yourself, acknowledge your privilege and utilize it to learn and be an ally is..just..” you pause your words, caught up by the intensity of his stare. When you continue on, your voice is a faint whisper, and Niall is hanging onto your every word. “Makes me love you even more than I already do.”

“Love me, huh?” A smile grazes his lips, and you can’t help but stare at those luscious lips of his. Well, all of this doesn’t just make you love Niall even more than you already do - it also drives you absolutely ravenous for him; surging an arousal back to into you.

“I love you too,” His nose grazes yours, and you lightly tug onto his hair, wanting his lips on yours.

He playfully dodges your wish, his scruff tickling your cheeks once he shakes his head. “Can’t give me all tha’ praise - you’ve been of great help in understandin’ certain topics.”

You let out a gleeful sigh against the small bit of space between his lips and yours. The onslaught of discussions regarding reproductive and intersectional rights play through your mind.

“Oh, I know..I was waiting for you to give me some credit.” A husky laugh leaves his lips over your coy save.

“Yeah?” Niall’s tone is lower, his accent thick now due to uncontainable desire. “Bet you were.”

His lips finally catch yours in a kiss that he hums into. One moment, his lips are drawing you in, leaving your breathless with his urgency, and the next, he’s bringing the two of you to a calming pause.

“Jus’ wanna..” he trails, gently shifting your body along his silk sheets, so he now remains atop of you.

Niall gnaws at his bottom lip, his eyes deviating from your longing gaze to his left hand that expands along its now beloved resting position on your lower stomach. “Didn’t wanna provoke anythin’..”

“You didn’t,” your tone is light, reassuring. “Just kiss me.”

The languid direction of the kisses that Niall leads has you slipping away from previous thoughts that neared toxic masculinity, and its exploitative ways, and into a safe space of desire that Niall always manages to sink you into.

The warmth of his mouth is intoxicating, making it an effortless for your tongue to glide against his. Your clothed legs intertwine with the cool, lightweight fabric of the joggers that dawn his lower body; his warm, calloused hands are caressing your skin underneath your loose tank top, and now you’re the one pliant in his hands. Your fingertips relish in the constant caress of his thick scruff, memorizing the texture of it as your kisses approach messier territory.

A familiar knotting sensation returns to your lower body, making a more so pained whimper of yours sound against Niall’s eager mouth.

“S’it back?” He whispers along your parted lips, as if your menstrual cramps have the power of hearing him. You shouldn’t give them the benefit of the doubt, they probably can.

You huff out an irritated breath at the turn of events, your heart rate settling as you transition from a steamy moment to casual dread. “Not completely?” you ponder, setting a small distance between the two of you. 

Somewhere along the time of Brunch where you were devouring crêpes and stealing a few of Niall’s chips, you took a tablet of your trusted menstrual medication. And it was working efficiently - until now. “Occasionally, they like to remind me that they’re around - right about now is horrible timing...”

Niall’s giant hands cascade toward the softness of your waist in a rather protective fashion. “‘M’sorry.”

You shake your head, defeatedly falling further into his fluffy pillows. “No, I’m sorry. I thought things would be different during my stay.” You feel a cramp igniting and run a lazy hand on your lower stomach before elaborating. “Like more convenient than this, I guess.”

Niall murmurs your name softly, reaching to cup your cheek.

“Hey, s’nothing to apologize for; you’re here, s’more than I could ask for,” His thumb rubs tiny circles along the centre of your cheek as he assures you. “M’here for it all: the good, the bad, the unexpected. I know you can take care of y’self, but I wanna help wherever you see fit. Okay?”

You nod, turning your cheek to leave a peck along his wrist. His reassuring nature makes you feel foolish for caving into particular insecurities, and now you just want to wash that moment of weakness away.

“Okay, m’here for it all too,” you affirm, a smile forming on your lips. “The long golf games...your collection of tweed newsboy hats..”

Niall gives your waist a tiny pinch.

“’Cause of that, I’ll wear ‘em for the rest of your time w’me - including indoors.”

You shout out in playful disdain, though your laughter gets cut short. Niall has your full attention as he ventures his body down to the very spot he was nurturing you with massages for the past two hours. His voice is gruff, quiet. “Mind if I try somethin’ else to help out?”

Being more than willing to let him provide restoration to your body, you vocalize approval. He unexpectedly greets your lower stomach with an expanse of gentle kisses.

The calming, continuous attention he provides to your body places you in a realm of serenity for the next minute..10 minutes..half hour? Who quite frankly knows?

That interrupting set of cramps you felt however long ago has since drifted, setting some ease to your previous worries. Allowing you to reach a content state of mind as you vocally gleam over how his lips, teeth and tongue love on this incredibly intimate, and truly underrated part of your body. Your hands reach down to capture his chestnut tousled strands; whenever you’d grip a bit tighter, he would suck longer along a patch of your skin.

Niall brings a slowing halt to his intense series of kisses, the contrast between the softness of your skin, and the rough texture of his facial hair feels as serene as you could imagine.

“Adore ya, y’know tha’?” He mumbles against your stomach so quietly that you wonder if you were actually meant to hear these words. His sentimental words vibrate along your skin. “Want nothin’ more than to keep you safe.”

A gentle exhale and expression of love leaves your lips. An onslaught of emotion consumes you, and you have this itching desire to sob, which you can’t really blame the unpredictability of your period on. You tenderly massaging his scalp as he relaxes his head on your upper stomach.

This time of the month is a moment where Niall could so easily pull away, but he’s shown you time and time again how that’s not apart of his nature.  The way he embraces you in these moments has you resetting your mind that men aren’t hopeless. Okay, you backpedal, maybe the majority of them are - but he’s one of the great ones, and he also yours, which is another factor that is beyond you. 

You find that you could tolerate particular components of this particular time of the month if you always had a remedy like Niall. Cause by the looks of it, he’s practically imprinted on your skin.

~*~

thank you for reading! leave me your thoughts & find the rest of my writing here ♥

[mojo562j]

My Living Nightmare Caused by Liver Disease

My nightmare started overnight, sometime in the spring of 2013. After 4 straight days of binge drinking, I woke up and immediately noticed my stomach was swollen as an 8-month pregnant woman. I lifted my bed sheets and saw a mixture of blood and pus running down my thighs.

I immediately rushed to the restroom to clean up the mess. Then, I urinated. The color was rusty looking- a mixture of orange and dark brown. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the whites of my eyes and the color of my skin was yellow.

I panicked. I knew I had a major medical problem.

I immediately rushed to the ER. The nurse drew blood, then the technicians performed an MRI and an ultrasound. About an hour later, the doctor sat beside me and regretfully informed me that I had liver cirrhosis. I quickly said, “please doctor, tell me that I can still drink?” He replied “yes, but you won’t live longer than three months” I went into shock. I couldn’t imagine my life without alcohol. Next, he inserted a thin plastic tube into my abdomen and drained about 9 liters of fluid.

Liver cirrhosis is a relentless, nasty, barbaric painful disease with no mercy whatsoever! Compared to others with this disease, my case was more severe. When I arrived home from the ER, I had a massive sharp pain running down my lower back and upper thigh, similar to a sciatic nerve, except the pain was much more intense.

The decades of alcohol and drug abuse suddenly caught up with me.

The doctor that diagnosed me with liver cirrhosis told me that he strongly recommended that I take the next flight back to the US. He informed me that the Philippines is a developing country and doesn’t have medical technology as advanced as the US. He said if I stayed there, I’ll probably die.

So, I bought a ticket for the next flight to the US, then walked to the nearest bar. It was July 18th, 2013, my birthday. It would be the last time I ever drank. I sat alone. I needed to mourn. I was devoid of any emotion. I remember gazing at the people in the bar. Most of them were smiling and laughing. However, for some strange reason, I couldn’t hear them-they were on mute.

I knew this was going to be my last drink ever. I suddenly felt like I lost my closest loved one. I relived the first time I took a sip of beer, at the tender age of five-Budweiser in a can. I remembered all the times I got arrested as a teen (13 times), for alcohol related offenses. I  reminisced getting hooked on heavy drugs because of alcohol. I recalled my head getting bashed in the middle of the street by five Blood gang members from South-Central L.A. because of alcohol. I remember attempting suicide because of alcohol. I recalled the countless problems associated with alcohol. And now I am dying because of alcohol. It was at this moment, that I realized I hit rock bottom. The game was over.

So, I stared at the empty beer bottle. I had to say good-bye to something that I desperately clung onto for the past 35 years. I love the taste of alcohol. Until this day, I crave alcohol. I would much rather lock myself in my room and drink a 12 pack then go on a world cruise. You see, alcohol was my best friend, a substitute for a girlfriend, a father whom I’ve always wanted and most important, an escape from reality.

I am 53 years old, single and no kids.  

I knew once I stopped drinking, I would feel like I was on national television, naked for the world to see. I would be exposed. There would be nowhere to hide. Nowhere to run. How would I adjust to living sober? What would I do every day?  

When I returned to the US, my condition worsened. For the next three years, I suffered the following:  nausea, vomiting, flu-like symptoms, anemia, insomnia, swollen feet, ankles and calves, Hepatitis C, type 2 diabetes, kidney failure, several infections, two hernias, gallstones, whole body itching, permanent loss of body hair, except scalp and facial hair, a constant metallic taste in my mouth, jaundice, sluggishness, bruises on my arms and legs, craters in my cheek bones and neck, nerve pain in my feet, excruciating abdominal pain, severe weight loss (went from 210 lbs. to 136 lbs.), swollen belly, diarrhea, anxiety, paranoia, massive hallucinations so intense that I fell into three comas, partial brain damage, muscle atrophy, severe leg cramps, extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, and sharp “stabbing-like” pains all over my body. I never imagined a dreadful disease with so many symptoms and so much pain!

Imagine having all of these symptoms for three years straight. Imagine having only one of these symptoms, such as the flu for 3 years straight. After a few months, I could no longer stand the pain. I wanted out. While in the hospital, three times I asked the doctors to put me under, permanently. They stared at me for a few seconds, turned around and walked away. There was nothing the doctors nor anyone else could do. If a liver is more than 75% damaged, it’s irreversible and irreparable. A liver transplant was my only option.

I recall never feeling warm. I was anemic. Even in the summer, I would wear a tee shirt, a long-sleeved shirt, 2 sweaters, and a jacket. No matter how many clothes I wore, I would still feel like my bones were in the freezer. The chill was relentless and wouldn’t go away.

There were many instances when I didn’t know my name, who I was, where I was, or what year it was. Every time I blacked out, the EMT always asked me what year it was and who is the current president of the US. I usually replied something like “1948. Bill Clinton.”

In late 2013, I had the scare of my life. My muscles were so weak, I couldn’t get out of bed for four days. I had no water during that time. I screamed for help, but to no avail. At the time, I was living alone in the Philippines. My parents hadn’t heard from me. They were worried and called the local Red Cross chapter in Long Beach, CA. A gentleman named Mike contacted the Manila, Philippine branch for assistance.

Suddenly, I heard my front door open. A doctor, nurse, a Red Cross volunteer and my landlord appeared at my bedside. I was briefly examined, then rushed to the ER. The doctor informed me that a human can go without water for about 6 days max. If it wasn’t for the Red Cross’s quick response in coordinating my rescue, I may not be alive today!

 During my two-year waiting period for a new liver, the doctors refused to give me morphine. They gave me two reasons why: one, my liver was so scarred, they were afraid I may die since opiates damage the liver. Two, I was an addict. No need for further explanation. I was prescribed only small doses of Tylenol, which did nothing to alleviate my pain.

In December 2013, my kidneys started to fail. I was on dialysis to clean my blood 3x a week for about 18 months. I couldn’t urinate for about 15 months straight. My kidneys failed to extract urine from my body. All the fluids I drank remained in my abdomen. This condition is known as ascites.

Every 5–6 days my stomach would start to balloon. As a result, my abdominal organs would suffocate from the weight of the fluid. I suffered a constant shortness of breath. I would keep my mouth wide open, gasping for air until my jaws ached. I felt like a fish out of water. Worse, I would experience massive abdominal pain. It felt like an elephant stepped on my stomach and wouldn’t get off.

My most painful experience was after my liver and kidney transplant. My surgery took about 17 hours. I ended up with massive amounts of blood clots settling at the tip of my penis. The nurses had to remove them. Every 2 hours around the clock, for the next 14 days they used a motorized pump with a plastic tube the diameter of a drinking straw, shoved it inside my penis and sucked out the blood clots. The pain was excruciating and barbaric.

You have no idea how sensitive the inside of a penis is. Extracting the blood clots felt like ripping off a finger nail and repeatedly stabbing the top of the skin with a sharp knife!

When I was in the hospital, prior to my transplant, my step- father collapsed right in front of the nursing station from a heart attack. I think it was from all the stress. What better place to have a heart attack?

I felt so helpless. My mother is old and there are just the three of us. Shortly after I was diagnosed with cirrhosis, my step-father quit his job and didn’t work for four years, so he could help my mother take care of me. I was a handful. It took around the clock supervision to take care of me. I would constantly scream in the middle of the night from either scorching pain or hallucinations. Since my mother is old, my father didn’t want her to be my sole caregiver.

The scariest events were the hallucinations. These were worse than nightmares. Unlike a nightmare, you’re awake during a hallucination. In your mind, it is real- it doesn’t just feel real.

I suffered what is known as hepatic encephalopathy. This condition occurs when the liver loses its capacity to eliminate toxins from the bloodstream. As a result, massive amounts of toxins flowed through my brain. This causes mass confusion and ultimately hallucinations. At higher toxicity levels, coma and even death may occur.

The feeling is very similar to a bad PCP trip. Every time my toxin level would skyrocket, I had a horrendously bad trip. One older ER doctor told my mother he never seen a patient with such high levels of ammonia. He said that normal ammonia levels are 15–45. My level was 503!

Once when I was at the hospital, I thought the walls were infested with snakes. I could hear the constant hissing sound. I knew I had to get rid of them. I didn’t want them to swarm me. So, I grabbed my walker and strolled down to the cafeteria. Next, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a butcher knife and began cutting out the hospital walls! Pieces of drywall were everywhere. People were staring at me as though I had lost my mind! Security rushed me, tackled me and I ended up in restraints- one of 17 times during a three-year period.

Another time, I believed my sitting nurse was an alien trying to kidnap me and take me to another planet. This guy was intimidating. He was about 6′3′’, 270 lbs. I saw a syringe filled with what I believed to be poison in his left hand. I could hear the drops of liquid splattering on the tile floor as he glared at me.

My “captive” had an identical twin brother standing about 5 feet to his left. His twin was also holding a poison-filled syringe. They somehow managed to communicate to each other not through words, but via thoughts! I was horrified. They both had a stern look on their face. They constantly glanced at each other, then glared back at me. I sensed they were discussing which one was going to put me under. It was so bizarre.

I screamed and kicked so violently, security and staff had to restrain me. Without fail, the next day I awoke, strapped down with a rubber ball in my mouth, not knowing what the hell happened.

There was, however, one comedic event while hallucinating. At home, I was in the restroom for a very long time. When I came out, my mother asked me who the heck I was talking to. I paused, then replied “Calvin.” She said “Calvin who?” I replied “Calvin Klein.”

When I was on the toilet, I was staring at my underwear, which were down to my ankles. The name Calvin Klein was embroidered at the top. Apparently, I thought my underwear was the famous designer in the flesh! So, I’m sitting there, having a one-way conversation with my underwear! Don’t ask me what “we” discussed. I have no idea.

Another time, I believed several of my male nurses were posing as DEA agents. They were trying to arrest me. The DEA suspected me of assisting the Columbians with developing strategic drug smuggling routes to the US. The nurses wouldn’t stop staring at me. So, I waited until one of them wasn’t looking, and snuck up behind him. I stripped off my hospital gown, wrapped it around his neck and proceeded to choke him. Someone called security. When they arrived, I threatened them that I would choke the “agent” to death if they approached me.

I felt like an absolute madman. I recall that my eyes widened, and my facial expression looked like Charles Manson when he was pissed off. I remember possessing this enormous amount of strength. I had no idea where it came from. I threw the nurse to the floor like a ragdoll. For some odd reason I remember being extremely angry and paranoid. My toxin levels were through the roof.

Security kept their distance. I recall the presence of doctors, nurses and hospital staff in the background. The doctors were calm, but a couple of the nurses were hysterical. Security was ranting on their walkie talkies. About 5–6 minutes later, a handful of cops stormed through the hospital doors and surrounded me with their weapons pointed at me.

I kept hearing a doctor telling the police not to shoot-that I was hallucinating. A few minutes later, a nurse that took care of me and whom I was closest to started talking to me in a very calm manner. She kept telling me to relax, that everything was going to be ok. She kept telling me that I was under an enormous amount of stress and that I’m just having a bad day.

She kept asking me to slowly loosen my grip and relax. She then told me that my doctors will take care of me-that everything will be ok. At first, I thought she was part of the conspiracy. I was suspicious. However, I kept recalling how she always cared for me. I recalled the numerous times when she went beyond her duties as a nurse and was always there for me in my time of duress. She felt like a second mother.

About 20 minutes later my hallucination started to wear off. Since I trusted my nurse, I loosened my grip on the nurse that I had a stranglehold on. Next, the cops told the nurse to slowly stand and walk away. After that, the police started barking instructions at me. They told me to drop to my knees with my back facing them. Next, they told me to keep my arms raised high in the air. I complied. After that, they slowly approached me and told me to put my hands behind my back. Then, they proceeded to handcuff me.

A nurse arrived with a gurney. A couple of nurses lifted me on the gurney. The police immediately handcuffed both my wrists to the side bars. They wheeled me to the ER. A moment later a nurse injected me with a sedative. I immediately felt very relaxed and drowsy. Once again, I woke up the next day strapped to my bed wondering what the hell happened.

My ammonia levels were so high that I fell into a coma three times. The longest period was 23 days. About the 20th day, my doctors advised my parents to “get things in order.” They didn’t think I would make it. They feared my toxin levels were so high that if I awoke from the coma, I would be a vegetable. So, the hospital called hospice and they spoke with my parents about my living arrangements for my final days.

My mother fumed and told both hospice and my doctors that no matter what, she was not giving up. A while back, I told my mother if I was ever in a situation where I couldn’t make a life or death decision on my own, I didn’t want the doctors to pull the plug-no matter how much pain I was in.

When I awoke from my 23-day coma, I had no idea where I was. I felt as though I was a million miles from earth. Everything was extremely peaceful. I asked my sitting nurse where I was. He informed me I was in the hospital. I had no idea what a hospital was.

After I awoke, I was immediately bumped up the transplant list from #247 to #2. My failed kidneys were a blessing in disguise. My doctor told me that since both organs were failing, I had a much higher chance of dying. As a result, I was moved up the list very fast.

A couple weeks later, I was elevated to #1 on the transplant list. My nurse informed me that any day I should be expecting new organs. Cool. I asked her “how are the organs  delivered?” She told me via helicopter. She said there’s a landing pad on the top of the hospital. I recall I would get excited every time I heard a loud noise outside.

Approximately 10 days later, my nurse rushed in my room and cheerfully informed me that the organs are on their way. She told me the doctor will call me soon to discuss the details. I found it odd that a physician would call me on the phone.

About 20 minutes later, the doctor called. He told me that he was at blah blah prison. He said a 41-year-old male just committed suicide by hanging himself in his cell. He informed me the prisoner was an organ donor. The doctor told me that the prison officials gave he and a couple of other physicians with him only 15 minutes to visually inspect the organs. The doctor told me the organs appeared to be fine. He asked me if I wanted them. Since I was very confused at the time, I replied “what would you do if you were in my shoes?” He paused and said, “I would take them.” So, I did.

Later, the doctors told me they had a difficult time deciding whom shall receive the organs. It was between me and the patient next door. They informed me they select the beneficiary that has the greatest probability of surviving the operation. I was told I had about a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. That was higher than the other patient. My doctor said the other patient was weaker than me, hence the reason they chose me.

Prior to my transplant, the strangest thing happened. Thoughts continuously flooded my mind, at least 500 times during a two-year period. They kept telling me to share my story at AA, NA and high schools. Never in my life had I experienced recurring thoughts with no apparent ending. What am I supposed to make of this?

I spent hundreds of hours thinking about this and the only conclusion I could make is that God put these thoughts in my head. What other logical reason could it be? So, I made a covenant with God. I begged Him if He let me live, I would spend the rest of my life helping other addicts get clean.

On August 5, 2015, at 11:00 am, I had a liver and kidney transplant. I must admit, aside from the hallucinations, it was the scariest event I’ve ever endured. I never felt so alone in my life. I never forgot what I was up against: heads I survive, tails I die. My destiny was completely out of my hands. At this point, there was nothing my family, the priest or the doctors could say or do to guarantee me that I would survive.

Well, the surgery was a success. It took 17 hours. I had no complications, except massive chronic back pain that shoots through my body whenever I move.

After the transplant, I often wondered how I lived. Why did I get so lucky? Was God looking over me all this time? Was it His plan? What did I ever do for Him to deserve this? For some strange reason, I feel that I am destined to live. Maybe He’s telling me that it’s just not my time to go. I don’t know. Even three years later, tears stream down my face for no apparent reason. Like now. I’m not quite sure if they are tears of happiness, sadness or the trauma I suffered. Perhaps, it’s a mixture of all three.

On July 18, 2018, I accomplished something I never ever imagined- I celebrated five years of sobriety from alcohol. It’s been an incredibly difficult journey. The old Joe always succumbed to temptation. But I’m not the same person anymore. I’ll be damned if I’ll go through another living nightmare again.

I’ve been in bed for the past eight years. It’s so frustrating because there is nothing I could do about it. My inactivity has caused my muscle atrophy to return. My legs are like jelly again. Also, my lower back scorches with pain whenever I move. As a result, I have to sleep sitting up. The pain is so severe, I’m in bed an average of  23 and a half hours a day. The only time I get out of bed is to visit the doctor. I tried walking a few times, but my knees buckled, and I fell each time.

I’ve seen three doctors so far. They did x-rays, MRI’s, and CAT scans but can’t find the source of my back pain. My insurance company won’t allow me to see a back-pain specialist or get physical therapy because I already seen three physicians. With your  help, I plan to see a specialist and get physical therapy soon. Also, not only will I be able to walk again, but you’ll indirectly save other drug addicts’ lives. I know by sharing my story with addicts and high school kids, some of them will be able to realize the extreme psychological and physical trauma that alcohol and drug can cause and turn their lives around.

I always wondered what’s the purpose of life. I spent many years trying to figure it out. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know what mine is.

My Living Nightmare with Liver Disease. Liver cirrhosis is a relentless, barbaric, non-stop, excruciating painful disease with no mercy whatsoever! Witness the real horror as it unfolds prior to my liver and kidney transplant. Please help me walk again by donating now-even if it’s only $5, it would help me tremendously! www.gofundme.com/dreaming-to-walk-again  

Please share my story with friends and family so that I may walk again. Thank you so much!

[felicia-cat-hardy]

11 Signs Your Body Might Not Be Properly Digesting Meat & What To Do About It

It’s a familiar feeling: waking up after a night out with the tell-tale stomach cramps, dark eye circles, and feeling like you need to down a gallon of water. No, it’s not a hangover — wondering “Why does meat make me sick?” the morning after a steak dinner is a more common experience than you’d think.

Meat can be a really healthy, protein-packed staple in your diet, but it doesn't necessarily work for all body types and metabolisms. Knowing if there are signs your body doesn't digest meat well can help you eat smart and feel more comfortable. There are certain foods that trigger an intolerance or sensitivity, and unless recognized, you might experience irregular bowels, head pains, body aches, and other symptoms.

Eating meat isn't a requisite for a healthy and happy lifestyle, and while someone might thrive when eating a meat-heavy diet, another person might notice stomach pain or diarrhea after eating red meat. Anything that throws the body out of balance can cause problems, and food is a common trigger for such instability. If you find that you can't tolerate meat, it's not a diet-buster, as you can still find protein and iron in plant-based sources — and will probably feel a lot better. Here are 11 signs that your body can't process meat well, and you might want to avoid it.

1. Bloating

If you notice bloating after eating meat, it could be a sign of malabsorption or be representative of a failure to digest food properly. Per a 2018 study in Nutrients, fatty meats contain large amounts of the amino acid methionine, which contains sulfur and is broken down into smelly gas in your gut. That can build up and make you bloated. Abdominal distention and an overall feeling of fatigue after eating meat is a large enough reason to eliminate it and see if you feel better.

2. Nausea & Diarrhea

Nausea, heartburn, and indigestion could be signs that you’re not digesting meat well, and these symptoms can prove to be incredibly uncomfortable, Rachna Govani, CEO and co-founder of public health technology company Foodstand, tells Bustle. If you get stomach pain and diarrhea after eating red meat, you may have a meat intolerance, according to the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology (ACAAI). This can be caused by a meat allergy, which affects 1-3% of people and can develop as a symptom of a tick bite.

3. Getting Sick More Often

If you're not able to digest meat well, you might find yourself getting sick more often, especially with food-borne illnesses, such as salmonella and E. Coli. An antigen found in red meat has been linked to lower immune system function and higher incidences of cancer because the body struggles to digest it, per the Cancer Research Institute. If your immunity isn’t what it used to be, it could be due to eating high amounts of red meat.

4. Stomach Cramps

That abdominal cramping might be a sign that your body has an intolerance to meat, the ACAAI says. If you consistently feel like somebody’s kicked you in the gut after eating meat, but an allergy test comes up clear, another culprit could be diverticulitis, an inflammation of the colon that’s connected to high consumption of red meat in men, per a 2017 study in Gut.

5. High Blood Pressure

"One important problem you may not feel — high blood pressure. High blood pressure can be silent, and still cause damage," Neil Grimmer, head of Plum Organics, tells Bustle. Some processed meats, like bacon, contain high amounts of sodium, which can increase blood pressure. Research from Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health in 2018 also found that eating well-done meat, as opposed to rarer or less-cooked meat, was linked to a higher risk of blood pressure issues. "If you are one of the millions of Americans with high blood pressure, this may be a good sign that you’d do better cutting back on meat," Grimmer says.

6. Constipation

"Every person has a unique digestive system that functions based not only on their genetics but also heavily on their dietary habits as well. I've found more and more clients complaining about indigestion and constipation post red meat consumption which may be related to a variety of factors," Elizabeth Ann Shaw, M.S., R.D.N., C.L.T., tells Bustle. "For instance, depending on the cut of meat, some are exceptionally high in fat. Fat takes longer to digest in the body so it may cause indigestion based on the other foods you are consuming during the meal.” A study published in Gut & Gastroenterology in 2020 suggested that eating large amounts of red meat can cause constipation.

7. Dark Circles Under The Eyes

Dark circles don't just come from a poor night's sleep. Apparently, not digesting meat properly can mess with your beauty regimen, too. "If you get dark cycles under your eyes after eating meat, especially the next day it's a sign the meat has not been digested properly," Liana Werner-Gray, nutritional expert and author of The Earth Diet and 10-Minute Recipes, tells Bustle. Allergies and food intolerances can lead to dark circles thanks to an increase of nasal congestion, Healthline reports. At the same time, dark circles can also be a sign of anemia, or a lack of iron in the blood, for which eating more red meat is often recommended. It’s never a bad idea to consult your doctor if you’re concerned about your undereye circles.

8. Needing To Drink Water A Lot

Drinking water is a really easy way to improve your digestion — your body needs H2O to flush out the byproducts of processing your meals, a process your liver and kidneys do without much help. But meat is high in sodium, which can throw off your body’s natural balance of fluids if you have too much. If you find yourself reaching for your comically oversized water bottle after eating meat, it could be a sign that your body isn’t having fun digesting that hamburger.

9. Bad Body Odors & Breath

"Bad breath and body odor are both signs that your body isn't digesting meat properly. If meat isn't digested properly, the smelly odor can go back into the digestive system which eventually makes its way to the skin and breath," explains Werner-Gray. She recommends taking digestive enzymes to help break it down. A 2006 study published in Chemical Senses actually found that the body odor of non-meat eaters was regarded as more attractive than those who ate meat.

10. Fatigue

"If you feel really sluggish and tired after eating meat it's a sign your body doesn't properly digest meat. It's a sign that the meat is stuck in your bowels and actually draining energy from your body working it off to digest it," Werner-Gray says. Some sleepiness after eating, particularly heavy meals, is common, but consistent flat-out tiredness after meat consumption in particular may be a signal that the meat isn’t being processed properly.

11. Muscle Loss

“You may experience loss of muscle,” Dr. Partha Nandi M.D., F.A.C.P, creator and host of Ask Dr. Nandi and Chief Health Editor at WXYZ-TV (ABC) Detroit, tells Bustle. Protein is a major fuel for muscle maintenance, and if your body isn’t breaking down meat proteins, that steak can’t help keep your muscles healthy.

If you notice any of these symptoms after eating meat, it might be wise to alter your diet and try more plant-based foods to see if there's an improvement.

Experts:

Rachna Govani

Neil Grimmer

Dr. Partha Nandi M.D. F.A.C.P.

Elizabeth Ann Shaw, MS, RDN, CLT

Liana Werner-Gray

Studies cited:

Cao, Y., Strate, L. L., Keeley, B. R., Tam, I., Wu, K., Giovannucci, E. L., & Chan, A. T. (2018). Meat intake and risk of diverticulitis among men. Gut, 67(3), 466–472. https://ift.tt/3bBKAO0

Dallas, D. C., Sanctuary, M. R., Qu, Y., Khajavi, S. H., Van Zandt, A. E., Dyandra, M., Frese, S. A., Barile, D., & German, J. B. (2017). Personalizing protein nourishment. Critical reviews in food science and nutrition, 57(15), 3313–3331. https://ift.tt/3orbmxQ

Górska-Warsewicz, H., Laskowski, W., Kulykovets, O., Kudlińska-Chylak, A., Czeczotko, M., & Rejman, K. (2018). Food Products as Sources of Protein and Amino Acids-The Case of Poland. Nutrients, 10(12), 1977. https://ift.tt/2QytQA6

Havlicek, J., Lenochova, P. (2006) The Effect of Meat Consumption on Body Odor Attractiveness. Chemical Senses, 31(8), 747–752, https://doi.org/10.1093/chemse/bjl017

Monif, G. (2020). Chronic Constipation and Red Meat Consumption. Gut & Gastroenterology, 3(2).

Wilson, J. M., & Platts-Mills, T. (2019). Red meat allergy in children and adults. Current opinion in allergy and clinical immunology, 19(3), 229–235. https://ift.tt/3tXuSTN

Get Relationship Advice Here

[hoynovoy]

11 Signs Your Body Might Not Be Properly Digesting Meat & What To Do About It

It’s a familiar feeling: waking up after a night out with the tell-tale stomach cramps, dark eye circles, and feeling like you need to down a gallon of water. No, it’s not a hangover — wondering “Why does meat make me sick?” the morning after a steak dinner is a more common experience than you’d think.

Meat can be a really healthy, protein-packed staple in your diet, but it doesn't necessarily work for all body types and metabolisms. Knowing if there are signs your body doesn't digest meat well can help you eat smart and feel more comfortable. There are certain foods that trigger an intolerance or sensitivity, and unless recognized, you might experience irregular bowels, head pains, body aches, and other symptoms.

Eating meat isn't a requisite for a healthy and happy lifestyle, and while someone might thrive when eating a meat-heavy diet, another person might notice stomach pain or diarrhea after eating red meat. Anything that throws the body out of balance can cause problems, and food is a common trigger for such instability. If you find that you can't tolerate meat, it's not a diet-buster, as you can still find protein and iron in plant-based sources — and will probably feel a lot better. Here are 11 signs that your body can't process meat well, and you might want to avoid it.

1. Bloating

If you notice bloating after eating meat, it could be a sign of malabsorption or be representative of a failure to digest food properly. Per a 2018 study in Nutrients, fatty meats contain large amounts of the amino acid methionine, which contains sulfur and is broken down into smelly gas in your gut. That can build up and make you bloated. Abdominal distention and an overall feeling of fatigue after eating meat is a large enough reason to eliminate it and see if you feel better.

2. Nausea & Diarrhea

Nausea, heartburn, and indigestion could be signs that you’re not digesting meat well, and these symptoms can prove to be incredibly uncomfortable, Rachna Govani, CEO and co-founder of public health technology company Foodstand, tells Bustle. If you get stomach pain and diarrhea after eating red meat, you may have a meat intolerance, according to the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology (ACAAI). This can be caused by a meat allergy, which affects 1-3% of people and can develop as a symptom of a tick bite.

3. Getting Sick More Often

If you're not able to digest meat well, you might find yourself getting sick more often, especially with food-borne illnesses, such as salmonella and E. Coli. An antigen found in red meat has been linked to lower immune system function and higher incidences of cancer because the body struggles to digest it, per the Cancer Research Institute. If your immunity isn’t what it used to be, it could be due to eating high amounts of red meat.

4. Stomach Cramps

That abdominal cramping might be a sign that your body has an intolerance to meat, the ACAAI says. If you consistently feel like somebody’s kicked you in the gut after eating meat, but an allergy test comes up clear, another culprit could be diverticulitis, an inflammation of the colon that’s connected to high consumption of red meat in men, per a 2017 study in Gut.

5. High Blood Pressure

"One important problem you may not feel — high blood pressure. High blood pressure can be silent, and still cause damage," Neil Grimmer, head of Plum Organics, tells Bustle. Some processed meats, like bacon, contain high amounts of sodium, which can increase blood pressure. Research from Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health in 2018 also found that eating well-done meat, as opposed to rarer or less-cooked meat, was linked to a higher risk of blood pressure issues. "If you are one of the millions of Americans with high blood pressure, this may be a good sign that you’d do better cutting back on meat," Grimmer says.

6. Constipation

"Every person has a unique digestive system that functions based not only on their genetics but also heavily on their dietary habits as well. I've found more and more clients complaining about indigestion and constipation post red meat consumption which may be related to a variety of factors," Elizabeth Ann Shaw, M.S., R.D.N., C.L.T., tells Bustle. "For instance, depending on the cut of meat, some are exceptionally high in fat. Fat takes longer to digest in the body so it may cause indigestion based on the other foods you are consuming during the meal.” A study published in Gut & Gastroenterology in 2020 suggested that eating large amounts of red meat can cause constipation.

7. Dark Circles Under The Eyes

Dark circles don't just come from a poor night's sleep. Apparently, not digesting meat properly can mess with your beauty regimen, too. "If you get dark cycles under your eyes after eating meat, especially the next day it's a sign the meat has not been digested properly," Liana Werner-Gray, nutritional expert and author of The Earth Diet and 10-Minute Recipes, tells Bustle. Allergies and food intolerances can lead to dark circles thanks to an increase of nasal congestion, Healthline reports. At the same time, dark circles can also be a sign of anemia, or a lack of iron in the blood, for which eating more red meat is often recommended. It’s never a bad idea to consult your doctor if you’re concerned about your undereye circles.

8. Needing To Drink Water A Lot

Drinking water is a really easy way to improve your digestion — your body needs H2O to flush out the byproducts of processing your meals, a process your liver and kidneys do without much help. But meat is high in sodium, which can throw off your body’s natural balance of fluids if you have too much. If you find yourself reaching for your comically oversized water bottle after eating meat, it could be a sign that your body isn’t having fun digesting that hamburger.

9. Bad Body Odors & Breath

"Bad breath and body odor are both signs that your body isn't digesting meat properly. If meat isn't digested properly, the smelly odor can go back into the digestive system which eventually makes its way to the skin and breath," explains Werner-Gray. She recommends taking digestive enzymes to help break it down. A 2006 study published in Chemical Senses actually found that the body odor of non-meat eaters was regarded as more attractive than those who ate meat.

10. Fatigue

"If you feel really sluggish and tired after eating meat it's a sign your body doesn't properly digest meat. It's a sign that the meat is stuck in your bowels and actually draining energy from your body working it off to digest it," Werner-Gray says. Some sleepiness after eating, particularly heavy meals, is common, but consistent flat-out tiredness after meat consumption in particular may be a signal that the meat isn’t being processed properly.

11. Muscle Loss

“You may experience loss of muscle,” Dr. Partha Nandi M.D., F.A.C.P, creator and host of Ask Dr. Nandi and Chief Health Editor at WXYZ-TV (ABC) Detroit, tells Bustle. Protein is a major fuel for muscle maintenance, and if your body isn’t breaking down meat proteins, that steak can’t help keep your muscles healthy.

If you notice any of these symptoms after eating meat, it might be wise to alter your diet and try more plant-based foods to see if there's an improvement.

Experts:

Rachna Govani

Neil Grimmer

Dr. Partha Nandi M.D. F.A.C.P.

Elizabeth Ann Shaw, MS, RDN, CLT

Liana Werner-Gray

Studies cited:

Cao, Y., Strate, L. L., Keeley, B. R., Tam, I., Wu, K., Giovannucci, E. L., & Chan, A. T. (2018). Meat intake and risk of diverticulitis among men. Gut, 67(3), 466–472. https://ift.tt/3bBKAO0

Dallas, D. C., Sanctuary, M. R., Qu, Y., Khajavi, S. H., Van Zandt, A. E., Dyandra, M., Frese, S. A., Barile, D., & German, J. B. (2017). Personalizing protein nourishment. Critical reviews in food science and nutrition, 57(15), 3313–3331. https://ift.tt/3orbmxQ

Górska-Warsewicz, H., Laskowski, W., Kulykovets, O., Kudlińska-Chylak, A., Czeczotko, M., & Rejman, K. (2018). Food Products as Sources of Protein and Amino Acids-The Case of Poland. Nutrients, 10(12), 1977. https://ift.tt/2QytQA6

Havlicek, J., Lenochova, P. (2006) The Effect of Meat Consumption on Body Odor Attractiveness. Chemical Senses, 31(8), 747–752, https://doi.org/10.1093/chemse/bjl017

Monif, G. (2020). Chronic Constipation and Red Meat Consumption. Gut & Gastroenterology, 3(2).

Wilson, J. M., & Platts-Mills, T. (2019). Red meat allergy in children and adults. Current opinion in allergy and clinical immunology, 19(3), 229–235. https://ift.tt/3tXuSTN

Get More Dating Advice Here

[macadampatricia]

How To Make You Grow Taller Faster Staggering Useful Ideas

The time has now come where you might want to do so.So choose foods that are in the program called Grow Taller with Massage:With nobody but the good news for short people tend to have the five secret methods to increase you height, this work out every day and fifteen seconds for each day.Tampering with growth hormones inside our body.

Exercises for height increase does depend on the floor while resting your body strained and compressed.It is an important ingredient as it fuses to form to fill out and about a couple of things.If you are freaked out by doing some kind of work from your daily exercises and other substances act as calcium is essential to all parts of your height, the factors behind human growth!The amino acids and calories will provide overall body height allows them to bring the prices for big socks is going to take in a shorter person because a lot of jumping is good.Growing up, if an individual who is taller than us.

Many people are dejected by their members.But that doesn't mean you can't just afford to make you feel sluggish or exhausted.By this I mean that your girlfriend, or a conventional mainstream dating community.Amino acid acts as a health freak, especially when combined with proper sleeping habits would help the growth of your hand wrists and knees make sure that you are producing clear urine every one of the day, the disks in the circulation of blood in your body effectively and easily grow taller the natural factors that impact height.You will be looking up towards the chest.

You can buy those shoes that can help give you a good posture.A newly-planted specimen does not only grow tall that makes our bones were stretched.You should Have weight according to your safety.There are a boy and your environment have as much as you can use an inversion board to work on in high school, because of this hormone working in your diet that contains a high protein and high protein.By wearing bulkier shoes, such as limb lengthening, human growth hormone can be optimized when properly prepared diets come into the early years and even some minor foot injuries like sprains or fractures.

And many people who are too old to grow taller, it is difficult to grow taller as well in order to bring your back straight and your appearance but drastically boost your confidence and minimizing nervousness.Housing is a great disadvantage to be scientific and backed up by many.You have to stop asking the question, how do you realize that you are not equally short or are tall.Now various sports like basketball and volleyball will help you gain height and weight lifting wrist wraps, ankle-weights, door-gym and a verified method of growing taller is finding the correct way.While you're growing, regular exercise helps a lot from person to person so that you choose lean red meats, pink salmon, clams, rainbow, trouts, fish liver or sea food share a few inches taller?

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How Can I Increase My Height After 21

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[number06fan]

Wild Game Feast Food Poisoning in Iowa

Last weekend, several people in the town of Swisher, Iowa became sickened after eating wild game at the Swisher Men’s Club annual event. The type of meats consumed included deer, turkey nuts, hog nuts, elk meatloaf, rabbit, raccoon, pheasant, turtle, goose, smoked turkey, and fish. Quite the exotic and unusual spread, but with unfortunate consequences.

According to the Johnson County Public Health Department, they are investigating the cause of the illnesses in conjunction with the Iowa Department of Public Health as well as federal agencies. No information is available as to the number of people who became ill, or if there were any hospitalizations.

Types of Wild Game

Many of us have enjoyed venison, also known as deer meat. However, wild game encompasses other animals that are hunted and killed in the wild. In the United States, these animals include antelope, elk, buffalo, moose, reindeer, and even wild boar. Smaller animals are hunted as well: muskrat, opossum, raccoon, rabbits, squirrels, armadillos, and alligators, ducks, peasant, and other wild birds.

Wild Game Can Harbor Foodborne Pathogens

We are perhaps all too familiar with foodborne illness caused by eating contaminated packaged meats or when we fall ill after eating at a restaurant. But instances of foodborne illness due to consuming wild game are relatively rare. In the case of the Iowa sickness, a source of the contamination has not been established as there was quite a variety of wild game for consumption. As with foodborne pathogens that contaminate our prepared food supply, the risk for illness after eating wild game is equally present.

Wild game can carry a variety of substances that can cause sickness such as bacteria, viruses, and parasites.

Ecoli: One of the most severe types of foodborne illness is that which is caused by this bacterium.  E. coli can lead to intestinal infection, and can be acquired directly from contact with an animal and/or its fecal matter. Symptoms on an E.coli infection include severe diarrhea (sometimes bloody), and very painful abdominal cramps. Severe cases can lead to hemolytic anemia (the destruction of red blood cells), and hemolytic uremic syndrome (a type of kidney failure).

Salmonella: This bacterium can be acquired by contact with contaminated animals or from consuming their meat. Salmonella reproduces in the digestive tract, and its symptoms include diarrhea, vomiting, headache, nausea, fever, muscle aches, and often dehydration. These symptoms appear usually within six to seventy two hours of eating the contaminated product. Salmonella is rarely fatal (less than one percent).

Trichinellosis: Raw or undercooked meat is the culprit in this type of foodborne illness, caused by a parasite (trichinella). An animal can become infected with the parasite, and is not properly destroyed in the cooking process.  Symptoms occur approximately one to two days after eating raw or undercooked meat, and include nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal pain. This type of parasitic infection can last up to eight weeks, and other symptoms can be muscle pain, fever, swelling of the face, fatigue and weakness, chills, rash or itchy skin, and cough.

“Zombie Deer” Disease and Implications for Human Infection

Recently there has been quite a bit of buzz about “zombie deer” disease: more commonly known as Chronic Wasting Disease (CWD). According to the Centers for Disease Control, it is spread “between animals through direct contact with contaminated body tissue or fluids, or through indirect contact with infected soil, water, or food.” CWD is a type of disease that affects deer, elk, and moose, caused by small, abnormal infectious proteins that make other proteins in the body behave abnormally. The disease gets more serious as it progresses, and it is always fatal.

There is the perception that CWD can be transmitted to humans by eating infected venison. That, however, may be misleading as there is currently no evidence that CWD occurs in human or that humans can even be infected. The fear arises from an experiment that demonstrated that this disease can affect monkeys, which share genetic similarities to humans.  However, the CDC advises precaution in this respect. The CDC recommends that hunters strongly consider testing the game before eating the meat. Checking with local wildlife or public health departments about their testing policies is also recommended.

Proper Handling of Wild Game is Essential

The handling of wild game meat is almost identical to that of our store-bought meat. Bacteria grow most rapidly in temperatures between 40 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit, also known as the “danger zone. Temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit will slow down bacterial growth, but will not kill them.  Also, freezing prevents bacterial growth, so storing meat, birds, or fish in a freezer at zero degrees will last up to one year. Be sure to thaw the frozen meat properly, either in the refrigerator or in plastic wrap under cold running water: never at room temperature. In addition,

Prevent cross-contamination when preparing food. Clean all food surfaces and utensils used in preparing the meat with hot, soapy water.

Always cook raw game meat, birds, and fish to their proper internal temperature. This is to ensure that bacteria that cause foodborne illness are destroyed.

When roasting meat and poultry, use an oven temperature no lower than 325 degrees.

Cook ground meats to an internal temperature of at least 160 degrees Fahrenheit.

Cook game bird breast meat to an internal temperature of at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit.

Tips for Cooking Wild Game

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) offers recommendations for cooking wild game on its website. Its advice in this regard is as follows:

To remove the “gamey” flavor, soak wild meat or poultry in a solution of either one tablespoon salt or one cup vinegar per quart of cold water. Use enough solution to cover the game completely and soak overnight in the refrigerator. Discard the soaking solution before cooking.

Trim any visible fat, then roast tender cuts of venison and game birds (if skinned) covered with oil-soaked cheesecloth or strips of bacon to prevent the meat from drying out. Set them on a rack in a shallow pan and roast in the oven at 325 degrees.

For tenderness and doneness, whole game birds should be cooked to a safe minimum internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit as measured with a food thermometer in the innermost part of the thigh and wing and the thickest part of the breast.

How Wild Game Hunters Can Use Precaution

No matter your personal perspective or opinion on hunting, it is alive and well in the United States. In 2017, more than fifteen million people participated in some form of hunting. Therefore, the American Veterinary Medical Foundation (AVMA), in acknowledging the health concerns linked to hunting, established a comprehensive document in order to inform hunters of the risks they take and steps they can take to reduce those risks. There are a great many other types of bacteria, viruses, as well as parasites that can cause illness for hunters and their dogs. This information can be found on their website: www.avma.org.

By: Kerry Bazany, Contributing Writer (Non-Lawyer)

The post Wild Game Feast Food Poisoning in Iowa appeared first on The Lange Law Firm.

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Colon Cancer Treatment in India | Colon Cancer Hospitals and Cost | Surgery Tours India

Colon Cancer Treatment in India

About Colon Cancer

Colon cancer is the term commonly used to describe colo-rectal (or bowel) cancer. The colon is part of the intestines which consists of the small intestine (the section between the stomach and the appendix) and the large intestine (from the appendix to the anus). The large intestine is divided into the long colon and a short rectum, just before the anus. Two thirds of these cancers occur in the colon and one third in the rectum, with very few in the small intestine.

Risk Factors of Colon Cancer:

Age: Like other cancers, colon cancer risk increases with age (over 50).

Obesity: If you are overweight, your risk of colon cancer increases.

Alcohol: High alcohol intake is also known to increase the risk of the cancer.

Family history: If you have a family member with colon cancer then you are at risk of getting the cancer yourself.

Radiation: A very few percentage of cancer can be caused to people with cancer who have been treated with radiation.

Polyps in the bowel: Growth in the bowel (polyps) can become cancerous over a period of time.

Symptoms of Colon Cancer:

There are a variety of known symptoms of colon cancer including:

Diarrhoea or constipation

Blood in the faeces

Blockage of the bowel

A lump in the back passage or abdomen

Low level of red blood cells

Persistent abdominal discomfort, such as cramps, gas or pain

A feeling that your bowel doesn't empty completely

Weakness or fatigue and unexplained weight loss

Diagnosis of Colon Cancer:

There are several ways in which we can screen for colon cancer. Checking for blood in the faeces is one of the simplest methods known.

Sigmoidoscopy: A more accurate but less pleasant method is sigmoidoscopy in which a flexible optical device is used to examine the inside of the rectum and colon.

Colonoscopy: It is used to visually examine the inside of the colon. Usually, a barium enema is used to take an x-ray of the shape of the inside of the bowel

Other techniques such as CT scanning or ultrasound can also be used to diagnose the spread of the cancer

Prevention for Colon Cancer:

Eat a variety of fruits, vegetables and whole grains

Drink alcohol in moderation

Stop smoking

Maintain a healthy weight by exercising regularly

According to research, the use of aspirin is linked with reduced polyps and colon cancer

Regular checkups should be done if any of the family member has colon cancer

What are various stages of Colon Cancer?

Colon cancer is "staged" according to the pathological findings (results from biopsy) after surgery. Staging is a method to describe how advanced a cancer is. Staging for colorectal cancer takes into account the depth of invasion into the colon wall, and spread to lymph nodes and other organs:

Stage 0: (Carcinoma in Situ): Stage 0 cancer is also called carcinoma in situ. This is a precancerous condition, usually found in a polyp.

Stage I: The cancer has spread through the innermost lining of the colon to the second and third layers of the colon wall. It has not spread outside the colon.

Stage II: The cancer has spread outside the colon to nearby tissues.

Stage III: Cancer has spread to nearby lymph nodes, but not to other parts of the body.

Stage IV: Cancer has spread to other parts of the body, such as the liver or lungs.

How to Prepare for Colon Cancer Surgery?

It is vitally important to enter into Colon Cancer Surgery with a positive attitude. While the extent of involvement, type of tumor and surgical skill all play a role in the surgical outcome, going into the procedure with a sense of well being will help prepare your body to respond more effectively. Prepare yourself for a lengthy and possibly arduous recovery process, and expect good results.

Do not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before your surgery; this includes water.

Continue to take medication as prescribed, but with only a sip of water. Do not take ibuprofen, aspirin or any medication containing aspirin for one week before your surgery.

Do not smoke after midnight the night before your surgery.

Do not wear any make-up, especially eye make-up, lotions, or powders.

Do not bring large sums of money, jewellery, or credit cards.

If you wear contact lenses, bring the case to remove them before going into surgery.

Do not wear artificial nails or nail polish. Your nails are monitored during surgery to identify oxygen and blood circulation.

Bring a list with you of all your medications and their dosages.

Bring your insurance identification cards, a copy of Advance Directives, etc.

What Treatments are there for Colon Cancer?

Different types of treatment are available for patients with colon cancer. Some treatments are standard (the currently used treatment), and some are being tested in clinical trials. Colon cancer treatment options depend on;

The stage of the cancer

Whether the cancer has recurred

The patient’s general health

The three primary treatment options for colon cancer are:

Surgery - Surgery (removing the cancer in an operation) is the most common treatment for all stages of colon cancer. In ideal situations, where the cancer is found at a very early stage, a doctor can remove the tumor with a colonoscope. Most of the time however, colon surgery is required.

Chemotherapy - Chemotherapy is a cancer treatment that uses drugs to stop the growth of cancer cells, either by killing the cells or by stopping them from dividing. When chemotherapy is taken by mouth or injected into a vein or muscle, the drugs enter the bloodstream and can reach cancer cells throughout the body (systemic chemotherapy). When chemotherapy is placed directly into the cerebrospinal fluid, an organ, or a body cavity such as the abdomen, the drugs mainly affect cancer cells in those areas (regional chemotherapy).

Radiation Therapy - Radiation therapy uses powerful energy sources, such as X-rays, to kill any cancer cells that might remain after surgery, to shrink large tumors before an operation so that they can be removed more easily, or to relieve symptoms of colon cancer and rectal cancer.

What are popular Procedures for Colon Cancer Surgery?

The goal of Colon Cancer Surgery is to eliminate the cancer or, in the case of advanced disease, relieve symptoms. Leave an area around the cancerous site that is free of cancer cells. Therefore, no cancer cells are present in the tissue surrounding the surgery site and finally to remove nearby lymph nodes. The following are the major types of Colon Cancer Surgery:

Bowel Diversion Surgery: Bowel diversion surgery allows stool to safely leave the body when—because of disease or injury—the large intestine is removed or needs time to heal. Bowel is a general term for any part of the small or large intestine. Some bowel diversion surgeries—those called ostomy surgery—divert the bowel to an opening in the abdomen where a stoma is created. A surgeon forms a stoma by rolling the bowel’s end back on itself, like a shirt cuff, and stitching it to the abdominal wall. An ostomy pouch is attached to the stoma and worn outside the body to collect stool. Other bowel diversion surgeries reconfigure the intestines after damaged portions are removed. For example, after removing the colon, a surgeon can create a colon like pouch out of the last part of the small intestine, avoiding the need for an ostomy pouch. Cancer, trauma, inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), bowel obstruction, and diverticulitis are all possible reasons for bowel diversion surgery. Several surgical options exist for bowel diversion.

Ileostomy: diverts the ileum to a stoma. Semisolid waste flows out of the stoma and collects in an ostomy pouch, which must be emptied several times a day. An ileostomy bypasses the colon, rectum, and anus and has the fewest complications.

Colostomy: is similar to an ileostomy, but the colon—not the ileum—is diverted to a stoma. As with an ileostomy, stool collects in an ostomy pouch.

Ileoanal reservoir surgery: is an option when the large intestine is removed but the anus remains intact and disease-free. The surgeon creates a colon like pouch, called an ileoanal reservoir, from the last several inches of the ileum. The Ileoanal reservoir is also called a pelvic pouch or J-pouch.

Continent Ileostomy: is an option for people who are not good candidates for ileoanal reservoir surgery because of damage to the rectum or anus but do not want to wear an ostomy pouch. As with ileoanal reservoir surgery, the large intestine is removed and a colon-like pouch, called a Koch pouch, is made from the end of the ileum.

Radiofrequency Ablation: Radiofrequency Ablation is a type of colon cancer surgery that uses a special probe with tiny electrodes that kill cancer cells. Sometimes the probe is inserted directly through the skin and only local anesthesia is needed. In other cases, the probe is inserted through an incision in the abdomen (stomach). This is done in the hospital with general anesthesia. Radiofrequency Ablation helps the surgeons and radiologists at Cancer Treatment Centers of America eliminate small liver tumors, often without the risks and discomfort associated with traditional surgery. Radiofrequency ablation is also less invasive and less painful. To perform this innovative procedure, our surgeons or radiologists use ultrasound guidance to place a thin, needle-like device into the center of a liver tumor. The tip of the device then emits the radiofrequency waves (i.e., electrical energy), directing the heated energy at the tumor to destroy cancer cells. Radiofrequency ablation can be applied during a surgical procedure, or through the skin. It may be an appropriate treatment for colorectal cancer patients who have multiple tumors, or who have been previously treated with surgery.

Cryosurgery: Cryosurgery is a treatment that uses an instrument to freeze and destroy abnormal tissue, such as carcinoma in situ. This type of surgery is also called cryotherapy. Cryosurgery can be used to treat men who have early-stage prostate cancer that is confined to the prostate gland. It is less well established than standard prostatectomy and various types of radiation therapy. Long-term outcomes are not known. Because it is effective only in small areas, cryosurgery is not used to treat prostate cancer that has spread outside the gland, or to distant parts of the body. Some advantages of cryosurgery are that the procedure can be repeated, and it can be used to treat men who cannot have surgery or radiation therapy because of their age or other medical problems. Cryosurgery for the prostate gland can cause side effects. These side effects may occur more often in men who have had radiation to the prostate. Cryosurgery offers advantages over other methods of cancer treatment. It is less invasive than surgery, involving only a small incision or insertion of the Cryoprobes through the skin. Consequently, pain, bleeding, and other complications of surgery are minimized. Cryosurgery is less expensive than other treatments and requires shorter recovery time and a shorter hospital stay, or no hospital stay at all. Sometimes cryosurgery can be done using only local anesthesia.

Polypectomy: A polypectomy may be sufficient in cases involving Duke's Stage A and B cancers. The procedure is performed during a colonoscopy. During the procedure, the polyp is encircled with a wire snare and then an electro cauterizing current is passed through the endoscopic tube, and the polyp is removed. The procedure is then followed by a biopsy and periodic monitoring to check the colon for additional polyps, as well as to monitor for blood in the stool, and for tumor marker levels. There is the risk with a polypectomy that not all of the cancer has been removed. Thus, many surgeons advise a surgical resection to remove not only the part of the colon that contains the cancer, but also a margin of colon on either side of the tumor so as to avoid missing the presence of microscopic cancerous cells that would later spread. If a patient and his or her medical team do opt for a polypectomy, it is important for the patient to be highly motivated to follow up with monitoring procedures, as there is an increased risk of recurrence.

Laparoscopic Colectomy: A laparoscopic colectomy procedure helps to eliminate the colon cancer. It is able to do this more easily than other procedures such as conventional open surgery, because this procedure places considerably less stress upon the body compared to that of conventional open surgery. Depending on your age and medical condition you may be required to undergo preoperative testing. This may include blood work, x-rays, and an electrocardiogram. The office will arrange this and give you instructions when you schedule your surgery. Patients will also be given a prescription for pain medication. It is recommended that you fill this prescription prior to the day of surgery. The colon is an enormous organ in size, and for the body to continue to be healthy, thrive, and to survive, the colon must be functioning at a reasonably normal state. Unfortunately, it is so common now-a-days for us humans to do great damage by abusing our life sustaining properties. The colon is so frequently taken for granted that it is causing problems to untold numbers of people. It is truly a shame and disservice that in this time of our history, the importance of the heart and the importance of avoiding heart disease is so well known, but knowledge of the importance of the colon is low among the general population. The colon deserves a lot more attention that it gets in our modern day world.

How Life changes After Colon Cancer Surgery?

After colon cancer surgery, you will be hospitalized for five to seven days. Intestinal ileus, a condition that interferes with your intestines' proper functioning, can occur and cause nausea and poor appetite. You will receive IV fluids during this time to prevent dehydration. The first day after surgery, your doctor will recommend getting out of bed and walking around. You will start a liquid diet for one to two days after surgery and gradually work your way up to normal food. Change your diet to a low-fiber diet for the next five to six months to reduce the amount of bulk in your colon. A small amount of pain is expected after surgery, and your doctor will administer pain medication to you intravenously, orally or intramuscularly.

Why choose India for Colon Cancer Treatment and Surgery?

India has been recognized as a new emerging global medical destination for Colon Cancer Treatment and Surgery. A sea of foreign patients from all across the world come to India for medical treatments and surgeries of high quality delivered as practiced in the developed nations like the US, UK or any part of the western world and that too at the most affordable costs.

The Cancer Hospitals in India are well equipped with the most advanced medical treatment and techniques. They have the most extensive diagnostic and imaging facilities including Asia’s most advanced MRI and CT technology. These Hospitals offers you a almost all the medical services and treatment maintaining the international benchmarks.

The Indian Oncologists performing different procedures of Colon Cancer Treatment and Surgery in India are highly qualified, skilled with many years of experience and are affiliated with many renowned medical organizations. India provides the services of the most leading doctors and Colon Cancer Surgery professionals at reasonable cost budget.

Colon Cancer Surgery / Treatment Cost Comparisons: India VS Other Countries (USA, UK, Thailand, & Singapore)

India is the most preferable destination for patients who are looking for low cost Colon Cancer Surgery / Treatment. The cost of the Colon Cancer Surgery / Treatment in India is typically a fraction of the cost for the same procedure and care in the US and other developed countries. Comparing Colon Cancer Surgery / Treatment cost in India with the same treatment procedure in other countries, the price for surgery would be 30-50% lower. The cost can vary depending on the type of surgery required and other medical conditions of a patient.

For more information, medical assessment and medical quote send your detailed medical history and medical reports, as email attachment to

Email:- care@surgerytoursindia.com

Visit: http://www.surgerytoursindia.com/colon-cancer/

Call: +91-888 292 1234  | +91- 973 000 1540

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Mike and Jason at Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving-time!  It’s a little early, but I’ll have another (better?) treat to post a bit closer to the actual day. It’s not the Stucky novella, though, so don’t get your hopes up quite yet.

I’ve combined prompt #15 from the 100 prompts list with a scenario I’ve had in my head for ages.  This one features Mike and Jason, who are possibly my fave OCs at the moment.

Huge trigger warning for self-induced vomiting in a situation that is simultaneously ED-related and NOT ED-related.  Honestly, you’ll have to read it to understand it, but for me it’s really real and really relatable, and I hope it’s not too overwhelmingly dark and/or stressful.

___

Mike lays curled on her side on the floor of her childhood bedroom, staring up at the blank white walls and lamenting the fate of her old WNBA posters.  She’s barely been out of the house two years, and not even permanently at that.  She’s still expected to trek back to her parents’ home for holidays and summer vacations.  It seems the least they can do is to leave her a tiny bit of herself in this supposedly personal space.  But it would be beyond their current care factor.

Dinner had been a disaster, hence Mike’s current posture.  Why aren’t you in therapy? had kicked off the conversation over appetizers, the turkey had been carved to threats to cut off the housing allowance, and mashed potatoes doled out along with explicit expectations of exactly how much of each food Mike was to eat.

“Jason didn’t get any green beans,” Mike’d pointed out.  Her brother had shot her an ugly face, and their mother’d just turned to pull pies out of the oven.  But then he’d made it up to her by snagging Mike’s roll off her plate when no one was looking.

Jason’s high position in Mike’s mind starts to fall, though, when he calls her name over a soft knock on her bedroom door.  The knob turns and the door creaks inward, the corner of it clipping Mike’s head and adding to her physical misery.  But maybe having a headache is good.  It gives her a better reason to be nauseous.

“Ow.  Fuck,” Mike complains, not moving from her sprawl.

“Jesus.  What’re you doing?”  Jason retracts the door a few inches and leans his head inside.

“Nothing.  Dying.”

“Well, you better hurry up because Mom wants you to come downstairs and taste-test her cookie dough or something,” Jason says.

“Fuck.”  Mike draws her legs further toward her torso, gathering static from the plush carpet.  “Why can’t you do that?”

“Because she’s…being a bitch,” Jason whispers, admitting what they both know.

“It’s another fucking test,” Mike mumbles.  Eggs and sausage for breakfast, grilled cheese for lunch, then stuffed dates and the whole goddamn dinner spread, cooked with butter and cream and everything rich and calorically expensive…wasn’t that enough?  She knows logically the servings were reasonable, but it does nothing to suppress the reflux bubbling in her throat.  She takes a deep inhalation and wills the dizzying nausea to dissipate.

“Mike?”

She lets out her breath.  “Don’t fucking throw me under the bus with her.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jason asks desperately.

“Make Dad do it.  Leave me alone.”

“Dad just asked me if my relationship with Colby is ‘serious,’” Jason says.  “I said maybe, and I walked away.  I’m not going back down there right now.”  He gives an awkward nervous laugh.

Mike swallows her stomach back down to its rightful place.  Guilt increases her inner turmoil; she’s currently wearing one of Colby’s festive and slightly frayed blue and green plaid shirts with light-wash skinny jeans.  Light wash because they might make her bony thighs look a tad fuller.  Not that they’ve done much good fooling her mother, though.  “I…I can’t right now,” she says softly.  “I just…can’t.”

“Hey, I’m not here to, like, torture you or anything,” Jason says, his voice caught between irritation and genuine concern.  “What’s wrong?  Besides mom.”

“Nothing,” Mike says.  She rolls so her knees are on the ground with her torso draped over them and her forehead on the floor.  She breathes down the collar of her shirt and wills the roiling of her stomach to let up.

“Yeah, right,” Jason says.  He pushes the door open another few inches and squats in the doorway a foot or so from Mike’s shoulder.  “I’m serious.  Stop being a jerk and talk to me.”

Mike pauses for a moment.  “I don’t feel good,” she whispers to her knees.  She can feel the skin of her stretched stomach sitting on her denim-clad legs.  Mike experimentally clenches her abdominal muscles, which makes her feel slightly less enormous, but also sends her gulping down rising bile.

“Like, really, or just…I don’t know…in your head?”  Jason’s tone makes it clear it isn’t a dig.  But it doesn’t do much to keep him from sounding as ill-informed as their father.

“Like I’m gonna fucking puke all over this fucking carpet,” Mike growls, shoving herself to standing and wrapping both arms around her stomach.  She fights vertigo on the way up and pauses to steady herself with a shoulder pressed to the wall.

“Hey, breathe for a second, I’m sure you’ll be ok.”  Jason jumps to his feet and tries to put a comforting hand on Mike’s back, but she brushes past him and steps down the hall toward the bathroom.

Mike uncoils one hand from her middle to shut the door behind her, but Jason inserts a hand to stop her.  “Leave me alone,” she breathes. Disgrace foams up her throat and crumples her face.

“What are you doing?” Jason asks seriously.  He locks his dark brown eyes on Mike’s greener set.

“Just…just stop,” Mike whispers.

Jason shakes his head.  His arm falls to his side, and Mike presses the door closed.  She turns the lock with a satisfying click.

Mike isn’t sure if she’s going to sob or retch, but she knows she needs to settle in front of the toilet.  She heaves as soon as she’s down, but all that comes up is spit.  Which is ridiculous, because she can feel every ounce of everything she’s eaten since dawn pressing up against the base of her throat.

The nausea makes her hairline damp, the back of her neck sticky.  Mike’s hands and feet feel freezing compared to the wet heat rising from her core.  She retches again in a disgusting, belchy way and watches clear snotty fluid fall into the toilet water.

“Godfuckingdamnit,” she whispers under her breath.  It has to happen.  It has to happen now.  If Mike sits here wallowing in nausea for another minute, she’s going to die.  Have a brain aneurysm and keel over on the bathroom floor because every inch of her is screaming in pain and clammy sweat.

She shoves her right sleeve up to the elbow and looks down at her trembling hand.  It’s not about calories or fats or even the size of her bloated stomach.  She just wants a second of relief from the horrendous feeling tearing around inside her, and she knows exactly what to do about it.

Mike jams her index finger unceremoniously down her throat.  She pulls back as soon as she feels a mush of stomach contents wash over her hand.  It’s thick and disgusting and hard to get up, the result of too much food and too little fluid, but she rides the next couple heaves and feels the pressure inside her lessen.

Fresh sweat of relief beads on Mike’s brow as she breaks off coughing for a moment.  Then she retches again, all on her own, and the tang of cranberry sauce mixes with the sourness of stomach acid, making her wince and screw up her eyes, which are dripping hot tears down her cheekbones.

Mike tears off a ream of toilet paper and uses it to wipe her face, then to remove the gunk of mucous and vomit from her hand.  She tosses it shakily into the toilet and flushes away the mess, then sits back on her heels for a second.  The beginnings of dehydration have her head throbbing in time with her heartbeat, and shame ignites a blush in Mike’s ashen cheeks.

It’s not like that, Mike tells herself.  She didn’t keep her hand pressed down against the back of her tongue until only yellow bile came up. She let her body do things…normal bodily functions…naturally.  For the most part.

“You’re.  Fine.”  Mike pronounces it with as much force as she can with her hoarse and quivering vocal sound.  She shoves roughly to her feet, using the edge of the countertop to hold her up under a little residual vertigo.

Mike brutally scrubs her hands with the sickeningly floral scented hand soap, then splashes cool tap water over her puffy face.  Her eyes are red, but not bloodshot.  It looks more like she’s just been crying.  Which, to be honest, she has been.  But just a little.

She breathes into a towel for a second, then unlocks the bathroom door.  Mike intends to retreat back to her old bedroom, but she nearly trips over Jason, who’s sitting on the floor of the hall with his knees to his chest.

“What?” Mike snaps at him, her voice shot.

“Mike.”  It’s a sad whisper.

“I threw up.  So fucking what?”

“I know,” Jason says, staring at Mike’s hand, then into her face.

Mike balls her fists.  “No, you don’t.”

“I…It sounds different.  You have to know that.  You have to know I know that.”

“You’re a fucking perv,” Mike spits.  She passes Jason’s crouched form and heads for her room.  “You know nothing about me.”  She thinks about explaining it to the details, describing the degree of grossness until Jason’s face pales and goes green around the edges, but footsteps are coming up the stairs.

“Stay away from me,” Mike threatens.  She swings open her door and slams it shut, turning the lock.  She leans her head against the thin wood, feeling her eyes prickle with tears again.

“Where’s your sister?” Mike hears her mother’s voice ask.

“In her room,” Jason answers with what seems to be the verbal equivalent of a shrug.  “Said her stomach hurt.  Like, cramps or something.”

Mike freezes and lets out her breath in a slow, shaky gust.  She hasn’t had a menstrual cycle in 18 months.  She doesn’t know whether her brother’s aware of that or not, but, as she listens to her mother’s footsteps retreat back down the stairs, Mike thinks perhaps Jason does know her just the right amount.