#craphead (au)

[shiguknifeii]

Th-... Them™️

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Fated insults

Words: 1188

Ratchet x gender-neutral reader

Soulmate AU

where the first words your soulmate say to you are written on your body.

Warning: Strong language 

Basically just Ratchet being Ratchet and the reader has no self preservation and is done with people. Also Starcream and Wheeljack make an apperance.

Move you idiotic crapheaded human.

Moving on, I just left school to go to my favourite spot it was one of the old buildings right outside of jasper. Intact enough to shield against wind and rain and far enough to not be bothered by anyone. Peddling there took about 30 minutes.

 That’s what I have tattooed on my arm. The first words my soulmate, the person that will understands me like no one, and was chosen to be with me til death do us part, will say to me are a command followed by an insult. Oh, how lovely, I can not wait to meet them. Note the sarcasm. I tend to cover up the tattoo because the looks of pity I get are just so not worth it. All I want is peace, quiet and for people to stop being annoying.

 Having arrived, I leaned my bike against the northern side away from the street and took out my schoolbag to get started on my homework. Settling into my corner I began studying Mendel’s law. Right as I got the factors of alleles, the ground rumbled, looking up I saw a flock of birds flying away and pebbles on the ground moving.

 Carefully I stood up and moved outside to look what could have caused such noise. Cue to a gigantic grey robot thing crashing through the old, abandoned street into the building to my right. Well, I certainly didn’t expect that to happen, I also didn’t think two more robots would show up.”

 “Here’s a message for your leader, dear old bucket head. Tell him his favourite Wrecker is back.”

“Wheeljack, would you calm down we are supposed to be in Disguise. And a human settlement is just around the corner.”

“Aww calm down sunshine, ain’t no way there are any squishy’s around.”

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

 As the two still standing robots argued the grey one noticed started to move. Due to the way his head laid as he opened his eyes his gaze immediately landed on me and after a second of realizing what he saw he started to smirk and made to grab me. Noticing the movement of the grey robot the two still standing ones followed his claws and me.

 “Scrap.”

“Move you idiotic crapheaded human.”

 I didn’t need to be told twice. I did a 180 turned around and ran. But apparently not fast enough as I was grabbed by grey, sharp, and very long claw like fingers. The ground now several feet beneath me.

 “Let the squishy go, screamer, or I do more than just scrap you.”

“Oh no I don’t think so, Wheeljack, for as long as I have the human neither of you would dare to hurt me. You Autobots turn so helpless the moment these organics are involved. Such a shame.”

“Let me go you overgrown, sorry excuse, for a sentient tuna can.”

“Silent you, insolent scum.”

 Me mouthing off to tall and scary was just enough distraction so that the robot, apparently named Wheeljack, could sneak up to the one holding me captive. And without hesitation or holding back punched, the one they referred to as screamer. Yelling in pain, screamer let me go and having nothing holding me anymore, I fell, direction downwards. Man, I hate gravity. But before I would have met my unfortunate end. I was caught in the hands of the other robot, which Wheeljack called sunshine. Sunshine moved me away from who they called, screamer.

Screamer held his hand to his head where he had got punched, a few steps away from his assaulter. Wheeljack worked kind of as a shield standing between, me still in sunshine’s hand and screamer holding his head. Looking up he realized he had not only lost his advantage but was also outnumbered he scrambled back and transformed into a jet. What the actual hell.

 “Augh, you Autobots. Course you all to the pits. I will have my revenge, just you wait.”

“Well, that takes care of at least one problem, for now.”

“The human saw us. We are going to have to inform Optimus and bring them along.”

“Ah come on doc, the little squishy got spunk, just like Miko they would make a great wrecker.”

“That’s what I fear.”

 While Wheeljack and doc argued, the adrenaline started to leave my system and recounting what just happened, I realized several things.

 Firstly, the last thought I had before I nearly died, was of me hating gravity. Which is probably not normal. Secondly gigantic robots that seem very much sentient exist. I was just held hostage by one and am currently sitting in the hand of another one. And lastly the hand in which I am sitting on, belongs to the robot that said to me the one sentence I despised my entire life, but still wanted to hear, the phrase I had to covered up as to not get pitiful glances or hear whispers behind my back.

Realizing doc used that wording meant he was my soulmate. A gigantic sentient robot was my soulmate. Fuck.

��“Eh, doc I think the human broke.”

“What are you talking ab…? Uh, hey human. Are you ok?”

 The next thing I knew pure fury overtook me as I thought about all the humiliation, I had to go through because of my soul mark.

 “DO YOU KNOW HOW BLOODY FUCKING HUMILIATING IT IS TO RUN AROUND WITH A SOULMARK INSULTING YOU, FROM THE PERSON THAT YOUR MEANT TO BE FOR? YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING BLOODYLY KIDDING ME, YOU COULDN’T HAVE SAID ANYTHING BLOODY ELSE, DID IT REALLY HAVE TO BE AN INSULT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.”

 It was dead silent after my rant, and both robots looked on me with shocked looks on their faces. You could hear a pin drop. That was until Wheeljack began to snort, which then turned into a full-on laugh. And that managed to shake doc out of his demeanour.

 “Oh, you complain, imagine having that half essay on your body. In caps, might I add. So, I…, Wheeljack would you stop laughing it’s not funny.”

“Hehehhe, sorry, it’s just, buaghhahah, you met your soulmate and you both just insult each other it’s gold.”

“Ugh, so you are my soulmate. Primus give me strength.”

“Hey, I didn’t choose to have an sentient ambulance as a soulmate, either doc.”

“Oh no, I don’t care if you’re my soulmate, you do not call me doc.”

“But Wheeljack called you doc, and you look like an ambulance.”

“Yes, because Wheeljack is a menace, that was dropped to often on the helm as a sparkling.”

“Hey that’s not nice Ratchet.”

“You, zip your intake.”

“So, what is your name, I doubt it is sunshine.”

“Primus no. My designa- name is Ratchet. It..It is nice to meet despise our rocky start.”

  I smiled up at him. Now really looking at him, he was quite cute especially the dimly blue tint on his cheeks.

 “It is nice to meet you to. I am your soulmate, I am excited to get to know you, Ratchet.”

[dirt-apple-productions]

So I just finished “The Dogs of Future Past”, and while it’s the best Undertale comic I’ve read in a while I’m a little conflicted by the ending. I understand that this is an AU about accepting the past and moving forward, but I’m having an awkward time swallowing Flowey’s fate.

Like, here’s the thing. I’m willing to accept that this is an AU where Flowey can’t get his soul back and has to learn not to be a craphead without one. But the ending feels like he’s completely leaving his identity as Asriel behind. I never liked the idea of him hiding the truth from Toriel and Asgore forever, but I tolerated it in the game because the ending is very open-ended. It’s why most Undertale AUs have Flowey come back from Mt. Ebbott at all - it’s a given that he’ll eventually come around and be willing to have a new life with Frisk.

But I have mixed feelings about this idea of Flowey letting Asriel “die” with Chara. As if he wasn’t his own person outside of them, which is a huge point the game makes - he idolized them to an unhealthy degree and it backfired tremendously. One could argue that he’s just asking Toriel and Asgore to let go of the vision of their son as the perfect, innocent child who never did anything wrong…but he doesn’t even let them use his true name.

It’s very important that no one forgets Asriel is Flowey, because that’s what makes him such a good character - that someone so inexplicably kind could be so twisted. But since the comic was making a different point I suppose it’s alright. I guess I just wished they would have Flowey “accept the past” by accepting who he was and still is, and just accepting that he’s changed in some ways due to his lack of a soul instead of sticking to the “Asriel is dead, this is the real me” narrative. I dunno.

[shiguknifeii]

i can’t think of a funny caption, so just have these two critters.

[shiguknifeii]

silly reminder for myself that Knife Nanami was supposed to be Knife from Inanimate Insanity until she became her own character ^___^

(GUYS, I FEEL HYPER AND I CAN’T SLEEP CAUSE I TOOK TOO MANY NAPS, AND I HAVE TO BABYSIT AGAIN!!! AAHHHHH, TOMORROW’S GONNA GO TERRIBLY!!! 😭😭😭)

[shiguknifeii]

Craphead, Barf, and a lot of CRINGE

[shiguknifeii]

Me when I almost forgot to post a second art dump

[shiguknifeii]

A Headcanon Fact about Every Main Character in my Melancholy Double Up AU

I've been making a bunch of notes and headcanons about my AU, and I've been wanting to share them. So here it is!

(Just a bit of a tw, but there are mentions of gender dysphoria, but no going into depth)

Knife: Knife has trouble thinking of what her favorite game console is, but her personal favorites came out when the aesthetic Frutiger Aero was popular, like the Wii, DSi, and Xbox 360.

(NOTES: Knife does like the Playstation 2, but when she was younger, she was slightly terrified of the menu screen from how eerie it was to her. She never told anyone out of embarrassment. Actually, all of the gaming consoles that she likes kind of scare her. They all feel weirdly scary to her)

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Toro: Toro, due to his naivety and childish world view, tries to copy off what he sees in movies and cartoons to look cooler. It always ends with Knife having to stop him. Although Knife does find it cool that he can accurately copy some of the stuff he sees, she would rather not let him get hurt.

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Bandit: Bandit secretly wishes he was a girl, as he would feel more comfortable in his body and plus he thinks women are cool. He also has a lot of female video game role models such as Bayonetta, Juliet Starling from Lollipop Chainsaw, Ramona Flowers, and even Lain funnily enough.

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Kuro: Kuro has two guitars, Haruhi and Haruka. Usually he uses Haruhi for the usual fighting and playing, but sometimes he’ll take Haruka too. Honestly, he has Haruka for backup.

(NOTES: Haruhi is an electric guitar, while Haruka is an acoustic guitar.)

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Lain: Due to how they met, whenever Lain is having a bad mental health day, Bandit always tries to help her out. Dude will literally clean the whole house if that means she’ll be happier and okay.

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Suzuki: Suzuki secretly likes to dress up as Jecka from the Class of ‘09. Only Kuro and Bandit knows this.

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Paintbrush: According to the official Inanimate Insanity website, Paintbrush tries to keep up with their bristles to try to make them look nice. The opposite is true for Painty in this AU, and in the Melancholy of Knife Nanami in general, as due to their job as a spy with how much active they need to be, makes it harder for them to keep up with. They are very tired.

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Pierre: Similar to Ramona Flowers, Pierre actually dyes his hair after a certain amount of time has passed. If we were going by cartoon logic (Which honestly, I would), he would be doing it every 3 weeks like Ramona in the comics.

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Nanami: Nanami often gets mistaken for being half-human, half-cat, when in actuality, she’s half cyborg, half fox.

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Jun: Similar to Bandit, Jun wishes she was a boy, and she constantly has gender dysphoria because of it. Pierre and Paintbrush have been helping her after she told them about it.

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Craphead: Although looking like a man in his mid 40’s that’s in the middle of a midlife crisis, Craphead is actually 19.

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Barf: Although he’s basically another version of Kuro, Barf doesn’t drink alcohol due to the fact he’s 18 years old. He’s instead obsessed with drinking energy drinks. Craphead has to stop him from drinking too much by forcing him to drink water. If it weren’t for him, Barf would be having health issues from drinking all that Rockstar Energy.

[shiguknifeii]

A Summary Post Trying to Explain All of my Stories and AU's (mostly the ones I've drawn)

The "Main-Line" Stuff

The Melancholy of Knife Nanami: A Prequel to Vib-Road CD and Legendroad about a girl named Knife Nanami going about her daily life as a struggling teenager with a bunch of problems in her life (such as having ADHD and Autism, troubles leaving her house, etc.), and her escapism world as a blue heeler puppy spy named Bandit Loid Heeler and his friends Lain, Nanami, Paintbrush, and Craphead. Heavily inspired by Serial Experiments Lain (PSX), HFJONE, OMORI, and a little bit of Fortnite.

Vib-Road CD: Sig Yashiha, a hikikomori boy that’s been stuck in his room for 2 years after his girlfriend went into a coma. Until one day, he finally comes out of his room, only to be targeted by a whole league built of only his old friends. Now he needs to defeat the league to live in peace and get his friends back to their normal selves. Heavily based off of Scott Pilgrim and OMORI (It’s kind of an AU in it itself).

Legendroad: An agent named Knife Hayashi (does not have any relation to Knife Nanami) gets tasked to find out where all the sudden cases of depression and hopelessness are coming from. Along the way, he meets a strange girl named Basil who is also trying to find the sudden stem of sadness, and eventually they team up together to stop the despair force. 

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The Misc. (AKA Doko Demo Issyo AU's)

KURO of ‘24 AU: Although this does sound like this would be a Class of ‘09 AU, this is actually a Melancholy of Knife Nanami swap AU. Everything like the plot and story beats are the same, but where the dreamworld takes place is different, as now instead of just taking place in a city, it’s now in a spy school that’s in the city. The swaps are as goes:

Knife Nanami → Toro Inoue

Bandit Heeler → Kuro

Lain Iwakura → R. Suzuki

Paintbrush → Pierre Yamamoto

Nanami → Jun Mihara

Sunflower → Ricky

Sig → Sora (Though would be appearing later in the story)

(As a little bit of a note, some characters that have a last name will keep them, with the exception of Toro, as he’s adopted by Knife’s parents. Characters that don’t have last names will be given the last name of the character they’re being swapped with [does that make sense? For example, Ricky would be Ricky Takara and Sora would be Sora Yashiha.] 

Kuro would be a slight exception, as he is to reference and be the “opposite” of Bandit. 

[Bandit Loid Heeler and Kuro Yor Neko])

(Another note for those who are wondering, the reason I swapped the main pokepi and not EVERYONE is because I’m scared of making them out of character [I haven’t played nor translated Toro and the Shooting Star and while I have watched Toro Let’s Party gameplay, I’m still not so confident about how in character they would be ;-;])

Melancholy Double Up AU: My favorite AU at the moment, as this is a crossover AU with everything in the main line series and the KURO of ‘24 AU. In this AU, Knife and Toro have grown up together, and they go through the same but slightly different plot and story beats, with the twist of course being the shenanigans that Knife and Toro/Bandit and Kuro can get into. 

Just a little bit of me rambling, but the reason why I love this AU is because of the endless possibilities of Knife and Toro’s relationship, since they can be similar at times plus Knife can act a bit like Kuro at times; AND with Toro being a little bit of a… hopeless romantic? I’m not sure, but the wiki does say he daydreams a lot about spending time with his special someone, so maybe this Toro thinks of Knife as that special someone. I don’t know, he just makes the mushy hopeless romantic in me go bonkers! 

(Notes: Characters like Toro Inoue (the famous one, as I like to call him), Kuro, and Bandit Heeler still exist in their respective franchises, it’ll just be a silly coincidence for Toro [the one with hair].)