#copiax reader

[copias-juicebox]

It‘s a Sin Chapter 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Pairing: Cardinal Copia x fem! Reader Words: 5886 Genre: romance, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, SLOWBURN Warnings: in this chap: angst and a little fluff Notes: It took me ages I know. I apologize. I hope you guys have not lost interest lol. I will try to update more often now. Special thanks to @fishwithtitz and @portaltothevoid without these two i couldn't have done this

The next day came around and you‘re dreadfully on your way to check in on the Cardinal. The events of the past day, still playing on your mind. You replayed them over and over trying to figure out what you could have done to upset him that much. As you neared the door to his chambers you tried to shake these thoughts out of your mind. It was of no use. You had neither the time nor energy to keep thinking about it too much. With each step you took, his door came closer.

You knocked on the door lightly and waited for an invitation in great anticipation. You were praying that he was in a better mood today. For some reason, yesterdays events and his cold behavior bothered you more than you cared to admit. You heard some rustling inside and a dull thump, followed by a string of italian curses. The door swung open and you stood face to face with the Cardinal. As his eyes landed on you his face fell a little and you felt a pang in your heart. You saw he tried to mask it but his eyes were a dead give away. This man wore his whole emotional state, displayed in his eyes. Apparently whatever it was you had done still stood between you.

„Ah Sorella uh.. come in sì.“ he beckoned you inside.

His obvious distaste to your presence made you self conscious and something in you broke. „Good morning Cardinal.. I uh don‘t want to bother you for too long. I just need to see how you‘re feeling today, is all.“ you hastily informed him to get out of his hair as fast as possible. You did not want to bother him more than your mere presence already did and you feared you‘d not be able to stay strong and your facade would break.

„Yes.. yes I am alright Sister.“ His eyes were going anywhere but your face and you decided to get this over with as fast as you could. It made little sense to you but it bothered you that he was too repelled to even look at you.

„Okay so have you felt any change? Any feelings of nausea or dizzyness? Change in temperature? Any sweating or freezing?“

„No.. no I am feeling like normal. Can I go back to work now?“ he tried to wave you off.

Normally you would have made a joke by now about how he has never once stopped to work but the vibe was off with him. You bit back your comment and smiled at him. „Yes if that is true you‘re officially allowed to resume your work now.“ you turned around and opened the door again. When you looked back behind your shoulder the Cardinal sat at his desk, concentrating on a bunch of papers in front of him.

„Good day to you Cardinal.“ With that you walked out the door and closed it behind you.

A few more days passed, nothing noteworthy has happened. You were spending more time around your new found friends of brothers and sisters of Sin. Today was about to be different: you were about to attend black mass today.

The first time you were officially present during a holy (or unholy) ceremony for years now. After you dropped out of school, you avoided going to church. Without your parents' presence or the nuns from the boarding school you finally had the freedom to live your life a little more like you wanted to. Attending the masses in the local church was never done on your own free will. You‘d learned not to tell anyone, but you dreaded it each time. It just never felt important to you. It didn‘t mean you were not a believer, but that would not be accepted. Since you were a child you never understood why you had to go to church all the time when it did nothing for you or anyone around you who might have needed help. You‘d rather live out your belief the way it made sense to you by helping wherever you could, by being kind to others and providing safety and stability to those who needed it. You just never understood why you it wasn‘t accepted to express being close to god in your own way, a way that worked for you that would give you the strength and hope you needed. But nothing seemed to please your parents or the nuns more than going to that tedious mass two times a week.

As you walked alongside your new found friends in the ministry, Hannah pulled you to the side, linking her arms with yours. „Hey so I know you‘re probably worried about mass, but trust me, it‘s not going to be as dark and devilish as you might imagine.“ She lowered her voice so the others wouldn‘t hear her. „We‘re not going to sacrifce any new borns to the goat you know.“ Hannah joked to lift the mood. She didn‘t plan to expose you to them since she was aware how sensitive you were when it came to your beliefs.

„Yeah, okay. I guess I‘ll be fine.“ You smiled back at her as you put your hand on top of hers reassuringly. You were anxious as you didn‘t know what to expect, but at the same time curious how different it would be from the Christian masses you used to attend.

When you entered the Chapel, your eyes widened as you took in the massive hall that revealed itself to you. With each step you took, you soaked in more of its grandeur.

The Chapel itself consisted of three naves. The smaller two adorning the imposing middle one. Wide high ripped vaults extend above round compound pillars with figurine capitals. The ceiling of the central arcade overthrowing the height of the two side naves further showcasing the celestial character of the building. On either side of the Chapel were three recesses occupied by various statues of satanic entities and candleholders. In the central room stood several pews for the Brothers and Sisters to sit during mass. At the head of the central ship, inside the big apse, sat the Altar upon an elevated pedestal. Behind the Altar a grand statue of Baphomet stood, looking over the masses right under the grand rosary window through which the bright moonlight shone. Some of it seeped through the beautifully rounded, adorned windows behind each of the niches, depicting different scenes of demonic interactions, horned beasts, serpents, goats and naked women. It was all very breathtaking and beautiful.

You kept walking with your group, and in horror, you noticed that they headed towards the first row next to the intricate embellished pulpit. You followed them as they all found their seats and you sat down between Hannah and Damien

After about ten minutes the chapel seemed to be full of Brothers and Sisters. On either side of the central pedastal, where something similar to a transept was located, stood a few pews which were reserved for the higher ranking members of the clergy. Papa Nihil, Sister Imperator, and Cardinal Copia sat down on the right side while the left side was occupied by Primo, Secondo, and another man you didn‘t know. Before mass started your gaze shifted over to Cardinal Copia’s and you found him already staring back at you. You wanted to nod at him, but just as you did so the lights went out. Your attention was taken now by Papa Terzo, who stepped on stage, wearing his papal robes. He started Black Mass by performing a song with his band. You had never once witnessed something like this. The ghouls also walked up to the stage with their instruments ready.

A soft guitar melody started to play and Terzo was getting in position in front of his microphone.

He began singing and your eyes were glued to his silhouette, drawn to his presence as your ears were blessed by his wonderful singing voice.

„ We‘re standing here by the abyss and the world is in flames. Two star-crossed lovers reaching out to the beast with many names.“

His eyes roamed over the crowd and when they found yours, he held your stare, a smirk playing on his lips as he winked at you. Hannah slapped your arm playfully and leaned in, „You‘re so lucky, you know that?“

Terzo’s performance took you off guard, in a pleasantly surprising way. It was already different from what you had known or expected. In your church, every mass was the same, always opened by the priest with a prayer, sometimes with a song performed together. Those kinds of openings you had always found dull and boring. Terzo‘s though, managed to take your breath away.

„ He is. He's the shining and the light without whom I cannot see.

And he is

Insurrection, he is spite, he's the force that made me be.“

You didn‘t know the song, but you had to admit, it was good and very catchy. You could imagine looking up that song later and listen to it again. You felt every single of his emotions he put into his performance and oddly enough you felt slightly closer to the entity he was singing about.

After the song had ended the mass continued very much like you remembered a typical mass from your childhood. Except that Terzo, who led you through the mass, was enthralling and enchanting. He had a special aura that drew everyone in, including you.

What surprised you most was the sermon. Never once did he praise or glorify any differences between people. Not between man and woman, not between children and adults.

When you were still young, you‘d attended every mass. Given that your father was the priest of the local church, it was expected of you. Even though it was your father holding mass you didn‘t like everything he had said. All throughout your time spent in the house of God, listening to your father preaching, you often found yourself questioning the very words that left his lips. Some irked you more than others, leading to your mind wandering off many times, trying to figure out what it could mean. Surely in our modern society we wouldn‘t hold back women from pursuing their dreams anymore, right? The older you got, the more you understood. And the more you understood, the more unnerved you became about it all.

All the roles you had been forced into in your life, the things you had to just accept because the old man at the top said it had always been like that and it was the only right and natural way of things. The very fact that you feared to deserve punishment and suffer endlessly burning in hell for violating a contract you were coerced into made you question if god was indeed loving or if he was even worth to be worshipped.

Terzo never once gave the impression that they handled things here like that. No, instead he kept encouraging everyone to be their best, treating everyone as equals, and live their lives as they wished. Saying you were amazed how different this church was from what you were told all of your life and how wrong the public's expectations were about these people, who called themselves satanists was drop dead remarkable.

For the last part a few sisters walked up to the altar. The smell of incense attacked your nostrils and you began to feel hot as if the room was on fire, sweat covering your skin and you felt like wearing too many layers of clothing. The obnoxious stench reminded you of your early experiences with the old senior priest in your childhood church. A set of flashbacks came crashing over you like waves. Just breathing was exhausting at this point. You needed more oxygen, but your lungs refused you. Panic started to rise in you as you felt dizzy, and your eyes widened, looking down to the ground, desperately trying to find a spot to focus on. Your hands gripped the fabric of your habit in an attempt to ground yourself to something. Your chest hurt and your face twisted in pain.

Whatever happened in front of you was drowned out until you felt a hand on your arm and a gentle, soothing deep voice next to your ear.

„Everything is gonna be alright don’t worry. You‘re safe here, nothing is going to happen. Breathe with me ok?“ He started to breathe in loudly and exhaled again. You tried to match his breathing and it helped you calm down a little.

As you gained a little more control, your head whipped to the side, looking back at Damien, who now had slowly and gently wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you steady.

„Shall we leave? Do you need some fresh air maybe?“ His voice rang out next to you and you barely nodded at him. He led you out of the Chapel, many eyes following you as he held you close to his body.

What you didn‘t see was the way the Cardinal's eyes had seen everything. He‘d been stealing glances at you throughout mass and he had studied your expressions very carefully since he was curious about your reactions to a satanic ritual. But that also meant he saw the moment your expression changed, how your body seemed to stiffen. He saw you were on the edge of a panic attack even before you knew it. There was nothing he could do about it, though. He was very close to just getting up and making his way over to you when he saw the man next to you noticed your change in demeanor and talked to you. Copia couldn‘t take his eyes of you and the brother who now wrapped his arm around you, hand resting on your hips. He didn‘t even realize but his hands formed into fists watching your body lean into his touch. The cardinal‘s disdainful eyes followed the two of you slowly walked out of the chapel.

As soon as you were outside and the fresh air hit your nostrils you took in a deep breath. Finally you could breathe again. You still hung in the arms of Damien who now pulled you over to a bench to sit down.

„That‘s it, breathe in and out. Let the fresh air fill up your lungs.“ He said as you both just sat there and he took your hands in his. He kept talking to you in a soft, soothing voice. You couldn't catch a word he said, but it didn't even matter because in the moment, his constant chatter was doing what it was supposed to.

Minutes passed and you slowly but steadily calmed down. „Thank you Damien.“

„Ah don‘t mention it. I‘m glad I could help. At least I hope you‘re feeling better now, yes?“ You were in a momentary daze as your eyes found his. His thumbs gently stroking over your palm definitely didn‘t affect you.

„Yes, I am much better. I don‘t know what just happened..“ You stared past his head, trying to make sense of the situation in the Chapel.

„You suffered a panic attack, love. I know what those look like. My mum used to have those often when I was a child. My dad abused her for many years and it just happened so many times. Usually because of a trigger.“

Your head snapped back, making eye contact with the man beside you. „I am so sorry.“ Now your hands were caressing his as you eyed him with concern.

„It‘s not your fault, so don‘t be sorry. If anyone should be sorry, it‘s me. I should have helped her sooner. I should have stopped my father.“

„But you were still a child? You couldn‘t have done anything.“

„I know but still I feel bad for it now.“

A soft breeze of fresh wind whistled around your head as a few beats of silence between the two of you passed.

„What happened to your mum and dad?“

„Well.. my uncle found out about it and made sure they divorced.“ Damien’s face was frowning now as he stared at his feet. He had never told anyone about this in the ministry but he was sure you needed to hear something personal. He was curious about you and your sudden panic attack. He wondered what your history was that you reacted like that.

„Glad to hear that. I hope she is doing better now?“ Your body moved slightly closer to him.

„I hope so. Wherever she might be now. She died a few years ago.“

Your eyes widened in horror. „Oh I.. Sorry.. I didn‘t mean to pry. And I‘m sorry for reminding you like this.“

„It‘s fine actually. I have made my peace with it.“ Damiens beautiful icy blue eyes looked back into yours as he smiled at you with a warm and heartfelt gaze, his hand squeezing yours reassuringly. Your eyes kept glancing back into his and you thought you were seeing a flicker of vulnerability in them.

He cleared his voice trying to switch the attention to you . „Now, do you wanna talk about what happened to you?“

Your gaze shifted towards the ground . „Ah well I don‘t know.. not really. I mean I don‘t know what happened. I just felt all weird and hot all of a sudden.“ You didn‘t want to let Damian know what had triggered your panic attack even though you knew what it was.

Before you could say anything more people swarmed out of the chapel. Black mass had finished and within seconds Hannah and her group were standing before you asking if you were feeling alright. After explaining that you just needed some fresh air since you were feeling dizzy and the occasional nurse joke („our nurse needs a nurse“), you laughed along with them and everyone was off to either fulfill their evening duties or to spend their time with one another.

You were about to head back to your room for now, as you‘d had enough of large groups of people, when a voice called your name.

It was Damien again.

„Hey wait..“ He jogged over to you. „I was gonna ask if you wanted to maybe go and have a drink?“ he stood before you, gazing down at you with his beautiful baby blue eyes, smiling handsomely back at you.

You smiled at him. These eyes… and oh, his smile— he looks like a devil. „Oh, ah thanks for the offer, maybe another time? I‘d rather lie down for a while and get to sleep early today.“

„Ah, sure, yes, I understand. Well, I‘ll take you up on it another day then. But let me walk you to your chambers at least.“ he replied politely, offering his arm for you.

Copia walked out of the chapel, eyes scanning over the sea of people, trying to find you. Just as he spotted you, he saw that brother jogging over to you again, conversing with you and making you smile. He watched your interaction with green eyes and the way you smiled at this tall man gave him the rest. He was fuming inside, his rage increasing with each second that your eyes were focused on the man in front of you. His mind was conjuring several insults to the man who‘s gained your attention far too long, his internal string of curses only interrupted by Terzo’s deep voice as he came to stand next to Copia, his line of sight following Copia’s.

„Ah fratello, geloso (jealous)?“

Copias head snapped back to look at Terzo. „Ah no brother. I am just worried..“ his voice trailed off towards the end of the sentence and his eyes landed on your figure once more.

„Worried your girl chooses to „take care“ of another man?“ Terzo raised one eyebrow, smiling cockily and teasing Copia, his fingers making air quotes to emphasize the words „take care“.

Copias face turned back to Terzo once more. The double meaning is not lost on the cardinal. „Wha.. no.. she.. she is not my girl. And she belongs to no one but herself.“ He hesitated for a moment. „And it is her job to take care of people you see.“ He chose to ignore Terzos' innuendo and stay on the innocent side of the conversation.

Terzos' laugh rumbled loud through the air. „Ah il mio fratellino è innamorato,“ he said, laying his gloved hand on Copia’s shoulder.

Copia blushed madly at his older brother's words. „Eh.. hehe. Nonsense… You.. argh nevermind. Excuse me, now, I have a lot of paperwork to finish before the end of the day.“ Copia stammered out and marched off towards his office, leaving a still laughing Terzo behind.

After Damien had escorted you to your room, you thanked him again for his help and his kindness. But now in the silence of your own chambers, your mind was louder than ever. As you got ready for bed, the events from black mass replayed over and over again. The smell of burnt incense hit your senses just as strongly as when it had happened earlier. The flashbacks had plagued you again. The flashbacks of Father Clifton screaming at the young girls, hitting them for laughing during mass. You and the others were still children — you didn‘t know what to do, so you endured his actions for far too long. Thinking about it now made your blood boil, and once again you felt yourself feel hot like a fire burned inside of you. How you wished to be an otherworldly entity sometimes. To be granted the power to judge over those who did others wrong. To condemn them in the name of God and make sure they got what they deserved.

A knock on your door pulled you back to reality, and you wondered who it could be at this hour. To your surprise, the Cardinal’s pair of eyes were there looking back at you when you opened the door.

His eyes widened for a moment as he saw your face. Something about you was different — you had such an imposing aura that it caught him off guard. The Cardinal was stunned for a moment, but he knew he had to say something. „S..sorella I am terribly sorry t..to be bothering you at this hour.“

You stared back at him, face flushed still from your internal rage but the flames inside of you seemed to die down as his words hit your ears. His mismatched eyes stared back at you as if to silently beg you to calm down before his eyes fell to the ground.

„Ah “ you cleared your throat. „Cardinal, what is it? Do you not feel well?“ your concerned expression replaced that of anger as you imagined him to have some health issues again. For why else would he appear at your door this late in the evening?

„I.. uh I was just thinking about black mass today and uh.. I… uh did you not feel well? Excuse me but I saw you leave the Chapel with that.. friend of yours. “ he said timidly, finally looking at you for more than just a second.

„Oh uhm.. “ you contemplated hard about telling him or not. He had been such a gentle soul to you, always helping and listening to you without judging you but your relationship appeared to have changed over the last few days. Maybe this was a way for you to regain his trust, so you decided to let him in figuratively and literally.

„Do you want to come inside maybe? I don‘t want you to stand out here in the hall all the time.“ you stepped aside, making room for him to enter.

„Ah.. Sì sì. Thank you, Sorella.“ the Cardinal stepped inside. His eyes roamed around the place as he took in your private quarters.

Watching him standing there like a lost puppy was kind of soothing to you, and you knew it wouldn't hurt to tell him. „Please sit. Would you like to drink something? I only have water, I'm afraid.“ you scratched the back of your neck.

„Water is fine. Thank you sorella.“

Taking a glass from the table you poured him some water out of the half empty bottle that stood on the table. You sat down next to him on the small couch that sat in the corner. You sighed as he gave you his full attention.

„Sorella.. I saw how stressed out you were.. I just wanted to make sure you‘re feeling ok.“

His hand briefly touched yours as you held out the glass to him and your eyes met for half a second before both of you pulled away, brushing it off. When you peered back at him you found his eyes never left your face and his own wore a worried expression.

You smiled at his words. „Thank you for your concern, Cardinal. I am alright now. I have to admit I was not during black mass though.. I.. I am not sure if I can tell you.“

His next action took you completely off guard as his gloved hand left his glass and reached out to your soft and delicate one that came to rest on the table next to his, his other still holding yours.

The cardinal sat up straight. „Sorella you can tell me anything, you know. It will help you to let it out, maybe. Only if you are comfortable, of course, I don‘t want to pressure you.“ He took the glass in his other hand and took a quick sip.

The way he was not pressuring you into telling him strongly impacted your decision that you truly wanted to tell him. Nevertheless it made you nervous, you shifted in your seat as you silently rehearsed the words in your mind. Ah fuck it you thought. With a visible gulp you summoned the courage to tell him.

„I was..“ your voice was wavering a little but you forced the end of your sentence out. „..actually having a panic attack.“ you informed him.

„Sorella, a panic attack? I am so sorry.. May I ask what happened?“ his thumb began rubbing gentle patterns over the back of your hand.

„I.. Yes. I think the incense has triggered something.. a memory..“ you trailed off.

„The incense? So you have a negative connotation to the smell of incense, is that it? Would you like to explain what exactly triggered that conditioning?“ His hands squeezed yours softly, encouragingly.

„I.. uh, yes.. It was our former pastor. He was a tyrant. He was very strict with me and the other girls when we were altar servers. He made our life a living hell…“ your voice faltered, still hesitant because he doesn‘t know of your catholic past and the fear of his distaste for finding out about it is still very present in you.

Copia nodded solemnly, his face painted with pure sympathy and kindness. "Cara, I'm so, so sorry. And I can imagine it was hard for you to tell me what happened just now. I am grateful you trust this old cardinal like that."

A beat passes.

"I hope that here in this church you will find the true meaning of faith and believe. Because I am sorry to say, but I don‘t think your former Church was a rightful one.“

Another breath of silence. You could feel he wanted to say more, but refrained from doing so because he didn‘t want to overstep and cause you to close off again.

„I.. you are right.. it was..“ you wanted to tell him everything right now but instead you just stared at him.

„Sorella, are you alright?“ Copia asked.

„Yes.. yes it‘s just.. Cardinal, can I tell you about my past?“ you decided to try to let him in more at this moment. It took a lot of courage, but his fingers curled around your hand. It felt so warm and familiar. It was now or never.

„Always. I hope you know I am always here if a sorella needs to let out something weighing her down. Whether it be something you‘re struggling for a while now, or just a silly rush of anger, I always have an open ear for you.“ The Cardinal added another sentence quickly. „I am Cardinal, after all. I take confessions, and I take my job very seriously.“

You gulped in an attempt to swallow your fear. „I am actually not a Sister of Sin at all. I am a devout Catholic, always have been. I grew up in this town as the child of a pastor. I was raised to worship the father, the son and the holy ghost and not to give in to sinning or revolting against our lord and savior's words.“ A moment of silence hung in the air and you continued. „When I came here to this institution, I didn‘t know it was a Satanic Church.. I was.. I am still scared..“ Anxious thoughts swirled in our head as you feared his next words.

The Cardinal waited patiently, his eyes never leaving yours. You looked at him with a frown, trying to read his expression, looking for a hint of discomfort or even disgust. When he finally opened his mouth, he pulled your hand closer, wrapping his second one around it additionally. The cardinal leaned back in his seat, let go of your hand for a brief moment and took another sip of water. His slow movements without saying anything made you almost gasp out in exasperation. The glass thumped against the surface of the wooden table and he made sure to retake your hand before he spoke up again.

„Sorella, actually I think I have to make a confession to you. I have to admit I am not surprised to hear that. In fact I have expected something like this. I knew all this already.“ his expression composed and casual.

Your mouth fell open, lost for words your eyes bore into his.

„What? You did? And you never told anyone? Do you not want to kick me out now?“

As you watched the Cardinals face closely you could tell he was being genuine. It was that very relaxed and calm attitude to your revelations that had your mind in a whirlwind of confusion. How could that little secret of yours, that you tried to guard around your new workplace, appear to be an open book for him? Were you that obvious? You tried to think of any instances where you might have given yourself away but none came to mind.

The cardinal smiled and chuckled, „Kick you out? But what would we kick you out for?“

„Because I am Catholic.. Have you not sworn to fight against the Catholic church? I am your enemy.“

The Cardinal sat back up straight. „Listen to me, Sorella, we are not enemies. Our Church never wants to fight against anyone. We are not at war with the Catholic Church. All the hostility that is between us is one-sided. We have no reason to hate Catholics.“

Copia licked his lips, his tongue barely tracing over his upper one before continuing. „It’s just that we do not believe in their beliefs. It would be against one of our core beliefs even. Everyone has the freedom to choose their beliefs. We respect that. And as long as you are not resolutely acting against our rules in the ministry there is absolutely no reason to kick out such a wonderful addition to our community such as yourself.“ his cheeks heated up slightly but when his eyes saw your expression he knew it was the right thing to say.

He didn‘t know why, but as he looked at your face your eyes were glossy, and he wanted to cheer you up more. Sathanas , something must have possessed him to speak those next words to you.

„Since you’ve graced these halls with your presence, the ministry is glowing again. Every day I wake up, I look forward to seeing you roam around these walls, and I am not the only one.“ His mind went back to the words he kept hearing in the ministry. You’d caught the attention of everyone in the ministry, even of the old fart Papa Nihil himself, but especially of the male half of the Clergy. The Cardinal blushed slightly and stopped himself before he would start rambling.

This time it was your action that surprised him as you launched forward into his body as you wrapped your arms around his neck in a strong embrace.

„Thank you Cardinal.“ you pressed your face into the crook of his neck.

His mind blue-screened, and it took a long moment for him to regain his senses. He gently but awkwardly put his own arms around your waist and rubbed your back soothingly. Just as he was about to melt into your body you pulled back, clearing your throat.

„I am sorry Cardinal, uh.. I didn‘t mean to.. I am sorry if I overstepped.“ You sat back in your chair next to him.

„Eh va tutto bene, bella. Non c'è bisogno di preoccuparsi. (It is quite alright Sister. No need to worry.)“ He switched to Italian as his mind was still half blanked out.

„I‘m sorry, what?“ you asked as you waited for him to explain.

„Ah shit, ah no, it is alright Sister. I am happy to be of help in any way. I‘m always here for you, so please, do come and see me if you need to.“ He smiled awkwardly as he slowly rose out of his seat.

„I should get back to my chambers now. I would hate to keep you up any longer.“ He gestured to your clothes as you were obviously ready to head to bed. „Besides, I have a few things to organize before tomorrow.“

„Yes, yes, of course, I am sorry, I didn't want to keep you away from your duties, Cardinal.“ you bowed politely as you walked him to the door.

„Good night Sorella. Sleep well and get some rest.“

„Thank you. You too, and promise me not to stay up too late to work, yes?“ you smiled at him brightly

„Sì, sì Sorella. I will not, prometto. (promise)“ He smiled and crossed his fingers and you closed the door.

When the lock clicked, the Cardinal’s back fell back against the wall right next to the door, head hitting against the bricks and his eyes closed as he had still not processed what just happened. Not only was he correct about assuming you were the little girl from all those years ago, no now he had felt what it was like to have you in his arms. Your body against his and it made his mind go all over the place. You felt so right in his arms — it felt like finally coming home. You made him feel like he was lost all of his life, and now that you were here, he finally found his purpose. You . It was you all along that he was missing. He finally pushed off the cold surface, walking towards his own quarters, a happy skip every few steps thinking about any incense alternative.

Taglist:

@hauntedlover03 @adinferix @ghostfangirlsweden @fishwithtitz @pinksweetsxtan @portaltothevoid @bbykens @sodoswitchimage

[fishwithtitz]

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It‘s a Sin Chapter 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Pairing: Cardinal Copia x fem! Reader Words: 5886 Genre: romance, angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, SLOWBURN Warnings: in this chap: angst and a little fluff Notes: It took me ages I know. I apologize. I hope you guys have not lost interest lol. I will try to update more often now. Special thanks to @fishwithtitz and @portaltothevoid without these two i couldn't have done this

The next day came around and you‘re dreadfully on your way to check in on the Cardinal. The events of the past day, still playing on your mind. You replayed them over and over trying to figure out what you could have done to upset him that much. As you neared the door to his chambers you tried to shake these thoughts out of your mind. It was of no use. You had neither the time nor energy to keep thinking about it too much. With each step you took, his door came closer.

You knocked on the door lightly and waited for an invitation in great anticipation. You were praying that he was in a better mood today. For some reason, yesterdays events and his cold behavior bothered you more than you cared to admit. You heard some rustling inside and a dull thump, followed by a string of italian curses. The door swung open and you stood face to face with the Cardinal. As his eyes landed on you his face fell a little and you felt a pang in your heart. You saw he tried to mask it but his eyes were a dead give away. This man wore his whole emotional state, displayed in his eyes. Apparently whatever it was you had done still stood between you.

„Ah Sorella uh.. come in sì.“ he beckoned you inside.

His obvious distaste to your presence made you self conscious and something in you broke. „Good morning Cardinal.. I uh don‘t want to bother you for too long. I just need to see how you‘re feeling today, is all.“ you hastily informed him to get out of his hair as fast as possible. You did not want to bother him more than your mere presence already did and you feared you‘d not be able to stay strong and your facade would break.

„Yes.. yes I am alright Sister.“ His eyes were going anywhere but your face and you decided to get this over with as fast as you could. It made little sense to you but it bothered you that he was too repelled to even look at you.

„Okay so have you felt any change? Any feelings of nausea or dizzyness? Change in temperature? Any sweating or freezing?“

„No.. no I am feeling like normal. Can I go back to work now?“ he tried to wave you off.

Normally you would have made a joke by now about how he has never once stopped to work but the vibe was off with him. You bit back your comment and smiled at him. „Yes if that is true you‘re officially allowed to resume your work now.“ you turned around and opened the door again. When you looked back behind your shoulder the Cardinal sat at his desk, concentrating on a bunch of papers in front of him.

„Good day to you Cardinal.“ With that you walked out the door and closed it behind you.

A few more days passed, nothing noteworthy has happened. You were spending more time around your new found friends of brothers and sisters of Sin. Today was about to be different: you were about to attend black mass today.

The first time you were officially present during a holy (or unholy) ceremony for years now. After you dropped out of school, you avoided going to church. Without your parents' presence or the nuns from the boarding school you finally had the freedom to live your life a little more like you wanted to. Attending the masses in the local church was never done on your own free will. You‘d learned not to tell anyone, but you dreaded it each time. It just never felt important to you. It didn‘t mean you were not a believer, but that would not be accepted. Since you were a child you never understood why you had to go to church all the time when it did nothing for you or anyone around you who might have needed help. You‘d rather live out your belief the way it made sense to you by helping wherever you could, by being kind to others and providing safety and stability to those who needed it. You just never understood why you it wasn‘t accepted to express being close to god in your own way, a way that worked for you that would give you the strength and hope you needed. But nothing seemed to please your parents or the nuns more than going to that tedious mass two times a week.

As you walked alongside your new found friends in the ministry, Hannah pulled you to the side, linking her arms with yours. „Hey so I know you‘re probably worried about mass, but trust me, it‘s not going to be as dark and devilish as you might imagine.“ She lowered her voice so the others wouldn‘t hear her. „We‘re not going to sacrifce any new borns to the goat you know.“ Hannah joked to lift the mood. She didn‘t plan to expose you to them since she was aware how sensitive you were when it came to your beliefs.

„Yeah, okay. I guess I‘ll be fine.“ You smiled back at her as you put your hand on top of hers reassuringly. You were anxious as you didn‘t know what to expect, but at the same time curious how different it would be from the Christian masses you used to attend.

When you entered the Chapel, your eyes widened as you took in the massive hall that revealed itself to you. With each step you took, you soaked in more of its grandeur.

The Chapel itself consisted of three naves. The smaller two adorning the imposing middle one. Wide high ripped vaults extend above round compound pillars with figurine capitals. The ceiling of the central arcade overthrowing the height of the two side naves further showcasing the celestial character of the building. On either side of the Chapel were three recesses occupied by various statues of satanic entities and candleholders. In the central room stood several pews for the Brothers and Sisters to sit during mass. At the head of the central ship, inside the big apse, sat the Altar upon an elevated pedestal. Behind the Altar a grand statue of Baphomet stood, looking over the masses right under the grand rosary window through which the bright moonlight shone. Some of it seeped through the beautifully rounded, adorned windows behind each of the niches, depicting different scenes of demonic interactions, horned beasts, serpents, goats and naked women. It was all very breathtaking and beautiful.

You kept walking with your group, and in horror, you noticed that they headed towards the first row next to the intricate embellished pulpit. You followed them as they all found their seats and you sat down between Hannah and Damien

After about ten minutes the chapel seemed to be full of Brothers and Sisters. On either side of the central pedastal, where something similar to a transept was located, stood a few pews which were reserved for the higher ranking members of the clergy. Papa Nihil, Sister Imperator, and Cardinal Copia sat down on the right side while the left side was occupied by Primo, Secondo, and another man you didn‘t know. Before mass started your gaze shifted over to Cardinal Copia’s and you found him already staring back at you. You wanted to nod at him, but just as you did so the lights went out. Your attention was taken now by Papa Terzo, who stepped on stage, wearing his papal robes. He started Black Mass by performing a song with his band. You had never once witnessed something like this. The ghouls also walked up to the stage with their instruments ready.

A soft guitar melody started to play and Terzo was getting in position in front of his microphone.

He began singing and your eyes were glued to his silhouette, drawn to his presence as your ears were blessed by his wonderful singing voice.

„ We‘re standing here by the abyss and the world is in flames. Two star-crossed lovers reaching out to the beast with many names.“

His eyes roamed over the crowd and when they found yours, he held your stare, a smirk playing on his lips as he winked at you. Hannah slapped your arm playfully and leaned in, „You‘re so lucky, you know that?“

Terzo’s performance took you off guard, in a pleasantly surprising way. It was already different from what you had known or expected. In your church, every mass was the same, always opened by the priest with a prayer, sometimes with a song performed together. Those kinds of openings you had always found dull and boring. Terzo‘s though, managed to take your breath away.

„ He is. He's the shining and the light without whom I cannot see.

And he is

Insurrection, he is spite, he's the force that made me be.“

You didn‘t know the song, but you had to admit, it was good and very catchy. You could imagine looking up that song later and listen to it again. You felt every single of his emotions he put into his performance and oddly enough you felt slightly closer to the entity he was singing about.

After the song had ended the mass continued very much like you remembered a typical mass from your childhood. Except that Terzo, who led you through the mass, was enthralling and enchanting. He had a special aura that drew everyone in, including you.

What surprised you most was the sermon. Never once did he praise or glorify any differences between people. Not between man and woman, not between children and adults.

When you were still young, you‘d attended every mass. Given that your father was the priest of the local church, it was expected of you. Even though it was your father holding mass you didn‘t like everything he had said. All throughout your time spent in the house of God, listening to your father preaching, you often found yourself questioning the very words that left his lips. Some irked you more than others, leading to your mind wandering off many times, trying to figure out what it could mean. Surely in our modern society we wouldn‘t hold back women from pursuing their dreams anymore, right? The older you got, the more you understood. And the more you understood, the more unnerved you became about it all.

All the roles you had been forced into in your life, the things you had to just accept because the old man at the top said it had always been like that and it was the only right and natural way of things. The very fact that you feared to deserve punishment and suffer endlessly burning in hell for violating a contract you were coerced into made you question if god was indeed loving or if he was even worth to be worshipped.

Terzo never once gave the impression that they handled things here like that. No, instead he kept encouraging everyone to be their best, treating everyone as equals, and live their lives as they wished. Saying you were amazed how different this church was from what you were told all of your life and how wrong the public's expectations were about these people, who called themselves satanists was drop dead remarkable.

For the last part a few sisters walked up to the altar. The smell of incense attacked your nostrils and you began to feel hot as if the room was on fire, sweat covering your skin and you felt like wearing too many layers of clothing. The obnoxious stench reminded you of your early experiences with the old senior priest in your childhood church. A set of flashbacks came crashing over you like waves. Just breathing was exhausting at this point. You needed more oxygen, but your lungs refused you. Panic started to rise in you as you felt dizzy, and your eyes widened, looking down to the ground, desperately trying to find a spot to focus on. Your hands gripped the fabric of your habit in an attempt to ground yourself to something. Your chest hurt and your face twisted in pain.

Whatever happened in front of you was drowned out until you felt a hand on your arm and a gentle, soothing deep voice next to your ear.

„Everything is gonna be alright don’t worry. You‘re safe here, nothing is going to happen. Breathe with me ok?“ He started to breathe in loudly and exhaled again. You tried to match his breathing and it helped you calm down a little.

As you gained a little more control, your head whipped to the side, looking back at Damien, who now had slowly and gently wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you steady.

„Shall we leave? Do you need some fresh air maybe?“ His voice rang out next to you and you barely nodded at him. He led you out of the Chapel, many eyes following you as he held you close to his body.

What you didn‘t see was the way the Cardinal's eyes had seen everything. He‘d been stealing glances at you throughout mass and he had studied your expressions very carefully since he was curious about your reactions to a satanic ritual. But that also meant he saw the moment your expression changed, how your body seemed to stiffen. He saw you were on the edge of a panic attack even before you knew it. There was nothing he could do about it, though. He was very close to just getting up and making his way over to you when he saw the man next to you noticed your change in demeanor and talked to you. Copia couldn‘t take his eyes of you and the brother who now wrapped his arm around you, hand resting on your hips. He didn‘t even realize but his hands formed into fists watching your body lean into his touch. The cardinal‘s disdainful eyes followed the two of you slowly walked out of the chapel.

As soon as you were outside and the fresh air hit your nostrils you took in a deep breath. Finally you could breathe again. You still hung in the arms of Damien who now pulled you over to a bench to sit down.

„That‘s it, breathe in and out. Let the fresh air fill up your lungs.“ He said as you both just sat there and he took your hands in his. He kept talking to you in a soft, soothing voice. You couldn't catch a word he said, but it didn't even matter because in the moment, his constant chatter was doing what it was supposed to.

Minutes passed and you slowly but steadily calmed down. „Thank you Damien.“

„Ah don‘t mention it. I‘m glad I could help. At least I hope you‘re feeling better now, yes?“ You were in a momentary daze as your eyes found his. His thumbs gently stroking over your palm definitely didn‘t affect you.

„Yes, I am much better. I don‘t know what just happened..“ You stared past his head, trying to make sense of the situation in the Chapel.

„You suffered a panic attack, love. I know what those look like. My mum used to have those often when I was a child. My dad abused her for many years and it just happened so many times. Usually because of a trigger.“

Your head snapped back, making eye contact with the man beside you. „I am so sorry.“ Now your hands were caressing his as you eyed him with concern.

„It‘s not your fault, so don‘t be sorry. If anyone should be sorry, it‘s me. I should have helped her sooner. I should have stopped my father.“

„But you were still a child? You couldn‘t have done anything.“

„I know but still I feel bad for it now.“

A soft breeze of fresh wind whistled around your head as a few beats of silence between the two of you passed.

„What happened to your mum and dad?“

„Well.. my uncle found out about it and made sure they divorced.“ Damien’s face was frowning now as he stared at his feet. He had never told anyone about this in the ministry but he was sure you needed to hear something personal. He was curious about you and your sudden panic attack. He wondered what your history was that you reacted like that.

„Glad to hear that. I hope she is doing better now?“ Your body moved slightly closer to him.

„I hope so. Wherever she might be now. She died a few years ago.“

Your eyes widened in horror. „Oh I.. Sorry.. I didn‘t mean to pry. And I‘m sorry for reminding you like this.“

„It‘s fine actually. I have made my peace with it.“ Damiens beautiful icy blue eyes looked back into yours as he smiled at you with a warm and heartfelt gaze, his hand squeezing yours reassuringly. Your eyes kept glancing back into his and you thought you were seeing a flicker of vulnerability in them.

He cleared his voice trying to switch the attention to you . „Now, do you wanna talk about what happened to you?“

Your gaze shifted towards the ground . „Ah well I don‘t know.. not really. I mean I don‘t know what happened. I just felt all weird and hot all of a sudden.“ You didn‘t want to let Damian know what had triggered your panic attack even though you knew what it was.

Before you could say anything more people swarmed out of the chapel. Black mass had finished and within seconds Hannah and her group were standing before you asking if you were feeling alright. After explaining that you just needed some fresh air since you were feeling dizzy and the occasional nurse joke („our nurse needs a nurse“), you laughed along with them and everyone was off to either fulfill their evening duties or to spend their time with one another.

You were about to head back to your room for now, as you‘d had enough of large groups of people, when a voice called your name.

It was Damien again.

„Hey wait..“ He jogged over to you. „I was gonna ask if you wanted to maybe go and have a drink?“ he stood before you, gazing down at you with his beautiful baby blue eyes, smiling handsomely back at you.

You smiled at him. These eyes… and oh, his smile— he looks like a devil. „Oh, ah thanks for the offer, maybe another time? I‘d rather lie down for a while and get to sleep early today.“

„Ah, sure, yes, I understand. Well, I‘ll take you up on it another day then. But let me walk you to your chambers at least.“ he replied politely, offering his arm for you.

Copia walked out of the chapel, eyes scanning over the sea of people, trying to find you. Just as he spotted you, he saw that brother jogging over to you again, conversing with you and making you smile. He watched your interaction with green eyes and the way you smiled at this tall man gave him the rest. He was fuming inside, his rage increasing with each second that your eyes were focused on the man in front of you. His mind was conjuring several insults to the man who‘s gained your attention far too long, his internal string of curses only interrupted by Terzo’s deep voice as he came to stand next to Copia, his line of sight following Copia’s.

„Ah fratello, geloso (jealous)?“

Copias head snapped back to look at Terzo. „Ah no brother. I am just worried..“ his voice trailed off towards the end of the sentence and his eyes landed on your figure once more.

„Worried your girl chooses to „take care“ of another man?“ Terzo raised one eyebrow, smiling cockily and teasing Copia, his fingers making air quotes to emphasize the words „take care“.

Copias face turned back to Terzo once more. The double meaning is not lost on the cardinal. „Wha.. no.. she.. she is not my girl. And she belongs to no one but herself.“ He hesitated for a moment. „And it is her job to take care of people you see.“ He chose to ignore Terzos' innuendo and stay on the innocent side of the conversation.

Terzos' laugh rumbled loud through the air. „Ah il mio fratellino è innamorato,“ he said, laying his gloved hand on Copia’s shoulder.

Copia blushed madly at his older brother's words. „Eh.. hehe. Nonsense… You.. argh nevermind. Excuse me, now, I have a lot of paperwork to finish before the end of the day.“ Copia stammered out and marched off towards his office, leaving a still laughing Terzo behind.

After Damien had escorted you to your room, you thanked him again for his help and his kindness. But now in the silence of your own chambers, your mind was louder than ever. As you got ready for bed, the events from black mass replayed over and over again. The smell of burnt incense hit your senses just as strongly as when it had happened earlier. The flashbacks had plagued you again. The flashbacks of Father Clifton screaming at the young girls, hitting them for laughing during mass. You and the others were still children — you didn‘t know what to do, so you endured his actions for far too long. Thinking about it now made your blood boil, and once again you felt yourself feel hot like a fire burned inside of you. How you wished to be an otherworldly entity sometimes. To be granted the power to judge over those who did others wrong. To condemn them in the name of God and make sure they got what they deserved.

A knock on your door pulled you back to reality, and you wondered who it could be at this hour. To your surprise, the Cardinal’s pair of eyes were there looking back at you when you opened the door.

His eyes widened for a moment as he saw your face. Something about you was different — you had such an imposing aura that it caught him off guard. The Cardinal was stunned for a moment, but he knew he had to say something. „S..sorella I am terribly sorry t..to be bothering you at this hour.“

You stared back at him, face flushed still from your internal rage but the flames inside of you seemed to die down as his words hit your ears. His mismatched eyes stared back at you as if to silently beg you to calm down before his eyes fell to the ground.

„Ah “ you cleared your throat. „Cardinal, what is it? Do you not feel well?“ your concerned expression replaced that of anger as you imagined him to have some health issues again. For why else would he appear at your door this late in the evening?

„I.. uh I was just thinking about black mass today and uh.. I… uh did you not feel well? Excuse me but I saw you leave the Chapel with that.. friend of yours. “ he said timidly, finally looking at you for more than just a second.

„Oh uhm.. “ you contemplated hard about telling him or not. He had been such a gentle soul to you, always helping and listening to you without judging you but your relationship appeared to have changed over the last few days. Maybe this was a way for you to regain his trust, so you decided to let him in figuratively and literally.

„Do you want to come inside maybe? I don‘t want you to stand out here in the hall all the time.“ you stepped aside, making room for him to enter.

„Ah.. Sì sì. Thank you, Sorella.“ the Cardinal stepped inside. His eyes roamed around the place as he took in your private quarters.

Watching him standing there like a lost puppy was kind of soothing to you, and you knew it wouldn't hurt to tell him. „Please sit. Would you like to drink something? I only have water, I'm afraid.“ you scratched the back of your neck.

„Water is fine. Thank you sorella.“

Taking a glass from the table you poured him some water out of the half empty bottle that stood on the table. You sat down next to him on the small couch that sat in the corner. You sighed as he gave you his full attention.

„Sorella.. I saw how stressed out you were.. I just wanted to make sure you‘re feeling ok.“

His hand briefly touched yours as you held out the glass to him and your eyes met for half a second before both of you pulled away, brushing it off. When you peered back at him you found his eyes never left your face and his own wore a worried expression.

You smiled at his words. „Thank you for your concern, Cardinal. I am alright now. I have to admit I was not during black mass though.. I.. I am not sure if I can tell you.“

His next action took you completely off guard as his gloved hand left his glass and reached out to your soft and delicate one that came to rest on the table next to his, his other still holding yours.

The cardinal sat up straight. „Sorella you can tell me anything, you know. It will help you to let it out, maybe. Only if you are comfortable, of course, I don‘t want to pressure you.“ He took the glass in his other hand and took a quick sip.

The way he was not pressuring you into telling him strongly impacted your decision that you truly wanted to tell him. Nevertheless it made you nervous, you shifted in your seat as you silently rehearsed the words in your mind. Ah fuck it you thought. With a visible gulp you summoned the courage to tell him.

„I was..“ your voice was wavering a little but you forced the end of your sentence out. „..actually having a panic attack.“ you informed him.

„Sorella, a panic attack? I am so sorry.. May I ask what happened?“ his thumb began rubbing gentle patterns over the back of your hand.

„I.. Yes. I think the incense has triggered something.. a memory..“ you trailed off.

„The incense? So you have a negative connotation to the smell of incense, is that it? Would you like to explain what exactly triggered that conditioning?“ His hands squeezed yours softly, encouragingly.

„I.. uh, yes.. It was our former pastor. He was a tyrant. He was very strict with me and the other girls when we were altar servers. He made our life a living hell…“ your voice faltered, still hesitant because he doesn‘t know of your catholic past and the fear of his distaste for finding out about it is still very present in you.

Copia nodded solemnly, his face painted with pure sympathy and kindness. "Cara, I'm so, so sorry. And I can imagine it was hard for you to tell me what happened just now. I am grateful you trust this old cardinal like that."

A beat passes.

"I hope that here in this church you will find the true meaning of faith and believe. Because I am sorry to say, but I don‘t think your former Church was a rightful one.“

Another breath of silence. You could feel he wanted to say more, but refrained from doing so because he didn‘t want to overstep and cause you to close off again.

„I.. you are right.. it was..“ you wanted to tell him everything right now but instead you just stared at him.

„Sorella, are you alright?“ Copia asked.

„Yes.. yes it‘s just.. Cardinal, can I tell you about my past?“ you decided to try to let him in more at this moment. It took a lot of courage, but his fingers curled around your hand. It felt so warm and familiar. It was now or never.

„Always. I hope you know I am always here if a sorella needs to let out something weighing her down. Whether it be something you‘re struggling for a while now, or just a silly rush of anger, I always have an open ear for you.“ The Cardinal added another sentence quickly. „I am Cardinal, after all. I take confessions, and I take my job very seriously.“

You gulped in an attempt to swallow your fear. „I am actually not a Sister of Sin at all. I am a devout Catholic, always have been. I grew up in this town as the child of a pastor. I was raised to worship the father, the son and the holy ghost and not to give in to sinning or revolting against our lord and savior's words.“ A moment of silence hung in the air and you continued. „When I came here to this institution, I didn‘t know it was a Satanic Church.. I was.. I am still scared..“ Anxious thoughts swirled in our head as you feared his next words.

The Cardinal waited patiently, his eyes never leaving yours. You looked at him with a frown, trying to read his expression, looking for a hint of discomfort or even disgust. When he finally opened his mouth, he pulled your hand closer, wrapping his second one around it additionally. The cardinal leaned back in his seat, let go of your hand for a brief moment and took another sip of water. His slow movements without saying anything made you almost gasp out in exasperation. The glass thumped against the surface of the wooden table and he made sure to retake your hand before he spoke up again.

„Sorella, actually I think I have to make a confession to you. I have to admit I am not surprised to hear that. In fact I have expected something like this. I knew all this already.“ his expression composed and casual.

Your mouth fell open, lost for words your eyes bore into his.

„What? You did? And you never told anyone? Do you not want to kick me out now?“

As you watched the Cardinals face closely you could tell he was being genuine. It was that very relaxed and calm attitude to your revelations that had your mind in a whirlwind of confusion. How could that little secret of yours, that you tried to guard around your new workplace, appear to be an open book for him? Were you that obvious? You tried to think of any instances where you might have given yourself away but none came to mind.

The cardinal smiled and chuckled, „Kick you out? But what would we kick you out for?“

„Because I am Catholic.. Have you not sworn to fight against the Catholic church? I am your enemy.“

The Cardinal sat back up straight. „Listen to me, Sorella, we are not enemies. Our Church never wants to fight against anyone. We are not at war with the Catholic Church. All the hostility that is between us is one-sided. We have no reason to hate Catholics.“

Copia licked his lips, his tongue barely tracing over his upper one before continuing. „It’s just that we do not believe in their beliefs. It would be against one of our core beliefs even. Everyone has the freedom to choose their beliefs. We respect that. And as long as you are not resolutely acting against our rules in the ministry there is absolutely no reason to kick out such a wonderful addition to our community such as yourself.“ his cheeks heated up slightly but when his eyes saw your expression he knew it was the right thing to say.

He didn‘t know why, but as he looked at your face your eyes were glossy, and he wanted to cheer you up more. Sathanas , something must have possessed him to speak those next words to you.

„Since you’ve graced these halls with your presence, the ministry is glowing again. Every day I wake up, I look forward to seeing you roam around these walls, and I am not the only one.“ His mind went back to the words he kept hearing in the ministry. You’d caught the attention of everyone in the ministry, even of the old fart Papa Nihil himself, but especially of the male half of the Clergy. The Cardinal blushed slightly and stopped himself before he would start rambling.

This time it was your action that surprised him as you launched forward into his body as you wrapped your arms around his neck in a strong embrace.

„Thank you Cardinal.“ you pressed your face into the crook of his neck.

His mind blue-screened, and it took a long moment for him to regain his senses. He gently but awkwardly put his own arms around your waist and rubbed your back soothingly. Just as he was about to melt into your body you pulled back, clearing your throat.

„I am sorry Cardinal, uh.. I didn‘t mean to.. I am sorry if I overstepped.“ You sat back in your chair next to him.

„Eh va tutto bene, bella. Non c'è bisogno di preoccuparsi. (It is quite alright Sister. No need to worry.)“ He switched to Italian as his mind was still half blanked out.

„I‘m sorry, what?“ you asked as you waited for him to explain.

„Ah shit, ah no, it is alright Sister. I am happy to be of help in any way. I‘m always here for you, so please, do come and see me if you need to.“ He smiled awkwardly as he slowly rose out of his seat.

„I should get back to my chambers now. I would hate to keep you up any longer.“ He gestured to your clothes as you were obviously ready to head to bed. „Besides, I have a few things to organize before tomorrow.“

„Yes, yes, of course, I am sorry, I didn't want to keep you away from your duties, Cardinal.“ you bowed politely as you walked him to the door.

„Good night Sorella. Sleep well and get some rest.“

„Thank you. You too, and promise me not to stay up too late to work, yes?“ you smiled at him brightly

„Sì, sì Sorella. I will not, prometto. (promise)“ He smiled and crossed his fingers and you closed the door.

When the lock clicked, the Cardinal’s back fell back against the wall right next to the door, head hitting against the bricks and his eyes closed as he had still not processed what just happened. Not only was he correct about assuming you were the little girl from all those years ago, no now he had felt what it was like to have you in his arms. Your body against his and it made his mind go all over the place. You felt so right in his arms — it felt like finally coming home. You made him feel like he was lost all of his life, and now that you were here, he finally found his purpose. You . It was you all along that he was missing. He finally pushed off the cold surface, walking towards his own quarters, a happy skip every few steps thinking about any incense alternative.

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