#crackshit crossovers

[cold-canteen]

My idea for a crackshit crossover au with Tokyo ghoul and mob psycho

[gryphonablaze]

hello and welcome to gryphon’s crackshit crossover corner

I’ve already talked about my theory that httyd is set in the very distant, post-apocalyptic future. that theory was originally inspired by ‘what if httyd and horizon zero dawn crossover?’ My brain said things and for some fuckforsaken reason I listened. 

TL:DR I can smash together a crossover of so many different fandoms and media. It’s stupid. I’m crazy. I love it. This is what ADHD makes me think about when I zone out 

Anyway, first thing; the portal games could cross over with virtually anything. Portal-lands (borderlands). Portal age of wonderbeasts. How to Portal Your Dragon. Portal and the Princesses of Power. Portal: Zero Dawn. Portalverwatch. Portales of Arcadia. Fuck, if I really wanted, I could make the portal series crossover with Star Wars. This is because the time gap between portal one and two is spectacularly, deliciously difficult to pinpoint. If I shuffle it around, I could align the times during which action and dramatic events occur to line up with Chell finally escaping the facility. She walks through the wheat field and immediately encounters a megabunny, or a herd of grazers and striders. Or she trips on a rusted null sector carcass. Or her first night on the surface she’s staring at the moon and the star-filled sky, until she hears a slowly mounting screech and a flash of lightning. Or after a couple days she encounters a migration of creatures with stone skin, because they’re going to New Jersey and wanted to stop in Michigan to visit the great lakes, I guess. Or a couple weeks in to her new life, there’s a bright flash in the sky, and now she’s glowing? And has weird glowing tattoos on her arm? And can set things on fire? Or a year or two after she escapes, a spaceship? touches down? and out comes a catgirl, a lady with prehensile hair, a weird tall white guy, but not, like, a typical white guy, his skin is literally snow white, and someone who appears to be (???) normally human????? With portal, anything is possible. Bonus points that technically any and all fanfiction, AUs, the like etc. of portal are canon, thanks to cave literally reaching through the multiverse, thereby making all of those alternative realities possible. 

So if I wanted, I could stick portal in anything. Like how salt can be used in virtually every cuisine. 

But oh, my dear brain did not stop there. This is a crackshit crossover corner, after all.  If I fuck around enough, I could frankenstein together almost all of these. The events in HZD take place approximately one thousand years after the apocalypse, which occurred mid-2000s. As in 2050s-60s, not 2005. Kipo Age of Wonderbeasts takes place about 200 years after their mutepocalypse (also it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that ‘mute’ was shortened from ‘mutants’ and has nothing to do with their ability to speak), and we’re not sure when that happened. We could hazard a guess that Gaia was able to rebuild the world and some of humanity after Faro’s fuckup, but maybe went a liiiiiiiittle too far with the Artemis sub-probgram, and the mutepocalypse happens almost immediately. Oopsies. World goes on for 200 years post mutepocalypse, events of the series of Kipo Age of Wonderbeasts occur. Anknown amount of years later Hades decide’s that’s enough and wipes Gaia’s slate clean for her to start over again. She gives it another shot, but this time limits the amount of historical information that she gave to the humans that she released. Might’ve been a bit inaccurate, because do you know just how much human media insisted that vikings had horned helmets? (Could also explain why somehow Tuffnut knows some spanish). Whatever. This time she tries dragons. Things are actually going pretty well for a couple hundred years, Gaia always thought the ancient mythological tales of winged fire-breathers were cool, why not try it out? Until--are you kidding? The dragons disappear to hide underground? From the humans? Seriously? Wow. Wooooow. All that effort, wasted. Hades decides it’s time to try again. This time? Screw it. Robot megafauna. Hades can’t eat that. Around half a millenia later, Hades gains sentience, goes about trying to commit genocide, events of the HZD game occur. For fanfic funsies, Chell could wake up literally any time in there, because why not add another layer? These all coexist in the same space-time. Same universe, same timeline, but unfortunately not at the same time. Oof. -----> This crackshit combines Horizon Zero Dawn, Kipo Age of Wonderbeasts, and How to Train Your Dragon. (*portal optional)

Or how about somehow, some way, the whole prehistoric ‘peopling of the earth’ (deadass the name of a textbook chapter) was more like accidental colonization of the earth? The rest of the six galaxies moved on and kind of forgot about them, so Borderlands doesn’t necessarily have to be in the distant future of earth’s timeline. Some millenia ago, the Destroyer was going around, doing its thing. The Eridians didn’t like that, so they found a planet with natural capabilities they could take advantage of, asked some sirens for help, and turned it into a superweapon. After all, as typhon says, most Eridian things run on crystals. And sirens’ powers are often elemental--who’s to say the runestones on Etheria aren’t their collaborative work? Along the way they probably make an enemy because of course they do, so why not give the Heart a test run @ Horde Prime? Until Mara rebels, and yeets Etheria and its moons (and presumably star) into Despondos. Well, fuck. Horde Prime mentions ‘one thousand years’ of waiting, but when traveling through space, time can get fucky. Anyway, Now they have to come up with an alternative way to eliminate the Destroyer. It might take a few millenia of hopping around, leaving their mark on various planets, but eventually they come up with the idea of creating a cage, creating pandora... After all, the architecture of the First One’s ruins in SPOP and the various Eridian Ruins in the borderlands series aren’t super different. It’s reasonably possible that their stylistic design choices changed over time--whose hasn’t? Gothic architecture wasn’t hanging around from the dawn of human time. Anyway, we know that since they began building Pandora, the Eridians knew what it would entail. So when Nyriad killed them to power the Machine in the Pyre of the Stars, it’s not like they hadn’t prepared to die. The guardians, their own creations, have heath bars made entirely of shields, implying that they are beings not of flesh but of energy. And who wouldn’t want to at least attempt to preserve their culture, at least a shred of it? Many statues that are presumably in the Eridian’s likeness have only two arms, but some have more. And what energy-based lifeforms (from tales of arcadia) have a majority population with two arms, but a select special few with four? What is their planet called? AkiRIDIAN 5. It is implied that not even Nekrotafeyo, the Eridian’s home planet, is technically the place of their origination, so it’s not all that out of the question for them to make (and possibly fail at) a couple of planets they could put their extra-sentient lifeforms on. ‘Alright, We are called Eridians. This is the fifth planet we made for you. Have fun, we have to go die.’ How often is history not warped by time? Particularly the pronunciation of things? And of course if they’re starting over with a completely new place and no template to work off of, the architecture they come up with is not at al likely to resemble that of their progenitors. Also note that Luug and other Akiridian creatures seen, like those weird ass energy bugs, look fucking weird. You know what else looks fucking weird? The fauna of Nekrotafeyo. In this version, Mara’s story in She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is the very distant early history of the Eridians, before even Nyriad, who is presumed to be very long-lived. The ancient history that the Eridians themselves left behind is in turn the prehistory of the people of Akiridian 5. And again, if u want, portal. That said, the end of SPOP S5, the end of BL3 (currently the latest borderlands game), and the end of the Tales of Arcadia series could not only exist in the same spacetime, but also at the same time. ---->This crackshit combines She ra, Borderlands, and Tales of Arcadia. (*portal optional)

[gryphonablaze]

oh mood. mood mood mood. I thought we already figured out the secret of Earth’s collapse... the Faro plague... but is there more???? My favorite kinds of stories are frame narratives where you follow a person who is themselves learning a story. especially when it’s like old history and secrets. 

SO, since letting my eager brain have a taste of it earlier today, I've been filled with the mighty need to expand on my ideas re: Aloy's potential journey into and through angst in Horizon Forbidden West. I'm so sorry in advance.

First, I'll be utterly clear that HZD wasn't all roses and sunshine for Aloy, at all. Let's face it, her entire backstory is rife with degrees of trauma and tragedy--both chronically and in moments of acuity. I don't think I need to delineate the lot of it for the purposes of this thought-vomit. But I would argue that we haven't seen a low point in her yet. We've seen bitter Aloy, we've seen defensive Aloy, we've seen disappointed Aloy, we've seen rationalizing Aloy. We've seen Aloy's inherent compassion shining through in spite of all of these things.

But I don't think we've seen broken Aloy.

Flashes of it, definitely. On the summit post-Proving. Again upon waking. The door to ELEUTHIA-9, the first time. The way her face falls when her immediate hopes of Elisabet Sobeck being alive are dashed. The reveal in ELEUTHIA-9, later, most clearly.

But it never lasts. And even with "I never had a mother," there's no time to reflect and process. There's just Sylens in her ear telling her to buck the heck up (I mean, rightly so, Turd Ferguson's Really Really Bad Idea is about to ruin everything a g a i n). And she does! And it's never truly revisited. (Side note, this is what a lifetime of compartmentalizing can do!) It's placed aside for the greater good, and for running us to the end of the immediately-impending conflict.

And then ZD's ending, at the Sobeck Ranch. So singularly lovely, so very earned. Part of me's been crying over it since the first time I saw it. A satisfying and heartrending moment of stoppage on a journey to continue. <- I point at that sentence again.

Because: honeys, we have a big storm coming. Obvious advertising lingo, but an indication that still bears weight, from the PS Store's page about HFW:

Yeah. We have a lot more coming. We haven't even scraped the surface of the low point, methinks. Because if this is a multi-arc story, we might be sitting in the eye of the storm following ZD. Which means, we're going to hit narrative structure of the hero realizing that their new tools acquired during the first arc don't exactly fit the situation (whether in truth or falsely-thought). Yet she cannot continue on in the ways she was before making these realizations. AND, judging on the HFW trailer, this is exactly what we see.

I've noted this before here, along with several others. The entirety of the narration is "I have to do this," "If I fail there will be nobody else," "This journey is mine," etc. And it all sounds very confident, very sure, very dire. But! Does the ending of HZD not say "look at all of these people who think you're incredible and are willing to lay down everything for you?" Along with the parallel narrative of Aloy collecting [friends] from different tribes, and Elisabet collecting Alphas? [ASIDE: I think this will take an even more spotlight role in HFW, as we potentially encounter more subfunctions.]

It's a reneging on Aloy's movement from solitude to centrality, from egocentricity to beyond, that we see during the first game. And to both realize and break this falsehood she's somehow built up again, she's going to be overcome by a period of darkness. A low point. One with which the writers will wreck us, probably in a desert.

And I, for one, am ready to be torn asunder by it.

[scrawnytreedemon]

You know what I live for?

Crossovers

Just, like, fucking off the rails, balls-to-the-walls level of crackshit-fuckery that is NOT at ALL acceptable.

Fuck canon, we don’t need that shit-- I’m going to make my own canon, with crackships and hookers! I WILL draw endless paralells between all my hyperfixations, and that is a THREAT!

[gryphonablaze]

Fic! What if Aloy from HZD/HFW got yote into Thedas circa DAI?

A flash of green light. 

‘What—‘

Aloy came to. First priority: weapons. Where were they? Her spear was underneath the bed she was on. Her other weapons were contained with the quantum storage technology she’d salvaged, and the pouches where she stored that were—still on her belt. Okay. Good. Second priority: immediate danger. There didn’t seem to be any. 

Third priority: location. Where was she? She was lying in a bed for starters, staring at a ceiling. She quickly sat up and opened up the map projection on her focus, but… her Focus’s GPS’s current location was nowhere to be seen. Oooookay, context clues it is. 

The ceiling was made of long flat wooden boards above rafters. Walls of logs, mud chinking. Her first guess was Nora, but that was unlikely for a few reasons. One, the logs were cut down into squares, whereas the Nora kept them round. Two, the furniture in the room was not remotely Nora-looking. Three, the last she checked, the lab she was investigating was in the Forbidden West. 

‘That’s helpful,’ she grumbled. Another once-over of the furniture in the room could help. 

There was a small stand beside the bed and a table across the room against a wall. Upon closer inspection, the style was… completely unfamiliar. The furniture was somewhat processed. The materials used weren’t raw like what the Nora or Tenakth used, but the processing technique wasn’t blocky like Oseram, it was delicate like the Carja, but there was hardly a trace of metal to be seen. Neither the steel and iron fittings Oseram were so fond of, nor the bronze that the Carja made the entirety of most of their furniture out of. Maybe it was Quen? She hadn’t seen much of Quen handiwork, so while Aloy couldn’t confirm it, she couldn’t rule it out either. So far, Quen was looking to be the most likely option of the tribe to which this settlement belonged. 

‘I don’t like being worshipped, but I’d rather be called ‘Ancestor’ than have to fight my way out of here. I guess. Still, I’d also rather have my weapons on me than leave them in here,’ she talked to herself as she strapped her quiver onto her hip and her spear on her back. 

Fourth priority: how did she get here? Her focus should have recorded any footage between the green flash and now. 

Aloy tapped the device on her temple and—

‘AUGH—!’

Another green flash, bright and sudden and a little bit painful. She stumbled and nearly lost her balance.

‘Ow!’ She said to the Focus, offended. 

What had caused that? Focuses almost never malfunctioned, and when they did, it was usually because of some… sort of malware.

The data display on her Focus glitched for a moment, flickering green, but only for a moment. Aloy initiated a software diagnostic.

‘I see the problem…’ she quickly zeroed in on a small foreign entity program. A little green light. Which was strange, because the Focus usually doesn’t display green. ‘Now what are you?’ 

She tried to delve deeper into the program, but her Focus had a hard time interpreting it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t originally made compatible with FAS tech, and the Focus could only just try its best to translate. The most she could glean was that it was called ‘the Anchor.’ 

‘This is getting me nowhere.’ She closed it. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t get in the way too much.’

The door slammed open.

[gryphonablaze]

Ge-cher new ‘n’ improved siren collection! My opinions on the new sirens that should be in the story!  Ya got yer Lorelei inheriting Lilith’s powers, so she’s not exactly a new character, but woudja look at that, a never before seen character? Thaaaat’s right! 

for the purposes of fanfic writing, in this universe (this one is just borderlands alone) (crossovers will probably have leech go elsewhere, but that’s literally a different story. I have to specify because of the crackshit crossover corner, y’know? fucken wild. see the tag ‘gryphon’s crackshit crossover corner’ at the bottom of this post. I am so so sorry, it’s virtually impossible to understand without taking fucken notes lmao) the leech powers got trapped in pandora with the injured destroyer when pandora closed back up. 

Anyway, now I just need to choose between my ocs who get their powers from the Unknown Siren (as u can see in the pic, I have a list of known powers. there’s also steele, known siren but unknown powers, and there’s an unknown siren unknown powers. the ones with stars next to them are the ‘new’ sirens), that are basically shameless self-inserts... phaselife/blight with anshin’s pet siren (yet unnamed), phaselife/blight or craft or form with Miriam the ex-devil-rider teen who either a) flees to Eden-6 and becomes a gardener, or b)stays on Gehenna survivalisting in a distant corner of the Blastplains,  (I also think that phaselife/blight, while mostly used for healing, can manipulate non-sentient living beings such as plants, like swampbending from atla.)

EDIT: fuck can’t remember if I mention but Faustine is black /edit(the following is almost word-for-word what is written in my preposterous handwriting)

Lorelei:

Yeah, we know who she is. She accidentally blows up the office immediately after that cutscene (u know the one). Manages to phasewalk herself, Rhys and Zero to safety. Rhy’s aquarium is destroyed, though. 

Faustine: 

(paragraph to the left) Faustine, a citizen living a nice life on Minos Prime. A 26 y/o up-and-coming professional figure skater! Inherited her powers directly from Commandant Steele! But then, once she became a siren? People started treating her like a siren (50/50 worship/murder), she said fuck this shit I’m out, hid somewhere on the planet, and froze herself captain america style. The Guardian breach woke her up. ‘You’ve been in a coma for thirteen years.’ ‘Oh boy, can’t wait to go to my favorite noodle place down the street!’ I’m sorry. Welcome to hell, Frosty. 

(Paragraph beneath her) Faustine has always had Vitiglio (I probably misspelled the hell out of it, I’m sorry). After her powers manifested, it never touched the tattoos-- Vitiglio is an autoimmune disorder, and sirens can heal themselves, so it suddenly avoided the siren tattoos

(Paragraph to the right) Her powers manifested just as she finished her routine during a competition (she got a perfect score bc she’s a badass bitch), so she didn’t have time to change before she fled for her life. Thank goodness she always chose comfortable outfits to perform in...

[gryphonablaze]

me: needs to do my schoolwork, because I’m on a shorter deadline than usual and also have more housechores than normal

also me: spends the time I should be using to do the above instead on writing au because hot damn I haven’t written this much for the past like week in a WHILE, im on a ROLL,

[gryphonablaze]

while it’s not in either of those earlier two larger aforementioned crosses, it would be interesting to see HZD/BL. Perhaps Aloy inherits lilith’s powers? And in search of vaults sanctuary makes a pitstop at earth and tannis has the Time Of Her Fucking Life with all the Machines and Aloy convinces her to try and resurrect Gaia’s consciousness because she wants to try to meet at least one of her moms face-to-face yknow?....

 After Tannis brings Gaia back, She can see/talk through Aloy’s focus, so Aloy makes a visit back to the beginning of things and introduces her to Rost.

and yes I know forbidden west, I don’t have it so I don’t know the plot, but. with the Derangement under control and Hades defeated*... Rost taught her that even if Aloy did not need the tribe, they needed her. Well, she’s helped them. They don’t need her anymore. And now that she knew where she came from, what she was... in this whole world, just like Rost’s home... there was nothing for her here. Not anymore. Not without Rost. Not without Elisabet. They had been here, but they were gone now. It’s best that she move on. 

Before she left on Sanctuary, she took Elisabet’s helmet, and a stone from Rost’s grave. 

Aloy had always preferred being alone. Sure, she had friends. But that wasn’t what ‘alone’ was. Not belonging to anyone, not being bound to something somewhere. But she would have stayed for Gaia. In all the world, She was the only thing Aloy would have endured obligations for. But, because of something the weird lady from space did to her Focus, even though Aloy was far beyond Earth, she could still talk to Gaia.  

Besides, she had new questions now, and their answers weren’t here. 

Also, since she suddenly gained the ability to set things on fire, and summon blazing wings, the Carja started worshipping her. It was bad enough to be one tribe’s anointed, much less two. 

‘Everyone, please welcome the newest member of the Crimson Raiders!’ The small blue girl wiggled her hands at Aloy. 

Aloy’s brow creased. ‘Nobody said anything about joining any tribes.’

‘Ya don’t have to be a Raider if ya don’t want to,’ The large woman added. ‘Technically.’ 

‘Alright.’ Aloy shifted her posture. ‘So, who is everybody?’

Everyone introduced themselves in turn. 

‘Nice to meet you all. I’m Aloy.’ 

‘Would you like a tour of the ship, dear? I can show you all around,’ Moxxie offered. 

‘Yes, please.’ Aloy did not acknowledge the woman’s suggestive tone. ‘Lead the way.’ 

Immediately after Moxxie was done helping Aloy navigate the ship, she immediately went to the lab. The woman to whom it belonged was the only member of the Crimson Raiders Tribe that hadn’t been on the Bridge. Moxxie instead had told Aloy her name.

‘Tannis?’ 

One half of the room was a mess. Squares of torn-up not-quite-parchment and thread were thrown on the floor. Tannis herself was facing the wall with her forehead against it and arms hanging limply by her sides. 

Just as Aloy had seen before, on the woman’s left arm there were markings. 

‘Is this a bad time?’

‘It absolutely is.’

‘I’ll come back later, then.’

‘No, there is no time in the near future that will be any less dreadful than this. What do you want?’

‘This thing on my arm. You have it too, and so do Ava and Amara. What is it?’ 

Tannis sighed wearily. ‘It is the mark of a Siren. Nobody knows where we came from or how we were made. Only six--or perhaps seven, the number is up for debate--can exist in the universe at the same time. Again, it is not known why. Each of us have different fantastical magical powers. These powers can be passed down to other specific people or inherited at random whenever a Siren dies. The powers are often the same, if not similar when they are passed from Siren to Siren. You inherited the abilities Phasewalk, and Phaseblast, and the related. Your powers came from a Siren called Lilith. She was my friend. She was lost her recently, in uncertain circumstances, and I was holding out hope that she was still alive somewhere.’

‘The fact that I have these markings is proof that she actually died...’ 

‘Yes.’

Aloy paused for a long moment. ‘Thank you for explaining... this.’ She held up her hand. ‘And I’m sorry that you lost your friend. Someone I cared about died recently, too.’ It had been maybe a month since Rost had saved her at the proving. So much had happened since then. ‘Is there anything I can do to help you?’ 

‘No, there is not.’ 

‘Alright.’ Aloy left. 

.

.

.

*Fuck you, Sylens. 

[gryphonablaze]

Hey

A flash of green light. 

‘What—‘

Aloy came to. First priority: weapons. Where were they? Her spear was underneath the bed she was on. Her other weapons were contained with the quantum storage technology she’d salvaged, and the pouches where she stored that were—still on her belt. Okay. Good. Second priority: immediate danger. There didn’t seem to be any. 

Third priority: location. Where was she? She was lying in a bed for starters, staring at a ceiling. She quickly sat up and opened up the map projection on her focus, but… her Focus’s GPS’s current location was nowhere to be seen. Oooookay, context clues it is. 

The ceiling was made of long flat wooden boards above rafters. Walls of logs, mud chinking. Her first guess was Nora, but that was unlikely for a few reasons. One, the logs were cut down into squares, whereas the Nora kept them round. Two, the furniture in the room was not remotely Nora-looking. Three, the last she checked, the lab she was investigating was in the Forbidden West. 

‘That’s helpful,’ she grumbled. Another once-over of the furniture in the room could help. 

There was a small stand beside the bed and a table across the room against a wall. Upon closer inspection, the style was… completely unfamiliar. The furniture was somewhat processed. The materials used weren’t raw like what the Nora or Tenakth used, but the processing technique wasn’t blocky like Oseram, it was delicate like the Carja, but there was hardly a trace of metal to be seen. Neither the steel and iron fittings Oseram were so fond of, nor the bronze that the Carja made the entirety of most of their furniture out of. Maybe it was Quen? She hadn’t seen much of Quen handiwork, so while Aloy couldn’t confirm it, she couldn’t rule it out either. So far, Quen was looking to be the most likely option of the tribe to which this settlement belonged. 

‘I don’t like being worshipped, but I’d rather be called ‘Ancestor’ than have to fight my way out of here. I guess. Still, I’d also rather have my weapons on me than leave them in here,’ she talked to herself as she strapped her quiver onto her hip and her spear on her back. 

Fourth priority: how did she get here? Her focus should have recorded any footage between the green flash and now. 

Aloy tapped the device on her temple and—

‘AUGH—!’

Another green flash, bright and sudden and a little bit painful. She stumbled and nearly lost her balance.

‘Ow!’ She said to the Focus, offended. 

What had caused that? Focuses almost never malfunctioned, and when they did, it was usually because of some… sort of malware.

The data display on her Focus glitched for a moment, flickering green, but only for a moment. Aloy initiated a software diagnostic.

‘I see the problem…’ she quickly zeroed in on a small foreign entity program. A little green light. Which was strange, because the Focus usually doesn’t display green. ‘Now what are you?’ 

She tried to delve deeper into the program, but her Focus had a hard time interpreting it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t originally made compatible with FAS tech, and the Focus could only just try its best to translate. The most she could glean was that it was called ‘the Anchor.’ 

‘This is getting me nowhere.’ She closed it. ‘Let’s hope it doesn’t get in the way too much.’

The door slammed open. 

Aloy and Disney’s Mulan would get along really well I think

[gryphonablaze]

So yall know how i have crackshit crossovers for fandoms i like, and how portal is the jack of all trades among these? as in i can insert it into virtually any crossover and itd work fine and make sense? well yknow another new media that i fucking Love is daughter of the lilies. and i had a revelation. and now i want to write fanfic. portal of the lilies