#cri mi a river

[hamilando]

ੈ✩ hereby announcing (smau) ੈ✩

pairing : f1 grid x fem reader ; lewis hamilton x fem reader

summary : you can take the girl out of the sport, but not the sport out of the girl

tw : emotional, fluff

a/n : thank you so much to @amberjazmyn for suggesting this ! lysm 🫶🏻 this ends on a cliff hanger ! and the time span is during the 2020- 2021 grid 🫶🏻 I was literally listening to judas by lady gaga while writing this 💀

·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ

liked by charlesleclerc, lewishamilton and 1,839,378 others

ynshayk a last photo shoot with @ Ferrari and @ charlesleclerc before the season ends ! Thank you @ vogue for having us 🤩❤️

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user1 Y/N X CHARLES, THE LOOKS !?

user2 thank god she did not choose modelling

user3 WE DONT NEED THIS, WE NEED YOUR CONTRACT

user4 when are you signing the next wdc ?

user5 stop torturing us and GIVE US THE DEETS

user6 I hate that because of covid we can't even see her 😭

user7 I swear to god, this lady is a damn sadist

user8 MA’AM, YOUR NEXT YEAR CAR !?

user9 don’t tell me Ferrari Kip’s kicking her out

user10 ha, no-

user11 they love her

user12 I mean she does not have many wins -

user13 SHE HAS WAY MORE THEN CHARLES !?

user14 she got the seat after sebastian vettel, she deserved it

user15 2021 is Y/N’s year

liked by lewishamilton, scuderiaferrari and 3,479,489 others

ynshayk with the speculations going around with my contract, I hereby announce my retirement from Formula 1 at the end of this 2020 season. It’s been a journey I wouldn’t forget, and with a very heavy heart and neck, I say goodbye to the tifosi family and sport 🏎️❤️🏎️ a very big thank you to @ charlesleclerc for supporting me when I felt it was not worth it, I couldn’t have reached this far without you 💪🏻

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user1 wha-

user2 WHAT !?

user3 DENIAL NO WAY

user4 don't do this to me at 3:57 am

user5 THIS MUST BE A JOKE

user6 IS IT APRIL 1?

user7 it's literally December

user8 crying a nile river here

user9 why did we not expect it

user10 we wanted a wdc 😭😭

user11 we support you whatever you do !!

scuderiaferrari please pass the tissues

user12 here admin 🤧

landonorris can’t believe you leaving me all alone 😔

liked by ynshayk

user13 next season, no chary/n?

charlesleclerc I will miss you too, shaky ❤️

liked by ynshayk

user14 we all know Charles cried while typing that

user15 shaky ? 💀

user16 it's a thing between them, Charles calls her shaky because after every win of hers, she always managed to fall down while getting if the car

lewishmailton congratulations on ending an excellent career 💪🏻🍾👏

liked by ynshayk

user17 the grid saying goodbye to her 😭😭😭😭

maxverstappen1 will miss you hijacking red bull headquarters

liked by ynshayk

user18 not max exposing her -

liked by ynshayk, carlossainz and 789,379 others

scuderiaferrari 3 years, 14 wins, 27 podiums, runner up world champion, rookie of the year, and a career which defied sayings. Y/N Shayk had an eventful career and we are glad that she was, she is and she always will be part of the tifosi family! Wishing her all the very best for her future !

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user1 admin I need tissues

user2 NOT THE OFFICIAL POST 😭😭

user3 I still can’t process it 😭

user4 I really wish this all turns out to be a bad dream

user5 the sebastian vettel horror

user6 ferrari lost seb and y/n

user7 who is the driver joining though ?

user8 I think they will announce near the new year

user9 ITS CARLOS

user10 WHAT

user11 check y/n's new post

user12 Carlos is replacing her

user13 MY CARLANDO !?

user14 carlos to Ferrari is deadly 💀

user15 and here I thought formula 1 was calm

user16 she came, she won and retired

user17 Rosberg inspiration 💪🏻

user18 SHE CAME, SHE SAW, SHE CAME, SHE SAW

liked by charleclerc, lewishamilton, carlossaimz and 2,589,378 others

ynshayk handing over my seat to one of the most talented person out there @ carlossainz, take care of @ chareslelcerc for me and try not to miss me too much 😙💪🏻😌 so excited for the 2021 grid 🤩

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user1 NOT MY CARLANDO BREAKING TOO !?

user2 WHAT IS THIS 2021!?

user3 FIRST CHARY/N AND NOW CARLANDO!?

user4 I am excited for the C square era

user5 LESSGOOO 💪🏻

user6 I love how y/n is laughing after giving up on ferrari strategies

user7 middle pic be her laughing after escaping the ferrari attic

user8 I am glad everyone is getting their happy ending

user9 the fans are not 😭😭

user10 what will y/n do now ?

user11 probably spend her millions

user12 she is rich ?

user13 HAHAH- it's an understatement

charesleclerc I swear I am not crying, something got in my eyes

liked by ynshayk

user14 CHARLES 😭😭

user15 of course it will be emotional, they literally grew up together 😭

user16 can't believe the shaky and charles era is over

carlossainz will do ❤️

liked by ynshayk

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 278,367 others

f1wags 7 time world champion, Lewis Hamilton was seen in Paris with ex- Formula 1 driver, Y/N Shayk. A normal outing or love in the city of love ?

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user1 that's it, I am going to the Himalayas

user2 I am coming too

user3 CANT WE GET ONE DAY WITHOUT DRAMA !?

user4 LIKE CHILL BRO LET US CHILL

user5 she literally said can't win one, but surely can fuck one -

user6 mate 💀

user7 LEWIS AND Y/N !?

user8 WHAT IS THEIR AGE GAP !?

user9 SHE IS BORN IN 1998

user10 13 years 💀

user11 they both are adults, can y'all calm down ?

user12 I am still not used to the ex formula driver 😭😭

[bonbonly]

𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙖𝙨𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙜𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙞𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙨 ✶ the lights, cameras and props aren't enough to hide your mistakes when you've angered a few of your associates ; this follows my hollywood!au and as always 18+, minors dni! ✶ drivers involved: carlos sainz jr., charles leclerc, max verstappen, lewis hamilton, nico rosberg, jenson button, fernando alonso, daniel ricciardo, sebastian vettel ✶ warnings: smutttt, p in v, breeding kink, slapping, cunnilingus, blowjobs, spanking hehehe

🎥 producer!carlos sainz jr.

"famed actress (y/n) (l/n) criticizes Sainz 55's production company... i'm not here to be second..." carlos reads through the headline of the front page, before throwing the newspaper at your face. you flinch and turn your head to the side, breath shaking as you continue to bounce on his cock. your arms are tied behind you with his belt, the leather bound so tight that you swear it might be cutting off circulation. your mouth is stuffed with your panties, the lovely mascara you had bought was now running down your cheek; like delicate rivers streaming across the globe as he put it. he shifts in his seat, causing you to let out a muffled cry as the tip of his cock pushes further into you. his hands are behind his head, a grin on his face as he sees you all helpless and vulnerable like this. just like when you first came to his office asking for him to make you a star.

"after everything we've been through, cariño, this is how you'll repay me? wanting to leave?" he laughs, a coldness in his voice that cuts into your skin. goosebumps trail your body as he gently blows on your hardened nipples, begging for his attention. when you pause just a bit from riding him, he rolls the newspaper and smacks your ass, sending you forward onto his chest. he won't touch you nor help you. instead he bucks his hips forward, relishing in your cries. he can hear your muffled apologies, and he merely shakes his head, "from the top, mi vida, for an award winning actress, you sure are terrible at delivering a good performance for me to enjoy. come on, make me cum before i decide to throw you out, permanently."

you roll your hips, nodding your head as you continue, your thighs burning from exertion.

🎥 actor!daniel ricciardo

"that was my scene, you know that was my scene," daniel hisses into your ear, fingers deep inside you in your trailer. you gasp out loud, gripping onto his shoulders as he continues his relentless assault, waiting for you to cum for the third time. you moan, mouth open wide as he spits into your mouth, grabbing your chin so you can stare into his eyes, "this is my big chance to get back on the big screen. i'm not letting you ruin that for me."

perhaps wanting to outperform him in front of the cameras was a mistake. you do recall seeing the cameraman flinch a bit. you did great, you always did but they could see daniel ready to pounce on you as soon as the director yelled cut. now you're in your trailer, being shoved down onto all fours. he grabs his phone and props it on the table as he slips off his shirt. "we'll see who's better now, cunt" and he brings his head down, eating you out from behind. his tongue slips into your dripping pussy with ease, smiling as you're mewling and shaking. fuck, as much as you hated him for always trying to get in your spotlight, you couldn't let this opportunity pass. you might even help him get a few more roles if he could make you squirt all over his body.

🎥 actor!max verstappen

"ok, i made my sister win those oscars, what are you going to do about it, hm?" max scoffs, leaning against the wall during the afterparty. you snarl at him, smacking him across his face.

"i would've won. i would've won all these years had you not been busy screwing me over like this," you watch him stumble backwards, your handprint blooming on his face. his expression of shock turns into one of anger and he grabs you, dragging you off to the bathroom. once inside, he bunches your dress up and bends you over the counter, laughing as he sees your pussy gaping for him. "schatje, i didn't know your pussy was this sweet, waiting so patiently... crying for me to fill you up."

you're screaming as his cock buries to the hilt inside of you, slapping your ass hard so that every time you sat down, you'd only be reminded of him. he licked his lips, bringing your back to his chest as his pace became faster, "oh fuck, maybe if you became my personal little slut, i'll try talking to the association to give you all the awards next year."

you smile at his words, "fuck... i can get behind that."

"maybe though... it's a maybe. maybe i might change my mind, and fuck this pretty pussy of yours raw, fill you with my cum again and again until the media comes to know of our future child," and despite his words, you're clenching around his cock because you always loved a little thrill in your life.

🎥 producer!lewis hamilton

"how ungrateful of a whore do you have to be?" lewis laughs, watching you on your knees as you suck his cock. you bob your head around his throbbing member, the sinful noises you have to offer fueling him as he grabs the back of your head and shoves you deeper down. "fuck, you sound gorgeous."

he can see you smile through the deed. he looks up to see your offer to switch to his production company for a year. an interesting contract, he knows you'll renew it if you're successful with him. especially if you're worshipping his cock like this. he grabs his phone, and takes a few pictures of you. he even records his cock ramming into your swollen cunt, your tits bouncing as he fucks you raw against his desk.

"rec-recording for oh!" you arch your back, cumming once more before whining as he continued to fuck you, "recording for memories?"

"you could say that," lewis grins, his thumb hovering over carlos's contract. if you were willing to go against carlos's back to contact him again and again, despite all the times he rejected your offers, then how loyal would you even be when you signed with him? you're extremely talented, though, he'd be a fool not to sign you. your cunt was also pure heaven.

🎥 actor!charles leclerc

"how inexperienced do you think i am?" charles scoffs, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. you're on set of a film with him, already getting off on bad terms because you couldn't stand the fact that this newbie was receiving more attention than you. it was a sex scene, one you signed up for because this was just normal for you. only difference was that in this makeshift room with no light at all spare an artificial moon outside the window, charles was fucking you for real. no fake socks, no skin color underwear. he had shoved those panties to the side a long time ago and rubbed your clit hard right before the director yelled action. method acting, that's what the assistants on set whispered before leaving.

"you think i don't know anything, isn't that right mon ange?" he whispers, low enough so that no sound system can pick up his words, it's only meant for you. you gulp, trying your best to make your moans seem fake. the bed's creaking beneath you, tears in your eyes with how good he's fucking you. you shake your head, words failing to come out because now you're arching your back, your nipples brushing against his chin and he smirks, taking the opportunity to lean closer and wrap his mouth around your areolas, flicking his tongue around as you're squirming underneath him.

"oh fuck!" you whisper, silently screaming to the side where the cameras cannot see you, "i cannot believe you..."

"meet me in my trailer after, i'll prove to you that i'm not just some stupid rookie with a pretty face," he nibbles at the shell of your ear, and you bite down onto his shoulder as you're cumming around his relentless cock. the poor set crew had a lot to clean up after this scene.

🎥 director!sebastian vettel

"no, no, no!" sebastian yelled out, rolling his eyes. you'd messed up the take for the 50th time. "schatz, what's going on? what's wrong with you?"

he hops off his chair and walks over to you with a frown on his face, "you usually get these in one take! are you not feeling well?" he places the back of his hand on your forehead, and you shrug your shoulders,

"just not feeling it today," and that makes his face harden. so in your trailer, he's sitting on a chair, your legs in the air as he contorts your body so that your face is against the ground, he lets the blood rush down to your pretty little head for a few seconds before pulling you back up onto his lap. clothes are long gone, he's mouthing the fat of your tits,

"i have a schedule, i have days to finish this film and if you're going to be a brat," he pauses, slapping your face gently so that you get the idea, "on your knees now. right now. you can't say your lines? make that fucking mouth useful then, du hure."

🎥retired scriptwriter!nico rosberg

"you keep coming back here, acting like i'm going to... oh fuck," nico groans out loud, watching you spread your legs out for him. you were always such a tease. even before he quit the industry, you always tried to coax him into a quickie before the ceremony would start. nico falls to his knees, crawling over to you on the bed. he grabs a pen and bites the cap off, spitting it to the distance before biting the insides of your thighs. you yelp in surprise, giggling as a hand comes to tangle in his hair and he glances up at you with hooded eyes and half a smile.

"i guess i could write a script for you," he murmurs, licking your clit rapidly as you buck your hips against his mouth. he wraps his lips around your puffy folds, tugging and sucking before writing all around your cunt and on your thighs. the feeling of the pen's tip alongside his tongue lapping up the gummy walls inside you makes you let out a wanton moan, body arching as you chase after your release. the pen dips further into your skin, the small dose of pain sending your mind into a dizzy mess he shoves the pen to the side and lets his fingers scissor inside your juicy cunt.

when you wake up the next morning with his cum leaking, you also finally see what he's written all over you: my pretty little dumb slut. you're already grabbing the pen to write all over his bare chest.

🎥 film critic!jenson button

"oh," jenson pouts mockingly as he sees you crying, "oh did my words hurt miss princess's feelings?" he grabs your jaw and tilts your head to look at him, "well too fucking bad. you want to insult my intelligence to the press? you want to see me replaced? darling, if it isn't me writing these film reviews, which other journalist's cock is going to have that cunt sinking down on them, hm?"

and before you can answer, his grip tightens, "if it isn't me, i will personally see to it that each review i write is worse than the one before, i have credibility sweetheart. you want to ruin my reputation? i can go one step further."

you knew fighting with him was pointless, but there was a bit of fun in it. up until now, it seems that he really was at his last straw with you. he throws you over his shoulder, shutting and locking the door to his office before throwing you onto his swivel chair. he rips your clothes off like a madman, a hand around your throat as he squeezes gently and soon his hard cock is sliding along your wet folds that yearn just for him to stretch you out. "i should take a photo of you right now and send it to the press. they'd love to see another dumb whore on the front pages."

"i...i'll have you photographed as well," you hiss, bucking your hips to see if his cock will finally slide inside you. he smacks his member a couple times against your cunt, loving the way you're begging for him to fill you up.

"go ahead, i have nothing left to lose. you do that, and there'll be permanent evidence of our affair. you don't do that, i'll still make sure there's evidence," and as you tilt your head in confusion, he lets out a laugh, "going to fill you up with my cum and see if a baby will put you in your place."

he fills you up in one thrust, watching the way your eyes widen as you moan out loud.

🎥 retired actor!fernando alonso

"what do you mean you no longer want to take acting lessons with me?" fernando roars, crossing his arms. his princess, his sweet girl was wanting to cut ties with him? seriously? he worked so hard to bring you to the actress that you are today, giving you all the skills and talent in the world! the reason you were so big now and praised for your performances was because of him! he helped you!

and now you wanted to leave him because some young actor named... what was it? charles? or was it max? or was it even daniel? who even knew anymore!?! but you were being wrapped around SOMEONE'S finger. no, no, this wouldn't do. your stubbornness had its limits, and he was for sure going to make you regret trying to leave him. he has you over his lap, smacking your ass as he makes you count.

every time you hiccupped and forgot to count through the tears, he makes you restart. by the time your ass is covered in his handprints and the tears are now loud sobs, he flips you over and lets you bury your face in his neck. "come on, mi princesa, you cannot leave me, after all i've done! i thought you liked our private lessons!"

"i do, i do! i'm sorry, no one treats me good as you do," you whine, kissing him. he caresses your cheek, using his thumb to wipe away your tears. he lets you show your forgiveness by letting him fuck you as much he wants for the night! you don't know how many times you've cummed, but the more he thrusts into you, the louder you wail. you feel like you're on heaven, his big hands groping your tits, slapping them as his hips snap faster and faster each time. you're screaming as you squirt all over his cock, laughing half-way through with how good you feel. you're unaware that as soon as he's done with you, he's going to pull a few strings to make sure his princess doesn't pull out another move like this again. he's your mentor after all, he's doing what's best for you!

got more ideas/requests/questions for my hollywood!au? send them in!

[moosesarecute]

December 22nd

December Masterlist

Masterlist

Azriel walked into the living room of what he called the River House. He held your hand but kept you about an arm’s length behind him.

His broad back and slightly widened wings both hid you from your family and your family from you.

“You fucking idiot,” Cassian said with a relieved sigh as he ran and almost jumped into Azriel’s arms. He almost melted into your mate, but his closed eyes made it so he didn’t see you.

Cassian’s hair had grown even longer. He looked stronger than you had ever seen him.

Seeing him brought even more tears to your eyes. You didn’t think you could cry more, but you definitely did.

“I got delayed getting your present,” Azriel said back.

His body language told you that Cassian was about to explode with fury. But then he opened his eyes and looked directly into yours.

Cassian almost pushed Azriel to the floor before he ran to you and picked you up in the biggest hug.

“What in the Mother?” He yelled as he spun around to Azriel, still with you in his arms. “How? What? I’m so confused.”

You just laughed a tearful laugh.

He sat you down and you immediately felt Azriel’s hand rest on your lower back. You knew it was hard for him to let other people touch you, but he tried his best to calm his overprotectiveness.

“You’re real,” Cassian stated and you saw how tears filled his eyes.

You didn’t manage to say anything, so you just nodded.

In the meantime, Rhys had moved towards you. He stepped up before you and engulfed you in his arms.

He held your head into his chest and joined Cassian’s with a few more questions. His heartbeat made you sob.

“How are you alive?” he asked, but you were too overwhelmed by feelings to speak.

“The group on the continent,” Azriel said.

You looked up and saw Rhys’ eyes widened.

“Memory loss,” he said. “And they’re-“

“Dead,” Azriel replied.

“Good.”

You heard steps and the second Rhys let go of you a new hug caught you. Mor. She somehow managed to hold you tighter than both Cassian and Rhysand.

“Please let her breathe, Mor,” Azriel’s voice sounded behind you. His voice was slightly grumpy, but you knew he tried to hold it back.

“This is the best Winter Solstice ever,” Mor cried into your shoulder after she had loosened her grip just a little.

She let you go and you retreated into Azriel’s arms. While you were extremely happy to be back with your family, it all felt a little too overwhelming. Azriel’s arms calmed some of the emotions.

“You have some explaining to do,” Amren was the next one to speak.

“Yes,” you replied again with a teary laugh. “I definitely do.”

You then began to look around in the room. Your family looked at you with wide, some teary, and confused eyes. You really looked forwards to spend time with all of them.

Three females caught your eye. It was very visible that they were sisters. The tattoos covering the arms of one of them told you that was Feyre, Rhys’ mate. One of the others looked at you with unsure sharp eyes. You guessed that would be Nesta, Cass’ mate. That left Elain, and her soft eyes and smile told you that you probably were right about who was who.

“Hi,” you said from a distance. “I’m Y/N. Azriel’s mate.”

You couldn’t help the ginormous smile that reached for face. That was the first time you had introduced yourself as Azriel’s and cauldron it felt good. You turned you head and looked up at Azriel. He was proud too.

The table was set for dinner, but no one had eaten. It was a decorated tree in the middle of the room and it laid many presents under it. But none of them were opened.

You suddenly realized what day it was. You quickly looked over to the clock and your heart sunk when you realized that you had missed it completely.

“What?” Azriel asked immediately. He must have felt your feelings of sadness. You felt as his shadows started to lightly pull you closer to him.

All the overwhelming emotions brought in even more emotions as you started to cry, this time from sadness.

“We missed Winter Solstice,” you told him.

Even though you must have looked absolutely crazy, Azriel acknowledged your feelings.

“I’m sure we can celebrate next evening instead,” he said as a try to calm you down.

“That’s less than 24 hours. I can’t get all presents in 24 hours! And everything will be closed.”

For some reason, missing Winter Solstice was the worst thing that could happen. You guessed it was because everything had changed.

Suddenly your brothers had mates. One of them even had a son. The house that usually hosted family dinner was changed from the one you were used to live in to a new one. And you now had a mate to celebrate with.

Winter Solstice was all about traditions, so at least that would be the same.

Azriel tried to hide back his worry at your sudden breakdown, but the slightest worry still hit you. That only made things worse.

“We can celebrate on the 24th,” Feyre suggested. “Then you’ll have time to settle in a little bit and we have time to redo most of the traditions.”

The suggestion made you hug her. It sounded perfect.

“Can you stay awake for just a little longer?” Azriel’s voice pulled your eyes open.

You had spoken to everyone for about an hour before you felt yourself getting more and more exhausted. The adrenaline must have worn off.

Azriel had carried you to one of the guest bedrooms in the River House. Feyre and Rhys had a room for everyone and you could wait to make sure Azriel’s neutral and minimalist room got a small pop of color.

“You should change into other clothes.”

He held out one of his t-shirts for you as well as some shorts. You hadn’t realized how badly you missed sleeping in his clothes.

“Or I can get you some of your old clothes from the apartment,” he suggested, but you almost ripped the clothes out of his hand. No chance you wouldn’t sleep in his clothes.

Azriel did all to make sure you were comfortable. He asked if you wanted him to leave as you got dressed. Or if he should get dressed in the bathroom.

You hadn’t let him be more than five meters away from you. And you had a feeling he didn’t mind that.

You laid down on the bed the second you had changed your clothes. It was so soft. And you could stretch your wings all the way out and still be on the bed. Gods, you had missed that.

“I can sleep in a different bed if you want to sleep with your wings stretched out,” Azriel said. His suggestion almost made you angry.

“Don’t you dare leave me,” you told him.

“I will never, my dearest,” he said.

You folded your wings and he laid down beside you in the bed. He moved so that you were in his arms.

Calm settled over both of you. His shadows covered you like a soft blanket. Sleep found both of you easily.

As you woke, Azriel sat upright in the bed beside you. His hand was carefully stroking your hair. It just made you want to go back to sleep.

“It’s 4 pm,” Azriel told you.

It made you almost jump up.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I did,” he said matter of factly. “Five times.”

You couldn’t remember being woken even once. Azriel laughed at your confused face.

“Want a bath, sleepyhead?”

Azriel had already heated the bath water three times, but he was very willing to do it again.

The warm water on your skin felt so good. It was ages since you had a calming bath. Azriel help you undress and get into the water. He washed your hair and scrubbed your arms and legs.

“Want to clean your wings yourself or should I do it?”

“You can if you’re comfortable with that,” you answered. You longed for the intimacy of him touching your wings.

He was even more careful than usual as he washed over your wings. You stretched them out for him one at a time and leaned your head against his chest. It felt amazing. He made sure not to wash the most sensitive parts, those he only let the water run over.

“Magnificent,” he said and you felt shivers going through your back.

“I love you,” you told him.

“I love you too.”

It was well past five when you first came out of your room. Azriel was of course right behind you.

Your hands were intertwined as you made the way to the kitchen. You were famished.

Food stood prepared on the table and both Rhys and Feyre sat waiting.

“I can’t believe you’re alive,” Rhys said.

You gave him a small hug before you sat down. On your usual place beside Azriel.

It was so nice, but unusual to sit on a chair made for wings. You leaned back and let out a little sigh.

“Not used to comfortable chairs?” Rhys asked you.

“Not at all.”

Azriel filled your plate with way too much food and sat it down in front of you. He watched you take the first bites before he found food for himself.

It tasted like heaven. Your eyes widened more and more after each bite.

“I refuse to believe you made this,” you told Rhys.

All three of them laughed at your comment.

“It was Elain,” Feyre explained. “She loves cooking.”

“It tastes amazing. Please let her know that.”

You ate together until you were full. The conversation was light.

“What do we need to do to make this Winter Solstice the best one?” Rhys asked and brought a piece of paper.

“We need cookies and hot chocolate,” you said. “And we’ll have to redecorate. Both the house and the tree. I need to get wishlists from all of you. And you guys need to have the snowball fight. And we have to bake at least some gingerbread.”

Rhys wrote down everything in check points. You were so excited to do everything.

Then, a cry was heard.

“Looks like someone’s awake.”

Feyre got up from her chair and left the room. She came back not long after with a winged toddler in her arms.

She walked to you immediately and gave him to you. He looked up at you with big blue eyes that matched her mother, but almost everything else about the child was Rhys.

“Oh, hi,” you said and you felt tears in your eyes for the thousandth time the past few days.

“Nyx, that’s your auntie Y/N,” Rhys said. He was now standing beside Feyre. “Can you say that? ‘Auntie Y/N’?”

“Auntie Y/N,” Nyx said almost pronouncing your name correctly.

“Hi, Nyxie.”

Azriel hand had found your lower back and huge amounts of love filled your body through the bond.

“Do you want to make cookies with me, Nyx?”

The young boy nodded and soon they were baking.

“How long were you together before she got kidnapped?” Nesta asked him.

After you had eaten dinner, all of you travelt to the House to make cookies and decorate. Cassian had gotten a new tree and everyone had decorated together.

Now, you had fallen asleep once again. Even though you had slept for fourteen hours that night, you still had a lot of sleep to catch up. He didn’t mind. You sleeping meant that you felt safe. He loved that.

“Fifty two years,” he answered. “We were together two years before the mating bond snapped. And then Rhys got stuck under the mountain. We married after ten years and then we mated just after Rhys got home.”

Nesta nodded. She looked over at Cassian a little distantly.

“You look happy. I’m happy for you,” she said and moved to Cassian.

Azriel was happy. The happiest he had ever been. Knowing that you were home and that you were his. He was the luckiest male. And he couldn’t wait to celebrate Winter Solstice with you.

Taglist: @prettylittlewrites @hailqueenconquer @onebadassunicorn @mich0731 @tele86 @mellowmusings @anarchiii @anainkandpaper @donnadiddadog @atomictyphoonkitten @annablack @graciepies @salvatoresister1 @nastylicious @plants-w0rld @stqrgirlies-blog @scoliobean @kbear8863

Dividers by: @issysh3ll

[starberry-cupcake]

SHORT STORY + BONUSES (read it like when gollum says bagginses) INTERMISSION!!! Today we'll take some time to dive into the Harrow bonuses and a couple of short stories, one of which I should have read before, but such is life.

previously, in the tlt universe:

I finished harrowcita del 9

Bonus 1: BoE google doc for the soldiers

differently from the other recaps, I did these while I was reading them, not when I finished reading a whole chapter/story

so maybe the thoughts are more rambly than usual

sorry about that

ANYWAY I have to give it to the BoE folks, they've got a lot to deal with over here

they're like the audience, coming into this blind

and have to try to understand how necromancers operate on the fly

'bullet to the head but don't be too confident on that' seems to be the most useful tidbit

it's like a resident evil gameplay

BoE is in resident evil, gideon is in survivor and harrow is in a gothic pulp novel

the advice for engaging lyctors is "avoid them at all costs"

I keep spelling it BoA instead of BoE because of her

blood of adam? blood of awake me up when september ends? idk

Pronounciation guide (aka I do what I want, but apparently pronounce nonagesimus like the author)

dr reverend emperor john chose the name gaius for himself, it wasn't his real name

gaius sounds like gallo, the spanish name for gallus gallus domesticus, which in english would translate to cock and alludes to the fact that he is a dick

agustine is pronounced like in english and not like in spanish (agustín), I have been pronouncing that one right but I could have called him agustín all this time

cassiopeia was a queen but we already knew that

sixth house, ceramics, cooking, checks every one of my boxes

"CRIS-ta-bell. Rather than “crees”."

what is the difference oh my god is there a difference there

pyrrah is achilles's drag name, which is cool

valancy and cyrus were like this

I'm still gonna call the mithraeum mithrandir whatnot the emperor's bolthole, it's in the sacred text

the nonniad is in dactylic enneameter, which is a ninth version of greek epics (which are hexameters) and it's making me send my ancient greek professor from uni good vibes wherever he is

Glossary

we know more about the beasts now, or have more ordered info, the gist of it is this

so the RBs are only the nine OGs from the nine planets of dominicus that the emperor fucked up

those are the ones that can go from the river to the physical world and viceversa

the other minor beasts can only exist in the river

I still think this is all the emperor's and the lyctors's fault for starting this nonsense and killing planets for power and whatnot

so yeah, Consequences of your Actions, johnny boy

the heralds, as we had established, are kind of like borg, responding to the RBs

necromancers kinda go mad at all this as if they were looking at cthulhu

I wanted to google what the two first verses of wake's name were but the first results that pop up are tlt sources and I'm not looking into that, in case of spoilers

I've already come this far without massive spoilers, I'm not gonna risk that now

what quotes would you like to have as a name if you were one of these folks?

If I could choose three, I'd probably pick: Yo tengo el corazón como la espuma / das Leben Sie nicht vergessen hat, daß es Sie in der Hand hält / Quieto en la tierra y sentir que mis pies tienen raíz

probably un monceau d’idées et un monceau de douleurs would be another contender considered

idk how that'd be shortened though, maybe espie because espuma

house quiz was book 1, boe name assignment is book 2

The Mysterious Study of Doctor [tumblr keeps blocking my post and I'm gonna try to avoid this word to see if this is it]

ANYWAY, SIXTH HOUSE TIME

from the blurb I can tell that:

1) all this time I thought Dr S was like a funny nickname someone had given palmolive for being correspondence-horny lmao

2) is this the magnus institute???

3) "Enter Palamedes Sextus and Camilla Hect, age thirteen" we're gonna look at some baby picturessss

"Every thirteen-year-old necromancer in the Sixth House is gifted."

"I was born with four kids in my generation eligible to produce children with me. Palamedes had two"

maybe that's why he went for a correspondence gf

camilla describing that's she's the best and me just going

this thing of 'being attractive' as a category would get me demoted at the sixth, though

but working in data, I can do that

I am really liking archivist zeta

there's something that was sealed for a lot of years and now is unsealed and that's very exciting!!!!

lost media!!!!

so many stairs would be a problem for me, but there's lost media at the end of the tunnel

archivist zeta: don't touch anything

palmolive: including the bone hands?

archivist zeta: the what now

apparently the hands are younger than the time the room has been sealed

with the forms being color-coded, I'm starting to think this is less magnus institute and more office of incident assessment and response 

them making references to other houses remind me that other houses socialized, seeing everything from the ninth made me feel like everyone was isolated all the time lol

add to my list of sixth house love the fact that we have murder mysteries now too

gotta love the sixth house

kinda ominous the hand bones now that we know what we know, of camilla carrying palmolive as a tamagotchi in a bone hand after harrow changed the skull

palmolive and camilla age 13 are a whole other book I would have devoured at age 13 myself btw

giving me his dark materials vibes

there was a skeleton in the air vents above the hands

camilla says she's gonna start taking measuring tape with her alongside everything else and I also can relate to going places with 25 million things, just in case

palmolive steals pens, apparently

I've used this meme for palmolive before but it still fits

the skeleton was possessed by the dr himself, he got kinda stuck on his way there after the fifth person tried to call him and got his hands into his study through skeleton shenaningans

palmolive needs to touch something in order to prove the "why" and everyone votes in favor, because he's on a roll

the cool wooden orb that was in the desk was a cool wooden puzzle, like the Karakuri Creation Group ones

man, I love those

the dr solving a puzzle after his death and coming back to prove it is me with some niche puzzles I used to have a sideblog for

don't ask me

there was paper inside and everyone got outside super fast and started congratulating each other (hello????? you did nothing????) and shaking camilla's and palmolive's hands

they don't wanna give palmolive multiple points for solving a several hundread years old mystery, which isn't fair tbh

"Don’t expire in a fit of hubris." oofffffffff

the paper had letters, which palmolive thinks are love letters

with his years of experience on pining letters

the one at the ends says "Tomorrow you will become a Lyctor and finally go where I can’t follow"

is this about cassie??? aka cassiopeia????

loved the camilla and palmolive murder mystery dinner

As Yet Unsent

this is judith's diary and this is how I imagine she looked while writing it and judging people

judith assisted the BoE with her own healing but it's kinda tough when you're also handcuffed and with your eyes covered and whatnot

judith is still in the emperor's side

I don't blame her, she hasn't met the man

yandere twin has met him and still saved him so, I can't judge judith too much

there's a corpse that isn't rotting

promising stuff

there's a commander called We Suffer

they're wearing masks and camilla is being "converted" to their cause

and she didn't even meet the man, but apparently BoE had contact with the sixth house at some point in the past

cassie?????? is this you??????? who knows

sixth house though, earning more points

also, camilla says that palmolive would want to find out what they know and, you know what, fair

I would too

camilla is also good at chess, because she's good at everything

they're playing ceiling chess like in queen's gambit

judith thinks about martita, who will soon do some awesome things next to mati nonnius

judith is also marinating the fact that everyone was fooled by the twinsies and the fact that regina george twin has no necromancy

she also complains about her being too emotional and prone to trust people

every point regina george twin makes about BoE sounds pretty solid to me tbh

the more I see, the more I think the emperor is a dick, like his name implies

judith argues with regina george twin a lot but also notices that her ears go pink when she's impassioned so...why are you noticing that judith????

how did you notice that???? *smirks knowingly*

judith has to deal with the limitations of medical care when you don't have a bunch of people who do body magic stuff

so she's dealing with recovery in a slow way and with machines plugged to her

it's hard for her because she was from the house where necros are also very able to do physical stuff

camilla is giving her strongly worded positive reinforcement

regina george twin and judith have a lot of moments that go from flirty to fighting

I can't keep using smirk reactions images so (¬‿¬)

regina george twin is also being trained to be rambo barbie and I think that suits her

"In a different time I would have found ways to apologise to Palamedes Sextus, whom I at the very least critically misjudged"

palmolive always getting the indirect compliments my goodness

he's so popular

"The princess has by turns tried to charm Camilla, play with Camilla, flirt with Camilla, and cajole Camilla. Camilla is currently unmoved"

nobody's good enough for her, regina george twin, move along

regina george twin is also being kinda aphobic towards judith's response on her being uninterested to romance camilla

I don't think judith is aro at all but that doesn't mean we have to be assholes about it, regina george twin, thank you

judith and regina george twin think BoE is wrong about necros having orgies and I'm here like

so, apparently, judith propositioned martita because she was pretty much obsessed with her

and martita said no

and she thinks camilla is holding onto tamgagotchi palmolive out of some sense of not wanting to let go of him

unaware of the fact that he's in his river loft waiting for his bones to be womanhandled by harrowcita

also, the BoE has an old ship that judith wasn't helpful with, so they don't really have much patience with her

regina george twin and judith keep flirting in that intense tlt way

I'm starting to think regina george twin has a big crush on judith and I'm here for the dynamics of that

"It said, Ugh! Then it said, Eugh!" is this mercygirl??? it sounds like mercygirl to me

and fixing someone's insides as if they were cleaning a sewing machine also sounds very mercygirl

mercygirl is also curious about this body that doesn't rot and I wanna know what it is because I want so bad for it to be gideon-related but I can't let myself hope

also, she gave them the coordinates to find harrow in the cool planet

"And Camilla said, The Warden and I know they can die like anyone else" 👀

"The corpse of the Ninth House cavalier is as pristine as when Camilla Hect convinced them to take it on board"

YESSSSSSS

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

MY HOPES WEREN'T UNWARRANTED

LET'S GOOOOOOOOO

GIDEON ARMS INTACT BABYYYYYYYY

regina george twin proposes necro-cav marriage to judith and judith says no because no relationship here can be straightforward

"Why would I ever knowingly take Coronabeth Tridentarius’s, having desired her already for twelve long, stupid, fruitless years?!"

DRAMAAAAA

AND THAT'S IT!!!! FINALLY!!! This took me a lot longer than I wanted it too but I enjoyed the stories ♥ See you in the next one!!

[blue-sadie]

Save Him

Moon System x Ex Reader

Summary: he thought he could save you but leaving you was the worst thing he ever did

Warning: pet death, dog name = buddy

Yn/3rd person pov

I groaned out in pain as I dragged my battered body across my floor crawling over to my fur baby "buddy" I chocked as I finally reached him I felt my eyes glaze over with tears as I looked over his wounded body "buddy".

My hands trembled as they went to touch him "no no no" I cried and slowly cradled him into my body "please stay with me please" I kissed his snot "p-please don't leave me".

The tears fell from my cheeks onto his fur dampening it I screamed out hoping someone would come help me "someone please" the tears flowed down my cheeks like a river and my lips quivered.

I let my eyes wonder over the recked apartment searching for anything that could help me my eyes locked on my phone I threw at the intruders "come on" I cried and slowly clawed my way to it still holding buddy tightly in my arms.

"Fuck" I coughed seeing a small splatter of blood land on the floor infront of me as I reached out for my phone screaming out as it damaged my wounds more.

I opened the phone as fast as my bloodied finger tips let me going straight to contacts my heart froze I didn't have anyone to call and for the life of me I couldn't remember the emergency number 'why can't they all be 911'.

I scrolled through my contacts knowing if I couldn't get a hold of anyone soon it would be the end for me, my hand stopped as I came to his number he was the only one in this area that could help me.

We didn't end on good terms so would he help me anyways I sighed in pain and pressed call it rang for a few minutes before being sent into voice mail "fuck" I cried and hit call again "please please pick up" I pleaded.

It went to voice mail again "m-marc, please I-I don't have anyone else to call, they broke in and I'm wounded buddy is hurt please.... I need you" my voice wavered as I spoke the last words.

My thumb hesitantly pressed the hung up bottom and it was like the whole world fell into a maddening silence except for the sound of my short breathes.

I placed the phone down beside me and sat myself up against the flipped over couch keeping buddy close to my chest hugging him tightly because I was afraid he'll disappear.

The minutes that passed felt like ours it was funny how when your in pain time almost slowed down into a complete stop, with each passing minute breathing started becoming harder and my vision started to darken.

I looked towards the door praying for something to happen and that's when I heard it the thundering foots coming down the corridor and the familiar voice I once loved "yn" he sounded breathless as he banged on the door.

I watched as the door flung open to reveal a very freaked out marc who rushed towards me "s-save him" I choked trying to pass buddy to marc but I didn't have the strength "shh I got to help you" marc whispered and gently took him from my arms and layed him beside.

I tried pushing his hands away from me "save him, save him please" I sob and tried to get out of his arms as he picked me up to get back to buddy's side "he'll want me to take care of you yn" marc tried calming me down but I just pushed my head into his neck trying to convince him to go back but all my words were landing on deaf ears.

He gently layed me in the back of the car and rushed to the driver's seat and as soon as the door closed I could see him change "t-take me back jake" I whimpered my throat tightening as I started to cough "I'm sorry mi amor" was all he said before driving towards the hospital but all I remember was rounding the first corner before sleep took me.

Jakes pov

I paced back and forth in the waiting room as steven frantically tried to calm himself down while marc didn't speak at all "this is all our fault" I stared at Steven in the mirror that was to the side of me "we did this to her they did this to her because of us".

We just listened to him because we knew he was right "Mr Lockley" I snapped turning towards the lady calling out to me "any news" I asked and walked to her swiftly she shook her head "she is still in surgery but I think it's best you head home we have your number for any updates on your friend".

My heart stung as she called yn our friend, I looked towards the mirror again and saw marc watching me with puffy eyes "ok gracius" I murmured and slowly walked out the door to my car "why are we abandoning her" steven shouted but I just ignored him and got in.

The drive was almost silent, Steven's shouts had turned into mutters and whispers, I was on autopilot I've driven there so many times I could do it blind folded "what are we doing here jake" marc spoke up for the first time "the least we can do is clean up the mess we caused" i muttered I closed my eyes and let steven take control.

Steven pov

I climbed up the stairs and with step getting closer my heart felt more shattered, I paused outside the broken door taking a long breath before pushing it open, I looked over all her ruined belongings "what have we done" I whispered and with shakey legs went inside.

My eyes locked on buddy's unmoving body I slowly went to sit close to him but not touch him, a single tear ran down my face as I stared at his blood covered fur I covered my face as the tears got worse "we could have saved them" my breathes quickened as I cried.

"If we just came earlier" I sunk further into myself with each word I spoke flashes of all the good memories we had filled my mind "she didn't deserve this" I whispered into my hands, "steven" I ignored marc and didn't even bother to look up "Steven" this time it was jake.

"What" I whispered my breath catching as I looked up "buddy" I asked causing the small dog to bark I looked around the apartment to see if this was a joke but no one else was there "buddy" I cried out in joy and brought the dog into my arms he squirmed in my arms and licked my face barking in excitement.

"H-how" I frowned my brows in confusion I looked behind me once more to see khonsu there "she is what we protect" he spoke calmly "she is the light no one shell extinguish" "thank you khonsu" I murmured and gently put buddy down.

My sadness felt lifted "let's fix this place up shell we" I smiled petting buddy one last time before standing up I sighed out and looked around the room "let's get to work" I murmured, I just did the basics like picking up all the broken pieces of her gadgets and shards of glass and putting back all her furniture back and when I was done with that I just felt like to do extra.

I washed all of her dirty clothes that were all over her bathroom floor, changed her bed sheets, I did the dishes sorted out her fridge and pantry even decided to vacuum and mop all her floors in till the place was spotless "good days work" I smiled admiring all of my hard work but suddenly a yawn escaped my lips "a quick nap won't hurt" I murmured and slowly collapsed onto her comfy couch.

Marc's pov

I stared at the familiar ceiling for I don't know how long its been about 5 days since the break in, I was stuck in my head for most of it, my hands softly petted buddy as he layed on my stomach I thought of many different ways we could have prevented this from happening or how I could stop this from happening in the future "we should go see her" steven murmured but I just sighed and moved buddy carefully off of me "she doesn't want to see us steven" I said and rubbed my face.

I looked towards the door as I heard nearing footsteps to the door the person knocked lightly and spoke "ms yn, it's the adoption agency" I tilted my head I confusion as I got up and opened the door "oh your not ms yn" the woman murmured looking down at her clip board in confusion "I'm her... friend im house sitting for a while may I help you with something" I sighed crossing my arms she nodded eagerly and brought out a cage that was behind her.

"Um this is her cat she has the food and everything the last time I check" the lady rambled and pushed the cage into my hands I nodded lifted the cage up to look in, my eyes softened as I saw the kitten we talked about adopting a few months perier "does he have a name yet" i asked "yes let's see here" she dragged her finger down the page "uh khonsau chandu I can't say that" the lady huffed and showed me the paper I laughed "khonsu" I whispered.

The lady nodded "here please sign here and here" I gently placed the cage inside and signed the paper "ok have a good day" the lady walked off hurriedly I closed the door quietly and slowly opened the cage so I didn't frighten it "come on little guy" I smiled to see the little kitten shyly walk out it looked around its surroundings his gaze landing on buddy who just sat patiently staring at him with curiosity I smiled fondly at the two.

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket and I took it out and answered it "hello" I murmured "hi Mr lockley, this is the hospital phoning to let you know ms yn is being released now and is being taken home I'm sure it would be easier if your there as well" I confirmed with the caller that I was already here "that is all thank you" the caller said before hanging up I popped my phone back into my pocket and took a deep breath "everything is going to be ok".

Yn pov

I stared out the window, he didn't come visit once maybe he hates me more now and just saved me out of guilt "we're almost there" the driver smiled back at me through the review mirror I gave him a forced smile back, I didn't want to go back and deal with the whole mess and... buddy I bit my lip I have to stay strong, my body trembled as the car came to a stop I felt weak and just wanted to srivel up and disappear "here we go ms" the driver opened up the door for me and helped me out.

"Do you need me to walk you u-" "I got it from here thanks" my eyes snapped to Marc's as he stepped out from my building the driver looked at me for confirmation I nodded slowly "ok have a nice day ms" the driver said before getting back in his car and driving off, I just stared at Marc not knowing what to saw "hi" he said nervously, I let out a shakey breathe "I'm sorry for getting you involved" I murmured making him frown his eyes in confusion "you don't have to apologize for that yn it wasn't your fault" he reassured walking up to me.

He wrapped his arm around me carefully "now come on we have a surprise for you" he smiled and helped me into the building "I swear Marc if you stuffed my dog I will chop of your balls" I murmured half jokingly, for some reason it almost feels like we're back to normal he chuckled and shook his head and urged me first into my apartment I hesitated for a minute "it's ok" he whispered rubbing his hand comfortly up and down my back I let out a sigh and opened up the door my eyes instantly widening.

"H-how" it was like time has been rewinded "buddy" I squealed out and caught the dog as he leaped into my arms I stumbled a bit but marc caught me "and look over there" he murmured his hands still around me as he pointed I looked over to see the cat I adopted slowly walking towards us I placed buddy and watched in aw as the two played, i glanced at marc to see him already staring at me, I felt my heart full once again "thank you guys" I smiled and leaned up onto my tip toes and layed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He blushed and dark red his hands tighten around me keeping me close to him "I'm sorry yn" he whispered making me shake my head "you were only trying to protect me" I murmured "but that almost got you killed" I could see the tears welling up in his eyes I gently raised my hands to his face and caressed his cheeks "you did even though you ignored me the first time" I squinted my eyes playfully at him making him chuckle "you protect everyone every single day so you can protect me" I murmured and pecked his lips.

"I will always protect you, I thought I was by leaving you but it just shows me how much I need you and I'll never miss up like this again I promise you"

Tag.List

@sweetirilly @greekgods15 @neteyamyawne

[witchofhimring]

Loyalty Chapter 10

Synopsis: Ellyn Baratheon is dead and Prince Aemond is plunged into grief. With a newborn son your life forever changes and destiny sets you on a darker path.

Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x Tyrell Reader

Aemond Targaryen x Ellyn Baratheon

Alys Rivers x Aemond Targaryen

Jaecerion Targaryen x Reader

Jason Lannister x Reader (minor)

(more to come!)

Y/n Tyrells Profiles

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, childbirth, emotional turmoil, death, unrequited love?, humiliation by Ellyn Baratheon, marital abuse, marital consummation, misogamy (internalized as well as external), brief depictions of smut, moontea/abortions, suicide, mentions of rape (not to the reader), Plot twist at the end!

This chapter has mentions of rape and abortions (not inflicted on the reader), so be warned!

A great moan emanated from the forest. Great gusts of wind seemed to hail the birth of your son. Having enough, Lady Mari stormed over to the window and slammed it shut. The infants cries became even louder. Greedily you took in his appearance. He was your son through and through. Your hair, your eyes. In fact you hardly saw anything of Jason Lannister in him. Holding him close your fingers brushed the thin fuzz of hair upon his head. His tiny feet kicked out. "He is strong." You croaked out. With an aching throat you laughed. It was all over. All those months of fear and finally he was born. A son to succeed his father. But more importantly your child was safe. "What will you call him?" Alys Rivers asked. You wanted to name his one of your choosing. Normally it was up to the father. But Jason Lannister was dead and that right fell to him. And by the Gods it was your right. It was you who had borne him. "Owen Lannister." The name had suddenly come to you. Why you were not sure. But perhaps being a parent yourself brought on a burst of feeling towards your own. "Owen Lannister. A good name." Alys Rivers agreed.

The baby would lay with you. Overruling everyone else, you would have your son next to you. He had stopped crying after being fed. Jealously you watched the wet-nurse coo as she fed your son. "Don't you worry My Lady. This boy will grow strong and healthy. We have never failed a babe yet." The pain, in retrospect, had not been as bad as feared. There was still pain but it was all worth it. You watched your son be fed by the fire. Sleepily your eyes closed.

You sleep was not long. A conversation woke you and Lady Dara stood over you. She was breathless and had clearly ran all the way here. "Princess Ellyn has passed." The midwife clutched the babe to her breast and muttered a prayer. There was no such emotion on you face, there would be no show of grief. The woman who had tormented you for the past year was dead, another ghost for Harrenhal. No prayer was uttered from your lips, just as you had not lit a candle for Vaeron and Lucerys. "I see. Give Prince Aemond my condolences." Then you laid down and went to sleep. The covers were drawn up to cover your face. Smiling, you exhaled a great breath and made sure the midwife could not see the jubilation on your face. You did not care if it made you wicked. Ellyn had been a terror to you and been the architect of your misery. You still remembered the day she had made you undress her. All the public humiliations you endured at her hand. Once she had mocked your misery and talked of all the children she would bear Prince Aemond. All that had turned to ashes in her mouth and here you lay with a healthy baby boy while she lay dying. Ellyn had not known the delight of becoming a mother. Nor had she. That was something Ellyn did not have that as of now was out of reach.

To your great surprise Prince Aemond paid you a visit. He was haggard looking. Had Prince Aemond loved Ellyn, as he had never loved you? You did not entertain any notion that he had visited you out of caring. "He looks healthy." Prince Aemond's voice was strained. "He is. And I would have borne you a healthy son." But none of this you said aloud. The thought shamed you. The year had turned you into a bitter woman who thought more of scores than one of compassion. Prince Aemond seemed unsure of what to do. You noticed he bore new scars, one lining his left cheek. Where the rumors true? Had Prince Aemond truly set the Riverlands ablaze? Rumors were bound to arise is such times. Such as the one about King Aegon having his illegitimate children fighting in pits. You were not even sure Kings Landing had fighting pits. "I hope he is." The baby opened his eyes and opened his mouth in a big yawn. Such a little thing should be minuscule, but for you it was a fascination to behold. This beautiful baby boy was the most precious thing to ever exist. At least to you he was, but the same could be said of every mother.

"Where will I be going after this?" With Kings Landing in enemy hands your future there was no clear path. No. It was not just your. Everyone's future was uncertain, and no one was likely to have a happy one. A new fear dwelt within you. Your own mortality had always been a factor you considered. While your possible death had always been a terrifying prospect it was nothing compared to the fear for Owen. If your son died how would you ever survive? This boy....this tiny human not yet a whole week old had your allegiance. From now on you would work for his welfare.

Prince Aemond was still there. Right now you wanted to be left alone with Owen. "I would like to spend time with my son, My Prince." "I-" Prince Aemond cut himself off, and nodded. There was a tenseness in his jaw you could not quite understand. "I will leave you to it." With another nod of his head Prince Aemond was gone. With a weary sigh you rested the baby against your chest. The white blanket had been crafter by Lady Mari. She had sewn lions onto the rim. You appreciated her craft and desired to thank Lady Mari. Maybe later, when you were not so tired. In the mean time you would wander the realm of sleep, where pools of blood and Weirwood trees awaited.

These dreams no longer frightened you like they once did. But you would never get used to the voices that wailed in your ears. And unlike normal dreams you remembered every moment of it. The dawn did not make them fade away into nothing. At first you had not wanted to believe it. Bad dreams like these brought only bad things. It felt like if you were to admit that then those things would happen. To much of this felt so real, waking up to stinging skin. Hearing voices in the trees. Either you were going bad or something otherworldly was happening. Neither was appealing. But what could you do? They would either call you made or take you for a witch. If things stayed as they were, only dreams and whispers, you might be alright. But curiosity was a powerful thing. As was fear. If some malevolent spirit was after you then why? A curse of some sort? But who would do such a thing? Ellyn might have, had she possessed such power. Though she may not be the only contender. There were stories of Gods who punished arrogant mortals. In their anger the Gods may have sought to punish you. The thought only angered you. What had they done to inspire devotion within you? They, immortal beings, dwelt high above while humanity suffered. Bitter, you cursed them in your heart.

You had perused most of Harrenhal's books by this point. Despite the size of the library only a few were actually fit for reading. They were either damaged due to age or poor keep and the rest were written in languages you were not privy to. A few weeks after your childbirth you were once more free to look amongst the shelves. Beforehand the task had fallen to Alys Rivers. After being kept in your room for so long going out was a joy. It was only too bad the grounds were closed off. It had been months since you had been able to be beyond the castle walls.

Baby Owen rested on your lap as the last birds took flight. Your sons birth had been sent out and Casterly Rock had replied. They would send a retinue to take your son to his rightful place. The only thing that worried you was that there was only mention of his departure, not yours. Perhaps it was only a slip up. You had sent word to Lady Joan about the next course of action. Her reply was not what you hoped. Only that her grandchild was doing well and that finally your deceased husbands brother had a son. Apparently Lady Joan wished to betroth her granddaughter to the newborn Lannister babe. "We must grow strong." Was what she wrote. Though your anxiety was great, so long as Prince Aemond lived you would be safe.

"Which book today?" Alys Rivers took a seat beside you. Being tired of your room, you took a small circular room in the tower that had been utterly abandoned. Pillows had been propped up on the window stood. The view was spectacular, you could see the run rise far in the distance. This tallest part of Harrenhal allowed you to see far and wide. Only on Vaehgar had you such a view. Owen slept in his cradle at your feet. His hair had darkened slightly and as each day went by they said "oh, he looks just like his sire!" you could have scoffed. Owen Lannister was clearly all you. Though you never said any of these words out loud.

Alys Rivers walked over to the babe and crouched down. One long finger pressed against his wrist. "He is a beautiful babe." You smiled. Of course he was. Alys Rivers looked at you, then back at the babe, then to you once more. "They told me he looks like Ser Jason Lannister. Although I think he takes after you." The comment brought a mixture of pride, surprise and affection for Alys. It could have risen out of pure loneliness, but it felt nice to have Alys around.

For a moment you watched Alys coo over the baby. Owen opened his eyes and gazed up at the woman above him. Suddenly a tiny hand came out and seized one of her black locks. "Oh, oh my goodness! I am sorry!" Alys laughed as you rushed forward to pry the babies hand away. Because Owen was so little his strength was next to nothing. "Babies will do that. Once this little boy was in my charge, Henry was his name, and by the time he was done with me it was a miracle I had any hair left!" Your own hair was lose and it occurred to you that such as style may be unsuitable in the future. There was a sad look of Alys's face. Once more you wondered about the possible children she lost. Then you considered "what if the children lost were not solely hers?". If Alys had been the castle wet nurse then some of the children would have not been hers by blood. They said Prince Aemond slaughtered every person that bore the name Strong. Had one of those killed at one point been cared for by Alys? Such a thought was unpleasant and you put it away. There was no proof of that, no need to cause yourself unnecessary grief.

Alys finally looked at the book you were reading. It was titled "Gods of Westeros", a book that was controversial in the eyes of the sept. Even you, whos faith wavered, felt slightly uneasy dabbling in what one could call borderline heresy. Alys stood and and sat next to you. "Which Gods?" "The Seven, of course, the Old Gods kept by the First Men, Mother Rhoyne, The Drowned God, R'hllor God of Light. That is all I have come across." You turned the page. "The Great Other" was the next chapter. Familiar drawings of White Walkers crept out at you. "Have you hears of The Great Other?" You shook your head. Alys turned the page. "The God of R'hllor, worshiped by the Red Priestesses. They say the night is dark and full of terrors. The God R'hllor will burn away the darkness. The Greater Other, is his opposite, a God of cold and darkness." "Who worships these Gods?" "Few in Westeros, mostly in Essos." "What of The Great Other?" Alys shuddered. "Only The Others would serve such a God." You wanted to ask which Gods Alys served. The question seemed rude and invasive so you abstained. The idea of Alys being a heathen unsettled you. Though were you in a position to judge?

That night dead corpses haunted your dreams. And a rustling that sounded like the wings of death came ever closer.

You watched them lay Ellyn into the ground. With Storms End blocked off escorting the princesses corpse there was not an option. So she would have to make due with Harrenhal. A kinder woman might have felt sad. As Ellyn was lowered into the ground and the septon spoke all you could think of were her taunts and jeers. You wondered if she knew you gave birth to a boy. A dark part of you fancied that it was despair over your sons birth that carried Ellyn off, spitting bile as bitter as her words. Your eyes went to Prince Aemond, standing over where his wife lay. There was a coldness to him. A rage in his eyes. Beside him stood Lady Maris Baratheon, clad in black and standing suspiciously near Prince Aemond. One of her hands rested on his arm. It would not surprise anyone is Prince Aemond married another of house Baratheon to keep their allegiance. Would it be Lady Maris with a sharp wit or her sisters? They said that Lady Floris Baratheon was very beautiful, having only just celebrated her nineteenth name day. Lady Cassandra was said to be shy, but beautiful as well. What had attracted Prince Aemond to Ellyn? None had made mention of her beauty and you only knew of Ellyn's spite. Perhaps she could be charming, just not to you.

When Owen started to fuss it gave you an excuse to leave. A nursemaid and Alys followed you inside. The nursemaid fed Owen and you dismissed her. It felt good to walk about the castle again. "What happened in this room?" It was on one of the upper levels. Do not ask which one, counting them was hard. This one was larger than the rest and must have been used to house someone important. "Ser Lyonel and Harwin's." A sudden chill ran through you. Lord Lyonel and his won had been burned alive in these rooms. Whether by vengeful ghosts or an enemy you could not say. "Well, let us get going." As if there was a hurry to go anywhere. The next room you ventured into had once been used as a sort of office. Prince Aemond had briefly used it but feeling uneasy in those rooms chose different ones. There was still a desk and chair, forlornly forgotten in this wing of the castle. Banners hung on the walls. "Where these houses that ruled Harrenhal?" "Yes." Now that was not necessarily true. House Hoare who ruled before Aegon's Conquest was unceremoniously left out. House Qoherys, with its x and four skulls. a bad omen of things to come as that house met a bad end. The Harroway family met an even more horrid end. Maegor the Cruel had slaughtered all who bore the name Harroway when his wife Queen Alys bore a malformed creature. The black tower in flames, an imposing sigil for any house. The next house also had towers, though less impressive. The Towers did not last long, even less when you consider the fact that Rhaena Targaryen took over its keep for a time. Poor Princess Rhaena, who might have been Queen ended her days in these halls. As sad fate for anyone, especially for one who was called Queen of the West. Lastly were the Strongs with their symbol of the Tridents three forks. How long Housed Strong would last was anyone's guess. Larys Strong had no heirs, and he was the last of them. Unless one were to count Jeoffrey Velayron who was truly Harwin's son. But his parentage could never be acknowledged, he was a bastard anyway.

" I remember Ser Lyonel working in this room. My job, when I was not doing my duty to the children was to serve the Lord." "Were there very many children in Harrenhal?" Somehow the idea of children in Harrenhal seemed preposterous. Baby Owen fussed. Harrenhal wiped out those who lived there, their lines obliterated. "We do not rule Harrenhal." You told yourself. "More than you would think. There were never many noble children racing around. But there were plenty of servants with children. Every morning I would wake up and run to this room and that. I remember most of the children. Sweet things they were. I remember a little girl called Dania, tiny little girl, with a beautiful smile and blue eyes. Though not all of them were small. Harwin Strong-" Both of you did a double take. Had you misheard? "A different one." Alys quickly said. You laughed to dispel the tension but it did not wholly go away. The room was quickly abandoned.

Whispers were coming from the Red Keep that Rhaenyra's base was quacking. Kings Landing was starving and the Black Queen, as they had taken to calling her, had holed herself up. There were even rumors of a falling out with her husband. How much of this was true or not was unclear. But Otto Hightower always said the man was perverse. There was hope Kings Landing would fall soon. For months Rhaenyra had held out but the situation was not looking good. Jaecerion had been ruling Casterly Rock in the absence of your son. It eased your mind, as some might want to displace Owen. The betrothal of Lady Jenna Florent to your newborn nephew named Lord Jason after his uncle went ahead. They were young but when they turned fourteen the couple would marry and live as husband and wife. At first it was alarming when betrothal letter came in for your son. Lord Hobert had even offered the hand of his granddaughter. Quite a splendid match, Lannister and Hightower. It might have even been the one you chose. Only two days previously a letter smuggled in was sent and penned on the request of King Aegon offering the hand of his daughter Princess Jaehaera The thought thrilled you, a Targaryen Princess for your son! "What do you say to that my love?" Your son snoozed away, completely unaware of the magnificent future his mother had planned. When you went to bed that night there were dragons, crowns, and children with silver hair.

"Another flight?" Lady Dara and yourself watched Vhaegar land. Prince Aemond had returned from this newest expedition. Everyone wore grim expressions. A smoky substance emanated from the old dragons mouth, a telltale sign that Vhaegar had been setting something on fire. But what had she been burning? Whispers spoke of families up in smoke. Lives snuffed out before they had truly begun. Prince Aemond himself was not unhurt either. He bore wounds, though none too serious. The days were Prince Aemond would come to you to patch up his cuts and bruises were long gone. These days he would have a maester to wait upon him. "It is getting cold, come." Lady Dara followed you inside. You made sure Owen was sound asleep, which he still way. He was looking cuter by the day, more plum with such pretty eyes. The warmth against your chest brought on a fierce maternal love for this baby.

Just ahead of you strode Lady Maris with her own ladies. Realizing both of you were about to cross paths you politely nodded. She returned the gesture but there was something calculated in her look. You would have expected anger, after all, she was Ellyn's sister. But surprisingly there was none of that. Her ladies had been discrete. Whether that boded good or ill you did not know. When you got back to the bedroom a wet nurse quickly took Owen off your hands to feed him. Lady Mari was sewing by the fire and once more Lady Clarisssa was absent. "Where is Lady Clarissa?" It was not that you had a great need for her at the moment. Her frequent disappearances had made you feel uneasy. Lady Dara and Lady Mari shared looks. Whatever had fallen upon Lady Clarissa they did not want to divulge. Quickly you dismissed the nursemaid, taking back you son. Owen, often sleepy after feeding was quick to leave the waking world.

"What has happened to Lady Clarissa?" It was your duty as their mistress to be informed of ladies wellbeing's. Lady Dara's hands clasped together, locking like iron. A look of apprehension crossed Lady Mari's face. They looked to one another until it became to much for Lady Mari. "We were on your way to Harrenhal when brigands attacked out carriage. And they stopped us and eventually knights came. But by then..." The words were too horrible to speak and she did not need to. A hand to your mouth, the information settled into horror. Poor Lady Clarissa. And you had no idea. "Is....is there anything I can do to help?" It felt silly to ask. What could you possibly do to comfort a woman who had undergone such an ordeal? When Lady Mari took a deep breath you heart dropped. There was more to come. "Lady Clarissa is with child, we think." You gasped. It was one thing to be raped. To be pregnant made it so much worse. While a woman might conceal the fact she lay with a man outside the confines of marriage, to be pregnant changed things. No one would care that it was rape and not of Lady Clarissa's will. They would judge her just the same. "How far along?" "About three months." Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes. "Someone will need to retrieve moontea from the maester." Lady Dara suddenly shook her head. "He will know. And if he does then it is more likely Lady Clarissa will be shamed." You had to think. So long as this whole issue could be kept private then Lady Clarissa could still be saved. As you were not the lady of this castle the maester was not required to obey. That fell to Prince Aemond. "I will go ask the Prince." "Don't!" The pitch of Lady Maris voice made you and Lady Dara jump. "The prince may not help, if he thinks the act is of her own volition." But there was no other choice. It was that or Lady Clarissa's downfall.

"You are quite sure this was rape?" You scowled at Prince Aemond. "Lady Clarissa is a woman of good character. I do not see why she would sully her name is such a way." You were so worried he would say no. Then, if that were the case, Lady Clarissa's situation would be worse. Perhaps Prince Aemond would kick her out. That would absolutely not happen, Lady Clarissa would not be another Elinor. Prince Aemond got up to his feet. You noticed his left hand was bandaged. When he set it down Prince Aemond hissed in pain. "Have you seen a maester for that?" You inquired. "Yes. Now let us go so the maester. And send a servant to fetch Lady Clarissa.

The maester's rooms were in another tower, inconveniently. Maester Whells was younger than most maesters with thinning brown hair. "So you say the lady is around three months?" "Yes. About that time." You replied. The maester pulled out a role of parchment and wrote something down. The door opened and a pale faced Lady Clarissa stumbled in. "Clarissa, it is quite alright. We will help you." You gently took Lady Clarissa by her elbows and she was steered to the nearest chair. The maester scrutinized Lady Clarissa with steely eyes. "You say this was the result of an attack?" There was a not of incredulity in his voice. "You speak as if this is an anomaly. Tell me Maester Whells, tell us how we women can avoid rape during war, for we would all like to hear it." Under the harshness of his gaze the maester had the good grace to look embarrassed. Lady Clarissa's hand trembled in yours. "I..well..I will need to examine that Lady. Prince Aemond and Lady Y/n, if you could leave the room." Lady Clarissa vigorously shook her head. "My Lady it is highly irregular for-" But you interrupted him. "I will stay." Prince Aemond was quick to leave. Lady Clarissa was undressed and made to wear a thin gown. She lay there on the bed, spread legged and frightened. When Maester Whells pulled out a familiar looking device you said "why is that being brought out?!" "I must check to see how far along she is." As Maester Whells inserted it into Lady Clarissa she cried out and squeezed your hand. Those ten seconds seemed to last forever until Lady Clarissa was finally allowed to sit up. Lastly, she peed in a bowl and was told to redress. By the end she was no longer shaking but look so tired. You sent her to bed and ordered food to be brought. The atmosphere you returned to was tense. Although the wet nurses had no idea they felt the anxiety. Lady Dara, Lady Mari and yourself were quiet all evening. Only Owen made any noise. Dinner was little better. Prince Aemond sat at the head overlooking a small court. The ladies of Lady Maris's retinue, and those who once belonged to Ellyn, quietly stole looks. They would look your way, and then pretend not to. You prayed none of them found out.

It was a blessed relief to dive under the covers. Lady Dara would be your companion tonight. Sleep came in its usual form, with bloody dreams and voices. You were pulled here and there, with no will of your own. The howling grew greater and soon it overwhelmed you. It plunged you into a pool of blood, unable to get out. But somehow in the midst of all that blood there were little butterfly wings.

Two days later the matter of Lady Clarissa's pregnancy had to be addressed. A closely guarded secret, Maester Whells, Prince Aemond, Lady Clarissa and yourself were the only ones privy to this meeting. "At three months this is the latest I would encourage one to rid themselves of the baby. But it should be quick and not too painful in this case My Lady." "Lady Clarissa?" Lady Clarissa was sitting next to you, still as a statue. Even after two days of rest she still looked haggard. "I need...I need time." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "My Lady, I am afraid time is something we have little of. How I administer the moon tea depends on how far along the babe is. Frankly, I am not comfortable inducing a labor past the fourth month." Lady Clarissa looked like to faint. You placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from swaying. "Think about it. We will continue this in the morning." Maester Whells looked ready to protest. "Please, she needs it." You were worried because Lady Clarissa was sporting a green hue. The pallor one took before throwing up. Helping her from the chair, you lead Lady Clarissa outside. Prince Aemond and Maester Whells followed, speaking all the time. As the group left you though there was the patter of fear. Shaking your head, you convinced yourself it was an affliction of the imagination.

That assumption was a grave mistake on your part. Whispers were racing around the hall, ones that made your heart stop cold. It was on the way down to breaking your fast that the whole day would be spoiled. Only spoiled was not strong enough for the absolute heartbreak that would render itself upon Harrenhal. Two women were gossiping on the staircase. Paying no mind you continued down until a name cropped up. "Lady Clarissa-well she is no true lady from what I hear-" It was then that both women realized who was next to them. "What did you say? Speak up!" They flinched but you did not care. You went right up to one of them, a tall black haired woman. "What is your name?" She did not want to tell, but could not dismiss a direct order from you. "Lady Ellois Dondarrion." "Lady Dondarrion. And why is Lady Dondarrion gossiping about Lady Clarissa?" Lady Dondarrion was biting her lip. "They are all talking about it, not just me. Lady Clarissa is with child." Internally you cursed. Who had told?! "Where did you hear this information?" "It was not me who overheard. I am not sure who, only that Lady Swann told me this morning." "Which Lady Swann?" "Lady Bella Swann, My Lady." You were livid. The impulse to throw Lady Dondarrion and her companion down the stairs was strong. Instead of that, you departed, leaving both women frozen. You did not know who Lady Bella Swann was but she would feel your wrath.

After breaking your fast Lady Swann was summoned. You chose the nearest drawing-room as an audience space. Sitting in a chair and flanked by ladies you hoped to intimidate this Lady Bella Swann. The woman entered, only one could say she was more a child than woman. A tiny thing, she did not even look fully developed. "How old are you, Lady Swann?" She flushed and bobbed a quick curtsy. "Ten and three, My Lady." Suddenly the idea of intimidating this lady made you uncomfortable. "Take a seat. Lady Dara could you?" Nervously Lady Swann sat down. "I hear that a rumor has been going around about one of my ladies. Lady Ellois Dondarrion says that it was you who told her." Lady Swann looked ready to cry. "Who do you serve?" "I grew up serving Lady Joan Tyrell, I served the Princess Ellyn, now I serve Lady Maris Baratheon." You leaned back in the chair. Was this a plot by Lady Maris to unseat you? For a lady's women were extensions of herself and could be judged for their misdemeanors. "Where did you overhear this information?" "I overheard the Prince and Maester Whells, My Lady." So it was her who started this whole affair. Suddenly any sympathy you held for Lady Dondarrion evaporated. "Do you realize what you have done? A lady's reputation is torn because of you." Tears welled up in Lady Dondarrion's brown eyes. "Plesase....I'm sorry I did not mean to..." You did not care to read the rest. This little idiot might be young, but younger girls had more sense. The idea that this may not be a simple slip but a plot did occur. If Lady Maris wished to settle a score then getting rid of Clarissa was a good way to do it. Rising to your feet, all the ladies curtsied. "Lady Dondarrion, this information will be brought to the Prince. Pray he takes it to mind to be merciful. The woman stumbled out. "My Lady, it may not-" Lady Mari put up a hand. "I will not spare sympathy for those who set out to ruin the lives of others."

"Everyone knows." You sat opposite from Alys who was rocking you son. Owen had fallen asleep, the fire glinting on his hair. Today Alys bore ill new. It was none too surprising but dreadful nevertheless that Clarissa's condition had spread. Clarissa had refused to leave her room by now. You spent time trying to coax her out. Eventually you sent in a septa who might ease her pain. It being late, you headed to your room and spent the evening with Alys. A howling wind was raging inside, the shutters shuddered in its place. You would look at Owen, worried that he may be disturbed. But for today you were safely tucked away.

"Could I get you something to read?" Alys put Owen back into the crib. "No. Let us just sit." Worried over Clarissa and the war, you could not bully your brain into concentration. The maid opened the door carrying a steaming bowl of meat and bread. "Ah, dinner. Put it over there I will be out in a moment." You waiting until the maid was gone. The floor was cold and you considered requesting a carpet. You and Alys took places by the fire. Extra food had been supplied for Alys. By now most knew she spent the evenings with you. It was strange, but her presence made you feel less lonely. The past year had been so isolating that companionship was desperately craved. Even from someone like Alys, a commoner and bastard. Yet even so, if the past year had not happened you might still have sought out her company. She was the most engaging person you had ever met. "Poor Clarissa." You forlornly closed bleary eyes. "A sad thing. Unfortunately too common. Even before the war, so many women would arrive pregnant or child in arms. And yet everyone acts scandalized despite the frequency." "But Clarissa's prospects are ruined. There is no way she can just have this child and move on? Clarissa's family will likely abandon her." "They won't help her? But they are a great family. Surely they could lend a hand." "Unfortunately, Alys, being a great family means they are that more ruthless. Even to their own kin." Alys pondered your words and gazed into the fire.

"It is a strange thought." Alys's eyes looked bright in the light, her paleness illuminated. Like two great emeralds placed against a smooth opal. "Men can father a hundred bastards and none blink an eye. But a girl gets pregnant through...well you know, and is suddenly a pariah. You know I have always felt sorry for Rhaenyra." Shocked, any sleepiness was banished. "Rhaenyra Targaryen? What, the Black Queen?!" The last part you spat out. "But have you never thought about it?" Alys was still not looking at you, her eyes still on the fire. Perhaps her thoughts were a thousand miles from here, so engrossed that she was not aware of the surroundings. "Thought about what?" You looked towards the door. This was not a conversation you wanted anyone to overhear. After what happened with Clarissa one could never be too careful. Getting up, you wanted to the door and opened it. The hallway was empty. "Does the King not have bastards?" Alys said as you sat down. What she said was true. Everyone knew King Aegon had silver-haired bastards all over Kings Landing. "The King has numerous bastards while Rhaenyra has only three. And at least she cares for hers. Is it not odd that women are punished for what men take as their due."

You had never thought about it like that. The situations were familiar in a sense. "Rhaenyra chose to sleep outside the confines of marriage. Cassandra was raped." Alys made a nod of acknowledgment. "But if she were not? Would she deserve to be harassed and abandoned by her families." You could not bring yourself to say yes. It was the way of the world. If one had asked you if a woman should be shunned for such foolish actions a year ago you might have said yes. But now the notion felt....icky. It was true that while men such as King Aegon and Jason Lannister fathered scores of bastards a woman could be ruined by just one. You thoughts went to Lady Redwyne. Was she shunned by her family to? You had never thought to ask. Did they whisper about her in the halls as they did Clarissa? While you had never been pregnant through an affair there were those who scorned you. Thinking you were Prince Aemond's mistress some had shunned you. Although your name had been cleared and most scored Ellyn for the rumors you would never forget. Your friends from Kings Landing had hardly sent any letters at all.

"That is true, and I suppose it is unfair. But she is trying to pass off a baby that is not her husbands. And the next heir must be legitimate." "I suppose your point has merit. This society is based upon legitimacy." Alys looked like she wanted to say more but judged it unwise. Owen saved you from the awkward tension by getting fussy. His wails increased in pitch and you quickly scooped him up. "Shall I get the wet nurse?" You shook your head. "Just give me time alone with him." Long after Alys left, her words remained.

"Has she eaten today?" Lady Mari and yourself stood outside Clarissa's door. Clarissa lay on her bed, pale and death with tangled blonde locks. Two weeks and her behavior had hardly changed. Maester Whells was becoming impatient and wanted her to decide. "She may lose the baby and be spared making a decision." Lady Mari's knuckles were red with rubbing. She had been up all night on vigil for Clarissa. "And has she eaten?" "A little bread. But I doubt it shall account for much." Both of you looked in on the sleeping woman. "Let us get her something appetizing and send for a maester. And you looked tire Lady Mari. Rest for a bit." Lady Mari nodded and went in the direction of her room. You on the other hand went to find a maid. Afterwards you went to the maester and told him to check on Clarissa.

A sudden wave of exhaustion came over you. Clarissa's state made been an all consuming worry. It did not help that Harrenhal's very being put the bravest of souls on edge. You pushed the door open to find an apprehensive wet-nurse and Prince Aemond holding your son. You froze feeling a mixture of alarm and fear. Why Prince Aemond holding your son brought about fear you did not know. Just that the sight of your son in his arms disconcerting. Prince Aemond seemed to sense your feeling for he immediately dispensed Owen into your arms. "Hello lovely." You smiled down at Owen. His little eyes opened and registered you. A happy coo left his mouth and you trace Owen's brow. He had grown strong in a past month. The wet-nurse said he fed well and would grow into a fine strong man. "He looks like you." Prince Aemond commented. You would have thought it mere flatter if not for the fact it was very true. There was hardly any Jason Lannister in his son's face. "I know." You cradled the baby close. "You named him after your father. I remember as children you promised to name a boy after him." A long time ago, practically centuries ago (at least for you) you and Prince Aemond had talked about children. In those dreams you imagined the children with platinum hair. But such fantasies were of no use now. "Leave us." Prince Aemond ordered the wet-nurse. It was not just Prince Aemond, the baby, and you.

"Y/n. Daemon Targaryen will be upon Harrenhal soon." "So I suppose it will be time to leave soon." "Yes." "To Casterly Rock?" Prince Aemond shook his head. "No. Highgarden." You had not seen Highgarden in years. The memories were blurry and so far away. You remembered certain smells, noises and how it felt to wander through those great gardens. "Why not Casterly Rock?" "It is not safe there Y/n. The Ironborn will likely attack again and brigands travel the roads. Rhaenyra is still calling for your head and Casterly Rock is in little position to defend dragons due to the conflict." "I thought the Tyrells were neutral in this war." "Yes, well, you will be smuggled in and hidden." The baby snorted through his little nose. A Lannister in Highgarden. The Kings of the Reach and Lannisters of Casterly Rock once fought together against House Targaryen. They had burned for it. Perhaps the Tyrell's would not hold Owen being a Lannister against him. If life had gone differently you would have been Lady Tyrell and Highgarden would have been home. "When is this supposed to happen?" "When they arrive. During war there is no certainty of when." "Very well. I shall inform my ladies." You turned to leave but Prince Aemond called out. "Yes, My Prince?" He seemed to be struggling for the right words. Prince Aemond's jaw was tense making the gaunt features of his face more prominent. You noticed the dark shapes under his eye. The thin leather on his body did not hide the exhausted bearing of its keeper.

Waiting for him to speak, you focused on the babe. "Can we sit? My legs are tired. Childbirth had taken a toll on your body. Moving about was no longer an unconscious effort. You only hoped that your body would resolve itself soon. Placing the babe in a crib beside the chair you sat down. Prince Aemond's leather creaked as he did the same. "We have not talked in a while." Prince Aemond was not looking at you, but at thin boney hands. Once these hands were pale with a tinge of pink and callouses. These days they were akin to bones. "Are you well?" Much to your displeasure there was genuine concern there. Maybe not what it once was but still there. You were not entirely sure what to think about that. One one hand there was displeasure at this weakness. On the other to lose every part of yourself would be a great sadness. "The war has been hard on us all." Was his unsatisfactory reply. A few more minutes of silence passed before Prince Aemond continued. "Your....friendship has waned." Was he blaming you for this?! "I am not sure waned is the word I would use. Perhaps completely obsolete is the word." You hoped you came off as cold rather than sulky. "I am not blaming you. I just feel this is a matter of importance." You gave a derisive snort that on any other occasion would have been embracing. Decorum was the furthest thing on your mind. And could anyone blame you? After years of friendship Prince Aemond had thrown you to the side. It had been so easy for him, a constant torment for you. "Why do you suddenly care?" Prince Aemond's face was still obscured. "I always have." Your hand twitched in irritation. "I doubt it." "I never meant to hurt you." "Much good that has done me." "Y/n please." But there was no pity in you. No matter how sad he looked you would not give way.

"Do you have any idea what it was like for me!? The constant humiliation I suffered while you continued on. Both of us were under suspicion yet only I suffered its affects. I have been by your side through everything. All those years. But you threw me to the wolves and abandoned me! As if I were nothing! So do not think for a second that any words will fix anything." You felt so light yet so heavy at that moment. These were words you had kept in for a year. To get it out was such a relief. But you were not done yet. "And your wife! Did you hear the things she did? All the rumors she spread and her constant torment. Did you know she had be undress her on your wedding night? Well, I suppose a woman you just met is more important than a friend of many years." The last part you spat out like a curse. Prince Aemond was still staring at his hands, still not looking up.

"Y/n, I am sorry-" You did not want to hear it. You would not hear it! Did Prince Aemond think an apology would fix anything? "Please leave." Prince Aemond finally lifted his head. To your alarm you saw tears in his eyes. There were not flowing like a waterfall but his eyes were bright. He looked to be in physical pain. Never before had you seen Prince Aemond tremble, but here he was. You reached for a bowl of warm water and a towel. Handing it to Prince Aemond you sat back down. Prince Aemond took off his eyepatch and held the towel to his eye. "I apologize if my words have cause you pain." It felt churlish not to say so. No matter how angry you were his pain still brought sympathy. "I think a maester may be of better use than I." The anger was gone. You hated to admit it but there was guilt. Whether it was warranted or not remained unclear. Your thoughts about Prince Aemond had been all over the place. You needed time alone, away from Prince Aemond. Perhaps you would never be able to face him again.

Prince Aemond left. Whatever might have happened one could not say. Not this time at least.

Notes:

Ladies and Gentlemen (are there any gentlemen is the crowd?), part one of this story is near completion. Just a few more chapters (about 3-4) and then the shitshow known as part 2 begins. You will notice that the reader drops "Rivers" when referring to Alys as a way of showing their deepening bond. I promise that Alys's motivations will be revealed in time, but that will have to wait. In the last chapter a few people asked if Aemond was in love with reader. The answer is no (thought this may change), at least not in a romantic way. Reader was his first friend and constant companion. He will always carry something for her regardless of time. When the reader referred to Aemond as a kinslayer in the last chapter it hurt because out of everyone, to hear it from Y/n was too much. We will also be getting an Aemond pov soon.

Also I made a mistake when it came to Y/n's family tree. I named her cousins wife Lady Joan when originally I named her Jenna. I will be going to change all the Joan's to Jenna's so I have that to look forward to. Also I named Laura Reed as a mother to readers father Owen Tyrell. Laura Reed is actually the mother of her mother. Bit of a whoops because Laura Reed being the mother to Amelia Tarley is important for this story.

About the magic. I had a bit of difficulty when it came to introducing magic as a plot device for this book because I was more focused on reader's relationships. But keep in mind that the magic aspect is very important to this book.

I honestly can't believe we have gotten this far into the book and I want to thank everyone who had read, liked and commented on my story!

Happy New Year!

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[kitty-is-writing]

writemas day 14!

thanks to @agirlandherquill ! here are the prompts for day 14 - all of which are epic btw!

today we're stepping backwards, to the event that led to Theresa being imprisoned in the cage from day 5.

***slight content warning for a description of burning flesh***

here are the prompts I chose:

A burning house

The sharpness of broken glass

~~~~~

She stirred on the floor, fragments of shattered glass slicing through her skin. For one blissful moment, she had no idea why she was down here, why she was so warm, why there was so much noise. A child's piercing shriek cut the air, forcing the memory back into her mind.

The house burned above her, the result of her wayward, ill thought out attempt to enchant a mirror. Weak thumps on the cellar door made her drag herself up from where she had been thrown. The stairs were already coated in soot and fragments of the floor above, making her slip.

She forced the door open, confronted with her catastrophic failure. How had this happened? How had she lost control so badly as to cause this? Her brother was slumped by the door, his flesh already charred, eyes melted with the heat, yet he was still just about moving, his arms curling inwards against his chest. She pulled him through the door, slamming it shut with a thought.

She could only hope her parents and sister had already escaped, and Draven had returned to find her. There was no way she could battle through those flames. They would have to wait down here and hope the house didn't collapse down on them.

The shards of broken mirror winked up at her, slicing through her brother's legs as she pulled him away from the stairs and into the farthest corner. Here, at least, they would have some protection against the fire from the stone walls.

Theresa turned her attention to Draven, already conjuring the golden mist she had found could heal anything she had tried it on so far. Nothing had been so serious as this, only scrapes and cuts, one broken arm, but she had to try.

The mist enveloped him, shining in the darkness of the cellar, concealing some of his injuries for a moment. His blackened skin became red and raw in parts, but other parts remained unhealed. He did not stir, and she refused to believe it. She pushed more of her magic into the mist, making it thicker and heavier, until it completely hid him.

When she could hold it no longer, she let it drop, hoping to see him whole and smiling at her. The body remained charred, with only a few partially healed patches. The worst parts had split open, either from the heat or from her roughly pulling him across the mirror shards, leaking sticky fluid all over her.

As smoke started to leak into the cellar, she knew there was no more reason to stay down here. With a choked ‘sorry, I love you, goodbye’ to her brother's body, she fled to the usually locked storm hatch at the back. She had not thought to try it before, as her father always kept it chained shut, but now she had little choice.

She threw herself against the metal doors, hearing only the rattle of the chains outside. In desperation, she reached out with her magic, and the doors burst outwards in an explosion of golden energy. Heat radiated in, but anything was better than suffocating in the smoke.

Outside, the entire village was aflame. Theresa stumbled through the place, hearing the cries of those trapped but unable to reach any of them. Several times, she tripped over debris and landed on broken things, cutting her hands and knees to ribbons.

Steadily, the smoke and heat grew less, until she found herself by the edge of the river that bordered the east side of the village. She plunged her hands into the cool water, letting it soothe her cuts and burns. Her mist healed them as the river ran over them, leaving the skin fresh and clean.

Before she could try to heal the rest of her battered body, a firm hand pulled her upright by the collar.

“This must be the little witch,” said a harsh voice by her ear. “I saw her using holy mist on herself.”

She noticed a small group of armoured men, silhouetted against the fire still consuming her village. From within their ranks, one with a shimmering robe emerged - one of the elite Cardinals of the temple, she realised.

He raised a hand and slapped her, hard. “Wicked, evil girl. This death and destruction is on your hands. Bind her and take her to the temple. She will face judgement.”

Theresa had no chance to protest before heavy chains tightened around her, pulling her arms behind her back. A foul tasting rag was shoved into her mouth, and more chains looped around her legs.

The soldier tossed her bound form into a small crate, and slammed a lid over the top, leaving her in darkness once more. She tried to call on her magic, to bring even the tiniest wisp of light to this cramped space, but nothing responded. Something was around her, something more than the wood and chains, that kept her from casting.

Alone in the dark, jostled roughly by whoever carried her prison, she began to weep. She had not even been able to look for any others who had escaped the blaze.

~~~~~

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[bluestar22x]

The Future

The Outcast - Epilogue: The Future

Summary: Just like winter, the end is just the beginning

Pairing: Pero Tovar x F!Reader

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 2,700 (ish)

Warnings: Mention of a baby goat (kid) having died, angst, pregnancy plot, non-graphic labor and birth, fluff, pov changes, quintessential happy ending

Author’s Note: This is a very self indulgent bonus part - you can read the first four parts and have a satisfying ending if this kind of ending isn't your thing. For those who do like this kind of ending guess what my favorite line(s) to write was.

Also, any names I used in this fic were themed and/or meaningful. And if one of my running themes of relating winter with life instead of death wasn't apparent, it should be now.

xxx

Death is far from a stranger on a functioning farm. Even though you usually sold your old, infertile goats to the nearest village's butcher instead of culling them yourself, that still left a whole slew of other ways for you to witness it. Illness, lethal injuries, stillbirths, and difficult deliveries that ended badly for the doe or her offspring or both had all occurred on your farm more than once.

You'd accepted it, and your need to hunt, a long time ago, because you loved the simplicity of this kind of life. You loved being mostly self reliant, knowing you could be fully self reliant if need be, and you loved the companionship of the animals you were dependent on.

Sometimes though, the deaths still hurt. Like when River, your first horse and Meadow's mother had died a few years after you'd moved onto the mountain, due to colic. She'd been in so much pain for so long you'd been forced to end her misery with a knife. The senseless guilt you'd felt after had lasted for weeks.

That was the most you'd ever cried over losing an animal, until one spring morning a year after Pero had decided to stay.

You tried to hide how upset you were by the latest death on the farm when you returned to the cottage to cook a morning meal for you both, but as soon as he followed you inside after an hour of chomping wood, you uncharacteristically started sobbing on sight of him.

Eyes filled with concern, your husband silently approached and gathered you up in his arms, kissing your temple as he did so. You took a deep breath and focused on his soothing warmth, his reassuring broad hands that slid up and down your spine, trying to put yourself back together.

"What has you so upset, mi esposa?" he eventually asked, nuzzling the side of your face, his short beard scraping against it lightly.

You stepped away from him, leaned against the kitchen counter top on one hand, and looked back to him. "It's one of Sweets' kids, the one who was sick, I found her dead this morning."

"I'm sorry cariño," he said quietly, dark eyes serious. "I know how hard you tried to save her."

You shook your head fiercely. "It's not that, I could handle that, it has happened several times before, but it's the way Sweets reacted when I removed the body from the paddock. She started bleating and desperately searching for her, even though she had her other new kid alongside her, even though the body had been cold when I discovered it. Hearing those sounds from her broke my heart."

"It doesn't help I kept thinking -," you paused, eyes widening as you realized what you'd been about to say.

Pero frowned at the way you'd cut yourself off. "It doesn't help what?" he prompted gently.

You sucked in a deep, shaky breath. You figured you might as well not hide it from him. "It doesn't help I kept imagining what she was feeling. Putting myself in her place. I don't think I could handle it if I lost the baby that way."

"The baby," Pero repeated, lips parting in surprise. He reached out to you and tugged you back to him, his arm looped around your waist. "Mi amor, are you saying what I think you are?"

You nodded, fresh tears flooding your eyes, joy overcoming your trepidation. "I am. It's still early, I'm probably only two months or so along, but I'm certain."

You hadn't bled in that time, and had felt nauseous many times over the previous month, neither of which was normal for you. Your emotions had been all over the place lately too. You'd never been a super stoic character, but you were usually far from the emotional wreck you felt like that morning.

Pero beamed at you and the shock of it left you breathless. It was a rare sight, his smile, let alone one that obvious. He leaned forward and kissed your cheek softly, lovingly, showing more affection than you'd once thought him capable of. "Everything will be alright, cariño," he reassured you.

It was not something he could actually promise, no man could act as a god, but his words comforted you anyway.

"I'll need to find a midwife who would be willing to stay the winter with us," you told him nervously. "If I'm correct, the baby will be born in the final days of the year or the early ones of the next. The passage will be closed off by then. When my sister visits I'll ask her to help me search for one."

Pero caressed your cheek with a thumb. "I'm sure an older one without family to care for would agree to stay with us in exchange for coin and free room and board. If not, I will convince them."

You arched your eyebrows, understanding what he meant. "I appreciate the offer, but please don't threaten any of the village midwives, especially the elderly."

"I cannot make any promises, mi amor."

x

Winter had never come faster. Not because it actually arrived sooner, but because there was so much to do before then. In the late spring you and Pero planted your garden and a part of the field with enough crops to keep all the animals and yourselves through the winter.

In the early summer your sister and her husband visited with their four children, two girls and two boys, and for a week the tiny cottage was chaotic. The children were always running off doing something adventurous while your sister helped you milk the goats and Pero and your brother in law worked together to build an additional room to the cottage.

As summer neared its end and your belly rounded, you began to focus on smaller tasks. You still cooked and cleaned, you still took care of the horses and goats, and some of the weeding in the small garden behind the cottage, but Pero assisted you and he took on the tasks that were more dangerous by himself, like hunting. He did the extra work gladly, wanting to do everything he could for you, never feeling like he could do enough.

Harvest came around and your brother in law returned to help with the crops, the midwife your sister had found for you in tow. Her name was Franny, and she was strict about what you could and could not do, having you rest most of the day when she wasn't helping you knit baby clothes, but she was kind, reminding Pero of the one grandmother he knew for only a decade before she passed. It took him time to get used to another adult being in the cottage for so long, but he figured a newborn would be an even bigger adjustment, so he adjusted.

The first snowfall was almost a shock, the months having flown by in a blur, and Pero began to feel anxious. Even with Franny in the spare room, what would later become the baby's room, being closed off from the village for a whole season with you in your condition and eventually a newborn worried him. So many things could go wrong, you of all people knew that, but you would have never agreed to leave the farm. As far as you were concerned if Franny couldn't help you, nobody could, and he supposed you were probably right.

Your prediction about your due date turned out to be precise, your first pangs of labor beginning during an early afternoon at the start of the new year.

He'd found you in the barn, sitting on a square bale of hay with an arm curled around the huge swell at your abdomen, grimacing as you endured the first painful wave.

And then everything moved far too slow. He helped you into the cottage and watched as Franny got to work, prepping for the delivery, clueless about what he could do. Franny was no help there. Traditional as could be, she would've shooed him out of the cottage for the day, no matter the cold, if you hadn't insisted he stay.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay, as useless as he felt, as fearful as he felt, but he did it for you. He scraped his mind for ways to help all the while, assisting a dubious Franny in setting up the bed for you, gathering enough firewood to keep your home warm for a couple days, and caring for all the animals on his own as quickly as he could before returning to your side to let you squeeze his hand as your contractions continued to strengthen at an agonizingly slow pace.

It wasn't until morning the next day that Franny declared it was time for you to push. She had you sit up in bed and undress halfway with Pero's help before she prompted you to spread your legs and bend your knees. You pressed your back to Pero's chest after, using his body to support your own.

Through gritted teeth you bore down with several contractions, panting and breaking out in a sweat from your efforts. Pero kept his face close to yours, murmuring encouragement into your ear as you struggled. And when you reached back and grasped one of his a thighs tightly in an attempt to distract yourself, he let you, not caring whether or not it bruised under your fingertips if it helped you cope.

As the minutes passed, as you tired, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your legs trembling, he became concerned something might be wrong, but Franny remained calm, continuously urging you to keep going.

"A couple more," she promised you. "A couple more good solid pushes and it'll be over, sweetie. Don't give up now."

Pero saw it in your eyes, the moment you mentally and physically dug your heels in and began pushing with renewed determination, and he was awed, not sure how you'd come by the reserve.

Finally your laboring paid off and you slumped backwards into his arms, relief washing over your face as a sharp wail pierced the air.

He glanced from you to the small, wet infant flailing in Franny's arms, and his world shifted.

Outside, snow began to fall.

x

Ten years later...

"Why do I have to go?" the seven year old girl before you bemoaned. "Why can't I stay here?"

"You're not old enough to stay here by yourself, Stela," you explained. "Your brother wouldn't even be allowed to stay by himself and he's three years older than you."

"He's old," she stated and you couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe, but still not old enough."

Stela pouted at you then continued to put on her winter coat and boots, a long dramatic sigh slipping from her as she stood up from the kitchen chair she'd been sitting in. You thought she was far too young to be turning into a moody teenager, but guessed it was the part she'd inherited from her father breaking through.

You finished assisting her five year old sister, Lene, with her coat before leading them both outside into the frigid night. Lene immediately dove head first into the fresh snow layered on the ground gleefully, while her older sister folded her arms and stomped her way over to the front of the barn where Pero and her brother William were waiting for them.

Out of all of your children, William looked most like his father, his eye shape, chin, and nose all miniature copycats of Pero's. Stela had his eyes, but was more like you, physically, and Lene reminded you of your sister. However, they all shared Pero's dark hair and eyes.

"Ready to ride?" Pero quizzed Stela as she trudged right past him. He frowned when she showed no sign of hearing him and met your eyes. "What is she upset about this time?"

"She's angry about being outvoted," you replied. "Said she didn't want to see the stupid lights again and wanted to stay home. She's definitely your daughter."

Pero chuckled and pulled you against him at the hip with one hand as you both trailed your children into the barn to saddle up the horses.

Lene assisted her father with Orion, a four year old colt who was the youngest offspring of the since retired Clover and Thor, grandson to the deceased Meadow, and Pero's new mount. Like his sire, Orion was jet black in color, except for the small crystal shaped star marking that was usually hidden under his forelock. His surprisingly calm disposition was more like Clover though.

Your latest mount, a five year old solid bay mare named Aspen who was Orion's full sibling, was equally as quiet once she'd settled into adulthood, and you had her tacked in no time as Stela watched, still moping.

Last was Thunder, an eight year old bay gelding with a stripe shaped like a lightning bolt running down his face. The most well behaved and eldest offspring of Clover and Thor, Thunder had been assigned to William when he got old enough to start riding on his own.

He was still too tall for William to saddle him, so Pero flung it over the horse's back for him, but the young boy took care of the rest, a true horseman despite his youth.

Once you, Pero, and William led your horses outside the girls approached, Stela hesitantly letting Pero boost her up onto Orion, and Lene begging you to set her in Aspen's saddle. You and Pero climbed on your horses so you were behind them while William found a stump to help propel himself onto Thunder's back.

Someday the children would learn how to ride bareback, but it would not be that night, so you lived with it, though the wind was making you shiver and yearn for the shared body heat.

You led the way up the mountain as was tradition, your family making the trip at least once a winter, more if the children wanted to ride out that far in the dark.

Lene loved it. Loved everything, really. The girl had more positivity and enthusiasm than you and Pero could've ever had combined.

William enjoyed it as well, already into nature as much as you were, and just as quiet about it.

And Stela, well, she often spent most of the ride brooding and complaining about the cold. That night was no different.

Once you reached your destination, you, Pero, and William slowed your horses to a stop a few yards from the edge with your horses shoulder to shoulder so everyone had a great view of the lights.

While the children had grown older (far too quickly), and you and Pero had long since started to grey, the lights had remained the same, seemingly everlasting, tying the years of memories you'd shared together as they shimmered in the sky.

You looked to each of your children in turn and smiled at the delight on their faces, even Stela's, before you glanced to Pero, who was studying your face. You hoped he would never tire of it, cause you certainly wouldn't tire of looking at him, especially when he was holding your middle child by the hip to steady her, to make sure she wouldn't fall off Orion. He was always watching out for his children like that and whenever you witnessed it first hand your heart always threatened to combust.

Fate was not something you'd believed in when you were young, but the older you got, the more you weren't so convinced there wasn't something bigger out there at least nudging you towards the future you were supposed to live out. How else could you have been so lucky to find Pero in time? How else could he have been so lucky to have been chased up your mountain instead of any of the others in the chain that were uninhabited?

One change in events and you'd have never met, or he'd have never turned back come spring. And then you would've never married, and your children would've never been born. You would have spent the rest of your life in tranquility, happy, sure, but never quite fulfilled.

Whether or not fate was real, you were grateful.

You stretched your hand out towards Pero's and he automatically intertwined his fingers with yours, having long lost a hesitancy he'd had towards sharing that kind of intimacy with you.

"Let's head back home," you said simply, and he nodded, turning Orion away from you, for once choosing to take lead.

Guiding you into your future, like you had guided him home.

xxx

Tagged: @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed

xxx

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

xxx

[emeraldhaven]

Remember Me - A SongV Fic

"You took me from all my friends. Just make sure you don’t become my enemy.”

So Mi remembers the moment she left Brooklyn like it was yesterday, a memory creeping across her mind like a freshly cut scar. Her time with the FIA may have taken her life, her humanity, but it could never take that moment from her, even if her memories were fading.

She remembers the looks on her friends faces when they laughed; when they cheered; when they cried. She remembers the exact layout of her apartment, the way the rug was threading at one end, lint covering the edges. She remembers how the sun looked over the waters of New York City as it reflected off of the glistening river; golden rays of sunlight cascading down the walls of her home.

She remembers the piercing red of the Blackwall. She remembers the cold darkness after being pulled out of a netrunning attempt, shivering and sweating, mind racing because of what she'd felt and heard and seen. She remembers the concerned looks on her friends' and lovers' faces when she told them about what she'd done; about how she'd done it.

She remembers Reed; how he showed up, offering a job she couldn't refuse. How he looked her in the eye and promised her, eyes darting around her small apartment in false hope.

"I won't. I promise."

"It's eating me, V. My memories, my experiences, my life. And I can't stop it."

Songbird doesn't remember the first time she had a birthday party. She doesn't remember the taste of real food unmarred by the metal in her head. She doesn't remember how real human flesh feels to touch exactly, electrical signals imitating every single second. She can't remember what it felt like to hug her friends, not anymore.

She doesn't remember her family - her parents, her grandparents, her cousins and aunts and uncles. Their faces are blurred mysteries, in fact, she's not even sure some of them even existed in the first place. No family dinners, or day trips to the beach, or hikes across upstate New York exist in her mind, lost to time or the Blackwall.

She wishes desperately that she could.

The FIA might treat Songbird like "family" - a cold, distorted version of one. Twisted by duty, loyalty and an unwavering faith to themselves. Does family stab each other in the back, hurting unlike anyone had ever hurt people before? Does "family" give people the right to treat her like scrap metal, to use and abuse and throw away when they don't care about her anymore?

Reed might think he's her colleague, her mentor, her friend; but she knows that at any moment, he'd throw her to the vicious wolves as soon as she made any wrong move in President Myer's eyes. Those cold, focused eyes. The eyes of someone who would rather kill than be killed.

Songbird's death will be on her hands; and she'll be annoyed to destroy yet another asset.

"Thank you, V. And I'm sorry... for everything."

Song So Mi remembers everything about V. Her eyes, sharp and forest green, a colour rarely seen in America anymore. A verdant twinkle in her eyes whenever she solves some problem, or thinks of a witty quip to call So Mi out with. Her hair, shaved on one side and long and red on the other, her cyberware continuing from those beautiful eyes through to an external neuralware cyberdeck intergration port. Her stance - one of power and confidence yet marred with the subtle yet noticeable lag of a body weary from combat and time and some other, purposefully-unnamed factor. V's jacket - an antique to be sure, but just so very V, the way the jacket speaks to her personality and ideals, the gleaming crystal blue of the collar illuminating her neckline and enticing Song's eyes up towards her jaw...

So Mi blinked, blushed and looked away over her shoulder. She hasn't felt this way in a long, long time; possibly ever. She doesn't believe that she's in any league close to V, that V wouldn't even give her a second thought; that she isn't worth it. Yet, no matter what happens or has happened, V looks her in the eye, hand on her shoulder, her cheek, her own hand and says:

"I trust you."

It's an affirmation, something barely notable in its own right - something standard and normal and supposedly frequent. But it's been a long time since anyone has actually said that to So Mi, even longer since somebody ever meant it. No, this is said with heart and character and trust from a woman so wonderous, so incredible that every situation she's involved in is seen as a spectacle - a woman who has done impossible things in impossible situations and has impossibly survived. Somebody who is worth the world but shall receive indifference from the city that tries to kill her daily. It's an affirmation - that's sure enough - but from V? It feels like a blessing.

And Song So Mi will never, ever forget her.

[dakota-zen]

Sólo una vez supe para qué servía la vida.

En Boston, de repente, lo entendí;

caminé junto al río Charles,

observé las luces mimetizándose,

todas de neón, luces estroboscópicas, abriendo

sus bocas como cantantes de ópera;

conté las estrellas, mis pequeñas defensoras,

mis cicatrices de margarita, y comprendí que paseaba mi amor

por la orilla verde noche y lloré

vaciando mi corazón hacia los coches del este y lloré

vaciando mi corazón hacia los coches del oeste y llevé

mi verdad sobre un pequeño puente encorvado

y apresuré mi verdad, su encanto, hacia casa

y atesoré estas constantes hasta el amanecer

sólo para descubrir que se habían ido.

Anne Sexton

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just once I knew what life was for.

In Boston, quite suddenly, I understood;

walked there along the Charles River,

watched the lights copying themselves,

all neoned and strobe-hearted, opening

their mouths as wide as opera singers;

counted the stars, my little campaigners,

my scar daisies, and knew that I walked my love

on the night green side of it and cried

my heart to the eastbound cars and cried

my heart to the westbound cars and took

my truth across a small humped bridge

and hurried my truth, the charm of it, home

and hoarded these constants into morning

only to find them gone.

Anne Sexton

[im-socurious]

Ace Of Spades

Ace of Spades- The “Death Card” but not as in the death of sorrow, but as in the death of transition. Death in search of new life.

You weren’t scared of death. You were just fine with dying considering anything would be better than being on this miserable planet the we call, Earth.

Earth sucked. Earth was miserable. Earth held you back from many things. Being a woman came with cat calls, criticism, harshness, and good ol’ misogyny, you were barely able to move. So no, you were not scared to die.

But your husband, Connie, needed you. And you were dead wrong to be leaving him like this. He held onto your hand for dear life and cried rivers. His beautiful light brown eyes were leaking.

Why?

“Why are you crying, my love? You should be happy for me.” You said, bringing your soft hand up to caress his face. “Why are you leaving me? Mi corazón, you can’t leave me like this! I can’t live without yo-” “ Yes you can. And you will. My body is dead my soul will still be alive. I’ll be watching over you, protecting you. My soul will discover new life, and that’s a good thing. You will carry on with life and you will find a new love. I want you to be happy, Connie. And many years from now, I’ll see you when you get here. I love you, baby.” And with that, you died. Your body lied there in the sobbing man’s hands.

He couldn’t see you, but you were still hugging him. Making sure he felt your love. You were going through an Ace Of Spades but you would love him forever, and even after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a lil sum before bed. Hope you enjoyed it. Love ya’ll!

[edgessunflower]

I fell in love with both of you

Pairing: Dominik Mysterio x Fem reader x Damian Priest

Description: After you and your closest friends survive an earthquake, the three of you tell and show the feelings you have for each other

You laugh as you jump on Dom's back while the two of you and Damian hang out together for the day. The three of you had been friends for awhile since you joined the WWE roster and welcomed you to Judgement Day with open arms ending up falling for them as the three of you became attached at the hip within a short amount of time, you are pulled by your thoughts when a loud noise rips through the air making you all stop and become more alert of everything around you until suddenly the three of you are knocked off your feet as everything rumbles and shakes around you desperately holding on to damian's shirt and dom's arm as you scream in pain when you feel something hit your back realizing the road cracked right before you fell, you feel your body hit things until you land in the river below as you grab and pull yourself up before you went out cold. You slowly come to as you hear yelling, despite the pain you pull yourself up as you groan feeling panic when you see blood on you looking to see everything around you in ruins as tears flow down your face until the yelling gets louder "Mariposa! Where are you?!" you stumble as you walk not knowing how badly hurt you were "Mi Vida! Are you here?" you cry when you recognize the voices as you run until you see them which makes you cry even more as they turn around seeing the cuts and wounds on their bodies, the next thing you knew was you were holding each other tightly as you all cried before continuing onwards until you collapse in pain having to be carried by damian the rest of the way until the three of you took shelter in a house that survived the quake. You all sleep after spending two hours on high alert until the adrenaline wears off, you jump up at a loud noise outside as you feel a hand on your shoulder turning to see dom next to you "Hey it's okay we're safe" you take deep breaths as you lean your head in the crook of his neck while listening to his heartbeat, you all sit next to each other until you laid down with your head in dom's lap while the rest of your body was in damian's until you took a risk by saying what had been on your mind "I fell in love and i'm in love with both of you" you felt your heart pound in your chest as you stared at the wall until you felt hands on you turning to see damian above you, you feel your body tingle as you share a kiss with him while dom kisses your palm before grabbing and sharing one with him as damian holds the two of you to him. You wrap your arms around them as tears flow before they pull you away to wipe your face "It's okay, we love you so much...we didn't know if you loved either of us but when we saw you fall" all of you choke up as they hold your face in their hands "We didn't care whether you loved us as friends or more as long as you were alive it didn't matter until we found you" you all wrap your limbs around each other as you all cried until each of you had fallen asleep, the three of you were treated at a hospital after being found and the three of you return home a few hours later earning hugs from Finn and Rhea who were terrified that all three of you were gone, you each are dropped off at your homes but you feel terrified as you lay in bed after showering, you get up and drive to damian's in tears knocking on the door after seeing dom's car in the driveway immediately walking in after the door opens wrapping your arms around the two as soon as you look at them.

[rcgueprince]

[ impossible ] sender kisses receiver as a final gesture, knowing they can't be together

ahahaha

𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔪𝔭𝔱 || 𝔫𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔠𝔠𝔢𝔭𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤

“Do this for me. Let me die knowing it is the one I love who will give me peace.”

Sebastian held no illusions about the life they led. From the moment he had met Carver Hawke, their lives connected in a series of “almosts”; two desperate men on parallel paths reaching across the ever-growing divide for someone, anyone who knew the agony of loss.

The chantry had been his succor, the balm that eased the ache of his grief, but Carver had been the first to see who he was. It was something he had given to the youngest Hawke in return time and time again. They offered one another a place – however fleeting – where they could escape the shadows of their family name. In the flickering candlelight of the Chantry, Sebastian had shared a vision of the future where Carver could have been his. He would survive the expedition, and Sebastian would secure the throne in Starkhaven and give him a home.

“I'll return to you.” The young man had promised, holding the laybrother’s face as if he was someone to be treasured, “No matter the cost, and no matter the battle.”

A decade later, the newly crowned prince had repeated those words against the Warden-Commander’s lips, pulling him close. Reports scattered across the stone floor, the remnants of a shattered wine glass staining the pages. He would apologize come morning, but at that moment, he craved nothing more than to taste the liquor on Carver’s tongue.  

“Return to me. No matter the cost, and no matter the battle.”

He had prayed to the Maker every night, begging in hushed whispers for this one mercy. Sebastian had lost both his family and the peace he had within the hallowed halls of the Kirkwall Chantry. Let him have this. Let him have Carver, for what little time their lives had left.

When Carver does finally call upon him, it is for the ultimate mercy a man can offer.

When Carver comes to Starkhaven, it is to die.

Sebastian had always dreamt of showing the youngest Hawke the lands he called home. They may have been little more than idle daydreams of a lovesick young man, but the hope held within had become a chant of their own. When Carver returned, when Sebastian had a proper bid for the throne, he would bring him here. Here, where the lush forests and the clear blue water of the Minanter would welcome them, offer a peace that Kirkwall never could.

They could be happy here.

When Hawke returned without him, the prayers still continued. A candle for Bethany, for Leandra, for the delusion that Carver would keep his promise.

“It’s almost romantic,” Carver says, his hoarse voice hitting Sebastian like a blow to the chest, ripping him from his spiraling thoughts. For all that he tries, he cannot bring himself to roll his eyes or laugh out of fear that if he opens his mouth, the grief will drown him before he has a chance to do what was asked.

“I-“ Sebastian croaks, the words getting stuck in his throat. Carver only squeezes his hand, reassuring him.

“I know.”

They sit a little ways away from the river’s edge, the small clearing by the water dotted with wildflowers and blooming bushes. He could think of no better place to ease Carver to the end – a place of peace for a boy who has only known war. At least here, in Sebastian’s arms, the Warden will face his end under the sun. Safe. His body would not become food for the darkspawn; his soul would know the Maker’s mercy.

What mercy is there for me, he wonders selfishly, that I must live without you?

Carver talks, and in a few days, Sebastian will remember what it was he said. He will remember the hollow jokes spoken by a man who had cried to him the night before, scared of what was happening to his mind. In the moment, however, he watches the warden with rapt attention, committing every detail to memory. He was thinner now, his eyes starting to reflect a cloudy hue, but he still shined in Sebastian’s mind. There was no one like Carver Hawke in all of Thedas, and there would never be another Hawke after today.

When Sebastian moves to kiss him, the other man welcomes the gesture. He is greedy and desperate, hands mapping every inch of Carver’s body. Carver holds him, in turn, as if he were the final tether keeping him lucid – and perhaps he was, the last flickering light keeping him from giving into the song reverberating in his blood.

“Sebastian,” The warden calls his name in between kisses, the gentleness of his tone crushing.

“I can’t,” Sebastian’s voice is small, his steady hands trembling against the sides of Carver’s face.

“You can,” Because I need you to.

And he will, because he has never loved a man like he has loved Carver.

Pale hands rest on Sebastian’s as he positions the dagger to ensure a quick end, steadying the archer’s grip. It would be the last time those scarred hands would hold him. His heart lurches at the thought, panic tightening his throat.  

“I will spend every day of my life loving you.”

“I would say the same, but I’m afraid there’s much of that left.” Carver’s laugh is more of a pained wheeze, and Sebastian can bear the tightness in his chest no longer. The tears that spill blind him, but he persists, tightening his grip.

“Ready?” Carver asks him, knowing neither one of them truly was.

“Ready.” Sebastian responds hollowly. No. How could he ever be?

Guided by the other man’s hand, Sebastian sinks the blade into his almost lover’s chest, just as Carver steals one last kiss. A wordless gratitude, a final goodbye. The prince’s body heaves with the pained sobs that escape him almost immediately, the sickening way he feels the blade tear into the flesh of the man he loves. It is a sensation that will haunt him for the rest of his life.

His love is a prayer and a confession, repeated to the dying man long after his body stills. It is repeated until it hardly sounds like anything other than babble, repeated until it feels as though his lips would crack if he attempts to form the sounds of the vowels one last time.

The royal guards will find him the next morning, still clutching the man who was once Carver to his chest.

It will take three of them to pull the grieving prince from the corpse.

[ofpd]

anyway top five les mis moments that could put someone in a hospital

ok i am so biased towards certain characters but here are some devastating scenes (devastating lines are a different category to me). under the cut as an excuse to post longass passages. bolded lines are my fave parts of the scenes

this whole scene in 3.7.4 is cray but at a highlight is when eponine says this

I often go off in the evening. Sometimes I don’t come home again. Last winter, before we came here, we lived under the arches of the bridges. We huddled together to keep from freezing. My little sister cried. How melancholy the water is! When I thought of drowning myself, I said to myself: ‘No, it’s too cold.’ I go out alone, whenever I choose, I sometimes sleep in the ditches. Do you know, at night, when I walk along the boulevard, I see the trees like forks, I see houses, all black and as big as Notre Dame, I fancy that the white walls are the river, I say to myself: ‘Why, there’s water there!’ The stars are like the lamps in illuminations, one would say that they smoked and that the wind blew them out, I am bewildered, as though horses were breathing in my ears; although it is night, I hear hand-organs and spinning-machines, and I don’t know what all. I think people are flinging stones at me, I flee without knowing whither, everything whirls and whirls. You feel very queer when you have had no food.

in 4.12.3, after grantaire has gotten drunk instead of lamarque's funeral and the barricades are being built

Enjolras, who was standing on the crest of the barricade, gun in hand, raised his beautiful, austere face. [...]

“Grantaire,” he shouted, “go get rid of the fumes of your wine somewhere else than here. This is the place for enthusiasm, not for drunkenness. Don’t disgrace the barricade!”

This angry speech produced a singular effect on Grantaire. One would have said that he had had a glass of cold water flung in his face. He seemed to be rendered suddenly sober. He sat down, put his elbows on a table near the window, looked at Enjolras with indescribable gentleness, and said to him:— “Let me sleep here.”

“Go and sleep somewhere else,” cried Enjolras.

But Grantaire, still keeping his tender and troubled eyes fixed on him, replied:— “Let me sleep here,—until I die.”

Enjolras regarded him with disdainful eyes:— “Grantaire, you are incapable of believing, of thinking, of willing, of living, and of dying.”

Grantaire replied in a grave tone:— “You will see.”

there are a bunch of iconic exr quotes back to back in 4.1.6 and im not even including all of them here

“What about me?” said Grantaire. “Here am I.”

“You?”

“I.”

“You indoctrinate republicans! you warm up hearts that have grown cold in the name of principle!”

“Why not?”

“Are you good for anything?”

“I have a vague ambition in that direction,” said Grantaire.

“You do not believe in everything.”

“I believe in you.”

“Grantaire will you do me a service?”

“Anything. I’ll black your boots.”

“Well, don’t meddle with our affairs. Sleep yourself sober from your absinthe.”

this in 5.1.8... love both the times that enjy kills a guy but the other one is more sexy and this one is more devastating

The captain of the piece was a handsome sergeant of artillery, very young, blond, with a very gentle face, and the intelligent air peculiar to that predestined and redoubtable weapon which, by dint of perfecting itself in horror, must end in killing war.

Combeferre, who was standing beside Enjolras, scrutinized this young man.

“What a pity!” said Combeferre. “What hideous things these butcheries are! Come, when there are no more kings, there will be no more war. Enjolras, you are taking aim at that sergeant, you are not looking at him. Fancy, he is a charming young man; he is intrepid; it is evident that he is thoughtful; those young artillery-men are very well educated; he has a father, a mother, a family; he is probably in love; he is not more than five and twenty at the most; he might be your brother.”

“He is,” said Enjolras.

“Yes,” replied Combeferre, “he is mine too. Well, let us not kill him.”

“Let me alone. It must be done.”

And a tear trickled slowly down Enjolras’ marble cheek.

can't make a list of devastating les mis scenes without eponines death :) this isn't the whole thing but i did want to have some limit on how long this post was

“Now, for my trouble, promise me—”

And she stopped.

“What?” asked Marius.

“Promise me!”

“I promise.”

“Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead.—I shall feel it.”

She dropped her head again on Marius’ knees, and her eyelids closed. He thought the poor soul had departed. Éponine remained motionless. All at once, at the very moment when Marius fancied her asleep forever, she slowly opened her eyes in which appeared the sombre profundity of death, and said to him in a tone whose sweetness seemed already to proceed from another world:—

“And by the way, Monsieur Marius, I believe that I was a little bit in love with you.”

She tried to smile once more and expired.

[ashmp3]

🫧 :)

oh you found THE perfect picture of course you did omg 💖 tattoo on a collar bone... i feel like a donkey you are a riding me and this picture is my carrot ANYWAY! You are so fun, warm. colorful, bubbly AND FRIENDLY first and foremost and the first person that came to my mind was dino dvornik (rip legend... i remember when he died i cried a river). Funky bright and so Grace to me... so my final answer is dino dvornik - ti si mi u mislima!

[riversofmars]

20 Questions for Writers

Haven't done one of these in ages so let's have a go, thanks for the tag @capybaraonabicycle :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

207

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

2,039,066

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who (179) first an foremost. <3

Some of the others include:

Holby City (12) - that was a long time ago lol

Last Tango In Halifax (8)

Happy Valley (TV) (6)

Collateral (TV 2018) (5)

Spooks | MI-5 (2)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It's called Marriage, Honey (1064): A collection of River/13 oneshots.

Home For Christmas (760): My first advent calender fic! River/multiple Doctors, mainly 13.

When The Doctor Comes To Call (696): One of my first River/13 oneshots but a bit of River/11 thrown in.

When the Wind stands fair (489): My first River/13 multi-chapter and library fix it.

World Enough, And Time (485): A pretty elaborate River/13 fic in which River had a child with 12 on Darillium but hidden it from him and gave it to Vastra and Jenny before heading to the library. Only, the baby gets kidnapped and 13 is the one who deals with the fallout.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! When someone took the time to comment, it's only polite to at least say thank you!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think probably Drowning and Fracture.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them have happy endings, I couldn't possibly pick!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. .... occasionally... spanning quite a range of femslash.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes, though I wouldn't call them crazy. I like writing AUs of other worlds, i.e. Liv/Helen versions of Chess, Bodyguard, Lord of the Rings, Tár, Hijack, London Has Fallen... But actual crossovers would be writing Happy Valley/Collateral together (cause it just makes sense!). I also once wrote a pretty mad crossover of multiple Big Finish ranges (8DA, Gallifrey, UNIT, DoRS, War Master...) and put them in the Land of Oz so that was fun.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so and hope it stays that way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I could translate them myself into German but don't really see the point when most people read English anyway.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, done quite a few with @calunalilly now, like our most recent project, a Doctor Who-Lord of the Rings AU :D Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Liv Chenka/Helen Sinclair. There is no contest. 179 of my fics are them and will continue to write for them!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Years ago I had started a Liv/Helen Hogwarts AU The Shape Of Things To Come but as it's since become unacceptable to engage with that content anymore. I doubt I will get back to it sadly which is a shame cause I hate leaving something unfinished but alas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I think? Seems to flow very easily but action too, I think, when I want to take the time for it. I'm always surprised afterwards with how exciting it is :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing enough grounding around the dialogue. I have to remind myself to do that half the time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If there is a point to it, sure, but not just to show off you speak multiple languages lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's a tough one... there are a lot I am very proud of for different reasons.

A Numbers Game for probably being my biggest achievement to date in terms of length and complexity. I spent so much time on that fic and love it!

What The Future Holds packs such an emotional punch, I cried writing it. And it's the only way I can make sense of the ending of Stranded and fix it properly.

The Bodyguard and the following sequels just work so so well as an Alternate Universe, I'm super happy with how it all came together and it just works.

But I think, overall, my favourite thing I've ever written and that I'm proudest of is Romance In D Minor. Just in terms of how well it's written, I've really thought about it, structure, pacing and it's just- Yes. It's the one.

Tagging some people I think might be interested but anyone who sees this and fancies it, please fell free! @calunalilly @meluisart @sircarolyn @elizabethshaw @serenbex