#currently at home waiting to GO ON MY TRIP we had to postpone leaving until the next day bc of my parents' work... grrr

[itskeej]

What is ghost rider and who is the best ghost rider it confuses me

It's been a hot minute since I've dabbled in ghost rider lore but basically, the idea is that there's a spirit of vengeance that inhabits a body as its vessel. "Ghost Rider" is a title so someone can be one minus being called a Ghost Rider, but that's like... complicated (AKA I'm lazy)

The Ghost Rider that I think is like... the ""classic one"" is this guy Johnny Blaze who sold his soul to this demon lord dude Mestipho, and Mestipho was all like "yeah now you're gonna be my funky little errand boy" and the entity Zarathos inhabits him which was what made Johnny a ghost Ghost Rider. We also stan Robbie Reyes who I think is like... the fifth Ghost Rider (or at least the fifth to use the title THERE'S A LOT OF THEM SURPRISINGLY) and I love his car, it's so rad. Pretty sure he also got the demon-thing-body-roommate treatment with Zarathos too, but there's other stuff that can make someone one, although they're not always technically called a Ghost Rider. This dude Kowalski (WHO HAS GREEN FIRE it's a vibe but i make fun of him because he's like, baby rage mad at a Ghost Rider) ended up being left with a portion of Ghost Rider's powers which turned him into a spirit of vengeance, so like... Ghost Rider but minus the title.

I have... actually not read/watched every Ghost Rider story but I do enjoy Johnny Blaze, Robbie Reyes, Goose Rider (HE IS A GOOSE!!!!! Very quirky!), and Frank Castle as the Cosmic Ghost Rider, that was a funky time. If you wanna see ones on screen, the first Ghost Rider starring Nicolas Cage is really fun (I'm super normal about that movie and TOTALLY haven't watched it 283728372 times) and then Robbie Reyes is in Agents of Shield the show!

So sorry for the info dump,

Basically I just think he's neat-

[justblades]

MIXER WITH LUXIEM !

☆ a supposedly innocent mixer event with the luxiem boys, but then unpleasant scenarios unfold one after another leading to a suprising turn of events.

☆ warnings: mdni, smut. 6some, masochist sadistic themes, gang bang, drunk sex, facefucking, unprotected sex, light bondage, submissive! reader, bukkake, not proofread. (gender neutral reader)

☆ a/n: i'm back and ready to live rent free in the luxiem smut tags again >:) also, the horny took over me with this one sorry if it's messy 

the tension sits heavily in the air almost feeling a little suffocating - the earsplitting bass sounds from the karaoke bounce off the lavish, cushioned walls. you gulp down the huge lump forming in your throat, consciously tugging the hem of your clothes from the agitation dawning on your now disturbed peace of mind.

"so, when are your other friends going to join you for today's mixer?" ike decides to thaw the thick ice of unfamiliarity by asking a question, to which you immediately shifted your focus to. "ah— you're right, i'll check if they've responded to my messages."

the bi-haired male flashes you a smile as he leans on the huge sofas, waiting for an update regarding the hosts of the mixer. you quickly open your phone with one swipe and proceeded to check the messages application. fortunately, they have responded— but as soon as you read the contents of their answers, you wished right then and there you vanish into thin air.

"hi sorry an emergency came up! enjoy the mixer with them in the meantime, they're a bunch of decent guys, they don't bite (:"

you feel your soul leave you at the exact moment after seeing the whole text, your heart starting to race quicker by pulse and palms sweating from the nervousness gnawing at your bones. turning your head to the direction where the male who wore glasses sat on, you were appalled to see his figure not present there. instead, a new person welcomes your vision— someone who had a quite bizarre appearance, hair is of onyx black but streaked with blond and lush violet color. he was looking at you across the table. "ike left for a moment, he said he's going to order some drinks for us. what's the matter?" his voice sounded honeyed yet lightweight, his aura emanating of warmth and friendliness.

"apparently my two friends couldn't come, and that means it's only the six of us here." you explain to him the sticky situation as his slight smile purses into a thin line. "oh hold on, i'll talk to the others regarding this issue." he says and rises from his seat to approach the three males by the doorstep, calling the staff for the drinks they ordered.

meanwhile you were now left with a male whose looks were sharp and intimidating, mainly his aquamarine irises sending shivers running up and down your spine. you try to avoid his gaze but then a voice from his direction reverberates inside the room in spite of the loud music playing. "hey, you alright there?" his tone was laced with a mix of concern and pressure, you whip your head to look at him and nod a couple times, fake it until you make it, they said.

finally getting to talk with the boys about the scenario, all of you almost came to a conclusion to postpone the event, go home and hold one again when your friends are finally free. but when one man asks how long the trip was from your home to the city and you answered 'three hours', hesitation perturbed their minds. at present, you're currently doing everything to convince them that it's not that big of a deal but the man from earlier insisted, "we need to make the most out of this mixer to make sure your three hour trip pays off well." upon thorough observation of him for the past hour, he was referred by his friends as vox. he radiates the controlling type in a relationship and he definitely gives you chills whenever he gets near you.

another man exclaims in agreement, amethyst eyes squinting into two crescent moons from his blinding smile. "yeah! exactly!" you were sure he was luca. as for ike, the two of you have exchanged several sentences already so there's no difficulty in trying to get to know him more. for shu, he looks someone striking but his saccharine sweet voice almost made you melt like an ice cream faced with the sweltering hot summers and lastly, mysta who you feel most disconnected with.

"if vox insists on that then we'll have to first acknowledge the elephant in the room, we have to break the ice to truly have a fun time no?" speak of the devil, mysta suggests and you agree in your mind.

"ice breaker questions it is then?" shu suggests, while all of you nod in agreement. luca was then tasked to search up icebreaker questions that were truly proved to break the ice, while vox and ike had to get the drinks delivered to your rented room.

you thought it will be a fucky wucky moment to be stuck with a room full of 5 attractive men, but then as you got on the icebreaker questions, the thick, suffocating tension that used to linger in the air ceases in an instant. you started to get a long with them and understood each of their humor, exchanging laughter and teasing every opportunity you get.

"i must say, you're a fun person to be around with." mysta expresses, his gaze at you now was far different from the previous one. this time, he looked affectionate and softer— you were so focused in his charm that you lately noticed he switched places. this time, he sits beside you and balls his fist, waiting for you to reciprocate the gesture. "no, you are." you answer and fist bump him as well. later on, luca's tread of foosteps against the marble floors grow louder as he enters the scene, holding a tray of liquors of different shades in color and varying greatly from the glass sizes. "here you go!" he chimes, voice velvety deep but at the same time enthusiastic. he seats himself beside you and distributes the drinks to each one, making sure he didn't get it mixed up.

"okay, next question please! whose turn is it?" you ask the boys as you nestle the liquor glass on the palm of your hand, swaying it a little— the vivid yellow liquid dances at the rims. "i think we ran out of questions." shu responds with a worried expression sculpted on his features.

another parts his lips open, "good thing i brought this." he chuckles at the end of his statement as he whips out an oval container and rattles it, making shaking sounds. you cock a brow, confused but when vox takes the lid off and reveals the embossed chopsticks with the numbers ranging from 1 to 8 and the word 'king'. all of you suddenly felt the fervor ignite in your heart as you cheered, looking forward to the game you're about to play.

"the king's game. i suppose everyone is familiar with this already?" he places the container on the center of the glasstop table, looking at each person in the room by the eyes. the five of you nod in unison, waiting for the follow up rules. "good. since it's just us six here, i'm getting rid of the numbers 7 and eight, is that clear?"

"let the king's game begin!"

vox commences the beginning of the game and everyone eagerly pulled a chopstick to their own accord and intuition. you hide your pull with a palm covering the chopstick of what you got, but out of curiosity, you scanned the whole room to guess what the others could've gotten. from the looks of it, they seemed to be disappointed and when you finally reveal your hand to yourself, you snickered in victory. you pulled the king.

"i order number 2 to down his drink all the way!" ike's jaw falls agape, "i think the alcohol is getting to your system." he says as all of you wait for the reveal who got the number 2.

apprently it was mysta to which he immediately accepts the challenge and obeys your command. he aggressively gulps the drink all the way down, his adam's apple moving in intervals from the rate he's going. the next thing you knew, his glass was empty. "i'll never forgive you for this." he says as he drapes his arms on his head for support, heaving deep breaths as he feels a heating line down his throat.

the second round then begins shortly after . . luck didn't last that long apparently as you pulled the number 5.

"i order number 2 to flash number 5!" mysta, the king commands to which you slowly turned your head to your right and looked at him in horror. "mysta . . take that back right now."

"oops, which number did you get?" he chuckles as the corners of his lips spread wider. you slowly mouth 'five' and he slams the cushions as he cackles louder than ever.

vox rises from his seat and dusts his formal white blazers, the beads of his bracelet clashing against each other with each movement. "reveal yourself, number five." he says sternly as he preares to unzip his slacks. with enough courage to muster, you raised your hand and avoided his gaze from the way you brazenly stare at mysta's direction. your heartbeat picks up by each second, your hold on the liquor glass was starting to shake and knees about to tremble.

"let's get this over with." the ebony haired says as his calloused fingers hold the tip of your chin, forcibly making you look at him. as soon as you were face to face with vox, you saw his erection springing free just like that, his free hand stroking it lightly. it was veiny, girthy and long all at the same, stirring your thoughts into a cesspool of emotions.

"a surprising flashing from vox akuma! as expected!" mysta commentates, energy not fading anytime soon. he casually laughs the events off while shu and ike were speechless most of the time. meanwhile luca, he indulges in his alcohol from time to time. "you look stiff." the gray haired says as he gives you another drink with a pat on your shoulder, "relax, you're gonna enjoy this."

"round 3! i order number 6 to give number 1 hickeys!" the luck you deemed you had immediately vanished the moment you no longer got to pull the king chopstick. shu walks up to you and seats himself beside, sticking his long tongue out with his hand on your neck in an instant. "sorry about this." he says as he proceeds to start off with flicking his tongue against your supple, sensitive skin granting him whispers from your lips. shu then lightly sucks on several spots of your neck, also nibbling on the part and vice versa— reaching to a point where you're shamelessly moaning from his lustful kisses.

every time shu leaves a spot as it was done, you could hear his poorly stifled hums of pleasure from biting down on your skin. "shu? i think that's enough—"

"there's no such thing as enough." the familiar deep voice chimes into your ears like a reminder as you attempt to look at what was happening, and it was vox clasping on your left arm, slowly dragging his tongue over your wrist with gentle strokes.

shu didn't seem to understand what you were saying as he continued to nibble on your skin, littering couple shades darker of bruises from your skin in every almost spot of your neck. "w—wait!" you whimper from a sudden sensation from your lower region only to see ike with an innocent smile carved on his lush lips. he was palming your sex through your clothes in a painful slow manner, getting you riled up even more.

"you need to drink . . more." luca's lips crashes on yours, forcefully slipping his hot tongue in your mouth, drowning you with his lukewarm juices with a tinge of liquor aftertaste. you shut your eyes and try to relax for a moment, but to no avail, you couldn't.

who could focus in this time where 4 men are pleasuring you all at once? 4 men? that's when it clicked, where is mysta? even though you were occupied by exchanging sloppy kisses with the blond, you lazily flutter your eyes open in search of the man. "don't exclude me out of the fun." he says and throws the chopsticks behind him, losing interest in the game and jumping on in whatever is happening. "mysta . ." you call out to the grizzle haired, but he beams you his snarky smile.

as soon as you peel your eyes open, you were shocked to feel your hands tied up at your front, the leather feeling restrained upon your skin. apparently, the material looks familiar. "the king orders you to . . give these two gorgeous men your best blowjob!" in front of you, standing were ike and luca, pants stripped all the way down, cocks twitching at the sight of you being submissive. your genital throbbed from the sight, their dicks were practically begging to be lapped up by your warm mouth anf you gladly obeyed.

you use your tied up hands to stroke ike's while you gave kitty licks for luca's throbbing dick, starting from the tip down to his shaft. the longer you traced his veins with your tongue, the more melodic luca's moans has become; almost as if like it's music to your ears, it feels very rewarding. realizing that you were paying less attention to ike, you immediately tended to his needs as you stroke him up and down while enveloping his crown with your lips, flicking his slit left and right in a harsh manner.

the onyx rimmed glasses that sat crookedly from the bridge of his nose falls off the more he tried to adore the view below him. you attempt to not break the titillating eye contact you share with him as you gobble him all up in slow motions, circling your palm around his shape in the same rhythm. ike's mewls of satisfaction slips as muddy white strings spring out, as well as from luca who has been currently pumping himself, getting off on watching you pleasure his friend for a solid minute.

mysta gives you another glass of drink to gulp in one go and you happily accept, grinning wide after you down the liquor just like that. "next please!"

"the king orders you to . . be a submissive cocksleeve for shu yamino and vox akuma!"

the two men approaches your wobbly figure, possibly from the alcohol in your system acting up already. "shall we take turns, shu?" vox queries and shu mumbles a low yes. you lay on your stomach by the cushioned sofas as shu faces you while vox positions himself in your hole. he wets the tip of his dick with a lubricant he purchased downstairs, and you could feel the contrast cold temperature of the lube in paradox with the heated up session of the mixer.

shu casually strokes himself, long and slender fingers smoothly gliding along the tip of his cock all the way down. you watch him pleasure himself with a tantalizing gaze, clouded with intoxication and lust as well as your sane bones. for tonight, maybe it wouldn't be that bad to be rowdy. an intrusion from down there abruptly cuts your grimy train of thoughts, you almost felt like screaming in the spot from how big he was. "a goddamn clamper." vox cusses under his breath as his hands grips your naked waist, the pressure leaving imprints on your skin for sure.

he starts off with a fast pace, stealthily thrusting in and out of your hole even though your walls clamp around his shape like there's no tomorrow. the feeling was bizarre yet it felt good, but then shu decides to start it as well. "open your mouth." you wholeheartedly oblige and opened wide, your arms propping you up from the sofa as support to suck him off. your body racks back and forth from the demon's force exerted on you, lapping shu's dick the same way and direction with a few pumps of both of your hands at the same time.

mysta who has been watching from the sidelines earlier, couldn't wait any longer as he squats down to your level and gloved hands snake on your chest, the glossy fabric brushing past your hardened nipples. you yelp in surprise, not seeing him enter the scene nor anticipating his participation. "they say that when you slap a nipple it will harden for 10 seconds."

"i wonder if your nipples can get any harder than this?" he asks and looks at your eyes with genuine curiosity lingering in his irises, to which you gladly answered, "wanna try?"

a slap sound reverberates in the room, apart from your cheeks getting clapped by vox in the other hand. the sharp stinging of pain made you whimper but to mysta's amusement, your nipples indeed got harder than ever. "i see. you're into his huh?"

"alright! it's about time we wrap the game with a bang! the king shall claim the cocksleeve with its hole and the four men who were unfortunate to pull the king's role shall jack off and reward the cocksleeve with their cum! yay!"

vox and shu stops with what they're doing as you sit yourself on mysta's lap, teasing your hole with the dick you've never felt before. luca, ike, shu and vox gathers around the two of you and pumps their cock in their own pace and style, while mysta prods your walls with his cock in, balls deep with no warning at all. "oh fuck!" you swear under your breath as you keep your eyes peeled open to see a grandeur view right in front of you. gorgeous males stroking themselves, getting off on the scene of you getting railed by the king.

you lick your lips in anticipation as mysta bucks his hips upwards once more, "yes! yes! just like that!" you exclaim at him and bite your lower lip as he continually hits the right spot. "jesus christ . ." you stammer, feeling a little too spent from the numerous sessions earlier.

"i'm already tired but . . you four look like you need a hand."

grabbing a hold of vox and ike's dicks with one hand on the left— luca and shu's cocks on your right, you sloppily stroke them, tongue sticking out, wanting to be rewarded already.

luca couldn't avert his gaze away from you, but tries not to indulge in the feeling a little too much by covering his view with his gloved hand, the golden ring on his thumb glinting from the disco light in the room. "what's wrong, boss?" you tease him as you flash him a reassuring smile. "we need to meet up after this, got it?" and the blond was wrapped around your pinky finger just like that.

shu who has been beet red ever since he started to do these things with you, his expressions said it all: he's having a fun time yet the shame is eating him up. "shu . . you want to put it in me after this?" he slightly nods as he pumps his erection along with your tremblind hand.

on the other hand, ike was attempting to remove the belt tying both of your hands up to make the jack of session a whole lot easier. the moment the buckles came off, the moment your realization dawned on your mind. what were keeping you restrained were ike's belts and now it definitely feels a lot better and lighter in weight.

lastly, vox who has been swearing for the nth time this night as he unabashedly watches every detail of your actions in pleasuring the five of them. he was absolutely smitten how you took him earlier with a tender, loving smile in spite of the sudden intrusion of his dick into your velvet walls. "good thing the mixer ends like this." his fangs flash from a nanosecond of his mumbling, focus heavily anchored on your exhausted face.

mysta starts to feel his release nearing and you could tell how his toes start to curl, head throwing back from the satisfaction and lust desire being fulfilled with the use of your walls. "fuck! i'm cumming!" he exclaims and shoots it all inside you, down to the very last droplet of his cum that he painted your walls cloudy white in monochromatic hues.

you pant heavily as mysta's arms tightly envelop your body, feeling a little too fucked up with dicks and alcohol in the mix.

"what a great night."

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑀𝑎𝑓𝑖𝑎! 𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝐹𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑒 𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑠 𝐴𝑤𝑎𝑦

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, supporting, justifying or encouraging mafia activities or lifestyle. This is all fictional and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

❃𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰❃

You thought you made a good escape. Booking a one way ticket back to your home country under a different name, using fake passport and security never noticed? You seriously believed that Hongjoong would never find you either. It did pain you to leave him. You loved him, but after finding out who he really was, your first instinct was to get out of there.

You reached the hotel that you had booked and grabbed the key to your room. You were exhausted from the flight and from holding in your tears. You just wanted to crawl under some blankets and cry yourself to sleep. But those plans were never fulfilled.

You closed the door to your room, and maneuvered your way around the dark room, trying to find the light switch. Once you found it, you turned it on and gasped out loud when you were greeted by none other than Hongjoong, who was currently sitting on the hotel's bed.

"You know......if you wanted to have a little vacation, you could have just asked me. I always did wanted to see where you grew up." His voice was surprisingly calm, but you noticed the tiny hint of sarcasm hidden underneath.

Standing up, he walked towards you and tilted your chin up to look at him.

"Enjoy these few days I'm willing to give you Y/N, because after that, we're flying straight back home. I'm not going to postpone our wedding."

He leaned in closer, his lips almost brushing against yours.

"You will become my wife....Got it?"

You simply nodded, as there was nothing you could do. You could never escape him.

❃𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪❃

Seeking refuge with an old friend was the only option you felt you had at the moment. Seonghwa knew all your other friends and relatives, but not this one. And they were more than willing to help you out. You didn't give them the details and they didn't try to make you talk. They just knew you needed a place to hide for the time being until you figured out what to do and so they let you stay in a house they owned a small town that they hardly used.

It is exactly what you needed. It was quite hidden away from the city and you were pretty sure Seonghwa would never look for you there. But you were wrong. Seonghwa would go even to the depths of hell to look for you. It felt like hell to him not knowing where you were, but alas, he did found you.

You were walking back from the nearby grocery store when he stepped out in front of you, making you drop the bag you were holding to the floor. You tried to run away, but he caught your arm and pulled you to him.

"Did you really think it was smart to run away from me? Hmm?" He asked.

"S-Seonghwa.." You squirmed in his arms.

"Don't even try to apologize. Do you have any idea how agonizing it was not knowing if you were even alive?!" He held you even firmer.

"Please! Let me go!" You cried out.

"Oh no honey. There's no way I'm lettting you go..."

He smirked and whispered in your ear:

"Especially now when I know you're carrying my child..."

❃𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸❃

Yunho could sense that something was off with you. Ever since that night when he confessed to you what he did, you had put a little more distance between you two. You didn't seem to enjoy planning your wedding anymore, in fact, you looked sick at times whenever he mentioned it to you. It pained him to think that you were now regretting everything and he feared he'd lose you.

That fear nearly came true. One of his men informed him that you were packing up things. His heart stopped for a minute and in a flash he drove over to your guys' apartment to stop you from leaving him. He couldn't lose you.

As you were walking out with a suitcase, Yunho opened the door and stood in the of you.

"Please don't....." Was the first thing he said.

"I'm sorry Yunho....but I can't do this." You tried to sound convincing, but even you yourself couldn't hold back your emotions.

"That's not what you said 3 months ago. 3 months ago, I offered you my heart and you said yes. You promised me that you'd stay by my side forever." He began tearing up.

"3 months ago I didn't know that you were a killer!" You shouted at him.

"That shouldn't change anything though!" Yunho exclaimed.

"But it does Yunho! It changes everything! I don't even know the man I thought I loved! That's why I have to leave you."

You tried to push past him, but Yunho held you in his arms, desperate to keep you from leaving, pleading and begging for you to stay.

"No Y/N! You can't leave me! Please! I'll do anything, anything! I'll even leave my life of crime, but please....please..."

He sobbed softly and looked in your eyes.

"I'm begging you, please don't leave me. I love you..."

❃𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰❃

Finally you were safe. That's what you kept repeating to yourself. Safe from him, from his prying eyes and safe from actually binding yourself to him for life. You were so wrong.

It had been weeks since you left the small apartment you were currently renting. You refused to go outside in fear that he'd find you. After a few weeks though and no sign of him, you thought you'd be safe enough to just walk to a nearby convenience store and get a few snacks for yourself. As soon as you stepped foot outside the apartment complex, a black car pulled up in front of you and before you knew it, 2 of Yeosang's men grabbed you and forced you in the vehicle, where the man himself was waiting for you.

"We have a long way home so I suggest we start talking." Was all he said.

You scoffed. "There's nothing to talk about."

Yeosang turned to look at you.

"We're supposed to be getting married in 2 weeks, yet you go running away. That's not something to talk about? Clearly we have problems in our relationship and I want to fix them before the wedding."

"There's nothing to talk about because there is no relationship. I'm done with you Yeosang."

You felt his cold glare at you and you didn't want to turn and see his eyes that were now burning holes into your skin. Yeosang took off his seatbelt and placed his hands on the seat above your head.

"You have no choice anymore babe. The minute you accepted my proposal, is the day you became mine. Get it through your head: You're mine now...."

❃𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷❃

It was all badly planned, you knew that from the beginning. But still you decided to try your luck and run away from San. But the devil has eyes everywhere and works harder than anyone. Roughly 4 hours after you ran away, you found yourself being escorted back to your house, where San was already waiting for you in your bedroom.

San pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Seriously? Do you have anymore stupid ideas in that brain of yours?" He asked you.

You didn't respond, you just simply looked down at the floor.

"So you're not going to talk to me?" He tilted his head to the side, a small scoff escaping his lips.

San walked over to you. His hand gently traced your jawline, before cupping the side of your face, his thumb running across your bottom lip. You knew what he was trying to do and you tried to move away from him, but instead, he pressed you up against the wall.

"There's more than one way to make you talk kitten....you know that don't you?"

You tried to not look at him, but he tilted your chin up to see him. His eyes were full of lust but also love and adoration for you.

"Tell me you don't love me.....look into my eyes and if you can tell me you don't love me anymore, I'm willing to let you go." He promised.

But you couldn't, you knew that you couldn't lie to him about that. Especially not when his lips were so dangerously close to yours and you wanted him to just kiss you.

"I can't. I can't say it. I love you San-"

Before you could even finish, his hands cupped your face and he kissed you fervently.

"I knew you still loved me..."

❃𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲❃

You could no longer see him the same way as before now that you knew the truth: your sweet, bubbly fiance was in reality one of the most feared and terrifying men in the city, guilty of some of the most heinous crimes you have ever heard of. You refused to believe it at first, thinking it was all a lie, a nightmare that you wanted to wake up from.

But you had to face reality and you realized you couldn't stay with him. Staying with him meant putting yourself and your loved ones in danger. And you couldn't do that. That's why you tried to run away as far away as possible from everything.

But he brought you back, he wasn't going to let you leave his side.

"I can't let you leave Y/N. You made me promise and I won't let you break it." He told you firmly.

"The promise I made that day was to someone else. It was to the man I fell in love with, the sweet, innocent and dorky man I adored." You stated.

Mingi slammed his fist on the table.

"That man is still me!"

"No it's not! That man was merely an illusion, a fantasy! You're nothing but a murderer! A criminal! A liar who wore a mask to hide who he really was! How can I ever trust you again?!" You exclaimed.

Mingi stayed quiet, trying hard to keep his composure. He slowly started to walk over to you.

"I'm still the same man you met that day at the park, Y/N. I never lied and I never deceived you..."

Once he reached you, he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Give me a chance to prove to you that I'm still the man you fell in love with..."

❃𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰❃

Wooyoung had eyes watching you 24/7, even before you started dating, before you even knew of his existence, he was always there watching. So he knew how you were planning on running away from him, but he never let you know that he knew what you were up to. He knew you were waiting for the right moment, so he played along and pretended he was going on a business trip somewhere.

Just as he expected, you grabbed a suitcase and started rummaging through the house for your passport to leave. But you couldn't find your passport, it wasn't where you left it.

"Looking for something darling?"

Wooyoung's voice in the doorway startled you and it scared you more when you saw he was holding up your passport. He smirked as he began walking towards you.

"You know, I'm not as dumb as you think I am sweetheart. I know you better than you know yourself..." He began saying.

He backed you up against him bed and pulled you against him.

"That's why I know you don't actually want to leave me." He smirked.

"How would you know?" You raised an eyebrow at him.

"Because you love me, you can try to deny it, but you still love me. You know you do. Even your own body betrays you."

His lips began kissing up your neck as his hands caressed you underneath your shirt, causing you to bite your lip as you tried to hold in a moan.

Wooyoung kissed all the way up to your lips and bit down on your lower lip. He then pushed you down on the bed and hovered above you.

"Let me remind you of one of the many reasons you love me and can't leave me..."

❃𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸❃

"You have 1 hour to bring her back, understand?! Not 1 minute later."

"Yes sir." Jongho's men said as they went on their search for you.

He was livid. He began his usual habit of breaking apples to ease his rage. He was angry at everyone: at you for running away, at his men for letting you get away in the first place, at himself for letting you find out who he was, and at the whole situation in general. But he was also scared, terrified in fact, of losing you, of you getting hurt. He could never forgive himself if something happened to you.

As soon as his men brought you back to him, he held you close to him.

"Y/N please don't ever scare me like that again! You had me worried to death!"

But you said nothing to him, simply stared at him with cold eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked you.

"How else am I supposed to look at you when I know who you are and what you do?" You responded, venom could be felt in your words.

"Y/N don't start right now. We're days away from getting married. I'd like us to start our married life with happiness like all other couples." He warned you.

You let out a dry chuckle at his words.

"But we're not like other couples are we now? Besides, who said I'll marry you?" You questioned him.

Jongho's grip on you tightened.

"You already gave me your word."

"Maybe I take it back. Maybe I don't want to marry you anymore. Maybe I just want to be as far away from you as possible." You told him.

Jongho half smiled at you.

"I hate to break it to you princess....but what makes you think you have a choice now? We're getting married and that's final."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Nine | Dating Tense! (Part 2 of 3)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Though your sense of amiability and acumen have warped themselves since last weekend, you feel some of that patience and kindness return when Toriel greets you into her new home, the scent of food and her smile soothing whatever anger you had prior to ringing her doorbell.

Sans gestures for you to go ahead first despite him being the most familiar with her and the most affected by the rain, but you persist in your manners and tell him to go change out of his clothes first and foremost. Though they're now dry from how long it's been since he got rained on, it's still evident and necessary for him to change out of them with how tired and disheveled he looks, wrinkled up clothes, slouched posture, and a tired gaze combining to make him look sleep-deprived. “I have a change of clothes in my car,” you say, offering him an abashed smile. “It’s a work uniform and probably a little too big for you, but…” You trail off and feel your face turn warm; remembering all his failed attempts at flirting with you doesn’t help with your situation. “You can still use them, if you want to.”

“It’s cool.” He keeps a neutral expression despite noticing how reluctant you'd acted with him just now, levels different from how you were with him back in your car. “I’m here pretty often, so I’ve gotta change of clothes or two stocked up. And I also gotta go pick up Papyrus first, so I’ll just freshen up after I’m done with that." 

"You should still shower and change first." You frown at the thought of him driving out in the rain again, without rest or care over himself. "It doesn't matter if you dried off or not! You'll get sick if you don't take care of yourself first." You give him your car keys, your umbrella, and take off the suit of your uniform, giving him all three items as you add, “Ditch the jacket and wear this once you’re done freshening up.”

“Thanks,” he says after a while, voice quiet and gaze barely capable of looking straight at you without faltering. “But the keys ain’t really necessary. I can use my-”

“I insist.” You push the keys further into his hand, making him hold yours for just a second before you pull away. “Now go.”

• • •

The first thing Toriel gives you after Sans drives off in your car is a big hug and a firm hold on your shoulders, eyes facing yours with concern. "How… How are you feeling?" she asks, smile changing for a faint frown as she lets go and gestures for you to pass through. Your persistence on not doing that until you were sure Sans followed your suggestions had led to some small talk between you and her while you waited, but only talking about everyday matters and without being nowhere near as personal as she’s being with you right now, whatever concerns she’d been having since your hospitalization showing up now. "Lunch is ready, if you would like to eat now!"

How considerate she's being makes you regret the thought of bringing up the topic you discussed with Sans regarding her once wanting to adopt Frisk. You don't want to point fingers nor hurry into it yet, but there's something about her telling you she'd just finished picking Frisk early due to the stormy weather and that they’re currently sleeping at a bedroom made especially for them that makes jealousy spike within you. The thought of her being a better parent than you makes your stomach queasy and weakens your once tolerant mindset along with the strength of the promise you made of hearing the monsters' perspective before making any rash or abrupt decisions.

"There's no rush," you reply, smiling at her. "I can wait. I'm feeling okay, and I think it would be better if we all ate together instead.” 

You enter her home, welcomed by a near replica of her old one at the Ruins -- a great contrast from her former, minimalist apartment. Her new place is just as big as the one at the Underground, and with a similar colour scheme of mostly beiges and yellows, too. The only difference is the layout and furniture of the living room, decorated with two large couches and a small television, but even then the compact kitchen and the hallway leading off to more rooms seem similar to her old home. 

You sit down with her and toy with the sleeve of your shirt as you try to bring yourself to say something before engaging in any other, friendlier conversation with her -- beyond your small talk about how she and Frisk were doing while you were busy with work. "Would it be…" You hesitate; fear over being tactless makes you bite back your tongue. "Would it be alright with you to talk about something, well… kind of personal?” you ask, meeting her eyes. “The tour last weekend left me with some doubts, so I'd like to clear them out, if possible."

She looks at you with furrowed brows and a small smile, as if you’ve asked her something obvious. “Of course it’s fine, (L/N),” she replies, shifting closer to you as she lays a hand over yours, hers fluffy and much warmer in comparison to a human’s. “What is it? Is it about what-”

Your talk is postponed before it can even begin properly, whatever she was about to ask you held back as you both move your attention to the new and old faces that enter the living room.

Papyrus is here, along with Sans, who -- clearly telling the truth about how weak his magic was when unprovoked -- now looks as exhausted as you often felt after a long shift at work. Even so, he doesn’t let that stop him from walking to your side and giving you your keys and suit jacket back. “Thanks for lendin’ me your car, pal,” he says, almost wobbling when he takes a step back. “Have you talked that stuff out with Tori yet?”

“Not yet,” you say, smile fading and forehead scrunching up when you get a better look at how different he seems compared to barely a while ago. “But should you really be worrying about that right now? You look exhausted!” You frown when you notice he looks twice -- if not, thrice -- as worse as he did when leaving to go find Papyrus. The time on your phone states it hasn’t even been thirty minutes since he drove off, so you wonder if he’d used any additional magic to make his trip shorter along the way.

“I’ll be fine. Just needa sleep a lil’ and I’ll be good as-”

Cards reversed, it’s now your turn to catch him when he stumbles again.

Before he can even say something in objection to your actions, you carry him off to the couch across from the one you and Toriel were sitting on and lay him there. “Rest for a bit.” You press the back of your hand against his cheekbone and check his temperature, felt considerably low compared to how warm he was on the few occasions when you hugged each other. “A shower and a change of clothes won’t do you any good if you don’t rest.”

"Didn't think I'd be gettin' my own, personal doctor today," he comments, returning to his brazen self despite how tired his voice sounds.

"Now's not the time for that, bonehead." You glare at him and press him back down when he tries to sit up. "Sleep, or I'll knock you unconscious myself."

Thankfully, he doesn't push further and does as told, falling asleep in the blink of an eye.

• • •

Try as you might, it becomes impossible for the good mood left behind since arriving at Toriel's place to stay intact.

Having nothing left to do but wash dishes and later wait for the rain to clear up made you gather the needed courage to ask her over that particular subject, yet you’re pretty sure you came off as rash at one point in beginning with the conversation. “Why did you want to adopt Frisk without knowing if they had fallen intentionally or not? And why didn’t you ask them if they had a family waiting for them before they went on a journey and broke the Barrier?” were reasonable and simple enough questions, though there was much left to be said about your tone and you adding, “Do you know how… how awful it felt when I was told you wanted to take them as your child, at one point?”

Three hours.

Only three hours into arriving at her new home, and yet your relationship with her was already becoming about as tense as Sans’s after your nearly ten hour long tour.

"I did not intend to take Frisk away from you, and I would have never asked them that, had I known they were missing you just as much as you were," the goat lady says, a smile showing through, though made pained by the furrow in her brow and teary eyes. "But I would still like to keep seeing them, if you allow me to." She breathes in. "And now that you require a babysitter, I can and would gladly continue to look after them while you work. They are very dear to me, and I cannot bear to never see them again." She breathes sharply again, holding back her gloom through those means. "I understand you may not trust us, but please do get to know us before you make your judgment, and perhaps then you will… understand we only want what's best for you and your child."

Calm down.

That’s a phrase you continue to repeat to yourself before opening your mouth again.

Nonetheless, you fail in doing that and come back at her with, "And couldn't you think like that back when your kind decided to attack them -- wanting what's best instead of letting them go alone, just like that?" You cross your arms tight and dismiss any thoughts about your missed meeting once more, too caught up with the current situation to give mind to your job. "I was told many of your kind attacked Frisk for little to no reason. And then I decided to ask about what that sentry job implied, and I find out Sans was actually meant to kill any human who crossed him?" You try not to let your voice grow loud, yet thoughts over losing Frisk and the desperation you went through searching for them all around the map make you livid. You're tearing up yourself, yet you prove unable to compose yourself like Toriel does, letting these stain your cheeks. "You expect me to trust a guy like him, when all that kept him from killing my child was Karma and a… a supposed promise he made to someone else? Do you expect me to trust him when- when he could've done the same to me, or anyone else of my kind? How can you expect me to stay calm, when your kind acted badly in their own way?"

You're full-on crying now, pent-up worries of the days you spent on a relentless, fruitless search over Frisk almost making you wobble to the ground; your wit and sheer want to be strong are what prevent you from showing it. You cover your face with your hands while guilt and doubts enter your mind. Your knees are frail, though some of that stress is let out through a heavy huff, and your hands let go when you compose yourself more. "I thought Frisk hated me, a- and that's why they ran off." You feel a hand place itself right on top of your head, careful yet attempting to soothe you further. "I thought I'd done something wrong, or that I… That I failed as a parent. But then…” You shudder the next time you breathe out. “Then Brenda calls me and says something important happened. And- And next thing I know, Frisk shows up in the news!"

While the current hand is fluffy, the next one causes you to jolt back up into guard. Its bony feel on your shoulder makes you shake it off and face the one responsible with cold, narrowed eyes. 

When you see it's Papyrus, you hold back and face him with gentler eyes, a frown replacing your anger. "I'm thankful for what you all did to look after Frisk while I wasn't around, but I still can't… I really still can't overlook what Asgore wanted to do to my kind, or what he ordered Sans and... and other monsters to do." You breathe in, chest heaving and shuddering again when letting that same breath out. “H- Hate me if you will, but I... I need time to understand the reasons behind all of this."

Too weak to stand any longer, Papyrus takes note of that himself and helps you off to the couch, where Sans still rests at. His usage of what little magic he had left in him shows through how slumped his sitting posture is and how his eye sockets are half-lidded as he tries not to fall asleep. He straightens and scoots away, leaving you with more than plenty of space for you to sit down beside him.

"(L/N)," the taller one says, keeping a hand on your shoulder and bringing you to stare at him. "We do not hate you. What we want is for you to hear us out and understand we mean no harm any longer." He pulls back, gaze knitted as sympathy shows on his smile. "I was once meant to capture any human who crossed on over to Snowdin, and as you said, Sans was meant to… to end them." He stops, smile fading. "So your worry and panic are understandable. I do not expect you to forgive and forget, but I do ask you to please listen to what we have to say and try to understand the rather… complicated relationship humans and monsters used to have."

It’s been more than an hour since your meeting ended, yet the rain's still pouring strong and the news station left to play on the television is already reporting over nearby routes being flooded by what now has to be a tropical storm. Frisk is still sleeping in the goat lady's bedroom, helping make the situation a bit easier for you to manage with. Though -- at the thought of being stuck with the monsters for what you assume is going to be a long, long while -- you sigh, trying to regain both strength and calm alike. 

"Been rainin' a lot since we left the Underground," Sans comments, a tired slur to his words. He's changed the topic completely, helping you with the process. "Think this's really connected to us? A lotta people've been blamin' monsters for it."

"I think it's silly they'd blame you for it," you reply, finding more ease in the topic. "There was a heavy drought not long before Frisk fell to the Underground, so I think it was to expect we'd have even heavier rains soon." Surprisingly, he offers you a napkin, avoiding the touch of hands by pulling away as quickly as his magic-worn state allows him to. "Thank you." You pat at your tears and wipe your face clean, stopping when you hear muffled laughter coming from him.

"...What?" you ask, facing the skeleton with a raised brow.

That only makes him break down more, though he contains himself to reply with, "Nothin'."

You hear Papyrus huff and see him stand next to you. He offers a mirror out to you, something you reject when you tell him you have one with you. "Sans, now's not the time for this!" he exclaims, hands on his hips. "You'll never gain (L/N)’s trust if you continue to disrupt every single opportunity you have for it!"

While listening to their argument, you see Toriel's sadness vanish right on par with yours. You look at yourself in the mirror, holding back a laugh of your own when you see two large circles surrounding your eyes, with a colour blatantly opposite to the (s/t) shade(s) of your skin. It makes you look similar to a panda, though you try not to appear humoured by it. 

"Frisk fell for that at the Underground," Sans comments, snickering when his brother finally stops scolding him. "And now you." His grin widens, posture straightening more and tiredness being replaced with merriment. "I've said it once and I'll say it again: like parent, like child." 

Whatever form of retaliation you're about to direct at Sans is stopped when you see the door of the living room slam open, in entering two women, and both soaked from head to toe. Alphys is the first one you recognize at a quick glance while the taller one takes you longer to distinguish with how little you knew about her still. Neither of the two seem bothered over being drenched, Undyne being the one who grins and sighs in relief, later commenting about how refreshing the rain feels. Alphys takes in the feeling for some time, though she removes her lab coat and shoes, wringing herself out before stepping into the living room. When the other woman's done, her eye falls on you, immediately growing as her smile does the same, sharp teeth baring themselves in excitement.

"Is that the one you told me about, Alph?" she asks, voice booming throughout the house. "You're right. They're just like Frisk described them to us, and just as cute as those pictures on the news!"

You hear Sans hiss out an 'ooh', and hear him speak right after with a muttered, "Bad move, Undyne."

He's not wrong.

Having experienced more than enough of Sans's flirting for the past few days, hearing yet another monster comment over you in a flattering manner is unwelcomed. Consequently, you stand up and face the two with your trademark pose: frowning, brow narrowed, and with your arms firmly crossed. "Nice to meet you, miss Undyne." You spare a look at Alphys, who jolts at the intensity of your stare. "My name is (Y/N) (L/N), Frisk's primary care parent. Though I'm sure you know that already." You offer a hand out to her, reminding yourself to be polite. "I believe I have questions as to why you thought it acceptable to chase my child at the Underground, even when they were deemed to have caused no harm to your kind."

She takes your hand, and a more serious look takes her over when she nods. "I'm afraid that was a job assigned to me for being part of the Royal Guard, (miss/mister) (L/N)."

You shake her hand, nodding back. "And I'm afraid you'll have to explain that to me then, miss Undyne.” You take a pause. “Apologies for being so quick about this, but I… I want nothing but the best for Frisk, and so I still have to get to know their monster friends better to understand what this is all about." 

When the handshake's over, you both take a step back, facing each other with stern gazes. "In the end, I believe it's my right as a parent to decide whether or not it's safe for Frisk to keep being friends with you." You pause, reflect, and make sure to add your next comment, wanting to be clear with everyone around you, "And not because of your race, but because of your actions."

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• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

[argylemnwrites]

Change of Plans - Part 1

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (An It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment universe AU, set nearly 3 years after that epilogue)

Word Count: ~3000

Rating: PG-13 (just some adult language)

Summary: Living in NYC in March 2020 is redefining normal for Drake and Riley. Life doesn’t always go according to plan during a pandemic, after all.

Author’s Note: Ummmm, I tried to avoid writing this. I really did. But as I was sitting down to do some detailed outlines for the It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment sequel, all my brain kept wanting to explore was COVID-19 content in that universe. At first, I just bullet pointed some head canons, hoping that would be enough to scratch the itch. But it wasn’t. The fact of the matter is if you’ve read anything I’ve written, you know I’m all about grounding the Choices characters and stories in the real world to a certain degree. So to write an AU where Drake and Riley live in New York City and not address the horrible crisis that city is facing just didn’t feel true to me as a writer.

That being said, I understand fanfic is often an escape from the real world. I understand that addressing the current pandemic at all might not be your thing, even though I don’t take it to any truly sad or tragic places. So, no worries, this is an AU inside my AU. This will not be an “official” part of the sequel. It’s its own little two-part piece that inches a bit more firmly into the real world than the actual sequel, Why Are We Still Waiting?.

So, tagging all my usual It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment taglists, but no hard feelings if this is just a little too real. I will mention that this does hint at or reference some events from the prologue and the first couple of chapters of Why Are We Still Waiting?, but it does not spoil the core content of the story. Plus, to be fair, it’s not like I write things with big plot twists really. Much like It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment was essentially a Drake character study, Why Are We Still Waiting? is a Riley Liu character study, and I’m not really sure you even can spoil those.

Alright, I’ve rambled in this AN for far too long already. In case you skimmed and missed it, Trigger warning for coronavirus discussions.

Drake glanced up from his laptop as he heard the locks click on the apartment door, Riley and Anderson walking through a few seconds later. Riley unclasped Anderson’s leash and hung it on the hooks Drake had installed, followed by her coat and her keys, before sliding off her shoes and going straight into the kitchen to wash her hands. The space next to their door had become their “dirty zone.” For now, they weren’t changing all their clothing when they got back inside, but Drake was thinking that doing so should probably be their next step.

Taking Anderson out was now basically the only time either one of them left the apartment. With Riley being furloughed from her PR firm on Friday and Drake working from home for all of last week, there really wasn’t any other reason to do so. At the moment, they were doing okay for food and whatnot, but Drake was not looking forward to having to deal with that in the upcoming weeks. He wasn’t sure whether they should switch to just getting delivery that they could safely reheat, but exposing themselves to a new driver every couple of days, or if they should risk making a trip to Foodtown and stocking up for a few weeks just once. Deep down, he knew the latter was the better option, but neither of them had been to a bodega or grocery store in the past week, and he was kind of dreading it now that more people were starting to take this seriously since the schools were closed. Maybe he could pull out the box of five masks he’d bought when he was sanding down and repainting the dresser and see if he had one left for each of them.

For the past four days, with both of them with nowhere to be, they’d alternated who was leaving the relative safety of their apartment to get a little fresh air with the dog. Even before that, Riley was just going to work and coming straight home, and she’d been riding an old bicycle she bought from a coworker to avoid the subway. But now, she had nowhere to be and neither did he. On her first day at home, Drake had been reluctant to have Riley go out at all now that she didn’t need to do so. He’d seen the news stories about the hate crimes popping up against Asian Americans, and it seemed like an unnecessary risk. But he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to convince her to essentially become a shut in while he left the apartment a couple of times every day to walk Anderson. Plus, as she had pointed out, she was still in her 20s and wasn’t a former smoker, so by all accounts, she was medically a lower risk than him. Still, he got nervous every time she left and always felt a little better when she came back.

Overall, Drake knew things could be a lot worse for the two of them. Because of his conversations with Liam, he’d been slowly stocking up on nonperishables for the past month or so. He had not only a permanent job, but one with a law firm that allowed him to work from home. They had a one bedroom, not a studio, so Riley didn’t have to stay silent during his Zoom meetings with his boss or team. But losing Riley’s salary was certainly not great for them. They’d be okay for at least the next month, but going forward, things might get a little tight. Not only that, but Riley was clearly going stir crazy already, with no one to see and nothing to do. Well, nothing to do except send emails and make calls to Texas to postpone their wedding.

In the grand scheme of things, Drake knew that postponing a wedding was a minor loss. In fact, if that was the worst loss that they suffered at the end of all this, they would be very fortunate. And now that the president had banned travel from Europe, there was little chance of the majority of their already small guest list being able to make it. But it still sucked, particularly since they’d already had to postpone last year. 

He and Riley had talked about it last week, after the travel ban came down. Even though the wedding was seven weeks away, it had just seemed like the smart call to start cancelling things now instead of waiting until the last minute. The original plan had been for him to make the needed calls and whatnot since he was working from home, but since Riley now had infinite free time, she’d contacted everyone except his mother and aunt, who he had called over the weekend. His mother had been confused at first, saying she didn’t understand why they needed to postpone already and that she was sure it will have all “blown over” by May. Aunt Leona, on the other hand, had seemed pleased by the decision, telling him she was glad he wasn’t bringing that “Chinese virus” down to them from New York. Drake wasn’t sure whose response was more infuriating.

As Riley flopped down on the couch next to him, she let out a loud sigh. When he’d been working out of their apartment and she’d still been going into the office, they’d tried to maintain some distance at home. It had been pretty difficult, though. Although this place was way bigger than her old studio, they still just had the one bathroom, and obviously they were still sleeping in the same bed. Drake had known it had probably been smart of them to spread out as best they could, but he was kind of relieved when Riley had just curled up next to him on the couch this weekend, saying that it was stupid to try and pretend that they were even coming close to effectively socially distancing from one another. Plus, now that she wasn’t going into work, they basically carried the same risk of exposure. 

Although she was sitting next to him now, she didn’t make any move to actually touch him. Sensing she wanted to talk about something, he moved his laptop from his knees to the coffee table in front of them. Sure enough, her head landed in his lap not even a full minute later. This had become her habit over the years, to lay down on the couch and put her head across his lap whenever there was something she wanted to talk to him about, usually something serious that she didn’t want to deal with but knew they needed to deal with together.

“So, everything’s pushed back to November 7th,” she said after a couple of moments of silence, “We had to put down another deposit with the florist who was a real asshole about it, but the band, the photographer, and the caterers were really accommodating.” Her fingers traced random patterns across his forearm as she spoke, but her eyes remained closed, almost as if she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye and see their shared disappointment reflected there.

“Thanks, Liu. I’ll call Mom tomorrow and let her know.” 

“I did try for October, but the caterers and the florist didn’t have any availability.”

“November’s fine. If the weather’s shitty, we can just have the ceremony inside the barn and the reception in the house. Our guest list is tiny, anyway.”

His statement hung there in the air. There was kind of this unspoken agreement between the two of them to just be matter of fact about postponing. It was a global pandemic. It had to happen. Being upset about it wasn’t going to make things any better. But sometimes, it just hurt, thinking about all their planning and excitement that was just on hold again. The scattered pieces of wedding favors and leftover invitations and the planning binder that Hana had started for them that were visible in every corner of the apartment didn’t help either. They were now mixed in with stacks of dog food, rice, and paper towels, a grim blend of the future they wanted with their new reality.

They didn’t even have any place to tuck the wedding crap out of sight at this point, as their closets and cupboards were filled to the brim with extra supplies. But without a car, Drake had just wanted to make sure they could minimize trips out if… no, when shit really hit the fan. And it’s not like they had that much storage space in their apartment anyway. But now they would have to live with constant reminders that they couldn’t get married and their lives were essentially on hold. 

He at least still had work to distract himself with. Now that Riley had cancelled everything, she really didn’t have anything she could focus on to distract herself. He just felt bad for her. “I’m sorry, Liu.”

“For what? None of this is your fault,” Riley said, her eyes popping open and gazing up at him, her hand continuing to trace patterns across the skin of his arm.

Drake sighed, dropping his head to the back of the couch and staring up at the ceiling. “I guess I feel guilty that I didn’t get us to Cordonia when I could.” He had been contemplating calling Savannah or Maxwell and seeing if they could come stay with them for a while. Leave the crazy population density that was New York City. Staying at the palace would mean bad optics for Liam, but he figured at least two of the three adults at Ramsford would probably be okay with hosting him and Riley and Anderson. But while he’d been weighing their options with Riley, Liam had closed all flights into Cordonia except for citizens returning home. Since Riley had never become a Cordonian citizen, they were out of luck. Drake knew that if he asked Liam, he would grant Riley some sort of royal exception, but he wasn’t going to put Liam in that position. The last thing Liam needed on his plate was making an accommodation for Riley.

Drake felt Riley’s head leave his lap, and soon her hands were on his shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Drake, we both were unsure if it was the right call.” 

He just shook his head. She could have had Maxwell to spend time with while he worked. Anderson could have gone on walks safely across the grounds and vineyards. But he hadn’t been decisive enough and now it was too late. “I should have seen the writing on the wall.”

“Look at me.” Her voice was firm and carried enough of an edge that Drake complied, tipping his head back to find Riley kneeling next to him on their couch, staring at him with eyes that were somehow intense and sympathetic simultaneously. “We both were concerned about flying right now. We both were unsure about being in a house with both a baby and a toddler and possibly bringing the infection to them. We both wanted to wait to see what would happen. I don’t know why you insist on taking the blame here when we both weren’t sure if heading to Cordonia was the right call.”

“I just wish there was a way to protect you from this.”

She shook her head, “You think I don’t want that, too?”

“I know, Liu. I just feel like…” he trailed off, unable to finish his thoughts. He could have never imagined a situation where he couldn’t take care of her. Keep her safe. But there was nothing he could do about any of this. It just made him feel so powerless.

“Me too, Drake,” she said, tilting her head and sliding her hand down his arm and twining their fingers together. “But nothing else to do but ride this out. Well, that and hope we don’t drive each other too crazy over the upcoming weeks,” she added with a little chuckle. “What time do you think you’ll finish up today?”

“I dunno,” Drake said with a shrug. Since he was a naturally early riser, he’d been getting up and started on his files for the day hours before Riley was waking up, trying to get his work done by mid afternoon most days so that she didn’t feel banished to the bedroom too much. He knew she felt like a distraction to him when he was working, and though he didn’t want to admit it, she kind of was. “By 3:30, I’d guess.”

“Okay,” she replied, letting go of his hand and bouncing off the couch. “I guess it’s time for me to read up on my insurance options. I’ve been putting this off, but it’s probably better to sign up sooner rather than later.”

Drake frowned as she rounded the corner and went down the little hallway to their bedroom. He’d not thought about the fact that her being furloughed might impact her health insurance. He probably should have. Getting way better health insurance when he’d gotten hired as a permanent employee had been a big deal, after all. This employment-connected health insurance thing still just felt strange to him, though.

A thought occurred to him. He minimized the folder of digital files he was reviewing and cataloguing, pulling up instead a search engine. He landed on the city clerk’s website a couple of minutes later, scanning over the requirements, then checking the time. This could work.

“Hey, Liu!” he called out, striding over to the bedroom. Her laptop was in front of her as she lounged on her stomach, Anderson curled up right next to her. She glanced up as he reached the doorway.

“What’s up?”

“Let’s get married.”

She blinked a couple of times and pulled her head back slightly as she cocked it to the side, “Uhh, sounds good, but that was kind of already the plan.” She waved her left hand in the air, his grandmother’s ring catching the light intermittently. “I mean, I’m glad you still want to and everything, but seeing as I did just spend the whole morning rescheduling our entire wedding, I would have been pretty pissed at you if you changed your mind.”

Drake shook his head and rolled his eyes. “No, let’s get married tomorrow.”

Riley’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. We can go down to the city clerk’s office now and get our marriage license so we can get married tomorrow.”

“Where is this coming from?”

Drake walked over and sat down on the bed next to her, pointing toward her laptop. “You were going to go on my health insurance after the wedding anyway, right? So let’s do that now instead of having to pay for shitty coverage for you.”

She gave him a gentle little smile, closing her laptop and sliding up onto her knees next to him. She placed one hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing gentle circles before she spoke.

“You are a very sweet marshmallow of a man, you really are. But I know you. And I don’t want you to feel like we have to rush to do this now. We’ll be fine if we wait for the lovely wedding we planned down on the ranch with all of our friends there.”

He shook his head, “I want to do this. The question is, do you?”

“You don’t actually want to do this.”

“Of course I want to do this! You think I give a shit about who’s there or what we wear or if we have the right flowers or what we have for dinner?”

“Yeah, I do. Drake, you may not be much for pomp and glitz, but this wedding that we’ve been planning for years now? I think it matters to you. I think you want Liam and Maxwell and Hana and your mother and sister and niece and nephew there. I think you want to hear our friends toast us and to see Maxwell make a fool of himself on the dance floor and to have Bartie be the ring bearer and that’s okay. It’s okay to want to celebrate with everyone. We can wait until we can do that. This doesn’t have to just be a... logistical arrangement.”

Drake paused for a moment. She wasn’t wrong, exactly. Those were things he wanted. But right now, they seemed like little, insignificant details. 

“Look, Liu. You’re right. The thing that prompted me to think about marrying you right now was the practical reasons. But as everything becomes a total shit show, I just feel like the only protection I can offer you is this one. And in an ideal world - sure, I would want the nice little wedding we planned in Texas. But the world has changed a whole fucking lot in the past couple weeks, and nothing is exactly ideal anymore. And if my choices are waiting almost eight months to have the wedding we planned or to marry you tomorrow, I pick marrying you tomorrow. Because, yeah a wedding down on the ranch with our friends sounds great, but the whole point of that wedding is that I get to be your husband. And that’s all I really want.”

She gave him a warm smile and kissed him deeply, sliding her hand up his back and threading her fingers through his hair as his hands fell to her hips. After a few moments, she pulled back.

“So, you aren’t going to look back with regret and feel like we rushed things?”

“I’ve been ready to marry you for years. This doesn’t feel like we’re rushing. It feels like it’s about damn time. At least for me.”

Riley nodded, glancing down. Drake followed her gaze to her left hand, resting gently on her knees.

“It’s not a rush for me either.”

“So, what are you thinking? Should we get married tomorrow?” Drake asked, grabbing her hand in his, staring at her downturned face for a few seconds before she looked up and met his gaze.

“Yeah,” she said, a wide grin sliding onto her face, “Let’s fucking do this.”

Permatag: @ravenpuff02 @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5 @speedyoperarascalparty @mfackenthal @lilyofchoices @thequeenofcronuts @jamesashtonisbae

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019 @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @princessleac1 @ladyangel70 @dcbbw @yaushie

Drake x MC only: @jovialyouthmusic @iplaydrake @gibbles82 @drakewalkerisreal @riley--walker @notoriouscs @butindeed @addictedtodrakefanfic @drakesensworld  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon @thesumofmychoices @cosigottahavefaith @thequeenchoices @katedrakeohd @feartheendlesssummer @ao719 @ooo-barff-ooo @sunnyxdazed​  

[blissfulalchemist]

“People who are okay don’t act like this” for CatRaf 😘

Thank you for the suggestion Jo! I did not use the last line unfortunately but I hope you enjoy this still.

TW: Mentions of Self Injury

There was an unease as Raf walked up to his house, with no hint of music playing despite it being a dinner party night. Opening the door his ears were met with the wailing of his two month old daughter and Catlina’s mumbling words of comfort as she walked around rocking their baby. His wife was disheveled, hair tossed into a bun, a way too big Marine Corp sweatshirt almost hiding the running shorts, and dark circles more prominent today under her eyes. He knew he should have postponed the dinner tonight the minute Nick asked for some extra help despite Raf being on paternity leave, Cat was a mess. Raf walked up lightly touching his wife’s upper arms as she mumbled more and more, her eyes wide as she looked down to Liz. “Here let me take over,” he whispered, sliding his hands underneath the baby. Cat held onto Liz tighter eyes meeting his, “Honey, let me,” he repeated a little firmer, bringing Liz to him when she released just the slightest. He looked around the room noticing the disarray of attempts to get Liz to stop crying on Cat’s end. 

“I’ve tried everything to get her to stop, Raf,” Cat pleaded, her hands pushing back the loose hair falling in her face, the sleeves of the sweatshirt falling down to the middle of her arms. Raf rocked and lightly patted Liz, eyes looking to the red lines on Cat’s inner arms, “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m doing something wrong and she’s gonna see and I-.” Her eyes focused on the room around her, pushing up the sleeves to her elbows, “And then here I go leaving the place looking like this,” she moved cleaning up the room quickly focusing on one spot before noticing another and jumping to that one. 

She mumbled to herself, Liz quieting in Raf’s arms as he watched his wife bounce around the living area, “Who’s gonna see, Conejito? You know Wren doesn’t mind the house being a little messy.”

“You do though. And Wren should. Your mom does,” Cat paused looking ahead of her eyes unfocused, “Oh no,” she looked meeting Raf’s eyes, “Your mom is going to think I’m not good enough that I can’t handle this that I’m not good enough that you have to leave me that you have to find someone better find someone more capable than me. Oh no. Raf I’m trying I’m so sorry,” she rambled on, more and more apologies spouted out. 

Liz finally fell back asleep, Raf kissing the top of her head as he made his way to the crib, “Conejito, let’s take a step back for a second.” Cat looked at him confused, eyes fixated on Liz as he set her down gently in the crib, Raf smiling before facing Cat again. He cupped her face, her hands holding onto his wrists, “What happened?”

Cat searched his eyes, “I was getting ready to start cooking and then Liz well she started crying and I did everything to try and comfort her, I had just woken from a nap too, but she wouldn’t stop and so I kept going and going. Then I realized I had to clean still and then you came home and I wanted to have everything done by the time you came home but I couldn’t and I’m sorry.”

“Cat,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly, eyes going wide again, “Nothing everything’s fine. It’s all okay. Why would you think otherwise? Can’t you see Liz is okay and I’m okay. Just a little out there I did wake up in the middle of a nap.”

He shook his head, hands grabbing onto her hands, “Honey, you’re not okay,” she opened her mouth to protest Raf cutting her off, “I know something is because people who are okay don’t act like this.” He ran a thumb over the cuts scabbing over, “They don’t rely on old habits if they are doing okay. They don’t ramble like you’re doing now, having their brain scattered to all points of the world,” he ran a hand lightly down her jawline, “and you especially don’t worry about perfection when it comes to cleaning,” he gave a small smile Cat’s expression not moving from worry. He let out a sigh when Cat didn’t respond, “I’m gonna call everyone and move the dinner to tomorrow so you can get some sleep.”

“No!” She stepped back shaking her head furiously, “No you can’t do that. Oh no I-. Oh fuck I forgot,” she groaned. Her nails running through her hair, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Cat,” Raf held her hands trying to keep eye contact with Cat as she looked around, “Cat, look at me. Look at me.” The more she moved around the more frustrating it was for him, especially as she kept mumbling and rambling on about things he didn’t have the context for. He frowned, bringing her hands together, palm to palm. He took a second bringing his hands away before slamming them against hers, his hands stinging watching Cat wince. “Now listen to me, Conejito,” he tilted her chin up to look him in the eye, the far away look gone, “I know you’ve been looking forward to this night but you’re not well. I refuse to bring people over until we figure out what’s wrong.”

“I’m a new mom that’s feeling a little stressed,” she justified, the slight look she gave to her phone noticeable to Raf. 

“That’s not everything,” he glanced at her phone brow furrowed, “Tell me exactly what happened, Cat. I need to know or I can’t help you.”

Cat hesitated thoughts running a million miles an hour trying to put together everything that was happening, happened, going to happen. She let out a slow breath, “My mom called me.” Raf blinked, “I didn’t answer her, I’m not just gonna just pick up the phone for her, and I was sleeping a little anyway, so I couldn’t hear the phone anyway and-.”

Raf snapped his fingers in front of her face, “Focus, Conejito. Your mom called and you didn’t pick up.”

“Right,” she shook her head, “She left a voicemail saying she was wanting to see Liz. So she made a trip to come out here. Didn’t leave much room for arguing. I haven’t even spoken to her in….How long has it been again? Not that it matters but still it seems-.”

“Cat,” she looked at him, mouth shutting quickly, “when is your mom coming here?”

“Oh. Today.”

His eyes went wide, “Today,” Cat nodded, moving from his hands back to cleaning. “What do you mean today?”

“She called me saying she was driving up and that she was in Bozeman,” she stood up, tilting her head, “I think. I may have gotten it wrong. I don’t know, her voicemail is still on the phone.” 

“I assume you didn’t know about this,” he ran a hand down his face, picking up her phone looking at the time the voicemail came in, “So she’s about two hours away now?”

“Maybe closer,” Cat muttered, “She can be a crazy driver, especially with open roads like these.” Cat perked up, “Oh, you think maybe we can get Wes to arrest her and deport her back to Colorado?”

“That,” Raf shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose, “That’s not how that works. Besides he’s also on paternity leave too.”

“Oh yeah,” Cat looked down sadly to the task she was currently focusing on, it was no wonder she couldn’t get Liz to sleep, she was wound up tighter than she had been in recent weeks. “I know you don’t want anyone over but maybe we do smaller and have just Wes ‘n Wren over, maybe Bambi?” He was about to interject in her thoughts, Cat filling in the gap in her plans, “No, wait, she’s in Bozeman now. Why did they have to go there? I need them here. But okay but B Squared can still come by right?” She looked at Raf with pleading eyes, “Please? I feel like I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen either of them.” 

We saw Wes just last week, Raf wanted to remind her, “Cat if your mom is going to be here, do you really think it’s a good idea to have her and Wren in the same room?”

“You’re right,” Raf held his breath waiting for the second half of the sentence, “It’s the perfect idea.” Cat dropped the plastic shopping bag full of trash, gasping, “Raf! We have a dinner party tonight! I didn’t plan on her being there!”

She started her mumbling and tangents, Raf grabbing hold of her shoulders, “No we’re not having a dinner party tonight. You are going upstairs to sleep.”

“But Liz,” Cat protested trying to turn back to the living room, “what if she wakes up and needs me? I need to be there. I’m fine. I have enough sleep.”

“When was the last time you got at least three hours of sleep?” Cat opened and closed her mouth, wanting to have an answer and then thinking better of it. “Exactly,” Raf pushed her towards the stairs, “Now you go upstairs and sleep. I've got Liz taken care of and the house.”

“But Raf I need to keep an eye on Liz. How can I sleep when she’s all the way downstairs? At least let me sleep on the couch, Raf.”

He shook his head, “No. You’re gonna sleep in bed. I’ll leave the new video monitor and radio monitor on the bedside table so you can wake up and see that she’s okay.” Cat nodded along, twisting the tips of her fingers. “I’ll wake you just before she gets here okay,” Raf assured her. 

Cat spun to face him, “No. Last time you did that you lied to me. I can’t have you doing that again. If I’m seen as sleeping when she comes by she can use that against me. She could have Liz taken from me. Say I’m a bad mom, use your career against you, she could have Liz and make her be whoever she wants her to be.”

“Mi amor, please, you have to know how irrational that sounds,” Raf opened the door to their room, “That is not why your mom just decided to come by. The most likely answer is that she wants to see her granddaughter.”

“I don’t want her too, Raf,” Cat’s eyelids started to feel heavy as he sat her on the bed, “Liz doesn’t deserve someone like that in her life. She deserves to feel loved and accepted by everyone in her life. If she wasn’t in the picture then I’d humor the idea, but not Liz, I can’t risk Liz like this.”

“I know,” Raf said softly, placing the blankets and comforter over her, “Which is why we’ll figure out the next step once you get a little more sleep. Does that sound fair?” Cat nodded, eyes following his hands as he set up the monitors, Liz clear as day on the video sleeping soundly. Raf kissed her forehead, “You get some sleep, Conejito. I’ll check on you in a little bit.” Raf left the room after that, making his way back down to Liz smiling as he met her dark eyes, “Hey,” he whispered, grabbing one of the speakers placing it near the radio monitor, “Why don’t you and I keep mom asleep playing some Monteverdi, yeah?” She cooed, smiling and moving her hands up towards him as the music started, “Is he your favorite too, huh?” Raf slipped the carrier on, lifting Liz into it, “Come on, let’s you and I make some phone calls. Get your mom feeling better,” Liz reached, getting her small fingers caught in his hair in response, “You’re right, mija, let’s call grandma and grandpa first.”

 Cat opened her eyes slowly, the vibrating on the nightstand hitting her ears, as she reached blindly for it, the phone falling to the floor. Cat sat up, rubbing her eyes free of the sleep, heart racing, eyes going to the monitor on her right, seeing Raf on the couch with Liz. Cat took a deep breath putting everything before she slept together. She wanted to sleep more but the thought that her mom was already somewhere in the house, seeing as it was now six in the evening. Cat pulled back the sleeves of the sweatshirt looking to the uniformed cuts, tears welling up in her eyes. It had been years since she last did anything like this, now here she was back at square one, some mother she was.

Cat’s phone rang again, she wiped away the tears as she reached for it, the caller ID showing it was Wren. Cat let out a shaky breath before answering, “Hey Wren.”

“Finally! I was worried about you,” Wren sounded relieved, as if she had been holding her breath, “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay,” Cat responded, bringing her knees up to her chest, “Just a bit tired is all.” 

“That’s what Raf said but,” Wren paused, “Pairing that with how you looked when Wes saw you last week, I can’t help but feel like there’s something more.” Cat stayed silent, “Cat,” Wren pressed, “You know you can tell me anything. I just want to help you like you’d help me. It’s what sisters do, remember?”

She rested her chin on her knees, “I know. I just-,” Just lost my mind, fell back on old habits because I help but feel like everything is wrong. Something is going to go wrong. Oh and on top of that my mom somehow got our address and is now here at our house and I know she’s going to do something to screw up our lives, “I was doing okay but my….mom….she’s here.”

The line went quiet a moment, “She’s what now?” Cat nodded as Wren continued, “No. Nope. I’m going over there right now!” Cat could hear the sounds of Wren getting up to move on the other end, “It’s been what a year, year and a half since you last spoke to her and now all of a sudden she just wants back into your life? No way am I going to let that woman worm her way back into it.” Wren grumbled lowly, whatever she was saying was lost on Cat’s ears, “Wes! Where are the keys?” 

“Wren,” Cat said softly, laughing as Wren argued with Wes that she needed the keys, “Wren stop.” The moving stopped, Wren’s breathing the only thing Cat could hear, “Thank you for your offer, but that’s not the best idea right now. I-,” I don’t want her to get to you, have her make you hate me, “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.”

“I can take care of her for you Cat,” Cat let out a small laugh, “You think I’m joking but I’m with a cop, he can help me get away with it.”

“I know,” Cat let out a sigh, “Let me just figure it out with Raf first and if you are needed I will call you okay?”

“Fine,” Wren conceded, “Just-. Cat just remember you don’t have to entertain her. You have every right to just tell her to fuck off again. And if you can’t do it then I can do it for you. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“Thank you Wren. Best case is she’s only staying for a short while and then I don’t ever have to see her again,” Cat sighed, “Until then we’re going to postpone any get together we may have wanted to have.” 

“Well I’m not going anywhere so that’s okay,” Wren assured, “But call me and keep me in the loop alright?” 

“I will.” Cat hung up after that, hands shaking, stomach feeling sick. Her mom was possibly downstairs and Cat was nothing short of a disaster, but she had to make sure Raf didn’t fall to her influence. Her legs shook, Cat gripping onto the railing as she made her way down to the living room, music of the baroque era still playing. Her eyes finally landed on Raf, who was just finishing feeding their daughter and humming, looking around for any sign on her mother lurking in the house.

“She’s not here,” Raf said, looking up at Cat, “She’s with my parents.”

Cat’s eyes went wide, “She is,” her pitch going up an octave, “Why? That’s a bad idea Raf,” She could make your parents hate me. It might be too late.

He shook his head, “We needed to talk first,” he moved over on the couch, rearranging Liz in his arms, patting her back, “Sit.” Cat bit her lip as she moved to sit next to him, pushing back a few strands of hair, “We’re going to have dinner with your mom, my parents are going to be there to help us through it. You can decide how far you want to go with it. If it’s too much we can stop it early.” Cat nodded, it seemed fair enough, “Do you want her staying here if you think you can handle it?”

Cat shook her head, “No not really but where else is she going to go? I doubt she has money for an inn or something like that,” Cat ran the numbers in her head, there was no way she was wanting to indulge in paying for her mother to stay there either, “I know for a fact that I don’t want her staying with your parents.”

Raf nodded, “They offered to help in paying for her lodging already, figured you wouldn’t want your mom anywhere near them to begin with.”

She looked to the ground, “I don’t want to put that on them though, they’ve done enough for me as it is.”

Raf chuckled, shaking his head, handing a sleeping Liz to Cat, “They offered before I could say anything.” He ran a thumb over her cheek gently, “They love you and they know how complicated it can get with your mom. They want to make sure that you’re taken care of, Conejito.” Cat shifted, kissing Liz on the top of her head, her mind and body calming with her in her arms, “I know it feels weird for you still but you just have to trust it when they say they love and care about you.” 

“Don’t get your hopes up with my mom finding a way to twist everything around,” she shook her head slowly, “I should probably call my therapist, shouldn’t I?”

“I already did,” Cat looked to Raf taken aback, “I called your doctor too.”

“Why?” Her heart started to race, holding Liz tighter to her, “That wasn’t necessary Raf. You can’t just do that.”

“It is though,” he looked to her with sympathy, “I know you want to reduce any risk of harm to Liz and have the same experiences as other moms, but, Cat you can’t be like other moms,” she felt the tears start to run down her face, Raf wiping them away, “and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I know you thought that you could do this, but even the doctor said it was possible for things to change once you had Liz and they have.” 

Cat shook her head, “No, I can do this. I have to be able to do this. Wren worries too and no one is telling her that she’s being irrational.”

“It’s not normal, Cat. We all know where Wren’s worry stems from and she’s getting help in the way that she needs best and that’s not what you need,” Raf reasoned, “You need more help. You need to get back on the medication you had before we had Liz, it was the best thing for you.”

 “How do you know that?”

“Because you weren’t having to resort to cutting to try and sleep.”

“It’s just this one time,” she lied, “It won’t happen again.”

“One time is too much,” Raf put his arms around her, kissing her temple, “I’d rather you get ahead of this now before we have to go to more extreme measures. We have so many resources to make it easier on you so that you can be the best mom that I know you can be.” He helped to cradle Liz, “I know you want that for her more than anything.” Cat nodded, burying her tear stained face into Raf’s shoulder, “Then we go to the doctor tomorrow so that we can help you get to that place.” Cat couldn’t help but start crying the tears coming so easily, Raf holding her closer rocking the two of them, “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here,” he kissed the top of her head, “I’ll always be there for you, always here for you.” 

The two of them sat for another fifteen minutes, before Cat caught sight of the clock, sniffling she asked, “What time is dinner at?”

Raf looked up to the clock, exhaling through his nose, “Soon,” he took LIz placing her in the crib, “You need to get ready. I already have the food taken care of.” Cat nodded, quickly making her way up the stairs to get showered and dressed, trying to get her nerves to calm down the entire time. Raf’s parents and Cat’s mom were just walking through the door by the time Cat came down in a sweater and some jeans. 

Cat walked to Raf’s parents first embracing them in a hug first before she dared to look at her mom. “Catlina,” she held her arms out to her daughter, “It’s been a long time.”

“A year and a half,” Cat said, giving her mom a side hug, skin crawling, “and here you go surprising me.”

“Seemed more rude that you not tell me that my grandbaby was born,” she gave Cat a smile, “Where is she? Rafael pushed me onto his parents so quickly that, well, I just didn’t have time to see them.”

“Gina,” Raf said, stepping in front of the crib, “can I get you something to drink first before dinner?”

“No need to address me like that Rafael, I’ve told you before that you can call me mom,” Cat narrowed her eyes, biting her tongue.

“Gina, please, let’s get through dinner first,” Raf gestured to the table.

“Everything’s so formal with you,” Gina laughed, patting Raf’s shoulder as if it was a normal affair for the two of them.

Raf’s mom put an arm around Cat’s shoulders, whispering in her ear, “Lina, does she always try to put on a show?” Cat nodded, glancing in the crib, Liz still sleeping peacefully.

“Do we have to listen to this, Cat honey,” Gina looked at her, “It just sounds so depressing.”

“I quite like it,” Cat gave her a smile.

“You never liked opera before,” Gina gave a shrug, “that’s all. Bet that’s all Rafael let’s you listen to,” she laughed to herself, Cat hugging herself.

Raf shot Gina a glare behind her back, a thin smile returning as she turned to watch him place a roast on the table, “It helps Liz sleep more peacefully, but more than that dinner is ready.” 

Everyone took a seat at the smaller round table, plates made before a quick prayer was said. “Did you finally commit to a religion, Catlina,” Gina commented while the two women finished making the sign of the cross, “Went back to your roots. Surely it helped you out my dear,” she took a bite of her food, Cat pushing hers around, “I always said all you needed was a little faith. Guess I can thank you for having her find it, Rafael.” 

“Cat never committed to a religion, Gina,” Raf’s mom interjected, “she has her views and we respect that much like she respects ours.”

“You didn’t have to live with her and how,” Gina paused, searching for the right word, “well, over dramatic she could be.”

“Is that how you still refer to my depression and anxiety still?” Cat asked, jaw clenching.

Gina gave a small eye roll, “You know all that stuff is just made up in your head. Doctors use it to sell more medication to those that have no faith or something to fall back on.” Cat scoffed, her mom looking at her in full, “You don’t seem like yourself tonight, honey,” she observed, eyes landing on the few cuts peeking out from under the sleeve of her sweater. Gina took a sip of her drink, “Seems like you’ve gotten to that state again. You know I warned you that being a mom was hard, even offered my help that you rejected.”

“How did you even get my address mom? It’s not like we’ve spoken very recently.”

“Your sisters,” Gina mused, “They asked if I wanted to send something to you for the baby and I stumbled across it.”

“So you stole it,” Cat sighed, “Typical.”

“I’m your mother,” Gina said, her eyes narrowing as they looked at Cat, “I have a right to see my grandchild. I don’t think you understand how much it hurt me to not be a part of your pregnancy, while everyone else got to be.”

“That was her decision to make,” Raf’s father said, his mom nodding, “By my understanding you hurt her first.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if your son did that to you. Or are you just trying to keep me from having a relationship with my child?” Gina turned to Cat, placing her hand over hers, “Catlina what happened? We used to be so close, we were fixing our relationship and then you just cut me off again.” 

Cat removed her hand, “I think it best you see Liz once and then wait for me to make contact again.”

“Catlina, that’s unfair. Don’t give into what he wants just because he’s your husband. I just want to help you, like a mom should be doing.”

Cat’s hands balled into fists, “Are you going to apologize?”

“For what?”

“You know what. Apologize for hurting me.”

“I think you owe me one at this point,” Gina’s voice going cold, “You’ve hurt me more at this point than however much you claim I’ve harmed you.”

“You don’t get to decide when you hurt me,” Cat shook her head, “All you had to do was be there for me but since you didn’t do that, all you had to do was apologize and we could have worked to repair our relationship.”

“I did nothing wrong. When will you accept that?”

“You did though, Gina,” Raf said, “and you’re continuing to do so by trying to make your way back into Cat’s life after she told you to stay out of it. I won’t stand for the breach in boundaries that you’ve just done by showing up out of the blue.”

“Then why invite me into your home, Rafael,” Gina asked, venom on her tongue, “Seems counterproductive.”

“I knew Cat would give you some benefit of doubt and as she told you earlier you get to have this one opportunity to see Liz, which is more than generous in my eyes.” Cat watched Gina’s hands as Raf continued, “I won’t stand for my own children to be hurt and disappointed by someone that has been in and out of their mom’s life to a point where they no longer feel cared and loved by them. Cat and her children deserve to have people that are stable and love them unconditionally in their lives, so sad to say there’s no room for people like you in their lives anymore.”

Gina turned back to Cat, “So you’re just going to hurt your sisters the rest of their lives?” Cat stiffened, “I don’t think you see or understand how much it hurts them that we all can’t be in the same room anymore because of you. Or when we’re at family events, how you avoid them because they choose to accept me as I am.”

“Everyone here knows how much of a lie that is, Gina,” Cat saw Gina’s hands turn into fists as she looked to Raf with daggers, “Stop trying to keep up some facade, no one here believes it.”

“Shut your damn controlling mouth,” Gina stood hand raised, Cat following her, grabbing onto her wrist, Gina’s eyes going wide. “You’re just going to let him speak to me like that? After everything I’ve done for you?”

“You need to leave,” Cat said calmly, pulling her mom to the door, “I don’t care where you go or where you stay, but you’re no longer welcome here.” Cat grabbed the bag, shoving it in Gina’s arms, opening up the door, “You take one step onto our house ever again, I will have you arrested for trespassing. Better yet I better not see you in this county ever again. The only times I should be seeing you is when there’s family events where it's inevitable and even then you’re not allowed to speak to me, Raf, or my children. You want to know anything about your grandkids you better ask my sisters because that’s all the information you’re going to get about them.” Cat gave her a small shove out the door, “Liz and any other kids we have will never have contact with you, so don’t even bother with things like cards for birthdays and holidays.”

“Cat, please,” Gina pleaded with her, “Don’t do this. Please you need me, trust me on that.”

Cat shook her head, “I think you have it wrong. You’re the one that needs someone to control and it’s no longer going to be me. Since it seems like I wasn’t clear enough last time I leave you with this: I no longer want you in my life, I do not want to ever hear from you again. I want you gone and I want you to stay gone.” With that Cat slammed the door on her now crying mother, her heart pulling to comfort her, choosing instead to stalk off to her phone, dialing one of the people she knew would help her with this. He picked up on the first ring, “Wes.”

“Catnip,” he responded, “Things get worse?”

“I wasn’t clear enough last time,” Cat said, starting to slowly pace around the living area, “So can you let the police department know that Gina Rojas is not allowed anywhere near my house, and should be highly encouraged to go back home to Colorado. It would be really helpful.”

Wes snickered, “You got it. Should I put Wren on the manhunt?”

“No, that won’t be necessary at this time,” Cat exhaled slowly, “Thank you Wes.” Cat turned to the Estrada family, “I made the right decision didn’t I?” 

“Do you feel like it was the right one,” Raf’s mom said softly, moving to hold Cat’s face in her hands, “Because that’s what’s most important when it’s all said and done, my dear.”

“I want to say yes,” Cat looked down, “If not for me than those that I love.”

“That’s okay for you to not know if it’s right for you,” she told Cat smoothing her daughter’s hair, “You have Liz to think about now and if it feels like the right decision for her, then it’s the right decision, Lina.”

“And Raf,” Cat said, catching his eyes, “It’s the right decision for him too.”

“One day,” Raf said, “it may feel like the right decision, until then,” he took his mom’s place, holding onto Cat’s hands, looking into her brown eyes, “I’ll be right here supporting you.” He kissed her, leaning his forehead against hers, “Though you should know that I will also still do anything I can to protect you, because sometimes you need that from me.”

Cat gave a small smile, “I’d expect nothing less from you, mi vida.”

[isrustandstardust]

1. What’s been the best day of your life so far and why?

Hard to decide, I had so many great days.

2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?

It was with my best friend at the time, in my parents garden. It was early morning after a night spent talking, her lips were really soft.

3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?

I could have handled a break up better. I ended up hurting someone I cared for.

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard that tears fell from your face and what was it at?

With my husband, yesterday night. We were actually making fun of someone we know.

5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?

Moving in with a guy I barely knew in a city 400km away from all my family and friends.

6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Nothing comes to mind rn.

7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?

I have my arms covered in scars. All of them are from self harming.

8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?

In another house, maybe abroad.

9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

I’m for the free of choice. I’ve tried drugs only a few times and not drinking atm.

10. What are your views on religion?

Brainwashing shit.

11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?

Yes, more than once. I tried, twice, when I was 21 and going through a lot. The second time I almost succeeded and woke up in the hospital after being unconscious and intubated for a week.

12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.

- I am bipolar, borderline and have a schizoafective disorder.

- I dream about Satan and the end of the world on daily basis.

- When I was little I used look for little animals to bury and exhume after a while to see how decomposition works.

- I’ve been into witchcraft and rituals since I was 16.

- I write backwards like Leonardo Da Vinci.

13. What’s your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?

I’m a Scorpio and it fits perfectly.

14. Pinpoint a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

When my storyboard teacher remembered me from my online test because it was a perfect score.

15. Discuss your first love.

We were young and trying too hard.

16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 5 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.

- Don’t mess with me - Brody Dalle. It’s from the soundtrack of a game I love.

- Distance - 4bidden. It relaxes me.

- As the rain comes down - 0K(ill)’s. Because I’m working on their new videoclip.

- 8-MQ 16.10.2001 - 0K(ill)’s. Because it’s inspired by an Italian female serial killer. The title is composed by her initials and date of death.

- Rock and Roll - Gary Glitter. It makes me want to misbehave.

17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Iceland.

18. What’s your earliest memory?

My dad taking me to Collodi.

19. What are your views on mainstream music?

It’s heartless and all about making money.

20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?

High: starting officially my character designer career. Low: my mother in law and old dog passing away in less than a month.

21. What are your strongest beliefs?

I believe in being direct and honest. Do no harm but take no shit.

22. Who are you closest to in your family?

My dad maybe.

23. How important do you think education is?

It’s fundamental.

24. What’s one of your favorite shows?

My 600lbs life XD

25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I’m more secure of myself and my capabilities.

26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.

- Tom Hiddleston.

- Mads Mikkelsen.

- Hugh Dancy.

- Michael Fassbender.

- Matthew Good.

27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.

3 Iron, in the mood for love. Because they’re sad but huntingly beautiful.

Stoker because psycho killers turn me on.

The fountain because is eternal and heartbreaking.

28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?

I am fascinated by fictional characters. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, again psycho killers.

29. What kind of person attracts you?

Intelligent people.

30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?

My body is giving up on me xD

31. Name something that you miss.

The lake.

32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.

- Doing at least 15 designs.

- Double up my workout time.

- Completing my very first song.

- Take that online course I’ve been postponing for lack of time.

- Get a hold of a camera and go shooting.

33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point?

Highlight: doing a shit ton of sales on my shop. Lowest point: I don’t recall one, it’s been a pretty good month so far.

34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?

Being the side chick.

35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?

Not being good enough. It can be traced back to my mom being a terrible mother.

36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?

- Natacha Atlas - GAFSA. Because it’s in the soundtrack of 3Iron.

- Morcheeba - Over and over again. I find I’d perfectly fitting.

- Portishead - Wandering star. Because it remembers me of someone from my past.

37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?

I had a plush of a rhino called Mr. Turkelton [Scrubs reference] that was so dear to me. It’s with my ex, we bought it together and he kept it. Still miss him tho.

38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death?

My mother in law. She was more of a mom to me than my own mother.

39. What is your purpose in life?

Being happy and create beautiful things.

40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?

I do not remember, but I guess it was during my mil’s funeral.

41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do?

I would love to spend a day with the Mass Effect’s cast playing the game!

42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?

Tool. Because I’m a masochist.

43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.

Likes:

- Being open minded.

- Being stubborn.

- Being so will powered.

Dislikes:

- Being insecure.

- Being so unable to handle rage that I keep extremely calm until the moment I explode and get cruel and violent.

- Being unable to let go of things that enrage me.

44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make?

I’m pretty good at it. I love to make fresh pasta.

45. What was the last decision you regretted making?

Drinking that glass of milk, now my stomach hurts.

46. Who’s opinion of yourself do you value the most?

Mine. And then my husband’s. I don’t care of no one else’s opinion.

47. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to another human being and what drove you to say it?

I demolished a guy who was in love with me telling him exactly what I knew it would break him. I did it because he tried to act like I was his property and then got aggressive when I didn’t act accordingly.

48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?

Nasty things don’t get to me, I don’t listen to what people say, especially when it comes from someone I don’t care for or I despise. The things that hurt me the most was saying goodbye to someone I was not ready to let go.

49. You can ask your favourite celebrity 3 questions and she’s taken a magical truth pill so she will 100% answer honestly, what do you ask?

Maybe some technical stuff, Idk. I have no ‘favorite celebrity ‘ so...

50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?

I don’t care about leaving a mark in a dying world tbh.

51. What makes you most angry?

Liars, incoherent people, delusional people, copycats.

52. Who do you think is a really underrated artist and what do you love about them?

There are a lot of really underrated artists out there trying their very best and being bashed by online algorithms. Support the artists you like!

53. What are the main qualities you look for when thinking about a significant other?

Intelligence, honesty and having moral values.

54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

The first that comes to mind is waiting at home for me to return with a hot bath ready and a bed full of rose petals. It’s a cliche,Iknow. But I was young and in love.

55. What is one of your favorite memories?

I have so many, but thinking about the past makes me feel bittersweet.

56. What do you do when you really want to impress someone?

I just act normal, if they’re impressed, good. If not, it’s ok.

57. What are your 3 favourite animals and why?

- Snakes: They’re so fascinating.

- Crows: they’re extremely intelligent.

- Sharks: natural born predators.

58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?

A trip to Paris and a trip to Disneyland.

59. People always go around saying ‘oh I’m their biggest fan’, but what does being a truly big fan of someone mean to you?

Idk, I just like people. I don’t obsess over them.

I obsess over things I like, but not over some individual I don’t know.

60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?

I want more money XD

61. What is something you feel like you are really good at?

Drawing. Hopefully making music, but it’s way to early to say.

62. What is something you feel like you can get better at?

Drawing, there’s always room for improving.

63. What is something you feel like you are really bad at?

Hiding when I despise someone. And bowling.

64. If you were given $3,000,000 to put towards 3 charities/foundations ($1 mil each obvs), what would you choose and why?

Wildlife protection, animal shelters, planet’s preservation.

65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?

My roommates came back from Xmas holidays one day earlier to have dinner with me because I was alone. And another brought me Xmas dinner a few days before.

66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

I work :/

67. What’s something that’s on your bucket list?

Make a nice home studio.

68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?

I would actually change the opponent party. They’re dreadful.

69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?

Xmas, because it feels like happiness.

70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you rememer even though they were a complete stranger.

A stranger helped me when my nose was bleeding like crazy and I was alone in a mall. He also bought me an orange juice.

71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?

Motoko Kusanagi.

72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?

Reptile - NIN. Don’t know why.

73. Put the 7 deadly sins in order of the one you commit the most to the least.

Wrath - Lust - Pride - Sloth - Greed - Gluttony - Envy.

74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?

I’m already married and we danced over Christian Woman by Type 0 Negative XD

75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?

Someone told me I look like Butterfly from Death Proof and like Amy Lee from Evancescence.

I really don’t see it.

76. What’s one thing you can not live without?

Art. And music.

77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?

Going away.

78. Do you hate someone.

No, I dislike a lot of people, I think the world would be better off if some of them would die, it I do not hate them.

79. What are 3 things that have happened in your life that you’ve never forgotten? Big or small, just things you know you won’t ever forget and still seem crystal clear now.

- Almost dying.

- Getting married.

- Signing for my very first house.

80. What comes first to you out of friendships and relationships, and why?

They’re equally important.

81. What’s your favourite children’s tv show/movie?

Muppets: a Christmas Carol.

82. What song makes you cry the most?

Together we will live forever - Clint Mansell.

83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?

Operation Petticoat.

84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?

Trying human flesh.

85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?

A lot. Just, a lot.

86. What’s your biggest fear?

Being abandoned.

87. What is your favorite food?

Red meat, pistachio ice cream.

88. Least favorite food? Why?

Celery.

89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why?

Not that I recall of.

90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?

I always keep a journal, I write in it pretty much everything, dreams, feelings, ideas, thoughts.

91. When was the last time you said something nice to someone & what made you do it?

This morning to my husband, because he deserves it.

92. How do you feel when someone says something mean/disrespectful towards your fave celeb?

Couldn’t care less? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, even if it’s a shitty one.

93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?

Milena Quaglini’s.

94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?

Violante, Lavinia and Artemisia.

95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?

I have two. Valeria and Maria.

96. How did your name get chosen? What’s the story behind it?

My dad found it in a sci-fi book back when he was a teenager. It was the name of the first baby girl born on the moon.

97. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for each of your faves e.g. waiting in line for hours, getting up early to see them on tv etc?

I watched a streaming reunion in the middle of the night on N7 day.

98. Are you a virgin?

No.

99. What are the stories behind your tattoos/piercings and if you don’t have any, would you like any?

I have wings because I’ve always been obsessed with winged figures and angels.

I have a lot of movies/books quotes because they all means something to me.

I have cherry petals because of Hagakure.

The snowflake is the reminder of a very important person.

The moth is for my self destructive tendencies.

The witch is a homage to me.

The strawberry is a silly Adventure Time reference.

The snake is a biblical reference to both Lilith and Satan.

The Santa Muerte and the black goat are both linked to my beliefs.

100. Do you want to say something to the world?

Stop being stupid, stop making stupid people famous, open a book.

[spectralarchers]

A bunch of memes/games I’ve been tagged in over the last couple of days under the cut, but one that I’ll leave out:

I was tagged by @banashee​ and @drbobbimorse​ for this: 

Are you staying home from school/work? I’m unemployed, so mostly staying at home. We don’t even have to apply to jobs to get our unemployment benefits right now, so I’m focusing on other stuff to get more things on my CV.

If you’re staying home, who is there with you? Mom couldn’t fly back to France in March, so she’s with me, while sister comes and goes (work).

Are you a homebody? Yes! Although, I like doing things out of the house too, but with very specific people. So I’m not too bothered by staying at home.

An event that you were looking forward that got canceled? I was supposed to go to France to visit my Father in March, but that was obviously canceled. I was also very bummed about No Time To Die being postponed, I was really, really looking forward to that.

What movies have you watched recently? I watched Alita: Battle Angel and that was.... not interesting. Then I watched the live action Aladdin, and that was okay. Then I’ve also watched Mary Poppins Returns and that wasn’t my style at all. I’ve also watched A Simple Favor, and I liked it a lot. We’ve also tried Stan and Laurel, but haven’t finished it. I also watched the “Inside: The Mega Twister” NatGeo documentary on the El Reno 2013 tornado.

What shows are you watching? None, except the Danish version of Alone which I just finished watching.

What music are you listening to? The usual stuff. 

What are you reading? I’ve been re-reading True Love’s Kiss by @vinnie2757​ and you all should read it because it’s magnificent. I also have some books on geopolitics in Greenland during the cold war lying around but... fic wins.

What are you doing for self-care? Taking Google certifications to boost my CV and working my ass off to help save one of my favorite museums.

These are the ones I’ve hidden under a read more:

10 songs I’ve been listening to recently (The one that’s been on repeat for three days is this one) + 10 random songs

Last photo of a celebrity saved on phone as quarantine buddy

3 random facts about myself

7 comfort movies

favourte things (food, drink, activity, etc.)

and two version of the “pick your faves!

Thanks to everyone who tagged me, sorry I’m not better at posting these!

Tagged by @banashee​ for the 10 songs you’ve been listening to recently and @asamandra​ tagged me for the 10 random songs, so I mixed them:

Toss a Coin to Your Witcher - Joey Batey, Sonya Belousova, Giona Ostinelli

All is Found - Evan Rachel Wood (Frozen II)

bury a friend - Billie Eilish

when the party’s over - Billie Eilish

Helvegen - Wardruna

L’Hymne à l’Amour - Johnny Hallyday

Jumanji - Hedegaard ft. Cancun (Bass Boost)

Ddu Ddu Ddu - Blackpink

No Diggity - Blackstreet fr. Dr. Dre, Queen Pen

Sapés comme jamais - Maître Gims

Tagged by @banashee​ (again!) for the last photo of a celebrity saved on my phone:

(It’s a reference photo for the knitting project...)

Tagged by @crazy4orcas​ for the 3 random facts about yourself: 

I took hip hop dance lessons from when I was 11 to 14 and I hated every single one of them, yet I picked the dance class myself

I like to eat macaroni pasta in milk with butter and salt

I’ve been to the US three years in a row (as a European, I find that to be an achievement, lol)

@banashee​ tagged me to share what I’m working on writing wise, and that’s still TTSBA, I’m afraid!

@adsumcirrat tagged me in the 7 comfort movies: 

George of the Jungle

Titanic (don’t judge me, lol)

The Mask of Zorro

The Lion King

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Red Sparrow

@lamaudite tagged me for this one: 

🌿 Favourite Comfort Food: Pasta with butter and salt. 

🌼 Favourite Drink: Apple juice?

🌷 Favourite Relaxing Activity: Sleeping. 

🌻 Favourite Calming Scent: Smell of rain after a long dry period.

🌺 Favourite Relaxing (or Uplifting) Song: Helvegen by Wardruna. 

🍄 Favourite Book to Get Lost In: Oh, I wish I had one of those.

💐 Favourite Chill-Out TV Show: FRIENDS through and through.

🌹 The Best Advice You’ve Ever Had: “What’s the worst thing that could happen, that they say no?!” when you’re reaching higher than you should be able to reach professionally. 

Then @rumowalksamongthestars​ tagged me for the 5 random things: 

I have a bent rib from when I was thrown off a horse when I was a teenager,

I used to do competitive show jumping until I entered high school and didn’t have time for it anymore,

I lived my first 3 years of my life in a country that was neither France nor Denmark,

I don’t like raw tomatoes,

I’m currently waiting on knowing whether or not I’ve been accepted to move forward on a PhD position I applied to in February.

@iamnotyourmusebitch​ tagged me to pick my faves:

Honey and lemon or milk and sugar // musicals or plays // lemonade or iced tea // strawberries or raspberries // winter or summer // beaches or forests // diners or cafés // unicorns or dragons // gemstones or crystals // hummingbirds or owls // fireworks or sparklers // brunch or happy hour // sweet or sour // Rome or Amsterdam // classic or modern art // sushi or ramen // sun or moon // polka dots or stripes // macarons or croissants // glitter or matte // degas or seurat // aquariums or planetariums // road trip or camping trip // colouring books or water colour // fairy lights or candles

And then both @banashee​ and @clintfbarton​ tagged me in another pick your faves:

stars or clouds / tony stark or steve rogers / buzzfeed unsolved or buzzfeed worth it / lavender or rose / chocolate or vanilla / latte or americano / police procedural shows or hospital shows / fast zombies or slow zombies / modern films or classic films / musicals or plays / hamilton or in the heights / blue lightsaber or green lightsaber / hats or headbands / queen or elton john / multicolored lights or white lights / pastels or neon / flowers or succulents / log cabin or hotel / sprinkles or cookie crumbs / ghosts or aliens / single book or book series / library or bookstore / brunch or dinner / snow or leaves / jeans jacket or leather jacket / tea cup or mug / galaxies or constellations

I still have a few more tag games to do, but I’ll do these in a separate post <3

If anyone wants to snoop or steal, feel free! :D

[tdotsspot]

2020.....

Wow, it’s been almost TWO years since I've posted anything on here. I’ve thought about it from time to time, but never sat to actually say anything. I just looked at my last two posts....so funny. This is why I'll probably always keep this....just to look back, see where I was, who I was.

But back to 2020 bc HONESTLY this year is the one to go. down. in the mother. fucking. books. 

2019 was literally the best year of my life. It was the year I did the most traveling, the year I made the most money...it was like, perfect until the end. I went to Puerto Rico and St Thomas....Atlanta, Boston of course, MARTHA’S VINEYARD FINALLY and even though I've been there 100 times, this was the absolute best. Of course having Dameo was a plus, getting to show him my childhood summers, but Unc let me use the Mercedes which I legit fell in love with, we met Danny Glover which was crazy, I got the brass ring on my first try lol, and we had a lot of good food. LA, was amazing, I miss it so much....NY.....I feel like I’m missing a city, oh yes, dc! That was a fun drunk night.

Late November for Britt’s bday we all went out and that was the first time I was ever real life drunk around his fam, but it was so much fun. The next week....nana passed. It was sad, weird....I hadn’t lost someone in a really long time, and I was there to see some of her last lucid moments. We definitely got closer over the last two years or so since I visited her a good amount, and it made me more sad than I thought. I’m glad I got to have those moments with her, it was cool to get a grandmother again. Made me miss nanny a lot though...

A few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant! It was planned, we were excited although tbh I was kind of freaking out. A baby??? Like a whole ass human? No more weed, liquor, or runny eggs??? HOW SWAY! I don’t think I was ready yet, and a few weeks after that, RIGHT before Christmas, RIGHT before we were going to tell the family, I had a miscarriage. Goodness, I really wasn’t ready for that, at all. Obviously it’s common, but I never thought I’d have one....I was healthy, in a healthy relationship....happy....how the hell did this happen? Unfortunately we already told our moms at that time, partially to help cheer ang, and I knew my mom would be hype as well. I knew it was early, but I told some close friends as well. The pain I felt from that, I just didn't really expect. It was, really sad....I delayed our trip to Boston twice because I really just couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed and sit on a train for 6 hours. I almost canceled altogether but KNOWING NOW THAT THE FUCKING WORLD WAS GOING TO SHUT DOWN, I'm really glad we still went. It was reassuring to get my hugs from my mom, cry it out with her, and see the fam. Except Kendall was such a douche that visit *rolls eyes*. I did get to go see the friends pop up which LEGIT made my whole holiday. As such a huge fan, it was AMAZING, simply, amazing, and I got to enjoy it with my two older cousins and of course, the Dame. 

So that brings us to the new year of 2020. 2020 the year I think EVERYONE thought was going to be amazing, and maybe it will be. Maybe everything that’s going on albeit sad, overwhelming, insane....is in fact the year we all really needed. The Amazon was on fire, forever and as someone who truly cares about global warming that was super stressful. We almost had WWIII thanks to good old Trump, but boy oh boy....that was just the tip of the iceberg. A few weeks later AGAIN, I call my dr telling them I still haven’t gotten my period, my boobs hurt, and wtf is going on? She tells me to take another pregnancy test, which I thought was a joke because I JUST had a miscarriage weeks before, and yes we had sex, but we were ‘careful’. COME TO FIND OUT, my ass is pregnant again. I was, very confused...a little upset because I was planning on waiting a bit before trying for real again. I mean we just dealt with so much loss between nana and the miscarriage, I hadn’t even fully processed what my body just went through. I remember angrily buying the test because, those shits aren’t cheap.....peeing with the door open with Dame downstairs, (not at ALL romantic like the first time I told him) and looking down like....wait. “WHAT THE FUCK” about 3 times was said, I explained to dame this indeed does say I’m pregnant, but how?? 

30 minutes later, the world finds out Kobe Bryant died. There were a lot of emotions that day for sure. Even though I wasn’t a die hard Kobe fan or anything, for some reason this one really made me sad. Maybe because I was currently listening to a book his personal coach wrote; relentless....which is REALLY fucking good.

A week later, I'm confirmed via bloodwork that I am indeed pregnant and it’s time for take two! I didn't get excited until I passed my first trimester, just in case...but now at almost 26 weeks, I’m really excited to meet her. My babygirl! It’s still wild to know I’m about to be a mom, but I’m really pumped for both of us and I know we’ll make great parents. 

Ah yes, the mid march, covid 19 hits America. I was supposed to go on a three city tour to the west coast which I was very much looking forward to, before the world stopped. In fact, it was that very weekend, right after we had our ultrasound, the first and only visit Dame was allowed to come in, that everything stopped. A week or so later, a mid level of depression kicked in for me, which lasted about a month. I couldn’t believe that after WEEKS of puking and being dead ass tired, I was finally ready to work again, but I was Essentially unemployed. The west coast gig was a cute check, I had multiple events coming up that got canceled....weddings that got postponed, and all I could think about was I’m about to have a kid with no money. I went almost two entire months without making ANY money....luckily unemployment kicked in and I got a couple of grants I applied for because I really don’t know what I would’ve done. My mom of course was in my corner, and Dame would start working from home, but still fully employed so at least we wouldn’t be homeless. I knew there were hundreds of thousands of people in my boat, if not worse but I couldn’t help but be consumed with not making any money, and my 2020 year essentially being wiped out. 

Again, this was supposed to be MY year. Be a parent, make a lot of money, and I felt like I just fell flat on my face, in mud, and was suffocating. 

America’s approach to covid was trash, more and more people died...I was worried about my mom and aunts as they're older and more susceptible. This is the longest I've gone without seeing my mom, but thanks to technology! We literally FaceTime every day. 

I almost forgot! Red literally almost died. He got attacked by a pit that lives up the street and it was one of the scariest things I ever dealt with. We just came back from a cute little drive, it was absolutely beautiful out, and I just remember parking, letting him out for a walk, looking at a dog running but I couldn’t tell if it was on a leash or not. I then realized nope, this bitch is not on a leash, crossing the street, and watching it whip its head at me and red and sprinting across the street to attack him. I was absolutely terrified. My baby red, is literally getting mangled by a fucking pit by the neck. I’m also pregnant and scared the pit is going to attack me, that my stress is going to cause another miscarriage, and that I’m probably going to watch red die in front of my eyes. I completely blacked out on the woman who was sloppily running to get her dog off of him. Had it been a minute more, max, he would’ve been dead. I still picture it sometimes and it legit makes me so sad, but luckily he pulled through after about a week of healing, and a huge bloody abscess that needed to be drained. 

THEN about a month ago now, George Floyd was killed on tape by a cop and it changed the world. Between Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Abery dying and being cooped up for months in the house, major cities went up in flames, literally. It was a revolution that Is still happening which has caused corporate America to shove ‘black lives matter’ down our throats like black people just popped up, shown privileged ass white people who refuse to try and understand, racist fucks that just hate us so much....and the list goes on.

That’s been our year so far! and it about to get shut down again because because aren't taking covid seriously. 

Pregnancy has been really interesting though....not at all like what they show on tv and the movies. I’ve been emotional as hell crying over my body  changing....constipated af to the point where I now celebrate any time I shit, hella uncomfortable....but I know when we see her face it will indeed all be worth it. Doing this back to back though like Dame envisions....I don’t know man lol. We shall see. She's due in about 3.5 months. Check in before then....

Tdot, out. 

[the-real-rg]

Devi stood alone in a stranger’s bedroom, staring into a mirror with wild eyes. She knew why she was here: she was going to be killed.

She staggered backwards on unfamiliar legs, hands trembling and vision blurring. Her stomach flipped with the wrongness of it all, and she groaned, nauseous, clutching at her eyes with too-small hands. Fuck, fuck. The strides were too short, fingers too thin, skin too smooth. Everything too--too--

Strange. Foreign. Stolen.

This wasn’t her body. This wasn’t Devi. This was Desdemona, God Queen and bitch almighty. What had Kimon done to her?

She almost laughed, hysteric, but the sound was cut short as she tripped over her own ankles, tumbling backwards onto the canopy bed. The curtains burst apart as she fell through them, before curling back around her like the wings of some great dragon.

With her legs tangled in thick fabric, heart hammering in her chest, Devi tried to breathe and gagged instead, choked by fear and guilt and grief in equal measure. This body wasn’t hers, and her skin crawled as if there were ants buried beneath her flesh. Her ribs ached, her stomach turned, adrenaline roared in her ears. 

Vulnerable, something in her pressed, but it was distant beneath the buzz of her scrambling mind. Kimon had--Kimon had--

You are vulnerable.

The thought, and the cold, piercing fear that came with it, crept down her spine like ice water, chilling Devi to her core.

You can’t stay like this. 

With a shuddering inhale, Devi blinked once, twice, and dragged her too-light body into a sitting position. Desdemona’s bedroom titled back into vision, partially obscured by the thick curtains cloaking the bed. Vision throbbing in and out of focus, Devi tried to stay grounded as her mind threatened to teeter back off the edge again. 

Not safe, a voice thrummed.

How could he? How could he? her heart wailed. Alphonse is dead. I didn’t mean it.

What had Kimon done to her? Why? Why?

Devi twitched her unfamiliar fingers, and nearly laughed.

It’s obvious what he did to her--he decided to improvise and shoved her into Desdemona’s body so he could kill two birds with one stone. Devi had threatened to kill him but she hadn’t thought he’d do this. She’d been… well, not bluffing, she certainly might have killed him yesterday, but he must have known that it was just because of grief. Alphonse--her best friend--had just been executed right in front of her, of course Devi was going to say things she didn’t mean! That was no reason to--reason to--

Devi wanted to sob, curling forward and pressing her face into her hands as grief overtook her. She jerked back almost immediately, the skin on her palm was eerily smooth, like a snake’s. Devi hurriedly sat on her hands and pressed her forehead to her knees, grinding her eyes shut. Tears threatened to prickle out, and disgust flared in her chest. She didn’t have time for tears. She needed to calm down She needed to breathe. 

All she really wanted was to go back home to Ahava, where she was safe.

The silky fabric of Desdemona’s sleeping pants didn’t do anything to distract Devi from the way she was currently living in the stolen body of a genocidal maniac, but it was better than the mismatched hands. Devi was used to calloused, rough fingers that felt more like stone than skin, not these soft, fragile curves.

She inhaled, the scent of lavender and sleeping herbs wafting off the fabric, and exhaled, slowly. Devi needed to calm down if she wanted to survive. Kimon would be relying on her disorientation when he came to kill her. She needed to get out of here, figure out a plan to disappear--Devi was in danger so long as Kimon knew where she was. 

The thudding of knuckles on wood clattered into Devi’s skull and she jerked her head up. Her eyes fixed on the door and panic twisted in her chest. Oh, God. Devi didn’t know enough about Desdemona to impersonate her, she could be caught. She could be killed. Biting her tongue, fear soaking She waited, silently, praying whoever was outside would leave. 

Another series of knocks sounded, and Devi bit back a whine. 

“Queen Desdemona?” a soft, nervous voice called from behind the door. “Are you alright, Your Majesty? May we come in?”

‘We’? Who the fuck was ‘we’? She batted her confusion aside, something needed to be done about them. Desdemona’s day had to proceed as normal if she was to retain her cover.

“Pro--” Devi choked on her words. The sound was too smooth--supple, nothing at all like Devi’s usual grain. That voice wasn’t hers. Of course not, some part of her chastised, it’s Desdemona’s. She swallowed, coughed, and tried again, rubbing her neck. “Proceed!”

Hopefully whoever was outside wasn’t her murderer.

The door swung open on well-oiled hinges, the carvings on the front of the door glistening as sunlight poured into the room. Devi blinked against the brightness as a team of six women in puffy dresses, cut off at the mid-calf and tied with aprons, puttered into the room. Most of the dresses were simple and brown, but one had a pale blue dress with slight embroidery. The women looked horribly out of place in the red motif of Desdemona’s bedroom, but Devi recognized them immediately. They were the Queen’s handmaidens. 

She sighed, relieved, and let the tension go in her shoulders. These women were hand-picked by Desdemona, every single one of them Insensitive. In short, there wasn’t a chance in hell they were working for Kimon. 

Blue-dress blinked at Devi for a moment, concern knitting her brows together. Was Desdemona supposed to be doing something? Oh, right. Devi lurched to her feet abruptly, but her leg got caught in the curtain, and she staggered, nearly tumbling to the floor. She could feel her dignity shatter as a worried chitter rose from the gathered women. Blue-dress hushed them quietly, a stern look fluttering across her face.

“Your Majesty,” she greeted with a low curtsey, the other maidens following suit. Devi tried not to squirm, unused to such formalities. “We’ve prepared the outfit you requested for the day, but I’m afraid there are some… pending changes to your schedule that need your approval.”

Devi tried to think of how Desdemona would react to that, but she had no idea, and just nodded gruffly as she was ushered to a small platform in the far side of the room, three full length mirrors around it. Devi had no idea how she missed it earlier. Panic, probably. Devi had only ever been here once, and her mind had been quite eager to find a mirror, any mirror, not necessarily the biggest one. 

Blue-dress continued, "Your hunting trip with the Duchess of Merenfelle has been postponed until four, to account for the emergency meeting with the High Court this morning. Travel times have been extended considerably due to the delayed departure." She opened her mouth, closed it again, and then proceeded, a twinkle in her green eyes. "Of course, you could always forego the meeting and leave the High Court to their devices. After all, it would be such a shame to jeopardize your relationship with the provinces over one botched assassination attempt, if you can even call it that."

Blue-dress was obviously talking about the brawl Devi had with Barachiel yesterday. Was it really been serious enough that the Court is gathering to discuss it? Barachiel had been in fights before... 

“No.” Best not to interfere with anything, lest she reveal herself. "I think it would be best to stick to the preconceived order of events." 

Blue-dress arched her eyebrows incredulously at Devi. Had that been the wrong thing to say? Eye contact between the two women was broken a moment later when two other maids raised Devi’s arms and removed her top in a swift, smooth motion. Devi bit her tongue to keep from squawking, glancing down at the handmaidens fussing around Desdemona’s chosen ensemble like bees. Thank God Desdemona slept in some kind of bra, or Devi would have immediately leapt to cover herself.

She’d been dressed like this once before, on a diplomatic errand with Amator, though she couldn’t remember which nation it was for the life of her. They had been a very hospitable people. Overly so. This was a plain uncomfortable way to get dressed.

Devi fumbled with the sleeves of a white slip two of the maidens had shoved down onto her head, and found herself unable to identify the material. The only thing she really knew was that it moved beautifully. Desdemona had successfully managed to merge her need for beauty with her pragmaticism, then. After managing to slot her arms into their places, Devi allowed another maid to do the button at the back, carefully trying to balance in this unfamiliar body as her pants were stripped off. 

“Is that the only ‘pending change’ to my schedule, then?”

“Oh no, there are others, Your Majesty. Most pressingly, Actin-- Pardon, forgive me. Most pressingly, High General Gemini wishes to speak with you. She’s waiting for you outside right now.”

Devi blinked. Gemini? She knew an opportunity when it bit her in the ass. If she could get a moment alone with her niece than she’d be able to clear up this whole mess. Devi doubted Gemini would knowingly aid Kimon in the murder of her own aunt. Gem probably didn’t know the full story. If she could just tell her…  

“Has she said what she wants?” It was getting easier to speak in a stranger’s voice, now. The conversation had helped ease her into it, and now Devi was fond of how effortlessly feminine it was.

Blue-dress side-eyed Devi for a moment as she stumbled into a pair of white, form-fitting pants. “She said you would know, Queen Desdemona, but insisted that it was urgent and could take up to an hour. Barachiel has similarly requested your presence, but he wishes to see you after the meeting, rather than before, but he suggests that he’ll need at least 2 hours with you. You’d have to postpone your hunting trip even further to accommodate that and--” Devi nearly fell over herself again, still trying to put on her pants as handmaidens continued to flutter about her. “Are you feeling quite well? You seem awfully disoriented this morning.”

“Ah,” Devi paused, trying to right herself, desperately trying to think of a suitable lie. “I’m just a bit shaken is all. Barachiel’s near-death experience kept me up last night.”

The maiden squirreled her face up at Devi for a moment, before relaxing. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, it must be quite concerning indeed, knowing that you could be the next in a line of attacks. Hopefully the Guard will bring in the criminal responsible shortly. Though,” and mischief tinted blue-dress’s voice, “given their track record they’re much more likely to just get drunk with her, it was quite wise of you to assign some of the Royal Guard to the case as well, if I may be so bold as to say so.”

With talk like that miss blue-dress and Desdemona must have been close, but Devi’s mind was elsewhere. She hadn’t considered the possibility that there might be guards on her tail. Heavens, first Kimon’s forces and now this? Devi was doomed.

The last place she remembered being was Kimon’s safe house. Surely, if her body was still there she’d be dead already, so where was it? Who had moved it? Had it even been moved, or was Kimon just biding his time?

Devi swallowed thickly, allowing for a pair of hands to tuck something like a dress around her lithe torso. Lithe, fuck now there was a word Devi never thought she’d use to describe herself. She’d always been bulky, shoulders too wide set for her tastes and a constant source of dysphoria.

“My,” blue-dress breathed, even as another maiden fumbled with the buttons at Devi’s back, “you do look fine in this attire, Your Majesty. The seamstress did a fabulous job, and the colours you picked are simply stunning.”

Devi flushed under the praise, and allowed herself to glance up and check the mirrors. She hadn’t wanted to look before, when she was less dressed. It felt strangely like peeping. 

In the reflection before her stood Desdemona wearing a vivid royal blue dress that parted down the middle, licking down her sides and exposing white pant legs. Gold embroidery fluttered up the front of the close-fitting toppiece, matching the floral gild on the sides of the black riding boots. Sapphire earrings flashed from the sides of her face, and she couldn’t remember when they’d been put in. It was a simple outfit, in comparison to how many layers usually made up a High Court ensemble, but it fit her body like a glove, glittering in the dim light. Devi felt euphoric, giddy. She almost wanted to laugh. Normally Devi hated mirrors but… 

Her hair was unbrushed, there wasn’t a dab of make-up on her face, she hadn’t even showered, this wasn’t even her body, but Devi had never felt prettier than in this moment. She looked gorgeous. Devi looked gorgeous. Hah! Who knew Desdemona could enjoy colours besides red?

She was shuffled off the platform and presented with a pair of black leather gloves that shone like ichor. They were symbols of wealth, of royalty, of death, and as she tugged them on, the tender innards slipping along her skin, the hair on the back of Devi’s neck prickled. They fit Desdemona’s bloodstained hands perfectly, dark as death and black as the void and glimmering like wolves’ eyes. As beautiful as this wealth was, these riches had been bought through genocide, and the realization of that came crashing down around Devi, pulse in her ears. This was the body of someone who had slaughtered thousands for their own benefit. And now Devi was someone who had slaughtered thousands for their own benefit. The face she wore was that of a murderer. She was the monster under the bed. The creature waiting in the dark.

Shaking under the weight of sins that were not truly her own, Devi flexed her fingers, expecting her soul to suddenly pry free of the bloodstained cage she found herself in. The gloves curled with the movement, the leather soft, sturdy, but with the slightest hesitation. A tension to it, like the gloves knew she wasn’t really who she claimed she was--a stolen crown uneasy on the head of a false Queen--and that cocktail of guilt and displacement made her vision lurch and head spin, even as a set of rings was nudged in her direction.

Devi mindlessly shoved the gold over the gloves, barely able to keep her fingers steady enough to put them on. But the simple action was soothing enough, and she was able to focus on the glimmering metal and richly coloured sapphire until the tremor left her hands and her heart regained its rhythm. 

She didn’t even have a moment to breathe as she finished with the last ring before she was being tugged back towards vanity, the handmaids having no patience for her. In her peripheral, she could the women arming themselves with glittering palettes of makeup and finely-carved combs. Desdemona must have been fast to get ready, having memorized a routine so foreign to Devi. She’d known the Queen, once, but only in passing. They’d exchanged barely six words in total but anyone could recognize the intelligence and determination of the young advocate, campaigning for the rights of Magic Insensitives in a nation full of superstition and stigma. Amator had spoken highly of Desdemona, Barachiel even more so. 

The beheading had been a surprise.

In a rush, Alphonse tumbled back into her mind, and with that all grief and memories that came with it. As images of his execution--of pummelling Barachiel, of threatening Kimon--flashed through her head, she blinked away tears and fixed her blurry vision on blue-dress. It was hard to do with people tugging her head every which way, all trying to get a better angle--but eventually, she met the woman’s eye. 

Smothering the emotions threatening to spill from her lips--can’t grieve, not here, not now, not safe--she forced out, “You mentioned Barachiel wanted to meet with me?”

“To finalize his last will and testament, hopefully,” muttered one of the handmaidens to Devi’s left. Her mouth went dry. Was he really--? 

At least he was still alive, at least you didn’t kill him.

She wouldn’t have known what to do with herself if she had. Devi couldn’t be made a murderer again.

As if sensing her turmoil, blue-dress coughed twice into her fist, unsubtly, and the handmaiden responsible for the comment immediately apologized with a curt bow.

“It’s about Gemini’s eventual ascension to the throne should anything… untimely…  happen to him because of the attack. It’s all just review, of course,” she hurried, as if to prevent Desdemona’s temper from snapping. “He has perfect faith in your previously drafted documents regarding her status as his heir.”

“Then why on earth does he want to go over them?” 

Devi winced as a comb was ripped through her hair. She was almost insulted on Desdemona’s behalf, had they done something wrong the first time? Had Barachiel suddenly decided he didn’t want Gemini as his heir?

“I can assure you that it’s nothing more than his usual paranoia,” blue-dress deadpanned, with all the enthusiasm of a woman who truly needed a drink. “He’s convinced himself someone edited the documents last night, though to what ends even he doesn’t seem to know and--” she cut herself off, “Well, I’m sure you know what I mean.” 

Devi managed a frown around the brushed assaulting her face, getting better at the act as time went on, watching the application process out of the corner of her eye. Loathe as she was to admit it, Barachiel’s paranoia usually had some merit to it. If someone had edited Gemini’s inheritance rights, why? And who? And did it have anything to do with Kimon? Was Gemini going to be alright?

Devi wasn’t given any more time to dwell on it, as the handmaids whisked her away from the vanity and back to the full-length mirror. One quickly draped a thick cloak around her shoulders, securing it high around her neck. 

It had the same gold embroidery dripping down its collar and shoulders that the dress had along its front. She swallowed against the stiff fabric, but it felt weightless as she moved her arms. Devi winced as her hair was yanked at again, before relaxing as it was released, the maiden fussing with it letting her hair fall down her back again. 

The women stepped back with finality, checking over their work. A heavy silence sat in the room as Devi dragged her fingers through the newly made ponytail at the base of her head. Desdemona’s hair was straighter than she was used to. It was coarser than Ahava’s, too, the strands wiry against her palms, but the texture was an interesting change from the poofy bundle she was used to. Devi tugged her hand free, suddenly missing her usual face and appearance. Desdemona was beautiful, that had never been up for debate, but Devi didn’t feel like herself in this body. 

As her eyes rolled down her reflection one last time, golden thread glittering in her peripheral, Devi wished she could look this pampered in her own form. She imagined meeting Ahava on the ballroom floor of some great gala, chandeliers glittering above them, each wearing the finest silks and the most vibrant jewels. Somehow Devi suspected that no matter the occasion Ahava would still find a way to sneak in wearing an ill-fitting tunic and muddy boots. The corners of Devi’s mouth twitched up at the thought, even as she tried to stifle the fond smile building in her chest. A sigh of relief lifted from one of the maids, and the gaggle began to shuffle out of Desdemona’s bedroom. 

The last in the precession was blue-dress, but she paused just before the exit, the door swinging shut in front of her.

“Should I tell the high general that you'll be able to see her, my Queen?”

“Yes, please.”

“And King Barachiel's request?”

Guilt and grief roiled in her stomach. Even if she was able to pass for Desdemona in front of Barachiel, Devi didn’t want to see him. He reminded her too much of her crimes, too much of her inability to save Alphonse.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to indulge him today."

A smirk danced across blue-dress's lips.

“I hope you have fun on your hunting trip, do try not to shoot another Courtier this time.”

Devi couldn't help the smile that tumbled across her face. That sounded like a story she’d like to hear. 

“I'll do my best.”

Blue-dress smiled fondly at her, before slipping out the door. It was strange, the notion that Desdemona had friends. 

Devi sighed into the empty room, the click of the door marking her isolation. It was silent as death without the handmaidens. Gemini was waiting outside, and with her came escape, so long as Devi could find somewhere private to tell her. The handmaidens had been safe, what with their close relation to Desdemona, but the Royal Guard was more ambiguous. There were more of them, less carefully screened, which meant there was more of a chance some would take bribes, or be sympathetic to Kimon, or take the opportunity to murder the Queen themselves.

Devi wrung unfamiliar hands together. She missed being herself, missed Ahava. Being Queen was too stressful, she’d never even wanted to be involved in politics, much less rule a nation. Much less be the target of an assassination.

There was no use standing in the room, waiting, and steeling herself Devi swept towards the door, cape tugging delicately at her shoulders as it trailed behind her. With a beat of hesitation, she turned the knob, the ornate mold pressing into her palm. As it clicked open, and light filled Devi’s vision, a horrible feeling filled her gut.

book one: run says the devil | wip page | wip tag | get added to the tag list

[nekovannox]

Chapter 7: Death Follows

Chapter 6

 All dark, then yellow light. Classical music playing and couples dancing around her. Round and round, round, round. There were eyes on her, she could feel them. She wanted, needed to leave, but the couples danced, keeping her in, like a cage with bars of bodies. She walked back to the center of the room, looking, searching all around her. Nothing. No one. Until there was. In between the dancing couples a woman appeared and disappeared. She looked at her, stared firmly. The couples went around faster. Faster. Faster. A blur. The woman was more visible each time. Her body was limp, but slowly swung side to side. Eyes glazy, but still on her. They were of an intense yellow. She blinke-"Manuelle?!"

 She jumped up, heart racing, did she fell asleep again? She was sweating. She saw Virgil leaning into her direction, hand on her shoulder.

 "Are you okay?" His eyes were wide and as worried as the rush of his voice.

 "Y-yeah..." The word came out in a pant. Her throat was dry.

 "I came here to tell you lunch is on the way, but you were tossing and turning... Do you want to... talk?"

 "..." She avoided his gaze. Something seemed to be tunneling its way trough her stomach and into her chest. It was not a very pleasant feeling. He straightened his posture.

 "... Well, if you do, anytime, any hour, just say it, 'k?"

 She nodded slowly and he left.

 She felt dizzy, her heart was calming down and the sweat in her skin started to dry off. Manuelle remained sitted on the bed, body falling forward, trying to postpone her inevitable meeting with Lissana as much as possible. She screamed and went all out in one of the few people that actually cared about her. Sigh. One of the few that are left, anyway... She shook her head. Thinking about that wouldn't make anything better. The smell of food filled the room and her stomach rumbled. She got up, stretching and groaning. No use waiting, things wouldn't change, she would have to apologize and Lis would forgive her. Probably. Maybe? Again, no use thinking. Act. A change of clothing was in order, first, since she had drenched the current.

 The smell was even stronger in the outside of the room, she could also hear chatting coming from the kitchen. She went down the stairs tentatively, feeling the need to stretch the moment even more. The chatting stopped, and so did she, the sound of footsteps took its place. They became louder and louder until Lissana could be seen at the end of the stairs. A bouquet of flowers in hand. Malu froze in place, her body refused to move. Lis' eyes softened and she rested her hand in the younger's arm, it slowly slid down and pulled her closer. The body moved forward into the older's embrace.

 "I'm... sorry, Lis..." her body sluggishly clung into the back of the beige dress. "I shouldn't have screamed at you..."

 "It's fine, I miss him so much, I can't imagine how badly you miss him." Separating their bodies and holding her gaze, Lissana spoke. "Manuelle, I promise you, I will find him. Even if it takes the rest of my life." Closing her eyes so the tears wouldn't fall, Malu responded, trough a smile.

 "Thank you."

 They started heading to the kitchen and the younger's eyes landed on the bouquet once again. She stopped. It was clear to her now that it was completely made out of dead roses. She put her fingers in one of the dry petals.

 "What happened?" Lis snapped back, like she'd been thinking.

 "Oh, they died. Guess Virge forgot to put water in the vases..." She didn't remember seeing so many around the house. Maybe they were some place she hadn't seen yet? "I was asked to put them away, then I saw you on the stairs..."

 "Sorry for interupting..."

 "It's fine, really."

 They arived at the kitchen to the worried eyes of Vihaan and Virgil.

 "H-hey..." The younger one stuttered. "Felling better?" His eyes shifted slightly.

 "Um--Yes! I feel great now." The whole waking-up-in-a-cold-sweat thing had been swept under her other worries briefly. "Thank you. For worrying." He smiled.

 "It's a given. You're family." He winced afterwards. "Sorry I guess I shouldn't have used that word... Given the circumstances..." She looked down.

 "It's fine."

 The silence that followed was not exactly awkward. It felt yucky, really. Like the room had become sticky and dense somehow.

 "Well, I'll ta9ke these to the garbage outside. Malu, if you could help Virge put the table..."

 The room felt like moving again. So quickly it the younger girl almost felt the whiplash in her body. Her eyes focused on the blonde.

 "Of course."

 They went to their tasks. Manuelle picked up the plates and cups and cutlery while Virgil sliced the salad. Vihaan stood quietly at the stove, finishing the food.

 In no time all was finished and Lis came back with Evelyn in toe.

 "Hey, love." Vihaan received his wife with a peck.

 "Hey, dearest." She smiled back. "God, I'm starving." She sitted down and started to fill her plate, the others following suit.

 It was an awkward meal, the air still heavy and the room silent. It felt like home, but home wasn't at all welcoming.

 "So, are you going to the office today?" Evelyn asked between bites.

 "No, there's a case tomorrow and the office is too loud. And Jannie is back from vacation." It was Vihaan's turn to speak.

 "Good call." They exchanged smiles. "What about you, Lis? Does Morphrien need a responsible adult around today?"

 "Oh, no, I'll stay with Malu until we can move her to her new caretakers."

 "Lidwig will set fire to the HQ until you're back, you do realise." Vihaan looked at her playfully.

 "I mean, we have some capable people there... Probably..." She laughed.

 The mood was kept light forward, the occasional joke or comment maintaining it. Virgil kept on stealing worried glances to the young girl, though, wich made her tense.

 Lunch was over and Lis agreed to help with cleaning while Evelyn and Vihaan went to their works, the kids helped, of course, and Malu was happy to be part of the task.

 "Hey, Malu, can you put the laundry to dry outside?" Virgil looked at her with a smile.

 "Of course!"

 She eagerly took the basket of clothes outside and quickly filled the first line. When she turned to the second, however, she saw Virgil arguing with Lis from the kitchen window. She worriedly moved to the backdoor.

 "Do you seriously think she won't find out about it?" Virgil sounded worried.

 "It's not like that, I'll... I'll tell her when this mess is over."

 "She killed a dozen roses, Lis. Six full bushes. I don't wanna think about it, but... What if it's not only plants next time?"

 Roses? The ones Lis was carrying? I thought Virgil forgot to water them...

 "She would never!" The hurt was clear in her voice. "I thought you understood the situation!"

 "I do! But she can't control it, just like you couldn't. How many times you cut yourself? Almost blinded yourself? I was young, but I still remember how scared you were, and I won't let that happen to her too!"

 "Her brother is missing, for God's sake!"

 Wait... It downed on her like a shock. They were talking about her. She stepped out of the door holding her arms when a small bundle of dry leaves caught her eye. She moved. At the side of the house was a small garden and, near the wall, a line of what appear to have once been rose bushes. The leaves were dry and the petals had fallen to the ground. She reached towards one, hands shaking. The small gray petal became dust between the pads of her fingers. The feeling of softness turning rapidly into dry caught her off guard, she raised her hand to see that the grass had started to die underneath her fingers. She brushed trough the green blades, seeing the same result. She started to walk back, tripping and falling, a gray stain forming around her, she pushed herself back, but the trail continued, becoming larger.

 She was crying in shock. I... did this? the words of Vergil downed on her again. She was dangerous. She could kill things. The door oppened.

 "Malu?" Lissana was coming in her direction, Virgil trailing behind.

 "Don't!" She screamed. "Don't come any closer!" She rose to her feet rapidly. "I don't want to hurt you guys!" The grass blades started to tremble around her.

 What else could she do? What else did she do? She held her head as a sharp pain struck it.

 "Manuelle, it's fine, really..." Virgil inched closer. "You don't have to be afraid!" He stepped once again and she screamed.

 "No!" The dry grass blades started to break, swirling around her and forming a powerfull wind.

 "Manuelle! Listen to me!" Lis tried to reach her, but the wind kept her away. She tried as hard as she could to maintain balance. "You won't hurt anyone, don't worry!" But she didn't listen and Lis fell into the grass.

 She kept mumbling, tears streaming from her panicked eyes. Virgil felt his chest swell with pain. Manuelle started to tremble, she was pale and struggling against the crushing wind herself. His hands started to itch, then burn, he felt something flow from his chest to his hands. Malu couldn't hold any longer and lost her ballance, he grabbed her as a reflex and the air expanded all at once around them.

 -=-

 When Lis came to her senses everything was white and her ears were ringing, she rose to her elbows and saw the kids on opposite sides of the grass yard, Virgil seemed to be waking too, slowly raising his body and grunting. She glanced at Manuelle, who was laying flush against the wooden fence. She crawled towards the younger girl. She was breathing, and Lis felt her shouldets relax at that information.

 "Lis?" She turned towards Virgil. His brows were knit. "Wasn't this grass supposed to be dead?"

 The grass was, indeed, dead, but not around him.

[theworldofotps]

When A Boy Tells You He Loves You

Includes: Finn Balor, reader x boyfriend Word Count: 2,997 (Based on the poem by Edwin Bodney) Description: When a boy tells you he loves you he doesn't mean it when Finn tells you he loves you he means every word. Angst-Fluff

Groaning when your phone rings bringing you from sleep you reach over picking it up off of your nightstand eyes slightly blinded by the light. You see a message from your boyfriend who was currently away on a business trip in Chicago. You had asked him to postpone the trip since this was your first weekend home from wrestling in the last four weeks he said it wasn't possible. When he asks if you have a few minutes to talk you reply with a yes before your phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey sorry if I woke you up."

"That's fine is everything okay?"

"Yeah I just wanted to let you know I won't make it home tomorrow we just left the bar later than they wanted and we didn't get everything talked over."

"Do they really need you to stay? I leave tomorrow night we didn't see each other at all this weekend."

"I do don't worry (y/n) I'll see your match next Monday night okay?"

You release a sigh trying not to let your frustration show through your voice you understood he was busy but it sucked not getting to see him this weekend.

"Yeah that's fine I understand."

"Hey love you."

Sitting up in bed you look at the device in your hand trying to be sure you heard him right this was the first time he had said those words. You had been dating for the last four months and hadn't taken that step yet. A smile crosses your face could he really mean it did he actually love you? This was the first time a guy had told you he loved you sure you heard it all the time from friends and family but this was different.

"You don't have to say it back if you aren't ready okay? I just wanted to let you know about the meeting I'll call you tomorrow or something get some sleep."

"Alright travel safely."

Saying goodnight you hang up staring across the dark room pushing the hair from your eyes you send a text to your best friend Finn.

(Y/n)-He said he loved me..

Finn- Really? Are you okay with that? Did you say it back?

(Y/n)- Yeah it's okay and no I wasn't ready.

Finn- Don't until you are ready okay I don't want you forced to do anything you don't want too.

(Y/n)- I won't it's just nobody besides friends and family have said that like out of all my relationships granted I've only had a few but love wasn't ever spoken of we never got that far.

Finn- How couldn't someone love you? Just be careful x

Smiling at his text you promise too before telling him you were headed back to sleep. Pulling the covers over your shoulder you fall asleep with the words swirling through your mind.. ~ "You made me look like an idiot (y/bf/n) you had me waiting outside the cocktail lounge for over two hours. Everyone kept giving me sympathetic glances I wasted my time I could have been training or hanging out with my friends."

"(Y/n) I'm sorry I'm not going to say it again I lost track of time alright?"

"You always seem to lose track of time lately whenever we get to spend even a little time together I'm blown off for work, or your friends or whatever excuse you can make."

Leaning your head back against the seat of your car you look out the window the diner parking lot where you had ended up after your boyfriend didn't show was almost empty. Only lit up by the lights the cool night air felt good against your hot skin the phone pressed to your ear.

"It just happens it's not that big a deal I love you."

Silence you close your eyes knowing what he wanted you to do it had only been a few weeks since the first time he told you he loved you. Every time you had an argument or you got upset he dropped those three words like it would solve everything.

"Say it back (y/n) please I just want to hear it you haven't said it once and I've said it so many times."

"But (y/bf/n)."

"Please."

"Fine, love you too."

The words were spoken in a dead lifeless voice you can tell he is distracted when he tells you he has to go but promises to see you in the morning. Hanging up you stare out the windshield the words feeling weird you didn't want to say something you didn't mean but you didn't know any other way to make him happy. Dialing a number you knew by heart and could easily hit the speed dial you call your best friend.. ~ "Are you okay?"

Finn asks as you walk backstage having just finished a tag team match with Nia against Alicia and Mickie.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Because I can tell you weren't focused ya always beat Mickie but almost slipped up tonight."

"Can't I just be having an off night?"

You asked drinking some water trying to avoid his gaze Finn knew you better than anyone you should have known he would of noticed your mind wasn't clear.

"Come on love ya know you can tell me anything."

"It's (y/bf/n) it's like I don't exist with him anymore he's so inconsistent I've spoken more with Ruby these last few weeks than I have with him."

You confess knowing Finn would understand the example since you and Ruby weren't exactly fond of each other and the only time you spoke was when you argued.

"He's always coming up with a reason not to come see me or that I can't see him I just I have no clue what to do anymore."

Tears of frustration fill your eyes wiping them away so nobody would ask questions Finn wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. His chin resting on your head you couldn't help but want to sob the confusion and pain in your heart was making you weary.

"Maybe this means that he isn't the one for you love I mean look at how he's acting look at how he keeps trying to get you to say things you aren't ready for."

"I don't know I guess I just I'm so confused."

"Go on to the hotel you need sleep we can talk later."

Nodding you thank him heading for the locker room to get changed into your street clothes getting a uber to the hotel you were more than ready for sleep. Riding the elevator up to your floor grabbing the key from your bag you let yourself in. Getting a quick shower you pull on a large tee shirt Finn got you and some shorts before crawling in between the sheets. Eyes close you listen to the sound of the small radio you brought with you to help you fall asleep. Just as you get ready to finally pass out your phone rings glancing at it you see (y/bf/n) on the screen. Clicking the accept button you bring it to your ear about to speak but stop when you hear a voice that didn't belong to your boyfriend.

"Is this (y/n)?"

"Yes who's this?"

"My name is Elle I can't speak for long (y/bf/n) is in the shower and doesn't know I have his phone. I was going through it and saw that you were listed with a heart when I read the messages between you I couldn't believe what I was reading."

"He's been seeing you hasn't he?"

"Yes for the last three months I'm so sorry I didn't know he was already seeing someone."

"It's not your fault thank you for calling please delete and block my number from his phone I don't want him to call or see me again."

"You and me both sweetie I just thought you deserved to know."

Hanging up you stare at the ceiling your eyes watering as you laid there part of you was kind of relieved it was over another part a much bigger part felt so hurt. You couldn't believe he cheated on you, told you he loved you when he was messing around forcing you to say you loved him when he never meant the words in the first place. Tears fall quickly into your pillow as you cry you felt like an idiot for thinking he could actually care about you. Even though it was late you knew Stephanie would be awake still dialing her number you wait for her to answer.

"Hello, Stephanie speaking."

"Hey it's (y/n) um I know this is sudden but something has come up and I was wondering if I could have tomorrow off? I won't leave the city I know there is another house show I just need some time."

"Is everything okay?"

Giving her a brief explanation because you knew she'd understand you thank her repeatedly when she tells you to take the next two days off.

"You're welcome and listen if you need to talk woman to woman just give me a call."

"Thank you I'll keep that in mind."

When the call ends you block your ex on every social media format you were friends on before turning your phone off and falling asleep. The next day is spent curled up in bed watching random movies on the tv in your room you had the do not disturb sign on your door so your friends and coworkers wouldn't try coming over. When you're halfway through The Golden Child later in the afternoon a loud knock sounds on your door before you hear Seth.

"(Y/n) are you okay? None of us can get ahold of you please will you open the door?"

Sighing you get out of bed looking out the peephole to be sure he's alone than letting him in and closing the door behind him.

"You've had us so worried are you okay?"

"I guess I didn't want to talk with anyone I asked Stephanie for the day off and she gave me today along with tomorrow."

"Are you alright did something happen are you ill?"

"No no it's nothing like that."

Having him sit next to you on the bed you explained what happened last night next to Finn and a few of the other superstars Seth was one of your closest friends.

"Aww I'm sorry that's shitty of him he's an asshole who doesn't deserve a woman as great as you."

"Thanks, Seth."

"Do you need us to rough him up a little I mean nobody will find out we can definitely kick his ass with ease."

"As nice as that sounds I don't think it would be good for you all he's not worth assault charges."

You smile as he hugs you placing a kiss to the top of your head he smiles happy to see you a little better.

"Does Finn know?"

"Not about last night but pretty much everything else."

"Well if I was that asshole I would pray to whatever god he believes in that Finn doesn't find out right away."

"Why?"

"Finn cares about you (y/n) he loves you.. And the fact this guy hurt you it's not going to go over well with him."

"What am I suppose to tell him then?"

"The truth but I'm just saying he won't be happy it's best you tell him face to face does that guy know you know?"

"I'm sure he does now."

"Does he have Finn's number?"

"I don't think so Finn never really did like him."

"Okay good."

You two chat a little longer before Seth heads out promising to check on you in the morning and let the others know you were okay. Closing your door you resume your movies wanting nothing more than to just forget for a little while. As night finally arrives you decided to turn your phone on you had forgotten to call your parents and you were sure they were probably freaking out. A bunch of messages from your friends and coworkers from earlier in the day come through. You notice a few missed calls from your mom giving her a ring you explain what happened. She was relieved to hear you were okay before you hang up you promise to see her within the next few weeks.

Going to your messages you read from them thankful to have such great friends and coworkers. Seth sent you a quick text that he had spread the word and that if you needed to talk anymore to give him a ring. Going to Finn's messages you read them he had sent you the most you felt a little guilty having not told him.

Finn- (Y/n) you okay we didn't see you at breakfast.

Finn- Is everything okay? Steph said you weren't performing out today or tomorrow.

Finn- Love you're worrying me was it something I did?

Finn- I went by your room but the do not disturb sign was up I was going to ignore it but don't want you upset with me.

The messages continue as you get ready to send him a message letting him know you were okay a new one pops up.

Finn- Why didn't you tell me what happened?

When you hear rapid knocking at your door you throw off the blankets knowing who it was without needing to look.

"Hey."

Finn brushes past you into the room closing the door you watch as he paces in front of your bed before looking at you.

"Come'er love."

Walking the short distance to his outstretched arms you hug Finn tightly eyes welling up with tears as he soothes you.

"How'd how'd you find out?"

You ask through the tears and he rubs your back letting out a sigh as he pulls back a little to look at you.

"He dmed me on twitter asking me where he could send your things when I asked what he was talking about he told me he made a mistake. He wouldn't go into much detail I gave him my rental apartment address told him to make sure every single one of your things went there and to never try to reach ya again. After that, I got a text from Seth saying he spoke with you and you were okay I asked what was wrong he wouldn't tell me so I went to his room. Told him if he didn't tell me I was going to stomp his ribs outside of the ring when he least expected it."

"Finn you didn't."

"Well I had no other way to find out you weren't answering anyone love and I was getting worried about you. Especially since you were pretty upset last night and you never shut your phone off unless something is going on."

Sighing you nod your head taking his hand you lead him to the large chair by your window you just wanted to be held right now and Finn always gave the best cuddles. When you're both settled his arms wrapped around your waist you once again tell about the call you had gotten. You told him about how split in two you felt when the call ended you told him how dumb you felt. As the two of you sat there you spilled everything to Finn that had been troubling your heart. You cried which seemed like the only thing you had done the last couple hours but you knew he wouldn't care.

"I don't even know why I'm crying so much I was so upset and confused with how things were going I just."

"Because despite all that you cared for him and you thought he felt the same but he doesn't deserve your tears. He's lucky I don't find him and kick his ass because right now nothing would please me more. If he can cheat on ya and not see what an incredible woman he had than forget him. You deserve someone who will love you and mean it when they say it you deserve someone who isn't going to force you into saying or doing anything you aren't ready for."

"Why can't guys be more like you Finn?"

"They chose not to be but I'm glad you think so much of me."

"I really do you're my best friend my rock and I thank you so much for being here for me I appreciate it."

"I love you (y/n) and I'll do whatever I can to be here for you."

Finn smiles kissing your cheek as you sat there in silence you couldn't help but think about your friendship with Finn. Every single time he told you that he loved you there wasn't any doubt in your mind or heart that he meant it.

"Finn can I ask you something?"

"Sure thing love ask away."

"Seth said that (y/ex/n/) should pray to whatever god he believed in that you didn't find out. When I asked why he said because you love and care about me but the way he said it was a little different."

"How so?"

"He paused when he said love almost like he was worried he let something slip."

Finn stays silent causing you to turn your head to look at him your eyebrows raised.

"Did he let something slip?"

"It's not important right now I'll tell you about it another time okay?"

Biting your lip you nod your head resting it on his shoulder deep down you had a feeling Seth let slip that Finn didn't just love you he was in love with you. Funny the thought of Finn being in love with you sounded like it would be wonderful. You knew that with Finn you wouldn't be forced to do anything he always made you feel so cherished. -------------- Hope these are helping you feel better @ mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

[fluffyllamas-23]

The Honeymoon

Here’s some Stucky, bc I haven’t written them in far too long omg.  Steve has his Infinity War aesthetic, and Bucky has is First Avengers aesthetic because those are my favorite aesthetics for them don’t @ me 

“You gave all the information to the cat-sitter, right?” Bucky asks, sitting next to Steve on the couch.

“Mm-hmm,” Steve mumbles tiredly, stifling a yawn into his fist, “Nat has a name, by the way.”

Bucky’s mouth quirks up with a grin, “I know but I like referring to her as ‘the cat-sitter’...makes it feel like she can’t kick my ass.”

Steve rolls his eyes, smiling lightly at Bucky before he turns his attention back to the tiny black kitten at his side. He scritches between her eyes with a finger, and she responds by leaning her head back and closing her eyes as she purrs at him.

“I’m gonna miss you, Zoey,” Steve coos, scooping her up and nuzzling her. “D’you think she’ll be mad at us for leaving her alone for two weeks?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Steven. She won’t be mad, and she will not be alone for two weeks. Nat is staying over, the most she’ll be alone for is three hours.”

“But she’s still so little. Maybe we should bring her?”

“We aren’t bringing a kitten on our honeymoon.”

Steve and Bucky had finally married almost a month ago. They had been planning to take their honeymoon the following morning, but what they hadn’t anticipated was finding a tiny and scared black kitten right outside their apartment, shivering and drenched from the rainfall hours prior.

They didn’t have the heart to leave her outside, so Steve sent Bucky to the store for kitten food while he took her inside to dry off and warm up. They took her to the emergency vet later that evening, and in the four hours that Steve had known her, he had fallen head over heels for that tiny baby and there was no way they weren’t keeping her.

The vet estimated she was only about five weeks, and neither of them wanted to leave a kitten that young alone for two weeks. So, they postponed the honeymoon for the next month, thirty one days after finding her.

Steve was still nervous about leaving her alone for that long - Zoey had attached herself to him, and spent most of her time trailing after him from room to room, and crying when he shut the door on her. Bucky had managed to convince Steve to leave the cat with. Natasha, and Natasha to come housesit for them (though it didn’t take much convincing, because she secretly loves cats and is more than happy to watch Zoey for them).

“Buck...I don’t know about this.”

“Steven,” Bucky groans, “come on, it’s our honeymoon.”

“I know, I know, I just...I don’t know, I feel a little weird.”

“Weird how?”

“I’m not...sure?”

“You’re probably just nervous about leaving Zoey.”

“Maybe,” he mumbles.

“She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine, too, just think about the honeymoon. We’re going to have a great time, honey.”

Steve grins and wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m excited.”

“Me too.”

*

“So this is what you meant when you said you felt weird,” Bucky grimaces, rubbing Steve’s back as he coughs into a fist and huddles in on himself.

Steve had fallen asleep almost immediately upon boarding their first flight. He woke up three hours later, so congested that he couldn’t stop sniffling. The body aches, headache, sore throat and coughing had kicked in a little while later, and Steve spent the majority of the time curled up against Bucky as much as his large, 6’1 frame allowed. Bucky had managed to get him another blanket, and Steve shivered miserably beneath three flimsy airline blankets, praying for death as the altitude made the sinus pressure increase painfully.

They touched down in Miami, and are currently sitting in the airport, waiting for their next flight to the Dominican Republic. Bucky had asked if he wanted to just turn around and fly home, but it would be a five hour trip back, as opposed to the two hour flight to their hotel, and Steve just wants to sleep in a bed, he doesn’t care what one.

“Ugh,” he groans, sniffling into a tissue. “Yeah, I guess. I wish I would have kndownd.”

“I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful, sweetheart,” Bucky says gently. “Lay down, put your head in my lap. Try and get some sleep.”

“I cand’t,” Steve croaks, “I cand’t breathe lyi’gg downd.”

He swallows around the sharp, raw feeling in his throat with a groan.

“I think we should go home.”

“Ndo.”

“You’re miserable, what do you mean ‘no’?”

“I mbeand,” he clears his throat, wincing as his hand darts to it. “It’s our hondeymboond.”

“I know. I want you to have fun, I don’t want you to be miserable.”

“But-“

“-I have an idea, just hear me out.”

“Alright.”

“Let’s honeymoon in Miami.”

“But-“

“-hear me out, shut up, Steven.”

“Sorry.”

“I’ll find us a hotel here to stay in. We’ll just relax for a few days until you’re feeling better, and then we can explore and have fun.”

“But you wandted to go to the Dombindicand so badly,” he groans.

“I know I did, but...honey, we can go anytime we want. I would rather you be sick the US and not a foreign country...especially one we don’t know the language.”

“Okay,” Steve relents. “I’mb really sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re not allowed to apologize, you can’t help being sick.”

Steve sniffles, coughing into the crook of his elbow.

“Okay.”

“Good. Now just give me twenty minutes so i can book the hotel and figure out where to rent a car.”

*

It had taken nearly two hours, a trip to CVS and a phone call to Nat, but Steve is finally in bed, half asleep and trying not to feel too miserable.

Bucky is next to him, Steve’s head in his lap as he runs his fingers through his shaggy brown locks.

“How are you feeling?” Bucky asks gently.

“Really...bad,” he mumbles.

“You’ve still got a fever...I don’t think it’s gone down at all.”

“I just took mbeds...gotta give it a little timbe.”

“I know...doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”

He coughs again, lungs seizing and threatening to eject themselves from his chest. He groans a little, thoroughly miserable as he tries to press himself even closer to Bucky.

“I dond’t like it either.”

Bucky grabs the thermometer and sticks it in his ear, despite Steve whining at him.

“Shush. You’re really warm, I want to check your fever.”

“You just took it tend mbindutes ago,” Steve grumbles.

Bucky frowns, looking at the numbers after a few seconds. “Yeah, and it’s going up.”

“Huh?”

“102.3. It was 101.9 last time I took it.”

“...Oh.”

“You’re starting to sound sleepier...ready for bed?”

Steve nods, fatigue already settled heavily in his bones and over his entire body. He feels himself drifting off, and before he even registers it, he’s asleep.  

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 42

We left the Gold Coast on February 13th, returned home for two days, then were off again…first to Berlin for a screening of ‘The Night Manager’ with a Q & A session, then on to Vietnam, where shooting began the day after we arrived. The entire experience there was life-altering, in a way. The people, who were so kind, generous, and welcoming, and the locations, some of which had never before been filmed, were majestic and evocative of a land time had, to our benefit, forgotten…but most of all, the opportunity to immerse myself in a culture I had little knowledge of was humbling, and miraculous, and I made every effort to be out and about with every spare moment I had. When production wrapped in mid-March, Jordan announced that he was planning on relocating to the area, and I found myself just the tiniest bit jealous. There was such a sense of peace there, despite such a tumultuous upheaval in the not so distant past…a testament to the human spirit, our ability to keep pressing onward, to continue to live, and even thrive. A lesson in perspective, I suppose.

Tom was due in Los Angeles on March 20th for a photoshoot, so we opted to go directly there instead of heading home to London and then back out again. The 21st was booked with interviews, which would be followed by the official ‘I Saw the Light’ premiere on the 22nd. This was the first time I’d be walking a red carpet with him, other than the brief appearance at the Cube. Though Tom normally preferred the Beverly Hills Hotel, we were staying at the Loews Hollywood due to its proximity to the Egyptian, where the screening would be held, and Sadie’s Kitchen, the venue chosen for the after party. Our room was on the 15th floor, modern décor in shades of grey, white and burgundy, with a view of the Hollywood sign…currently packed with a team of stylists, garment bags and rolling racks making me feel like a sardine in a tin. Granted, a very lovely tin, but a tin nonetheless. Tom was almost ready to go, his bright blue suit complementing his eyes perfectly, black necktie offering a bold contrast to his white dress shirt. I was still in my skivvies, one of the gals taping me into my strapless bra ‘just in case’. Despite the opportunity it created for an epic wardrobe malfunction, I was totally in love with my gown. It was strapless with a sweetheart neckline, gradient purple, near black at the top, fading to pale lilac midway down in the front and plum in the back. The skirt was floor length and full, and both a portion of it and nearly the entire bodice were decorated with silver vines and leaves, cascading downward like a waterfall. I’d opted for dark purple heels, on the thick side because I figured there was less of a risk of tripping in front of the press line that way. Around my neck was my tourmaline necklace, and my hair had been pinned up in a loose bun. As I pondered what food choices awaited me at Sadie’s, the gal announced that my tits were secure and I was instructed to step carefully into the gown, zipped up, and released into the wild to fend for myself. Tom’s hands descended upon my shoulders as I inspected the contents of my clutch one final time, making sure I had a room key, my cell phone, tissues and a Snickers bar.

“You look gorgeous, as always.”

I turned my head to meet his gaze. “You don’t look half bad yourself.” He grinned, releasing me, and I spun around to get a better look at him. “Mmm. That is a nifty suit. To the left…to the right…where will…aha, LEFT. What’s that, eight out of ten or something?”

“I didn’t realize we were collecting data. Will the results be in the form of a bar graph or a pie chart?”

“A fifty page thesis, actually. Available for sale on Amazon. I figure we can fund our retirement with it.”

He laughed, interrupted by his phone chirping. “Car’s here. Let’s roll.”

“Walk. I’m going to walk. Probably. Rolling sounds like ‘a YouTube Star is Born’. But I suppose that could fund some shit too…”

We exited arm in arm, piled into the elevator with a bunch of other fancy people I didn’t know, then climbed into the black SUV waiting for us. It was still light out, the day bright and sunny. Our vehicle was sixth in line when we pulled up to the Egyptian Theater, and my jaw dropped at how old-school big-glam Hollywood it looked, the red carpet lining the courtyard, velvet ropes and press wherever I looked. It was far from my first rodeo, but it was the first time I’d be at such an event in the capacity of ‘movie star’s plus one’. A low whistle escaped my lips.

“Wow, so we’re like, really doing this. Surreal, Tom. Sur-REAL.”

He took my hand in his, pulling my attention away from what I could see outside the window. I smiled at the sight of the excitement written all over his face. “It is that, positively. And I’m…I’m…well, I’m like a live wire, Maude. Crackling and vibrating and super charged with energy because I’m not walking this one alone, you’re going to be right by my side and…” He let go of my hand, flinging both his up in the air and waving them around jazz-style as he grinned. “I. AM. UNCONTROLLABLY EXCITED!”

I leaned in to kiss his cheek, quickly wiping the lipstick I left behind away with one of my tissues. “My god you are just too cute. Does this car have a sick bag? Because the cute is going to make me barf, for sure.” I mock-gagged.

He continued to grin like a fool as he pointed to the window behind me. “We’re up! It’s time! Let’s go, my lady. LET’S GO!”

Before I could ask for a moment to get my shit together, he was out of the car, the roar of waiting fans greeting him as he ran around to my side and opened the door for me. I took his proffered hand and stepped out into the daylight, the roars growing louder, our names being shouted above the din by press and onlookers alike. As we made our way down to the entrance, Tom stopped to sign and take selfies as long as time would allow, and then it was time for us to strike a pose. The flashes were the worst part, a ceaseless strobing that made it very difficult to focus, but mid-way through my eyes and brain seemed to adjust and I found myself having a really good fucking time mugging for the cameras with the man of the evening. The interviews were a blast, Tom taking the lead and doing most of the talking, pulling me in here and there when it was someone he’d interacted with on previous occasions or mentioned my name. We were like a comedy improv team that sang on command, and by the time we made it into the actual screening I was totally high on fun. Not exactly the right vibe for such a serious, angsty, sad movie, but in the end I was grateful I went into it with a boost because the ended pregnancy talk scene was difficult to watch even though it was the second time around. There I sat, holding back tears with Tom’s hand in mine, shaking, and me rubbing his wrist with my thumb. As soon as the credits rolled we were ushered quickly to the car, and then it was off to Sadie’s. I was a very intimate setting, the décor an eclectic mix of woods, stones, metals and glass. The food was a bit too micro for my taste, and there were moments when I seriously considered grabbing an entire tray of hor d'oeuvres and making a break for the coatroom. Tom had been indulging in champagne all evening, and Rodney’s band was in the house, so I knew that it wouldn’t be long until an impromptu jam session occurred. I’d avoided going to the bathroom since we left the hotel, and the three sodas I’d guzzled made it impossible to postpone any longer. I kissed Tom on the cheek, leaving him with the drummer whose name I’d been given but could absolutely not recall and headed for the rest room. Fitting into the stall was the first hurdle, turning around was the second, and it actually got more and more complicated every step of the way until my hands were full of fabric and my ass was on the chilly seat. Figuring out how to wipe was the Rubik’s cube of the process, and I stared at the toilet paper dispenser for an untold amount of minutes. I heard the band begin to play Move It On Over, heard them finish, then start up with Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Tom’s yodeling snapped me out of my stupor and I bunched all the fabric in the crook of one arm, tore off the necessary quantity of sheets with my free hand and took care of business like a boss. As I thanked the gods for auto-flush, I unlocked the stall, dropped the fabric back in place and propelled myself outward…right into Lizzie, who was wearing a far more practical dress that wasn’t all floaty and poufy and just waiting for an accident to happen. She grinned.

“So? Enjoying the party? Or did you come in here to hide like, you know, I DID?”

I laughed. “So far, so good. Nice to know it’s not just me who seeks refuge in bathrooms, though. But this time it’s a legit visit. Which was terrifying.”

“Maude, there are more dresses in my closet that I wound up buying because they were unfit to return then I care to count. Wine, toothpaste, hair gel, lipstick, chocolate, things I don’t even know what they are and probably don’t want to…and lemme tell ya, I know all the best bathrooms for hiding in SO many cities all around the world. The private ones with really loud fans are just…” She sighed. “Perfection.”

Washing my hands, I nodded. “Oh yeah. Peace and quiet. If they only came with a Do Not Disturb sign…”

“Oh my GOD, there’s a bathroom in a restaurant in Toronto, I can’t remember the name but I know where it is, I can see it…damn…anyway, they HAVE that.”

“No they do not.”

She nodded, walking to the stall furthest from the door. “Yes they do! Best twenty minutes of my night a few years back.” Turning, she waved. “Okay, I’m goin’ in. If anyone’s looking for me…”

“I have no idea where you are.”

She blew me a kiss. “Bless you.”

As I re-entered the chaos, I was hit with an extra-loud, slightly slurred version of Hey Good Lookin’, and I couldn’t wait to round the corner and see Tom in action. And take a video. Which I’d totally post on Tumblr because surely it was something the entire world needed to see. The band had set up on one side of the dining area, which had been cleared of tables, and they were surrounded by cast and crew, some standing and clapping, others dancing. Tom was easy to spot, and as I worked my way through the crowd, I noticed that there was a woman hanging on him, her arm resting on his shoulder as she shimmied to the beat. She was waiflike, incredibly thin and tall, taller than Tom, even, in her white stilettos, her white mini dress so short I didn’t think it would be possible for her to sit down without putting on one hell of a show. There were triangular cut-outs at the waist, and her platinum blonde hair hung halfway down her back. Her eyes were huge, greenish-grey, and beautiful, the stand out component of her heart-shaped face with its perfect Cupid’s bow mouth. I’d never seen her before and had never asked him to point her out in the film, though I now recognized her from it, and as I registered that it was the woman he was terrified of running into, and that we’d forgotten the possibility of her being there, or at least I had, my heart began to pound in my chest. Claudia. Right there, in front of me, rubbing up against my fiancé.

As the song ended everyone cheered, and she placed her hands on either side of Tom’s head, turned his face towards hers, then kissed him squarely on the lips in far too intimate a fashion and for entirely too long. I heard a few gasps, but they were eclipsed by the roaring of my heartbeat in my ears, and I fought the urge to scream as I watched him gently push her away. He turned back toward the crowd, stone-faced, and when his mask slipped almost imperceptibly I knew he’d spotted me. I wanted to run, flee the scene, disappear into the night but this was a party full of his co-workers, part of the promo, and doing so would certainly hit the gossip rags in a flash and had the potential to damage the success of the film and so I stood, and I faked a smile as he walked toward me with the woman who possessed a cache of sex tapes starring them both at his side. Once they were two feet away, she opened her clutch and pulled out what I knew to be a hotel room key, as it bore the same logo as the one in my own. Her voice was a much higher pitch than mine, volume just loud enough for both Tom and I to hear when she spoke, pressing the plastic rectangle into his hand.

“Here’s my key. Panorama suite two. I’ll see you shortly.” She turned to me, smirking, then back to him, gesturing in my direction with her thumb. “You can bring her too, if you want, even though she’s not exactly my type. That giant cock of yours more than makes up for it.”

She grinned widely at me, then walked across the room, hair swaying back and forth as she rolled her hips, finally vanishing around the corner and into the hall that led to the exit after what seemed like forever. I heard Tom say my name, and I looked up, but I stared at the knot in his tie because I couldn’t look him in the eye. He took my hand in his, which I permitted, and after his first ‘good night’ it dawned on me that one, I should do the same because two, apparently he’d decided it was time to get the fuck out of there. As soon as we rounded the same corner Claudia had minutes earlier, I pulled my hand from his. Neither of us spoke then, and when he began to do so in the car, I silenced him with a terse ‘not now’.

The ban continued as we entered the hotel, and throughout the elevator ride. Once the room door was closed and locked behind us, I held up both hands, palms toward him.

“Tom. I’m going into the bathroom. I’m going to take this dress off. I’m going to take a shower. I’m going to try and calm down and return to some sort of quasi-rational version of myself. You are going to stay out here.” I could feel the rage bubbling up, words I shouldn’t say spilling out of my mouth. “Unless, of course, you’re planning on joining Claudia, which, FYI, I am NOT.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. I’ll be out when I’m ready.”

Once safely tucked away, I focused on each individual detail of every task. Zipper down. Dress off. Hang up the dress. Tape off. Bra off. Underwear off. Water on. Test water. Step into shower. By the time I’d dried off, I once again understood that the man on the other side of the door loved me, and that I loved him, and trusted him, and that we needed to discuss what had happened because there was a side to this story I’d yet to hear, and doing or saying or thinking anything without having that knowledge would be unreasonable. And wrong.

He was sitting on the floor, jacket and tie off, shirt unbuttoned ,back leaning up against the bottom of the bed with his knees up and his head in his hands. Hearing me pad across the carpet, he looked up at me, his forlorn expression shifting briefly to one of desire, which baffled me until I realized I was naked. Knowing that he wanted me in the midst of all this was strangely comforting, and empowering. I pulled a robe out of the top dresser drawer, wrapping it around myself as I walked to the bed and sat down, his body to the left of my own. His gaze was cast downward again, and I reached out and began rubbing the back of his neck, speaking softly.

“Will you sit with me and tell me what happened?”

He nodded, rising quickly and joining me on the mattress. His eyes met mine, and he inhaled deeply.

“I had no idea she’d be attending. I didn’t even think to ask. If I’m honest, I hadn’t given her a single thought in months, not until we watched the movie here, and even then the possibility of her turning up didn’t even cross my mind for more than a few seconds…and I pushed it away as me being paranoid. As soon as I started in on Hey Good Lookin’ I felt someone to my left, which wasn’t out of the ordinary as people had been all around me since we began playing, but the someone was incredibly close, and at first I thought you’d snuck up on me and were going to join in, but when I turned to look it was…her. And there I was, in the middle of a song, in front of everyone, and I wanted to stop and get away from her but…”

It was my turn to nod. “In front of everyone. I know that feel.”

He shook his head. “I told myself to remain professional, to keep going, and I thought if I pretended that we were filming I’d be fine. Then she…she…she kissed me in front of everyone, and I just couldn’t believe it and she just kept going and I wanted to shove her off me but that would have looked…and so I did it as normally as I could and the whole time I was hoping you were still in the bathroom but then I saw you…” He paused. “And when I started toward you she came WITH me and then the keycard and what she said…then watching you keep yourself together when I knew you were…I’m sorry. So, so sorry. If that kiss makes it online…my god. I’m sorry.”

His head was in his hands again, shoulders shaking as he wept, and I recognized that this experience had been so deeply traumatic for him that he didn’t quite realize it yet, his unconsciously focusing outwardly serving as diversion. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to my chest, stroking his hair until he quieted enough to listen. When he was able to look me in the eye again, I began to speak.

“Thank you for explaining. That’s essentially what I thought had happened, and, I’m very sorry it happened to you.” His left brow rose. “What she did was so completely inappropriate…I mean, that’s not really surprising, but…yeah. Is it okay if I go through my thought process here?”

He half-smiled. “Yes.”

“Obviously, there’s a component of jealousy. That hit me first. This beautiful woman that’s been intimate with you kissed you right in front of me, and you look amazing together, and she’s tall and blonde and skinny…and the way she presented the keycard to you made it seem like you had an arrangement, a plan in place. Most of way back here all what was going through my mind was that you’d been secretly contacting her and set this all up. But, then I reminded myself exactly who, and what, she was to you, and the jealousy turned primarily to anger, directed at her, but there was still enough jealousy left to generate some serious nastiness on my part directed at YOU. And, like I said before, I wanted to avoid that because it was likely baseless and unwarranted, the jealousy. So I showered, and I listened, and DAMN that anger is way worse now and you should probably keep that room key far the fuck away from me…” I took a deep breath. “Sheese. Again, I’m very sorry this happened to you. However you want to handle it, I’m here to help. Whatever you need, okay?”

He reached out to touch my face, letting his fingertips drag across my jaw and down my neck before grasping my hand.

“I wasn’t even thinking of anything happening to me. I was afraid of what you’d think, and…”

I entwined my fingers with his. “I know. And I appreciate that. We’ve been through some shit, my dude, and I’m a runner. Or, I was. Now…you’re more important than my internal bullshit struggles.”

A smile lit up his face, but it faded quickly, replaced with fear, then sorrow, then anger over the next several silent minutes as he stared at me.

“Maude, all I know in this moment is that I’m finished being afraid of her. I remembered what you said back in New Orleans, our options, and…well, it’s time, I think, for her to know that what she views as having the upper hand…isn’t. Not anymore.” He ran one hand through his hair. “So. I’m going up there, and I’m going to deal with this for once, and for all. Unless you think it’s utter madness to do such a thing.”

My mouth dropped open as my brow rose. “Oh, it’s madness, alright. But I like it. Hmm…”

He laughed, then poked my collarbone softly with his finger. “Ah, a plan is afoot, is it?”

“No. A plan is a plan. Not a foot.” He groaned and covered his eyes briefly, gaze returning to meet mine as I continued. “Okay. Several things to consider here. Ideally, you’d do this alone. Are you comfortable with that?”

“Well, yes and no. Going in, absolutely. But when I visualize reaction scenarios, I am concerned that a situation might arise that would result in an unfavorable outcome.”

I snorted. “Yeah, as in her recording the entire exchange and then heavily editing it to paint you in a…a…let’s go with ‘negative light’.” He nodded. “The hotel security feed would take care of pinpointing when you entered and when you left, but everything in between is up for grabs, and that’s not acceptable. Having a witness seems warranted, but who’s the witness? Am I the witness? Does my bias preclude me from being reliable in reporting the truth?”

Tom nodded again. “Likely, yes. But you’re the only witness available who’s privy to all the details of the history involved, and I wouldn’t trust anyone else to maintain any sort of confidentiality.”

This was something I had zero desire to participate in, for a multitude of reasons. It was pre-Maude, and in that aspect, none of my damn business. But since Claudia’s future actions could significantly impact my life, even if said impact was short-lived, that made it potentially my damn business. Then there was what I knew…what she’d done with him, and, far worse, what she’d done TO him. Unsettling at best, rage inducing at worst…in other words, I’d be walking into a situation wherein keeping myself in check was questionable, but of the utmost importance. And there it was, another lightbulb moment in the life and times of Maude Gallagher-soon-to-be-Hiddleston. I chuckled, and he stared at me, confused, head tilted to the side as he attempted to discern what was amusing.

I patted his knee. “I’m just laughing at my own stupidity, because I totally forgot that I’m a member of your PR team and thus have a rather valid reason to accompany you since part of the discussion will include…PR. And it ALSO gives me a reason to behave myself. Total coup, right?”

His arms wrapped around me, kissing first one cheek, then the other. “Oh, yes. Check mate.”

“No, that’s just the check. The checkmate is me recording the whole exchange on my phone, which will be tucked in my bra. Or somewhere.”

He pulled back, eyes wide. “Isn’t this a two party state? I recall you mentioning that…”

“Yeah. It is. But that won’t stop me from leaking it if the need arises. You know, someone could steal my phone at any given moment. It’s totally possible. I’m forgetful. I leave things behind ALL THE TIME…”

“Maude, you are deliciously fiendish. And I love you so.”

“Aw, thank you, baby. And I’m a total hypocrite, because I just admitted to being willing to do what I believe she shouldn’t. Anyway…criminal prosecution for this sort of thing is very rare. She could sue, of course. But I don’t think I care. Do you care?”

“I do not.”

“Cool. Hopefully we’ll never need to use it.” I rose, both hands finger-gunning in his direction. “Let’s do this.”

He stood, tugging at the fabric of my robe. “Should you dress first, do you think?”

I glanced down at myself. “Oh. Right. This is not one of my ‘don’t fuck with me’ ensembles.”

Snorting, he began re-buttoning his shirt. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

“Thomas. I’m struggling to keep a firm grasp on my professionalism. Cease.”

“Firm grasp, you say?”

I pretended to not hear him and searched my travel wardrobe for something that would work, in the end opting for black leggings, a fluffy, grey, oversize turtleneck sweater and my Birkenstock boots. As I caught sight of myself in the mirror on the way out the door, I decided my choices were just the right mix of business and badassery…but a V-neck would have made hiding the phone a whole lot fucking simpler.

****************************************

There we stood, outside Panorama suite number two, me turned away from the door with my shirt lifted and bra on full display as I wedged my phone into it and hit record. Tom and I exchanged a few words, and then it was Titty Time again. I was relieved to hear the playback was nice and clear and began another session, putting a finger to my lips to let Tom know we were on the record, so to speak. He knocked loudly, then even louder when there was no immediate answer. When he paused, a clicking that could only be high heels on tile was audible, its increasing volume indicating the wearer was travelling in our direction. The door swung inward to reveal Claudia, now clad in white lingerie, a lacy bra, bikini panties, garters and filmy white stockings, all paired with the same white stilettos she’d worn to the party. She placed one hand on her hip, smirking widely.

“Well, well, well. Hello, Tom. I expected you to turn up, but not…” A thumb with a fuchsia fingernail jerked in my direction. “…her. Not exactly a pleasant surprise, but, whatever. Come on in. I’ve gotten off with my vibe three times already but I’m still SO fucking horny. Just one kiss from you, that’s all it takes…mmmm…”

Tom held up a hand, palm towards her. “Stop, Claudia. Right now. Control yourself until we’re behind closed doors, for god’s sake.”

She bit her lip. “Oh my, someone’s feeling forceful. Must be my lucky day!”

We walked in past her, and she followed after closing the door and engaging the slide-bolt lock, stopping in front of the not-so-mini mini bar to face us.

“Anyone else want a cocktail before cock?” Neither Tom nor I replied. “Well I do. I need one. Who wears a turtleneck to a threesome? Christ.”

Tom’s jaw clenched, then released as he spoke. “I’m afraid you’ve misinterpreted the reason for this visit, Claudia. Hint, it’s not for a threesome. I’m only here to have a conversation with you, one we should have had quite some time ago. Maude’s presence is due to the fact that she’s a member of my PR team, and will serve as my advisor if necessary.”

She was stunned, silent, and the fingers she’d wrapped around a bottle of rum went white with the strength of her grip. When Tom noted it didn’t appear as if she’d reply, he continued.

“I’m not going to waste my time re-hashing the past, but I will say this…I made it abundantly clear that we were done when I discovered you were secretly filming our encounters. When I also made it clear that I didn’t love you, and pointed out that I’d never given you any reason to believe our relationship was anything more than purely sexual in nature, you threatened me. You threatened to provide a detailed account of our interactions to my family and friends, you threatened to publish all of the videos you’d made online, and you threatened to ruin my career and make my life a living hell.”

She’d done several double takes during his speech, looking at me, then back at him, then back at me, as if she couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that I might be aware that something had transpired between them. She finally relinquished her hold on the rum bottle, lifting her hands in surrender. “Tom, that was…I was…I just said all that because I was angry. I didn’t mean it.”

He scoffed. “Really? You didn’t mean it? Yet you accepted a million dollar payout from me?”

“I thought we had a future, Tom. Together. The money was like…alimony.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, Claudia. What I want you to know is that from this day onward, you are to come nowhere near me. If for some reason we find ourselves at the same event or function, don’t approach me. Don’t speak to me. And most of all, don’t fucking TOUCH me. If you refuse to comply, I will not hesitate to file a restraining order against you.” He took two steps closer to her, his face now inches from hers. “Do you understand?”

She didn’t respond, and he repeated the question, his tone far harsher, volume ratcheting up five notches on the dial.

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Crossing her arms, she sneered at him. “You know, I still have all those videos...it would be such a shame if they went public and Maude found out what kind of person you really are…”

And there was my cue. I pulled Tom backwards and away from her, then stepped in front of him.

“Maude is acutely aware of the contents of ‘those videos’, Claudia.” Air quotes. I felt like an Office Space character for a second, and really, really wanted to tell her that if she would kindly fuck off and die that’d be great. “Opting to publish them is entirely your choice to make.”

Her laugh bordered on hysterical. “So you’re fine with ruining his career and making yourself a laughing stock? That’s cool. I’ll totally publish them then.”

I shrugged. “Be advised that there will be repercussions that will affect you personally and professionally if you choose to take such action.” She opened her mouth to speak, and I held up my hand to cut her off at the pass, my right index finger pointing up toward the ceiling. “First, since you’ll be violating the terms of the NDA you signed, a suit will be filed for breach of contract wherein we’ll be requesting both expectation and disgorgement damages. That means you’ll be on the hook for repayment of the one million dollars you received as a settlement, as well as any lost revenue Tom incurs as a result of the breach. Secondly, criminal charges will be filed under California’s Revenge Porn Law, which defines said revenge porn as the publication of nude photos or videos of a person one used to be intimate with, without their consent, with an intent to cause serious emotional distress. Each video that was filmed in the state of California would incur a penalty of a fine in the amount of $1000 and up to six months in jail…based upon Tom’s estimate as to video quantity, you’d be facing a prison sentence of up to ten years. Thirdly, and lastly, criminal charges and a civil suit will be filed for your violation of the Invasion of Privacy act. California is a ‘two party’ state when it comes to audio recordings of confidential communication in situations and locations wherein there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy. Audio that’s a component of a video is covered under this particular statute, and penalties include a fine of up to $2500 and a year in jail. Long story short, Claudia…do you want to wind up in jail? Because publishing those videos is how you wind up in jail.”

While I spoke, I’d witnessed her face first going pale, then gradually reddening until it reached a final almost-purple hue. She was shaking with rage, and I just stood there, certain she was going to attack me Dynasty lady-feud style. But she didn’t, pausing, instead to digest what I’d said as best she could and find a way around it. Her eyes, now more grey than green, narrowed as she spoke.

“My attorney will drag out your breach suit for years, and if you win, I’ll hide all my assets and file for bankruptcy and you won’t see a dime, ever. As for the rest, there’s no proof Tom never consented to filming. Same with that distress bullshit. My word against his. I’ll take those odds, and when I’m acquitted of all charges I’ll sue YOU guys for damages and take even MORE of Tom’s money.”

Raising my brow, I leaned in a little closer to her. “Tom saved all your texts and voicemails. Every. Single. One. They’re tucked away, safe and sound, on the very phone you sent them to.”

If Tom hadn’t been paying such close attention, the highball glass she picked up and threw would have hit me right in the face. He’d jerked both of us to the side, and the glass shattered when it hit the wall. With me in front of him, he propelled both of us toward the door at top speed, slid the bolt and pushed me out into the hallway, slamming the door behind him in the midst of the sound of more shattering glass and her screams of ‘get out, GET OUT’. We headed for the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator, rushed back to our room, entered and locked our own door, both of us unsure as to whether we were pleased, frightened, or a bit of both.

I reached up under my sweater to pull out the phone, hitting the stop button to end the recording. Tom placed his hands on my shoulders, eyes on mine.

“Are you all right?”

Nodding, I felt my mouth twist into a half smile. “That went better than I expected, honestly.” I stood on my toes and planted a kiss on his left cheek. “Thanks for rescuing me from death by assorted beverage containers. How do you feel?”

His eyes shifted down and to the side, then returned to my face. “Relieved. Like I’ve gotten some closure, and that I’m no longer at her mercy. The fear, the anxiety in regard to my past actions becoming public…that’s subsided significantly. But there’s trepidation present, resulting from her expression of violence towards you, which I’m not quite sure how to handle.”

I slipped my phone into his pocket as I wrapped my arms around his torso. “She just realized she’s powerless, and she was NOT happy about it. Probably best to let it go and hope she finds a new hobby. Or a good therapist. Or Jesus. Something.”

“Maude, if that would have hit you…”

“It didn’t, though. I’m fine, you’re fine, and…that was over the top, wasn’t it? Was she aiming for me? Or you? Or the wall? Wow, I’m kinda freaked out now.”

He pulled me to his chest, kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I knew her behavior as I experienced it was abnormal, and I shouldn’t have involved you.”

I leaned back, reaching up to caress his cheek. “You realize I knew too based on your description of your experience, yes? I’m glad I went with you. She would have spun that visit in the worst way possible, Tom, if the opportunity presented itself. Now she can’t, and I’m glad for that. As for the rest…we have a plan in place if she releases the videos, and we’ll follow through with it. She knows now that you’re no longer afraid of that happening, and that you’ll fight back, and I’m thinking maybe that will take all the fun out of it for her.”

A heavy sigh escaped him. “I hope that’s the case, my love. Truly I do. And I’m not going to dwell on it, because allowing her to diminish our joy is akin to giving her precisely what she wants, and she’s stolen enough already. This shop’s doors are closed. Permanently.”

“That’s an excellent way to look at it, Mr. Eternal Optimist. The doors are closed and the shop’s in the rearview as we travel the road ahead of us into our future.”

He simply stared at me, a small smile upon his face, his eyes once again full of all those things that made me both weak in the knees and disgusted with my sappy-ass self all at once. I rolled my eyes.

“Man, you’ve gotta lay off that adorable shit. We’ve got three months to go until the wedding and when you look at me like that…I just want to say fuck it and go find a judge and do it, like, right now.” Next came the tears shining, ready to spill over. “No. Oh my god, not helping, Tom. NOT. HELPING.”

He laughed. “I’m not even sorry.”

“Color me thoroughly unsurprised.”

“I’d rather color your inner thighs with love bites.”

“That can be arranged.”

Less than an hour later, we were spooning, and I felt his breathing change as he slipped into sleep. I lay nestled against him, wide awake until near dawn, trying to force myself to stop thinking about Claudia. Her actions seemed, as I reviewed the evening’s events, to indicate she hadn’t quite…let go. Far from it, actually. I wondered what she actually wanted, after so much time had passed. Was it more money? Was it revenge? Was it still…Tom? Was it all three, perhaps? And then I found myself wondering how far someone who behaved as she had tonight was willing to go in order to get it. Whatever it was she wanted. And it shook me, so I sang our wedding song to myself in my head until I calmed down, finally dozing off reminding myself that things which were terribly frightening in the dead of night were often immediately vanquished as nonsense by the light of day.

[thewayisoutpb]

.the bachelor party

I never thought what my bachelor party will look like. I have never really thought of it, since I didn’t think I would have one.

To be honest, in my mind my bachelor party was a nice evening with my closest friends playing games, drinking and talking.

Let me say from the beginning, my friends have outdone themselves. Writing this on the plane flying home, I’m still buzzing, can’t believe what an amazing weekend this was.

There wasn’t much preparation, since the guys didn’t tell me anything up until the last minute. My bachelor party was supposed to start on Friday, 16th of September. The night before I was told to pack my things according to current weather which was like chilly autumn. I just laid my clothes on the bed; everything was packed for me into a backpack I was given. I was still clueless about our destination.

The next morning, I finally found out that we are catching the 10am train. Naturally I thought, we are going for a weekend to Budapest. It made the most sense, since we’ve been there a few summers ago and we really enjoyed it. The first surprise came, when we boarded the train to Bratislava, not to Budapest. It was weird, since they knew the last thing I’d want is a bachelor party in Bratislava, because I despise that city.

I forgot to mention, 2 days before the trip, Csabi asked me to send him my Covid-19 pass. It was suspicious, since at that time the pass was no longer required to fly in Europe. So, I thought he was just messing with me. I even checked my passport. It was on top of Miška’s, but it may not have meant anything, since I didn’t remember how it was originally put away. It popped into my mind, that it also may have been just a ruse. But on Friday morning, I have checked my passport, and it wasn’t there. But then again, I still guessed it was just a nice play by them with Miška being in on it.

So, we arrived to Bratislava, went to eat to Nivy mall and waited for Dominik there. I didn’t know why they chose this particular mall. They asked if I’ve been there, but I wasn’t, since it was built recently. Little did I know, that under the mall there was the main bus station. Going down there, searching for a bus we stopped at a sign saying Vienna. Now, the puzzle was coming together, but it was still hard to believe. We were going to Vienna airport.

Once we arrived there and went through all the safety checks, I was still clueless about our destination. Next, we set down for a beer. There was a display with upcoming flights. I could see several interesting destinations like Barcelona, but less interesting like Sofia as well. They told me to take a guess, so I naturally chose Barcelona, since it made the most sense with the flight leaving in half an hour or so. After finishing our beers, we went to our gate. I didn’t pay much attention to the gates we’ve been to or to the fact we’ve been going in different directions. Once we have arrived to our gate, the destination was finally revealed to me. We were flying to Manchester.

Now, that the secret was out, they told me that the most important part of the bachelor party was cancelled due to the death of Queen Elizabeth II. We were supposed to see Manchester play against Leeds at Old Trafford on Sunday. The match was postponed, because the police was needed in London at Queen’s wedding, which was on Monday. I was so happy, but sad at the same time. I nearly got to see them. We will have to came back once they announce the rescheduled date.

In Manchester, we were staying at Zsolti’s. Benji joined us for the whole weekend, which was really nice.

The guys planned a lot of things to do, about which I found out gradually along the way.

We had many amazing meals - burgers, traditional English breakfast, ramen, pizza and many more. I shouldn’t forget about the delicious coffees and amazing sweet treats.

On Saturday, we went to Old Trafford to see the museum. They also booked a tour of the stadium. It was an amazing feeling to finally be inside the Theatre of Dreams. It was a dream come true. It was really emotional for me. I was so happy, but sad at the same time, because I was supposed to be there the next day and see them play live in front of my eyes. After the tour, we went to the megastore and I bought a T-shirt and a hoodie to have a tangible memory from this experience.

After ordering pizzas from Domino’s, we went to a house music party which was held at a storage house. Going in, the police dog sniffed me out and I was sent down the line for a drug check - just to spice things up. The whole event was alright, although the main stage wasn’t that good, but we enjoyed the other stages. I was really excited to see Disclosure, which was the headliner at 1am. Unfortunately, it was a great disappointment and after a while we went home.

The next day, we had a lunch reservation for ramen, which was unbelievably delicious. We also ordered buns, which were like mini-Japan tacos. After lunch, we want to an arcade game store. We played some retro games, drinking beer. Guitar Hero was really fun.

In the evening we played Exit, an escape room style game, where we worked together as detectives and had to solve riddles in order to find clues. At the end of the game, we had to find the killer on the Orient Express train. Everybody enjoyed the game. We also played a strategic game called Catan and Seven Wonders. Game night with my closest friends, it was so good. I personally enjoyed it much more than the storage party.

On Monday, we were flying back to Vienna and then home. Up until the flight, we were just sitting home relaxing. Then, went to buy groceries in order to make pancakes. Another good meal from Zsolti for a change.

Also, there was a great surprise from Benji. I wasn’t expecting it, but he gave me a present - a training-ground back only available to Manchester United staff. He has a masseur friend who managed to get it for me. It was a really nice gesture.

Next, we played a game of Seven Wonders and Codenames. Then it was time to leave for our train to airport.

Writing this on the plane, we had a 2-hour delay, but I’m not even mad. I had a wonderful weekend I won’t ever forget.

thank you guys.

[nobunyaaga]

LISTEN BUT. 

AN AU WHERE ERIK IS THE SUGAR DADDY, NOT T’CHALLA. 

Except not really because what happens is that Erik, CIA agent fresh off a mission and given enforced leave, sitting in a classy hotel bar because he doesn’t keep an apartment when he’s never home (what’s a home, anyway) (everything that’s important to him can fit in the palm of his hand- it’s easy to shed possessions going from one foster home to another and he’s had to learn to travel light) and after a spectacular failure at an attempt at a relationship that had ended with literal fire and a bit too much screaming even for his drama loving ass, 

He's looking for easy and no strings attached, something where he can throw some dollars at for a warm body and a little companionship and there’s this gorgeous man by the lifts, saying goodnight to an older gentleman that Erik can’t quite see properly through the ferns and plants in the lobby, but he can read the gentle affection in the man’s body language when he leans in for a cheek kiss before heading towards the bar. 

It’s luck and probably fate (says the tumbler of whiskey that Erik’s already tossed back) that brings tall, dark and handsome to sit next to him at the long stretch of polished bar. In profile, Erik can actually see the long curl of his eyelashes which is just ridiculous. The cut of his suit and touch of gold at his throat all scream subtle money, sleek and smooth like a pampered house cat. 

Erik wants to muss him up. 

“Daddy don’t need you tonight?” he asks, flashing his teeth in a grin. 

Prettyboy blinks quizzically at him. “Yes, I have been granted free time tonight.” The accent is a surprise but definitely not unwelcome. “I apologise, but do I know you?” 

“Not yet.” Erik grins, a flash of gold teeth, and holds out his hand for Prettyboy to shake. He doesn’t let it go.  “But you will.” 

 Taj (”My name is T-” he stumbles here, then looks up as if daring Erik to say something. “Taj. My name is Taj.”) is a good conversationalist, intelligent and well-versed in current affairs and absolutely, incredibly discrete as fuck. 

He’s accompanying his ‘father on a business trip’, Taj says demurely, and doesn’t give any further details, not even when Erik - who won awards for interrogation - subtly probes him. 

"I’m a consultant,” Erik says with a grin that shows a few too many teeth. “Military, mainly. You wouldn’t believe the money they shell out.” 

“Oh?” Taj says, politely, because he’s far too classy to mention money. Erik likes it. He also wants to bite bruises onto his neck, but that’s probably extra. 

“Day rates up to $2000.” 

Taj doesn’t even blink but also doesn’t throw his drink into Erik’s face, so that’s as good a sign as any that his offer’s been accepted. Erik shifts his stool a little closer. 

They get into an argument about physics of all things (and Taj is clearly wrong because there’s not a substance on Earth that has the properties he’s describing) and that gets Erik hot under the collar as much as the sharp lines of the suit Taj is wearing, black on black on black. Almost. 

It’s a really nice suit. 

It’ll look even better off. 

Taj glows when he talks about visiting the National Science Museum and playing with the hands-on experiments (”It is a wonderful initiative for children!”) and wrinkles his nose ever so slightly when talking about American food (”There is so much butter, it seems... excessive.”) and giggles, sweet and low, when Erik runs his hands up his ribs while stripping him from his fancy suit. 

Even his underwear is black, a scrap of soft silk. 

“Very continental,” Erik smirks. 

“Americans,” Taj laughs, a little breathless. “No culture.” 

“You could do with some American in you,” Erik says and cuts off Taj’s appalled laughter with his mouth. 

Room service wakes T’challa up the next morning, alone (”Stay the whole night,” Erik had said, pressing him into the mattress. “But I gotta go early.”) but pleasantly relaxed and sore. 

He takes a moment to fuss with finding a robe, scrounging up a couple of dollars for a tip (American customs were so very strange) and signing for the order. 

It’s french toast. 

Golden brown fried in butter and dripping in berries and powdered sugar, like a heart attack waiting to happen. T’challa laughs and guiltily eats the entire thing. 

When he gets dressed, in yesterday’s suit and missing his underwear, T’challa finds on the nightstand: 

A hotel keycard,

A disconcertingly large stack of notes, and

A note written on hotel notepaper with a phone number and “Get yourself something nice. Let’s do this again. - Erik S.” on it. 

Americans, T’challa muses, were exceptionally strange. 

They do it again. 

It takes a while for them to line up being in the same place again, Taj on ‘business’ and himself on various missions around the world. 

(”Don’t your daddy mind?” Erik asks while he’s marking up Taj’s neck in a necklace of bruises. 

“This has nothing to do with him,” Taj says primly, and “Harder,” in a sharp gasp so the matter is firmly dropped.) 

It’s easy like this - first in anonymous hotel rooms, but also dinner and drinks, wandering around museums and making snide commentary over the displays. He finds himself picking up trinkets for Taj, pretty beads and scarves, just to make him smile. 

(”You shouldn’t have!” Taj exclaims over a couple of rials worth of beads, but the way his eyes crinkle as he smiles makes it a lie. 

“I have not brought you anything,” Taj sounds dismayed but brightens and starts unfastening his cufflinks, warm wood set in silver. “Here, take these. They are from my home country.”) 

Taj is so good at this that he could almost believe it’s real. 

T’challa doesn’t stop finding stacks of money on the nightstand and at this point, it’s too late to ask so he just goes with it - another sign of Erik’s generosity alongside the bright silk scarves and gold, the framed print from the museum, the plush stingray from the aquarium. 

He’s never had a lover like this before, and doesn’t have the American contacts to ask. 

“Does he have no personality that he is trying to buy your affection,” is Okoye’s opinion, dry and cutting. 

“Do you think he’ll take you to Disneyland?” Shuri says, and, “According to the internet, all Americans are crazy anyway. Hey, touch this for me, would you?” 

The conversation is postponed until T’challa can get the ringing in his ears to stop. 

Nakia is deep undercover for a mission and T’challa doesn’t think he could talk to her about this anyway, the one night stand he’d picked up after they’d parted ways. Respectfully. Having decided they didn’t want the same things. 

A one night stand that had turned into more. 

It goes on for months, exchanging text messages almost daily, meeting up when they can in cities all around the world. 

In Busan, Erik types, nodding along to Everett Ross like he’s listening to every word. Something about a babysitting mission crossed with a retrieval, a foreign cooperation mission.

Ross stops and stands directly in front of Erik until Erik’s forced to look at him. “Prince T’challa,” he says sternly, “is to be treated respectfully. Do you hear me?”

Erik snaps off a salute. “Loud and clear.” 

When Ross turns his back to open the door, Erik quickly types out, probably for a we

“Prince T’challa,” Ross announces. “May I introduce Erik Stevens. Erik is-”

 Erik looks up. 

And drops his phone. 

“What,” he breathes, looking at his classy not-a-cheap-date escort sitting in the office chair like a throne, dressed in the same sharply tailored suit as always. He’s flanked by an intimidating woman, head shaved, holding a spear of all things. “The fucking fuck is this.”

Prince T’challa stares wide eyed back at him. “Erik.” 

There’s a long pause. 

“... . .... ..  .hi.” 

The woman sighs. 

Everett’s not sure what’s going on, except that one of his best agents and the Crown Prince of Wakanda are huddled together into the far corner of the room, having a frantic whispered conversation. 

His first attempt at heading over had been stopped with a spear point held to his neck. 

He hadn’t tried again. 

Both Stevens and the prince were gesturing, hands flying through the air. 

“I can’t believe you,” Stevens shout-whispers loud enough for Everett to overhear and the prince buries his face in his hands, reply muffled. 

“What?” Stevens snaps and T’challa looks up at him, and wails, endlessly flustered,

“Americans tip for everything else!” 

And suddenly, Stevens is laughing and the prince is as well and Everett throws up his hands and turns to Okoye in exasperation. 

“Wanna go get a drink?” 

She stares at him. “No.” 

(AND THEN, IDK, SECRET AGENT HIJINKS AND UM 

“I fucking deflected a bullet with my cufflink,” Erik says, waving said cufflink menacingly. 

It glints, suspiciously unscratched.

“Um,” T’challa says. “... What do you know about vibranium?”)