#could a depressed person do this? (melts into a pile of goo)
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#sci speaks#could a depressed person do this? (melts into a pile of goo)#the sci files#hel..p... me....#i feel like i weigh a tonne of bricks and all i want to do is have staring contests with my funko pops.
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The American And The Brit 💜
(They/them pronouns)
(800+ words)
Description: Wilbur has a love or host. Unexpectedly though, you are right by his side. His clingy, American, flatmate.
A/N: Whether you take this as platonic or romantic is up to you.
[Rest of the story under the cut]
{《☆》}
Wilbur was being boring today. You wanted to spend the day together and play some horror games, you even offered to let him stream it. But no, he wanted to have a "Love or Host" and find himself someone to replace you.
Okay, maybe you were being dramatic.
"Wil!" You whined, holding onto his leg tightly. "Don't leave me."
"Americans are so annoying," Wilbur whispered under his breath. Sighing, he reached down to pull you off. "If you want, you can stay in the room."
"No." You stubbornly denied. It was getting harder to not let go, so you were starting to make your eyes teary. "You're not allowed to leave me."
Wilbur grumbled, trying not to look you in the eye. When he managed to pry your hand off his leg, you started sniffling.
"Okay fine!" Wilbur broke. "I still have to do it since I promised Austin, but you can be right next to me."
"But," You loudly sniff. "I want cuddles."
Wilbur accidentally looked you in the eyes, seeing your pitiful puppy eyes and cracking under the tears. "Fine. Fine..."
"Thank you," You grin happily, still attached to his legs. "I love you, bestie."
"Call me that again and I will just throw you in the wheelie bin."
{《☆》}
"Wilbur! Wel-, uh hello other person? Wilbur who is this?"
"Austin, this is Y/N. They are my flatmate and they forced me to bring them to my Love or Host." Wilbur sighed. You rest your head on Wilbur's shoulder and relax, just watching as Austin awkwardly nod along. "They'll just be here and do nothing. They're very clingy."
You poked Wilbur in the stomach, pouting. "You're the clingy one."
"Well, I suppose it's not too big of a deal. As long as they're not problematic, it's fine."
"Y/N doesn't even have Twitter."
Austin laughed. Then, he opened up the call and the contestants started pouring in.
Idly, you closed your eyes and played with one of Wilburs hands. They let you, talking softly with Austin as they started explaining the show.
"Er, who is that?"
"Niki, this is Y/N. They wanted to be clingy today so I had to bring them with me."
You opened an eye, poking Wilbur in the cheek and turning to face the camera. "He is lying. Wilbur is lying to your face. He demanded I be here. For moral support. And also because he is deeply and totally in love with me."
The group started laughing, making you grin wirly at Wilbur. Your roommate flushed and pokes you back.
"They're American though?" The Irish one asked. Minx, if you recall correctly.
"I came here because Wilbur convinced me to and then I got accepted to a college. It was practically entrapment because I'm stuck here now."
"Oh, shut up." Wilbur pinched your cheek, making you pull away and whine. "You're such an annoying American."
You frowned comically. "And you're a depressed e-boy."
"Austin, Y/N is bullying me!" Wilbur started whining. You smiled and closed your eyes again. Resting your head against his chest, you fell asleep for a few moments.
{《☆》}
"He's eating another fucking banana!"
Minx's loud yells made you groan as the group started cackling. You twisted until you were pressed even closer to Wilbur, trying to block out the noise.
"Oh," Wilbur whispered, pressing a hand to your back to help you fix yourself. He ran his fingers through the back of your hair, gently tracing random shapes. "Go back to sleep, it's okay."
"Hmm," You hummed. It was a weird limbo between awake and asleep. You could feel and hear everything, but the warm gooey feeling Wilbur made you feel kept you melted into a pile of sleepy goo.
"- so when you choose me and we go on a date-,"
"Mine," You mumbled, clutching tighter onto Wilbur. No one reacted, so you were probably too quiet about it. Louder, you said. "Mine."
"Y/N, shush." Wilbur patted your head. You shook your head sleepily, "No. Mine."
"That's actually adorable, Willington." Baffy comments, smiling at you. "I mean, yeah sure. You can have him."
Austin laughs. "Baffy? What the hell?"
"What?" She defends herself, "They're cute together."
"True." Another contestant agrees. "Are we just third wheeling right now?"
"Mhm," You mumbled softly. "My Wil." You let yourself relax again, blinking up at an exasperated Wilbur. With a dopey smile, you nuzzle your nose in his neck.
"I kinda don't want to win." Minx muttered. Niki blinked before nodding along.
"Is-, Y/N is somehow winning? And they're not even a contestant?" Austin said, thoroughly confused. You grin, sleepily blinking at the webcam.
"He's mine." You agree. Wilbur sighs and shakes his head. "I don't think I'm allowed to disagree." You pout when he stops running his hands through your hair. He barely lasts a second before he starts again.
{《☆》}
"Wilbur, since I won can we go cuddle."
"I don't think I have much of a choice, Y/N... You're such an annoying American."
"I love you too, British boy."
{《☆》}
[I haven't watched Wil's loh since it happened so the only people mentioned are people I only vaguely remember existing in it.]
[Either you're a clingy best friend or your a clingy person with a crush. The clingy isn't optional.]
[-L0v3, k1ng]
Masterlist
#wilbur soot x nonbinary reader#wilbur soot x male reader#wilbur soot x reader#wilbur soot x y/n#wilbur soot x you#x reader#x nonbinary reader#wilbur soot dsmp#wilbur soot#minx#niki nihachu#niki mcyt#niki dsmp#austin show#loh#wilbur loh#wilbur soot loh#dsmp x male reader#dsmp x nonbinary reader#mcyt x male reader#mcyt x nonbinary reader#dream smp x male reader#dream smp x nonbinary reader
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I know I’ve been making alotta ramble-y posts lately but hey I’ve been having alotta thoughts in my head
n that’s rlly annoying when i’m trying to enjoy my night and relax before i have morning shift tomorrow
SO
another long post under the ol cut
since I’m too afraid of seeking Professional Help because of general anxiety and also being afraid of Costing Money, venting out all my weird thoughts here is the best thing i got
if you actually read these weird things, gods rest your soul
plus, writing things out makes it alot easier to sort through my thoughts and not get wrapped up repeating one thing over and over or becoming so incoherent trying to verbally explain my feelings that i get lost
and I don’t have to worry about dumping everything on someone n giving them the unofficial title of Therapist of the Hour n I’d feel bad later even if they assured me everything is fine
so that’s nice
n i guess i should actually start typing out what I’ve been thinking alot recently bc well, it’s why i’m here n what you’re expecting to read
i mean
for most people care I could post the entire bee movie script under here n it wouldn’t make a difference
though that wouldn’t really help anything
Nah
think I’ll just stick to venting in these things and save the memes for other shit
sO
I HAVE MANAGED TO BE BOTH IN A HORRIBLY MUSHY AND AFFECTIONATE MOOD
ASWELL AS A PAINFULLY DEPRESSED AND INSECURE MOOD
SIMULTANIOUSLY
BECAUSE I AM THE QUEEN OF FUCKING MULTITASKING
My main fear right now is that I’m being both Annoying to my friends and Far Too Neglecting
because some i irritate far too often for attention and others usually need to message me first for interaction
and it’s awful
I’m awful
but it’s what happens
I’ve gotten comfortable enough with my new friend I don’t get so anxious i keep from ever messaging them
but i’m not comfortable enough to easily tell myself they’re busy and they don’t find me an absolute fucking pest
I simultaneously manage to Over Estimate and Under Estimate my charisma
it’s really weird and Very Dumb
and those fucking stupid mushy thoughts haven’t gone away
they were kept at bay for what? two days tops??
and next thing i know my heart is melting to a pile of goo again and i feel all tight in my chest thinking about things and it’s gross n I wish it’d gone away for good but that’s looking to be near god damned impossible to accomplish
oh! but it’s not just my total ineptitude at socialization that’s making me an anxious and insecure mess!!
it’s my art!!
because of course, every so often i have to have a crisis that my art is plateauing and it’ll never get any better and my style is generic garbage
because y’know
it’s just something I Do apparently
and i hate thinking about it because it feels like i found an old broken record and put it on knowing fully well it skips and repeats and is generally the same garbage I don’t want playing
and yet
here we are again retracing my steps
the same thoughts repeating that things will never change. I’ll never get better. I’d better start figuring out something new to do with my life because art quite simply isn’t and cannot be my calling
of course as a kiddo i had to get fixated on singing and art and continue that fixation well into adulthood
two things I’m always mediocre at and too terrified to properly pursue
fantastic
I’ve been trying to just think about where I’m at and enjoy it
enjoy the comfortable situation I’m in and enjoy the Now instead of always fretting over the future and what I could do or say or how things could go wrong
bluh
it’s hard
I see my friends all working towards goals and having things happening or that they’re doing in their lives and I just feel sorta
stagnant
you know?
I feel like such a fucking failure and I know fully well my life’s barely started at all
I’m 19 going on 20 for christs sake
I shouldn’t be feeling like this
aaand yet here i am
ugh
I guess moving back to the mushy thoughts because those have less Existential Crisis and feel more petty (??) and make my head hurt less, though it does kinda transfer the pain to my chest which is Annoying but it’s easier to type with an aching soul than a headache so, on we proceed
I feel so weird when it comes to relationship-y things mostly because atleast a year or two back i really took on the idea of there being many kinds of love and that i shouldn’t be so restrictive to who I tell “I love you” and show affection to
when I tell friendo H “I love you” it’s entirely different than when i tell someone else
though I’m admittedly pretty conservative with who gets an “I Love You” directly vs who gets my now almost customary “Sleep tight, don’t die!” salutations when my friend is heading to bed. I love my buds M1 and M2 alot but i love them a different way than H, you know?
and then how i feel about another friend is in an entirely different ball park that i haven’t felt since highschool
and one thing that sorta bugs me about myself is
I whine and complain about being starved for affection
I wish on stars for a love and I lament about how I’d cuddle up to the first person to offer but
I have been offered hearts before
several times
people have asked if I wanted to date them and i turned them down
because I didn’t feel that sorta love for them
I love them like i love most of my friends but
not like that
so, I broke their hearts like that
and i feel like I’m on the other end though i guess i’m not entirely sure?
I wanna ask more and try to really pin down what the situation is but I feel so awkward talking about it I couldn’t imagine trying to interrogate the poor soul
i
I think I’m in love?
i don’t really know
because love is a feeling at first, and then a choice to keep loving them
and i think I’ve chosen to keep loving them and i guess my heart doesn’t do take backs
so
this is a thing I’ll haveta deal with
I have these stupid mushy feelings now and finally someone to pin them on and it’s alittle bit worse than having that feeling like you’re in love with someone you haven’t met yet so you can only deal with the vague feeling of needing someone in your arms and someone’s lips against yours
maybe it is just juvinile infatuation and I’m wrong and i don’t know myself nearly as well as I thought i did
maybe it’ll go away in acouple of weeks and I’ll feel like a complete idiot for being a sappy fuck and making long whiny posts about it on tumblr dot fucking com
but
I keep thinking about it and I just
I know it’s more than just an infatuation
because bones tried to ask if maybe i was just thinking he was cute and getting all mushy over that and honestly i was somewhat offended
like
I can think people are cute
maybe even downright gorgeous to the point they make me clutch my chest
but
I don’t get this way over them
I don’t turn into a pile of lovey dovey trash over just a pretty face
though it helps
i fall head over heels for personalities
for how people are
and dear god am I in love with that
how they talk is so different from how they type, though when they get really tired it shows more in their typing and it’s kinda adorable
gods do i wish we could skype more but
I don’t wanna bother them too much and they haven’t been feeling well recently so that’d be a dick thing to do
they’re so creative and talented and nice and yes I’ll mention they look kinda cute, fight me.
and I know we’ve talked a fair bit and learned a decent chunk about eachother i still wanna know more bout them n talk about things n learn what they like
i want to see them happy above all else
and
i don’t know what to do with myself
because i don’t wanna seem annoying and i don’t wanna be nosy and i’m just
I’m such a mess I really am
I wanna flirt n be a bug but i’m afraid it’d be awkward because gods know my only modes of flirting are “accidental” and “subtle as a bulldozer”
sorry if these posts are getting on anyone’s nerves
but hey
atleast they’re under a cut, right?
and it’s My shitty ass blog so i can post as much Shitty Ass Content™ as i wanna
which means TMI bout my depression, anxiety, and being disgustingly in love and having no idea how to deal with my emotions at any given point in time
if you got to the bottom w/out too much skimming, congrats i guess???
have a music that’s pretty relevant to my current emotions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3lF2qEA2cw
night
#becca rambles#becca babbles#nothin to worry bout just alotta thoughts#and afew doodles but it's nothin special#just my usual doodles o myself to communicate As Per Usual
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