#crossfaded and not being able to be engaged in conversation with someone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vraska-theunseen · 9 months ago

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i keep thinking like oh i'll take this weekend off bc i went to philly last weekend and the weekend before that and then my friend sends me a message like "there's this block party happening saturday and this person might be there" and i made a fool of myself in front of that person when i met them for the first time because i got too crossfaded and forgot to act like a considerate person like you know when you forget that the things that are happening to you are real so i want to make a better impression and then another friend says hey who wants to have a picnic on sunday and i think hey i could make babka then (2 day recipe) and suddenly i'm like well guess i'm booked for this weekend too

#alex talks #by the way? pretty fucked up that now that i'm going to parties i keep ingesting a lot of substances bc well i never did that in high school #i'm having fun but i'm realizing i need to take stock of how i'm feeling and ingest substances in a certain amount for a certain reason like #oh i want to get a little buzzed bc it's fun when im a little buzzed instead of just going crazy bc i can and it's good and then getting too #crossfaded and not being able to be engaged in conversation with someone #fucked up and EVIL i never do that i never take stock of what i'm feeling emotionally or physically i don't know how to i don't think about #my body unless i'm actively in pain i don't know how to figure out oh doing this much makes me feel like this and that's good i don't think #about it i just do it bc other people are doing it and it's there and it's new and it's fun 😭#i don't know how to tell i'm a little buzzed or im a little too high it doesn't make me feel anything physically it just makes me act #different but i don't think im acting different i need to act better bc im just acting. actually when i get too inebriated and can tell i'm #too inebriated to act like a normal person i say over and over im intoxicated im not like this normally i swear

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