#coven skyefall: a page from a journal

[purplehairnpronouns]

My hair is starting to get longer again.

Considering how I felt when it was cut, I should be happy- but I don’t know how to feel.

I’m starting to see the scars on my forehead, too. I didn’t know I could get those..

This feels wrong. Something about this does.

For such a long time I’ve longed to be human, but these signs of a hint I’m alive don’t feel right.

I don’t like the reflection looking back at me in the mirror. I think I might dye my hair, or maybe change my eye color.

[purplehairnpronouns]

Your letter sent the other day, had a comma in a place that takes up all my waking thoughts.

Was this a misplacement of your pen; or were you telling me something? I read the line multiple times, but I can't decipher this.

It reads "My dearest Coven" But the comma's after dearest- It reads "My Dearest, Coven"

My Dearest..

A single dash of ink has sent my mind into a spin- spare me the embarrassment if it is just a mistake,

One symbol in the middle of your phrase- the meaning was completely changed. I know you better than to think it was mistaken.

it read-

My Dearest, Coven.

[purplehairnpronouns]

Do I think I'd have any regrets if I die?

a difficult question I was asked today, kind of out of nowhere. While an odd prompt, I do like the idea of thought.

While I wish I could live my life without them, I probably have a few- If I were to die today.

I hope to one day find a way to get my body to keep together,

I want to tell the truth to those I love,

I hope to graduate soon- and find a worthwhile passion,

I want to see my family happy and thrive,

I hope to go back to briar valley again- and see Ms. S and my little siblings,

I want to be happy about what I've done with my life so far.

I'm not ready to part just yet,

But I shouldn't have to worry about that,

Right?

[purplehairnpronouns]

I hate it when I get angry. my scars are throbbing and my ears are ringing.. I shouldn't have used weaver's basket before proper preparation.. my fingers are swollen.

I really wish I just stayed in my room.

[purplehairnpronouns]

My form is beginning to tear more and more.

Will I need to inhabit something new soon? will my friends recognize me?

The stitches in my face are beginning to ache and move on their own, sometimes coming undone randomly. it's hard to redo them by myself without a mirror, but I think I'd disturb anyone who I asked to help.

Just when I started to love the appearance I made for myself, it's now falling apart. how cruel.

[purplehairnpronouns]

Today, during a random discussion, I mentioned my age in passing. The person I was talking to then asked what I was, seeing how humans don't usually live that long. When I vaguely described it, they said they "that's sad." and their tone changed very quickly. That made me feel kind of self-conscious.

When I responded with "how is that sad?" they replied, rather simply- "don't you want to be like us?"

I don't get where people get these ideas.. I'm really not that different than other living things, am I? I really don't envy others because I can't feel pain. I don't get damaged very easily. Why is it something to envy so much?

Even if I wasn't made in the way most beings are, that doesn't mean I'm any less alive..

right?

[purplehairnpronouns]

My dreams are getting really odd. I usually don’t sleep much anyway, but now I feel I can’t do it during the night- or even on my own. It’s pretty juvenile, but every time I close my eyes I keep seeing those twisted versions of my friends, and what happened every time ink creeps into the school.

I keep saying it doesn’t affect me, but I just can’t put it into words. I don’t want to admit how I flinch sometimes- even when Malleus-Sama puts a hand on my shoulder, or Lilithin leans down to me.

I don’t ever want to feel like that again, but I can’t make it go away. Hiding things is how my last mess started, but I just don’t know how to bring it up. But I think people can already tell. Even I recognize I’m not acting all the same.

I wish I could just lay down for a while, and stop my thoughts.