#cookie aside she was also pretty condescending to him like all the time

[potterandpromises]

One criticism I have of season 4 is that they retcon aspects of Sazz' character and her relationship with Charles. Like in the podcast they talk about the scene with Rex/Marshall when Sazz is confronting him about the script and Jane Lynch is saying how Sazz would never betray someone. But Sazz very much did steal Charles' girlfriend Cookie. That's not the same thing as what Marshall did, but she did do that and they were together for 20 years. That was very much a thing that happened.

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥A Thought For a Thought🔥

~~~

It was subtle, but (Y/N) could tell he was struggling. The young Squad Leader watched out of the corner of her eye as the newly promoted Captain Levi looked over the reports in front of him, his eyes darting back and forth over the words and his brow almost imperceptibly furrowed. She watched him as he huffed a quiet breath and turned to another report instead, his eyes scanning the page furiously, as if he were searching for the key to some great revelation.

(Y/N) knew the truth. She had never told anyone, never planned to, but thanks to the significant amount of time she spent with the surly Captain, ordered by Erwin to help him manage his workload, (Y/N) could tell. Levi couldn’t read. He had never mentioned it to anyone, had never voiced his concerns with the mountains of paperwork on his desk. He only sat alone in the late hours of the night, trying to discreetly teach himself without anyone knowing that Humanity’s Strongest Soldier was illiterate.

(Y/N) lightly nibbled on the end of her pen as she watched him, pretending to be reading the document in front of her. She was worried about him. She barely knew him other than her brief interactions with him while they worked, but she could see the weight of the stress on his shoulders, see the quick flickers of anxiety flash in his eyes every time he saw the increasing workload on his desk. It also didn’t help that the other soldiers still treated him like shit due to his background. He was a Captain now, so nobody would outright insult him, especially if they wanted to keep all of their limbs, but she knew he knew about the rumors, the whispers, the sneers as he walked past.

Many of the soldiers either hated him for his very sudden promotion or were disgusted by him because of where he came from. It made (Y/N) grit her teeth in anger. People were always so quick to judge, not even caring when his two best friends died, a few of them even insinuating that they deserved to die because of their lives in the Underground.

(Y/N) knew that not only would admitting his struggle with reading and writing make him even more of a target for condescending remarks, but also that nobody would be willing to help him. Nobody would care about a rude, violent man from the slums just because he couldn’t read.

She knew she had to do something. She had been ordered to help Levi when Erwin had noticed that nothing was being turned back in to him, but she knew it couldn’t go on like this forever. Besides, (Y/N) loved to read. She loved books more than anything, they were her escape into a different reality, a whole new world to explore with millions of characters to fall in love with. She had lived a thousand lives, died a thousand deaths, loved millions of times through books, and it made her sad that he couldn’t experience that same joy, especially since it was a great way to relieve stress, something that she knew he desperately needed.

Setting her remaining reports aside, (Y/N) stood and made her way to the Captain, catching his attention as she took a seat at his desk in the chair right across from him.

“Squad Leader (Y/N)? What do you need?” Levi asked gruffly.

(Y/N) heard his rough tone, but she thought she almost saw a flash of relief flicker in his eyes at her distraction, as he placed the reports he had been trying to tackle back on his desk in front of him. Folding his hands in his lap, he leaned back in his chair.  (Y/N) took a deep breath and looked him right in the eye when she spoke.

“You can’t read, sir. Please, let me help you.”

Levi froze immediately, his whole body tensing as he glared daggers at the woman in front of him. His eyebrow raised when she did not flinch away from the dark glower that usually sent grown men running.

“I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t tell anyone, I promise, I just want to help you.”

“Why the fuck do you want to help me?” Levi asked.

“Because I can tell you’re struggling, sir, and I want you to be able to do your job effectively. Also, I love to read, and I think you’d really come to enjoy it once you learn how to do it properly.”

“What’s the catch?” Levi asked with an eyebrow raised.

“There is no catch, only that you have to work harder to save humanity by doing the reports on your desk, once you learn what’s actually on them.”

Levi contemplated her for a moment. Despite his inability to read words, he could read people pretty well, and he could tell she didn’t have any malicious intent, but he just couldn’t help but feel suspicious. He already felt a little exposed at the idea that she had discovered his secret, all on her own at that, meaning he was showing more weakness than he originally thought, but he also couldn’t deny that it was a tempting offer.

He continued to appraise her, and even though (Y/N) had the urge to turn away under his intense gaze, she held her own against him, standing tall and showing him that she had nothing to hide. When his silver eyes finally met her’s again, she could tell he was going to accept her offer, the small twinkle of hopefulness that glimmered in his eye making her heart flutter. She knew he wanted to learn, he just struggled with accepting help from others.

Finally, he nodded once, and moved his chair over slightly so she could slide up beside him and position herself at his desk. He was a little stiff, his body tense at the feeling of her being so close to him, right in the center of his personal bubble, but he eventually loosened up a bit as she gathered the reports on his desk and began teaching him the basics.

______________________________

He looked up when the door to his office opened. Not only was it late at night, past curfew for most soldiers, but (Y/N) was the only one who was allowed to come into his office without knocking, so he knew exactly who it was when he heard the squeak of the door handle.

(Y/N) came into his office facing away from him, using her back to push open the door before making her way to him holding a tray with two tea cups, a teapot, and some small cookies. His mouth watered as she came closer and he nodded at her gratefully, taking a cookie and popping it into his mouth. Usually he wasn’t a huge fan of sweets but he had learned, the more time he spent with her, that (Y/N) was an amazing baker and always made them just right for him. He hummed as the delectable taste melted on his tongue before looking down at the finished reports in front of him.

It had been a few months since (Y/N) had started teaching him how to read and write and he was already making significant progress. (Y/N) was an amazing teacher. She was always so patient with him, even when he was being moody, always encouraging him to keep trying until it finally started to click for him. She had started out with doing most of his reports for him, writing out what he wanted to say and then helping him write different sentences from the report on a separate sheet of paper, taking special care to teach him about each letter.

There were some nights where she even read to him from one of the many books she kept in her room, letting him just relax and close his eyes while laying on the couch, letting himself sink into the world of the novel and forget the problems of his real life for a couple of hours. There were other nights where she would randomly flip it on him, and have him read to her, helping him with pronunciations and challenging him with more difficult words and phrases each day. 

He normally didn’t care about other people’s opinions, but something about the sincerity in her voice, the light in her eyes when she complimented him; it made him feel so special. On top of everything, she had kept her word and refused to tell a soul, even leaving his secret out of her reports to Erwin each time. He could tell in the way that nobody treated him with more malice than usual, something he was immensely grateful for.

He had to keep from smiling as he thought about her, his grey eyes appraising her as she sat down on the couch with her small bag, her eyes focused on the contents inside while she dug through it, looking for her supplies.

“What’s on the schedule for today, (Y/N)?” Levi asked, moving his reports to the side.

(Y/N) looked back at him and smiled, her eyes glimmering with mischief in a way that had him narrowing his gaze at her.

“Oi, brat, what was that look for?”

“Oh, nothing,” (Y/N) replied cheekily, making Levi grumble to himself while he waited impatiently for her to finish organizing her things.

“That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It’s nothing bad.”

“I don’t believe you.”

(Y/N) snickered at Levi’s blunt remark, reaching for a notebook, a sheet of paper, and a pen from the pile of things she had brought with her. (Y/N) ignored Levi’s grimace of disgust at the mess of things she left on the couch and approached his desk.

“Today, Levi, we are going to be practicing cursive. You will need it for writing letters to the nobles, merchants, and any other groups of people who are associated with the nobility. They will be much more likely to reject requests or ignore your message if it doesn’t look neat and curvy,” (Y/N) said, rolling her eyes in disdain for the nobles and their stupid rules.

Levi scoffed but did not argue. (Y/N) knew he was just reacting to the nobles, his disgust surrounding them carrying over from his days in the Underground. Opening the notebook, (Y/N) flipped to the page where she had spent hours meticulously writing out each individual cursive letter as clearly as possible for Levi to use as a learning tool. Moving around the desk, (Y/N) turned the notebook around for him to see and started by teaching him each individual letter, just as she had done when teaching him normal lettering and spelling.

Levi got a little frustrated with some of the more difficult letters, their shapes and curves making it difficult for him to make them smooth and neat, but he was catching on quickly, taking (Y/N)’s lessons and rolling with them.

When he was finally ready, (Y/N) flipped to a different page in her notebook where she had written out sentences for him to practice, reaching over to grab the blank sheet of paper for him to work on and handing him the pen she had brought.

(Y/N) stood from his desk with a stretch, claiming she had to deliver the stack of finished reports on Levi’s desk to Erwin before the Commander turned in for the night, grabbing the stack and making her way to the door.

“I want you to copy down those sentences until you fill up that entire page, front and back, okay Levi? I’ll check your work when I get back,” (Y/N) threw over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.

 Levi, meanwhile, was a little stunned, his face flushing a bit.

“(Y/N) is smarter than Levi.”

“(Y/N) is more attractive than Levi.”

“(Y/N) is stronger than Levi.”

“(Y/N) is a better Squad Leader than Levi.”

Levi stared at the page for a moment before bursting into laughter. It wasn’t a loud laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless, the quiet sound filling the empty office as he read each sentence again. Levi shook his head at her antics, smiling despite himself as he got right to work.

______________________________

By the time (Y/N) came back into the room, he had filled almost the entire page, his letters getting more elegant with each sentence. He nodded at her when she came in, one that she returned in kind, before he bent back down to finish his assignment. (Y/N) picked up the book she brought with her and read a few pages on the couch while she waited for him to finish, the sound of his pen scratching against the page; the only sound in the small office.

“Done,” Levi said gruffly after a short while, prompting (Y/N) to close her book and walk over to him, a smile teasing at the corners of her lips.

“Let me see what you did,” (Y/N) said, holding her hand out.

Levi handed her the page with a huff, muttering something about her being a pain in his ass. (Y/N) chuckled, knowing he didn’t mean it before looking at the page he had handed her.

“HEY!” (Y/N) shouted suddenly, throwing a glare at the raven-haired man.

“What is it?” Levi asked innocently.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Levi, you know exactly what it is!” (Y/N) said with a playful pout, glaring at the glimmer in eyes.

“I won’t know ‘what it is’ if you don’t tell me, brat,” Levi said with a smirk.

“You wrote all of the sentences backwards!” (Y/N) said, turning the page around for him to see.

“Levi is smarter than (Y/N).”

“Levi is more attractive than (Y/N).”

“Levi is stronger than (Y/N).”

“Levi is a better Squad Leader than (Y/N).”

At the bottom of the page, Levi had even written in beautiful cursive:

“(Y/N) is a pain in my ass.”

(Y/N) glared at Levi again when he pretended to analyze the page, his brows furrowing.

“I am so sorry (Y/N), I guess I just read your example sentences wrong. You know how I struggle with reading, especially with this new fancy lettering, my eyes must have just rearranged the words without me knowing. I was wondering why you were so enamored with me when I read it the first time,” Levi said in a monotone voice, keeping the smirk that was straining to ride across his face from showing itself.

(Y/N) huffed and placed both hands on her hips, tilting her head in exasperation despite the twitching of her lips as she tried to keep her features straight.

“Sure you did,” (Y/N) said, sarcasm dripping from her words before she finally caved, letting a bright smile flash across her lips.

Levi’s breath caught at the sight of that beaming smile, but he shoved down the feeling that rose in his throat. Shaking his head, Levi allowed himself to give up the title of Captain for a moment, and let his own lips curve into a smile.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes playfully, ignoring her fluttering heart, before moving back to her chair and pulling out a new sheet of paper, directing him to write the sentences correctly this time.

“I’m pretty sure this is emotional abuse,” Levi deadpanned, earning him a light slap on the arm from the back of her hand.

“It is not!”

“Really? Because I think my feelings are hurt now.”

“Oh for god sakes…”

The two bantered back and forth while they worked until the moon was starting to sink below the horizon, the night sky turning from black to a navy blue. Standing up with a yawn and a stretch, (Y/N) gathered her things and made her way to the door.

“Goodnight Captain, see you tomorrow,” (Y/N) said with a wink and a smile, closing the door gently behind her.

Levi let out a grunt of annoyance but couldn’t deny the warm feeling that was heating his heart and making his nerves tingle as he stared at the door she had just disappeared through, the page of sentences about them still clutched in his palm.

________________________

Levi knew it was his idea to keep everything a secret, knew it was him who told (Y/N) to act professional around him when they weren’t in the safety of his office late at night, but now, as the meeting he was in dragged on forever, Levi felt as if he would give anything to be able to participate in their normal banter, her good sense of humor and sweet voice always turning his bad days around. He hated to admit it, but he was starting to regret making everything secret. He found himself wanting to sit next to her when they ate in the Mess Hall, wanting to spar with her during training, wanting to invite her on a horseback ride around the base.

He shook his head to redirect his train of thought, trying to force himself to focus on the map Erwin was going over for the next mission. He trained his gaze on Erwin’s finger, watching as the giant blonde traced a trail on the map, explaining where each squad was going to be located. But his mind kept straying, against his will, to the woman sitting beside him. He had the urge to brush his shoulder against hers like he sometimes did during their midnight sessions. He then had the worse urge to place his hand on her thigh, to run his fingers along her covered flesh and trace random patterns on her pant leg.

Levi blinked a few times, desperately trying to get himself out of this rut before he did something stupid like act on said urges. He knew (Y/N) probably wouldn’t even react if he touched her leg, maybe a confused look in his direction, or maybe even the light flushing of her cheeks, but it was the other people in the meeting he was worried about. He knew that for them, if he did something like that, it would be completely uncalled for.

He was starting to get really frustrated with himself, his thoughts caving in on themselves no matter how hard he tried to redirect his focus on the meeting. He wanted nothing more than for it to be the middle of the night, back in the safety of his office with (Y/N) by his side, laughing with him and making him feel more human than he had ever felt, and his heart knew that; was using it against him.

Suddenly, all of his senses narrowed to the feeling of something lightly brushing his own thigh. Glancing down as subtly as possible, Levi’s eyes widened as he saw (Y/N)’s hand resting lightly against his leg, a small piece of paper held in between her thumb and pointer finger. Levi was careful not to draw attention to himself as he reached down and took the paper from her, trying to ignore the cold feeling that washed over his body when she drew her hand back.

Pretending to read the notes in front of him, Levi opened the piece of paper, making sure nobody was watching him with quick glances around the room. Luckily, everyone around him was focused on the map Erwin was using, which gave him enough time to glance down at the tiny piece of paper.

“Why don’t we do some reading and writing practice since you’re obviously so entertained by this meeting? What are you thinking about?”

Levi fought the urge to snort and grabbed his pen, subtly writing his own note and passing it back in the same way she did for him.

“Why the hell should I tell you?”

He saw (Y/N) smile out of the corner of his eye and his lips twitched. (Y/N) stashed the note in her pocket and picked up her own pen to write another.

“I’ll tell you what I’m thinking if you tell me. A thought for a thought.”

Levi wrote back.

“Will it be worth it?” 

“I guess you will just have to find out.”

Levi really fought back a smirk that time and was quick to write back a response, glancing up every so often to make sure nobody was watching them. This was a dance between the two of them, no spectators needed.

“Fine. I’m thinking that this meeting is stupid and I want to go back to my office.”

(Y/N) smiled when she read his note.

“What else?”

“What do you mean, ‘what else’? That’s what I was thinking.”

“Levi…”

“God damn it, fine! I was thinking that I wish we could talk outside of my office.”

Levi watched nervously as (Y/N)’s brow furrowed when she read his note, her reply slower in its delivery this time.

“Why would you want to talk to me?”

Levi frowned.

“I’m not answering that. It’s well past my turn. It’s your turn now, what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that Erwin has large bushy eyebrows.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at her note before responding.

“That’s stupid.”

“It’s what I was thinking! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was the award for the most philosophical train of thought ceremony.”

Levi had to stop himself from chuckling at that one, resulting in a low coughing sound that made Erwin pause.

“Levi, are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine Erwin, just a cough, proceed.”

Erwin watched Levi for a second before shrugging his shoulders and going back to the plans in front of him, moving on from talking about the route to the battle tactics they were going to have to use on the mission. Levi had to refrain from rolling his eyes as he heard Erwin talk. Levi already knew all of this, this meeting was nothing more than a waste of time.

A light tap on his thigh reminded him of their previous little game before Erwin interrupted, and Levi quickly moved to write her back.

“It’s not, brat. But I know you better than that, what were you really thinking?”

“Alright, alright, I’m thinking that you’re right, this meeting is boring, and I wish I could talk to you outside of your office too.”

“Why would you want to talk to me?”

Levi subtly smiled at her when she flashed him a glare at the mocking message on the note she had gotten from him.

“Because despite your main personality facet being dickhead, you actually can be less of an asshole sometimes. Sometimes I even kind of like you.”

“Like me? Are you feeling alright, (Y/N)? Maybe I should take you to the infirmary…”

“I know right? Something must be wrong with me.”

“Alright, that concludes today’s meeting. Remember to prepare yourselves, all of our missions are difficult, but this one could be devastating if we aren’t careful,” Erwin said, bringing (Y/N) and Levi out of their own world and back into the meeting.

“Yes sir!” the collective voices of the soldiers in the room rang out, each one saluting the Commander before filing out.

Levi looked at the Commander for a minute while he saluted him, his eyes narrowing on his face. When they had been dismissed, Levi turned and, when he was sure nobody was watching, leaned down to whisper in (Y/N)’s ear.

“You’re right, Erwin does have bushy eyebrows.”

________________________________

After that meeting in Erwin’s office, (Y/N) and Levi couldn’t stop the game they had started. The pair would find any excuse to meet each other and exchange notes, sometimes hiding them in the most ridiculous places for the other to find.

Levi found one stashed under his tea cup in the cupboard when he went to brew himself some of the calming brew one morning. (Y/N) found one rolled up and hidden neatly in between the cogs of her ODM gear. It was a dance, a game that the two of them shared, both of them entertaining the other with conversations about nothing and everything. They found it was the perfect way to further solidify their surprisingly strong friendship without everyone else asking questions about why they were so close in the first place, Levi still wanting to keep his past illiteracy a secret.

Good morning, Levi! Thought for a thought: I am thinking that you are an ass for making us work so hard yesterday during training. I’m pretty sure my legs are useless now, gone forever. Maybe as punishment I should make you practice writing love letters to every female cadet in the Survey Corps. Have a good day!

~(Y/N)

Levi chuckled as he read the note he had found tucked up in the nameplate on his door that morning, immediately moving back into his office to write her back.

Morning (Y/N). Thought for a thought: You’re a drama queen. Do you want to survive in this world or not? If your legs are gone, they will come back. Also, if you make me write love letters to the women of the Corps, I will end you. Have a good day yourself.

~Levi

Levi pocketed the note and left his office to start the day, eager to hide the note in (Y/N)’s coffee tin.

____________________________

(Y/N) smiled as she read Levi’s note, her eyes sparkling with mirth. It was just so him. She could almost hear him telling her that he was going to end her in person, his eyes narrowed and his brow creased in annoyance at the thought of writing love letters. It made (Y/N) giggle lightly, waving off her friends when they gave her confused looks.

Thought for a thought: Good point. I guess I would rather have sore legs than death. It was kind of a toss up at first, didn’t really know which one I’d prefer, but I guess you’re right. All kidding aside though, that mission is coming up tomorrow, are you doing okay? I don’t want to stress you out, so maybe we shouldn’t do our reading session tonight? We both need to get some rest and the last thing I want is for you to be distracted. Take care of yourself and please don’t die tomorrow.

~(Y/N)

(Y/N) put the note in her pocket and rejoined her friends, who were waving at her to follow them to the training grounds for one last field test of the ODM gear. (Y/N) touched the note in her pocket, figuring she could put it in one of Levi’s sword slots on his gear set. She felt surprisingly sad at the thought of not being able to spend the night hanging out with Levi, but she knew he needed to focus. He was important, not just to the Corps but to her. The surly Captain had definitely grown on her ever since she had been assigned by Erwin to help him with his paperwork, especially since she started teaching him how to read and write. She just wanted to keep him safe. 

She would easily consider him to be her closest friend, the one who knew the most about her, her tongue becoming magically loose when she was around him. But he had never judged her, never told a soul any of what she said, always just listening silently, his entire attention focused on her. She sighed and touched the paper in her pocket again, reminding herself that even though he was the strongest person she knew, he was also still human and needed to be protected at all costs.

Raising her head up, (Y/N) set her face in determination and slipped the note into his gear as she put her own equipment on, readying herself for her final flight test within the safety of the walls before she was exposed to the hell of the world in the morning.

____________________________

Levi had felt his heart sink when he read (Y/N)’s note. He knew she was right, they both needed rest and staying up until the early hours of the morning, reading to each other, was not the best way to go about that, but it still made him upset. 

The two of them had developed a routine. She came to his office every night after the curfew of the soldiers. What had started out as a secret way for Levi to learn how to read had morphed into a time when the both of them could just be themselves. It was the only time where Levi allowed himself to smile, to laugh, to crack jokes and to act playful. He loved how (Y/N) made him feel genuinely human, not Humanity’s Strongest, not Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, just Levi.

He loved how she called him names without worrying about being punished. He loved how she teased him and challenged him in ways no other person ever had, aside from Isabel maybe. But even then, the sweet, energetic redhead had seen him as more of a brother rather than a friend, and hadn’t treated him in the same way (Y/N) did. The way they interacted was different than any other friendship Levi had ever had.

Sighing, Levi wrote (Y/N) back saying that he agreed with her, and placed the note on the bar of her left stirrup on her saddle. Once he was sure the note was in a place nobody else would see, Levi left the stable where he had been taking care of his horse and headed back to his office, readying himself for his last night in the safety of the walls.

___________________________

Levi tossed and turned in his bed, one leg under the covers and one leg out, his body both too hot and too cold as he tried fruitlessly to get comfortable. He was normally prone to insomnia, but this was one of the worst episodes he’d ever had. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew why.

An image of (Y/N) flashed across his mind and he growled in frustration. She had to be fast asleep by now, there was no point in even entertaining the idea of seeing her. He just needed to get a grip on himself and go the fuck to sleep. He had never had a problem with sleeping by himself before, he could do this. Just because he hadn’t spent a couple of hours hanging out with (Y/N) didn’t mean anything. He could do this.

Levi took deep breaths, trying to force himself to relax. He closed his eyes and rolled over, moving his hands and legs into different positions, trying anything to fall asleep. When all of his attempts failed, he was just about ready to bite the bullet and start getting ready for the very long day ahead of him when he heard the sound of his door being opened very quietly.

Levi looked over, his eyes narrowed, ready to tear someone a new asshole when he froze. Standing in the doorway, shuffling her feet nervously, was (Y/N). Levi felt like he could’ve cried in relief, her presence already soothing him, but he forced himself to focus. Something was clearly wrong.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Levi asked, sitting up and motioning for her to come over to him.

(Y/N) hesitated but eventually walked over to him. She swallowed hard, her head hanging down.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Levi asked as gently as he could, wincing a little at his rough voice.

When she still didn’t respond, Levi felt a little panicked, but managed to pull himself together.

“Thought for a thought?” Levi asked.

(Y/N) looked up and he smiled for her, trying to reassure her.

“What are you thinking about, (Y/N)?”

“I’m thinking I am being selfish.”

“How are you selfish?”

(Y/N) glared at him weakly. “Your turn first.”

“Oh yeah,” Levi said in a low voice that sent involuntary shivers down her spine. “I’m thinking I am worried about you. Now, why do you think you’re selfish?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and swallowed again before answering. Levi waited patiently. He was an anxious mess on the inside, wanting to know what she was going to say, but he knew that if he rushed her that he would risk chasing her away, and he definitely did not want that.

“I am selfish because I care about you and I want you to be safe. I am selfish because I know you need this rest to do well tomorrow but I can’t stay away from you. I am selfish because I want to be near you all the time and I am tired of the hiding. I want to be nice to you even when we aren’t alone. I want to joke around with you and laugh with you and smile at you and not have it be weird. I am selfish because I want all of that even though I know that doing so would humiliate you, that it would reveal your secret of having trouble with reading and writing, that it would just cause more problems for you.” (Y/N) closed her eyes and clenched her fists at her sides. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

“What the hell are you sorry for?” Levi asked incredulously. 

“I’m sorry for ruining what we had with my stupid feelings.”

“Do you know what I’m thinking, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) shook her head.

“I’m thinking you’re an idiot. You’re not selfish, never have been. All you have ever done for me is help me, even when nobody else cared. You were always the first, the first to care, the first to be my friend, the first to make me genuinely laugh, the first to make me feel like I am worth something. You are not selfish. I want those things too, (Y/N). You have no idea how many times I’ve just wanted to crack a joke in front of everyone and listen to your laughter fill the hall.”

(Y/N) peeked at him from behind her (h/c) hair, her (e/c) eyes shining with tears.

“Did you know that this whole time I have been unable to sleep because we didn’t spend time together this evening like we always do? This night has been fucking miserable without you. Your feelings about this, about everything, are not one sided.”

(Y/N) looked up then, moving her hair out of her face and wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, a watery smile running across her face.

“Do you know what I am thinking, Levi?” (Y/N) asked.

Levi shook his head.

“I am thinking that I want you to hold me, if you’re comfortable.”

Levi didn’t respond, he just held his arms out for her. (Y/N)’s smile widened and she slowly sank into his embrace, following him as he laid down, his arms holding her against him so they were facing away from each other, her back curled up against his chest.

“Do you know what I am thinking, (Y/N)?”

“No.”

“I like this. I am thinking that I like holding you and I already know I will love being held by you. How do you feel about it?”

“I’m thinking that I love being in your embrace too, Levi. I feel so warm and safe right now, like I can’t be harmed,” (Y/N) said.

Levi tightened his grip around her, burying his face into the back of her neck, reveling in the warm feeling of her pulse and the sweet smell of her shampoo.

“Thought for a thought?” Levi whispered softly after a moment of silence, his eyes closed so that his eyelashes lightly tickled the back of (Y/N)’s neck.

“Go ahead,” (Y/N) said.

“I’m thinking…, that I love you,” Levi said shakily, his heart clenching nervously at her gasp. “I’m thinking that I’ve felt this way for a while but I never understood it. I’m thinking that I have a hard time with words but that you needed to hear this, and for you, I’d do anything. I’m thinking that you take my b-breath away. I’m thinking that I wish I knew how to say more, what to say to make you feel good, but that I can’t other than to say that I l-love you with every shitty inch of my being.”

(Y/N) turned around in his embrace, his arms loosening around her just enough to allow her to move. Levi felt the anxiety attacking his heart, his nerves fraying at the seams as he scanned her tear-streaked face, searching for any sign that he had just fucked everything up.

Levi was surprised instead by a passionate kiss, her warm lips nearly attacking his in her desperation. Levi choked out a chuckle that devolved into a groan as he kissed back hungrily, his arms tightening around her once more. When they broke apart, they were both panting, (Y/N)’s eyes sparkling with love as she met his intense silver stare.

“I’m thinking that I love you too, Levi. I’m thinking that my only regret is that I didn’t tell you sooner, that I missed out on this feeling for longer than I would have. Other than that, I am thinking I am now the luckiest girl in the world. You are amazing, and special, and important in so many ways. Not just because of your title as Humanity’s Strongest, but also because of you as a person. I love you, Levi, so much.”

Levi pulled her back up for another kiss, this one as equally passionate as before, but more gentle, his lips moving over hers in a sweet yet firm caress, making her nerves tingle and her heart light on fire. Holding her close, Levi wrapped himself around (Y/N) completely, resting his chin on top of her head as she buried her face in his chest.

“Take care of yourself, brat. Please, don’t die tomorrow. I can’t lose you,” Levi mumbled.

“You will never lose me, Levi, that, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I didn’t.”

Levi looked down at her one more time, his eyes scanning the determination in her gaze before giving her a light peck on the forehead.

“Good, because I’m going to need someone to keep bossing me around and calling me an idiot.”

(Y/N) flicked his shoulder in tired retaliation and Levi smiled as he felt her own grin against his skin.

“Someone has to keep you in line.”

“Thank gods, it’s you,” Levi said, hiding his grin by pressing his face into her hair, her warm body and sweet scent allowing him to drift off to sleep, the two new lovers enjoying their calm moment of peace together before they would be sent off into hell in the morning.

[rwdestuffs]

Done dirty: Team STRQ

I’m having way too much fun with these screenshot openers.

Team STRQ is one of the most interesting things about the show, and at the same time, the most boring things about the show.

Each character listed above has been done dirty in some way, either by the writers, the narrative, other characters, the audience, or other such circumstances.

One of the things is that we don’t know whose partner is whose. It would be interesting to find out who ended up partnering with whom, but that’s another story all together.

Let’s start with the dead bitch. You know her. She’s super-mom: Slayer of monsters, baker of cookies (At least, according to Yang). So, obviously, she has a lot of time dedicated to her, and how big of an influence she was on Yang and Ruby, right?

NOPE! But, if there’s literally anything I could give this show over Soul Eater, it would be that at least we know what Ruby’s mom looks like, and her name. We don’t get that for Maka’s mom. But then again, Soul Eater also didn’t make a big deal about Mama Albarn. Off-Topic tangent aside, Yang says that Summer never came back from a mission. Implying that she died.

Now, this wouldn’t be much of a problem if we didn’t see a grimm being beaten by a corgi.

(Look forward to a done dirty on the grimm in the near future).

So, unless it was a member of Salem’s faction (which it might be, as it was Hazel who mentioned that they had ‘taken care of’ Silver-eyed warriors in the past), it feels really unlikely that Summer died on a hunt.

And speaking of Silver Eyes, that causes another problem due to how they work.

If they’re supposed to be destined for the life of a warrior, then you’d think that Summer wouldn’t have gone down so easily. Summer got done dirty because despite how important she is to other characters, she is hardly a character herself. In fact, by the sounds of the commentary, she seems to just be a copy/paste of Ruby’s character.

Also, isn’t it nice that Yang no longer considers “Super-Mom” to be her mom, and then refers to her as “Ruby’s mom”?

Seriously. Summer’s influence needs to have a bigger impact on the characters. Sure, her ‘leaving’ made an impact on Yang, but Ruby rarely talks about her, and only really visits her gravestone twice in the same volume. Yang, on the other hand, has mentioned Summer different times in different volumes. Which seems to indicate that Summer’s supposed death had a bigger impact on Yang than it did Ruby, but the fact that she seems to be more willing to call the woman who abandoned her ‘mom’ it just seems like… Yang’s being ungrateful, or that she’s having feelings of inadequacy.

And with Ruby rarely mentioning Summer at all, it just shows that the creators had Summer leave their lives too early. Maybe Ruby had no real choice in the matter of becoming a huntress, and it was the way of the Silver Eyed Warrior that compelled her to do so, but it says a lot when Summer isn’t important enough to Ruby for her to mention her often.

And again, Summer sounding like a copy/paste of Ruby feels like one is being robbed of a fleshed-out character that left an impact on others.

At least we know how Tai reacted- Speaking of which…

Next up is the insensitive bitch, Taiyang. Now, I’m sure that if anyone knows me, they know my… thoughts and opinions on Taiyang “Imma call the manifestation of my daughter’s soul a temper tantrum” Xiao Long isn’t really positive saying the least.

It’s no secret that I don’t like this guy, so please excuse any comments that make me seem like I’m making him out to be the devil incarnate. I have a hard time with this, and I also project my mother’s shitty attitude onto him, so I have issues. Regardless, I am going to try to be as civil as possible when discussing Taiyang. Though, as a warning: It may not last. Scroll past to the deadbeat bitch if you want to skip me being overly critical of Tai, and how he was portrayed and received by the audience.

I don’t care what the writers do, this line is never going to fly if they also want to say that Tai was a “Super caring and supportive father.” Tai being too depressed to take care of his kids is an explanation for this behavior. Not an excuse.

I don’t know what the writers are trying to pull here, but trying to say that Tai is a good dad while also having these lines of dialogue exist isn’t going to fly. It’s like trying to have Batman tell someone off for teaching an orphan martial arts and having them beat up dangerous criminals- It’s just going to come off as something really empty.

Tai’s comments about wanting to go out and look for Ruby also come off as empty as well. The next time we see him, he’s gardening. If him staying behind was so important, you’d think that the writers would have him teaching at Signal, or helping out in the Vale effort. But no. Tai is just gardening. Because that was more important that going out and looking for Ruby.

Tai fails here, because the narrative (and the writers) refuse to acknowledge the fact that he fucked up. Tai had one job as a parent, and do you know what that job was?

But no. Tai up and decides to fuck. up.

If the writers wanted me to believe that Tai didn’t end up giving the job of parenting to Yang?- Then they shouldn’t have had Yang explicitly say that she was alone in picking up the pieces and in keeping things together

For God’s sake, if the narrative and writers were trying to make me think that he wasn’t an asshole, I have only one grade to give them:

And the absolute worst part is that his fucking stans keep touting him as “father of the year.” as if Ghira didn’t exist or something.

No. Tai isn’t a perfect dad, nor is he a horrible one. But the mere fact that he didn’t even get a sitter for Yang and Ruby is very telling. And I still need to reiterate:

Despite wanting to go out and look for Ruby (and inadvertently blaming Yang for his inability to do so), once Yang is ‘armed and ready,’ he opts to…

Garden.

He’s not protecting Vale, he’s not teaching the next generation… the writers thought that showing him gardening would be an important scene.

Let’s move on to the deadbeat. The bitch who couldn’t be bothered to raise her own kid.

Admittedly, Raven was a real big enigma back in volumes two and three. She was a big deal.

She was shrouded in mystery, and there were a lot of theories going around. She was working for the bad guys, she was working for Salem, I remember maybe one where she was using Sienna Khan as an alias. Raven was a big deal. And her uncaring nature came into question when we got the Raven stinger in Volume 2.

And when we found out that Raven was the leader of a tribe of bandits, there was some more intrigue. She was now, all of a sudden, a powerful force to be reckoned with. She could intimidate opponents far out of the protagonist teams’ reach. She was in charge of a group of people who could decimate an entire village in a matter of minutes.

She took Weiss hostage, and she was a woman with a plan.

And then…

Raven’s bandits are taken down really easily. By her daughter. Who was in physical therapy for a few months. And only recently got back into fighting.

You see where the problem is?

Raven isn’t intimidating in this scene. And her conversation with Yang and Weiss leaves us with no reason to distrust Ozpin. Raven had one job in that scene. That job was to give Yang and Weiss (and by extension, the audience), a reason to believe that Ozpin is not to be trusted.

But instead, she turns into a bird, and then turns back.

Because for some reason, that is supposed to convey to the audience that Ozpin is not to be trusted.

Raven doesn’t really do much after sending Yang and Weiss to Qrow, so let’s move on to her plan of double-crossing Cinder.

Which, is arguably, the best thing she has done as a character. She sets everything up, and we also get a fairly decent fight scene with Cinder too.

But, we run into a few issues here.

Like how Raven killed the Spring Maiden and took her power. Which is an underwhelming way to display the character being cunning.

Had Raven been given the powers by OG Spring as a means of spite, Raven wouldn’t be an idiot for taking the powers when she wants to stay out of the Ozpin vs. Salem war.

Not to mention that she seems to want to play the sympathy card for killing OG Spring.

Raven doesn’t really earn any sympathy points. She does earn some idiot points for thinking that taking the relic would keep Salem and Ozpin off her back, though.

Overall, Raven, despite being the most human character of her team, fails at being an interesting or compelling character due to the sheer idiocy of her actions, and the lack of being able to accomplish the one job she had of instilling distrust in Oz to the audience.

Finally at the end, and now we deal with the drunk.

See, Qrow fails at a lot of things. Most notably, not being a condescending piece of shit towards guys like Ironwood. Qrow blames Ironwood for not keeping in contact with him… when Qrow is the scout, and he should be the one to report in. This is like a doctor being mad at their patient when the patient doesn’t take their medication, when the doctor never prescribed it.

Qrow also wants to be such an edgelord too.

Here, we see Qrow bemoaning that his semblance, stating that it is “Always there” whether he likes it or not.

Then the writers said this:

Now, whether they needed to clarify what they meant or if this was a retcon, the choice of words made it pretty clear that Qrow’s semblance was out of control, and the line of “It’s always there” implied that it was constantly running.

There is a difference between “out of control” and “always there.” The writers should know the importance of word choice, and should have simply said “out of control.” Then again, they would run into the same problem if they had then clarified that he can amplify it in a fight, implying that he can control it, but they would also have to clarify that it’s to a certain degree.

But they didn’t. Not only does this imply a retcon, but it also makes Qrow out to be a melodramatic edgelord. He bemoans his semblance, but it’s not as bad as it seems since it’s actually not “always there, whether he likes it or not” so his sob story gets ruined.

Not to mention that he falls into the designated hero trope pretty often. He starts the fight with Winter, and for some reason, he is not punished for it outside of a talking to by Oz. His plans of getting Haven’s relic involves kidnapping the Spring Maiden from Raven’s camp, and forcing her to help them. He also berates his niece for daring to question Ozpin, and sees no issue with Oz drafting a fourteen-year old into a war.

Overall, Qrow’s questionable actions have yet to be called out. He is constantly defended, and the one time he isn’t defended is a time in which Jaune calls him out for giving Pyrrha that ultimatum. And even then, Ruby (Y’know, the girl who was rooting for her uncle when he started that fight with Winter) doesn’t even jump to his defense.

It’s very telling that the only character to call Qrow out on his actions is the creator’s pet, and not……… literally anyone else.

Not to mention that he’s just Ozpin’s yes-man. Because how dare Yang question him. How dare Raven not trust Ozpin. How dare anyone believe that the guy who is possessing a fourteen-year-old kid be questioned in any way.

At this rate, Ozpin could literally kill a baby, and Qrow would just say “Well, it’s probably because that baby was an agent of Salem. So Oz did us all a favor by killing it preemptively.”

To which Ozpin would reply “Yes. That. It had absolutely nothing to do with that baby spilling my coffee.”

Overall, the biggest theme with Team STRQ seems to be a pretty common one:

A lack of sympathy.

These characters are hard to sympathize for. Even Summer. Summer was a huntress, and despite knowing that she had two young daughters, she decided to go on a dangerous mission anyways. These characters end up lacking anything that would make them sympathetic, and the one that would be the most sympathetic is dead.

And if Summer isn’t dead, then why doesn’t she try to go back to her kids?- Unless she’s captured or has amnesia, Summer is in no position to not be trying her damnedest to try to return home if she’s still alive.

Tai fails at being a sympathetic dad due to Yang explicitly saying that she was alone in keeping things together. Raven fails at being sympathetic due to her idiotic and contradictory tactics. And Qrow fails at being sympathetic because of how his semblance got explained, and his own actions.

[otome-reviews]

Be My Princess Party: Joshua Lieben Route Review [SPOILERS]

​“It is the husband’s duty to help out the wife when she needs it, isn’t it?”

As far as first impressions go, my impression of prince Joshua Lieben of Germany Dres Van couldn’t have possibly been worse. When MC meets the guy at a party (as a representative of her famous designer boss), he’s rude, condescending, and elitist AF. Honestly, I only started reading his route because I liked his hair. But you know what? By the end, I was totally on board the MC/Josh ship.

To put a long story short: this route features a fake engagement. And I am a total sucker for the fake relationship/marriage/etc trope. The premise here appropriately stupid: MC falls on Josh, their lips touch, the paparazzi goes nuts. Due to restrictive rules in Dres Van, Josh and MC either has to pony up 80M <currency>...or, they can get married. My vague understanding is that Josh could’ve totally paid the fine for himself and left MC out to dry, so maybe the fact that he consented to a fake marriage with MC already suggests that he’s a nicer guy than he appears? It’s unclear.

In any case, MC and Josh move to a cottage, and their bizarre life as an engaged couple begins. As an Oriens native, MC feels bogged down by Dres Van rules, and their “relationship” gets off to a rocky start. But as time goes on, it becomes clear that under all his porcupine quills and snootiness, Joshua is just a super sheltered, adorable, cat-hating/onigiri-loving dude. Case in point: in one of my favorite scenes in the route, MC learns that Josh has been diligently studying from a book titled A Guide to Proper Husband-Wife Relations because he has no freaking idea how to relationship. But...he tries. <3 He also literally always has MC’s back, whether it’s to prevent her from having to give a speech before she’s ready, defending her in front of his own father, or warding off an unwanted dance partner. And even in the requisite climax of the story, when Josh breaks off their engagement in a shock move... he does it for her. I adored the consistency.

I’m not saying that Josh transforms into an Edward-style sweetheart during his route (fortunately, cause he’d be less hilarious). In fact, he remains kind of grump, up until the very end. But Josh really comes off as a man of action who cares very deeply for MC, and that, combined with his nerdiness and prickly personality, makes him a joy to read. 

This route was pretty cookie cutter as far as plots go. There’s some political tension that is neatly resolved via deus ex machina, an extremely gentle love triangle, and another plot involving MC/Josh butting heads with the king over MC’s role as designer that takes a little more time to resolve. I get the distinct feeling that the writers prioritized having cute scenes featuring our star couple over crafting a fully fleshed, engaging plot. And that’s okay, because again, MC/Josh are really fun to read together.

In the end, I never did figure out why Josh was such an elitist when he met MC. It disappears really quickly in the route, and never comes back (his grumpiness, on the other hand...lol). This is the one thing that bugs me the most. But that aside, overall, I think this route was really fun to read! Much better than Edward’s route. :)

Choice quotes ​“You’ve skipped the first book. You’re supposed to read ‘Before Entering a Marital Relationship’ first.” - Josh’s butler, to poor Josh ​“Hey, you, is that frowny-looking guy supposed to be me?!” “Who else! It’s a stunning likeness, too!” “Look, you get drunk too easily, so don’t drink too much. Oh, and be careful you don’t sleep in. Don’t think I don’t know about that nasty little habit of yours. Oh, and try not to run into anyone when you’re out. I know how you space out when something catches your eye. And...I will come for you. No matter what.” “Hey, we don’t let drunks sleep here.” - Josh, in a transparent ploy to get MC from the sofa into his bed.

Personality: 9/10. Josh may be grumpy, but he’s a total sweetheart. Point off for unexplained elitism that magically disappeared, though!

Appearance: 8/10. I love his hair/eye color.

MC: 7/10. I generally don’t remember the MC, but I did enjoy it when she fought back against Josh’s snark!

Plot/Payoff: 7/10. The meta plot/conflict wasn’t very well done, but the premise and all the cute romantic scenes were great.

Personal enjoyment: 8/10. This was an awesome read!

Masterlist

[myaekingheart]

I had just about the most fucked up night’s sleep last night, so of course my dumb ass had fucked up dreams to match. 

For context, I fell asleep at 8pm which never happens, woke back up around 11pm, tried to fall back asleep for an hour before realizing it was useless, tossed and turned in misery and boredom on my phone with my fiance backed up against me on one side and my cat backed up against me on the other so I had damn near no room whatsoever, and then ultimately passed out again around 3am, was half-awake around 8am-ish, and then didn’t actually wake up and get out of bed until almost 1pm. 

Yeah. I’m screaming, too.

I can’t remember at what point in my broken sleep that any of these dreams happened, or between which intervals of waking up, so we’re just going to run with it.

The first was that I was in what was meant to be David Bowie’s house. It was a huge house, but not exactly fancy. If anything, it was kind of basic. Kind of reminded me of a childhood friend’s house from kindergarten back in, like, 2002. So just imagine what an ideal big suburban house looked like in 2002 and you’re pretty much there. The most striking part of the house, however, was the staircase. It was really wide and angled with large platforms at each turn. About halfway up there was a tall wall against the front of the house with a massive window and a fat windowsill the perfect size to sit on (though that wasn’t the primary function). And all along the stairwell, straight on the walls, were paintings that David Bowie had done himself. He wasn’t a spectacularly talented painter or anything but the audacity of just painting straight onto the bare white walls of what was likely a very expensive house was super ballsy. I remember I was on one of the platforms of the staircase, laying in what looked like a very cheap, very low-to-the-ground wooden bed. Like envision a homemade doll bed out of planks of wood but size enough for a human woman to fit (not that I’m very tall so it wasn’t even that long and I remember being a little scrunched up anyway). It had a thin little mattress and a thin white sheet that I was covered with, and I was trying to sleep. And David Bowie saw me and inspiration must have struck because he then began to paint me just like this on the wall that I was facing, on the right side of the large window. And again, he wasn’t a spectacularly talented painter so the little thing he did of me was not a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it looked kind of like the paintings I used to try to do when I was younger with shitty anatomy and wonky facial features. But he was so proud of it, I didn’t dare say anything to damper his happiness. The one thing I did question, however, was why it appeared like my head was poking out of both ends of the blanket. He went on to say that the one “head” was actually my head and the other “head” at where my feet ought to be was actually him trying to include my cat curled up at the end of the bed. Which made sense once I realized that the cat “head” had orange-y brown and white fur like Tex does in real life and my “head” had black hair. 

An interjection real quick just to say that the fact that Tex was laying at my feet in my dream is very accurate because when I woke up at, like, 1am, he was literally laying right between my calves so that I had absolutely zero leg room whatsoever. 

The second dream was the one that got me really upset and fucked up in the head. My fiance and I were in Walmart and we were accompanied by a girl who I knew back in elementary school. She looked exactly the same as she did back then, with long blonde hair down to her ass and bright blue eyes and a certain sense of confidence that was almost condescending. The background of this was that apparently my fiance and I were taking a crack at polyamory and she was the third in our relationship. She was, however, unfortunately extremely controlling. She took over the entire shopping trip and insisted that she control what we bought and what we were going to eat. Some of the contents i remember her grabbing were a plastic container of fresh, pre-cut mixed vegetables (I think it was probably carrots and kale and some other stuff, so basically like a salad mix), a tan cardboard container of a dozen frozen eggs, and clear goose milk in a very fancy glass bottle super similar to a bottle of Sheridan. My fiance went along with it, claiming that we needed to start eating healthier anyway, and he seemed relatively content with this girl’s new role in our life. I, however, was quickly spiraling. I began feeling as if my fiance liked this girl more than he liked me, or that he felt she was better for him than I was or something, and her outward, dominating nature not just in general but around him specifically was just really starting to rub me the wrong way. I started falling behind, dragging my feet through the store, I think I was also hugging the only thing I had a say in getting to my chest as if in an effort to keep my heart from breaking through my ribs and exploding across the fucking linoleum floor. At one point I’m pretty sure my fiance stopped and pulled me aside for a moment alone and asked me what my problem was, and I said something along the lines of this being a mistake and that “I’m too competitive to be in a polyamorous relationship” or something. He kind of expressed a sentiment along the lines of it being too late now or something, and I remember standing in the register line beside my fiance watching this woman ring up all of this stuff that I didn’t want nor was I going to eat and just kind of having an existential crisis about it all. I think at one point I even likened her to the personification of my eating disorder, in a way? Like her being super controlling and telling me what I was and wasn’t allowed to eat and making me feel like I was unworthy and unlovable and not good enough or something. Though there are aspects of the whole thing that don’t actually make any sense in the ED allegory but still, whatever. It was a thing.

Another interjection to note, though, that this also makes a bit of sense in terms of the eating stuff since my ED has been kicking my ass hardcore this week and especially last night because I skipped dinner so I was starving when I woke up in the middle of the night but wasn’t about to get up and get food despite the fact that all I had to eat yesterday was a handful of chocolate chip cookies and a goddamn fucking fruit cup. 

The third and final dream was luckily probably the most uplifting, especially after the polyamory thing. I was at a hotel with my parents, my fiance, and my mother in law. We were packing up to leave, so I remember going through the room and carrying things down to the truck and just the overall back and forth of it. And I remember the staircase up to our room reminded me of my university’s old student union--they had an outdoor staircase encased in brick with a large window that looked out to where the old union used to be. So I remember stopping for a minute there to look out this window and kind of reminisce for a second before going back up. I also remember grabbing my two childhood baby dolls from the nightstand by the bed (which is where I actually keep them in my own bedroom in real life) and thinking to myself that I needed to take extra care with packing them and ensure that I was putting them someplace that was not going to damage them. This was all very basic until I went back into the hotel lobby for another round but suddenly the method was different. The lobby was very big and everything was painted a dingy gray-tan and dark gray-brown and there was crunchy carpet and coffee-colored linoleum and warm aesthetic lighting shining on what looked like some sort of stage even though it was actually further into the ground instead of raised. And there was a winding, walled off ramp leading down toward the “stage” that was filled with a queue of people. The whole thing essentially reminded me of the former version of what is now the Epcot Experience building in Epcot, back when it was tan and kind of rundown and hosted like special booths for Food and Wine or guest services for annual passholders and shit like that. It just overall very much had the same sort of vibes, as well as the same feel as waiting in line for it’s a small world at Disney World just with the way the ramp lead down into the main attraction below. But anyway it turned out that now in order to get back up to my hotel room, I was going to have to wait in this line and brawl the other people there for permission or something? Though this rule also seemed to have zero effect whatsoever on my parents, my mother in law, or even my fiance. It seemed this was only applicable to me. I think I had just come back from standing in line and then going upstairs to cart more of our stuff to the car when I reentered then, and I had only really taken five minutes but in that span of time, the line had grown exponentially. There was also a gate now at the line’s entrance, and a perky blonde girl about my age was standing at a podium tracking everyone who stepped in line. I almost turned around and gave up because I didn’t think it was worth waiting in line, but the girl called me back over and encouraged me to get in line anyway. I walked up to the podium after someone else, who entered after telling her that their number was 17. I guess people had been assigned numbers before they got in line, maybe in an attempt to organize who was going to brawl who or something. Either way, it felt a lot like when you pull numbers at the deli or the DMV. So I walked up to the girl at the podium after the person in front of me was granted entrance and she asked me what my number was. I told her I didn’t have one. She said “Well, what number comes after 17?” and I hesitantly replied “Eighteen...?” which evidently was not the right answer as the girl then started exclaiming about “Why not one??? Why not one?!?!”, though not in an angry way but more like an “incredulous laughter, this is ridiculous” sort of way? And then there was a tanned guy in a neon t-shirt who was way too enthusiastic for his own good, and also kind of buff, who cut his way through the crowd and appeared next to the girl. I suppose he was maintaining the line and calling the next challengers up to the plate or something. He insisted that I was, in fact, number one and then grabbed my wrist and began weaving back through the crowd guiding me to the front of the line. We had to squeeze past a shit ton of people, some of which I remember being extremely fat and insistent on not making room for us to get past, until we reached the very front of the line. He placed me as the third person in line, behind an unidentifiable person in spot one and my best friend’s best friend in spot two. Standing behind me in spot four was my childhood best friend who seemed super confused as to what was going on. She kept looking at me like she was trying to understand a language she didn’t know. And the guy simply explained to her, and this was his exact quote, “Sometimes someone comes along who is faster and stronger.” And my childhood best friend just immediately went “Oh, it was [myaekingheart], wasn’t it?” as if now it all made perfect sense, like no wonder I was the one butting ahead in the line because I was apparently supreme and superior and so it made sense that I was given special treatment and allowed to skip the entire line, though this was not said in a condescending or rude or bothered manner but rather a simple show of ultimate comprehension. But really, the only reason I can think of for my actually getting brought to the front of the line was that I remember it was already nightfall out as we were packing up the car and my dad had mentioned something about needing to get this done quick so we could get a start on the drive back home and be back before it got too late because he had to be up at, like, 3am for work in the morning and I hated the thought of being the reason why he could get hurt at work the next day because of sleep deprivation because I was the one taking too damn long to get a job done. But, like, despite all of this, it was also kind of comforting/reassuring to hear this exchange between this guy and my childhood best friend about my being strong and supreme and shit, especially after the legitimate blow to my self esteem that the weird polyamory dream had on me. 

[mirsan]

Ditched, Again

(For my sweet @inukag !!! This was supposed to be for your birthday, but it ended up being late enough that now we can go ahead and say it’s for you finishing your exams!!! I love love love you and wanted to give you a little something in celebration, so I settled with InuKag and MirSan on a double date :D~ Or well, it would be a double date if MirSan would stop trying to push their two friends together by ditching them… 👀👀👀

InuKag, College AU. 6,879 words, PG-13 for Inuyasha’s potty mouth)

Inuyasha had decided that he hated couples.

Specifically, he hated Miroku and Sango, and whatever weird shit they were up to with him and Kagome.

The four of them were spending another weeknight at their campus bar, exhaustion over final exams rolling off of them in waves of laughter and celebratory clinks of their drinks, as they finally reached the light at the end of their Fall semester. But there was a catch. And lately, as Inuyasha had managed to piece together over the course of the past few weeks, the catch was popping up more frequently, as clear as the tacky, flashing neon sign hanging outside above the entrance. And he was sick of it.

So when Kagome and Sango excused themselves to finally use the restroom that night, he waited until they were sufficiently out of earshot before leaning over the table to look Miroku dead in his guilty eyes.

“Can you two knock it the fuck off already?”

He could see Miroku’s face pass through several phases - confusion first, then maybe bewilderment. Then… Enlightenment? Then confusion again. Finally, exasperation. “Okay. I’ll bite. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Miroku, this is the first time you and I have been left alone at this table in weeks,” Inuyasha squeezed out like a hiss of hot air. “You gonna pretend like that hasn’t all been on purpose?”

He watched as his friend tilted his head, as though looking at Inuyasha at a different angle might somehow give him the answer he was searching for, while arching his eyebrows this way and that. Meanwhile, Inuyasha found himself growing more irritated by the second. He clenched his fist while wrapping the other on the table impatiently. He could remember exactly what was happening just three days earlier, when they met up together right at this time in an attempt to break away from seemingly endless hours of studying, to unwind with a couple of drinks and good times. And then just two days before that, to kick off the weekend like they normally would. And even before that, to celebrate during the lull between classes ending and exam period beginning, trying to savor that last bit of freedom from obligation before study period was in full force. Every encounter included the same shit: Miroku and Sango both showing up over an hour late with flimsy excuses, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome at the table alone; Miroku and Sango constantly getting up to order drinks and snacks at the bar, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome at the table alone; Sango stepping outside to take a phone call, and Miroku catching up with a classmate from last semester, leaving Inuyasha and Kagome at the table.  Alone. Together. Over and over and over again.

“Inuyasha, I’m afraid I don’t understand. Are you and Kagome not friends? Is it inconvenient for you two to have to share space with each other for extended periods of time?” Miroku looked at him like a father might look at a cranky child as he drew lazy circles around his pint of beer and Inuyasha thought he was the most annoying person on the planet.

“That’s not the point, you idiot, we have nothing to say to each other unless you and Sango are there talking about something we can both chime in on, so when you leave us alone like that it’s fucking awkward and–” Inuyasha jumped at the sound of the heavy bathroom door swinging open from behind him and looked to check who was coming out, and upon realizing it wasn’t Sango or Kagome, continued on. “I barely know her, she’s you and Sango’s friend, we’re just friends by association!”

Miroku let out a deep, condescending sigh. “And don’t you think that the solution to this problem is, ah… Talking? I mean, how else do you really get to know someone, exactly?” He took a sip of his drink and averted his gaze to the other side of the room, really driving home that you’re insufferable vibe, missing the way Inuyasha bore holes into his disinterested face. “I mean really, Inuyasha. She’s been part of our friend group for months now, and you two barely know a thing about each other, aside from… Your majors? If that? And that’s just terribly sad.”

“Yeah, okay. Except you’re not leaving us alone to be friends, now, are you. Asshole.” He spat, his fingers tapping more vigorously now.

“Inuyasha, please. What on earth do Sango and I have to gain from that?”

“Another couple to do couple shit with. Y’all are always moping about how all your friends are single.”

“We certainly do not do that.”

Inuyasha leaned back and folded his arms, glaring and jaw set like Miroku’s filthy goddamn hands were halfway out of the cookie jar and the other man had the nerve to lie while his face was covered in crumbs. “Remember when you found that Romantic Weekend Getaway package deal and realized how fucking expensive it would be split between only two people instead of four?”

“Okay, well–”

“Remember bitching about nobody to go to Couples Cooking Classes with you both?”

“Listen–”

“Remember how dramatic you were about how only you and Sango had coordinated Halloween costumes this year?”

“Damnit, Inuyasha, do you know how annoying that was?!”

Miroku cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure, while Inuyasha sat back in his seat, poised for rapid fire. “I can keep going. Remember when–”

“Okay! Okay, fine.” He hushed, hands up in surrender. “You’re right. We just want you two to hurry up and date already.”

Inuyasha whipped his head around again to glimpse the bathroom door before practically snapping his neck back toward Miroku, eyes blazing. “Well get the fuck over it! It isn’t going to happen, so stop forcing small talk on us! I don’t see her that way.”

“And why not?” Miroku countered, leaning in and speaking a bit lower. He was clearly fighting the urge to waggle, at minimum, one of his brows. “I mean… Don’t you at least find her attractive?”

Inuyasha blinked. “Am I supposed to?”

“Oh. Oh my goodness. I see now. You’ve lost your sight.” Miroku buried his face in his hands in mock horror before extending his arm to cup his friend’s cheek. “All this time… I’m so sorry, Inuyasha.”

He swatted the hand away from him like a gnat. “Shut up, you jackass, I’m not calling her ugly or anything I just don’t–”

“Who’s ugly?” Sango’s voice sprang out of nowhere, leading Inuyasha’s heart to somersault out of his throat. She and Kagome flashed curious eyes back and forth between the two men. “What did we miss?”

Without a second wasted, Miroku slid over to let Sango back in her seat, gesturing with grandiose charm. “My dear Sango, we were just discussing the gorgeous blouse you’re wearing. I took the stance that it is beautiful and that it, having been chosen by you, is nothing short of perfect, but Inuyasha has an inherent lack of fashion sense, and disagreed with the idea that you and everything you do is without flaw.” Inuyasha cemented him as the most annoying person in the universe. The whole fucking universe.

Sango rolled her eyes and batted playfully at his arm. “Come on. Really?”

“Okay, you got me. Inuyasha thinks Kagome’s ugly.”

Kagome let out a tiny, surprised squeak, while the man next to her sputtered and choked on his beer. Miroku waved his hands harmlessly, “Kidding! Just a joke. Inuyasha, why are you so red? Please breathe.”

The four of them continued their evening with few speed bumps, and out of respect for his friend, Miroku did refrain from creating anymore opportunities that night for alone time between the two that were barely friends with each other. He did notice that Inuyasha and Kagome interacted very rarely with one another, usually only responding to something he or Sango might have said, but the one-on-one interaction wasn’t quite as nonexistent as Inuyasha might have made it seem. In fact, Kagome was the only one to laugh (sympathetically, very fake, couldn’t fool anyone) at one of Inuyasha’s awful attempts at a joke, and that was pretty significant, considering you couldn’t pay Sango or him to laugh at that one. She also seemed perfectly willing to share her fries with him after saying that she couldn’t eat another bite, and Inuyasha took her up on that offer, but of course this was free food and this was also Inuyasha, so it wasn’t terribly surprising either way. But it certainly meant that, at the very least, Kagome didn’t mind Inuyasha, and it could mean something even better.

With last call came the routine dispersing of the bar’s patrons, flurries of colorful evening wear disappearing under thick bundles of coats and scarves, as everyone reconvened outside in the crisp winter air to huddle together for a few last moments of chitchat. Before parting ways, Inuyasha drew Miroku to the side just to say one more time, for emphasis –

“No more, alright? Next time you dip out or show up late to a hangout, it better be for a good reason.”

Miroku considered. “Just for my own sake, what constitutes as a ‘good reason’ to you, friend?”

“Like if Kirara swallowed Sango’s make-up and had to be rushed to the ER.”

“That’s very specific.”

Inuyasha clicked his tongue in annoyance, stuffing his hands deep into his coat pockets. “Whatever! You get what I mean. No more bullshit from either of you, deal?”

“Of course. Take care!” Miroku grinned and waved him off as Sango stepped out from the bar into the night, looping her arm with his and looking the picture of innocence and not at all like her boyfriend’s accomplice. “Night, Inuyasha!” She called to him behind her, smiling sweetly. “See you tomorrow for lunch!”

He gave a noncommittal grunt in reply before shuffling off in the other direction, but was silently grateful for what he hoped would be the return to normal, stress-free, no-ulterior-motives time with his friends. Plus Kagome.

Truth be told, Inuyasha didn’t trust Miroku as far as he could throw him, and so when he arrived at the cafe fifteen minutes late and he was still there before either one of The Fucking Couple, his blood pressure spiked.

He scoped out his surroundings; a casual ramen shop, with not too many people, which he liked. More people meant longer wait times, and he was in enough of a mood already without the added frustration of waiting for his food. Whatever, maybe they were just running late…

“Inuyasha!” He heard a girl’s voice call out, and spied Kagome in a powder blue cardigan signaling to him from her spot at a corner booth. “I got us a table!”

Yeah no shit, he thought, making his way over to her, dread quickly forming to sit somewhere low in his stomach. Something was up, and he knew it. He didn’t let her get much of a word in before barking out, “Are they seriously fucking late again?”

Her eyes not-so-subtly said weren’t you late too and maybe a touch of jeez, calm down there’s kids here, but she quickly pulled out her phone with a hum to herself. “I don’t think they’re coming for lunch. Sango texted me saying Kirara must have gotten into her make-up this morning and she seemed really sick, so the two of them were going to take her to the vet right away.” She placed a thoughtful finger to her chin, the flimsy story unraveling in her mind after saying it outloud. “It’s strange, she’s normally such a good kitty… And I thought most make-up was non-toxic anyways…”

Inuyasha hated them both so, so much. So much.

He contemplated his options: he could just leave, pick up a cheap hotdog from a street vendor around the corner, and go back to his bed and catch up on sleep. That sounded really nice, but would be a dick move to bail on her, all things considered. Or he could stay here and force small talk with Kagome for maybe half an hour, assuming they could order, receive, and eat their food that fast, and maybe they wouldn’t even need to talk while eating because, you know, they’re eating–

Kagome’s frustrated sigh broke him from his train of thought. “I swear, even if they were here they’d probably find some reason to flake on us later on, right?”

“Keh, no kidding,” he scoffed. “It’s all they do lately.”

Her eyes lit up with a mutual understanding, like a poorly structured dam that Inuyasha broke down instantly by saying just what had been on her mind for weeks. “Yeah! It’s really annoying! I mean, I get that things come up, but what’s so hard about carving out a few moments to spend with your friends?!” She then gasped and covered her mouth regretfully with her hand, lowering her gaze. “Oh… I shouldn’t say that. Especially not if Kirara is sick and all. I think I’m just tired…”

“Nah,” he brushed her off nonchalantly, not really caring if he seemed rude or dismissive of his friends’ struggles because damn it I know the truth they’re little lying sneaks and they’ve got something up their sleeve so don’t waste your sympathy on them Kagome, “you’re just tired of their shit. Don’t worry, so am I.” He propped his elbow on the table, cheek resting in his cupped hand as he absentmindedly perused the menu. It was just lunch. How bad could it be with only the two of them? Maybe he really could stuff his face and avoid conversation. Plan B and all that.

He exhaled in defeat, accepting that he wasn’t going anywhere for the moment. “Whatever. Let’s just eat, no sense wasting any more of our time. Their loss,” he trailed off, finger hovering over a picture of a steaming bowl of tonkotsu ramen. He’d already forgotten about the street hotdog.

“Mhm,” she cheerily agreed. “This was my suggestion anyway. I love this place, it’s one of the first restaurants I stumbled across when I dared to venture off campus after moving out here. The tonkotsu ramen is to die for…”

Well, at least she had good taste in food.

After they’d both ordered their lunch, waited around fifteen minutes for it to come out, and began slurping away at their noodles, Inuyasha counted maybe about five or six sentences exchanged between them. And “yeah” and “I guess” counted as sentences in his book.

So far in their forced conversation he’d learned that she liked spicy food, and she’d learned that he didn’t. She was studying early childhood education, and he was studying occupational therapy. They also discovered they both weren’t from the city, but from small towns out in the countryside, in opposite directions from Tokyo. He learned her family had a shrine, and she learned his family had a farm. All in all, Inuyasha figured that was probably enough discovery for one day.

He had to give her credit, though; despite his often gruff responses and lack of eye contact, she… Appeared to take a genuine interest in what he was saying. Every response from her was peppered with an ooh or aah, and when she heard the word “farm” she sounded like a kid at a petting zoo when she asked about what kind of animals his family raised. “Like chickens and pigs and cows? Horses?!”

“Uh, here and there. Kind of. Mostly chickens. Oh look, our food’s here.”

To his satisfaction, the ramen was delicious, much better than the cheap stuff he’d scrounged up during the school year when he was short on cash. Why did they always have to meet at the campus bar if this place existed? And you could always order a beer with your meal here too, if you really wanted, so what was the point of ever going to a bar in the first place? What kind of people was he even friends with? How stupid–

He heard Kagome sniffle from her seat across him and watched as she self-consciously covered her nose and mouth with a napkin. Her eyes were red, and the rest of her face wasn’t far behind. “Ahh, this always happens… The spice is soooo good, but sometimes I still can’t handle it!” She laughed nervously between sniffs as she tried to be discrete, shrinking in on herself to somehow try and make the display less obvious.

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t mess with that stuff. My senses are too sensitive as is.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust; the broth in Kagome’s bowl was liquid fire, with flecks of red chili flakes, and he could smell the flavorful heat from where he sat as it threatened to singe his nostril hairs. She must be pretty tough to handle all that and only get a runny nose, though, which was more than he could say for himself. He remembered not-so-fondly when Miroku cooked spicy curry over at his place one evening, and Inuyasha thought his taste buds would be shot for the rest of his life…

“Miroku nearly killed me with curry once,” he decided to finish out loud, between bites. “Everything I ate for the next week tasted like gunpowder. I drank a whole gallon of milk that night to get rid of the pain, and I don’t even like milk.” Kagome laughed and he couldn’t tell if the tears in her eyes were from laughing or if the spice was really getting to her now, but she was laughing pretty hard, and Inuyasha felt a smile tugging at his lips that he couldn’t fight.

“Oh my gosh,” she said, catching her breath, “no wonder he and Sango took those cooking classes together. She probably heard what he did to you and wanted to save herself from the same fate.”

He let out a little chuckle at that one. “I don’t doubt it,” he said.

This really wasn’t too bad. Kagome certainly had a personality, though he guessed he never really noticed before while hanging out at the bar with Miroku talking like he’d never run out of air. And her laughter was kind of infectious, especially when they took turns telling a ridiculous story about either one of their mutual friends. She always seemed like she never had anything to say other than smiley agreements and polite suggestions, but truth be told she had some spunk in her, a little bit of fiery edge to go with her brightness. He didn’t even realize they were eventually chatting in front of empty bowls until the waitress came around again and placed their bill on the table.

Suddenly, he was aware of his situation again. Wasn’t this supposed to be a half hour thing? Was he actually extending this little plot of Miroku and Sango’s? He needed to go find his fucking “friend” and hang him over the balcony or something for revenge, not dawdle here with all these damn pleasantries. Focus, Inuyasha. Remember how you ended up in this to begin with.

He rifled through his pockets and placed enough money on the table to at least cover his half, then pushed himself out of his chair, feeling heavy and sluggish from all the food but still motivated into action. “Well, I gotta get going. Tell Sango I hope Kirara feels better,” he said, already gathering his things to leave. Surprise at the suddenness flashed across Kagome’s face, but she nodded in understanding nonetheless.

“Mm, I’m sure she’s fine. You know how they are,” she jested and winked playfully, and he didn’t really know why she was winking, if it was a come on you know they’re lying about that right wink or if it was something else entirely, but in any case, he responded by blinking twice and then walking away with a wave from behind, not in any place to overthink things at the moment. “Keh, right.”

He headed briskly for Miroku’s apartment.

“Inuyasha! Good to see you, how–”

“Are you fucking serious.”

Miroku smiled genuinely and it made Inuyasha want to punch him in the face. “How did it go?”

“How did what go? Lunch for two? Nevermind that, how’s that sick cat of Sango’s? She throw up all over your shit yet? Because she should.” Inuyasha nudged his way through the doorframe where Miroku stood with that stupid face of his, and watched as the other man closed the door to his apartment. “Wait, no, of course. She wasn’t really sick! Because you’re a sneaky asshole and that shouldn’t surprise me by now but here we are.”

Miroku made a soothing gesture, attempting to look blameless and all things holy and right. “Ah, Inuyasha, you misjudge me. Sometimes, a good friend is not just one that will do whatever you want them to do. Sometimes, being a good friend means doing what you should do for others, even if those others might disagree with you. So you see, I was simply helping you along a path I am sure you will want to follow, though it may seem daunting at the moment.”

“Daunting?!” Inuyasha shouted, his face wild and hot with anger. “What the hell makes you think this is a ‘path I’ll want to follow’ or whatever the fuck?! What does that even mean?! Why do you have an agenda for my life suddenly?! Wh–”

“So it went badly?” Miroku lamented, deflated and with probably the most pathetic pout Inuyasha had ever seen. God, he was so punchable.

He plopped on the couch and hesitated for a moment, remembering an hour or so earlier when he’d met with Kagome for lunch. Badly? No… It went fine, really. But it’s the principle of it all! It was supposed to be the four of them, and they got ditched again! But it wasn’t like a death sentence or anything… Okay, it wasn’t terrible, fine. It was even kind of nice sometimes. And the food was really good. Is lunch ever really a disaster if the food is good? He thought not.

“It didn’t go badly, no. But still. What the hell, Miroku.”

He shouldn’t have given him any leeway with that response, because in the next moment, Miroku’s eyes were practically sparkling, and he looked like an excited child eagerly awaiting the next words out of Inuyasha’s mouth. “It didn’t? So it went well? What did you talk about? Do you like her even a little bit? Inuyasha, please, give me something. I’m positively giddy, I need to know.”

Inuyasha rubbed the bridge of his nose with regret. Is this what happened when you became a couple? Because he could swear he was talking to Sango right now, too. “I told you it wasn’t bad! What more do you want? We talked, we ate food, and then I left to come here and possibly kick your ass.”

“But,” Miroku stressed, urgent and leaning forward, begging the question. “But did you enjoy yourself?”

Inuyasha grit his teeth. “Fine. I did. She’s not awful to talk to. Are you happy? Positively giddy?” He propped his feet up on Miroku’s coffee table, leaning back and closing his eyes. “I’m so glad for you, really. You’re a great friend.”

“Your sarcasm is duly noted and dismissed because I know that deep down, you know I really am, Inuyasha,” he said dreamily, sitting beside him on the couch. “You know, you’ll thank me for this one day. I’ll be giving my best man speech at your wedding, and I’ll raise my glass and tell of the first date you and Kagome ever had, how it was all possible because of–ow! That’s my throw pillow! Easy, easy!”

“Shut the hell up!” Inuyasha growled, thwacking him a few more times and then getting up to leave. “I’m outta here. I can’t wait to not be around your sorry ass for a few days.”

Miroku rubbed the back of his head sheepishly while he watched his friend retreat, then suddenly remembered.

“Inuyasha! Sango’s birthday this weekend. We’ll meet up downtown to see the light show at the plaza fountain and go from there. See you then?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you gonna actually be there?”

“Well, it’s Sango’s birthday, so I mean, I’d say… Definitely?”

“Oh. Right,” Inuyasha blushed. “Well, I still don’t trust you. But okay.”

Miroku beamed. “We’ll see you there! I promise!”

The days came and went, and Inuyasha spent them tending to his own affairs, using some alone time to tune up a couple things at home and get in a few good workouts. For what it was worth, he did get an apology phone call from Sango for the lunch debacle earlier in the week. She’d mentioned how Miroku was the one that told Kagome about Kirara getting sick, but that he’d used her phone to do it. “I’m not one to lie about that sort of stuff,” she empathized. “But, well… Miroku convinced me that it would all work out okay. Still, I’m sorry for going along with it.”

He’d brushed her off, hearing the sincerity in her voice and repeating that it’s whatever, it happened, it’s not the end of the world. There’d been a small silence before she’d softly asked him, “But… She’s nice, isn’t she? I hope you two still had somewhat of a good time.”

“Uhh, yeah,” he’d stammered out. “I guess.”

“I’m glad. Take care, and see you in a couple days.”

Thinking back on the conversation made him antsy, or maybe guilty, or maybe both. He’d been keeping himself busy lately, but now, having time to remember hanging out with Kagome… He felt a little silly being so fussy about meeting up with her alone. She wasn’t a bad person to have lunch with. And if she wasn’t a bad person to have lunch with, she probably wasn’t a bad person to eat dinner with either, or whatever else. But the thought of giving Miroku any pleasure by letting him be right even on one account was just too much. Tell the guy Kagome isn’t the worst person in the world to hang out with, and he’s already checking rates for a bed and breakfast in the mountains.

In any case, it was Sango’s birthday, so he’d have to be on his best behavior, and that meant at the very least not giving either of them a hard time. And also making nice with Kagome. Which wouldn’t be all that hard, considering that they maybe, kind of, sort of hit it off…

“Oi! Kagome!” Inuyasha spotted her in the crowd, her vibrant green sweater easy to see in the sea of people swarmed together at the plaza. It was already sunset, which meant the light show would be starting not too long from now, and everyone was flocked together to watch. Did Sango really have to choose this packed of a place to start off the night? His senses were overwhelmed completely, loud noises and weird smells and he could swear he felt at least three people’s body parts on his own body parts and he’d really like to be home right now but it was Sango’s fucking birthday, so whatever.

Kagome inched her way over to him and his waving arm in the air, squeezing through the mass of people with a grimace. “Oh, thank goodness! I thought I’d never find you guys.” She looked over his shoulder and to either side of him, confusion spreading across her face. “Wait, where are Miroku and Sango?”

“I thought they were with you.” He narrowed his eyes.

Wonderful.

Not one to fall into this trap without a fight, Inuyasha took out his phone immediately and rifled through his contacts. Too loud to talk in this place, so a text would have to suffice. He tapped furiously to Miroku. ‘Where the hell are you two?’

‘Up at the front,’ he got in response a moment later. Inuyasha motioned to Kagome to start making their way toward the front, while he sent another text, ‘We’re in the back.’

Okay, this wasn’t completely a bust. They were apparently here somewhere, they’d just have to find them. Kagome made a bee-line toward the outside of the crowd, and Inuyasha followed, grateful to make the trek up to the front in a more open space instead of being surrounded by sweaty people. He rushed up to walk alongside her, mumbling a couple of choice words under his breathe like “seriously” and “unbelievable,” but upon catching up to her, he stopped.

Kagome looked… Happy. Not annoyed, unless she was just doing a great job of hiding it. She had something of a pep in her step, and Inuyasha found it a challenge to not feel a little more at ease with her around, her relaxation and happiness a powerful counter to the petulance bubbling up inside him. “Why are you so cheerful?” He questioned, trying to disguise his interest in her answer.

Her cheeks were lightly tinted, surprised he’d been paying attention to her appearance that much, but she gave him a small smile. “I actually love this light show. I remember coming into the city when I was a kid and I thought it was the most beautiful thing, and back then the pyrotechnics were probably nothing compared to now.” She nervously fidgeted with her hands and cast her gaze down while she walked.

Something about the way she talked about the lights made Inuyasha envious… He’d already seen this damn thing last year, and it was neat and all, but to have that sentimentality for it would probably make it seem spectacular. 

“Well,” Inuyasha offered, “I don’t know what it was like back then, but Sango flips out over it still at her age, so you’ll probably have the same reaction.” That seemed to satisfy her enough, and for the first time he wondered about Kagome outside of just this moment, walking together to the front of the plaza, and instead thought of what her face might look like during the light show, how wide her eyes might be when she sees the grand finale and all the colors illuminating the sky. No way she wouldn’t be impressed if she was that crazy about it as a kid. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least kind of anticipating her reaction.

They made it to the front and shimmied their way back into the crowd, keeping their eyes peeled for Miroku and Sango, but no luck. The sun had already set by now, and the lack of light made it that much more difficult to identify anyone in the swarm of people. Inuyasha felt himself losing his patience again. He was subjecting himself to sensory overload, and for what? Two people who probably weren’t even here?! At least he had Kagome to keep him company in the misery, but even then–

Wait, what? No. Nonononono. Absolutely not.

‘Where are you?!’ He texted Miroku again. This was too much. He and Kagome pushed through the crowd to end up at the other side of the front, him looking disheveled and just about done for the day, and her looking puzzled, still scanning her eyes across the pool of people to find their friends. Inuyasha damn near threw his phone against the pavement when he got a text back from Miroku that read ‘In the back! Where are you?’

“Come the fuck on!” He yelled, and Kagome was thankful for the loud buzz of the people around them to drown him out, otherwise she’d be mortified. He cocked his head back in the direction they came from. “They went where we were before. Of course.”

She laughed, if only to convey how ridiculous this all was. “Of course!” She repeated, and followed suit, heading down the stretch all the way back to the plaza entrance with him. “Well, at least we know they’re here?”

“Keh, for all we know he could be pulling our leg again. That’s the future lawyer for you,” he said, trying to calm himself down just a bit. “Always pulling something out of his ass.”

Kagome thought for a moment that maybe they could be ditching them again, but… On Sango’s birthday, of all days? It seemed unlikely. “Let’s keep trying. I’m sure we’ll find them!”

Her optimism wasn’t as off putting to him as it should have been. In fact, he kind of believed her. Before he could give any sort of response - agreeable or sarcastic, he hadn’t decided yet - the few streetlights around them dimmed, and cheers erupted from all around as orchestral music played loudly over the sound system. Kagome let out a gasp and turned to him. “It’s starting! It’s starting!” she tugged at his sleeve, and he just kind of… Let her do it. I mean, with as excited as she was, he didn’t want to put a damper on it by telling her to knock it off, I get it, I have eyes and ears, leggo of me already.

“Yeah, we’ll find them after,” he murmured to himself, watching the fountain begin to spray a fan of water over the lake in front of them while projections danced along the surface it created, lasers bouncing from the lake and reflecting off of Kagome’s bright, captivated eyes. The boom of fireworks shooting into the sky made them both jump, but she quickly recovered with a delighted giggle and a few claps of her hands. The fireworks burst across the night sky in an array of shapes and colors, sunbursts and falling stars and flowers, all in time with the swell of the instruments, and even he had to admit it was amazing, though maybe more so considering the girl next to him couldn’t tear her eyes away from the show for a second.

He wasn’t sure if it was just the excitement surrounding them, the music that was so loud it made the railing around them vibrate, or the abrupt blasts of fireworks, but Inuyasha’s heart was racing. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to, nor did he particularly like it, but it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, either. Just… Different. A change. He turned his head toward Kagome, who was still staring with her mouth agape at the display before them, earrings catching the multicolored lights and when the hell did he start noticing her earrings, or even the smell of her perfume, amidst all the fried food and cologne and whatever else was stinking up the air, but she smelled sweet and her hair wasn’t usually too curly but today it kind of was, like maybe she spent a little extra time or something to make her hair look bouncier? Was that the word? Or maybe shinier? But for what who knows–

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She breathed out, hands clasped closely to her chest.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

The rest of the night was loud, and smelled like alcohol, and yet everything to Inuyasha sounded as though it were filtered the way noise might carry to someone who was under water. They ended the night at a more lively, glitzy bar than their usual hangout spot, and Miroku had to ask him multiple times if he wanted to take a birthday shot (”How many fucking shots can be called a ‘birthday shot’ tonight?” “If it’s happening today, then it’s a birthday shot! Are you allergic to fun? How is that working out for you?”), because his mind was just… Elsewhere; figuring things out, reading into and making sense of expressions and gestures and questions and answers.

By the time the festivities drew to a close, Sango was giggly and red-faced and clung to Miroku’s neck like a bib, and Miroku’s face was that of a man so indulged and satisfied you could swear the birthday sex already fucking happened. Kagome, meanwhile, had a light flush, but nothing suggesting she was anywhere near Sango’s level. Inuyasha managed to come back to Earth for a moment to motion to the rest of them that it was time to round up and get going, ushering them out of the bar and preparing to wave down a taxi.

“Ah! Actually,” realization dawned on Kagome’s face, “my place isn’t far from here, maybe just a couple blocks.” She tucked her scarf into her coat and fished her gloves out of her pockets. “You guys go ahead, I’ll see you all tomorrow for brunch!”

A cab drove up to the curb and Miroku opened the door with a greeting to the driver, urging Sango to slide in while holding her hand to help steady her. “Inuyasha, you coming? Your place is on the way, right?”

He watched Kagome walk off without a care in the world. What the hell was she thinking? It was past 2 in the morning and she was tipsy, and they were close to downtown, and she was walking by herself–

Mentally, he kicked himself. 

“You two go on ahead,” he said over his shoulder. “And for your sake, give that poor girl some water when you get home.”

Miroku’s grin could split his face in two. “She’s in good hands, friend. You go take care of Kagome,” he read Inuyasha’s mind. “Can’t have a pretty girl out this late on her own.”

The other man let out a half-hearted keh before jogging to catch up to the aforementioned pretty girl (’It’s not that she’s pretty, okay, she’s alone at this time of night and that’s dangerous no matter what, shut up!’), calling out for her. Kagome turned to see him stop beside her. “Inuyasha…?” she said, waiting with expectant eyes.

He gulped. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m just making sure you get home safe.” He knew his face would turn redder by the second, so he looked away from her curious face and hurried them along, pulling his scarf up to his nose for warmth.

She stood there for a moment before he heard the tell-tale sound of her heels clicking on the pavement as she followed, appearing again at his side. “That’s… Really nice of you. Thanks,” she said softly.

They walked the few blocks to her apartment in companionable silence, and she carried herself well, barely wobbling at times - though he figured it could have been her feet hurting and not the drinks she had that night. She occasionally gripped his arm during the last stretch, when it seemed her legs were about to give out, and she whispered “I’m sorry” and he muttered “It’s fine” from the safety of his scarf, thankful it covered as much of his face as it did. In hardly any time at all, they stopped in front of what Kagome identified as her place.

“Thank you again, Inuyasha,” she smiled up at him, and before he could mumble something detached in reply she threw her arms around him in a tight hug, her cheek pressed heavily to his chest, and time must have slowed for him because he could swear an entire minute passed during the five seconds of that hug, and he hoped hoped hoped she didn’t catch his heart beating during all that, because it sure fucking was, and it was also pounding in his ears, but how could he hear anything when the smell of her shampoo was just there right underneath his nose completely overwhelming every other sense of his, and suddenly he was under water again.

He was frozen in place and didn’t even notice Kagome scurry up to her building’s door while he remained there on the sidewalk, wide-eyed, a chorus of whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck singing in his head.

“Are you sure, Inuyasha? I actually was really craving crepes this morning–”

“Nah, it’s fine. Something came up.”

“Well, alright. This is my karma. I’ll let Kagome know?”

“I’ve got it.”

“You’re gonna reach out to Kagome of your own free will? Why, Inuy–”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying, this is a little uncharacteristic, but not unwelcome! So tell m– hello? Helloooo?”

Kagome sat at a table for four, glossing over the menu and licking her lips in anticipation of sinking her teeth into a chocolate and strawberry crepe, or maybe banana coconut french toast, or no, what about an omelette? Maybe she could sucker Sango into ordering one thing and Kagome could get the other, and they could share! Brilliant. Genius.

She looked up from her menu just in time to see Inuyasha sit down across from her. Good, he got here first! She was hoping to have a minute to thank him for last night again, and apologize for being so tipsy and impulsive. Definitely the after-effects of too many cocktails. But, well, that was a little strange to get into out of nowhere… So she settled with a “good morning” and handed him a menu. “Looks like those two are ‘late’ again,” she joked, unable to help herself from giggling at their recent inside joke with one another. And it wasn’t a bad ice breaker, either!

Inuyasha blushed. “Um, actually, I… Told them not to come.”

Kagome blinked. “Oh,” she said, her mouth round in surprise as she pieced it together.

“Oh,” she repeated, quieter this time, and smiled.