#crisp rat italian mafia

[cutecutejames]

Real thoughts on the film:

SPOILERS, probably. Idk, I could have written this script. Pretty sure this website came together and predicted everything.

Jack Black killed it as we all knew he would.

I didn't hate Chris Prat. Shockingly.

Sad no Koopalings but my beloved Shy Guys got some love.

Peach. Like. *sigh*. She lost her daintiness and that's sad. To be clear, she can kick ass AND ALSO be dainty. In fact she's amazing at it.

The Luma with the dark jokes is a trope I highly dislike

Is it weird I actually held a little hope for Bowigi? Probably.

The Mario Kart part did get to me emotionally. I teared up at the MK8 music. A little less so at SNES Rainbow Road. If Rainbow Road 64 started playing I would have started bawling I dont get a say in this I just would

Overall it was fine. I expected straight garbage, so well done I guess.

[cutecutejames]

This movie's gonna be so fucking stupid but I don't care if we get THIS

here are my super mario bros movie predictions

[feline-felon]

I posted 182 times in 2022

That's 182 more posts than 2021!

19 posts created (10%)

163 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@demilypyro

@the-haiku-bot

@lithominium

@staffs-secret-blog

@teaboot

I tagged 147 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#genuine question - 7 posts

#lgbtqia - 5 posts

#autism - 4 posts

#goncharov - 4 posts

#tumblr - 3 posts

#twitter - 3 posts

#science - 3 posts

#adhd - 3 posts

#tumblr tags - 2 posts

#neurodiversity - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#to say it is always good is lying to yourself yet you cannot allow yourself to wallow in pessimism or else things will not get any better

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Why I think there is so much fanfic for a made up movie

Now I don't write fanfic, but I feel like part of the reason writing fanfic for Goncharov (which is really just regular fiction because the movie doesn't actually exist) was so popular (other than it's funny), was because Goncharov in some way does exist, not as a movie but as a writing prompt.

Like, think about it, you have the vague outline of a plot (a Russian gangster travels to Italy and deals with the mafia), you have readymade characters (Goncharov, Katia, Ice Pick Joe), you have relationships between those characters (the homoerotic tension between Goncharov and Andrey, Katia and Sophia's love affair, I.P.J. being an unstable serial killer), and so on. Most of the story's elements are laid out before you.

When I write I often find the hardest part is coming up with an idea to write about, but here the outline of a story is all there already, all you have to do is fill in the plot in between.

It reminds me of something OSP's Red said about Robin Hood and why people keep writing about him; "A bunch of fully developed characters with interesting dynamics and no ironclad plot points to work around? That's a writer's dream!", and that's exactly the same idea with Goncharov, you have a full box of pieces, now all you have to do is put them together in whatever way you want!

5 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

Tumblr users when Twitter actually goes under

7 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall in a Twitter meeting right now.

"Employees now cannot work outside of the office, and they also cannot work inside the office. Effective immediately, all Twitter employees shall perform work in the doorframe."

11 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#2

Why Chris Pratt as Mario might be secretly genius, actually.

WAIT, WAIT HOLD ON, let me explain before you cast your judgement. For the record, I'm not a Chris Pratt/Marvel fanboy or anything and I have no clue if the movie is gonna be any good.

Okay, so, Crisp Rat as Mario J. Mario is a weird casting choice, and from the trailer which came out in *checks notes* October, we can see that Mario is lacking his iconic Italian accent, seemingly replaced with a subtle New York accent. This, I'd imagine, would've copped a lot more flak if not for the fact that everyone was talking about how good Jack Black was as Bowser.

I mean, it makes sense why people were hesitant about Mario's casting, seeing as most of the time, Mr. Pratt's roles are in the "Boring Generic Action Hero" category, and the only other voice acting role he's played (that I know of), is Emmet from The Lego Movie, a construction worker whose main trait is that he's a boring generic nobody who doesn't stand out at all (remember this, it'll be important later). But what if I told you that this penchant for genericism is what makes this whole thing brilliant?

See, the thing with characters in the Super Mario games is that a lot of them aren't really "characters", per se, but tropes. Archetypes that can be fitted into whatever story you want to tell with them. For example, you have the damsel in distress, Princess Peach, who is kidnaped by Bowser, the evil dragon, before being rescued by the gallant knight, Mario. Except that Mario isn't a knight in shining armor, he's a mustached, middle-aged man in overalls. That's because Mario isn't just any old hero, he's an Everyman. The humble, hard-working, blue-collar man that people can see themselves in. He's not the wielder of the Master Sword, or a blue hedgehog that can run faster than sound, or a robot from the future with a gun for a hand, Mario is just a regular guy with a plumbing business. The whole point of this trope is that Anyone can be Mario. The baker from down the road can defeat armies of goombas and koopas, your math teacher can brave eight worlds of levels to get to bowser's castle, your little sister can save the princess, and so can the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, or even an everyday construction worker.

You see where I'm going with this now? What I'm saying is that Chris Pratt might just be perfect for Mario not in spite of his previous generic roles, but because of them, that because Mario serves as a vessel for the player to project on and relate to, this "generic guy-ness" is precisely who Mario as an archetype is.

Of course, this thesis fails to take into consideration that Mario has arguably moved beyond his initial generic roots (and by generic here, I mean relating to a large group or universally applicable, I'd be burned at the stake for saying Mario is a boring character), and has since become a beloved character archetype in his own right, as well as the simple fact that the disconnect between what we've seen so far of Prattio and the performances of Charles Martinet will take a fair bit of getting used to, but that's not what this essay is about. I am not positing that Chris Pratt is the new definitive voice of Mario, nor am I guaranteeing that Pratt's performance in the movie will 100% be good. What I am saying, however, is that it can work, and why it is completely possible that it will. Whether it actually will work still remains to be seen, but there is still a chance. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

13 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

By making this post have seventeen syllables, I will trick Haiku Bot into showing everyone this post. Observe:

Look what I can do I'm circumventing systems and you can't stop me

982 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

So, I guess that was my first couple months on Tumblr, obligatory apology to Haiku Bot again (it was for science). Also, I seemingly have a lot of questions judging by my most used tags (no surprises there, lol). Anyway, keep the memes coming and I'll reciprocate, happy holidays, see y'all next year! :D

[skywalkerbootleg]

crisp rat's voice as mario still doesn't fit. just wanted to inform y'all

[cutecutejames]

Seeing you be a fan of the mario movie after yout Crisp Rat Italian Mafia posts is like a child not bringing their swimwear because they INSIST theyre not gonna swim but at the beach.... they do wanna have a swimmy

Apt comparison. I was convinced it was going to be nuclear garbage, and I was wrong! I still want to backhand a corporate executive every time there's a slow-mo "mama mia", and I Do Not Like how Peach was written, but other than that, I have no hatred for it.

Points to Illumination.

Side note: I saw a headline that was "Mario Movie set to break box office record for highest-grossing video game movie" and that's like your mom excitedly putting your latest scribble on the fridge. Like, yeah, but was it actually an accomplishment?

[cutecutejames]

I didn't cry when they played Mario Kart music a d neither did you fuck you

[cutecutejames]

Us in 2020

Us in 2022

[cutecutejames]

I HATE THIS STUPID GODDAMN DUMBASS SHITHOLE ERA OF HOLLYWOOD FUCK EVERYTHING

Do you want to hear something stupid about the Mario movie?

According to Charlie Day, plot details were kept secret to avoid spoilers and he had to record his dialogue loads of different ways without knowing the context.

Guys… It’s fucking Mario! What is there to spoil?

[cutecutejames]

Illumination Studios owes Charles Martinet reparitations.

[cutecutejames]

You know, I had the thought "what if it's a prank? A joke? A silly publicity stunt?"

And then I remembered the last time I had this thought and it turned out to not be a prank, bro. Trump actually became president.

[cutecutejames]

My partner just predicted that the Toads are going to end up being reskinned Minions.

help

[cutecutejames]

I see we think alike.

Mark my words the illumination intro for the mario movie is gonna have a minion get the fire flower and then he throws a fireball and then it hits another minion and his ass catches on fire and he starts screaming and running around

[cutecutejames]

oh, dear...

[cutecutejames]

if anyone does this, please link us so we can all play along

worst part of the mario movie is gonna be right before the third act when they arbitrarily have mario and luigi fall out and luigis gonna say "thats not very super of you, mario" and walk away into the rain and mario is gonna be like "luigi wait" and then toad is gonna shake his head sadly and follow luigi and yoshi is gonna be the only one still there and mario is gonna be like "can you believe those guys" and yoshi will just look at him like 😕 and mario will be like "yeah... yeah youre right" then its gonna hard cut to like, a tonally completely opposite scene of bowser freaking out about an aspect of his plan that is experiencing delays because somebody accidentally stomped on the goomba who was in charge of it and that will be the only actual reference to the way mario works except for jokes about mushrooms and fire flowers until the finale when mario starts swinging bowser by the tail in the final fight and then luigi grabs on and starts helping too and they both nod with the dreamworks face

[cutecutejames]

remember two years ago when we were all like "oh, shit, Illumination is making it, this is going to suck"

welp, Illumination has made it and it is going to suck.

I would be so hype for the Mario movie right now if it had almost anyone else as Mario 

it looks fantastic and then Mario says a line and the magic dies because his celeb VA can’t be assed to give the character any flavor 

[cutecutejames]

My favorite part of this post taking off is that now there are hundreds of people using #crisp rat italian mafia, which is the tag I made up because I refused to clutter up the #mario tagged posts on my blog.

Us in 2020

Us in 2022