#currently I’m leaning towards cutting it into two especially since I haven’t even finished editing yet 😭

[thedeerman]

[favefandomimagines]

Goodbye Love (t.h.)

Summary: Tom doesn’t realize how much being shipped with another woman hurts you, until you leave.

AN: i did a concept like this with a ben hardy imagine so I thought I’d do it with Tom. This is old and is one of the 41 drafts i have saved but too scared to post lol SO i hope you enjoy (using hailey bieber as a face claim cause i felt weird having a faceless photo of someone on a red carpet) xx

Ever since Tom had finished filming Spider-Man: Far From Home, the tomdaya shippers have been in full swing.

Shipping them ten times as hard as they did the first time. It was easy to ignore but now it was getting hard. Especially when Tom isn’t doing anything to make it stop.

His fans found an interview of him, being asked if he found his Liz Allen in real life and when he answered yes, the video was edited to show videos and pictures of him and Zendaya. Even though in that interview he was talking about you.

Currently in Atlanta, you sat on the bed you shared with Tom, Tessa laying close to you, almost as if she knew that you were upset. You were waiting for Tom to come home, though you were a nervous wreck. How were you supposed to tell him how you felt and that you were going home for a little bit?

“Love, I’m home!” Tom called from the living room. You didn’t move and neither did Tessa. Which was odd because she always left to go greet Tom when he got home.

He entered the room and saw you two on the bed. “There are my girls.” He greeted with a smile on his face. He walked over and tried to kiss your lips but you moved your head so his lips landed on your cheek instead.

Tom looked at you for a moment, a curious look falling on his face. “What’s wrong?” He asked. Tom knew you inside and out and he could tell something was wrong with you.

You didn’t look up at him, just handed him your phone with the screenshots and screen recordings, of people praising him and Zendaya’s nonexistent relationship and degrading you and your real one.

“Two years, Tom. I’ve been going through this for two years.” You finally spoke. “At first, I ignored it. Knowing I could put up with it for a few months while the movie was out and you were doing press. Then it just kept getting worse. Seeing people call me terrible names and wanting you to break up with me and wanting me to-” You started but stopping yourself, the more intense comments being worse than most. “Y/N-“ He tried to speak. “And you know what the worst part is? You haven’t done a single thing to end it.” You cut him off.

You still hadn’t looked at him when you got off the bed and grabbed the two bags you packed.

Tom watched you place them on the bed and his heart started to beat faster and his eyes widened. “W-What are you doing?” He asked. “I think, I should go back to LA for a little bit and just let you think things through. Is letting your fans have some fun with the idea of tomdaya worth losing me?” You replied.

“Y/N, please don’t do this. Please don’t leave me.” Tom begged, tears welling up in his eyes. “We’re just taking a break, Tom. But if you decide that I’m not worth it, that’s going to be it.” You told him. You picked up the bags and headed towards the door when Tom grabbed your wrist. “Please don’t leave.” Tom whispered.

You looked at him for a moment before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I have too.” You whispered back. Tom reluctantly let go of your wrist as you opened the door.

Tessa got down off the bed and began to follow you out the bedroom door. The dog began to cry softly as you headed towards the front door of the airbnb. “Goodbye, love.” You said to Tom before exiting the house.

Tom watched you leave, the tears falling freely at that point. He didn’t know it had gotten so bad for you. He’s ignored the shipping a million times knowing it was you he loved but he never knew you were second guessing everything about your relationship and yourself.

He ran his hands through his hair out of frustration before retreating back to the bedroom.

***

It had been three weeks. Three weeks since he had seen you. Of course he’d seen the photos of you in LA. Just because you’re going through something emotionally, doesn’t mean your career stops.

You had been doing a bunch of press for the TV season you had just wrapped before you went to Atlanta with Tom. It was the best idea you could think of to get your mind off of Tom.

He wasn’t having such luck. Everything reminded him of you and he wasn’t the same knowing that your relationship was in the balance. And everyone around him noticed.

“Tom, what’s going on?” Zendaya asked him one day. “Y/N didn’t leave for work, she left because of the fans shipping you and I. She couldn’t take it anymore.” Tom answered. “What do you mean?” She asked. “I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and you’re supposed to be her friend and yet we let thousands of people ship us together, without even thinking of how that could make Y/N feel.” Tom ranted.

Zendaya had never thought of that before. She didn’t realize just how cruel the fans were until she checked while she was talking to Tom.

“Oh yeah. This is, uh, very bad.” Zendaya said. Tom looked at her phone and noticed that there were new comments.

‘Y/N is so beneath Tom. Zendaya is a queen’

‘Y/N should just kill herself.’

‘Y/N’s show is gonna flop and then tom will see how much better zendaya is’

‘tomdaya is better.’

Tom’s stomach twisted seeing all the negative comments about his girlfriend and one wanting her to end her life. If they were really his fans, they’d support him 100%. “How could they be so cruel?” Tom asked. “I don’t know but maybe we do need to say something.” Zendaya replied.

“I need to get her to come back.” He muttered. “You setting your fans straight will do that.” Zendaya told him. Tom nodded his head before taking out his phone and posting an old picture of you at the Infinity War premiere.

@tomholland2013: i am going to be blunt and i’ve never done this before so bear with me. but the constant shipping of Zendaya and I, had gotten out of hand. I am in a happy and loving relationship with the woman in this photo. You don’t have to like it but you have to respect it. Y/N is the love of my life and seeing her being brought down my total strangers, breaks my heart. No fan of mine brings her down. And that’s that. @y/f/n_y/l/n

You got the notification that Tom had tagged you in a photo. Swiping your phone, you read the caption carefully. “He finally did it.” You said to yourself. But why now, two weeks later?

That conversation wasn’t one to have over the phone so you had your agent get you the next flight to Atlanta.

“Are you sure you want to leave half way through press?” She asked you. “I have too. Everyone will understand, they know how much Tom means to me.” You answered. “Okay. Your flight lands at 9:45 and pack an umbrella. There’s supposed to be a huge storm when you land.” She told you. You gave her a gracious smile before getting in your Uber.

***

Tom sat on the couch, quietly watching whatever soccer game was on, only wishing you were there next to him. You hated watched soccer with him because of how competitive he got but whenever he asked, you watched with him. 

He was knocked out of his reminiscing by the sound of his phone vibrating. Seeing it was Harrison, he sighed but picked it up. “Hello?” He answered. “Are you still sulking?” Harrison asked his best friend. “What do you think?” Tom retorted. “You have to stop that, Tom. She’ll come back when she’s ready.” Harrison told him. 

Tom sighed, knowing well that Harrison could hear. “Look, you saw the comments. They’re terrible. Telling her to kill herself so that you and Zendaya can finally be together. You don’t get over something like that over a few nights.” He added. “I know, but I just wish I could make it better. It’s been three weeks.” Tom said. “I know but you did all you can do. It’s all up to her now.” Harrison said. 

Tom knew his best friend was right. He knew you needed time to yourself, to make sure you were fully ready to come back to him. “But, if it’s any consolation, I had a surprise sent to your doorstep.” Harrison added. “What?” Tom questioned. “And you might wanna hurry up and bring it inside before it gets absolutely soaked.” He said. 

With furrowed eyebrows Tom got off the couch with his phone still pressed to his ear. “What are you on about?” Tom asked him. “Just do it.” Harrison ordered. Tom rolled his eyes and walked towards the door. He opened it up to reveal a soaking wet you. 

“Hi, love.” You greeted him, the sound of the rain nearly drowning out your voice. “Y/N, w-wha- you’re here.” Tom stammered. “Yes, I am now can you please let me inside before I get pneumonia?” You asked with a small laugh. 

Tom didn’t let you inside but instead hung up the phone and walked outside to pull you into him. He didn’t care if you were soaked from the rain or the fact that he was also getting wet as well. The only thing that mattered to him was you. 

“Tom, you’re going to get sick.” You told him, breaking the silence. “I don’t care. That’s the last thing I care about. I just need to hold you.” He replied.

You let go and looked up at him for a moment. “Y/N, I was a mess without you. You are everything to me and not having you here was hell.” Tom told you. “I love you, I am so in love with you. And I’m so sorry.” He added.

You didn’t say anything at first but wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down closer to you, to place a deep kiss on his lips.

Pulling apart, he rested his forehead on yours. “Let’s get inside before you catch a cold.” You told him, pushing him inside the house.

Tessa barked and ran to you and a large smile made it’s way to your face. “Tess! I missed you!” You greeted the dog, crouching down to her level. Tom smiled at the sight, feeling as if everything was back to normal.

“Y/N,” Tom started, causing you to turn to face him. He offered you his hand, which you took, to help you up from your crouched position. “I will never make you feel unimportant again. I am so sorry.” He said. You gave him a warm smile before kissing him gently.

“I know. It’s okay.” You replied. “I love you, Y/N. With everything I have.” He told you. “And I love you.” You said, the two of you plus Tessa cuddling on the couch for the night. 

[illegal-spiegel]

Firsts with Hikaru Hitachiin Headcanons

Pairing: Hikaru Hitachiin x reader Genre: Fluff, angst  Warnings: Light making out A/N: I just finished OHSHC for the second time and I just couldn't help myself. this is already kinda long but I highkey wanna write more but idk if people will read this. Let me know if I should write a part 2 :) also omg this has been sitting in my drafts for a hot second cause I had to reread all of this it’s 5,830 words give or take to edit any mistakes and I’m like 78% sure I still messed up but it’s fine. anyway, enjoy! Just realized I haven’t posted in like a year sorry bout that

First meeting:

y’all met through, you guessed it, The Host Club

it wasn’t your idea to go 

but

Haruhi, poor, sweet, innocent Haruhi, was about to lose her marbles

she practically got onto her knees to beg you to keep her company

and what kind of friend would you be if you declined?

(you mainly just went because she bribed you with free tea and desserts)

when you showed up to Music Room #3, it was all that you were expecting and not at all what you were expecting at the same time

you eventually spotted Haruhi through all the people and eventually made your way over to her

the look on her face was almost comical 

she bid her guests she was entertaining farewell and they left with watery eyes

you covered your mouth to hide your giggles as you took a seat on the soft couch across from her 

“Thank god you showed up,” she groaned as she slumped back into her seat

you let your giggles out freely, studying her tired form 

“Awe, is Haruhi tired of flirting?” you teased

she only grunted in response, closing her eyes and letting out a content sigh

you hummed in return, picking up a cookie that was on the table and starting to munch on it

you two had a few minutes of silent peace before it was rudely interrupted 

“Oh, Haruhi!” you hear two voices shout from behind you in unison 

you swear you saw an irk mark appear on her forehead 

you raise your brow and go to turn around to see who was causing her so much trouble just by saying two words when two people were suddenly leaning over the back of the couch you were sitting on

you looked to your left and saw a boy your and Haruhi’s age

you turned to the right and had to do a double-take when you saw the same face

these must be the infamous twins, you thought as you studied them 

“What?” Haruhi groaned with dead eyes

you could see the smirks come onto the two boys’ faces

“What are you doing slacking off-” the one on the right started off

“-when you have a guest?” the left one finished you raised a brow at them as you pursed your lips

“She could ask you two the same thing? Why aren’t you tending to your guests?” you defended

the twins’ eyes widened as they turned to look at you, both silently studying you for a moment 

“We got bored-”

“-so we came to see what Haruhi was doing.”

your brows furrowed as you look to the one on your left

“You just left your guests?”

Haruhi was the one to respond

“Kaoru probably ran out of fake tears,” she said with a smirk

the twins’ attention went back to her, the one on the right’s eyes widening 

“Fake tears? My tears are real!” he defended

you took a mental note that the one on your right was Kaoru. Haruhi may have told you about them before but you were terrible with names

Haruhi only grunted in response before closing her eyes again 

you saw their mouths open, ready to bother her some more

so, being the good friend you are, you quickly said something before they could 

“Just leave her alone, okay? How about you entertain me?” you offered

from what Haruhi has told you, the twins liked to mess around with people. Whether it is playing pranks and tricks or just annoying them

so, you figured they’d happily take you up on the offer to ‘entertain’ you

as soon as you finished your sentence, a smirk was curling up on their lips 

“Entertain you?”

“Why, we’d be honored!” 

they ended up trying to actually do so at first, using their little brotherly love act

you quickly shut that down

once they realized you knew all their secrets, including Haruhi being a girl, there was a sudden shift in the way they acted towards you 

they were more open suddenly 

First hug:

it wasn’t long until you became close to everyone in The Host Club

especially a certain auburn male

along with Haruhi, of course

you two grew closer by you becoming friends with her other friends 

everyone, especially Kaoru, knew something was up 

you both just acted friendly, a little too friendly at times, but friendly nonetheless

you ended up leaving for a week to go on vacation with your family

you, of course, kept in touch with everyone

mostly through the group chat that someone probably Tamaki made

you sent pictures of everything you thought would be cool enough to show them 

everyone was enthusiastic for the most part that you were having fun and spending time with your family 

except for you know who 

he acted perfectly happy in the group chat but a lot of times sometimes he’d message you privately 

you didn’t know why but his texting tone sounded off 

he’d talk like he would in the group chat but it just sounded off

you never pointed this out but you could tell something wasn’t right 

you soon enough came back and were excited to see all of your friends again

you decided to surprise them when you came back 

you came back on Friday instead of Sunday just to see them earlier 

you had quickly dropped off your stuff at home before racing to Ouran Academy 

The Host Club hours were coming to a close so it was perfect timing 

you stood out the door and took a couple deep breaths, trying to get some air into your desperate lungs from all the running you just did

the door opened and you heard Tamaki saying goodbye to the two girls who were leaving

you slipped in through the open door, wanting to surprise attack them

you saw them all lounging around one of the couches

of course, Takashi, or Mori as he allows you to call him, with his spidey like senses, knew you were there right off the bat 

you brought a finger to your lips to show him to be quiet, which shouldn’t be a problem for the usually quiet male. A small smile came to his lips as he watched you creep closer 

you tiptoed towards the others, most of their backs being to you

Kyoya was the next to see you, a sly smile came to his face but he remained quiet

the twins and Haruhi were sitting with their backs to you on the couch, Honey was sitting his back to you in a chair at a table with Mori eating some cake, and Tamaki was standing in front of Kyoya ranting on about whatever it was he was ranting about, his back also being to you

you smirked as you crept up to the couch, raising your hands above you

Haruhi wasn’t an easy one to scare but surely you shouting out of nowhere should get to her

“Haruhi!” you screamed while slamming your hands down gently onto her shoulders

a yelp shot out of her mouth as she jumped

the other boys, besides Kyoya and Mori, also jumped and turned to look at you

once Haruhi’s brain caught up with what was going on, she let out a small gasp as she turned around on the couch to face you, going up on her knees to do so

“You're back!” she called happily as her arms wrapped around the back of your neck to hug you

you chuckled as you happily returned the hug

as you two hugged, the other boys got up and swarmed around you

you pulled away with a bright smile, seeing Haruhi’s was even brighter than yours 

before anyone could do anything, someone wrapped their arms around your waist and pulled your back to their chest

your eyes widened at the sudden hug, trying to turn to see who was being so affectionate

you blushed when you saw auburn hair resting on your shoulder, feeling his breath fan across your neck 

you looked up to see Kaoru staring at you two with a smirk, his arms crossed over his chest 

you smirked back at him, one hand resting on one of Hikaru’s arms while the other goes to gently comb through his hair 

“My, my. I didn’t know you liked me this much to miss me this badly, Kaoru,” you teasingly joked

Hikaru let out a huff as he squeezed you closer to him, his face pressing into you neck

“Oh, whatever,” he grumbled against your skin

goosebumps raised on your skin from feeling his lips on your neck 

“Who would’ve thought you were so affectionate,” your teasing continued as you turned around in his arms to look at him 

he picked his head up long enough to let you turn around and to study your face for a moment before his face went right back into your neck

you giggled and wrapped your arms back around him, weaving your fingers into his hair with a smile brighter than the sun 

you both tried to ignore how fast your hearts were racing at being so close to one another 

“I want to hug Y/n-chan too!” Honey suddenly shouted

you laughed a bit at Honey’s whining, feeling Hikaru’s grip tighten even more

it took a while to get the clingy boy off of you 

First time holding hands:

it was the weekend and you were currently at Haruhi’s house just hanging out 

it was around noon when she said that she’d make you two lunch 

you accepted the offer gratefully, going back to reading your book

your brows furrowed when there was a knock on the door

you bookmarked your book and went to set it down when you heard it 

“Haruhi! Are you home?” Tamaki’s exuberant voice shouted loud enough for you both to hear 

she perked up and deadpanned at the same time somehow 

you chuckled as you went back to your reading, letting her get the door since she was already there by it

she opened it and started talking to Tamaki 

you then heard many other voices 

of course. Who would they be if they didn’t travel like a pack? you thought as you smiled 

six pairs of feet made their way inside, all chatting amongst each other

“Y/n! I didn’t know you were here!” you heard Hikaru shout joyfully before making his way over to you and sitting down beside you

“But, Hikaru, isn’t that the reas-”

“Kaoru! Why don’t you come sit by me!” Hikaru shouted, quickly cutting his twin off 

Kaoru snickered as he walked over to his twin, taking a seat by him 

“Actually, if you’re all going to eat, I need to go to the store,” Haruhi said as she gave the boys a slight glare

you smiled as you closed the book you were reading, setting it on the table as you stood up 

“I’ll come with, Haruhi,” you said with a smile as you walked over to her

Hikaru instantly popped up from the ground as he followed after you 

“Me too! I want to see the commoner market!”

Haruhi doesn’t even try to argue as the other boys chimed in saying they wanted to go

you only chuckled as you slid your shoes on and walked out to wait for the others

of course, Hikaru was right on your tail 

you leaned against the railing as you took in the scenery, smiling when you saw some kids playing with a ball

unknowingly to you, Hikaru was appreciating every second of that smile 

once everyone was out, you walked up front with Haruhi to lead the way 

you both chatted the whole way there, debating on what you both should make 

as you guys shopped, some of you would wander off but eventually, y’all would group back up together 

at one point, y’all were passing by some books for sale and you just couldn’t help yourself 

you steered away from everyone and ended up looking at a few 

you looked up from the book you were currently checking out when you felt someone’s eyes on you 

you smiled when you saw Hikaru holding a book 

when he realized he was caught, he quickly snapped his gaze back to the book he was holding 

you giggled as you sat the book you were holding down, casually strolling over to him with a smirk 

“I didn’t take you much as a reader,” you teased

the pink hue in his cheeks worsened, his eyes stared down at the back of the book unmoving 

“What are you talking about? I love to read!” he argued

you chuckled as you plucked the book from his hand to look down at it

“I didn’t think you were into mermaids,” you teased as you held the cover of the book up for him to see

the book’s cover had a mermaid on it, upon with the title that clearly states it’s about mermaids

his blush went scarlet and you can’t help but laugh at how cute he was being him

he tried to stutter out an explanation but he seemed to not be able to find any reason as to why he’d be holding that book that wouldn’t worsen the situation

you sat the book down and grabbed his hand, still laughing

you then lead him back to the others, his hand clutching onto yours a bit

you two stayed in the back of the group, not bringing any attention to yourselves as you just followed after them quietly 

you two never stopped holding hands until you left the market 

First kiss:

by now, everyone and their distant cousins knew that you two had a thing for each other 

even the girls that would come to The Host Club knew and even encouraged it 

so, yeah 

y’all would flirt and all that good jazz 

but 

Hikaru is an oblivious fool 

he knew he felt differently with you then he did with others but he couldn’t put his finger on why 

that was until Hikaru was walking to the library to meet you to study when he sees it 

you were against the wall and a guy was talking to you, too close to be friendly 

Hikaru debated what he should do 

does he charge in headfirst and shoo the guy away?

but what if you two are friends or something?

that thought vanishes when he sees you glare at the guy, a scowl on your face

this was a ‘shoot first and ask questions later’ kind of situation 

Hikaru did what he initially thought he should do

he gently (not really) shoved the guy to the side, smiling down at you

“Babe! There you are! I was starting to wonder where you were!” Hikaru said as he pulled you into a hug

your eyes widened at his sudden appearance, gawking at him a bit 

you both heard the guy that was talking to you scoff, his arms going over his chest 

“‘Babe’? Yeah, right. Y/n doesn’t have a boyfriend, so piss off,” the guy said lowly to Hikaru

Hikaru loosened his grip on you a bit to turn and look at the guy, raising a brow at him 

you held your breath as you watched the two of them

you know how bad Hikaru’s temper can get

what if he fights him?

what if he gets expelled? 

all sorts of worries and questions filled your head 

Hikaru smirked at him and gave a light chuckle, turning to look at you again 

he stared into your eyes for a long, silent moment 

your brain paused all thought when you met his eyes 

your proximity made your heart race and brain start working again, filling with ideas ideas you probably shouldn’t be having 

it seemed that Hikaru was sharing one of your ideas since his lips were suddenly on yours 

you weren’t surprised that your first kiss with him wasn’t romantic or cliché

it sounds just like him to get jealous and to kiss you like there’s no tomorrow

you two just kept on kissing too 

not bothering to pull away from each other’s hold

the guy eventually scoffed and marched off

that didn’t stop you and Hikaru though 

you both kissed until your lungs were begging for air 

you pulled away from each other and pant, staring into each other’s eyes

Hikaru then smirked and you just closed your eyes, breathlessly giggling 

you were just waiting for him to say something smart or dirty 

First Date:

once you both realized that you two were going to have to be official after that kiss, you decided to go on a date

Hikaru was a blushing mess while he was asking you to go out with him on a date

he’d barely look at you 

you, obviously, agreed 

he ended up taking you pretty much everywhere 

he used his wealth to help make it the best date ever 

you honestly felt bad since he was paying for everything 

you tried to tell him to stop 

but did he listen?

no

he was making it out as if it was his life mission to spoil you

you both shopped at the mall, went bowling, played laser tag, got food, and ended the night by seeing a movie which most of it was spent making out

you have no idea how you found time to do all of this stuff in one day 

but it was magical

as close to perfect as it could get 

he held your hand whenever he could, even while you were bowling and playing laser tag 

it was kind of funny to see the playful trickster be so soft and caring towards someone 

don’t get me wrong, he was definitely still his playful, trickster self 

he’d tease you any chance he’d get and if he ever took anything a little to far, he’d be sure to put a smile right back onto your face 

like when you both were playing laser tag 

you ended up chasing after him, even though there’s no running allowed, and ended up falling 

he was by your side in a second

literally 

he apologized repeatedly even though it wasn’t even his fault 

eventually, to make you feel better, he grabbed your hand holding the gun, pointed it to his chest, shot himself a couple times, before dramatically collapsing to the ground 

a smile instantly came to your face 

when he takes you back home, you both are reluctant to leave the other 

you end up just hanging out in the back of his limo, talking about anything and everything for hours 

the only reason you two parted is thanks to your parents who started to question where you were with worried texts

you texted them back and reassured them you were alive and that you were even outside the house

they were still breathing down your neck about getting inside, so you reassured them that you’d only be a little while longer 

you put your phone away and focused back onto Hikaru

Hikaru was already staring at you when you turn your attention back to him 

the moonlight shined down on him through the car window, making him look ethereal 

he really is the epiphany of perfection, you thought

you ended up kissing some more, not being able to keep your lips off of each other

you kissed until your phone started vibrating repeatedly

you already knew it was your parents freaking out over your well being 

you told Hikaru goodnight and to text you when he gets home 

you force yourself to only kiss him for a few seconds, knowing if it was any longer, you wouldn’t want to leave

when he texted you he was home, he ended up calling you to talk to you 

you stayed on the phone together until you both fell asleep

First “I love you.”:

the way it happened was so cute and precious and just SIMPLE

it was also kinda cliche but that’s completely fine

you both were having a movie night at his house (seeing as how they had one of those projector things in a big room so it was basically like one big, empty movie theater)

you both made a huge blanket and pillow fort

you were the one to bring snacks since his mom doesn’t like him eating junk (”tO KeEp HiS fIgUrE”)

you’ve never seen someone eat so much food in one sitting

you’re pretty sure he almost cried when you made hot chocolate

the movies themselves ranged from cheesy romances to heart-stopping horrors

all the movies were good options

the scary ones gave you two an excuse to cuddle

the funny ones had you both ugly laughing

you know, the laugh that few get to witness and when they do, it’ll never leave their memory and they’ll taunt you for it for the rest of your life

yeah, the ugly ugly one

for some reason, when you both would calm down, Hikaru would stare at you like you were the most precious jewel he’d ever seen

now

the romances

your reactions varied

for the ones you’ve never seen, you actually paid attention

and mostly blushed at the scandy scenes

but for the ones you have seen before

you guys were the ones making the scandy scenes

at one point, it started getting a little too steamy between you two

once you pulled away for air, you realized you were on his lap, his hands on your waist and thighs, your hands up his shirt, resting on his abdomen 

your heart was trying to force it’s way up your throat to come up to show him just how fast it was beating

“I love you,” he whispered in a breathless tone

you’re surprised that your heart didn’t come out right there and then

his face got darker than it already was, his eyes wide as he stared at you breathlessly

he then started stumbling over his own words trying to explain himself

“Sorry! It slipped out! You don’t have to say it back!”

he then went on a tangent

you tried to let him get it out of his system but eventually, he started to feel self conscious and wanted to take it back

you, like anyone else in that situation, connected your lips again

you ran your hands over his chest soothingly, bringing your hands to his hair to run your fingers through it

“I love you too,” you reassured

First time getting jealous (as a couple):

you were standing in the hallway with your books lightly clenched to your chest

a red-faced boy was in front of you, staring at the ground

your brows were furrowed as you studied him, your mind seeming to short circuit at that moment

Hikaru hid behind the corner to listen in on what was going on

“Please consider it, Y/n! I’ve liked you for so long! Please allow me to take you on a date!”

you frowned a bit as you stared down at him, biting your lip

you didn’t know this guy 

you were pretty sure this was one of those moments where the person just admires the other person but doesn’t actually know anything about them

before you could even reply though, Hikaru came swooping in out of nowhere

“Hey, man. Hate to be the one to break this to you but,” he wraps his arm around your shoulder, “she’s taken,” he finished 

he didn’t sound remorseful at all to be the one to break the news to him 

the red-faced boy stared at him with wide eyes before quickly nodding his head and taking off down the hallway

you watch him go, gaping a bit as you try to process what happened

you then turned to Hikaru with a smirk, feeling his other arm wrap around you as well

“What?” he asks when he saw the look you were giving him 

your smirk turned into a smile, beaming brighter than the sun

“You were jealous!” you teased, poking his nose

his nose wrinkled in response to your touch 

“What? Was not,” he argued, dropping his arms to his sides before starting to walk away from you 

you chuckled as you chased after him, walking alongside him once you caught up to him

“Don’t lie! It’s cute!” you teased further

his cheeks dust pink but he said no more, simply just taking your hand in his as you walked alongside one another

“I love you,” you cooed

his face grew darker in color, turning his head away from you 

“I love you more,” he replied

anytime you two have a ‘fight’ or anything of the sort, you always tell the other “I love you” and when the other replies with the same words, it shows that everything is okay 

it’s like a reset button, in a way

first fight:

you came to the host club after school just like any other day

members of said club were just lounging around until it was time to open up the doors to guests

your eyes roamed the room, looking for a certain favorite boy of yours

your eyes finally spotted him

you only saw the back of his head but you knew it was him from the shoes he was wearing

for your six month anniversary, you decided to buy these new shoes that he had been ranting about 

you didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just buy them for himself (something about his mom being mad that he bought clothes from someone who isn’t her?)

so, you bought them yourself and gave them to him 

he felt guilty for having you buy him such an expensive thing when he had the money to buy it himself 

so he ended up spoiling you for a whole week (and I mean spoiling since he usually spoils you anyway against your commands to stop)

he was planning on spoiling you for a month but you finally told him you’d feel so guilty if he just wastes his money on you

it took some convincing but he eventually agreed 

anyways

you quickly headed over to him, wrapping your arms around him

“Hey, baby,” you greeted as he spun around, quickly pressing your lips to his

your lips had touched for less than two seconds before Hikaru was ripped away from you 

Kaoru was suddenly punching him in the face, sending Hikaru spiraling to the ground 

“Kaoru!” you screamed, watching him mount Hikaru and start to repeatedly hit him

Mori and Tamaki ran over and pulled them apart, pulling them several feet away from each other

you instantly ran to Hikaru, accessing his injuries  

“Ka-” you began to shout at Kaoru before realizing something 

Kaoru stared at you, face red with anger, jaw clenched tightly, a vein popping out of his forehead

it dawned on you then that Kaoru was actually Hikaru 

which meant...

you turned to look at Kaoru who Tamaki was holding up, wiping away blood that came from his mouth and nose

you all stayed deadly silent, everyone else in the club turned to look at what the commotion was all about

you stared at Hikaru, feeling his gaze burning on your lips

he then turned to Kaoru, his clenched fists starting to shake

“I don’t understand...” he started off quietly 

Kaoru stared at the ground as he waited 

“You...we share everything. We share the same house, the same last name, the same classroom, the same club, the same friends, and even the same face. Y/n is the only thing I’m not willing to share with you,” he spat out at his brother, his tone straight venom

“Hikaru,” you began before deciding against it as he looked at you

“And you...” he started

his face suddenly morphed into despair, his eyes watering quickly

he pulled away from Mori and slowly walked towards you as he spoke

“You...” he trails off, “I don’t...” trails off once more, “why would you do this? How could you do this? You know how I...” more trailing off, “you are—were mine. No one else’s,” he spoke softly

your own eyes started to water as you shook your head, your chest feeling heavy 

“No, Hikaru. You don’t understand. I thought it was y—”

“Don’t lie to me!” he shouted, cutting you off which caused you to jump

you’ve never heard him scream before

well, you’ve heard him shout while laughing, or scream whenever you two would be outside and seeing who could scream the loudest, and innocent times like that

but you’ve never heard him angrily shout like he is now

he turned his back to you as tears started to fall, quickly wiping at his face

“We’ve all known you for,” his words get caught in his throat, “for too long for you to not know the difference. You,” his voice shakes, “you’ve never been wrong about that before. So,” a small whimper escaped him, “so, don’t lie.”

the last word came out as a croak 

you shook your head, trying not to sob in front of him as you gently grabbed his shoulders 

“I love you,” you whispered

before you could say or do anything else, he ripped himself away from your grip and took off

he didn’t say it back

that’s how you knew it was serious 

well, I mean, obviously it was serious but this time...

you didn’t know if you could fix it...

it was an honest mistake 

really

it was

you felt so terribly guilty

you didn’t really ever think this was going to happen

how could you make such a careless mistake?

he’s opened up to you before about how insecure he is about the whole twin situation

and here you were kissing his brother

putting the cherry on top 

first time making up:

it’s been at least two weeks since the whole kissing incident

you’ve tried to stop by his house but he refused to see you 

you’ve tried going to his class but he was either never there or he had someone escort you away 

you’ve tried going to the host club but he was either, once again, not there or he was too busy to talk to you

not like he would anyway

you mostly steered clear of Kaoru, feeling beyond guilty for bringing him into your fight

the one time you did try to talk to him, he remained quiet and couldn’t look at you

the other host members still talked to you, just not as much 

they knew something wasn’t right, even if they did see with their own eyes what you had done

it didn’t make sense for you to openly kiss Kaoru in front of Hikaru 

they let you explain yourself and they were very understanding 

they wanted to help you somehow but you didn’t want them to get involved

you didn’t need Hikaru hating them too and ending up with no one

nearing week three, you had had enough 

ten minutes before school got out, you went outside 

you found the Hitachiin limo and knocked on the driver’s door

he recognized you from how much you and Hikaru used to hangout 

he asked where you’ve been, which you gave a vague response to, before asking him for a favor 

Hikaru walked out to the limo, loosening his tie and undoing the first button

he got inside the limo, shutting the door with a heavy sigh

the limo started to move and this was when your plan kicked into action

the driver starts to roll down the window that seperated the back and the front, Hikaru becoming confused

he frowned when he saw you in the front, gasping when you started to climb through the window 

“No! Stop! Get out! Stop the car!” Hikaru shouted

the driver didn’t listen and you continued to climb through 

Hikaru attempted to open the door but it was locked, automatically locking every time he tried to unlock it (thank god for his overprotective mom who was afraid he’d accidentally open the door and fly out into the road or whatever) 

he growled and looked up at you, watching you situate yourself across from him 

the driver rolled up the window once he saw you were through, giving you two the privacy you’ve been wishing for 

Hikaru crossed his arms over his chest and looked out the window, planning to not give you the time of day

you frowned as you studied him, leaning forward 

you took a deep breath, prepared to recite the speech you’ve been practicing for weeks now 

“Hikaru, listen,” you start softly

he didn’t respond in any way; he didn’t even blink 

you sighed a bit before taking another deep breath 

“Hikaru, I love you more than words can describe. It was a honest to god mistake what happened. I saw him wearing the shoes I got you and just assumed it was you.”

you trailed off after that, waiting for him to reply 

he didn’t reply

nor did he say it back

“Think about it. It doesn’t make sense for me to kiss him. If I was cheating on you, wouldn’t I try to be sneaky and for you not to find out?” you continued, trying to use logic on him to get him to understand

at this, he turned to look at you finally 

he had tears in his eyes once more 

“Hikaru, please. I don’t know what I can do to prove to you that it was a mistake. I would never do anything to harm you in any way, you should know that.”

Hikaru wiped at his face as he started to cry, shaking his head

“I'm not sure what to believe,” he replied in a whisper

you sighed and nodded your head as your own eyes started to water

you gently grabbed his hand, seeing him flinch a bit at your touch 

you then brought the hand to your chest, right above your racing heart 

“Believe in this. This bloody organ in my chest that solely beats for you,” you whispered, hoping he could understand you through all of your crying

he, once again, didn’t reply 

“I don’t know what I can do to prove to you tha-”

you were surprised when his lips suddenly crashed against yours 

you returned the kiss immediately, feeling all of the emotions you both have felt during this rough patch 

anger, frustration, disappointment, confusion, betrayal, guilt, sorrow, remorse, acceptance, forgiveness 

love

“I love you. Please, accept my apology. I miss you. It hurts me to know I’ve caused you pain,” you cried softly, holding onto him for dear life in fear that this was just a dream and you’d end up waking up to find that he still hated you 

“Shh, it’s okay. I love you more. I’ll love you ‘till the day I die. Just, please, never do anything like that again.”

you laughed breathily and nodded your head, connecting your lips once more

he pulled away after a while of kissing to mumble, “I’m going to kill Kaoru for stealing my favorite shoes.” 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Hikaru

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[shadowsong26fic]

NaNo Check-in #3!

Soooooo a little more behind than I was five days ago (I had one ENORMOUS day on the 11th, then two significantly-under-par days and then yesterday was slightly-under-par, so...yeah). About 2k behind now, I think? Which, granted, is still better than where I was at this point last year!

I’m hoping to catch up over the weekend, but I don’t think that’s super-likely, since I’m also hoping to finish editing/post the next Precipice chapter, which may take up all my Writing Brain. I think I have most of the actual Stuff done, I just need to braid it all together, so to speak.

(Also I may write more later tonight, but I legit don’t know if that will happen.)

Specifics behind the cut, as per usual, but first--how are you guys doing on your projects? Progress? Disaster? Something in between?

So, like I mentioned in my last post, the majority of what I did (that Giant Day on Monday) was on my Nikita crossover AU outline. Which...actually, if I counted that as whole words instead of 2/3, I’d probably be at par? But, since it’s not Full Prose, I decided not to do that.

Anyway, I’ve also done a fair chunk on Precipice, mostly related to the last four/five chapters of this arc. Though I’m, uh, still not sure what order some of this should be in, because like five things happen more or less simultaneously...I know Leia’s chapter has to come first/next, and Anakin’s has to come before Obi-Wan’s, but where Luke’s fits in is still up in the air. And then there’s some aftermath/wind-down stuff that I’m not sure exactly how many chapters it’ll be, but somewhere between one and three? Depends on how long the various scenes are. And, uh, probably not ending on the Palpatine one because Yikes.

I did some OFLAM today! Also, I haven’t yet watched the two Mandalorian episodes that are out (planning to at some point, but I’m deep in Nikita right now, lol...), but I understand there are flashbacks to what might be the Mandalorian Civil War? So, now I need to decide if I need to add that to my general “I’m locking my canon input as of this point because I’ve put Too Much Work into this project (unless of course I like what the new material gives me and it doesn’t Joss what I’m doing too much)” disclaimer that I’m currently operating under for the Battle of Mandalore episode we’re probably getting with the new CW stuff and wow this was a long sentence.

Um. ANYWAY. Someone who actually has seen those episodes, any input? On whether such a disclaimer is/will likely be necessary, if nothing else? (I was assuming I wouldn’t need it, since the timeframe is way off from where I’m setting this story...although, putting my vote in here for if Bo-Katan ever turns up in anything Live Action, just get Katee Sackhoff, who already voiced her?????)

The other thing about this project, is I’m waffling on a structural/plot decision that I’d like to talk out with someone--probably not in a public post because I’m still leaning towards using this as next year’s Big Bang (even though it’s probably gonna end up like a million years long a la Promises of Angels), so I’d like to not give too much plot away? So, anyway, if anyone’s curious/interested in talking things through with me, let me know, I’d love to talk!

And, especially since I didn’t have one in my last check-in, here’s a snippet, from some upcoming Precipice stuff (not overly spoilery, as long as you’ve read up through the most recent chapter):

[Artoo] swore creatively, then zoomed back into the cockpit, plugging himself in and whirring his head back and forth for a second.

/Encryption ready. I’m running the calculations for lightspeed. Send your message./

“Thanks, buddy,” she said, and booted up the comms. Keep encrypted messages brief, just like Uncle Rex said. Bare minimum of what your partner or contact needs to know, and if you can use a reference code on top, so much the better.

She could do that.

...text. Text is better. That way, if he’s with anyone who shouldn’t overhear--except he’s at Crait so he shouldn’t--better safe than sorry.

Deep breath.

Ketry, she typed in. Hurry.

[vampwrrrmistresslist]

Riding the Red 1

The vast, dark room housed two men. It was an old fashioned library, with an old fashioned fireplace, in an old-fashioned house. Everything in the room, from the leather-bound first editions, to the thick velvet draperies, to the huge cherry wood desk, spoke of old money, tradition, and rules of cold iron.  The elder of the men, silver-haired, broad and imposing, stood in front of the fireplace, staring stone-faced into the flames. The younger stood behind him, towering over his elder, though he didn’t have nearly as much muscle. He moved, standing beside the older gentleman, to contemplate the flames.

“Anything it takes?” he queried.

“Anything it takes.”

***

You ran for the ringing phone.  Breathless. “‘Allo?”

“Well, hello!” laughed your mother. “I thought that you would never pick up the phone!”

You slipped into the comfortable Franglish that your family had spoken since your childhood. “Desole Maman, but I just came back from class. Midterms are fast approaching and I’ve been living at the library for the past few days.”

“C'est bien, Princesse. I knew that they were coming. As a matter of fact, you should have received a package from us.”

Giggling, “Oui! It came in the mail today and I was waiting until I got back home to open it.“

“No time like the present,” your mom said.

“Un moment,” You grabbed your keys, slitting the tape on the box. Gasping, you looked happily at the treasures inside. “Maman!”

“I know, I know. I hope that you like it.”

“Oh, Maman!” Your eyes roved over all of your best loved treats. Nutella, raspberry Pims, almond butter, Hob Nobs, Mint Milanos, cashew butter, and your mother’s cinnamon hot-chocolate mix, oatmeal-black walnut-currant biscuits, and homemade granola. Confusion crossed your face, as you dug further into the box. Under the first layer of delightful comestibles was a second layer of shortbread biscuits, tins of chamomile, earl grey, and peppermint tea, water crackers, and homemade cream scones. “Umm…”

“Ah, I see that you’ve reached the second layer. Isn’t that a lot of food for une petit etudiante?”

Suspicious.  "Ouais… You know that I’ve never cared for anything in the second layer…“

"Curieuse. Do you know anyone who might enjoy them?”

“The only person that likes all these things is—Mom!”

“Quoi?” your mother innocently asked.

“Grandmaman.”

“What about her?”

“You want me to deliver these things to Grandmaman.”

“Alors,” your mother said, comfortably, “Don’t you love your grandmere?”

“You know that I do! It’s just that midterms are just around the corner and I have no extra time, and—”

“Elle est malade, bebe.”

“Oh. Is she—”

“She’ll be fine. It was pneumonia, but they caught it in time and you know that your Grandmaman is a tough old salt. She’s back at home, resting, but she’s still feeling under the weather. She would really enjoy a visit from her favourite grandchild.”

“I’m her only grandchild.”

“Thus making you all the more unique.”

“All right, all right!  "Hyperbolic flattery will get you everywhere. I was going to go to the movies with friends this evening, but I can drop by her house, instead.”

“Tu es une bonne fille.”

“That’s why you love me.”

“Mmm.”  Your mother chuckled. "Quelle heure est-il, la?”

You attended L'Universite d'Orleans, where you double-majored in ancient language and ancient civilizations. As the daughter of a French diplomat and an American international lawyer, you were extremely poised, and had decided early in life that you wanted to study in your father’s patrie. Your parents, on the other hand, were currently living in Seattle. “Five o'clock.”

“Well, then be quick about it. It’s probably getting dark, isn’t it?”

Elliptically, “It’s not too bad.”

“You know that I don’t like you alone in the woods after dark.” Your grandmere lived within walking distance of the school, but there was a wooded area that you had to cut through to arrive without taking a ridiculous amount of time.

“Maman, I’ll be fine,” you gently chided.

Your mother sighed. “It’s October. C'est frais, la. Wear that red cape that she gave you. That will cheer her.”

“I will,” you promised.

“Princesse—,” your mother started.

“Yes, ma'am?”

“Just…” A deep sigh.

“Qu'est ce que c'est? Quelle est la probleme?”

A short silence followed. Finally, your mother spoke. “You haven’t heard anything from your grandfather, have you?”

“No, ma'am. I haven’t seen him in years. Why do you ask? Has he called you?”

“Non, non. Pas de raison, Pretty. I haven’t heard from Father since the last time that you saw him. Just remember not to talk to any etrangers, d'accord?”

“Mom, I’m 21. You’ve been telling me that since I was 6. When will you think that it has finally stuck?”

“Je ne sais pas, Princesse,” your mother said, sadly. “Well, on with you. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Je t'aime, Maman.”“I love you more, mon bebe.”

***

Standing within the shadows of a grove, a tall, rangy man boldly watched a particular open window with predatory concentration. He was dressed well, in a tailored grey wool three-piece suit, charcoal shirt, and silver silk tie. A thick tumble of shining black curls flopped charmingly and rather boyishly just above his chocolate eyes. His jaw was firm and there was a taut muscle ticking in his lean cheek. Suddenly he lifted his face in the air, closed his eyes, and leisurely sniffed. With a very slow, very white grin, he sauntered away from the dorms and melted into the shadows of the woods.

***

After a quick shower, you donned a full black lambs-wool skirt that went down to your ankles, white stockings, and your black, patent leather T-strap Mary Janes. A billowy, long-sleeved white shirt with a drawstring neck and tight cuffs, and black wool vest finished the ensemble. Your mother was right. The weather was chilling, especially at night, and besides, Grandmaman would be pleased to see you in the clothes that she had made and bought for your last birthday, although perhaps she might be slightly scandalized to know that you were wearing stockings instead of sensible sweater tights. You liked your stockings and garters, though. You found old-fashioned undergarments charming and you enjoyed wearing them far more than modern under things. On second thought, Grandmaman would probably approve. She was an artistic, feisty woman, with blackberry eyes and a quick, red smile. There were rumours that her family tree held the “Romani stain” and, given your Grandmaman’s clever wit, unsettling insight, and penchant for colourful baubles and rich fabrics, you could believe it.

You had put up your hair, so that it wouldn’t become wet in the shower, but now unpinned it, letting the curly, shining, coffee mass fall down your back, to your waist. Your silver eyes roved over your dresser until you located your red velvet ribbon, which you tied around your head, Alice-style, to hold back your thick curls. You put the treats for your grandmother in your wicker basket, and closed the lid. Donning the crimson velvet cape made for you on your 16th birthday by your doting grandmother, you picked up the basket, and swept out of the room.

***

You had been walking through the woods for a while, when the gloaming descended. Late-season fireflies floated around your head, and the changing leaves, along with a soft mist that was rising from the ground, made it seem as if you were walking into Fairyland. Looking behind, you saw the last brilliant rays of the sun, illuminating the nacreous clouds with deeply saturated shades of gold, pink, and carmine. Ahead was a full moon on the rise, sitting in a purplish-blue evening sky. You paused to enjoy a moment of solitude, contemplating the beauty of nature.

In the silence, you heard a twig snap. Stilling, you strained all your senses to ascertain just what was in the dark. Hearing nothing you began, once again, to walk, only to hear a rustle to your right. Your eyes swept the surrounding woods, but saw nothing. Peering into the deepening twilight, you listened once more, but the whisper of the wind blowing in the leaves was all that you heard. Just as you were about to continue on your way, you heard another rustle, and spun to see what was there. Nothing. Lifting your face, you scented the breeze. A spicy scent drifted teasingly past your nose, and then faded. Setting your jaw, you shook your head, thinking that it was probably a deer, or small mammal. It was just like you to let your imagination get the best of you. You had walked these woods countless times, and had been completely safe.

Suddenly, a wolf howl in the distance. You looked disbelievingly toward the sound. Another howl rent the night air, this one slightly closer. Putting down your head, you began to briskly trot along the path. In the distance, you could hear the sounds of leaves crunching underfoot as something came closer. You bit your lip and turned your head. In the darkness, you could see grey shapes far behind you, melting from shadow to shadow, and gaining. With a gasp, you began to jog. The sounds of pursuit suddenly crashed into your ears, as you hitched up your skirts and ran. How many were there?  You had counted at least three, but there could be more. As you ran, you clutched the basket to your chest, as if the love that your mother had put into it could keep you safe. Soon, you began to develop a stitch. You were still a good mile away from Grandmaman’s house and tiring fast. Sparing a glance behind, you found three large wolves loping silently behind you on the path. You couldn’t help it; you screamed. Turning your head, you saw a huge wolf leap in front of you. Reflexively, you swung the basket and slapped the wolf across the face so hard that it fell sideways, blocking the path.

You ran off the path, leaping over fallen trees and jumping small streams. You could hear the wolves gaining, and you heard the snap of teeth as one of them grabbed for the hem of your cape. Looking back to see if they had caught up to her, you ran into a wall. Terrified, you spun around only to discover that the wall was, in fact, a very tall man, looking down at you with amusement in his eyes. “Help me!” you cried, “Wolves!”

“Wolves?” he queried softly.

“Yes!” you sobbed, trying to pull him and run.

“Where are these wolves?” He gently asked.

“We have to run! They’re right behind me!”

“There’s nothing behind you, child.”

You spun only to discover that he was right. The wolves that had been pursuing you had vanished as mysteriously as they had appeared. “But, there were wolves,” you said, incredulously. “Three of them. I don’t understand.”

“Shhh. It’s dark. It’s cold and you were alone in the woods. That’s enough to frighten anyone into thinking that they see something menacing.”

“I wasn’t hallucinating!” you exclaimed, insulted. “I know what I saw! I’m not child; I’m not telling some fairy tale!”

“Alright,” he said, pacifyingly. “In any case, they’re gone for the moment. Which leads me to the question…what’s a little girl like you doing in a wild wood like this?”

You blinked slowly up at him, realizing that you were still clutching yourself to his body. He had his arms around her waist and she could feel the tensile strength running through them and, considering the fact that you were pressed so closely to it, through the rest of his sinewy body under his perfectly tailored grey suit. You let go of him, and he immediately dropped his arms while you backed up to a comfortable distance. “I’m not a little girl,” you challenged.

“Mmm, no, I guess you aren’t,” he said, his eyes raking in your appearance from head to foot. He grinned. “You’re obviously a very big girl.”

“I’m not a girl at all—I’m 21 years old.”

A light seemed to shine from the depths of his brown eyes. “Ah, 21? Not a child, then, but a woman grown.” He leaned casually against the trunk of a tree and put his hands in his pockets.

You narrowed your eyes and raked them over him as thoroughly as he had you. He was tall, about 6'1”, and though his clothes were elegant and finely made, his hair looked as if it needed a good combing and haircut. His thick, straight, dark brows perched above large, fine dark chocolate eyes, the shade of hot cocoa in the winter, and framed by thick, almost feminine, coffee-coloured lashes. A wide, mobile mouth contrasted sharply with the arrogant cant of his head. You found his face a disturbing study in contrasts, the gentle coral mouth and warm eyes surrounded by hard, masculine planes, and topped with almost impertinent floppy waves. His body, on the other hand, was nothing but male. Not only was he tall, but the suit did little to hide a sleekly muscled frame. Wide shoulders, flat chest and stomach, narrow hips and long, long legs led you to believe that, despite the fineness of his suit, this man was no stranger to physicality. His lazy stance against the tree was belied by an underlying hum of muscles prepared for anything, like a wolf crouched for a leap.

“Enjoying the view, Lady?” he caressingly asked.

Blushing, you straightened and speared him with a haughty look. He continued to smile insouciantly, then straightening, he stalked over. Your first instinct was to retreat, but you stiffened your spine, and holding your ground.

Smiling, he said, “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you let me walk you to your destination? It has been a while since I had the opportunity to escort a pretty young lady anywhere, and you would do me an honour to agree.”

Tilting your head, you looked up at him suspiciously. Though it would be a good idea to have him walk with you to your grandmother’s house, there was something about him that you found unsettling. He leaned over you, resting an arm on a branch above your head. Your nostrils flared as you caught that same spicy scent that you had smelled before the wolves.  Primly, “No. Thank you. I don’t have much farther to go; I’m sure that I’ll be fine.

“Oh? What about the wolves?”

“You were probably right. It was just my overactive imagination playing tricks on me.”

He grinned. His teeth were very white in the darkness. Very white, very large, and very sharp. You felt your heart rate accelerate. You flushed hotly and saw his pupils dilate. Licking his lips, he said, “Still, there may be others out to catch a pretty young thing in the woods. ”

You watched his nostrils flare slightly as he leaned toward you, and you were embarrassed to feel your  nipples stiffening against the fabric of your shirt. “I…um, I…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t even…” casting wildly for an excuse, “I don’t even know your name, sir.”

Straightening, he tilted his head and fixed you with a wry smile. Holding out his hand, he waited until you had placed yours in his much larger one. “Park Chanyeol.” He took your hand and, instead of shaking it, bowed and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the inside of your wrist. You felt a sharp jolt in your belly, and an insistent heat beginning to glow in places further south. Looking up, he softly queried, “What’s yours?”

You gave it breathlessly.

He reached out and toyed with one of your curls. “Dark one,” he said, quietly.

“Strong tree,” she countered.

His eyebrows snapped upward in surprise, before he masked it with a polite expression.  "Well,“ he said, "now that we know one another’s names, we are no longer strangers, and you will let me accompany you.”

You usually had a quick tongue, but around this arrogant, distracting man, you found yourself as tongue tied as the school girl you proclaimed not to be. Still, despite his good looks, everything in you was screaming that he was the devil in a Sunday suit. You shook your head. “No. It’s not that far. I can make it alone.” He frowned at you, then straightened and elegantly shrugged.

“It is your decision.” Smiling charmingly, he added, “If you need me, just…scream my name.”

You backed away, your eyes holding his. Holding your hand to your chest, she put one foot behind the other, and his smiled widened. Suddenly, your foot caught in a small depression in the ground. You threw out your arms to catch yourself, but struck your head against one of the fallen trees. The last thing that you saw was Lucas striding toward you, and picking you up as if you weighed nothing. Then, the world went fluttery and finally, dark.

A/N:  This is the first chapter of an ongoing series, the links for which can be found on my mistresslist.  If you want to follow me, then please do so at my main blog @vampwrrr, as I always update there, first.

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 13

read chapter one

read on ao3

Magnus walks into Basil’s Cafe fifteen minutes before they’re supposed to meet. As expected, the little diner is deserted. There’s an elderly woman sitting in the corner reading the newspaper, but other than that it’s just the skeleton waitstaff. There’s only two people working in the front, a waitress and cashier, with the only other employee being the cook manning the grill.

Magnus breathes a little sigh of relief. It would be just his luck that he’d promise Alexander the place would be empty only for it to turn out to be the busiest day of the year.

He slides into a booth towards the back, facing the door, and places his briefcase beside him on the seat. The waitress knows him-- he eats here at least twice a week and she's a student-- and she knows if he’s in a hurry or if he’d like time before she comes over. He’s given his space as he sits down and takes a minute to decompress. His freshmen this morning had been more interactive than usual but Wednesdays run late and he has a pile of work to finish before he can call it a day.

Magnus already knows what he’s going to order. He wasn’t joking about how delicious their burgers were and he’s starving. Since he has a little time before Alec’s expected to show up, he takes out the latest chapter of his manuscript, intent on editing a few pages while he waits.

He didn’t count on the unwelcome interruption.

Someone snatches the page he was working on out of his hand and Magnus’s head whips up, annoyed and ready to lambaste whoever had the audacity to do such a thing.

He should’ve known.

“Raphael,” he hisses as he makes a move to reclaim his paper. “What are you doing here?”

Raphael doesn’t even spare him a look, just keeps reading over the page he’s stolen. Magnus knows that he won’t receive an answer until Raphael is damn good and ready to give him one, so he sits with a glare pasted on his face, waiting to be acknowledged.

Finally, Raphael drops the paper back on the table, merely offering, “You have a typo on line seventeen.”

Magnus arches a brow but his eyes drop down to the page and he skims until he finds the error. He takes his pen and makes a notation before letting it drop down on top of the rest of the draft.

“And, again I ask, what are you doing here,” he repeats sardonically.

Raphael takes a moment to look at him like he’s an idiot before responding. “It is lunchtime, Magnus, and this is a well-known lunch spot. I wonder what possible motive I could have for stopping by?”

Magnus makes a play of looking affronted, but inside he can’t help the worry that’s descended on him. He’d told Alec that he wouldn’t be recognized during this lunch and here is one of his best friends who most definitely knows what Alec looks like.

Plus, Magnus knows Raphael. The little shit is almost guaranteed to make a comment that will either attempt to embarrass him or a dig at Alec just on principle. Magnus isn’t interested in finding out what kind of mood Raphael’s in today.

Magnus looks Raphael up and down. “Where, then, is your food mon ami?”

Raphael doesn’t answer right away, taking a minute to complete his own examination, looking Magnus over. “I just ordered it. They have to actually cook the food, you know. It doesn’t magically appear as soon as the words leave my mouth.”

“How unfortunate,” Magnus drolly replies.

A little smile graces his friend's lips as he finally takes a seat on the other side of the booth.

“Why are you being so weird,” Raphael bluntly asks.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do,” is his response. “First of all, you’re always happy to see me, or at least a little less panicked than you are currently. What’s going on? Are you meeting your lover? Are they married and you’re worried I’ll judge you? Need I remind you that if I didn’t say anything about that Jamaican priest--”

“Hey,” Magnus cuts in, affronted. “You know very well that you’re making it sound much worse than it was--”

“Oh, and let’s not forget that time I caught you with your pants down, literally, in the museum--”

“Raphael,” Magnus hisses, leaning forward as he catches sight of Ale through the window, walking towards the door.

“Raphael shuts up, looking at Magnus expectantly.

Magnus, for his part, feels his pulse trip as he keeps one eye on Raphael, the other on Alec as he reaches for the door.

Magnus only has a few seconds to avert disaster.

“I will explain everything later if you leave right now, no questions asked,” he furiously whispers.

Raphael leans back in his seat, looking like he’s settling in for a siege before asking, “Why?”

“I will explain everything later. Right now, I need you to to leave without saying a word.”

While his expression is serious, Raphael’s eyes are dancing with glee at the prospect of catching onto whatever has Magnus in such a tizzy. He lays his arm on the table, fingers drumming against the top.

“I don’t know,” he muses. “It must be something big to rattle you like this. Let’s see--”

“Magnus?”

Magnus sighs a little, knowing that while lunch will probably be lovely, he’ll have hell to catch later. He tries to silence Raphael with a look, knowing it’s futile, before he turns to take in Alec.

Alec’s dressed casual, in jeans and a baseball tee. There’s a snapback over that lovely hair and he looks good enough to eat.

Magnus wants to kiss him. Just a little.

He pushes those thoughts from his head through sheer force of will and stands up smoothly, smiling on his face.

“Alexander,” he greets. “Punctual as always.”

Alec returns the smile, giving Magnus an obvious onceover before his eyes catch on Raphael.

His presence must startle him, because Alec stutters a little before getting out, “I wasn’t expecting anyone but you--”

“Oh, he’s just leaving, darling, “ Magnus hastily cuts in.

He resolutely ignores Raphael’s pointed looks, instead watches Alec to make sure he’s not about to run away. While he’d set down the rules for discretion for his own sake, Magnus can’t forget that Alec’s taking a chance, too. While he’s definitely more accustomed to media intrusion, Alec likes to stay anonymous when he can. It’s expected that he’d be weary when confronted with a stranger-- especially when Magnus had all but guaranteed privacy.

Alec looks uncertain for a moment, but that disappears a second later. Magnus only picks up on it because he’s studying him so closely, as Alec subtly steels himself before turning completely to Raphael, who’s still sitting in the booth.

He sticks out a hand. “I’m Alec. I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Raphael darts a quick glance to Magnus before facing Alec and shaking his hand.

“I’m Raphael. I’m one of Magnus’s best friends and resident foreign language expert at Columbia. Nice to meet you.”

Alec’s smile turns genuine as he learns that Raphael obviously isn’t interested in meeting Alec Lightwood.

Not wanting to give him any more time to ruin things, Magnus pointedly looks at Raphael. “I do believe your lunch is ready, friend.”

Luckily, at that moment the cashier yells out a number and Raphael nods once. “That’s my order. I’ll see you later, Magnus.” He turns to Alec, giving him a considering look. “It was nice meeting you Lightwood.”

Alec looks surprised for a second, blurting out, “You know who I am?”

Raphael snorts inelegantly and Magnus makes a note to tease him mercilessly about it later.

“Of course I know who you are. I’ve been friends with Magnus for years.”

Magnus closes his eyes, praying for death, before he opens them, only to find Alec looking at him. He has an expression on his face that Magnus can’t interpret.

“What does that mean?”

Raphael answers for him, a skeptical look on his face. “Like you don’t know,” he replies. “Magnus is a huge fan of yours. If I have to listen to him wax poetic about your solo in Vanilla Cheesecake one more time--”

“Chocolate Raspberry,” Magnus and Alec correct, simultaneously.

Raphael just shakes his head. “Whatever.”

His mouth opens for what no doubt would be another scintillating tidbit that Magnus would rather keep hidden, when he abruptly closes it.

He smiles before giving a little shrug. “Well, my food is getting cold and I have a class in half an hour. I’ll see you later, Magnus.”

Magnus doesn’t know how, but those words definitely sound like a threat.

Magnus just nods and Alec smiles at Raphael as he climbs out of the booth and heads to the counter to grab his bag. He doesn’t look their way as he leaves and this might be the first awkward silence Magnus has ever experienced with Alec.

There’s a pause before Alec clears his throat.

“So, are you hungry?”

Magnus laughs a little before sitting back down, gesturing for Alec to do the same. He answers as Alec slides into the place Raphael was just sitting.

“Starving, darling. Today’s been busy as usual and it doesn’t show any signs of stopping."

Alec snags a menu from where they’re stacked between the ketchup and napkins.

“What’s going on,” he asks, voice a little distracted as he starts leafing through the pages.

“Just the usual, really. Classes and grading. I have my evening class tonight and that’s always a hoot.”

Alec’s eyes flick up to meet Magnus’s as he quirks a smile. “A hoot?”

Magnus mock glares. “Yes, Alexander, a hoot. You know, a riot? An expression used to signify a good time?”

“Oh, I know what a hoot is,” Alec says with a grin. “I just haven’t heard anyone besides me and my great grandmother use it.”

“Aren’t you a funny one.”

Looking back at the list of burgers, Alec murmurs, “I do try.”

There’s a few moments of quiet as Alec peruses the rest of the menu before the waitress comes over.

“Hey, Dr. Bane.”

Magnus smiles. “Hello, Jasmine. How are you today?”

Jasmine shrugs, taking the pen out of her apron, turning the page over in her pad. “I’m doing okay. I have a huge paper due next week for Professor Fell, so I’m focusing on that right now.”

Nodding encouraging, he offers, “I’m sure you’ll do great as always, dear. Still looking to take my Southeast Asia class in the fall?”

Jasmine grins, looking enthusiastic as she replies, “Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss it. It’s going to be my senior year-- I have to take at least one more class with you before I graduate. Now, what can I get you two?”

Magnus looks at Alec, questioningly, and Alec nods, confirming that he’s ready to order.

“I’ll have the mushroom and swiss burger with a side of fries and a sweet tea. Alec?”

Alec looks up at Jasmine with a smile. “Hi, can I get the double bacon cheeseburger and fries. I’ll get an iced tea, too.”

Jasmine writes down the orders quickly before looking back up at the two of them with a smile. “Thanks guys. These should be ready soon.” She gestures around the empty room. “It’s not like we’re busy or anything.” With that, she walks over to the counter to place the order.

Alec drums his fingers on the tabletop. “How was your weekend?”

Magnus lays his head in his palm, thinking about what he’d done. “Uneventful. I met friends for brunch on Sunday but other than that I just worked out and binge watched my latest show on Netflix. I wrote a little, too. But, that’s pretty much it. What about you, darling?”

Alec ignores the question, instead obviously looking over the short stack of paper clipped together on Magnus’s side of the table. He juts his chin in its direction. “What’s that? Whatever you’re writing?”

Magnus reaches over and grabs the paper, flashing the first page before putting it back in his briefcase. “It is,” he confirms. “This is the latest chapter of my work-in-progress.”

“You’re writing a book?”

Magnus grins. “No need to sound so incredulous, Alexander. You know how it is in the academic world: publish or perish. I’m pleased to report that I’m far from perishing. This will be my fourth complete book, disregarding any journals or anthologies I’ve contributed to.”

Alec whistles. “Damn, I’ll admit I’m impressed. I knew you were a big deal but you’re even better than I thought. How old are you?”

Magnus arches a brow. “I’ll be thirty in December.”

“All that hard work is definitely paying off.”

“You’re telling me, darling. I freely admit that I work my ass off to keep on top of things. It’s exhausting but I do love it.”

“It’s easy to tell. What’s your book about?”

Magnus opens his mouth to answer but closes it as Jasmine comes back over with their drinks. She sets them down, tosses a couple of straws onto the table, and leaves without a word.

He picks back up.

“While I’m chair of the history department, my specialty is European imperialism. This latest book explores the consequences of their imperialist tendencies during WWI. I’m focusing on a handful of countries and their colonies in the few decades leading up to the war and following their projected paths during the war and into the aftermath. It’s actually fascinating because even most scholars don’t take into account how certain colonized lands and people-- take, for instance, the whole of India-- contributed to--

“Sorry,” Magnus breaks off, wincing a little. “I get a little carried away.”

Alec is looking at him with wide and attentive eyes, though, not with the dazed and confused expression that Magnus was expecting.

“No worries,” he says. “It’s obvious that you’re passionate about the topic and I love learning about this kind of stuff. Especially when I have such a knowledgeable teacher.”

Alec grins and Magnus is getting ready to finish his spiel-- he’ll give the high notes so he doesn’t really bore Alec-- when their food arrives.

Jasmine sets down their plates, heaping with food, and it smells delicious. Magnus’s stomach growls a little and he looks over to where Alec is holding back a laugh.

“Shut up,” he gets out, laughing. “I didn’t even have time for coffee this morning and I’ve had a full slate. I’m a little hungry.”

Alec raises his hands, surrendering. “I didn’t say anything! I’m hungry, myself. I might just inhale this burger.”

Magnus waits for Alec to take his first bite of food. While this was Magnus’s pick, he wanted to wait and make sure that Alec likes the food. He watches as Alec picks up his burger, sees the admiring look he gives it, before diving in and taking a frankly huge ass bite.

Mouth half full, Alec hums, swallowing before saying, “Holy shit, this is delicious.”

Magnus smiles as he starts in on his own plate. “This is a restaurant on a college campus. They specialize in delicious. There’s too many busy students looking for greasy food to have anything else. You should see this place at two in the morning. It's packed with wasted twenty two year olds.”

Alec laughs and the next few minutes are spent in silence as both of them eat.

Their plates are over halfway clean when the conversation picks back up.

“What’s been keeping you busy since we last spoke, darling?”

Alec takes a quick drink of his tea before replying. He shrugs.

“Nothing, really. Simon put me on a forced work vacation so I haven’t been allowed to go into the studio since last week. He gave me shit about being too frustrated to get over the writer’s block and I couldn’t see what it could hurt, so I’ve just been. . . relaxing. I’ve been working out and spending some time with my family, spending more time than I should on Netflix.”

“Do you think the break is working?”

Alec shrugs again, this time looking a little less unsure. “It’s hard to say. I haven’t been hit with sudden inspiration but I also don’t want to rip my songbook to shreds, so that’s probably progress. Regardless, I have a writing session tomorrow with another artist so let’s hope something works out.”

Magnus is intrigued. While he knows that Alec writes most of his songs, he never really thought about him working with other musicians.

“Anyone I know,” he asks.

Alec looks like he’s about to tell him before he shuts his mouth. “I actually can’t tell you who it is,” he says sheepishly. “I don’t know if they want their name out there and sessions are usually confidential unless both writers agree to make it public.” He rushes to add on, “I’m not trying to be secretive or keep things from you, it’s just that--”

“It’s okay, Alexander,” Magnus breaks in. “I completely understand. I have a friend who’s a performer and she’s constantly going on about the need to keep things quiet. No one wants to spoil their source material.”

Alec sighs, relaxes against the back of the booth in relief. “Yeah. You get it. Thanks for understanding, Magnus.”

“Of course, darling. Think nothing of it.”

They finish their lunch, talking about random topics. It strikes Magnus, not for the first time, that he’s comfortable with Alec. They’ve known each other less than a month but everything feels so natural. They can talk and joke and enjoy the quiet without it becoming awkward or unsettling.

They just seem to fit together and Magnus doesn’t think that it’s just his imagination.

Alec is in the middle of a story about his time in Greece-- they’ve both been there and love it-- when Jasmine comes over to clear the table.

“Do you guys want to see a dessert menu?”

Alec and Magnus look at each other for a second before Alec’s nodding. “Yes, please,” he says, turning up to address her.

It’s just a minute later that they’re both looking over the half a dozen options.

“Are you getting anything?”

Alec hums before setting the menu to the side. “I think I’m gonna go with a hot fudge sundae.”

He looks at Magnus, eyes laughing and smile curling on his lips. “I have a bit of a sweet tooth.”

Magnus raises a brow. “I never would’ve guessed,” Magnus says, teasing.

Alec huffs out a laugh. “What about you? Anything strike your fancy?”

Magnus smiles at the phrase, but answers nonetheless. “Their apple pie is usually amazing, so I think I’ll have a slice of that.”

The waitress comes over and takes their order, bringing their dessert within just a few minutes.

With the first bite of his ice cream, Alec moans, just a little. It sets Magnus on edge more than it should.

“Goddamn, this is amazing,” Alec breathes. “This has to be homemade hot fudge.”

“I couldn’t say, darling, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Magnus eats his pie and the conversation picks back up, with both of them talking about their favorite travel spots.

He’s just swallowed his last bite of apple pie when Alec startles him. Seemingly without thinking, Alec reaches over and swipes his thumb across the corner of Magnus’s mouth. He immediately brings his thumb up, sucking the small bit of pie filling into his own mouth.

It takes a second, but when it registers what he’s just done, Alec flushes a little.

Magnus feels like his mind has just fallen offline. His own mouth is dry at the sight he just witnessed. Alec wasn’t even trying but Magnus feels heat lick up his spine, turning warm at just the thought. It’s crass, but he can’t help but imagine what Alec would look like, mouth swallowing otherthings.

Magnus needs to calm down.

“Sorry,” Alec says. “It’s just, you had something there--” he gestures towards Magnus’s mouth, eyes a little intense, “-- and it was just automatic. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

Magnus swallows harshly, reaches for his tea blindly and takes a deep drink. “No worries, darling. You didn’t make me uncomfortable at all.”

Alec smiles, relieved, before Jasmine is standing in front of them with the check. Alec reaches out but Magnus is faster, snagging the bill before reaching for his wallet.

“I can totally get that Magnus. It’s no problem.”

Magnus waves the offer away. “Don’t worry about it; I’ve got it. Besides, you paid for ice cream last week. It’s only fair that I get lunch.”

He hands his card to Jasmine. As she walks away, he fiddles with his ear cuff. “Maybe I’ll let you get the next meal.”

Alec smiles, just a little, and the two of them stare into each other’s eyes for a minute. It’s just the two of them-- the newspaper woman had long since left-- and it feels like they’re in their own little world.

Until the waitress comes back with the receipt.

Magnus clears his throat as he looks down and scrawls his signature on the restaurant's copy, leaving a generous tip for Jasmine.

Magnus and Alec give their thanks before standing up. They stroll over to the door, Alec reaching it first and holding it open for Magnus to step through.

They linger on the sidewalk for a minute before Alec turns to face him fully. He quirks a brow, grinning, before asking, “So, you’re a fan?”

All of a sudden, Magnus remembers the less-than-ideal start their lunch date had and he snorts even as he feels warmth climb up the back of his neck.

“As you know, Alexander, you’re very well known. It’s to be expected that I would know a few of your songs.”

“Yeah, but I believe your friend said you talk about me?”

“Fishing for compliments, darling?”

Alec shrugs. “I just didn’t know you were so into me.”

His eyes widen as he realizes what he just said. “Professionally! I didn’t realize you liked me so much as a singer. I knew you recognized me in that diner that night but I thought it was just idle knowledge.”

It’s Magnus’s turn to shrug. Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like a disastrous idea if Alec knows his interest in his music is a little more than. . . casual.

“Okay, I’m a pretty big fan of your music,” Magnus admits. “I might own every album you’ve released.”

Alec’s smile grows wider before he’s laughing. He takes a step closer and Magnus is overtly aware of just how much space is between them.

"It’s good to know that you like my music. I do work hard, you know.”

“I know,” Magnus says, voice just above a whisper as he shuffles his feet just a little, closing the distance just a little more.

Magnus feels the tension, which is absurd, but here he is and here they are. Just a few feet away. He repeats that they’re just friends but he can’t deny, at least to himself, that he wants Alec to close that distance.

Alas, Alec clears his throat before stepping back and breaking whatever spell just came over them.

“Thanks for lunch, Magnus.” Alec’s smiling, looking open and happy.

Magnus returns that smile. “Thank you for accepting my invitation, Alexander. I had a great time as always.”

“Me too.”

There’s a pause as neither one makes a move to leave before Alec’s tilting his head towards the block past Magnus.

“Sorry, but I said I’d meet my sister at a store a few blocks over.”

He looks apologetic and Magnus waves the tone away.

“Of course, I have to get back to my office anyway. I have a few things I need to finish before my next class.”

Alec nods before smiling at Magnus. “I can’t wait to see you again. Have a great day, Magnus.”

“Right back at you, darling. I hope your writing session is productive tomorrow,” is Magnus’s reply and a moment later Alec is on his way.

He moves to walk past Magnus and their hands graze each other for a second that seems to last much longer.

It’s just a simple hand touch, not even the most intimate thing they’ve done today but Magnus can’t repress his shiver.

He’s hyper aware of where they just touched and it sends a little jolt through him. Alec continues on down the block, looking like he doesn’t even realize, and Magnus watches him walk away.

After a moment he turns back around and starting making his way towards his office, sighing a little.

He’s really enjoying his time with Alexander. He thinks it’s obvious that they could be great friends. They might be at that point already.

More fool him for wanting more.

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2017.

I was tagged by @allwaswell16 and @londonfoginacup and @flamboyantommo and I feel like maybe someone else…so here I am lol also this got hella long, so i’m gonna put most of this under a cut.

1. List of works published this year: 

listen. believe it or not i published 40 fics this year. 40. in 2017. SO i’m gonna just…list them in chronological order, k? k. (this is why this is gonna have to have a read more)

1. Easy, Breezy, Beautiful 2. Bloody Mary 3. I Don’t Know What To Believe 4. The Day is Up and Calling 5. Bend Me, Shape Me with @a-writerwrites and @dimpled-halo 6. I Found a Love 7. That’s Not My Name 8. Be a Daymaker 9. Love Me Like You Do 10. What Happens Next 11. Validation 12. Cake, Phone, Harry 13. Same White Shirt 14. Now That It’s Over 15. A Word We’ve Only Heard 16. No Chance At All 17. (Make You Want To) Scream 18. Nothing Please Me More Than You 19. Let Me Make It Better 20. My Cup of Tea

21. (And Things Will Be) Hard at Times 22. Mistaken Identity with like the entire group chat  23. Wait for the End to Change 24. If It’s Meant To Be (It’ll Be, It’ll Be) 25. You Can Read Me Anything 26. (This Could Be Forever) Right Now 27. Will Love Be There 28. With You In Your Dreams 29. Couldn’t See Past Me, Till I Saw You 30. All I Want Is To Be Free 31. One Taste And He Want It 32. Better Walk That (Pap) Walk, Baby with @suddenclarityharry 33. Love So Soft 34. Got This Feeling In Our Souls 35. We’re Both Stubborn (Two Hearts in One Home) 36. Before I Knew That I Had Begun 37. A Real Work of Art 38. You Can’t Blame Me For Tryin’  39. Christmas at the Holly Lodge 40. You’ve Got My Heart

Okay, and now I’m exhausted. You still with me? Bless you.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

@someonethatsfunny actually asked me a few months ago what work I’m most proud of, and I truly don’t know. I’m super proud of (Make You Want To) Scream, because bodyswap is hella hard to write, fam, and I DID IT. I’m proud of my reverse bang, All I Want Is To Be Free, because it was the first time I’d ever really teamed up with an artist like that. I wrote my first historical AU, my first ABO, my first cowrites, my first…A LOT of things, and all of them stretched me so incredibly so I’m not really sure which one I’m most proud of.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I dunno. I have some that I’ve forgotten I wrote this year, but I am still proud of it because have you ever published 40 fics in a year? Just the fact I was able to do that has me patting myself on the back, so yeah. There are some I don’t like as much, but I’m damn proud for what I was able to publish this year.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

They walked past a street performer, Louis completely focused on the church.  Rather than walking to the entrance though, Harry first guided Louis towards another corner.  

“This part here?  It’s completely black like this because it’s the only part of the building that remained standing after the bombing.  They were able to salvage it and recreate it as best they could to look like the original.”

Louis leaned in closer to Harry, as if he needed to physically feel him there with him.

“The Hofkirche and the Kreuzkirche are both incredible in their own way, and according to most, none of these churches can even begin to inspire you or impress you in the way that other cathedrals, like the Cologne Cathedral, do, but the Frauenkirche?”  Harry paused here as he tried to pull his thoughts together.  “I feel like she’s the perfect symbol of Dresden.  Of people in general.  So often we find ourselves having to rebuild and start from scratch when plans we had hoped and planned on fall through, but even if we are only left with some stones and the corner of the building, we can be strong again.”

Louis was no longer looking at the church but was looking at Harry.

“Well shit, Haz.  Is that what you said when you did your episode on Dresden?”

Harry rubbed his hand nervously through his hair before wrapping his arm around Louis’ shoulders.  Harry couldn’t help pulling Louis even closer than he already was, and Louis didn’t resist.  He moved his Döner to his right hand and wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist.

“No.”  Harry swallowed roughly before placing a soft kiss in Louis’ hair.  “No, that’s the special version only you get.”

Louis tilted his head back, his blue eyes studying Harry intently.  “I like that I get the special version,” he whispered.

From If It’s Meant To Be (It’ll Be, It’ll Be)

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Oh gosh. I love so many different comments and there were some this year that truly brought me to tears, but some of my favorites were on Validation. It floors me still that people took what I wrote in a fic and started to actually put it into play in their lives. Something that I wrote inspired them to change how they approached some situations and that just…wow. Incredible. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly, most of this year writing was my therapy. It was how I coped with everything life was throwing at me, but the hardest time for me writing wise was this month. I wasn’t feeling inspired, I was having a crazy hard time even carving out ten minutes to write, and I was exhausted all the time. Even with that, though, I was able to write two fics, so I’m proud of myself for pushing through. Especially since I now have five million ideas of things to write again haha

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Oof. Uhm…like everything? For real. So many times I was writing and things happened that I didn’t anticipate or plan for and it turned out better than I ever imagined.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

SO MANY WAYS. My big goal for writing this year was to write more, and HOLY MOTHER DID I WRITE MORE. In talking with @briannamarguerite, she mentioned once that writing is a muscle and it can be strengthened when you use it more, and through this year I absolutely agree. I started the year off with a challenge I did with a group of people who became incredible friends (shout out to wordplay peeps @a-writerwrites, @taggiecb, @becomeawendybird, @afirethatcannotdie, @dinosaursmate, @phd-mama, @londonfoginacup, and @allwaswell16!) to write a fic a week, all using the same one word prompt, and that kind of set up the average I ended up keeping through the rest of the year of publishing a fic about every week and a half. I also branched out on tropes I had never written before, tried co-writing, different structures for fics, etc. I feel like this year was a huge one for trying new things and going out of my comfort zone, so I’m actually really incredibly proud of myself for all the ways I feel like I grew this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to focus on the quality I’m putting out. I worked on quantity and telling myself I could do it, so now I want to focus a little more on editing myself really well. Being really happy with not just the story I’m putting out, but the way it’s written. I also am finally publishing a fic I’ve been working on, off and on, since 2015 next year, and that’s the longest fic I’ve written to date, so lots of ways for me to try to stretch myself still!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh holy mother. @silentlarryshipper as a massive support for keeping me going at the beginning of the year for sure! I couldn’t have done this without her. All the wordplay peeps I mentioned above as well. @becomeawendybird, @gettingaphdinlarry, and @briannamarguerite for being the best, most brutal and thorough betas ever, I love all you guys SO DAMN MUCH! And without a doubt every last one of the ladies not already mentioned who were more than willing to yell encouragement at me, even when I was being ridiculous: @freetheankles, @dinosaursmate, @haloeverlasting, @indiaalphawhiskey, @dimpled-halo, @a-writerwrites, @suddenclarityharry, @londonfoginacup!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Oh yes. My love story to Dresden has all my true feelings for the city, some of the ridiculous scenes from the mpregs i wrote are personal stories of my own, a lot of locations are from my own life, etc. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t give up and find yourself a support crew! Having multiple writing support group chats was one of the best things to come out of this entire year for me. The other people you surround yourself with can make the biggest difference as to whether a project gets finished or not.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

oh yes! currently i have a to write or to publish list of:

wibbly wobbly, timey wimey fic (which might be my big bang after all)

a couple birthday fics to come

Marcel exchange fic

ABO exchange fic

a flicker album fic

a fic based off of Charlie Puth’s song attention

so we’ll see how that all turns out. lol

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

if you were tagged in this and haven’t done it already, please consider yourself tagged now! (or if you’re reading this and haven’t been tagged and want to, please tag me and say I told you to do it! I want to read your answers!!) OH and I would also love to hear from @justalittlelouislove :D