#crazy cause like they wouldn’t have survived no matter what since the oxygen was fucked

[dykedvonte]

Also it’s insane that Jimmy decided to eat Curly because it couldn’t have been a starvation thing.

From the conversation with Daisuke they had less oxygen left and 4 months of food. And that’s 2 months from AFTER the crash. He could have used any of the leftover food but chose to further torment and torture Curly to feed his ego. It was only him, there’s no way there wasn’t enough. Yes, it was through delusion but he wasn’t completely gone. Perhaps he was suffering from the beginnings of oxygen deprivation along with the stress of what just went down but looking back on it, there was never gonna be a point they had to eat Curly or had the chance.

They all would’ve suffocated first.

[sinisterlyhan]

05. hwang hyunjin /  5813 words

stoner!hyunjin, softdom!hyunjin, female reader, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, cream pie, size kink, reader is quite obedient here, fluff

tw: mentions of drugs

a/n: i wrote the first part of this drabble on my sfw account but decided to expand it and wrote the smut part for it. i doubt you’ll see something similar, but if you do, that’s most likely me. / please do envision this hyunjin to look exactly like ta!hyunjin.

the smoke stopped bothering you as much as it used to.

starting from burned up cigarettes to block-shaped vapes to dried up marijuana—you were no expert when it came to drugs but the ones you can name from the top of your head, you have likely seen hyunjin smoke it, whether it was under the bleachers during the weekend football matches or at a secret corner of the school’s backyard where teachers rarely head to check for students.

well, he did stop smoking at the backyard ever since you told him not to because that was where the school bunnies were taken care of. that was the only one of many advice he has taken from you ever since you found out he was half-way down his path to becoming a chronic smoker.

tonight was no exception. the smell of cigarette smoke wafted before your nose as you stirred on the bed hyunjin has laid you on after you fell asleep on the floor. you were reading a book, he didn’t pay attention to what it was but he dumped it on the edge of his desk so you could find it in the morning.

the moon was bluer than usual this night, making the blue sky look darker than ever. hyunjin’s long hair appeared to be a shade of blond and brown mixed together, framing his pretty face as it fell over the black headband he started wearing to keep his hair from bothering his eyes.

he was leaning against the balcony fence, completely unfazed by the cold despite wearing a sleeveless shirt. he got one elbow propped up on the vinyl rail while the other arm held up with a burning cigarette stuck between his slender fingers, smoking his unsaid sorrows away as he observed the vast city before him.

hyunjin looked more ethereal than ever like this. enticing, even. every move he makes, each inhales of his chest and each puff of lips felt like a revelation. he was spilling secrets to the gods above, with elegant smoke circulating his features, thus adding seduction to his overall being.

he was unbothered, melancholic, graceful—he was himself.

and no matter how many times you told yourself he was not your type of boys, you found yourself picking those brown creamy eyes over all others, you found yourself falling for the same witty smile all over again, and you found yourself melting against his surprisingly tender touch.

you fall and you fall, and all of a sudden, he was who you wanted him to be, and he was who you have always wanted.

shifting his weight, hyunjin spared a glance into his room and his heart skipped a quiet beat when he saw you staring back at him.

just having anyone on his bed was a miracle to him, not to mention the person was you, whom he has been in love with since the teacher demanded him to tutor you in order to raise your academic grades and to eliminate his bad conduct grades.

crazy enough, he never thought he would fall for someone like you. slow, clumsy, bad at spelling and can’t figure out simple math equations—not his type whatsoever. but he thought of you one night when it was all quiet and the wind blew his horrible memories away with the scent of smoke, he thought of you. how determined you were, how faultless and understanding you were, how you were always so kind to him.

and he fell, too, much earlier than you did for him.

hyunjin pushed himself off the balcony rail and took a few steps only to stop at the glass doors. he leaned against the frame, taking in a breath of smoke and blowing it out into the room, causing you to sit up with a grimace, whining slightly at the smoke.

“did I wake you up?” he asked, crossing his legs.

“yeah,” you nodded, rubbing your eyes, “it is cold without you here, hyunjin.”

he cocked a brow. “and?”

you huffed out a gentle sigh. “come back to bed with me.”

his sweater was threatening to fall off one side of your shoulder, exposing your collarbones that were littered with fading purple spots he found himself smirking at. the hoarseness of your voice dripped with velvet seduction and the drowsiness in your eyes were pure liquid gold; the way you just make him crave for your skin was nothing like he has ever felt.

he brought the cigarette close to his lips and inhaled deeply. he held it in as the threw the burning roll into the sky before he headed back into the room. the blue hues were making him feel more needy and loving than usual, and he just felt the need to kiss you.

your breath hitched when he tapped your chin with his finger, bringing your head up to look at him. He leaned down to your level after getting on the bed as well, the lights in his eyes curved with a kind of magnetism you couldn’t explain. and he smelt of smoke, obviously, but the scent you found much more appealing when he was the one wearing it like a fragrance.

when hyunjin thought he was close enough to you, he opened his mouth and exhaled the smoke. with fog trailing out his lips, stained with his taste, he breathed the smoke down your lungs.

like the wind and the stars from beyond the window, the smoke overwhelmed you, as did the way hyunjin’s fingers curled beneath you chin at the base of your neck, massaging your throat until they reached the back and cupped it gently to bring you forward to him.

he pressed his lips to yours, sealing the misty vault, and suddenly he was all you knew how to breathe.

he has always kissed you in such a way—thorough as a delicate painting, sensual as a plead for serenity, rough with desperation but also with so much familiarity that you could find your heart calming at the touch of his lips. and he leaves you breathless, with an edge that makes you want him more, every time.

your hands found their way to his shoulders when he pushed you back, a light whimper of his name bumping against his teeth when he nibbled on your lower lip for permission. hyunjin groaned at the sound, pushing you further down onto the mattress unconsciously so he could hover over you to take more control of your movements.

god, if there was one thing hyunjin was addicted to, it wouldn’t be nicotine, it would be you. unlike cigarettes and poisons, you were a permanent antidote and he would never burn you out.

your hand moved up to caress the side of his face, shifting through his silky hair you have run your hands through hundreds of times in the past. hyunjin was kissing you hard, causing an ache below your abdomen in the wake of his tongue tracing across your bottom teeth. and when he pulled away, still nudging the bridge of his nose against yours, you were unable to open your eyes for a moment, still drowning in and out of your own consciousness.

“hyunjin…” you whispered, whimpered almost, at the loss of his warmth. opening your eyes, you found his eyes hazy with desire, the thirst to mark up the map on exposed body evident with each trail of his gaze along your features.

the hand behind your neck squeezed benevolently, skillfully as well, while his other hand that had wandered down your side tugged at the hem of his sweater. he was waiting for permission, his sharp eyes pleading for a breathless demand from you so he could begin to satiate his own craving, so you both could experience a new way to give your souls to each other.

you moved your legs, your inner thighs brushing past his hips ever so tenderly, trapping him on top of you. hyunjin’s eyes glistened with eagerness when you nodded, immediately diving back down to capture your lips as his hand felt up your warm torso, bringing his sweater along with each dainty touch of his fingers.

you inhaled automatically as he stole the oxygen from your lungs, and you found that hyunjin still smelt of the cigarette smoke he was breathing in just a while ago. that would probably stay with you for a long while, especially with all the mist he just blew down your throat.

his hands had snuck beneath the sweater instead of taking it off, and they wandered along your bare skin slowly. his fingers were taking in every inch and every bump of your torso, squeezing the delicate size of your waist and gently pressing against the bone of your ribs.

you felt warm. so, so warm. like the smoke that clogs his lungs at night and the poison that suffocates corners of his room. it was dangerously fulfilling and he could never get enough of it; his hands keep gravitating towards you and his lips keep touching your skin.

hyunjin physically could not keep anything off you, not his mind nor his body. it was the only way he knew how to survive the night.

"ahh–hyunjin!" you gasped when his fingers closed around your breasts, squeezing with might and rolling his palm against the roundness.

he didn't say anything. his lips were too busy moving down your neck to find the time for words. you shut your eyes, concentrating on the wonderful feeling of his hands fondling your breasts while you angled your head to give him more access to your neck.

hyunjin settled with a soft spot on your skin and he sucked on it. he sucked on it hard, adding more pigment to the litter of elegant purples from the previous session. you whimpered at the pain from his teeth, and he quickly ran his tongue over the spot to soothe you down.

"i'm gonna eat you out," he said lowly when he moved back up to your face.

his mouth hovered over your ear, his teeth nibbling at your earlobe. you couldn't focus on anything else aside from the way his hand snuck down to your legs and started dancing along your inner-thighs, taunting what was between your legs.

"is that okay?" he asked, a hint of seductive mischief laced in his deep voice. "do you want me to tongue-fuck you, baby?"

"i–i..." you closed your mouth when your voice gave away, your chest heaving in anticipation.

fuck—why does this always happen? it was like being with him simply drains your sanity and knowledge. you were rendered useless around him all the time; you couldn't speak without being spoken to, you couldn't use your tiny voice properly, and you couldn't think with that stupid little brain of yours.

that was not at all like you. you had no idea you could be that way until he fucked you for the first time during a study session.

hyunjin has one hand in your hair now, his movement gentle with just the right amount of roughness in it. his fingers ran through your scalp carefully as he kissed the side of your face, his lips practically pinned to yours, and he would pull at your hair occasionally to earn a needy moan.

"ye–yes, hyunjin, please," you said finally, feeling your head being pulled to the side. "please fuck me with your tongue, i want it."

"of course, baby.” he smiled. it is always nice to hear you beg for him, it makes him feel wanted.

you could hear the smugness in his voice. it didn't use to affect you that much, he had been using it ever since he first met you.

it started with the normal day-to-day conversation, where he could speak triumphantly after scolding you for not understanding a science concept. and then it was much friendlier chats where he had said the words "i told you so" on multiple occasions.

and finally, when you two hooked up for the first time. it was when hyunjin discovered just how whiny and submissive you could be under the mercy of his touches. it was one hell of a discovery, alright, and he has got you wrapped around his fingertips since then.

your hands found their way to hyunjin’s shoulders when he went down. you were pushing him down with faint impatience, but with the meek strength you had, it barely felt like anything much to him. your abdomen had started aching the second he whispered to you what he planned to do, and your cheeks blushed at how much you were looking forward to it.

his hands went down the side of your body to push up the hem of your sweater until the fabric barely covered your breasts. as he moved down, he planted tight kisses to your skin, carefully worshipping your heavenly body as he should. his fingers moved down below your waist before they started to fiddle with the waistband of your pantie. he smirked; no shorts, hmm?

you could feel his breath fanning against your clothed core and the anticipation rose within your chest. your legs unconsciously spread just a little farther for him, silently showing him how much you wanted him, as if the little wet patch in the middle of your underwear wasn’t enough indication.

“my pretty girl is wet,” hyunjin muttered under his breath as he cupped a hand over your heat. his finger dipped against the fabric, ever so slightly poking into your hole to slick up your pantie even more. his thumb found its way to your clit, adding pressure to it before he gently rubbed circles at it.

you let out a string of breathy gasps, your knees pushing together but stopping when his torso blocked them from meeting each other. it was the way things he said and did that made you all riled up like this; the way he so casually called you his, while simultaneously teasing your wet cunt like he does it every day. it made you feel hot all over, and your natural reactions to it never fail to make hyunjin smile.

“let’s get this off of you,” he said after a while, seeing that you were starting to squirm restlessly simply from his fingers.

moving his head down to your waist, his eyes rolled up to look at you and a lustful smirk made its way to his face. his messy hair framed over the sides of his face prettily, attractively falling over the corners of his features like a match made in heaven. your heart pumped at his teasing smile and the desirable glimmer behind his eyes; he planned to make you feel really good.

and he would. you knew he would.

hyunjin tugged at the hem of your pantie with his teeth, pulling at it slightly before pulling it down past your thighs and finally down to your ankles. you moved your feet to help him out, letting him loop the piece of fabric away from you before he sat upon the bed. he looked down at you, your undergarment snuck loosely between his front teeth, and he raised a brow at your blushed eyes.

he couldn’t see it clearly but he knew your cheeks were red. and he loved it. he loved making you all flustered and embarrassed. he loved how timid you could be until he commands you to be louder for him, then your voice would be clear as crystals, shattering in the smoke-filled air despite the pressure his hand adds to your throat.

dropping your pantie to his hand, he discarded it on the corner of his bed before leaning back down to you. he kissed your tummy again and let his warm lips ghost down your skin, your back arching at the itchy feeling. when he almost met your entrance, though, he moved his head to the side so he could pay attention to your thighs. it was everywhere but the middle.

your legs stretched when hyunjin bit down at your skin, creating a wet bite mark as a punishment for you trying to buck your hips up to his face. you whimpered as your muscles relaxed, your eyes blinking at the sharp sting of pain from his grip on your thighs.

what an impatient little thing you are, couldn’t wait for a second more to get fucked by him.

thank god he has a soft spot for you, or else he would drag this teasing out forever.

moving his head over to your heat, hyunjin carefully tested it out by planting a kiss on your lips. you shuddered, your moan sucked back into your throat when your lips sealed shut at the feeling. he hummed, knowing fairly well your mouth would open itself soon, so he continued.

sticking his tongue out, he gently licked a harsh line up your slit. your essence stained the tip of his tongue deliciously, and he repeated the movement to gather up more of your arousal before his plump lips met your throbbing clit. he lightly kissed it before reaching his lips around the bud to give the bundle of nerves a sudden suck.

you moaned, your back arching and your sweater paws curled tightly to your chest. your legs curled at the knee, scraping across his head just barely when your knees met each other above him. it was a habit of yours to shrink yourself into a ball when the pleasure hit you. you do that to cope with the feeling instead of grabbing his hair or clawing at his skin.

you never touch him first unless he permits you to do it. and something about it was endearing to hyunjin. the way you're so obedient without needing to have it edged into you.

perhaps the student and tutor relationship you guys had gave you the impression that he has more authority over you, and it got stuck until now.

he didn't stop his assault on your clit, his tongue flicking across the protruding bud and his teeth pressing down on it lightly to stimulate your nerves. your moans increased the more he sucked on you, the slurping sounds of his mouth an embarrassing yet blissful sound to hear.

hyunjin could feel your body shaking above him. your feet were hitting his shoulders and back, moving aimlessly at each of your jolts, so his hand flew to your thigh and gripped it so he could pull one leg down on his shoulder, forcing you to stop squirming around.

his other hand moved up your body meanwhile, shifting under your sweater to cup your breast and twist your nipple.

you hummed contently at the feeling of his soft hand. your hands had moved away to your shoulders, your fists clenching as your free leg moved up and about with each stroke of his tongue along your slit.

after lapping the juices that dripped down your cunt, he suddenly brought his tongue past your lips and poked it into your hole. it elicited a loud moan from you, your walls and your fists clenching when he flicked his tongue in an up-and-down motion.

hyunjin hummed in satisfaction, enjoying the way your leg trembled under his grip. and when your hand pounced onto the bedsheet, he moved away from your heat for a moment to look up at your whiny eyes.

he arched a brow knowingly at you. "you can touch me."

"o–oh, okay–okay!" your quiet voice turned into a squeal when hyunjin wasted no time to dive back down to your cunt, his tongue poking its way back into your dripping hole once more and spreading his saliva all over your walls.

your hand found its way to soft blond locks, grabbing a fistful of it but never pulling at it. your other hand moved to your chest where hyunjin caressed your breast, and you removed it so you could grab onto his much larger palm instead.

he let his hand loose, allowing you to maneuver it however you wanted. you squeezed and pressed on his hand with each hefty whine, the feeling of his tongue shoving in and out of your cunt a wonderfully filthy sensation.

"ahh–mmm, hyunjin, i'm–" your toes curled as the fiery feeling burned at your abdomen, your eyes slightly rolling up to your head when he stopped to pay more attention to your clit.

you started to pull at his hair then, his scalp feeling a light sting ever so often when you couldn't help yourself. your leg jolted around as the sucking sounds got louder, and your ankles were hitting his back harshly with the trembling of your leg.

hyunjin hummed in amusement. it gets like this every time; you start with not touching him, and when given the permission you do it carefully until the pleasure becomes severe and your subconscious forces you to hurt him a little.

when you start thrashing about mindlessly, it means he is doing a good job. and he always wants to do a good job for you, to make you feel like you've ascended someplace else beyond the earth.

"hyunjin, i—ahh, i want to cum," you whined, holding onto his hand tightly as the stars slowly faded into your eyes.

and then he moved away.

like sunlight being filtered through the cloudy sky, your climax vanished as quickly as a rainstorm could stop. you were left hanging on the edge of an orgasm, your hole clenching to savior the previous feeling his tongue has given you.

you didn't whine out loud, you were too obedient to be blatantly impatient. but your pretty eyes spoke all the words for you, from the disappointment to the neediness, they sparkled under the dim room and hyunjin could only smirk at your hopeless expression.

he hovered over you, his face directly above yours as his hand moved to caress your heated cheek. you adorable thing, so small under his tall body and so weak compared to his strength.

and you knew that, didn't you? you knew he has authority over you in almost every aspect. it made you so susceptible to his every move, and possibly the reason why you were such a submissive little whore for him.

it was just the way he likes it.

the back of his fingers ran down your cheek slowly and you shut your eyes to the feeling. his touch—they are so addicting, something about them brings you solace no matter the occasion.

you were surprised when you first allowed him access to your naked body. everything about him was careful, and still, he gave you a kind of pleasure nobody has ever given you before. and your fear vanished in seconds when it hit you that hyunjin could never hurt you on his own will.

it was the way he would hold you ever so softly, how the weight of his hands lightens on your skin unless prompted otherwise by you, how even without the straightforward roughness he could make your stomach churn euphorically.

and you wanted him now, so fucking badly.

hyunjin tilted his head to the side when you opened your eyes. confusion flooded his head when you suddenly raised your hand to his jaw, and when you finally grabbed a hold of him, you brought him down to you so you could kiss him.

he welcomed the kiss, your lips brushing together passionately. heavy breathes and needy moans filled the air when you stated to buck your hip up against his, and he reciprocated immediately by grinding his hardened cock against your wet heat.

you could feel yourself getting wetter, and the burning in your chest yearned to be satiated by him, so you forced yourself to pull away. you kept his face close, your eyes rounded pleadingly at him as you squished his cheeks together slightly.

"can you please fuck me, hyunjin?" you asked timidly, your pussy aching for him. "i need your cock, please?"

god, he couldn't be sure if he softened or hardened, really. his dick twitched under his sweats upon your delicate begging, but his brain could only admire what a good baby girl you were for asking him so nicely like that.

who would have thought the clumsy, innocent, cheerful girl sitting at the front of the class would turn out to be so dirty for such an annoying, rebellious boy like him? nobody knows, and nobody will ever know.

hyunjin intended to keep this side of you hidden away from public eyes forever because you belong to him as much he belongs to you.

it started with you scolding him about smoking in class and him wacking your head for cheating on a mock test. now he hovers over your half-naked body, desperately pulling his pants down so he could collide with you under the night-blue sky.

all it took was one innocent look and a couple of breathy words from you to get him crumbling from inside out.

finally getting rid of his boxers, he lowered his body to press against yours. his hand reached down to pump his length before he positioned his tip at your entrance. he ran it along your slit, your hands moving down to his shoulders and gripping it as he gathered your arousal at his tip and teased your hole for a while.

"do you want my cock? you want me to push it in?" he asked first, then he looked at you, his gaze intense yet quite vulnerable as he awaited your answer. "do you want me?"

"yes, hyunjin," you replied in a hush, a hint of fondness seeping into your shy voice. "please."

his heart wavered. he loves you. it just hit him again, but he loves you. he loves the bruises on your collarbones and what they indicate, he loves the endearment in your voice when you beg for him, he loves the warmth of your limbs when they touch his body.

talk about being susceptible. hyunjin is the one who's wrapped around your pretty fingers, he is the one stuck in the middle of your palm, not the other way around.

he leaned down to capture your lips when he decided to finally push himself inside you. your moan was muffled when his length stretched you out slowly, your walls tightening around him at the big intrusion and your nails digging into his shoulders.

hyunjin's brows furrowed in concentration. it was hard to move inside you, your walls were clamping down on him, fitted closely and almost pulling him to a stop. it felt both suffocating and phenomenal, the pleasure mixing in with the discomfort and creating the most interesting ensemble.

how was this possible, he wondered. you two had sex just last week, it has not been that long, yet you had reverted to your virgin tightness again.

"ahh–no–" you pulled away from his mouth to gasp when he tried to move, the scorching pain suddenly flaring up inside your cunt. "it hurts–"

hyunjin paused immediately, his hand flying up to your hair and tugging a piece away from your face. he spoke with concern, his voice a whisper, "do you want me to stop?"

you hummed lowly with a shake of your head, your legs moving to go around his lower back. "no, just–just go slow."

"okay, baby, we'll move slow," he cooed, moving to kiss all over your face as he moved his hips at a much slower pace. "you are doing so good, baby girl. you're already making me feel so nice."

he hoped to help you adjust as much as he could. his hand laced through yours to give you assuring squeezes, his mouth gently leaving butterflies on your face to distract you from the painful stretch, his voice leaving lovely praises here and there to make you feel loved.

you opened your soul to him and placed your vulnerability in his hands when you let him loom over your tiny body. the least he could do was be patient with you, hyunjin thought, to listen to what you want and give you what you desire.

the pain was subsiding gradually, and his slow thrusts were becoming more pleasurable than painful. as your heavy breaths finally ceased to an end and the moan he longed to hear finally surfaced, hyunjin waited for you to give him a cue before he started to move.

"you can move now, hyunjin," you told him. "please move."

and then it was just ecstasy—the way he rolled his hips into yours, his length brushing past your slick and sensitive walls with each heartfelt thrust; his hands moving to your waist and the base of your neck, steadying you for better access and to apply pressure for more stimulation on your senses; his lips sloppily kissing your jaw and your chin, the hot breaths of his grunts a solid reminder of how good you were making him feel.

hyunjin was lost in the way you feel, but his mind was somehow still sane enough to process his sight and touch.

his body leaned against yours, closely with the fabric of your clothes touching. your sweater was lifted to your breasts still, exposing your tummy which he occasionally ran his hand over. your legs hanging on and off his back, tightening and loosening depending on how hard his thrusts were.

and you two were face to face. he watched the euphoric scrunch of your face, how your eyes shut tightly and your jaw hung open to moan. and sometimes your eyes would gaze into each other when you two felt like it, and it wouldn't be embarrassing at all.

this position allowed for a lot of intimacy, a lot of closeness. you two were essentially hugging each other through it, his big body engulfing your tiny one entirely as you clung to him with your hands.

and he loved it more than anything.

"ah, fuck, hyunjin," you huffed, circling your arms around his shoulder as you felt your high approaching. "you feel so good, oh god."

he smiled faintly, the sudden motivational boost causing him to pick up his pace. he fucked into you faster, your breasts bouncing with each snap of his hips. he shifted his legs to support himself better, angling his hips to lean on you a little more.

"i feel good, hmm, baby?" he asked, leaving wet kisses over the side of your cheek and circling your ear.

you nodded enthusiastically. "yes, you feel really good, you feel goo–shit!" you widened your eyes as a choked moan escaped your lips loudly. your legs moved toward each other automatically and your back arched off the bed when he hit your g-spot. "fuck, hyunjin, right there–ahh, please!"

his hand moved from your waist to your stomach to keep you down. he continued to pound into you, repeatedly brushing against your sweet spot and bringing you waves of pleasure. there was not a moment of rest until you could feel your peak arriving.

"hyunjin, i want to cum," you said—begged—with a hoarse voice looking at him with round, expectant eyes. "please let me cum, can i please?"

ugh! you're such a good little girl! hyunjin just—god, he couldn't even find the right words. they way you constantly make him feel so in control but not threatening, so dominant and unafraid of affection. it was like he could be the best, he could be everything.

"cum around me, it's okay," he said, tapping your chin.

and your climax washed over your body. your toes curling, your legs tensing up, your eyes rolling back, and your back arching as you came undone around his cock. you continued to pant even after you were done, watching hyunjin as he moved to chase after his orgasm.

your walls gave him an unbelievable clench when you orgasmed, and hyunjin could feel the pressure building up at his abdomen solely from the tightness of your pussy and the lewd moan of his name you let out.

"baby, i'm gonna cum in you, okay?" he asked, thrusting faster into you.

you whimpered with a small nod. "yeah, okay."

"good girl," he sighed out, his hand going up to your hair to caress your head.

you were staring right into his eyes, almost daringly as if taunting him to release in you quickly, daring him to feel you up so he could feel his cum ooze out of your used hole.

"oh god, i'm close, i'm–"

"cum in me, hyunjin."

"(name)–fuck!" he whined, his face pressed to the crook of your neck as he sprouted all over your walls, coating your insides with a shade of sticky white.

he pumped himself in and out of you a few more times, riding the orgasm out and just to relish in the feeling of being all warm and soft inside your cunt, then he finally pulled himself out completely.

you sighed contently at the feeling, your insides filled with hot liquid slowly trailing along your walls. and your legs dropped to the mattress, exhausted and sore all over.

hyunjin laid down next to you, his legs tangling with yours as he turned to his side and brought you close to his chest. you snuck an arm around him, comfortably leaning close to him.

"do you want me to clean you up? i can help you shower," he suggested, patting your back slowly.

"no, i just want to sleep. we can just wash the sheets tomorrow." you shook your head, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep. you snuggled up to him, your head arching up and poking his chest with your chin to get his attention.

hyunjin glanced down at you, his hair covering his eyes slightly but his soft smile was visible. you looked adorable like this, drowning in his sweater and safe in his arms.

oh, you're his baby. he loves you so much.

"what?" he asked, rubbing your neck with his thumb.

"don't leave me to go smoke this time," you warned, reaching up to poke his nose. "or don't smoke at all, that's good too."

he huffed out a short laugh, rolling his eyes in the know that it would take him a long while to get rid of the addiction. but he just might do it for your sake, if you nag him enough.

"why? do you still hate the smell?" he asked, leaning down to kiss your lips.

you laughed into the kiss. there was still an aftertaste of cigarette smoke lingering stubbornly on his lips, you just now realized.

but you knew, the smoke had stopped bothering you as much as it used to.

[thirstyforred]

I played The Wretched by Chris Bissette [it’s currently in the bundle] and since part of the game is to create a log I guess can share mine. It’s also kinda fun writing exercise even tho I died before I could save myself and the log just ends abruptly. I really recommend this game, especially to if you like things like Alien movies or survival horror in general [or if you’re easily spooked you can imagine your character with GLOOcannon from Prey 2017. GLOOcannon makes everything better]

Day 1, salvage ship The Wretched. Flight Engineer Martin reporting. The other members of the crew are dead and the engines remain non-operational, though ship integrity remains good and life support systems are still active. I successfully jettisoned the intruder from the airlock. With a little luck, I can repair the distress beacon and somebody will pick me up. This is Martin, the last survivor of the Wretched, signing off.

Day 2, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Martin reporting. At 0300 fire alarm and fire suppression systems were activated. I started auto diagnosis on all systems but I'm still not sure what caused the fire. The damage is hopefully fixable. That alarm woke me up and I couldn't sleep anymore... I found a journal of A. He wrote like a whole list of things he wants to cook and eat one we get back home. Even here A managed to make something edible out of nothing. I think I was so tired, after waking up in the middle of my sleeping cycle and monitoring all systems for other fires and then reading that damned journal for hours, that- I think I heard something. Something like a whisper coming through the comms. I don't know what was it. Maybe I should also put comms through that diagnosis check? Of other things: water smells kinda like ammonia. The purification system works, just seems to be less efficient. Maybe I should be disgusted by this, I don't know, I'm just too tired to care I guess.

Day 3. I was so wrong. I was in the Mess trying to eat something when I heard that scraping sound from the corridor. I managed to duck behind the counter before it reached the open door. Thank gods, it didn't decide to actually enter! It moved past, somewhere in the direction of the Bridge, and then, I think entered the vents. It certainly knows I'm here.

Day 4. I'm carrying weapons, electric baton and a handgun, on me all the time, even tho I know it will only slow down that thing. But also I can't spend all the time locked somewhere wishing for it to be gone. So, one of the things I did today was checking my food supplies. There wasn't much to begin with, and now, that mold took over, there's even less. I can't exactly dump it, so I locked it in one of the cabinets. Maybe mold won't spread. I also managed to lock myself on the Bridge. Or it was that alien. I'm starting to think that it was the thing that I heard over the comms 2 days ago - if it can access and operate the comm system why would it be able to mess with the doors? It might be also responsible for the failure of the generator that happened 4 hours later. And failing of the backup generator as well. I had to use parts of the backup generator to fix the main one. So in case, the power goes out again it goes all down... Yeah. But after another fire alarm, I straight up jettisoned that section of the ship. It was the Crew Quarters, so all that's lost in just my sleeping bag. Maybe the alien asshole was caught and is now drifting out of the station. I can only hope.

Day 5. I spend the whole morning trying to pull the engine together. I may have an engineer as part of my title, but honestly, rocket science is beyond me. I'm afraid I only made more mess. The airlock I jettisoned alien thought the first time is still unsealed. The one in Crew Quarters locked back properly, but that one I just didn't manage to fix it properly. There's now only a single door between me, the interior of the ship, and that thing. Since it already got inside once, I guess it's only a matter of time till it finds a way to walk around it again or pry it open, and then I'll be the one that's jettisoned. There's nothing I can really do at this point.

Day 6. There's still a lot of internal damages I'm tracking down and fixing. Tiny but vital things. Like the door to the Docking Bay that M jacked to give us more time running away. It worked, even if soon later alien discovered that it prefers vents anyway. Part of the unblocking process involved cleaning whatever was left of M there - I already stalled long enough. When I finally went back to the Bridge I got to hear the last seconds of signal from some far-off vessel. I couldn't signal them back, I lost it. "Dear listeners..." they said. Might be some audio drama, sounds like fun. Also, It got back on the ship. Persistent beast. I hid in the locker when I heard it moving in the vent above. Either it missed me or just really loves to fuck with me, because it didn't immediately go for my very obvious hiding spot. But it knocked one of the desk lamps with its tail and I think got spooked. It ran back to the vents, which I soldered as soon as I was sure it's not nearby. Should have done it days ago.

Day 7. And that's a full week of living with an extra passager on my ship. At this point, I maybe should give it a name... I almost got a heart attack when I saw it on the camera feed of the corridors I have access to on the Bridge. It moves like a spider. Mr. Spider. Before it all, K told me about a children's book she heard once about. One of the spooky kind. I hate those so I kindly told her to fuck off, but now looking at that jumpy camera feed of Mr. Spider - how can stories for kids be worse than reality?

Day 8. I can no longer focus on anything. My every thought is like 'It's here! It's here!'. I'm so tired. It was here for the past week. But I got to do some spacewalking, first and let's hope the last time. I wasn't sure what to do to ensure that Mr. Spider won't try to stop me from my attempt to boost the antenna, but I opened the mold cabinet in the Mess and it seems that awful smell managed to get its attention. The antenna works, now to repair and activate the distress beacon.

Day 9. The Mess is unsalvagable. It looks like Mr. Spider decided that it's its nest now. Good thing I already moved all my things to the Bridge. Since Mr. Spider seems to be preoccupied with the mold cabinet, I decided to take care of the last of the bodies in the storage room in Engineering. That's the place we wanted to hole up in, but the vents... It doesn't like the ones there that much - too near the cold hull of the ship if I had to guess - but used them anyway to get to us. Now I also had to squeeze there to fix some cables that might help me with boosting that beacon. It was an experience. I still periodically check sensors and monitors to see if by chance there are some other vessels nearby. Of course, that's mostly wasting my time.

Day 10.

I spend some extra hours on the beacon instead of sleeping and I managed to finally fix it! Now all I have to do is wait for someone to catch my signal. I soldered the Mess door so it has only the vents if it wants to get back inside. I did it mostly for my own benefit, so when I'm going around trying to fix this rooting ship I don't have to look at things that are inside. I refuse to even guess what Mr. Spider is doing there. If it's really building a nest or something like that, it would mean that I'm the asshole for invading its territory. But on the other hand, it killed the whole crew of The Wretched, I would say that's a bit too extreme reaction on Mr. Spider's part. That being said I decided to make the list of my top 5 hiding places:

the Bridge - the real commanding center, now with soldered vents

storage room next to the Medical Bay - small and cozy, perfect for napping

Crew Quarter - already jettisoned once, so maybe Mr. Spider wouldn't look for me there

office in Life Support - mostly because it is Life Support and I would like to believe it will support my life

life capsule that's broken and can't leave its dock

I don't really intend to move out of the Bridge, but man I need some backup plans... I somewhat prepared them all today - I had to use K's keycard to get into her office in Life Support.

Day 11. I don't know how, but Mr. Spider managed to detach the whole module holding Crew Quarter from the rest of the ship. Now it's just drifting nearby. I don't know if it read my list of potential hiding places or just decided that it no longer vibes with it. Shame that the Mess didn't drift away as well. It's weird enough that it wasn't the part of the Crew module in the first place. Mr. Spider would be pissed that its nest-mess got jettisoned away... Sometimes I wonder what it calls itself. I guess something less stupid than Mr. Spider or Gorlam the Brave, my old teddy who now drifts somewhere in the space. RIP Gorlam. And I guess soon RIP me... There are weird noises in the Life Support. Not the crazy creature from outer space kind of noises, more like the machinery is failing and there's no one with enough knowledge to fix it. I'm starting to think that lying on my resume was a bad idea... At this point, I might be a better funeral official than an engineer... Today I jettisoned the last bodies. There wasn't really that much to say, so I just mostly cried.

Day 12. Gravity drive crashed today. It was real hell to drag myself all the way to it and fix it, but I managed. I should get a badge or something. The rest of the day I spend monitoring the beacon signal. It looks good. Like it might actually work kind of good.

Day 13. I fixed one of the small leaks of oxygen in the hull. I wonder how I didn't see it before. Spend a few hours walking cluelessly around Engineering trying to fix anything. I even finally cleaned M's rifle that I found by him, but I have seen no sign of Mr. Spider in the past 2 days. I wonder... [log abruptly ends here]

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I quit online dating...ok dating in general

Definitely taking a long hard look in the mirror, my new job starts soon so I can start seeing a therapist and finally figure out wtf is going on with me mentally but also

I NEED BETTER HELP WITH FIXING MY ATTRACTION OFF OF TOXIC MFS WHO CAN LIE WAY TOO GOOD AND ME ACTUALLY BELIEVING IT BECAUSE THEY LOOK GOOD AND I LIKE THEM LIKE AFTER BEING VULNERABLE

WTFFFF

I met Jay at work, so now I'm worried about blocking myself off too much if I happen to meet someone new and they sound like a nice person, good fit, but then the relationship and family trauma history comes up....wtf do i do? Run?

Like everything that I went through wasn't all my fault, but still I think it would be unfair for me to neglect someone as a potential date if they have everything that I'm looking for, looks good, but they have this, this, and that mental health disorders from trauma or they're just surviving....

But Idk, I think it would be best to get some guidance off the horny, desperate, need somebody to talk to because I can't come out to my parents about what happened to me with Jay and Ayunna because they're not cool about their kids being gay...

Its like "hey, dad I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused by someone..."

"Wow...why would you stay in something like that? By the way was it a girl or a boy?"

I think my dad knows. But I did not like the way he responded and said that it was my fault for having sex with them...Like wow, how was I supposed to know they would have took advantage of me and did stuff to me that I wouldn't even like...without consent?

Wtf Dad.

And this is why I never talked to my mom about it either...they think alike to victim blame and doing the oh, well you should have known better way of talking down to their kids about being fucked up by their best friend...

Yea great role models.

I told him and he didn't even hug me. Cause he thought I was going to far when I said I wanted to fight her and get revenge.

He just said you should find a way to release that aggression and looked at me crazy as if nothing bad had happened to me and everything I was feeling still after, was all in my head, blown out of proportion.

Why didn't I tell him I was disappointed in the way he handled that?

It just made me close up on him and mom even more after he said that. Its like why should I have to debate out why it was so wrong of my friend to hurt me to somebody who would rather talk about something else, being all nonchalant and passive as usual.

I don't wanna talk about it until after I move out, cause I feel like he would explode on me if I was to say Dad, I don't like what you said and it hurt me to know that my own father didn't have my back when I was looking for support.

Cause I've been in pain all year, thinking, and being reminded of Jay and Ayunna's actions towards me. I hate them officially to this day. And I'll never love or trust the same since them.

They'll never know what its like to be me, not Jay, not Ayunna, not my mom or dad...so why even bother discussing, then later on debating about why I even stayed in an abusive relationship like that where I people pleased and didn't say stop. I just took the pain, like the good girl-sex-slave/doormat Jay wanted me to be.

He'll never understand it, and thats why I don't like the idea of telling my parents everything that happened, because I don't wanna lose my parents.

Cause I feel like even if I was to open up to my crazy bipolar mom and my passive ass dad, none of them would overreact about wanting to kick Jay and Ayunna's ass like I do right to this very day.

They would have got hard on me, tell me their disappointed in me, and told me everything that I did wrong in the matter instead of actually asking me "are you okay" which Dad never did after I told him the snippet.

Never would have asked me "how are you feeling" "do you need a hug" cause yea, its all my fault huh? For staying with a dumbass abusive friend who was already engaged to someone who treats them like a child too?

Yea they would have judged the fuck outta me...so I don't say anything. And every time I feel a ptsd episode spiraling or mom triggers me, I stay locked up in my room and scream and cry silently until I hear my voice crack. Shrilling the sound like, broken metal guitar strings cause I've been suffering in silence all year long. Hiding my depression from my sisters and my parents, because mom and dad want us to be happy about being alive and living in this house that I stopped giving a fuck about, because well grandma's dead and you can't make people happy about it when it was literally in July and her dead body was carried down our living room steps.

This bitch is crazy, you act like everything is supposed to just go back to normal? After everything that I've seen and been through this year? You think I'm supposed to be happy after finding out your a crazy, selfish, asshole who wanted me to fall down the steps just for pissing you off, my grandma was miserable and depressed all the way up in that house and delusional about healthcare that she didn't visit a doctor for years until it was too late, my dad hides everything he feels from us and mom unless it comes out in an aggravated assault on my little sister when she pissed him off, and now mom is basically forcing us to get back on cleanup schedule and act like everything is normal.

WHEN ITS FUCKING NOT

I bet deep down this is why Grandma moved to live in a cabin in the woods, for idk how long. She even painted the house she bought later on, the exact same colors. Burgundy and Sea Mint Green. Cause she loved how peaceful it was and there was nobody there but just her. Her family, her abusive ex, her abusive baby daddy, her children, and her friends all drove her nuts trying to be there and take care of them....when nobody was there to take care of her.

Except when I was there, it felt like we had the whole house, the whole world to ourselves, and we could be just as still and silent as the wind passing us as we sat on the couch, watched movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed a hard lemonade with her. She missed being by herself after I moved in and so did I.

No wonder we kept butting heads. We don't like being disappointed by our family and friends, and we sure as hell don't like people making us work for them, and not caring about our emotional, mental, and physical stability.

I would prefer to go to the library for hours and just watch movies on the internet, than to live with my family while I'm still digesting the pain and drama I went through.

And realizing just how toxic, abusive, and crazy your family really is...really made me hate reality. Once the research on why I felt like I was suffering so bad with jay and ayunna started to add up, it all made sense why I didn't see some of the things that actually hurt me, as not as bad. Because I'd been through it already with my mom and my dad. Where I'm forced to take every negative comment or action they said and did, and just deal with it without retaliating against them or I was punished or told I was too sensitive to be told the truth. Gaslighting me.

Like I'm not allowed to feel pain if my mom tells me that my stomach is poking out too much in that dress and that I need to go change or wear some spanx. Then if I didn't want to change there was pinches on my skin from when she would force my shirts into my pants and make me feel stupid for not knowing how to tuck in my pants.

I'm supposed to always appreciate everything my parents did for me, even when the person standing in front of my face wants to be right all the time and I'm supposed to not get upset, not get angry, not cry, not whine or complain when my parent, my guardian does something unfair to me, says something rude, disrespectful, and controlling to me that they know that if I did the same thing to them, then they would slap me across the face, flick me in the head, knock me back to being a kid, just because they said so and just because I still live here.

I hate this place. And I thought Athena would be my escape. I thought I found someone to build real love with after going through so much trauma and realizing the crazy I've been living in for all these years.. The facade is over.

And I don't know what to do except cry and scream for myself in my room, and now I can't even talk to them about me losing my faith and trust in God because everything bad that happened and keeps happening. And why in the hell did he decide giving my grandma cancer was the best way for her to go? She was in so much pain all these years and it was from cancer. Her head and her body was twitching from lack of oxygen. And she was unresponsive as I sat upstairs with her all night on the very same couch I'm sitting on right now.

Its September now. She passed on July 30th and dad called me from upstairs after I had stayed up there till like 11:30 cause we were writing down how much morphine to give her each hour. And the nurse had just told us that she might not have that long left to live. Like maybe saturday or monday, cause it was already friday the 30th.

But after the nurse left, Dad told me to go through her pictures and find his favorite photo of her. I didn't even cry like he did, I had already cried at 10am when I saw no matter what I did, she was still shaking and not responding to me talking to her like before. Still grunting. It was like me being on nurse mode, made my heart, my emotions feel numb. But after I left the room and called Hospice, I finally let it out.

Grandma passed at around 1:30 or 2pm. And two of my aunts and my cousins were over. My cousins playing a game of Uno in the dining room as if nothing traumatic was going on upstairs. None of them reacted at all until they all joined us in the living room as she being carried down the stairs by the funeral service guys. It was amazing to see how insensitive at 1st the kids were, then to see my mom cry about not being strong enough for my dad, when I was sorta pissed off and confused and still in shock about grandma. LIKE WTFFF MOMMM FUCKING CRYYY THAT'S THE REASON WHY YALL HAVE PROBLEMS IN YALL RELATIONSHIP AND OUR RELATIONSHIP NOW

STOP HIDING YOUR FUCKING SADNESS, ANGER, AND GRIEF FROM YOUR FAMILY BY BEING A CRAZY ASS PSYCHOPATH WHO EXPECTS PEOPLE TO ACT NORMAL AND BE HAPPY WHEN SOMETHING SHITTY LIKE THIS HAPPENS

GODDAMN IT MOM FUCKING CRY. YOU'RE HUMAN. IM HUMAN. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FUCKING CRY. WE'RE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE. WE'RE ALLOWED TO FEEL OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING.

AND IM ALLOWED TO BE DEPRESSED AND UNSATISFIED WITH MY LIFE AND MY RELIGION THAT DOESN'T LET ME DO WHAT I WANT AND BE HAPPY WITH WHOEVER I WANT TO BE WITH.

AND MOM IM GAY. I FELL IN LOVE WITH WITH A GIRL WHO LATER ON DECIDED TO BE A THEY, AND NOW A HE AND I'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN AS A THEY, CAUSE NOW HE'S GROWING A BEARD, A DICK, A NEW VOICE AGAIN, AND SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TO ANOTHER CONTROLLING PSYCHOPATH THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU AND I HAD SEX WITH HER TOO, BUT I WAS UNCOMFORTABLE CAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF ME AND HER WANNA KILL EACH OTHER OR IF SHE'S ACTUALLY A COUSIN OR NOT WHO REMINDS ME OF MY TRAUMA WHEN I WAS A KID. AND WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT INCEST POSSIBLY BEING A GENE OF TRAUMA IN THIS FAMILY.

I LITERALLY WATCHED MY COUSINS WHO WERE FAMILY, HAVE SEX AND THEY WERE KIDS JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE WATCHING PORN AND NOBODY BROUGHT IT BACK UP TO EVEN EXPLAIN WHY OR WHAT HAPPENED. AND ALL I SEE IS FLASHBACKS OF SHIT WHENEVER SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO ME IN MY LIFE. CAUSE I KNOW INCEST IS BAD.

AND THATS WHY I STILL AM GROSSED OUT BY THE IDEA OF AYUNNA AS A WHOLE BECAUSE SHE SMELLS WEIRD AND HAS GROSS MORNING BREATH, SHE SNORTS FOR 45 MIN TO AN HR EVERY MORNING SHE WAKES UP LIKE ITS NORMAL TO NOT BE ABLE TO BREATHE NORMALLY LIKE THAT IN YOUR SLEEP AND SHE'S ABNOXIOUS AND GROSS AND IMMATURE BUT JAY PRETENDS LIKE SHE'S MATURE AND IM NOT EVEN THOUGH IM SMARTER, IM BETTER, MORE EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE TO HANDLE THEM BEING DEPRESSED TO NOT JUDGE THEM FOR IT, CAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANNA DIE TO ESCPAE MY PAIN AND MY REALITY CAUSE ITS NICE AND EASIER TO HAVE AFRIEND WHO WANTS TO GO BACK TO BEING TAKEN CARE OF LIKE A BABY AND HAVE FUN JUST LIKE YOU TOO.

I feel like i lost a lot this year...including my sanity...thanks a lot Athena for triggering me. Now going back to talking to grandma as if she was here like I did when i was on the flight for the very 1st time after 911 and I had a silent panic attack because I was holding it in for the kid and the obnoxious older black lady next to me on my flight.

I cried my tears out and everything felt tight up on my back, making me scared and numb and tingly like I was on a rollercoaster. and mom thought I was just overreacting.

I need someone who understands me and knows exactly how it feels to be me, and I thought that person was this crazy bitch on the internet, who's gay and trans and lost a bunch of her family due to trauma. Because she's autistic, and not the one where they cant talk and do things for themselves. She talks to me just like I would to myself when I wasn't feeling good.

And idk, if I might have some sort of autism or spectrum thing too. Or did my family brainwash me into thinking nothing was wrong with me, the way they treated me, and how I was behaving...just because they didn't wanna believe it either.

I wanna know what's wrong with me, my life, my family and how do I fix it so it doesn't keep happening. I wanna know how can I avoid becoming like my parents and ending up in a controlling, aggressive, petty relationship like my dad who became passive just so he could deal with it and hide his pain from her.

I dont know what a healthy relationship looks like with no confrontations that leads to fights, arguing that leads to yelling at each other's faces and getting distracted with emotions to where we throw things at each other or just walk out without saying anything...

Because I dont know how to be angry. Cause I was never allowed to. and the people who birth me, don't know how to control theirs either without hurting the person they care about, someway or some sort.

I still to this day don't know how to communicate when I get angry. Because I feel like I was adopted from all the daycare people who used to take me in at night time when mom would drop me off and I never knew when she was coming back cause she didn't tell me.

[theratlivinginyourcouchcushions]

Or he could’ve eaten the other bodies. Who wouldn’t have to feel a knife sawing through their leg.

Also it’s insane that Jimmy decided to eat Curly because it couldn’t have been a starvation thing.

From the conversation with Daisuke they had less oxygen left and 4 months of food. And that’s 2 months from AFTER the crash. He could have used any of the leftover food but chose to further torment and torture Curly to feed his ego. It was only him, there’s no way there wasn’t enough. Yes, it was through delusion but he wasn’t completely gone. Perhaps he was suffering from the beginnings of oxygen deprivation along with the stress of what just went down but looking back on it, there was never gonna be a point they had to eat Curly or had the chance.

They all would’ve suffocated first.