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kidney9-9 · 4 years

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Give Me Your All - Tom Holland

Anonymous asked: heyyy, idk if your still taking requests but could I ask for a Tom smut??? It’s okay if not, just ignore this. But if so, could you write one where Tom has a massive crush on the reader and he’s touching himself to the thought of the reader and records it (moaning and all) , pretending that he was going to send it because it turned him on. But after he climaxes, instead of deleting the video he ACTUALLY sends it. You could take it form there, but yeah phew🥵

Hey there sweetie, hope you enjoy this oneshot of Tom Holland and Reader. Please read the warnings. This oneshot is childhood friends-to-lovers :) Let me know if you’d like a part two, I didn’t get to write everything I’d like to, because it’s already long :)

Tags in reblog, to join a taglist send in an ask or press the link in my profile. Masterlist is linked in my profile.

Tom Holland x Reader (Smut) Warnings: Smut, confessions of love, unsolicited nude video, swearing, nicknames (sexual and nonsexual), teasing, female recieving oral, mention of hand job, unprotected sex, talk of kinks, slight mention of hand kink, biting, some dominance fighting, choking/breath play and some dirty talk. Please do not read if any of these warnings made you uncomfortable, thank you :) Word Count: 7.4k

He’s been friends with you since forever, and he’s been in love with you since then. Your friendship was something he valued close to his heart as well, loving how you were kind to him and how funny you two would get sometimes. He remembers how the two of you met, back in kindergarten. You were playing near the slide, and you demanded people called you the Queen of the court. Being only five years old, everyone was confused, including Tom. He was the one to question you, and your explanation only made it more confusing, making him feel competitive though. He challenged you to a duel using sticks for the title of Queen of the court. You both ended up with bruises and scrapes, but giggled at each other, shouting dumb jokes about chickens and crayons.

You’ve been inseparable since then. You were there when he lost his first tooth and made a letter with him to the tooth fairy for a mighty amount of 1 trillion pounds. Tom ended up receiving one pound and an old copy of Toy Story. You both cherished that movie forever, claiming the tooth fairy loved giving cool movies to Tom, because every tooth he lost after that (until he realized the tooth fairy wasn’t real), he received old copies of movies and a few pounds. He remembered the crush he formed on you by age 11, how he would blush and call you a dumb girl when you’d compliment cute things about him, and then he would apologize and tell you how he thought you were a bit too cool to be a girl (which always led to funny arguments).

By age 16, he realized that it was much more than just a crush, watching you have your first kiss. It hurt him, and he thought it would be the end of the world because he was convinced you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. Sure, he had his first kiss at 14, but it was a truth or dare game, and he didn’t like the other girl, but it still hurt to see you kiss someone else. He always wished that his first and last kiss would be with you.

And now, he knew for sure he was in love with you. So many years being close to you, but unable to make a move, it was tough.

It’s been hard, hiding his real feelings for you and watching as you would get your heart broken over again. He tried many times to get over you, to date random girls or just have hook ups, but it always ended the same- he’d end up thinking of you. He’d think of how you’d smile brightly to him when he’d make a stupid joke, or how you would nudge him during parts of a movie you found funny. Or when you’d giggle loudly when you’d accidently drop your phone multiple times a day, or when you’d wear his sweaters when you’re cold. He truly loved you, and when he learned to accept it, it only strengthened.

He’d find himself gazing down at your body at moments, and just wonder what it would be like if you were moaning and whimpering under him. He couldn’t count the times he’d catch himself with a hard on just by seeing you in his bedroom, where you two always hang out. He’d excuse himself quickly, rushing to the bathroom and he’d groan quietly, lecturing himself to stop thinking about you.

It rarely worked, and he’d sit with a hard on for hours as you laid back on his bed, scrolling through your phone as you talked to him, without a clue of what bulging pain he was going through.

He couldn’t help it today either, realizing he hadn’t seen you lately and he pulled up your text messages, to read what you two spoke about before. His cock stirred and twitched in his pants as your profile picture loaded on the screen.

It was one of his favorite photos of you, beautifully sat next to him, with your head tucked close to his neck and your lips barely touching his skin as you beamed. Fuck, it was too much. The adrenaline he would have when he’d jerk off, filming in the messages he had with you was addictive. It turned him on so much, it felt so real, that he would actually send it to you, and he could only dream that you would send one back- or even come to him.

Tom slipped a hand under his boxers, after he spit into his hand. It curled around his cock, gently bringing it out from his boxers and sighing in relief as he pumped it to life. His finger swiped over his tip, collecting some of the precum to slide down the rest of his cock. He pressed on the record button with his other hand, facing his cock and him as he moaned quietly at the start.

“Fuck,” He murmured, blinking slowly as he focused on the picture near his bed of the two of you. It was another one, different than the profile picture. You had your legs wrapped around his, in a game of twister the two of your played back on his latest birthday. He remembered the feeling of you so close, touching his bare legs with yours and he remembered your breathing hitting his skin, and he soaked in the memory, almost feeling you against him again.

“Y/n…” He moaned out, closing his eyes now, and his hand started to curl faster up and down, slapping all the way to his skin, savoring the sounds as if it was him pounding into you instead. Oh, how much he imaged your pussy clenching around his cock, soaking in juices and cum, and you’d be stuttering out his name, crying for more. The camera focused on his cock, picking up all the noises of his heavy breathing, and the sounds of his hand moving up and down at an increasing speed over his precum soaked cock.

“I need you so bad,” He whimpered, imagining you sat naked against his sheets while he walked closer to your figure. He’d pleasure you, first. He would beg to hear you moan his name; chant out swears while you’d cum all over his face. “Cum for me, be my good girl, you can do it.” He gasped loudly, head tilting back even more. Your pussy would pulse against his cock as he’d slide it sloppily against your clit to get you even more aroused and soaked.

Oh, fuck, just thinking of you wet made him hang right over the edge. “I- fuck, such a good girl, you can do it, I love you!” He cried out, hand shaking with his phone and the video still capturing the moment. His cock twitched with anticipation, leading up to his orgasm. Tom flicked his thumb over his tip repeatedly before slapping up and down with even more speed.

“Y/n, angel, please- fuck- you’re too good to me.” He whimpered, his cock finally spilling with cum, spurting out in long moments as Tom breathed heavily, keeping his hand on the base of his cock. He sighed, opening his eyes as he wished you were here.

He watched as his cock stopped coming, and he wiped up quickly, making sure he didn’t let any of it fall onto his sheets. He stopped the video, tossing the phone on his bed as he stood up slowly to go wash his hands. He took off his boxers, throwing them to a corner of his bedroom, and walked over to his bathroom. He tried to stop thinking of you, knowing he’d only be even more horny if he continued, and he would have to jerk off again.

His hands lathered in the soap and water and he didn’t care to dry them as he walked back to his bed. He gazed at the phone, trying to press out of the message app, but instead it froze causing him to groan. He irritated tapped at the screen, just wanting to delete the video and get out of the app.

But instead, it replayed the first part of the video, and Tom gulped in nervousness, quickly realizing what might have just happened. He turned off his phone in an instant, shakily pressing the home button again, and unlocking it to see the messages again. “Fuck!” He yelped out, seeing the video had sent to you and he froze as he saw you start typing back.

“No, no, no” He continued, as fear and panic stroke through him, knowing he fucked up completely now. “Shit, how do I delete this?” He groaned loudly, starting to breath unevenly and in a panic, as the video played over again, and he quickly wiped his hands onto his sheets, not caring that it got wet.

He started typing, in shock. He was writing apologies left and right, as tears started to burn in his eyes. He didn’t want to lose you, not like this. It was a mistake, he didn’t mean to do it, he wrote heartfelt, and with passion, trying to explain you were never supposed to see or know any of this. That it was wrong for him to take videos, moaning your name. Tears started to drop onto the phone screen as your message popped up.

“Are you at home?”

Tom gasped after he pressed send to the long apologies, quickly typing that, yes, he was at home. He continued to add an even longer sorry in the message, as he started to cry more. Just mere minutes ago he was moaning your name, now he was crying your name. He didn’t want to lose you; it would be terrible and unimaginable.

That was when his phone started to ring, with your name at the top. You were calling him, and his eyes widened in further shock, wondering what he should do. He hesitated until the third ring, pressing accept and putting you on speaker.

“Hello? Tom?” Your voice came through the phone, causing Tom to shakily sigh out. His face rested in his hands as he groaned muffled, “Hey…” He trailed off, trying to stop his crying and apologize again. He was sat on his bed without any of his clothes, and before he could continue, you spoke up again.

“Do you- are you alone right now?” You murmured into the phone, causing Tom to glance up confused. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he quietly answered you, “Yeah, I am. Listen, I’m really sorry, that was inappropriate and…” He paused as you cleared your throat.

Your question burned through his mind, “Did you mean it? That you love me?” Yes, he meant it, he swore he’s been in love with you so long. The fear that he felt as he opened his mouth to reply was harsh, but he knew that he needed to confess now or never.

That video was never supposed to be sent to you, but he knew if he finally got it out, then there would be some type of light feeling he’d have off his chest. He nodded, silently hyping himself up and pushing out the nervousness as he pulled his face away from his hands and squeezed at his thumbs.

“Yes, I love you.” He confessed, biting down harshly on his lip as silence went through the call.

Panic filled his thoughts and body as he heard you shuffle on the other line. “Y/n?” He whispered, staring down at the phone as he went rigid, wondering if he’s lost you now. Fuck, he wouldn’t know how to cope with losing you. Everything started with you, and you were his best friend. He didn’t care if he’d be hurt, watching you fall in love with someone else if that meant he could still be close and be your friend. But if he lost you, it would hurt the most.

“I’m coming over.” You responded, after those few moments that felt as if they were hours to him. He didn’t know what to do in that second, he almost forgot to breathe until you called his name again softly. “I love you too.” You whispered into the phone, hanging up as you got into your car and sighed out in shock.

Tom sat on his bed, naked as warmth spread through him. You love him back? The same way he did? He fell back onto his bed as one of the brightest smiles he’s ever had appeared on his face, love-doped by the fact his most desirable dreams were real- they came true. But he instantly shot right back up with a loud yelp. You were on your way right now, holy fuck. He glanced down to his figure in shock and stumbled up, rushing to his closet and tugging out new boxers. His eyes searched his closet for over two minutes, stressing about what to wear, and what the fuck was happening.

“Shit,” He pressed out, just tugging out an old but nice shirt he hasn’t worn in a few years. He buttoned it up and threw on his boxers and pulled out a pair of pants before groaning. It wasn’t a fucking business meeting, was it? No way, he pulled out a pair of dark jeans instead, slipping and tumbling as he pushed them on quickly.

You. Just you, he thought of. Everything about you was so amazing, and he couldn’t think of anyone or anything that was more flawless than you.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard you knock on the door and his eyes widened once more, rushing to the mirror and glancing down at himself, like he had pre-date nerves but much worse. He ran over to the door after a few seconds, and answered it, tugging the door completely open as you smiled softly to him.

“Hey,” You mumbled, smiling to him as Tom’s mouth opened up, but he had no idea what to say except, “Sorry! Again!”

You laughed back and shrugged. It was very surprising, shocking in fact. But also, just fucking hot, you watched it so many times, just hearing him moan out your name in such a way. You had so much to say and wanted to know- but it was still just incredible to you that he loves you like you love him. You can’t count how many times you’ve accidently moaned out his name when you were with your ex, but it just proved you love Tom so much.

When you developed feelings for him back in middle school, you quickly denied them. It didn’t make much sense at first, but you remembered seeing him in a different way. Noticing the strange but lovely things about him, how he tugged on his hair when he was bored, or nervous. And when he’d smile and look down, as if he was shy or insecure about it. You slowly started to start noticing these things about him, and you started thinking about him more, thinking about how something reminded you of him.

By high school, you thought he was your soulmate. Which wasn’t really a good idea to think. You’d be upset seeing him date other girls, and you tried to convince yourself that he wasn’t the one, that your soulmate was out there- and soon you just stopped believing in soulmates or even twin flames. Maybe the two of you were destined just to be best friends for life, which you thought back at the end of high school would be fine.

Something about Tom was that the had glow ups almost every month, it seemed impossible but each time you saw him, you’d be more attractive to him. Notice his dimples, and how his shoulders developed more muscle to them. Summer was always a mess for you, seeing him in his trunks, you couldn’t look anywhere at him without thinking of the things you wished you could do with him, but most of all you wanted to be with him.

Now with his video, everything seemed so complicated but easy to solve at the same time. You didn’t know what he was thinking though, and you wondered if you’d leave without a best friend, or even happier. You’d hope for the later, but it was up to whatever would happen now. You cleared your throat, as you stepped into his house, after Tom moved out of the way silent.

“Y/n…” He started, watching as you took a seat on the edge of the couch, facing him. You nodded back to him, biting your lip as your eyebrows knitted together in nervousness. Tom walked closer to you, choosing to take a seat on one of the chairs next to the couch.

“I’m really sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out- at all. I know that was just horrible, and I feel really bad.” He rambled, sniffling slightly as he waved a hand through his messy hair. You saw everything, it was so embarrassing, but he felt confused, after hearing you confess back to him. “Tommy, I- um, it’s okay.” You replied, nodding your head back to him.

He groaned, knowing it wasn’t. No one likes being sent videos like that without their permission, and to hear him say your name and what he was saying must’ve been the cherry on top. “And, I do love you, Y/n. I’ve been in love with you for a while now, but I don’t want to lose you.” He went on, gazing at you softly and worriedly.

“You won’t lose me…” You trailed off, glancing around the room. “Unless you want to. I don’t want to lose you either, you’re my best friend and I love you- I’m in love with you too.” You whispered back, feeling your heart start to race. Tom blushed at your words, as his eyebrows raised.

“You really love me?” He questioned, starting to wonder if this was just all a dream. How many times have you said it now in the past hour? It was just all a shock to him now, but it was true, everything was. You giggled back at his question, watching a goofy grin pulled across his face, “Yes Buzz Lightyear!” You replied, laughing even more as Tom let out a loud laugh.

The nickname traveled all the way back to when the two of you watched Toy Story for the first time together. You told him he looked like Andy but acted like Buzz, to which he proudly stood up from the couch and shout, “To infinity and beyond with my best friend!” You quickly bounced next to him, standing on the couch excitedly, “We’re best friends?” You questioned. And that was the story of how you two got even closer, still watching Toy Story together even now.

You both watched Toy Story and lots of other movies together throughout the years. Constantly nicknaming each other by the characters. It was an inside joke you both played by, but you felt especially happy whenever he’d call you something. He’d nicknamed you Matilda after he saw you carrying three textbooks in the hallway and you usually stuck to calling him Buzz.

While you were laughing hard, Tom stood up from his seat, admiring your beauty while he walked over to you. You calmed your laughter, letting your face soften as Tom came closer, and you hoped off the couch, glancing to his lips for a few moments. Tom saw your movement, as he parted his lips and licked them gently. The thought of your perfect lips against his, he almost groaned.

His eyes also drifted down to focus on your lips, favoring the way they sparked in the soft sunlight. You were beautiful, always, inside and out, something he found wonderful. Your eyelids fluttered as Tom stepped even closer to you, where you can feel his breath his against your skin. You leaned up, tilting your head close to his as his hand gently grasped under your chin.

“I love you Y/n.” He whispered, closing the gap between the two of you, landing his lips against yours softly. You instantly responded to his kiss, closing your eyes completely now, as you felt yourself fluster with happiness and excitement. Your mouth opened slightly, letting your tongue out as the kiss deepened. His tongue warmed against your lips, licking them as you wrapped a hand around the back of his head, gasping slightly.

Fucking sparks.

It was perfect, his arm flew around to your back, pulling you closer to him as you tugged on his hair and played with it. You stepped closer to him, as the two of you started to kiss passionately, and his other hand drew down under your shirt, skimming your skin gently as you gasped at the coldness. It only led to him kissing you even harder, as he stumbled with you back around to his bedroom, knocking into random objects of the house.

He cursed as he pulled away, breathing deeply along with you and you pulled him in for another kiss, bumping into one of the floor lamps, causing you to giggle against his lips. You both clumsily and blindly walked back towards his room, still hitting walls and even a pile of scripts he had on the floor.

His hands now were both under your shirt, sliding up and down on your back, feeling your soft skin as you still had one in his hair, tugging it with more force now. Your other arm went down to his neck, circling shapes and pinching at times.

When Tom’s back hit against his bedroom door, you both pulled away for a few moments, taking deep breaths as he pulled the doorknob, opening to the room. He pushed the door opened quickly, before taking ahold of you again, groaning as your lips hit his, instantly opening as his tongue explored your mouth. You both stumbled into the room, but instead of going to the bed, he pushed you against the wall to get closer to your figure. He grunted, feeling his cock twitch again as he felt you grind against his leg, trying to heave yourself up.

Tom grunted, pulling away from your lips, but kept his head against the wall, pulling your body up as you jumped. Your legs wrapped around his waist, and you pushed your hips against his, moaning when you felt a spark of heat run through your body, filling up in your lower stomach. “Fuck Tommy,” You laughed out breathlessly, before pulling his head back to your lips, kissing him again. Tom hummed against your lips, letting his teeth bite down onto your bottom lip, causing you to gasp.

“Like it when I kiss you like that?” He muttered back to you, pushing into your body even more against the wall, causing you to shiver at the closeness. This was your best friend, the man you fell in love with over so many years, and now hearing him talk back to you made you want to roll your head back and moan. It was incredible, being with the person you’ve loved for most of your life.

“Oh, yes,” You responded, nodding as his lips kissed down your neck. Your hips jutted up against his again, causing Tom’s cock to stir completely up into a full erection. Earlier today he wouldn’t believe this would ever happen, but now it was and fuck, he was so in love and lustful.

He bit and nibbled at your neck, causing you to whimper as he licked and smoothed sweet kisses to calm your neck down. “Tom- fuck, babe.” You moaned, as he started to grind against you in a rhythm you found addictive, pushing your hips up to meet.

“Can you believe how long I’ve wanted to do this? See you crying out my name?” He pushed out after leaving a long lick onto your neck. Your eyes widened as his dirty talk turned you on even more, causing you to feel a pulsing at your core, wanting to feel even more of him.

“I wanted you like this too,” You confessed, out of breath as you slid a hand between your bodies, underneath his shirt. Your hand contacted his abs, causing you to shake with delight.

“Really?” Tom retorted, grinning as he gazed back at you as sweat started to pull at his forehead. You nodded back to him as he continued to dry hump against you. “Then show me.” He taunted, causing you to furrow your eyebrows before tugging his head back to yours again. You harshly bit onto his lip, swirling your tongue out after a moment while your other hand curled near his pants, cupping his hard on.

Tom gasped into the kiss as you started to unzip his jeans, making him groan against your lips. You grinned, loving the way he made those sounds, “Mm, pretty boy,” You mumbled, letting your lips disconnect, as you made your way to his ear. Tom clenched one of his fists up against the wall as you pecked messy kisses into his ear and tried pushing his pants lower.

He helped you out, but shivered as you moaned into his ear, “I’ve dreamed of you begging,” You paused, whispering now against his skin, under his ear and onto his neck, “Asking for my wet pussy,” Another pause.

Tom’s face was more than red at this point, as he realized his wishes were granted to him, and he thanked everything around him, but most importantly you in his head. “And hm, do you know who made me wet?” You murmured, grinning widely as you peeked at his face.

“I- I do.” Tom responded, instantly losing all his confidence as you slid your hand underneath his boxers. You licked your lips as your eyes widened, getting a feeling of his girth. Feeling excited, but still playful, you continued your talking, “Who is it? Is it my pretty boy?” You murmured to him, sliding your hand up and down while lightly gripping his cock, giving him a loose hand job to work him up.

“Y-yes, fuck Y/n.” He panted out, head rolling to the side as his legs started to go weak. You grinned even more, before pulling your hand away and grasping his stomach again. He groaned, pushing his hips forward and meeting your center again, as you wrapped your legs tight around him once more.

“You’re a fucking tease,” He cried out, as you bit his ear, moaning. You sighed out again, watching as his eyes fluttered at the feeling of your breath against his skin. “And you know what happens to teasers?” He continued, stuttering as you grinded down against him again. Fuck, he was pounding hard, and he needed to tug the rest of his jeans off.

“What happens?” You questioned back with an innocent tone. Tom pulled you off the wall without a second for you to process that he was kissing you now. You blinked momentarily before responding, wrapping your arms fully around the back of his neck to support yourself more. Tom grunted as he swung you around, licking at your lips as you let out a soft happy sigh.

He carried you across his room, still not to the bed, and instead to his bean bag chair. He moved his head away from yours, breathing heavily with lust doped eyes, “Get off,” He whispered to you, causing your arms to collapse and you grinned, falling back onto the chair. You sunk into it, and almost wanted to laugh at the size, but your attention was all on Tom, your best friend. You weren’t sure what else to call him, because you knew no matter what was happening now, he would always be your best friend, and you’d love to be with him any type of way, whether that be as friends or more.

“Well when you tease someone, darling, you should always expect it back.”

You felt the air leave your body as he slowly stripped his jeans off, leaving him in his boxers and shirt. You tried not to stare, but well, it was hard (both not staring and his clothed cock). Fuck, you gulped as Tom started to peel his shirt away, tossing it to one of the corners of the room. You quickly glanced that way as you noticed you started to feel shy.

Damnit, not the time to feel that way, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be perfect for him, he was the one you’ve loved for so long, one you’ve wanted for so long. You wanted to lay flawlessly for him, kiss him as he wanted, just make him happy, but you really wanted to just fuck him in the moment. Were you really into that “making love” thing? Where was the love if you would just sit and take his cock and not cum? Love and passion were two things that fit great together, and your shyness was threatening your desire to fuck Tom out of his mind.

Just as Tom finished taking his boxers off, he noticed your facial expression and instantly paused. “Y/n,” He started, whispering down to you almost nervously, “I- what’s wrong?” He asked, stuttering, wondering if he’d done something bad. He instantly started to swear himself out in his head as you glanced up to him with that smile of yours, the one he’d always recognize.

“I’m sorry…” You trailed off, groaning as you contemplated what to say. It was hard, you wanted to be everything for him, but you didn’t know what his everything was. He didn’t know yours either. You both needed to find out somehow though.

“What do you,” You cleared your throat, gazing up at Tom as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “What do- what are things you enjoy, or your kinks?” You mumbled out, scratching your leg as an odd habit as Tom furrowed his eyebrows.

“My kinks?” He repeated, as his gazed ran over your figure again. You nodded back, stretching back onto the bean bag chair as your arousal pounded with lust and restlessness. You could smell the sweat already, what it would be like to feel his skin against yours everywhere, how he’d pound into you and whisper things you’d beg to hear again.

Tom kneeled close to you, biting his lip as his hand reached out for your chin, tilting your head closer to his. “I like hearing everything, I like when I hear pleading,” He paused, gulping as your eyes flickered down to his lips. “I want to see you squirm with my hand around your neck,” He stopped as your lips parted in surprise and want.

“As long as you’re okay with that.” Tom whispered after a moment. You instantly nodded, pushing yourself up and kissing him again. Fuck, even though this was the first day of kissing him, you knew that you’d never get enough of it, always wanting more. His lips were something you adored for years, and now you can finally feel them, know their language, and you loved every bit of it. Your lips separated as his tongue slid onto your bottom lip.

“I love you so much,” You mumbled between the messy kisses as Tom fully started to move on top of you, onto the bean bag chair. Tom grunted into the kiss as you wiggled around while pulling him closer to you. “I love you too,” He sighed out, pulling away from your lips momentarily to gaze back at you, smiling.

“Take off your shirt, I want to see you.” He whispered, sliding his hand underneath the front of your shirt, feeling your skin against his palm. His eyes fluttered close as you grinded up again against his cock. You whimpered as he retaliated, pinching your skin. You rushed your hands to your shirt, tugging it off with Tom’s help.

You both broke the kiss as you tossed the shirt over your head, in a rush. Before you could kiss him again, Tom’s hand lingered over your bra, speaking up, “Wait, what are your kinks? What are you comfortable with?” His breath was hitting you again, as you blinked back surprised, he asked. You felt your breath hitch from his hand.

“I um, I like it when you touch me- anywhere. Fuck- it’s just your hands are just hot,” You rambled, feeling your cheeks heat up. Tom smirked at your comment, pushing his hand down onto your bra again, causing you to sputter out a quiet moan.

“Why did we never do this before now?” He questioned, as he brought his other hand behind your back, lifting you up slightly. His fingers curled around the bra as you shuddered at the feeling, shaking your head, “I’m not sure, but I’m happy we are now.”

Tom smiled back to you, before kissing you again. His lips were hot against yours, warming your whole body as you felt your underwear dampen even more. You felt as though you two continued to sink into the bean bag and you grunted, wanting even more. “Fuck,” You gasped out, as Tom finally undid your bra completely and pinch at your skin again.

You shrugged out of the bra, causing him to gaze in awe, “You’re so beautiful,” He whispered. You sighed as he placed one hand onto a breast, squeezing it. “Tom,” You began, as you started to feel as though you couldn’t take it any longer. You needed him; it was bad.

“Please-” You cut yourself off with a gasp as he trailed his fingers down your stomach lightly, sliding it to your pants. Fuck, when you looked down, you felt everything heat up, seeing him clench his fist around the buckle to your belt, tugging it off. “Please what, darling?” He asked back.

“I need you now. In me.” You whined, lifting your hips up to take off your pants and to be closer to Tom. He raised his eyes back to you, shaking his head, “Mm, no, I’m going to savor this.” He murmured back, teasingly. You groaned, but quickly quieted down as Tom unzipped your pants, leading you closer to him. Your panties snapped against your skin as he slid his fingers near the elastic.

“I want to taste you,” Tom paused, whispering as he stood back up. You glanced down to his cock again and licked your lips, just imagining what he would taste like, since he brought it up. But the idea excited you even more, pooling wetness near your thighs now as you slipped off your pants smoothly and standing up close to him. “While you scream my name,” He finished up, pulling you close as your eyes widened.

“Fuck Tommy,” You responded, instantly leaning up to kiss him again. Oh, it felt so good to be bare against him, to feel his heat and fuck- his cock hitting against your stomach as well. He pushed you back against the bed finally, and you collapsed with a sigh as he dug his fingers into your thighs. You let out a whimper as his fingers trailed closer to your panties.

Tom let out a chuckle, watching you shiver, before he bit onto the cloth, tugging your panties down completely with the help of you lifting your hips up into the air, and with his hands. “Woah…” He breathed out, seeing your glimmering wet pussy. You gazed down at him with need, gasping as he blew air close to your hood.

His sweet lips found their way to one of your inner thighs, pecking your skin softly. His fingers twirled around on the other thigh, as he groaned, listening to your heavy breathing. His kisses became slower, and messier, leaving a trail of spit as he lingered closer to your center, breathing into you.

And finally, his lips collided with your core. You gasped, instantly rushing your hands to the back of his head, tugging on his curls. Your back arched as his tongue lapped long and fast stripes against you, leaving you no time to stop the loud cry of his name. Tom smirked against you, finding joy in your moans, and lapped his tongue against your clit over again, pressing hard.

You yelped, crying out again as one of his fingers urged into you, curling and soaking in your heat. “Fuck, you’re- how is your tongue so good?” You rambled out, tugging his head up momentarily to see his face.

Oh shit, it was covered in your slick, and you cried out again feeling him slip and stretch another finger into your pussy. Tom smiled before letting his tongue out, teasing you once more as he licked your outer lips now, instead of your clit. He headed towards your labia, carefully pressing slow kisses again.

“You taste so fucking delicious,” Tom paused, murmuring now against your clit. You moaned aloud from the vibrations it sent through your nerves. You couldn’t believe you were here now, with his head between your thighs, loving and admiring you so much.

“Bet you taste even better.” You responded, watching as Tom glanced back up to you, grinning. His eyes were darker than you’ve ever seen before, and you loved seeing this side of him now finally. “I think I can sit here and eat you out for hours. Everything about you is addicting.” He finished up, raising his eyebrows back to you as you whimpered at the thought.

You didn’t even have time to warn him about your orgasm, it rushed out of you, gushing against Tom’s lips and fingers as he licked you up again. “Tom- fuck- oh my,” You choked out, raising your hips against his face as his other hand grasped around your hip, digging into your skin. You came onto his face, causing him to soak it all up with his tongue, groaning at the taste in delight.

Your head hit back against the pillows again as you dropped your body completely, feeling as if you were floating. “That was,” Tom cut you off, kissing your hip slightly, “Perfect, absolutely perfect.” You let out a laugh, just in disbelief that you were finally with him, in the way you wanted. You shifted slightly, still feeling the effects of your orgasm drift through your body as Tom laid back next to you, kissing your shoulder gently.

You giggled quietly, “Yeah, it was great.” Tom smiled back to you, as you rolled to face him, kissing his nose for a quick second. As you gazed back at Tom, you instantly were reminded of his throbbing cock, as it hit against your stomach, making you gasp. You pulled him in for a deep kiss, causing him to groan, and stumble on top of you.

“I’m ready, are you?” You mumbled through the kisses, pulling and tugging at his hair. Your legs spread wider, gasping again when you felt him pull away from the kisses completely, as his cock barely brushed against your heat. “I am,” Tom responded, smiling back to you as his face softened. His hand grasped your face gently, as he propped himself up above you, lining his cock to your pussy.

“I love you so much,” He whispered, brushing his thumb to your lips briefly, before his entire hand drifted down towards your inner shoulder. Your eyes gazed up to his before you smiled back, “I love you too,” You mumbled back.

Tom started to push his cock in slowly, gazing back to you to check if you were alright, and you gasped as you felt his girth. “Oh…” You let out, furrowing your eyebrows together in surprise before you felt him push all the way into you. He grunted, before pulling back, to start his pace, “Are you okay, darling?” He asked softly, as he saw your face.

You nodded back to him, wiggling your hips, “Please keep going,” You responded, causing Tom to breathe in deeply, holding back his moan. You grinned back to him as his fingers caressed against your throat. You nodded back to his silent question, if it was alright for him to put his hand around your neck, as he slowly pushed in again, and you started to get used to the feeling.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper than before and you instantly let out a moan, feeling the heat build up in you again, during his rhythm. Your attention went back down to his hand, sighing as he grasped around your neck, fuck. You loved it so much, as he started to strengthen his hold, he kissed you again, as he pounded into you.

You kissed him back, groaning as his fist tightened again, and he pulled away from your lips, now going towards your cheek and leaving sloppy kisses. His other hand drifted in between the two of you, finding your clit again, and started to rub harshly causing you to gasp and moan out his name.

“You like that, huh? Louder.” Tom spoke up, gazing back to you in lust and desire, pounding into you even harder now. You gasped his name in return, moaning as you felt his fingers around your throat. Your head tossed back against the pillow, and you breathed in slowly against his hand, blinking dazed and in amazement. You almost felt too out of it, as airflow was limited now, but it felt good still.

Tom didn’t stop moving motions on your clit either, as his pounding started to go into an unsteady pace. He pulled away from your cheek and his hand away from your neck, now gripping at your hips harshly, groaning again. You shuddered as you felt him go even deeper than before and hitting your g-spot again. “I’m going to cum again,” You quivered out, feeling a tear run down your face from the rush of your orgasm building up, and Tom huffed back, grinning down to you.

“I’m going to as well,” He responded, eyes locked down onto your expression as his fingers started to go even faster, rubbing at your clit. “You’re doing so good darling.” Tom continued, praising you as his cock soaked in your pussy. You clenched around him, crying his name again, and bringing his face back to yours, kissing him again. You could taste your cum from before too, and Tom groaned into the kiss, as your legs squeezed around his figure.

You started to quiver as your orgasm pushed over the edge, and you gasped against his lips, losing your grip. “I’m co-” You couldn’t even warn him as you came out quickly, causing you to yell out his name, eyes fluttering closed as Tom continued to push into you.

It felt unreal, how the day had gone. With Tom above you, coming right after you and whispering his love for you. It made you want to scream into a pillow with joy, but you couldn’t find yourself letting go of Tom’s figure as he dropped besides you with that smile. You didn’t know what else to do but to hold onto him like you’ve been doing your whole life. He’s your best friend, and now perhaps a lover, a scenario you played in your head during daydreams for fun, but it’s real now. Your head tucked into his neck, as the both of you laid on the bed, sweating and covered in each other’s cum.

“Hey, Buzz,” You paused, barely mumbling his nickname while giggling. Tom gazed back down to you with a love doped expression, “Yeah, Matilda?” He answered, laughing along with you. His laugh made you beam even more with a happiness you couldn’t compare to any. You shifted slightly, capturing his gaze as his laugh quieted down. Your hand drifted up to his face, cupping his cheek softly as the words poured out from your lips.

“I really do love you.”

In a few quiet moments after, his lips rested against your forehead, “I’ll love you forever,” He confessed, closing his eyes as sleepiness rolled between the two of you. A hum went through your lips in agreement, cuddling closer to him as your breathing settled, fluttering your eyes shut with a smile.

#tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader insert #tom holland/reader #tom holland/you #tom holland x reader smut

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roguish-gallery · 4 years

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Did you ever make that joker tier list, I always like seeing what people think of all the different ones. Though if they put Romero last I can no longer respect them.

LMAO I DID! I think I’ve made it kind of obvious in this blog but I... don’t... particularly... care... for... the joker.... unless he’s, y’know, fun to watch. Cause he’s a clown, and clowns are supposed to be entertaining. But since you politely brought it up, and and because I have a deep respect for mutual Romero-lovers, I guess this would be a good time to explain my rankings and just discuss my general thoughts on each clown:

General Thoughts:

For the most part, I don’t really care for the Joker. This is hardly an uncommon opinion here on tumblr, but I definitely fall on the side of the fandom that feels that he gets too much attention from DC. I get WHY they use him so often for films and comics, and I don’t have anything against *most* folks who consider them their favorite Batman villain, but at this point he’s used more for shock value and as a crutch instead of anything interesting. Like, instead of giving attention to the other Rogues, writers (at least for the comics) will try and make up some bullshit story that they can shoehorn the Joker into, ‘cause it sells. It’s tiring, and I feel like the character has lost his meaning; I can only read so many stories about the Joker, I don’t fucking know, wearing a suit made from dead babies and Jason Todd’s flayed corpse before I get sick of it.

I’m at the point where I’ll like any Joker who’s just fun to watch. I genuinely respect those who prefer darker interpretations of the character, but that isn’t me; I vastly prefer the lighthearted takes on him, because... at this point... writers who use the “cleaner” version of him tend to be more creative, since they actually have to write a Joker story that doesn’t rely on gore/torture porn.

TIER ONE:

Joker Baby: Self explanatory. Joker Baby is thematic, thoughtful, and intense. Everytime I watch this video, I shiver with fear and pleasure; something primal in me awakens whenever Joker Baby runs his fingers through his spray-on dyed hair, and ends up smearing green paint on his forehead- it represents the inner turmoil, the chaos, that resides within the disturbed body that is Joker Baby. Nothing can ever hope to top the artistic and cultural impact Joker Baby has had on society.

TIER TWO:

Batman Ninja: I genuinely believe that Batman Ninja is one of the most fun, organic, and creative things to come out from the Batman side of DC comics in like... hmmm... a decade, maybe (I could talk for hours about how much I love this movie but that’s something for a future post). This Joker is easily, and unironically my favorite interpretation of the character, period. I love his energy, his design, everything. This is the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Joker on-screen, and for that I’ve gotta give the film credit where it is due.

Batman ‘66: I looooove Caesar Romero. Batman ‘66 in general is one of my favorite pieces of Batman media, and I absolutely adore this Joker. The show is pure, genuine fun, and it’s nice to turn my brain off and watch a show where the entire cast was allowed to goof around. This Joker is just a cute, goofy little clown-man who likes to commit crimes, go surfing, turn Gotham’s water reserve into gelatin, and have wild orgies with Penguin, Catwoman, and the Riddler. I massively appreciate the hustle. I love his little mustache and his facial expressions. I’d give him a chaste little kiss on the cheek if I could.

The Batman: EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BUT. I think TB!Joker is better than what people will give him credit for. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been to be the first Batman cartoon to follow BTAS and the writers for this show knew they were gonna be fucked no matter what they did with the Joker, so they just decided to try something completely different with him. Personally, I appreciate the new direction- he has a fun, unhinged energy. I’ve placed him higher than BTAS/BTNA!Joker simply because The Batman was the show that got me into the Rogues in the first place, and I’m just a bit closer to this Joker because of it. Also his vampire form was cool as FUCK in Batman Vs. Dracula and the scene where he gets drenched in blood at a blood bank is fucking awesome.

Batman the Animated Series/The New Adventures: Everyone loves BTAS’s Joker, and I’m no exception. Mark Hamill is fucking great, and the writers clearly knew the character well enough to create a version of him that can be fun and threatening. As an aside, I unironically like his redesign in BTNA- I remember Hamill mentioning somewhere that he thought it was neat that this Joker looked more like a shark (I’ll see if I can find a source on that... I think he said it in an interview with Kevin Smith?) and I kinda agree with him. the redesigns in the final season are hit or miss, but I didn’t get why so many people bitched about the Joker’s new look.

Batman Unlimited: Hear me out... Hear me out... Clown... funny... and cute... He wears a little crown and gives Solomon Grundy a little smooch on the cheek and it is as delightful as it sounds. Yes the Batman Unlimited films literally only exist to sell toys but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them on some ironic level.

TIER THREE:

Lego Batman: He’s a gay icon. He has the range. Enough said.

White Knight: This is just a genuinely good, original take on the character, and the art in White Knight is absolutely gorgeous.

Arkham: My friends and I joke that this Joker is basically a more unhinged version of BTAS! Joker and... yeah. I’m glad Hamill and Paul Dini got to fuck around with the character more, but I never really dwelled on the Joker parts of the games like I might have for other characters. I definitely liked him the most in Arkham Asylum, as he was more fun to watch. Arkham City was fiiiiine, but I think I replayed the game so much that I kinda got fatigued with everything about it. Genuinely hated his part in Origins, and I was pissed that he stole the attention from Black Mask and Bane (who’s the best fucking part of Origins IMO). I’ll admit that I... Haven’t... played... Knight yet (I have it on PC but my laptop is too wimpy to run it) but like... He’s dead at that point, so I’d assume he isn’t the main point of that game anyway. I love Mark Hamill and the fact I can personally beat the shit out of this Joker, so he’s ranked up pretty high for those reasons.

TIER FOUR:

Batman ‘89: TBH this Joker should be a rank higher, but I’m too lazy to hop onto PicsArt to change it. NIcholson was an excellent choice, and I apprecaite how this Joker makes use of the playful and unhinged aspects of the character. Also, his outfits are cute, and I love the museum scene.

Brave and the Bold: Technically this Joker SHOULD be ranked higher since he’s literally based on the more lighthearted comics in the 60′s but... ehhh... I haven’t really watched BATB so I don’t have any strong opinions on the show and how it handles the character. he’s ranked this high through beause I appreciate what they were going for.

Golden Age: The quality of comics are always subjective, based on the creative team behind them. Some I’ll like more, others less so, It’s kind of hard to rank the pre-52 comic version of the Joker because of this.

TIER FIVE:

Killing Joke: Read it, didn’t care for it. I acknowledge how massive the impact this comic had on... everything, but just because I recognize how important this graphic novel is, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

The Dark Knight: Ledger did an excellent job with the role, but uhh... I’m kind of sick of the alt-right chuds who are out there sucking this Joker’s dick. The fanbase definitely ruined the character for me.

TIER SIX:

99′: Eh

Endgame: No

Suicide Squad: NO

Death of the Family: Hate him. Despise him. Lame stupid dumb little edgy bitch.

Gotham (Jeremiah): I don’t particulary care for Gotham in general, but the only reason I ranked this Joker over Jerome is beause I thought it was kinda funny to see that they made him a little rat-man, and I liked watching all the fujoshi on here cry and complain that they can’t ship this version of the joker with the pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne in the show bc he’s too ugly.

Gotham (Jerome): stop shippping this freak (who is fucking eighteen years old) with a literal twelve year old child. what the FUCK is wrong with yall.

UNRANKED:

The Joker (2019): I don’t plan on watching this film, nor will I ever. I know this is ironic, coming from someone who runs a Rogue blog, but stuff that focuses primarily on a character’s deteriorating mental health makes me reaaaaallllllyyyyy anxious (it’s kind of a phobia) and considering that I don’t particularly the Joker, I have no reason to watch something I know will only give my dumb ADHD-ass intrusive throughts.

#tier list #this was nice to finally write out- I don't typically write Joker stuff unless someone prompts it #the joker #gonna tag this as discourse just to hopefully keep it out of ppl's feed #bc i know how... defensive... joker fans... can get...#discourse #long post

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #333

“imaginary chain / the one you never break / seething all alone”

Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah, I'm pretty open about what I'm afraid of. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What class in high school did you struggle with the most? I honestly don't remember with certainty, but it was probably math or economics. At least, I think econ was my senior year. What could you talk about for hours? Mark, meerkats, a few game franchises... maybe a couple more topics. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah, but I don't have many games on there and rarely touch the ones I do. Do you like gaming? I do, but not as much as I did for most of my life. I mostly just play WoW now, and even that I'm not that into anymore. Part of it though comes from not buying any new games that I'm interested in because 1.) no money and 2.) no proper console, and you can only replay games so many times before you're just... yeah, done. Do you like reading books? Some days. Do you like religion? All things considered? No. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? Y'know, growing up, I actually liked watching my younger neighbor play one of those games, but I don't remember which. Though he never actually "played" it... just ran around wreaking havoc, lol. I do however think GTAV was the one that Jason and Jacob started playing together when we moved into the apartment, and I thought the story was okay; I don't think they ever got far into it, though. Definitely wasn't Jason's sort of game, and I don't think it was too much up Jacob's alley, either. Can you twerk? I haven't tried and you will never see me try either, lmao. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes, but I almost never use it. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? Yes. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? No. Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, because of how badly she hurt him. I don't have any negative feelings towards her now, though. We're actually friends, haha. The irony. Are you an easy lay? What weird wording. But whatever, quite the polar opposite actually. When’s the last time you said you were sorry? A few days ago. Are there any songs you listen to everyday? No. Would you like living on the coast? As someone who lives in a state hit by hurricanes usually every year and has seen the incredible damage they usually bring to the coast, no. I don't like the smell or gritty feel of salty air, either. When’s the last time you were really late to something? No idea. That's usually not a problem with me. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? The last person I actually stopped like-liking would be Girt, and that would be because I just came to the realization I saw him too much as my brother instead of boyfriend. It just always felt awkward. Do you still talk to that person? Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings or anything between us. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I'll be cautious, at least to some degree, about new people for a while. What is the last song to make you cry? Since I've actually behaved and not listened to any trigger songs, it's been a long while, but it was probably "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Last person you hung up on? I'm sure some automated message. I barely ever answer the phone to numbers I don't recognize, though. Where was your last car ride to and from? To Wal-Mart w/ Mom to pick up our order and then back home. Next big outing? *shrug* Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not really, no. Considering I'm by far my most authentic self online, I actually tend to appreciate virtual friends more, if I'm being honest. I try to keep up with those people. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not really, no. I think I saw Warcraft the day it came into theaters, though. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yep. Tragic romance tends to do it the most, I think. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have one to track my menstrual cycle as well as another that tracks my daily caloric intake, but I'm bad at using it because it's tedious if I actually have to measure something. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Ummm if you mean like, in general, probably my mom's. But this most certainly depends on the subject I'm taking feedback on. What is something society "expects" you to do that you don't want to do and/or don't plan on doing? Shaving my legs came to mind first. Granted, I will if there is almost any chance of someone seeing them, but otherwise, I just don't care. We respect women with body hair on this account and see them as no less feminine. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you're drawn to? I think it's cool, yeah. I should have an answer for this, given architecture was a massive focus in Art History the last time I was in school... Roman architecture comes to my head first, if that says anything. What was one of your favorite things from the nineties? BOY OH BOY, SO MUCH!! I'm probably gonna say the toys. There was some dope shit, man. Do you collect things pertaining to an animal? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING featuring a meerkat!!!!! :''') Do you wish that people were kinder to spiders? Well, yes. I hope everyone in their heart wishes this, even if they're afraid of them. They're very important to our ecosystem, and none are out there to harm us; their existence does us a favor. Where do you normally order pizza from? Domino's (my favorite) or LIttle Caesar's for the price. Did your parents keep anything of yours from when you were a baby? Oh yes, loads of stuff that's stored away somewhere. Do you own one of those "____ For Dummies" books? No, but I feel like we had one at some point? What was the last VHS tape that you watched? Yikes, who knows. Did you watch Boy Meets World back in the day? I actually didn't, no. Our old neighbor though loved it so much that she named her daughter Tapanga (deliberately spelled that way). Who is your favorite Scooby Doo character? I never really had one. Maybe Thelma. If I were to give you a coloring book, what would you want its theme to be? Animals. Have you ever won a stuffed animal at a carnival? Possibly a small one. I can tell you I did however accidentally stab the guy who ran the dart-throwing booth though, lmfao. He was obviously fine, and it wasn't a bad wound. I felt SOOOOOO bad. Are you a fan of narwhals? I'm a fan of any animal. Narwhals are definitely fascinating creatures. Grape or orange soda? Orange. Grape-flavored soda ain't my thing. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so painstakingly boring and repetitive. Did you have a favorite Disney movie as a child? It was and still is The Lion King. Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yeah, a GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS. Is shyness cute? It definitely can be. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning before? No. Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? I'm not a gossip fan. Have you ever vandalized someone else’s property before? Most definitely not. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Have you ever been under suicide watch for 72 hours in a psychiatric ward? Yes; at least here, that's protocol when you're admitted for suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone or social media accounts, or do you respect their privacy? Absolutely not. That shit pisses me off so badly. Do you wear any sort of clothing for religious reasons? No. What's something you worked extremely hard to get? My sanity back. Sounds so dramatic, but I'm literally not kidding. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I remember. How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids, but to entertain the question, when I did, I wanted three. It's fuckin wild to imagine for even a second that I once wanted that. Do you believe that being gay is a sin? *eye roll* Are you any good at photography? If so, what’s your specialty? I mean it with modesty, but I think I'm pretty good. My favorite thing to photograph are animals, but I generally take most pictures of people by request or pay. Judging by my deviantART account, my nature pics definitely get the most attention. Have you ever been a member of a gang before? Fuckin yikes, no. An infamous gang tried breaking into my childhood home once, so you can probably gather that I would never take part in their "big bad guys" bullshit. Have you ever felt like you were neither male nor female? No, I'm comfortable as a cisgender female. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? NO. Anything with raisins = NO. Do you think you’re attractive? No. Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No, not that I really passed notes to begin with. I'd be mortified, regardless of what it was about. Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? Arctic. Do you have an older brother? Yes. He's technically my half-brother, but I don't see "half"s. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Are your collarbones prominent? Bitch I wish so I could get the damn dermal piercings I've wanted for years. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? As a kid, yeah. So ugly. Do you love yourself? It's... weird. Therapy is making me realize that a part of me, maybe even the bigger one, doesn't, but at the exact same time, I know I have worth just like every other human. I just don't treat myself like I do. What TV shows do you keep up with? None, until Meerkat Manor returns this summer. :') When’s the last time it snowed where you live? A couple months ago we got a little bit of it. Is your belly button pierced? No, but it would be if I was actually skinny. Just in my personal opinion, I don't at all think that that piercing would look nice on someone as overweight as me. Even if my damn dreams come true and I lose all the weight I want, my stomach will never look "normal," even after I get the excess skin removal surgery that will be very high on my priority list for my own self-image that's been nothing but loathsome since 2016. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is the obvious answer. What do you remember the most about your childhood? Lots of imagination. Parents arguing. Playing with my little sister. What age did you get your first hair cut? I have no idea. Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still? No. I wish I hadn't gotten rid of it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would you ever consider shaving your head? Nah. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Who says we don't now? Zombifying parasites already exist among insects and such, so like... it's not unimaginable to one day see one developed enough to infect humans. I sure as fuck hope not, but. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I did this many, many months ago, but I guess watch an episode of The Witcher by my own volition. I don't really do spontaneous things with how routine I am, but I had a random urge to check it out one morning. How loud can you whistle? Not very loud at all. Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My knees really hurt. They're getting worse. When was the last time you built a sandcastle? There's noooo telling, it's been many years. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. Well, not a *real* one, anyway. Just the little ones for kids. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. What is your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I absolutely stick to what I know. I am SO picky. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? I'm not immediately sure, but there's probably something. Do you bump into things often? Yes. I've always had this weird habit of like... drifting when I walk, so I do this easily. I just kinda wander to the sides a bit without realizing it. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? I did. Do you feel uncomfortable going to the movies by yourself? Nah, not really. I did that with Warcraft and it was actually pretty chill. When thinking about your dream home, what do you think would be your favorite thing to shop for? The ~g o t h i c~ decor. Do you ever listen to those lo-fi hip hop/study music playlists on YouTube/Spotify? No. Are you likelier to work harder if you’re being paid? If not, what drives you to give your best effort? I mean, yeah. I'd assume that's pretty normal. Does the fashion sense of a potential partner matter to you? No. Is there anything that you prefer to write down rather than type? I'm unsure. If you download/torrent things, do you remember the first thing you ever torrented? Oh, the Limewire days of music pirating... but no, I don't remember. What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? Something photography-related, but I don't feel like checking. What do you wish your hair looked like? I wish I could pull off pastel pink hair rn. It also desperately needs a trim. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I'm sure I always will, at least a little. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Uhhhhh have I? I don't think so. Who’d you last see in a tux? Probably the groom of the last wedding I shot. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No, but I used to do that big time because I loved "rewatching" stuff when I was on the computer. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mother, big time. Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mother. Or Sara. What profession do you admire the most? Teachers might just win. The patience that must take, among so many other things. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''bornless'' by 3teeth

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tillidontneedfantasy · 5 years

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‘WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?’ - Billie Eilish REVIEW: Making ‘Em Bow One By One

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?

An interesting question you pose there, Billie. When I fall asleep, I usually dream about being a part of the Harry Potter universe and trying to defeat Voldemort with the golden trio. But unfortunately, I don’t go there every night. I mean, believe me, fighting off The Dark Lord can be scary sometimes. But sometimes I go to even darker places, and it always takes a few moments when waking up to believe I’m really in my bed. Much of Billie Eilish’s debut album invites you into the dark parts of her subconscious, and sometimes her extreme consciousness, to which she goes. Of course, “asleep” could also be interpreted as, well, dead. Which is a nice way to phrase it. Ideal, really. How wonderful would it be if death was just an eternal nap? No one would ever be afraid to die.

Maybe that’s what Billie believes it is, and why she seems so desperate to go there on WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? (WWAFA,WDWG?) For a then-16-year-old girl, I wish she wasn’t so tired. “ilomilo,” “bury a friend” and most concerning, “listen before I go,” explore her friends who have been taken from her, and her desire to join them. I’m glad she hasn’t.

So is she. In a now traditional Vanity Fair video, Billie answers the same interview questions three years in a row, exactly a year apart. Expect The Fourth Year one October 18th, 2020. It is one of the most fascinating videos I have ever watched. Though the same at the core, there is a different version of Billie in each year. Which is to be expected, as she is a teenager in the limelight. But the video of year 2, which was around 5 months prior to WWAFA,WDWG?’s release, Billie openly admits to being in a very dark place, discussing how her friend had died. Her posture and affect are noticeably different in years 1 and 3. In the third and latest installment, Billie is an upgraded, happier and more comfortable version of the previous two. You can hear the change in her voice, see it in her face. In response to the question, “What’s most important to you right now?” her answer is, “Maintaining my happiness, which I have been experiencing for the first time in many years….I wanna stay happy. That’s a big goal for me.”

Billie Eilish is one of the biggest breakout stars of the past few years. Her following is enormous, and though fans vary in age, many of them fall in her cohort. Generation Z is special in many ways: morbidly funny, proudly outspoken, self-aware, and unafraid to be different. Billie Eilish is all of these things incarnate, the perfect spearhead for this generation and what they represent. She dresses how she wants to dress and makes the kind of music that she wants to make, refusing to follow the molded expectations of young up and coming female stars before her. In that music, she also does what very few artists, young or old, have ever done: candidly explores mental illness and suicidal ideation.

These issues have become more and more prevalent in today’s society, yet they are still extremely stigmatized. Like many teenagers, I experienced the sadness and darkness Billie is singing about. I’m almost 25 now, but I can imagine how 15-year-old Cass would feel hearing this album and seeing Billie as she is in the third year of that Vanity Fair interview. Understood. Not alone. And hopeful, hopeful that things get better. At that age you feel like everything is the end of the world, because it is developmentally and socially some of the most difficult years in the human experience. And to hear someone you look up to say, “I feel this way, too,” and then see them continue fighting, and happy that they did...that can change someone’s life.

Thankfully, Billie still injects some levity into the album. The musical hook in “bad guy” feels like a defining moment for Gen Z the way the musical hook in “Toxic” was for us Millennials. “all the good girls go to hell” unflinchingly decrees that God Is A Woman™, and “my strange addiction” has cuts from The Office, Eilish’s favorite show, interspersed throughout the song. Gen Z is taking over, and Billie’s one hell of a ringleader.

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “i love you,” “xanny”

The phrase “I love you” has never felt so intimate as it does coming from Billie’s mouth in the penultimate track on WWAFA,WDWG? Sandwiched between two tracks where all together they form a sentence (listen before I go, I love you, goodbye) "i love you" is the most mesmerizing and most vulnerable, not just of the three but of the whole album. As a listener, you are dying to know what's hidden between the lines. Why doesn't she want to love this person even though she clearly does? What did she do to make him cry? Why are you, the listener, crying right now? With the smallest breath, the quietest whisper, the emotion Eilish emits is enormous. Every once in a while you hear a song that you feel will never leave you, and “i love you” has all the makings to be everlasting.

As does the message in “xanny,” a dynamic song that mostly sounds like an old-time jazz track, although infuses a blaring noise over the chorus, as if you are standing right next to the booming stereo at the party setting in which she speaks. The layering of hums in the background and at the end of the song provides a necessary subtle softness, making it all the more beautiful. The track is a statement from Eilish that she has no interest in the lifestyle that so many kids her age- famous or not- lead, partly because she does not understand the appeal of its effects, and partly because she does not want to invest herself in someone willingly bringing harm upon themself, as she previously has. “I can’t afford to love someone who isn’t dying by mistake,” she asserts. Of course, most things in moderation are good and fine, but there is an ever-persistent pressure for young people to use substances, for easier social interactions or easier claim to desirable social status. There is a plethora of music out there promoting the party lifestyle, but very few saying, “hey, it’s okay if you’re not about this, you’re still cool,” and so a celebrity as big as Billie abstaining from it, and providing a reasonable explanation, gives a figure of understanding and solidarity to all the outliers.

WEAKEST TRACK: “8”

Not a bad song by any means, “8” is just the least memorable on an album filled with extremely intriguing and standout tracks. There is an interesting choice of vocal styles that alternate throughout, one of which it sounds as if Eilish is emulating the voice of a little girl. She is asking the subject to just give her some common courtesy and hear her out. "Who am I to be in love / when your love never is for me?" she asks, in the most compelling moment of the song. It is a difficult line to walk, knowing someone doesn't owe you anything but wanting them to anyway. Although the song is effective, its replay value doesn't quite match with the other contenders.

THE IN-BETWEENS

Although Eilish is authentic in her own right, you can see the draw of inspiration from unique artists before her. Lorde's imprint is all over "you should see me in a crown," a catchy song about ruling the world and making everyone bow down to her with the sound of a knife sharpening at the top, and “listen before i go” is reminiscent of Lana Del Rey’s morose romances. “when the party’s over,” written solely by Billie’s brother, collaborator, and best friend, Finneas O’Connell, is a beautifully quiet moment in the middle of the album, with absolutely gorgeous high notes from Billie. The song is succinct and poignant, noting the inner conflict between wanting a friend to be more than just that and yet feeling the need to keep up boundaries to protect your heart; but when has that done anyone any good?

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “my strange addiction”

In the age of Netflix, The Office continues to grow in popularity with younger viewers who missed it on air. Who better to bolster the movement than Verified The Office super fan, Billie Eilish? In “my strange addiction,” Eilish and O’Connell draw inspiration from the classic episode, “Threat Level Midnight,” where Michael Scott (Steve Carrell) has finally finished his movie and is ready to premiere it to the office. In his movie, Scott’s character, Michael Scarn, teaches the entire bar how to do his signature dance, “The Scarn.” “No, Billie, I haven’t done that dance since my wife died!” the song begins, which is a real line from the episode. “my strange addiction” borrows from the track for “The Scarn,” which is simply genius. Everyone is doing “The Scarn,” fictional or nonfictional, even NFL player Trey Quinn, who did the famed routine for his touchdown dance. Not only will “my strange addiction” convert The Office fans to Billie Eilish fans, but just imagine the amount of TikToks there could be of people doing “The Scarn” to this song…think about the meme potential, Billie! *Ed Helms voice* There’s a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the “my strange addiction.”

*****

Billie Eilish, and her debut album, WWAFA,WDWG? is impressive in a multitude of ways: she is raw, candid, silly, wildly intelligent, and most importantly, full of a lot of love, no matter how much she claims she does not want to be. Perhaps most impressive is that the only writers and producers credited on this album are Eilish and O’Connell, ages 18 and 22, respectively, at the time of this review, yet 17 and 21 at the time of its release, which means they were 16 and 20 at the time of writing and production. For two young people to create such an impactful album on such a massive scale on their own is a rarity, and has not been seen since the beginning of Taylor Swift’s career, and look at where she is now. Billie’s music might be different, but her trajectory seems quite similar. At Billboard’s Women in Music ceremony in December of 2019, Swift was honored with Woman of the Decade while Eilish was honored with Woman of the Year. Both artists paid homage to the other in their speeches, harkening back to Swift’s 2014 Woman of the Year speech where she alludes to a future Woman of the Year recipient learning piano and singing in choir; Swift had said back then that we need to take care of her, and Eilish tearfully thanked the room for doing just that. As Swift continues to fight against the system to pave the way for female artists, the clearing is all Billie’s. If Billie continues to maintain ownership of her voice, as I’m sure she will, it looks like the woman of the next decade is a lock. The crown looks great on Billie, and I cannot wait to see where she takes us while we’re all awake. Grade: 4.5/5

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: The first time I listened to WWAFA,WDWG? the only tracks that really captured my attention were “bad guy” and “my strange addiction.” I wanted to like it so bad, but I felt like I was missing something. Maybe that’s because I listened to the album at work and did not take it in properly. But I also felt like she was whispering too much, which made it difficult for me to stay interested. So I did not revisit it. However, over this past year, despite not listening to her music, I started to form a big-sister-type love for Billie, feeling as if I must protect her at all costs (any man over the age of like, 20, reading this: stay the fuck away from her you sickos!!!). I loved how she embraced her individuality and did whatever she wanted. I watched many interviews of her on YouTube (one being the Vanity Fair one, where she talks about how the criticism that she whispers a lot is hurtful yet true- Billie, I’m sorry!!) and found her to be so intelligent. To me, her and Taylor Swift (my number one love) are two sides of the same coin, or two paths to the same destination. What I mean by that is that as a lover of music and as a girl going through a difficult time, sometimes you need positivity to counteract the negative feelings, other times you need to lean into the sadness to release it all; though they both possess a bit of both, Taylor is more of the positive route, Billie more of the sad route. The thing is, you need both options. Billie reminds me of Taylor so much; she writes all of her own music (with her brother as her only co-writer), she has blown up at such a young and vulnerable age (if WWAFA,WDWG? wins AOTY at the Grammys, Billie will be the youngest ever recipient since Taylor won for Fearless at the age of 20), and she is committed to saying and doing what she wants to do the way she wants to do it. After listening to the album a few more times leading up to the Grammys to write this review, I get it. I truly get it. I’m sorry it took so long. And although her super soft vocals are definitely effective, I still want her to project more. The girl has a gorgeous voice; she should use it! But also she doesn’t need my advice, she’s doing fine. Keep whispering, baby girl. I feel very nervous for Billie, because when a woman reaches the top this quickly, everyone gets ready to push her off just as fast, and the fall can be fatal. But I believe in her ability to stand her ground. Please protect Billie at all costs!!!!

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mollymauk-teafleak · 5 years

Text

Black Coffee (part five)

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

If you like this, please consider leaving a comment on Ao3, reblogging this post or even donating to my ko-fi!

Huge huge thanks to my lovely beta readers, @minky-for-short and @spiky-lesbian

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Percy hadn’t known it was possible to feel this tired.

It wasn’t the relieved, letting go kind of tired he felt when he’d step into the building’s elevator at the end of a long day at the office and know another day was over. It wasn’t the proud, warm glow kind of tired when he stepped back from his workshop bench and saw his latest project, whatever had been driving him insane for the past few weeks, fully completed and polished until the gears shone. It certainly wasn’t the smug, sweet, achy tired when he’d lie back and hold Vax in his arms or be held by him, the elf’s strained, wanton cry of his name still echoing in his ears, their heaving chests pressed against one another, panting breaths the only sound in the room.

This was a different kind of tired. This tired made him feel like he’d been taken apart systematically, opened up like one of his own machines, everything picked and turned and examined. Everything he’d ever tried to hide had been dug out, the dark, grimy, neglected bits of him on display and undeniable.

But they’d come back feeling cleaner. It came back, but it somehow found a place inside him where it fit better. Where it was easier to bear.

He supposed that was the point of therapy. It was exhausting and damn near broke him sometimes but he could feel the benefits of it as soon as he stepped back out into the waiting room.

“Same time again next week, Mr de Rolo?” the receptionist asked politely as he approached the desk.

“Please,” he nodded and smiled back at him.

Once it was all signed off, Percy left the building, shouldering his jacket rather than bothering to put it on. It was getting colder by the day but he had a thick jumper on and he didn’t mind the bite in the air, he never had.

Vax clearly didn’t agree with him.

He was sitting on a bench on the other side of the street, shivering even in the massive, puffy coat he was wearing. The hat, gloves and scarf didn’t seem to be doing much either, to judge by his expression. Trinket, however, was doing his best, stretched across his feet to warm up his toes.

The dog saw Percy first, jumping up and straining at the lead to greet him, making the half elf jump with how fiercely he was suddenly having to cling to it to keep from being yanked into traffic. Percy crossed as quickly as he could and greeted him eagerly, bending down so he could put his forepaws on his shoulders, hugging and kissing him and laughing as a large, wet tongue returned the kindness.

“Hey!” Vax yelped, “It’s my job to lick his face, not yours. Get down, you big rug.”

“You know I don’t mind,” Percy protested weakly as Trinket obediently sat back.

“I mind. Cos now I want to kiss you but you’re all gross,” Vax huffed, his breath a puff of white in the air, settling for a kiss to the top of Percy’s head. His manner gentled a little, “How was it?”

“Just the same really,” Percy straightened up, “Exhausting but...helping. You know, you don’t have to wait outside, you can sit in the waiting room.”

Vax wrinkled his nose, “Doctors offices give me the heebie jeebies. Too much time spent in them myself.”

Percy gave a short, little laugh. Now it meant even more to him that Vax came and met him after every session, bringing Trinket whenever he could because he knew Percy loved him, just being there so Percy could have a set of arms to fall into if he needed it.

“Well then, you need a hot chocolate,” Percy took Trinket’s lead and Vax’s hand, “Come on, we’ll take this guy through the park and go get some.”

“Percival, take me now,” Vax said, with all apparent seriousness, making Percy snort.

“Gods, don’t call me that. Especially sexually.”

They walked for a while, trading comments when there was something to say, lapsing into a comfortable, companionable silence when there wasn’t. Percy found himself stealing glances over at Vax, fixing on his eyes, his mouth, his nose in turn like he wanted to commit every inch of his face to memory.

It was impossible to put a value on just how much Vax had helped Percy over the last month or so. He just knew it was a hell of a lot. Deciding to go to therapy, navigating the maze of doctors appointments and referrals that lead there, finding the energy to actually go on mornings when it had disappeared, all of that had happened with Vax holding his hand.

And now whenever Percy tried to imagine his life without Vax, he just drew a blank.

That didn’t feel like a relationship built solely on exchange, on one person needing an income and one person simply needing companionship. When had it stopped feeling like that?

“Oh hell yes!” Vax suddenly yelped, darting away with Trinket hot on his heels, his target the bundles of autumn leaves pushed to the sides of the path by the winds, carelessly discarded bronze and gold in heedless piles.

Percy could only watch in awe as he playfully kicked his way through the piles of fallen leaves like a child would, laughing loudly as they arced over his head and not caring who turned and saw, his dog running around him in circles and barking fit to bust, trying to snag them in his jaws.

Percy smiled softly, not even hesitating before he ran to join them, seizing fistfuls of muddy leaves and sending them careening overhead, whooping loudly. Vax laughed in delight, joining in until they were lost in their own snowglobe of leaves, just the two of them and their enraptured dog, lost in the reckless, heart bursting joy of making a mess just for the sake of it.

Once nature’s inherent neatness was utterly destroyed the two of them were left panting, Percy wincing as he extracted the leaves Vax had shoved down the front of his jumper, their bodies unable to decide if they were overheating with the exertion or freezing from the cold.

“That was fun,” Percy wheezed, finally leaf free and turning to look for Trinket and get him back on his lead.

And suddenly, just for a moment, he realised Vax had been staring at him. The eye contact was broken after a heartbeat, so quick it could never have been there at all but Percy was certain.

Because Vax had been looking at him the same way Percy had been looking at Vax just moments before. A little shocked, a little helpless, with the exact same question in his eyes.

When did this start feeling like something real?

Percy let the moment go willingly, though a hope had been sparked in his chest that wouldn’t be fading any time soon.

“Odd choice of tactic, to shove leaves down the shirt of the guy thats buying your drinks,” he hummed, brushing down his jumper.

“I’m banking on my offer of sex when we get back to your place to get me back in your good books,” Vax grinned shamelessly.

“Ah, you know me so well,” Percy grinned, kissing one cold blushed cheek.

The apartment was of course empty when they tumbled through the door, already practically climbing each other in their eagerness to get at one another.

Trinket pushed past them, heading straight for the sofa that was wide enough for even a gentleman of his stature to lounge with impunity, happy to have his post walk snooze and get his hairs all over some very expensive leather. He’d been in this position many times, he seemed to understand that his uncle and his uncle’s nice smelling friend didn’t want to be disturbed for the next hour or so.

Vax’s discarded layers formed a haphazard path from the door to the bedroom where, impatient, he’d just pressed Percy up against his desk in the corner. He was already on his knees, working open the button on his jeans and yanking the fabric, still chill with the outside air but warming quickly as Percy’s skin took fire, down to his thighs.

“Vax…” Percy murmured, words a little foggy and distant as his brain tried to speak through the all encompassing want.

“Hush,” Vax murmured, focused on the prominent bulge in Percy’s boxers, straining against the fabric. He kissed at it teasingly, just wanting to hear the ragged gasp and feel the pull of curling fingers in his hair, “Like I said, I’m getting back in your good books.”

And he did a pretty fantastic job of it. He lost himself in the act, in making someone else feel good, enjoying the pull of tense muscles under his skin, in the taste of Percy’s skin and sweat mixed with the lingering taste of the hot chocolate on his tongue, in having Percy slump helplessly against the desk under the careful attention of his lips, his tongue and the none too light scraping of his teeth.

Percy tried to warn him before he orgasmed, stammering helplessly but he couldn’t make the words work. Vax didn’t mind, he’d felt the closeness in how Percy gasped and bent over him, legs trembling. He’d been ready, gulping down the heat that flooded his mouth, a little running from the side of his mouth.

Once Percy was done screaming his name, a sound Vax would replay over and over again in his mind to great satisfaction, the hands turned from tense to gentle, stroking back his hair and pushing back his fringe, away from his sticky forehead. A thumb collected the spill down his chin and he accepted it past his lips, licking it clean with a grateful whimper.

“Vax, I…” Percy’s voice was raspy, chest going like a bellows.

Vax looked up, smiling innocently, “Yeah?”

Percy seemed to pause a moment, shaking himself and smiling a little more coherently, “You’re just wonderful. You know that?”

“I’ve heard people mention it,” Vax chuckled, accepting Percy’s hand to help him to his feet, “Was that worth two hot chocolates?”

“It was worth ten thousand,” Percy’s legs had enough strength in them to get him collapsed on the bed, no further.

“Don’t send that to my place, my sister will go nuts no matter how many times we walk her dog.”

Percy snorted, dragging Vax down with him until they were both sprawled together, half dressed, letting themselves feel their tiredness. Vax was soon dozing contentedly, letting his mind wander through delightfully filthy daydreams about what he was going to do with the various exciting purchases Percy had been buying lately.

Percy lay there fully awake, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the things he could have said.

Vax had realised long ago the best place to do his stretches- the only place, really, once he’d realised there was next to no available space- was the living room. With Vex and Trinket out, he was free to get into his sweats, pile his hair loosely on top of his head and stretch to his heart’s content.

He sat with his legs perfectly split, humming contentedly as he folded himself across his knees one after the other. He enjoyed reminding himself what his body could do; he took comfort from knowing that even though he and it had definitely had some arguments, he could still exert control over it, that they could work harmoniously.

As often happened when his body was occupied with exercise, his mind went for a stroll. Quiet times scared Vax’ildan, as a rule, times where his brain had no distractions and he was at the mercy of his thoughts. But when he was working on his routines, dancing or stretching, moving smoothly in time with music, he wasn’t scared of his own mind. He got to taste something close to being relaxed.

What he thought about now was Percy.

As nice as their days always were together, something was starting to worry him. A few things actually. Such things rarely came neatly individually packaged and ready to deal with.

As much as he’d been trying to shove his ridiculous crush to the back of his mind where it could happily gather dust and eventually fall apart as all his unrequited feelings had done, he found it pushing back in ways he didn’t want it too. The absolute last thing he wanted to do to Percy was put pressure on him, ask him for more than he was willing to give. As much as he put on a brave face, he was dealing with so much right now, only just starting to heal old, festering wounds. The last thing he needed was to realise the comfortable, contented relationship he thought he had was now awkward and sticky and unmanageable.

Vax felt he knew what Percy needed of him. And a pointless, puppy dog infatuation was not on that list.

So Vax was just going to have swallow it and keep smiling.

His music, playing softly from his phone, was interrupted suddenly by the chime of his text alert. Vax sighed irritatedly, drawing his legs back to a more natural position, losing his comfortable headspace but keeping his unpleasant thoughts. Exactly what he didn’t want.

But when he saw the name on his phone screen, an enormous smile spread across his face.

Shaun Gilmore.

It had been so long since Shaun was in town, he’d been all over the country, opening up new branches of the store he’d turned from a gamble into one of the most treasured, depended upon fonts of anything and everything in the whole city. The two of them had fooled around a fair bit, one of the many playful, easy hook ups he’d maintained after he’d first moved to the city and tasted freedom.

He’d always loved the simple, uncomplicated happiness Shaun brought him. He was the kind of man who, when he told you something was going to be okay, you fully believed it. He laughed loudly, dressed brightly and spoke effusively. He was sunshine personified.

In short, he was exactly what Vax needed to get his mind off his stupid feelings.

Guess who's back in the city for the weekend! It’s not for long, mind, but I’ll be damned if I don’t see my little bird while I’m home. Dinner and drinks, Saturday? My treat Xxx

Vax smiled and fired off a quick, whole hearted acceptance. It was only after he’d exchanged a few messages back and forth with Shaun, after he’d been teased with all his fun stories from his travels and showered with compliments in every other sentence, that he remembered. He was supposed to be getting dinner with Percy on the same night.

Vax chewed his lips forlornly for a while before shaking himself. He needed to do this. He needed to prove to his ridiculous, confused heart that Percy wasn’t an option, that Percy wasn’t anything real. He had a very real, very available Shaun Gilmore offering him pleasantly distracting sex with no awkwardness or hidden feelings.

Time to stop being an idiot. Or at least be less of one.

Vax flicked up his text history with Percy, making sure he did it before he could change his mind.

Hey, going to have to cancel Saturday. Old flame in town so I’m going on a date. We’ll reschedule, yeah?

He didn’t notice until nearly an hour later that he didn’t get a reply.

Percy lay on his side on the sofa, listening to the rain hit the windows. His phone lay where he’d thrown it, like it had suddenly grown hot enough to burn him.

He stared out onto the grey world, the sheets of water coming down as they had been doing for hours without any let up. All that could really be seen past the glass was a scattering of lights, miniscule windows and tiny cars coming and going. Everything going past him like he wasn’t even there.

He had no right to be upset. Percy knew that.

Which just made it all the worse that he was.

Angry tears burned behind his glasses and pooled in the bottom of his lenses, his stomach roiling with bitter anger at himself.

He’d had it planned out. Saturday morning, back to the Blooming Grove, back to where they’d first met, take his hands from across the mosaiced table and just...tell him. And whatever happened would happen. But the weight on his chest would be gone, he’d have an answer to the question he’d only realised recently had been growing inside him like a flower growing from a lost seed.

It had been Kiki who helped him work it out. Well, she’d flicked his nose as they watched the Great British Baking Show and told him of course he’d fallen for Vax’ildan, you could see it from space. But it had certainly helped. It had made him just brave enough to imagine the words coming out of his mouth, to get the gears turning and take the risk.

For all the good it had done him.

And least he hadn’t made a total arse of himself. At least he hadn’t had to see the expression on Vax’s face, the pity and discomfort and awkwardness. At least he was spared that.

At least he was allowed the dignity of crying on his own.

Of course Vax would never feel the same way as Percy did. He’d been a complete idiot to even hope. He’d been paying him for the facsimile of a relationship, for crying out loud, how had he thought anything real could come from that? What he’d felt whenever Vax would smile, would say his name in that soft way, would touch him and make him feel like he’d finally woken up...all of that was just him doing a good job.

That was all Percy had asked for. He was an idiot to expect more.

He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, “Shut up. Stop crying, stop being so pathetic.”

The tears didn’t want to stop but he forced them, scrubbing at his eyes until they ached. He wasn’t upset. He wasn’t. He refused to be angry at Vax either, the bitter tasting resentment burning at the back of his throat was only directed at himself. For thinking he deserved anything more than what he had.

That’s what he told himself, over and over again as he blindly snagged his phone and finally typed out a response.

Don’t worry about it. I’ll message you.

The restaurant was lovely, one of those vibrant places bubbling with light, music and scents, somewhere Vax would never have imagined existed in his own city and instantly resolved to go to more often.

Not that he took much of it in, he spent too much time laughing and talking with Shaun, hearing his stories from Marquet and Tal Dorei and the Menagerie Coast, stories of colourful people and exciting conversations.

It made him smile, Vax had always known Shaun was meant for something more than most people. But right here, for now, he could pretend they were both still barely out of their teens and living by the skin of their teeth in the most fun way that could be done, Shaun running his tiny little store and selling all kinds of fantastical products straight out of storybooks, doing things with magic that no one had ever seen before, both of them spending their days working and nights dancing, kissing just because they could.

They were currently both howling with laughter after Vax had tried some of Shaun’s meal on a dare, knowing fine well it would be far too spicy for him. Sure enough it left him panting and drinking nearly the full ewer of water on the table.

“Now don’t think giving yourself heartburn will change the subject,” Shaun chuckled, wiping a tear from the corner of his amber eye, “Tell me more about this Percival character.”

Vax would have blushed if he hadn’t been already scarlet in the face from an excess of chili powder, “Yeah...I get paid to wear lingerie and suck a handsome guy’s dick, can you believe it? My dream job.”

Shaun gave a good natured bark of laughter but he pressed gently, “And is he? Handsome, I mean.”

“Oh, he's a dreamboat,” Vax shrugged, “In a nerd kind of way, I mean.”

“And nice? He treats you well?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t hang around if he didn’t,” Vax hesitated, “I guess I just saw my dad and assumed having lots of money automatically made you a festering, pustulant bag of bollocks. But...I guess not.”

Shaun hummed, taking a long sip of wine, “And have you told him how you feel about him?”

“I...wait, what?” Vax’s suddenly jerking elbow nearly sent his own glass flying, “I...I never...all I said was that he wasn’t a dick!”

“Yes, that’s all you said then,” Shaun smiled fondly, knowingly, “But the other forty or so times you’ve mentioned him, despite insisting that there’s nothing special about him, you said a lot more.”

Vax spluttered, suddenly realising the night had gone crashing off in the opposite direction than the one he wanted, “Come on, Shaun…it’s just a stupid crush...”

“Listen,” Shaun put his much larger hand over Vax’s, patting comfortingly, “Stupid or not, it’s clearly affected you. You can’t fight these kind of feelings, believe me.”

“But…” Vax looked down, biting his lip. If he couldn’t trust one of his best friends, who was left? “There’s no way he’d ever feel the same way about me. He just sees me as a friend he pays for sex. What kind of start is that for a relationship, even if there was any way in hell he’d ever be interested in me?”

“Stranger things have happened, little bird,” Shaun frowned gently, “And I’d thank you to stop being so cruel about my best friend. You’re a catch, as I can personally attest to. You’re fun, you’re resilient, you’re gorgeous...and from what you’ve told me, it seems clear that Percy’s noticed all that too.”

“What do you mean?” Vax looked up, startled.

“Love, he brought you soup when you had a cold! Does it need to be on a ten foot tall marquee for you to realise he’s into you?” Shaun laughed at the expression on his face.

“Apparently so,” Vax pouted, “Seeing as this is news to me who spends nearly every day with the guy.”

“Precisely why,” Shaun gestured at him with his glass, close to spilling some on the tablecloth though he’d never do that, “It’s hard to see what’s right at the end of your nose. Especially seeing how you’re- no offence, my little bird- one for seeing the darker side of things.”

Vax slumped back in his chair. He so desperately wanted to believe what Shaun was saying but gods, there were some knots you couldn’t undo in a hurry…

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” Shaun tilted his head, the light catching in the gold bands accenting his hair, “Listen, you’re one of the bravest people I know and it’s time to use a little of that. Tell him how you feel. I’m nearly positively sure he’ll feel the exact same way but even for the miniscule chance I’m wrong...Vax, keeping this in his so clearly killing you. Surely anything is better than this?”

Vax gave a long exhale, fighting the urge to just let his forehead hit the table, “Fuck you, Shaun. Fuck you for being so goddamn right. I just hope you’re right about all of it.”

Shaun shrugged, making his abundant jewellery ring out, “If you want an apology, you’re not getting one. And, hey, if I am wrong and your feelings aren’t reciprocated, I’ll always be here. We’ll run away to Marquet together.”

Vax’s face fell at that, realising the implication behind his words, “Oh. Sorry. This night probably isn’t going to end the way our dates usually do…”

Shaun waved him away, squeezing his hand, “Little bird, in another universe, you and I are very much in love and we never leave our bed. But right here, right now, all that truly matters to me is that you have the happiness you always deserved. If Percy can give that to you, he’s my new second favourite person in the world after your good self.”

Vax smiled through his blushing, squeezing Shaun’s fingers back. They were rough and scarred from his work, the only parts of him that weren’t perfectly polished, the only parts that showed how much he’d fought to live his life how he wanted. Vax had always loved his fingers.

“Hey, chin up. He might reject and totally humiliate me yet.”

Shaun laughed heartily, finishing his wine and signalling for more, “There’s always hope, isn’t there?”

Vax knew the concierge in Percy’s apartment building well enough to give her a wink and a wave by now. They made him seem a lot more confident than he actually was.

Once he was safely alone in the elevator, he let his nervousness show through, sinking shakily into one of the breathing exercises Vex shared with him sometimes when she knew he was in a rough patch.

He didn’t have to do it today. Not if the moment wasn’t right. But still, knowing it was coming, knowing his ridiculous pulled grenade of a brain could blurt it out at any moment was terrifying. But, as in most things aside from how much velvet should be included in a day to day outfit, Shaun was right. Anything was better than swallowing down his feelings and feeling them poison him.

Though it didn’t help his nerves that something seemed decidedly up with Percy. He hadn’t actually gotten in contact to rearrange their date; Vax had been the one who’d announced he was coming over after a few days of exchanging Trinket pictures for strings of rainbow emojis and not much else.

He knew Percy had a patent application coming up for his new engine design, something that made Vax’s brain hurt but he understood involved a lot of finalising and polishing and complicated forms. He just hoped he hadn’t lost himself in that, doing that thing where he got a handful of hours of sleep if he was lucky and had to set reminders on his phone to eat. Every time that had happened before, it had taken a lot to pull him out of that cycle.

The elevator pinged as it reached the top floor and Vax stepped into Percy’s apartment, ready to steal the keys to his workshop and throw them out of the window if he had to. Percy hadn’t been happy the last time he did that but it sure as hell worked.

His heart sank when he saw the living room empty but then his voice came from the bedroom, “Vax’ildan?”

“Percy!” relief brightened his voice and he left his jacket on the sofa and shoes in the hallway, following that voice eagerly, not realising it was a little heavier than usual, “What, have you just woke up or something? I expected to find you bent over your workbench like the Phantom of the Opera.”

The laugh that came in reply was a little limp but, when Vax actually entered the bedroom and saw Percy, everything about him looked a little limp. His hair was unbrushed, his glasses were smudged and not sitting right on his nose, he was in bed but he didn’t look like he’d gotten a wink of sleep any time recently.

“Is everything okay?” Vax asked, blinking, his smile flickering out, “Are you sick?”

“No, no, no,” Percy said quickly, jumping like he was only now aware of how he looked, smoothing his hair down and straightening his glasses as if it wasn’t too late, “No, I just… I’m fine.”

Vax frowned, “Have you been in your workshop today?”

“Uh, no,” Percy patted the blankets, trying to straighten them out and look like they hadn’t been tossed and turned in all day, “Not today.”

Vax finally tipped over the edge into worried. He clearly hadn’t been to the office. He hadn’t even been tinkering.

“Listen, if you don’t want to have sex right now, we can just hang out? Seems like you’re having a bit of a rough day…”

“No,” Percy shook his head, getting to his feet, staggering a little though he caught himself on the edge of his desk, “This is what you come here for, after all.”

Vax stopped in the step he’d been taking forward, ready to put his arm around Percy, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dark rimmed eyes fixed on him, looking like he’d said something he hadn’t meant to, “Nothing? I just...it’s been a while, right?”

Something didn’t taste right but Vax let it go, “As long as you’re sure…”

Percy answered by closing the distance between them, finishing the action Vax had left behind, pressing his lips to Vax’s. Vax was surprised, for a moment, but soon found himself melting into the strong hands that came up to hold him at the small of his back and between his shoulder blades.

“Freddy…” he gasped, pupils wide and black enough to nearly fill his elven eyes. He couldn’t remember being kissed like that before.

“Just...just let me, Vax,” Percy pressed him back gently but insistently, making sure he fell gently onto the bed, “Let me take care of it.”

Chest heaving, a fire burning low in his chest but ready to leap upwards at a moment’s notice, Vax could only nod eagerly.

Percy moved purposefully, making Vax hopeful that he’d been imagining anything had ever been wrong. He removed Vax’s clothes in a frantic rush, like he resented them for getting in the way of what he wanted, tossing them aside carelessly. And then his mouth was everywhere and it was burning hot. He kissed hard enough to mark, everywhere that was in his reach, only spurred on by how Vax cried out throatily every time. His hands weren’t shy either, their scar tissue knotted fingers tracing everything they could, opening his legs.

“I...I want your hands,” Vax panted, well aware he was in no position to make requests or demands and loving that fact, “In me. Please?”

The possessive darkness in Percy’s eyes faded a little, remembering that wasn’t a request Vax often made, “Are you sure?”

Vax nodded, blushing fiercely, “Please...sir.”

Percy’s breath stumbled a little and his eyes flickered back to pure want, pure need, “Then that’s what you get.”

He kissed him again, somehow managing to be even harder, more encompassing, his teeth closing around his bottom lip briefly. His hands kept going, sliding further into the valley of Vax’s thighs, feeling the skin get warmer and warmer until they found the epicentre. Vax moaned into Percy’s mouth as his fingers opened him up, parted him and cracked him open like he was ripe fruit in his hands. Within moments there was enough slick to run down Percy’s wrist, following the sharp lines of his tendons, pulling and snapping as he worked him over with a precision and deft he normally reserved for his projects. He searched deep and found the ridge of skin within Vax that made him buck and cry out, working it over with the pads of his fingers.

He was well rewarded with Vax’s ragged panting, his voice high and breaking as he stammered out pleas for more, his legs wrapping around his hips and gripping tight as a vice.

Before long he was fighting to marshal enough of his brain to make words, “Percy...fuck, I’m close…”

Percy could feel it, in the trembling of his legs and the slur in his voice. He pulled him in again for another searing kiss, feeling everything else close off as soon as their lips met, like they’d been dragged underwater. And in that hollow, echoing moment, Vax came, hard.

Vax came up for air, gasping and trembling and moaning, hair falling across his face and sticking to his forehead.

But Percy still felt disconnected, like he’d been left behind still floating, unable to care as his lungs burned for want of oxygen.

Unable to care as he ruined things yet again.

As felt only natural, moving where his heart called out for, Vax rolled and reached for Percy. He did love this part, going blissfully boneless and relaxed, listening to his lover’s heartbeat gradually slow and gentle into its usual rhythm. All he wanted right now was to hold and be held.

But Percy wasn’t there. He was back in the position he’d been before, hunched on his side and turned away, eyes cast out at the grey, drizzly day the city had been locked in since dawn. Though Vax couldn’t see his face, there was a tension in his shoulders, something cold and unyielding like in the instant he’d been turned away, his love had been replaced by a marble statue.

“Percy?” he frowned, his voice suddenly feeling like it was echoing in the slight space between them, “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Percy turned a little, enough to see the sharp lines of his face traced out in the low light, “Nothing?”

“You seem...off. If something’s wrong, you can tell me,” Vax reached over, making to trace between his shoulder blades, something soft and soothing, something to bring those blue eyes back to his own.

But that was when Percy muttered, “I just don’t want to keep you here for long. I don’t want you to miss any more dates.”

Vax froze solid in less than a second.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Percy flinched, like he hadn’t meant for that come out of his mouth, let alone be heard. But he still didn’t turn, only curling in tighter on himself like he was trying to disappear entirely.

“I didn’t...I only mean you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be. I’m not trying to…to... “ Percy sounded lost, trying to staunch a gushing wound with a scrap of tissue.

Vax drew away, sitting up, eyes dark and angry, “Percy, I actually cancelled plans to be here with you today. You know that?”

“I never asked you to do that,” Percy shot back, anger flooding in to fill the emptiness guilt chewed out, “I said right at the start…”

“Then why are you pissed off now?” Vax scowled, his own anger rising quickly as it always did, burning hot and filling him right to the tips of his fingers. Everything he’d been holding inside him, all the anticipation and love and wanting, it was all fury with the snap of his fingers, “You have no right to be.”

“I’m not… I know…” Percy’s voice grew thicker, “Vax, look, I can’t do this right now.”

Vax sat stunned for a moment. No please, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care. Like you said, got what I came for, right?”

He dressed faster than he ever had, yanking on his clothes, eyes burning as he waited for Percy to take it all back, to say it was a mistake, to say they could start again. And when he was finally dressed, nothing left to do but actually leave and no words had come from him, his heart finally broke in his chest.

Only when the elevator doors slid shut did Vax feel safe enough to cry.

Only when he heard the mechanism of the elevator sink lower and lower down the spine of the building did Percy feel safe enough to cry.

#black coffee #percildan #vox machina #critical role #Percy de rolo #vaxildan #trans vax #angst

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far-cry-4-mod-weapons-f0 · 2 years

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Far Cry 4, Modded | PC Gamer

💾 ►►► DOWNLOAD FILE 🔥🔥🔥 While many still consider Far Cry 3 to be the best in the series, Far Cry 4 is almost always a close second. Arguably every aspect of the game was updated in Far Cry 4, with a completely new survival storyline to play through, and of course another self-serving villain to as engaged as possible. But the real highlight is the focus on player choice. There are so many ways to tackle each individual mission, conquer each enemy camp, and even more moral dilemmas to be faced along the way. While modding has never been huge in Far Cry games, plenty of fans have found a way to make it happen with Far Cry 4. Check Out This Mod. His GreyAway SweetFX preset removes the seemingly grotesque and semi-dark aura of vanilla, to make things a bit more vibrant and colorful — all without oversaturating the visual quality. A stealthier player might prefer to have a bow and some throwing knives, while a more aggressive player might prefer to have a shotgun or assault rifle. The base game already has tons of different options available when it comes to weapons. With another mod from JRavens, this FC4 Attachments Mod adds loads of attachment options with plenty of customization features. Basically, a lotta replay value here. Other than additional attachments, modding can also give you completely new weapons in Far Cry 4 as well. The FC4 Bow allows you to use two new bows from the dream-like Shangri-La segments of the game, giving you even more options to play around with. The Rakshasa Bow will now be available as well, which you can use to fire drugged confusion arrows. This gives you access to fire and explosive arrow types as well. Alps Assault is a completely custom scenario map that allows you to play through an Assault game mode. Mod creator Travis Howell promises loads of replayability here, as the different sections can be tackled in multiple different ways, as well as hidden weapons, vehicles, and routes to uncover with each new playthrough. Long-range combat is always exciting. In fact, there are a number of different games focused mainly on sniper missions. Hot Dam focuses more on providing more opportunities for tactical ranged combat , to suit players who prefer to get things done from a distance. Much like any other outpost mission in the game, except this time the small area is crawling with men… which makes for a much more challenging mission. The scenario follows you trying to get to safety after your chopper crashes in the mountains of Kryat. The map is balanced for both aggressive and stealth play, allowing for lots of replayability, as well as supply caches near enemies designed to reward risky plays. This introduces a host of rebalances to make open-world exploration much more challenging, including increased weapon reload times, outrageous ammo prices, and lowered ammo drops. The mod focuses on weapon rebalances to not only make weapons feel a bit more consistent across the board, but to make them a lot more useful as well. There are immersion mods for a lot of different games, and to be honest, they all basically do the same thing. Far Cry 4 Redux takes it even further, focusing not only on realism, but providing a much more challenging Far Cry 4 experience overall. Other than the changes already included in the Immersion Mod, Far Cry 4 Redux introduces manual reloads, a slower walking speed, and removes weapon auto draw as well. And he achieves this by having the entire map unlocked from the beginning, giving you complete freedom to play the game however you want. Talk about open world, right? Once things start to get boring, the best way to keep the campaign interesting is upping the difficulty level on a new playthrough. This introduces a number of well-thought out changes to make things more challenging for you, while keeping you equipped to face those challenges head-on. For example: ammo prices are jacked up with this installed, but chests will contain massive amounts of money to compensate for that. If you buy something we may get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Learn more. Image source While many still consider Far Cry 3 to be the best in the series, Far Cry 4 is almost always a close second. Stay Connected.

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hoochy-coo · 4 years

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Give us your take on reputation vs 1989.

MUSIC

1989: The singles were amazing with tons of radio appeal (with the exception of ‘Shake it Off’ and ‘Bad Blood’) but still remained memorable with witty lyricism. However, the album as a whole is very ‘meh’ to me - a couple of the b-sides are top-notch with serious replay value (I Know Places, Clean, Wonderland, New Romantic), and others are either juvenile or forgettable fillers (This Love, How You Get The Girls, All You Had To Do Was Stay, I Wish You Would). The highs are very high and the lows may as well be scrubbed from her discog lol

Reputation: Poor single choices with the exception of ‘End Game’ because while it may have not even be close to the best song on the album, it’s a goldmine of commercial success with both Future and Ed Sheeran as features. THE experimental album of her discog so far and the b-sides deserve more love. An interesting listen for a fan that’s been around from the beginning because it marks a point of musical evolvement (that we later saw regress with ‘ME!). Even if you don’t enjoy the music, you can find aspects of it to be intrigued by, such as torch-inspired vocals on ‘Don’t Blame Me’ or the full EDM explosion on ‘I Did Something Bad.’

Verdict: 1989 wins for singles and highlights but Reputation wins as an album.

VISUALS

1989: I don’t think anyone can deny the superiority that is the visuals of this era. The music video ‘Blank Space’ was glamorous but nevertheless, a satirical take on stereotypical aspects of modern music videos for female pop artists. Taylor was glammed up like a movie star but a screaming, crying mess which really captures the core message of the song. ‘Bad Blood’ was an epic concept in theory and executed well imo, however the actual song was written as a diss to another woman so the feminism marketing/message became pointless. ‘Style’ was a flop of a music video and a massive waste of the song since it’s such an underrated bop. ‘Wildest Dream’ was basically a mini Hollywood movie. ‘Out of the Woods’ didn’t even warrant a music video but she’s extra so she gave it to us anyway. Overall, we were flooded with content and they were all quality.

Reputation: Let me start this off by saying that I detest LWYMMD as a song but visually, it was um...amazing. She also kept with the theme of ‘humbling’ herself that we saw with ‘Blank Space’ by poking fun at her own image with all the snake symbolism and adding a line-up of Taylor from each eras to the end of the music video, while also attacking Kim K with that ‘receipts’ jab. Petty? Yes. Entertaining? 100%. ‘...Ready For It?’ was a cringe-fest (we had Taylor trying to act tough for 3-4 mins) and I like to pretend it never happened. ‘Delicate’ was ok but nothing special - the dancing was quirky but that’s about it. The music video for ‘End Game,’ just like the actual song, is overlooked by the fandom. It’s a fun music video of her partying with her friends, she’s drinking and dancing seductively with the girls without doing too much (ala LWYMMD). She actually looked comfortable doing the choreo in the video, which proved to me that she could have pulled off a sleek, alluring era but shot herself in the foot by starting it off with a very aggressive brand of sexy.

Verdict: 1989 wins, obviously.

STYLE

1989: We get it, this is her 80s era but did we have to suffer through that much embellishments, sparkles, metallic skirts and glittery cropped bomber jackets? Everything looked cheap, like she sent her stylists to a local craft store and asked them to superglue gemstones onto clothes she got from Target. Also, the tour costumes have no correlation to the style she presented in any of the music videos from that era?! Justice to that matching-plaid set she wore on tour though!

Reputation: Throw the rainbow Atlantic City-inspired halter dress out and we had an era full of excellent styling. Taylor gave us strong shoulders, sleek silhouette, and a bunch of different texture to keep the outfits interesting despite most of it being black. The tailoring was impeccable, all the pieces looked like they fit her to perfection and it was sexy but in the most tasteful way. I despised her hair during this era but the fashion was so great that I overlook it. Also, I can’t believe I’m saying this but can we get Taylor in more Balmain?

Verdict: Reputation wins. The bejeweled rompers from the 1989 tour need to be set on fire.

PROMO

1989: Taylor was insufferable during this era, and whenever we had enough and tried to look the other way, she was there too. She didn’t give us a chance to have a break from her and constantly bombarded us with her cats, her pap runs, her faux girl squad, and the constant reminder that ‘GUYS, THIS SONG IS ABOUT HARRY STYLES.’ I don’t think we had one day without at least two headlines about Taylor, whether it’s about which new friend she just initiated into her squad or which colour she painted her nails. It was so extra, so contrived, and at the time, I thought it was never going to end lmao. With that being said, this era showed us just exactly how far Taylor was willing to go for that Grammy. This era also cemented her as one of the biggest pop stars to have emerged from our generation and grant her a pass for eternal relevancy in pop culture. And then everything fell apart when the gp got a bad case of Taylor fatigue lol. Either way, we’re probably not going to get another pop era that big or impactful for a very long time so we should appreciate the gradeur of it all.

Reputation: This was supposed to be her triumphant comeback. She’s back to drag KimYe and “own” her snake image. She revolved a whole era around vengeance but she gave such mix messages - half the time she was still pointing the fingers at her enemies and the other half was spent making excuses. It didn’t come off as an authentic era of her evolving or letting things go. Literally, nothing went to plan. LWYMMD flopped (by her standards, especially as a follow up to 1989 anyway) and album sales were a disappointment to her and her team. Did Taylor even promote this era much? She went on a few late-night shows, performed at iHeartRadio and some award events but that’s all I remember. I’ve said this gazillion times before and I’ll say it again, the biggest issue with the promo is that she picked the wrong singles to send to radio. It’s her sexy era, she had about 4-5 mature track on the album and decided to not promote any of them. It didn’t make sense. However, I’ll give credit where credit is due - the rollout for LWYMMD was very smart (wiping her IG clean and posting that 10 secs clip of a snake slithering around) and it got the internet very hyped so kudos for the single. If only the song was quality...

Verdict: 1989 reigns supreme over every era. This isn’t even up for discussion

In conclusion, 1989 is the better era and inarguably, the more memorable one but I prefer Reputation music-wise. 1989, as an album, has little replay value to me. Whether it’s because her music was everywhere the year the album dropped so I’ve had enough of it for a lifetime or because I can’t stand ‘Welcome to New York,’ I’m not sure. In a twisted, these two eras share one thing in common: inauthenticity (although in a completely different way). Reputation was like one big warped apology tour where Taylor was “sorry but not sorry.” It was her chance to tell her side of the story after the public ‘cancelled’ her but her petty need to have the last word on all the beef and drama made this era a hard sell. 1989, of course, was inauthentic in a sense that Taylor basically bent herself out of shape to find her most marketable self.

#taylor swift #ask #answer #music

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

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Cure Ibs Naturally - Blue Heron Health News

New Post has been published on http://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/cure-ibs-naturally-blue-heron-health-news/

Cure Ibs Naturally - Blue Heron Health News

Buy Now

Once upon a time IBS used to cripple me. Fighting it was a constant battle.

And without the risk of being or sounding melodramatic, it nearly ruined my life!

Thankfully, I’m well rid of it now!

IBS…Irritable Bowel Syndrome…Nervous Stomach…Irritable Stomach…Irritable Bowel…Irritable Colon…call it what you like, it’s all the same – awful!

It left me feeling frustrated, exhausted, depressed, and at times, just plain angry, but today I can confidently say that these things are all a thing of the past.

When It All Began

Now that I’m IBS free I’ve managed to get my life on track, but this hasn’t always been the case.

It first hit me at college – during my exams. Terrible timing, but not really that much of a surprise when you think about it.

Thinking back to when IBS really began to rear its ugly head, stress and assignment deadlines were constantly hanging over me.

In retrospect, after everything I’ve learned since becoming IBS free, it was an accumulation of things that contributed to my deteriorating health, stress being just one of them!

But still I had no idea what was going on with me. Back then I guess I just put it all down to those “exam nerves!” Wouldn’t you?

Food slowly started to become my mortal enemy.

Without going into too many unpleasant and graphic details, it either disagreed with me and went straight through me, or bloated me to the point where I sometimes appeared pregnant.

My typical diet was that “usual student diet”. You know, the kind that was ridiculously high in carbs, lots of grease, salt galore…basically, I ate anything sweet and stodgy, as you do in your college years.

But that wasn’t anything new. I’d been eating like that for some time. Partying was also the norm. It wouldn’t really be college if it were any different, right?

But like I said, my diet hadn’t really given me any grief up until that point.

BANG – Just Like That It Came From Nowhere

Even now that I don’t suffer from IBS anymore, I can vividly remember the physical and emotional turmoil my body went through time and time again.

Mild cramps that turned into gut wrenching ones (thank God I finally said good-bye to these IBS symptoms once and for all a while back).

I always thought that I had a high pain threshold, but the first time I really suffered from it properly I knew all about it.

I remember buckling over with the worst cramps I’d ever experienced. I have no words to really describe how it felt.

At times it felt like a knife had been stabbed into my stomach and twisted around ever so slowly.

I ended up going to the campus doctor. He sent me home, told me to drink more fluids and stop my worrying.

“Exam stress!” He said.

Stop worrying?

How?

Easier said than done. I guess he didn’t remember how he felt at medical school when his entire future was riding on a few hours in an exam room.

Luckily, I haven’t had to see a doctor for any IBS-related symptoms for years now, which I’m grateful for, as I felt like I had a medical loyalty card at one point, which would give me X points for every visit.

If loyalty cards for doctors’ visits were actually a thing, I’d have certainly racked up a fair few points.

Next…

Another doctor put it down to bad menstrual cramps and put me on the contraceptive pill to try and control it better.

It didn’t work.

And Then This Happened…

Two days before my exams I found myself in bed writhing in pain and suffering from diarrhea.

Despite not having experienced such excruciating pain in years, it’s all still very vivid.

You just can’t un-forget some things!

Every few minutes I found myself in the bathroom, afraid if I moved I’d have a very embarrassing mishap, which of course was the last thing any college student wanted.

Imagine!

Again, I found myself back in the doctor’s surgery staring at the sterile white walls, trying to blink back tears, and begging him to fix me so I could do my exams.

The same doctor as the last time gave me Imodium and told me to rest up.

Needless to say those exams didn’t go so well.

I listened to the doctors and wrote it all off as performance anxiety.

They were the experts after all! They knew best!

Ironically, it wasn’t a doctor that eventually cured my IBS.

Making Acquaintances With Doctors

After the whole college experience, I did see a number of different doctors with my various symptoms.

The exams were well and truly over, and by some miracle I passed them all and got the results I needed, but I was still experiencing strange gut sensations, lethargy, and uncomfortable pain.

I couldn’t blame those exam nerves anymore.

Something wasn’t right.

They all said the same thing – that I was the only one that could measure the symptoms, because unlike a simple sore throat that could be easily diagnosed by simply looking in the mouth and seeing redness and inflammation, and possibly even some miniscule white spots on your tonsils, my symptoms were broad and as most of the doctors said “immeasurable” from a medical standpoint.

How I Nearly Lost My Firm Tens Of Thousands Of Dollars

Fast-forward a few years when I was working in busy advertising firm.

I loved my job, and I was good at what I did.

I was slowly working my way up, and there were even whispers that I’d one day make partner, which of course is every person’s dream in the world of advertising and marketing.

We worked with some major clients and big-name brands, so the office was always buzzing.

Over the years I learned not to get star struck by some of the famous faces that walked in our doors, and I’d go as far as saying that I was in my dream job.

One day, in a board meeting, as I was listening to our Director pitch a new project idea to one of our longstanding clients (who also happened to be a Hollywood actor and director), I felt a sharp pain run across my stomach.

It took me by surprise. I grabbed onto my stomach. I may have even gasped.

The room went black and I could hear people buzzing around me.

My stomach bloated and I felt like it could explode at any moment.

I remember the Director’s PA giving me some water and asking me if I were OK.

I can’t remember what I mumbled back, but I do recall the looks of horror in the sea of very important faces that were sitting around that table.

I made a quick exit, without explanation, and ran to the bathroom.

It was at that stage my boss said to me I needed to get to a doctor quick. He cared, I knew he did, but he was also thinking about work.

Now that I’m 100 % healthy again, I completely understand where he was coming from. Having fewer people on board and having to hire temps could have potentially cost our company thousands, if not millions, of dollars.

Thankfully, our client was a loyal one and we were still able to get him on board.

I’d Been Lying To Myself

Honestly, I had been burying my head in the sand. Obviously, now that I don’t suffer from any of these awful symptoms anymore, it’s easy for me to say. But I really was petrified of what the doctors were going to tell me.

I replayed the worse case scenarios in my head over and over again.

I sat in front of another doctor yet again. I was pale and slightly yellow, almost jaundice, holding my stomach, and trying not to cry.

He nodded his head knowingly as I listed my symptoms.

Pain, excruciating pain at times.

Cramps, much worse than any monthly female ones.

Bloating and constipation…sometimes so bad, my stomach felt like it had tripled in size.

Diarrhea. This came and went. It was almost as if I alternated between being constipated and having diarrhea at times. Over the years, this had become more frequent, but I just hadn’t ever properly addressed it since my college years.

Fatigue was a massive one. I’d always been a bit of a night owl, but my body struggled to stay up late.

All of these symptoms wrecked havoc on my personal life.

I barely went out in a social capacity, and at times I became a recluse, isolating myself more.

This obviously led to even more things, such as depression, panic attacks and anxiety.

I had many a sleepless nights.

I relayed everything to the doctor, hoping he’d give me an answer.

He did!

But first he asked me to rank my pain.

There were two different types of criteria he worked on:

Rome criteria – this gauged the pain and discomfort I felt in my abdomen, and;

Manning criteria – this gauged the pain and discomfort I experienced when I was either constipated or passing stools.

I gave him my honest answers – they were high numbers!

“IBS!” He said quickly! “It looks like Irritable Bowel Syndrome!”

However, he could not be 100% sure since there is no actual formal diagnosis or tests for IBS.

Do you know that feeling of relief?

No pun intended, trust me!

Relief is what I felt at that very moment, relief that someone was finally able to put a name to what I had, although I’m even more relieved now that I don’t have to worry about any of this at all.

I think I may have even smiled through the pain at that moment!

I wasn’t even sure I knew what it was. I’d definitely heard of people having it before though.

My gym instructor, who was in her late 40s, was as slim and as fit as could be. She often complained about her IBS “flare ups” (as she would call them). There were times when I even had to do a double take – she often appeared “pregnant” out of nowhere.

“So what’s the cure?

“How do I fix this?”

My questions were innocent enough and quite ‘normal’ considering I was in a place where most people would expect to receive some sort of answer.

It Was Like A Slap Around The Face

“There is no cure!” The doctor replied in a very matter of fact way.

“Excuse me?” I shrieked.

He went on and on. I zoned in and out. I tried to force myself to listen and pay attention to what he was saying, because I’m sure something that he was saying must’ve been of value – he was a medical practitioner after all.

But those words kept ringing in my ears, “THERE IS NO CURE!”

All of a sudden I forgot my stomach cramps and nauseating pain. I felt sickness of another kind. I wanted to desperately throw up.

“No, no, no, no!” My voice screamed at me inside! “No!”

“But there are ways you can manage it!”

Honestly, if only I knew what I know now, and I could’ve been free from the shackles of IBS long ago.

I Couldn’t Believe What I Heard Next

Apparently there were ways to manage it.

Change your diet. I nodded solemnly. Although admittedly, my eating habits were far better than my college years when I lived on take-outs, pasta and beer. I considered my diet to be quite healthy.

He didn’t tell me what I should do to it though.

Cut out alcohol. Or at least limit it. I breathed in. Of course a doctor was going to say that.

Take laxatives for the constipation and Imodium for your diarrhea.

That was like an oxymoron.

He was telling me to take two drugs that basically triggered two of my major IBS (I was so glad I had a name for it finally) symptoms.

It didn’t make sense.

But he was the doctor. He knew best. Who was I to disagree with his six-plus years of medical school?

“Relax!”

I really wished doctors would stop telling me that. If it were that easy to sit back and take it easy, we’d be living in a hippie-type world and wearing flowers in our hair.

Needless to say I think I was left with even more questions than answers.

The Truth About IBS

I just don’t think doctors get it. Well how can they if they’ve never experienced the pain, discomfort, tiredness, and not to mention the sheer embarrassment themselves?

The honest truth is that IBS can turn your world upside down, and it can also catch you off guard, so I discovered the hard (and embarrassing) way.

When it strikes, it can mess up and disrupt everything going on in your life.

IBS doesn’t care if you’re in the middle of a multi-million dollar deal. It doesn’t care if you’re on the sideline watching your kids play Little League. It doesn’t care if you’re on a second date with someone. It really doesn’t care at all!

If that’s not bad enough, it also affects you in different ways, even between your episodes.

Once officially “diagnosed” (if you can call it that without any real tests), I found myself feeling anxious all the time.

“When is it going to strike next?”

That was why I found the doctors’ advice to stop stressing out to be a bit ironic.

I felt like it was impossible to enjoy life like it should be enjoyed.

I certainly couldn’t relax.

In fact, I’m almost certain that my constant worrying also negatively impacted my condition even more.

IBS Changed Me

I wish I could say that my initial confirmation from the doctors gave me comfort, but it didn’t.

I couldn’t see how taking both laxatives and Imodium could help me.

Nor could I see how I could relax more and stop stressing when I had no idea when it was going to catch me out again.

I did seek second and third opinions, but they all pretty gave me the same advice.

In the next year or so, the situation got even worse.

Sometimes I’d be off work 3 or 4 days in a row.

I’d lock myself in my room, in total darkness, praying that it would quickly pass.

I lost friends because of my IBS.

It’s not because they weren’t supportive of me; it was because I just couldn’t face going out into the real world. I went where I had to go and then headed immediately home.

I’d cancel on friends and family at the last minute. I’d turn down invites. And not surprisingly, the calls, messages, and invites slowly began to cool off.

My Career Suffered Too

Forget the day when I had to run out of the boardroom holding onto my stomach in agony…that day was just one of many!

And because I’d had no “cure” it meant that I still had IBS.

Chronic fatigue set in. As a result, my productivity suffered too, to the point that I was hauled in front of my boss and asked if I had some dependency issues. I think he was referring to drugs or alcohol.

To be fair, I’d lost weight, looked pale, and had permanent dark rings under my eyes.

I wasn’t a pretty sight.

I explained that I’d been diagnosed with IBS, but this meant nothing to him. He had a business to run.

I got a formal warning.

I got a written warning.

I lost my job.

The Tipping Point

Losing my job was a bit of a reality check.

I guess I could’ve fought it. I possibly could’ve sued them. But what was the point?

I had to figure it out. I needed to take control back. Because who, in their right mind, would ever employ me in such a state?

I wouldn’t!

Desperation sunk in.

No way was I going to pump myself up with a concoction of laxatives, Imodium and anti-depressants.

I joined every IBS forum I could find. I spent hours chatting on Facebook to people that were also suffering from it.

Some people had it even worse off than me. There were some that had lost their homes, and their families.

How could one condition that some stated wasn’t even a proper medical condition cause so many problems and wreck so many lives?

I’m just so thankful that I have a happy ending to my story and my IBS has well and truly gone.

Unfortunately, there are so many other people out there that can’t say the same. Because just like I had once done, they rely solely on the advice of doctors.

The Triggers

To say I became a little obsessed in ridding myself of this condition is an absolute understatement. All you had to do was go into my computer history to see what I mean.

Some friendly people online had been experimenting with treating their triggers.

What did I have to lose?

Surely, focusing on the triggers could at least minimize my flare-ups. Doing this could help me get back on track with everything. I was desperate to try and rebuild my life.

What I had learned about IBS was not one size fits all. Every single person is different, and what might trigger my IBS could be something completely different for someone else.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t as easy as the doctors made it out to be.

Dieting

One thing many doctors told me was to change my diet.

They told me to eliminate things, but they didn’t tell me what to remove.

I had no idea about how to eliminate and then re-add.

Was it a matter of going cold turkey with certain food?

I had no clue!

So while the medical experts’ advice sounded good and made sense to me in theory, it was difficult to put into practice without guidance.

So I took it upon myself to try almost every diet I could find online that came up when I tapped in the words “Diets for IBS”.

High-fiber diets, low-fiber diets, low-fat diets, the ketogenic diet, a gluten-free diet, and a low FODMAP diet were just some of the diets I attempted and failed at.

Nothing seemed to work!

Again, if I were armed with the information about how to get rid of IBS back then, things would’ve been completely different.

A Random Online Encounter Changed My Life

I lose count now as to how many online groups and forums I joined, however one thing for sure was that these were the groups that I regularly (and still do) interact with.

The difference now is that I’m often the one giving advice and pointing people towards the thing that can change their lives.

On particularly bad days, I sent public pleas for help and advice. I wanted to know anything and everything that has worked for other IBS sufferers.

Julissa contacted me on a random Saturday morning. She’d seen a post that I’d written. The post that referred to doctors telling me to eliminate things from my diet without giving me any details as to how to do it.

Elimination Was The Right Answer

She explained to me her family’s personal experiences with IBS and how elimination had worked for her niece.

But it all had to be done in a systematic way; otherwise the “elimination process” would be a fruitless exercise.

She definitely had my attention.

How I Became IBS Free In Literally No Time At All

Apparently I didn’t need long to reduce and perhaps get rid of some, or all, of my IBS symptoms.

I’d been fighting these symptoms for years. For the longest of time I didn’t even know I had IBS. I’d even lost the job that I’d absolutely loved because I just couldn’t get on top of things, which included my mental health.

This short period of time for healing myself compared to the countless days of anguish that I’d previously experienced was a drop in the ocean, and something I was 100 % willing to have a go at.

There were rules to be followed to get the answers I was looking for, which I did, and what I found out shocked me.

I learned that there were a few foods that set my IBS off; they were not dairy or wheat products like I’d originally thought or had been told.

I discovered I’ve always been quite an anxious person, long before my IBS problems – the IBS just exasperated everything. I learned that I couldn’t cure it, but I sure as hell could get it under control so I didn’t have to suffer from it on a day-to-day basis like I had been.

I found out that doing some simple meditative exercises and practicing some forms of mindfulness actually ease many of my triggers. They’re so easy (and also helpful in many other aspects of my life) that I still to this day do them despite being in the clear.

I’d pretty much consider myself to be IBS free.

Well, I haven’t experienced any of those awful IBS symptoms that are commonly associated with this crippling condition for well over a year. I’ve learned that there are ways to beat it and minimize the risk of having an episode again, and now that I’ve made those necessary and very easy tweaks in the way I live, my quality of life is so much better.

Empowerment and control are just two words I’d use to describe what this simple program has given me. And obviously, because everything has a knock-on effect, I feel more relaxed, less anxious and much happier.

Here’s to being IBS free now and the rest of my life!

The Truth About IBS

Once you go through Julissa’s step-by-step plan, you’ll quickly see and understand that there are more triggers (and secondary triggers) than what research tells us.

It’s about understanding your body and your environment. Each person is different.

But as well as triggers, there are other factors that contribute to IBS, which in a way I guess could be classified as triggers as well.

Your gut’s flora, its ability to chemically break down food, and intestinal and gut muscle spasms are all pieces of the bigger puzzle.

So What’s It All About?

This thorough and well laid out step-by-step plan addresses the physical and emotional triggers and the possible medical explanations of IBS.

I found the program easy to follow, and because of it I am now a happy and healthy person once more.

A clear cut diet, explicit instructions how to eliminate and re-introduce food, exercises, supplement advice, and additional information about alternative therapies are what make this step-by-step plan more useful and valuable than anything else I’ve read, including advice I received from doctors.

Because let’s face it, all the doctors I’d ever spoken to said that I could never get rid of my IBS, and how wrong they were…

Because I never suffer from it anymore!

Here’s The Thing…

To make it work, you’ve got to follow it. No cutting corners, no nonsense.

But it works.

I’m forever grateful for the advice I received from Julissa that day.

She reached out at the right time, when I needed help the most, when I felt like I was losing control.

I followed the step-by-step program and her advice down to a tee, and even in week one I began to notice differences.

I feel like a whole new person, mentally and physically, and I’m happy to report I am currently IBS free, and I have been for some time, and I credit it all to this amazingly informative plan.

Although I do consider myself cured, I still follow the plan – I consider it to be my bible.

My diet is on point. The exercises have become a regular part of my daily life. I supplement with Vitamin D, turmeric, and magnesium, AND…

I’ve never felt happier and healthier!

Not only am I back working, I’ve also managed to land a position I love.

My friendships are back on track, and I’ve even found happiness in love as well.

OK, so this program isn’t magic in the fact it will find you a new romance or rekindle friendships, but it will point you in the direction you need and give you all the necessary information.

One thing I can vouch for is that it definitely worked for me.

Over To You

If you suffer from IBS, whether it’s a mild form or chronic, I know you’re not 100% happy.

I also know that you’ve been suffering from pain and discomfort.

The thing about this step-by-step plan is it is so incredibly easy to follow. Like super easy!

I didn’t need to buy anything new!

No expensive “diet” foods. No gym memberships or equipment. No expensive experimental drugs. Nothing!

The best thing is I don’t have to spend endless hours in doctors’ surgeries or hospitals waiting for answers anymore.

I’m proud to say that I haven’t stepped into a doctor’s office for almost a year and half, which is quite a feat for somebody that had once frequented every family practice in the locale on a regular basis.

The exercises I did (and still do) at home. Sometimes, when I have a moment, I also do them at work, because they’re that short and that easy. And when I have to travel for work, I often find myself doing them on the plane.

They’re great, because I can incorporate them into my everyday life with ease without any disruption.

I’ve learned to change my lifestyle. I continue to follow all the instructions. Because by doing this, I know that I’ll be able to maintain a life free of IBS and its crippling symptoms.

Click below to get your easy to follow step-by-step program today.

Yes, please send me my step-by-step plan now…

Nothing To Lose

What have you got to lose by trying this method out?

Other than your awful IBS symptoms and unhappiness?

Even in my desperation I was a little skeptical of it all, especially since I’d tried and failed so many other methods, and no doctor I’d visited could help me like I’d hoped they would.

This clear program isn’t made up from nothing. It’s based on scientific factual evidence concerning the triggers of IBS.

It’s an easy-to-follow plan, and because it is so easy, it’s not that difficult to include it in your life and make the necessary tweaks in the way you live.

And if you’re anything like me, once you start noticing the differences, you’ll become determined to make it work for you and continue with the program well after the suggested time is up.

Julissa’s program is different to the rest.

It’s so simple. It’s easy to follow and it also offers some step-by-step instructions.

What makes this plan even more unique is that it looks at IBS holistically. It looks at every aspect of IBS and all its triggers. From there, everything is separated into manageable chunks, which make it easy (and even fun) to follow.

Trust me when I say you won’t live to regret this.

I hope that you too can find all the answers for your IBS you’re looking for just like I did.

Here’s to living IBS free forever!

You’re 90 seconds away from owning a program designed to make things right for you.

Click here and it’s yours….

PS: I really hope that you too can find some relief from this awful condition like I have. But if for some reason you aren’t satisfied with your outcome, Julissa offers a 60-day money back guarantee, no questions asked, however, I’m almost certain you’ll never need to use this guarantee.

Believe me, I’ve never been happier and healthier in all my life!

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wsmith215 · 4 years

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Ubisoft launches 5th season for entrepreneur lab with 8 startups

Ubisoft has launched its fifth Entrepreneur Lab with eight international startups focusing on social entertainment. Ubisoft’s new startups include Atlantide (France), Axie Infinity (Vietnam), Caregame (France), Immersiv.io (France), Planetarium (South Korea), Sorare (France), Splinterlands (U.S.), and Xaya (United Kingdom).

Led by Ubisoft’s Strategic Innovation Lab, the program supports startups creating products and services that have potential to transform the entertainment industry. The Paris-based Ubisoft is one of the world’s biggest video game publishers, with brands such as Assassin’s Creed, Far Cry, For Honor, Just Dance, and Watch Dogs.

The Ubisoft Entrepreneurs Lab has worked with international startups since 2017, and is based both in Paris at Station F, the biggest startup campus in the world, and in Singapore at the IMDA Pixel incubation space. Collaboration with this season’s startups will take place virtually.

For its fifth season, the program will focus on social entertainment. Media, especially video games, can serve as a tool to build and maintain social connections. The program will also continue exploring how blockchain technology — the transparent and secure digital ledger — can help gamers and other online communities.

VB Transform 2020 Online – July 15-17. Join leading AI executives: Register for the free livestream.

Above: Station F is a startup hub.

Image Credit: Ubisoft

Ubisoft Entrepreneurs Lab is the interface between Ubisoft’s expert teams, entrepreneurs, and external experts to foster productive collaborations and shape tomorrow’s entertainment.

In an email, Catherine Seys, project director for Strategic Innovation Labs at Ubisoft, said the company does this because it has entrepreneurial roots, and innovation has been a core value. It works with startups and pioneering thinkers to nurture this part of its culture and strengthen its entrepreneurship. The lab is a tool for Ubisoft to anticipate challenges that its teams may face a few years from now.

The company is focusing on social entertainment as the barrier between players and viewers has thinned in recent years, with the popularity of streaming platforms allowing content creators to bring their fans live content with a high level of interaction, she said.

“We want to keep exploring this path for gamers, modders, and viewers of our content,” Seys said. “Together with talented entrepreneurs working across different fields of entertainment — music, video production, live shows — we wish to contribute to creating engaging, creative, and fun entertainment experiences that bring people together.”

The pandemic didn’t affect the choices for the startups, as the themes were chosen before the pandemic.

Above: Ubisoft at Station F in Paris.

Image Credit: Ubisoft

“However, it’s clear that the pandemic has shed light on the growing importance of games as a social space to keep laughing, connecting and learning with one another,” Seys said. “Gaming today is more focused on community, lifestyle, and collective creativity than ever before. Gamers are eager to share with friends and people around the world. The phenomenon is fostered by the development of other technologies, such as blockchain, which facilitates modding communities and cloud-gaming sessions hosting thousands of people.”

Former participants in the Ubisoft Entrepreneurs Lab program include startups such as Mimesys (Belgium), acquired by MagicLeap in 2019, Hugging Face (U.S.) which raised $15 million in 2019, and Azarus (U.S.), which recently partnered with Ubisoft for the Assassin Creed’s Valhalla reveal.

Here are the startups:

Atlantide (France) creates educational games based on history to learn while having fun. The first experience of Atlantide is a geolocalized game that transforms a place into a playground to encourage observation, communication, and immersion. Atlantide’s ambition is to dedust history by making it more concrete, more playful and less elitist, through professional and general public tools. Caregame (France) helps mobile game publishers to reach players like never before. Thanks to the new cloud mobile gaming solution that CareGame built, players can instantly access any mobile game without any downloads. No more smartphone (or storage) constraints: Mobile games can be enjoyed in a click whatever the device, opening doors for better discoverability and wider audiences. CareGame believes the future of mobile gaming deserves to bring publishers and players closer together, being less centralized and showing more solidarity. Immersive.io (France) uses augmented reality to give fans a live experience. Whether watching through their smartglasses or smartphone, they get access to and interact with all the information they need to enjoy a game: video streaming, replays, stats, social feeds, editorial content and more regardless of their location, at the stadium or at home. Planetarium (South Korea) is an ecosystem for community-powered online games that live forever through decentralization. Libplanet, a blockchain core, enables blockchain and a game client to fully share code so that developers can create cross-platform decentralized games in a single Unity project. Game clients based on Libplanet can connect to each other to power an online world together without centralized servers. Planetarium is also developing Nine Chronicles, a fully decentralized role-playing game based on Libplanet which will launch in 2020. To encourage experimentation, this game will be available as open source at launch and updated with support from the community. Sky Mavis (Vietnam) is creating Axie Infinity, a digital pet universe where players battle, raise, and trade cute creatures called Axies. In Axie Infinity, players can experience the benefits of blockchain technology through “Play to Earn” gameplay and a player-owned economy. The game is created by technology company Sky Mavis which specializes in creating products that allow anyone to truly own their digital identity and game assets. Sorare (France) is a global fantasy football game where managers can trade official digital collectibles, compose their teams and compete for rewards every week. Launched in March 2019, Sorare is on a mission to bringing crypto to fantasy sports fans through the most popular sport in the world: football. Sorare’s game has attracted more than 10,000 users with a monthly volume of $150,000 in March 2020. Based in Paris, Sorare is funded by venture investors such as Seedcamp, ConsenSys and Kima Ventures. Splinterlands (U.S.) is a next-generation collectible trading card game. By building the game on blockchain technology, the company lets gamers play anytime, trade anytime, and earn every win. Over 20 million games have been played. Over $100,000 has been awarded to players through tournaments. Thousands of accounts battle every single day. The market has seen over $1 million worth of cards traded back and forth between players in less than two years. Xaya (U.K.) is a blockchain gaming platform designed from the ground up to support complex decentralized games with scalability in mind. Xaya aims to bring the quality and depth of mainstream centralized games into the fully decentralized realm. This opens possibilities such as human mining, a play-to-earn model where games are provably fair, transparent, trustless, and autonomous. Xaya is also developing Taurion, a complex decentralized game. The company is making Taurion, a massively multiplayer online, real-time strategy, and role-playing game where players use skill, intelligence, and teamwork to compete for resources in a fully decentralized player-driven economy and game world.

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landenhqcf035-blog · 5 years

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What's new in Grand Theft Auto Vice City

Last year, GTA III took the world with surprise. While the first two activity in the chain had a little, hard-core following, their simple 2D graphics and lack of a focused narrative structure limited their application. On the other hand, Grand Theft Auto 3 featured a massive, clockwork world which was really amazing to see, and it improved the predecessors' free-roaming, nonlinear target also created a much more compelling story in the process. Those improvements, coupled with amazing vehicle physics, a surprising total of diversity in the gameplay, with an excellent feel of approach, made GTA3 a fugitive hit and one of the few activity to remains received with both great and relaxed game players similar. But as good as Grand Theft Auto III is, another game in the series, GTA VC, improves on this. Vice City expands on the designs and views found in GTA 3, fixes several of the trivial issues in the last game, then puts lots of new powers and pieces to play with. All this comes together to create one of the most stylish and most enjoyable games ever released.

The new GTA game is set in a fictional take on Miami, Florida, known as Vice City. The season is 1986, and Tommy Vercetti has really been published from prison like organizing a 15-year stretch for the mob. The mob--more in particular, the Forelli family--appreciates Tommy's refusal to cry in exchange regarding a minor sentence, and so they throw him down to Vice City to found around new businesses. Tommy's first succession of commercial in Vice City is to report a large sum of cocaine to work with. Yet Tommy's first drug deal goes sour, leaving him without money, no cocaine, and no idea who wronged him. The mafia is, certainly, angry in the whole situation, and now Tommy has to make up to the loss before the gangsters fall from Liberty City to clean in the mess. As Tommy, you'll surprise the study, discover who ripped people away, take care of commerce, and established look with Vice City in the giant, great way. Oh, and you'll also take taxis, get involved in a turf war between the Cubans and also the Haitians, help a Scottish rock group named Love Fist, become a pizza delivery boy, smash up the local mall, demolish a shape to real estate values, catch up with a biker gang, run an adult film studio, remove a reservoir, and much, much more.

While Grand Theft Auto is definitely a violent, mature-themed series, it has always considered the violent crime with an total amount of tongue-in-cheek humor and fashion. Vice City is no exception, showing a exaggerated opinion on the 1980s that makes use of many the loud pop-culture stereotypes found in pictures with box in the few years. The drug-laced tale recalls such films like Scarface with television shows like Miami Vice. The comedy comes mainly from the radio, which really takes family the almost form-over-function mentality which many people associate with the '80s. Some of the game's major characters are a supply of comic relief, from the Jim Bakker-like Pastor Richards to the Steven Spielberg-like porn director Steve Scott. The playoffs large toss of appeals is bright and wonderful. For example, local drug kingpin Ricardo Diaz is always hilariously breaking great and cursing wildly when anyone happen to meet him. Ken Rosenberg is your own fidgety coke-fiend lawyer friend, and he finds you started in city by growing you connected with the city's major players. Lance Vance, appropriately voiced by Miami Vice alum Philip Michael Thomas, becomes the sidekick of types, as both of you chase vengeance to your own reasons. The Cuban gang contact, Umberto Robina, is regularly reminding people how much of the man he is, and most in the Cuban team members you'll run into are alike inclined.

Stylistically, the game near an appropriate portrayal of the average '80s crime saga. Like now Miami Vice, many of the spirits are wearing pastel goes with. The sport vehicles also install the payment, with a lot of basic sedans united at home with cars that air enough like Porsches, Lamborghinis, and Ferraris to deliver to the real point. Nothing on the cars are passed, of course, though in the wonderful touch, some of the cars are earlier models of vehicles to was found with GTA III. Supporters of the preceding game can certainly appreciate little stuff like this then the other occasional links for the humanity of GTA III, that really stop this modern Grand Theft Auto game feel like portion of a unified universe.

So famous as the game's demonstration and utilization of its supply data are, without a collection of gameplay improvements, this would hold remained little more than a mission pack with a touch-up job. But Rockstar North has surely been difficult at work in this region. The most obvious addition is the inclusion of various types of motorcycles among all the cars on the road. There's a decent variety of two-wheelers in the game, including mopeds, street bikes, dirt cycles, with large hogs. As you'd demand, the bikes feel a lot differently in one another. The standard street bike is a good mix of rush and maneuverability. The good choppers are harder to push, yet state ludicrous top speeds. You'll get tossed away from a bike in almost any collision, which costs a little of health or armor. That becomes them pretty much useless in a location that means dodging the police. But they're incredibly handy in any vision to wants fly, with since you can draw a lot of fancy tricks on them, they're also a lot of fun to drive around.

You'll also perform little race into Vice City. After moving through a number of key plot points, you'll available the western world half of Vice City, that is locked apart in the onset due to hurricane warnings. After that, you'll encounter vision to allowed anyone fly a jet about the city. You'll and get a number of different helicopters here and there. Travel around the city is very impressive, and it showcases the game's engine quite well--you could get for miles when you're ahead inside heavens. While some of the city's skyscrapers are far too high to get over, you can country the choppers by many in the playoffs buildings. Expect to find a few of the game's hidden items put left within these forms of difficult-to-reach areas.

Some new person actions have survived put into the game as well. Pressing L3 will join Tommy in a crouched view. This allows you remove cover behind things with picks up the shooting accuracy. You can and jump out of step vehicles, which useful for ditching cars or bikes into the ocean, breaking a burning vehicle, or just ramming empty cars into other vehicles for kicks. Like wrecking a motorcycle, bailing from a car causes some bodily harm. You can also enter certain buildings now. While the interior sites are little in amount and typically extraneous, they stare good and are used to effectively create a city that's even more realistic than GTAIII's Liberty City. You'll be able to go into the hotel then flow right upstairs to help ones bedroom. You can also insert a club, a reel club, the Vice City mall, and several other houses. There are load times associated with entering certain buildings, but they're pretty brief.

Many of the game's story missions are more interested than those associated with GTAIII. Grand Theft Auto III had plenty of missions where you necessary to make one thing or get somebody somewhere and then return for your reward. You might get those kinds of missions in Vice City, although the majority of the original game's missions are multiple-part event which require over just go starting top A to level B then to position A. Some pieces are clean extensions, like as maybe having to stay a respray shop after moving a job. However, other missions are more included also want the use of more-advanced tactics. For case, one mission wants you to place a bomb inside a mall of which occurs swarming with cops. To do so, you'll first need a barely heat chasing after you. You'll then advance the cops in a garage, where you'll ambush them with understand among the uniforms so you can pose as a cop, which makes getting into the roughly guarded mall possible. After you've taken concentration of thing on the mall, you'll then must escape and get all the way to the hideout.

The objective live well designed for the most part. The noticeably longer average mission length is great, still this could become a foundation of rare frustration, since failure in the mission means having to replay every aspect until you get it right. Moving back to a vision subject becomes easier than ever before, while. In GTAIII, you'd restart in a clinic or police station and be compelled to bargain a car with hightail that time for a quest area, which could take a while. Wearing Vice City, a cab appears near the respawn direct, and also, for a smaller price, it will guide people to the last mission briefing question you went to. Unfortunately, since you're generally going to want to grab some supports plus about armor before going back in most missions, you'll still need to drive over to the local Ammu-Nation first. That would have been there wonderful if you would have benefited from the taxis to address that measure from the process also. At any rate, while the game definitely takes their piece of tough missions, the average mission difficulty looks like a mark or two easier with Vice City than during Grand Theft Auto 3, and so people must have to do too many missions too often. Though, overall, Vice City's stage of effort is comparable to which on the preceding game, due to increased tenacity for the police in their endeavor to help spoil you.

Close to the amendment for the vision themselves, the playoffs mission building is very different from which from the earlier Grand Theft Auto games. With earlier installments, you were given a pretty clear-cut path to follow--you may also have many mission options by any given time, and you consistently understood exactly what to do then and also pro whom. In Vice City, you'll spend the first portion in the game undertaking objective for others, much like in GTA III. But when the city is yours, you'll be working for yourself, going with respect the defense racket in track and determining yourself as the town's new boss.

Eventually, you'll even be able to go out and get various properties, that begins happy new quest. For case, when you buy the taxi company, you'll open up a series of taxi-related missions that happen break from the surface vision which you can handle by entering any taxi. Once you've completed a property's missions, that property may launch make money for you. That reality means that money eventually turns into a nonissue--as it should be for any self-respecting crime lord--since the various properties will also have some funds for you. All you need to do is travel in to all of these and collect from time to time. There are several other properties to purchase, including the film business, the Malibu Beat, and a car dealership. All the secondary-mission types from GTA III have benefited, such as vigilante missions, taxi missions, fire truck missions, and ambulance missions. New to Vice City is the ability to do on the limited type of scooter and present pizza. Pizza is saved while in motion using the same mechanics you'd normally spent for drive-by shootings, only however you throw pizza pies on customers.

While the influence in Vice City remains generally just like that of GTAIII, the feeling of the game's various cars feels really different, because game's frequent driving sequences seem much more exciting and dangerous. Perhaps in part due to the difference of generation period, many the cars feel a lot looser traveling and often understand beat in quite a bit easier. That offers much of the game the kind of car-flipping, explosion-filled quality you'd expect coming from a episode of The A-Team. And once you factor in the new gift for you--or other in-game characters--to take out tires, handling becomes an even bigger issue. Vehicles with blown tires are really difficult to control, making car chases to very much tougher when you have a flat (or many). And as if cars weren't dangerous enough, a bike with a blown roll is almost useless, as it usually spins ready with places you in the handlebars whenever people try and achieve any serious speed. One of the tougher vision take anyone looking for a tandem with even tires back to a rider but while remaining pursued by angry thugs.

Cars break apart in an more spectacular fashion this time around. Along with holding away tires, you can smash up cars with your melee weapons now. Ride way up then giving in a car's hood with your baseball bat is usually a good way to urge the inhabitants to vacate the vehicle in a hurry. You can also burst out car windows and even hit people inside the car with your shots. That causes a huge difference when it comes to holding off cars, as you can now focus on the rolls to slow down the vehicle down and then remove the driver with a well-placed rifle shot.

As mentioned, the police have become a much more formidable risk than they were now GTA 3, especially since they have the ability to take away the rolls upon the getaway vehicle. Attempting to jump in a car and donate the area of an crime usually gives the cops ample time to take out one of the tires. On elevated levels of response, the police will set up spike strips to take off all the tires. Of course, they'll also established standard bars also make all the points the GTAIII cops did, including ignore most standard traffic violations. Though, with Vice City, mixing up a serious ruckus will get the rob plus the FBI by your case. Helicopters will also chase after you. Now around, SWAT teams may in fact rappel out of the helicopters, getting them more dangerous. If you can manage to download gta 5 apk get a clean aimed with a chopper's cockpit, though, you can consider one decrease with individual win. In the main level of law enforcement response, the throng once again rolls tanks onto the street, making your chance of survival slim. All this means that, as in GTA III, many encounters with the confidence with Vice City can be really exciting. But, one spot for the law record is the idea that the cops still do not deal with elevation changes particularly good. If you encounter a square shed and give the first or second floor, the police officer aren't intelligent enough to get their means up to face you. They'll still hold firing in your general direction, while there are several blocks and roofs among you then the detectives. But you'll encounter such a thing really rarely amidst many, many memorable with strong chases and shoot-outs.

While there are a lot more systems with Vice City, the free arsenal hasn't really changed that significantly overall. The most obvious additions are in the melee weapon department--or, rather, the hardware department. You can head to a hardware stock with grab a screwdriver, a split, a trusty baseball bat, or a machete. You'll also get additional melee weapons in different chunk on the city. Arriving at the greens, for example, is that simple find a golf club. You can as well perceive a chainsaw, which is famous in principle, but surprisingly unsatisfying in action. Systems are beaten up in another categories. Your basic attack rifle will be a Ruger, but later on you'll be able to acquire a M16. You can have one stick within both grade, so gather winning a good M16 will replace the Ruger, getting a golf club can restore the baseball bat, and so on. The number of weapons closely mirrors GTAIII's set, just now with more types of pistols, submachine guns, rifles, shotguns, sniper firearms, and flung explosives.

You'll work your way upward from simple weapons up to deadlier versions. For example, the Tec-9 is a quality submachine gun, but later on you'll be able to accept a MP5K, that receives a considerably closer rate of fire. Later still, you'll be able to wield rocket launchers, a flamethrower, an M60 machine gun, or perhaps a Gatling gun. Different weapons have different weights, and your movement rate may suffering from the gun you're holding. Having a gun or a submachine gun lets you go on by whole speed. Busting exposed the shotgun or rifle prevents a person by sprinting, but you could go generally. And the severe weapons cause you to lumber around sluggishly. The aim system by GTAIII has been changed a bit for Vice City, making it easier to target opponents with honor the video camera by making too crazy when you're locked to a board.

Vice City and increases on Grand Theft Auto 3 graphically. The only difficulty with the graphics is the body rate's predisposition to bog down while you've catch a blunder of law enforcement swarming all about you, making flight to significantly harder. But thinking that problem is no worse in Vice City than it was in Grand Theft Auto III, and that the game looks a good bit better overall than GTA 3, it's not really a big deal. The entire aspect of the game is quite different from their predecessor overall, but technically, this new Grand Theft Auto game allows a much cleaner appearance. The character styles become superior looking, with the animation--some of it reused from GTA 3--looks great. Some of the highlights include jacking a motorcycle on the front, which lead to Tommy to execute a wing jump stop to taps the rider dust down the bike. Jack a bicycle on the quality, and misery deliver an elbow on the experience with the rider.

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The pull distance is a lot farther away now about as well, meaning you can see a greater distance down the road than you might in GTA 3. This is even more noticeable when you're flying high above the city and can see most the way around to the different piece of it. But you'll even see as only run the street, especially when you give up a stir car watching it cruise off outside with its. Outside of in which, the playoffs textures are light with vibrant, properly reflecting what '80s-era Miami should look like. Nearby shops are laced with neon that glows nicely at night. You'll also notice bunches of immense little touches, such as the spark of sunshine down the panes of neighborhood cars.

GTA3's sound played a crucial role with adjusting the tone to the total game. The expression acting used throughout the history segments effectively shared the offense report, and the radio produced the soundtrack to go with the action. Vice City's sound is a dramatic advance in GTAIII's already amazing appears. The game's cast is top-notch. The main change in the state product lives to, unlike in GTA 3, the front integrity in Vice City speaks. Tommy Vercetti's state is given by Ray Liotta (Blow, Muppets Through Space), who does a great duty of earning the character to life. The rest of the voice talent--which includes Gary Busey, Dennis Hopper, David Paymer, Danny Trejo, Luis Guzman, Philip Michael Thomas, and retired adult film actress Jenna Jameson--also does a very good trade. The playoffs positive effects are top-notch. Everything from explosions to gunfire just sounds outstanding.

The radio stations in Vice City are incredibly well done. The '80s music entirely on the locations really helps agreed the tone for the overall game. You'll find tons of belts with designers, including Quiet Riot, Michael Jackson, David Lee Roth, Herbie Hancock, Judas Priest, and Frankie Goes

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joachimpearson-blog · 7 years

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Importance of Sound in Games/curbing ambition

I’m going to take a moment to talk about why I’ve chosen to devote my entire semester to sound and why it is so valuable in games. I think it is pretty obvious that sound is essential but I’m going to talk about what it does for games more specifically in relation to sound effects and soundtracks.

It should go without saying that sound brings an immense amount of life to a game. From a gameplay perspective, the amount of information that is conveyed through sound is often huge; and this is especially true in competitive multiplayer games, where the sounds associated with the actions of an enemy or elements of the environment are subconsciously committed to memory by the players and allow them to become far more aware of what is happening in the game. For example, in League of Legends, every ability that is used has a visual and audio cue, and after enough hours invested into the game, the sound effects become so associated with the ability that even in the chaos of a 5 vs 5 teamfight, the sound of an Ahri using “Charm” will cut through the hubbub and give a player the awareness they need to dodge the ability. If you ask any LoL player what it’s like to play without sound, they’ll tell you it’s a pretty terrible experience. In a well designed game, audio feedback stops the player from being caught off-guard by things they don’t see, and in most fast paced games, it is pretty difficult to keep track of everything just using your eyes.

The other massive advantage of sound is it’s ability to assist in suspension of disbelief. Sound surrounds us at almost all hours of the day and almost every interaction creates sound, so not having audio feedback in a game, or having very limited audio feedback really shatters any suspension of disbelief.

In regards to music in video games, the importance varies from game to game. In some games it is non-essential, but almost every case, music adds to/defines the mood and improves the experience noticeably. Typically, games which are more narrative driven use music more actively than games which don’t have a real narrative (ie. Rocket League, LoL), or games that assign more freedom to players (Skyrim, Far Cry). The reason for this is that in story driven games, music can be composed for each scene or set piece to really work the player’s emotions. In an open world game music can really only be used to set mood; you are wandering plains - the music is lonely, you are fighting a dragon - the music is epic, you are in an inn - the music is relaxing. One game which uses music incredibly effectively whilst giving the player a lot of freedom is “Hyperlight Drifter”. The narrative of the game is very obscure and conveyed only by the environment and a few very rare set pieces. There is one particular moment which stuck with me after I played the game; in the Northern area as you are journeying through the mountains, you come round a bend and are greeted by an incredible view off the side of the mountain. The clouds are coloured pink and gold by the sun and far away a massive peak stretches into the sky. It is utterly beautiful. At this moment, a giant, ominous synth chord slowly sounds and you see the ancient, massive corpse of a titan, frozen and leaning against the side of that huge mountain, it’s arm outstretched almost reaching the summit. This moment conveys with stunning power how little you know of the world you are wandering, it makes you feel small in a way that i’ve never experienced in any other game.

Sound is practically essential for any video game. In the context of Orbital Drift, sound effects are realistically going to be more valuable to the game than a soundtrack because it has more focus on gameplay rather than story, however in the given time I should be able to do both to a fairly high standard.

Two weeks ago I said that I wanted to create a short soundtrack based on each race, however after mulling this over for a bit and discussing with Aldo, we agreed it would be a lot more wise to focus on just creating a soundtrack for the game. Creating a track based on an alien race in itself wouldn’t be particularly difficult but once you take into account that the tracks all have to convey a sci-fi theme and also be fairly upbeat to match the fast paced nature of the game, the task becomes incredibly difficult. I’d also have to create more than one song for each race to give the soundtrack some variation and replay value, which just grows the workload exponentially. As it stands I’ve got five different tracks in various states of completion ranging from a 3 channel, 8 bar loop, to a piece that is very polished and two and half minutes long. I want to get a couple more demos and concepts worked up this week before I start working on the sound effects. My reasoning for this is that It’s easier to polish an idea than it is to come up with a new one and I’d rather not end up 8 weeks into this project having to create new pieces from scratch because I don’t have enough material to begin with.

#putdownthatdrone

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mar-gega · 8 years

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No Regrets (Part 2)

After what I can only describe as ridiculous amount of likes and comments I present you with Part 2. There’s more angst (you’re welcome) and a cheeky appearance from the Cap.

Summary: When the reader finally coughs up the courage to ask Bucky out it turns out he’s no that interested. Or is he?

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Angst.

Part 1

You loved your job. It paid well, it was the right kind of challenging, you made an actual difference to the world and your co-workers were pretty cool. After all, how many people can say they work for the Avengers?

Granted, you were more of a 'behind the scenes' kind of person, you spend your days mostly in front of the computer screen, retrieving, decoding, and sifting through the intel gathered in the missions. You also provide maps, background checks on suspects, and encode all this data so it doesn't fall into any wrong hands. So yup, you can say you're one clever cookie.

Why wouldn't a guy want to date you? Fair enough, you're not one of those stunning beauties but you get your fair share of attention. Friends tell you you're funny and a catch, all this confirmed by the Avengers last night. So why on earth were you still single?

Then there's Natasha. Under the cool and collected public persona hides a surprisingly warm and approachable girl. She's usually the one querying any intel so she visits your office most often and it's no surprise you grew quite close. So close in fact that Natasha felt it a personal mission of hers to find you a suitable partner. You've been given phone numbers, set up on blind dates, been strategically placed in situation where you'd meet the chosen guy. But you were growing weary of the constant pursuit, it shouldn't have to be so hard to find a decent guy. People to it every day all over the world, how hard can it be?

You were done playing games, you decided that if you like the guy you will approach him and just be upfront and ask him out. Too bad that you chose Bucky as your first 'go'. He shot you down, making some sort of excuse about working together being an issue, but most importantly by doing so he brought your confidence to an all time low. More than that, he then dared to ask you out of pity, after hearing your confession during the party.

Coming to work this morning was not easy, the events from last night still replaying in your head, you felt so sorry for yourself. There were three of you in the office, everyone busied themselves with own work, the intel from last mission brought up some really important findings and Fury was keen on extracting as much value from it as possible. It meant you'd have to cross reference a lot of data, running between labs, stockrooms and offices. You were just finishing your list before setting off to the lab floor when the office door opened.

The way you saw it was like a scene from a movie. Emerging from the brightness of the hall light was a god-like figure, clad in a tight white t-shirt, man of an incredible shoulder to waist ratio, with face of an angel and a smile that instantly lights up a room. 'Y/N!' You froze at hearing your name, Captain America was walking towards your desk, scanning the room as if looking for someone else 'How are you feeling today? Did you get that sleep you wanted?' There's that smile again - little wrinkles around his gorgeous blue eyes, spreading to his cheeks, two rows of perfectly straight pearly whites encased in lusciously plump lips. 'Captain Rogers' you laughed nervously looking at your two colleagues. 'Now, no need for that, is it? I think after last night you can just carry on calling me Steve...' he winks and sits on the edge of your desk. 'Sure.. Steve!' You can't help a little blush spreading across your cheeks, without the aid of alcohol it's hard to stay calm around Mr Perfect, the power he has over you… - now how is THIS man single is the real question here! 'What are you up to?' He now leans closer to your computer screen then looks at you with questioning eyes. 'I was just about to go down to the lab floor to collect some results...' 'Perfect! Can I come with you? I'm happy to escort the precious cargo!' 'It's just some boring scene evidence results...' 'I didn't mean that cargo, I meant you-' he leans and whispers in your ear 'Precious...' an involuntary wave of goosebumps shoots trough your body and you find yourself fully blushing, in spite of the cheesy line... 'Okay...' you giggle nervously and stand up from your desk meaning you're now face to face with the super soldier, his eyes following your each move 'I could do with some company!' You grab your papers and walk towards the door. You're quickly overtaken by Steve who grabs the door handle to hold it open for you. You thank him and the two of you walk toward the lift, leaving the other two girls on your office completely baffled by this exchange.

Steve is a great conversationalist, he makes you laugh many times and stays with you thorough your walk through the lab floor and the lift ride back to your office. When you reach the door, again he holds it open for you and gifts you with another breathtaking smile to which you reciprocate. 'I've enjoyed this, we should spend more time together!' He surprises you with this proposition. 'I'd love that, Steve' you wink at him, internally impressed with your attempt at flirting. You part your ways and you pray to gods this is not some sort of sick joke they're playing on you. That Steve Sex on a Stick Rogers has just asked you out because he actually likes you.

Since then your day is going pretty well. Last night long forgotten, you're uplifted by the sudden interest from Captain America, you find yourself whistling on your way to Nick Fury's office, where he'd asked you to drop off some people profiles for his team briefing. When you reach his office the receptionist tells you Fury has just gone out but should be back in few minutes so you decide to sit in the waiting area. You'd prefer to make sure to give the files to him personally than risk a leak.

When you settle on the sofa you overhear a conversation in the meeting room, you can just about to make out what is being said. 'Why don't you ask her out? She's just your type!' 'Come on, Steve, she's not interested in me, I'm sure...' 'How do you know? Bless her, she could do with some cheering up, when I finally find out who the asshole that turned her down is I'm gonna knock some sense into him' it's become clear by now that it's Steve and Bucky and the subject of discussion is you. Was that pity you registered in Steve's tone? Is that what this whole charade was all about? Some sick attempt at making you feel better about yourself by taking pity on you and forcing Bucky to go on a date with you? The sudden realisation that maybe Steve's interest in your work was only so he can use this information for his own agenda? Maybe he just wants to feel like he's done a good deed by 'saving the poor girl'? Negative emotions are bubbling up and cloud you mind, you feel yourself slowly slipping into the self-hatred pit.

Oh god, why was this happening to you?!

'Oh give over, Steve, so the guy's an idiot for rejecting her but he must have had his reasons...' Bucky's voice is much quieter now. 'Well what reason can he possibly have to reject Y/N?' You hear a chair squeak from a body plopping on it. 'Well I'm not having her sulking over this, if you're not interested then I'm going to ask her out!' 'What?!' Bucky booms 'You've never been interested in Y/N before!' As much as you'd like to listen to this pity-fuelled exchange, you're relieved seeing Nick Fury walk through the lobby. 'Sir, you're profiles!' You hand him the papers and dash out of there before the man can even say thank you.

Lunch break is exactly what you need right now, you opt for going out of the tower in search of an escape from the gut-wrenching feeling of rejection and disappointment that today has brought upon you.

Okay, life, give me a break! You're loving this, aren't you?!

You can't help the thoughts flying through your head. You're sat nursing a massive cup of herbal tea (hoping it calms you down) and searching for a mistake you made that caused all this to happen. Because there has to be a reason for all this...

Why would you deserve all this? One time you actually decide to 'grab life by the horns', cough up courage to ask the man you've had a crush on out you are brutally brought back to reality – of course, he's not interested. Now everyone knows about it, more than that, Steve is pitying you so much he's willing to 'take one for the team' just so he can feel like he saved the day.

It's just your luck when you run into Natasha on your way back to the office. 'Y/N! Heard the Cap has been courting you! Check you out!' 'Yeah... No' you reply bluntly which causes Natasha to frown her brows in confusion. 'I've since found out that Steve has taken a pity on me and that's why he came up earlier... So, no, nobody's courting anyone' you glare at her as if daring her to question your logic. 'Come on, Y/N, he's just trying to help-' 'Oh really? What is this, a Y/N Pity Party?!' Your eyes begin to sting 'Look at poor Y/N, such a loser, can't even get a man to go out with her! Aw, she must be so sad being rejected and all, I best fake-ask her out so I can feel like I've saved her!' You leave Natasha with mouth agape and dart towards the toilet so you can sort yourself out. Just couple more hours before home time, then it's your two days off. Can't come soon enough!

You've actually ended up working late, making sure everything is in place and you leave a detailed handover. By the time you finish the tower is quiet, most of workers long gone. You wish it was like that every day, the fewer people around you the fewer the problems. You can't believe your bad luck when the lift door opens and Bucky is there on his way down. You reluctantly step in but apart from a nod you choose not to engage in any way. Last time you spoke to him you ended up crying in that very lift so it would be great to not having to do that again.

A couple of floors down Bucky decides to break the silence. 'It's not you, Y/N, it's me...' Really? REALLY?! 'Seriously, Bucky?! You're going with that?' 'Can we just-' his voice just above whisper. 'Can you just stop feeling sorry for me?! I'm not in the mood! I get it, you're not interested!'

Just this second the lift finally arrives at the ground floor and you sprint towards the main door leaving Bucky frozen in place. 'Start over? …' Bucky releases a loud sigh. Feisty and aware of her worth. God, Steve was right, she is EXACTLY his type!

Part 3 anyone?

PART 3

Tags:

@i-had-a-life-once @emilygr57 @vivianbabz @fab-notfat @vivalestwins @buckyb-avengers @mytasterpeculiar @38leticia @sebbys-girl @therealme13posts @50shadesofyes @isaxhorror @typical0001 @hurley3352 @blissful-fantasy @iluvyewman-blog @sebbytrash @smile-sugar

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #bucky imagine #steve rogers imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #avengers imagine #angst

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