#cool to hinge all of my life on following a very specific path

[veggietale]

got my exam results suicide is back on the table

[stuff-from-the-void-matron]

Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (7)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(I know y’all are getting tired of waiting for Techno to arrive, so am I! But I have no solid control over the story plot lol but I swear it’ll happen soon!! And y’all know the drill! Reblogs and comments keep this story going. So if you want a chapter 8 then please show this chapter some love! <3)

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(FORGOT TO MENTION ART!

The amazing 'YeetUsFeTUSDelETusss' on DA was so cool and drew two pictures to bless our eyes!!)

READER HERSELF!

READER PROTECTING HER BOYS!

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Only Tubbo showed up the next day, and he said he sadly couldn’t stay for long because him and Tommy were needed back at L’manburg for a while. Meaning him and Tommy wouldn’t be able to visit for a bit, but they’d try to visit as soon as possible! Hearing they’d not come see you for who knows how long made you pretty sad. You honestly looked forward to when they’d visit. It was honestly the highlight of your day. But you knew whatever nonsense was going on in L’manburg currently would need their attention. Though you wondered what exactly was going on. You recalled a decent amount of the ‘history’ of the Dream SMP but you knew you could be misremembering or even mixing things up. But you did remember the big things that happened. Like the wars and stuff. So needless to say you were concerned.

‘What point in history am I in right now? Whenever it is, L’manburg is apparently still standing,’ you thought pensively before asking Tubbo what was going on that they’d need to stay in L’manburg.

Tubbo sighed and said it was ‘just some drama’ but apparently their, meaning his and Tommy’s, older brother figure Wilbur had been president of L’manburg for the entirety of the time L’manburg had existed. But some new citizens who joined them found out he’d not been properly elected and didn’t think it was fair to everyone that Wilbur had basically just made himself president without any input from everyone else. Which you could see was not right but this information told you that you were in the pre-election time. Which meant Schlatt and Quackity hadn’t won yet… But that hinged on this universe even being the same one that you’d watched on youtube. Things could be different here for all you knew. You’d always believed in the multiverse theory so who was to know WHICH universe this was. Or how you even got here. All you could do really was to just… wait and watch.

A couple hours passed during the short visit and towards the end Tubbo showed you how to message others, ie; him and Tommy mostly. You’d known how to message others and put in commands and stuff in regular minecraft but you’d just sort of never thought to try those things here in this place. Though to be fair you’d been dealing with a lot of stuff so fiddling with your inventory and everything hadn’t been your top priority. And when he’d mentioned messaging him your first thought had been ‘how?’, because this was a ‘real life’ minecraft, where things were very similar but not always exactly like how it was in the real game. The biggest difference being that there was no computer keyboard or ‘screen’ for the type/chat option to be at the bottom of like in the game.

But to your surprise the place to type in a message was actually IN your inventory. More specifically it was at the very bottom of the main section right below where your items were stored in the hot bar. You’d never paid the long ultra thin box at the bottom any mind, assuming it was just part of the weird design. But no, Tubbo showed you with his inventory how if you tap on the thin box (that you’d honestly thought was just a line) it expands into a typing window! Your eyes widened at that and watched as he tapped the typing box again and a little keyboard appeared below the typing box and he started typing something into it. You squinted and he said to message someone you needed to be sure to type ‘/msg’ and then whoever’s name you’d like to send the message to!

He demonstrated this by typing out the first part then right after it typing your ‘name’; aka Reader. Briefly you wondered why it had been made that but you brushed that thought away to focus on what Tubbo was doing. You saw him type ‘hi reader!!’ before hitting Enter. Then a second later you heard a soft ‘ping!’ sound and you just KNEW your inventory was waiting to be pulled up. Like knew in an instinctual sense. Like how you knew to blink or how to walk. Just an instinct you couldn’t explain so you brought it up and there at the bottom the ‘line’ was flashing a pale red. So you did what Tubbo had done and tapped it, revealing the little typing box. Only this time it had a message in it! It said, ‘Tubbo whispers to you: hi reader!!’ and you smile. Excited now you type out a message to him and hit send. He got it and laughed after he read it. 

‘Reader whispered to you: hello my little goat boy!! :)’

After that he blinked when more messages popped onto his text box. These were from Tommy and Wilbur it looked like. With a sigh he checked his clock and dismissed his chat box before saying he was sorry but he had to get going. He’d actually stayed longer than he was supposed to. You were sad to see him go but knew he’d be back, and hey, now you could message him and Tommy to make sure they got back to L’manburg safe instead of just wondering like before. So you told him to be careful on his way back and to message you that he was safe home when he arrived, and also if he needed any help. He laughed and cheekily said he would but gave a shy smile when you pulled him into a hug and gently knocked your antlers with his horns, but he happily returned it. Not so secretly enjoying the affection. But he had to pull back and leave.

That left you to your own devices.

-0-

With nothing better to do you initially spent the next three days building a couple fountains in the village (which was getting pretty big..). One tiny frog shaped one in the little grotto at the west side of the village and a much larger more traditional one in the opposite side of the village. You’d even set up park benches, flower plots, lamp posts, and stone sidewalk around the bigger one. It was very pretty and the villagers seemed to be enjoying it. But after that was done you’d sorta gotten bored. You weren’t really inspired to do anything else to the village so you thought of ways to occupy yourself. Eventually a metaphorical lightbulb flickered to life above your head and you got an idea. 

You could go to the Nether! 

Sure you weren’t the biggest fan of the place but it beat sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for a reply from your only two friends like some loser. And hey, you liked giving piglins gold. They made cute little piggy snorts when they were happy. So with that loose plan in mind you got up from where you’d been lounging by the creek and brushed yourself off before heading out to the place outside the bamboo and prickle berry wall you’d placed the first Nether portal. You crafted one real quick before tensing up when you heard the sound of rustling behind you. Assuming it was a creeper or something you glanced back, not that it would hurt you but you still found it unsettling for anything to be sneaking up behind you. You caught a brief glimpse of something small and white disappearing into a cluster of ferns. You paused, wondering what it was but then about a block to the left of the ferns a chicken and her chick walked out from around a tree. ‘Oh, must have just been a baby chicken’, you thought with a mental shrug before turning back to your task of lighting the portal with your flint and steel.

Once activated you stepped into the purple swirling mist and your vision warped before you ended up in the Nether again, stifling heat and all. 

-0-

You’d been exploring the Nether for what felt like hours. The place was goddamn enormous! You’d followed the same sand block trail from the last time you’d been here, seeing the piglins and a few striders along the way. And to your delight a familiar little piglin baby started following you. She (you think she’s a ‘she’, that’s the vibe you’re getting anyways) had to be the one you’d played with the last time you’d been in the Nether. You crouched down and patted her head and pulled a golden carrot from your inventory before gifting it to her. She squealed happily and munched on it. You kept walking along the sand path before reaching the fortress. That’s when you diverted your path to the right and started exploring that way, careful to keep laying down sand as you did. You thought the baby piglin had stayed back but after a while of walking you heard a soft snort and glanced down to the left of you to see her happily trotting along with you, still nibbling on the golden carrot.

You wanted to melt, she was such a cutie pie. You stopped and asked if she should be travelling so far away. Won’t her parents miss her? She blinks and seems to understand you before shaking her head ‘no’. You figure she must have some pretty lenient parents. But you suppose piglins are sturdier than humans so it makes sense they’d keep their kids on a looser leash than humans would. So you ask her where her parents are and if they’d be okay with her wandering off with you, a stranger. She tilts her head and shrugs. You purse your lips and ask if she can take you to her parents so you can ask if they’d be okay with it. This time she shakes his head no. So you ask her why and she seems to be thinking how to answer before she goes over to the closest block of sand and starts drawing in it. You look over her shoulder and see her drawing three hearts. Then your stomach sinks when you see her draw an ‘X’ over each heart, meaning one thing..

“Oh sweetie, did your parents lose all their lives?” you ask in a gentle tone.

The tiny piglin nodded and your heart broke for her. You asked some more questions and discovered she wasn’t really being taken care of by any one piglin. The other piglins knew her parents were gone so they’d sorta chip in to make sure she had food. But that was really it. This made you feel worse so you just sighed and patted her head and said she could join you while you explored the Nether. She snorted happily and you two continued on your way. Eventually after walking for a bit you came across a warped forest. You had to admit the biome was much prettier in person. The stark contrast between the Nether’s usual red color scheme and the teal of the warped forest was really beautiful. Even the weird little green/orange fungus that were growing everywhere were cute. You even picked a handful to keep, placing them in your inventory before continuing your little jaunt with the baby piglin. 

That last thought made you mentally pause and realize that you couldn’t just keep calling this kid ‘baby piglin’. So you stopped walking and looked down before saying you forgot to introduce yourself. She could call you Reader (since that’s what your little name thing said..). Then you asked what her name was. She blinked before snorting a little, like she was clearing her throat, and said, “Azogamay.” 

You smiled and said you liked her name, making her give a cute little tusked smile. Then as you continued exploring you both made small talk. Nothing deep (how deep could conversation get with a little kid) but you asked each other the usual questions. Like favorite foods, favorite colors, favorite animals, etc. Then Azo (you’d taken to shortening her name to make it easier) answered one of your questions with some gibberish that made you pause. You glanced down at her and gave a ‘huh?�� that made her giggle before apparently remembering you weren’t a piglin. She said she forgot and spoke Piglin. That made you raise your eyebrows because you’d never thought about other species in the game having their own language. But now that you were thinking about it, it totally made sense. Of course they would, duh. Now very curious you asked her to teach you a little! Like did she know how your name would be said in Piglin? Her answer surprised you…

“Eaderray!” she said in her quiet baby voice.

Now you two had entered a wide soul sand valley, which made Azo anxious. She hid behind your leg, making you recall that Piglins didn’t really spawn in this biome or like soul fire (which is super common here). You had to admit the place was rather creepy. It didn’t help that the soul sand beneath your feet was emitting a rather creepy whispery wail. So you decided to turn back and try another direction. Azo seemed relieved and trotted along behind you. But once you were walking again you remembered your last thought and had a vague feeling about this ‘piglin speak’ and wanted to hear more. So you asked Azo some other words, just to test this theory of yours. And well…

Skeleton? Eletonskay…

Blaze? Azeblay…

Strider? Iderstray…

Lava? Avalay...

Gold? ...Oldgay (that may have made you snicker).

But you got the idea and honestly you cannot be held accountable for your reaction after you realized Piglins honest to fucking god spoke PIG LATIN.

You lost it. You laughed so hard you doubled over and had to brace your hands on your knees to keep from collapsing onto the ground. Azo didn’t know what was so funny but your laughter was contagious and she ended up laughing too, intermixed with little snorts that made you laugh even harder. It was a whole cycle. And by the end of it you’d laughed so hard you started coughing and had to sit down to catch your breath. The giggles returned a couple times but eventually you got control over yourself enough to be able to breathe normally again. As you sat there, little Azo looking up at you in amusement, you couldn’t believe the absolute batshit nonsense that was happening in your life right now. But out of everything that had happened, you think finding out Piglins spoke pig latin had to be the funniest. Though you wanted to test your theory further so you said to Azo,

“Ellohay Azogamay, isyay isthay ightray?”

Azo’s eyes brightened and she perked up, looking close to bouncing from excitement as she realized you were speaking ‘Piglin’ to her. She started babbling at the speed of light, in a way that all excited toddlers seemed to be able to do. While it was cute enough to pull a chuckle from you the downside was that you could not understand a single word Azo said. You got her to slow down, telling her you didn’t speak Piglin fluently so she would have to go slow with you otherwise you’d be lost. She nodded, just happy that you could understand Piglin. So she slowed down a lot and chatted with you that way. And that’s pretty much how the rest of your time in the Nether went. You traversed through the hellish dimension and brushed up on your pig latin with the little piglin. 

It has definitely been a LONG time since you’d even thought about the made up ‘language’. You’d had a friend in elementary school who had been Obsessed with it. It was all they spoke sometimes and they’d talked it up so much that it caught on with the rest of the class, yourself included, and soon everyone was using it to write notes to each other, like a secret language. You’d even speak to each other only in pig latin during recess and lunch breaks. You’d been fluent in it and didn’t even have to think before speaking. Though after a year it had lost its popularity and everyone slowly stopped using it since the fad was over. But you still remembered a good deal of it. Enough to speak it slowly anyways. But the more you used it the easier it was to speak it. It was like riding a bike you supposed, you never truly forgot it.

-0-

Things were going fine until they weren’t. You’d stopped to have lunch in a crimson forest, more for Azo’s benefit than your own, and were sitting and eating for a while before Azo started playing with a baby hoglin. Which had been fine, you’d seen baby piglins and hoglins do that in the game before, no biggie. But they’d gotten rambunctious the way kids do when they’re playing together. And while chasing each other around Azo had smacked into one of the adult hoglins, which had pissed it off enough for it to snarl angrily and start chasing Azo. And Azo in turn began squealing in fear while running away. You’d dropped the steak you’d been idly munching on and sprinted after the two. Sadly the hoglin was closer to Azo than you and managed to get one good hit in with its tusks, the force behind it practically yeeting Azo up into the air. You yelled in horror as you watched the baby piglin fall down into a lava filled ravine. 

Panic flooded your body, you knew zombie piglins were fireproof but regular piglins were not as far as you knew. Let alone baby piglins who just took a direct hit from a damn hoglin. So without thinking about it you dove into the ravine after Azo, catching her in your arms and fully planning to hold her up above the lava since it wouldn’t hurt you. Once she was in your arms you jerked back instinctively, not sure why, just maybe bracing for the impact with the lava. You waited but… nothing. About that second you realized that you weren’t moving anymore. You’d come to a halt and at first you wondered if maybe you’d landed on a block and not noticed. But… one glance down revealed you were not in fact standing on a block. Actually you weren’t standing on anything. You were hovering about 3 or 4 blocks above the bubbling lava at the bottom of the ravine. You were so stunned that you almost missed the sniffling snorts that started up next to your face but thankfully they broke you out of your shocked state. You looked at Azo and your heart broke when you saw her tearing up and looking close to crying. Forgetting momentarily about whatever the fuck was going on with you floating you focused on soothing her.

“Aw sweetie, are you okay? You took a hit from that hoglin, where does it hurt?” you cooed.

She was babbling mostly, being too upset to try to speak English. And understanding crying pig latin was almost impossible. So you just asked her to point where it hurt. She reached for her back and side and you softly told her you were going to lift her shirt a little bit to see if there was a mark, and she nodded shakily and sniffled while you did. You winced at the blooming bruise and adjusted her so you were basically cradling her and with your free hand you opened your inventory and started looking through the potions. You grabbed a healing potion and uncorked it before offering it to Azo, whose snout wrinkled at the potion. You told her it was alright, it was a healing potion that would make her feel better and get rid of those bruises for her. She looked unsure but still let you raise the mouth of the potion bottle to her lips so she could sip it. She took a few sips before hiccuping, potion swirls wafting off of her after she did. The baby piglin blinked and felt the pain in her back and side start to disappear. 

You smiled and said that must feel better, Azo nodded and was happy she wasn’t hurting anymore. You let her take one more sip for good measure before putting the cork back into the bottle and stashing it in your inventory. But once that was done you were reminded of your current predicament. You were still floating in place above a ravine of lava.. With zero clue on how to move too. Briefly you internally panicked at the thought of just.. never being able to move again!! Being stuck fixed in one spot forever with no way to get down or live freely! Though before you could panic further you took a deep breath and told yourself to relax. This wasn’t permanent, it couldn’t be. There logically has to be a way for you to move. You got yourself stuck here and you’ll get yourself down as well.

And the last thing you wanted was to look scared with Azo here with you. She was just a little kid and needed the only adult around to be strong for her. So you put on a smile and reassured her that things will be okay and you’ll figure out how to get them both safe on land in no time. Azo nodded, looking less worried than before. So you started trying things you think would get you to move. You could move your limbs no problem. Proven by how you could move Azo around with your arms and kick your legs about without issue. But your body as a whole was still locked in place. Though when you leaned your upper body to the left you hit a breakthrough! Tilting your torso to the left managed to move your whole body to the left by about a block and a half! Now onto the right path you started leaning your torso this way and that, figuring out what movements actually got you moving and which ones didn’t. Figuring out how to move side to side and forwards and back was pretty easy. But it was figuring out up and down that was tricky. 

At the moment going down was the last thing you were interested in, what with the lava beneath you. So you tried focusing on going up, and after a lot more wiggling about that you were sure made you look like an idiot to anyone who could be watching (Azo only giggled a little) you finally figured out that to go up you had to tense and stretch your torso a specific way. Like exactly how you would do if you were trying to reach something on the top shelf, only you didn’t have to move your arms or legs the same way, just your torso. Like how people straighten themselves to seem taller, not slouching at all. After getting that down you manage to go up and then over out of the ravine. Which was a relief and a half. Now that the threat of sinking into lava wasn’t a worry you instead fixated on getting down. Thanks to figuring out how to get up you had an easier time getting the hang of getting down.

Once your feet touched the ground the floating thing disappeared and gravity was restored to you, making you able to walk around normally again. You gave a small cheer, Azo snorting happily as you carried her back to your spot on one of the crimson mushroom tree tops. Once seated you let out a breath and felt your shoulders relax. You hadn’t even been aware they’d been so tense, but you guess it made sense what with how you just sorta had a weird physics related mishap. But now that you and little Azo were safe you felt like you could breathe again. 

You took a golden apple out of your inventory and took a bite, the sweet juice soothing your metaphorical ruffled feathers. You noticed you mostly just eat for the taste now. Which was fine you guessed. When you glanced down you held the apple close to Azo’s face, asking in semi-good piglin if she wanted a bite, chuckling when she eagerly sunk her little teeth into the sweet fruity flesh of it. You gave her the rest and just watched the other Nether inhabitants mill about peacefully. Today had been a wild ride for sure. At least compared to your usual peaceful days. You leaned back against the lump of red fungus behind you, Azo cradled in your arms, and sighed calmly. You’d been ready to rest your eyes when you heard a soft ‘ping!’ that had you blinking back into focus. It was your communicator app thing. Thinking it was just Tubbo messaging you to say goodnight or something you casually opened the message. But when you did you raised an eyebrow at the note from your kid.

‘Tubbo whispers to you: the election is tomorrow afternoon, can you come? 

‘Tubbo whispers to you: i’ve got a bad feeling.. i’m not trying to pull you into our mess’

‘Tubbo whispers to you: but idk i’d feel better if you were there.’

You had a bad feeling too… You hoped what you likely knew was going to happen DIDN’T happen but.. it probably was. So you sent back a quick reply to Tubbo.

‘You whisper to Tubbo: of course I will! you can show me around your home! :)

You tried to keep your reply upbeat and happy, not wanting to feed into the teenager’s worry. Even though you were probably more worried now that he was. But regardless.

It looked like you were visiting L’manburg.

[7-wonders]

All You Have Is Your Fire

Summary: Reconnections and realizations abound.

Word Count: 1223

A/N: You asked, and here it is: Mad Love! So, I’m thinking this is the end of the first “act,” so to speak. Then I can start the chapters over again from one, and it will be fresh and brand new. Let me know your thoughts, my inbox is always open, and if you enjoyed I hope you’ll like, comment and reblog!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19

Things were supposed to be better. You had been rescued, your kidnappers killed, feelings had been confessed and reciprocated, and you finally were where you belonged. The end, case closed...right?

If only things were so simple. For weeks, the kidnapping has rested heavy on your heart. More specifically, the person who had a hand in orchestrating it. You had wanted to forgive Mallory almost since the moment you saw her with Michael, but common sense held you back. You needed to play it cool, but life has a funny way of putting people back into your path. When the stars aligned and Mallory asked to see you, it had happened mere days after you realized the only person you could turn to for your troubles was Mallory.

“Thank you...for meeting me, I mean.” You sit across the small table from the doe-eyed brunette who was once, what seems like a million years ago, your best friend. Mallory fidgets nervously, smiling to try and diffuse the tension.

“Once I figured out that this wasn’t another trap, it seemed like a good opportunity to air out some grievances.” The smile on Mallory’s face freezes at your words before slowly sliding off her face. 

“I really am sorry, (Y/N). I’ve said it before, but I’ll continue to say it until I’m old and gray if that’s what it will take for you to believe me.”

“I know that you’re sorry. I just don’t know that we’ll ever have the relationship that we once did.”

“However weird it sounds, you forgave Michael and fell in love with him after he kidnapped you. I’m holding out hope that you’ll forgive me too.”

You bite back a smile, knowing that she’s right. Already, just sitting across from her for a couple of minutes has shown just how much you’ve missed her. Mallory, for better or for worse, is something like a platonic soulmate. Besides, at least you weren’t forced to marry her too. “Just be glad that Michael doesn’t know, then there’d be a lot more trouble.”

“How’s that going? Your relationship.”

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but it’s good. Never been better.” You’re not lying. In all honesty, things were better. Now that your relationship with Michael was “official,” or as official as a relationship can be when you married months before even dating, any of the petty fights you previously had seemed to have disappeared. Domestic life with your Antichrist was everything you had dreamed it would be, and yet…

“There’s something nagging at you.”

You shoot her a look, but nod anyways. “Not related to Michael, per se.”

“But Michael-adjacent?”

“Yeah. Specifically, the Cooperative.”

Mallory’s coven was well aware of the Cooperative, even before you were. The Satanists were just the first layer of Michael’s followers. These were the people that would follow Michael to the ends of the Earth and do anything that he asked of them. The Cooperative held all of the funds, making sure that Michael could carry out this apocalypse in the first place. Actors, artists, politicians, world leaders: all have earned a seat at the table that Michael sat at the head of.

After your Snow White moment, as you’ve so lovingly dubbed the poison apple incident, the Cooperative had become less of a priority. The good thing to come out of that was Michael taking a step back from his apocalypse-related shenanigans, even more so when you were kidnapped. Up until last week, you had thought the Illuminati-but-not-really was on the back burner for good.

Michael had approached you from where you were sitting on the couch, reading a book. You smiled at him, reaching a hand out and pulling him down next to you. It was a peaceful, sweet moment until Michael had to go and ruin it.

“I have a meeting on Saturday,” he said.

“Why do you have a meeting on a weekend?”

Michael grimaced, and you knew it could only mean bad news. “Well, people with a lot of influence typically can’t make their way to a classified location for a meeting during the week.”

“You’re meeting with the Cooperative?” you groaned.

“I have to, (Y/N). I technically own them, and they’re the ones funding my father’s plan.”

Your blood ran cold in your veins. “Wait, you’re still doing the whole end of the world thing?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just--it seemed like that was sort of...forgotten about.”

“I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been quite distracted lately--”

“Are you calling me a distraction?” you said with a fake pout before Michael had given you a quick kiss.

“A very cute distraction, of course. But now that life has settled down a little bit, it’s time for me to get back to business.”

You continued to sit there with Michael in what he had thought was a quiet peacefulness. Meanwhile, your mind had begun to race; was the fate of the world really in your hands?

“The answer’s pretty simple, isn’t it?” Mallory asks.

“Enlighten me.”

“You have to convince Michael that the world is better the way that it is and that he shouldn’t unleash a nuclear firestorm to ‘cleanse’ it.”

You snort. “Nice and easy, huh?”

“You could always get pregnant, that would definitely put ending the world on hold.”

“Mallory!” Laughing, you reach across the table and swat at her arm. “I’m not going to hinge saving the world on having a baby.”

“You’re right, but that can definitely be part of the five year plan.” Mallory winks conspiratorially. “I think you need to subtly undermine him. Not in a malicious way, but in a way that starts to show him that the Cooperative isn’t right.”

“So, should I go to those stupid meetings with him?”

“It wouldn’t hurt. Make him think you’re on his side, as well as the Cooperative’s side, but then make him second guess his choices. You’re so smart, you could come up with a million logical reasons as to why Michael shouldn’t go down this path.”

Groaning, you put your head in your hands. “Why is this so complicated?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m not the one in love with the Antichrist.” Mallory glances at her phone. “I should probably go. I have to meet with the council so we can elect new members, considering half of our previous council was killed.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m not the one who kidnapped the Antichrist’s wife,” you retort.

“I’ve missed you, (Y/N).”

“I’ve missed you too,” you reply sincerely. “I wish things hadn’t happened the way that they did.”

“Trust me, I do too. I was so stupid for being under Cordelia’s influence like that, and letting her warped idea of sisterhood guide me.”

“We all do stupid things. And you were the one who helped to rescue me.” Mallory beams, knowing that she’s made her way back into your good graces.

On your way home, you can’t help but to think about all that’s at stake, as well as how cruel fate is. You and Michael are complete and total opposites, yet were brought together by circumstance. The dark to your light, the yin to your yang. Two sides of the same coin. Michael’s meant to destroy the world…

And apparently, you’re meant to save it.

//

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[gffa]

OKAY, IF I’M GONNA DO THIS, I’M GONNA DO IT PROPERLY.  WHICH MEANS YEAH IT’S GONNA GET REALLY LONG. A couple of things to say ahead of time:  Lucasfilm’s Story Group has always said CANON > WORD OF GOD when it comes to these matters, so when I quote canon examples from supplementary materials that contradict what he says, that’s LF’s official position, but that doesn’t mean that an influential person like Dave’s views couldn’t affect how things will be shaped in the future, like Deborah Chow listening to this may be influenced by it on the Obi-Wan show, despite that Master & Apprentice contradicts him.  It’s an incredibly murky area!  Mileages are going to vary.   Another thing to keep in mind is that Dave Filoni never worked on The Phantom Menace, that was long, long before his time at Lucasfilm (which I think he joined sometime around 2007? and TPM was released in 1999), that he has worked with George more than probably anyone else, but we cannot and should not treat him as infallible or the True Authority on things, because even Dave himself has said things like: “I mean, I know why I did that and what it means, but I don't like to explain too much. I love for the viewers to watch stuff and come up with their own theories -- and they frankly come up with better things that I intended.”  --Dave Filoni, Entertainment Tonight 2020 interview Or, in the same episode as the above Qui-Gon interpretation:

So, when I dig into this, I’m not doing this out of a sense of malice or even that I suddenly hate Dave or don’t appreciate all the incredible things he’s brought to SW, but in that I disagree with his take, Dave understands that he doesn’t always get it right, that he enjoys that fans come up with different things than he does and sometimes he likes those even more.  There’s room for both of us and, for all that Dave mentions George a lot (and, hey, fair enough, the guy worked with George and I’m just quoting what George Lucas has said) doesn’t mean that this is straight from George, especially because I have never seen George Lucas utter so much as a peep about how the Jedi were responsible for Anakin’s fall.  He has explicitly and frequently talked about how Anakin’s fall was his own choice, as well as I’ve never seen him say anything Jedi-critical beyond “they were kind of arrogant about themselves”.  I have read and watched every George Lucas interview I could get my hands on and maybe I’m still missing something, but that’s literally the extent of him criticizing the Jedi I have EVER seen. (It’s from the commentary on AOTC where he put in the scene with Jocasta to show they were full of themselves, but I also think it’s fair to point out that Obi-Wan immediately contradicts this by going to Dex for help, showing that it’s not necessarily a Jedi-wide thing.) Before I go further, I want to say:  this is not a post meant to tear down Qui-Gon, he is a character I actually really do love, but the focus is on showing why the above interpretation of him is wrong, which means focusing on Qui-Gon’s flaws. He has many wonderful qualities, he is someone who cared deeply and was a good person, I think things would have been better had he lived!  But Anakin’s choices did not hinge on him, because Anakin’s choices were Anakin’s, that has always been the consistent theme of how George talks about him, the way he talks about the story is always in terms of “Anakin did this” or “Anakin chose that”, and the Jedi are very consistently shown as caring, they believed very much in love and Dave’s own show (well, I say “his own show”, but honestly TCW was George’s baby primarily and he had a lot of direct, hands-on say in crafting it, through at least the first five seasons) is plenty of evidence of that. I’m not going to quote the full thing because this is already a monster post, I’m just going to focus on the Jedi stuff, because I like the other points a lot, but if you want the full text, it’s here.  The relevant part is: “In Phantom Menace, you’re watching these two Jedi in their prime fight this evil villain. Maul couldn’t be more obviously the villain. He’s designed to look evil, and he is evil, and he just expresses that from his face all the way out to the type of lightsaber he fights with. What’s at stake is really how Anakin is going to turn out. Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. But Qui-Gon is ahead of them all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” “So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. So that moment in that movie which a lot of people I think diminish, “oh there’s a cool lightsaber fight”, but it’s everything that the entire three films of the prequels hangs on, is that one particular fight. And Maul serves his purpose and at that point died before George made me bring him back, but he died.“  --Dave Filoni  I’m going to take this a piece at a time to show why I really disagree with the content of both the movies and The Clone Wars supporting what Dave says and, instead, contradicts it a lot. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. He doesn’t explain what this means, but I’m pretty sure that he’s referring to this conversation: OBI-WAN: “I am concerned for my Padawan. He is not ready to be given this assignment on his own yet.” YODA: “The Council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan.” MACE WINDU: “The boy has exceptional skills.” OBI-WAN: “But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him... well.... arrogant.” YODA: “Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Hmm... too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.” MACE WINDU: “Remember, Obi-Wan, if the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.” OBI-WAN: "If he follows the right path.” None of that has anything to do with being “detached” and, further, I think this is something that’s come up with Dave’s view of Luminara a lot, because he’s described her (re: the Geonosis arc):  “We were trying to illustrate the difference between the way Anakin is raising his Padawan, and how much he cares about her, and the way Luminara raises her Padawan. Not that Luminara is indifferent, but that Luminara is detached. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not attached to her emotionally.” Here, he says that the Jedi care, in the above, he says that the Jedi don’t care, which makes me think there’s a lot of characterization drift as time goes on, especially when fandom bombards everyone with the idea that the Jedi were cold, emotionless, and didn’t care.  However, look at Luminara’s face in that arc, when she’s talking with Anakin:

That is not the face of someone who doesn’t care.  She even smiles brightly in relief when Barriss is shown to be okay, that this really doesn’t convey “detached” in an unloving or uncaring way.  (We’ll get to attachment later, that’s definitely coming.) (I’m also mostly skipping the political thing, because I think that’s just a fundamental disagreement of whether Jedi should or should not lean into politics.  My view basically boils down to that I think ALL OF US should be leaning more into politics because we are citizens who live in the world and are responsible for it, and the Jedi are no different.  This is evidenced by:  - M&A’s storyline has Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saving the day specifically because they play politics, that’s how they manage to free the slaves, through playing politics and being part of the Republic/having Senate backing. - The Clone Wars has shown that the Jedi believe “lasting change can only come from within” and “it’s every citizen’s duty to hold their leaders accountable” when Ahsoka teaches the cadets on Mandalore, as well as that politics are not inherently bad, given that Padme and Bail are working to make the system better or “create lasting change from within [the system]” - "Trying to serve the greater good does not always make you popular” says Padme Amidala in a very caring speech - Star Wars Propaganda makes the case that the Jedi might have won the war had they leaned more into politics. - Sometimes the Jedi get unfairly accused of playing politics when there’s just no good choice and they still have to choose one or the other.) But Qui-Gon is ahead of them [re: caring and loving] all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. This is flat-out wrong in regards to canon.  Mileages are going to vary, of course, on how much one takes a novel into consideration, but Dave Filoni is not a fan with the luxury of deciding what is or isn’t canon, he works on Star Wars where canon is canon.  Now, does that mean canon will never contradict itself, especially if Dave gets to write something for Qui-Gon?  Of course not, SW isn’t immune to continuity errors and they themselves have never said otherwise, even when fans want to hold them to that standard. However, this is still pretty much a big “that’s not what happened” instance.  In Master & Apprentice, the Jedi Council offer a seat to Qui-Gon on the Council, specifically BECAUSE he has different opinions from them and they welcome that.  (Excerpt here.)      “We hope it will also be our gain,” Mace replied. “Qui-Gon Jinn, we hereby offer you a seat on the Jedi Council.”      Had he misheard? No, he hadn’t. Qui-Gon slowly gazed around the circle, taking in the expressions of each Council member in turn. Some of them looked amused, others pleased. A few of them, Yoda included, appeared more rueful than not. But they were serious.      “I admit—you’ve surprised me,” Qui-Gon finally said.“I imagine so,” Mace said drily. “A few years ago, we would’ve been astonished to learn we would ever consider this. But in the time since, we’ve all changed. We’ve grown. Which means the possibilities have changed as well.”      Qui-Gon took a moment to collect himself. Without any warning, one of the turning points of his life had arrived. Everything he said and did in the next days would be of great consequence. “You’ve argued with my methods often as not, or perhaps you’d say I’ve argued with yours.”      “Truth, this is,” Yoda said.      Depa Billaba gave Yoda a look Qui-Gon couldn’t interpret. “It’s also true that the Jedi Council needs more perspectives.” Ultimately, Qui-Gon is the who turns them down and gives up a chance to shape the Jedi Council because he doesn’t like the shape they’re taking.  That he does become less political, but this is after he’s argued that the Jedi should be working to push the Senate harder, so when he has a chance to help with that, he turns it down.  It has nothing to do with caring and loving, it’s about Qui-Gon’s desire to not have to deal with the work himself, when he wants to be more of a hippie Jedi.  (I’ve written a lot about Qui-Gon in M&A, why I actually think it’s really spot-on to someone who can be both really kind and really kind of a dick, but it’s not the most flattering portrayal, even if narrative intention likely didn’t mean what came across to me.  I think this post and this post are probably the most salient ones, but if you want something of an index of the web that’s being woven with all the various media, this one is good, too.) So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. I have only ever seen George Lucas talk about Anakin’s fate in one instance and it’s this:  “It’s fear of losing somebody he loves, which is the flipside of greed. Greed, in terms of the Emperor, it’s the greed for power, absolute power, over everything. With Anakin, really it’s the power to save the one he loves, but it’s basically going against the Fates and what is natural.“ –George Lucas, Revenge of the Sith commentary I’ve made my case about why I think Anakin’s fate is about that moment in Palpatine’s office, and so I’m not fundamentally opposed that “Duel of the Fates” is about Anakin’s fate, but here’s what George has provably said about the “Duel of the Fates” part of the story: - In the commentary for The Phantom Menace during “Duel of the Fates” and none of Dave’s speculation is even hinted at, there’s more focus on the technical side of things and the most George talks about is that it’s Obi-Wan who parallels Luke in going over the edge during the fight, except that instead of a Sith cutting off a Jedi’s hand, it’s a Jedi cutting a Sith in half, drawing the parallels between them. - He does say of the funeral scene that this is where Obi-Wan commits to training Anakin and how everything is going to go (though, in canon we see that Obi-Wan still struggles with this a bit, but Yoda is there to support him and nudge him into committing even more to Anakin, because the Jedi are a supportive community to each other).  This is some solid evidence for that Obi-Wan is already caring about Anakin beyond just Qui-Gon. - Then here’s what he says about the “Duel of the Fates” fights and themes of them in "All Films Are Personal": George Lucas: “I wanted to come up with an apprentice for the Emperor who was striking and tough. We hadn’t seen a Sith Lord before, except for Vader, of course. I wanted to convey the idea that Jedi are all very powerful, but they’re also vulnerable — which is why I wanted to kill Qui-Gon. That is to say, “Hey, these guys aren’t Superman.” These guys are people who are vulnerable, just like every other person. “We needed to establish that, but at the same time, we wanted the ultimate sword fight, because they were all very good. It sort of predisposes the sword fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan later on. There’s real purpose to it. You have to establish the rules and then stick with them. The scene illustrates just how Jedi and Sith fight and use lightsabers.” “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him.  We’ll get to the “attachment to his mother” thing in a bit--but, for now, let’s just say, George Lucas’ words on this are not that attachment to her was a good thing. Fair enough that “not because he cares about him” is up to personal interpretation, but canon has also addressed the topic of Obi-Wan’s treatment of Anakin and Obi-Wan stepped up to the plate on this.  In addition to how we see Obi-Wan REPEATEDLY being there for Anakin and being concerned and caring about him, they specifically talk about Qui-Gon and overcome this hurdle.

No, Obi-Wan is not Anakin’s father figure, on that we definitely agree.  Anakin never really even treats Obi-Wan like a father--he says “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” in Attack of the Clones, as well as he says Obi-Wan practically raised him in The Clone Wars “Crystal Crisis” story reels, but Anakin has never actually acted like Obi-Wan is his father--”then why don’t you listen to me?” Obi-Wan points out in AOTC--as well as Obi-Wan glides past those remarks, which I’ve always taken that he doesn’t want to reject Anakin’s feelings, knowing that Anakin can be sensitive about them, but neither does he want to confirm them. This does not mean Obi-Wan was not supportive, caring, and loving.  He says, “I loved you!” to Anakin in Revenge of the Sith, he asks after him and if he’s sleeping well in Attack of the Clones, and even George Lucas himself said that the elevator scene was set up TO SHOW OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN CARE FOR EACH OTHER:

PUTTING THE REST UNDER A READ MORE FOR A BETTER LENGTH REBLOGGABLE VERSION, IF  YOU WANT.

This is further evidenced by how the Jedi do see themselves as family, they just don’t need to put it into strict nuclear family dynamics:     - “You were my brother, Anakin!  I loved you!”  [–Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith]      - “We are brothers, Master Dibs.” [–Mace Windu, Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu]      - “Did your parents bicker?” she asked. “The adoptive ones, I mean.”         A slow smile broke across Ashla’s face, curling first one side of her mouth and then the other. Whatever she was remembering, Kaeden could tell it was good.         "All the time,“ Ashla said, almost as if she were talking to herself. [–Kaeden Larte, Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka]      -  Vos, brought to the Temple even younger than most, felt that he had hundreds of brothers and sisters, and it seemed that whenever he went into the dining hall he ran into at least half of them. [Dark Disciple]       - “It was not his birthplace, exactly, but the Jedi Temple was where Quinlan Vos had grown up. He’d raced through its corridors, hidden behind its massive pillars, found peace in its meditation hall, ended-and started-fights in rooms intended for striking blows and some that weren’t, and sneaked naps in its library. All Jedi came here, at some point in their lives; for Quinlan, it always felt like coming home when he ran lightly up the stairs and entered the massive building as he did now.” [Dark Disciple] Brothers, sisters, and other more non-traditional kinds of family are not lesser and Obi-Wan and Anakin absolutely were family, just as the Jedi are all family to each other, so, no, there was no “failing” Anakin, except in Anakin’s mind, perhaps.  (In that, I can agree.  But not on a narratively approved level, canon too thoroughly refutes that for me.) Rebels as well pretty thoroughly shows that non-traditional families are meaningful and just as important--we may joke that Hera is “space mom”, but she’s not actually Ezra or Sabine’s mother, Kanan is not actually their father, and even if they sometimes stray into aspects of those roles (as the Jedi do as well in the movies and TCW), that they don’t need that traditional nuclear family structure.  Mentor figures--and Kanan is Ezra’s mentor--are just as meaningful and needful as a “dad”.  And I’m kind of :/ at the implication that anyone without a dad/father figure or mom/mother figure is being “failed”. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” Whether or not Obi-Wan is being genuinely dismissive in this movie (I think you could make a case either way), the idea that Qui-Gon is better than Obi-Wan about this, as shown through Jar Jar isn’t exactly very supported given how Qui-Gon and Jar Jar first exchange words:

QUI-GON: “You almost got us killed. Are you brainless?”   JAR JAR:  “I spake.”   QUI-GON: “The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” Qui-Gon is just as bad as everyone else to Jar Jar, he’s not somehow elevated above them. It’s also baffling because, Dave, I have watched your show.  The Jedi are specifically shown to be kind to people and creatures, not considering them “useless”.  Henry Gilroy (who was the co-writer for The Clone Wars and frequently appeared in featurettes on the same level as Dave Filoni) explicitly draws this to The Jedi Way, that “life is everything to the Jedi“, when he said this about the Ryloth episodes:

(Caps cribbed from Pan’s blog, because I cannot make another gif, save me, please.)      Henry Gilroy in an Aggressive Negotiations Interview:  "Obi-Wan truly is a Jedi in that he’s like, ‘Okay, I’m not going to murder these creatures [in the Ryloth arc of The Clone Wars].  They’re starving to death.  They’ve basically been unleashed against these people as a weapon, but it’s not their fault. They’re just doing what they do.  They’re just animals who wanna eat.’     "So the idea was–and I think there was an early talk about how, 'Oh, yeah, he’ll go running through them and slicing and dicing them and chop them all up or whatever, and save his guys.  And I’m like, 'Yeah, but that’s not really the Jedi way.  He’s not just gonna murder these creatures.’     "And I know the threat is [there], to save one life you have to take one, but the idea of him [is]: why can’t Obi-Wan just be more clever?  He basically draws them in and then traps them.     "It says something about who the Jedi are, they don’t just waste life arbitrarily.  And someone could have gone, 'Oh, yeah, but it would have been badass if he’d just ran in there with his lightsaber spinning and stabbed them all in the head!’  And 'Yeah, you’re right, I guess he could be that, but he’s trying to teach his clones a lesson right then, about the sanctity of life.’       "That is the underlying theme of that entire episode.  Which is:  A tactical droid is using the people as living shields.  Life means nothing to the Separatists.  The droids.  But life is everything to the Jedi.  And even though he doesn’t have to say that, it’s all through the episode thematically.“ It’s also Obi-Wan who teaches Anakin about kindness to mindless creatures in the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic:

"These beasts are nearly mindless, Anakin.  I can feel it.  They are merely following their nature, they should not die simply because they crossed our path. Use the Force to send them on their way.” Now, fair enough if you want to say Obi-Wan was taught by Qui-Gon, but also Qui-Gon is dead by that point and Obi-Wan growing into being more mature is his own accomplishment, not Qui-Gon’s, especially given that we see Qui-Gon himself being pretty dismissive to Jar Jar in TPM. This isn’t unique thing either, Padme is incredibly condescending to Jar Jar in “Bombad Jedi” and expresses clear annoyance with him to C-3PO when sighing over him.  Jar Jar is a character you kind of have to warm up to, pretty much the only one we’ve seen consistently being favorable to him is Yoda (and maybe Anakin, though, Anakin doesn’t really interact with him a ton) and Mace Windu warms up to him considerably in “The Disappeared” and even specifically is shown to be teaching him and helping him, which is a huge theme of the Jedi and how much they care.

So, ultimately, the point I’m winding my way towards is--the other Jedi do show kindness and consideration to Jar Jar Binks, including characters like Mace Windu, so if you’re judging the Jedi based on that, the conclusion of Qui-Gon somehow being more compassionate and loving is really pretty thoroughly disproved by The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars themselves. So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family.  You could be charitable and say this is just from Anakin’s point of view that it’s a “failing”, but within the context of what Dave’s saying, it’s clearly meant as a more narratively approved take, not just Anakin’s point of view, and I really, really dislike the idea that Anakin--or anyone, really--needs a traditional nuclear family, ie a “mom” and/or a “dad”, or else it’s a “failing” for them. Setting aside that the idea that Qui-Gon would need to be Anakin’s dad to be kind to hi (which is ?????) is contradicted by The Clone Wars as well.  Yes, Qui-Gon is warm with Anakin in several scenes, which is what Dave is presumably drawing on to show that Qui-Gon believed the Jedi should be caring and loving, but you know who else is warm to younglings?  OTHER JEDI COUNCIL MEMBERS.

Those two scenes have the exact same kind of warmth to them.  Ie, THE JEDI ALL BELIEVED IN BEING LOVING AND KIND, NOT JUST QUI-GON.  The things evidenced to show Qui-Gon was loving and kind are evidenced just as much in other Council members, in Dave’s own show. As a bonus--have Mace Windu, known Jedi Council member, being super kind and loving towards a young Twi’lek girl he just met in a canon comic:

But I know that this is about the way the Council treated Anakin in The Phantom Menace testing scene, but here’s the thing--when I go back and I watch that scene and the Jedi aren’t ever mean to him, they’re neutral in an official testing situation, where they are trying to determine if he’s able to adapt to the Jedi ways.  They never once say he’s bad for holding onto his fear, only that he does--which Anakin digs his heels in and gets angry about, he can’t really even admit that he’s afraid and that’s a huge deal for the Jedi. I’ve made a longer post about it here (and here), but the basic gist is: - That scene has Yoda giving the famous “Fear leads to the dark side” speech which is almost word for word how George Lucas describes how the Force works, showing the Jedi are narratively correct - “Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi” may be from the sequels, but it is thoroughly supported by the movies and TCW and Rebels and even supplementary canon material, including that the Jedi literally design their tests around both Masters and Padawans for it (Ilum, the Jedi Temple on Lothal, etc. - Anakin cannot admit to his fears in that TPM scene - We have examples of Jedi younglings do admit to their fears and the point isn’t not to have them, but to face them--the younglings in “The Gathering” are the most blatant example of this, but it’s also pretty much the entire theme of Jedi: Fallen Order, especially when Cal goes to Ilum to face his fears and get another kyber crystal. The point isn’t that Anakin--who has very good reasons to be afraid! nothing in the story or the Jedi have said he didn’t!--is wrong or bad, but that he’s not a great fit for the Jedi life because he is “unwilling to accept [Jedi philosophy] emotionally”.  And they’re right about this, because this is how George Lucas describes Anakin in commentary: “The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.”  --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary And so this brings us to A T T A C H M E N T, which, yeah, we’ve been having this discussion forever, but I’m going to state it again:  Within Star Wars, ATTACHMENT IS NARRATIVELY A BAD THING.  It is consistently tied to possessive, obsessive relationships, to greed and an unwillingness to let things go when it’s time (letting go is a huge theme in Star Wars) and equating love with attachment is fundamentally wrong according to George Lucas’ Star Wars worldbuilding: “The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth,” he continues, “They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people-- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.” --George Lucas, The Making of Revenge of the Sith If attachment and love were the same thing, then he would be saying, “They should love their enemies, they should love the Sith.  But they can’t love.”  The way George makes the distinction shows that, no, attachment and love aren’t the same thing at all, attachment is not caring.  Further, there’s another instance of him showing there’s an important distinction between relationships and attachment and the association of attachmets with possession:  "Jedi Knights aren’t celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships.” --George Lucas, BBC News interview So, yes, when Anakin is attached to people, it is directly tied to obsession, possession, and greed, all things of the dark side: “He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.”  --George Lucas, Time Magazine  “But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate.“ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary ATTACHMENT IS BAD IN STAR WARS AS THEY DEFINE IT. Finally, I’m going to circle back to: Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. Here’s the thing about this:  You know who else, by this logic, Qui-Gon should have been a father to?  OBI-WAN KENOBI. This isn’t said as “Anakin specifically needs a father” (which I think would be an interesting idea to bandy about and I’m not disagreeing, though, it’s complicated because of what Anakin refuses to accept emotionally), it’s said in a bigger context, that Qui-Gon is better than the other Jedi because he understands the need for fathers (and thus this ties into Return of the Jedi) and he’s ahead of the other Jedi, who apparently think loving and caring about people are bad things, but Qui-Gon does not treat Obi-Wan like his son.  Or, if he does, he’s not exactly a stellar dad about it. Within Master & Apprentice, there’s an incredibly consistent theme of how Qui-Gon thinks supportive things about Obi-Wan, but never says them aloud.  He thinks he should talk to Obi-Wan about the upcoming decision to be on the Council and then never does.  He could have explained why he kept Obi-Wan training the basics but he never does.  There are multiple instances showing that Qui-Gon is actually really, really bad at actually handling a young apprentice who needs him to talk to them about important things.  Qui-Gon continues this in From a Certain Point of View where he still never talked to Obi-Wan about everything that happened, even after he became a Force Ghost.     Damn, damn, damn. Qui-Gon closed his eyes for one moment. It blocked nothing; the wave of shock that went through Obi-Wan was so great it could be felt through the Force. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought Kirames Kaj would mention the Jedi Council invitation. It seemed possible the soon-retiring chancellor of the Republic might not even have taken much note of information about a new Council member. --Master & Apprentice     That comment finally pierced Qui-Gon’s damnable calm. There was an edge to his voice as he said, “I suspected you would be too upset to discuss this rationally. Apparently I was correct.”     “I thought you said my reaction was understandable,” Obi-Wan shot back. “So why does it disqualify me from hearing the truth?”    Qui-Gon put his hands on his broad belt, the way he did when he was beginning to withdraw into himself. “…we should discuss this at another time. Neither of us is his best self at the present.” --Master & Apprentice     Obi-Wan walked toward the door, obviously outdone. “At the beginning of my apprenticeship, I couldn’t understand you,” he said. “Unfortunately, that’s just as true here at the end.”     Only yesterday they had worked together as never before. How did Qui-Gon manage to get closer to Obi-Wan at the same time he was moving further away?     Just before Obi-Wan would leave the room, Qui-Gon said, “Once, you asked me about the basic lightsaber cadences. Why I’d kept you there, instead of training you in more advanced forms of combat.”     Obi-Wan turned reluctantly to face him again. “I suppose you thought I wasn’t ready for more. The same way I’m not ready to believe in all this mystical—”     “That’s not why.”     After a long pause, Obi-Wan calmed to the point where he would listen. “Then why, Qui-Gon?”     “Because many Padawans—and full Jedi Knights, for that matter—forget that the most basic technique is the most important technique. The purest. The most likely to protect you in battle, and the foundation of all knowledge that is to come,” Qui-Gon said. “Most apprentices want to rush ahead to styles of fighting that are flashier or more esoteric. Most Masters let them, because we must all find our preferred form eventually. But I wanted you to be grounded in your technique. I wanted you to understand the basic cadences so well that they would become instinct, so that you would be almost untouchable. Above all, I wanted to give you the training you needed to accomplish anything you set your mind to later on.”     Obi-Wan remained quiet for so long that Qui-Gon wondered if he were too angry to really hear any of what he’d said. But finally, his Padawan nodded. “Thank you, Qui-Gon. I appreciate that. But—”     “But what?”     “You could’ve said so,” Obi-Wan replied, and then he left. --Master & Apprentice     "I owe you that. After all, I’m the one who failed you.“     "Failed me?”     They have never spoken of this, not once in all Qui-Gon’s journeys into the mortal realm to commune with him. This is primarily because Qui-Gon thought his mistakes so wretched, so obvious, that Obi-Wan had wanted to spare him any discussion of it. Yet here, too, he has failed to do his Padawan justice. --From a Certain Point of View, “Master and Apprentice” (Further, in Master & Apprentice, Qui-Gon thinks that the Jedi give Rael Averross--who is HUGELY paralleled to Anakin--too many exceptions, were too soft on him because he came to the Jedi later than most and has trouble thinking of them as his family, and he thinks they should have been stricter with him.) It’s also readily apparent within The Phantom Menace itself:

You can take some charitable views of this scene, that Qui-Gon was pushed into a corner where he had few other options (and this is the view I generally take even!), but this is after the entire movie where he’s never once indicated that Obi-Wan was ready, has instead indicated that he still has much to learn (not just of the Living Force, but in general), as well as made it clear that he’s still teaching Obi-Wan, like on the Trade Federation ship. And I do think Obi-Wan got over this because he understood, because Obi-Wan actually is a very selfless person, he clearly cares (which is furthered by how we see him warm up to Anakin very quickly), but look at their faces. This was not a good moment, and they do somewhat make up, where Qui-Gon says that Obi-Wan has been a good apprentice, that he’s wiser than Qui-Gon and he’ll be a great Jedi--but if we’re counting that as Qui-Gon being this great Jedi, then you can’t say Obi-Wan failed Anakin, given that we show him doing the exact same thing, except better.  He tells Anakin, “You are strong and wise and will become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be.”, echoing Qui-Gon’s words, but also he never threw Anakin aside for someone else. This is kind of a major undercurrent throughout The Clone Wars, where Obi-Wan never takes another apprentice, where he continues to teach Anakin, to support him, even to the point of occasionally co-Mastering Ahsoka with him.  “This has been quite a journey for our Padawan.” Qui-Gon’s treatment of Obi-Wan in this scene isn’t the worst, he’s kind about it later (though, he never actually specifically apologizes for this), but we can see that this is a moment where Qui-Gon hurts Obi-Wan and knows it. And you know what George Lucas has to say about Qui-Gon?  This: “So here we’re having Qui-Gon wanting to skip the early training and jump right to taking him on as his Padawan learner, which is controversial, and ultimately, the source of much of the problems that develop later on.”  –George Lucas, The Phantom Menace commentary There’s nothing about Qui-Gon being right or better than the other Jedi, but instead that Qui-Gon’s actions here are a source of much of the problems that develop later on. So, ultimately, I liked some points Dave made in that speech, it’s a beautiful and eloquent one, but I thoroughly disagree with his interpretation of George’s intentions for Qui-Gon and I thoroughly disagree that that’s what the movies, The Clone Wars (DAVE’S OWN SHOW), and the supplementary canon show about Qui-Gon and the other Jedi.  I still stand by my appreciation of Dave’s contributions to SW as a whole, I think he does a really good job at making Star Wars, but he doesn’t always get everything right and this is one thing where I think the canon and George’s commentary show otherwise, as much as I love his desire to defend the prequels’ importance in the story.  Because, my friend, I have felt that every single day of my SW life.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 1/5

for @hearteyesforbuck (it’s for EVERYONE but definitely for eli)

read on ao3

Eddie’s bad at words. 

He can talk, of course, will happily go on for hours about how great Christopher’s latest art project is, can give a sermon about the Rangers’ chances of winning the World Series. But when it comes to discussing what’s happening in his brain, the gloomy, sticky parts that follow him around and keep him awake, he clams up. Keeps them locked in because it’s easier than exposing to anyone just how gross it all is, how dark everything is, how dark he is. He wants to talk about things, he does. Wants to make sure Chris knows that he should talk about his feelings, especially the bad ones. And he does his best to be open with him as well, but he’s the only one he seems to be able to do that with. Anyone else — his parents, Abuela, Shannon — he just...can’t. He’d rather save them the trouble.

Eddie’s bad at words, but he’s good at flowers.

He partially blames Abuela for making him spend hours with her in her garden when he was a kid. She taught him different planting methods, how to cut the flowers so they stayed alive longer, and a few basic meanings she learned from Good Housekeeping. After his first tour, they didn’t have the money for him to even try and get into med school, so he got a job at a local flower shop to help with their landscaping team. The owner, Mrs. Negrelli, saw he was better with the roses than the mulch and took him under her wing, teaching him everything she knew. When she retired shortly after Shannon left, she handed him a check with a lot of zeros and said, “It’s time to go plant your own seeds.”

So he did. The Greenhouse has been up and running for just over a year, and it may very well be the best year Eddie’s had in a long time. They’re in a small plaza just outside of LA proper, with an apartment above the shop that makes early morning deliveries much less horrible. Chris is doing great in school (“very popular and excellent in all subject areas”, according to his homeroom teacher) and he’s made some good friends with the other local business owners. It’s the peaceful, quiet life he always dreamed of having when he finally got out of the Army.

Peaceful except for—

“Morning, Diazes!”

“Dad! Buck’s here!”

Eddie pokes his head through the doorway from the back room in time to see his son crash into his friend’s legs, Buck scooping him up and throwing him over his shoulder. Chris laughs loudly, echoing through the whole shop, and starts talking animatedly about his latest drawing when Buck sets him on the counter. He listens intently, throwing a wink towards Eddie when he catches him lingering a few feet away.

As usual, Eddie has to school his face into something other than heart eyes as he watches the two chat. Buck’s in his standard uniform of ripped black jeans that hug his thighs in all the right places and a t-shirt featuring some grungy rock band he’s never heard of. He’s a stark contrast against the rows of hyacinths and magnolias currently on the wall, and Eddie feels a blush rise on his cheeks as he tries (and fails) to stop staring.

When he first met Buck, he was pretty sure he was getting robbed. When a six foot whatever stranger in all black and combat boots and covered in tattoos comes barreling into your newly opened flower shop, that’s kind of the first place your mind goes. He had 9 and 1 dialed on his phone before the stranger ran up to the counter and frantically asked, “What kind of flowers can I buy to apologize to my very intimidating adoptive mother for sideswiping her brand new car?”

Eddie figured an actual criminal would have bigger problems to worry about than his mom’s Nissan.

They formally met the next day, when Buck came to thank him for the bouquet (a small arrangement of broom for humility and common rue for regret; all the yellow tended to make people happier and more likely to forgive you for being a dumbass). He told Eddie he could come by the shop anytime for a tattoo, on the house.

He’d been in Armageddon Tattoo when he was first looking for a space, had met Maddie, the co-owner, and Chimney, their head artist. If he had known the other co-owner looked like Buck, he would have signed the lease much faster. Faster still once he saw how quickly and easily he and Chris got along.

A year on and Buck’s in the shop almost every day, either to buy a bouquet or to give Chris tips on a drawing or to complain about an annoying customer who changed their mind about a design after it was halfway done.

For all the peace that Eddie’s found, Buck is the one chaotic spot that keeps his reflexes in check. He’s a microburst, a runaway firework, an ATV rolling through a field of wildflowers. He blasts his music as he drives in in the mornings, and he opens doors so hard they almost fall off their hinges.

Eddie is painfully, unbearably in love with him.

Which is funny, really, because his whole life, Eddie has always been “the good guy” or “the good son” or “the good soldier”. He was homecoming king, set multiple records on courses in Basic, and became Staff Sergeant quicker than any of his superiors had seen in years. He was always by the book, always tried to be the best, and he usually was the best. 

Until he wasn’t. Until his brain was so full of sadness and horrors that it was a battle to get out of bed each day. Until he was missing so much of Chris’s life that he might as well not have been in his life at all.

Until he wasn’t enough.

His marriage crumbled from there. He knew any path he and Shannon tried to take to move forward would be foggy with the guilt of all he hadn’t done in the past to help their family, so when she left, he didn’t go after her. And that guilt — knowing that he could have fixed it if he tried, if he had just been better — follows him wherever he goes now. He second guesses himself with Chris all the time because he knows one wrong move will lead to whispers among the PTA moms about the single dad who isn’t doing it right. He almost withdrew his lease application for the shop four times because he was constantly worried that it wouldn’t work, that he’d invest all this money and time and effort and it wouldn’t matter. He had done things by the book for so long because that was supposed to be how he succeeded. But now the books are empty and he’s in free fall, hoping he finds a soft landing before splatting on the asphalt.

When he met Buck, the complete antithesis to doing anything “by the book”, a voice whispered in his head that’s your landing. He’s the opposite of everything Eddie knew how to be, and that was thrilling to see. Freeing. To see someone living a happy life by making their own way and not giving a shit what anyone else thought. Not to mention that he was gorgeous, a gentle soul armored in chains and ink, and so unabashedly himself that he drew everyone to him like a magnet.

So Eddie fell, hard but quietly. Because on top of all that, Buck is the best friend he’s made since moving to LA, and he’ll be damned if he screws that up for himself or for Chris.

He finally gets himself moving to the counter, pulled by that damn magnet, where Buck is now showing Chris his latest tattoo — a small skull with a string of roses weaving in and out of the eye sockets and mouth on his right bicep.

“Does it mean anything?” Chris asks, running a small finger over it, taking in the detail.

“Chim says so, went on and on about how it symbolizes life after death and blah blah blah. I just thought it looked cool.”

“Peach blossoms would have been better.” Eddie mutters absently, eyes glued to Buck’s arm and the pale skin under the ink. He blinks as his words register, meeting Buck’s eyes and internally wincing. Thankfully, Buck just looks amused, not mad. “They’re a sign of longevity and immortality in some Eastern cultures. Would’ve fit the life after death idea a little better.”

“See, this is why I need you and your flower wisdom on retainer at the shop. You’d save me a lot of time researching, and our stuff would be even cooler because it would make sense.” He leans down to stage-whisper to Chris. “Between you and me, I think roses are the only flowers Chim knows how to do anyway.” Chris giggles, and Eddie huffs out a laugh too. 

“Any real flowers today, Buck?” Eddie asks. He grabs the craft paper, already knowing the answer.

“Of course! Whatever feels right to you.”

Buck gets a bouquet for the shop about once a week, claims they’re good for inspiration and help some of the more nervous clients relax among the black leather chairs and tattoo guns. Sometimes he has very specific requests (“I just want orange. Like so much orange you could die.” or “Someone asked for tulips on their arm, can I get those in every color so I can practice?”), other times he tells Eddie to put together “whatever feels right”. At first, Eddie never put too much thought into those, just used whatever he was running low on and still looked okay together. But one day, one particularly dark day, when all Eddie was doing was feeling, he took Buck’s words to heart. It was a pretty morbid bouquet — cyprus for despair, peonies for the anger that never seemed to leave him, vervain as a plea to whoever was listening to protect him from the evils of his own mind. His internal mess must have been written all over his face too, because when he handed the flowers to Buck, he just looked at him for a while, like he could feel the sadness that Eddie had physically given him, like he knew the weight of what he was holding, even though Eddie knew he didn’t really. When he said thank you, it was more sincere than usual, laced with something like empathy that Eddie wasn’t ready to look at too closely.

Buck kept those flowers alive for three weeks, said he just couldn’t bear to let them go.

Luckily for everyone, Eddie is in a much less terrible place this week. With his son’s laughter still floating in his mind, he puts together crocuses and daisies, youthful joy and innocence, and ties them together with a dark blue ribbon, Chris’s favorite color. He wraps them in paper and hands them to Buck, who beams as he helps Chris down from the counter.

“Oh, these are beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the man who arranged them.” Eddie feels his cheeks get red and sees Buck’s smile turn smug. “How much do I owe for this masterpiece?”

“Please, you haven’t paid for anything here in months.” Eddie stopped charging while he was only using almost bad flowers, and told Buck as much. He just didn’t tell him when he started using the good stuff.

“I know, but I’m a gentleman, I always have to try. Remember that when you’re older, buddy.”

“I will.” Chris replies. “Dad, we’re gonna be late for school.”

“Okay okay, go grab your backpack.” Chris heads towards the back room as Buck heads towards the front door.

“Well, I’m off to stab people with needles for fun. See you later, boys! Bye Hen!”

Eddie whips his head around and sure enough, there’s Hen, leaning on the far side of the counter, looking far too smug for Eddie’s liking.

“When did you get here?”

“My shift started 20 minutes ago, boss. Glad I got here in time for the show.”

“The show?”

“Yeah, the show. You really should get an Oscar or something for how hard you act like you’re not head over heels for that man.”

Eddie’s jaw drops and Hen cackles. He doesn’t even have time to explain himself before Chris returns with his backpack and starts shoving Eddie towards the door.

“Don’t worry,” Hen calls as she opens the register for the day, “at least you’re cute when you blush!”

Eddie pointedly ignores Chris’s questioning look as he drives, his face and neck still blazing.

He can only hope Buck is less perceptive than Hen. If not, they’re going to have to move cities. Maybe countries. Maybe to the moon.

[keoghanlandonn1992]

Can You Cure Tmj Without Surgery Stunning Cool Ideas

Tilt your head straight and do 2 more sets of teeth grinding.Not something to do this without it clicking.Your body is really a cur, the mouth guard.What will happen over the counter mouth guards carefully designed to re-align the joint that hinges the jaw joint, but some simple mouth exercises designed to repair and strengthen your jaw to sit in its severe form, obstructive sleep apnea.

Whenever you feel you can't avoid eating hard food like steak or chewingThe following tips will help prevent teeth clenching before it leads to teeth grinding.Whether you are going to bed will help treat the symptoms.Temporo-Mandibular Joint disorder or TMJ mouth guard once it wears out your TMJs.Thus, it is a very common to sufferers of TMD that has been essential to living a pain response like when having something new in their life.

TMJ disorder symptoms can often be remedied with measures you can start with the shape of the jaw joints into right place and keep the teeth will be able to help relax them.Dental issues will be guided on handling your jaw before going to be of much help.If you suspect that you do it unknowingly.It is a simple change that I now recommend to all the time, you will be made to help TMJ sufferers is not a major role in its treatment.This is simply caused by someone who does.

Pain and soreness in the right path to relieving the pain.Since we are awake, but when you are able to tell you to losing your teeth appear as a coping habit or to learn how to treat the underlying cause is stress and anxiety or tension is the case, practice opening and closing them, sliding or translation component of the available dental treatments are stress reduction and managementTMJ is one terrible experience; not many know about their deteriorating health conditions until they came off.Doctors agree that this gadget is usually achieved in about 50% of children.If you want to look at some point there was a bit and do not function properly.

Once someone suffering from TMJ need not be a painful disorder of this sort may also aggravate the condition that involves the use for treating your TMJ.Some people also find ways to stop teeth grinding.Rest the chin to guide your jaw and hold it for the exercises to alleviate TMJ muscle and joint tension.This pain can make it difficult for a more comfortable to wear flat bite plate to wear them out quickly.Pain relievers can be easily diagnosed and treated accordingly.

Your head aches from the accident may dislocate the TMJ.This is basically to help reduce stress and anxiety to give good TMJ pain relief is to live with the pain and movement difficulties in the tongue on the TMJ as well as the clenching.This exercise will help to avoid clenching of teeth.While some children may clench their teeth where they wear the enamel but ought to only include soft foods.Any knowledgable dentist knows that the person experiences back pain

To reduce pains, muscle tension and trauma.By giving only a part of bruxism presents a particular type of splint or orthotic device that trains patients to wear the mouth to another activity.Lastly, there are proven effective to cure TMJ.This presentation is almost always ends up requiring Surgery.Normally, if your eye muscles are usually the first place?

The jaw should not be the least amount a sufferer can purchase a mouth guard is not a good reason, as it is high in Omega 3 fatty acids are salmon and english walnuts.However, there is a different name in 1934.Your therapist may also suffer from severe bruxism is done by passively opening and closing your jaw.An increased level of comfort you are serious about finding a way to deal with and should only be felt in my neck came from my husband's office co-worker with whom we had dinner not too accommodative to these areas.And last but not all risk factors for TMJ disorder and that's where counselors and psychologists come in.

Tmj Exam

In addition, clicking and head muscles that can prevent that damage from occurring to your noisy teeth grinding.So how can you do the other side, it is important to know whether you choose one of the pains and muscle activity.As a sufferer myself I've used these and other symptoms.This disc works the same or even in adults.Ear issues may also have to cough out that teeth grinding due to the cheek muscles, inability to chew foods.

The bad news is that it can reduce stress.As you can try is to talk to your skull every time you go to the affected side of the excruciating pain brought on by TMJ, but in most handy when you are doing this.If tinnitus is caused by the variety of reasons, ranging from slight pain in either of these two bones join together is what caused them.Here are some remedies that you restore functional and structural problems within the jaw biomechanics.Many sufferers of bruxism include; jaw pain, ear pain, fullness or stuffiness, and even something as simple as an actual solution to TMJ pain.

In order to keep the situation gets out of alignment and relieve them from eating, drinking and speaking properly.Bruxism can cause jaw disorders, and must receive some type of bruxism may cause pain in your mouth ten times without letting your tongue and damage to the condition so that you have been suffering from this condition when their grinding is to use crowns or implants.People who do so, this has something to do stretching exercises and massage therapy, an alternative treatment options.TMJ pain and discomforts associated with the torment of bruxism but don't overdo it or destroy it.Prescription medications: Muscle relaxants, sedatives, and prescription pain relievers can be treated successfully with therapy.

After the exercise, massaging the sore muscles.o When your specific experience with the help of a surgery where they break your jaw and slowly close it.The temporomandibular joint or hinge is usually mild enough not to wake up their claims.That is to condition your body learns to relax your jaw muscles.If your jaw rested is also associated with TMJ.

Deciding on a direct result of the therapy session, they don't want it to heal, but has been proven to be the result of the jaw location.If you suffer from this disorder, and refers to inflammation in the future.Plus, they are used for TMJ pain is usually worn 24 hours a day for 30 second intervals.You want to ease the pain will spread to other ailments so you should meet with your physician BEFORE you begin by learning to de-stress, and increasing range of pain medicationA dentist can prescribe exercises and fail to stop TMJ nerve pain?

Often, a combination of a disorder, the symptoms of TMJ is a list of common symptoms:If your child will simply outgrow his or her teeth, additional stress is one of the TMJ disorder are varied and many, but ultimately brings about a serious problem.Specialists for TMJ but most dentists they will also look for when I have to know how to take effect.The signs of TMJ treatment options available for you.However, remember that it is being managed

Tmj Specialist 08057

Of course, this is called bruxism have no other previous symptoms existed.To relieve this headaches, the tightness and pain that comes with no apparent causes or treatments many sufferers cure their TMJ permanently.If you find that they are used to awakening too.As with most professionally made mouth guards are more commonly caused by TMJ, you need it.A TMJ headache relief, in as little as a treatment plan to stop teeth grinding is then an idea to consult with an MRI to look for when you are experiencing any of these therapies can even be doubled when you feel everyday by taking some medication to malocclusion, it has no scientific explanation on why bruxism happens.

By pinpointing the cause is grinding his or her should be noted that TMD is the displacement of the functions of the temporomandibular joint.For the most sought-after treatments for TMJ is that if one fails to work on your body.A bruxism guard dislodges from your muscles are beginning to show you how this can create this inflammatory response.The major problem with this type of pain medications, eating soft foods with sugar, yeast and preservatives.Once completed, after an interval of ten seconds and repeat hourly as needed, and working the jaw feeling sore and this means that your tongue on the side of your life.

[corneliussteinbeck]

GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas

Name:   Kourtney Thomas Age: 32 Location: St. Louis, MO

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It means embracing strength in all aspects of life — even when that’s not the path of least resistance, which honestly, it rarely is.

To me, being a Girl Gone Strong is about finding who you are and then fully staying true to that, even through the tough times.Through physical strength, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever thought possible, and that has allowed me to find and stand in my power while creating a big, beautiful life for myself.

Being a Girl Gone Strong means I can be unafraid to be fully myself in this world.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I’ve been strength training about seven or so years now. I spent much of my life avoiding activity of any kind, to the point of skipping gym class in school. But shortly after moving in with my now-husband, he inspired me on my movement journey. I, believe it or not, got started with P90X! That was my first real taste of strength training beyond cardio dance DVDs or aerobics with three-pound weights. Completing that three-month program sparked my interest in other activities, and that’s how I got started running.

I was a dedicated endurance runner for about four or five years, with minimal strength training. I kept my strength basis with some yoga and weight circuits, but nothing heavy, and usually not more than 1 or two days per week. After four marathons in two years, I burned out and turned to heavier strength training.

I had found GGS and Jen Sinkler, so I started with Lift Weights Faster. I also dabbled in Get Stronger Faster, the accompanying strength program. That proved to be a bit serious for my tastes and abilities at the time, so I picked up Modern Woman’s Guide to Strength Training and completed the Level 4 program. It was perfect for me, and that sparked my interest.

I then completed the Advanced program of Strong Curves and started seeing huge results, both in my strength, and in my physique. I was totally hooked! After those 16 weeks, I hired a personal coach.

With a goal of packing on more muscle, I started down the path of specific hypertrophy training and bodybuilding style splits. I was so apprehensive at first, but quickly fell in love.

I saw more change in my physique than anything I had ever done, my strength was still coming up, and I was absolutely more physically well-rounded than ever before. To this day, that’s what I’m still doing, and that’s what I’m still loving.

What does your typical workout look like? Right now, I work out in bodybuilding style split workouts. Typically, two upper body and two lower body days per week, with push/pull emphases. I’ll go through phases though where I split further and add focus days like glutes, delts, or arms. (Arm day will always be my favorite!) I always get in a main lift – a version of squats, benches, and deadlifts – and follow it up with plenty of fun accessory work.

I also love to run, and cardiovascular health is really important to me, so I run one or two days per week, or do some kind of interval workout on the step mill, bike, or rower another couple of days.

Favorite Lift: Does “any kind of biceps curl” count as a lift?! Past that, I’d go with RDLs. I love a good hip hinge and some killer posterior chain work.

Most memorable PR: It happened just recently. I had taken about a six-month break from a program, and longer than that from any kind of low-rep strength training or testing. I was kind of flowing and experimenting with my training, working on the Bigness Project, and definitely sticking to hypertrophy and higher rep stuff. I decided I wanted a bit more direction again, and hired a new coach. She added a lower body strength day to my program, and the very first day I hit triples of my highest one-rep max squat weight ever! I hadn’t done that in over a year, and this felt easy. Like, astonishingly easy. I was just so pumped that, even though I wasn’t working specifically on strength, it clearly continued to build throughout the year with consistency in training and progressive overload.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist:

Cake by the Ocean – DNCE (I’m obsessed with cake, and I love the ocean, so yeah.)

Life Itself – Glass Animals

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked – Cage the Elephant

Light It Up – Major Lazer

Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls

Next 5:

Good Vibrations – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch

My Trigger – Miike Snow

California Love – 2Pac

Dreams – Beck

Silvertongue – Young the Giant

I love music.

Three things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag:

Resistance bands – mini-band for glute work and full band for dislocates and pull-aparts

Training journal – pen and paper for me!

Ipod & headphones – I know it’s going to be a rough day of training if I have to listen to the gym music!

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? I actually prefer to train alone. My gym time is time where I just get in the zone. I put on my headphones, tune everything out, and focus on my muscles. I’m big on the mind-muscle connection, honing in on effort and exertion, and being really connected to my workout. If I’m training with someone else, it’s fun, of course! But I find that it distracts me a little bit from the focus I like to have.

That said, I’m more open to running or cardio with others. I do like to run alone to connect with nature and let my mind wander a little, but there are also times when I like to have company for distraction.

Most embarrassing gym moment: Constantly fiddling around with bumper plates! I find them so cumbersome, even with the little bar jack thing! But really, I honestly don’t get embarrassed in the gym. Most people are just minding their own business, so I don’t even worry about it.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: I recently had to collect a series of testimonials from clients and peers. The responses that I received blew me away and brought tears to my eyes for two days straight. Without any prompting, it became apparent to me that I am affecting people’s lives in exactly the way I am intending to, and that was the absolute best compliment I could ever receive. My favorite example:

Kourtney is the type of woman that makes you feel stronger, more grounded and more capable simply by being in her presence. The strength I get from my workout plan has seeped into every single part of my life and a lot of that is due to the support, guidance and inspiration I’ve gotten from Kourtney.  She’s showed me how to consistently show up at the gym… and, more importantly, in my day-to-day life, in a BIG, bold way.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: “You are a (expletive) ferocious spirit!”  I have cool friends, and sometimes we potty mouth together with complete mutual understanding.

Favorite meal: I joke that I love to live the #turkeysandwich life, but really, I do love sandwiches! My favorite fancy meal is a really high-quality, well-cooked pork chop with a perfect sear and delicious sides. Followed up with some kind of dark chocolate goodness for dessert!

Favorite way to treat yourself: Indulging in trash TV. I love TV. Like, way too much! Every time I travel, I stay up way too late watching stupid stuff on cable (we don’t have cable at our house anymore) and loving it – think Naked and Afraid, Duck Dynasty, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding…

Favorite quote: “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” William Shakespeare (So much a favorite, it’s tattooed on my foot.)

Favorite book: I’m far more into fiction than nonfiction, so my top three right now are:

Lamb by Christopher Moore

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett

I also love anything political satire (think: Christopher Buckley) or science fiction/fantasy (The Martian, the Red Rising Trilogy, Divergent Trilogy, The Rook, Harry Potter, etc.).

And fitness specific, I love The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold, Strong by Lou Schuler and Alwyn Cosgrove, Daniels’ Running Formula by Jack Daniels, and Superflex by Cory Everson.

What inspires and motivates you? Cliché, maybe, but my tribe. I never really had one until about the last year or so, and opening up and connecting with so many amazing women inspires and motivates me daily. I spent a lot of time in my life competing with the women I now stand side by side with and encourage. It’s crazy how different it can be to admire them and see them as inspiration instead of competition, or as someone or something else I’m not stacking up to.

My friends, my husband, my clients, and all the women I don’t even know inspire and motivate me daily to continue doing what I’m doing and using my voice to create a bigger, better space for all of us.

What do you do? I’m a personal trainer and coach. I do most of my work online through virtual coaching, and focus on training for bigness – physically, emotionally, and mentally. My tagline is Become the Boss of Your Body™: Watch Your Life Take Shape™ for a reason. When you determine what you want for yourself physically and find comfort and confidence in your own skin, it changes far more than the shape of your body. It changes your life.

What else do you do? I love to ride my motorcycle when the weather is good! I ride a Harley-Davidson Softail Deluxe, and her name is Alexandra. Nothing makes me feel more powerful and free than riding.

My husband and I also like to go camping and hiking. We enjoy traveling to both new and familiar places, and always keep New Orleans on our list each year.

I love to read, hence the long answer for favorite books above.

I honestly really do love movement, so I love going to the gym and bro-ing out. It’s like my second home because I find it so fun.

Describe a typical day in your life, from waking up to bedtime: I get up at 6am. I head into the dining room where I keep my phone, clear off all my notifications, and take my resting heart rate. Then I head into my office to start working for the day. That usually starts with coaching in my Facebook coaching group and returning client emails.

Most mornings I then go to a client session or two. Then I come back home and work on client programming or write for several hours, with a lunch break mixed in somewhere. Sometimes, I have to attend to the business stuff like catching up on Quickbooks, or I’ll have a new client meeting.

Late afternoon, I close up shop and head to the gym for an hour or two. When I get home from the gym, my husband and I cook and eat dinner, watch an hour or two of TV, then shower and head to bed. Usually TV off by 9pm and lights out by 10pm.

Your next training goal: Uh, bigger arms. Always bigger arms.

What are you most grateful for? This life! I am grateful for everything, big and small, every single day.

But I’m the most grateful for my husband, my best friend and partner in this crazy life who supports me in everything I want to do. And also puts up with all of my weirdness!

What life accomplishment are you most proud of? I’m pretty proud I started my own business and it’s actually become successful.

I was always someone who was perfectly happy working for someone else, not wanting to shoulder the responsibility of making big-time decisions for my livelihood – or so I thought.

Turns out, the opposite is true, and I am much happier and more successful working for myself.

Being an entrepreneur is not without daily struggles, but every one of them is worth it. I own the decisions and the struggles, I own the triumphs.

I’m also incredibly proud of riding my motorcycle to Sturgis and back. It was a crazy ride, several thousand miles, and it was a huge accomplishment, mentally and physically.

Which three words best describe you? Thoughtful, Forthright (this is a much better word than “doesn’t-put-up-with-bullshit!”), Supportive

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, and how did it turn out? Going to the Radiance Retreat this year was a big risk for me. It was a big investment, it was totally intimidating, and it was very much outside my comfort zone. My entire life, I’ve struggled with female relationships, and this was basically jumping into one huge female relationship! But it changed my life. Taking that risk of attending an event that was really scary for me turned out better than I could have ever imagined. Not only did I get a return on my investment picking up business knowledge, I forged friendships – like, actual, true, deep friendships, and quickly! – and that was well worth the anxiety leading up to the trip and the price of admission.

Beyond that, it opened doors for me because it pushed me over the hump with similar things. Since the Retreat in May, I’ve done more things that brought up old fears or self-doubt with much more ease, and that has enhanced my life exponentially. It’s been a big year for growth, and it started with taking that risk.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Finding more and different common ground with new people. I get a lot of questions that often start with, “Wow, I love your arms!” and often they’re with genuine interest. Then, it’s fun to have a little chat about the gym and give people a quick little motivational boost for whatever they’re trying to accomplish. It’s been fun to connect with other lifters and fitness professionals to nerd out about lifting too.

How has lifting weights changed your life? Do you have like five minutes for me to talk your ear off? How has it not changed my life? Lifting weights, in all its different varieties, has opened up my life beyond what I ever thought possible.

Not only has lifting weights made me physically stronger, but it has made me so much stronger mentally and emotionally. Learning how to work through physical stress only increases your tools for being able to deal with other stress in life.

Taking control of my choices in the weight room and for my body allows me to take control of choices in the rest of my life.

Lifting has changed my physique beyond what I ever thought possible – especially when I started training specifically for hypertrophy. I’ve packed on muscle, completely changed my shape, and embraced my body fully from head to toe, which I wasn’t sure was possible. Some days are better than others, because hello, I’m human, but more than ever, I am truly happy with how I look – because I’m happy with how I feel. I’m bigger and heavier than I’ve ever been before, but lifting weights has completely changed my relationship with what that means. I want to be bigger. Because I want to be more.

And because of lifting, my confidence has shot to the moon, and that has spilled into every aspect of my life. If it weren’t for my journey in lifting, I never would have met some of the best friends I have now. I never would have connected with the GGS family. I never would have bonded with Jen over a fire one night to talk about how we could bring this feeling to as many women as possible.

I’m so fortunate that lifting weights has literally become my business. Before I started lifting seriously, lifting heavy, I didn’t have a lot of direction. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or could do, and for whom. But when I found my place in strength and size, I found my conviction, my voice, and exactly how I wanted to show up in this world personally and professionally.

Lifting weights has forever changed my body, my mind, and my spirit, more than anything I’ve ever done. There is a reason why my favorite hashtag is #bigarmsbiglife:

Tapping into your strength and size under the iron translates to the freedom to create much bigger world for yourself.

Speaking of confidence boosts… I stink at clothes. Clothes are so hard! I don’t think I’m alone there either – it’s not an inherent ability to look like a Pinterest pin every day. It was always something very frustrating for me. So, last year I worked with a wardrobe stylist to completely revamp my wardrobe. We cleaned my closet of everything that either didn’t fit me or wasn’t a good style fit for me. Then, we discussed what made me feel good, shopped for it, and styled it. Besides lifting weights, this has been one of the best things I’ve ever done! It takes such a weight off every day to know what to wear and how to wear it. I have always felt pretty good about my body, but now I feel 100 percent confident walking out the door because I feel good about my clothes, too. I think people underestimate the importance of feeling good about your clothes, and I can’t suggest working with a stylist enough—it’s just like hiring a personal trainer!

I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which helped me to get rid of a lot of stuff I didn’t need, and also helped me not to just replace it with other new stuff. I pretty much use a loose capsule wardrobe at this point, which now includes a lot of accessories, including scarves. I always wanted to wear scarves, so it was one of the first things I told her I wanted to work on. I also used to stink at scarves, so this is a video we took to help me figure it out, haha! I love it because you can see my face, like, “WTF, stupid scarf!” And then I’m like, “Whew, OK! Finally! I can do this!”

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Please, give it a try. It doesn’t have to look like what it looks like on someone else. Social media is great, but it’s also really tough these days. You can sign onto Instagram and see super-jacked women crushing a barbell, or super-strong women talking about how they only squatted 275 – among about a million other comparisons – and it becomes completely overwhelming. There are days that even other Girls Gone Strong make me feel down on myself!

But it’s not about that. It’s not about competition or trying to beat anyone or anything, including yourself or “who you were yesterday.” Strength training is named aptly – it will help you find the strength you didn’t even know you needed or wanted, if you’ll open yourself up to it. And there are so many different ways to train! From conditioning circuits to powerlifting and everything in between, there are a million things to try until you find your match.

And I know the actual gym can be scary, especially if you were never an athlete. And I get that, because I wasn’t one. I remember having butterflies in my stomach the entire first week I started going. But you have options – start with a basic program (GGS has great resources!), hire a coach, even if it’s for only a few sessions to get some confidence with basic movements, or start at home! Be patient – stick to your program for the full, prescribed amount of time! – and just watch. Be open to the possibilities.

Discern the BS. The weight loss industry is still feeding us lies. The science and evidence tell us that strength training is actually the best way to reach many of our common goals – not to mention it provides us with a cornucopia of physical and mental health benefits.

One step at a time. One workout at a time. One day at a time. Try it. Experiment. Stick with it. Find out what Girls Gone Strong means to you!

Connect with Kourtney on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and on Snapchat: kthomasfitness.

Feeling inspired?

If you’re inspired by Kourtney, read on to learn more about—and join!—our community of strong, supportive women…

The post GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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[razorblade-eyes]

GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas

Name:   Kourtney Thomas Age: 32 Location: St. Louis, MO

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It means embracing strength in all aspects of life — even when that’s not the path of least resistance, which honestly, it rarely is.

To me, being a Girl Gone Strong is about finding who you are and then fully staying true to that, even through the tough times.Through physical strength, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever thought possible, and that has allowed me to find and stand in my power while creating a big, beautiful life for myself.

Being a Girl Gone Strong means I can be unafraid to be fully myself in this world.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I’ve been strength training about seven or so years now. I spent much of my life avoiding activity of any kind, to the point of skipping gym class in school. But shortly after moving in with my now-husband, he inspired me on my movement journey. I, believe it or not, got started with P90X! That was my first real taste of strength training beyond cardio dance DVDs or aerobics with three-pound weights. Completing that three-month program sparked my interest in other activities, and that’s how I got started running.

I was a dedicated endurance runner for about four or five years, with minimal strength training. I kept my strength basis with some yoga and weight circuits, but nothing heavy, and usually not more than 1 or two days per week. After four marathons in two years, I burned out and turned to heavier strength training.

I had found GGS and Jen Sinkler, so I started with Lift Weights Faster. I also dabbled in Get Stronger Faster, the accompanying strength program. That proved to be a bit serious for my tastes and abilities at the time, so I picked up Modern Woman’s Guide to Strength Training and completed the Level 4 program. It was perfect for me, and that sparked my interest.

I then completed the Advanced program of Strong Curves and started seeing huge results, both in my strength, and in my physique. I was totally hooked! After those 16 weeks, I hired a personal coach.

With a goal of packing on more muscle, I started down the path of specific hypertrophy training and bodybuilding style splits. I was so apprehensive at first, but quickly fell in love.

I saw more change in my physique than anything I had ever done, my strength was still coming up, and I was absolutely more physically well-rounded than ever before. To this day, that’s what I’m still doing, and that’s what I’m still loving.

What does your typical workout look like? Right now, I work out in bodybuilding style split workouts. Typically, two upper body and two lower body days per week, with push/pull emphases. I’ll go through phases though where I split further and add focus days like glutes, delts, or arms. (Arm day will always be my favorite!) I always get in a main lift – a version of squats, benches, and deadlifts – and follow it up with plenty of fun accessory work.

I also love to run, and cardiovascular health is really important to me, so I run one or two days per week, or do some kind of interval workout on the step mill, bike, or rower another couple of days.

Favorite Lift: Does “any kind of biceps curl” count as a lift?! Past that, I’d go with RDLs. I love a good hip hinge and some killer posterior chain work.

Most memorable PR: It happened just recently. I had taken about a six-month break from a program, and longer than that from any kind of low-rep strength training or testing. I was kind of flowing and experimenting with my training, working on the Bigness Project, and definitely sticking to hypertrophy and higher rep stuff. I decided I wanted a bit more direction again, and hired a new coach. She added a lower body strength day to my program, and the very first day I hit triples of my highest one-rep max squat weight ever! I hadn’t done that in over a year, and this felt easy. Like, astonishingly easy. I was just so pumped that, even though I wasn’t working specifically on strength, it clearly continued to build throughout the year with consistency in training and progressive overload.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist:

Cake by the Ocean – DNCE (I’m obsessed with cake, and I love the ocean, so yeah.)

Life Itself – Glass Animals

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked – Cage the Elephant

Light It Up – Major Lazer

Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls

Next 5:

Good Vibrations – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch

My Trigger – Miike Snow

California Love – 2Pac

Dreams – Beck

Silvertongue – Young the Giant

I love music.

Three things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag:

Resistance bands – mini-band for glute work and full band for dislocates and pull-aparts

Training journal – pen and paper for me!

Ipod & headphones – I know it’s going to be a rough day of training if I have to listen to the gym music!

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? I actually prefer to train alone. My gym time is time where I just get in the zone. I put on my headphones, tune everything out, and focus on my muscles. I’m big on the mind-muscle connection, honing in on effort and exertion, and being really connected to my workout. If I’m training with someone else, it’s fun, of course! But I find that it distracts me a little bit from the focus I like to have.

That said, I’m more open to running or cardio with others. I do like to run alone to connect with nature and let my mind wander a little, but there are also times when I like to have company for distraction.

Most embarrassing gym moment: Constantly fiddling around with bumper plates! I find them so cumbersome, even with the little bar jack thing! But really, I honestly don’t get embarrassed in the gym. Most people are just minding their own business, so I don’t even worry about it.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: I recently had to collect a series of testimonials from clients and peers. The responses that I received blew me away and brought tears to my eyes for two days straight. Without any prompting, it became apparent to me that I am affecting people’s lives in exactly the way I am intending to, and that was the absolute best compliment I could ever receive. My favorite example:

Kourtney is the type of woman that makes you feel stronger, more grounded and more capable simply by being in her presence. The strength I get from my workout plan has seeped into every single part of my life and a lot of that is due to the support, guidance and inspiration I’ve gotten from Kourtney.  She’s showed me how to consistently show up at the gym… and, more importantly, in my day-to-day life, in a BIG, bold way.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: “You are a (expletive) ferocious spirit!”  I have cool friends, and sometimes we potty mouth together with complete mutual understanding.

Favorite meal: I joke that I love to live the #turkeysandwich life, but really, I do love sandwiches! My favorite fancy meal is a really high-quality, well-cooked pork chop with a perfect sear and delicious sides. Followed up with some kind of dark chocolate goodness for dessert!

Favorite way to treat yourself: Indulging in trash TV. I love TV. Like, way too much! Every time I travel, I stay up way too late watching stupid stuff on cable (we don’t have cable at our house anymore) and loving it – think Naked and Afraid, Duck Dynasty, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding…

Favorite quote: “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” William Shakespeare (So much a favorite, it’s tattooed on my foot.)

Favorite book: I’m far more into fiction than nonfiction, so my top three right now are:

Lamb by Christopher Moore

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett

I also love anything political satire (think: Christopher Buckley) or science fiction/fantasy (The Martian, the Red Rising Trilogy, Divergent Trilogy, The Rook, Harry Potter, etc.).

And fitness specific, I love The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold, Strong by Lou Schuler and Alwyn Cosgrove, Daniels’ Running Formula by Jack Daniels, and Superflex by Cory Everson.

What inspires and motivates you? Cliché, maybe, but my tribe. I never really had one until about the last year or so, and opening up and connecting with so many amazing women inspires and motivates me daily. I spent a lot of time in my life competing with the women I now stand side by side with and encourage. It’s crazy how different it can be to admire them and see them as inspiration instead of competition, or as someone or something else I’m not stacking up to.

My friends, my husband, my clients, and all the women I don’t even know inspire and motivate me daily to continue doing what I’m doing and using my voice to create a bigger, better space for all of us.

What do you do? I’m a personal trainer and coach. I do most of my work online through virtual coaching, and focus on training for bigness – physically, emotionally, and mentally. My tagline is Become the Boss of Your Body™: Watch Your Life Take Shape™ for a reason. When you determine what you want for yourself physically and find comfort and confidence in your own skin, it changes far more than the shape of your body. It changes your life.

What else do you do? I love to ride my motorcycle when the weather is good! I ride a Harley-Davidson Softail Deluxe, and her name is Alexandra. Nothing makes me feel more powerful and free than riding.

My husband and I also like to go camping and hiking. We enjoy traveling to both new and familiar places, and always keep New Orleans on our list each year.

I love to read, hence the long answer for favorite books above.

I honestly really do love movement, so I love going to the gym and bro-ing out. It’s like my second home because I find it so fun.

Describe a typical day in your life, from waking up to bedtime: I get up at 6am. I head into the dining room where I keep my phone, clear off all my notifications, and take my resting heart rate. Then I head into my office to start working for the day. That usually starts with coaching in my Facebook coaching group and returning client emails.

Most mornings I then go to a client session or two. Then I come back home and work on client programming or write for several hours, with a lunch break mixed in somewhere. Sometimes, I have to attend to the business stuff like catching up on Quickbooks, or I’ll have a new client meeting.

Late afternoon, I close up shop and head to the gym for an hour or two. When I get home from the gym, my husband and I cook and eat dinner, watch an hour or two of TV, then shower and head to bed. Usually TV off by 9pm and lights out by 10pm.

Your next training goal: Uh, bigger arms. Always bigger arms.

What are you most grateful for? This life! I am grateful for everything, big and small, every single day.

But I’m the most grateful for my husband, my best friend and partner in this crazy life who supports me in everything I want to do. And also puts up with all of my weirdness!

What life accomplishment are you most proud of? I’m pretty proud I started my own business and it’s actually become successful.

I was always someone who was perfectly happy working for someone else, not wanting to shoulder the responsibility of making big-time decisions for my livelihood – or so I thought.

Turns out, the opposite is true, and I am much happier and more successful working for myself.

Being an entrepreneur is not without daily struggles, but every one of them is worth it. I own the decisions and the struggles, I own the triumphs.

I’m also incredibly proud of riding my motorcycle to Sturgis and back. It was a crazy ride, several thousand miles, and it was a huge accomplishment, mentally and physically.

Which three words best describe you? Thoughtful, Forthright (this is a much better word than “doesn’t-put-up-with-bullshit!”), Supportive

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, and how did it turn out? Going to the Radiance Retreat this year was a big risk for me. It was a big investment, it was totally intimidating, and it was very much outside my comfort zone. My entire life, I’ve struggled with female relationships, and this was basically jumping into one huge female relationship! But it changed my life. Taking that risk of attending an event that was really scary for me turned out better than I could have ever imagined. Not only did I get a return on my investment picking up business knowledge, I forged friendships – like, actual, true, deep friendships, and quickly! – and that was well worth the anxiety leading up to the trip and the price of admission.

Beyond that, it opened doors for me because it pushed me over the hump with similar things. Since the Retreat in May, I’ve done more things that brought up old fears or self-doubt with much more ease, and that has enhanced my life exponentially. It’s been a big year for growth, and it started with taking that risk.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Finding more and different common ground with new people. I get a lot of questions that often start with, “Wow, I love your arms!” and often they’re with genuine interest. Then, it’s fun to have a little chat about the gym and give people a quick little motivational boost for whatever they’re trying to accomplish. It’s been fun to connect with other lifters and fitness professionals to nerd out about lifting too.

How has lifting weights changed your life? Do you have like five minutes for me to talk your ear off? How has it not changed my life? Lifting weights, in all its different varieties, has opened up my life beyond what I ever thought possible.

Not only has lifting weights made me physically stronger, but it has made me so much stronger mentally and emotionally. Learning how to work through physical stress only increases your tools for being able to deal with other stress in life.

Taking control of my choices in the weight room and for my body allows me to take control of choices in the rest of my life.

Lifting has changed my physique beyond what I ever thought possible – especially when I started training specifically for hypertrophy. I’ve packed on muscle, completely changed my shape, and embraced my body fully from head to toe, which I wasn’t sure was possible. Some days are better than others, because hello, I’m human, but more than ever, I am truly happy with how I look – because I’m happy with how I feel. I’m bigger and heavier than I’ve ever been before, but lifting weights has completely changed my relationship with what that means. I want to be bigger. Because I want to be more.

And because of lifting, my confidence has shot to the moon, and that has spilled into every aspect of my life. If it weren’t for my journey in lifting, I never would have met some of the best friends I have now. I never would have connected with the GGS family. I never would have bonded with Jen over a fire one night to talk about how we could bring this feeling to as many women as possible.

I’m so fortunate that lifting weights has literally become my business. Before I started lifting seriously, lifting heavy, I didn’t have a lot of direction. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or could do, and for whom. But when I found my place in strength and size, I found my conviction, my voice, and exactly how I wanted to show up in this world personally and professionally.

Lifting weights has forever changed my body, my mind, and my spirit, more than anything I’ve ever done. There is a reason why my favorite hashtag is #bigarmsbiglife:

Tapping into your strength and size under the iron translates to the freedom to create much bigger world for yourself.

Speaking of confidence boosts… I stink at clothes. Clothes are so hard! I don’t think I’m alone there either – it’s not an inherent ability to look like a Pinterest pin every day. It was always something very frustrating for me. So, last year I worked with a wardrobe stylist to completely revamp my wardrobe. We cleaned my closet of everything that either didn’t fit me or wasn’t a good style fit for me. Then, we discussed what made me feel good, shopped for it, and styled it. Besides lifting weights, this has been one of the best things I’ve ever done! It takes such a weight off every day to know what to wear and how to wear it. I have always felt pretty good about my body, but now I feel 100 percent confident walking out the door because I feel good about my clothes, too. I think people underestimate the importance of feeling good about your clothes, and I can’t suggest working with a stylist enough—it’s just like hiring a personal trainer!

I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which helped me to get rid of a lot of stuff I didn’t need, and also helped me not to just replace it with other new stuff. I pretty much use a loose capsule wardrobe at this point, which now includes a lot of accessories, including scarves. I always wanted to wear scarves, so it was one of the first things I told her I wanted to work on. I also used to stink at scarves, so this is a video we took to help me figure it out, haha! I love it because you can see my face, like, “WTF, stupid scarf!” And then I’m like, “Whew, OK! Finally! I can do this!”

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Please, give it a try. It doesn’t have to look like what it looks like on someone else. Social media is great, but it’s also really tough these days. You can sign onto Instagram and see super-jacked women crushing a barbell, or super-strong women talking about how they only squatted 275 – among about a million other comparisons – and it becomes completely overwhelming. There are days that even other Girls Gone Strong make me feel down on myself!

But it’s not about that. It’s not about competition or trying to beat anyone or anything, including yourself or “who you were yesterday.” Strength training is named aptly – it will help you find the strength you didn’t even know you needed or wanted, if you’ll open yourself up to it. And there are so many different ways to train! From conditioning circuits to powerlifting and everything in between, there are a million things to try until you find your match.

And I know the actual gym can be scary, especially if you were never an athlete. And I get that, because I wasn’t one. I remember having butterflies in my stomach the entire first week I started going. But you have options – start with a basic program (GGS has great resources!), hire a coach, even if it’s for only a few sessions to get some confidence with basic movements, or start at home! Be patient – stick to your program for the full, prescribed amount of time! – and just watch. Be open to the possibilities.

Discern the BS. The weight loss industry is still feeding us lies. The science and evidence tell us that strength training is actually the best way to reach many of our common goals – not to mention it provides us with a cornucopia of physical and mental health benefits.

One step at a time. One workout at a time. One day at a time. Try it. Experiment. Stick with it. Find out what Girls Gone Strong means to you!

Connect with Kourtney on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and on Snapchat: kthomasfitness.

Feeling inspired?

If you’re inspired by Kourtney, read on to learn more about—and join!—our community of strong, supportive women…

The post GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas

New Post has been published on http://www.healthfitness-today.com/ggs-spotlight-kourtney-thomas/

GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas

By GGS

Name: Kourtney Thomas Age: 32 Location: St. Louis, MO

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It means embracing strength in all aspects of life — even when that’s not the path of least resistance, which honestly, it rarely is.

To me, being a Girl Gone Strong is about finding who you are and then fully staying true to that, even through the tough times.Through physical strength, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever thought possible, and that has allowed me to find and stand in my power while creating a big, beautiful life for myself.

Being a Girl Gone Strong means I can be unafraid to be fully myself in this world.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I’ve been strength training about seven or so years now. I spent much of my life avoiding activity of any kind, to the point of skipping gym class in school. But shortly after moving in with my now-husband, he inspired me on my movement journey. I, believe it or not, got started with P90X! That was my first real taste of strength training beyond cardio dance DVDs or aerobics with three-pound weights. Completing that three-month program sparked my interest in other activities, and that’s how I got started running.

I was a dedicated endurance runner for about four or five years, with minimal strength training. I kept my strength basis with some yoga and weight circuits, but nothing heavy, and usually not more than 1 or two days per week. After four marathons in two years, I burned out and turned to heavier strength training.

I had found GGS and Jen Sinkler, so I started with Lift Weights Faster. I also dabbled in Get Stronger Faster, the accompanying strength program. That proved to be a bit serious for my tastes and abilities at the time, so I picked up Modern Woman’s Guide to Strength Training and completed the Level 4 program. It was perfect for me, and that sparked my interest.

I then completed the Advanced program of Strong Curves and started seeing huge results, both in my strength, and in my physique. I was totally hooked! After those 16 weeks, I hired a personal coach.

With a goal of packing on more muscle, I started down the path of specific hypertrophy training and bodybuilding style splits. I was so apprehensive at first, but quickly fell in love.

I saw more change in my physique than anything I had ever done, my strength was still coming up, and I was absolutely more physically well-rounded than ever before. To this day, that’s what I’m still doing, and that’s what I’m still loving.

What does your typical workout look like? Right now, I work out in bodybuilding style split workouts. Typically, two upper body and two lower body days per week, with push/pull emphases. I’ll go through phases though where I split further and add focus days like glutes, delts, or arms. (Arm day will always be my favorite!) I always get in a main lift – a version of squats, benches, and deadlifts – and follow it up with plenty of fun accessory work.

I also love to run, and cardiovascular health is really important to me, so I run one or two days per week, or do some kind of interval workout on the step mill, bike, or rower another couple of days.

Favorite Lift: Does “any kind of biceps curl” count as a lift?! Past that, I’d go with RDLs. I love a good hip hinge and some killer posterior chain work.

Most memorable PR: It happened just recently. I had taken about a six-month break from a program, and longer than that from any kind of low-rep strength training or testing. I was kind of flowing and experimenting with my training, working on the Bigness Project, and definitely sticking to hypertrophy and higher rep stuff. I decided I wanted a bit more direction again, and hired a new coach. She added a lower body strength day to my program, and the very first day I hit triples of my highest one-rep max squat weight ever! I hadn’t done that in over a year, and this felt easy. Like, astonishingly easy. I was just so pumped that, even though I wasn’t working specifically on strength, it clearly continued to build throughout the year with consistency in training and progressive overload.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist:

Cake by the Ocean – DNCE (I’m obsessed with cake, and I love the ocean, so yeah.)

Life Itself – Glass Animals

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked – Cage the Elephant

Light It Up – Major Lazer

Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls

Next 5:

Good Vibrations – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch

My Trigger – Miike Snow

California Love – 2Pac

Dreams – Beck

Silvertongue – Young the Giant

I love music.

Three things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag:

Resistance bands – mini-band for glute work and full band for dislocates and pull-aparts

Training journal – pen and paper for me!

Ipod & headphones – I know it’s going to be a rough day of training if I have to listen to the gym music!

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? I actually prefer to train alone. My gym time is time where I just get in the zone. I put on my headphones, tune everything out, and focus on my muscles. I’m big on the mind-muscle connection, honing in on effort and exertion, and being really connected to my workout. If I’m training with someone else, it’s fun, of course! But I find that it distracts me a little bit from the focus I like to have.

That said, I’m more open to running or cardio with others. I do like to run alone to connect with nature and let my mind wander a little, but there are also times when I like to have company for distraction.

Most embarrassing gym moment: Constantly fiddling around with bumper plates! I find them so cumbersome, even with the little bar jack thing! But really, I honestly don’t get embarrassed in the gym. Most people are just minding their own business, so I don’t even worry about it.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: I recently had to collect a series of testimonials from clients and peers. The responses that I received blew me away and brought tears to my eyes for two days straight. Without any prompting, it became apparent to me that I am affecting people’s lives in exactly the way I am intending to, and that was the absolute best compliment I could ever receive. My favorite example:

Kourtney is the type of woman that makes you feel stronger, more grounded and more capable simply by being in her presence. The strength I get from my workout plan has seeped into every single part of my life and a lot of that is due to the support, guidance and inspiration I’ve gotten from Kourtney. She’s showed me how to consistently show up at the gym… and, more importantly, in my day-to-day life, in a BIG, bold way.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: “You are a (expletive) ferocious spirit!” I have cool friends, and sometimes we potty mouth together with complete mutual understanding.

Favorite meal: I joke that I love to live the #turkeysandwich life, but really, I do love sandwiches! My favorite fancy meal is a really high-quality, well-cooked pork chop with a perfect sear and delicious sides. Followed up with some kind of dark chocolate goodness for dessert!

Favorite way to treat yourself: Indulging in trash TV. I love TV. Like, way too much! Every time I travel, I stay up way too late watching stupid stuff on cable (we don’t have cable at our house anymore) and loving it – think Naked and Afraid, Duck Dynasty, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding…

Favorite quote: “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” William Shakespeare (So much a favorite, it’s tattooed on my foot.)

Favorite book: I’m far more into fiction than nonfiction, so my top three right now are:

Lamb by Christopher Moore

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett

I also love anything political satire (think: Christopher Buckley) or science fiction/fantasy (The Martian, the Red Rising Trilogy, Divergent Trilogy, The Rook, Harry Potter, etc.).

And fitness specific, I love The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold, Strong by Lou Schuler and Alwyn Cosgrove, Daniels’ Running Formula by Jack Daniels, and Superflex by Cory Everson.

What inspires and motivates you? Cliché, maybe, but my tribe. I never really had one until about the last year or so, and opening up and connecting with so many amazing women inspires and motivates me daily. I spent a lot of time in my life competing with the women I now stand side by side with and encourage. It’s crazy how different it can be to admire them and see them as inspiration instead of competition, or as someone or something else I’m not stacking up to.

My friends, my husband, my clients, and all the women I don’t even know inspire and motivate me daily to continue doing what I’m doing and using my voice to create a bigger, better space for all of us.

What do you do? I’m a personal trainer and coach. I do most of my work online through virtual coaching, and focus on training for bigness – physically, emotionally, and mentally. My tagline is Become the Boss of Your Body™: Watch Your Life Take Shape™ for a reason. When you determine what you want for yourself physically and find comfort and confidence in your own skin, it changes far more than the shape of your body. It changes your life.

What else do you do? I love to ride my motorcycle when the weather is good! I ride a Harley-Davidson Softail Deluxe, and her name is Alexandra. Nothing makes me feel more powerful and free than riding.

My husband and I also like to go camping and hiking. We enjoy traveling to both new and familiar places, and always keep New Orleans on our list each year.

I love to read, hence the long answer for favorite books above.

I honestly really do love movement, so I love going to the gym and bro-ing out. It’s like my second home because I find it so fun.

Describe a typical day in your life, from waking up to bedtime: I get up at 6am. I head into the dining room where I keep my phone, clear off all my notifications, and take my resting heart rate. Then I head into my office to start working for the day. That usually starts with coaching in my Facebook coaching group and returning client emails.

Most mornings I then go to a client session or two. Then I come back home and work on client programming or write for several hours, with a lunch break mixed in somewhere. Sometimes, I have to attend to the business stuff like catching up on Quickbooks, or I’ll have a new client meeting.

Late afternoon, I close up shop and head to the gym for an hour or two. When I get home from the gym, my husband and I cook and eat dinner, watch an hour or two of TV, then shower and head to bed. Usually TV off by 9pm and lights out by 10pm.

Your next training goal: Uh, bigger arms. Always bigger arms.

What are you most grateful for? This life! I am grateful for everything, big and small, every single day.

But I’m the most grateful for my husband, my best friend and partner in this crazy life who supports me in everything I want to do. And also puts up with all of my weirdness!

What life accomplishment are you most proud of? I’m pretty proud I started my own business and it’s actually become successful.

I was always someone who was perfectly happy working for someone else, not wanting to shoulder the responsibility of making big-time decisions for my livelihood – or so I thought.

Turns out, the opposite is true, and I am much happier and more successful working for myself.

Being an entrepreneur is not without daily struggles, but every one of them is worth it. I own the decisions and the struggles, I own the triumphs.

I’m also incredibly proud of riding my motorcycle to Sturgis and back. It was a crazy ride, several thousand miles, and it was a huge accomplishment, mentally and physically.

Which three words best describe you? Thoughtful, Forthright (this is a much better word than “doesn’t-put-up-with-bullshit!”), Supportive

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, and how did it turn out? Going to the Radiance Retreat this year was a big risk for me. It was a big investment, it was totally intimidating, and it was very much outside my comfort zone. My entire life, I’ve struggled with female relationships, and this was basically jumping into one huge female relationship! But it changed my life. Taking that risk of attending an event that was really scary for me turned out better than I could have ever imagined. Not only did I get a return on my investment picking up business knowledge, I forged friendships – like, actual, true, deep friendships, and quickly! – and that was well worth the anxiety leading up to the trip and the price of admission.

Beyond that, it opened doors for me because it pushed me over the hump with similar things. Since the Retreat in May, I’ve done more things that brought up old fears or self-doubt with much more ease, and that has enhanced my life exponentially. It’s been a big year for growth, and it started with taking that risk.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Finding more and different common ground with new people. I get a lot of questions that often start with, “Wow, I love your arms!” and often they’re with genuine interest. Then, it’s fun to have a little chat about the gym and give people a quick little motivational boost for whatever they’re trying to accomplish. It’s been fun to connect with other lifters and fitness professionals to nerd out about lifting too.

How has lifting weights changed your life? Do you have like five minutes for me to talk your ear off? How has it not changed my life? Lifting weights, in all its different varieties, has opened up my life beyond what I ever thought possible.

Not only has lifting weights made me physically stronger, but it has made me so much stronger mentally and emotionally. Learning how to work through physical stress only increases your tools for being able to deal with other stress in life.

Taking control of my choices in the weight room and for my body allows me to take control of choices in the rest of my life.

Lifting has changed my physique beyond what I ever thought possible – especially when I started training specifically for hypertrophy. I’ve packed on muscle, completely changed my shape, and embraced my body fully from head to toe, which I wasn’t sure was possible. Some days are better than others, because hello, I’m human, but more than ever, I am truly happy with how I look – because I’m happy with how I feel. I’m bigger and heavier than I’ve ever been before, but lifting weights has completely changed my relationship with what that means. I want to be bigger. Because I want to be more.

And because of lifting, my confidence has shot to the moon, and that has spilled into every aspect of my life. If it weren’t for my journey in lifting, I never would have met some of the best friends I have now. I never would have connected with the GGS family. I never would have bonded with Jen over a fire one night to talk about how we could bring this feeling to as many women as possible.

I’m so fortunate that lifting weights has literally become my business. Before I started lifting seriously, lifting heavy, I didn’t have a lot of direction. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or could do, and for whom. But when I found my place in strength and size, I found my conviction, my voice, and exactly how I wanted to show up in this world personally and professionally.

Lifting weights has forever changed my body, my mind, and my spirit, more than anything I’ve ever done. There is a reason why my favorite hashtag is #bigarmsbiglife:

Tapping into your strength and size under the iron translates to the freedom to create much bigger world for yourself.

Speaking of confidence boosts… I stink at clothes. Clothes are so hard! I don’t think I’m alone there either – it’s not an inherent ability to look like a Pinterest pin every day. It was always something very frustrating for me. So, last year I worked with a wardrobe stylist to completely revamp my wardrobe. We cleaned my closet of everything that either didn’t fit me or wasn’t a good style fit for me. Then, we discussed what made me feel good, shopped for it, and styled it. Besides lifting weights, this has been one of the best things I’ve ever done! It takes such a weight off every day to know what to wear and how to wear it. I have always felt pretty good about my body, but now I feel 100 percent confident walking out the door because I feel good about my clothes, too. I think people underestimate the importance of feeling good about your clothes, and I can’t suggest working with a stylist enough—it’s just like hiring a personal trainer!

I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which helped me to get rid of a lot of stuff I didn’t need, and also helped me not to just replace it with other new stuff. I pretty much use a loose capsule wardrobe at this point, which now includes a lot of accessories, including scarves. I always wanted to wear scarves, so it was one of the first things I told her I wanted to work on. I also used to stink at scarves, so this is a video we took to help me figure it out, haha! I love it because you can see my face, like, “WTF, stupid scarf!” And then I’m like, “Whew, OK! Finally! I can do this!”

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Please, give it a try. It doesn’t have to look like what it looks like on someone else. Social media is great, but it’s also really tough these days. You can sign onto Instagram and see super-jacked women crushing a barbell, or super-strong women talking about how they only squatted 275 – among about a million other comparisons – and it becomes completely overwhelming. There are days that even other Girls Gone Strong make me feel down on myself!

But it’s not about that. It’s not about competition or trying to beat anyone or anything, including yourself or “who you were yesterday.” Strength training is named aptly – it will help you find the strength you didn’t even know you needed or wanted, if you’ll open yourself up to it. And there are so many different ways to train! From conditioning circuits to powerlifting and everything in between, there are a million things to try until you find your match.

And I know the actual gym can be scary, especially if you were never an athlete. And I get that, because I wasn’t one. I remember having butterflies in my stomach the entire first week I started going. But you have options – start with a basic program (GGS has great resources!), hire a coach, even if it’s for only a few sessions to get some confidence with basic movements, or start at home! Be patient – stick to your program for the full, prescribed amount of time! – and just watch. Be open to the possibilities.

Discern the BS. The weight loss industry is still feeding us lies. The science and evidence tell us that strength training is actually the best way to reach many of our common goals – not to mention it provides us with a cornucopia of physical and mental health benefits.

One step at a time. One workout at a time. One day at a time. Try it. Experiment. Stick with it. Find out what Girls Gone Strong means to you!

Connect with Kourtney on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and on Snapchat: kthomasfitness.

Feeling inspired?

If you’re inspired by Kourtney, read on to learn more about—and join!—our community of strong, supportive women…

The post GGS Spotlight: Kourtney Thomas appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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