#crazy how the minute u learn u can do something ur conditioned to go 'ok how can u do that More and Better and All The Time For Money' .

[trainingdummyrabbit]

me, experiencing the horrors: >:( art shouldnt just be whats most consumable!!! we should do what makes us happy, its an expression of who we are as people and nobody should judge us or our value for that!!!

also me, drawing what i want: Oh God My Art Isnt Marketable Enough :(

[brazil-hinata]

sakuatsu with an eczema s/o

a/n: my eczema made me do this. also, my writings are v cringey and cliche so yeah.

miya atsumu

ok so it's been a good two months since you and atsumu started dating

you've been so happy lately you didn't realize your most hated season has come... which is winter cause it makes your eczema flare like crazy

you woke up one day and saw very evident red and itchy patch on your skin

you immediately got sad cause u remember youre meeting atsumu today after his practice and youre scared he'll be disgusted by you

you two were taking a night stroll when he decided to hold your hand cause he's clingy like that

but you immediately let go cause of your eczema

"hey babe, what's wrong?"

"nothing"

"then why arent you letting me hold your hand?"

"i just dont want to!"

"what do ya mean you dont want to? you said that me holding ur hands is your favourite thing! come on babe tell me whats wrong"

after a few minutes you decided to show your hands to him cause you know theres no way in hell will atsumu drop the subject

"i have eczema, tsumu"

you saw him staring intently at your hands and asked a question a few moments later

"is that contagious?" like most people atsumu doesnt know much about eczema so you understand if he thinks its contagious

"not really"

"then i don't care! i'm holding my baby's hand no matter what! and even if it's contagious, i'd gladly have eczema with you"

at this point all your worries are forgotten and youre grinning so wide

"YOU ARE THE CHEESIEST MAN IN THE WORLD, MIYA ATSUMU."

"and i know you love me for it ;)"

the next day he brought you a bunch of aveeno, cerave, cetaphil, and all kinds of lotion and youre crying cause you know how expensive those are

sakusa kiyoomi

its been eight months since you've been dating kiyoomi

knowing how cautious he is, you try your best to make sure your eczema dont flare up

but there was this one semester where everything was just super stressful and it lead you to eating too much milk chocolate (which is the biggest trigger for your eczema)

so one morning you were horrified to see the red and itchy patch around your mouth and chin

so you called your dermatologist right away but sadly theyre fully booked until next week

so you just splattered moisturizing cream on your face and hope that it gets better

you had no plans to see kiyoomi today but he texted you saying he made dinner just for you cause he knows you've been really stressed

who can say no to that right?

youre not the type to wear a mask so when he saw you with one he knew something was up

"are you sick?" he said right away

"no, im just protecting myself from the flu going around"

he knows what youre saying is complete bs but he didnt push it cause you seemed uncomfortable

you were actually also really nervous meeting him cause oh my gosh what if he saw your eczema and he gets disgusted and breaks up with you

so when you were eating, instead of taking off your mask, you just pulled it down to your chin to still cover your flares

kiyoomi found it v odd but he still didnt say anything

also you were eating side by side while watching tv thats why he didnt really notice your flares

"thank you omi-kun for the dinner! i'll leave now!"

omi wanted you stay more but knowing how much deadlines you have, he quietly lets you go

except for one thing

"where's my kiss?" kiyoomi asked just as you leave for the door

you stood frozen as you rack your brain for an excuse

"come on, omi-kun! there's a flu going around! we shoudn't kiss!"

"as if a flu will keep me from kissing you"

he was too fast and before you know it he already took off your mask and was about to kiss you when your eczema caught him off guard

"i'd understand if you wanna break up with me" you said. you wanna prepare yourself for the heartbreak... you know he'd be disgusted

but to your surprise kiyoomi just asked, "why do you have a rash on your face?" as he studied the red patch

kiyoomi is v knowledgeable when it comes to disease but he doesnt know about eczema

"i actually have eczema... its like a skin condition... but i promise you its not contagious or anything!"

next thing you know you are in sakusa kiyoomi's dermatologist

he was asking his dermatologist all kinds of question on how to cure and prevent it

omi also learned that day that you get triggered by milk chocolate so from that day onwards you're ban from eating it

"sakusa kiyoomi!! let me eat my milk chocolate!!!!!!!!!" you screamed at him a few days after

"not on my watch!" kiyoomi said as he raised his arm holding your beloved chocolates, while you jump pathetically to reach them since he's so much taller than you

but in the end you're v thankful you have a boyfriend that cares for your eczema <333

also you're also v thankful that he's the one who paid for your dermatologist visit

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:27 10/01/2021 so. yes hello . i have corona looool. its not funny but it kinda is. a lot has changed since the last time i wrote and yet nothing at all has happened. its 2021 lol. its just 2020 pt 2 tho. crazy shit. i feel fine tho i dont feel ill at all. im currently looking at some art that i like and trying to find more since i wanna make a collage on my wall or something. ive always wanted a room that just feels like ME ya know. i always felt like my room didnt really show who i was because i tend to live in my head. like all of me is in my noggin instead of showing who i am through the way i dress/how my room looks/personalised things like my phone and stuff . like its never really shown what im like probably because i dont really know who i am. that feels weird to say because of course i know who i am. its a me. mario. no. lol. i really want to get into tailoring my life to ME rather than just existing ya know. like i feel as though theres no point doing anything like expressing myself because ill just end up being not bothered to finish something or ill end up not liking it so ive wasted my time. but u know what. fuck it. i wanna do thinks like that and maybe one day ill look back at when i started doing this and thank myself. thats got to be worth more than the feeling of disappointment of wasting ur time for something u dont like. coz if its not better then thats not fair. i was contemplating whether or not to actually continue this because its cringe and i dont want anyone to ever find this because i hate people knowing more about me than i let them. you only ever get to know the me i want you to. lol. i exist on my conditions. i should really put this somewhere else than on a notepad on my laptop. maybe i should create a tumblr account and upload these coz i think i could access it more privately than this. the more i think about it the better of an idea this is. i still like writing on this notepad because its familiar and allows for more expression i think . because i can make as many spelling mistakes as i want and no one can correct me. haagaHHghvsqhdbjsnbsd. anyways what was i talking about. ah yes self expression. i think ive been struggling with this because i dont like boxing myself in. and i especially hate when other people box me in . :((((((( makes me mad >:[ hehehheh anyway i have the first day of online school tomorrow ... which... yeah sucks. but i dont even know if half my teachers are actually doing it lol. i hope prelims get cancelled because i mean the exams are so why shouldnt prelims be. the thing is that i struggle with motivation so much. and its not even like "i dont want to start this massive project because it will take a lot of time and energy" its more "i cant pick up that book that is within arms reach even though i quite like the idea of reading right now and wouldnt mind getting a bit of progress done i just physically cant put my phone down and pick that up because my brain doesnt want to even though.. it does????" man am i bad at explaining. anyway i was saying that because even though i knowwww i shouldve been studying the past two weeks the only thing ive done is like.. look at some spanish and thought about things i can do in my own time to help that. but the thing is i enjoy spanish for the most part so like,,, with me enjoying the subject, wanting to learn it, and going to fking uni for it, all ive done is 20 minutes of spur of the moment writing lmao. so chemistry and maths are fked. coz i dislike chem especially. fuck that shit lol. i feel very trapped in my own head but i feel like im doing that becauese ive learned to do that for so long. its weird existing to other people especially when u didnt feel like u existed to yourself for a long time. like as though ehdjsb jhbwalkjkjbf i dont know what im saying. oh yeah the minecraft end poem almost made me cry again. im gonna read it again because i just reminded myself and im gonna come back and tell u my fave. why am i speaking to you as though u are real. like ur a person. maybe ill keep doing that. what do u think. anyway brb wait im gonna play minecarft music while i read it and maybe i can cry. "i like this player. it played well. it did not give up" "this player dreamed of sunlight and trees. of fire and water. it dreamed it created. and it dreamed it destroyed. it dreamed it hunted, and was hunted. it dreamed of shelter." "does it know we love it? that the universe is kind?" "to cure it of sorrow would destroy it. the sorrow is part of its own private task" "to tell them how to live is to prevent them living" "take a breath, now. take another. feel air in your lungs. let your limbs return. yes, move your fingers. have a body again, under gravity, in air. respawn in the long dream. there you are. your body is touching the universe again at every point, as though you were separate things. as though we were separate things" "and why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? to see you, player. to know you. and to be known." "and the universe said i love you - and the universe said you have played the game well - and the universe said everything you need is within you - and the universe said you are stronger than you know - and the universe said you are the daylight - and the universe said you are the night - and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you - and the universe said the light you seek is within you - and the universe said you are not alone - and the universe said you are not sepsrate from every other thing - and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code - and the universe said i love you because you are love" *sobs* " and the player was the universe. and the player was love. you are the player. wake up." how was i supposed to be okay after reading that huh. honestly tho i live minecraft like its such a beautiful game i cant believe i used to be ashamed to admit i played it :/ . in the middle of that i created a tumblr account coz i got sidetracked but its good to know that tumblr doesnt have a character limit that im aware of. anyway i know thats a lot of quotes its like almost half of the entire poem but like. its beautiful tho. its really grounding and like validating? to hear some of that idk. the universe is actually fking mental tho lol and i love learning about it i think thats one of the reasons i did so well in physics is that is taking something so entirely complex and crazy into math and reason and logic so i can at least understand a little about the universe. i can know it back. maybe i am the universe. and really were just understanding ourselves. getting to know who we are and where we all came from. i think thats lovely since some people (inc me) dont really know who they are or what theyre supposed to be so its comforting to know that at the very least we are all made from atoms and we were all forged from the same galaxy and that we are a part of the universe, part of something important just by existing. that we dont have to be special or unique by anyone's standards because we are formed in the same way stars are, were all just a collection of atoms, arranged to make up something incredible, and the fact that we can understand that shows how remarkable we are just by existing. like thats it. we are amazing just because we exist at the same time as the universe, that we are the universe. and so yes physics is "just maths" but maths is a tool to explain how phenomenal our exitance actually is. yeah. wow. ok imma go watch youtube or something now. bye bye. also notice how there was like an almost 3 month gap in between writing these. yeah.