#could be scary but still isn't super big because it has to be mobile )

[timeoverload]

I'm really upset right now. I tried to make an appointment to see my favorite person tomorrow but apparently I can't do that? I just wanted 10 minutes but I guess that's too much to ask for. I told them I was having a problem but I guess my issue isn't that big of a deal. It shouldn't be this hard. I don't want to waste anyone's time. I feel like I'm being annoying and I'm afraid to call again. I wish I could have actually talked to him instead of some lady. I have the worst social anxiety and I guess that triggered me because I'm feeling very unstable right now. It was hard enough for me just to make the call. I don't know how to be spontaneous, especially when I feel the way I do all the time and mobility can sometimes be a struggle. It's so easy for other people but I have to plan everything out and I hate it so much. I don't think I should get any more work done right now because I can't handle it or know what I want to get next so I can't use that as an excuse. I'm afraid to just show up there because I feel like I'm going to get in trouble or get him in trouble somehow or he won't have time for me. I'm also afraid of looking like a total creep because I guess it's kind of weird for me to just show up on Valentine's day with a card to see someone I'm not even dating and have no "real" contact with outside of his work. Everyone would think I'm crazy. I know I was an asshole last time and I'm afraid they will remember that too. I know I shouldn't have said some things and I still feel really bad and embarrassed. I feel like I'm not allowed to do anything now even though no one specifically told me that. I've been having a panic attack for half the day. I've also hardly eaten anything today because I'm so anxious and it was so busy and my blood pressure has been super high. I was feeling so optimistic this morning. I was going to take a sick day tomorrow because I couldn't actually get the day off even though I tried but I feel guilty no matter what I do. I know that's a shitty thing for me to do. I know there wouldn't be anyone there to cover for me and I know it's supposed to be another late night. My issues probably seem really fucking trivial but everything is so scary to me and my brain is punishing me I don't want things to get ruined. I feel like I have no control over my situation right now. I don't want to wait anymore!! I want things to get better now. :( I wish I could talk to someone about it but the situation wouldn't make logical sense to anyone else. I feel horrible because I miss him so much and I really want to see him but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight. I would really love it if bad things stopped happening...

[trans-axolotl]

Hi, I appreciate you/your blog and am sending you some warm/cozy vibes <3 Secondly, I'm wondering if you have any resources for how to get thru a welfare check interaction? Google is only showing me pro cop resources lmao. My therapist is concerned about my suicidality and wants to potentially start doing welfare checks and I'm uh freaking the fuck out about it as an autistic and trans person who hates cops. If you're followers have any tips too that would be appreciated <3

hey anon <3

I'm sorry that you're currently having to deal with this and I wish you didn't have to be in this situation. It is fucked up that your therapist is involving the cops and definitely want to validate that whatever you're feeling about that is super understandable. It can be really scary and overwhelming to think about police involvement, especially when you're marginalized.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation so ignore this if it isn't relevant, but I wonder if there's a community mental health crisis team that your therapist could be convinced to use for wellness checks instead of the cops. Depending on where you live, some cities have mobile response teams of crisis workers instead of cops. They still aren't perfect + usually still run a risk of involuntary hospitalization, but are often a better alternative than cops. If you want any location specific resources, feel free to send your city or state in another anon ask and I can look for things.

My other piece of advice would be to know your rights about welfare checks and involuntary hospitalization in your location, and make an intentional plan based on your own level of risk and needs. In most places in the United States, police are legally allowed to enter your house without a warrant if they're doing a welfare check, and if they think you are a danger to yourself or others they can often legally start the process of putting you in a psychiatric hold for 72 hours. This is a good website for looking up the state laws around involuntary hospitalization. When police do welfare checks, they technically aren't supposed to use it as an excuse to search your house or interrogate you. This doesn't mean that cops follow the law, but you can always try things like only talking to the cop at the door, saying no if they ask to look inside cabinets or drawers, saying that you don't want to answer specific questions, or lying about your answers to questions. You do not have to immediately agree to demands that the cops make, even if they try to lie about it being legal, threaten you, or make it seem like it's your only option.

You will definitely know yourself best, and will know best how to consider your unique needs, vulnerabilities, and identities when making a plan for dealing with police. I've had a lot of welfare checks involving the police, and I can share what I usually have done to get through them. For me, avoiding hospitalization is really important to me, and has been a very big risk for me with welfare checks in the past based on situations I was in. So the times that I've been able to prepare for police coming for a welfare check, I try to make it seem like I have a very clear safety plan and no immediate methods of hurting myself.

Content warning for mentions of self harm methods: For me that's looked like hiding all my blades places that aren't easily findable, having all my medication in a kitchen or bathroom cabinet instead of in random places in my room, not having any easily accessible weapons lying around and having a printed out version of a crisis plan that has coping skills and people who I could call listed on it. The only welfare check where I escaped hospitalization was because I lied to the police on all the questions they asked about what urges I was having, they briefly looked around my space and there was nothing dangerous that was immediately visible, and I showed them my crisis plan, told them I was in therapy, and convinced them I wasn't in crisis. I know being able to talk calmly with the cops when we're in mental distress is obviously not always an option and also that being white has played into my experiences with cops sometimes being willing to perceive me as "calm and in control." I don't want to invalidate anyone's experiences when the police come and you aren't able to do that cause it really is out of our hands--I know I've had plenty of times where being able to talk calmly, seem in control and contained, and lying to the cops was not capable for me when I was in crisis. The cops are fucking bastards and are unpredictable and it is never your fault if you can’t keep them from doing fucked up shit to you, it is always their fucking fault for causing dangerous situations.

If there is anybody else who lives with you, having someone there to help witness and deescalate if needed can be really important. Again, I don't know your situation so this might not be relevant, but it can be really helpful to plan beforehand with your support person how you want them to interact with the cops, what you think the risks are, and talk through how you'd want them to respond in different scenarios.

Involuntary hospitalization isn't the only risk when police are involved in welfare checks, and I think it can be helpful to think things through like how/if you want to disclose you're trans, if your immigration status is relevant, how race and disability will play into your interactions, if you have any criminalized drugs in your space, if you've been formerly incarcerated, children in your house, whatever sorts of things are relevant to your life that can be very helpful to consider when making decisions about if you want to comply with police requests or do something different.

I'm sorry I don't have more resources or support for you, anon--I asked around my networks and we were having a hard time thinking of any other resources that would be relevant. Followers, please feel free to add on with any resources, advice, your own experiences--anything that might be relevant!

And truly, truly wishing the best for you anon. I hope you're able to get through this period of your life as smoothly as possible and receive the compassion and support you deserve. If you need anything, even if it's just to vent, feel free to send another ask. I believe in you and sending the warm cozy vibes back to you as well. 💜

[egg-emperor]

not sure if you didn't get my ask the first time but what about Sonic X , version of Eggman? its Yuji Naka's vision and he isn't that evil as many of the other characters that appear in the series, I would really love to hear what you think about it as an Eggman fan

Oh I did get your ask, I was just trying to think of the best way to word my answer.

X Eggman has a very special place in my heart for being one of my first pieces of Sonic media, aside from Heroes and Shadow 2005. As you may know, that two games didn't have that much Eggman in them and his character was being mistreated with the way he was being sidelined. But something about Eggman was already appealing to me and I wanted to see more of him, so I watched X before getting any other games. It was one of the first bigger looks I got at Eggman as a result.

X really helped me fall in love with Eggman because I got to see much more of him and how charming, funny, and evil he can be. Literally every time he was on screen he made me smile and laugh, I just found him so entertaining. I still do to this day and I rewatch it annually. But it wasn't the idea they tried to push of him being 'not that evil' or capable of doing good that appealed to me about his character from the very beginning. I loved all the evil and assholic things he did throughout the show.

He still had evil, selfish, and rude moments that made him look like a big dick and I loved it. The idea of him suddenly caring for Sonic and friends later on came out of nowhere and I don't like how it was handled, so I like to imagine it was just another one of his acts to get on their good side, so they could all defeat the Metarex. I know that wasn't really the case and I'm not very happy about it. It was random and out of nowhere and it contradicts things that Eggman did in this very show. It downplays his villainy for no good reason.

I think the "when you actually hurt them, that's going too far" line was one of the most ridiculous things to come out of Eggman's mouth of all people. It makes him so hypocritical, even when it comes to his portrayal in the show because he still hurt plenty, attempted to kill Sonic and friends, tried to blow up Station Square, and did countless other terrible destructive things, and there's no way that multiple of his plans didn't result in collateral damage.

Chris wasn't even the exception either because remember when he jumped onto Eggman's Egg Mobile in an attempt to take the emerald, and when he grabbed Eggman's mustache, he shook him off and sent him plummeting to his doom? Where was the good in his heart when he allowed the twelve year old to fall and almost die and only cared about the fact that he'd just accidentally let the emerald fall with him? It doesn't seem very kind and caring to me, but very in character selfish, as he should be. So yeah, he's one to talk in that scene when he's even put Chris in harm's way himself.

In the Japanese version of that line, he said he doesn't hurt hostages. But what I think would've be more in character would be that he just wouldn't care if hostages get hurt, as long as they're still alive to use as the bait. I said in the little rant that I slipped into my Eggman X supercut season 3 video that the only way I could really see the scene working was if Eggman was just pretending to take the moral high ground just to piss off the Metarex or something. Because otherwise it just really doesn't make sense.

I despise the Metarex for being boring villains with generic designs. They really wanted us to think they were amazing, powerful, and scary but they were try hard and had no interesting motive. Eggman made them look stupid by pointing out how their plan doesn't make sense and results in destroying planets so they won't have anything to rule over and prove their power to. They have a boring motive, unlike Eggman who has an egotistical dream that he'll go to great lengths to accomplish, rather than just being "haha I'm so evil I'm going to destroy everything for no reason"

It feels like just another case of Eggman's villainy being downplayed in an attempt to emphasize how much better of a villain and bigger of a threat others are supposed to be, which I'm never a fan of because it's not true. Eggman isn't innocent compared to them, he just has a better plan that doesn't involve just destroying the world. And when you have to either put Eggman down or make him act OOC so he doesn't seem as evil, then they're clearly not good villains that can prove themselves on their own. Other villains shouldn't take away from Eggman, instead we should be told why we should see these villains as a dangerous threat like Eggman.

I can't take away the idea that 'oh Eggman is actually a kind and caring guy compared to the big scary super evil Metarex' away from the scene. He's a terrible person too, the only reason he frowns upon the Metarex's acts isn't because he has a good heart, it's because they're going to destroy everything he wants to conquer. Eggman has always been selfish and only cared about what he wants and he doesn't care who gets hurt as long as he gets it. This even applied to X Eggman himself earlier on in the show.

If he was truly a good guy, why wasn't he holding back and showing care from the start? When people were getting hurt because of his actions and he was intentionally trying to kill others, why were there so many moments of him clearly enjoying it? And if it was supposed to be seen as some type of character development, they didn't do a very good job at showing it because him actually being concerned for others came out of nowhere. And even so, I just don't think it works for Eggman because if there isn't some secret evil and selfish motive behind his actions, it just makes him a big hypocrite.

But besides that bothering me because it's not the kind of development I think Eggman should have, I love X Eggman for many other reasons in a way that I can rewatch the show without it getting to me much. But I still really wish they would've done some things differently because earlier on it seemed like they had the right idea but had to bring that whole twist out of nowhere which I just don't think suits a deeply selfish, narcissistic, dangerous man that lacks empathy. (Because yes, there were even blatant moments in X that showed Eggman's low empathy was still there. That's how he does the things he does without shame.)

And one thing that stops me from being as bitter about it in the end is that, despite who was involved with X in Japan, it's still clearly very separate from the games. Just like how Boom Eggman, who is also portrayed as being a nicer Eggman, is entirely separate. Game universe Eggman has done a lot more evil, selfish, fucked up catastrophic shit than both X and Boom Eggman combined and clearly has no ounce of remorse. That's why I've never been a fan of people attempting to merge the separate universes/canons together when they just don't work.

There's nothing in the games that implies game Eggman has this same mindset and ability to care about anyone other than himself, unlike X or Boom Eggman. And even though X Eggman was the first time I got to see a version of him really in action, it didn't shape my view of him in the games because I could recognize the differences. I'm happy that it didn't affect his game portrayal because I already think those moments in X were OOC enough for X Eggman when they contradict his actions, so it would've made even less sense for him in the game universe.

The concept of him being not such a bad guy doesn't need to be a part of his character to make him charming, lovable and entertaining to me. He's perfect just the way he is as the prideful, selfish, egotistical bastard that I fell in love with. 💜