#cringe bc then I dont even show you my fencing

[chainymail]

oh yeah sorry did no one tell you? the only way to improve your fencing is to practice shirtless in your living room. yeah that's the only way.

[dilf-manifester]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 for the ask thing ;));););)))

wow :smirk: thank u for the ask 

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? wine glasses 😌✨they make me feel fancy yk how it is

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops ✨dunno why im like this but here i am ig

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? bubblegum bcs?? have yall tried the hello kitty grape bubblegum??? that shit slaps

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? as was with every gay person “a pleasure to have in class”

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? cans bcs then i can crush it with my hands and flex on everyone else

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? goth and formal bcs uhh yeah 

7. earbuds or headphones? earbuds 🤧i dont like the fact that people can hear ur music with headphones

8. movies or tv shows? uHHH i’d have to say tv shows 😩i can pay more attention to shorter episodes yk

9. favorite smell in the summer? the mix of humid summer air and those mosquito candles

10. game you were best at in p.e.? bro im gay did u actually think i would be good at pe 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? i don’t 🥰thanks for asking!

12. name of your favorite playlist? either songs for when the drip or fuck i got blood on my nice white shirt

13. lanyard or key ring? keyrings r better dont @ me

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? black licorice cats 😳😳they’re so good like holy shit

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? the bell jar 😔👉👈its one of my favorite books to this day

16. most comfortable position to sit in? on the floor or with my legs hanging over the arm of the chair

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? leopard print slip ons 🙈🙈they’re so comfortable i stg

18. ideal weather? snowy so i can just sit inside with the fireplace going and do some writing 

19. sleeping position? uHHHH idk what to call it but i think the closest thing is fetal position 😭

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? honestly whatever scrap of paper is closest 😭im not picky

21. obsession from childhood? dinosaurs. that’s it that’s the post.

22. role model? i have a few but markiplier (cringe ik) and john green r my main ones🤧🤧🤧i just look up to them a lot yk

23. strange habits? i always have to knock on a door 5 times before entering and okay that might seem excessive but as it turns out idc

24. favorite crystal? malachite or tiger’s eye 😳

25. first song you remember hearing? brown sugar by the rolling stones 😭my mom used to have sticky fingers on vinyl so she used to play it constantly

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? swim even tho i am AWFUL at it

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? play in the snow or just sit inside with the fire going bcs im literally 5 years old mentally

28. five songs to describe you? she’s out of her mind by blink 182, goddamn by never loved, do what you want by ok go, impressive depressive by bad luck, and true romance by she wants revenge

29. best way to bond with you? just talk to me straight up or send me music recs pls

30. places that you find sacred? cemeteries and abandoned schools. they have a rlly specific vibe to them ngl

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? uhhh so its rlly just my docs, black jeans, a mesh type undershirt and whatever top shirt i pull out of my drawer

32. top five favorite vines? is that a police??? im calling the weed❗❗, stAHp i could’ve dropped my croissant, that one where the alien’s walking on the treadmill, summer solstice summer summer solstice, and zach stop 

33. most used phrase in your phone? ‘omfg what the fuck’ bcs for some reason thats my automatic response to anything

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?  whatever the fuck the ad for the 2001 buick lesabre was 

35. average time you fall asleep? like uHHH 12:15 am 🤧

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? doge 😭😭idk why i remember it so vividly but my sister showed me the orignal doge meme and i thought it was the funniest shit

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase 🤧they make me feel cool

38. lemonade or tea? both 🙈i’m an arnold palmer kinda mf

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon meringue pie 🤧banger dessert methinks

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? a fence caught on fire in front of the science rooms bcs someone was smoking weed on the roof and threw their blunt on the dead bushes and everything went downhill from there

41. last person you texted? my grandma asking her if she could pick up some tomatoes from vons 🧍‍♂️

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? JACKET POCKETS SUPREMACY❗❗❗

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? ngl i wear all of those but i gotta go with the hoodie 🤧🤧

44. favorite scent for soap? lavender or vanilla rose😌✨

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? sci-fi bcs uhh yea fuck it thats why

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? just an oversized shirt that’s it that’s the post

47. favorite type of cheese? swiss or havarti and you can fight me on that

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? pineapple 😌😌😌

49. what saying or quote do you live by? ‘fuck’ -markiplier 2021

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=553CfZAADag i swear the first time i saw that i laughed so hard i thought i was gonna die

51. current stresses? everything; next question

52. favorite font? comic sans bcs im 8 years old 

53. what is the current state of your hands? smoov and v well taken care of 

54. what did you learn from your first job? capitalism is the root of all evil and that traditional working is outdated also raise the minimum wage 

55. favorite fairy tale? vasilii the beggar 🤧🤧idk if anyone else knows it but its always been one of my favorites

56. favorite tradition? every year during rosh hashanah we go over to my uncle and tia’s house and i absolutely kick ass at mariokart bcs all my cousins suck at itn also lighting the hannukiah (hanukkah menorah)

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? low self esteem, anxiety over literally everything, and an inferiority complex (now replaced with a fucking god complex bcs there’s no inbetween for me)

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i can play like a bunch of instruments, im rlly good at writing, i’m good at building things and doing things with my hands, and i can identify what song’s playing rlly fast if i know it🤧

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? motherfucker or son of a bitch 😊😊😊

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? slice of life like bro just please give me a break

[apricotflowerp0t-blog]

Old poems

these are all of MY older poems going from 2014-2017

found my wattpad from ages ago and im going to be posting my old poems every now and then so pls dont make fun of me these are old but i WILL eventually start to post my newer work soon xxxxx 

 Suicide stays on my mental

Wondering what's really gonna happen when I finally break thru

When I finally get fed up and sick of the shit

When I finally sit there and decide to quit

The only thing that's stopping me is my own hand

Feels like nobody really there like it's all just an act

I really don't have nobody that truly got my back

Every single one of you is fake and fucking temporary

Nobody gonna b satisfied till I finally end it

Till I finally get pushed to the point and say fuck it

You think I'm all talk but watch one day I'll show you

When I finally get the guts to just end it cuz see I don't even know you

I could cut it off quick like I got nothing to live for

Cuz see I'm truly careless like it don't even matter

You not gonna b happy till my brains really splatter

Suicide crosses my mind often

I wonder what I look like inside of a coffin

I have a handful of attempts but see when I get to that point I hear this voice in my head don't know if it's god, satan, or just somebody dead

The voice always tells me to stop and I end up listening but I'm learning to ignore them and eventually you'll see my blood glistening

I turn it into jokes so I don't have to deal with it

So I don't have to accept the fact that I'm not good or how I'm misunderstood

Suicide all in my head Wondering what's gonna happen if I end up dead

When I say goodbye and go to the sky Don't miss me then cuz we both know it's pretend 

-c.m

(2014)

i rolled with the punches

although sometimes it felt as if i was getting jumped

i can still taste the tears of regret

i can feel the feeling of mental abandonment

i hold my breathe all day

and fucking gasp for air at night

you were the same as everyone else

you changed me and not for the good

i hate the fact that i can not hate you

you made me feel so alone

i loved you and you loved to make me cry

i didnt care bc you were the only one there

yet you made me want to pull out my hair

its like you hated me more than you loved me

you got a kick out of hurting my heart and watching me fall apart

i got a kick out of having someone to call my own

you made me feel ugly and worthless

made me feel like i was not worth it

your words would cut me like sharp piks

your voice was frightening like the scary music in a horror film

but our memories still cross my mind from time to time

i would look into your eyes and you would always look back

so tell me did why did you have to hurt me

why did you have to make me feel even more forsaken

you lied to me so much that i never knew the truth

and i think thats starting to happen with this new girl too

see youve changed me and not for the better

now i can never trust someone fully it just wont b the same

and to this day i still cringe when i hear your name

i see the good in all people and see thats my problem

i should of turned around as soon as you walked in

young thoughts that walk thru my mind but only sometimes

(2015)

-c.m

i’ve lived in a life of heaven examined as a world of sin

your eyes are the fences to heaven within

each day i will tell you your worth

that you are my personal guardian angel here on earth

that you are my sunshine on a dark day

that by your side i will stay until the day we turn gray

you showed up right in time

for you any hill i will climb

cariño, sólo pienso en ti

without you id b empty

you are truly a blessing

the thought of losing you is quite depressing

you are my favorite daydream

when i look at you i can tell your eyes gleam

make you climax till you scream

for you id do anything

-c.m

(2017)

i get happy over little stuff

i like words like shit and fuck

i dont enjoy having friends

i see the world thru a thick lens

i have a dog named junior

yeah hes rad and gnarly

i dont ever go to parties

and i dont like 2 say sorry

all my thoughts are glitter and sparkly

im looking for myself like safari

i like girls more than boys

i play with they emotions like toys

a lot of people crush on me

always rushing and nudging me

they like the way that im raw and how i put them in awe

i hit my head on the wall

i act like i am above all

im always laughing like im off alcohol

i find everything funny

like how my mom just dont love me

dirty everyone has done me

how everyone likes to just judge me

they like how im chubby and lovely

i like music a lot

my thoughts are always nonstop

sometimes they call me flowerpot

i like to drink tea and not soda

im the sickest, ebola

i hate the winter its too cold

in the summer i grow

i like stickers and socks

i like the jellies and boondocks

i like anime and hentai

i dont like to lie or cry

im sweet like pumpkin pie

i hit that bitch in her eye

i own nothing but ripped vans

but one day youll see me driving that benz

i like strawberry shakes

and to make girls legs quake

i keep them wet, the great lakes

i like long walks by myself

i cant reach the top shelf

i think tattoos and piercings are cool

trust no one, thats my rule

i like oldies and funk

im clumsy like an old drunk

i dont like to come out my bubble

it always seems to put me in trouble

i hate to hate

to me you may never relate

i get happy over little stuff

i put up this front like im tough

i seem to carry bad luck

im the best, hands up

-c.m

(2014)

screaming 666

my feelings mix

wonder what he has in his bag of tricks

my eyes continue to drip

i feel my soul as it slips

should i give it to him or keep it for myself

my soul is cold like an ice shelf

hes called for my name himself

shall i continue to be forever alone by oneself

or give it away to be loved and admired

my patience is expired

singing by myself like a lonely choir

wondering what it feels like to be sincerely supported and appreciated

wondering why i was even created

the fearsome part is is that i am not afraid

ive often thought about giving my psyche for trade

it walks across my mind often

i continue to live a life of no precaution

i sin often

so whats the point

why am i waiting

should i give it up and inside become rotten

or stay on the safe side and still disappoint

wondering if that deal would be worth it

cuz everyone knows im not perfect

-c.m

(2017)

god treated my sexuality like a joke

ive always knew but i never spoke

the day they found out everything went rabbid

acting like my choice of companions was just a bad habbit

ugly words thrown at me like queer and fruitcake

fruitcake to every christmas dinner that i am no longer welcomed at

not wanting me to walk in front of them like a black cat

get up everyday wearing the word faggot like an expensive pair of sunglasses

take the time to cross the street just so you dont  have to share a sidewalk with me

die of thirst so they dont have to use the same water fountain as me

that i should just like he and not she

saying that i am a sin and you will pray for me

cuz im homo you act like im ill like im missing chromos

think its a shame so you back out of my life in slow-mo

that girl es asqueroso y loco

then to accept me you rather push me on the streets like a hobo

sorry that i cannot be saved and you cant just wash this sin away

at the end of the day i dont care if you stay

-c.m

(2016)

Hi my angel

I hope all is well

I hope you still look down on me while I sit in this empty cell

No it's not jail but simply life now

I thought I could never do it without you but look at me now

I miss you dearly and still cry often

Wondering why you had to lay in that coffin

The thought of you still makes my eyes tear

The fact that I will never see you again makes me want to throw a chair

I forgot what your voice sounds like and even your laugh

I'd give anything up to take all that back

My first mother, father and friend

I'd kill someone to see you just once again

I miss you my angel more than anything I've took grip of

I hope you still look down from way up above

Always in my heart my one and true love

Goodbye for now but I'll see you again

Forever my angel till we meet again

-c.m

(2016)