#couldnt rly figure a way to put it in

[ganondoodle]

still thinking about that text post i reblogged bc it articulates so well what some of the bad vibes i got from totk that i couldnt really pin point that well (and still cant put it in my own words lol); botw is all about trying to act out an old legend and it backfires severly, and i SO hoped the sequel would then move forward or try to explore the reason why clam gan could even come back at all (which isnt really done in totk bc tbh as sad as im to say this ganondorf really is kinda just clam gan but he talks now and looks hot, other than his first human appearance he isnt rly humanized in any way, might as well been an evil cloud talking)

botw left me with the intense feeling that now it would move forward, in the present, we must not keep looking at the past as its done now, move and rebuild (hmmmmm windwaker anyone??) together with zelda now and i wanted to see where it would go so badly bc exploring hyrule with zelda as your companion would make room for SO much character interactions and to me it just feels RIGHT, in botw you were seperated for so long and were finally back together with your best friend and one of the only survivors from the main people hit by the calamity at the end, now you tackle the next catastrophy together-

and totk just kinda reverses it all, whoop zelda gone again lol, no no we must look FURTHER into the past and exactly play it all out again, which doesnt just feel repetetive but also like its back-pedaling what botw was themed around bc in botw it went wrong and had to try picking up the pieces and save whats left to save; in totk its like yeah this is the RIGHT way to reenact the past and as a supposed sequel it just feels ... off its like, imagine windwaker ending with you sailing off to search for new lands and let the past rest like the game directly tells you and then theres a sequel where you are back and suddendly are supposed to bring back the old hyrule that was flooded at the end of the previous game actually if totk was that you had to go back to figure out ok how did it end up like this and how do we solve it now in the present so it wont just restart again yEAH!! and while the game may seem like its doing that on the surface .. it really isnt bc turns out how to solve it is just ... kill the evil guy but HARDER and the reason it got this far is ... he was always an evil guy and the only mistake that was made was the divine god king not stabbing him to death immediately

its all so hollow and with all the other stuff i have ranted about its just .. man what happened here

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this is a little silly and i'm totally aware, but i luv ur blog and resonate with ur outlook on things so i'm really curious 2 hve ur input. i turned 18 in december+ i graduated high scool this weekend and so it's like the first time in my life where i am independently adjusting to a big transition. i missed soo much classes due 2 my brain being fucked and even tho i had friends i still feel rly weird and outsidery i guess. if u have any advice or idk anything i'm running out of space bye xx

thats wonderful news...congrats on gradding its really hard to get thru it 💟 i almost didnt grad cus i was barely present at school, resented every facet of it, the system didnt make sense to me like i just couldnt perform. i dint go to college or anything after highschool i knew it wasnt right for me plus i didnt want the debt. i knew i needed freedom to roam or st..

and tbh i was suuuuch a smart & intuitive child for that decision o.o like thank god thank goddd. i wouldve folded SO fast with state of my mental health back then. unless u r going into STEM idt school is worth it. Like school nevr made sense to me cus u can just be intellectual for free by acting curiously ?? Like u can just live and read books and stuff . . .

i guess my only real goal has ever been to make a lot of DOPE ass memories ~~ push every experience to full potential of beauty it is capable of 🤩 and that is a tad willful of me, so my arrogance has lead to many defeats but despite how painful its beeen.. im glad i did it this way, no ragrets ^^ its wonderful to be 30 now & look back at it all. following my intuition always worked out in the end..

When you're 18-24 i think all u should really be doing is like. chilling, recovering from highschool, smoking cigs, taking photos, listening to songs, reading, trying different clothes, playing outside, Soaking eveything up like a sponge, taking it *in*...taking it all in then thru trial & error figuring out what Really resonates !! and PPL will try to tell u its a waste of time, dont listen!!!! create stuff but dont put pressure on urself to be good at anything yet. dont feel pressure to like, have solidified into something permanent yet? ifthatmakes sense.. goof around a lot, dont limit yourself to any existing structures, be new & expansive, open minded.

And just chill :] look around at your world all the time and think "Wow. I'm 18 and i'll never be 18 again and life is beautiful." i still do this for every age i ever am i think its so imporant to do this. Always Know your older self is looking back upon you kindly no matter how irredeemably fucking fucked u feel <3 i can feel the love from my 40 and 50 and 60 year old self right now. get excited for your unfolding story anon ^-^ i hope its really uniquely perfect just for U and Ur dreams come true. Sincerely, ⭐⭐⭐PMD9⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[rubyneo]

so (claps my hands together) they 100% misused neo here. they shouldve shown her and what she was doing in EA more. what screen time they did give her was often underwhelming. i had a complete lack of reaction to a certain kiss (& the whole scene honestly). it literally did nothing for me. just like. Ok. finally. it was dumb as fuck that yang was more concerned about defending blake from rubys outburst than she was about her sister clearly being in SEVERE distress?!? ruby the girl who's never lashed out like this ever, the sister she raised and would do anything for. okk... i liked jaune's arc though i thought that was well done + i love that he got to keep the white hair after being younged. the wk moments were... interesting. curious to see where they go with that. i LOVED the brothers lore it literally made me jaw drop. the baby brothers were so cute... really love that they were FROM EA rather than having created it. also the implication that they can come and go from there as they pleased? not really plausible imo but it couldve been interesting to. see them. umm. the neo illusion scene i loved everything about roman ofc. his final line made me cry really hard. clover was funny as hell to me. that man did fucking NOTHING. he only did things as part of the group and then during the fight he literally just stood there holding kingfisher. presumably bc neo had no idea how he fought. he was just there to be a number in the group + to turn into qrow. lionheart at least used his weapon in the fight. neo's backstory shouldve been more explored beyond a couple paintings and a couple lines from roman. not everyone has read roman holiday. ozpin using his cane in the fight like roman (hitting and bludgeoning rather than the fencing style) was a good detail. i've seen people get all up in arms about penny and ironwood being there but like. it is not unreasonable for neo to have made an educated guess as to what happened with them. the summer scenes were fantastic i love her axe-gun. yes ruby stop putting your mom on a pedestal she was a person too! though interesting that it took her so long to be like GASP my mom LIED?!? when in v7 qrow literally tells her that summer had a lot of secrets. meaning she lied a lot. ALSO very interested in who raven portaled to. if qrow knows more than hes been telling or if theres another person we havent met that raven found important enough to have immediate access to. weiss being made into the comedy character was.. annoying to say the least. neo's ending was unsatisfying in a lot of ways. i think this volume couldve done with another couple of episodes to fully flesh out ideas. sorry this was long lmao but it think this is a decent summary of my thoughts

YEAH!!!! honestly so many of my issues with it definitely could have been fixed with just like 2 extra episodes to fit in more of the build up (especially to the ruby and neo plot). bees were fine but they were like meant to be a d-plot to me. i figured it would be like primary plot is trying to get home interspersed with the ruby and neo dramatic build up and ruby's mental state deteriorating, b plot was what was goin on with jaune, c plot is The Penny Thing, and then bees could be doing their thang in the bg.

still mad ruby and neo's Whole Deal was like an episode and 4 lines of dialogue outside of that.

summer and raven's little adventure makes me so fucking crazy. i fully expect the person raven portalled to to be the spring maiden, and lowkey i think its possible it could be gretchen. the timeline would certainly line up.

neo's ending...i was able to be okay with it until i saw that the writers were literally like well she's a fan favourite so we knew we couldnt just off her so we had to give her a more gentle send off like KILL YOURSELVES!!!!!! sniffle. they rly just dropped at the last second "neo is jealous of the love ruby gets from her friends 🥺🥺 now she's gonna kill herself" LIKE SHUT UPPPPP.

the highs for me were VERY high (ruby snapping! neo's dialogue as an echo of salem's! jaune being a crazy hermit to parallel to ozpin! the brothers bg! summer and raven! the horror elements!!!) and the lows were very low. but if theyd had like literally just 2 more episodes i think it would have flowed a lot better and not felt quite so...rushed near the end.

[magnoliamyrrh]

Don't you have a psychotic father? Didn't you fear that acid might trigger psychosis in you too?

He did. Its unclear what has caused my fathers psychosis however. His mother holds that when he was young he overdosed on some medication and had a long series of epileptic-like seizures, and that this may be the source; doesnt seem too far fetched bc there have been cases of this happening, and of epileptic seizures causing religious-focused psychosis, and feelings of "heaven" and "hell." Noone else in that line of my family, or on any side of my familty, has had any kind of psychosis-inducing mental illness however, noone recently at least or noone that anyone knows of

I used to worry about it at the beggining, yes, every once in awhile I still do. I mean, before i even did psychadelics weed could have technically caused psychosis - ive met ppl in psych wards who had weed-induced psychosis who had no family history of it even; one girl who it hit after the first time she smoked, and didnt even smoke much. However, no matter how much and how frequently ive smoked, ive never come close to feeling like it was causing that - the most ive had is weed-induced paranoia and other shit, but nothing once I came down. To smoke weed was a risk in the first place, which i took, and so far its been years and nothing has hit me

When i first tried psychadelics, and acid was the first one, I knew it was a risk, one i took because I know I could handle high doses of weed without losing it, and because I was...... well. I was fucked up. anorexia bulimia suicidality a bunch of other shit, i wasnt far away from a second suicide attempt at all, and I couldnt rly see many ways out of the shitshow i was in - i figured if I didnt kill myself the anorexia or bulimia would kill me anyway...... and so, i decided to take the risk, that everything good ive heard might be worth it. And im very glad I did, bc theres a high chance id be...... either dead or much worse off today

By now ive tripped idk well over 50/60 times and have yet to feel like my brain has been pushed twoards psychosis. The most I can say is that, and this applies only to acid which I dont rly do anymore, when I did later on take probably too high doses and had rly bad trips,,,,, yea, in the middle of the bad trip i was afraid of that possibility (or more accurately afraid the trip would never end) - frankly, I think the fact that I had the strength to keep myself together and pull myself out of it got me through it; i dont know if someone else going through that experience without prior experience and the ability to try to keep it together would have had a psychotic break, idk, maybe so maybe not - maybe it wouldnt have been chemical but it would have been so traumatic that theyd have been lost in the sauce. Or maybe not........ the most i can say is that I learned my lesson w strong doses of acid, and that it did happen that I felt its effects for days or weeks after the trip - not psychosis or delusions - hard to explain, but its like the trip lingers; in good cases this is called psychadelic "afterglow," after bad or exhausting trips its not particularly pleasant

Sooo, idk. Yea, i guess it could happen, fuck it, it could happen with weed too. Its a risk I take. I don't smoke as commonly as I used to anyway, and I dont do psychadelics as often (tho frankly the times when I would do shrooms around once or twice a month were the most productive, stable, sane, happy periods of my life). I hope to God it wont, but it could, even being careful and respectful with it

....... overall though? psychadelics, and especially shrooms, have made me feel exponentially, exponentially more "sane" than I ever was before I took them..... and even particularly crazy trips managed to teach me, my brains a lot more put together and stronger than I thought it was

[orenjibot]

Haha. I was like mega flipping my shit over it on twit cause i’m still working stuff out in my brain but!

Turns out i might also be autistic. Like mild autism perhaps.

Like… i always thought it was just an adhd thing? But it would make sense if i have both cause there were a few things i couldnt explain about myself in very small ways with just my adhd in particular.

But it would make sense if it was autism cause it also explains why i would always analyze smth like i was picking it apart to understand it. It was never smth i just understood without words, i had to actively pick things apart to understand it? I thought i was curious but no it was because i couldnt understand how the world works so i WANTED to understand. I get incredibly frustrated when i cant understand smth at all. It makes no sense and it hurts me and angers me i dont get it. I get insanely angry! Like irrationally so!

In turn i realized how that thinking and putting things in to set categories and patterns in my head has caused me to misunderstand a lot of social situations too. Like its not too bad but i defs mistake ppl’s intentions and stuff bc the way they word things isnt clear to me (taking things literally/at face value).

I also realized this mindset has also influenced how i saw regular human things like bonds of any kind and how i expect ppl to treat me bc i thought these are normal things i took very literally. Like i only understood jokes as things ppl say to be funny and used in any other situations like directed @ me means u are making fun of me and DISRESPECTING me… when all they wanted to do was make a joke and be light hearted.

Idk if this counts as autism but i also misunderstood friendship like just vibing with each other isnt rly friendship cause to be friends u usually have to do more than that. This is largely driven by the fact i, personally, had to put in more work into friendships due to being horribly neurodivergent and not understanding how to talk to ppl too (being bullied was also a factor). A friendship to me is one where u have to understand me and not just me understanding you so anything else that isnt just that isnt rly a friendship to me so i approached every friendship like i have to understand how ppl worked in order to be friends with them. This is apparently NOT a normal thing people do. This can also be attributed to my adhd and is likely more cause it, but the fact i didn’t understand that friendship wasn’t so… give and take made me realize how much pressure i was putting on others to understand me, i just thought that was normal and like a given cause i do it, why can’t you? I took everyone not giving me that as a sign of either disrespect or disinterest and took it as “oh u want a shallow relationship with me”. Like i took friendship too seriously when i shouldnt have.

There were also gestures i took as negative and hostile, and triggering my RSD but also that it didnt adhere to what i understood what being friends was. I figured I was weird and oddly sensitive about interactions, but i did find it really really weird how it was very specific and particular gestures. I cant understand it so it is making me UNCOMFORTABLE; less like “man idgi” and more “this is making me feel so incredibly HURT and uncomfortable that i feel like crying”.. to the level of wanting to cut off ties or discarding them entirely.

It now made me reevaluate what happened between me and ann as well. Like, yeah, i DONT think what she did was nice or correct but the treatment i gave her was too drastic without explanation. I don’t feel the need to be her friend or approach her since she didnt try to approach me either (also blocked me at one point after i unblocked her so yah lol). She never said that i misunderstood her at all, i was the one always having to do that?? And i kinda didnt like that… and she was giving a lot of…. Yellow and a few red flags. Like it was hard to approach her to let Her Know she did smth wrong cause she always took it so dismissively/defensively too. If anything, i do think i should apologize to her for not realizing that a lot was because i didnt realize i was autistic, but sadly i don’t feel the need to wanna chat with her unless she does so first or the occasion comes up. I have always felt the need to apologize for her for that cause that was indeed my fault, but… Im also kinda petty and stubborn so i want her to actually apologize instead of like? Be a pussy lmao. Like I forgive her more for her response then, but i still didn’t like how she casually threw me aside for being direct. Like that was a HUGE deal for me cause my exfriend did that and acted like NOTHING happened. Like bro… i was very hurt man by you doing that even in a normal situation 😭

Anyways….

I took a few tests to rly be sure it is a mild thing and not some misreading. And they all came out mild/moderate… its like high but not definite severe. It is very close to it so im like.. well fuck.

I will go get a diagnosis at one point but realizing this made me just…. Realize so much things. Like it all just… clicked.

I feel like i should apologize to cam about that too.. just a whole bunch of things.

[malwaredykes]

actually she got accused of lying or stealing or being Up To No Good a whoooole lot when she was younger. like she was just generally regarded as a sneaky deceptive manipulative kid, even though she was for the most part just minding her own business and not causing much trouble. like she wasnt rly that Difficult. for the most part she was weird and spaced out and not really making friends (although some of her peers did like her despite that, she had two actual friends throughout her childhood and both were girls; she cant remember them at all). her family was reasonably respected in the community (probably because, well, they were medics) but not particularly liked, if it makes sense. but anyway, being constantly suspected and accused of stuff she wasnt doing did in fact make her develop a bit of a stealing habit. cuz she already knew how people would check if shed done something, which made it easier for her to hide it, And, i mean, if she was gonna get in trouble anyway. besides, Having Her Moments Of Pettiness is also a consistent trait of hers, and if somebody wronged her in some way, stealing something of theirs felt more than justified. usually it was money or alcohol or tools or the kinda personal belongings she could keep as something of a trophy. stealing keys was always fun. she also doesnt remember any of that but shes still prone to stealing and hoarding stuff post-headshot.

also, shed always been Not Particularly Good At Being A Boy. she wasnt girly, per se, just didnt get along with boys at all and didnt really Get what being a boy was supposed to be about. it just seemed very exhausting and like she was missing something that wouldve made it make sense. like there were things she was supposed to Get and Learn and Do. she tried to somewhat mimic her grandfather in being this kind of neutral and well put together and skilled and well-mannered sort of guy, but again, it seemed exhausting, it was an exhausting and demanding performance for reasons she couldnt quite put a finger on at the time. like Does She Have To. Does It Matter. Probably Does But Does It Really Matter.

she Realized what that actually meant at like, 16-17, though it definitely wasnt one big epiphany, more like slowly coming to terms with something and figuring out whether or not It Was Alright, She Was Allowed

post-headshot leigh has a thing where facial expressions dont come naturally to her, she has to make them consciously. she wasnt very good at it expressions before, and often looked "too neutral" in situations where it lead people to think she was uncaring or wasnt being truthful, but after getting shot in the head theres just nothing. it does take her some time to become aware of it though, because its not like shes not used to having to consciously Make The Right Face for the situation. it just seems harder though, like "ok so i need to smile now" doesnt come with Activating The Smile Preset, it means consciously moving your facial muscles to Imitate a smile. it takes her time to make it not look awkward as hell

[wayweaver-m]

a  toll  has  been  taken  ,   she  realises  far  too  late  ,   as  exhaustion  draws  her  limbs  down  .   they’ve  clashed  a  hundred  times  over  by  now  ,   grip  on  rainfell’s  handle  white  -  knuckled  .   his  helmet  betrays  nothing  ,   dying  sunlight  glinting  off  the  surface  —    for  a  moment  ,   she  thinks  she  catches  a  glimpse  of  sharp  eyes  ,   hateful  scowl  .   tension  visible  in  all  -  too  -  familiar  stance  ,   an  attack  telegraphed  to  those  attentive  ;   coiled  muscles  spring  loose  as  her  hand  sweeps  to  the  side  ,   and  void  gear  clashes  against  a  barrier  ,   hastily  wrought   (   and  she  winces  as  its  surface  cracks  and  splinters  ,   knowing  the  battle  is  drawing  toward  its  close  .   )

years  of  sparring  alight  her  senses  ,   grip  readjusts  ,   shoulders  square  —    she  has  little  more  than  a  few  seconds  before  the  barrier  gives  way  .   a  sharp  crack  ,   sound  like  shattering  glass  ,   and  she   strikes  ,   watching  as  he  rolls  yet  further  away  .   a  quiet  groan  reaches  her  ears  ,   and  she  cannot  help  but  feel  relief  when  finally  her  opponent  falls  slack  .   for  a  few  beats  longer  she  waits  with  bated  breath  ,   gaze  unwavering  —    until  ,   finally  ,   it  falls  and  she  rises  .   flash  of  light  bids  her  keyblade  goodbye  ,   and  she  turns  ,   a  quiet  sigh  on  her  lips   (   and  questions  she  so   desperately   wants  to  ask  ,   once  again  left  unsaid  .   )

/  @emptybe

[alicentsgf]

Maybe its because im the middle child but the way people romanticise Viserys only caring about and truly acknowledging Rhaenyra to the detriment of his younger children makes me see red. even Rhaenyra looked horrified when he called her his 'only child', so fans reveling in it irks me. people love to blame Alicent for the way her children turned out and on god she is not a perfect mother but Viserys is by far presented as the reason they're so fucked up.

Past Aegons infancy we never see him interact with his sons except to yell at them. Aegon literally says he always felt his father didnt like him, let alone love him. and sorry but Viserys was so inadequate in the aftermath of Vhagars claiming. Aemond was plenty in the wrong but not even nearly as much as other children, he WAS attacked first and only hit back once he was hit. plus it was 4 on 1. but Viserys never chastises his grandsons directly for any of it. imagine how unloved Aemond must have felt... is it any wonder Luke and Jace are better men when they had not 1 but 2 or 3 loving father figures to Aemond and Aegons 0.

And then theres Haelena. im not sure Viserys is even aware he has another daughter he only acknowledges her existence in the scene where Rhaenyra suggests the betrothal to Jace. meanwhile Alicent (who was a teen mom with preganancies forced on her via marital rape btw) is judged for struggling to be a good mother to these children her husbands actively destroying with his neglect. she doesnt understand Haelena but she sits and listens and tries to connect with her. she is the only one who fights for Aemond (even if her outburst did more harm than good). and while her treatment of Aegon as a teen leaves a lot to be desired, he clearly feels like she is the only one who actually loves him, despite not rly liking him a lot of the time.

Viserys was not a good king or father. he failed all his children, including Rahenyra. he was weak and selfish and easily led. he put Aemma through unimaginable pain without her consent even though she was definitely lucid enough to make a choice herself all because he wanted a son. then he named Rhaenyra heir because he wanted to make himself feel better about it. he trapped Alicent in a marriage purely because he wanted the 15/16 yr old best friend of his daughter, he literally admits this to Rhaenyra - that he chose Alicent over Laena because he /wanted/ her. only to neglect the children they had together because he couldnt be bothered with them. the sucession crisis could have been avoided if he'd actually cared about anything other than his own feelings and desires.

[13thdoodle]

Hi there! I'm just a new follower and I really like your works! anyway btw about the Magia au, what are the designs, character roles and the lore? Btw you're amazing and awesome and I'm all here for it.

Thank youuu~ I'm glad you enjoy the AU~

Oh man it's been awhile and uhh i didn't flesh out much of it so this is the ones i got so far..?

For starter, Danny is mostly the madoka equivalent. The one that try to protecc ppl with his power but always end up getting corrupted and turned into the Walpurgish Night (not how it works on the actual show but ghostking walpurgish night design was rly cool so ye) I don't....actually have Danny's magia design now that I think about it..

Jazz is the Homura equivalent here, trying to safe her brother from turning and kept failing over and over and over again :))) Eventually got confronted by Clockwork and they both try to figure out how to safe danny so Jazz won't fuck up the timeline by going back in time over and over again

She's the one who uses bow instead of Danny and after many loops she has become very good with it qwq

Clockwork also has time power but he's role is still making sure the timelines are stable and couldnt figure out what fcked it up until the comic with jazz going back in time in front of him He also guarding Pariah's sarcophagus in his.. lair? sorta? Keeping Pariah in stasis so he won't go berserk or gets more corrupted :33c

Both Clockwork and Jazz went to the same college and that's how they meet in this AU. Also CW works under the Observants kyuubei here and this is how they look like lmao

There's.. more characters but they are mostly OCs so I'll just put them under readmore

So.. I have two dp OCs, Levi(athan) and 31. And we were joking that they can have the sayaka and kyouko equivalent (but like.. familial) and so we got angst lol

Levi is the kyouko, feral, will bite if given the chance, fun guy. His magia form is a king themed and he fights with swords bc it's fun~

31 (Drake in this AU) is the sayaka. As in, his wish was more for others than himself, it back fired bad, and he end up falling into despair and turned into a witch and they gotta kill him :)))

Levi and Drake aren't blood related siblings. It's more like.. they both adopt each other and now they're brothers no take backsies Which made it even worse when Drake turned into a witch. Because his wish was for a his actual family to get along and be happy but it was just doomed from the start and he was in denial about it qwq

There's a whole tangent about movie plot one Where the casts were trapped in a dream and they had a bit of dilema bc the dream was a nicer place than the real world bc here everyone who died has came back.

And in that one, Levi and Drake can spend way more time as brothers and hang out more than they were in real life and it's jsut super bittersweet for these two im o(TヘTo)

There's also a side bits with Quizz (kawaiijohn's oc) and Levi bc OCTP uwu I didn't actually ahd the time to draw them but i did commissioned sai for it and it's so cute 🥺🥺

[matoitech]

actually im just gonna list some shit out right now that i cant get out of my brain. its not one of those things i think ppl should necessarily check out for themselves to see what i mean, cuz its not like FUN bizarre or bad choices. some things r understandable for being like an indie furry novel but some things r just so atrocious or nonsensical you dont get a pass

theres a lot like just vaguely weird bullshit that the author brings up in the text like 'yeah i know it sounds weird but just dont worry about it!' (ex: the bio soldiers arent really siblings, but theyre kiiiinda siblings, or at least SOME of them view each other that way, but the ones that need to not view each other that way for the romances in the plot dont???) and youre just like, well, this was Written by someone, you CHOSE to write it that way when you did not need to, so am i supposed to just assume you wrote it that way for a reason? or did you just genuinely not think that far ahead? theyre grown in a vat, you didnt have to do this

so many things in this that did not have to be there at all and at the timeid think 'maybe this is there for a reason and is going to be explored later, maybe its there on purpose to be weird and Say Something about the character doing it or whatever' but it was not. some examples off the top of my head that i wont get into further bcuz this post is long enough as is: bryce and the creepy guard on the space prison (homophobic stereotypes that make me wonder what the hell is going on w the i ASSUME gay dude writing this), shep telling kesondra who was a teenager at the time she was 'mature for her age' w writing that makes me wonder how the hell that was meant to read (HOW DID ALARM BELLS NOT GO OFF? ARE WE SUPPOSED TO /LIKE/ SHEP?), bryce not recogizning holly now as an adult woman as the kid he saved once and other characters making jokes abt him flirting w her (THE CHARACTERS DONT KNOW, BUT THE READER KNOWS. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO COME OFF?) why r u making these stupid in universe explanations for what feels like either a poor attempt at 'oh gross, thats weird in context!' 'jokes' later, or you just wanting an excuse to be weird or something?

two of its most massive glaring issues were present with like, the first chapter, when i realized this adult novel said a made up work for 'fuck' in the furry dog universe, and they say the made up word for fuck a LOT, and women are written so bad i thought i stepped backwards into the 1950s. the way women r written is way worse than them not saying the word fuck but it stands out so much i couldnt not mention it

i rly cannot stress the bizarre way the like 4 women in this book r treated enough. their interactions with other women and internal monologues have that pretty typical 'guy who has never rly given much thought to women as People thinks women feel about themselves and each other and their bodies etc' thing. i mean im saying this as a guy but its very blatant and basic misogyny its not hard to notice when ur also a man and point out. theyre referred to as 'dogesses' instead of dogs (dog is only reserved for the men, i guess) so u know right out the gate what brand of misogyny is going down. i dont think any of them have been described as wearing pants the entire book (apparently all women in this wear dresses). the male characters will randomly call them shit like either 'sweetheart' or 'bitch' apparently and it doesnt feel like youre supposed to think the guys r weird or creepy or shitty for this??? maybe shitty for the bitch thing but sweetheart honey darlin gets by totally fine? theyre not getting decked for that?

THE POTENTIAL RAINE HAS AS A CHARACTER THAT ISNT EXPLORED AT ALL MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL. I COULD WRITE A WHOLE OTHER ESSAY. i will say this tho, if i was writing this she would be trans

im like 400-500 (i dunno i havent checked) pages into the book and i cant really figure out a read on most of the politics in something that i was under the impression would be kinda political drama-y. theres like, a startling lack of politics in a book that DESPERATELY needs politics. i dont think the author has really wanted to worldbuild that far so you just get implications that there are politics going on, or the characters tell you that directly, or plot points happen that MUST be politically driven, but god forbid you find out why, i guess. maybe at the end.

indie furry novels need editors really really bad. it does that thing stuff thats really long that doesnt need to be that long does where it wanders around for 100 pages and then suddenly some shit is introduced and you can FEEL the author remembering the plot or realizing that he forgot to explain something 300 pages ago. some of the characters suddenly all start talking abt their sexualities like midway thru it bcuz the author forgot to mention it before, i guess? its kind of hard to tell when someone is actually gay or bisexual or when the other characters are just being homophobic for some reason. there r bases for good characters and story and worldbuilding but it doesnt reaaaally want to get into it enough for ALL its words and pages to make all that meandering feel worth it

i understand that so much of this is apparently just like middle aged british (??) cisgender (i assume, i would be in MISERY if this guy wasnt cis and writing like this) gay man male power fantasy and the extremely buff dudes he finds attractive but there is so much like lack of introspection the author has done and too much 'i did this cuz i thought it was hot and not bcuz it made ANY sense at all' like i am NOT against stuff existing in media bcuz the author thinks it'd be fun or sexy (when its done like, without being bigoted or smth, obviously) but when characters that r meant to be very smart do not think through like very basic things most ppl would think about (sasuke doesnt want to fuck w the x dogs programming too much and possibly ruin them, but he doesnt think anyones going to notice him bringing the same dogs back to life over and over, being the same age, and those dogs being MASSIVELY FUCKING HUGE AND RIPPED SUPER SOLDIERS? nostalgia can only explain away leaving them basically untouched and sasuke not caring if anyone noticed so much. i know theyre mostly penned but you'd think they'd take more precautions. they really dont give a fuck tho for some reason) and the book doesnt really want to ask those questions i just think like why didnt u get this edited??

the amount of ableism in this makes me feel like this man has literally never spoken to or seen a disabled person around him at all ever in his life. but theres just an undercurrent of general 'intersectionality isnt a word in my vocabulary' so thats kind of a given

the x dogs r also 'out of the box' as adults but the way theyre written w age and development and stuff is very weird i really could write a whole other thing about this

the fade to black sex scenes r so embarrassing for something that screams written for adult men. you cant even say fuck

theres like a moment when toby, a gay male character whose clothing style seems to be vaguely androgynous says smth like 'im not THAT far gone' as a joke about wearing heels or something. i hated it. that sentence encapsulated most of my biggest problems w this book bcuz it really just feels like this author has never bothered to talk to literally anyone with an even remotely different life experience than him. its also giving internalized homophobia like half the time. its so confusing i cant even tell if this was meant to be transphobic, bcuz again youre meant to LIKE these people

there r literally so many interesting things you could say about characters that are LIVING WEAPONS and how they feel about this, the dehumanization theyve experienced at the hands of the state or scientists creating and using them for war etc, but for some reason it doesnt really want to 'say' much of anything, at least so far?? its BOGGLING. there r probably way more things i could expand on or talk about (i could talk about specific characters even) but i need to cut myself off. i feel like i have more thoughts about what any of this Means than the guy writing it had writing like almost a thousand pages or whatever of Words

so i have been reading dogs of mars for like a full year bcuz its a Lot to get thru not even in length (tho yes its long) but in that a lot of the time its taken me so long bcuz ive had to put it down and just sit there thinking 'what was this guy thinking? what is going on?' ive been finishing it at all mostly bcuz i think i need to write a collection of my thoughts once im done. which mostly means my criticisms. because wow i have a lot of thoughts.

[ajdrawshq]

Riku for the character thing! (And Junpei? Maybe? I think that'd be interesting °•°)

!!!!!!!!!!! putting this under a cut bc i Cannot shut up abt these two in particular bless u

Riku

favorite thing about them: gayass (affectionate) the way that hes so devoted to his best friends that it can easily turn self destructive (or otherwise generally destructive) with one wrong turn is just So. Yes. also im stealing his gender

least favorite thing about them: i wouldnt say i Dislike this bc thematically it fucks but its funny that kh1 is basically just a chain of the worlds' worst decisions bc this poor dumbass doesnt know how to deal w his feelings for his besties. he went from playful teasing on the island to getting straight up possessed how the fuck do u do things this badly

brOTP: Riku n Terra, or any of the wayfinders tbh, and the novel trio (Riku Axel Naminé) OH AND REPLIKU OFC. let Riku be the big brother figure he always wanted to be and give him more friends im begging

favorite line: "at least the waves sound the same..." always hurts me,, he spent all that time trying to escape the islands, then avoided going back there to face everyone. and now when they have no way to get back, no way of knowing if theyll ever even leave this place, hes exhausted and in pain and just.. happy to have that one last reminder of home. ok i need tp go cry now ,

OTP: Sorikai!!! and any 2 of those 3 together, Soriku is obvious but Rikai is SO sweet i love them dearly. Rikuroku is also up there because its funny

nOTP: him with any adults??? and im not a fan of Namiku tbh

random headcanon: hes nearsighted n needs glasses but is too stubborn to get his eyes checked. it only got worse when he wore that blindfold for a whole year and his friends lovingly make fun of him for it (especially Repliku, who didnt inherit his shitty eyesight lmao). also hes demi

unpopular opinion: i do think theres something big/special going on with him but im not convinced its as.. deep? as a lot of people are theorizing but it IS kh so what do i know and i really dont think disney or squenix have the balls to make him canonly/explicitely gay

songs i associate with them: unsaid by flor, Leo by Eve, A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers, and like. anything by Jaymes Young bc thats peak sad yearning music right there (ESPECIALLY MOONDUST. stripped version also. god.)

favorite picture of them: oh this one is easy. soft lil dude..

Junpei

favorite thing about them: he is literally just some guy. like the most just some guy character ever. he did NOT ask for any of this he just happened to be dragged into it for reasons he almost couldnt comprehend but were also completely unavoidable. he is ridiculously observant of his environment and other people. he absorbs information like a sponge, which is impressive considering hes a college student fighting for his life and id legit just shut down. he is rational, but tends to act based on emotion when it concerns someone else and at his core is a helpful n caring guy. his ability to joke in a life or death situation is also something between impressive, endearing and worrying. his ability to Very Easily manipulate people is even more worrying. if he werent generally a nice dude id be afraid of him. hes a walking bi disaster and i love that for him. i want to be his friend

least favorite thing about them: horny. also didnt he become an alcoholic or something in the next game is he ok

favorite line: lowkey tempted to list every quote from his wiki bc holy fuck this dude is funny but this one killed me

(although the "people liquid" bit that i do Not remember encountering is up there. and his bi awakening by the elevator)

brOTP: his interactions w like.. idk basically everyone in 999 is so so good but if i had to choose id go w him n Aoi, Snake, n Clover

OTP: i.. dont know what to put here other than Junepei?? i dont rly even ship him with people i just think he needs therapy right the fuck now. or that Carlos guy he flirts with in one of the other games (i think??)

nOTP: idek just the obvious stuff i guess??

random headcanon: that dude is Not neurotypical. i dont have any evidence or anything i just think hes neat and i relate too much to his whole "idk what im doing in life im just kinda here" thing. and the fact that he carries damn near every puzzle he encounters and the 999 puzzles make my brain go brrrrr. shooting him with my adhd beam

unpopular opinion: uhhh.. what counts as a popular opinion???? what is the general consensus on this guy. will say that im afraid to touch the other ze games bc of whatevers going on w him but thats the only thing i got here

song i associate with them: ive been thinking very hard abt this one for thr past few days and i actually cant find anything that clicks here which is. surprising. if u squint i guess some of the songs i put for Riku could fit tbh..

favorite picture of them: i wanted to put that one shot of him during the true end looking at the sudoku puzzle but then i found this concept art of him n .. it appeals to me

[mcl38]

thank you for your respectful reply think just in a day when people are calling daniel fans all sort of names I just felt the need to address what u said! in regards to the tags u put, especially the ones about daniel's ig story, I am interested to hear your thoughts. Even as a Daniel fan, I can see it as tactical, especially now if he did know there were other discussions going on, but it also seems that it is something he almost had to do so that the media would shut up about it all and I do think he would have had to make mclaren aware he was making a statement like that...just interested to hear your thinking if you feel ok to share?

ok so. as i warned before i cant promise to keep my thoughts within the realm of like. respectful objectivity on this topic so be warned

essentially i thought it was really presumptious of daniel in that insta story to imply that the rumours were about him quitting mclaren of his own volition rather than mclaren firing him. when he said "i am committed to mclaren until the end of next year and am not walking away from the sport" it sounded like he was shaping the discourse as if people were worried HE was disappointed enough in mclaren to quit them before his contract was up.

i get that in reality its likely daniel is very aware that the risk was actually on mclaren's part, not his, and its likely he just couldnt rly frame it in any other way - especially bc as we have now discovered mclaren werent committed to him till the end of next year. it was a response to ppl who were already assuming daniel was a free agent, and possibly tinged w some bitterness that he has to write this kind of statement even if his seat WAS on the verge of being lost.

that said, to me it read like his driver's ego peeking through, like he can't picture the relationship between him and mclaren as one where HE has a responsibility and even after a year and a half of his teammate severely outperforming him he still thinks its solely mclaren's job to fix the issues no one but him seems to be having. or, even if this is just the way he's trying to showcase the situation to the public as if the rumours are so silly he didnt even figure out where they came from, it still felt like a subtle power play of you should be happy im even choosing to stay with you because look how worried everyone is (ie look how worried i can frame it so everyone seems to be) that i would possibly be leaving you.

thing is, by the time that insta story was released i had already fully lost patience with daniel's stint at mclaren. i was tired of p13s every quali and interviews saying he doesn't know how he's losing time or complaining abt having to adapt to a car as if thats not every drivers job, and mclaren app blurbs from practice sessions where lando was talking abt how to improve performance and he was talking about how he liked x country or y fans or had a good time for z reasons, but couldnt get the tyres to work or whatever (again im being subjective - not his fault lando is dry as fuck and allergic to fun in those mcl app exclusives). so like. i wanted to believe that hes at least trying his hardest and pushing for the team rather than for his own self satisfaction - which im sure he was, dont get me wrong, it would be stupid of me to say that i genuinely believe daniel wasnt trying, but that insta story certainly did nothing to help my frustration at the time

[sweetiejunie]

Txt reaction when other members see marks on them that you left. Thought of this really random thing and decided to post it. iM SoRrY.

[Well not rly txt but legal line]

Genre: idk smut(?)/ fluff(?)

=====================================

Marks

It’s been a while since you last saw each other. Your bpyfriend had been on tour for the past few months and you missed each other. I mean, who wouldnt? You missed his touch, his laugh, just him general — and maybe also a particular part of him. Sure, you talked on facetime every other night while he was away but nothing could beat the real thing.

The day he came back you met him at the airport and spent the rest of the day with him. You both knew how busy and hectic he schedule would be once their short break was over, so you wanted to make the most out of it. He invited you stay the night with him and let’s just say things got a bit... intense.

—.*•—

Yeonjun

You both had woken up together, saying your shares of ‘i love you’s to each other.

Deciding you wanted to be decent before running into the others, you hopped into the shower while yeonjun went to the kitchen to get breakfast.

He came out of his room with a tank top in hand. Not realising, he hadn’t even bother to put it on before facing the other boys.

Realising what? Well...

As he made his way around the kitchen, he felt everyone’s eyes on him.

“What? Fine, if it bothers you guys so much ill put on my shirt,” he stated, figuring the stares were form the others pettiness.

After he had put on his tank top, the boys started laughing, confusing him more.

Sensing his confusion, soobin tried to contain his laughter and clued, “hyung, go take a took in the mirror.”

Walking towards the mirror they had in the livingroom (where they hang their clothes) yeonjun glared at the other boys, still unsure of what got them so cracked up in the morning.

He looked in the mirror, and it didnt take long for his eyes to fall on his collar bone and shoulders, where a few red marks were littered.

He couldnt help but smirk. A sense of pride washing over him. As you can tell, he wasn’t afraid to show you off and call you his.

Well, that and also the thought of being able to punish you tonight as well.

“Well you guys surely know what i was up to last night then,” he proudly stated to the others. (This cocky mf-)

One of the boys chimed in, “wait, i just realised. If yeonjun hyung looks like that, what does y/n look like?”

With that everyone would burst out laughing. Everyone but yeonjun, who was now making his way to the bathroom, banging on the door for you to hurry out.

Honestly, he couldn’t wait to see how flustered and embarrassed you would get infront of the other.

—.*•—

Soobin

Waking up next to you was one of soobin’s favourite things. He loved seeing your sleeping face, peaceful and snuggled up in his chest.

Slowly getting up, he wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed.

Picking up his tshirt and sweats off the floor, he put them on and made his way to the kitchen.

“Morning hyung, y/n not awake yet?” Taehyun asked.

“Yeah, wanted to make her some breakfast before she does.”

Humming a reply, taehyun gave him a pat on the shoulder before walking away.

However, the moment his hand landed on his shoulders, soobin hissed and winced in pain, which of course didnt go unnoticed by the others.

“You okay hyung?” Taehyun questioned, tone full with concern. By now, everyone was staring at soobin, wondering what was wrong.

“Here, lift your shirt, maybe you got injured,” yeonjun said, walk over from the couch.

Complying, soobin peeled off his shirt. But the moment he did so, he heard snickering from the other members.

“What’s wrong?” Soobin probed.

Taking a picture with his phone, still laughing, yeonjun showed it to soobin, accompanied with, “maybe you shouldn’t go so hard next time.”

Seeing the picture, his shoulder blades were covered with scratch marks. Soobin was embarrassed, but somewhat happy?

“Dont be embarrassed hyung, at least you’re getting some,” beomgyu said, another string of laughter following.

“What are you guys laughing about?” The suddenness of your voice shocking them. You walked out of soobin’s room, dressed in what they figured to be one of his shirts.

Rushing to put his shirt back on, soobin stood still, unsure of what to say.

“Hey y/n, get over here-” yeonjun called out, getting cut off by a panicking soobin.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” soobin chanted, running over to you, pulling you back into his room.

Let’s just say it took a lot of convincing to get that little flustered bunny to leave him room again.

—.*•—

Beomgyu

Beomgyu woke up, admiring you sleeping in his arms. He would lay there, simply playing with your hair or carassing your face gently.

Sighing, he realised he had to leave for work soon.

Dragging himself away from you, he looked in the mirror, getting himself ready when he noticed the dark marks on his neck and collar bones.

Mentally he cursed himself, but at the same time he felt strangly proud to see them.

Deciding to put on an oversized hoodie to cover them, he left for the practise room and left you to your slumber.

Halfway through practise, no one noticed and beomgyu had completely forgotten about the marks.

Well, he forgot about them until someone had to point it out.

“Good job guys, take 10,” their instructor complimented.

Grabbing a bottle, beomgyu chugged it, tilting his head back just a bit too far.

“Hyung, what happened to your neck?” Kai innocently asked.

Curious, the other members turned their attention to him as well.

Confused, beomgyu thought about it for a second. And then realisation hit him.

“Oh, nothing,” beomgyu answered, wanting to change the topic as soon as possible.

“No, that’s not nothing,” soobin would state, a smirk on his face as he went to grab the neck line of beomgyus hoodie, pulling it down slightly.

Bursting out in laughter at the sight.

Wrapping his arm around him, soobin said, “well, well, well. Is our beomgyu growing up?” Wiggling his eyebrows at him.

And of course, the other boys got the hint and started laughing as well.

“Hey, at least im getting laid,” beomgyu retorted, shooting a glare at soobin suggestively.

With that, all soobin could reply with was, “shut up.”

Just like that, beomgyus day went on as per normal. But he couldn’t wait to get home and see the look on your face when you realised what you did.

=====================================

Really random ㅠㅠ was planning to post something else but hated it and decided to start again from scratch

Masterlist • Pt2

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

[karasflowers]

rating every single conceivable possible jose ship in the world

because everyone wants to see this happen

in the format of name: seen it? thoughts?

survivors

doctor: havent seen it. nope. she would be ableist to him.

gardener: havent seen it. she is a lesbian.

lawyer: seen it. i fucking hate you.

thief: if i have seen it ive wiped it from my memory. kill yourself.

magician: seen it. KILL yourself.

kurt: seen it. well definitely not for me but i dont hate it. its uncomfy for me but like as long as theyre having fun :)

merc: seen it. literally wtf are you TALKING about dude.

coord: havent seen it. jose helps coord figure out sexuality and gender identity but nothing more rly.

mechanic: havent seen it. i do not think they would work. also kevin would beat his ass.

forward: havent seen it. forward is so nice and awesome if it did ever happen i couldnt even be mad i trust him.

minds eye: havent seen it. i just cant. well. see it happening.

priestess: havent seen it. i dont think theyd like eachother shes kinda offputting.

perfumer: seen it maybe. hell no dude hell fuckin no are you crazy get the fuck outta here.

dancer: havent seen it. this chara is kinda nothing to me. not his type.

kevin: of course ive fucking seen it. i think its funny when kevin hates joses guts. im not a kevjose believer but im an ally because i have to be in order to survive.

seer: kinda seen it? jose would be like confused but interested in seers whole Thing. unfortunately seer is a little shrimp boy and is more like a household cat than a potential romantic partner

soppy: no. no.

prospector: i have seen this. its ok..

enchantress: hopefully havent seen it. they havent had a single positive interaction in their lives. she has good reason to dislike him and even put a curse on him.

murro: i have now seen this. hes too old for jose there i said it. hes joses uncle friend. they have a familial bond whilst not being related.

acrobat: seen it. i will smash acrobats fingers with a hammer. i will open the floor beneath acrobats feet and make him cling onto a rope for dear life while crocodiles snap at him from below. i will tie acrobat to the roof of my car and drive into a series of signs and lampposts.

jose: weirdly enough i havent seen this one. he hates himself it wouldnt work.

demi: seen it. SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

postman: havent seen it. not his type.

gk: havent seen it. nah. 

luca: unfortunately seen it. sorry folks extremely extremely no way in hell ever thats his lil italian SERBIAN brother. there is no non-brotherly dynamic here.

entomologist: NO. NO.

painter: have seen way too much of it. FUCK you edgar VALDEN. i hope edjose shippers DIEEE.

batter: somehow seen it. um.... no. i dont think its very tasteful.

toymer: havent seen it. idk man naw.

emil: havent seen it. emil deserves a nice slow recovery and a loving healthy relationship and while jose would be there to support him he would not be romantic with him this is what i believe.

lucky guy: havent seen it. joses too old for him. there isnt like a huge age difference just like in spirit and soul. joses a grown man with a job and lucky guy uses deviantart.

ada: havent seen it. he would be like oh shes pretty hot and then hed hear more stuff about her and be like hmmm no nevermind im ok actually.

orpheus: havent seen it. so... hes a survivor now i guess..... um. i dont know man. maybe i could respect it. i like orpheus. i think it could be ok. EDIT: usually when i change my mind i just backspace but i think its funny to keep it like this anyway. anyway i condone this. i might kin orpheus a little bit im not sure but i can get behind this this is fine by me. shame it literally doesnt exist though. EDIT 2: its my goal to make this as long as possible. yeah i kin him now whatever dude. im an orphjose ally shoutout to my oomf id put it at maybe third best jose ship.

little girl: not even entertaining this one

weeping clown: yes... ew....... i hate this dude. mr ableist hatecrime shalt not be allowed anywhere near my man. hes so pathetic in the worst way.

professor luchino: no. i dont really care to think about this rationally i just think he flops super hard.

hunters

qi xi: no. shes a lesbian and she has a girlfriend.

composer: no. why did they make a character whose just like several others hes so useless id rather he didnt exist this isnt even about shipping anymore just Why are you here bro.

alice: no. ud be insane to think id side with anything that isnt alimelly at this point.

leo: havent seen it. nuh uh bro.

smiley face: havent seen it. dude are you fucking kidding me? thats the JOKER.

jack the ripper: havent seen it. jack i will blast you with my flamethrower.

gk deluxe: havent seen it. as much as i love gk i just cant say i see it.

soul weaver: havent seen it. theyre good friends but thats it.

michiko: havent seen it. no way dude.

feaster: unfortunately have seen it. step the fuck back mother fucker im armed. so nasty.

wu chang: seen it. although they didnt do anything Wrong i think hed hold a grudge against them anyway for the whole everything and also i hate it.

joseph: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

mad eyes: no. i will rip all your skin off and glue it back on inside out

dream witch: havent seen it. now hang on. thinks deeply. she might be his type. the fans dont want to hear this but..... the milf appreciator has logged on.

robbie: thats his nephew. thats his little boy.

luchino: havent seen it. lets just say.... heh........ No.

mary: havent seen it. [sweeps your ankles]

bonbon: this is a robot. this is monokuma.

disciple: havent seen it. yeah no. folks if were all being honest here nuh uh.

antonio: havent seen it. jose hates music next question.

galatea: havent seen it. i couldnt say yes to this even if i wanted to.

undead: SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.

funny wheel men: havent seen it. no they hate everyone.

grace: sadly seen it. thats his daughter dude no fucking way.

waxist: no. no.

nightmare: havent seen it. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

clerk: no. what?

misc

hermit: no. jose would HATE HIM.

night watch: no. he may be an adult but hes still teenaged to me he would not go out with a 19 year old.

joses old crewmates: i know hes fucked at least one of his crewmates before. i know it i know it i know it.

ME: omg so true best otp together forever

[divinefeline28]

1/2 its like they got the idea for A Backstory around the time of development and just. chose a random character to give that backstory too. it doesnt feel like they developed a backstory that would make sense as too how she acted in main cannon series. it didnt flesh out her character it just made her more confusing <3

2/2 like how spottedleaf was written in SH was really interesting (from what i remember, i only read the book once and it was hard bc it was triggering) and i did relate to her a lot b/c of like. wow thats like what i went through. but i tried to like.. be kin w/her to cope and i just couldnt manage it because of how much of a disconnect there was between her in that book and her in the main series >:/

-

i mean your point abt this disconnect is true but the way the entire book was handled is rly distressing for a number of reasons, namely for me that... it just never condemned thistleclaws actions for the right reason or showed spottedleaf getting help in any meaningful way. and what happened to her is awful, and the book is unfortunately canon. but like you said, it really is like they took a random backstory and slapped it on her, because it doesnt correlate with anything she did in main series.

its why im exhausted by people saying “you cant hate spottedleaf bc of what she went thru in spottedleafs heart” bc i am not talking about or blaming her for that, but i agree that its kinda wrong to wave ur hand and be like “WELL IT SUCKS SO ITS NOT CANON” bc thats kinda a cop out?? especially with such heavy source material. i dont know. its such a weird line in this fandom because the books are so SO weirdly written and retconned and whatnot

still. i think i should be allowed to judge her for her actions in canon, especially since they honestly are very consistent. as in she very consistently harasses firestar and his family as a spirit in a way that makes me really uncomfortable! especially because... shes literally a god figure to them. which inherently puts her in a position of power, especially over firestar as the prophecy boy, and leaf and jay as medicine cats. almost like... she chose them specifically. bc they would be likely to listen to her and do what she said. and we still havent even talked about how her reciprocated “love” for 6 month old firepaw when she was several years old just.... it just makes the existence of spottedleafs heart SO MUCH WORSE. someone made the decision that THAT character was the one who should have that backstory. i would like to have a friendly chat with that person. anyway

the most ooc thing she did in main series was sacrifice herself for sandstorm because up until that point her actions had been extremely selfish and thats that on that