#conversation jake; 003

[sjyuns]

WE MET ON HINGE!┆ A SIM JAEYUN SMAU

SYNOPSIS! university golden boy sim jaeyun has a secret; it may seem as though he’s overtly focused on his studies, but he’s just using it as an excuse as to why he isn’t in a relationship. it’s not that he doesn’t want to, he just…can’t. in order to help jaeyun, his friends sign him up for hinge — an online dating app. pros? the ladies dig his profile. cons? jaeyun can’t seem to hold a conversation with the one girl he likes.

GENRE! simp!jake, mutual pining, university love, finding love on a dating app core, fluff, romance, crack

CAUTION! cursing, inappropriate jokes, too many cringey ahh moments

MIKAELA’S! back to my roots as a jake stan… i watched way too many hinge tiktoks to be bad at this☺️ gonna be a longer smau!! hopefully i don’t dip w my chronic commitment issues. ALSO REPLIES TO CHAPTERS AND ASKS ABOUT THE SMAU ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED — i’m really bored and i need some fun in my life lol can’t keep laughing to myself😔

SWIPE TO SEE : PROFILES

001. IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK 002. DID YOU KNOW 003. COPPED A HINGE BADDIE 004. USER HEEISSOCOOLZ 005. NONCHALANT AND SEXY 006. IT’S ON FACEBOOK 007. CLEAN UP ON ISLE: MY PANTS 008. CLEAN GIRL MAKEUP 009. FAVOURITE HINGE DILF 010.

… titles are subjected to change

START! 240618 END!

TAGLIST! kindly send an ask or reply to this post to be added into the tl! replies on actual chapters may be overlooked!

© SJYUNS

[kynrki]

if your moots met Enhypen what do you think would they do? will the members appreciate them? Love trope oop-

HI!! im so sorry this is late!!! you sent this jus as i went into hiatus😓😓😓

001. @hikyeom

felt like they met enha they would be chill about it. like i feel yes they would be like screaming on the inside but ik on the outside they woukd appear calm and collected. def get along with jay i feel….but if it was svt on the other hand……

002. @ox1-lovesick

LOLOL OKAY SO SAV LMAO i feel they would do dumb shit idk man. like accidentally trip in front of them and like idk make them laugh with out even trying to😭,, i also feel like niki would def like them bc they funny and have a good vibe to be around!!!

003. @luvhooniez

KAE MY DAY 1 BAE😓💓💓so i feel like kae would be so cute fr. like they would look at her so softly and like kinda care for them (esp jungwon i feel),, LOLOL would 100% say something they weren’t supposed to tho☠️ but overall make them smile!!!

004. @hyeki

#FURRY4LYF 100% would also say dumb shit.😭😭and like be so random, they would look at them like ‘what are you even on?’ but they couldn’t careless i fear. would also talk about furries……….LMAO IM JKJK but in general will have a good funny vibe around them and kinda makes jake laugh (i never said that tho)

005. @deeznutsriki

MY BAE HI!!! again i feel vv soft vibes from her!!! like i feel like she wouldn’t say anything, ONLY bc she doesn’t wanna hurt anyones feelings or say something wrong,, but i think she would get along with them vv well and have a entertaining conversation.

006. @delcakoo

LMAO EMA😭😭😭i feel ema would literally drool for them. like she would literally stare at them for a good minute before actually saying anything…..also blurts out random things that makes them think ‘okay?’ LMAO IM SORRY EMA BUT IDK ESP FOR HEESEUNG😭😭😭

007. @haknom

AYLA 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 i feel ayla would lowkey be vv cool about it all. like in the sense that the way she carries herself, they would be like ‘woah who is that’ sorta?? and would immediately smile if she started talking with them!!! vv positive and all!!

008. @completelyrain

MALI 🤭🥰 LMAO ANOTHER PERSON WHO WOULD BE SO CHAOTIC!!!! like literally the words will jus keep flying out of her mouth non stop. im talking about mali talking x10 normal speed, ☠️LMAOAOA I LOVE MALI SM😭😭😭

009. @yenqa

YENI🤞🏼🤞🏼yen i feel like would be dying on the inside and outside. (sorry not sorry😘🤭) LIKE??? hands would be shaking, sweat forming on her forehead and hands. literally about to like pass out or something esp if they look concerned at her,, but will regain herself again and introduce herself properly,, sunoo would 100% feel bad and try to comfort her!!!

010. @trsrina

INA💓imy😓 BUT i think ina would be vv much like frozen. they would literally stand in one spot and you would literally have to force them to talk/move bc they will not budge a single bit😭😭😭like they would think its all in their imagination bc how is it even real (same) LMAO😭

[okeylokiyuh]

TAG, YOU ARE IT! — ENHYPEN TAG

001. who is your bias and bias wrecker?

biases maybe jake idk i talk a lot about that man and biaswreckers probably be the rest

002. fav duo/trio?

02z, ramyeonz and even pocketz!

003. funniest member?

sunghoon, our residential unintentional jokester

004. fav episode of en o'clock, dance jam live and vlive?

v-live would be riki’s bday live (i think?) where he just gave up on properly decorating his cake and just slathered it on his gloves and tried sticking it on T-T. for en o'clock, it would be the one where jay was sleeping (plot twist: that’s half the en o’clock eps) jkjk but it was the one where they went camping (?) that ep was real cute. and for dance jam lives, it’s prolly the recent one with jakehoon (because that’s the only one i remember watching ToT)

005. best laugh?

jake! his laugh just puts a smile on my face

006. who would stay up chatting all night with you?

i feel like jay? bc we are opposites, and i feel like we’d have a lot to talk about — i have a feeling it’d just start by us forcing the other to get some sleep and then just giving up and conversing instead

007. if you had to design a unit, who would you pick and what kind of song would it be?

wonki !!! bc hellaur have you seen the talent those maknaes have ??? riki’s low-tone rapping + jungwon’s unique vocals = a pretty damb good unit me thinks. as for the song, idk prolly smth upbeat like all i wanna do or like some song which highlights the vocals at some point but also heavy on the dancing?

008. if you were stranded on an island with one member for 3 days, who'd you pick?

picking sunghoon bc we’d fight within the first ten minutes of being stranded 💀😭 but that’s exactly what we need bc survival yk? we are likely to survive fighting to no end rather than giving up life without hope (ok that sounds deep)

009. member who would be most liked by your parents/grandparents?

maternal grandma would love them all, tbh. paternal grandma has a thing for troublemakers, so maybe jake + riki? i’ve never met my maternal granddad so i have no idea about his tastes, and i don’t remember much of paternal granddad, but i think he’d love heejay

tagged by : @koishua (thanks bae <3)

tagging : @ethereal-engene @nanasdream @sunoo-bby @liliansun + anyone who sees this or wants to do this, just say i tagged you <3 (feel free to ignore, i'm sorry for the unnecessary tags)

[madibyrd]

TASK #003: DO NOT GO GENTLE

Talia is mourning the loss of a dear friend and love, when she realizes that an old friend suffered a tragic fate, making two people in her life linked by one plane crash.

Written with the lovely and amazing @akbartheolder

A locked door.

A locked door that’s been locked for the past two months.

Talia was terrified of it still. Terrified to walk in, to see Madison’s belongings, so see it like her friend has left it all that time ago. Terrified to walk in and not see Madi on the bed, sleeping, or rummaging through his drawer for just the right colored yarn, or being halfway in her uniform already, getting ready for bed. Terrified to be once again hit with the fact that Madi was gone.

It felt impossible. They never found her body. Nor her partner’s. No signs of life, but no signs of death, either. No torn off piece of uniform, no shoe, no blood, nothing. They could find nothing in the two months that she’s been gone.

And ever since she heard the news (Liz called her, a day after they got the call - as she put it, they were so struck by grief, they forgot about her and she was dreadfully sorry but Talia must understand. She absolutely did not.), she hasn’t been able to get through that door. This is how Madi left it, and going in there, going through that door, would have meant accepting that Madi was gone.

She’s been waiting. She’s been waiting and hoping and praying, she prayed so much, that Madi would be found. She told herself she wouldn’t even mind not being told right away, she would much rather be a worried mess for a few more days, even, if in the end it meant that Madison Byrd would walk through the front door. Their front door. But she never did, and Talia never got the call that they found her. But she also never got the call that they didn’t.

And yet, here she was once again, looking at the door, terrified of opening it, with the knowledge that she had to now. She had to after the conversation (read: fight) she had with Liz earlier that day.

(“Talia, you agreed that you’d pack up Madi’s stuff two weeks ago now.”

“She’s not gone yet, Liz, nobody actually found her yet.”

“Talia, honey--”

“Don’t honey me, Liz.”

“Fine, fine, jeez, I-- look, I get it, you want her back, okay?”

“You act like you don’t! And she’s your sister!”

“Yes, she’s my sister and I’m dying on the inside knowing what happened to her, but pretending it didn’t happen won’t help a single thing!”

“No, but trying to do something to prove that she is still out there could.”

“Jesus, Talia, we’ve been through this--”

“I have the money, Liz. I have the fucking money, we could get a team-- a good team, see what they can find.”

“I don’t want you to--”

“Madi is still out there, Liz!”

And that’s when Jake appeared, his baby doe eyes looking up at Talia with a newly found hope in them. “Aunt Madi is okay? Is she coming home? Moooooom, when is Aunt Madi coming home, I missed her so much. Can we go see her right away?”

Liz’s eyes could have thrown daggers at Talia. “She isn’t coming home, sweetie, we’ve talked about this. Go sit in the car, I’ll be right there with you, okay?” To give her credit, she did wait for the car door to close before she turned to Talia, her eyes brimming with tears as well, for the first time showing that she was also barely holding it together, like Talia was.

“Listen, Talia, I know you’ve been close, okay? And I get it, it’s fucking hard to accept that she’s gone. I’ve cried myself to sleep for the last two months and I still keep waiting for the phone to ring and her to be on the other side of it, telling me that she’s okay. But I have a kid, who adored his aunt like crazy and who barely understands why she isn’t coming home anymore. So don’t you dare say that in front of him again, do you hear me? I don’t want you to confuse him again even more than he already is. And for fuck’s sake, pack up Madi’s stuff already!”)

So now here she was, standing in front of a fucking locked door, terrified of seeing what was inside, terrified of being hit in the head once again that Madi was gone. Terrified to accept that Madi wasn’t coming home.

But Liz’s words rang in her ear. And for fuck’s sake, pack up Madi’s stuff already! Liz wanted Madi’s stuff packed up. Madi’s parents wanted her stuff packed up.

(They didn’t say it outright, they never did, but every word Talia exchanged with them reeked of how they themselves didn’t understand why they were even letting Talia handle this. As if Talia wasn’t close to Madi. As if they didn’t live together. As if she didn’t fucking love their daughter.)

So she was going to pack up Madi’s room.

Talia took a deep breath. And then another and another. And then a couple more, before she finally managed to convince herself to lay her hand on the doorknob and step inside.

The room looked as if Madi has never left. Her bed was made, but her uniform was lying messily on top of it. There were papers all over Madi’s desk. Her shelves were full of books - cooking, gardening, a bunch of stuff about bees, travel books that barely got actually used, but Madi loved flipping through them still, romance and adventure books, and handbooks for her job. There were a couple of old DVDs slipped in there, one of them the DVD Talia let her borrow and Madi never returned it. She kept forgetting, and after a while it became something they joked about between them. Her closet was closed. There were a couple of different pictures on the wall, and a calendar, dates circled in and couple of notes jotted down. October 20th had several little hearts and a candle on it - it was the day they planned to celebrate Madi’s birthday, once she got back to Boston and they both had an off day from work.

Talia closed her eyes for a moment, tears silently streaming down her face. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t just pack up Madi’s entire life into boxes and hand them back to Liz. She couldn’t just say goodbye to her friend, her roommate, the woman she loved so dearly and so preciously, and yet not at all enough.

She carefully walked over to the bed and first sat down onto it, and then laid down, pushing the uniform down to the floor. She could pick it up later. The pillow still vaguely smelled like Madi and she felt ridiculous, pathetic, but Talia closed her eyes and imagined the woman lying next to her, just inches away, not touching her, but there. She could almost convince herself of it. But when she opened her eyes, Madi wasn’t there.

Talia couldn’t help but think of another close call, but one that Madi walked away from. After which she did get home.

***

Madi was curled up on the couch when Talia got home, which wasn’t at all surprising. What was surprising, though, was the fact that Madi didn’t welcome her with a wide, bright smile. Might have been presumptuous of Talia to expect that, but over the almost one year period of living together, anytime she found Madi on the couch, bundled up blankets, the woman would look over her shoulder and give her this huge, bright grin full of joy just because she got home.

It immediately started a small siren in Talia’s head, but she tried not to make a big deal out of it. It’s not like there wasn’t any greeting at all, they didn’t have a fight, so maybe Madi was simply tired.

Talia went around the house, dropping her stuff, changing into more comfortable clothes, settling in and all the while telling Madi about one of her idiot coworkers a group of student came to her to complain about and still, there was no reaction. Nothing.

“Madi, you’re okay?” she finally asked, but all she got was a quiet yes and Madi changed the channel. Okay. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Have you been bundled up on the couch since your shift ended?”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

Okay, something happened at work, that was clear. Didn’t Madi mention some newbie starting today? Or was that tomorrow? Talia wasn’t completely sure, but if this new person was giving Madi problems, that would explain the bad mood.

“I’m going to make us some tea, how about that,” she offered.

“Not everything can be solved with tea, Talia,” Madi snapped back, harsher than before and yet weaker all the same and that was it, Talia was annoyed now, too. She got that whatever it was, Madi was having a good day, but she was just trying to help and if Madi didn’t want that, she could just say it instead of playing the five years old and snapping--

Talia stopped in the middle of her thought process as she rounded the couch and finally saw Madi in the flash, not just saw the pile of blankets or heard her voice. She looked so-- small. She always kind of looked small when she bundled up like this, but there was something about her now that seemed like if she could, she would have already shrunk as small as she could, or would have even disappeared. And her face… by now Talia knew how Madi looked when she was trying to keep things in, when she was trying to pretend that things were okay. It didn’t happen a lot, Madi was generally okay and happy and upbeat, but Talia still remembered the night Madi told her about the fire and what happened to her. She had a similar look about her.

“Madi, luv, what’s wrong?” she asked, immediately sitting down onto the couch (partly onto Madi’s feet, but she doubted Madi even felt it in the state she was in). Madi just shook her head. And then shook it again and again and again until the tears were streaming down her face but still, she wasn’t talking. “Luv, you can tell me, I’m here, I promise.”

“There was-- there was a fire we were called to,” Madi started, shifting and Talia moved without even realizing it, moved away so Madi could properly sit up, and then she was sliding back, wrapping her arms around Madi and pulling her friend close, running her hand over her hair. “The structure collapsed and I got stuck inside and I-- and I--” Madi choked on the words several times, her breathing getting harder and harder - Talia couldn’t tell if it was because of the crying or because her anxiety was kicking in, probably a little bit of both, but either way, it was killing her to see Madi like this. Strong, brave, amazing Madi who had so much light in her, sobbing in her arms.

“I thought that was it,” Madi finally managed to say and even though Talia figured where the story was going, it still broke her heart to hear Madi say it out loud. “Communication got cut off and I was stuck, couldn’t get out, couldn’t do anything, and I thought...”

She thought she was going to die in the midst of a fire like she thought she would so many years ago, too, Talia finished the sentence in her head, but didn’t say it out loud, just kept caressing Madi’s hair and murmuring, “It’s okay, you’re alright, you’re here, you got out.”

Talia wasn’t sure just how long they’ve sat on the couch like that, Madi crying into her shoulders and Talia quietly trying to comfort her friend, but it must have been a long time because by the time Madi pulled back, there was barely any light coming through the windows. She had no tears anymore, no new ones at least, the tears seemed to have dried out a bit ago, but Madi still wiped at them and Talia reached over to help her - careful, light touch of her fingers against Madi’s cheek.

“I don’t-- I don’t want to die like that, Talia. I know it’s inevitable - dying, I mean, not the fire - but I don’t want it to be the fire that takes me.”

Talia bit her lips. “You know that your job...”

“Please don’t be my parents. Please don’t start trying to talk me out of my job.”

Talia shook her head, squeezing Madi’s hand. “No, that’s not what I was going to say. I was just going to say that if you have the job that you have, it increases the chances of that happening.”

“I know.” Madi sounded so weak, so small, Talia wanted to hug her again. Wanted to kiss her, too, but this was not the time. Not when Madi was such a mess. When it would happen, it had to be perfect. Or at least closer to perfection than this.

“Are you okay with that? Are you okay with such a high chance compared to any normal, not so heroic person?”

“I’m not heroic, Talia, it’s--”

“I know, it’s your job. And you’re crying over not wanting to die in the fire, and yet you chose the one profession where you have to run into it every single day. So yes, you are heroic, but that’s not the point. Are you okay with that chance? Are you willing to take that risk?”

Madi was quiet for a moment before nodding. Talia swallowed hard. “I don’t get you sometimes.”

“Why?” Madi asked, tilting her head to the side, and now Talia felt like she was on the verge of tears. How did this woman become so important to her? How did she sneak up into her heart without Talia really noticing, until it hit her in the head. This was the moment when it hit her that she could have lost Madi today. That without knowing it, while she was listening to students complaining about one of her coworkers, Madi could have taken her last breath, shockingly and without any warning, and Talia wouldn’t have known. She couldn’t have said goodbye, she couldn’t have been there for the woman.

Her throat was dry.  She didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to think about the possibility of living in a world without Madi. But as long as Madi was willing to take the risk, it would be something that would hang over their heads. And Talia wished she could be selfish enough to ask Madi to stop, to find something else where she could help people. But she saw what Madi’s parents and their constant nagging did to their daughter, and she wasn’t going to be yet another person to cause that kind of stress to Madi.

So instead of begging her to quit and try to stay safe, to at least avoid the fire and not spend her days running into infernos, all Talia said was, “I don’t want to lose you. You hear me, Madi? I don’t want to lose you, so you better say fuck you to all those odds and come home every day, okay?”

The woman just nodded, “Yeah, I can try as best as I can,” and this time it was Madi who leaned forwards and hugged Talia, the two of them trying to reassure and comfort each other as best as they could in that moment.

Talia didn’t cry, she managed to keep it together, but she spent the entire night finding excuses to touch Madi, just to make sure she was still there, still alive, that the worst hasn’t actually happened.

***

“Hn - Madi -! Oh...”  Talia’s eyes flew open, breath snorting into wakefulness as she froze and looked around.  Her brain came to and Talia relaxed, realizing she was in Madi’s room.  She must have cried herself to sleep; the darkness indicated it was now evening.  How long had she been asleep?  It was like the scent of Madi, that faint, sad relic of Madi had acted like a soporific, putting Talia into a heavy nap.  After nights of insomnia, that small little nap felt like she’d slept for 24 hours straight.

“God…” Talia grumbled, the ache starting all over again in her chest, the tightness in her head.  As every instinct wanted to just yell out for Madi and hear her answer.  Demand tea or a Netflix binge session, or something normal, and get up and join Madi for a happy evening together.  But then Talia had to remember the pain, all over again:  Madi was gone.  Madi was gone.  She had to clean up this room, because Madi was gone.

She groaned, her brain already reasons to postpone packing up yet again, as she slowly struggled to sit up.  Her hand smacked against something cardboard-like, under Madi’s pillow.  Frowning, Talia sat up and tugged it out.  

It was a duotang with the National Coast Guard logo imprinted on it, and a label that said a bunch of military-sounding jargonny words.  But what stood out for Talia was: FLIGHT 441 SAR SOPs.

Search and Rescue - which Madi had volunteered for. This was the Operating Procedures for the mission.   Talia groaned again.

“Oh Madi...so eager to run off and save people, you forgot your hero instruction manual,”  Talia mumbled, as if Madi was there to hear her.  (If she was going crazy, talking to non-existent people, Talia didn’t care. She was grieving; wasn’t crazy part of grieving?)

Apathetically, Talia flipped through the pages. But as she caught sight of the information, Talia paused, and went back to the beginning. She began turning the pages, scanning them with a sudden feverish intensity.  

The folder gave details of the flight, including grids and coordinates of proposed crash sites.  It gave the information of the ship that would take Madi and the rest of the Search and Rescue team to these locations.  It gave details on how the search would be conducted, safety procedures, all sorts of information that was probably not accessible easily by the public.  

Talia perched on her knees, excited, even though there was a part of her brain - a Liz-shaped, Liz-voiced part of her brain - that begged her to stop.  Do not go down this route, do not start thinking that maybe Madi was still alive.  That maybe Madi could still be found.

Talia ignored her little internal Liz - shut her back in her car and told her to drive away.  

She just needed confirmation.  This was what Talia assured herself, as she flipped through page after page.  She wasn’t looking for miracles, all she wanted was to know.  To know for sure, that Madi was gone, that she was actually, truly gone.  Then Talia would let it go, pack up her room.  She just wanted that closure.  Was that so bad to --

“OH MY GOD!” Talia shrieked.   “What.  Oh my bloody fucking….”  Talia gripped the folder tightly, crumpling it as she stared at the first two names of the Flight 441 passenger manifest.

Akbar, Emre (UK) Akbar, Iyaz (UK)

Talia ran her finger over Emre’s name, mouth dropping.  She grabbed her phone - but then remembered with a cold bitter horror. She’d deleted his number.  Two years ago, almost to this day, was the last time she’d spoken to Emre Akbar, and then deleted his number.

***

He rang - he had the nerve to actually ring her up.  Finally, Emre Akbar calling Talia after years of him sporadically not answering or leaving her on read.  Talia supposed she could interpret it as guilt, an apology; but by now she had a hard time trusting most of the things Emre did.  He'd ghosted and fibbed and avoided until she cornered him.  And then Emre knew how to give reasons, apologize, give her space until she relented.  Again and again; and it got worse in the past few years.

But Talia picked up anyway. No hellos or small-talk; she knew him too long to bother with that.  "Finally a promise he makes good on. Cheers for that, Emmy."

"Oi Tiz - what?  Was it this weekend? Bollocks..."

"Oh just shut up - you knew I was in Wembley this weekend!  I put it in your calendar and texted you reminders!" Talia cut Emre off.  "One thing, man!  I asked for /one/ thing from you.  You promised you'd come see me for the convocation.  It was my PhD, Emmy.  And you couldn't even show up."

"I wanted to,” Emre replied, like he always did. “Believe me, luv, I just - yo can we facetime?"

Talia relented (she told herself it was not relenting, because she wanted to see his stupid face as well, all the better to yell at) and switched, ensuring her own expression was crafted into flat disapproval when he saw her.  Not just disapproval, but sadness too, and hurt.

"Oi - you got something green in your teeth," Emre said, and Talia rolled her eyes.

"You haven’t even seen me talking yet, you dumbass.  Or sorry- its ‘dumbass’ too American for you?  Well you're a huge pile of bullshit, mate, how’s that.  Fucking god, Emre..."  Talia stopped walking and crowded into a small greenway between the shops, on the busy Boston street.  Somewhere private.   She slumped against a wall, focused only on his face.  "You really do look like shit you know that?  God, are you high?"

Emre shrugged, looking away from his phone, like something else caught his attention.  His usual distance, whenever Talia tried to ask him about him.   She’d ask Emre what he was doing, his plans, where he worked - all of it.  He'd just look away like that, and shrug.  ‘Don't ask, Talia.  Don't get involved.  You're not here.  You don't know.’  The same shit he said over and over over the years - why did she put up with it?  Because despite it all, she still had a soft spot for Emre.  The history they shared growing up together, she still honoured that sadness, when the Akbar parents disappeared.  Talia and Emre were once such good friends; she still loved him, and Talia liked to believe he still loved her.  Call her sentimental or stubborn, but Talia couldn't give up on people that easily.  

Emre finally looked at her again, and spoke.  "I'm sorry I missed you again, Tizzy, really.  I just - things got busy for me, yeah?  Work keeps me on-call these days."

"The work you can't talk about, right."  Talia shook her head, running her hand through her brown hair.  "Em, look...it's not just this weekend though.  It's...it's everything.  The past year - the past five years.  I'm tired of trying, and like, reaching out like this, and all you keep doing is brushing me off.  You keep pushing me away and I’m only patient for...twenty years, I guess.  I mean - I'm still worried, you idiot.  Every time you blow me off, I worry.  If you'd just talk to me, Emmy.  I could help you, yeah?  We could sort it out."

But Emre was looking at her now, camera angled so his eyes took up most of the screen.   They were blasted-out black holes, freezing her out; she could see it even through the phone.   "Help, right yeah,” Emre muttered.  “Just - yeah bruv - just hop on the tube, ten minutes tops you'll be here, yeah?"

"Emmy--"

"Oh no wait - you're not here, Tiz.  You left us twenty years ago, didn't you."

"Ohmigod, that's not fucking fair, Emmy!” Talia exploded. “What did you want me to do?  Tell mom and dad like - oh sorry dudes, think I'll just hang in London with Emre Akbar and his Gran for the rest of my life?  We were eighteen, Emmy.  I went wherever  mom and dad went, that's what kids do..."  She saw the twitch of his mouth and Talia sighed.  "That's - I mean - that's not what I mean.  I'm not talking about you and your--"

But Emre cut her off again.  "So why not hop on one of your daddy's jets then yeah?  Since Mamoon's a bigshot billionaire and all."

"Ummm, okay?"  Talia lost her temper at Emre’s unwarranted derision. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Talia knew this was what Emre wanted.  He could push her buttons...just like she could push his.  Unlike Emre though, Talia chose not to.  "Okaaaay, so on top of me moving to the States with my parents when I was /just a child/, now it's also my fault that dad's business took off?  He’s - he’s not a billionaire you dumbass.”  Her dad’s business was up there in the hundreds of millions though.  Fortune 500, all of it.  What Emre said made Talia heated and itchy under her collar, she should’ve steered the conversation away.  But she was so indignant, she couldn’t help pushing him more.  

“What else you got, Emmy?  Go on, hit me."  Talia was shouting now, she could hear herself but she just glared at anyone who glanced her way.  

"Mamoon's business, yeah right,"  Emre snorted a bitter laugh, then leveled his gaze at her.  "Yeah his shipping business, so bloody lucrative.  You know it's not as honest and upstanding as you choose to pretend it is, right?  All that sort of money and success, it don't come honest, darling.  Mamoon's a shady bastard - he’s made deals, fixing numbers and breaking backs, and you? Well our little girl Talia gets another new car and goes to fancy ivy league and a posh flat and no questions asked --"

"Shut up.  Shut up Emre!" Talia snapped. Her tone was so sharp and icy, she actually did shut him up.  "Fuck you.  Fuck you, god.  God, I can't do this anymore!" Talia laughed angrily; and just like that, the decision that had been weighing in the back of her mind for months now, was made. 

"I’m done, Emre.  This is it, we’re done.  Just remember this moment, yeah?" she lifted the phone up, so Emre could see her full face, so there was no misunderstanding.  “I hope you remember this, five years from now when you're lying fucked-up in some gutter, and everyone's given up on you and you're all alone with your fucking shitty attitude and aggro bullshit, and I hope poor sweet Yazzer's long given up on you and I won't answer your calls and you'll have no one, yeah?  You'll be all alone and dying and NOBODY! WILL! CARE--!!  Fuck--"   

Talia ended the call, tears falling as she sobbed in loud, choking gasps.  If this was a movie, she'd be throwing her phone; but this was real life and she loved her phone. Talia just kicked a trashcan instead, then crumpled over in pain because her high heel was not ready for the impact.

Immediate regret.  Talia felt immediate regret, but she still couldn't bring herself to call Emre back and apologize.  No, not even a text.  She wouldn't relent this time.  Not now, or in a few days, or after a few months when she felt pity, and wondered how Emre was doing.   No - he deserved this, goddammit.  He'd pushed her to the last of her reserves.  And if this was what he wanted, then he'd succeeded.  So Talia opened her contacts to block and/or erase him...but found she couldn't do either.

"Hnnnnng, fuuuuuck!" she wailed, wild with distress.  Through her tears, Talia managed to send a text to the only person in the world who could calm her down.  Who could be there for her, hold her hand, hug her tight, and walk her through this.  Assure Talia she was right, to do this.

TEXT:  MADI!!!!! TEXT:  Pls tell me ur home.  911 WINE EMERGENCY TEXT: I finally broke up with my London fren  :(((((((((

***

And that was it. Talia remembered going home and Madi was there waiting and over-prepared with everything she could possibly think of to comfort Talia.  The big fleece Pikachu onesie, all the wines lined up, snacks, more snacks, all of Talia’s favourite movies ready to go, and Talia’s winey whiner playlist on Spotify.  Madi, who knew her so well, then spent the entire night hugging Talia as Talia vented and vented about Emmy, letting it all out. It was Madi, who finally convinced her to delete Emre’s number, and all his texts.

And Talia did, in the end.  A new beginning, and they’d cheered and had more wine and chocolate together.  Then Talia pretended to fall asleep on Madi, just so they’d spend the rest of the night on the couch, together.

And now, she was looking at the Flight 441 passenger manifest.  And Emre’s name was on it.  And Madi had gone searching for him.

“Fuck.  What the fuck…” Talia whispered to herself.

[queenxfjustice]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑹𝑼𝑻𝑯𝑺.

Makoto Niijima

bold –   always  ⁄  often italic   –   sometimes

001.   smoking:  the  action  or  habit  of  inhaling  &  exhaling  the  smoke  of  tobacco  or  a  drug.

002.   binge drinking:  the  consumption  of  an  excessive  amount  of  alcohol  in  a  short  period  of  time.

003.   drug abuse:  the  habitual  taking  of  illegal  drugs.

004.   nail-biting:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  anxiety / tension.

005.   lip-biting:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  anxiety / tension.

006.   night owl: a  person  who  is  habitually  active  or  wakeful  at  night.

007.   early bird:  a  person  who  rises ,  arrives ,  or  acts  before  the  usual  or  expected  time.

008. negative attitudes: a  philosophy  of  approaching  life  with  criticism  &  pessimism.

009.   positive attitudes:  a  philosophy  of  approaching  life  with  optimism  &  confidence.

010.   swearing:  the  use  of  offensive  language.

011.   superstitious:  an  irrational  belief  that  an  object ,  action ,  or  circumstance  not  logically  related  to  a  course  of  events  influences  its  outcome.

012. inspecting fingernails:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  boredom.

013.  scratching your neck:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  uncertainty.

014. foot  &  finger  tapping:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  stress / impatience.

015. nose touch:  a  subtle  body  language  sign  of  deceit.

016. flipping  hair:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  craving  attention.

017.  twirling  hair:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  flirtation.

018.  cracking  knuckles:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  readiness.

019.  hands behind back:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  confidence.

020.   finger-pointing:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  authority.

021.   hands on hips:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  readiness.

022.   hands in pockets:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  mistrust / reluctance.

023.   frequent touch:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  warmth / familiarity.

024.   throat  –  clearing:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  rejection / doubt.

025.  jaw  –  clenching:  a  common  body  language  sign  of  hostility.

026.  eye  –  rolling: a  common  body  language  sign  of  irritation.

027.   head  –  tilt: a  common  body  language  sign  of  interest.

028.   whistling: to  emit  high  –  pitched  sound  by  forcing  breakthrough  a  small  hole  between  one’s  lips  or  teeth;  usually  to  a  tune.

029.   humming:  make  a  low,  steady  continuous  sound  like  that  of  a  bee;  usually  to  a  tune.

030.   perfectionism:  refusal  to  accept  any  standard  short  of  perfection.

031.   photographic memory:  the  ability  to  remember  information  or  visual  images  in  great  detail.

032.   paranoia: a  mental  condition  characterized  by  delusions  of  persecution ,  unwarranted  jealousy ,  or  exaggerated  self  –  importance,  typically  worked  into  an  organized  system.

033.   exaggeration:  a  statement  that  represents  something  as  better  or  worse  than  it  really  is.

034.   intuitive:  using  or  based  on  what  one  feels  to  be  true  even  without  conscious  reasoning;  instinctive.

035.   quick-witted:  showing  or  characterized  by  an  ability  to  think  or  respond  quickly  &  effectively.

036.   interrupting:  breaking  the  continuity  of  a  conversation  with  one’s  own  statements.

037.   doodling:  to  scribble  or  make  rough  drawings,  absentmindedly.

038.   irritable:  having  or  showing  a  tendency  to  be  easily  annoyed.

039.   gambling:  to  play  games  of  chance  for  money;  bet.

040.   travel – sick:  suffering  from  nausea  caused  by  the  motion  of  a  moving  vehicle ,  boat ,  or  aircraft.

041.   sensitive:  having  or  displaying  a  quick  &  delicate  appreciation  of  others’  feelings.

042.   melancholy:  a  feeling  of  pensive  sadness,  typically  with  no  obvious  cause.

043.   chewing gum:  the  exercise  of  chewing  flavored  gum  which  is  not  intended  for  swallowing.

044.   fidgeting:  to  make  small  movements,  especially  of  the  hands  &  feet,  through  nervousness  or  impatience.

045.   skeptical:  not  easily  convinced;  having  doubts  or  reservations.

046.   neat–freak:  compulsively  obsessed  with  cleanliness.

047.   gossiping:  divulging  personal  information  about  others.

048.   prim:  feeling  or  showing  disapproval  of  anything  regarded  as  improper;  stiffly  correct.

049.   abbreviating:  giving  others  nicknames / shortening  names / giving  pet  names.

050.   having a catchphrase: having  a  sentence  or  phrase  typically  associated  with  a  specific  person.

TAGGED: @militibus-ex-umbra

TAGGING: @tcndrcssc, @attractdistract, @lordsoflegends, @jake-keir

[sheusedtobesassier]

Day 10,785

172 days until I hit my thirties.

So. An assortment of 172 good memories from my twenties.

001. Addey hype mumbo jumbo singing along with Moana before she was really talking.

002. Being asked to say the big thank you at SOE graduation.

003. Isaac’s face when he peeked at Omar’s new shoes at the East Towne Starbucks.

004. Drinking Mike’s honey moonshine while we played Euchre in his starry cicada humming backyard.

005. Taking Mama on the water taxi rides when she visited me in Chicago.

006. Grandma Kathy calling me, “My pink haired granddaughter.”

007. Sneaking into camp with the Hines girls to write up collaboration glass bottle poems in the Prayer Chapel.

008. The slow and steady hike up to the Hollywood sign.

009. The night I kidnapped Mini Farm kittens to snuggle for a movie and accidentally left the gate open releasing the rest to the Wisconsin wild.

010. Sunday afternoon sipping Stella Artois in the perfect sunny front room of our Albany Park apartment.

011. Zoë giving me all her wallet cash so I could buy bare minimum groceries.

012. Taking turns reading The History of Love aloud in our Winter Staff Forest Springs apartment.

013. The Halloween/Hillside round of Murder in the Dark with All Stars only.

014. Acting a fool in the unfinished Lodge room filled from floor to ceiling with Tempur-Pedic mattresses.

015. Doug lounging in the giant crate of laundry bags in the laundry room.

016. GUBS INSIDE JOKES.

017. St. Patrick’s Day 2021, hahaha.

018.  Beyoncé: Lemonade in the empty downstairs apartment with Mary.

019. Accidentally getting kayak drunk from a backpack bottle of Ménage à Trois.

020. Daylight skinny dipping with Amber to inaugurate the new pool.

021. The perfect stray cat that came around the second half of 2018.

022. Renate being the first to cry with me post breakup. Bill supplying sparkling water to prevent dehydration.

023. Doing drag makeup in Bekah’s bathroom while her and Marissa giggled at each other in the tub.

024. Every kitchen island conversation I’ve ever had with Steve Hines.

025. The perfect colors the night we snuck up on the helicopter landing pad on that Dallas hotel.

026. FACILITATING THAT SAME WEEKEND’S GAME OF ASSASSIN, BEFORE IT GOT UGLY.

027. Becoming buddies with all four Williams brothers.

028. When Mercy told me I’m her favorite Williams brother.

029. Hahaha the Camp Clean Up I put Elliot on my crew for my own amusement and told him his only responsibility was to walk around with me the whole time.

030. The time Blaine and I were avoiding the long lunch line together and Nimanim was like, “Wait so this is like an actual friendship huh?”

031. Tanner enthusiastically reenacting Gandalf’s YOU SHALL NOT PASS as I came up the path.

032. Will realizing I’d Facebook stalked him without sending a friend request.

033. Magically finding Pop Rocks the morning of my perfect 22nd birthday.

034. My perfect 26th birthday weekend in Minneapolis with my dreamy local girl gang.

035. Tauri’s blossoms on the Sky Lodge trees in the spring.

036. Encountering and becoming completely enthralled by the Enneagram.

037. OLIVIA FUCKING GATWOOD APPRECIATING MY PINK HAIR.

038. Clementine von Radic writing that Greyhound always loses her luggage too.

039. My stretch of obsession with Hemingway’s love interests.

040. Becoming friends with Fat Boy Tucker pup.

041. Becoming friends with rescued best dog Star girl.

042. The night Doug was my ride from the airport and he pulled his truck over so we could take a good look at the gigantic moon.

043. That hilarious flirtatious moonlight wander of the horse trails with Omar and Edith and Caleb.

044. Jake Nelson giving me a surprise scoop of chocolate custard as a peace offering after his grumpy bedtime attitude.

045. THE DISCOVERY AND CAPTIVATION OF HADESTOWN.

046. Getting to have Alia in every day for a while there.

047. Les Mis at Overture Center because Ally bought our family tickets.

048. Pat Coakley telling me I don’t know how special I am.

049. Spit handshake with Janelle swearing we’ll never think any boys are cooler than we are.

050. Marissa picking me up without explanation to take us on a quiet sunset drive of her favorite county road.

051. Jayden imagination playing with Blue, Guy, and a motorcycle for a whole night then waking me up with them the next morning.

052. Genevieve asking to borrow my lavender romper for her rehearsal dinner.

053. Getting to be Cali’s sidekick the week leading up to her wedding extravaganza.

054. Houston YMCA hallway phone call from Justin’s dorm room asking me clarify which of the boys was Nick, Schmidt, and Winston.

055. The absolutely ludicrous old woman I got drunk with in the Amtrak dining car.

056. The absolute ludicrous glass skull light up cocktail I drank at Freehand’s hotel bar.

057. When Dan Hartke told me I’m a mother hen.

058. When the most beautiful Sora from Korea told me, “You always flowers.”

059. Hannah’s hand me down Steve Madden sandals.

060. Runaway trips with Amber Bamber to watch Shakespeare in the woods.

061. Storytelling with Jack Thomas.

062. Drunk bar darts after Corn Fest with Marissa’s gang.

063. Leaving the reception with Emmy to go curl up in Amber’s bed and giggle about how it was the last place she slept as a virgin.

064. The night Riana and Zoe and I took turns putting our heads out the car windows to howl like wolves.

065. Falling asleep on the couch with Zelina and Chelle beer buzzed watching Jersey Shore.

066. That perfect little basement Thai place a couple blocks from Emmy’s apartment dorm.

067. When Dan forced me to get out of his car and left because I’d annoyed him too hard on our library trip.

068. Vicki suggesting we go live together overseas.

069. Depop photoshoot with Taurilyn.

070. Mykenza bluntly declaring true things I couldn’t confirm or deny.

071. Norm announcing to the full room he was teaching that I was a rascal.

072. Zochella.

073. Noah Gundersen and Brett Dennen at The Majestic.

074. Every damn time we ate beautiful food at High Rock Cafe.

075. The nights I felt capable at TOCHI.

076. LENA DUNHAM’S GIRLS.

077. Jordan suddenly ballroom dancing Genevieve around the kitchen.

078. Staying up late crying to my mom about trying to take good care of the lesbian teenagers at Sky Lodge.

079. The night Caleb very suddenly showed up with a bowl of sangria then tried to leave a dozen times but we convinced him to stay.

080. Rachel swearing that the man in the Wrigleyville bookshop had love at first sighted me.

081. Making the list of how many musicals I’ve been affected by.

082. Discovering weirdo La Llamada then driving straight to Carlsons’s to immediately watch it again with them.

083. Writing heartfelt correspondence back and forth with Kat for a few years.

084. All the funky cards I’ve received from Amber.

085. Finding that PERFECT dress at Goodwill for Tauri’s Winter Ball.

086. An actual friendship with Paul Bierdeman.

087. COUNSELOR MEETINGS.

088. The night Emily Holverson and I stood outside the Lodge trading sincerity about Sky Lodge and the complications of ministry.

089. Blunt conversations with Josiah, hahaha.

090. The Lower Lakeview round of Murder in the Dark when I killed every single person playing before anyone could call, ��Dead body!”

091. When I suddenly caught him listening to my singing in the tunnel.

092. Putting together outfits from Lolita’s wardrobe.

093. Driving into such an unexpectedly lush part of Missouri.

094. A nighttime surprise of Big Ben and The London Eye and Buckingham Palace and St James Park in the falling snow.

095. MY PERFECT ABODE IN ST. LOUIS, MO.

096. OUR PERFECT ABODE IN ALBUQUERQUE, NM.

097. Becoming one of Steve’s best friends.

098. The evening Elorine and I didn’t go with and REALLY talked.

099. THE UNDENIABLE INHERENT GOODNESS OF MERRY’S KIDS.

100. Farrell’s crying apology on the sidewalk outside of Maple.

101. Alex’s irregular sudden extreme compliments.

102. The females I’m close with over the internet due to mutual admiration.

103. Lars from Hinge, hahaha.

104. Sitting at the end of a long table with Janelle making a napkin list of our all time favorite manic pixie dream girls.

105. The handful of LotR marathons we’ve accomplished.

106. When Kat told me she understood the Harry Styles crush but that maybe he wasn’t right for me.

107. Reading so many Donald Miller books and getting others to read them too.

108. Kisses on the cheek from Esther.

109. Getting raspberries for Mike’s turtles as an apology for making death threats.

110. Tipsy dancing alone with my eyes closed for like a hundred songs at Sheryl’s Club on New Years 2021.

111. The flattering comparison to the wonderful Harley Duke.

112. Aw omg, our happy hammock stacks at Observatory Hill. 

113. Telling slumber party stories on stage for Women’s Retreat.

114. BEING THE MIME FOR LIFE GROUP’S FAVORITE.

115. Fatigued watching The Kissing Booth and laughing harder than ever.

116. Spastic goofing around with Ashley AND Brittany the day we moved Amber into her new home.

117. Sitting on my closet floor showing crying Riana baby videos of singing piano playing Janelle.

118. Giggle running through Piggly Wiggly parking lot at closing with Rene with like $400 of alcohol on Ally’s birthday.

119. Fireball shots ALL NIGHT with Jeremiah and his uncle on Christmas Eve.

120. Listening to the delicious details of Emmy’s Europe romance.

121. Zion giving me his Adidas crewneck as sentimental goodbye gift.

122. Arguing with Austin over our differing zombie apocalypse ideologies.

123. Drunk Discord/Among Us with Hunter and Bekah and Nick and Marissa.

124. How soft Kenny’s absurd speeches made my heart.

125. MINUTE LONG VOICE MEMOS STACKS WITH ROSIE. ♡♡

126. Listening to Lizzy McAlpine in an afternoon candlelight bath.

127. Listening through John Mayer’s The Search for Everything mowing the ball field.

128. Emotionally painting my old house in Birmingham.

129. Being really damn good at that Heads Up game with Omar.

130. Compiling worthwhile stuff for Foreman training.

131. GROWING MY PLANTS.

132. The stretch when Bryanna was usually wrapped in my blanket.

133. Talking about going to Colorado with Alex.

134. The notorious reputation of knowing everybody at CCCA.

135. GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR DINNER THEATER.

136. Calling Ally from a parking lot at Emmy’s bachelorette party because I was SO CONFIDENT I was a hot person that I had to talk to her about it.

137. Playing the stupidest laughingest game of The Floor Is Lava with Jackson when I came to visit them all in Dallas.

138. Feeling really really really at home in my apartment at Sky Lodge.

139. How Ryan Boon would struggle to talk through his laughter.

140. Belonging to myself at Fiddleheads Coffee in Cedarburg.

141. THE UNDENIABLE IMMEDIATE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN ME AND COURTNEY HART.

142. Big Falls County Park. Every time.

143. Kayaking down Blue River with Duke, Jeremiah and Addey, Hunter, and Hunter’s friend.

144. That perfect burger at Pier Burger in Santa Monica.

145. Riding The Brown Line down to The Loop and all the way back up.

146. Aw. Welp. Every lengthy truthful phone call with Sam.

147. The four seasons I was compiling four second videos.

148. Ashley’s and my perfect roommates stretch, featuring our perfect couch.

149. The night we forced so many to come to our Blackfish showing then sign our petition opposing Sea World. Hahaha. #emptythetanks

150. The night Ben and I sat in the corner giddy burning through TriBond cards.

151. The night I showed up at Doug’s and Lueck’s door losing my damn mind over The Dress.

152. Community Soccer at the local elementary school gym.

153. Frigid stranded in the Chequamegon National Forest with Mary and Caleb on our return drive from our nightmare trip to Duluth.

154. The final night of being “cats in a bag” sleeping in Janelle’s bottom bunk.

155. Filling up the broomball courts under a negative degrees meteor shower.

156. Getting another wonderful summertime of Delala.

157. The Sunday service the pastor wouldn’t quit snapping his fingers and a bunch of us were txting each other like, “OMFG NO AHHH HOW DO WE MAKE HIM STOP????”

158. Oomph. The perfect veggie omelette (no cheese) at Sparks.

159. Dad’s soft voicemail about his admiration for Adele.

160. Their neighbor lady Maddie’s outfit for the Christmas cantata and her disappointment with the unfamiliar song selection.

161. Raquel’s completely irresistible fun streak.

162. Listening to folklore with Jayden and the girlies first thing when I woke up every morning for a while there.

163. Going through Met Gala looks cuddled up with Omar.

164. The way it felt reading Anthropology of an American Girl.

165. The giant primary colors crochet blanket mom made for me.

166. Noah scooping me up in that hug in the Waterloo parsonage kitchen.

167. When Omar completely surprised me with what he can do to a piano.

168. Deciding I am a Pinot Grigio girl.

169. Omfg, the Nest Night we intensely debated our way through a Staff Wives wrestling bracket.

170. Dismantling multiple purity talks and dress codes like it’s my calling.

171. Laying on blankets in the middle of many fields in different places for the sake of being very very very very sunkissed.

172. Regularly running into Bill at Kwik Trip.

[scaffoldheld-a]

LAYER 001 :    THE OUTSIDE.

NAME.   benjamin dean mitchell.

EYE COLOUR.   light blue 

HAIR COLOUR / STYLE.   warm toned, fairly dark brown in a messy, tapered cut, shorter on the sides, longer on the top and front. when he’s actually done it vs typical day to day.

HEIGHT.   6′5′’, although he’s gotten pretty good at not appearing as tall as he is, thanks to his job requiring him be as non-threatening as possible, and unless he’s trying to appear intimidating and non-approachable, he’ll be leaning against a wall or staying seated in a conversation to keep things more level.

CLOTHING STYLE.   benji’s style is so regular it’s almost a uniform. from bottom to top: leather lace up boots. straight cut dark blue jeans with a belt. solid color button up with sleeves rolled at least partially up, tie, and waistcoat. more often than not there’s a leather or canvas jacket over that. the watch his dad gave him when he graduated the police academy on his right wrist. ref. 

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE.   arms. no but really, probably his eyes. they’re so expressive, even when he really doesn’t want them to be, and he’s always just. watching, observing, taking in details. 

LAYER 002 :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS.   not being able to protect the people he loves, failing the people he loves, people seeing him for being as ‘broken’ as he is. 

GUILTY PLEASURE.   books. the man’s a nerd. old school classics, murder mysteries, and sci-fi novels are among the favorites. he also enjoys picking apart cop shows and movies.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE.   inaccuracies in cop shows and movies. decaf coffee.

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE.   most of the time as far as benji’s ambition goes it usually tops out at ‘make it through the day.’ before the incident™, it had been to advance in his career, get married and have a family, but he’s long since given up on that.

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP.   “fuck.”  that he needs some coffee and/or alcohol.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST.   whatever job he’s on at the time.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED.   his family. his mistakes.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS.   probably his cop tendencies and observation skills.

LAYER 004 :    WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES.   single. 

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED.   loved.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS.   brains.

DOGS OR CATS.   dogs.

LAYER 005 :    DO THEY…

LIE.   he doesn’t lie directly often, but he does give vague answers and omits information a lot, particularly when it comes to questions of himself and his wellbeing.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES.   not so much, no.

BELIEVE   IN   LOVE.   in general? yes. he sees his parents. he sees his sister and brother-in-law. he just doesn’t particularly believe it’s something he’ll ever have.

WANT SOMEONE.   desperately so, but he doesn’t particularly believe he'll ever get that, nor that he deserves it.

LAYER 006 :    HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN ON STAGE.   a handful of times. delilah’s pulled him onstage with her and jake a few times.

DONE DRUGS.   never.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN.   not really, no.

LAYER 007 :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE COLOURS.   shades of blue, golds and silvers.

FAVOURITE ANIMAL.   dogs.

FAVOURITE BOOK.    he loves too many books the man is a nerd please don’t ask him this.

FAVOURITE GAME.   benji’s a hell of a poker player, but he also likea a handful of video games.

LAYER 008 :    AGE.

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE.   may 21st.

HOW OLD WILL THEY BE.   43. the old man.

LAYER 010 :    FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I LOVE.   my family.

I FEEL.   tired.

I HIDE.   … (his emotions).

I MISS.   my best friend.

I WISH.   this was over.

TAGGED BY.   no one, stole it off the dash. TAGGING.   anyone who wants to!

[salmnsa]

@dragnfire said        //       💭    :    five  headcanons  about  our  muses.

001.        susie  and  jake  have  known  each  other  since  around  early  middle  school.     grouped  together  in  most  classes,    eating  lunch  together,    assigned  seats  right  by  the  other.    susie  took  a  liking  to  jake  from  his  sense  of  humor  and  open  disposition  and  they’ve  been  tight  ever  since  then.  

002.         susie  and  jake  texting  is  just  a  bunch  of  emoticons  at  any  point.     they  can  have  full  conversations  with  plain  emojis  throughout.    if  somebody  were  to  go  through  their  texts,    there  wouldn’t  be  much  to  read.    that  being  said,    even  though  susie’s  and jake  don’t  have  long  conversations  through  text,    susie  is  always  sure  to  send  him a  good  morning  or  good night  text,    or  give  him  small  updates  on  what’s  going  on  with  her  and  her  homelife    :    latest  crushes,   anything  she  might’ve  eaten  that  day,    a  quick  pic  of  her  outfit.

003.        susie  and  jake  watch  movies  together  often.     the  theater  is  their  usual  hang  out  spot,    they’ll  always  bicker  over  who’s  buying  popcorn  or  where  to  sit     (    jake  wants  to  sit  in  the  back  while  susie  wants  to  sit  relatively  close  to  the  screen    ).     after  the  movie,    they’ll  talk  it  through  thoroughly,   call  themselves  critics  in  a  way,    bring  up  their  favorite  /  least  moments  and  rate  it  out  of  five  stars.    susie  has  gone  through  the  trouble  of  writing  down  their  movie  list  and  the  number  of  stars  next  to  each  title.     she  also  keeps  each  and  every  ticket  stub.

004.        susie  has  at  least  two  of  jake’s  jackets  that  she  has  no  intention  of  returning.     both  were  given  to  her  by  whim,    susie  complains  she’s  cold  or  has  forgotten  her  own  jacket  somewhere  and  jake  offers  his.     

005.        susie  feels  as  if  she  can  be  her  fullest  when  around  jake.    endless  energy  and  noise,     she’s  always  excited  to  see  him  and  touching  is  a  norm  with  them.     their  personalities  are  similar  in  terms  of  optimism   and   humor.    teachers  have  actually  gone  out  of  their  way  to  separate  them  in  the  classroom,     and  reprimand  them  whenever  they  try  to  partner  for  projects. 

[falling-josie]

10.02.17 {Entry 003}

“I honestly don’t know where to start with this week, it’s been insane. You would think that maybe not that much would have been happening because we had some time off but it was beyond stressful.” Josie took a deep breath and shuffled her feet, biting her lip before she looked back up at the camera “Nick and I are no longer friends, and it just really hurts. He was good to me and I liked feeling needed. But, He felt like maybe I didn’t open up very much wiith him and it just sucks that who I am as a person pushed away a friend.” The girl ignored the tears in her eyes, “The worst part is it felt like Jake really took his side. I mean- I get the reasoning. Jake just feels like if someone is that paranoid there has to be a reason. But, It still sucked.” Josie nervously undid and redid her ponytail a few times nervously as she continued to talk. “I was fortunate enough to get to spend some time with Brandon this weekend” a small blush forming on her freckled cheeks as she thought over what to say, “I really care about him, he makes me feel special and that’s just a really hard thing to ignore. He is soft and honestly, I really care about him in a way I haven't really cared enough to invest in anyone in a long time. but, I know he doesn't do commitment and i'm in no place to be in a relationship right now. I adore him” she laughed and covered her face with her hands before taking a deep breath. “I miss Geoff. We finally talked and it was good and it made me feel better, but then he pushed me away again and that hurts really bad. So, I think i'm just going to let him do his thing for now. I also have been really liking spending time with Wyatt but, when i'm vibing with him it feels like im pulling teeth to get him to have a conversation with me.” Josephine laughed and racked her brain if there was anything else going on, “I Just want some friends. I feel like maybe somethings wrong with me, I don't have any girlfriends and the guy friends I do have, well have been icing me out all week” Josie chewed her lip and sighed, “I guess we will see. Until next week!” She waved at the camera before getting up to go.