#couldnt help myself the lyrics just fit too perfectly

[abisexualperspective]

~ Confess my truth in swooping, sloping, cursive letters ~

OG Pink Collector's Edition Blue

[1994sunflower]

Now that I've shared that thought with you. I can only imagine this little innocent girl starts singing that in the car with Michael and it being such a turn on.. bro i gotta stop myself 🤤😅🤭

wowowow....thank you for that image. I wrote a small little blurb about it just because I couldnt help myself. oops

you were in michael’s car on your way back home. it was a big car that fit just perfectly with him and you felt like you were sitting on a throne big enough for two of you in the passenger seat. it was one of those cars that he had to lift you by your hips so you could get on because the door step was too high up. 

michael was driving and he looked so good. he was looking at the road in front of him and was wearing a short sleeve shirt that hung to every muscle in his tattooed arm. you were wearing a pleated skirt with cute little half up pigtails and were humming along with your songs. because michael had given you the aux to appease you. boy would he regret it

it was a long drive back home so both of you were silent and just listening to the music. every once and a while he would glance over at you and smile at how happy you looked from the nice date you had together plus trying to find your favorite songs on your playlist

he hadnt really been paying attention to the songs you played but when your humming turned to a whispered singing of the song and you started moving your body to the rhythm, he tuned in. at least to whatever you were singing along to.

“you want a good girl that does bad things. you never been with no one as nasty” he would be looking over at you with an amused gaze as soon as those suggestive words came out of your mouth. especially when you were embodying that so easily, a good girl and dressed like one to prove it today and yet, all of the dirty things you did with him and allowed to be done to you. it’d just go downhill (for his concentration) from there.

but you didn’t shy away like he might’ve expected you to, instead you held his gaze with a playful smile until he had to look away back to the road “call you daddy give me a nickname”

the way he held on tighter to the steering wheel was enough to let you know that your words effected him. because how could they not when the only time he had heard that title escape your lips was when he had you weak for him. 

but, of course, it only got worse for him as the provocative lyrics continued. his focus on the road was dwindling to say the least - thank goodness the roads were nearly abandoned. 

“try to squeeze in the full nelson…” you were so into the music, you were moving your head and hips along to the song.

but he was gone. literally had to rub a hand on his face to prevent himself from just pulling to the side of the road. because that imagery you had planted in his head? especially when he glanced over and you looked so lithe in his car seat, your pigtails and little outfit that screamed innocence and just making it so much easier to imagine having you in such a submissive position. his sweet little girlfriend singing along to that was surprising but it just had him restraining himself (or attempting to). the way you moved your hips with the tempo without even realizing it didn’t help either, it was so easy to imagine those hips moving in rhythm on him instead. 

he was hard already while he was driving and somehow the fact that you were smiling and singing along so innocently to the filthy lyrics as if you didn’t know what you were doing just made it harder to focus. even saying those dirty things you still seemed so pure, just evidencing how much you were different, changed, because of him. how much he tainted you because despite how you looked right then, his good girl in a small skirt and pigtails was a filthy slut that his cock had fucked in most obscene ways.

but then you hit the final nail on the coffin “skirt off, fuck in the backseat.” 

he didn’t even hear what you said afterwards, because that image was something he could so easily do. throw your small body in his backseat and do everything and more that your lips were moving along to. pulling on your pigtails, flipping your cute little skirt up, splitting you open, overpowering and eclipsing you with his big body and having you just completely folded in half crying for him, for daddy, while you dressed and seemed like the most wholesome little girl. and you were. even hearing you curse was surprising to many, let alone in the context of the song just like how he often drew those words out of your mouth when you were whining for him. turning that sweet girl into the freak he had taught you to be and you’d let him, let him do everything. it’s like you purposely found a song that seemed to describe you and his filthiest fantasies and how he had corrupted you in the most delicious ways. it made it so easy for him to make up his mind on just what he was going to do next.

your wide confused eyes as he went off route to find the closest empty parking lot available just served to spur him on more.

[breaking-up-with-cockles]

I have a cockles tinhat theory AGAIN. I think that occasionally when Jensen has performed at the SNS and Misha is watching in the audience, I think that sometimes Jensen will motion to him. Or maybe indicate that whatever he is singing at the moment, is about or for Misha. The first time I thought this was at the Atlanta con in 2016. (Can I just post the videos and list the timestamps that things happen because my computer wont currently let me make shit quality gifs right now. Sorry.)

So Jensen points to someone off in the distance at 2m39s, possibly to someone in the balcony, right before he goes off stage for the instrumental break that Louden Swain rocks. We actually have video from Ruth who was watching and recording this performance from the balcony. Stephanie from Creation Ent was up there, and imo there is a good chance that other cast members, including Misha, were up there too. From Ruth’s vantage point in the balcony, you can clearly see Jensen pointing right at them in the balcony. And I understand that there are a lot of assumptions on my part here because we dont see or hear Misha, but who knows, maybe it was him that Jensen was indicating to. Also if you watch the group sing a few songs later, you see Ruth walk on stage hand-in-hand with Misha, which I think might support the theory that he was up there with her in the balcony. Here’s Ruth’s video and Jensen points at 6m28s.

We also know that Jensen has occasionally referred to Misha as a whipping post during the Cockles panel at the spnhon. Imo it looks like it means something specific and painful to Misha because he reacts emotionally and bites his lips as if trying not to break down even more.They’re broken up at the time btw and Misha just keeps digging himself in a hole deeper and deeper. This painful moment is at 15m14s.

But if you like pain, read the lyrics to Whipping Post. It kinda fits perfectly for someone who gets cheated on and lied to but out of love, stays tied to this person. If this is how Jensen has felt about Misha, than holy shit! Put my heart in a blender because NO! Anyways here are the lyrics for the sickos out there:

“Whipping Post”

I’ve been run down I’ve been lied to I don’t know why, I let that mean woman make me a fool She took all my money Wrecks my new car Now she’s with one of my good time buddies They’re drinkin’ in some cross town bar Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I’ve been tied To the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Good lord I feel like I’m dyin’ My friends tell me That I’ve been such a fool And I have to stand down and take it babe, All for lovin’ you I drown myself in sorrow As I look at what you’ve done Nothin’ seems to change Bad times stay the same And I can’t run Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I’ve been tied To the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Good lord I feel like I’m dyin’ Sometimes I feel Sometimes I feel Like I’ve been tied To the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Tied to the whipping post Good lord I feel like I’m dyin’

So at vegascon last weekend, Jensen sang this song and it was a pretty spirited rendition, to say the least. Definitely compared to the disheartened performance he gave in Atlanta 2016 in that first video I posted.  But in Las Vegas, he rocked the air guitar and he just gave an overall fierce performance. Maybe it was because Corey Taylor was there, idk. I have no idea what their friendship is or how long they have known each other, but maybe having him back stage really had Jensen pumped because the dude was on fire and it was glorious.

So after Jensen melted our faces off with Whipping Post (or if you’re my dumb autocorrect, melted your feces. Grow up, AC!), imo it kinda looked like he was trying to keep his distance from Corey. Now Corey was all about Jensen, and ngl I adore the dude more for it. He kept trying to look to Jensen for maybe a connection and it wasn’t until  half the song was over, did jensen finally really connect and get into it. Again, this is all my stupid, completely biased opinion. Now full disclosure, I am not positive when Misha went into the crowd to watch, but some of the fans there said that it was while Jensen was singing. So with the big assumption that Misha happened to be in the audience during the time they sang Wanted: Dead or Alive, I wonder if the vibe or Jensen’s comfort level changed from when he and Corey rehearsed earlier in the day, which might explain why Corey was looking to him. Or maybe Corey is like all of us, and cant help but look at Jensen. Or maybe Jensen got nervous having Corey on stage with him with an audience there this time to compare him to the actual rock star. It was also weird/cute the way that after blowing our minds with an incredible version of Whipping Post, Jensen turns on his beta and puts his hand in his pocket. So yeah maybe it was having a real rock star on stage with him because if you ask me, it did look like Jensen was fangirling. but it’s not like Corey wasn’t either. He was facing Jensen as much as he could and he was cheating towards him when he couldn’t face. Anyways, I noticed that when Jensen was singing his paty at the beginning, his last “I’m wanted” at 8m16s he points out into the crowd. Interestingly enough, right before Corey Taylor starts in on his part, he noticed what Jensen had done and flashes his eyebrows, smirks knowingly, and then points to, what I assume, the same person that Jensen pointed to. Looks that way to me at least. But while looking all smuggy and hot (fuck me I had no idea the guy was so hot and really good), Corey scratches his chin with his middle finger.

Generally speaking, when someone flips the bird like that, it is an emblematic partial slip. Meaning, whoever Corey was nonverbally communicating with, he was subconsciously (or possibly consciously since he cant flick off someone on stage so he had to make it subtle) telling that person, fuck you or fuck off.  So, I think Jensen clued Corey in on his situation with Misha. If that was Misha both Jensen and Corey were signalling to, of course. Maybe Corey wasnt too happy with Misha in that moment.

And towards the end of the song, there is also this soft moment between Corey and Jensen. While they’re rocking their beautiful hearts out towards the end, they are leaning into each other and singing the chorus and at 11m16s Jensen puts his hand on his heart, and on the last “alive” when they’re both singing together, Corey puts his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

Maybe it was like a way of saying, yeah this hurts, but you’re ALIVE! It was like he was reassuring him that as painful and shitty as this is now, you will survive and make it out alive. Or it means nothing. I really don’t know if it’s significant, but I was moved. Support! That's the word I couldnt remember. And not at all was I reminded of Cas’s handprint on Dean’s shoulder. Fuck.

[letsfucktheworldandallitstrend]

The past few months ive got my shit together massively. No im not perfect, but no cunt is. Ive got a job i fucking love, the best mates i could ask for, and im sorting myself out financially. But something is fucking missing. I couldnt place my finger on what it was. Theres a hole somewhere and i dont know what the fuck it is. Im okay being single i suppose, ive looked on tinder and shit, but i end up pointlessly scrolling through everyone because none of them make sense to me. I dont know what the fuck the emptiness is but it drains me every day. Until last night, i had no idea. I was nervous youd be there. Nervous either one of us would be upset, even though its been 14 months. The way ive had to grow up and deal with my emotions isnt healthy, i cut people off when i shouldnt. Ive had to say goodbye to important people in my life, and ive moved from one end of the county to the other. I grew up without a father, and so because of these factors, its fucked me right up. All i know how to do is cut loose from everything, stop contact and fuck it all up cause thats how ive had to do it for the past 22 fucking years. Turning up to the house party, i saw you there and i was fucking nervous as fucking fuck. I needed to get some fucking beers in me. Later on, Me and C were singing along to Deaf Havana - Whiskey, as is pretty much tradition for us every party. Ive always fucking adored the song, the lyrics have helped me through some fucking shit times. As usual, we're belting it the fuck out, then we get to the part "its only a matter of time before i see you fall in to another mans arms, oh why should i come home tonight" As i sing along that line, something just registered in my head and i looked straight at your face accross the room. It hit me all at once, it fucking absolutely fucking wrecked me. Youre there in front of me and it all just falls into place fucking perfectly. Its like working on a puzzle for months, and suddenly the answer just presents itself to you. I dont know how i didnt just see it before. Plain in front of me is the Answer to a Question i didnt know i was even fucking asking. I fucking realised in that moment, its not some degree of success im missing in my life, all im missing is you. The reason i couldnt even think of seeing someone is because as good as people may be, theyre never going to be you, not even close. The other part thats missing is what you made me. When we were together, you made me be the best man i can be. Ive never had the good fortune to meet someone even anywhere close to you. Your strength, belief in me, unwaivering trust, and your total commitment made me such a better person (OCD made my flat better too😂). Anyone thats ever asked me what my ex girlfriend is like, ive told them that you are the kindest, most caring person ive ever had the fucking pleasure of meeting. And as you know, im shit at giving compliments. The truth is, i just need you. I havent ever cared for anyone as much as i do for you. Ive never met anyone that i just clicked with as much, our personalities bounce off eachother so perfectly. Before i messaged you last night, i spent fucking ages with a messenger window open with your name on just staring at it. I couldnt think of what to say, not even close. How could i just suddenly explain how shitty i acted. I didnt mean to amd i dont excuse it at all, but i dont know how to handle myself. How the fuck could i explain to you or even myself of why i thought i had to break up with you at the time. How the fuck does anyone do that? How can i tell the only person that ever loved me for being me that there was a time i apparently thought i didnt need them? I dont think ive ever been as wrong in my life when i made that decision. And i fucking hope i never am that wrong again. I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me, and broke the heart of someone i took for granted because apparently i just needed time to be selfish and work on myself. Ive replayed the scenario a thousand times in my head and i realise how bad i fucked up. I was too stubborn to say anything to anyone, and i swear to god i never meant to hurt you. It was the last thing on my mind, every time ive seen anyone were mutual friends with, i always ask about you, because although i havent been man enough to talk to you myself, youve never left my mind for long and i want to know youre okay. I could never stop apologising how badly i fucked up 14 months ago. I totally cut you out without giving you a fucking reason. Last night with you was amazing. Even if wed just laid there looking at eachother, id be happy. Spending a couple of hours just me and you this afternoon was just surreal. Everything fitted together perfectly, to me it was like we'd never been apart. Having you wrapped up in my arms made me feel complete. It made me feel home again. Whole again. And like i never wanted to let go. Theres no other place id rather be right now than with you. I mean fuck. I dont want you to go. I dont expect you to ever forgive me for what i did. I am a fucking shit person for that and ive never been so sorry for one of my actions. I dont deserve forgiveness, but fuck i want you.