#content warnings are both only sort of applicable i think but im being cautious

[queersplendent-deactivated]

You know, it's weird. One of the fresh meat coaches for my derby team used to tell us, "If you have some weird Thing about being touched, you're in the wrong sport," and I'd always wince. I think I heard a variation on that every third practice or so for most of the year I was in it, and I mostly just ignored it because I knew what I was on about, and was I EVER an exception to that rule.

Derby was all hard contact -- body slams, shoulder checks, hip jockeying through four layers of tights+hotpants between us, elbow pads clacking against each other -- whipping a teammate ahead of me to give them my momentum was fingertips and handguards while my palms were protected, and sometimes it was handguards on layered hips to swing myself into an opponent, but mostly it was bruises that made my dentist's receptionist quietly ask if I needed any help the day after a shoulder blocking drill.

I could deal with bruises. I LIKED bruises. Deep-tissue aches were healing and I miss them. I loved the feel of hitting the concrete and curling my fingers inward so no one would skate over them and going "This one's gonna be so purple" and it was wonderful. I got to touch people; I got to have so many layers and so many bruises that it almost felt like what I imagine it is to be normal and not have a fear of contact being too intense, because it was blunted intensity and I felt wrapped up tight and invincible in my gear, and mostly I didn't even give myself away when skinning my knuckles on the track made me force down tears after a palm-sized bruise just made me go "ow." It was always too hot and sweaty and awful but everyone was feeling it so it was camaraderie.

I'd hope for bruises and hope they lasted, because it was a good hurt like massaging a knot out, and skating made me feel perfect, and bruises were part of that feeling and carried it off the track with me. They were proof I was part of it and I was dedicated. So was the pain in my legs when I tried to climb the stairs to my apartment, and the agony of doing a five-minute wall sit. (Turns out I may have minor chronic inflammation in my quads, which just makes me a thing to feared for having gotten as far as I did, because wall sits were my ENEMY but you have to skate in a crouch.) So were hours spent cleaning my bearings and relacing my skates and picking out ridiculous striped knee socks that would end up with holes in the toes.

I knew how everything felt there. Even if a touch was unexpected or from behind, I could tell by the feel if it was my team or the other team, and I knew from experience the handful of sensations that might follow and that all of them were safe and good and made of impacts that would skip right over the sensitivity of my skin surface so they couldn't overload me. Brusies and strained muscles and aches after a bout never ever ever hurt enough to come close to the horror of a sensory overload and the panic and shame that goes with it; all of it came later, after I'd already picked myself up and kept going and felt unstoppable because to me it barely hurt at all. I got to be proud when anyone else complimented my endurance but feel secretly guilty because this was NOTHING.

I quit derby because of anxiety, some, at how clique-based it felt and how I didn't feel I could take risks because I kept being too afraid of failing and never felt I was as good as the rest of the team, but that was the lesser part. Mostly I quit derby because I have extremely small, narrow feet and ankles under extremely wide, heavy hips and shoulders, and my leg tendons were shredding themselves, while my wrists were so jacked from my job that I could hardly do pushups. I always planned to go back, once I got back on top of my finances, once I did some physical therapy. Then I developed CFS, and now I can never skate in derby ever again.

I just. I'll never be able to have that again. I'll never be able to throw my body at the world instead of everything being thrown at me, and make it so nothing was too much because everything was too much but it was on my terms and that wrapped it around to null, and if I could handle derby I could handle anything. I'll only ever be able to brush against things and try not to let them brush against my skin ever ever. I'll never go for a run because I like it, or jog for 15 minutes as a warm-up before practice, or drink bad whiskey and play pool at the after-bout party like a real person. I won't get to come home and collapse into actually enjoying a hot bath that if I weren't exhausted and sore I wouldn't be able to tolerate at all.

Derby took the edge off the world for me.

I do in fact have a weird thing about being touched, and yet I was in the right sport, and I really miss hearing and feeling a teammate skate up alongside and use my bicep as an anchor to slow down and tell me "Here, I got you" while I don't flinch away.

[littlegiantposts]

pilot

kageyama x f!reader

may contain spoilers!

EDIT: HIIII SO UH THERES A “pilot ~revised~” ON MY PAGE SO I RECCOMENTD READING THAT ONE CUZ IT HAS MORE CONTENT 👍🏽

Here’s the link:

description: In which Y/n is a new addition to Karasuno’s Girl’s Volleyball Club 

THIS IS REALLY JUST LIKE...A TEST RUN..FOR THIS STORY CUZ I DONT THINK IM THAT GREAT AT WRITING and i feel like people wont really like it. so....yeah.

a/n: ok so, I’ve been thinking of this concept so much lately. It started off as just as a nice story to play in my head, but I really wanted to see if I could write it down. So, I felt like I haven’t really seen a lot of imagines or content on the girl’s volleyball club and I felt like it would be cool to explore that side. First things first, I am raised in California. Thus, I am quite incompetent in knowledge about Japan schooling. All my knowledge is really from me googling stuff and ofc, watching haikyuu. With that said, if I made a mistake on the take of Japan schooling, I do not mean to cause any offense. This is solely for entertainment purposes. With that said, I do not own the characters of haikyuu. However, there are some characters I made up with my own imagination. In addition, this is an “x reader” sort of story but I will be defining some of her characteristics so I am sorry if it hinders you from imagining its you. Finally, I am not that good at writing stories lol but im trying. I hope you enjoy.

I hate introductions. Y/n thought to herself as she sat back down in her seat after standing in front of the class, stating her name and her previous school. Her gaze shifted towards the window. The sun was out and shining and she had the perfect view of the gymnasium. Oh how she just wanted to get up from her uncomfy chair and leave the boring lecture and head towards the gym. 

It was the first day of school for Y/n at Karasuno High. It’s not like she started in the middle of the semester, no, she was just about a month late into the school year. With her work ethic, she didn’t feel any pressure in order to catch up with everyone else. She knew she would get it done.

It’s not really her fault she came a bit late into the school year either. Her dad’s job required a small move, not that she was complaining. She didn’t really feel tied down at her old high school because: she wasn’t there for that long and she didn’t really make any friends, despite joining a sport. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to make friends. It seems that her track record, or the lack thereof, from junior high with meeting new people has left an imprint on her.

Y/n looks down at the worksheet that was passed out in the beginning of class. The assignment was already completed due to Y/n’s eagerness to finish any homework that would take away time from her main passion.

Some people would say she was obsessed. Some would say dedicated. She simply sees volleyball as an opportunity. The class bell rings, signaling for lunch. Before she realizes it, she is walking towards the gym, in which she would meet the girl’s volleyball captain. As she is switching shoes, she can hear screaming from inside. 

“-What did I tell you about touching my onigiri! You are going to pay for that!” “I really didn’t mean it this time, I promise! I didn’t know it was yours!” The voices were muffled, yet she was still able to hear the sincerity in both of the voices. Y/n was about to open the gymnasium’s door when the door swung open by a tall pink-haired girl. She was being chased by another tall girl with long blonde hair, but she was a bit shorter than the pink one. Before Y/n could process stepping aside because it seemed the pink-haired girl had no inclination in stopping, she was tumbled to the ground by the girl who she can only guess took an onigiri without permission. As well, the blonde clumsily tripped and fell on top of the two.

“You idiots! Will you stop it! We already told you, we got a guest coming today and we want to make a good first impression!” A stern voice called out inside the gym.

“Um, Moa-san, I think our wishes are already soiled.” Another voice chimed in from the gym.

“Wha- You dumbasses! Hey, are you okay?” A girl with dirty blonde hair came out from the entrance and offered a hand towards Y/n as the two perpetrators started to get up with apologies towards Y/n. 

“Yeah, I am good.” Despite just being tackled to the ground, Y/n remains as neutral as ever. 

“Aren’t you going to ask if we are okay?” The energetic, pink haired spoke.

“As if I care when you collide into our guest! You really need to be more cautious, Etsuko!” She barked. “I am Aihara Moa. Pleasure to meet you. You’re the first year that turned that application past the deadline, right?” she states more calmly than her previous statement. 

“Pleasure is all mine. And, yes. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Y/n states with quite the unfazed face. 

Does this kid crack a smile once in a while? Moa asked in her mind. She seems quite different than the other first years we have. Her thoughts continue.

“I am Oba Yuma and this is Morita Etsuko.” Yuma, who had the pretty, long blonde hair, spoke with a warm smile.

“Why did you introduce me?! I wanted to have a cool introduction!” Etsuko huffed with a small pout. 

“Well, it’s not like you can recover your so-called ‘cool introduction’ from that full-body collision.” Yuma smoothly replied. Etsuko’s eyes widened and cheeks heated up as she couldn’t come up with a sly comeback to her logic. 

“You guys are just lucky that Rinko isn’t here to scold you.” Moa warned the 2 first years. With the mention of the scary third year that wasn’t even the captain, yet she reigned supreme in the disciplinary department, they shivered at the thought of the punishment. 

As Y/n stepped further into the big, bright court, she spotted that she could only assume was the captain as she looked so appalled at what happened. 

“Hello, you must be Michimiya Yui.” Y/n knew she had to say something to pull the worried captain from her thoughts. 

“Hi! Yes, that’s me! I am so sorry for those two. I would say they aren’t always like that, but I don’t want to lie to a potential teammate.” Yui spoke with an uneasy smile.

Yuma and Etsuko’s interests peaked when they heard “a potential teammate” come out of their captains' mouths. They were the only first years on the team, so the thought of another person in the same boat as them made them excited and wanted to join the conversation. The two first years gave each other a look and started to walk towards Yui and hopefully their new friend. However, before they could even be in ear-shot, the pair got pulled away by Sasaki Chizuru, another third year.

“Oh, no. Don’t think you will be bombarding her with questions right off the bat.” She bluntly states.

“Oh, c’mon Sasaki, aren’t you curious about her? Like how did she get into volleyball? Or even, is she a beginner? Or maybe she is an absolute monster who dominates the court!” Etsuko proclaimed as her mind went too fast for her mouth to follow.

“As of right now, it’s not our business. All we can do, and are allowed to do”, emphasizing the word ‘allowed’, “is to watch from the sidelines and quietly eat our lunches.” Chizuru instructed the first years and pointed at the far corner of the gym. 

Despite her own words, Chizuru couldn’t help but glance at Y/n and wonder the same things that the first year questioned. At face value, Y/n was quite the enigma. The 2 first years gave a pout, but headed towards their desired location.

“So, you came from Niiyama Girls' High? That’s a really good school for volleyball. What made you come to Karasuno?” Yui asked.

“It was the most ideal school in terms of my dad’s work location.” Y/n states plainly. She didn’t technically lie. Well, it was an ideal school in terms to the proximity to her new apartment, but that was not the only reason. She saw videos of their interhigh-prelims last year and to be quite frank, Y/n was not entirely impressed with the state of their team. However, she knew that this meant there was room to grow for them. She knew very well that she could have gone to Shiratorizawa and joined their girls’ volleyball club. Objectively, with her skill set, Shiratorizawa made sense. Nonetheless, Y/n didn’t know what compelled her to pick this one. She convinced herself it was because she is a sucker for rooting the underdog. 

Does this kid show any emotion? Yui thought in her mind. It’s like nothing affects her. Her thoughts continued.

“How long have you been playing volleyball?” Yui curiously asked.

“Since the 2nd grade.” Y/n quickly states. As much as she wasn’t showing it, she was just itching to show what she can do. The court was right there in front of her, after all.

“That’s impressive, alright, well if you’re comfortable with it, I’d love to see some serves and sets from you. After school, we can hold a three on three since we all aren’t really in the right clothes to play.” 

“Sounds good.” To say Y/n was excited would be an understatement. As she removed her cream sweater, she could feel a set of eyes burning a hole on her back. She turned around to put her sweater down and realized that she was wrong. It wasn’t one pair of eyes, it was all of them, curious to see how good she really is. She could feel her heart pounding at the thought of holding everyone’s attention. She knew if she let her mind continue, the nerves would get to her and hinder her performance. She took deep breaths and started to quietly humm a song that was previously playing on her phone from her morning ride to school. 

Yui passed a volleyball to her and ran to the other side of the net, and yelled, “Let’s see what ya got!”

Y/n carried herself behind the serve line, taking one deep breath to keep her hands from shaking. With that exhale, she opened her eyes and focused her sights on Yui. The captain wouldn’t admit it, but she could already feel herself sweating under the first year’s gaze.  

She looks so intimidating. I’m not even on the court, yet I’m scared. Yuma viewed Y/n’s determined look. For Y/n, it was as if everything crumbled away and the only thing remained was the court. She starts her run up.

A jump serve?! Yuma, Etsuko, and Chizuru incredulously thought simultaneously with eyes basically bugging out of their head. They watch in amazement as she jumps with severe height and reeled her arm back. After that, all that could be sensed was a loud snap and then the ball smacked the ground next to the wide-eyed captain. The impact from the ball gave a small breeze through Yui’s short hair. The deafening silence that followed her serve filled the room in an instant. Those watching from the sidelines had to pick up their jaws from the floor.

“She’s a first year?! Are you sure?!” Etsuko broke the silence with her curiosity getting the best of her. 

“Boke Etsuko! That was already clarified, don’t make her repeat herself!” Yuma scolded. While Yui read your capabilities on your application form, it was nothing like actually being on the receiving end in real time. 

“That’s quite a serve she got in her arsenal.” A voice startled the three high school students, sitting on the sidelines. Etsuko and Yuma were the most startled, but Chizuru was quite used to her fellow classmates popping in every now and then.

“Seriously, Sudou. We have to put a bell on you or something because I don’t think my heart can take any of your surprise entrances.” Sudou Rinko only slyly chuckles at Etsuko remark. She looks over at Y/n and Yui on the court.

“Did you guys see the precision on that serve?” Rinko posed to the other three sitting on the ground, munching on their lunch.

“Well, not really, but it landed, like, near Michimiya, right?” Etsuko tries to come up with the answer that Rinko was looking for. 

“It landed right next to her left foot. I think that pipsqueak is able to aim her serve.”

“What?! That’s insane.”

“Yeah, insane, but not impossible.”

“With her, maybe we can win more games!”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Etsuko, a team is only good if everyone is giving their all.” Yuma reminds. “After all, there’s not only one person on the court, there’s six.”

“I heard she came from Niiyama Girls' High” Sudou stated as she reverted her gaze back to her fellow teammates. They stared at her after she gave more information on the stranger in their gym. 

“Why would she come to Karasuno then?” Yuma asked honestly. She knew that her team had strengths, but she also knew that other teams had strengths that overpowered them.

“How could you diss your own school like that?” Etsuko was almost angry at how her teammate was treating their school. She always was the one to take pride in everything she does. 

“No, that’s a valid question. It makes sense that a player with her caliber would be well-suited in a powerhouse school.” Rinko supported Yuma in her question. All four look ahead and see that Y/n is beginning to set for Yui.

“Her precision and accuracy are so on point, it almost makes me sick.” Yuma commented on how your form for setting only held the necessities. Y/n stepped with purpose, and it showed as she passed a nice set for Yui, allowing her to have optimal choices in where she can place her spike.

so um, that’s really all i got haha I started this like yesterday instead of doing hw so yeah. Feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. So, did u like it? Did u hate it? Are u confused by it? lol yeah okie bye