#coz my primary mood on most days is f*ck men

[popsiclemania]

mad for each other: a review of sorts cw: abuse

(i went into this show not knowing much except that it was about mental health and that people found it progressive. it’s 13 thirty-minute episodes, so it’s not much of a time investment.)

The first two episodes are pretty choppy in that the two “mad” leads dissolve into hysterics or uncontrolled rage every time they meet. It’s meant to show how they are misfits in regular society and also “crazy” by its standards. The man (Hwi oh) is a suspended cop with a history of assault and getting mandatory therapy sessions for his anger problem. The therapist is iffy at best.

Once we get past this setup though, the show becomes primarily about the paranoid female lead (Minkyoung) who lives an isolated life and in constant fear. She’s suspicious of everyone and takes steps all the time to ensure she can be safe in any situation, which often means she screams in terror and attacks people if they get too close or walk behind her for too long. (Which the male lead happens to do by coincidence) But is it really paranoia if your fears are real?

This is the part that’s amazing part to me: how they unfold exactly why she behaves this way. Why does she read into situations that seem harmless? Why is she suspicious of every single person she comes across? Why does she keep forgetting things she does all the time?

The narrative slowly delineates her history of abuse and the effects its had on her memory, her emotions, how she presents herself in public and her living situation. The focus is more on her and less on the events. I love how she consciously uses people’s assumptions about her “craziness” to protect herself. Hence, the open hair, the sunglasses and the flower behind her ear. 

So far, Hwi oh is barely tolerable as a character, nor is his problem something that moves me. (He’s an angry cop!) What bothers me also is that in a story populated with women, there are mostly two kinds: absolute villains and ones the ML admonishes for being terrible people.

The writer saves this from being insufferable by writing the main secondary characters— women’s association president Kim Inja, part-timer Suhyun and Samantha— with some complexity and their own storylines. (I love all three of them) 

It also helps that Hwi oh’s primary function from episode 3-12 (apart from romance) is to serve as a device to understand Minkyoung’s past and the journey she is on in the present. This is in addition to the arc we’re already on with her character.  

Which brings me to why Minkyoung’s story is so compelling. She’s set up as an unreliable narrator of any scene she is witness to. It’s drummed in that she doesn’t trust herself either. This is what the writer uses to chalk out the complicated aftermath of trauma and abuse. From ep 3-12, the show centres her and peels of layer after layer to help us understand her behaviour. This is a person committed to survival, to her truth, and to learning to rebuild a life she has lost. She is shrill, hysterical and rude, everything that makes it easy for people around her to write her off. But the writer shows again and again, how in the face of suspicion and disbelief, even from a well-intentioned Hwi oh, she is right about everything and has absolutely valid reasons for how she does and does not defend her behaviour in public. Each time I think ‘surely, they will not take this particular thread to its realistic conclusion’, they do. WHICH IS WILD. Because every drama I’ve watched so far (except Law School) has hedged on a story like this. It’s also not held the "good men” accountable for their own toxicity.

All of this is why the literal and figurative car crash of a last episode absolutely ruins everything they’ve built till them. Hwi oh is shown to begin coming to terms with his anger until he absolutely loses it for “good reason” in defence of Minkyoung. The scenes where she confronts him about how his treatment of her, despite his best intentions, is just a degree removed from her abusive ex are so great. Then they fuck it up trying to tie up the romance between two “misfits” with a big bow. Except Hwi oh isn’t a misfit, he’s a cop with a history of going off the rails for “justice” and “catching the bad guy” and one who doesn’t fix himself.  (This a trope far past its expiration date in murder mysteries, it doesn’t have a place anywhere anymore.) And he gets her back using tactics very similar to her abusive ex.

(In a limited way, I’m coming to understand why dramas make this U-turn. The writers are usually women, PDs are often men, and South Korea has a not-so-great relationship with feminism right now. I’ve also seen women there talk about what it’s like to confront men in public places.)

Popular media takes so long to catch to up how it validates violent male behaviour and what that violence even encompasses. (Like Bollywood has barely caught up to its stalker heroes, and the Salman Khan industrial complex is still at its peak. How do we even begin to talk about emotional violence?) I understand that and it also fills me with rage. It’s effect is so visible here in India. I would love to know what South Korean women thought of this show. In conclusion, watch for Minkyoung’s story and Oh Yeon-seo, for a stellar performance by Gil Hae-yeon as Minkyoung’s mother, for Bae Ji-won, Lee Suhyun and An Woo-yeon and end at episode 12. Episode 13 does not exist.

(ps: why is a drug lord, trying to zealously hide his face, getting his food delivery in person🙄)