#curious if anyone else has had this happen before? I know they partner with cr pretty often

[fia-bonkginya]

just got an email from wizkids that they cancelled the exu calamity box set that I pre-ordered (checks notes) over a year ago lmao

they're doing a full refund, obviously, but I'm pretty bummed, especially since it's something that I've been waiting for for quite a while!!

[conjured-osteon]

Hiatus

{-Kicks rocks an mumble grumbles- I SWEAR this account was fully intended to have more activity but I'll be going on a Hiatus till further notice. If curious, I've added more under the cut but to keep it short'n'simple; Rough start to the year that only continued hasn't helped my creativity an instead stressed me out. (Triggers in the Tags, just in case.)}

{Starting this explanation on a softer note, I find myself having a hard time focusing on my lovely characters an this blog. Not to say I'm intending to get rid of it! But when you get nervous trying to reach out to others or don't get responded to it can be a bit disheartening an I never know what to do as a plan B. (Plus I know we all have lives outside of this. I'm just an unfortunately nervous person an sometimes the Logical Thinking gets bopped by the What If's) But I also have Bouncing Interests so at times my drive will go from full throttle to Zero without any warning because something else has gripped me like a vice.

I have been desperately wanting to work on the blog but as mentioned above, lack of interaction kills the motivation an leaves it kinda stressful cause I dunno what I can do to do better, especially when not wanting to be a pester or bother anyone. Otherwise I HAVE met some wonderful people who are a delight to chat/plot with and I am so, so, so sorry I've been inactive the past month :'D I take responsibility for that radio silence of mine.

And onto rougher notes... New Years Eve I had to say goodbye to my childhood dog. She lived a good, long life an it's still upsetting not seeing her around after nearly 15 years. Holidays already grate me so the addition only made it worse and then some other details surrounding it just, made it especially bitter for me. I've suffered depressing/anxiety fueling dreams involving her almost every night since. Following as a few days ago; one of my cats passed away. Another example of old age but losing a pet never comes any easier over the years.

Around December is when my mental state really started taking a nosedive, one I thought was going to be a temporary thing seeing as I was working odd hours for events from my usual shifts, not resting or eating properly Truth be told I'm bad at that in general bUT, grieving over the approaching vet visit on top of other stressors that came during the Holiday season. A part of the mindset I was thinking it would pass was due to the fact I don't register things that have happened/are happening immediately, an so I just guessed I was having one of my delayed responses from other things and handling present stress... Cept, it continued on in waves for several weeks in comparison to a day or two. Aaaand earlier today while I was working, I got so stuck in my own head, so tightly wound up by meaningless thoughts, arguments with not purpose and physically over stimulated into self directed aggression by getting MF'in' hiccups that I ended up reaching out to a Cr!s!s Hotline when I found I couldn't even make myself contact friends/family. My strongest Rational and Logical Thought was I needed to talk to someone before my predicament made itself truly hazardous. Immediately after, I called my partner so he'd be aware. I'm doing better at the current moment, quite chilled out actually an I fully intend to bring this all up with my Therapist this week.

I hate worrying others and I falter to express what's going on due to the always hovering thought of I'm just looking for attention, or I'll be ruining another person's day because I'm being a child. Something I've struggled with for a long time that I'm hoping-- Trying, very hard to work through.

Soooo yeah- I guess this is me saying I need to step back for my mental health. I'm still so bummed out by having to do this but I really, really want this to be a fun space I can look forward too at the end of my day without my own nagging negativities getting in the way of it.

DMs will continue to be open but I'll be much more MIA from here than I was prior, this time with reason behind it.}

[sleepyfan-blog]

Why this?

your angsty discord request @izzy-the-bizzy dreamswap by @onebizarrekai

warnings: major character death, ds crue, angst, implied manipulation

characters: DS Blue, DS Cross, DS Dream, DS Nightmare, DS Error

word count: 2,048

summary: All Cross wanted to do was bake a cake and enjoy spending time with his boyfriend.

Despite the fact that his former friends hadn't contacted him at all - not since he had come to stay with Blue - Cross had to admit to himself that he... He missed them. He missed the hijinks that the three of them could get up to - even if running for their lives from JR and Nightmare's lunatic brother wasn't always fun. He also... Worried about them, as he did regularly rescue them after they'd gotten captured by Justice Reigns. But his phone with their contacts had broken months ago and he... He had tried to text them with his new phone, using code phrases to tell them that it was him trying to talk to them but...

They never responded. Which hurt, but Blue's steady, calming presence had been a wonderful gift. The two of them  had been dating for about two months, and while... While Blue could get really intense sometimes, he was also very attentive and sweet and Cross didn't understand why Error held a special hatred for the swap Sans. Maybe it was because Blue was a hugger? He knew that the glitched skeleton had a fear of touch... But Cross didn't mind touch - and was more than content to let Blue cuddle him while they watched TV or played video games. The other still talked on his phone a lot and interacted with... Shady people, but as Cross was still wanted by Justice Reigns, he figured that he wouldn't judge anyone else who was on that list.

Sure there were people who deserved to be in the crazy angel's hit list, but as the three of them were innocents... Cross was pretty sure that there were more.  soft sigh left him as he stretched and yawned, glancing at the front door to their home. Outertale really was beautiful, and he... He liked being able to stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks that wasn't the omega timeline as... It felt more real. Blue said that he would be home from a job soon, and Cross was trying not to get worried. He got up and paced around their home, before deciding that he was going to make the both of them a chocolate cake. It would give him something to do other than to stare at the channels that had nothing on - or the video games that he'd played a million times (they weren't as fun by himself).

Humming softly to himself, Cross pulled out the ingredients that he needed.. Another thing he appreciated about living with Blue - he could impulsively decide to make himself something to eat and wouldn't have to go out and steal half of the ingredients because they had to leave behind everything that they didn't have on them or in their inventories three dozen or so AUs ago, because Nightmare's brother was a lunatic.

It was super tempting to just eat the batter, the warm scent of the rich chocolate tempting as he scraped it out into the cake pan. He could almost hear Nightmare's scolding voice "It's better when it's cooked, Cross." Or Error quietly asking for the bowl, so that he could lick it clean. Not that Nightmare was any better at avoiding eating batter. The oven beeped, and Cross grinned, sliding it into the center, humming a little more as he cleaned the mixing bowl and giving into the urge to lick the spatula clean before actually washing it.

He double checked the fridge and danced a little in victory "Yes! We have cream cheese!" Cross celebrated, double checking that it didn't have either of their names on it, before scraping it into the freshly washed bowl, pulling a couple of bars of dark chocolate from his special stash and melting the chopped pieces in the microwave as he measured out the rest of the ingredients for the frosting that he wanted to make, mixing them together, and carefully pouring the melted chocolate in as soon as it was cool enough.

Waiting for the cake to cook took forever and Cross rocked backwards and forwards on his feet, occasionally staring at the frosting, before looking away again. No. He could wait until the cake was cooked... and cooled... before he frosted the cake and had some. Trying to frost the cake while it was warm would lead to a deliciously sticky, melty mess. Which Error and Nightmare appreciated, but disappointed his boyfriend and he didn't want to disappoint Blue. He liked it when Blue was happy with him and this was going to be so tasty. Cross could feel it! He had poured all his love and care into making the cake and the frosting, even though he had danced around like a dork while doing so. But Blue wasn't there to see and tease him about it, so there.

Cross wandered back to the TV, turning it on, mostly for something to distract himself as the cake was going to be a while in the oven and then the fridge (maybe he could put it in the freezer instead? So that it would cool faster? But... There wasn't much room in their freezer right now) and he needed to do something to distract himself from eating handfuls of warm cake and freshly made frosting like a "Godless heathen, goddamn it Cross! At least share, damn it!". He didn't particularly feel like watching any of the metta- or napstaton shows going on - and would have skipped past the Justice Reigns news channel, as it was either recordings of Licht's speeches, propaganda or both mostly, but they were doing a breaking news bulletin about a dangerous and clever criminal.

Grinning a little and curious as to what sort of prank Nightmare pulled on Dream this time, Cross jumped over the back of the couch with a flip, landing on his butt and bouncing up a bit with the force of landing on one of the cushions. The newscaster continued "-nd unfortunately, though Von Licht was able to fully rehabilitate the dangerous criminals Nightmare and Error, a particularly powerful Swap Sans with some Coding abilities that goes by the name Blue has proven himself to be utterly unrepentant."

The camera switched to a live-feed image of Dream, with Ink, Nightmare, and Error at his sides. With Ink and Nightmare on his right and left sides respectively. Error was holding Blue in his strings, the other's soul pulled out, the strings holding them looking as if they were starting to cut in painfully - especially as his boyfriend was wincing a little and shaking. Dream stared down impassively at Blue, who was on his knees.

Panic filled Cross as he desperately tried to figure out which AU they were in - spotting JR's main castle. Determination filled the skeleton and his blade manifested in his his hands. With a powerful burst of energy, he slashed himself a portal into Dream tale, as close to where his boyfriend was being held as possible, running as fast as he could, as he couldn't overcome the anti-teleportation wards. What the fuck were Nightmare and Error doing by Dream's side? Had they been brainwashed? Was that why they hadn't been answering him? Not that he really cared what the answers to those questions were - he and Blue could plan to rescue his idiot friends after the other was safe.

"BLUE!" Cross screamed, tears sliding down his face as he leaped onto the stage, slashing through Error's strings, intent on grabbing the other and continuing to run as fast as he can - and teleporting away as soon as they cleared the wards.

"Cr-Cross no! W-wait!" The love of his life cried out, tears streaming down the other's face "No d-don't!"

A wave of pure despair crashed through the former royal guard, and Cross felt himself crumple down into a heap, weeping inconsolably. There was a restraining hand on one of his shoulders, and he looked up, reaching up to his face and wiping his tears from his eye sockets enough to realize that Nightmare was the one restraining him "W-why?" He asked, his voice cracking in pain and confusion.

"Blue is... Blue is the worst sort of being. This was the only way that Error and I could come up with to rescue you. He's... He's dangerous, Cross. He's vile and manipulative and-" The negative guardian spoke, voice low and insistent "He's been using you for months. The only thing we could do was to go to Dream for help."

"Dream.. Th-the same being wh-who's been hunting you most of your life. Who wants us all dead. TH-that Dream? Nigh... Nightmare I know that you d-disapproved of m-me and B-Blue together but th... This..." Cross responded. If he wasn't so despondent he'd be furious. But he was drowning in his own despair. He stared up at Dream, the only one who could stop this "Please... L-lord V-von Licht... Please spare Blue. He... He's... He's not all bad I-I promise. I l-love him s-so much and I know he loves me... I-I'll do anything!"

"His crimes are numerous and grievous, young skeleton. He is the head of a powerful and widespread crime ring that delves into everything from blackmail and extortion, to illegal substance production and distribution, to name a few. He is also known to be an abuser and mind-breaker. I can sense that your feelings for him are true, but he is too dangerous to allow to continue to live." Von Licht responded, shaking his head a little "While you currently believe that he is a loving and kind partner, after time has passed and you heal from his psychological manipulation and training,  you will realize what he's done to you. While it is true that he does hold some twisted affection for you, he is causing far too much damage to the multiverse as a whole for me to allow him to live, and he has proven resistant and defiant to rehabilitation."

"No... No... Please no... Don't... Don't kill him. Please! Ni-Nightmare ple-please t-talk sense into D-dream... E-error? Please... Please don't let this happen..." Cross begged, still entirely too miserable to do anything but plead. He should... where was his determination to make things better? why... Why was it the only thing he could do was weep and plead.

"That monster twisted me so far around I couldn't tell which way was up unless he told me!" Error  hissed, having already wrapped his strings around Blue's body and Soul again, his eye lights blazing with anger "And I can tell he's done the same thing to you... Don't worry, Cross. We'll help you recover. I thought that Blue was good for me too, before you and Nightmare found and rescued me."

"But Blue hasn't... He hasn't hurt me. He-He's never struck or hit me once..." Cross protested, tears still freely flowing from his eye sockets "Please don't do this..."

"It must be done. For the betterment of the multiverse - and to allow both Error, yourself and everyone else that this monster has ever abused and manipulated to begin to truly heal." Von Licht responded, shaking his head a little "It is a pity how deep you are currently lost in his machinations, but that will pass."

Blue cleared his nonexistent throat and asked, his voice wavering a little, but full of that bravado and cheerful determination that Cross admired so dearly "Dream von Licht, as you are about to have me killed, may I have one final request, before I am murdered before millions after a very fast trial that was held less than an hour ago in one of your courts?"

Dream's wings twitched a little in irritation, the only indication of his true mood that Cross was able to spot "And what is this request of yours, criminal?"

"I would like to kiss my boyfriend one last time, so that he has one final memory of the two of us being close." Blue asked.

"Request denied." The angel growled, flicking one of his fingers in a decisive gesture.

Cross howled as he watched Blue's soul shatter before his very eyes, the other's body dusting slowly.

"Remember me... My love... That way... I'll always be... In your heart..." Blue murmured sweetly, the last thing to fade was his wonderful smile.