#could be my period or the 34 degrees outside

[whatifai]

To celebrate it being the last show of FITFWT, what have your favourite moments been of the tour? 💕💕

i’ve been pulling off answering this bc i can’t wrap my head around the fact the fitfwt has ended ☹️

i can’t pick a favorite moment, and i won’t. i want to try and explain that for me, this tour has been mostly the friends i made along the way.

being able to meet my fav moot @walkinginsunflowers in Madrid and having this wonderful friendship with her all because of louis is something i will be in debt for forever.

meeting @medicinelarrie @redpantslouis and @trolou in London (i own them one concert) was top tier, crossing borders from online to irl 😭💓

fitfwt for me is about safe spaces, non toxic friendships and live shows through your phone. having met my lovelies from the little freak gc is one of the most important things this tour has gave me. sharing this experience with them, the ups and downs, the lights, the speeches, the fits, the no fits (we see you Steve), the memes, it will all live rent free in my mind always 🌈🫶🏼

but most importantly this tour has shown me the value of online friends, you can feel the closeness of people you haven’t met more alive than people irl. so thank you Louis, idk if you will ever understand what you have created online.

so yeah, for me it’s not only about louis, but more about the people i encountered. i treasure you with all my heart.

PS: kidding, the best moment was when we got first shirtless louis after his shirt was ripped

[from-izzy]

[01:34] | nct na jaemin

Your ceiling fell.

pairing » nct na jaemin x gn!reader (lmk if i missed anything!)​

trope/au » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au!

genre » boyfriend na jaemin who picks you up even though he's tired, summer is annoying to the reader (sorry, i'm really hating summer rn), fluffy fluff with a tinge of angst, clothes stealer reader!, but you never end up using it because you got too tired and fell asleep, i love na jaemin (can you tell?), reader is the little spoon, jaemin is so caring and cute (i'm in love with him), jaemin brushing his hand through your hair

word count, estimated reading time » 2496, ~9 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » jaemin is taller, outside clothes on the bed (i don't do this but it's cute here 😭 forgive me), oh...it's not proofread 😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

recently went back to my wips and found bits and pieces that could work together and meshed them together as best as i can 🤣 just whipped up this little thing whilst i was at it hehe

also, not going to be specific but will you believe if i said that this is based on a (my) true story? 🤠 it's been...messy 🤠 to say the least.

thank you for proofreading (when you're supposed to be focusing on school) @cupidjyu !! 💕

Your ceiling fell.

Well...

To be exact, there isn't a hole that lets the spiders and birds able to look down and see the base of your kitchen sink but when the inside surface of the roof fell, so did the insulator that kept the house warm during the frosty winter, and cool in the scorching summer. Because of the unstable roof condition, your whole family was wary of putting the air conditioning system on. The vibration from the machine and the sound waves themselves may be the little push it needs to send other parts of the roof crumbling.

You hate the hot weather so much.

In this period of the summer, when opening the windows was barely an option as it also let the heat through, it has been hard even to do anything remotely productive. With every move of your body, it generates heat and energy, which when mixed with the thirty-five-degree heat, all you want to do is lay on your bed and let the sweat evaporate off your skin with the help of your tower fan. That's how the mornings would go. Sometimes when you're not too tired from the previous day's work, you would go and take shelter in the library, turning confused heads when you would be wearing a jacket as overtime, it became too cold. 

The worst thing is that there has been no word from the insurance company or the people who could help to fix the hole in your ceiling. Unfortunately, it did fall during the peak holiday season but at this point, when it’s no longer the festive season, no one in your family understands what’s going on with the back-and-forth messy conversations to fix the issue. 

The past three months have been full of frustrating calls to your boyfriend but Jaemin has been picking up your phone call at the second time his ringtone rings, greeting you with that emphasising smile of his as he sees the layer of moisture on your face. At first, you tried to give him the best smile you could, but you eventually broke down after the first month, completely done with changing your clothes every day in every hour. Jaemin, though busy with his own responsibilities, never fails to take you out whenever he can, accompanying you in your aimless night time walks or accompanying you to the library where he would start reading a random book while you snooze on his shoulder. 

Today is one of the nights where you can’t handle sleeping in the house, too hot and uncomfortable for your eyes to even think about closing. You guiltily text Jaemin, asking if he’s able to have you over and within a few minutes, the black-haired arrives at your house, air conditioner blasting in his car and a genuine smile greeting you as soon as you step in. He waits outside his car with his oversized shirt and short pants; his usual summer attire. He kisses your frown away as soon as you rush into his arms, dropping your bag of clothes to the floor. His affectionate gaze for you grows, cupping your cheeks in his hands to hush you from the apologies that you would say for going out so late at night even though you insisted that the five-minute walk was fine to do.

“No,” Jaemin juts his lower lip to you adorably. “Not letting you do that!” He presses another quick peck on your lips that makes your cheeks heat up and makes you a stuttering mess. “I’m hungry! Let’s go grab some food first!”

You let out a knowing chuckle, shaking your head at him fondly as you know that just means another movie night that will go on until five am. To Jaemin, this is the best kind of date: the one that is unplanned but is planned at the same time. With the way that you’re literally having the worst summer ever as well, all he wants to do is to make sure that at least when you look back on this summer, you will remember his air conditioner blasting in his room. Bonus, the later you sleep, the more time you’ll have in a cooled, comfortable and private environment. 

But you know deep down, that you will always remember his warm, kind heart first out of all. 

With hands full of takeout from the nearest fast food to his house, Jaemin talks you through his list of movies that he wants to check out before you both fall asleep. He was so excited that he nearly missed the step up to his room, almost waking up the whole house with how his body would tumble down the staircase otherwise. But oh how much he would if it meant that you wouldn’t be crying on the humid, summer night.

"It's perfect, Jaem." 

You comment when Jaemin asks you about the temperature of his room and he gives you a relieved look, smiling in satisfaction to know your thoughts. Jaemin starts to unload the snacks in his arm on his study table, prompting you to do the same. He turns his sleeping laptop on, waiting for his device to start up.

In the meantime, his attention falls on you once more. "You must've been overwhelmed." His arm spreads open, silently asking if you would accept his gesture.

All you gave was a quiet hum and it momentarily worries him before you step to bury your head into his broad chest. You sigh into his perfect body temperature that balances the coolness trapped in the four walls. The corners of Jaemin’s lips rise as he starts shifting his body side to side, giving the hug a little more dynamic and comfort as he starts to sing your favourite tune to your ears. His fingers rake across your hair, not minding the whines and complaints you gave about how your hair is disgusting and oily, even pressing a kiss to your scalp to ease your worries. 

Your arms start to find home around his waist and your palm grips the fabric of the shirt even more, feeling eternally thankful for having a loving person in your life. A mutter, “Thank you for all this.” Your voice trails off, eyelids heavy and honestly, quiet snores could leave your lips at any moment now. 

“Always, bubs,” he muses back. “Maybe we can skip the movie night today?” 

The suggestion pulls your lips into a sour smile but you can’t hide the drowsiness in your system after getting small hours of sleep for the past week. “We have food.” But truly, it’s nothing that food can’t fix.

A raised eyebrow meets you when you slightly pull back to see the reaction on Jaemin’s face. “Food and horror movies.”

The shared favourite genre makes you break out into a genuine smile, excited for the movie marathon cuddled up in his bedsheets and the smell of food as you both expose yourself to the light from the computer until the sun replaces the moon. Jaemin watches you excitedly walk back to the door of his room where your bag slumps over on the wall next to the frame. 

“You don’t want to wear mine?” The suggestion is said with a smirk from him and your hands stopping to unzip your bag halfway. “Guess not!”

“No! I do!” You drag the last syllable out and when you turn to face him once more, Jaemin only lets out a teasing smile. “Let me steal!”

Indeed, Jaemin already has everything prepared for you, tilting his chin to his bed where some of his and your favourite hoodies are spread across the duvet. You spot the emerald green one, immediately jumping from your kneeling position on the floor and making the neat pile topple over at your eagerness. 

Jaemin feigns fake offence and an exaggerated gasp, “All my hard work!” He weeps to which you just roll your eyes as a response, continuing to take out your shower and night necessities to prepare for the night. 

“Alright.” A heavy sigh follows after, “I’m going to sho—”

But before you could take another step towards the bathroom, a pair of arms pulls you backwards, your back colliding with a chest that you know all too well. You can’t see the expression on his face but another thing that you know about Jaemin is when he leans down to press his cheek on yours, humming once more into your embrace, his cheeks are painted with hues of red and pink—his love for you overflowing from the simple back hug gesture.

“What you doing, Nana?” It deepens his blush, melting with how the nickname naturally sounds lovelier coming from you.

“Just go brush your teeth and shower in the morning.” He mumbles against your cheek. “I want to go on this movie marathon with you right now.”

“But you hate it the most when someone lays on your bed without washing up.” 

That’s also true. He does hate that a lot. 

The idea of outside germs reaching the place where he would be closing his eyes and be in another space for hours never fails to bring a scowl to his face and he always makes sure everyone who visits his space is aware of that fact.

But it’s you—and Jaemin loves you more to overlook that fact for a day.

“I’m planning on changing the sheets anyway.” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, “Plus, I literally get grease and pieces of chocolate on there anyways so I think I may need to change my mindset about that rule now…”

The mention of the substances makes you gasp, a similar one to the one he directed at you before. “Na Jaemin!” The playful slap on his arm only makes his hold against your body tighter, sending you both into a fit of laughter.

Amid the chaos you created, Jaemin makes his point clear with the previous topic, throwing himself still clad in his dirty clothes onto his bed and taking you down with him. You yelp at the sudden fall, throwing everything out of your hands to muffle the sound of your mouth, aware of the sleeping couple not too far away from this room. 

“Oops! Gotta change it tomorrow, I guess!”

“Na Jaemin, stop! I’m still going to shower anyway!”

So begins the shoving and wiggling for you to escape his strong grip on his bulky arms. You know shortly after running out of breath that it’s a better choice to rest your head on his pectoral, giving up on both the shower and possibly the movie night. The laughter dies down, but never the love that Jaemin shows for you. On the back of your head, you can feel his thumping heartbeat, the rhythm making your eyelids fall naturally.

Jaemin carefully slides you over to the mattress on his side, turning his body to face the girl he loves the most in this world. His eyelashes flutter quietly, quieter than the humming of the white rectangular machine stuck high onto his wall. He doesn’t bother waking you up, content with the tiny snores you let out through the small gap between your lips.

“And to think you were scolding me minutes ago.” Bopping your ice-cold nose with the pad of his pointer finger. “Okay, at this point you’re going to freeze.”

Though exhausted and body screaming to just fall asleep then and there, Jaemin pulls himself back to the edge of the bed, standing and stretching his four limbs. He quickly retreated to the connecting bathroom, picking up your discarded items that he made you toss to avoid his parents from waking up and scolding the young couple in love—though he knows they will just scold him given how much his parents adore everything about you.

Scared that you would soon wake up in the very uncomfortable posture that you have right now, more than half your feet dangling off the bed, Jaemin swiftly completes his night routine, skipping the one that would make his dentist question his habits but he pushed the thought aside for now. As quiet as he could, he makes his way over to your still peaceful figure. His knees sink into the bed, eyes observing you while he holds his breath to avoid any more unnecessary movements than the ones he’s making right now.

An arm lifts your upper body, and Jaemin quickly jumps behind you. You did stir a bit in your sleep when Jaemin undoes the noisy metal zipper of your jacket but nonetheless, he succeeded without bringing you back into full consciousness. In his head, he imagines himself doing a little celebratory dance under the shining disco ball, all the fluorescent light on him on the dance floor. Then, the same arm is placed on your upper back once more but now paired with his other arm tucked under the back of your knees. You quickly adjusted to the position, Jaemin raising your body high enough for you to relish in the remnants of his cologne on the crook of his neck. 

“I love you, Nana.” You confess to him earnestly. “I love you so much…”

Jaemin stands on one side of the bed, scanning the curves of your face intently as if he has never noticed the small mole on the slope of your nose. He couldn’t fight off the want to steal another kiss from you, bending his neck down to slot his soft ones to hug your plump ones. A satisfied hum is brought out after, Jaemin mirroring your content heart with another lingering press on your forehead.

Soon enough, your body is finally between his bouncy mattress and his weighted polyester. Immediately, your hands roam over to the other side of the bed where Jaemin would usually be, groaning when all you felt was the crinkles of the cotton that is not his shirt.

“Okay, okay. I’m here.” He assures the dissatisfaction painted on your face first by flicking the light switch off and then by wrapping your smaller frame into his own. 

The muscles of your whole body relax for the first time in a while at the thought of going to dreamland—maybe it’s the Jaemin effect. A hand makes its way to the curve of your head, fingertips half-buried into your strands. A slight gush of wind can be felt on your nose but you don’t mind the proximity, even continuing to scoot even closer, pleased with the hand on your lower back that pushes you in closer. 

“Sleep tight.” His eyes landed on the brown bag across the room and his muted laptop that plays your favourite comfort movie. He lets the movie play, strategically moving his forearm to block the blue light emitted. When he confirms that his shadow falls upon your lids, he places the lightest kiss as a final ‘goodnight’. “I love you.”

So maybe, you don’t hate the hot weather as much as you thought.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o

[myjelllybean]

Hating you

This is a chenford fanfic I immediately wanted to write down when I had the idea for it. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it. <3

I don't have any other ideas finished and don't know what to write so I really beg you to send me requests....

Summary: Lucy had been bullied for years when she was younger, and was about to start a new life to get over it, but it turned out that her new boss was the person who made her life a living hell when she was younger.

She pulled out a million clothes out of her closet. She didn’t even know why. Yes, she had a new job she was going to start today, but as a police officer she would have to wear a uniform.

Still, she wanted to look good. Lucy took her phone from the bedside table. She sent a photo of three possible outfits to John Nolan and Jackson West, hoping they would help her to choose one. Only a few seconds later it was Jackson who answered first.

The second looks the best. Not as if you have tried too hard but it still shows the job is important to you.

She slipped into the dark blue jeans and the short sleeved and a bit oversized black blouse she loved. In addition, she also took her favorite earrings that she was gifted from West and Nolan after finishing the police academy. She looked into the mirror. Did she look too fat? No, she doesn’t. She is pretty the way she is. For the last ten years this was something she regularly had to tell herself.  

Should she change into something different? No. She knew from the moment she got up, that today wasn’t a good day. She just wanted to get some more sleep. She didn’t feel good; neither emotionally nor physically. She woke up with cramps in her belly, realizing she got her period, which wasn’t a great start in a new job.

But she couldn’t stay home at her first day of work.

So, she put on her shoes, poured coffee in her pink thermos and checked her bag that she didn’t forget anything. When she made sure she got everything she needed, she went to her car, where she immediately put on the air conditioning.

She absolutely didn’t look forward to wearing the long-sleeved uniform the rookies had to wear. It was 34 degrees Celsius outside; definitely too hot.

She stepped into the precinct, and immediately went to the women’s locker room. Lucy closed her locker and changed into the uniform. It was definitely more comfortable than she anticipated. But it was hotter in it than she thought.

She also swallowed a few pills of ibuprofen, hoping that it would dull the ache in her abdomen.

When Lucy stepped out of the locker room, she spotted John and Jackson, who were standing in front of the conference room.

“Hey! Are you guys ready for today?” Jackson looked quite nervous while he asked the question. “I am definitely not because I heard that our TOs are not really kind.”

“I think I am. I handled much more in my life than idiots who think they are powerful and let everyone around them feel it”, Lucy said even though she wasn’t so sure. Yes, she’d been through a lot but she was scared that she might relive it all again.

“I am not sure if I am ready. I am probably going to be older than my Training Officer so they are definitely going to make fun of me.” Nolan looked a bit worried but Lucy knew he would get through the time as a rookie.

“Nah. You can do this, Nolan. I promise”, Lucy told him.

***

A few seconds later they were the first ones to go into the conference room. They took place in the first row, something the rookies were supposed to, and waited.

The room filled quite fast and only one row was still empty. When the three last people stepped inside the room, Lucy held her breath. She felt her heartbeat becoming faster and faster.

This can’t be happening. This is not really happening, is it? Jackson nudged her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

But all Lucy could do was sit there, frozen in her position. She knew that guy who had just taken place in the free row. The man who was staring at her with cold, bright blue eyes. His face was unreadable. He was older now. Looked more adulterous. The same cold, piercing eyes. But she remembered him. And she doubts she could ever forget him.

***

As she rounded the corner onto her street, Lucy saw him leaning against the fence, his grin sent a shiver down her spine. Tim Bradford; ten years older than her, seemed to take pleasure in plaguing her whenever he could. It had started innocently, but it had escalated over time.

"Look who's here," Tim said, his voice dripping with faked pity as he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "Fat Little Lucy, all alone. What are you gonna do, cry?"

Lucy tried to go past him, but he moved with her, his presence threatening. "Leave me alone, Tim," she said, her voice trembling with fear.

Tim chuckled darkly; his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Or what? You gonna tell mommy and daddy? Oh, that's right, they don't care about you, do they? Just like nobody else does."

The words hit Lucy like a punch to the gut, and she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her roughly by the arm, his grip bruising and painful.

"Let me go!" Lucy cried, struggling against him, but he only tightened his hold.

"Not so fast, princess," Tim said, a grin spreading across his face. "I think you need to learn some manners."

With a swift motion, he pulled out a pocket knife, the blade glinting in the sunlight. Lucy's heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the weapon, her mind racing with fear and panic.

"Please, Tim, don't," she begged, her voice barely a whisper.

But Tim just laughed, pressing the blade against her skin with a cruel smirk. "Scared, are you? Good. Maybe now you'll think twice before crossing me again."

The pain was sharp and searing as Tim carved a deep cut into Lucy's thigh, leaving behind a trail of blood. She cried out in agony, tears streaming down her face as she struggled to break free from his grasp.

But just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. Tim released her with a final shove, sending her stumbling backward onto the pavement. He looked down at her, his blue eyes looking like ice.

"Remember this, Lucy," he said, his voice low. "You're nothing. And no one will ever care about you.”

***

Jackson nudged her again.

“Is everything ok?” Lucy finally felt like she could move again.

“Um… Yes. I am ok. I was just reminded of something.” She shook her head as if it could just delete the memories her brain was playing over and over again. Her hand wandered as if by itself to the scar on her thigh, that was currently covered by her uniform.

It wasn’t the only one she got while she was bullied by Tim and his friends. She has never told anyone, as she didn’t think anyone would believe her. Tim made her feel worthless. And it still sticked to her. She often had days when she wasn’t able to look in the mirror, being too ashamed by herself.

Sergeant Grey stood in the front of the room, but Lucy wasn’t really able to listen.

“West! You are with Lopez in the next months. Nolan, you are with Bishop and Chen, you are with Bradford.” The rest of what the Sergeant said, was just a blur of words to Lucy. All she could do was staring at the ceiling, begging her tears to not flow freely. She couldn’t have a breakdown. Not here. Not now.  She blamed her hormones on that, as she always was more emotional when she was on her period.

She felt a presence beside her and looked up to see Tim standing there, his expression unreadable.

"Officer Chen, right?" he asked, his tone professional.

"Yes, sir," Lucy replied, struggling to keep her voice steady.

Tim nodded, glancing at his notes.

"We’re partnered up. Ready to hit the streets?"

Lucy swallowed hard, her mind racing. "Yes, sir," she repeated, praying her voice didn't show off her fear.

How would she survive that day when she already panicked now? For a short moment, she considered going to Sergeant Grey to tell him she needs another TO, but Lucy feared he would just laugh and won’t believe her. Tim was a cop now? Nobody would believe her, a rookie, that an officer would have bullied her a few years back.

“Faster, boot! I don’t have all day to wait for you!”

Lucy got up from where she had been sat, and hurried after her TO. Her smartwatch vibrated and with a short look at the display, Lucy recognized the alarm. She had a pulse of 124! When only one single minute with Tim triggered her like that, what was going to happen after a whole day?

“Boot! Here you can get the bags and everything else we need, also the body cams. You’ll get these to the shop, never call it car, every single day, did you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucy took the two bags after she attached the body cam to her uniform and followed Bradford to the car… no… shop.

She put the bags in the trunk, before taking place on the passenger seat.  

After they drove through the streets of the city for quite a while and nothing has happened yet, Tim suddenly started to yell.

“I’ve been shot! Where are you, boot?!”

Lucy looked at him; confused. Why has he been shot? She couldn’t see a wound where a bullet could have hit him?

“I’m bleeding to death, you have to call for help, where are you?! Where are you?!”

She leaned out of the car in an attempt to see a name of the street they were onto.

“Now I’m dead. It’s your fault.”

“What?” Lucy’s voice trembled. She didn’t do anything! Nothing has happened!

“Get out and walk. You can get back in when you know where you are.”

Panic threatened to overwhelm her. Fuck! Not now! She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure.

Slowly she tried to open the door, still trying to breathe. In her head, she tried to remember the way they have been driving. But before she could remember where they were, she felt nauseous. She got hold on a tree next to the street and doubled over. Why did she have to puke in this moment? As if the situation wasn’t already embarrassing enough.

“Chen, are you ok?” She was clearly not ok! If she was, why would she stand in the middle of the sidewalk and throw up everything she has eaten today.

Lucy retched until she knew for sure that her stomach was empty by now.  

“Do I have to get you to hospital, Chen?” For a short moment she considered the advantages of this idea. But what would she say in the hospital? My boss bullied me years ago and I am still not over it so I had a panic attack because he yelled at me because he doesn’t remember anything what he did?

No. She can’t do that. She shook her head.

“Ok. But at least we go to a café now so you can drink and eat something, ok? I can’t let you do the job when you are like that.”

Lucy slumped back into the passenger seat.

“Baxter Street”, she mumbled as she closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to relief the sharp pain behind her eyes.

“What?” Tim looked confused at her.

“We’re in Baxter Street.” Tim nodded.

“Right.”

Only a few minutes later they sat in the next Starbucks. Tim reported dispatch that they would need a break. He didn’t tell the reason, but it looks like the dispatcher knew it would have to be something important if it was Tim who called in a break.

He couldn’t help but worry. Lucy said she needed the toilet, so he sat on the small table without her. Had he been too hard on her? He had been in the army; he knew that panic attacks don’t just happen. They are always triggered by something.    

He couldn’t deny the fact that he worried about Lucy. When he has first seen her, he thought she was a strong woman, that could really be a good cop one day. But he had to do a few Tim-Tests on her. He always did; with every rookie he has had so far. He needed to know what their weaknesses were.

That was his job, right? Still, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had done something wrong.

Lucy reminded him of someone; he just couldn’t quite remember who she reminded him of.

Lucy returned from the bathroom. In the meanwhile, Bradford had already ordered coffee and a piece of chocolate cake for each of them.

Tim could see that Lucy must have cried. Her eyes were red and swollen, but he decided not to say anything about it. She didn’t cry alone in the bathroom just so everyone could notice when she came back.

“Thank you”, she said with her voice barely above a whisper when she realized Tim has ordered food and a coffee.

“I didn’t know how you’d like your coffee so I took a guess. It’s caramel macchiato I thought you may like it.”

Lucy smiled. The caramel macchiato was her favorite drink. It was her comfort beverage which she always drank when she was stressed out.

She took a sip of the hot coffee; closing her eyes as she took in the sweet taste, that was on the verge to too sweet.

“You like it?”

Lucy nodded again.

“Yes, again, thank you.”

Did Tim really become more… adulterous? Yes, he had been very harsh before, but right now he was quite kind. He ordered her a drink and food, although there was an unwritten rule that the rookies are supposed to pay for the bills.

Lucy took a bite from the cake. The chocolate melted on her tongue and it was just perfect. From her bag, she took the small container of ibuprofen she luckily remembered to pack for today. The cramps were back and she didn’t want to seem weak to Tim.

She really thought he had changed but she still didn’t want to take the risk of him using her weaknesses to hurt her.

Tim eyed her as she popped the pill into her mouth and furrowed his brow.

“Are you ok?”

Lucy nodded.

“Yes.”

Tim narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He could sense something was going on, but after the panic attack she has just had, he didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable than she already seemed to be and maybe even trigger another attack.

She finished the cake and her caramel macchiato.

“Do you feel a bit better?” Tim really looked a bit worried and it didn’t seem fake.

“A bit. But it’ll be better.”

“Good. Are you ready to hit the streets again?”

Lucy nodded and plastered a forced smile on her face.

“Then, let’s go.”

As soon as Tim called in that they can go on calls again, they were sent to a call.

“7-Adam-15 on our way.”

They found Nolan and Bishop, who were already on site. John tried to calm an upset man who was standing on a car and hit the windshield with a baseball bat.

But the man ran off and Nolan immediately ran after him.

“Go, Chen! Chase him first”, Tim shouted and Lucy immediately ran off.

She managed to get to the man before Nolan did, but only because John got stuck in a gate. Talia and Tim made fun of him while Chen put the man who just ran off in handcuffs.

“Well, not bad”, Tim said after the man sat in the back of the shop. Lucy smiled a bit to herself. A real smile. This was the first moment today where she felt really happy. Like she did something right.

She looked out of the window, as she didn’t want Tim to see her smile like that and destroy this moment.

But she didn’t notice that Tim smiled at her. He couldn’t get over the fact that he liked the way her nose scrunched when she smiled and how her eyes seem to become a bit smaller.

God, he was her TO! He shouldn’t feel attracted to his boot! Get back to the hard TO who makes Tim-Tests and drives the rookies insane, he told himself. He took a deep breath and forced himself to look back at the streets.

When they drove through a small alley, Lucy spotted a guy, who was called in to be searched for robbery just an hour or so ago.

“There! This is the guy they are searching for”, Lucy exclaimed.

Tim turned he sirens on and they got out of the car, standing behind the door for a bit more safety, but in this moment the guy drew his gun and began to shoot. Only a few seconds later, another man appeared, also with a weapon and began shooting too.

Immediately, Lucy and Tim shot back.

“Stay low!” But just as her TO finished talking, he let out a loud “fuck!” and fell to the ground.

Lucy slowly rounded the car, paying attention so she wouldn’t get shot too. She packed Tim and pulled him to the back of the car so they weren’t in danger to get shot by these idiots.

“Don’t stay. Shoot back”, Tim commanded while his face was scrunched up in pain.

Lucy reloaded her gun and shot back. She managed to hit one of the men and the other one ran away as another police car appeared in the alley. John and Bishop got out of it and John immediately followed the man who had just run off while Bishop put the other in handcuffs.

The wound he got from Lucy shooting him wasn’t too bad, the bullet only grazed him and he had a small scratch on his lower abdomen but still lay crying on the street… men, Lucy though watching him.

She turned her attention back to Tim who lay on the street as well, blood pooling out of a wound in his abdomen. Lucy put her hands on the wound to apply pressure to it; hoping it would stem the bleeding at least a little bit.

She glanced over her shoulder, to have a look if the paramedics have already arrived and in the exact moment an ambulance arrived.

A woman exited and immediately ran to them.

“He… he got shot in his abdomen. It‘s bleeding heavily”, Lucy told the paramedic who had a name tag on her uniform with the name ‘Nune’ on it.

“It’s not that bad… just a scratch”, Tim said and Lucy just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

There were two types of men. The ones who cry when they get touched because it ‘hurt so much’ and the ones like Tim, who are lying on the concrete of an ally with a bullet in their abdomen and say ‘it was just a scratch’. There wasn’t something in between.

“Well, good job, boot. Now go chase the guy. We don’t want Talia to get him, right?”

Once again, Lucy rolled her eyes. This man can’t just let others win. But either way, she got up and after Nolan.

She caught up quite fast and ran the man to the ground. She handcuffed him before she pulled him to his feet and dragged him along with her. She led him to Talia’s car where she pushed him in the chair in the back of the car, before she shut the door closed.

Bradford, who was now placed on a stretcher nodded at her. She just took it as a compliment.

“To which hospital are you going to bring him?”

The paramedic told her the name of it before getting into the driver’s seat.

In that moment, Sergeant Grey appeared in the alley.

“Officer Chen. You are allowed to get home. I’ll organize another TO for you for tomorrow so please be on time.”

“Thank you, Sergeant Grey. Am I supposed to drive the car back at the station?”

“I don’t think so”, the Sergeant said with a glance at the car.

“Oh.” The car… no shop… was… damaged. Like really damaged. Was it… on fire? Oh shit…

“But Chen?”

“Yes, Sir?” Lucy turned around again.

“Bradford has a daughter. She is at daycare and Bradford won’t make it to get her home. Could you get her and maybe bring her to hospital so she can see her dad? I will see who can take her for over the night.” Lucy looked confused. Tim? A dad? Ok…

“Ehm… I can take her over the night if that’s alright?”

“That would be great. Thank you.” Lucy nodded before turning around to get a Taxi.

“Wait, what’s her name?” She didn’t know the name and she was going to need it to get her form daycare.

“Olivia. Olivia Bradford.”

Before Lucy went to daycare, she drove to the station, where she got changed and got her bag.

***

“Hello. I am here to get Olivia Bradford.”

“Are you Olivia’s mom?” The woman looked at her quite suspicious.

“No… Her dad had an accident at work and I am supposed to get her to hospital to see him.”

“Mhm…” The woman still didn’t look completely convinced. “Then, I need you name and any ID you got with you. It’s a safety measure.”

Lucy nodded and got her ID out of her bag to show it to the woman.

“Lucy Chen.” She nodded.

“Ok, I will get Olivia for you.”

Just a few seconds later a young girl appeared in the hallway.

“Who are you?” Lucy smiled at her.

“I am Lucy. I work with your dad. He had a small accident at work so I was told to get you so you can see him. Is that ok with you?”

Olivia eyed her; clearly considering if she could trust the woman standing in front of her, but then taking a step towards her and taking Lucy’s hand.

“Hm. I think so. If you work with my dad you have to be nice. I am Olivia and so old”, she held 4 fingers in the air, “but I don’t like my name so everyone calls me Livy.”

“Do you want me to call you Livy too?”, Lucy asked.  She knew better than to just call her that, knowing that kids often just say stuff without meaning it.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

“Ok.” Lucy nodded. “Then… let’s go to your dad.”

Lucy sat the girl in the car seat for kids she got from Tim’s car.

The drive to the hospital was quite fast and Livy told Lucy of her day at daycare. In only 3 minutes, Lucy knew all the daycare-gossip, Livy’s friends and what the girl had for lunch.

“Miss Lucy? Can we get food? I’m hungry.”

“Of course, sweety. What do you want to eat?” Lucy looked at the girl through the rearview mirror and laughed at the way her nose scrunched while thinking what she was craving.

“I want chicken nuggets and fries. Dad barely buys it for me because he says it isn’t healthy and I need healthy food to grow and become strong but it is just so yummy!”

For a moment Lucy considered if she should buy her the wished food if Tim was clearly against it, but who was she to withheld it when Livy’s dad just got shot. And she had seen Tim eating a burger today.

“Ok, let’s go. We can get something at the drive-through and you can eat it in the hospital, ok? Maybe your dad wants something too.” Livy nodded happily while she had a broad smile on her face.

***

Only 10 minutes later they sat in Tim’s hospital room. He was still asleep, so Lucy sat on a chair with Livy on her lap while they were eating the food they had just bought.

“Thank you, Miss Lucy. I like you.” The girl grinned with her mouth full with fries

“Just Lucy. I am not Miss Lucy that makes me sound old.” Livy looked at her.

“But you are old.” Lucy gently nudged her shoulder.

“Hey! I am not! You know, you dad is quite a bit older than I am.” She pouted.

“I know. My dad is like really old.” Lucy laughed at Livy. She loves this girl.

***

Tim slowly started to wake up. In the first moment, he didn’t even know where he was, but remembered as soon as he felt the slight burning sensation on his abdomen. He was at the hospital.

He could see two silhouettes on the small table on the window. The light was dimmed but he could still recognize Lucy but he couldn’t quite recognize the other silhouette.

“Lucy! Daddy is awake!” Lucy turned around.

“Then go hug him. But be gentle he was hurt today.”

Tim grinned as he could see his daughter running to him.

“Daddy! Do you feel better? Lucy said a bad guy hurt you.” Livy stood next to his bed, clearly wanting to get up, but she couldn’t as the bed was quite high and his daughter was really small. Lucy appeared behind the girl and lifted her to the bed, careful not to sit her anywhere near the stitches so she couldn’t accidentally hurt him.

“Mhm. Feel a bit better now. Are you ok?” Livy nodded.

“Lucy bought fries and chicken nuggets!”

Lucy gently nudged the girl’s shoulder.

“I thought we agreed not to tell your dad.” Lucy wasn’t serious. Tim could tell by the way she smiled that the girl had her wrapped around her little finger. But he really couldn’t blame her. He knew that his daughter had that effect on every person she has ever met.

“I have also bought something for you. The food in this hospital tastes like shit so we have a burger and fries for you. I don’t think it is allowed on the ICU so you should eat fast.”

Tim nodded. He didn’t really have much energy to talk at the moment. He still felt drowsy from the anesthesia and the pain in his abdomen didn’t help.

“Could you call a nurse, please? Need some more meds.”

Lucy nodded and returned only a few minutes later with a doctor and a nurse.

“Officer Bradford. The bullet hit your spleen we had to remove it in surgery. It is normal to feel pain but we can give you some meds to help with that. You need to take it easy in the next few weeks and have to stay in hospital for around 5 days. Your stitches are most likely going to be removed in 10 days or more that depends on how good the wound heals.”

Tim noticed the nurse giving him a medication through the IV; probably painkillers. At least he hopes so.

“I need to organize something where my daughter can stay. I can’t stay in hospital for 5 days…”

Lucy interrupted him.

“You can and you will! I can take care of Livy, right?” The 4-year-old nodded and grinned.

“I can’t have you taking care of my daughter. I don’t even really know you and you don’t know me and you have work to do and probably have to study for the next test.” Lucy waved him off.

“I already cleared it with Grey and the daycare. I can leave earlier than usually and Livy can stay in daycare until I get her home. We will have lots of fun.”

“Thank you, boot.”

Lucy couldn’t hope but shake her head. She knows him. He knows her. Maybe he doesn’t remember but she remembers ever single moment. She remembers how she got the scars that cover her body. She remembers the reason why she now has two fine scars on each of her arms.

 “Ok, come on Livy. We really need to let your dad rest and it is already late so you have to go to bed.” Lucy lifted her off the bed.

“No! Wait!” Livy ran back to her dad. She hugged him tightly and Tim let out a groan as it hurts his stitches how tightly she held onto him.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby girl? What’s up?” He could see tears glimmering in his daughter’s eyes.

“Are you gonna die, daddy? You are not allowed to. Mommy is not here and you have to stay with me because if you don’t, I don’t have my daddy anymore.”

Tim shook his head while he hugged Livy.

“No. I won’t leave you here. I am going to be back to normal in no time and then we can have long movie nights and eat tons of ice cream, alright?”

The girl nodded.

“Ok. Bye!” The girl ran back to Lucy who had to fight back tears. She didn’t know what had happened with Livy’s mom, but she couldn’t imagine how it felt for a little girl who doesn’t really understand what happened to her dad.

Before Lucy left the room, she turned around one last time.

“I do know you. And you know me. Better than you might think.”

With these words, she left the room and went to her car.

***

At 1 am, Lucy heard a soft knock at her bedroom door. Confused, she got up and opened the door, just to see Livy standing in the doorway. She had her stuffed rabbit they got from Tim’s home, together with clothes for Livy, pressed to her chest.

“I can’t sleep.”

“Ok. Come here.” Lucy scooped the girl up and went to the living room. On the floor laid a mattress. Lucy took the blanket and wrapped Livy in it before going to the kitchen, still having Livy in her arms.

She placed the girl on the kitchen counter, before getting milk, which she warmed up in the microwave. She mixed it with cocoa powder and handed it to Livy before scooping her up again and placing her on the couch.

“So, what is your favorite TV show?”

“Paw Patrol.” Lucy smiled.

“Excellent choice.” Lucy switched on the TV searched Paw Patrol and turned some random episode on. She placed Livy on her lap and wrapped her even tighter in the blanket.

Livy sipped on the hot chocolate every once in a while, while watching the short episode of her favorite show. While watching TV, Livy told many stories about her dad.

Lucy couldn’t help but begin to like Tim. He seemed like a great dad. Still, she couldn’t help but feel scared of him. Yes, he was a great dad but was he also a good friend? Partner? TO? Has he changed over the last years?

In that night, she decided that she had to talk to him. She hadn’t felt safe with him today when they were involved in the shooting.

She has to talk to him about it. She deserves a talk. A real talk where they can talk about her future as a police officer. Maybe she really has to ask Grey for a new TO.

***

The next day was terrible. She overslept and was late for work. Luckily everyone was understanding, as they already knew that she took care of Livy.  

The girl had insisted on calling her dad to make sure he was ok, which had also taken really long.

Her TO for today seemed annoying and she was glad as she was finally back at home. She made food for Livy and herself before they drove to the hospital. Lopez was already there. It looks like Angela and Tim were good friends, Lucy had already assumed it the day before when she had seen them talk at lunch.

“Officer Lopez? Could you please go outside with Livy for a moment?” Lucy had to talk to Tim now. She couldn’t wait longer. He panicked about this talk the whole day and had to get it behind or she was going into another panic attack.

Before she could start talking, Tim opened his mouth.

“What did you mean yesterday, when you said you know me and I know you?” Tim raised an eyebrow, his confusion turning into a smirk. "What, did I steal your lunch money or something? I was quite the troublemaker back then."

The remark hit her like a slap in the face. The casual way he joked about it, as if it was some harmless prank, made her blood boil. Lucy's eyes narrowed, and she clenched her fists at her sides, fighting to keep her composure.

“You really don’t remember me at all, do you?”

“Sorry, I really don’t; have I slept with you years ago I had a player phase a couple years back.”

Lucy shook her head trying not to cry. He had been bullying her for years! Four fucking years of torture and he didn’t even remember.

“1537 West Sunset Boulevard. I lived there. 1543. Your address. No. You didn’t steal my lunch money. You hurt me. I have scars. And not just mentally. You insulted me! Every single day of my life for almost five years! I almost killed myself because of you. And you don’t even remember me. I am still in therapy. Still have problems with my body. I have days I can’t even eat properly because you have told me I was fat so many times I stopped counting after 37 times. I have 13 scars all over my body because of you.”

Tim stared at her; his face unreadable. He remembered. She doesn’t just have a similar face like someone he has met before. She wasn’t just a one night stand he didn’t remember. Fuck. What had he done?

“Yesterday, when we were involved in the shooting, I was scared to death with you next to me because I couldn’t trust you!” Lucy started crying and her whole body was shaking but she couldn’t stop just yet. “And now I took care of your adorable daughter for one night and she told me all these stories what a great dad you are and I started liking you and I hate myself for it! I spent years in my life hating you and one night makes me like you?”

“I am sorry. Really. I am sorry I didn’t remember. I am sorry I did that to you. Really. I was an idiot back then. Had family problems and didn’t now what to do so I did the things my dad did to me to others. Tried to compensate everything.”

Lucy looked at him. Tim didn’t really understand that look.

“You really use ‘family problems’ as an excuse for tormenting me? Are you serious? You broke me! And as if it wasn’t bad enough that you were my new TO you were quite kind when I had that panic attack! You bought me chocolate cake!” Lucy felt like she was being ridiculous and overreacting but she had to let it all out now.

“Come here please.” Tim made place on his bed and pointed at the free spot. Without thinking about it she sat down on the bed and started crying. Tim rubbed gentle circles over her back.

“Like I said, I am really sorry. If you want another TO, I would understand that. But I hope you can forgive me at some point because I have changed. At least I think so. I know you can’t trust me overnight, it’s a process. And just so you know, you are damn pretty. When I have seen you in the conference room yesterday the first thought I had was ‘wow, that woman is pretty and looks so confident’. And I don’t think I broke you. Maybe but you have healed and like a bone that just gets stronger when it is healed again, you are stronger too. I have seen it when I was patrolling with you. You are a strong and damn hot woman, Lucy.”

Tim hugged her. Gently so he wouldn’t frighten her.

In that moment, the door opened and Lopez stepped inside with Livy. It was obvious that Angela heard the whole conversation, and Livy seemed to recognize the tension too, which wasn’t hard with Lucy who was still crying in Tim’s arms.

Livy ran to her and patted her cheek with her small hand.

“No crying, Lucy.” She hugged Lucy with her small arms and she couldn’t help but smile at the adorable girl.

Maybe she couldn’t trust Tim just yet. But maybe after she spent the next days with the 4-year-old and her stories about her dad it would be a little easier.

[fiveisnumber1]

Timeless - Five Hargreeves X Reader

Main story parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34

A/N: Here is the next chapter! I'd like to thank everyone for their patience, it takes me a while to put these out but I hope that the extra care I put into the writing justifies the time period between uploads. I also just wanted to say that I am really proud of this chapter solely for the fact that I was able to utilize my journalism degree for about 400 words of content. You'll see it when it happens. The rest of the chapter is good too though, but I'm very proud of that one portion. Hope y'all enjoy it, thanks!

Warnings: Very long chapter, mentions of car crash, mentions of blood

__________________

Part 35 - The Roadtrip

In the halls of the fifth-floor corridor, you passed room after room as you tried to make your way toward your own. You remembered how this place used to be bustling. How it was filled to the brim with all different types of characters, each of which had a story that would never be told. Even if the walls of this place could talk you knew they wouldn't say anything because they've seen way too many things. What was once a hallway flooded with voices from behind closed doors was now just a green hallway haunted by its past and replaced with the sound of the buzzing lights above. This place had fallen far from its former glory if it even had any of that, to begin with. If it wasn't for your boyfriend and the rest of the Hargreeves being here you may have started to consider going back to the academy. At least you were used to its antiqueness, minus the upgrades the Sparrows had made.

It didn't matter, you were already here. As you had done many times before you glanced about the hall before walking through the door. Turning on your heel, your hand went up to the lock ready to open the door, but as you were about to switch it you realized there was no one on the other side to open it for. Muscle memory from repeated times of opening the door for Charlie had taken over. Your hand hovered over the lock for a second as you stared at it. There was part of you that wanted to open the door, the part of you that kept holding out hope for a familiar face from your past. And yet, there was the part that knew nothing was waiting for you on the other side. Letting out a small sigh you dropped your hands as you tried to avoid the inevitable disappointment that would come from opening the door.

Rolling your shoulders backward you let the issue drop as you continued to try and stay positive in this new time. You were back in 2019! Sure things were different, again...but you were in the future where you belonged! You had a place to stay! It wasn't really your home, but at least it was still your own. And you had all the Hargreeves, well...minus your Ben...but six out of seven was better than none! You could make this work. No. You would make this work. You always made things work. It was okay. You were...okay.

Finally turning from the door you began to wander around looking at your room. Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed. The same shitty green wallpaper and outdated furniture were still there. The musty smell of outdated wood and old carpet still lingered in the air. The stash of you and Charlie's now-expired snacks and old knick-knacks still filled the desk drawers. Nothing about this place had changed. Except you. The only surprising thing was that there wasn't almost 60 years' worth of dust covering the place. At least they had kept the room clean while you were gone.

Placing your bag on the ground, you plopped onto the bed before reaching into your bag and grabbing the package you had received from Charlie. You looked over the box to see if there was any indication of what was inside to warrant him writing open privately on the outside but there was none to be found. Shrugging your shoulders you pulled out one of your knives and gently cut the tape sealing the box. Opening up the flaps you pulled out a leather-bound book and held it in your hands. You weren't exactly sure what it was all about yet but he still decided to send you something. But while appreciated the gesture, you wondered why he wouldn't feel the need to give it to you in person and decided to ship it to the hotel instead. It's not like you wouldn't go and track him down once you settled back in. You didn't dwell on it though, it wasn't that big of a deal. You were just happy that you actually came to the hotel and were able to receive it. Opening the book, you saw as an envelope slid out and fell to the floor. Placing the book down you reached for the envelope, pulling it back up towards you as you read the words on the front,

My dearest daughter

The words caught your eye as you immediately knew who the letter was from. Quickly turning the envelope around you opened the seal and pulled out the paper within it. Gently, you opened up the old paper so as not to damage it as you read over the words on the page.

Hi sweetie,

Charlie has come to visit me in the hospital, as my old age is starting to truly take hold. Don't worry I'm not in any pain, I'm actually doing quite well besides the prolonged fatigue. Charlie and I had a long talk about you, reminiscing on the good times we shared with you. He says he knows you're still out there and I truly believe him when he says that which is why I am writing this.

The realization of what this letter was instantly hit you like a ton of bricks. You could feel a weight fall onto your shoulders as your hands began to shake. Tears pricked at your eyes threatening to fall and part of you wanted to stop reading now, to put the letter away and pretend that it wasn't real. That the message you knew would come after this didn't exist and you could live in ignorant bliss. But it wasn't right. She wrote this letter for you. She wrote the letter in the hope you would one day read it and to put it away wouldn't be what she wanted, so you cautiously continued to read.

I don't know where you are or if this letter will ever get to you, but as I near my final days I know I would regret it if I didn't even try to get you one last message. Ever since you left, I have never stopped thinking about you. Those few years that you were in my life were the best of my life. You brought so much joy and light to my world and although I was not your mother at birth you were and forever will be my daughter. After your disappearance, I never stopped looking for you and I never gave up hope that you were alive. I still believe that you are out there somewhere and if you are I just hope that you are safe and most importantly happy. All I could ever ask for is for you to be those two things, safe and happy, because what else could a mother want for her child than that? It's difficult knowing I won't be able to see your face before I eventually pass, but I'll look at the photos I have of us from our time together and imagine you are with me. I have always kept you close to my heart and I will always know I have you with me there.

I miss you immensely and I'll love you eternally. And in the classic words of Vera Lynn I know that:

We'll meet again, Don't know where, don't know when, But I know we'll meet again some sunny day. Keep smiling through, Just like you always do, 'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

With all my heart and soul, love,

Your mother, Grace

You shut your eyes tightly, holding back the tears that so badly wanted to fall from your eyes. You knew this would happen. You had to have known that by the time you returned she would be gone. It was stupid to think she might still be here. You weren't stupid. No, no. You were smart. You definitely anticipated this. You were fine. It was just a bump in the road to starting over. Just like the other times, you had to put the past behind you and keep moving forward. As long as you moved forward you would be okay. Folding the letter back up you placed it in the envelope once more putting it off to the side. Turning back to the book Charlie had sent, you picked it up and opened the front cover. There on the inside of the cover was the familiar handwriting of Charles Anderson, your friend. Trying your best to perk up you read what he had written,

(Y/N),

Since you're going to be gone a while I thought I would take a page out of your book (no pun intended) and write entries in a journal of my own about the things I'm going to do, or well by the time you read this, the things I've done, over the years. I hope that I can fill this thing up with stories and memories that can make you proud! I bet it'll be interesting to be on the receiving end of the journal process this time around. Can't wait to give this to you, I really hope you'll like it.

~ Charlie

A small smile came back to your face as you read the note over again. You could hear his voice and his enthusiasm coming through the words on the page. For a moment it was like he was there with you, sitting in his favorite chair, munching on chips from the snack stash as he explained his plans. But as you looked below that note you saw one more. Your head tilted slightly to the side curious as the handwriting for this one was different. It was less consistent in style and much shakier. You had to squint a bit this time to make out the words but you began to read,

(Y/N),

I can only hope that you were able to find this. I sent this book to the Hotel Obsidian because I did not trust sending it to the academy. I don't want to make this addition, especially with the letter that's included in this package from Grace, but it has to be done. I tried to hold out til you came back. I wanted to be here to give this to you, but time has caught up to me and I'm no longer as young as I once was. My time is coming, but I want you still to have this journal as a reminder of our friendship because just like with everyone else you've brought into your life, our bond spans time and space. I don't think there is any other person in this world who can form connections with so many people like that, than you. I know that things will be difficult when you come back, but I also know your strength and resilience. You have overcome so much and I know you can do it again but remember you do not need to face the world on your own. I cannot tell you how to feel with this knowledge, but I hope this note and the rest of the journal can bring you joy at the full life I have lived rather than the fact that my story is coming to an end. You changed my life and I hope you can see that through my words and experiences. Thank you for being my friend, you're still the best one I could've asked for.

~ Charlie

Your heart sank. Sank to the far depths of your being as you finished Charlie's follow-up note and felt the reality of the situation settled in. The only two people who mattered to you in the 60s were gone.

Grace and Charlie were dead.

Slowly, you closed the book back up before placing it off to the side with the letter from Grace. The tears you had done so well to hold back started to run down your face but you didn't cry out. Instead, you laid back on your bed, staring at the ceiling as the quiet tears continued to fall. It felt like a piece of you was ripped out, and yet, it was a familiar feeling, one you knew well. You had felt it with every reset. Every friend, every guardian, every loved one you lost there was that sinking feeling that came with it. It was like demons clawing at your ankles trying to drag you down into a dark abyss. You couldn't let them though, you couldn't go into the abyss. But at the same time, you couldn't do anything else. And so you just laid there with your silent sorrow as you tried to figure out what to do now.

Similarly, Five also was laying in his bed trying to figure out what to do with himself. After he finished getting off the thought of how you looked in your outfit, he stared at the frame of the bunk above him. It took him a few tries to fully work through his feelings but now he just laid with the thoughts of how hard things had become. While he would never want to be stranded in the apocalypse again, he could admit dealing with these kinds of things was a lot easier when there was no one around. His siblings weren't there to bother him and the only version he had of you was the one he created in his head to grow up with him, rather than the real, tangible, physical version he had now. Whenever he needed to fix himself, he was able to with no other thought necessary, but now in a world surrounded by people, and with nothing else to focus on but you, the rampaging hormones that existed in this young adult body of his were going to keep his mind racing. What would you think if you knew this is what he left to do? Would you be okay with it or would you find him disgusting for thinking of you in such a way? He didn't want to do anything that you might perceive as wrong but at the same time, he couldn't help the way you made him feel. If only there was an instruction manual on how to go about these things because it's not like he could ask his brothers for advice. Luther was a monkey space virgin, Klaus was already mocking him, and Diego would treat him like target practice if he even insinuated these types of feelings for you. Using one of his arms to cover his eyes, Five let out a frustrated sigh guessing this was just one of those learn-by-doing types of things. Five didn't know how much time had passed, but soon enough he could hear voices from outside the bedroom door. Not wanting to deal with what was most likely his brothers, Five rolled to face the wall and pretended to be asleep. He could hear the door open and close and the sounds of footsteps walking through the room. As the footsteps approached he could hear one person stop and then Luther's voice comment,

"Aw man Klaus, there's a lot of napkins in the trash can."

Intrigued, Klaus walked over to where Luther was standing. It was a little ridiculous that Luther still believed that he had made Five cry, but it was funnier to not tell him otherwise. Looking at the filled can on the ground, a smirk came to Klaus' face as he looked over towards Five on the bed. He couldn't tell if Five was actually asleep or not but either way he playfully remarked,

"Oh yeah, he really worked those feelings out, huh?"

Five rolled his eyes annoyed at Klaus' immaturity and if he wasn't pretending to be asleep he would've told Klaus to shut up and leave him alone. He could only hope that the two of them would go to bed soon.

"I still can't believe you for what you did. He's our brother." Luther scolded

"It was funny," Klaus replied with a bit of a laugh

The sound of the door opening and closing occurred once more and Diego's voice could be heard calling across the room,

"What was funny?"

"Klaus made Five cry because he got the color of (Y/N)'s shirt wrong," Luther explained

Five's face contorted into confusion as he continued to lie facing the wall. He knew for a fact that he had not been crying because he got the color of your shirt wrong. In fact, the feelings he had dealt with were on the far opposite side of the emotional spectrum. But lying and saying he cried over the color of your shirt was definitely a lot easier explanation than the truth. Sometimes the stupidity of his brothers could come in handy. Continuing to eavesdrop on the conversation Five could hear Diego ask confused,

"The bastard knows how to cry?"

"Asshole." Five said quietly under his breath

"In a sense..." Klaus commented

"Can't you two be nice?" Luther ridiculed "He's just a little guy in love with his girlfriend."

"Yeah well as her older brother that's a problem to me," Diego remarked annoyed

Of course, it was. Everything he did with you was a problem to Diego. At least Luther seemed to be on his side, albeit a little confused about things, but still supportive.

"If that's what you consider a problem then you have bigger issues on the horizon," Klaus mumbled

"What?" Diego asked

"Nothing." Klaus brushed away before patting Luther on the back and reassuring "Anyway, listen big guy, I'm sure he's doing much better now that he's gotten all of that feeling out of his system."

"You think so?" Luther questioned

"Of course!" Klaus replied cheerily as he walked over to the mini bar and picked up a bottle "Now would anyone like a good nightcap before bed?"

"Put the bottle down Klaus, we need to rest up so we can kick those stupid Sparrow's asses and get our lives back."

"Ugh fine, whatever." Klaus said taking a swig of the bottle before stripping off most of his clothes and climbing into the top bunk "But if you wake me up early from my beauty sleep tomorrow morning I'm going to be real upset."

Diego rolled his eyes as he changed into just a tank top and his boxers and settled in on the couch. Crossing his arms over his chest he closed his eyes and prepared to sleep but then from behind him Luther could be heard asking,

"Hey, do you guys think we can trade some ghost stories before bed like they do in those camp movies?"

"No." Klaus and Diego simultaneously replied

"Ok..." Luther said quietly followed by the loud squeaking of him rolling over in his cot

Pulling out a knife, Diego threw it at the light switch across the room causing it to flip off and making the room go dark. And with that, everything fell silent except for the sounds of Diego beginning to snore. Five rolled onto his back trying not to make the frame of the bunks squeak and looked at bottom of the bunk above him. Silently he stayed there not moving, but then a nauseating smell crept through the room as Luther let out a barrage of sleep farts. Gagging from the scent, Five decided to take up your offer to stay with you as there was no way he was going to deal with this for the whole night. Carefully, Five got up from his bed and quietly made his way across the room before blinking out the door and heading to your room on the fifth floor.

You didn't know how much time had passed as you laid on your bed but you knew you couldn't lay there forever. You could already feel the way your body had begun to settle into the mattress and you refused to be consumed by it all. Taking a deep breath, you exhaled, before forcing yourself to sit up. Your face was still wet from your tears but you couldn't let these things get you down. Neither Grace nor Charlie wanted that, they said so in their messages to you. They wanted you to be happy and so you had to try.

Wiping your eyes you decided to get out of your day clothes and put on the pajama tank top and shorts that Sloane had lent you. Sitting back down on the bed you looked at the journal that Charlie gifted you, and decided you would do what he would've wanted and read it. Grabbing the book, you placed it in your lap, opened it, and began to read. One by one, you flipped through the entries, combing over the details of Charlie's life after you had gone. His enthusiasm jumped off the page as he mentioned his father being dead and his ability to focus on his art. You could hear the words in his voice as you read, almost like he was there with you pacing back and forth in your room as he talked, the way he had done so many times before. And for a moment a small smile came to your face as you imagined him happily putting down these words on the page so he could share them with you one day. As you continued to read, the years went on throughout the pages, and you started to feel as if you were there with him during the events he recounted. You were there for the opening of his art business, you sat in a booth across the diner watching his first date unfold, and you stood by his side on his wedding day watching him get married to the woman he loved. He was happy and for that, you were happy too.

But then something changed on the entry for October 9th, 1989. The writing was messy as if it had been written in a panicked rush and the first line of the letter did nothing to ease your concern.

(Y/N),

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong-

Your heart raced slightly, you could hear the pounding in your ears but as you were about to read on a knock came from the door. Snapping your head up, you looked over towards the door quietly, staring at it to see if you were hearing things or not.

You weren't hearing things though, as on the other side of your door was your boyfriend trying to figure out how to present himself. As he awkwardly stood in the empty hallway he tried a few poses deciding on how he wanted to stand for when you opened the door.

"Maybe I should cross my arms? No. Um...I could...lean against the door frame? Yeah, yeah. I'll lean. That's normal. That'll look good for her." Five spoke to himself

Five fixed his hair and flattened out his robe as best as he could before putting his arm up and leaning against the outer edge of the doorframe. Knocking once more, he quietly waited for you to show up while he stayed frozen in his pose.

Hearing another knock you closed the book, placing it on the nightstand next to you before getting up and walking over to the door. Opening the door you found Five standing there on the other side.

"Oh hi," You greeted, feeling relieved that it was just him

"Hey," Five responded leaning more into the door

A playful smirk came to your face as you took note of his intense lean. Not only was it funny that he was trying to play the cool guy, but it reminded you a bit of how he was when you two were younger. He was always so hyper-focused on trying to impress you since he was never sure how things worked outside the academy, and just like now, it was quite adorable to see him try.

"Impressive lean." You commented

"You like it?" Five replied, the excitement evident in his eyes

"Very much so," You said amused "Now, are you gonna come in or did you come here just to lean?"

With a smile on his face, Five stepped inside the room and took a look around. The room was smaller than the one he and his brothers had gotten, but it was much nicer than theirs. Your furniture was well-kept, matching, and didn't seem like a collection of random items thrown into a room. You had a large window with a great view of the city, which was quite the step up from the back alley window that Klaus pissed out of. And you had a king-sized bed that looked way more comfortable than the shitty bunk bed he had.

"Nice place, much better than mine." Five remarked

"I'm not surprised, most of the rooms in this place are awful," You replied

"Yeah. Even the shitty motels I had to stay in during my commission days were better than having to share with my brothers." Five complained

You could see the annoyance on his face and honestly, you couldn't blame him for being annoyed. The Hotel Obsidian was as outdated as old hotels that only had the bare minimum of upkeep came. The hotel was already outdated when you and Charlie would stay here, but it was even more so now, and you could only imagine the step down from the room Five got was to yours. Hell, the only reason your room probably stayed so nice was that you were somewhat important to Reginald whether you liked it or not. Which you did not, but you weren't going to let the niceness of your room go to waste.

"You know, if you hate your room that much you could just stay here. With me." You suggested

"You wouldn't mind me staying in your room?" Five questioned

Walking over towards him you took his hand in your own and held it. A smile on your face as you softly answered,

"Honestly, I'd prefer it if you stayed in our room."

A smile crept onto Five's face as he heard what you had said. Our room. The words repeated over and over in his mind, not because he needed to process them, but because he liked the thought. Hearing those words felt like a milestone to him. It was a confirmation that you two were taking a step in the right direction, a step towards building a life together. Sure, he didn't expect your first place to be a hotel room but so long as he was with you he would take whatever was available. Five held your hand a little tighter as he replied gently,

"Okay, I'll stay."

Lifting your hand towards his lips, he placed a kiss on the back of yit. You smiled wider at the action as his love meant everything to you. Just having him around made your world that little bit brighter. As he looked back up at you, the two of you locked eyes and stood together quietly, holding each other's hand. But then, a thought popped into your mind and you couldn't help but ask,

"Oh! Did you manage to check on your thing? Whatever it was?"

Five's eyes shot wide for a moment as he remembered the vague and rushed way in which he had dismissed your earlier offer to come here. What was he supposed to do? How should he answer this question? He couldn't just outright admit that he had gone to jack off because you looked hot. Could he? No. He shouldn't. You two weren't there in terms of that discussion yet. Were you? No. Well maybe...you seemed pretty into the moment back in the bathroom on the farm. That was one instance though. That's not enough to warrant bringing it up. No, definitely not.

"Five?" You called trying to get a response from your boyfriend

"Oh." Five said snapping from his thoughts before stating "Yeah. I did."

That was a good enough response. He did check on the thing he needed to check on. As long as you didn't press any further he would be fine.

"What was it?" You asked

Shit.

He needed to say something. Anything.

"Pajamas." Five responded without even thinking

"Pajamas?" You questioned confused

"Yeah. Pajamas." Five lied giving fake elaboration to his response "I was looking to see if the hotel supplied some since all my clothes are in the wash and I couldn't find any."

You nodded your head at his explanation. it was understandable that he wanted something else to wear given how much hell that academy uniform had been through. And on top of that why would he want to keep wearing the clothes of the place that ruined his life? It sucked that there were no pajamas available and all his clothes were in the wash. Wait. If all of his clothes were in the wash...

"Have you been wearing nothing under your robe this whole time?" You blurted out

"No, no! I have boxers on!" Five panicked "I just wanted more clothing."

The room went quiet as the two of you stood there silently once more. But unlike the peaceful quiet of only a few moments ago, this silence was quite loud. Both of you looked away from the other as you each internally cursed yourself for being so stupid. This wasn't an issue earlier today, but perhaps it was because earlier was still a stolen moment between the chaos of the commission and returning home while this was just a regular moment in which nothing else was going on. Something neither of you had really gotten at this point and was now causing you to face the totality of your emotional range. Either way, at this point, Five was starting to believe telling you the truth and taking whatever heat he might've got from it would've been easier, while you were trying to keep your mind from wandering to its more explicit places given the knowledge you had now. Trying to remedy the situation you quickly turned away from Five and stated,

"I might have something you can wear."

Crouching by the open duffle bag on your floor, you dug through the clothes that Charlie had shoved into the bag. As expected most of the stuff was your typical day clothes but you knew you had a few things that would work for Five. As you shuffled through all your stuff a bit more you found one thing for Five to wear.

"Here take these gray sweatpants," You said throwing them behind you for Five to catch

Catching the sweatpants, Five immediately slipped them on under his robe. While they may have been oversized on you, they fit him relatively well. Knowing that the next thing you would give him was probably going to be a shirt Five undid the belt on his robe before slipping the robe off and hanging it over a nearby chair.

It only took you a few seconds more to find a shirt that he could wear to bed. Pulling it out of the bag you stood up, and as you began to turn around you spoke,

"Also, I have thi-"

Your sentence immediately dropped off as you saw your boyfriend shirtless in the gray sweatpants you gave him. The only other item on his person was his locket draped around his neck. Your body stood frozen but every other part of you began working overtime. Your heart started to race, butterflies fluttered rapidly around your stomach, and your brain began to fill with more thoughts of the uncensored kind. You knew you were attracted to your boyfriend, he was always very handsome, but seeing him like this out of that stupid uniform? Fuck he was hot. You weren't even sure where to look, but the devious little voice in the back of your head was wondering if the hype around sweatpants season was real or not.

"(Y/N)?" Five called concerned about why you had frozen

Five looked over you searching for answers as to why you froze but as he did so he started putting the pieces together. He saw the flush on your cheeks, the way you were biting your bottom lip, how your eyes would look him over briefly before looking away, and the not-so-subtle glance you took at the sweatpants he was wearing. His concern quickly faded away as a smirk rose to his face. Maybe your mind and his mind were in more similar places than he thought. He still didn't know how to approach the topic but it was reassuring that you might feel the same way he does.

"Hey, babe?" He called

Your eyes blinked a few times as you finally focused and recomposed yourself. With your brain functioning once more you averted your gaze as you managed to buffer out a response, stuttering,

"I- um- sorry. I just lost my train of thought for a second..."

It was interesting seeing you so flustered. Typically, you had been the one to initiate previous bouts of flirting but Five was starting to like being on the other side of it. Taking a step to stand right in front of you, he used his hand to tilt your face back and up toward his. His eyes locked on yours as his thumb brushed gently across your bottom lip.

"What was on your mind?" He asked in a low, steady voice

A chill ran up your spine as you stood there wordlessly. This man was going to be the death of you. You didn't know how to respond. Could you even respond? What could you say? These things were so much easier when it was in the heat of the moment or there was some external pressure on the two of you. And in those cases, you had been the one to take the initiative, but right now was just A moment and you were not the one running the show. It was times like these that you now wished you didn't tune out Addison and Kenny when they were going into detail about the intricacies of their relationships and hookups. You could feel your face heat up more as you responded vaguely,

"Just...sleep..."

You then pushed the shirt you were holding into his chest as you quickly added,

"Put this on. It's time for bed."

"Anything for you babe." Five replied

Five took the shirt from you and watched as you quickly went over to the bed, getting under the covers and burying your face in a pillow most likely to hide the tomato-red blush on your face. Putting the shirt on he decided he had teased you enough for one night although he was more than happy to keep this interaction in mind for future reference. Turning off the light in the room, Five went over and climbed into bed next to you. His arms gently wrapped around your waist and pulled you close to him as he pressed a soft kiss to the back of your shoulder.

Feeling less flustered and wanting to cuddle rather than just spoon, you rolled over to face him. Wrapping your arms back around his waist, you nuzzled your face into his chest, but as you did so you could feel your forehead press against the locket underneath his shirt. You knew how much he loved the locket you gave him all those years ago but it was still nice that he wore it this long.

"I'm glad you still wear this." You said softly

"Of course, it's my most prized possession. I rarely ever take it off." Five stated

"When do you take it off?" You asked curiously

"Mainly to clean it. I tried my best to keep the ash and dirt of the apocalypse from building up on it. I wanted it to stay as nice as it could." Five answered "That's why I always keep it under my shirt. To protect it better."

Five thought about all those years and the way that he would always set aside time to polish off the locket as best as he could. How he used the nicest fibers he could find to make sure it was still able to shine even in the conditions he endured. It was one of the only things he had left of you for a while and keeping it clean sometimes felt like the only good thing he could do for you at the time. The upkeep of it meant quite a lot to him.

"I remember the first time I was able to truly get it cleaned. The commission had finally given me a hit in modern times and after settling in I went right to a nearby jeweler. I spent all my money for that job on getting it professionally cleaned." Five reminisced

"You still had money to eat though right?" You questioned

"No. As I said, I spent all of it. But I had starved plenty of times in the apocalypse and nothing compared to the feeling of seeing your gift get restored to its former glory." Five replied

Your heart hurt hearing that he had gone hungry not just once but multiple times in the apocalypse. He never deserved what he went through, but you weren't going to bring up these thoughts now. You could tell from his tone he wasn't hurting as he recalled this memory. He was happy.

"I remember being hesitant to take it off and hand it over even though I knew it was the person's job to clean it. I took the photo of you out and held it in my hand, inside my pocket because I was so worried about losing you." Five mused "And the poor guy, I practically threatened him to let me watch the process because I was so concerned about something going wrong and the locket being ruined forever."

Five tilted his head to look at you and you looked up matching his gaze. The light of the moon, still in the sky, trickled in through curtains and shone in your eyes. This was all he had ever hoped for and you were everything he ever wanted.

"It was fine though because watching all that dirt and grime come off the locket was almost like wiping those 45 years away. It gave me hope I'd see you again." Five stated happily "And look at me now. I've got you by my side and I'm the luckiest man in the world for it."

You smiled at his words. You loved him so much and he loved you beyond compare. No person, no place, no time, could ever keep you and your love for each other apart. You were two halves of a whole and there was not one without the other. Five gently placed his lips on yours giving you a light kiss before pulling back and softly stating,

"I love you."

"I love you too." You replied

You could hear as Five hummed happily to himself and wondered what it was in response to.

"What?" You questioned happily

"It's just nice to be able to say that without a sense of urgency behind it." Five answered

"Yeah. It is." You replied

The room went quiet, and you could feel yourself growing tired as you lay wrapped up in each other's arms. You traced tiny hearts into his back with your finger but as your eyelids began to droop one more question came to mind.

"Hey, lover?" You quietly called

"That's a new one," Five joked before responding "Yes lover?"

"Promise we'll build a good life together?" You asked

"Of course my love. Whatever it takes, we'll get there." Five responded sweetly

"Okay." You said sleepily "Good."

And with that confirmation, you let your eyes fully shut and fell asleep to the sound of Five's beating heart. Although you had fallen asleep, Five laid awake a little longer thanking whatever force was out there that he finally got this moment. He finally had his peace and the slice of life he always hoped he could have. Placing a gentle kiss on the top of your head, Five softly said,

"Tomorrow is a new day ma chérie,"

But although he addressed the sentiment to you, that sentiment was really a reassurance to himself. He was going to give you the best life, he promised he would. Reminding himself of the good he now had and the future he was now gifted, Five whispered into the dark night once more,

"Tomorrow is a new day."

And so Five laid there silently, thinking of all the way he was going to spend his life with you until tiredness had finally caught up to him and he too fell asleep.

The night came and went bringing forth the new day. As sunlight trickled in through the curtains and the sound of the city in full swing began to ring through the walls, you slowly opened your eyes. Though they were barely open you could see all you needed to, which was the face of your love sleeping peacefully. His dark hair messily fell in front of his face as he slept and for once looked so at ease, so genuinely calm compared to all the times he had been stressed out over his 18 consecutive days of apocalyptic chaos. Carefully, you reached out a hand and brushed the hair away trying not to disturb his slumber. Your efforts were not successful though as even the gentlest touch startled him awake. You could only imagine that he was a very light sleeper given his circumstances. You knew that was probably the case because you were the same. Trying to get him to fall back asleep you, stroked his hair as you quietly apologized,

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"What time is it?" Five asked groggily

Looking over his shoulder at the clock on the nightstand you could see that it read 9:27 am.

"Just about 9:30," You replied

As he heard your response Five's body began to kick into gear. 9:30? It was already so late in the day. He had stuff to do. There were tasks at hand. If you both didn't get going now then who knows what could happen.

"Shit, we have to get up. We have to get going." Five stated as he sat up in bed

"Where?" You questioned also sitting up before adding "The world is saved and you're retired."

"What?" He asked looking at you

"You're retired...?" You reiterated, baffled by his behavior

Five looked down at his lap, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm retired?" Five questioned to himself

And then he thought about those words. I'm retired. They played over in his mind on repeat as he looked towards the window. He could see the sight of other buildings through the blinds and the sunlight that shone into the room you two shared. He could hear the sound of the cars passing in the city below and the sound of voices echoing down the corridor outside. And then he looked at the clock which now read 9:30 am exactly. He pinched himself for a moment trying to make sure this wasn't just a dream that he would wake up in the apocalypse from, but as he felt the sting of his skin being held too tight he realized this was real. There was a world outside, things were okay, you were here, everyone was alive.

He. Was. Retired.

"I'm retired." He stated to himself, slight disbelief in his voice

But the more he thought about it, the more the disbelief washed away and was replaced by joy. He was retired. There was nothing that he needed to do. There were no requirements of him anymore. He could do whatever he wanted. He finally had to chance to just live his life. A chance to live his life with you. Excitement flooded his system and a smile formed on his face as he turned towards you and exclaimed,

"I'M RETIRED!"

You smiled back at him but before you could get a word out Five had taken your face in his hands pressing his lips against yours. He had the world at his fingertips and he was not about to let go. Soft and slow your lips moved in sync with each other only ever parting briefly before immediately connecting once more. Intense love radiated off of you both as you melted into the kiss and let emotion take over. But even so, there was too much space, too much distance between you two. You had both lived lives filled with distance from the other but that wasn't the case anymore. Five's hand dropped from your face before gripping your waist tightly as he tried to pull you closer to him. Closing the distance between your two bodies you straddled yourself over his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck and placing your other hand on his chest.

Surprised by your action, Five pulled back from the kiss and look towards you as golden sunlight shone over you, giving you an angelic glow. Your body was barely a few inches away and yet this was the closest to heaven he had ever been. Five Hargreeves was not really a believer in a higher power but if there was ever anything he was going to worship like his life depended on it, it would be you. You were his holy place, his new religion and all he wanted at that moment was to show you the depth of his devotion. He was entranced by all that you were, unable to do anything but look on in awe.

But with the way he pulled back, and his shocked and quiet demeanor, you began to worry that you may have crossed a line. Not wanting to do anything that would make him uncomfortable, you slowly began to move yourself away as you diverted your eyes and apologized,

"I'm sorry I assumed this is what you wanted."

Before you could get off his lap though, he had already pulled you back. There was no space between you two as your body pressed against his.

"It is." He replied

Your eyes locked back onto his. His once bright green eyes were now clouded with desire. There were words you wanted to say, confident remarks you wanted to make about how you felt, but the way he was looking at you put you in a trance. You had no words, only the growing passion you felt for him. Your heart raced in your chest as you brought your face towards his once more, pressing your forehead against his. A sea of lust now reflected in your eyes and it seemed like the whole world had disappeared from around you. And then you heard him whisper those three words,

"I want you."

The world stood still for a moment as you gazed into each other's eyes and saw all you ever wanted in them. It was as if time itself slowed down for the two of you to take each other in, but just like that, the world resumed and everything began to speed up. You acted solely on adrenaline and instinct. Your lips crashed into each other, desperate and hungry, and your bodies ran on auto-pilot as you tried to satisfy the passion you both craved. After years of longing for the other, starving for intimacy, you were finally able to get your fill. And you were going to treasure every pleasure you both received. Every kiss, every touch, every experience was now yours to share and yours to keep.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and your fingers tangled into his hair gently tugging on it. You could hear the way he groaned as he kissed you and you took the opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth. He froze for a second taken back by your boldness but immediately jumped back into things and reciprocated the gesture. The two of you continued to melt into one as you slowly leaned back onto the bed, your boyfriend pinning you between himself and the mattress. Breaking the kiss, Five brought his lips to your jaw as he slowly trailed down it. His breath on your skin sent a chill up your spine as you tilted your head to the side, wordlessly begging for his lips on your neck. Taking the cue, he moved to work on your neck, slowly leaving kiss after kiss as he made his way down to the crook of it. The marks Lila had left healed overnight now leaving him with a completely open canvas to work with. Gently he nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin making you his own personal art piece.

Your skin was hot and the clothes that covered you both were doing nothing to help that. As your lust continued to grow, the fabric between your two bodies now started to feel restricting, like a prison keeping you two apart. You were dying to get closer and reached toward the hem of each other's shirts beginning to grab at the fabric. But as both of you were ready to risk it all, the sound of knocking could be heard from the door. Both of you looked towards it for a moment before looking back at each other.

"Did you hear that?" You questioned

"Yeah, but it probably just came from a nearby room." Five replied

The two of you stayed silent waiting to see if there was any more noise coming from the direction of the door, but with no other sounds to be heard, you turned back to the manner at hand. With a playful smirk coming to your face you asked,

"Where were we?"

Five leaned back down, ready to kiss you again and show you the depth of devotion, but before your lips could connect a knock came from the door once more. With that sound you both knew someone was at the door, specifically your door, looking for you. You really didn't want to go answer but if they stayed after you didn't respond the first time, they probably weren't intent on leaving.

"I'll get it." You stated, letting out an annoyed huff

Five rolled off you to the side, letting you get up from the bed and head to the door. Laying on his back, he looked at the ceiling wondering if there was a god out there, what did he do to make them hate him?

Getting to the door you tried to put on a good face for whoever may be on the other side. Taking a breath you opened the door with a smile and saw who was standing on the other side.

"Hey (Y/N)!" Klaus greeted

"Hello, Klaus." You greeted back trying to hide your annoyance

"Motherfucker." Five said angrily under his breath "Again?!"

Hearing Klaus' name fall from your mouth sent a wave of frustration through Five's system. Klaus "Number Four" Hargreeves, the man with the worst timing ever. He just had to show up now, didn't he? After all that you and Five had done to save this family and yet once again you couldn't get a moment alone to yourselves.

As quiet as Five was trying to be with his irritation, the sounds of his complaining could be recognized even at the lowest of decibels. Realizing that Five was in the room, Klaus finally took a good look at you, rather than just seeing you in the doorway. He saw the way you were attempting to hide your contempt, obviously displeased at him being there. Your hair was a mess, your clothing just slightly disheveled, and there was an unmistakable mark of a hickey forming on your neck.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" He asked, attempting to lean into the room

Moving to the side, you blocked him from peering in any further and seeing Five on the bed. While you had shared a room with Five before, you didn't need news traveling back to Diego. Especially not from Klaus. Diego was always so back and forth on whether he was okay with Five existing in your presence or not that you didn't need the extra drama. Trying to move away from the topic you denied saying,

"Nope. Nothing at all."

Klaus knew that you were obviously trying to hide what was going on and for a moment, he felt a little bad. He never intended to interrupt you two, especially given how much he knew you two needed this. But at the same time, this was the most entertainment he had gotten in a while and he was going to milk the hell out of it. Keeping his composure, he leaned back away from the door and decided to fake ignorance.

"Oh great! So Diego and I are having breakfast at 10 in the lobby and I came to let you know. In case you want to join." Klaus mentioned before adding "Unless you're busy of course."

"Nope. Breakfast sounds great." You lied

Unconsciously, you bit at your bottom lip hoping that Klaus would leave soon. Noticing your persistence in keeping Five hidden he decided to press on that fact. Trying to hide the smirk that was forming on his face, Klaus asked,

"Great! But hey, have you seen Five? I woke up this morning and he was missing from his bed. I thought maybe you would know where he is."

Your eyes darted quickly over to your boyfriend who was continuing to scowl and shoot daggers in Klaus' direction even though you knew he wasn't visible from where Five laid. You looked back over to Klaus who stood there quietly waiting for an answer.

"Nope." You dismissed "Haven't seen him since dinner yesterday."

"Oh, alright." Klaus replied, "Well then, I'm gonna head to the lobby."

"Alright." You replied beginning to shut the door

You started to watch as Klaus walked away, but before you could fully get the door closed he paused and called out,

"Oh and (Y/N)?"

"Yes?" You questioned impatiently

"You might want to cover that before Diego sees." Klaus comments tapping the crook of his own neck "I don't think the hotel would appreciate a pay-per-view boxing match in the lobby."

Your face went pale as your hand shot up to cover your neck. You could see the smirk fully on Klaus' face as he turned away and began to walk off.

"See you two at breakfast!" He shouted

He had known the whole time. Shit. Closing the door, you walked over to the mirror in the room and lowered your hand looking at the purple mark on your neck. From behind you, you could see Five get up from the bed and walk over to you complaining,

"I can't fucking believe Klaus showed up again."

"I can't believe you marked me." You commented

"Sorry." Five apologized

He was not sorry though. He just wasn't happy that you two got caught by Klaus. Again. He didn't need his brother getting any ideas to rub it in that he knew.

"I never said it was a bad thing..." You replied, "I just need to figure out what to do about it so Diego doesn't see."

"Well, I could leave four more and you can claim they're from Lila choking you yesterday." Five suggested

"You realize fresh bruises look different from old ones, right?" You mentioned, turning around to look at him.

"Perhaps," He explained, "But as we both know Diego is very stupid."

"I think you just want to leave more," You teased

"No..." Five poorly deflected

"Liar." You said giving him a playful shove before walking over towards your bag "I'll fix it but we might as well get ready to go to breakfast with them. I'm worried about Klaus blabbing if we don't get there on time."

"Yeah, you're probably right." He relented

Grabbing some clothes and care products from the bag that Sloane had given you, you passed Five and walked over to the door. Holding the items you got in one hand you grabbed the door handle with the other as you said,

"Alright, well I'm going to go get ready in the bathroom then and you can get ready here."

"I don't have any clothes to change into." Five replied gesturing at the pajamas you loaned him before lamenting "I mean I guess I could go grab the academy uniform..."

You paused for a moment. Neither you nor he wanted him back in that dumb academy uniform. Thinking for a second about where you could get him something else to wear you recalled that there was a lost and found room on the bottom floor in the back of the hotel, next to the ballroom.

"Well, if you don't mind walking around the hotel in those pajamas I know a place we can get you some clothes when I get back." You suggested

Five had no problem walking around in his robe yesterday so going around in some pajamas wasn't an issue for him.

"Sure,"

"Okay, I'll be right back." You replied

And with that, you walked out the door and down the hall towards the bathroom leaving Five alone in the room. Sitting back on the edge of the bed he was still annoyed with Klaus for getting in the way of spending quality time with you. He didn't know whether it was intentional or not but he couldn't change it now. Well. Technically he could, but he could only go back a few minutes and at this point, it wouldn't be enough time to change the course of Klaus showing up. Klaus was gonna have to propose some kind of grand gesture if he was ever going to make it up to him.

As he looked around the room waiting for you to come back he saw a book he had never seen before on the nightstand. It was leather bound but there was no title on the front or the side. It looked old. Perhaps it was one that you got in the 60s and brought with you. Curious as to what the book was about, Five picked it up causing an envelope to fall from the nightstand and drop to the ground. Picking up the letter he felt compelled to open it but once he did so his heart sank as he realized what was written. Grace from the 60s had passed away. Putting the letter back in the envelope he placed it back on the nightstand. He could only imagine how upset you might've been to read it and he started to regret not coming with you to your room when offered. Trying to think of a way to cheer you up, he picked up the book once more. Maybe the subject matter in it was something he knew about and you two could talk about it to take your mind off things. But as he opened the book though he was let down once again as he read the inscription. Charlie was dead too.

"Ah shit." Five said to himself "I actually liked that guy."

You hadn't mentioned either of these things to him so far and he wasn't going to force it out of you either, but he knew that he had to do something to make things better for you. Sometimes you wore your heart on your sleeve and other times it seemed like you would just rather forget. And from the way Charlie's inscription went, it seemed pretty evident that the latter was the option you were going with. Even if you didn't want to discuss it now he still wanted to help you feel safe in this timeline. He wanted to make you happy. He wanted to build a good life with you just like he promised. Closing the book and placing it back down on the nightstand, started to think of ways to help make you happy. But just as he had correctly placed the book back, you had arrived back to the room now ready for the day ahead. You had on a pretty white knee-length sundress, a smile on your face, and you had somehow managed to hide the mark on your neck.

"You ready to get some new clothes?" You questioned

"Yeah. But how did you fix it?" He asked tapping his neck

"Just some concealer, but I'm sure it'll heal soon." You answered, "My friends always joked I had a regenerative factor to me."

Huh. Five had never thought about that before. It was odd to think he never picked up on it but it did seem like most of you all had a regenerative ability. Just yesterday he had a giant gash on his forehead but hours later it was completely gone. It wasn't fully necessary information, but he would keep it in mind.

"So clothes?" You asked

"Clothes." Five replied

Standing up from the bed, Five took your hand in his, and together you walked out the door and made your way down to the bottom floor of the hotel. Exiting the elevator together you guided him toward where you last remembered the lost and found to be. Fortunately enough, just like everything else in the hotel, nothing had changed and the lost and found was exactly where you recalled it to be. Opening the door, you pulled Five along inside as you looked about the place. The room was filled with clothes and accessories on racks and bins organized by size, item, and gender. Boys and men on the left side of the room, girls and women on the right, and unisex clothing against the back wall. It was like a thrift store of decades worth of clothing, but free.

"Here it is! The lost and found room." You announced

"Jeez, this place could practically be its own department store." Five commented

"Yeah, it's always open but rarely anyone actually comes back this way and most people here aren't going to make a fuss and draw attention to themselves anyways, so it just kind of builds up." You explained, "But the staff still seems to maintain it pretty well though which means that there's plenty of options for you to choose from."

"How did you even know this was here?" Five asked

"Charlie and I stumbled upon it one day as we were walking around and so we used to take from here a lot." You answered, "And if they're following protocol, all the clothes should be already washed so you can just put whatever you like on right away."

"Good to know." Five replied

Staying in place, he looked around at all the clothes. It was a bit overwhelming as he had never really had too much of a choice in what he could wear. Back in the academy, it was his uniform, in the apocalypse, it was what clothes he could find, and for the commission, it was the suit that was given to him. But now he stared at a sea of options and didn't really know what he wanted.

Seeing your boyfriend stand in the room unmoving you tried to encourage him saying,

"Go on. You can pick whatever you want!"

"I just- I don't really know what I want." He replied, "I've never had a choice before."

"Well, since you're retired I would recommend finding clothing that's comfortable, weather appropriate for early April, and calls to you when you see it." You suggested

Five nodded his head, still slightly overwhelmed by his amount of choices but feeling more focused now that he had some criteria to work with. Slowly, he moved from his spot and walked over to the left side of the room searching for clothing that fit the requirements. Comfortable, weather appropriate, and interesting.

As you watched your boyfriend begin to peruse the items about the room, you noticed a calendar on the wall near the entrance. Checking it you saw it was accurate to the year but had not been changed to the correct month yet. Flipping it to April you were still in slight disbelief that you had made it past the 2019 apocalypse. It was April 3rd, and things seemed to be okay. You smiled as you realized how interesting it was that technically just four days ago on March 29th you and Five had started dating. And the anniversary of your friendaversary from years ago was coming up on April 7th. As you thought about those two dates, gears started turning in your mind. Flipping back to March you counted the days between the 29th and April 3rd and then counted the days between the 3rd and the 7th. After your counting, you confirmed your suspicions, today April 3rd was smack dab in between both of those anniversaries. Coming to this revelation, you knew that you had to do something special about it. Five was finally retired and getting to start over, why not make him happy and celebrate this new start?

As Five continued to search for clothes you tried to think of something to surprise him with and then the perfect idea hit you. Down the hall behind an unmarked door was the valuables room. It was like the lost and found but for anything that, like the name implied, had value. There had to be something there that you could give to him. Heading back to the door you called out,

"Love, I'm gonna step out for a second."

Five's head snapped towards you as he stopped looking through the shirt rack and asked,

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll be okay." You answered, "I'll be right back."

Five gave you a quizzical look but you had only caught a glimpse of it before heading down the hallway to where the room was. When you got to the door, you didn't even attempt to see if it was unlocked and instead opted to just walk through it. Like the lost and found, the room was just as you remembered when you first stumbled upon it. The walls were lined with display cases that were filled with expensive jewelry, watches, assorted weapons, art, and antiques. You looked about the room for something that would make a good gift when one item caught your eye. It wasn't something you would gift to Five, but it stopped you in your tracks. Approaching the assorted weapons cabinet you saw a sleek metal bow with a quiver full of arrows displayed on one of the shelves. You stared at it, unmoving, but before your thoughts could spiral you had snapped your gaze away and began at other items. On a lower shelf in the case, you saw a bunch of blades laid out. Diego had always gifted you a new one every time you accomplished something big or had a reason to celebrate so you knew one of these could make a good gift. You didn't want to get Five something large or inconvenient or could be misconstrued as a tool for violence as you knew that he was done with killing. He needed something useful and small unlike the swords and daggers on display. But there, in the back corner of one cabinet, you spotted something that could work. Reaching your hand through the glass you pulled out a switchblade. It was compact, it was practical, it was perfect. Pleased with your choice you turned around looking for a box to put it in when another item on a different display caught your attention.

"Holy shit, that's a Rolex." You said aloud

In the middle of a sea of other very nice watches sat a beautiful Rolex. You felt bad for the guy who lost the item and had it left here but you were sure happy for yourself because you knew just the man who deserved that watch. Reaching through the glass you pulled the watch from the display case, and as you held an item in each hand you knew that you had found the perfect gifts to give your boyfriend. Satisfied by your brief adventure, you made the gifts items invisible, walked through the door once more, and headed back to the lost and found where you found your boyfriend putting on a flannel shirt over a new set of clothes. It was odd to see him in such casual clothing but he pulled it off really well.

"Well don't you look handsome." You complimented

"You think so?" He asked looking down at his outfit

He wasn't really sure if what he had picked out was good because he never had to make that decision before, but if you thought that he looked good then perhaps he was on the right track.

"Yeah, I really like it. You look normal." You answered before quickly adding "I mean that in a good way."

Five smiled. He knew what you were meaning to say.

"I like looking normal too." He responded and then asked, "Where did you go?"

"I went to go get something for you," You stated

"For me?" He questioned

"Mhmm." You replied, "Now close your eyes and put your hands out."

Five looked at you curiously, but nevertheless, he obliged. Closing his eyes he put his hands up and out as he waited for something to happen. Gently, he could feel a few things being placed in his hands. Both were relatively light but one felt colder than the other like it was made out of metal. He continued to keep his eyes closed until you said,

"Okay, you can open them."

Opening his eyes he saw in his hands a closed switchblade and a...Rolex? He stared in disbelief at the items extremely appreciative of the gifts but confused as to why.

"What are these for?" He inquired, his eyes trained on the items

"For you!" You exclaimed, "For your retirement and our anniversaries."

Five's head shot up from the gifts and looked at you with wide eyes.

"Anniversaries?" He repeated, trying to hide the panic in his voice

You nodded your head yes at him which sent his mind racing every which way. What did he forget? And how did he forget more than one? He never forgot anything about you. At least he didn't think so, but this situation was proving otherwise. Nothing was coming to mind so what important things happened on April 3rd? Oh no, was he a bad boyfriend for forgetting? He just wanted to make you happy today because of what happened to Charlie and Grace and he was already failing. Shit.

"Yeah, today is exactly in between March 29th when we got together, and April 7th which was the day you put together our friendaversary." You explained

"Oh." He replied

Five's panic subsided as he realized what you had meant by anniversaries. Yes, those two anniversaries did exist. They were two of the four most important days in his mind, including also your shared birthday and the day you met. As he thought about it though, April 7th made sense but you two had gotten together on March 29th, 2019 which was barely a few days ago.

"But we haven't been together a year?" Five stated confused

"I mean our timelines have been pretty messed up since our teens and I experienced like four March 29ths during the 60s, and we've both had plenty of April 7ths so that's gotta count for something right?" You responded

"You know what, you're right." Five agreed "Why get into technicalities when the other option is to celebrate?"

With each new thing, today was starting to be more and more promising for a bright future with you. He had a room with you, he finally got some real rest, he was retired, he was getting new clothes that he liked and on top of it all, he now had even more to celebrate with you. Placing the items in his pockets, he looked at you again and asked,

"Where did you manage to find a Rolex and switchblade on such short notice though?"

"Definitely not from the unmarked valuables room down the hall that doesn't exist." You answered sarcastically

"I see. Well since it doesn't exist, I won't keep it in mind." Five said mimicking your tone before sincerely stating "Thank you, darling,"

Five could see the pride in your eyes and the joy in your smile from knowing that he liked the gifts you gave him. You were amazing. God he loved you. And even when he thought he couldn't love you more, you always gave him a new reason to. He still didn't know why out of the billions of people in the world you still chose to be with him but he wouldn't have it any other way. But if he was going to show that, he needed to get ahead on this new anniversary curve. You came out of nowhere with such nice things and he had nothing to present back. He didn't exactly know what to do yet, but he would figure it out.

"You're welcome, love." You replied taking his hand "Now since you've figured out your attire we should probably get a move on. The fastest way to get to the lobby is to use the elevator on the other side of the ballroom,"

"Lead the way."

Hand in hand, the two of you walked out of the lost and found and down one of the many hallways of the hotel passing by rooms like the kitchen, the laundromat, and storage before finally making your way to a closed set of double doors. Letting go of Five's hand you opened one of the doors and stepped in, holding the door open for him to step in as well. As he stepped in beside you, you let the door close and took a few steps forward gesturing at the room, saying,

"Here it is, the ballroom."

Quietly, the two of you began to walk across the room towards the elevator both taking in the sights. The last time you were here, it was for one of Reginald's work events in which you and Charlie just hung out in the corner avoiding the other people your age, because honestly, they sucked. Dust covered the tables and it seemed like you and Five were the first people in here in a while. Not really needing to catch up much on the room you began to walk ahead of Five.

He however was taking in the room more than you were. The walls were white and large windows let tons of natural light. There was a small patio outside and inside round tables filled most of the space on the floor. Halfway through the room though there was a stage and a wooden dance floor.

"Y'know, it's not terrible looking like the rest of this place." Five commented

"Well, it used to get used for a lot of events. Mostly weddings," You explained "but I don't think it's seen an event in years though."

"I can tell. The dance floor looks pretty neglected." Five replied, stopping in the middle of the floor "Although perhaps we could change that?"

You stopped walking as you looked back over your shoulder at Five. There on the dance floor, he stood with his eyes trained on you. The corners of his mouth upturned as he extended his right hand out.

"Dance with me." He said softly

The smile that formed on your face mimicked that of your boyfriend as you turned around and began to approach him. Five watched as you made your way to him, and it gave him a sense of deja vu. You in a white dress, absolutely beaming at him, reminded him of his hallucination from yesterday. And being explicitly told this room was used for prior weddings just rang the thought in his head once more. As you reached out your left hand, Five took it in his own, his thumb running over the top of your knuckles lingering just slightly on your ring finger. There was nothing there, he knew that already, but one day. Pulling you closer to him, his left hand rested on your waist as his right hand continued to hold yours, as your free hand gently rested on his shoulder. There was no music, but you didn't need it as the two of you slowly danced along the floor. Five looked into your eyes, seeing his whole future ahead of him and thinking of the day that he could make you his wife. You'd dance just like this, his family looking on happily as you started a new chapter of your forever together. He knew that day wasn't anytime soon, there was a lot to do between now and then but as always the thought would stay in the back of his mind. As the two of you continued to sway, Five leaned his head down pressing his forehead against yours as he whispered,

"Je n'ai jamais été aussi heureux que je le suis avec toi, ma chérie."

"Et vous êtes tout ce dont j'ai besoin, mon chèri." You softly replied

Gently, you tilted your head up letting your lips fall on his. Softly you pressed a kiss to his lips, it was nothing grand compared to some of the ones you shared early but it was calm and it was sweet. It was like a pretty bow that tied up a perfect moment in time, turning it into a gift that you could cherish. As you parted from the kiss and your dancing began to halt, you couldn't help but think about how lucky you were to have him. Carefully, you let go of your embrace but continued to hold hands as Five suggested,

"Let's go get something to eat."

Together you walked to the elevator in the corner of the room and stepped inside leaving the empty ballroom behind. Hitting the button to the first floor, the elevator rode up and opened to the main lobby. The two of you walked out of the elevator but as you began to walk towards the bar where breakfast was you saw a man with a cart full of clothing labeled lost and found. And you passed by the cart Five saw two items that stood out to him, that he just had to get.

"Is that stuff going to the lost and found?" He asked

The worker stopped the cart and nodded his head yes, gesturing to the writing on the side of it.

"I think some of my stuff might be in there." He stated

You gave your boyfriend a confused side eye as you watched the exchange. What stuff? You just got him new clothes from the lost and found. Five did not see your glance though and instead picked out a hat and vest from the box, immediately putting them on before walking away from the cart and over to you. As he approached, you saw the two new additions to his outfit, both of which absolutely screamed retired fisherman. Although you liked the prior look without them a bit more, you found the additions to be adorable as he looked the part for retirement.

"Aww, cute. You look like you're going on a fishing trip." You commented

Five took note of your new reaction. Your reaction to him without the hat and vest was definitely different than the one to it. He went from handsome to cute, and while that was still positive, he wasn't really going for cute. But at the same time, he did like the hat and vest, and you didn't seem to hate it either, so he wasn't going to make a fuss over it. Especially with today being so special. Taking your hand once more, the two of you made your way to the lobby and over toward the bar where Five ordered two mimosas for you to enjoy.

"One for me," Five said picking up one of the glasses before handing the other to you "And one for the most amazing woman in the world."

Taking the glass from him, you placed a kiss on his cheek and said,

"Thank you, love. Also, Klaus and Diego are over there. We should join them."

With a nod of his head the two of you made your way from the bar over to the table but as you approached some kid got in the way commenting,

"Christ, what a dump."

You gave a sideways glance at the kid who sat alone at a booth across the bar. His comment was correct but where the hell did he come from? Ignoring him you walked with Five up to the table where Klaus and Diego sat but as you approached you heard Klaus ask,

"That little delinquent is your son?"

"Allegedly my son." Diego replied

"That's so funny!" Klaus laughed

You and Five looked at each other as you each took a seat wondering if you had heard them right. Did they just imply the kid you passed was Diego's son? That made no sense. Trying to figure out what was going on Five questioned,

"Wait, who's the mother?"

"Lila." Diego replied flatly

"Excuse me?" You asked shocked

No, no. This couldn't be right. He couldn't be stupid enough to have gotten her pregnant, right? He and Eudora were the ones who gave you "the talk" so he knew what could happen if you weren't safe about things. And with Lila? Five mentioned them getting together like...once. Sure, it only takes one time but it just wasn't processing that this could be real. Hell, he didn't even look like either of them. Sure genetics was weird, and there was a chance he'd come out looking like milk but the probability was low. It didn't make sense.

"Whoa, Lila's here?" Five asked concerned

"Was." Diego responded, "She dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted."

"I don't much care for that one," Klaus remarked

"Don't." Diego replied, raising a scolding finger toward him

Five thought about the situation at hand if, that kid over there was truly Diego and Lila's child then no matter how annoying it was, she was part of their group now.

"Technically, she's family." Five commented

Your head whipped towards Five, your face a mix of shock and anger at his comment. The hell did he mean "family"? She tried to kill everyone less than a day ago.

"I'm sorry. What?" You snapped

"She was trying to murder us, like, yesterday." Klaus ranted

"Like I said, family." Five replied, annoyance laced in his voice

"Number Five Hargreeves, she tried to kill me. You saw the bruises on my neck." You scolded appalled at him calling her family

"Oh, we all saw them." Klaus chimed in, giving Five a grin

Five elected to ignore Klaus' teasing as your anger was coming off you in flames. Literally. You were beginning to flicker as your gaze buried its way into the deepest parts of his soul. And you had used his full name, number and all, which meant that he had truly fucked up. He didn't want you to be mad, especially not given your new start. He needed to remedy this faux pas before it could get worse.

"I didn't mean it sincerely. I should've had more sarcasm in my tone." Five stated trying to fix the situation before asking "Diego, is she coming back?"

You relaxed a little more seeing as Five had meant his comments sarcastically, not that he truly viewed her as family and was actively asking when she would return, probably so she could pick up the kid and leave.

"Well, she goddamn better be because we got more important things to be dealing with right now!" Diego shouted, catching the boy's attention

"Calm down. Shh." Klaus tried to calm

But even if you began to ease up on Five, you were still mad at Diego though. And with each passing second, it continued to boil and grow within you until you finally, in a steady but indignant laced tone, asked,

"So that little white boy is your and Lila's kid?"

"Like I keep saying, allegedly." Diego answered

"I can't fucking believe you." You replied disgustedly

"What do you mean?" Diego questioned confused

"What do I mean?" You asked rhetorically before ranting the answer "I get a three-hour comprehensive lecture on reproduction and contraceptives and shit from you and Eudora and was quizzed on it all because I was allegedly 'watching the shirtless Spiderman scene one too many times' when I was 14. But you can just go and raw dog it?"

"First of all, you kept rewinding and replaying it for 20 minutes." Diego stated firmly

"And?" You asked forcefully

"And you were 6 inches from the TV screen and drooling." Diego retorted

"He was hot, he was shirtless, he was covered in blood and god damn it, I wouldn't have swerved his ass like Gwen Stacy did." You responded angrily counting each point you made on your finger "What did you want? Me not to be attracted?"

"YES!" Diego shouted

"Uh oh, daddy-daughter fight." Klaus said loud enough for only Five to hear him

Five heard what he had said but didn't acknowledge it though as he processed the information that was going back and forth. You didn't write about this in your journal. He never heard anything about your love for Spiderman. Why were you so into him? His powers weren't even that cool. Five could jump through space and time while he was just a bug guy. He wasn't even a real superhero. Five had been though, he was an actual superhero. And anyway you had called him hot before, he was shirtless last night, and he had been covered in blood plenty of times. Sure those were all separately, but what did Spiderman have that he didn't have now? He was way better than Spiderman.

"Oh my god, it doesn't matter that much, Diego." You replied, rolling your eyes

"It does! Just like how you know that term matters!" Diego exclaimed

"What term?" You asked, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion

"Y'know..." Diego mentioned his sentence trailing off

"What? Raw dogging?" You asked nonchalantly

"Yeah! How do you know what that even is?" Diego questioned firmly, glaring at Five

Five looked back and forth between you and Diego confused as to what you were arguing about now. What the hell was raw dogging and why was Diego looking angrily at him about it? Five had a strong suspicion of what it meant given all the context clues but he didn't want to assume either so he said nothing. This whole situation was confusing and he still hadn't gotten over the Spiderman bit yet.

"Stop that. It's not because of him." You said back, smacking his arm

"Yet..." Klaus said under his breath

"You sent me to public high school." You shouted "It's just a box filled with awkward and frustrated teenagers so, of course, I'm going to learn about some terms while attending the local hormonal fuckhouse."

"Damn it. I knew I should've sent you to private school." Diego yelled back

"I would've rather died than go back to private school!" You jabbed

"I bet you wish you got to go to public school with her." Klaus commented, nudging Five with his elbow

Five looked from Klaus who had a playful smile on his face over towards you and Diego who luckily had not heard the comment he made. Pushing Klaus' elbow away Five retorted,

"Shut up Klaus."

"Also Viktoria was big into fanfiction and sent me some of the most explicit things I have ever read..." You offhandedly mentioned before returning to your main thought "But that's not the point. The point is you're a fucking hypocrite."

"Fine! I'm a hypocrite!" Diego yelled throwing his hands up in the air "But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"Um, we could go to a local lab and get a paternity test because there's no way the walking stack of computer paper is your child." You suggested passive-aggressively

Diego shut his mouth not knowing what to say. Yes, technically in this situation he was a hypocrite but he didn't appreciate the attitude you were taking with him, even if he did raise you to question authority. It wasn't a great situation but it was the one he was in and you both were just going to have to deal with it, unfortunately.

As you continued to look at Diego with revile displeasure, Five found the entrance he needed in the conversation to try and turn the mood around. For you at least. Diego's problem was more permanent. Gently, he ran his hand up and down your back as he slid your mimosa toward you and asked,

"Would you like to try the drink? I had some of mine and it's really good."

Breaking your death glare, you looked towards your boyfriend who had a sincere smile on his face but you could see the worry in his eyes. IF that child was Diego's kid, then that problem was something that he had to deal with. You were not going to ruin your boyfriend's first day of retirement over the fact that Diego was dumber than you thought. Picking up the glass you took a sip from the colorful straw and admittedly he was right. It was very good. Placing the glass back down you gave him a small smile as you said,

"It's delicious."

"Good. I'm glad." He replied

He knew you weren't 100 percent there yet after your verbal altercation but hopefully, he could get the day back on track to being something good for the both of you. As he smiled at you back and the table settled down, you all could hear a voice call out,

"Hey, where's Luther?"

"Who cares? Probably out for..." Diego began to say but trailed off as his eyes landed on Vanya "...a run."

The four of you sitting at the table saw as Vanya approached sporting a new short haircut. It was surprising to see for sure, but it looked good.

"Mmm! Love the haircut." Klaus complimented

"Me too!" You chimed in

Vanya smiled for a moment but then you quickly saw a demeanor change.

"So I, uh, talked to Marcus last night."

Everyone at the table but you looked on in shock.

"Wait, what? You talked with the enemy? By yourself?" Diego interrogated

You scowled at the word enemy. The Sparrows weren't the enemy. Sure some were a bit of a pompous asshole, but most of them were just traumatized superheroes. The Umbrellas would've acted the same way if they had actually ended up as a crime-fighting "success", but instead, they went their own ways and were now just traumatized people who just so happened to have superpowers. Either way, his black-and-white attitude towards the Sparrows was ignorant at best and callous at worst.

"They're not the enemy Diego. They're your enemy." You corrected

"What do you mean? Did you talk with the enemy too?!" Diego exclaimed

"Talked? I got a tour of the house. I had dinner with them. They even asked me to stay." You explained "They like me."

"You're in cahoots with the enemy?" Diego questioned

"I guess, but at least I'm not sleeping with them." You remarked

"I can't believe you two." Diego complained

"Hey, somebody had to do something." Vanya stated trying to get the conversation back on track

"And who elected you, Vanya?" Diego criticized

"It's, uh, Viktor," Viktor responded quietly

"Who's Viktor?" Diego asked confused

Viktor looked around at the group sitting around the table as you all waited for an answer. This was it, he had to let himself out of the box he was in. Just like he had done for Sissy. It would be doing her and himself a disservice not to do so, but stepping out into the open and hoping those around you accepted you as you are was still a daunting task. And he didn't know which way it would go until it happened.

You saw as Viktor paused, his words mulling over in your head, but quickly you realized what he had meant. And before you could even realize what you were saying you proudly stated,

"He is."

Viktor locked eyes with you and smiled at the fact that you acknowledged him as himself. You saw him for who he was before even any of his siblings had done. You were genuinely happy and supportive of him. That was no surprise though, you had always made him feel seen and supported and your support gave him that final push to be open.

"Yeah, I am. It's who I've always been." Viktor added before asking "Is that an issue for anyone?"

The table was quiet for a moment as Viktor waited for his brothers to respond to the announcement but after a brief moment Diego quietly said,

"Nah, I'm good with it."

"Yeah, me too. Cool." Klaus added

"It's wonderful." You reassured

"Truly happy for you, Viktor." Five stated, "But last time I checked, you don't speak for this family."

Your head quickly turned to Five as you gave him a look and not so subtly smacked his arm over his comment. Viktor had just come out to you all, this was not the time to be critical about undiscussed plans and actions. It wasn't surprising Viktor went off on his own to do his own plan, that's what all of the Hargreeves siblings did all the time. Also, what did he mean that he didn't speak for this family? Nobody spoke for the family because they wouldn't be able to decide on a speaker even if they tried. Turning back to Viktor, you changed your demeanor as you said in a more friendly tone,

"What he means is that we're confused about why you would do that without telling anyone first."

"Listen, it's fine, okay? Marcus totally gets it. He doesn't want a war any more than we do." Viktor said as he took a seat between you and Diego

"What are you talking about? He tried to homicide us!" Diego emphasized

"So did Lila, and you had a kid with her." Klaus teased

"That's not the point!" Diego exclaimed

"It's a valid one though." You mentioned rolling your eyes

"We made a deal. He's gonna give back Five's briefcase, then we're gonna get out of the timeline." Viktor explained, "We're gonna meet later today for the, uh, the handover."

"Oh, thank God!" Klaus cheered

Five shook his head and laughed to himself. This plan was ridiculous. There was absolutely no way they were leaving this timeline. The moon was in the sky, there were no impending nukes, and things were business as usual. And this whole briefcase plan, even if Viktor did manage to get it back, none of his siblings knew how to operate it and there was no way Five was going to show them how.

"That's a rookie move. Dude is playing you." Diego criticized, his voice low

"Oh, really?" Viktor complained

"Yeah, but maybe we can use this. And we turn it back on them, and then we wipe them the hell out." Diego suggested

"Diego, stop, please. And you're not gonna, like, do anything today." Viktor replied visibly frustrated

"Except bond with your spawn." Klaus teased once more placing a hand on Diego's shoulder

"Alleged spawn." Diego retorted

Pulling the straw out of your drink you brought the glass to your lips as you started to chug down the juice and alcohol mixture. Your mind reminisced on the times when you were an only child. It was so easy. So quiet. This is what you got for bringing yourself into a big family of trauma-ridden siblings. Consistent arguments with strong differing opinions. Typically, you could handle it but today you just wanted to relax and so the vapid commentary from all sides of the table was draining.

"I will get the briefcase, and then we will all go back and fix the timeline," Viktor stated firmly

"Hey, we're not going anywhere! This is a perfectly acceptable timeline." Five remarked

"Yeah, why don't you tell that to Allison, who's upstairs grieving her daughter, who doesn't even exist here!" Viktor retorted angrily

"Not to mention, we've been replaced by a bunch of blobs and cubes and BIRDS AND SHIT!" Diego shouted

Finishing your drink you cleared out every last drop before placing the glass on the table upside down signifying it was done. With the incessant bickering still going on around you, you leaned back in your seat as you closed your eyes, and pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration.

"I need a fucking vacation..." You groaned

While the others continued to debate, Five had noticed the way you pulled back. Your drink, now gone in its entirety and your body language screamed annoyance. But hearing your comment about needing a vacation was all he needed to know that this conversation was over. Today was supposed to be a day to celebrate and he, also tired of his siblings' protests, was going to put an end to it.

"News flash, geniuses! It's not about us! Take a look around. If you hadn't noticed, there's no doomsday. There's no apocalypse. The sun is shining. Birds are doing whatever the hell birds do. That's all that matters." Five chastised before concluding "We're done messing with time, I'm officially retired, and I will now be focusing all of my energy on the love of my life."

Hearing his words you opened your eyes and pulled yourself back into the moment. You could hear the sincerity in his tone as he told his siblings that there would be no more messing with time and that you were his main concern. Viktor and Diego looked at him in shock. He couldn't be serious right? Five Hargreeves, the time traveler and former assassin, didn't care about traveling to the right time or eliminating the threat of the Sparrows in this one?

Standing up, Five extended a hand to you as he stated softly,

"Come on darling let's go get breakfast."

A small smile came to your face as you placed your hand in his, getting down from your chair. He was trying to make things better, he was always trying to make things better, and you couldn't help but love him for it. Intertwining your fingers with his you stepped away from the chaos that was sitting at the table and walked towards the buffet to finally get something to eat. The rest of the crew watched from the table as you and Five waited in the buffet line to grab a plate. His arms now wrapped around your waist from behind, your back pressed against his chest as he happily peppered your cheek with small kisses causing you to smile wider.

"What has gotten into him? I don't think I've seen him this happy since...ever." Viktor commented

"It's the lovebug." Klaus mused "He's a whole new man. A lovey, sappy, romance-y type of man."

"Lovebug?" Viktor questioned

"Yes! Gentleman, we're looking at what Five would've become if he had never run away." Klaus exclaimed, his arms out gesturing to you and Five

The group turned their attention towards you and Five once more, with Klaus looking on happily, Viktor confused, and Diego disgruntled. As Five held you, you turned your head back and said something to him causing him to laugh. Finally grabbing plates, you stepped out of his arms handing one back to him. And as you walked to pick out your food, Five stood there looking at you with the utmost adoration. Diego shook his head disapprovingly as he complained,

"Gross. I want him to be a full-on prick again. At least then he wasn't all over my sister."

"Oh yeah, he's all over her now." Klaus commented

Diego's head snapped toward Klaus, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as his mind started racing a million miles per hour.

"The hell you mean Klaus?" Diego interrogated

"Nothing, nothing." Klaus said waving him off "But you have to admit it's kind of sweet to see them so happy and in love."

"I guess." Viktor replied shrugging

"No." Diego stated firmly

Klaus frowned at the two of them. Sure Five wasn't doing anything to help Viktor with time travel and you and Diego were in a bit of a rough patch, due to Diego's actions, but that didn't mean they couldn't be supportive of you two. Their negativity wasn't something Klaus needed either. Especially if he was going to go find his birth mother. He needed someone with an open mind who would be willing to stick around and not have any other obligations. And he knew the perfect person to ask.

"Keep your negative energy to yourself then, I'm gonna go grab some food too," Klaus said as he got up from his seat

As you began to walk around the bar to grab food, you could feel a sharp chill run up your spine. Looking over your shoulder you saw a wall of energy come rushing towards you. The lights in the hotel flickered off as you stumbled to the side, dropping your plate and causing it to shatter on the ground. You leaned against the bar top using it to hold you up as your legs wobbled beneath you and bit at your bottom lip holding back the cry of pain in your throat. You watched as the energy wall rushed past back behind you before the feeling completely disappeared seconds later. As the lights came back on you stood on your own again catching your breath. That was the second time in less than 24 hours that something like that had happened. You weren't quite sure what it was but you hoped that you were still just recovering. As you looked at your broken plate on the floor, you could hear Five ask,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I bumped into the bar top when the lights went out and accidentally dropped my plate." You said

You were lying of course. But a couple of odd disturbances that only you could feel weren't enough for you to get him worried. He was finally retired. He was relaxed and happy. You didn't want to suggest something was going on and get him all concerned when maybe it was nothing.

"I'm gonna go tell someone about this and get a new plate." You explained as you began to walk away "I'll be right back."

"Oh okay," Five replied as he watched you leave

Heading over towards the food on the bar top Five lifted one of the buffet lids and began to scoop out some breakfast potatoes onto his plate. Before he could even get a second scoop though Klaus had approached him from behind and suggested,

"Hey. What do you say we get outta here, huh? Take a little road trip."

Five paused as he held the serving spoon in one hand and his plate in the other. Looking over at Klaus confused, Five inquired,

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about a sojourn to the countryside. You and me, the wind in our hair. Thelma and Louise on the open road." Klaus pitched

"You know they die in the end, right?" Five remarked as he served himself some fruit salad

"Holding hands, living our best life, my little cherub!" Klaus exclaimed before leaning in close and whispering aggressively "Listen to me. I nearly died from Luther's sleep farts last night because not all of us get the pleasure of leaving to have a midnight rendezvous with our lover."

"I thought you were asleep." Five replied as he began to walk away

"Between the noxious gas and you shaking the frame of the bunks to go parley with your ladylove it was difficult to be asleep at that time" Klaus reiterated "Point is, we need to get out of here, get some fresh air!"

Stopping in place, Five turned around to face his brother. He had no clue where this was coming from but he couldn't lie, it did sound kind of interesting. But the skeptic in him felt that there had to be some motive. Everyone had motives for doing things and he wasn't going to have his time wasted. Curious, Five asked,

"Okay, I'll bite. Why me, Klaus?"

"Because you said... you said you're retired, and that's what retired people do. And don't you deserve some fun?" Klaus reminded

Klaus was right, he did deserve some fun, and getting out of the crowded city and this rundown hotel would be nice. But it would be even better if you came along. You deserved a trip like this just as much as he did, maybe even more. You had done so much to help him save the world, twice, and put up with all of his siblings' bullshit on top of it. It would be nice to just get away with you. As Five mulled over his feelings about this idea, he noticed that the tank behind the bar that used to contain lobsters was now empty.

"There's no lobsters." Five stated confused

"Excuse me?" Klaus asked turning to look at the tank

"There were three lobsters in that tank a minute ago." Five replied

"Yeah, well, you know, maybe Chet blended 'em into a morning smoothie." Klaus commented mockingly

Five smirked at Klaus' dumb comment. He was worrying for no reason. Today was a good day and the more he thought about it, going off with what was arguably his most entertaining sibling didn't really seem all too bad. Looking up at Klaus, Five smiled as he remarked,

"You're an idiot, but I'm in."

Whoo!" Klaus cheered

"On one condition." Five added

Klaus looked at Five nervously. What kind of condition did he need to make to go on this trip? Why were there conditions at all? He just needed someone to come with him.

"Which is?" Klaus questioned

"(Y/N) has to come." Five stated

"Come for what?" You asked approaching the two

It took everything in Klaus' soul not to reply to your question with "Five", but he knew the minute that comment left his mouth, no matter how funny it might be, it would dissuade either of you from joining. And he needed people to go with him on this trip.

"Klaus wants to go on a road trip, but I told him I'd only go if you were with me." Five explained, "And we are celebrating a few anniversaries of ours, so we could consider this a celebratory trip."

"Oh, that sounds fun!" You replied excitedly

"Yeah, yeah. It'll be great! You can think of me as your personal chauffeur for your little honeymoon, you lovebirds." Klaus encouraged

You could feel a slight blush rise to your face as Klaus said the word honeymoon. Everyone knew that honeymoon was typically associated with weddings and while you weren't married to Five the thought of being so one day did give you butterflies. Taking your boyfriend's hand in yours, you said to Klaus,

"Sounds great."

"Yay!" Klaus exclaimed, " Well while you two go finish your breakfast, I'll go get one of the hotel cars, and then we'll head out and get a few road sodas for the journey and be on our way."

You and Five then watched as Klaus turned and walked away with a pep in his step. Grabbing yourself a new plate you served yourself some food from the buffet as you and Five went back to the table to sit down. Diego and Viktor had disappeared leaving just the two of you alone. Happily, you ate your breakfasts holding hands and discussing your day ahead. After the two of you had finished you went back to the room to grab some of the cash that Sloane had given you just in case you wanted to buy something and when you both came back down Klaus was waiting in the lobby ready to go. As a group, the three of you headed out of the hotel and hopped in the car with Klaus sitting in the front driving and you and Five sitting together in the back. Making your way down the city streets you pulled up to a gas station around the corner from the academy. Getting out of the car, you began to walk into the mini-mart with the other two when you remembered that you had a polaroid camera back at the academy. If you were going on a trip then you should take pictures to remember it and what better camera to do so than the fun old polaroid?

"Hey, darling?" You called

"Yeah?" Five replied stopping in his tracks

"I'm gonna go stop at the academy real quick, since y'know...I'm allowed to, and pick up a camera so we can take pictures of our trip okay?" You explained, "If you and Klaus finish before me just pull up outside and I'll meet you there."

"Uh sure. Okay." Five answered

He was slightly confused as this had come out of nowhere but having pictures to remember the trip didn't sound like a bad idea. And if what he remembered you saying at dinner last night and breakfast today was true, and the Sparrows did like you, then you would have no problem.

"Be back soon!" You said

Placing a quick kiss on Five's cheek, you immediately flashed away to the academy. Landing inside the foyer you saw the mess from yesterday was completely gone, and could only imagine that it was Grace who had spent the whole night cleaning it up. Part of you felt bad about it, doing all that work alone, but you had to remember that this wasn't your Grace and this wasn't your home. This was a home once, but not anymore. Stepping further into the room you could hear a familiar voice ask,

"You're back already?"

Turning on your heel, you saw Ben standing in the doorway to the parlor. The look on his face showed genuine surprise, but the delivery of his question was less than pleasant. Especially with the superior tone he took with everyone.

"Nice to see you too, Benjamin." You remarked

"It's Ben." He corrected

"Not to me." You replied flatly

The look of surprise on Ben's face turned into a scowl at your comment. You were insufferable. Why would you even show up here? Why did he have to be the first one to talk to you? He didn't even like you. At all. You were a smartass and were always running that pretty little mouth of yours. And once again with you around, he didn't know how to react. You put him off his game. He needed to get you out of his head. Changing the subject Ben interrogated,

"Do you have Marcus?"

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his question. Why in the world would you have Marcus? There was no reason for him to be with you. You couldn't even guess where the guy happened to be.

"No? What do I look like, my Hargreeves keeper?" You answered, "I haven't seen Marcus since dinner last night."

Ben was now the confused one. You didn't have Marcus? Did you even know that they had taken Luther? Why did you decide to show up? What was your motive? He couldn't let these questions go unanswered. Walking over to you, he stood over you, glaring down as he further pressed,

"Then why are you here?"

"Because it's my fucking house and I can be." You spat before adding "Now unless you have any more stupid questions, I'm going to go find what I came here for."

Turning on your heel you began to walk away from him and towards the stairs. Every time you had to interact with Sparrow Ben it pissed you off more and more. He was nothing like the Ben you knew. The one who was there when no one else was, the one who listened to you, who cared for you. The Ben who liked you. You couldn't even find a glimpse of that Ben in this one. He was just an egotistical prick who didn't care for anyone except himself.

Ben's frustration grew as you walked away from him. How dare you leave him hanging?

"Hey, hey! They're not stupid questions!" Ben retorted stepping in front of you "What are you going to find?"

"A camera." You responded flatly

But Ben didn't move after you had finally answered his stupid line of questioning. You had dealt with enough bullshit from Diego and now you had to face Ben. You just wanted to have a nice day with your boyfriend and you weren't going to take this anymore. Grabbing his face with your hand, you pulled it down so that he was at eye level with you. Your nails dug slightly into the skin of his cheeks and he could see the fire in your eyes as you threatened in a low voice,

"Now get out of my way pretty boy or I'll make you."

Ben did not move though as he was frozen. His pulse picked up its pace just as it had done when you threatened him yesterday. He thought he could get the upper hand in this interaction if he just asserted himself. He could get back on his game but once again he was thrown for a loop by you. You were a challenge in a way he had never experienced and he didn't know what he was doing wrong. Why were you winning over him? What made you different than others he faced before?

With his lack of movement, you let out a huff and shoved his face off to the side causing him to stumble away. Rolling your eyes, you walked up the stairs and away from Worse Ben. As you faded out of sight though, a crow swooped down from the high ceiling of the foyer and onto the shoulder of Fei who had just stepped out from the downstairs hall.

"What was that all about?" Fei asked

"She called me pretty," Ben replied as he touched his face where you had just held it

"It was a threat." Fei reminded before asking "Why do you even care?"

"I don't." Ben stated firmly "I just need to figure out how she keeps beating me at my own game."

"Is it denial or are you dense?" Fei questioned

"What are you talking about?" Ben asked enraged while his eyebrows furrowed

A smirk came to Fei's face as she said aloud,

"Oh! Both."

Before Ben could say anything back though, Fei had already walked away quietly laughing to herself, leaving him all alone with his thoughts. Upstairs, however, you walked down the hall toward your old bedroom in search of the old polaroid camera that you had bought in the 60s. It was vintage and you thought that taking pictures with it would give them a cute nostalgic vibe. Which is why you were so determined to find it. As you approached your door though, you saw Sloane from down the hall.

"Hi, Sloane!" You greeted

Sloane's head shot towards where your voice called, her eyes wide with shock as she nervously exclaimed,

"Oh! (Y/N)! You're here! Right now!"

"I can't stay, I'm just here to get something." You replied

"Oh."

It was a lot faster than she had expected it to happen but if you had brought back Marcus then it was only fair to return Luther to you. She did think she would've gotten longer with him, but the conditions Ben set were the ones she was going to follow.

"Well, I guess I'll go get Luther then..." Sloane sighed

"Is Luther here..?" You asked confused

"Yeah, we took him because you kidnapped our Number One?" Sloane replied, now also confused

You both paused as you tried to figure out what was going on. But then slowly it started to make sense. Sloane realized you came for something that was not Luther. And you realized that the Sparrows had taken Luther because Marcus was missing. That's why Ben had asked if you had him. Trying to get Sloane to understand the situation you placed your hands on her shoulder and looked her dead in the eye.

"Sloane, I need you to listen to me carefully. The Umbrellas can barely work to put together a sandwich let alone pull off a kidnapping." You explained

Sloane looked at you blankly as all she could manage to reply was,

"Oh."

"We don't have Marcus." You emphasized

Sloane could tell you were serious in your statement. But if you didn't have Marcus then where was he? And now that you knew Luther was here, there's no way he could stay even if you didn't have Marcus.

"Well still since you know, it's not right to keep him..." Sloane lamented

You could see the way her face dropped as her gaze looked off to the side. The excitement she typically seemed to exude from the one day you had known her was practically gone. And of course, you knew why. She liked Luther and wanted to spend time around him. It was at this moment you knew you could do two things. One, you could take Luther back because having them kidnap him was wrong, effectively ruining your plans and disappointing Sloane. Or two, you could leave him, pretend you didn't know about this to keep your plans on schedule, and give Sloane and Luther a chance to interact since they liked each other. The choice was obvious.

"You can keep him."

"What?" Sloane asked in disbelief

"I came here for a camera so I can take pictures on a trip with my boyfriend." You stated before adding "I do not know of anything else going on in this house."

"You mean it?" She questioned

"Befriend him, flirt with him, hell you can fuck him for all I care." You answered, "Just don't kill him."

You could see the light in her eyes grow as a smile returned to her face. Sloane felt genuine joy at your action. No one had ever done anything for her like this before, even though she was always doing things for other people. There had to be some motive behind it right?

"Why are you doing this?" She asked

"Because you deserve a chance to get to know him and I think he wants to get to know you too." You responded sincerely

Sloane's smile widened as she realized you were doing this because it would make her happy. Your only motive was being a good friend. Sloane had never really had one of those before. It was a nice feeling. As the excitement built within her Sloane couldn't help but throw her arms around you.

"Thank you!" Sloane exclaimed, "You're the best!"

"Don't let him know I was here." You requested

Sloane pulled back from the hug, bringing a hand up to her lips and making the zipper motion across them.

"My lips are sealed." She replied

"Now there was a polaroid camera around this house, do you know where it is? I was about to check my old room for it." You asked

"I'm assuming you're talking about the old 60s camera?"

"Yeah."

"Oh yeah...Ben and I got into a fight over it and it broke..." Sloane explained before in a more upbeat tone added "But we got a newer one! I hid it in a tampon box in the bathroom closet because I knew he would never check there."

"Smart." You replied "Thanks, Sloane."

Smiling at her, you turned around and headed towards the bathroom to go find the camera. As you walked away Sloane said,

"There's a fresh pack of film in the box too!"

Although you didn't look back you gave her a thumbs-up as you entered the bathroom. Opening the bathroom closet you looked through the few boxes of tampons for the camera and film, finding it hidden in a box in the back. Taking the camera and film pack out of the box you stepped out of the bathroom and began to walk back to the main staircase. As you passed by Sloane's room, you have her a wave.

"Have fun with your boyfriend!" She shouted

"Good luck getting one!" You shouted back

You could hear the sound of her laughing which faded as you walked away. Making your way down the foyer stairs you headed towards the door when Ben stepped out from leaning against a wall and said,

"Hey."

"Aw, you waited here for me? How sweet." You mocked

"Where are you going?" He questioned

"Out." You said raising the camera "I got what I came for."

"You're not staying?" He asked

"Why? Were you hoping I would?" You remarked

"No." He replied flatly

"Well, then I'm leaving." You stated

Why the hell would he be so concerned about you staying if he didn't want you around? He was so weird. But that was none of your concern, you had better plans than to try and break down the psyche of Benjamin Hargreeves. Walking away you grabbed the door handle ready to leave when Ben called,

"(Y/N),"

You looked back over your shoulder towards him. What did he need now?

"Yeah?" You asked

He paused. He didn't have anything to actually say.

"Nothing." He replied

You gave him a confused look. What was wrong with him? Rolling your eyes you opened the door and walked out to find the car there, Klaus sitting behind the wheel and Five leaning against the car outside. Seeing him standing there, your eyes lit up and you smiled widely as you exclaimed,

"I got it!"

"Great, let's get going then." Five replied

Stepping away from the car, Five opened the back door, and as you approached he took your hand to help you get in. Before sliding into the backseat though, you leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, complimenting,

"What a gentleman."

Five smiled as he helped you get in before closing the car door and walking around to the other side. As he was about to open his door, he saw Ben standing in the doorway of the academy scowling at him. He had no clue what might've caused that reaction but it didn't matter. Opening his door he slid in next to you, and with the door closed, you, he, and Klaus were finally on your way.

Getting on the highway you saw the city buildings fade into suburbs which then turned into forests and farmland. As Klaus drove, you stretched your legs out in the backseat and snuggled up against Five. With his arms wrapped around you, you both looked at a Pennsylvania map circling the tourist attractions along the highway. Five rested his head on top of yours and you could hear him humming along with the songs on the radio. He was happy and every once in a while when he knew Klaus was busy with the road he'd share a kiss with you just to remind you both of the happiness you had now. As the trees and fields passed, Five looked at you before looking at the world outside the window and said,

"Y'know this actually isn't so terrible."

"See? Told you." Klaus encouraged

"Come to think of it, my whole life I've been under the gun. Missions for Dad, working for the Commission, trying to survive the apocalypse. I was always looking around every corner, just waiting for the other shoe to drop." Five elaborated "It's nice to just breathe."

Tilting your head up to look at him, you place a gentle hand on Five's cheek as you said,

"I'm happy for you darling,"

"I'm happy for us," He replied looking back at you

Turning his head slightly, he placed a kiss on the palm of your hand that had been cupping his face. A wide smile appeared on your own as he did so. Oh, how he loved that smile. He could see it a million times and he'd never get used to how bright it was.

"Good for you, man. Retirement is suiting you." Klaus commented, "And of course, your lovely lady seems happy too."

"I'd hope so. She deserves all the happiness in the world." Five responded cheerfully

"Oh stop." You joked, gently pushing his face with your hand

"Never. I saved the world so I could give every bit of it to you." He stated

Klaus looked in the rearview mirror and could see the way you two were looking at each other. Smiles plastered on your faces and devotion radiating off of you two as you cuddled in the backseat. You were such a happy couple. It was sweet. But you were also an easy-to-embarrass couple and Klaus knew it was going to be a long drive to get to his birth mom. Which is exactly why he had planned to create some entertainment for himself along the way. Keeping a smile on his face Klaus said,

"I'm so happy for you two. I really am, and I just want to say something."

"Yeah?" Five questioned

"I'm so sorry for interrupting your celebrations. Twice." Klaus stated

Hearing his words caused an immediate reaction from you, as you sat up from laying against Five and turned your attention to Klaus. Shock covered your face as you tried to speak but only managed to get out,

"Oh. Klaus."

Five did not want to discuss this with Klaus. It wasn't something he wanted to discuss with any of his siblings but Klaus had a way of weaseling his way into things. Trying to halt the conversation before it occurred Five interjected,

"We don't need to get into this."

"No, no, no. Listen, I get it. When I first started running those bases I didn't want to be interrupted either. Well, up until I realized I had an exhibitionist kink, but that's not the point," Klaus explained "Point is, I'm sorry."

"It's. fine. Klaus." Five stated, emphasizing each word, hoping Klaus would take the hint

"Yeah, there's no need to discuss it." You added

Klaus tried to contain his smirk as he had barely begun and it was already entertaining. You two now both sat perfectly upright with space in between you two. Your cheeks began to tint red as you fiddled with the locket on your necklace and Five averted his gaze from both you and Klaus.

"I totally get it." Klaus asserted

"I don't think you do." Five replied

"You two are new to this. You're young, you're attractive, you're...filled with decades of repression. And those hormones are just churning up a storm and you want to let the rain fall but you don't have the words to say that." Klaus rambled

"Klaus please stop." You requested timidly

"But it's fine babes, I don't judge, I just want you two to live your best lives." Klaus continued "Which is why I got you a little gift when we stopped at that gas station."

"What gift?" Five asked

Five had seen Klaus at the counter before him, but he assumed he was trying to buy cigarettes or something. You and Five both watched as reached into his shirt pocket, pulling something out before tossing it back in Five's direction. The item landed in Five's lap but when he picked it up and saw what it was, He was disappointed but not surprised.

"Klaus..." Five replied blankly "This is a box of condoms."

"It sure is! Got it so you two can be safe!" Klaus exclaimed

The embarrassed tension was practically palpable at this point, but it didn't dissuade Klaus. Honestly, this wasn't just for entertainment, he was helping you two. You both were so reserved when it came to any PDA that wasn't puppy love. You wouldn't even kiss unless you thought he was focused on the road. Come to think of it, he had never seen you two actually kiss on the lips until in the backseat today. Everything was just on the cheek or the hand. For such bold, outspoken people, it seemed like the only time you two managed to actually be intimate was in the heat of the moment when you thought you were alone. It was times like these that the inexperience really shined through and Klaus knew you two just needed that push to be more open about your wants and needs.

"Use 'em in a night, a week, a year, I don't care, but just keep them handy because we already have enough super-powered accidents in this family, we don't need anymore." Klaus elaborated

"Okay, Klaus. We get it." You stated, your voice almost sing-songy from nervousness

"And especially after this whole fiasco with what's his name?... Stan, I think. I don't know what's wrong with him-" Klaus babbled

"His parents are Diego and Lila. I think that answers the question." Five remarked

"-but for having two parents with powers he seems to have none." Klaus mentioned, "But still, we don't need a child that can manipulate time, space, matter, existence itself really, running around. So if you're gonna do it wrap it up."

"Thanks, Klaus..." Five sighed as he resigned to putting the box in his pocket

It was times like these that Five wished his brother had a mute button. He just wanted to have a nice road trip but Klaus just had to be his overly open, free-loving self and make things awkward. Perhaps, in Klaus' mind, he was genuinely trying to make up for his interruptions but it wasn't actually helpful.

"No problem! And hey if you want to get it on in the backseat that's fine. There's a blanket in the trunk, you just gotta let me know to turn the music up and tilt the rearview mirror away." Klaus declared

And with that comment, you had enough. You knew that this was just the way Klaus was but your skin felt like it was on fire and your eyes began to strain from looking away from anyone's gaze. Trying to get past this quickly, you managed to glance over at Five as you whisper-yelled at him,

"Change the subject. For the love of god, change the subject."

It took Five a few seconds to switch from thinking about what Klaus had said to what you were saying, but once it had been processed he immediately jumped on the task. Bringing out the map again, Five opened it and mentioned,

"Oh! Uh... All right! Hey so, we've circled all the roadside attractions along the way."

"You circled the World's Largest Ball of Twine right?" You chimed in, forcing the conversation in the new direction

"Sure did!" Five exclaimed

Klaus' amused smirk went away as he realized this was not good. He hadn't broken the news yet that this wasn't really just a road trip to the countryside. Trying to set the record straight Klaus interjected,

"I'm not sure we're gonna have time..."

"We also have the Brownsville Big Nickel." Five suggested, "Oh, Ricky's Bakery has award-winning pies."

"I read that they have this thing called the Pie Flight where they give you a perfect one-bite portion of each pie." You mentioned, "We have to try that."

"If you just let me explain..." Klaus attempted to speak once more

"Or there's this Cow Henge." Five stated, pointing at the spot circled on the map

"I went to Cow Henge when my field trip bus broke down. The gift shop is so cool. Everything is cow and dairy-themed. Not to mention that it is HUGE." You recalled, "We lost three kids in the place and it took about 45 minutes to find them all."

"Thank god we brought all that cash for souvenirs," Five remarked

"I know right!" You cheered

Klaus couldn't take this anymore. This road trip was for him to find his mom not to just lounge about looking at tourist traps along the highway. Needing to get his point across Klaus looked in the rearview mirror at the two of you as he firmly said,

"Hey, guys can you just shut up for two seconds, okay? Just two seconds? All right?"

You and Five both looked up from the map you were peering over and met Klaus's eyes in the mirror. Was he okay?

"Okay, I'm all ears." Five replied

"What is it, Klaus?" You asked

"So, actually, we are going to Pennsylvania...to find my birth mother. Yay!" Klaus exclaimed

The excitement you and Five had felt about the stops you had planned washed away as you realized Klaus had tricked you into coming on this trip. Your face fell into shock and disbelief as Five's expression morphed into one of anger.

"Excuse me?" You questioned

"What!" Five shouted

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." Klaus apologized meekly "I just needed somebody to come with me for emotional support."

"Oh, emotional support, like a Schnauzer?" Five snapped back

"I knew you wouldn't come if I told you, so what was I supposed to do?" Klaus defended

This was fucking ridiculous. Five trusted Klaus. He trusted that Klaus just wanted to go out and get away from everything for a bit. He trusted that this trip would be nice and a good way to spend time with his brother and you. He trusted that Klaus had no other motives for doing this because his siblings ALWAYS had their motives for doing things. Five felt like an idiot. When had any of his siblings done anything outside of their own interests? It was always about them and this time was no exception, but unfortunately, you had been drawn into this bullshit too. All he wanted was to relax with you and he couldn't even do that. Five's blood boiled at the betrayal and his emotions ran high as he raged,

"You're goddamn right I wouldn't have come, Klaus. You know why? Because I am supposed to be retired! I am supposed to be celebrating that retirement AND anniversaries with my girlfriend!"

You frowned realizing that the trip wasn't how you expected it to be. Instead of a nice time for you two to enjoy the world around you, it was just about Klaus doing something for himself and lying to bring you two along. So much for all that fluff he was spouting about it being a mini honeymoon and all.

"Klaus," You whined disappointed "We came to take our mind off of things, not look for a woman you've never met before."

"Yeah, I know..." Klaus trailed off

"This was supposed to be a carefree road trip!" Five ridiculed

"Well, it still can be, babes." Klaus reassured

Slouching back in your seat, the car continued on its path forward. And as it did you saw the upcoming sign for the World's Largest Ball of Twine ahead, bold orange letters underneath it reading NEXT LEFT.

"Aw man, we're gonna miss the Ball of Twine." You sighed

Hearing what you had said, Five looked out the window catching the sight of the sign before it passed. You were not missing the Ball of Twine. It was the first thing he circled, it was the best stop and you were both excited about it. Blinking into the front seat next to Klaus, Five grabbed onto the steering wheel as he exclaimed,

"Klaus, turn! Ball of Twine! Turn!"

Klaus gripped the wheel trying to regain control from Five who was acting like a madman over a glorified ball of yarn.

"What? Five! Five!" Klaus called out

"It is one of the best ones! Come on!" Five shouted

Quickly you put on a seatbelt in the backseat, which up until now you had disregarded because you wanted to cuddle, and held onto one of the car handles above as the vehicle swung back and forth between Klaus and Five's tug of war on the wheel.

"Five, we're gonna die!" Klaus exclaimed

The car swerved back and forth on the road and although it was concerning you weren't really worried about you or Five dying in an accident. You could let the wreckage pass through you or make yourself dense enough that you wouldn't get hurt and Five could blink away. It really was just Klaus dying that you worried about because his powers didn't protect him from death. You wanted to say something but didn't know what and so you kept your mouth shut.

"I don't care!" Five screamed

As the intersection to make the left came up, Five pulled harshly on the wheel jerking it to the left and causing the car to almost collide with another. With Klaus pulling the wheel back you managed to avoid a head-on collision and were now on the road toward the Ball of Twine.

"Let go!" Klaus begged

"You know what? No twine, no birth mother!" Five yelled

"Alright, alright. If you let go, we'll go!" Klaus stated

Hearing his brother relent to seeing the twine ball, Five let go of the wheel letting Klaus regain full control.

"Oh thank god." Klaus sighed relieved

"Ball of Twine it is." Five said as he patted Klaus on the shoulder

Klaus looked at Five nervously before seeing a flash of blue and Five reappearing in the back seat next to you. You gave Five a nervous grin as you began to relax after that fiasco, and after a few minutes, you finally arrived at your destination. Stepping out of the car, you and Five walked down a dirt path toward the giant ball. The ball stood tall, sitting at the edge of a grassy plain that stretched for miles. A nice spring breeze blew past you rustling the grass as the sound of birds chirping in the distance filled the air. This was peaceful. Standing at the base you and Five looked up at the ball as it towered over you.

"I wonder if it's actually all twine or if it's just empty on the inside." You mused

Five's head tilted to the side slightly as he mulled over your statement. What an interesting mind you had. He never thought about the fact that it might just be a tourist trap. Well, whether they were lying or not it was still a tourist trap, but it would be a really big ruse for something people made no money on. Now you had him wondering if it was empty inside too.

"I...I don't know." Five replied continuing to think about it

You weren't just going to stand and ponder about an answer though when you knew for a fact you could find out right then and there.

"I will." You stated cheerfully "One second."

Five looked at you confused before watching you step forward and into the ball of twine itself. That's right. You could do that. You could go through things. Five stood there as he waited for you to come back and after a moment you walked out of the ball and announced,

"It's all twine."

Well, there was that question answered. You truly were looking at the World's Largest Ball of Twine.

"Glad they're not lying." Five remarked

"I cut us a piece from the heart of the ball." You said holding up a strand of twine

"Oh, why?" Five questioned

"Because our hearts are inter-TWINEd!" You exclaimed before adding "It took me a good 20 seconds to come up with that pun so I hope you appreciate it."

Five rolled his eyes. The pun was dumb, but it was still a sweet sentiment, and you seemed to be proud of yourself so he would let it slide. Anyway, he'd take a cheesy joke from you over most other things.

"Sure," Five chuckled "I appreciate it."

"Oh, we should take a picture!" You suggested excitedly "Hold onto the twine since I don't have pockets. I'll go get the camera."

Placing the twine into Five's hand you scurried off back to the car to get the camera you had brought. As you made your way towards the car though, Klaus had finally started approaching the ball. Looking around at the emptiness around him, he swayed side to side impatiently. He wanted to find his birth mother. They couldn't just stand here looking at this middle-of-nowhere attraction for too long. There was a task at hand! Trying to speed up the process Klaus commented,

"Y'know, I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a lot bigger."

"Seems pretty big to me." Five replied before asking "Here's the real question. How do you know your birth mother is in Pennsylvania?"

"Well, because I was on the ass end of a two-week bender, and I can't tell you the exact date because we were boofing Xanax and the whole business, but Amy Winehouse was at the top of the charts. So that puts us somewhere, where? In the mid to late aughts?" Klaus reminisced as he walked to stand beside his brother "I helped myself into Dad's office, looking for the key to his safe 'cause he had Pogo lock up all the stealables. But instead, I found a treasure trove of our family history told in expired check stubs."

Although he had been under the influence of many things, Klaus still remembered that day vividly. The emotion of finding out who his mother could've been stuck with him for a very long time.

"I was too messed up to, uh, do anything about it, too scared to look her up. But always in the back of my mind, I wondered why she sold me off for three grand. I mean, come on, she couldn't have held out for five? Six?" Klaus added

Although this plan seemed somewhat absurd, Five could understand where Klaus was coming from. He too had wondered many times who his mother was and why she sold him away. What his life would've been like if he was never adopted and who he would've become instead. He assumed that all of his siblings had wondered the same thing at some point. Even the more disillusioned ones at the time like Luther and Diego. Curious, Five asked,

"You see anything about my mother?"

"No. Sorry." Klaus apologized

"Why now?" Five questioned

"Well, duh. Dad disowns us. Grace isn't Grace. Ben's... gone." Klaus explained, "Now just felt like a good time as any to find out who I could've been if I didn't grow up in this stupid family."

Family. Family. Family. That word was thrown around so much that Five wasn't even sure if he truly knew the definition of it at this point. The people whom he had surrounded himself with he called his family, but were they one?

"Can you really call what we had a family?" Five asked

"No. It's more like a-" Klaus started

"-Institute for Snarky Delinquents." Five remarked

Klaus and Five both looked up at the ball of twine as they began to laugh at Five's remark. The Hargreeves siblings to this day were still snarky delinquents, and yet they couldn't even get that right.

"And not a good one at that." Five added sarcastically

"But what is family? What is it?" Klaus questioned, "It's like some kind of...giant ball of twine that can never be untangled."

"A giant ball of obligation I've been pushing uphill my entire life." Five stated

"And the older you get, the bigger it gets. And the more you try and untangle it..." Klaus mentioned

"You watch it roll down the hill..." Five continued

"And what's the point?" The two brothers said simultaneously

"Hey, I'm glad you came along. You're a good brother." Klaus thanked

Five paused, his eyes blinking in confusion, as he looked at his brother. He didn't know how to respond. None of his siblings had ever expressed much of anything positive toward him since his return. It was always complaints or criticisms, so this was different.

Klaus wasn't sure how Five would take the compliment from him so before he could truly respond, Klaus broke the silence and quickly suggested,

"Alright, alright. You say nice things about me now."

Trying his best, Five came up with the first thing he could think of to say and stated,

"Let's find your stupid mother."

"Love you too, tiny dancer!" Klaus exclaimed as he turned around beginning to head back toward the car

"Uh-uh, no running off yet Klaus." You said as you put one hand on his chest stopping him "You wanna see your birth mother, you gotta play photographer for us."

"But-" Klaus began to say

"Photos or I trap you inside the twine." You threatened

Klaus looked at you shocked for a moment before taking the camera from your hand and replying,

"Yes ma'am."

Smiling at Klaus, you quickly made your way over to Five and grabbed his hand pulling him a bit closer to the ball of twine. As you excitedly led him, you looked back at him for a moment with a wide smile on your face. Every time Five saw you smile the world just seemed a little bit brighter. And as the corners of his lips tilted upward, a look of love filled his eyes. When you two were together you were in a world of your own and anyone with eyes could see that. Klaus included. Which is why he quickly snapped a candid of the sweet moment before it could go away. Even if this trip was to find his mom, you and Five still deserved to have something to look back on fondly. And as you two were finally close enough to the ball, you stood side by side and looked at Klaus.

"Alright, c'mon get close. Act like you love each other." Klaus remarked playfully "I want this photo to look like it belongs in a David's Bridal catalog."

You laughed at Klaus' comment but he was right. You shouldn't just be standing side by side you should be close. Turning to face Five, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped his around your waist. Pulling his face down toward you, the tip of your nose touched his as you looked into his eyes and smiled. Five smiled back as he held you and a moment later the sound of the camera processing the polaroid could be heard. Still holding on to each other you looked at Klaus for confirmation of the picture and could see as he placed the photo into his shirt pocket.

"One more!" Klaus proclaimed "You can't be that close and not kiss."

Five turned his head to look back at you again to see if you wanted to do so, but his eyes had barely locked on yours when you pulled him down into a kiss. It caught him off guard but he wasn't against it in the slightest. The two of you melted into it, happily enjoying the closeness of each other's presence only to be interrupted when Klaus teased,

"Alright, that's enough. I got the photo."

Pulling apart the two of you laughed to yourself as you saw Klaus standing there waiting for you to be done. You could see the amusement on his face at the two of you, but you knew it was time to go. Klaus had done what you asked and it was time to get back on the road.

"Head to the car. We'll meet you there." Five replied

You watched as Klaus rushed off to the car while you and Five lingered behind. Letting each other go, you took each other's hands, and as you walked slowly toward the car you mentioned,

"He's right, y'know. You are a good brother."

"You heard that?" Five questioned

"I did and don't worry the rest will come around too. Just give it time." You reassured, "Now let's go find Klaus' mom so we can get back to an actual trip."

You knew him so well. Always saying exactly what he needed to hear when he needed to hear it. It was just another reason to love you. Making it to the car, you both climbed into the back seat and snuggled up again as Klaus pulled away from the ball of twine and back onto the road. Reaching into his shirt pocket, he pulled out the photos he took and handed them back for you and Five to look at.

"Here ya go," Klaus said, his eyes still on the road

Taking the polaroids, you shuffled through them, happily showing Five each one. They were cute, and although this trip wasn't going fully according to plan it would be okay. Five took the photos from you placing them into one of the many pockets on his vest to keep them safe as Klaus returned to the highway and made his way toward Lancaster. The drive continued for about an hour but it didn't feel like much time had passed as you leaned against Five listening to him quietly sing along to the songs on the radio, just loud enough for only you to hear. Finally, the car turned down a gravel road, passing an open pasture filled with cows before making its way to the opening of a small village. As you stepped out of the car and looked around, Five stated surprised,

"Son of a bitch! Klaus is Amish."

"This explains everything!" Klaus exclaimed

"How does this explain anything?" Five questioned

"Because look! Look at this place! This is everything my childhood was missing." Klaus explained gesturing at the surroundings

"It is...?" You asked unsurely

You truly tried not to be judgmental about the people you cared about but you were pretty sure that this isn't what Klaus needed. Maybe the rigid structure of life would help, but it didn't work out the first time so who knew if it would've helped him here. And if you recalled correctly, the Amish were very religious and who knows how he would've been treated. Maybe it could've gone well but it was more likely he'd be viewed as a devil's child and ostracized for communing with the dead.

You thought about your own childhood. Your parents had made you hide your powers outside the house in fear of something bad happening if anyone found out. They were a bit right about that in retrospect, but at the time it shut you off from people. You didn't have friends and didn't really speak to anyone unless you had to because you didn't want to slip up and mention your abilities. Your quietness and avoidance othered you to your peers and you too became ostracized. Even if it was never intentional. It made you wonder, would any environment have been good for those of you with powers? Because compared to the Hargreeves you had what could constitute a "good life" and yet you were still alone. If you were powerless would things be better?

As you contemplated the complexities of your lives, Five recalled that there was a chance Klaus' doppelgänger could be here. And if that was the case things could go wrong very quickly.

"Hey, Klaus?" He called rushing after him "Wait up a minute."

Klaus paused allowing Five to catch up. Grabbing onto Klaus' wrist Five felt for his pulse to see if it had risen. Looking over him Five searched for any signs of paradox psychosis as he asked,

"Doppelgänger check. You feel anything strange? Uh, itching, sweats, gas, anything like that?"

"No. No, I feel great. Apart from the old rash on the tackle, but what can you do?" Klaus responded

From behind Klaus, you grimaced at his comment and you could see as Five's face mimicked the same expression. But before either of you could comment, Klaus moved past Five and began to walk towards the town. Stepping to be by your side, Five encouraged,

"All right, good luck."

"What? Wait, you're not coming?" Klaus asked turning to look at Five

"This one you gotta do alone." Five replied

"Alone? Yeah, okay." Klaus said nervously "Yeah, I can do that, sure."

Hesitantly, Klaus turned around and began to walk into the Amish town to try and find his mother.

"We'll be parked by the cow pasture." Five called out

You could see as Klaus nodded but he didn't look back. You stood there for a bit and watched him until he was far enough that you knew he wouldn't chicken out and turn around. With that confirmation, you both turned back towards the car, climbed in, and drove back down the dirt path to park next to the cow pasture. The road to get back there wasn't too far but the gravel did make it that you drove slower. As Five continued to drive the car forward he had his left hand on the wheel and the other resting on his leg. Looking out your peripheral at his hand, there was a thought in your mind that you had wanted to do for a while. Reaching your left hand over you grabbed the wrist of the hand resting on his leg, lifting it up and bringing it over toward you. As you did so Five opened his hand and began to ask,

"Do you want to hol-"

But before he could finish his statement you had placed his open hand down on your thigh. Five hadn't anticipated this being the outcome of you grabbing at his hand but he wasn't against it. He didn't say anything and instead responded by holding on a little tighter and gently brushing his thumb back and forth. He still tried to keep his eyes on the road but from his peripheral, he could see your pleased little smile. Five loved these tiny moments with you. They made him feel...normal. And that was something he had not felt in a very long time.

No words were exchanged, but the hype you had heard about being a passenger princess was very real and you hoped there would be more opportunities like this in the future. As you arrived at the spot by the pasture you saw dozens of cows scattered about an open field, either lounging in the grass or grazing on it. Quietly, you and Five got out of the car and looked around. This place was quaint and calm, completely unaffected by the hustle and bustle of the life you both knew.

As you heard the sounds of the cows mooing in the pasture and birds chirping from up in the trees, you walked to the front of the car, cooled down the metal of the hood, and sat atop it. The light country breeze swept past you making your hair gently float in the wind and the rays of the sun warmed your skin as you took in what nature had to offer you. You could hear the radio playing from behind you in the car, and then there was a recognizable clicking sound that came from off to the side of you. Looking in the direction of the sound you saw Five standing there with the camera in his hand, a new photo obviously coming out of it. A smirk came to your face as you questioned amused,

"What're you doing?"

"Making memories." He replied before taking another photo

"Well don't waste all the film on me," You remarked "Take a picture of the cows."

Lowering the camera for a moment Five walked toward the car and stood in front of you. He couldn't help taking photos of you. For most of his life, he only had one and throughout those years he would've done anything to have more. He even had dug through the scraps of the academy searching to see if he could find any other photos of you amidst the rubble and ash.

He never did.

But that wasn't a story for now. Today was a good day and he was going to make sure that you both could remember it far into the future.

"No." He stated lifting up the camera again "I don't quite care to remember the cows."

"Stop!" You playfully shrieked as you brought a hand up to hide your face

You didn't do a good job of it though. Your hand may have covered your eyes in the photo but it did nothing to cover your smile. Although he wasn't in the frame, Five was smiling on the other side of the camera and as the polaroid popped out of the camera, Five relented,

"Fine, that's the last one."

"Good." You laughed as your lowered your hand

"For now." He added

Five walked off to the side of the car and placed the camera, his vest, and hat in the backseat. Grabbing a pair of yellow sunglasses he had found, he walked back to the front of the car and sat next to you on the hood.

"I like the glasses." You complimented

"Thanks," Five replied

Looking off into the distance you stared at the open fields of grass and wheat and quietly hummed to yourself.

"What are you thinking about?" Five asked curiously

"You think Klaus is gonna run into his doppel?" You questioned looking at him

"I hope not, but he seemed to be safe when I checked." Five answered

"I wonder where our doppelgängers are." You mused

"Shouldn't you be in the city?" Five inquired

"Have you seen me experience psychosis?" You mentioned

Come to think of it, he hadn't. If your doppelgänger was in the city you definitely would've already hit the homicidal rage phase. But if you weren't in your house in the city, where were you? It's not like you were adopted like him and brought here. You were born here.

"No." He replied flatly before asking "Where would you be then?"

"I don't know, but we moved somewhere." You responded

"How do you know?" Five followed up

"My bedroom was completely empty rather than frozen in time. That means wherever my parents went they took me too."

"Why would you move?"

You didn't have many explanations for why you weren't around but you did have one idea that made sense.

"Maybe a curious 12-year-old decided to cross the street to the house she wasn't supposed to go to, got scared by something, and had it reinforced that her parents were right and that place was dangerous prompting them to move her out of fear." you explained, "That's my guess."

Five sat quietly as he thought about your answer. If things had gone wrong that day you met him, if he had done something that might've scared you, he probably would've never seen you again. The fact that you weren't scared, that you stayed, that he changed your mind at least somewhat about the academy was the whole reason you were here by his side. Curious, Five inquired,

"Hey...when we met, why did you stay?"

You remembered that day you met. It all happened so fast but every detail was clear as day. The sandwich you attempted to steal, the way you were pushed over the bench, how you knocked into him when you tried to run away, but most importantly you remembered how he reached out to you to help you stand back up. How that one gesture made you feel safe to be around him and changed the course of your life.

"When I fell to the ground after knocking into you, you reached your hand out to me to help me up." You explained softly "If you were dangerous, why would you help me?"

Five smiled as he took your hand in his, just as he did that first day. It made him feel luckier to know that what he did that day made you want to stay around him.

As you looked into your boyfriend's eyes you reminisced more about your first meeting and recalled another reason why you stayed.

"Oh!" You exclaimed before adding "Also you were very strange in our first interaction and I needed to know more."

With your second statement, Five felt slightly less sentimental knowing that you partially stuck around because you thought he was weird. But you did end up loving him in the end so he couldn't complain too much.

"Oh thanks, darling." Five replied sarcastically

"No problem! But hey, if my doppel isn't here though..." You suggested, "Then maybe they're with yours."

"Given how many people are on the planet and how we could be anywhere, the likelihood of that is pretty low." He commented factually

"Yeah well so is the likelihood of fighting two apocalypses and we did that." You retorted "Is it crazy to assume we could be together here too?"

No. It wasn't crazy to assume so. Honestly the likelihood of your doppelgängers being together, although low was still as probably higher than the fact that you fought two apocalypses.

"No, you're right." Five relented "So what do you think happened with them?"

"Well, I'm thinking that my family moved to your town. We started going to school together and discovered we both had powers. We bonded over that and became friends" You explained excitedly "and then obviously you fell in love with me."

"Obviously," Five remarked

"And of course, I fell in love with you too. We start dating, zoom through college, and get doctorates becoming premier scholars in academia furthering the reach of science, and inspiring future generations." You continued

"So we're professors?" He clarified

"Yes. And we're super successful. Highly renowned!" You exclaimed "And then we get married and have a dog and also a kid. Or two."

Five had been amused by your whole tale of the life your doppelgängers were living, but when you mentioned them being married with kids he paused. Did you want to get married to him? If you wanted that for them, then that meant you wanted it for you and him too, right? Your doppels were just different versions of you so that had to mean you wanted the same. At least he hoped so. Five had been dancing around the topic but if he ever wanted an answer he needed to ask. Five looked away for a moment preparing himself to ask, but when he looked back he saw that your face had gone pale and there was fear in your eyes as you stared off into the distance.

"(Y/N)?" He called confused

But as you watched a wall of energy quickly approach all you could say was a quiet,

"oh no..."

And just like that, it hit again. Immediately you curled over yourself as you let out a yelp of pain. You bit at your bottom lip hard preventing any further screams from escaping but the energy running through you felt like someone slowly twisting a knife into your sides. It hurt like a bitch. You dug your nails into your sides through the fabric trying to feel something other than the seething pain but it was minimally successful at best.

Five looked over you concerned. One minute you were fine and the next you hunched over trying to prevent yourself from crying out. Five looked around for something, anything that might be causing your pain to such an extreme degree but there was nothing there. He had to help you though. He couldn't let you suffer like this.

"Baby what's wrong?" He questioned frantically, the panic evident in his voice "What's going on?"

You didn't reply though as you couldn't hear him over the sound of your heartbeat in your head. It pounded like a drum as pulses of energy flooded through you, growing once more. The wall of energy pounded through you again causing you to wretch and let out the cry that you were holding back, but soon after the pain stopped and the energy faded away. Slowly, you sat back up straight catching your breath.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Five questioned as he looked you over

"I felt an energy wave. I'm not sure what's causing it, but it's happened before." You answered between breaths "I'm fine now though."

"What? This has happened before?" Five inquired, obviously distressed

"This is the third energy wave I've felt. The first was last night, the second was this morning at breakfast." You stated

"Why didn't you tell me?" He pressed

"I thought I was overreacting." You responded sincerely "I didn't want you to worry."

"Well, now I'm worried!" He exclaimed

You looked away slightly ashamed that you hadn't informed him sooner, but you were telling the truth. You thought it was an overreaction and didn't want to worry him. As you looked off to the side though, your eyes grew wide as you saw a concerning sight.

"Babe, I think we have bigger problems than me right now." You said flatly

"There's nothing more important than you." Five stated firmly

Leaning back so he could see what you saw too, you raised your hand to point toward what was once a field full of cows now completely empty.

"Where are the cows then?" You questioned

Five's panic over you turned into a larger concern as he saw the field of cows now devoid of them. Shit.

"Can't we get one fucking day off?" Five complained

"Guess not." You replied annoyed "Grab a marker, we've got some numbers to crunch."

Going to the backseat of the car, Five grabbed the markers you had used to circle attractions. on the map. Attractions that you knew you would no longer be going to. Why couldn't the universe just give you one day to be happy together? Why was it always stolen moments and brief breaks? neither of you knew, but you couldn't dwell on it. Each taking a marker, you rolled up the windows of the car and began writing out equations to try and figure out what was going on.

As you two were working through and discussing the numbers though Klaus began to emerge through the trees, running toward the car like his life depended on it. Which it slightly did.

"I think you should carry this four over." You suggested

"But that would mess up the margin of error we found." Five replied

"Five! (Y/N)! Start the car!" Klaus shouted from across the field

Neither of you heard him though as you continued saying,

"Yeah but that's only because you used this equation to calculate it. I don't think it's the right one."

"It's the only one that makes sense." Five remarked

"But you're not factoring in energy, that opens the door for other formulas." You stated

"START! THE! CAR!" Klaus yelled one more

Finally hearing him call, you both looked towards the field as you watched Klaus run through it toward the car while being chased by a mob of angry Amish men.

"Oh shit." You blurted

"What the hell did he do?" Five questioned annoyed

"Oh shit, shit, shit! Start the car! Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!" Klaus exclaimed as he approached

Opening the passenger door, Five let you into the car before heading over to the other side and getting in the driver's seat.

"Why can't you just get along with people?" Five complained

"I tried. Really, I did!" Klaus retorted

Klaus made his way to get into the backseat but before he could do so an Amish woman came running toward him shouting,

"Wait, wait, wait!

"Hold on a second!" Klaus said to you two as he ran over to her

You watched as the woman talked to him frantically. You couldn't hear what she was saying but you did see as she shoved some kind of book into his hands. At that same time, you could see the mob of angry men getting closer and closer. If Klaus didn't get in the car soon you'd have to do a lot of vehicular manslaughters to get out of this one.

"Klaus get in the car!" Five shouted, "It's now or never!"

As Five started the car, you saw the woman turn Klaus around and he made his way to the backseat. Quickly hopping in the back, Five sped off before the mob of men got to the car, leaving them all behind in the dust. As Five continued speeding down the dirt road checking the rearview mirror to see if you were being followed, Klaus leaned forward from the back with his new book open in hand.

"This whole timeline's chock-full of riddles." Klaus announced "Get this. My mom died here before I was even born!"

Immediately hearing those words Five slammed on the break causing the car to jolt to a stop. Aggressively he gripped the steering wheel as he glared back at Klaus, his eyes wide and filled with frustrated anger as he exclaimed,

"What did you just say?"

"I said mom died before I was even born," Klaus repeated

You and Five looked at Klaus before looking at each other. While Five had practical experience with time, you had theoretical knowledge, but both of you knew what that statement meant.

"Grandfather paradox." You synchronously stated

"Grandfather what?" Klaus asked

"But how?" Five questioned frustrated

There was no time for questions though as from the rearview mirror you could see what looked like a horse and buggy trailing up the road.

"No time!" You blurted frantically "You drive, I'll read. Klaus give me that book."

As Five hit the gas once more, Klaus handed over the book he had gotten to you. You flipped through the pages one by one reading through the scrapbooked newspaper clippings and public access medical. The pages were filled with content about dozen of women who had died under mysterious circumstances. You consumed the information trying to extrapolate all the important data you could but when you turned the page again you froze. There at the top of the page were images of two people who you knew very well.

"Mom? Dad?" You whispered

But as your eyes trailed down the newspaper clipping the words that you read sent a chill through your very soul.

Medical Mystery Causes Fatal Car Crash, 2 Dead

October 1st, 1989

Earlier today two individuals died in a car crash on Irvington Avenue in South Orange near Seaton Hall University caused by an unknown medical condition. The two individuals have been identified as (M/N), 19 and (F/N), 20.

When emergency services arrived on the scene both individuals were pronounced dead.

According to the preliminary coroner's report (M/LN) suffered a possible aneurysm at approximately 11:47 AM causing her to lose control of her vehicle and swerve into oncoming traffic. While the report currently states an aneurysm as cause of death, the coroner has stated that they are still looking into the cause.

"This death is unfortunate but also highly unusual. While we have currently ruled it as an aneurysm we are still looking into what may have happened. We have never seen a case such as this before, especially in what seems like a completely healthy individual," said Leon Dawson, Coroner for Essex County

While (M/LN)'s cause of death is still up in the air, (F/LN) died from injuries sustained from the crash according to the coroner's report.

(M/LN) and (F/LN) were both involved in their local college community. (M/LN) was described by professors as highly intelligent and one of the brightest students in her courses. She was also an active member of the college dance team and teammates said she was incredibly helpful, a beacon of positivity, and highly ambitious. She was an Architecture and Art, Design, and Interactive Multimedia double major who hoped to become an architect and interior designer post-graduation.

(F/LN) was described by his friends as kind, charismatic, and genuine. Fiercely protective of those he loved, he always knew how to make those around him happy and was consistently there to give insightful advice. He was known for his love of music, his leadership abilities, and his philanthropy work. He was an Engineering major who dreamed of starting his own structural engineering firm after graduation. He was also the president of the Phi Kappa Theta Honorary Service Fraternity at the college.

We will continue to report more as this story develops.

You read the words over and over again as you looked at the pictures of your young parents. They were happy and full of life in their individual photos. This couldn't be right! Your parents didn't get in an accident the day you were born, they ALMOST got in one. They didn't die. No. The newspaper was wrong! It had to be wrong!

"No. No. That's not how the story goes!" You yelled, "That's not how it happened!"

Five could hear the hurt in your voice as you yelled. Knowing that he had put a sizable distance between the car and the Amish village he pulled off to the side of the road so that he could focus on you.

"Baby what's wrong?" He questioned

"The newspaper!" You yelled shoving the book away from you and into his hands

As Five looked down at the open page in the book his heart sank. He recognized those faces, they were younger than he last recalled but he knew them well. Those were your parents. Five quickly scanned the article and with every word the sinking feeling within him got worse and worse. They were both dead.

"That's not how it happened!" you shouted "My parents told me how they met! My mom swerved into oncoming traffic and almost hit my dad's car. But she didn't and they both pulled over. My dad was going to scold her but instead helped her give birth to me."

Although you refused to acknowledge them, streams of tears rolled down your face. Your throat felt like it was closing on you as you tried and failed to choke back your cries. Your brain felt like it was in overdrive as it swam with thoughts. Your heart raced. Maybe if you denied it still, it would change. It wouldn't be real. It couldn't be real.

"Th-that's how they got together. My parents came together because of m-me." You stuttered "They didn't die. They couldn't have. They- they couldn't..."

You looked at Five for some type of reassurance. Some glimmer that your mind was playing tricks on you and it was wrong. But all he could do was give you a sad look and quietly apologize,

"Love, I'm sorry..."

Before he could continue though you broke down into loud sobs. They were...dead. They were dead just like everyone else was dead. Eudora. Old Ben. Grace. Charlie. And now your parents. The list kept growing.

Five leaned across the center console and pulled you into his arms. Grabbing the fabric of his flannel tightly, you buried your face into his chest, collecting tears on his shirt and doing nothing to muffle the sound of your cries. With one hand Five, gently stroked your hair as he held you with the other, and Klaus ran a hand up and down your back.

Five and Klaus looked at each other. Neither of them had known their moms and their dad was an asshole. Grace was alright but in reality, they never truly knew the love of a parent. But it must be a powerful thing because they felt like hell hearing you cry.

"I'm gonna figure this out for you." Five tried to comfort "I'm going to try and fix it."

You pulled back from Five and looked into his eyes. Your sobs had lessened into weeps and the tears rolled a bit quieter but the pain and hurt were still there. You wanted to escape the feeling in the car and be alone but you knew you couldn't. If you couldn't be alone perhaps you could tune out the world for a bit of time.

"Can I have the newspaper piece..." You asked quietly

"I don't think that's a good-" Five began to reply

"I just want to look at them..." You whispered

He didn't want to give it to you in fear that it would hurt you more, but he could understand the desire to look at them. Those two photos were all you had of them and he knew that feeling well from his own experience. Letting out a sigh, Five relented,

"Okay."

Pulling the clipping out of the book he handed it over to you as you gently took it in your hands and stared down at it in silence. Nobody said anything more, and after one last glance at you, Five began to drive back to the hotel.

By the time you arrived, it was already night, and in more ways than one, light had turned to dark. Quickly, Five and Klaus got ready to head inside but you were still in a haze. A few hours had passed since you first read the article in your hands and yet you hadn't noticed it go by. It was like the world around you was speeding by but you were frozen in time. Stuck in a trance-like state you didn't recall the world around you until Five asked,

"You coming darling?"

"Oh uh yeah." You responded coming back to reality "I'll meet you there."

Five didn't want to leave you, but if he was going to fix things for you then he needed to get started right away. Gently taking your hand Five lifted it towards his lips and placed a kiss on top of it. It wasn't much, but he hoped it could help a bit. Opening the car door, Five said,

"I'll see you soon,"

And with that, he stepped out of the car, grabbed Klaus' book, and went inside with him. Seeing his siblings over by the bar he rushed over to them and tried to gather their attention.

"Okay, gather round, people." Five announced before asking "Where is-- Where's every-- Where's Luther?"

"Haven't seen him," Allison responded

"Who knows?" Diego commented

"Anybody know where--" Five began to ask before realizing it was useless "Okay, you know what? We got bigger problems to worry about right now."

"Like what?" Allison scoffed, taking a sip of her drink

Five shot Allison an annoyed look. This was serious. Opening up the book Klaus received, Five plopped it down on the bar.

"This." Five said as he flipped through the pages of the book

"Who are they?" Viktor asked

"These are our mothers." Five stated

Flipping through once more, the page landed on another one of the women causing Klaus to lean in and point as he said,

"That one's mine."

"They're all dead." Five elaborated "They all died on the exact same day, October 1st, 1989."

"That's our birthday." Viktor stated

"Not anymore, it isn't." Five retorted "They all died before we were born."

Diego looked down at the book and the pages filled with clipped newspapers. Five was so stupid. They had to be born to exist so how could their mothers have died before they were born?

"That's dumb." Diego pointed out "If we weren't born, how can we exist?"

Five crossed his arms over his chest as he stared Diego down. How was he related to to this guy?How could he be so stupid so confidently? Annoyance coursed through his system as he grew more tired of answering what should be obvious with just a little bit of forethought.

"Exactly." Five replied flatly

"What are you saying?" Viktor questioned

"I'm saying, when we jumped here, we created a time paradox. All right? Not just any paradox. This is the grandfather paradox." Five explained carefully

"What the hell is a grandfather paradox?" Klaus asked confused

Five took a deep breath knowing he was going to have to explain it to them as if they were babies. Why couldn't they all be like you and just....know. The situation was what it was though and so he began to lay out the pieces to them. As Five explained what a grandfather paradox is to his clueless siblings, you finally stumbled into the hotel. Seeing the rest of the group over at the bar, you slowly made your way over. Your expression was still blank and you had a 40-yard-stare. Getting to the bar you didn't approach the group though, instead you stood a few feet over and reached over the bar grabbing the first bottle you could see before taking a giant swig of it. It burned as it went down, but you didn't even flinch.

As Klaus and Five looked at you sadly, Diego and Viktor looked on with concern. This was not the (Y/N) who was happily spending time with her boyfriend. This wasn't even the combative one who fought with Diego this morning. This (Y/N) was empty. Significantly empty. Hitting Five's arm to force his attention, Diego interrogated,

"What did you do to her?"

"Nothing." Five firmly stated "I know it's hard to get through your thick skull, but unlike you, my girlfriend and I don't try to hurt each other."

"What's wrong with her then?" Allison questioned, the judgement in her tone clear as day

Five glared at Allison. He knew that she was hurting and maybe she was acting this way because she was drunk, but that gave her no right to be so rude and apathetic. Especially towards you. She wasn't the only one in pain here and honestly knowing four people you love died seemed a lot more valid of a reason to be hurt than one person who just didn't exist. It was sad, yes, but Claire wasn't dead. She just wasn't around.

The rest of the group looked to Five for an explanation into your behavior and after a moment he leaned in, dropped his voice low and sadly explained,

"She's found out four people she loved have died in less than 24 hours. Grace from the 60s, Charlie, and now both of her parents."

"I thought only our mothers are dead?" Viktor asked

"Her mom was driving a car, and whoever killed her caused her to swerve which crashed into her dad's." Five quietly explained "Her birth was how they met in the original timeline. This time it killed them."

"Yeah, well we've all lost people." Allison remarked

Frustration built up within Five at her petty comments and before he could think of the words he was saying, he spat,

"She's lost a lot more than you have, so maybe go easy on the judgement Allison."

Five could see Allison's shocked expression at his words and although he was about to say something more considerate to make up for it, he stopped when he saw your head snap to look behind you.

"(Y/N)?" He called

Once more you could see a wall of energy coming your way. You quickly put down the glass bottle, firmly leaned against the bar and tried to steady your breathing hoping you could fight what you knew was coming. Your effort meant nothing though as the wall smacked into you. You could feel a sharp tearing pain cut across the top of your left hand causing you to let out a scream. Instinctively, your right hand grabbed at your left making you let go of the bar and sending you falling to the ground.

Immediately, Five blink away from his siblings catching you before you could hit the floor. Carefully, he helped you kneel on the ground and held on to you since he was powerless to do anything else. Tiny cries of agony spilled from your mouth between each shallow breath you took causing the rest of the Hargreeves to come over to see what was wrong. But all you could do at the moment was wait it out. And luckily a moment later, it stopped. You leaned against your boyfriend letting you body collapsed as it let all its tension go.  You couldn't keep doing this. Either the waves were getting stronger or the source was getting close. Or worse, both. You continued to hold your hand against your body until you felt someone grab it.

"(Y/N) you're bleeding." Diego said frantically "Klaus check behind the bar for a first aid kit."

Straightening up you finally looked down at your hands. There was an open gash atop the left one where you had felt the searing pain and your right hand that had held it was covered in fresh blood. This was a bad sign. A very bad sign.

You could see as Klaus rushed over to Diego with a tiny red box in his hands. Grabbing the first aid kit from him Diego immediately went to work cleaning up your hands and addressing the gash. It wasn't large enough to need stitches but it would have to stay wrapped up. And as he wrapped the gauze bandaging around your hand, you looked to Five and quietly said,

"That's the fourth one."

"Fourth one of what?" Diego questioned

He was worried about you. Apparently four people you know have died and now you were screaming and bleeding out of nowhere.

"Energy waves."  You responded weakly

"First we don't exist, now there's energy waves. What the hell is going on?" Diego demanded

"Let's get her to a better place before diving into things." Five said concerned

"There's a lounge upstairs with some couches and chairs." Viktor suggested "We can keep talking there."

"Good idea," Five replied as he helped you up "C'mon, love."

Standing up again, your knees felt a little shaky but you were able to manage. You looked over at the bar where the newspaper clipping about your parents was still residing next to the bottle of alcohol you had grabbed.

"Five, can you get the newspaper piece," You requested "I don't want to get blood on it and ruin it."

"Of course darling." He replied

Five was about to pass you off to Diego to help you stand when a voice loudly shouted,

"Dad! I finished counting on the doorknobs on the third floor!"

You watched as in walked Diego's alleged kid, Stan. You scowled at the sight of him. He wasn't Diego's kid. Anyone with half a brain could see that, but unfortunately Diego did not have half a brain. You were annoyed by his presence but still reached out to grab on to Diego so Five could go pick up the article about your parents. It was all you had left of them. But before you could grab on, he had walked out of your reach and over to where Stan stood. You scowl dropped as your face morphed into an expression of hurt. You watched as Diego said something to Stan but you couldn't tell what as the sounds of the world became muffled.

Five's expression of concern though morphed into a scowl as he watched Diego walk away from you. Diego "She's my little princess and I'd do anything for her because I'm her older brother and you're bad for her" Hargreeves just walked away from you. And solely just to argue with the dumb kid into leaving him alone. He could see the pain in your eyes and the hurt on your face at what he'd done. Five held onto you tighter and although he wanted to say something, about how Diego was being a shit parent, you were already going through enough and he didn't want to rub salt in the wound. Five looked back to see Klaus grabbing the book of newspaper clippings from the edge of the bar.

"Klaus grab that paper on your way back." Five requested

Klaus nodded his head and as he passed by, he picked up the article about your parents and handed it over to Five.

"I got the paper, let's head upstairs." Five suggested, as he placed the article into one of his vest pockets

You looked away from Diego and Stan and back toward Five. You weren't quite sure what he had said but you nodded your head yes. Whatever it was, it was probably logical. And just like that Five had flashed you two to the lounge upstairs. Sitting you down in one of the soft chairs, you watched as Five had walked over to a nearby coffee machine and began brewing you and him both a cup. As the coffee finished, he poured two cup and walked back over to you handing you one. You gave him a polite smile and took a sip but didn't say much else. The coffee did help you to regain some energy though and you began to at least physically feel better. Slowly, the rest of the group filed in and as Klaus placed the book on one of the pool tables, the rest of the Hargreeves went to stand around it. Stan however had picked up a pool stick and was attempting what looked like to be a shitty form of karate.

"I'm so confused." Diego stated

"Shocking." Allison mocked

"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist. But clearly, we do exist, and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem." Viktor reiterated

"Big problem." Five repeated as he took a sip from his cup

Five had no leads on what to do. Just the information he had now and it really wasn't much to go off of. Plus, whatever was going on was harming you physically on top of all the emotional damage you were dealing with. It was a bad situation all around and he felt like shit not knowing how to immediately fix it.

"Yah!" Stan yelled as attempted the crane kick from The Karate Kid movie

"Stanley!" Diego yelled pointing a knife in his direction "Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?"

"Mom said I need to practice." Stan yelled back

"Yeah, well, she's not wrong. You're very bad." Diego criticized

"Well, I saved your pathetic ass!" Stan remarked

Rolling your eyes you slurped down more of your coffee. The sound of them bickering was infuriating. Diego was stupid and Stan was such a whiny fucking kid which made for an awful pair. Why did Diego even want to be around this kid though? He had no redeeming qualities. At least when you were his age you actually had good traits about you. You still had good traits, hell they were probably even better now. Things would be so much better if Stan just disappeared.

"Okay, hold on. Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean?" Allison questioned

"It's hard to say." Five explained "It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear."

"What things?" Viktor questioned

"Right now? Uh, lobsters." Five answered

"And a shit ton of cows!" Klaus exclaimed sitting up from the floor

"But I have a feeling this is just the beginning." Five mentioned

"A feeling? Aren't you retired?" Allison jabbed

"I want nothing more." Five stated sincerely

It was true. He wanted to be retired. He didn't want a third apocalypse. He didn't want to keep fighting. But how could he not get involved when it was hurting the people around him.

His answer wasn't good enough for Allison though. Once again, the world was ending and the common denominator always happened to be Five. Tired of his apocalyptic bullshit Allison scolded,

"You know, you can't drag us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch and then expect us to deal with the fallout."

Your head snapped towards Allison as anger built within you. What fucking world was she living in where she and the others dealt with the fallout? The only people who dealt with anything were you and Five. You two were the only ones who cared to try and save the world and preserve this family and there was no thanks for it. Especially toward Five. He stated a billion times that he doesn't like apocalypses and had even apologized for them being in apocalyptic situations even though for the most part it was out of his control. And not that you wanted to redirect anger, but for the past two times Viktor was the cause. Allison was being unreasonable and honestly a bitch. And for the first time since you had gotten back you gave actual input on the situation.

"Deal with the fallout? We couldn't even get you to deal with the problem the first two times." You snapped "Getting you guys to work together is like trying to pull teeth out of coked up horse. Blindfolded."

Everyone's heads turned to look at you. Your temper was a known fact to them all but such an outburst seemed uncharacteristic. Typically your complaints were specific and targeted, but this time you had directed it at all of them. All of them had heard some terrible things in their lives but there was something different and painful about you scolding them all. But your criticism did nothing to break Allison's resolve as she retorted,

"He's not the boss."

Jumping from your seat you reappeared in front of Five, putting yourself between him and Allison. You stared her down. No one was going to speak to your boyfriend like that.

"Well if you want to take the lead so bad then present your theorem." You snidely remarked "Which is of course backed up by 45 years of apocalypse and time travel experience. Right?"

Flames flickered in your eyes as you held your glare and tiny bolts of electricity jumped off you threatening to shock Allison if she got any closer. She hated it, but he was in no mood to fight you, and conceded.

"That's what I thought." You commented smugly

"Listen, I'm telling you something terrible is coming." Five explained

"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, get the briefcase, and go home." Allison suggested aggressively

"This is our home, Allison." Five replied "Accept it."

Allison looked past you, silently staring Five down but before any other words could be said the sound of clattering came from across the room as Stan knocked down a rack of pool sticks from doing his shit karate.

"Ugh..." You groaned rolling your eyes

This kid was a piece of work and you hated that he was around. All he did was hold the group back and distract Diego from the important things.

"That's it! I'm telling your mom." Diego yelled

"Wait, where's Lila?" Five questioned

"Shower. I told her she could stay with us." Stan remarked

"Wait. When did Lila get back?" Viktor asked

Five hated the idea of it, but if something was going wrong time he needed to talk to someone else who had extensive knowledge of it. Lila obviously wasn't as good as him, but his siblings were of no help, so it was one of the only options he had left. And the sooner he got this over with, the better. Placing his coffee cup down, Five turned away from the group and began to head toward the stairs.

"Five, where are you going?" Diego asked

"To go talk to somebody who only has half her head up her ass." Five commented heading towards the stairs

"Don't leave, Five. Don't leave." Klaus whined

"No, Klaus. I'm leaving." Five stated

First, Stan showed up and now Lila was back? She tried to kill you all yesterday and then dropped off some kid that's she trying to pass of as her and Diego's son. He really wanted to go to her? Why?! It was a bad idea. No, it was an irresponsible idea. Honestly, one of the dumbest ideas your boyfriend had ever produced and he was willing to fight himself over you. Rushing over to him you grabbed his wrist causing him to turn back.

"Baby, no. We can figure it out without her." You pleaded

He saw the disappointment in your eyes. You didn't like this and neither did he but whatever this was it was dangerous. Not only for existence itself but for you. He failed you once, he wasn't going to do it again.

"The sooner I figure this out, the sooner you'll stop getting hurt." He explained softly "I need you to trust me."

"But-" You tried to say

"Please." Five begged

You stared at him. He had no intention of changing his mind so all you could do was let him go. Releasing his wrist, you let out a huff as you relented,

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Your face had fallen as you looked off to the side away from him. Five let out a sigh. He wished it wasn't this way. Placing a light kiss to your cheek, he walked off to find Lila. You didn't turn to watch him leave, you knew it would hurt more if you did and so you stayed in place.

"I mean, he has a good track record with this stuff. I feel like we should listen to him." Viktor implored

"Sure. Hey, quick question. Do none of you heartless bastards care about our murdered moms?" Klaus inquired

"Klaus, the only one that we knew plugged into a wall." Allison remarked

"Oh yeah? Well, this is my real mother. And she's called Rachel." Klaus explained "And I have her eyes. See? Come on! We need to find out who did this! This is the thing! This is the main thing!"

You shut your eyes tightly. Why couldn't your life just be normal? Why couldn't you go back to the days where your biggest issues were you masochist chem teacher and the dumb shit your friends would get into. You were tired of fighting. Tired of the day in and day out of saving the world. You were never meant to be a hero. You were supposed to be you. And with all this talk of dead parents it just rubbed salt in the wound. Emotional salt that reminded you your life was not normal and would never be so. Your hands clenched into fists and as you heard the bickering of the Hargreeves behind you, you couldn't take it anymore. You felt frustrated. You felt alone. You felt desperate.

Desperate...

That word hit you just as the wall of energy had done earlier. You remembered the gift that Dot had given you. She told you to use it when you felt desperate. You never expected to use it this soon, but you needed to know what it was and what it could do for you. You took a look at the Umbrellas behind you, but none of them were focused on you. Not like you expected them to, but since they didn't care, neither did you. Walking down the stairs you made you way to the elevator and up to the fifth floor. As the elevator doors opened your curiosity and need to know what was in the pouch grew more. You could feel as you picked up your pace and when you made it to your door, you didn't even take the time to open it. Instead you just walked through and made a b-line to your duffle bag.

Grabbing the pouch from your duffle bag you quickly opened it up pulling out the note that was inside. As you read it over your eyes went wide at the possibility of what it meant for you. It meant that you didn't have to feel desperate. It meant you weren't going to be alone. In this pouch was a second chance to bring back part of the life you lost due to jumping through time. You were going to do this. You had no choice because in your mind you knew this would make things better for you. But if you were going to do this, you knew it couldn't be done here. But you knew exactly where to go to start the process.

But there were some things that you needed to get and bring with you. Emptying your duffle bag you quickly shoved your clothes into dresser drawers and placed all your memorabilia and trinkets carefully on the desk. Grabbing your knives you placed them on your person before putting and a jacket and throwing the pouch your pocket. You looked around the room seeing if you needed anything else but there was nothing else to take except the duffle bag. Grabbing the empty bag, you rushed out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. Taking it all the way to the bottom floor you ran down the hall grabbing things you would need from rooms and filling your bag. And when all your supplies were acquired, you zipped up the bag, threw it on your back and knew it was time to go.

You didn't bother taking an elevator up to the lobby and instead went to the ballroom and exited out the back door. Making a sharp left turn out the door you walked down the food service delivery alley until you had made it to the street outside. You looked around for some type of transportation, anything to get you there faster than on foot. There were plenty of cars on the street but you didn't want to spend the time trying to hot wire them. And although you knew the busses were still running, none of them would take you where you needed to go. You started to panic as you thought about how much longer it would take you if you solely had to walk, but them by some miracle you watched as a guy across the street chained up his bike before heading into his apartment building. And once he shut that door, you rushed across the street and phased the bike through its chain setting it free.

With transportation now in hand you hopped on it and began to ride away into the night. You knew where you needed to go. You had been there so many times before that you knew the way by heart. As you peddled like your life depended on it you could feel that place call to you, pulling you in like siren's song. Your mind was focused, you had no other thoughts except the plan you had in mind. And that plan carried you where you needed to go. After about 15 minutes the skyscrapers and city blocks turned into residential streets lined with houses.

You were close.

You looked at the street signs, making sure to turn done the right road and once you did you counted the numbers on the houses going by. Slowly the grew closer and closer to the one you were looking for. And then you saw it. You hit the breaks, coming to a full stop in front of one house.

You had made it.

Getting off the bike you threw it into the grass of the front lawn as you walked up to the front steps. You actions were slower now. More deliberate. The house was dark and there was no car you could see in the driveway. Most would probably assumed the place was empty at first glance. But very faintly you could see a light on through a window on the side of the house. As you approached the door you placed your duffle bag on the porch hiding it underneath the porch bench and carefully pulled the pouch from your pocket. You looked within it, taking the exact item you needed before closing it up and placing it in your duffle bag so it wouldn't rattle around in your pocket.  And when you were done you took a deep breath and readied yourself.

You had one shot.

Turning invisible you phased yourself through the door. You stepped into the dark house, taking light steps and you went along to where you needed to go. You turned left down a hallway and walked to the end where you saw a closed door, light illuminating from behind it. With one more breath you sneaked down the hall and phased into the room seeing exactly the sight you hoped you would. An individual faced away from the door sitting at a desk. You slowly came up behind them and looked at the needle in your hand.

This was it.

In one swift motion you stabbed it into their neck dispensing the liquid within it into their system. Pulling the needle out, you watched as they placed their hand over their neck let out a grunt of pain. You watched as their body tenses up for a moment but then they froze. You could see as their shoulders dropped and they turned to look behind them. You were still invisible, but you were positive they knew you were there. Dropping your invisibility to locked eyes with them and you could see as their eyes went wide. they opened their mouth, hesitating for a moment, but then quietly called,

"(Y/N)?"

And as you stared back all you could reply was,

"Hi, Dean."

______________________________________________________________

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @sunsetcurve-1995 @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @shadowycreationcupcake @emily-hargreeves @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777 @zosiaduda @thethirdwheelfriend @mysticracoon @isnt-it-loverly @officiallydarkgeek @lady1505 @always-the-very-worst @tinypandagirl @libidinexx @lemongrabbuns @itwasallred @deadandoverit @shlokage @keksi249 @theoriginalkat @we-stan-fiction @bi-idiot-fanfics @annnagennnie @izzyjojo4 @megasimpleplan4ever @flowertoty @grabthemoneyandletsgo @itsametaphorbriansblog @vanillacaramelhoney @satvaldiva @disaster-magician @margotsfandoms @emily-b-m @bluechildrenlickmytoes @soft-slytherin-sweetie @oceanspray5 @im-here-for-fanfics @thebloodrobin @freestarlight @starcurrent @lilacs-lavender @moatsnow @give-the-boy-a-hug @narikyuwu @whenyouregrungeaff @gabriella-aesthetic @xxtwizztedxx @instabull @emma-jopeth @justsomecreaturewandering @wifeofcamillamacaulay

[annakie]

Are we out of the woods yet?

Hey all, haven't been on tumblr in a few days!

I have been living through what so many other Texans have been living through, so I thought I’d write a bunch of words about it, for posterity.  My story isn’t nearly as bad as so many others, but hey, it was still a fairly major historical event so... writing it for my own memories. :)

Post title because that particular Taylor Swift song was stuck in my head for most of the last few days, for obvious reasons.

So the last week has been an adventure! Last Friday I got my first Moderna Vaccine, and I posted about it a few times, but by Monday was feeling pretty good. Of course, it snowed overnight. I'd been so out of it all weekend I didn't realize quite how bad it was going to be, but when a friend who lives nearby told me his power was out I kinda went "uh oh", baked myself a box mix of orange cranberry bread, fortified some windows with blankets, and crossed my fingers. Also starting that morning I'd reduced the temperature in the house, and shut off and unplugged everything non-essential.

I was feeling pretty happy when the power stayed on all day. My friend's power came back that evening so I thought I was out of the woods.

And then at 10pm... plunged into darkness.

I threw some more blankets into areas where the cats hang out and my bed, let some friends know, and tried to go to bed, hoping for the best in the morning. Couldn't fall asleep for hours, worrying, as the temperature was plunging to the negatives for the first time in living memory in Texas. Finally fell into a restless sleep, and woke up a few hours later, no power.

The worst thing about no power is like, all the things you can't do. My phone started at 100% charge and I'd charged all my devices including my backup battery, but still tried to conserve power. The scary thing was hearing that this could last for days. And boy the news that day was bleak about the possibility of having power again anytime soon. The house, however, stayed at about 51 degrees the entire day. So, it was cold, but very bearable with a few layers and blankets. Whichever cats I was near were very cuddly though.

I was really glad to have the cranberry orange bread because it was tasty and easy to eat. Also had a sizeable amount of beef jerkey, and chips, and I'd bought about 48 bottles of water at the start of the pandemic that I never drank, so I had no worries about what to eat for the time, luckily. I figured, worst case, I'd figure out a way to do soup over a candle to have a hot meal eventually.

I’d been dripping the bathtub and checking the other faucets regularly.  I’ve never had a burst pipe in the normal cold we have, and was hoping for the best this time as well.  All seemed well the entire day.

I slept a lot when I wasn't scrolling twitter and nextdoor for information. And early afternoon there was a knock on the door. My mom literally called the cops to do a wellness check on me because I hadn't answered texts in a few hours, lol. I thanked him, and called my mom. Internet had been spotty and her calls weren't going through, nor notifications when I got texts. So that was... notable.

I tried doing some reading, and playing on my Switch but to be honest, I was so anxious about everything that I couldn’t relax and keep my mind on anything but the lack of power and when it’d come back.  I did take about four naps though. Considered bringing some of the cats into the car with me to warm up but realized I’d have to lift the garage door manually to run the car without, you know, dying, and instead just turned it on for less than a minute twice that day to keep the battery fresh...er... without carbon monoxide poisoning.  (My garage door is solid wood.  Even with good springs... it’s heavy.)

By the time it started to get dark, I started to worry about how much longer this would go on. I have a friend who has a 4-wheel drive... idk a land rover or something. He lives about 30 minutes away normally. It'd probably take well over an hour for him to get there now, especially since there was another storm coming that night. Since learning my power was out, he'd been asking if he could come get me, and they had steady rolling blackouts in their neighborhood, several other people I knew nearby were also saying their blackouts were rolling along.

I resisted, because I really didn't want to move the cats but I would never ever abandon my pets. But also it would be very difficult to move them. Patchy doesn't get along with any of them -- she stays in the master bedroom 100% of the time. There was a short period of time last year she would explore the house, but she got along with everyone else, especially Fry, so poorly that she decided she did not want to explore the house anymore. Fry sometimes wanders into the master bedroom and if they're both on the floor there's lots of hissing and yelling, and maybe swatting. She also has nothing but hissing for Pemily and Leela if she sees them. The master is her domain, the rest of the cats can have everything else.

Everyone else can be mean to Leela, though she gets along OK with Pemily most of the time. 

But Fry is just... hoo boy he is nothing but a problem child I don’t want to subject on others.  He’s a bully and an asshole and yells loudly when anything doesn’t go his way.  He would really, really not take a new environment well.  He hates the outside, and runs away when I even open a door.  And getting him to the vet involves kitty sleeping pills, though he also still fights through it enough to freak out the entire time he’s in a carrier badly, yeowling the entire time and literally rips all his nails off trying to get out, still trying to dig his way out with bloody paws.  It’s a nightmare.  So the thought of getting all four of them into carriers at the same time, then putting them all in a car for well over an hour (and the entire trip would be nothing but all four of them crying the entire time with Fry being the worst), then bringing them into someone else’s house, and needing two separate rooms because I can’t put Patchy in the same room as the other three... and trying to keep them all calm in a whole new situation when none of them were used to any other environment than my house (aside from yearly trips to the vet) man... moving them was a last resort.

But around 10pm when I had been sitting in the dark for 24 hours, I texted him and said in the morning, if the power wasn't on, we'd talk about him coming to get me and the cats in the morning.

I fortified Leela’s bed with a blanket fort.  (Pic above was from later, when I got power, and was way more open than I kept it when it was cold.) I couldn’t get her to move anywhere else... it actually worked pretty well. 

I fortified the master bedroom with blankets over the sliding glass door on Monday and then put Patchy’s cat bed on the bed and fortified IT with more blankets.  After she was settled in I managed to get her covered up.  Then I went into the living room, which is the smallest room in the house and a room most would use as a bedroom, and snuggled into the couch with Fry and Pemily, the door cracked for ventilation, and four candles burning. 

Fell asleep around 10:30.

Around midnight I was woken up by a terrifying sound... running water.  Honestly thought I was dreaming for a moment, had to work to pull myself out of my dream, and my heart froze in terror that I may have a burst pipe.  And then I heard a very, very good sound... the furnace turning on. 

POWER!  26 hours later.. POWER.  The running water sound was the cats’ water fountain.

Got out of bed, nuked myself a small frozen pizza, checked around the house for everything and everyone being OK, plugged in all my portable devices to recharge, and went back to sleep.  Woke up around 4 and still had power.  I thought... I really wanted a hot meal and should cook something that wouldn’t be bad as cold leftovers for lunch, as I’d finished the cranberry orange bread when I woke up at midnight.  I didn’t want to use too much power so uh... I made Fettuccine Alfredo, and ate half of it... at 4am.  What?  It was good.

Also... I hadn’t seen the stray cat I’d been taking care of since Sunday night.  He hadn’t even visited because there were no tracks in the snow.  Checked the backyard randomly and he was there!!!  So he got food and water.  I was very happy.

THERE’S THE BOY!  I call him Patchy’s Boyfriend.  Taken through the blinds as to not scare him.

Animal tracks in the snow!!  I was glad some birbs got some water, too!

Went back to bed in my own bed.  Woke up a little later than normal for work with the power still on.  Texted my folks to tell them the good news.  Got up and went into the kitchen, started contemplating coffee and pancakes for a hot meal.  Opened the fridge for the first time and checked the milk.  Sadly, it didn’t survive, and realized I was a dumbass for not just.. putting the groceries... in the garage... where it was cold...

And just as I sighed and started to decide if I wanted coffee without milk... the power went back off.  Aw, damn.

My spirits were lifted, though, at having power and a warm house overnight.  I checked in with work and let them know I’d be out again unless the power came back, told my friends and said NOT to come get me, decided NOT to tell my mom the power was off again, because all that would do is make them worry about me all day again, checked on the cats and tucked them in, and went back to bed.  Got some more sleep.

Relaxed more that day, with the house taking longer to cool down.  Actually played some Switch, read the first couple of books in the Mass Effect Comic Collection.  Had cold Alfredo and an apple with peanut butter for lunch.  Scrolled twitter a lot more, not afraid to have to go to my backup battery if needed.

Right around the time I’d usually be knocking off for work... the power came on again.

And it didn’t shut off.  Yay.

In total I was without power somewhere around 34 hours.  It sucked.. but also... I didn’t have my pipes burst... they didn’t even freeze.  The house never dipped below 50, thanks insulation!  My water was always running, though for a few hours it was very low pressure, and always clean.  My city government and congressman were both very involved and communicative, doing their best to help people and get the word out.  City had two warming centers should I have needed them, one of which was pet friendly.  I had plenty of food and water, enough for a week or more easily.  I had friends willing to put themselves at risk and through inconvenience to make sure I was taken care of.

A lot of people had it much, much worse.  So yeah.  I don’t ever wanna do that again, but for me, it wasn’t all that bad.

Shoutouts to:

My nearby friend Eric, who would have let me stay at his place if needed.

My far-away friend Marcus for offering to come and get me, and suffer the inconvenience of my cats.  Other friends would have if I’d asked, too.

My queen sized purple fleece blanket for being so warm and comforting.

My warm fuzzy bathrobe, messy bun beanie, and fuzzy slippers for making sure I was never all that cold.

My cats for weathering things well.  They also learned that maybe they DO like being under covers now.

My LED Headlamp for providing hands-free light for hours and hours.

My mom for a bag of candles she gave me YEARS ago I always would see and want to throw out, but didn’t let myself just in case I needed them someday.  I burned many of them and they kept me warm that second night.

Also my mom for... calling... the police... on me?  I know she loves me.  Also that cop for having a sense of humor about it and telling me to call my mom more often lol.  ACAB and all, but I shoulda checked my texts.

My Switch and Mass Effect Comic Collection for being huge piles of entertainment when I could finally relax and read them.

My coworker Monica for suggesting I make something I could snack on easily in case we lost power.  That cranberry orange bread was perfect.

Me for never throwing away a blanket.  I should probably donate some, though.  Between the cats and covering windows and me, though.. I used... a lot of blankets.

4am Fettuccine Alfredo.

My municipal utilities for already saying our bills wouldn’t be drastically higher from this month.  Although, I take it back for being real bad at the “rolling” part of the “rolling” blackouts.

Also, one more thing... FUCK YOU TED CRUZ, YOU DESERTING PIECE OF SHIT.  BETO O’ROURKE DOES YOUR JOB BETTER THAN YOU WITHOUT THE TITLE, POWER, OR PAYCHECK.

[xantchaslegacy]

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Multiverse

A quick and dirty rundown of some of the premier MtG planes, ranked by how nice a place they would be to live. Very subjective obviously, and I’d love to hear if people agree/ disagree/ have any strong feelings on the matter at all~ I stuck mostly to planes where I felt enough was known about it to make a tentative judgment call on its general safety/ enjoyability.

Note that for the below list, the criteria is that you are a) a human, who b) is primarily interested in living a long, peaceful life c) ideally with minimal external control by outside powers.

1) Kaladesh

– Periodically corrupt government, but overall a plane which offers lifestyles for urban and rural preferences, has plentiful clean energy, and supports both the arts and the sciences for public benefit.

2) Kylem

– Not many options for a quiet life, judging by the admittedly small sampling of the plane seen so far. Does seem to have a fairly lower fatality rate for all that, and Cloudspire City ranks high on places to visit for a fun time.

3) Eldraine

– Surprisingly benevolent monarchy, even verging on democratic in areas. Dangers of wilds exist, but odds of random monster death are reasonably mitigated compared to other planes. Limited career options for the layperson, though more fields open up if willing to take on the life of a knight.

4) Equilor

– Peaceful but dull, which is basically exactly the criteria for this particular test.

5) Dominaria

– Lots of world to see if you fancy adventure, and a diverse number of places to settle down if you don’t. Options for scholars, warriors, farmers, traders, artists, and writers alike. Currently no pending apocalypse, but the track record is not so good. Death machines just a few layers of dirt down.

6) Alara (Bant)

– Not a bad life to be had, if a bit over-codified. Even life as a warrior is not bad, at least pre-conflux. Peaceful and well-ordered, and passes the criteria for this list, albeit only for a brief period of time.

7) Theros

– Many options re: career path, from farmer to warrior to philosopher to herder. Do have to contend with sudden, violent death from monsters, minotaurs, or gods getting bored, so constantly on edge, probably.

8) Ravnica

– Pretty much the gold standard for variety in life paths. Entertainer, provider, lawyer, doctor, scientist, artist, spy, usurer...the world is your oyster if you’ve got the gumption. Semiapocalyptic events fairly frequent in recent years,  though nothing has stuck. Very few options for the non-urban inclined that don’t involve joining a cult or grafting new parts onto your body.

9) Shandalar

– current status a bit unclear, but a great plane for anyone looking to incorporate casual magic into their day-to-day life. Likely still a ripe target for planeswalker visitors looking to harvest the rich mana therein.

10) Fiora

– Fairly interesting and relatively low-key place to live if you keep your head down and out of the hardcore politicking. Rural living options exist.

11) Plane of Mountains and Seas

– limited information, but seems pretty chill.

12) Bablovia

– here for a good time, not a long time.

13) Alara (Naya)

– Not too bad, if you don’t get stepped on. Mostly jungle living, but if you’re down with that, there are fun adventures to be had.

14) Kamigawa

– Sure, your Daimyo may occasionally invoke the wrath of the sizeable and omnipresent spirit world, casting the whole of the plane into bitter, arcane civil war, but in any other situation you’ve got a fairly diverse and interesting world to live in, and nowadays there’s even a pair of spirits protecting you from extraplanar threats.

15) Lorwyn/Shadowmoor

– Depending on the side of the aurora you find yourself on, you will either want to seek out the elves for sanctuary, or avoid them at all costs. Lorwyn is pleasant enough, if you resign yourself to not seeing any other humans, and are good with extremely rural living. Watch overhead for giants at all times.

16) Alara (Esper)

– Long life options available, if you are good with artifacts™, and cool with swapping out some of your fleshy bits. A wee bit classist.

17) Kephelai

– peaceful and ordered enough, but definitely leaning on the oppressive side of the political spectrum. Not the most fun people to live among, either.

18) Regatha

– Some like it hot; some might not.

19) Muraganda

– The perfect plane for all you paleo diet enthusiasts out there. Living might be a little too bare-bones and dinosaur-filled for the average person.

20) Ixalan

– A few options here, all pretty narrow. Piracy and vampire imperialism both involve a life of violence and in the latter case, a high degree of servitude. Sun empire pretty viable option for humans comfortable with dinosaurs, and, as of the most recent story, going full aztec.

21) Tarkir (Khans)

– A varied lifestyle options to pick from. Very few leisurely ones available, barring a life of deceit and treachery with the Sultai. Inter- and intra-clan conflict more or less unavoidable, but not of a disastrous scale that you’ll find on different planes.

22) Zendikar

– Excellent opportunities for forging your own path in life, and endless options for adventure. Lacking in safe places to settle down and live without sudden death by avalanche/tidal wave/typhoon/ eruption/ sinkhole/ eldritch horror.

23) Mercadia

– Opportunities for rural and urban living, if you are at peace with living in a trash heap/ dust bowl. Forest living is an option if you don’t mind the mercenary raids, but at least others will have your back. Options for piracy as well, though not as flashy as the Ixalan variety. No apocalyptic events to worry about, which puts it head and shoulders above a few other planes on the list.

24) Gargantikar

– See Segovia; this time, it is you who gets stomped. May be ideal for anyone who saw Disney’s jack and the beanstalk and decided life on a giant kitchen table was the life for them.

25) Segovia

– Oh jeez, please be careful where you step. If you could just – we’ve got a lovely hundred acres of pasture for you to take a seat in if you would just take care not to step on OH MY GOD YOU’VE KILLED THEM ALL (Yes, Segovia corrects for scale with planeswalker visitors, but I stand by the joke)

26) Serra’s Realm

– Fairly peaceful in theory, but the oversight is pretty strict, and it’s no good if you’ve got a fear of heights. Very limited time to enjoy living there if floating fields and angels are your jam.

27) Vryn

– Regularly corrupt government, in constant conflict with other major power over contested energy sources, with everyone else placed firmly in the middle of the meat grinder.

28) Innistrad

– You can certainly live long as a vampire or free as a werewolf, but as both are of dubious desirability for the average person, this plane will rank a bit low.

29) Mirrodin (Pre-besieged)

– Prospects for living a quiet life exist, with major caveats regardless of which human society you wind up in. Basically take your pick between constant danger of attack, subservience to another species, living in a place not designed for habitation by any form of life, or some combination of the three.

30) Tarkir (Dragons)

– Much narrower lifestyle options than the khans timeline, and higher odds of dying within your own clan, though which dragon you end up under makes a huge difference in the quality of life. Dromoka and Ojutai probably the best options if your goal is longetivity.

31) Ulgrotha

– Dead/ dying plane, and the management sucks.

32) Rath (pre-overlay)

– Mercadia situation amped up to 11. Oppress or be oppressed, with an uncomfortable middle ground where you will experience both. Also a generally hostile landscape due to nanomachine silly putty.

33) Alara (Jund)

– Spicy Naya. Probably can last a while if you’re quick on your feet, but no one dies of old age here.

34) Amonkhet

– Dead/ dying world, even if it wasn’t host to a horrific logan’s run/ hunger games inspired colonialism. Not so bad short-term, if you want to work on your beach body. At least you have a god looking out for you, unlike...

35) Alara (Grixis)

– The living hunted for their life-force...hellscape of zombies and demons...Grixis fails most of the criteria for the list, but you’ve got a slightly more sporting chance of survival here than with some of the planes further down.

36) New Phyrexia

– NOT GREAT

37) Phyrexia (Nine Spheres)

– Pictured above: the worst place in the multiverse, as a backdrop to the most wonderful person in the multiverse

[kinetic-elaboration]

100 Days of Writing: Day Forty

I’m getting really lazy about this lol. Today’s entry: the answers to a few random questions that have spoken to me, from days I skipped.

Project courtesy of @the-wip-project​. Tagging fellow participants @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold​, @thelittlefanpire​, @hopskipaway​, @easilydistractedbyfanfic​, @dylanobrienisbatman​ @fontainebleau22.

This got VERY verbose, sorry....!

*

Day 34: Do you prefer to write fluff or angst?

Funny story. I once had a fic nominated in the Best Angst Category in a fandom fic awards event. The nomination was, of course, flattering, but also really confusing, because I didn’t think the fic was particularly angsty. It wasn’t super fluffy either. It...just was? It was a basic strangers-to-lovers modern AU somewhere in the 7k range, and the main ship was endgame. There was a period where half of the main ship was dating someone else, but that was mostly mentioned in passing during a time skip; most of the actual content was the endgame couple talking/flirting/pining, and, again, they did get together in the end.

The nomination made me reconsider what I think ‘fluff’ and ��angst’ are and what my relationships are to the genres. I feel like a lot of my work is neither.

Some types of stories are obviously one or the other. MCD and/or illness is angst. Hurt/comfort is angst. Romantic stories where the characters don’t end up together are, generally, angst. Romantic stories where the characters DO end up together but only after considerable obstacles can be angst, also--which might have been the rationale behind nominating the above fic in ‘angst’ although, again, it was only 7k. It’s one thing to have a 300k+ story where the main characters pine for each other, wallow in their feelings, fight, feel jealousy, etc, and the finally kiss in the final chapter--I’ve done that, too. A shorter story is a different beast.

Fluff, to me, is a genre of stories without (significant) conflict. The point is you feel good reading them. Romantic stories with established couples, or first date stories, are fluff. Slice of life or ‘curtain’ fic is fluff. Holiday fic with a found family feel is fluff.

I’ve written some stories that clearly fall into one of these two genres, sometimes because the challenge I’m doing or request I’m fulfilling calls for it, and sometimes because I need a palette cleanser after writing the opposite type of fic.

Another place I’ve thought about genre is with Troped, but I don’t always feel confident in the stories I’ve written there, in terms of theme. The very, very first round had a Fluff theme but I wasn’t sure if my story was fluffy (I’m still not). It had a happy ending and the final scene was decidedly cute, but the characters came from angsty backgrounds, and some of the early scenes had, imo, a melancholy feel. Then one of the 2020 Madness rounds had an Angst theme. I tried to fit my entry into that genre by giving it a general feeling of helplessness and an ambiguous, dreary ending. I think it was angsty, but it wasn’t as... hardcore angsty? as some of the other entries. I also picked the theme “angst” for one of my Choice fics and that one was decidedly angsty, both in the specific-trope sense--it dealt with the aftermath of a major character death--and in the more general ‘mood’ sense. The main relationship wasn’t repaired at the end, and the ending was ambiguous.

I feel like for every fic I’ve written that’s decidedly fluffy or decidedly angsty, and I could give examples of both, I’ve written one or more that isn’t really either. Again, most of the time, unless I have a specific reason to think ‘time to write angst’ or ‘time to write fluff,’ I don’t go into an idea thinking it should be one or the other. I usually have a mood I want, but it might not be simple to categorize.

ALL that said... I think if I had to pick one, it would be angst. I don’t like truly unhappy endings, but I’ve done a decent number of ambiguous endings. It’s also easier for me to think of stories I’ve written that I think are fairly categorized as angst than stories that are clearly fluff. Third, I love writing about pining, and longing, and missing, and needing, and these are not ‘fluffy’ feelings. But most importantly, like I said, I think ‘fluff’ is a type of story that has minimal-to-zero conflict in it and I actually find those VERY hard to write. Maybe We Will is probably the fluffiest thing I’ve written (4k of a first date at a carnival) and my biggest challenge was figuring out: what are these people going to DO?

This isn’t an insult to fluff at all. Fluff writers have a real talent for creating a pleasant narrative, and I like reading outright fluff more than reading outright angst. But for me, there is a lot more flexibility outside of fluff, whether or not the resulting narrative is truly “angsty” or not. It might not have the primary goal of making you feel sad, but it probably doesn’t have the primary goal of making you feel happy either.

*

Day 37: Post your favorite line of dialogue that you’ve written recently. 

Skimmed the Sleeping Beauty AU for this one. As soon as I’m asked to think about dialogue I like, I wonder if I’ve ever written good dialogue in my life! Lol. You think about it too much and it all sounds fake. Here’s an exchange I think is pretty good (perhaps just in comparison to a lot of the Really Rough Writing that surrounds it...).

"That sounded like it went pretty well," she says, as she balances awkwardly against the wall, pulling on her boots. "From what I could hear."

Bellamy shrugs. He's scanning the crowd, glancing over at her impatiently when she stumbles, trying to tie her laces without bothering to kneel. "Roma doesn't ask a lot of questions."

Clarke snorts. "Yes, she does. What you really mean is, she asks a lot of questions, then gets distracted whenever you turn on the charm."

"Yeah, sure. My well-known charm."

Clarke lets her foot fall heavily to the ground again, straightens up and pushes her hair back from her face. "If you weren't flirting and being charming, what were you doing?"

Bellamy hesitates, a light, embarrassed pink spreading across his cheeks, and Clarke rises up on her toes triumphantly, trying to lean into his space. "I should have gotten more ration points," he says, barely more than a grumble, and Clarke laughs and pulls her hat down over her head. Then she picks up the jacket, slips it on, and steps purposefully in front of him.

"How do I look?"

Day 38: What comes first, plot or characters?

Well, I write fanfiction, so I feel like this is a tricky question to define. My current fandom does have a lot of characters though, so it is possible to have a general idea of a plot but not know who to put in it. That’s happened to me on a few occasions I think, but generally speaking... I think the two come simultaneously?

When I’m writing for Troped, it’s easier to start with the plot because certain elements of the challenge suggest (or require) a plot but never the characters to go in it. So sometimes I do work from plot --> characters there. It’s usually pretty seamless in that the plot-idea usually comes with at least some idea of the characters, but sometimes there’s ambiguity--for example, deciding to include Bellamy in Mad Women when he wasn’t initially supposed to be in it, which ended up changing/defining the story quite a bit. Another example is Mountain Lion Mean, where I knew right away what the general plot would be but waffled a bit about precisely which characters would be in it and to what degree.

Other challenges often define the characters first and so then by definition that’s where I start. For example, a Bellarke challenge obviously requires you to write about Bellarke, but depending on the other rules, the plot may come entirely from each individual writer without any additional prompting.

If it’s a wholly original/spontaneous idea.... it either is necessarily about plot and characters at once (ex: AU where X character is in Y place or examination of Z ship in a modern AU) or it comes as nothing but Mood. That mood might have elements of plot and bits of character but the best way I can describe it is that I develop both at once. For example, my Southern Gothic AU came to me as certain elements--a character who does X, a relationship with Y feel, Z ship--and I’m working on combining all of those into a narrative. Or, as another example, I currently have a vague desire to write something with a Slow Summer Vibe but I have no idea what it will be about or who will be in it.

But again, it’s often “I want to write an angsty Jonty AU” or “hmm what about a Bravenlarke fic particularly about being in a poly relationship” or “this song makes me picture Bellarke at the beach; let’s write that”--ideas that essentially capture both character and plot at once.

I don’t know if I’m doing a good job of describing this but I write so much for challenges and events that I don’t have a huge pool of data for ‘spontaneous ideas’ to analyze.

*

Day 40: How do you start a new story?

I feel like I kind of already answered this in the last question. The very first step is an Idea, obviously. That would either come, in part, from the challenge or event I’m participating in or the request I’m filling, or it arrives by itself from some bit of inspiration: a song, a thought about a certain character or relationship, a mood I’m feeling and want to capture, etc.

But I feel like this question is about what happens with the idea.

Most (though not all) of the time, I start with a process of brainstorming and outlining. I’ve talked about this elsewhere, but I start by just sitting down with a notebook and writing down my thoughts, in a conversational style--basically like these posts. I write down any images I have, any plot points that have already come to me, etc. Everything I know. Then I brainstorm some more elements, filling in all the stuff I don’t know. Then I distill the plot down to discrete plot points: an outline of the whole fic in order. What needs to happen and in what order? The outline is generally organized by scene, though it’s flexible: sometimes scenes can be combined; sometimes they need to be split. Sometimes I need to re-evaluate the outline later, but most stories are simple enough that this initial outline works for the whole writing process.

I always write in order. I cannot write out of order. I need to immerse myself in the narrative and that means that events follow logically from each other. Also, sometimes what I come up with in the moment in scene 1 can change what I want to happen in scene 5--not so drastically that I’m re-writing the outline, but drastically enough that I would have to rewrite scene 5 if it were already done. That’s too complicated for me. I think there are probably advantages, in terms of amount of fun to be had, as well as in capturing ideas before they disappear from your brain, in writing scenes as the spirit moves you rather than in order, but I just can’t do it. That’s not how my mind works.

In order to start a fic, or even a new scene, I need to know HOW it starts and some idea of how I will describe that opening image/event/whatever. I often practice this for days before I actually write. For example, I’m going to write another Sleeping Beauty scene soon and I know it starts with Clarke hearing conversation behind her, so I’ve been practicing what that dialogue might be and how I might describe her listening while looking at something else. When I have a strong sense of the opening and a decent sense of the rest--what needs to happen to move along the plot--I just start writing. I do most of my writing as sprints.

Sometimes I write without an outline, and it’s basically the same process as the last paragraph, except I only have the opening and a vague sense of what’s to come. I don’t do that often anymore. But I started a couple outline-less fics last summer when I was just desperate to break my block and didn’t really feel like planning and stuff. I just wanted to get words on a page. Thus I have a couple WIPs that are about 1,200 words long and then just abruptly reach a cliff’s edge and stop!! I don’t know if I’ll outline or not before I return to them but right now I’m thinking not.

[wedreamerz]

The Island of Maravu - Chapter 2

The Island of Maravu

Chapter 2 - The Bunker

Pairing: Starker AU (Peter is 22)

Rated: Overall: E / Chapter: T

Status: WIP

Summary: The Avengers are in shambles and Tony Stark just needs to get out from under the fallout. So, he does what every genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist does - he buys an island. Maravu is just the escape Tony is looking for until one morning a beautiful young man arrives with secrets and a smile that makes Tony’s broken heart beat again.

Some Tags: AU, A little angst, Smut and Fluff is the goal here people but I can’t just do that apparently without backstory and plot. No real trigger warnings that I can think of unless water or storms are an issue for you. If you run into something I didn’t think of, let me know.

Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~

The birds hated him. They were in cahoots. Thirty-three days on Maravu and the birds woke him up before the sun every freaking morning. Tony stirred, rolled over and scowled at the open window. They were at it again.

He groaned and put a pillow over his head.

"Friday, play something loud."

"Playing your Something Loud playlist," Friday said. Tony rolled his eyes, noting the amusement in her voice before the opening guitar riff of Def Leppard's Photograph blasted through the speakers.

The cabin, a simple, but cozy one-room affair with a fireplace, sofa, kitchenette and dining room table, suited him perfectly. One of the two luxury items he'd insisted upon, besides Friday and the technical upgrades he'd made, was the queen-sized bed that dominated the bedroom area of the cabin. He'd have flown in a king if it would have fit. But even the queen was pushing it.

The cabin came equipped with an attached bathroom and shower. But Tony had grown accustomed to showering in the original, outdoor shower that ran using accumulated rainwater. Something about showering outside in the sun brought out the hedonist in him.

During his first week on Maravu, Tony installed a self-sustained arc reactor to solve the electricity problem and ensured they’d had fast reliable wi-fi. The plantation resumed operation the following week with Mr. Umbari as manager. Tony liked the huge mountain of a man. They worked well together and at the end of a long day, he often sought out his calming presence at the community fire that burned in the village's center courtyard most evenings.

They would talk about the day and share a drink before retiring. Tony liked to watch him talk, his expressive, deeply lined face and white, wiry hair and beard that stood up as though it had a mind of its own. Mr. Umbari had learned to speak English by watching episodes of old American shows like MASH and Happy Days and Tony found himself smiling when now and then he recognized a familiar phrase. When the reactor went live, Mr. Umbari had celebrated by giving Tony the double Fonzie thumbs before dragging him into a chest busting hug.

For the most part, the islanders didn't intrude on Tony’s solitude. Mr. Umbari was a fair and able leader, so Tony didn't get involved in the day to day operations unless they needed him. But periodically he'd be working in the lab he’d set up near his cabin and hear someone call out "Turaga Ni Kaukamea!" Tony would look outside to see someone emerge from the trees and request his assistance at the plantation.

Mr. Umbari addressed him as Mr. Stark even after Tony had invited him to call him by his first name. But the rest of the islanders called him Turaga Ni Kaukamea or sometimes just Kaukamea. Friday had translated it as basically Man of Iron.

So, they were aware of who he was. But no one ever asked to see the suit or wondered why he'd chosen to live on the island when it was clear his own house was in such disarray. They didn't bring it up at all. They expressed their gratitude in humble ways and treated him like anyone else on the island, which was perfect with Tony.

He peeked out from under his pillow to find that the sky has lightened into a midnight blue with the faint orange glow of dawn creeping up behind the windowsill.

"Okay, okay. Stop the music and start the coffee," he said, giving in. "And play me something tropical.”

"You do realize that the current temperature is 76 degrees with a humidity of 94%?" Friday asked as the sound of steel drums and ukulele began.

"My body still thinks it's December in New York, don't judge me," Tony snarked back, smiling when the coffee pot came to life. The rich aroma of the local blend infused his little cabin as the sun crested the horizon.

Tony threw back the sheet and stretched. He drew a deep breath and padded naked across the wood floor to the little kitchenette that consisted of the smallest stove he'd ever seen, a microwave, and a refrigerator that was straight out of the '70s in avocado green. The fanciest thing in the kitchen was his second luxury item – his beloved Concordia espresso machine.

He poured a cup into one of the chipped mugs that had come with the place and took it outside to the fire pit he'd built in the dooryard. His cabin was far enough away from the beach to be safe from the tide but close enough that his view from the fire was the perfect place to watch the sun come up. Tony lit the fire and settled into his camp chair with his coffee to do just that.

Although he tried to focus on his plans for the day, his mind wandered down paths he preferred to avoid. He tried not to spend his time worrying about the wayward Avengers, Rhodey, and the countless ways he had and continued to fail Pepper. But in those quiet moments when it was just him and the traitorous birds, Tony let it in.

He rubbed his chest. Like a phantom limb, it ached as it had for months after his last meeting with Steve.

And Barnes.

Tony sighed. Pepper had insisted he see a shrink after everything went down. He'd gone - a couple of times. But he still couldn't talk about it. Hell, he couldn't even think about it without igniting the flame of resentment and hatred. Logically he understood that Barnes had been brainwashed by Hydra. He was no more responsible for his actions than Clint had been for what he'd done when under the power of Loki's scepter.

Nevertheless, here Tony was. If Barnes were to materialize before him, Tony would probably try to bash his head in with a coconut.

Probably. Maybe.

Barnes may have the benefit of Tony’s doubt, the mind-controlled pass. But Steve...Cap…he’d made his choices all on his own. Tony oscillated between hope and fear that the big, stubborn man would get caught. He had no idea what he would say to the man if he ever saw him again. But he had the little burner phone Steve had mailed to Tony Stank tucked into his sock drawer nonetheless.

The temperature had risen just a little. On the horizon, Tony spied a rain cloud, one of those slow-moving clouds you could watch approach with its sheets of rain that blanketed the island at least once a day.

He frowned.

"Friday, what's the weather supposed to be like today?"

"Fair in the morning with severe thunderstorms rolling in at approximately 1:34 P.M."

"I suppose I should get started then," he said, gulping down the rest of his coffee. He put the mug in the sink and fished a fresh pair of shorts and a t-shirt from his dresser. It was time to check on the arc reactor.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Boss, the Fiji Meteorological Society has issued a tropical storm warning with potential for rotation in this area and is expected it hit earlier than expected," Friday warned.

Tony crawled out from under the arc reactor's electronics panel and adjusted his glasses.

"How bad?" he asked, wiping his hands on a towel. He peered up at the doughnut-shaped reactor housing. The walls of the cave in which he'd built it flickered blue and purple as it purred softly.

There was a certain amount of poetic justice in this, he thought. He'd started this in a cave. And now here he was again, minus the car battery and armed guards. And this arc reactor was designed only to help.

Tony climbed a small set of metal stairs, freshly painted safety yellow, which led to the ground floor. He opened a set of doors and entered the circular antechamber where islanders could look through the reinforced glass at the arc reactor below. They'd installed bunker doors at the mouth of the cave for emergencies. But they were usually left open to the public. The reactor itself was locked and protected by Friday. No one entered without Tony's knowledge.

Outside, the palm trees swayed and here and there little puffs of dirt from the path twisted into the air with leaves and rocks. Tony had been in the reactor bunker for a few hours and the wind had picked up considerably.

"Radar indicates wind speed of approximately 22 miles per hour. No active rotation," Friday said.

Tony chewed his lip and considered the news. When he'd moved in, Mr. Umbari had gone over their storm preparedness plan. The island had a storm bunker for its inhabitants. As though he'd summoned the man, Mr. Umbari and his orange menace of a golf cart sped around the corner. He slid in next to Tony's red cart, barely missing the tail end as he turned the sharp corner. Tony chuckled and shook his head as Mr. Umbari unfolded his long legs and climbed out from under the orange and white striped canopy.  He hurried toward the bunker as the first drops of rain plip-plopped against his yellow rain slicker. As soon as he saw Tony Mr. Umbari grinned and waved. Tony ushered him inside and hit the button to close the bunker doors.

"Mr. Stark. The boys said you were here," Mr. Umbari said, entering through the single door.

"Yeah, I was just checking on the reactor, giving her a tune-up. Friday says we've got a storm on the way?"

Mr. Umbari had been introduced to the AI and he seemed completely charmed by her.

He smiled at the ceiling. "Hello, Ms. Friday. Thank you for keeping Mr. Stark so informed."

"It's my pleasure, Sir," she answered in her pleasant Irish lilt earning a grin from Mr. Umbari.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Friday is correct, Sir. Since this is your first storm on the island, I wanted to make sure that you were safe."

"Thanks for your concern. I'll finish up here and go down to the cabin, batten down the hatches and be in the bunker in time for dinner, Dad." Tony smiled at the large man as he put away his tools."

Mr. Umbari laughed, deep and genuine. "Good, good. I'm glad to hear it. I hear that Skillet has already begun a pot of lamb stew for the occasion."

Tony's stomach growled at the thought of food and he realized he hadn't eaten yet today.

"Skillet's cooking?" Tony asked and Mr. Umbari grinned.

"If Skillet's in the kitchen I'm not gonna miss it," Tony said.

Kitchen wizard and culinary school dropout, Skillet worked the plantation to help pay off his student loans. But one meal at Skillet's table told Tony that the young Fijian was wasting his talents.

Tall, whip-thin, with long black curls he kept up in a messy bun most days, the kid could cook rings around the overpriced chefs at any of the five-star Manhattan restaurants. Tony had offered to pay his debt and set him up in a spot of his own, wherever he wanted. But Skillet turned him down every time.

Tony, being Tony, had been trying to come up with a loophole that kid would accept to no avail. But he had one final trick up his sleeve he planned to save until the right moment. As Tony's chef, Skillet would both pay down his debt and have his talents recognized by the top critics around the world at the events Tony threw. It was a win-win for both of them.

Mr. Umbari nodded, evidently pleased with Tony's response.

"Good. Good. I should go to make sure the animals are safe. I will see you there, my friend! Goodbye, Ms. Friday," he said.

Tony smiled, amused at the way the islanders treated everything with a relaxed acceptance. Even in the face of a potentially damaging storm, they prepared for a gathering of families.

"See you there."

~~~~~~~~~~

Tony stepped into the storm bunker and was immediately enveloped in the delicious aroma of stew and fresh bread. He breathed in deeply and looked around the room, impressed by the setup. The bunker looked like a basement with concrete walls and floors. A bar and small kitchen stood on the right side of the room where Skillet was working his magic. The left side was lined with padded seats. They'd made the cold, grey room into a warm and comfortable place to gather with tapestries on the walls, and woven rugs and pillows on the floors.

"Turaga ni kaukamea!" several children called and swarmed, reaching up to be held and tugging him toward the group of adults who sat at the tables lined up end to end in the center of the room.

"Oh hey!" he exclaimed when a little girl who couldn't be more than four climbed him like a palm tree. The adults laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He sat down in one of the folding chairs and held her on his lap.

"Kaukamea, what are you building in your lab? Filipe says you have a ghost and you talk to it. Does it help you build things?" she asked.

"Who told you that?"

The little girl pointed to a boy with bronze skin and wide, curious eyes. He looked up at Tony in fascination from the safety of his mother's arms.

"Filipe?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. The boy nodded dramatically.

"And what's your name?" Tony asked the girl.

"Sara," she said.

"Nice to meet you, Sara and Filipe. It just so happens that I am currently working on some upgrades to the arc reactor technology that runs the island. Have you seen the new bunker?"

All the children nodded in unison.

"So, if...and Filipe, I'm looking at you here… IF someone were sneaking around my lab, they may have heard me talking to Friday, who is not a ghost. She's more like a really, really smart computer who can talk."

"Is she smarter than you?" Sara asked, wide-eyed.

"Well...technically, yes. I built her. But I taught her to learn. She has access to all the information on the internet. So, she knows like...everything."

"Woooow," the children chorused.

"Right? She’s crazy smart.”

"Kaukamea, can we meet Friday?” Sara asked. "I have a computer at home. But it's never spoken to me before. Do you think if I brought it over, Friday could teach it how to talk?"

The children murmured their agreement, each of them wanting Friday to teach their computers to talk too. Tony noticed that the adults had stopped what they were doing to listen to the conversation.

Tong chuckled. "Unfortunately, your home computers aren't quite as smart as Friday. But if it's okay with your parents, you can come by the lab to meet Friday. But listen, it's super important that if you come to visit me that you don't go into the lab by yourself. You never know what I'm working on. And it could be dangerous. Do you all understand?"

The children agreed and ran off to play. The adults chuckled and resumed their conversations. Sara wiggled down from his lap and grabbed Filipe's hand.

"I told you there wasn't a ghost," she said.

"Well, it sounded like a ghost," he said.

"Sorry about that," one of the women said, taking a seat next to Tony. "The children are so curious about you. I'm Delana, Sara's mother." She held out her hand and Tony shook it with a smile. Delana was a little younger than Tony with caramel skin and sleek black hair she wore swept up in a ponytail.

"It's okay. I'm used to it. I just wanted to make sure they don't get hurt."

"Thank you for looking out for them. And for everything you've done for the island. When Mr. Umbari was forced to sell, we thought that everyone here would be forced off the island. But you swooped in and allowed us to keep our homes, brought reliable electricity and Wi-Fi, and helped us keep our jobs. You have truly been a blessing."

Tony nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I'm glad I could do some good," he said.

Delana tilted her head; she studied him a moment before smiling and patting his hand. "Let me get you some stew," she said finally before getting up and heading to the kitchen where people had begun to get in line.

Tony tuned in to the conversations around him. The people spoke in a mix of English and Fijian. Friday helped by providing translation on the lenses of his glasses and he followed the conversations. Delana returned with a big bowl of stew and a plate piled with roti, a flatbread the islanders seemed to have at almost every meal.

The storm hit late in the evening with everyone gathered around a large pot-bellied stove as Mr. Umbari told stories to the nervous children. They invited Tony into one of the wooden rocking chairs by the fire. He'd refused several times because although he owned the island and everyone had been more than welcoming, Tony couldn't shake the sense that he was still an outsider, merely a means to an end for these people. But eventually, he accepted and as the wind howled outside and Friday fed him updates about the storm, Tony drifted off to sleep in the warmth of the fire.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed

@caseyhasissues @iroironfestivalgoopmaker @unicornpower5301

[phroyd]

The emails, which Miller sent to the conservative website Breitbart News in 2015 and 2016, showcase the extremist, anti-immigrant ideology that undergirds the policies he has helped create as an architect of Donald Trump’s presidency. These policies include reportedly setting arrest quotas for undocumented immigrants, an executive order effectively banning immigration from five Muslim-majority countries and a policy of family separation at refugee resettlement facilities that the Department of Health and Human Services’ Office of Inspector General said is causing “intense trauma” in children.

In this, the first of what will be a series about those emails, Hatewatch exposes the racist source material that has influenced Miller’s visions of policy. That source material, as laid out in his emails to Breitbart, includes white nationalist websites, a “white genocide”-themed novel in which Indian men rape white women, xenophobic conspiracy theories andeugenics-era immigration laws that Adolf Hitler lauded in “Mein Kampf.”

Hatewatch reviewed more than 900 previously private emails Miller sent to Breitbart editors from March 4, 2015, to June 27, 2016. Miller does not converse along a wide range of topics in the emails. His focus is strikingly narrow – more than 80 percent of the emails Hatewatch reviewed relate to or appear on threads relating to the subjects of race or immigration. Hatewatch made multiple attempts to reach the White House for a comment from Miller about the content of his emails but did not receive any reply.

Miller’s perspective on race and immigration across the emails is repetitious. When discussing crime, which he does scores of times, Miller focuses on offenses committed by nonwhites. On immigration, he touches solely on the perspective of severely limiting or ending nonwhite immigration to the United States. Hatewatch was unable to find any examples of Miller writing sympathetically or even in neutral tones about any person who is nonwhite or foreign-born.

Miller has gained a reputation for attempting to keep his communications secret: The Washington Post reported in August that Miller “rarely puts anything in writing, eschewing email in favor of phone calls.” The Daily Beast noted in July that Miller has recently “cut off regular contact with most of his allies” outside the Trump administration to limit leaks.

Miller used his government email address as an aide to then-Sen. Jeff Sessions in the emails Hatewatch reviewed. He sent the majority of the emails Hatewatch examined before he joined Trump’s campaign in January 2016 and while he was still working for Sessions. Miller also used a personal Hotmail.com address in the emails and did so both before and after he started working for Trump. Hatewatch confirmed the authenticity of Miller’s Hotmail.com address through an email sent from his government address in which he lists it as his future point of contact:

“I am excited to announce that I am beginning a new job as Senior Policy Advisor to presidential candidate Donald J. Trump,” Miller wrote from his government email on Jan. 26, 2016, to an undisclosed group of recipients. “Should you need to reach me, my personal email address is [redacted].”

Katie McHugh, who was an editor for Breitbart from April 2014 to June 2017, leaked the emails to Hatewatch in June to review, analyze and disseminate to the public. McHugh was 23 when she started at Breitbart and also became active in the anti-immigrant movement, frequently rubbing shoulders with white nationalists. McHugh was fired from Breitbart in 2017 after posting anti-Muslim tweets. She has since renounced the far right.

McHugh told Hatewatch that Breitbart editors introduced her to Miller in 2015 with an understanding he would influence the direction of her reporting. For that reason, and because Miller would have regarded her as a fellow traveler of the anti-immigrant movement, McHugh sometimes starts conversations with Miller in the emails, seeking his opinion on news stories. Other times, Miller directly suggests story ideas to McHugh, or tells her how to shape Breitbart’s coverage. Periodically, Miller asks McHugh if he can speak to her by phone, taking conversations offline.

“What Stephen Miller sent to me in those emails has become policy at the Trump administration,” McHugh told Hatewatch.

Miller shares link from white nationalist site

Miller sent a story from the white nationalist website VDARE to McHugh on Oct. 23, 2015, the emails show. White nationalist Peter Brimelow founded VDARE in 1999. The website traffics in the “white genocide” or “great replacement” myth, which suggests that nonwhite people are systematically and deliberately wiping white people off the planet.

McHugh started the email conversation by asking if Hurricane Patricia could drive refugees into the United States. The hurricane battered parts of Central America, Mexico and Texas, and the media heavily covered the storm. Miller replied to her by underscoring the possibility that Mexican survivors of the storm could be given temporary protected status (TPS), a George H.W. Bush-era policy that would enable them to live and work in the United States for a limited stay:

McHugh, Oct. 23, 2015, 6:10 p.m. ET: “This being the worst hurricane ever recorded, what are the chances it wreaks destruction on Mexico and drives a mass migration to the U.S. border?”

Miller, Oct. 23, 2015, 6:12 p.m. ET: “100 percent. And they will all get TPS. And all the ones here will get TPS too. That needs to be the weekend's BIG story. TPS is everything.”

McHugh, Oct. 23, 2015, 6:22 p.m. ET: “Wow. Ok. Is there precedent for this?”

Miller, Oct. 23, 2015, 6:31 p.m. ET: [VDARE link]

The VDARE story by Steve Sailer, an anti-immigration activist who traffics in discredited race science, focused on instances in which the United States offered refugees temporary protected status. The article was posted the same day Miller shared it with McHugh.

In September, the Trump administration denied temporary protected status to residents of the Bahamas fleeing the destruction of Hurricane Dorian despite widespread destruction.

“I don’t want to allow people that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas to come into the United States, including some very bad people and some very bad gang members and some very, very bad drug dealers,” Trump said of Bahamians on Sept. 9.

The ethnic makeup of the Bahamas is more than 90% black, according to statistics from the CIA. The administration has also attempted to cut TPS for residents of other countries, including Honduras and Nepal. Sailer mentioned both Honduras and Nepal in the context of TPS in his VDARE story.

Emails show that White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller recommended racist French novel "The Camp of the Saints" to conservative website Breitbart News in 2015.

Miller recommends ‘Camp of the Saints’ to Breitbart

Miller recommended in a Sept. 6, 2015, email that Breitbart write about “The Camp of the Saints,” a racist French novel by Jean Raspail. Notably, “The Camp of the Saints” is popular among white nationalists and neo-Nazis because of the degree to which it fictionalizes the “white genocide” or “great replacement” myth into a violent and sexualized story about refugees.

The novel’s apocalyptic plot centers on a flotilla of Indian people who invade France, led by a nonwhite Indian-born antagonist referred to as the “turd eater” – a character who literally eats human feces. In one section, a white woman is raped to death by brown-skinned refugees. In another, a nationalist character shoots and kills a pro-refugee leftist over his support of race mixing. The white nationalist Social Contract Press plucked the 1973 book from relative obscurity and distributed it in the United States.

At the start of the email chain in which Miller touts the novel, he sends McHugh and Breitbart editor Julia Hahn a National Journal article on Iowans debating immigration at 8:03 p.m. ET on Sept. 1, 2015. McHugh replies:

McHugh, Sept. 1, 2015, 8:49 p.m. ET: “‘Next America.’ We’re being invaded and talked into tolerating it.”

Miller, Sept. 1, 2015, 9:01 p.m. ET: “It’s treated as organic. No mention of voluntary policy which can be shut off.”

Miller returns to the subject of nonwhite immigration on Sept. 6, 2015. He sends McHugh a link to a tweet from conservative pundit David Frum that reads, “Half of all violent crime in Germany committed by ‘foreign youths.’” (Hatewatch reached out to Frum for more context about his tweet but did not receive any response.) McHugh responds to Miller’s email about Frum’s tweet with a follow-up remark about Europe, and Miller sends a link to a Vox.com article suggesting that SAT scores have dropped in part because of the inclusion of more “poor and nonwhite students” than in previous years. Miller then suggests Breitbart take a look at “The Camp of the Saints.”

McHugh, Sept. 6, 2015, 3:34 p.m. ET: “[Breitbart editor] Neil [Munro], Julia [Hahn] and I are going to do a series of stories on [nonwhite SAT scores] to break it down. Neil says it’s easier for people to digest that way and change their minds.”

Miller, Sept. 6, 2015, 3:41 p.m. ET: “On the education angle? Makes sense. Also, you see the Pope saying west must, in effect, get rid of borders. Someone should point out the parallels to Camp of the Saints.”

Hahn wrote a Breitbart story on Sept. 24, 2015, headlined “‘Camp of the Saints’ Seen Mirrored in Pope’s Message.” The article ran 18 days after Miller’s email on the same theme. Hahn is now an aide to Trump.

While “The Camp of the Saints” was relatively obscure then, websites such asVDARE and the white nationalist American Renaissance helped make it a fixture in the white nationalist community. VDARE created an entire searchable tag called “Camp of the Saints.” At the time Miller flagged the book to Breitbart, VDARE had run more than 50 posts under “The Camp of the Saints” tagline, including some referring to Pope Francis’ rhetoric about accepting refugees. Sailer, who authored the VDARE post Miller had shared earlier, ran a story on the pope’s statements about accepting refugees on the same day Miller raised the issue with Breitbart.

Elizabeth Moore, a spokesperson for Breitbart, responded to Hatewatch’s request for comment about Miller's relationship with editors at the website with the following statement:

The SPLC claims to have three- to four-year-old emails, many previously reported on, involving an individual whom we fired years ago for a multitude of reasons, and you now have an even better idea why we fired her. Having said that, it is not exactly a newsflash that political staffers pitch stories to journalists – sometimes those pitches are successful, sometimes not.

It is no surprise to us that the SPLC opposes news coverage of illegal-immigrant crime and believes such coverage is disproportionate, especially when compared to the rest of the media, which often refuse to cover such crimes.

No one in our senior management has read the book, “Camp of the Saints,” but we take The New York Times at their word that it is a “cautionary tale,” and the National Review at theirs that “the central issue of the novel is not race but culture and political principles.”

The Trump administration has said it will cap the number of refugees allowed into the United States at 18,000 in the coming fiscal year, drastically reshaping America’s role as a haven for people fleeing devastation and war. The White House has also said it plans to allow state and local governments to block refugee resettlement in their areas.

Read On ... 

Phroyd

[fatathlon]

IRONMAN 70.3 Indian Wells – La Quinta – Race Recap

* A video version of this race recap can be found on my YouTube channel here.

A triathlon is a game of contradiction.

You spend hours, weeks, months training for something that lasts moments of your life. Improve at one sport by mastering three. Train slower to race faster. Race slower to race faster. Do it alone, surrounded by people. Never see a finish line as the end.

One of the most challenging contradictions is the trap of identity. To do well, you have to immerse yourself in training for long periods of time. It can become you; consume you. And then what is objectively a meaningless act of physical exertion assumes a station in your life that it never deserved. And you are left with nothing but finish times and medals, to gather dust because nobody cares.

I thought about these contradictions a lot during my training for my first Ironman 70.3 race in Indian Wells – La Quinta California. It seemed fitting in this vein of contradiction that I would train in the cold and snow in order to race in the warm desert. I hoped that by recognizing the contradictions inherent in what I was doing, I could avoid that most challenging trap, and come away with an experience, rather than just another race.

After Musselman in July, I took a break for a few weeks, and then started training again. I had a few minor injuries, which were challenging, but for the most part my training was consistent. I did some bike fitting and got a set of aerobars on my bike. Winter arrived early in Vermont; we had snow on the ground before Thanksgiving. So most of my riding was indoors. I ran outside as much as I could. And weather doesn’t matter in the pool, of course.

Swimming was a major area of focus for me this fall. I got a second swim analysis and really worked on my technique. I was able to take another ten seconds off my 100-yard time, and by December I was swimming faster on average than I ever had.

I had also been trying to eat smarter, both to be healthier and to drop extra weight. With the help of a friend, I definitely had some success here, though it added some stress to our family routine. Kids like what they like.

I was a little concerned about flying my bike to California, because I had only done it once before and I didn’t have to assemble it myself when I arrived that time. So I broke it down and packed it up at the bike shop so I could get guidance with questions that I had and hands-on help from Darren, my friend who owns Vermont Bicycle Shop. I felt a lot more confident once it was all ready to go.

The flights were pretty uneventful, and we made it to San Diego in one piece — including my bike. One of the first things I did was put it back together; I wanted to make sure I would have enough time to solve any problems that came up. Luckily, there didn’t seem to be any and the assembly went pretty smoothly.

The Catamount, my custom Orbea Terra, ready to ride

We spent a few days with my brother’s family in San Diego, hiking at Torrey Pines and playing on the beach. It was a nice way to get acclimated to the environment. It wasn’t as warm as I thought it would be, but it definitely was a lot warmer than Vermont. Locals on the beach were dressed in winter coats and hats, but our girls thought it was the perfect weather for swimming in the Pacific.

Before long it was time to drive to Indian Wells. The amazing scenery on that drive took us all by surprise. We stopped for a moment but the day before the race was very busy so there wasn’t a lot of time for sight-seeing.

After getting the family settled at the hotel, I had my first Ironman athlete check-in experience and got to see the pro panel, which included the eventual race winners Lionel Sanders and Paula Findlay. I checked my run gear in to T2, a little overwhelmed by the enormity of the transition area. Then it was time for a half-hour drive to the swim start and T1, to see the swim course, check in my bike and decontaminate my wetsuit before hanging it on the racks where it would stay until race morning. I made sure to mark it well so I wouldn’t have any trouble finding it.

My day would have gone quite differently if it hadn’t been for my teammate Lacy. She and her husband gave me a lift to the shuttle buses, which was already a great help by itself, but when she mentioned her water bottles I realized I had forgotten something at the hotel. Specifically, all of my hydration. It was still sitting in my refrigerator. They drove me back so I could retrieve them and I was so grateful. Luckily we were up early enough that it didn’t affect our day — we got on a bus with no waiting and were off to the start area.

I knew the water would be cold. The reported temperature that morning was just under 59 degrees. There was no warm-up swim. We stood in line at the rolling start for a long time before finally getting into the water. And then, finally, after everything, I was racing.

The first one or two hundred meters were tough. I was hyperventilating from the shock of the water temperature and struggling to relax and find my rhythm. I expected that, but it didn’t make it any easier. Finally I settled in, though, and found my zone. It was clear pretty quickly that I should have seeded myself further forward; nobody around me was actually swimming at the pace they lined up for. I was crawling over people all the way. My goggles half-filled with water but I ignored it since I could still see. When I finally crawled out of the lake, I had a personal best time of 34 minutes. By my watch, I had swum ten seconds per 100 yards faster than my first 70.3 in July.

As I mounted my bike, I readied myself mentally to face the biggest contradiction of the day. I had programmed the wattage target my coach and I agreed on into my bike computer, and I was going to stick to that number like superglue. The paradox of my plan was that the number was low. It was lower than I had expected. It was lower than it was at my first 70.3, and it was low relative to my power profile. It was so low that it meant I’d be doing what amounted to a zone 2 ride for the entirety of the bike leg.

The plan was predicated on the knowledge that the course was pancake flat, and that triathlons succeed or fail on the run. We would conserve energy on the bike, allowing my inertia to do most of the work, and hopefully get off the bike with enough in the tank to really drop the hammer.

So what the bike ended up being was a test of patience, rather than fitness. My heart rate stayed low, peaking only at the very start during the excitement of transition and climbing a tiny hill out of transition. I spent a lot of the time focused on avoiding drafting as much as I could, but it was pretty difficult considering that the roads were absolutely packed with riders. That forced me to surge occasionally, but it was okay because the course was so flat.

The first 20 miles flew by so fast that I was actually surprised when I saw the mile marker sign. At 30 miles I felt no worse; very comfortable and just cruising along. It was a strong contrast to my last race, where the 30 mile marker saw me doing pretty solid work. I began to get excited about the paradoxical plan as evidence in its favor continued to build. That naturally inclined me to want to push harder, but I redoubled my efforts to stay focused and in my target zone.

The highlight of the bike course by far was the Thermal Raceway, which is a private racetrack for cars that we got to ride around on. My watts went up on that section for sure, but it was a match that was worth burning. It’s a unique experience to ride your bike around a banked track with perfect pavement, designed for million dollar super cars. I had a lot of fun there.

The rest of the course was technically uphill but the gradient was so gradual, I barely noticed. I rode into T2 just 2 watts over my target. My family was cheering at the dismount line, which was a nice boost going into the start of my run.

After racking my bike and strapping on my running shoes, I started out on the final leg, to see if the contradictions would be resolved. Here I was, running in the heat and sun after training for months in the cold and snow. Here I was, having biked slowly on purpose to see if I could do a faster race. And here I was, after weeks of training at a jog, pushing my legs to go fast, and stay fast.

I have always run fast out of transition, because it takes a mile or two before my legs really feel normal and I can tell how my body is actually doing. At my first 70.3, I slowed that pace after the first aid station, feeling that I would have to conserve energy to make it through the run without shutting down. This day, though, I felt strong. I felt no such impending decline. I felt like I could hold the pace. So I didn’t slow down.

The run followed asphalt roads for a couple of miles before turning off onto a golf course, where it tracked around the greens on a winding, undulating path that was a mix of concrete, dirt and grass. There were no long straightaways, no places to hide from the course. It was highly dynamic and constantly changing.

A conclusion I had drawn from my first 70.3 was that I had been underfueled. This time, I ate and drank everything I could get my hands on during the run. I think I probably ate two or three whole bananas, a half at a time, plus several gels and all the coke, gatorade and red bull I could grab. I didn’t slow down during the aid stations; I didn’t want to lose my inertia. At one point I took a cup of ice, dumped it in my hat and packed it onto my head. The contrasts had never been more stark — at home I had been wearing winter hats to keep the snow off my head; today, I was deliberately packing ice onto my scalp.

It was a two-lap course which meant that I had to run agonizingly close to the finish line at around mile seven, only to have to turn around and do the entire thing one more time. Now I knew what to expect, though, and I knew where to push and where I could relax. Now all I had to do was hold my pace.

When the second lap of the course started to beat me, I focused on my family, waiting for me at the finish, and steeled myself in the resolve to make this all worth it. What was the point of asking so much of them, to support my training, to spend an entire day of our vacation standing around, if I didn’t make it worth it? I wasn’t going to slow down for anything.

The last couple of miles were hard and my pace started to slip a little bit, but I was still moving faster than I had ever really expected. I found my family just before the finish line, gave everybody high-fives, and then took it over the line. It was a personal best by a long margin, with personal records in every part of the race. I almost couldn’t believe it, but there it was.

If there’s one thing I learned from this race experience, it’s that you can’t always see contradictions as obstacles. Sometimes, they are puzzle pieces in a larger pattern that you can’t fully recognize until you’ve put it all together. You can’t always resist the things that don’t make sense; sometimes, you have to lean into them, make them part of your plan and see them through to the end. And that’s when you can find clarity.

We closed out our trip with a drive through Joshua Tree National Park, marveling at the natural beauty of the desert before boarding our plane to fly back into winter. With California behind us, it was time to look forward to a new year, and new contradictions.

Watch the video version of this race recap:

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2TjeA98 via IFTTT

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

Hello, everyone! I will have another  20k chapter of Baghdad Waltz posting tomorrow, but in the meantime, here are answers to some intriguing Asks you sent me. 

CW for some discussion of sexual assault. Spoilers for BW through Chapter 34.

Oh, thank you so much! I love writing these and other secondary characters and giving them life and a backstory that will probably never, ever see the light of day. I have enough head canon to write whole side fics for both Winnie and Rikki. I love Winnie in particular, though I know she can be a divisive character. Winnie has not been a perfect mother, even though (like pretty much every mother) she has tried her best, which is one reason I really enjoy writing her. I usually see Winnie written in fic as either a straight saint or, less often, a villain, so I wanted to give her some more dimension. I will keep up with these characters as the fic continues!

A COUPLE OF SHARON QUESTIONS:

Wow, good catch! Yes, this was mentioned one time back in Chapter 17, when Sharon first disclosed to Steve that she was pregnant. As with many of the things like this that I throw in the fic, it serves multiple purposes.

First, I included this biographical information because of how common sexual violence is — at least 1 in 6 women will be victims of sexual violence in their lifetime. I wanted to also show that a) it can happen to “tough” women, which we would likely argue Sharon is/was, as an Army Reserve Officer attending the University of Virginia, and b) even though she still blames herself (at least to some degree) for “letting” it happen, she’s still an overall well adjusted person who can have healthy, intimate, functional relationships, a successful career, and good self-esteem. This hasn’t ruined her life, and I think that’s an important counter message to have in a fic that’s so laden with characters who suffer deeply and chronically with their trauma. Trauma doesn’t always end in PTSD - in fact, statistically, it usually doesn’t. This will likely come up again later in the fic in another context as well.

Thank you! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the read! As to whether Steve feels trapped by Sharon re: fatherhood, I imagine the details are a bit fuzzy to remember, because it’s been so long since that part of the fic, but I doubt he feels that way. He knows that Sharon has always been lukewarm about the family stuff while he has been dreaming about kids since he was, well, a kid. He knows that she didn’t intend to get pregnant and only got that way because her birth control failed due to an unintended interaction with St. John’s Wort (an herb with antidepressant properties she took to avoid going to behavioral health while he was deployed). As for deciding to keep the baby after becoming attached to it while she was pregnant, despite her previous lack of interest in being a mother, he likely wouldn’t have hard feelings against her for that.

If anything, I imagine Steve probably blames himself for having sex with her while he was home on leave, having just cheated on her with Bucky and not disclosing his cheating prior to having the sex that led to this kid in the first place. Had he told her as soon as he got home, she surely would have told him to go kick rocks, and there would be no Ethan. But he was scared and irresponsible and they were drunk... and now here they are. 

And although Ethan certainly feels chaotic and stressful for him because kids can feel that way and because he gets overwhelmed easily, he’s wanted to be a father for so long that he likely sees Ethan as a strong motivator for him to recover from PTSD and the effects of TBI. Certainly a much stronger motivator than Bucky, because in his mind, Bucky can fuck off and cheat on him or abandon him a thousand times over, but Ethan will always be his son. And even though he struggles to be the kind of father that he wants to be, Ethan and fatherhood is at least something very tangible for him to work toward.

Great questions! Thank you!

Ah yes, it’s hard to tell what’s going on with their relationship now, because it’s Bucky, who is at times a horribly unreliable narrator. He’s got so much baggage around the Army and not being part of it anymore, and there’s this piece about Sam having the career he wishes he could still have, and Sam having the personal life he could have had with Natasha in some bizarre permutation of reality. And Sam has been deployed, so he’s probably not able to talk much, and Bucky has terrible attachment problems and interprets behavior… not always very realistically. So he might interpret Sam’s distance (logistical, because he’s busy, because they have less to talk about, because they are moving in different directions) as a sign that their friendship was “weird” or that Bucky is “gross” or whatever Bucky is assuming because he’s going through his own shit right now. In short, it’s very possible that Bucky is projecting a lot of his personal stuff onto Sam, like assuming that a pretty normal phase of life transition is actually a sign that he’s being rejected.

But there is a separate issue of Bucky’s friendships getting physical and having these blurred boundaries with friendships. There’s yet-undisclosed stuff in the past that he’s referring to, so unfortunately you can’t see that yet, but he’s drawing on that, and he’s looking at this cuddling behavior (the “snack cake” scene etc.), and I’ll go ahead and say it, since it may never make it into the narrative, but Bucky would definitely have fucked Sam, if he showed even the slightest genuine sexual interest. Bucky has a bad track record with making good friendships in general, and almost all of his close friendships end up getting sexual or para-sexual. Take Steve. They had a pretty intensely physical friendship that got para-sexual and then sexual, and, interestingly, the intimacy that they shared in their friendship also took a nosedive when they really got sexual, but that’s another matter entirely.

So to answer your question, Bucky and Sam didn’t do anything explicitly sexual, but I think Bucky knows he would have, and now that he’s learning about boundaries in DBT, he’s probably wondering about theirs, and he’s looking at these patterns in his life right now, and he’s also just scrambling to figure out why they’re not good friends anymore. I mean, he also really just misses him and the Army, and he’s mourning for both. He’s kind of flailing around here, and that could be another reason why this doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. But you didn’t miss anything. He’s mostly wrapping himself around the axil over something that may or may not even be a thing. [sigh]

In other words, is Steve a Buckysexual, so to speak? I also am a bisexual person, and I take my bisexual characters pretty seriously (hoo boy). I can see why this might be a big question in people’s minds, because we haven’t seen a very broad swathe of Steve’s sexuality in this fic. He’s very much a monogamist who tends towards longer term relationships, if he can help it (not a guy who does casual fucks well, obvs). We started the fic proper while he was in a relationship with Sharon, then he went to Bucky, and then his sexuality went into hibernation, and now he’s climbing out of that, and we’ve had references to girlfriends in the past peppered along the way.

I’d classify Steve as a late-blooming bisexual. He graduated high school at 16, so he was really coming more fully into his sexuality after he left that environment, and that’s when his interest in Bucky started to fire up. Bucky was the first male he fixated on sexually, which parlayed into a sexual relationship for almost 2 years but then flamed out. Then Steve went into a long sexual hibernation after his mother died and he felt jilted by Bucky’s perceived abandonment, but then he was at the U.S. Military Academy, surrounded by hot young men at their peak fitness and— I will not say more specifically, because this is probably actually going to be addressed in the fic. 

But let it suffice to say that Steve is not a Buckysexual. One could also look at the way he fantasized about Bucky in the coffee house to see some clues to his sexual interest in other men. He wasn’t just into Bucky - he was into all these other guys too, jerking off while watching, all the dicks on the wall.... you know. He has had more relationships with women, so behaviorally he would seem to lean more toward women, but I would not say that women are necessarily his default preference. If Bucky were not in his life and they split to opposite corners of the Earth, never to speak again, I think he would be pretty open about the gender of his parter. As long as they let him put their genitals in his mouth, he’d be a happy camper ;)

And FINALLY: 

Ah yes, I believe you’re referring to the line “Bucky is still an alcoholic, ‘interpersonally unskilled,’ deeply imprinted from God knows what traumas, and really, who knows how willing to actually change, if change means being honest and shining light in the dark places he’s always kept Steve from, no matter how much he’s begged to see them.” Yes? 

So, prior to them separating in 2002, I would say that Bucky and Steve’s dynamic probably went a lot like this:  

Bucky was pretty contained on the outside most of the time, with periods where the he was a flaming dumpster fire just beneath the surface and brief episodes where he was dysregulated and really struggling obviously. The latter looked like, say, showing up drunk to Steve’s and saying cryptic things like “I’m disgusting” and sticking his hand up Steve’s shirt… or his post-Ground-Zero “fuck me/I’m totally fucking falling apart drunk” thing, etc.  And Steve, after these episodes, was probably like, “You know you can talk to me, right? Please. I just want to help.” And Bucky most assuredly responded with something like, “I’m good thx.”

I think Steve probably suspected for years that Bucky has stuff from his childhood (he would be absolutely dense not to), but I want to say that he probably both wants to know it and is terrified to know it. So his “begging” probably looks like gently imploring in a not too insistent way whenever Bucky does one of these big meltdown-y things. And then when they argue, Steve probably whips out the old, “You keep everything from me! I don’t know who you are! I have to beg you to tell me anything!” because that’s how these things usually go down. And Bucky would never volunteer anything and most assuredly lies about many things overtly and lies by omission alllll the time. So yeah, I would say that this a not-so-reliable-narrator situation but with a strong flavor of truth behind it. If that makes any sense at all. 

Thank you so much for the wonderful questions!! What a joy to receive them. More tomorrow. 

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

here you go @baura-bear (i’ve also definitely done these before but i know i’ve changed so)

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

i’m kind of a hoarder so all of them?? but mostly mugs and water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

CHOCOLATE

3. bubblegum or cotton candy

cotton candy slaps

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

very shy but a good learner

5. do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda sounds really unappealing right now so none?

6. pastel, boho, tomboys, preppy, goth, grunge, formal, or sportswear?

a combo of boho tomboy and grunge

7. earbuds or headphones?

earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

i don’t have the patience for either, podcasts are superior

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i walked by this couple yesterday who had ice cream and just... the smell of sugared cream and waffle cones.... delicious

10. game you were best at in pe?

volleyball maybe, but i still wasn’t good at that

11. what do you have for breakfast on an average day?

a granola bar, which sucks bc my first period is choir this year so i won’t be able to eat first period!!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

“oh boy i’m pining for someone”

13. lanyard or keyring?

my keychain is so heavy that wearing a lanyard would slowly break my neck

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

GUMMI BEARS!!!!!!!

15. favorite book you’ve read as a school assignment?

either romeo and juliet, to kill a mockingbird, or and then there were none

16. most comfortable position to sit in

i like legs crossed but i also like just the ideal Leg Bounce position

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my grey converse high tops

18. ideal weather?

like... 60 degrees and mildly cloudy

19. sleeping position?

on my side or occasionally on my stomach

20. preferred place to write?

in a notebook, writing on my laptop gets old after a while

21. obsession from childhood?

MAGIC TREE HOUSE or dolls in general

22. role model?

eva fucking noblezada

23. strange habits?

i like to shake my foot when i see something i like (is this stimming? probably and i kind of like it)

24. favorite crystal

emerald but just bc it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

probably something off of rumors by fleetwood mac

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

i hate warm weather but i like shopping

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather

go to school?? i kind of feel like my outfits are the coolest in winter and that gets me a lot of compliments

28. five songs that describe you?

just pick five random queen songs and it’ll probably be pretty accurate

29. best way to bond with you?

literally just talk to me. i can ramble for hours about shit you probably don’t care about

30. places that you find sacred?

my bedroom and the two giant woods in my hometown 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

basically just blue jeans a flannel and a black tank top. not very cool but i feel nice in it

32. top five favorite vines

all i can think of rn is i’m gonna munch i’m gonna crunch so there’s that (stream revolution lover)

33. most used phrase in your phone?

fdhslfhdjslkfdk or any other keyspam

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

i have adblock lmao

35. average time you fall asleep

like 12:30 now that it’s summer

36. what is the first meme you remember seeing?

ehrmagerd or however you spell it

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag 

38. lemonade or tea

both, including when they’re combined (arnold palmers slap)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school

high school: this past year’s senior prank which did give me a mental breakdown but it was kind of hilarious 

middle school: The Smell

41. last person you texted?

my dad

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

pants, i always feel like shit will fall out of my jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket, or bomber jacket?

hoodie and cardigan, Maximum Coze

44. favorite soap scent?

i kind of like dessert scents

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy, or superhero?

none of them??

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my fav flannel which is very soft and underwear

47. favorite type of cheese?

the one that comes on pizza

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

....... a watermelon? i look pretty appealing from the outside but i’m actually 92% water

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

andre deshields’ three rules to longevity from the tonys :,)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i can’t remember but i’ve definitely peed myself laughing in like... elementary school

51. current stresses?

“am i waiting too long to snap back my crush” and “OH SHIT I HAVEN’T STARTED ANY OF MY ESSAYS”

52. favorite font?

helvetica or comic sans if i’m in the mood

53. what is the current state of your hands?

i last washed them like 30 mins ago, my left hand’s nails are painted black, and my right pointer finger is bleeding

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i haven’t had one yet lol

55. favorite fairy tale?

i have no idea

56. favorite tradition?

i don’t really have any noteworthy ones

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

That Time In October 2017, The Week Of May 6 2019, and The Week Of Mamma Mia Auditions And The Week After (those are the official titles in my brain lmao)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

i have a good fashion sense, people tend to like my art?? i’m good in a choir?? and i guess i’m a bit naturally smart

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

something like “i’m gay”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

some combination of yuri on ice and ouran high school host club

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc?

i particularly like that one dude in hp and the sorcerer’s stone that was described as a toothless walnut

62. seven characters you relate to?

uhh my mind is really drawing a blank rn

63. five songs that would play in your club?

like... a combination of 70′s queen, cousin simple, and memes that’ll make people go buckwild

64. favorite website from your childhoos?

girlsgogames

65. any permanent scars?

(small tw) i have a scar on my left middle finger from when i tried to change razor blades and i just noticed today i have one single self harm scar left on my left leg and nnnnnnnhhhhhhh

66. favorite flowers?

roses and ik ferns don’t count but ferns are v pretty

67. good luck charms?

i have the shittiest luck lmao

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

i’m infamous for never trying new foods

69. a fun fact you don’t know how you learned?

idk, pretty much every fun fact ever?

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

like.... stripes of any kind make me look fatter than i am

72. worst subject

physical science, but it’s all bc of my shitty teacher

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

uhhhh fries and a wendy’s frosty?? or sometimes i squeeze a lemon into my coke

74. at what pain level out of ten do you have to be at before you take a pill?

hahahahahahaha i can’t swallow pills so i suffer

75. when did you lose your first tooth

i have no fuckin clue

76. what’s your favorite potato food?

fries!!!!! good!!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

ferns or cacti

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

neither?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my school id but only bc i don’t have a license yet lmao

80. earth or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies

82. pc or console?

pc?? although all i play on is my laptop which isn’t technically a pc

83. writing or drawing?

neither rn, i’m feeling uninspired

84. podcasts or talk radio?

P O D C A S T S 

85. barbie or polly pocket?

neither, i was a liv doll kid

86. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology but i can also dig some like... brothers grimm shit

87. cookies or cupcakes?

both but it depends on my mood (i could really go for a cookie rn)

88. your greatest fear?

experiencing eternal blackness after death

89. your greatest wish?

move into an apartment with my soulmate and act for a living

90. who would you put before everyone else?

nobody really rn

91. luckiest mistake?

coming out to my parents maybe? although it wasn’t a mistake, i would defo be in a bad place if i was closested at home

92. boxes or bags?

i have no clue

93. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight, or fairy lights?

fairy lights!!

94. nicknames?

none but if any future partners can come up with one for me i will marry them instantly

95. favorite season?

fall or spring

96. favorite app on your phone?

instagram or tik tok (KILL ME)

97. desktop background?

a nice landscape one of my fav artists painted

98. how many phone numbers have you memorized?

just my own lmao

99. favorite historical era?

60′s/70′s (i hate to be that bitch but that’s when music was at its peak)

[mollyshaj]

12.

Kaylin

“Why would you and get that bitch pregnant again?” Kai looked at me with her face screwed up. I knew she was going to be mad about it because for whatever reason she can’t stand Brandi now. I don’t know why because I met Brandi though her.

We were sitting in my mother’s kitchen while she cooked. Once a month we have dinner at my mother’s house. Today it was just the three of us because Brandi took Angelic out of town to see her grandmother and Kai’s man had to work.

“It wasn’t on purpose, the shit just happened. Don’t look at me like that, since when do y’all have an issue?”

“We been had an issue, I don’t fuck with her.”

“Why?”

“So you just choose to be simple and not pay attention. Have you seen me talk to her on some cool shit since you started fucking her?” She asked and I sat back thinking about it.

Kai would say hi and bye but they weren’t really how they used to be before things started up between us. I never spoke on it because I didn’t think it was a big deal I figured they talked on the phone and all that other shit females do.

“Okay, so what’s your issue with her?”

“My issue is she started fucking with you when I told her simple ass not to. I specifically said do not fuck with my brother like that and the bitch did it anyway; then she was lying to my face about it. If she can lie about that she can lie about anything.”

“She’s right Kaylin, that little girl is not to be trusted.” My mother said, finally speaking up. She was sitting there listening and not saying anything the whole time.

“What’s your problem with her ma?” My mother couldn’t stand Brandi either, she didn’t like her when Kai first started bringing her around.

“It’s just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. I knew she wasn’t worth shit when this one,” she pointed to Kai, “started hanging around her. “I don’t trust anybody that can’t keep a damn job.”

“What job? This nigga takes care of her ass.”

“I’m supposed to do that she’s Angelic’s mother.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Wrong answer; just because somebody has a baby by you does not mean you’re obligated to take care of them. If she’s not your woman you don’t have to do a damn thing. Your responsibility is Angelic and Angelic only. Hell, your father was bringing in millions and I took my ass to work every damn day. That bitch doesn’t have an excuse.” My mother said and Kai nodded.

“Exactly, and daddy used to want her home all the time.”

“So what are you saying? She’s about to have two of my kids, I’m not going to let her work some bum ass job.”

“You sound like you care about her way more than you let on.”

“He does, why else would he have her living in his house? If you want the bitch fine, be stupid if you want to; but you were wrong for bringing Ebony in your shit. That girl quit her job and everything because you were supposed to help her move on to something better.” Kai shook her head. “You’re lucky she didn’t fuck you up, I would’ve cracked you in your shit.”

“I tried to talk to her, I can still help but she aint trying to hear me out.” Ebony was straight ignoring me and has been since the night she put me out of her apartment. I call and she doesn’t answer, I text and get nothing. It’s been over a month and she’s not fucking with me. “Talk to her for me.”

“The hell am I supposed to say to her about you?”

“I know y’all exchanged numbers when we were at your house. Don’t lie and say y’all aint speak since then either.”

“That has nothing to do with you; I like her as a person. We don’t eve discuss you nigga”

“Well like her enough to talk to her.”

“What the hell am I supposed say to her about you?”

“Not about me, about the help with her career. I know if i she gets in line with the right people she can really build some shit. She’s smart and she works her ass off, plus she’s doing that parent shit by herself. I’m trying to see her at her full potential. I just need you to get her to come to the office and everything else I can handle.”

She raised her eyebrow at me then sucked her teeth. “Fine, but after this don’t pull me into any more of your bullshit.”

“Thank you Kai,” I got up and kissed her on the cheek. Laughing she pushed me away then wiped her face.

“Yeah aight, anyway…ma are you going to come with me or not?” Kai said turning all of her attention to my mother.

“I already told you I’ll be there with you for a few weeks then I’m bringing my ass right back here.”

“What are y’all talking about?” I asked, I was confused as shit as to what the hell they were talking about.

“She wants me to stay with her after has the baby.”

“I want you to move in period, you’re here all alone. You can stay with me.

“You are 30 years old with a man and about to have a new baby, I am not moving in with you. Besides, your father worked his ass off for this house so I’m staying in it.”

“Why did y’all get this big ass house with only two kids anyway? I never understood that.”

“He said I could have whatever I want and this is what I wanted. At the time I thought I wanted more kids but I changed my mind. You were already 12 and 13 years old; starting over was not in my plans. It’s okay though, my grandkids can come over anytime they want to and I got them.”

“Well after this one, we just want one more. No matter what the sex is we only want two kids.” Kai said with a smile on her face.

“That’s perfect, and what about you boy?” My mother asked me. “How many are you planning on having? You already have one, well two now. You’re going to get a second baby mama or something? You better not have any more kids unless you marry the person and the person better not be that trifling bitch you got knocked up right now.”

“Ma I’m not thinking about that right now. I already have Angel and the one Brandi is carrying now. I don’t need any more kids on my plate.”

“I’m just saying after this one, don’t knock anybody else up unless she’s your wife. Having a bunch of baby mamas aint cute. Your father and I raised you better than that. Shit, he would probably be looking at you like you’re slow.”“I know,” I shook my head lightly.

Growing up my dad was always real with me when it came down to women and sex. He was blunt with Kai too; he used to say her being a girl was even more of a reason to talk to her. If he would’ve acted like a psychopath about it, it would make her scared of him and he didn’t want that.

My pops was big on talking to us, if we felt a certain type of way then he would let us speak our peace. As long as we weren’t disrespectful he didn’t have an issue with us voicing our opinion.

As soon as I turned 13 he sat me down and talked to me about sex; not too long after he started preparing me for the life that I live now. One thing that always stood out to me was him saying you should never have kids with a woman you wouldn’t be willing to marry. If she’s not worthy of being your wife then why the fuck are you giving her your seed?

At the time I really didn’t give a fuck about what he was talking about. I didn’t take it serious at all, now I understand that shit. I don’t regret my daughter at all, and even though this is a less than happy way to expect my second child I don’t regret it either, but their mother is a piece of work.  

Marrying Brandi damn sure wasn’t an option and is never going to happen. We can fuck all day and night and be good with that but outside of the bedroom is pure chaos. All we do is argue, fuck and fight. Who the fuck wants to deal with that shit all the time?

“Do better is all I’m saying,” My mom shrugged her shoulders going to the stove to check on the pot of collard greens she had cooking.

“I got you.”

“You better.

***

“You decided to come in huh?” My cousin Don said when he walked into my office. I rarely show up at this office, most of my work is done at home on my computer. I’m not the really suit and tie type of nigga but the days I feel like stepping into that shit I come here and handle my shit.

“Yeah nigga,” I laughed before slapping hands with him. “I didn’t really have shit else to do so I came through to check up on some shit and I’m expecting somebody.”

I had Kai tell Ebony to come through my office today so we could discuss business. Knowing Ebony, Kai is going to have a hard ass time convincing her. She’s a smart girl so I expect her to put her business before that personal shit.

“Somebody like who?”

‘Don’t worry about that, that’s for me to know. Shit still running smooth up here?”

“Yeah, business is getting better every quarter. You check your bank account nigga; you already know what it is.”

“I feel you,” I nodded with a smile on my face. Don held everything down around the office and he does a damn good job of it. He’s 34 years old with a Master’s degree in business from Yale; nigga is damn near a genius and the shit is making both of us a lot of money.

“Mr. King, your sister is on line one.” My assistant Alex’s voice came through the speaker. He pretty much has the easiest job on earth; I pay him a lot of money to be on call when needed.

I picked up the phone and pressed the button to get through to Kai. “Yeah Kai what’s up?”

“Hey, I’m about to head to my appointment but I wanted to hit you up and tell you I talked to Ebony.”

“Alright, so what time is she coming?”

“That’s what I called to tell you; she isn’t coming to your office. Kaylin she doesn’t want anything to do with you.”’

“Are you serious?” I ran my hand down my face then pulled my tie loose. Ebony was on some bullshit. I know she was mad about the Brandi shit but was it really this fucking serious? You would think I cheated on shorty or some shit.

“Yeah that’s what she said.”

“Aight man,”

“Kaylin, keep you fucking temper in check. Don’t go to that girl on some stupid shit.”

“Yeah aight,” I hung up the phone then got up from my chair.

“What’s wrong with you? You look like somebody just shot your dog or something,” Don said while looking at me skeptically.

“I’ll be back,” I grabbed my keys and walked out my office. “I’ll be back, I’m not taking calls right now aight.” I said to Alex before making my way to the elevator.

Twenty minutes later I was knocking on Ebony’s apartment door. Luckily for me when I walked up to the door downstairs somebody was coming out so I was able to get in the building without being buzzed in.

“Who is it?” I heard her ask from the other side of the door but I didn’t say anything. The girl is stubborn; she wouldn’t open the door if she knew it was me knocking. Seconds later the door opened revealing her on the other side.

“Kaylin? What are you doing here? I already told your sister no.”

“That’s why I’m here, let me in.”

“No, go away. I’m done with you; we don’t have shit to talk about.” She tried to close the door but I stopped it with my foot.

“You can either let me in or I’m letting off rounds all through this fucking hallway. I opened my jacket showing the gun I had tucked in my waist.

Sucking her teeth she moved away from the door so I could walk in. Grabbing her arm I pulled her in the living room after closing her door with my foot.

“Why the hell are you grabbing on me?” Ebony snatched her arm out of my grip then crossed her arms.

“You don’t fuck with me and that’s fine but you’re walking out on business isn’t a smart move.” I told her while I took my jacket off tossing it on the couch.

“We don’t have any business,”

“I’m trying to change that but you’re on some bullshit. I told you no matter what happened I was going to make sure to introduce you to the right people and get you going. I still got you on that but you have to let me do that shit.”

“That would be too fuckin’ awkward and honestly I don’t like you enough right now to even tolerate your presence.”

“Explain why you’re so pissed off because I don’t get it. You’re acting like she got pregnant while I was dealing with you. The shit happened before you and you already knew I was fucking her so I don’t get the anger right now. Feeling a way about it I get but you’re acting like I cheated on you or something.”

“No you didn’t cheat but I don’t like how you told me, I don’t like that you waited to tell me. I knew you were still fucking around with her but damn a whole new baby on top of the one y’all already have? That’s too much so I’m cool on that.”

“Oh you cool on that?” I stood up and walked over to her slowly backing her into the wall.

“That’s what I said right?” Once her back was against the wall I stepped into her personal space. She tried to avoid eye contact with me by keeping her eyes fixated on the floor. Using my finger I lifted her chin so she was looking at me.

“You sure about that?”

Ebony

Between the expensive Tom Ford cologne that radiated from his clothing and the intense look he had on my face, my heart was damn near beating out of my chest and the underwear I had on weren’t any good.

The way his jaw was clenched tight while he kept his eyes on me had me damn near about to orgasm. Kaylin is the type of man that’s sexy as hell when they’re angry or serious and right now he was riding on both wings.

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckled stepping back.

“Shut the fuck up, nobody is worried about you.” I waved him off, lying through my damn teeth.

“It’s all in your eyes, if I touched that pussy I bet it would feel like a damn waterfall.”

“Whatever Kaylin, are you done?”

“No I’m not done. You bullshitted today but I want you at my office tomorrow. You don’t have to fuck with me but don’t throw away a good opportunity because of your pride.”

“My pride?”

“Yes your pride, you heard me.”

“I don’t have a pride issue; I just don’t need you holding anything over my head.”

“What part of I wouldn’t do that don’t you get?” He grabbed his jacket off the chair and put it back on. “Just be there at 12 aight, straight business.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Yeah aight,” he laughed. “Come lock the door, I gotta go.” I walked him to my apartment door. When I opened it for him to leave I got the shock of my life when I saw who was standing there.

Seeing Quan at my door had me like a deer caught in headlight. I was so shook I couldn’t even move or answer Kaylin when he started saying my name. It wasn’t until he snapped his fingers in my face that I snapped back to reality.

“You good?” Kaylin asked with a look of concern etched across his face. I didn’t even answer him; my eyes went straight to Quan.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked him with so much rage in my voice. Once I snapped back to reality all of the feelings I had for this nigga came flooding back and none of them were good.

“Damn, that’s how you greet a nigga after five years?” Quan smirked. “Where is my son at?” I almost slapped the shit out of him; the nerve of this nigga to show up to my place unannounced like he hasn’t been gone for years. On top of that he’s asking dumb ass questions, the fuck else would an 11 year old boy by on a weekday?

“Don’t worry about my son. You need to leave and never come back, aint shit here for you nigga.”

“Yeah alright,” he laughed until his eyes landed on Kaylin. “The fuck is this?”

“None of your damn business now bye, stay the fuck away from me and mine.”

“What’s yours is mine bitch,” he snapped at me.

“Yo, watch who the fuck you’re talking to bruh. You talking real disrespectful right now,” Kaylin stepped in front of me so that he was face to face with Quan who was the same damn height as him.

“Nigga I don’t even know you, what’s going on between me and her aint got shit to do with you.” Quan said back.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you saying; she wants you gone so leave and watch the fuckin’ mouth of yours.”

Chuckling Quan shook his head then looked past Kaylin at me. “We’re going to talk about this shit later when you don’t have your body guard with you. I’ll be coming for my son too.”

“You aint coming for shit, fuck you. Fake cowboy looking ass nigga!” I shouted at him.

“Chill,” Kay said while putting his arm in front of me.

“Chill,” Kay said while putting his arm in front of me.

Not saying anything else Quan turned and walked down the stairs.

“Are you good here?” Kaylin turned to me and asked.

“He’s not coming back here, I’m good.”

“Nah I don’t thin-“

“Kaylin I’m fine alright, don’t worry about it. You can go, I’ll be there by 12 tomorrow.”

“Aight, call me if you need me.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious,” he grabbed my face making me look at him. “Call me,”

“Okay Kaylin I will.” He kissed my cheek then left. I locked my doors then went to my room for my phone. Going through my contacts I stopped my brother’s number then hit the call button.

“Yo,” he answered.

“I need you right now,” I told him and I could hear the crack in my voice knowing I was about to start crying. I told Kaylin I was fine but in all honesty, this nigga had me shook.

My past with Quan isn’t a peachy one, it was a fucked up situation from the gate. I met Quan when I was 13 years old and he was 20. The first time I had sex was with him and I was 14. At the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I was actually flattered that an older man would want to talk to me, I feelin’ myself something serious. Of course I kept it a secret from my parents. If my mother knew I was talking to a grown ass man she would kill me and him so nobody but Mariah knew.

When I ended up pregnant at 15 I had to finally open my mouth and tell my parents about him. My mother exploded and damn near murdered his ass when she saw a grown ass man sitting in her living room. She almost called the cops and got his old ass locked up but being young and dumb I begged her not to.

She let him live and jail free but he wasn’t allowed at her house, she didn’t even want to see his face. I pretty much had to sneak around again.

Once I got pregnant Quan did a complete 180. I was used to him being attentive, affectionate, generous and everything else. That shit disappeared and it was like a demon took over his body. He controlled damn near everything about me from the time that I was 15 to 22 years old.  The violent shit didn’t start until I moved out of my mother’s house and in with him.

If I left and didn’t tell him where I was going, I got hit. If I didn’t do something the right way according to him, I got hit. For years I dealt with it and my family knew nothing about it until one night he thought I was on the phone with a side nigga when in reality I was talking to my brother.

Quan snatched my phone from me and beat me like I was a nigga in the street that stole from him. He broke two of my ribs, I needed stitches on lip because he busted it and it took damn near a month for the swelling on my eyes to go down. As if that wasn’t bad enough he left me for dead and dipped. If it wasn’t for one of Jayden getting dropped off by one of his classmate’s parents who knows what would’ve happened to me.

My family wanted me to press charges but I heard he was in Atlanta with some bitch and living down there so I chose to leave it alone and just move on. I wasn’t about to go back and forth to court for that nigga so I let him and the thought of filing for child support go. I didn’t want any parts in Quan and I thought it was the same on his end. Now he wants to pop up on me demanding to see my child like he earned that right.  He can kiss the blackest part of my ass with that shit because it’s not happening at all. As far as me and my son is concerned that nigga can die tomorrow.

[matts-take]

Matt’s Take

Dead Period…

We have now had a full week without Cincinnati Bengals Football.  I still haven’t stopped thinking about that holding call or processed the fact that we made it to the Super Bowl and lost by 3 points.  While I am a big College Basketball fan, something that typically helps with this dead period is MLB Spring Training.  Unfortunately, Spring Training this year has been cancelled.  Having a degree in Human Resources and working in HR, I certainly understand the challenges that negotiations can present for both parties.  This is currently what is going on between the MLB and the MLBPA.  Instead of talking about Hunter Greene, Nick Lodolo, Nick Senzel, and discussing wherever Nick Castellanos decides to take his talent to, we are in a “dead period” of negotiations that could even delay the start of the regular 2022 MLB season.  After 15 minute “walkout” negotiation meetings and little to no progress being made, the MLB and MLBPA plan to meet daily beginning February 21st.  There are reportings of “urgency” being felt, which we all hope to be true, as I can’t imagine a summer without Reds baseball. 

Opening Day

As of right now, Cincinnati Reds Opening Day will take place on March 31, 2022 against the Chicago Cubs.  The Findlay Market Opening Day Parade is scheduled to take place this year.  This is one of my favorite days of the year, as the entire city becomes a large celebration and “red” fills Cincinnati streets and businesses.  While we aren’t even sure of our final roster before the season begins, you can almost guarantee that Luis Castillo will be taking the mound that day.  It will be weird not seeing Barnhart behind the plate on Opening Day this year, but the future of Tyler Stephenson will be exciting to watch, as he takes over the main catcher responsibilities.  The resurgence last season of Joey Votto hopes to continue this year, as the future Hall of Famer at age 38 plans to take the field once again as one of the most dominant first baseman in the National League. 

Nick Castellanos

Where Nick Castellanos will end up is the biggest mystery in baseball free agency.  While many seem to believe he has nearly “zero chance” of returning to the Reds, I am still remaining optimistic.  His relationship with Jonathan India outside of baseball makes me want to believe that he could still see himself in Cincinnati.  The negotiation issues may even factor into Castellanos just wanting to take a deal quickly after the CBA agreement.  Last year, Nick batted .309, with 38 doubles, and 34 homeruns.  He managed to do this with a few injuries and 531 at bats.  The right fielder has proven himself as a top tier right fielder and quickly became a “fan favorite.” 

ATOBTTR

I am looking forward to hearing “ATOBTTR” many times this summer and spending many nights at Great American Ball Park.  Let’s hope they come to an agreement soon, as a summer without Reds baseball sounds a lot like the time we are in right now…a dead period. 

-Matthew McAdow

[egarotss]

A Transatlantic Crossing With the Queen Mary 2 - Part 1

Driving up to the Port of Southampton's Mayflower Terminal and getting first look at the white-and-dark hulled Queen Mary 2, the biggest, longest, tallest, heaviest, and most costly boat at any point assembled, evoked impressive energy and wonderment. Docked to port at a 50-degree, 54.25' north scope and 001-degree, 25.70' west longitude and confronting a 116.4-degree compass heading, the 17-decked leviathan, with a 1,132-foot length and 148-foot width, included a gross load of 151,400 tons and overshadowed the structures with its overhang lined façade, obscuring it with its 236.2-foot stature. Its draft expanded 33.10 feet underneath the water line. The drifting city, complete with its staterooms, eateries, shopping arcades, libraries, theaters, and planetariums, would connect, in six days, the European and North American landmasses, the comparable in hours to the term of the ethereal intersection by 747-400, itself then the world's biggest business aircraft. However, the maritime intersection would yield mutual respect, refinement, restoration, enthusiastic fix, and return to the more slow, yet more rich period of steam transport travel-an excursion, I would before long discover, would prompt a quest for the oceanic history of the past which had made the innovation of the present.

Not at all like the multiplication of present day voyage ships with their nearly lower speeds and more prominent volume, square-calculation bodies, the Queen Mary 2 had been planned as a cutting edge replacement to the 35-year-old Queen Elizabeth 2 and, in that capacity, would have to bring to the table that very all year, traveler conveying abilities, predominately in the harsh North Atlantic, with a plan which forfeited income creating volume and lower development expenses of the customary journey transport for the necessary wellbeing, speed, and solidness of the sea liner. Resultantly, it highlighted a similar angular body setup normal for the long queue of its Cunard archetypes, built of thicker steel which conveyed a 40-percent more prominent expense than those of regular journey ships. Planned by Stephen Payne, whose motivations for the bow had come from the Queen Elizabeth 2 and the brake divider from the Normandie, it was the principal fourfold screw North Atlantic sea liner since the France of 1962. Payne himself, a maritime designer brought up in London, had been associated with the Carnival Holiday, Carnival Fantasy, and Rotterdam VI activities. The last mentioned, joining a changed Staten dam frame, had highlighted a less "square shaped" body shape than the customary journey transport, however had still been extensively eliminated a full liner plan.

Planned for the essential Southampton-New York course, it consolidated dimensional limitations directed by the United States port, including a pipe tallness which cleared the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge by just ten feet and a general length which surpassed the 1,100-foot dock of the Port of New York by 34 feet.

Built by Alstom Chanters de l'Atlantique in St. Nazaire, France, which had additionally assembled the Normandie, and assigned structure G32 by the shipyard, it had been the main Cunard liner at any point built outside of the United Kingdom and, as Concorde, the world's quickest and up until recently just supersonic aircraft, turned into the subsequent British-French cooperative transportation project expected for overseas assistance, in spite of the fact that through boundlessly unique, if not inverse, modes.

Its inside offered unrivaled space and solace. Of the 17 decks, the initial four were intended for hardware, stockpiling, and the 1,254-in number group; 13 were for the 2,620 travelers; and eight contained overhang staterooms. Eminent components incorporated a Grand Lobby, the Royal Court Theater, the Illuminations Theater and Planetarium, the Connections Internet Center, the Queen's Ballroom, a Winter Garden, nine significant cafés, 11 bars and parlors, a 8,000-volume library and book shop, an Oxford University address program, exhibitions by the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, five pools, sports settings, a Canyon Ranch Spa, a structure of shops, and a discotheque. These arrangements would comprise my "home" for the following six days.

Emblematically reflected by its more modest QE2 archetype berthed an extensive separation from its bow at the Queen Elizabeth 2 Terminal, the Queen Mary 2 addressed a two-overlay net weight increment over its prior age partner and, without a doubt, followed its ancestry back to a long way of Cunard vessels which had crossed a 165-year time frame. I by one way or another detected that the unavoidable intersection would not exclusively be an excursion of distance, however a return on schedule.

Tenderly vibrating at its spine, the behemoth along the side isolated itself underneath from its billet beneath the metallic cloudy at 1810, nearby time.

Not at all like the traditional motor propeller shaft innovation of more established age sends, the Queen Mary 2 was fueled rather by four rearward, frame underside-mounted Rolls Royce Mermaid electric-engine cases, each weighing 260 tons and containing four fixed-pitch, 9,900-pound, hardened steel sharp edges, and all things considered delivering 115,328 torque. The forward, detachable pair was fixed and given forward and toward the back impetus, while the rearward, inboard pair included 360-degree azimuth capacity and gave both drive and controlling, hindering the requirement for the rudder. The trend setting innovation framework diminished both intricacy and weight and expanded inner body volume by wiping out the customary motor design's related gear.

Three Rolls Royce variable-pitch, cross over propeller bow engines, altogether creating 15,000 strength, given port and starboard bow House Moving Services From Ireland To UK ability at velocities of up to five bunches. At eight bunches, when their adequacy had been surpassed, they were covered by 90-degree pivoting, liquid powerful entryways.

Driven by double water-sprout shooting towing boats, the behemoth ocean liner started its blundering development down the bowl. Keeping a 11.5-tie forward speed in the Solvent, it initiated its starboard abandon 140 degrees at Cal shots Reach at 1907, ready for the comparable move at Brambles.

Packed into dim, the sun projected its shining orange streaks outward through the slender, unhampered strip on the western skyline. Expecting a 220-degree heading through the Thorn Channel, the Queen Mary 2 started its starboard go to adjust the Isle of Wight.

The main supper on board the exquisite, oceanic designing victory had been served in the 1,351-seat, three-story-high, double level Britannia Restaurant which had included a terrific, clearing flight of stairs, section upholds, and a vaulted, illuminated, stained discriminatory constraint and was suggestive of and motivated by the fantastic lounge area salons of the twentieth century French liners, for example, the Ile-de-France, the L'Atlantique, and the Normandie. The actual supper, served on Wedgwood bone china and in Waterford precious stone, had included white zinfandel wine; cream of blended mushroom soup with parmesan bread garnishes; dry rolls and margarine; oak leaf and Boston salad with shaved carrots and sherry vinaigrette dressing; rack of pork with wild mushroom ragout, truffle pureed potatoes, morel sauce, and sauerkraut; warm apple strudel with cognac sauce; and espresso.

The slim line of orange lights illustrating the coast followed itself behind the harsh. Keeping a 27-tie speed and a 250-degree heading, the stone consistent, 151,000-ton designing mass utilized the dark channel and started its extraordinary circle course, from Bishop's Rock in the Scilly Isles. Ahead lay the limitless Atlantic-and the way manufactured by all of Cunard's past transoceanic liners. Tomorrow, I would start following the recorded one.

Day Two:

First light welcomed the extended liner as a passage of indistinct, damp dim. Encased between the bleak cloud arch above and the naval force ocean record beneath, which spat intermittent white covers, the dark and-red piped vessel infiltrated the dampness immersed morning, the downpour discharging sky and the twirling, eddying ocean converging into consistent, wind-stormy, transport besieged douse.

Any undesired development, notwithstanding, was rapidly, and undetectably, hosed by the two sets of 15.63-square-meter Brown Bros/Rolls Royce balance stabilizers which were constrained by gyroscopic vertical reference instruments and stretched out the extent that 15 feet from the frame to check transport roll.

Diving into 348-meter-profound waters 98 nautical miles off of Ireland around early afternoon, the Queen Mary 2 had navigated 418 miles since its takeoff from Southampton yesterday.

Current climate involved discontinuous, light downpour with a clockwise development toward the west, anticipated to drop to drive 4. The current power 5, new breeze out of the south, combined with a 11.2-degree Celsius air temperature, conveyed a 994-millibar pressure. The ocean, with a moderate 4 state, kept a 10-degree Celsius temperature.

Evening tea, held in the Queen's Room, had been a British custom and a wonderful irregularity among lunch and supper served on each Cunard crossing, the last close to home one of which had been the 2002 eastward excursion on the Queen Elizabeth 2. The Queen's Room itself, the biggest assembly hall adrift, highlighted a curved roof, twin gem crystal fixtures, a velvet blue and gold drape over the symphony stage, a 1,225-square-foot dance floor, a live harpist, and little, round tables seating up to 562. The present show included egg, ham and cheddar, cucumber, tomato, hamburger, and fish finger-sandwiches, scones with thickened cream and jam, and strawberry cream tarts.

Evening tea adrift could follow its ancestry back about 165 years. Einstein's hypothesis of relativity by one way or another appeared to apply. Suspended between mainland, landmass, and populace, the boat appeared to be gotten inside a void, a captured twist in which history appeared to be caught and in which the vessel reconnected with its past, as it by and by replayed it, a partition from the present ashore and a way to deal with its past on the ocean. For more information visit our website http://ireland-direct.com/

[johnboothus]

Wine 101: Cap vs. Cork

This episode of “Wine 101” is sponsored by Talbott Vineyards. At Talbott Vineyards, we focus on crafting estate-grown Chardonnay and Pinot Noir in Monterey County’s Santa Lucia Highlands. Our celebrated Sleepy Hollow vineyard is located in one of the coldest grape-growing climates in California, ideal for these two varieties. Here, the brisk wind and fog rolling off Monterey Bay create a long growing season, producing fruit-forward wines with spectacular acidity. Building on a nearly 40-year legacy of meticulous craftsmanship, Talbott continues to produce highly acclaimed wines of distinction.

Click the link below to discover and purchase wine brands discussed on the “Wine 101” podcast series. Get 15% OFF of your purchase of $75 or more when you use the coupon code ‘wine15’ at checkout. https://www.thebarrelroom.com/discover.html?src=vinepair

In this episode of “Wine 101,” VinePair tastings director Keith Beavers discusses the difference between the two most popular wine closures: corks and screw caps. Beavers details the brief history of corks, which were originally popularized in the 17th century.

Though the screw cap was initially used for spirits and liqueurs, Australian winemakers began experimenting with screw caps in the ‘70s in an effort to avoid TCA, or cork taint. The screw caps have since taken off worldwide and are even used for sparkling and age-worthy wines.

Tune in to learn more about the debate between corks and screw caps.

Listen Online

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Or Check out the Conversation Here

Keith Beavers: My name is Keith Beavers and is cold soup considered a meal, or is it an appetizer? Or is it just a snack?

What’s going on, wine lovers? Welcome to Episode 26 of VinePair’s “Wine 101” podcast. My name is Keith Beavers, and I am the tastings director of VinePair. It’s Season 2, and how are you doing?

Screw caps. Corks. Or should I say screw caps versus corks? No, no, no, no, no, these are two different things. We are going to talk about the two of them and we’re going to get rid of some myths. We’re going to get into it.

I’m having a little bit of an issue on how to begin this episode because with the amount of time I’ve been in the wine industry, I was a witness to not the introduction of the screw cap, but the implementation and the evolution of its technology and its acceptance in wine culture. I don’t know where you are in your wine journey, but you could say, “Keith, I remember that. That was tough. We’ve come a long way.” Or you could say, “What’s the problem? I drink wine with a screw cap all the time. What happened?”

Well, let me tell you the story of these two wine closures, because that’s really what they are, wine bottle closures. We’ll get a sense of where we’re at with the debate because if you don’t know, it was a debate. It’s still going on, but kinda not. Let’s get into it.

A cork for wine is a small piece of bark, basically, from a tree. That tree is part of the oak family — the same family that makes barrels, just a different species. The thing about this particular species of oak is that it has a very finicky environmental preference, if you will. It grows best in sandy soils free of any chalk. It prefers an annual rainfall between 15 and 30 inches, and it would really like temperatures never to fall below 23 degrees Fahrenheit. We would like to have our elevation between 300 and 1,000 feet above sea level, thank you very much.

With those nature demands, man, the oak tree for cork oak really can only thrive in the western Mediterranean. Even there, specifically in Portugal, parts of Spain, and maybe North Africa — but it’s really centered in Portugal, specifically in the Alentejo region, which we talked about in the Portugal episode. Here, they have almost 2 million acres of cork trees, which represents about 34 percent of the world’s cork trees. That’s a lot, and they also produce half of the world’s corks. Wow.

When these trees turn 25, they are ready to yield commercially useful cork for the industry. Every nine years in the summer — this is according to Portuguese law — a cork tree is stripped of its bark. A hectare is a little over three, almost three and a half acres. The average hectare of a cork forest can yield 500 pounds of cork. It’s all science, but this particular cork is special because it has a specific cell structure that brings the corking material to life.

What they do is they take this cork and they actually boil it for, I think, 90 minutes to make it flexible, but also to kill a bunch of molds and bacterias. The wood is then rested, sorted, and cut into the corks, and then those corks are polished on each end. At this point, they used to bleach the corks to sanitize them, but recently, they found that bleach or chlorine can actually increase the likelihood of TCA being formed in the cork, which we talked about in the Wine Faults episode.

Actually, today it’s more common to use hydrogen peroxide, which I think we all know is used for cuts and bruises. Then, they’re graded for aesthetic, basically, for the visual quality of the cork. The more natural markings on the cork, the lower the grade. The fewer the markings, the higher the grade. Here is where if the cork needs to be branded for a winery, it’s done. Then, the cork is coated with a silicon film to help make it easier to get out of the bottle. They’re then put into bags dosed with wine’s protector, S02 as an antibacterial agent, and they need to be stored in an odor-free environment with a temperature not going above 68 degrees F and for the humidity to not exceed 70 percent. Just like the shock of S02, these conditions are helping to prevent the formation of TCA. They really don’t want this stuff to form.

Corks range between 1 and 2.3 inches. The longer corks are meant for bottles that are going to age for a long time, which makes sense. They’re going to hold up for a longer period of time. For well over two centuries, this has been the primary closure for wine bottles. It’s been around much longer than that. There is evidence that the ancient Greeks and Egyptians both used not only amphora for closures onto the amphoras vessels, but they also used large cork covered with pitch to actually close those amphora vessels. Yet, it was in the 17th century where if you look at some of the art back then, you can see that wine was basically still stored and served in barrels.

However, also in the 17th century was the innovation of glass. As glass became more popular, glass decanters became popular as somewhere to put your wine in. Then, of course, there were stoppers for those decanters so it would not oxidize or flies wouldn’t get in. They were glass stoppers that were formed to fit specific decanters, and then they were threaded. Also, in this century it was realized how expensive glass was, so the use of cork became more common.

The thing is, during the Middle Ages, cork wasn’t really used that much because the Moors had control and conquered the land where cork trees were and they didn’t drink wine. This was a comeback. The cork came back in the 17th century to become one of the primary closures of wine bottles, but this was before the corkscrew was invented. What would happen is corks would be put halfway into bottles so you could get them out. Of course, then the corkscrew was invented, and everything changed.

So, cork is popular. It’s the No. 1 way to close your wine bottles. There is this running thought that the cork is porous. Therefore, the small amounts of oxygen and gas exchange that happens between the outside and inside of that bottle help a wine age. There is a debate there, and we’re going to get into it in a second, because as modern technology became more available, there was a heightened awareness to the extent to which how many wines were actually corked at any given time. It was a little bit alarming. Also, there is more communication in modern times, so there was more understanding of bottle variability, but the big deal was TCA, cork taint. That was the enemy.

As Jancis Robinson puts it in the “Oxford Wine Companion,” it’s because of cork that we actually do age wine today. It was the thing that allowed us to do that, even though it has issues. If it wasn’t for the cork in its natural state, we wouldn’t actually have wines that evolve. If you were worried about cork taint and you wanted to create a different closure for wine, you would have to check all the boxes that you liked for cork. The seal would have to be reliable. The substance would have to be inert in that if the wine came into contact with it, no crazy reactions would happen. The ergonomics would have to be sound. Easy to open, easy to close. Easy to insert and put back in. It would also be nice if it was relatively inexpensive to produce. And of course, the big deal, it can’t have the ability to form TCA.

In the late ’50s, there was a French company that had a screw cap called the Stelcap Vin. It was used primarily as a closure for spirits. Always forward-thinking, the Australians. In 1973, a company called Australian Consolidated Industries bought the rights to this specific closure. They were worried about cork taint, so they renamed it the Stelvin cap, and they began to experiment with this new technology.

A screw cap is basically two components. It’s an aluminum alloy, metal cap attached to a sleeve. The second component, which is a very important component, is the plastic wadding on the inside of the cap. This is called the liner. It usually contains a layer of tinfoil that acts as a barrier for gas exchange. This is the thing that doesn’t allow oxygen to get into the wine. Over the tinfoil is a layer of thermoplastic and this is the inert surface the wine can interact with.

As we learned in the Sulfites episode, aluminum and wine interaction can get a little stinky. In the early ‘70s, Australian Consolidated Industries experimented with this thing called the Stelvin cap. In 1976, they published the results of their study. What they showed was that the screw cap is actually ideal for sealing wine bottles if the wadding material is satisfactory. They had four reds and four whites with a screw cap, one with a cork for comparison. Each screw cap had a different wadding in it, so they were just trying to figure out how it would work. It came to the conclusion that when the wadding is right, the wine is sound. Of course, this was very exciting so Australia was going to focus on corks.

They started moving towards this as being the standard closure for their wines. There was a big push for it, but it didn’t work because TCA still wasn’t fully understood and there wasn’t much consumer acceptance because people liked the romance of a cork. There were people in the industry asking, “Wait, corks help wine age. Why would you put a screw cap?” It wasn’t really until 2000, when a group of winemakers in the Clare Valley of Australia, known for its Riesling, had enough.

Their wines are very susceptible to the lack of aromas that cork taint produces. They got together and produced a vintage, but with a screw cap. The problem was those bottles and those caps are not available in Australia yet, so they actually had to get everyone together and buy 250,000 bottles from a company in France. They made a big to-do about this. It made headlines, and everything gained momentum. I actually read that six years later, some of those wines were uncapped or unscrewed, if you will, and they’re aging just fine. This actually prompted the island a few thousand miles away, New Zealand, to create the New Zealand Screw Cap initiative in 2001.

By 2004, around 70 percent of the wines in New Zealand were under screw cap — up from only 1 percent three years before. Something’s working. By 2014, 95 percent, and 80 percent in Australia. An entire country is primarily under screw cap with their wines — and the wines are good, or sound, I should say. There’s no cork taint, and the screw cap isn’t just like screwed onto the bottle after it’s filled, the sleeve is held down tight on top of the bottle of the machine. Then, these pressurized rollers come and they mold the sleeve or the cap to the ridges on the outside or the top portion of the bottleneck where the little threading is.

The cap itself is still attached to the sleeve, but with those little perforated bridges. When you open it up and it cracks and the wad releases, you hear a little pop, and oxygen rushes into the bottle. Now, the thing is chemistry and the aging of wine is still somewhat of a mystery. I find this so awesome. I mean, it’s frustrating, but you cannot do a scientific experiment with a compromised subject. This means that the second you either penetrate a cork or open a bottle of wine or even put a syringe down into the cork, oxygen is affecting the wine. The only way to really know how wine ages is to age the wine. Isn’t that crazy?

There’s a debate about screw caps versus cork and how wines age. This is a discussion that’s going to be going on for quite some time, until somebody figures it out. According to the “Oxford Wine Companion,” science tends to lean towards the idea that wine is always in a reductive state because it needs the absence of oxygen to reduce — which basically means to evolve. Others believe the porous nature of the cork allows for tiny amounts of oxygen, which I mentioned before, to allow the minor oxidation of wine, and that ages the wine. Both of these things could be true.

Actually, if you take the thin tin foil layer out of a screw cap during production, that actually allows for gas exchange very similar to a cork. Now, what’s frustrating and beautiful about wine is we may not know for some years until we taste wines that have aged how they do compare them both. Either way, though, today the screw cap is the No. 1 alternative to the cork. It has a reliable seal. It has an inert substance. It’s easy to remove and insert. And it’s a pretty relatively low cost closure. Think of a cork as a dollar. A screw cap is 70 cents. The only big cost would be smaller wineries that don’t often have the ability to buy the components that add on to the bottling systems, and they have to pay. In the end, it’s less expensive. There are other corks out there, synthetic corks and plastic corks. There is something called agglomerated cork, which is a bunch of cork pieces and dust glued together that was invented in the United States. There are glass corks. Again, these are glass closures they actually have a little suction cup around them. They can be fragile and expensive.

Honestly, a screw cap is a way to go if you’re not doing cork. It was such a big deal. There is a pretty famous winemaker in the United States named Randall Grahm who has a winery called Bonny Doon. I don’t remember the year — maybe 1999 — but he actually had a funeral for the cork. He took his entire line of wines, got rid of the cork, and only uses, to this day, a screw cap. It was a big to-do. He did a funeral procession down 5th Avenue in Manhattan. It’s crazy.

I don’t know where everybody’s at with their mind and screw caps, but the thing to really know is that they both do the thing. Cork is a good closure. Screw caps are good closures. Scientifically and technologically, they’re great. The only thing is, cork has this thing called TCA that can form and just straight-up ruin a wine. The only way that a screw cap wine can be ruined is not with TCA, but if the bottling system is not sanitary. For example, if there’s anything on the lip of the glass bottle before the sleeve goes down, you’re compromising the wine, so it has to be very clean.

Today, there are screw caps that are used for sparkling wine. I’ve had them, and it’s awesome. It’s not necessarily for Champagne. I don’t know if it’s a pressure thing, but I’ve had Prosecco under the screw cap. It’s just cool. It doesn’t come down to which one is better than the other, like screw cap versus cork. Each one has its benefits. Some winemakers, like Randall Grahm, are just going all-in on the screw caps. Some winemakers use screw caps for their entry-level wines and reserve corks for their age-worthy wines. Some winemakers are aging wine under screw cap. Some winemakers are doing both.

These humans that make this stuff called wine every decade and every generation, something changes and they figure something else out. The screw cap is just one of them. I mean, the screw cap was meant for spirits and liqueur. Now, it’s the No. 1 closure for wine. It’s just part of the evolution of what we understand in wine. We’re just going to keep on evolving. We are going to keep on understanding, and it’s going to get better and better.

@VinePairKeith is my Insta. Rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast from. It really helps get the word out there. And now for some totally awesome credits.

“Wine 101” was produced, recorded, and edited by yours truly, Keith Beavers, at the VinePair headquarters in New York City. I want to give a big ol’ shout-out to co-founders Adam Teeter and Josh Malin for creating VinePair. And I mean, a big shout-out to Danielle Grinberg, the art director of VinePair, for creating the most awesome logo for this podcast. Also, Darbi Cicci for the theme song. Listen to this. And I want to thank the entire VinePair staff for helping me learn something new every day. See you next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article Wine 101: Cap vs. Cork appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/wine-101-cap-vs-cork/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/wine-101-cap-vs-cork