#consumed sonic media in its intented form

[pointlessly-poetic]

I have rebranded

I am now sonic the hedgehog

[crusherthedoctor]

What are your favorite friendships in the series? And which would you like to see more of? :)

Sonic and Tails is the obvious one. It's iconic for a reason. :D As a Tails fan, I always appreciate when it's made clear just how much Sonic values their friendship. :3

That said, it's also cool when Sonic and Knuckles get to share moments where they're not at each other's throats. Heroes did well with that one, as did the second movie post-Eggman's betrayal of the latter.

As a defender of Big, I approve of Amy's friendship with him, since it's well within her character to not judge him at face value… Chronicles notwithstanding, cause it's Chronicles.

I think Shadow and Omega work well together in a buddy cop sort of way. I was actually tempted to include Omega in Stellar (albeit mostly cause I find Omega hilarious), but since I'm very intent on not pulling an '06/IDW and having a cast that's too bloated for its own good, I decided not to, as it would undermine my known dislike of the overuse and limitations of the Team ___ format if it reared its head in Stellar. (The Chaotix don't count, as they were already an established ensemble prior to Heroes.)

Speaking of, the Chaotix's dynamic is fun as well, particularly when Espio is visibly/audibly struggling to not lose the will to live by hanging around them. Vector is one of the most underrated recurring characters in the series IMO, so anything that lets him shine is fine with me.

Blaze's relationship with Cream was cute, though I do think it was underutilized in retrospect. Since no media seems interested in going back to it for longer than a minute (cause Blaze is chronically handcuffed to Silver), I created the Trudy/Cream dynamic in part as a spiritual successor, in the sense that Cream gets to form a close bond with someone that's neither her literal mother (Vanilla) or her older sister figure (Amy).

Sonic's relationship with Cream is also wholesome, and gives the former a prime opportunity to show that while he may take pride in his own abilities, he's not the self-centered asshole that some make him out to be.

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Dr. Eggman's bond with himself. The admiration is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of working that sucker to death (c'mon now), most of it will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also his hate for that hedgehog, which is deftly woven into his characterization - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Dr. Eggman, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate Mike Pollock, to realize that it's not just funny - it's the more the merrier. As a consequence, people who don't get a load of this truly ARE idiots - of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humor in Eggman's existential catchphrase "I was just about to consume this delicious banana," which itself is a cryptic reference to- *gets dragged off stage*

What interactions would I like to see more of? I'll take anything to be frank, since the aforementioned over-reliance of the Heroes tradition has made me open to pretty much any dynamic that hasn't been seen all that much. If I had to name one in particular, I'd appreciate more opportunities for Rouge to interact with characters other than Shadow or Knuckles, and not have her scenes or overall purpose in the story revolve entirely around them.

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here is every unraveled episode (as of may 2020) as how they’d be as a lover | a 2.5k word long post written in the style of an unraveled about unraveled and also love

Ah. Unraveled. Polygon’s golden boy of a video series where Brian David Gilbert is beckoned into a suit, lured into a blackbox studio, and is only granted escape after he has explained to three cameras whatever batshit video game adjacent thesis he has been cursed with this time. Unraveled is a wonderful video series, and we all love it.

But what if it could love us?

If you’ve ever asked this question to yourself, boy, do I have some content for you, because for the past 2 days, I’ve been working on this post where, for entirely too long, I explain to you how each Unraveled episode would be as a lover. And more importantly, which ones would be the best lovers.

Before I fall deep into this unhinged hole and take you down with me, I need to explain some things.

First: I want to make it clear that I am not categorizing BDG as he portrays himself in each Unraveled. I am instead taking each Unraveled episode as a fully formed being, the story, performance, etc, and letting that shape a character of its own. This character is where I extrapolate details from to create an Unraveled episode’s qualities as a lover. What I’m basically doing is anthropomorphizing Polygon dot com video content. And then making you date them. If this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry, it will as you read along. And if it helps you to visualize the Unraveled Episode As A Lover, I invite you to just imagine whomever it is you are most attracted to---or for those who don’t experience attraction, whomever it is you find most aesthetically pleasing---and then just add in the wild personality traits I describe through the course of this post.

Second: I know what you’re thinking. “Avian, the characteristics of what makes a good lover is subjective!” And I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been through college, and I’ve witnessed my friends whom I love so dearly enter relationships with some of the most wack ass motherfuckers I’ve ever met. I know that people are into different things. But do I judge them for it? Well, kinda, yeah! Yes, what we want in a lover is subjective, but I’ve consumed a metric fuckton of romance media over the course of my life and am also in a wonderful relationship with my own girlfriend, and thus have my own personal idealized ranking for what makes a good lover. Feel free to disagree with my rankings of Unraveled Lovers, but also, I’m writing this post. I say this with as much love as I possibly can, but if you disagree with me, make your own post. If you don’t wanna make your own post, you’re just going to have to trust me for 2.1k more words.

With that out of the way, let me take you on a journey through the 23 Unraveled Lovers, from worst to best.

BAD TIER: I would probably advise you to break up with these Unraveled Lovers as soon as you are emotionally capable of doing so.

Hoo boy, we’re starting at the bottom. The perfectionists, the nitpickers, the emotionally unavailables. These Unraveled Lovers would have good intentions, but just have aspects within their personality that will wear you and your relationship together down until both of you can no longer take it.

“Ranking all 200+ Megaman robots” is a lover obsessed with the concept of “is this worth it?” They would unknowingly but inevitably rank parts of your own personality on a scale of ‘worth the trouble in this relationship’ and ‘not worth the trouble’. Any lover who deals with you with this kind of dichotomy is somebody you should not be with. You should be accepted and loved for all your parts, the beautiful and the ugly.

“How to make the perfect E3 press conference” is a lover who spent years consuming romance media and has a list of what makes the perfect relationship. So not only do they have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is, but they will be obsessed with reaching that unreachable perfection. That will definitely put a strain on your relationship until the veneer of desired perfection crumbles away, leaving you both tired and sad.

On a less deep note, “How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters” just won’t remember any of the names of your friends or family. Sure, they’ll try, but they’ll give up in like 15 minutes and you’ll never be able to take this Unraveled Lover to a family reunion or a party with your friends. Probably not a dealbreaker, but as the Spice Girls said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” This Unraveled Lover will not. Next.

“No one asked but I found Mortal Kombat’s best cuddler” and “I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania’s hottest monster” are two Unraveled Lovers with a similar problem: they both won’t shut the fuck up about their exes. Mortal Kuddler constantly brings up all the other cuddles they’ve experienced and Castlevanias Hottest Monster will tell you you’re beautiful, but also bring up like 69 other monsters they think are also beautiful. This might not be a red flag, but personally, this would tire me out, always being thought of in comparison or contrast to others.

That ends the BAD TIER and brings us to the OKAY TIER where a large chunk of the Unraveled Lovers fall into, so much so that I had to create more specific sub tiers under the OKAY TIER.

So let’s get into the OKAY TIER: These Unraveleds Lovers are alright, you’ll just have a sublimely weird relationship.

These Unraveled Lovers will treat you right but they’re also just very peculiar. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I’m here to explain to you just in what ways these okayest lovers are bizarre. Let’s start with the first sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: College Students who are way too into their major

There are a lot of Unraveled Lovers under this subtier, and this shouldn’t surprise you, because Unraveleds are inherently nerdy. These are lovers that will be good to you but also just never fucking shut up about what it is they’re studying.

“I read all 337 books of Skyrim so that you don’t have to” and "Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story" are Creative Writing majors obsessed with analyzing every single thing they read. As a Creative Writing major myself, I would advise you to never date a Creative Writing major unless you are a Creative Writing major yourself. I think that’s the only way the relationship can be ethical. Being sent essays from the New Yorker every day would be torture if you didn’t actively enjoy it.

“We made all 78 Breath of Wild recipes in one day” is a Culinary Arts major and, score, they’re gonna wanna cook for you! A lot! Beware though, because it’ll be a hit or miss on whether or not the food will be good, but you must admit, that there is nothing quite as attractive as your lover making you food (let’s just hope the food doesn’t harm you).

“Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations” is going to law school and that should be a dealbreaker in itself, but I’ll be a bit lenient because they’re always working towards the safety of everybody. This Unraveled Lover will always remind you to put your seatbelt on and also tell you exactly what laws you are violating.

“Bowser’s military hierarchy” is a Political Science major, and Political Science majors scare me. So I’ll just say they’re okay, and leave it at that.

“Which Dark Souls Boss is the best manager?” is a rare non-evil Management major because they actually truly care for the welfare of employees. They just will always talk about it, even when you guys are on a date. I know worker’s rights are important, but it’s not exactly what I want to talk about in between kisses, yknow?

“I fixed Fallout’s music by creating a totally new genre” is a Music major who keeps accidentally making Ska love songs to you. You didn’t know Ska love songs could be a thing. This Unraveled Lover makes it a thing.

“Scientifically Calculating the Game of the Year” is a Math major so you will never have to worry about calculating bills because they can do it for you.

“Calculate your pet’s HP with my 100% legitimate formula” is a Veterinary Medicine major so if you’re an animal lover, this Unraveled is the one for you! Just beware, because this Unraveled Lover will also spend a lot of time observing you from afar to quantify your health points, but both of you will inexplicably find this activity strengthens your relationship.

And last but not least for this sub tier, “When can Mario retire?” is a disillusioned Accounting and Finance major who chose this line of study to get a job and, through the years, realized what a hellscape capitalism is. You may have to deal with a lot of zoning out and staring off into the distance, with this Unraveled Lover, but a lover who hates capitalism sure is a good egg.

That brings us to our next sub tier!

OKAY SUB TIER: Cultists or Conspiracy Theorists (AKA...College Students who are way too into their extracurriculars)

These Unraveled Lovers are alright! They’re just a little bit off the shits.

“Every Sonic game is blasphemous” will get really really worked up about things and probably try to start a cult. For most, that’s a definite dealbreaker, but what makes Sonic Bible an okay lover is that they eventually calm down from the cult outburst and apologize. So this Unraveled Lover will treat you well, you just have to be ready to ground them when they get a little bit bonkers.

“Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 minutes” is very similar to Sonic Bible, except instead of starting a cult, every once in a while they’ll just sit you down on a chair and explain to you their latest obsession while slowly and intensely stripping. Which, hey, that could make for a fun night, if you’re into that kinda stuff! Definitely okay in my book.

That brings us to our last okay sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: Your Unraveled Lover might need to schedule some sessions with a therapist, and that’s Okay

Listen, we all have baggage. We all have problems. These are Unraveled Lovers who want to be the best for you, but at the same time have issues of their own, and you’re going to have to support them when they pop into their local psych clinic to make themselves better people.

“Waluigi” is an Unraveled Lover who is going through some identity issues. They want to be good for you, but they don’t even know who exactly they are. They may feel as if they are tricking you into being in this relationship, that they aren’t who you think they are, and while these fears are irrational, they wholeheartedly believe it and will never feel fully secure in this relationship until they have made peace with themselves. If you love this Unraveled Lover, you’re going to have to stick with them as they learn more about who they are.

“Kirby” is an Unraveled Lover who, for some reason, is obsessed with the constant quest to make things make sense. This need of theirs bleeds into every aspect of their life and can definitely affect your relationship. This Unraveled Lover may sometimes perhaps cite that they don’t deserve you because they can’t seem to figure out a logical and objective answer for why you are with them. This issue of treating everything like a puzzle to solve is an issue they will have to work out and recover from, and they will be receptive to this process of recovery because they cherish the relationship they have with you and understand that not everything has to be solved; some things can just be felt. If you choose to stay with this Unraveled Lover, you must be prepared to support them when they take a mysterious but needed soul searching journey in the woods. You must be prepared to sit with them along the shores of the beach and reassure them that life is about living, not about answers.

And that, dear readers, ends the OKAY TIERs. Now it’s time for the tier you have all been waiting for.

Drumroll, please!

GOOD TIER: Pop open the champagne, bring out the strawberries dipped in chocolate, and let Spotify play Careless Whisper, baby, because we’re in the Ideal Lover zone.

Welcome to the Ideal Lover Zone. Here, we have three Unraveled Lovers who are just extremely good fellas.

“I used the Sims to perfect my apartment” is an Unraveled Lover who will work their hardest to be the best for you, but unlike the BAD TIER perfectionists, it will naturally dawn to them that perfection is unattainable. After this realization, they will find comfort and happiness in your romantic relationship and the other healthy relationships they have with other people. This Unraveled Lover will be sincere with you when the time calls for it, but will also not be afraid to be goofy for it. Above all, this Unraveled Lover will ask for help when they need it. They may often be shy, at first, but they understand their limits and will openly communicate to you when situations call for it. Communication is the bedrock of any good relationship, and this Unraveled Lover will never keep you guessing.

“The Perfect Pokerap” is similar to the Sims, in the sense that they will at first strive for perfection in the honeymoon phase of your relationship but then understand that that isn’t possible and then set more reasonable and realistic goals. What sets this Unraveled Lover out from the crowd though is just how much they cherish you. How devoted they are to you. The love you will feel in this relationship will be transcendental, and, even if you do break up, this Unraveled Lover will never forget you.

And finally. Who---according to me, a mildly delirious 21 year old rando on the internet---is the most ideal Unraveled Lover?

It’s “Find your Kojima name with my simple 11 page form.” Why? Because this Unraveled Lover wants to know you. They want to know everything about you, the parts you like and the parts you don’t like. This is a lover who will not shy away from any aspect of yourself, but instead, embrace you for who you are as a full fledged person.

They’ll also give you a whack ass pet name, and boy, isn’t that romantic?

Well, there you have it. All (as of May, 2020) of the Unraveled Episodes as 23 Unraveled Lovers. What did I learn from this endeavor? That romantic love is complicated, but if you’re into it, it is definitely worth the trials and tribulations.

...As long as I’m not dating the Castlevania Unraveled. Seriously, when we’re making out, I don’t wanna hear about how sexy the Hyena With Gun is. Learn how to read the room, dude.

(Thanks for reading.)

[earcandyarchives]

Artist: Jim Kimchi Release: Pure Gravy EP Label: Paracusia Media Year: September 2020 Genre: Hyperglitch, Fermented Techno, Bugsculpting Total Time: 15:33 Buy Link: https://paracusiamedia.bandcamp.com/album/pure-gravy-ep Sept 16, 2020 As you regain consciousness, strange sounds begin shaping. The warm hum of a large machine to your left, and likely the console controlling it (and your life support) to the right. You open your eyes into a futuristic laboratory, yet the apparatus that was maintaining you appears to be flickering in and out of existence. This is the laboratory of Jim Kimchi, audiologist and invoker of alchemical glitch magic. As your eyes focus on the new world around you, a sharp pain forms in the pit of your stomach. This is not the world you remember. This is an infinitely breaking simulation overrun with rogue glitches and decomposing aesthetics.  Jim Kimchi opens the door to a new dimension in glitch music with his Pure Gravy ep. One rife with intentional errors, programmed collapses, and crumbling structures set amidst dissolving holograms. A world in a perpetual state of disintegration, shown to you through many different lenses and angles. Each track seems built from impossibly complex structures, forever locked in a cannibalistic dance of consuming itself to make itself.  Right from the onset, from the duality of persondata, with its interesting use of channel separation, you are in for an exquisite treat. The pummeling low end movements and syncopated glitches of Shit Itch lead effortlessly into Turbo Yoga, a masterclass in spatial ingenuity and dynamic construction. Beats made from breaking static clouds, dissonant chords and rumbling low frequencies, projected textures and spectral decomposition.  Pure Gravy has an impossible cadence that teeters and trips all over itself, pulling forward towards massive drops of futuristic bulldozer bass wrapped in a metamorphosing package of polished design and and a seemingly endless bag of sonic tricks to tickle your mind. Sealing the deal is a meeting of two sound design titans, and yields a distinct blend of both styles, Jim Kimchi’s signature unorthodox processing methods with the effortless floating synths of Valance Drakes. A perfect dessert to his Pure Gravy ep.!  Ear Candy 2020 Overall Comments: Jim Kimchi has crafted a stunning release of massive proportions, deep, intricate, technical, forever rewarding more delightful details on every listen. Don’t put this on in the background, you won’t get anything done. It begs all of your attention and then some. Setting a new standard in glitch music; this is critical listening for very distinguished tastes. 

[yooka-kazooie]

liveblog of me watching the sonic movie courtesy of me yell-typing at my friend on discord

#long post #spoilers 

6:48 PM] Me: well guess I'm gonna rent it on cable [6:50 PM] Me: ok so far the cc works [6:50 PM] Me: which is good news on optimum [6:50 PM] Friend: good [6:50 PM] Me: upp spoke too soon [6:50 PM] Me: where did the cc go [6:51 PM] Me: first the sound didn't work and now the cc goes I keep having to close the movie and resume [6:51 PM] Me: I already dont know this owl character [6:51 PM] Me: like I'm not a HUGE fan of sonic but who is she [6:51 PM] Friend: I don't think she was in the games [6:52 PM] Friend: just an owl who adopted sonic [6:52 PM] Me: oh no is she from the original archie comics [6:52 PM] Me: I've also never seen sonic younger than like 15 [6:52 PM] Friend: no idea [6:52 PM] Me: were those echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: the old sonic show (the good one) had an episode where sonic goes back in time and meets himself as a kid [6:53 PM] Me: oh good he's a cop good /s [6:53 PM] Me: the urkel one? [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah [6:53 PM] Friend: there were two urkel ones [6:54 PM] Friend: aired at the same time [6:54 PM] Friend: or same year [6:54 PM] Me: he was in both of them??? [6:54 PM] Friend: yep [6:54 PM] Me: I never watched the "good one" [6:54 PM] Me: sat am? [6:54 PM] Friend: yeah [6:54 PM] Me: yeah I literally never saw it [6:54 PM] Friend: I think [6:54 PM] Me: til Nostalgia Critic [6:57 PM] Me: did crazy carl's drawing look like sanic I can't rewind with ondemand [6:58 PM] Friend: yes it did [7:05 PM] Me: whoops sonic emp [7:07 PM] Me: I assume these old people are describing eggman [7:07 PM] Me: so eggman is human [7:08 PM] friend: yeah [7:10 PM] Me: whos stone [7:10 PM] Me: like did Eggman need a human y.. [7:10 PM] Me: wait is he a robot [7:10 PM] Me: "a human yesman" is what I was going to say [7:10 PM] Me: it seems weird to me that he'd pay a human yesman instead of building a robot yesman [7:11 PM] friend: to be fair he has a human yesman in that old show too [7:11 PM] Me: the show I didnt watch? [7:11 PM] friend: yeah [7:11 PM] Me: I watched the pumpkin show [7:11 PM] Me: and sonic boom cartoon [7:12 PM] Me: and I played sonic adventure 2 [7:12 PM] Me: and sonic 06 [7:13 PM] Me: I'm just letting you know what I know [7:13 PM] Me: what sonic media I've consumed [7:13 PM] Me: I never played the 2D games [7:13 PM] Me: never saw Sonic Sat Am [7:14 PM] Me: uhh meow [7:14 PM] Me: oh neat I didn't know that's how the rings would work [7:14 PM] Friend: lol nice to know where you are in the movie [7:15 PM] Me: donut lord shouldn't be so confused this is at least his second time finding a small talking furry animal-like creature [7:15 PM] Me: I'm sorry but the fact that this dude had the same role in hop is hilarious [7:15 PM] Me: how do you get typecast like that [7:16 PM] Me: "where are the mushrooms and why am I still on earth" is a mood [7:16 PM] Me: his eyes are cool looking [7:16 PM] Me: I can't remember what the old design looked like and I'm scared to look it up [7:17 PM] Me: did I tell you someone proved that it wasn't a stunt and that was the actual real design [7:17 PM] friend: someone told me that [7:17 PM] Me: because they found the merch they were making and they actually made some with the old design [7:17 PM] Me: that was intentional [7:18 PM] Me: oh I like those videogame control gloves [7:18 PM] Me: they need to make those for VR [7:21 PM] Me: raccoons are so cute [7:21 PM] Me: I want one for a pet [7:23 PM] Me: no I'm calling it, Stone is secretly a robot [7:25 PM] Me: the more he says mushroom planet the more I realize it's a nintendo joke [7:25 PM] Me: the mushroom planet has to be the mushroom kingdom [7:25 PM] Me: he doesn't want to go where mario lives [7:26 PM] Me: now I want mushrooms (food) [7:26 PM] Friend: every time he talks about the mushroom planet I want them to make a nintendo cinematic universe [7:26 PM] Me: man Sonic's individual quills look weird? [7:27 PM] Me: whenever I focus on them [7:27 PM] Me: not that bad but it's weird [7:28 PM] Friend: the ones still on his body? I know the one not on his body was never changed [7:28 PM] Me: yeah the ones on him [7:28 PM] Me: it's fine looking when I don't focus on them [7:29 PM] Me: this movie has Antman vibes [7:29 PM] Me: similar humor [7:35 PM] Me: hipsters how do you even convince someone you're not that lol [7:35 PM] Me: oh here we go first standstill [7:36 PM] Me: it's really cool actually, like that one xmen scene [7:36 PM] Me: god that is just ridiculously fast [7:36 PM] Me: so far this movie is better than it looked [7:37 PM] Me: especially before the redesign [7:37 PM] Me: ugh [7:37 PM] friend: I do wonder how much, if any, the story changed with the design [7:37 PM] Me: I'm just guessing that it's the same but there could have been more changes [7:39 PM] Me: ok if mushroom world has no breathable air I'd say that's not a safe place to go [7:39 PM] Me: for sonic??? [7:40 PM] Friend: I do question how a planet full of mushrooms can have enough oxygen in it. there must be something producing more oxygen though [7:41 PM] Me: if Stone isn't a robot that eggman built I hope he's paid well [7:41 PM] Me: he literally just said it doesn't have breathable air [7:41 PM] Friend: I thought he said it did [7:42 PM] Me: ... [7:42 PM] Me: I can't rewind [7:42 PM] Me: a babysitter is infinitely better than a cop tho [7:42 PM] Me: acab [7:44 PM] Me: does he go super sonic in this [7:44 PM] Me: like gold [7:45 PM] Me: aaand he's flossing [7:45 PM] Me: how old is sonic [7:45 PM] Me: is this a child [7:45 PM] friend: idk they should have mentioned it somewhere [7:46 PM] Me: are those children fighting over a switch or a tablet [7:46 PM] Me: jesus sonic just killed eggman [7:46 PM] Me: like I understand but [7:46 PM] Me: oh he waasn't in that one [7:46 PM] Me: I guess [7:49 PM] Me: it seems weird that that exploded [7:49 PM] Me: what if it killed sonic [7:49 PM] Me: what if it damaged the remains [7:49 PM] Me: didnt eggman want to study him [7:50 PM] Me: ok well eggman just called Stone a human being so I hope he's being paid well [7:53 PM] Me: ok how is it fun to be chased by a holographic dinosaur [7:53 PM] Me: I literally have nightmares that are that [7:53 PM] Me: except in nightmares you can feel terror and pain [7:56 PM] Me: are those the shoes that had a deal with sonic adventure 2 [7:57 PM] Me: ah man this is the kinda guy who would either get fired because he's too good to be a cop or be corrupted by getting the job [7:57 PM] Me: I've been reading a lot of stories of what happens to "good cops" lately [7:58 PM] Me: and either they get fired for not being terrible or they become terrible [7:58 PM] Me: remember there are no good cops [7:59 PM] friend: well that is going to change soon [7:59 PM] friend: or it better [7:59 PM] Me: no more cops [7:59 PM] Me: abolish cops [7:59 PM] Me: freedom [8:03 PM] Me: oooo he called him eggman [8:03 PM] Me: took me a second to realize that wasn't just his name [8:03 PM] friend: he is eggman in japan and robotnic in america [8:04 PM] Me: I just think of him as Dr Eggman Robotnic [8:04 PM] Me: like bowser is King Bowser Koopa [8:04 PM] Me: Princess Peach Toadstool [8:04 PM] Me: ... I wasn't paying attention did sonic's speed just fail [8:05 PM] Me: *ring get noise* Me: oh no how many of those rings does he have [8:07 PM] Me: like not an infinite amount [8:07 PM] Me: wait [8:07 PM] Me: aren't the pyramids like [8:07 PM] Me: next to a city [8:08 PM] Me: and not in the middle of endless sand [8:08 PM] friend: yeah [8:09 PM] friend: from pictures there does seem to be a lot of sand around them [8:10 PM] Me: its the angle [8:10 PM] Me: the pyramids are like [8:10 PM] Me: inbetween endless sand and a city [8:10 PM] friend: sure [8:10 PM] Me: well he's going Blue Super Sonic [8:10 PM] Me: still not gold/yellow [8:11 PM] friend: well he does need all the chaos emeralds to go gold [8:12 PM] Me: so what is this form called [8:12 PM] Me: canonically [8:12 PM] friend: idk [8:12 PM] Me: blue lightning sonic [8:13 PM] friend: all that comes up is a truck [8:14 PM] Me: try tvtropes [8:17 PM] Me: well they're treating him like a child? I think? [8:17 PM] Me: like they adopted him [8:17 PM] Me: he's flossing and has a racecar bed [8:17 PM] Me: I think he's a child??? [8:18 PM] Me: hye look its eggman [8:18 PM] Me: he's gonna be so pissed when he gets back [8:18 PM] Me: pff stone isn't a human anymore [8:18 PM] Me: I guess the air is breathable [8:18 PM] Me: how does he get fat on msuhroom world [8:19 PM] Me: are the mushrooms edible [8:19 PM] friend: I would hope at least some of them are [8:19 PM] Me: wait why did he shave [8:19 PM] Me: I saw him do it but it's not explained why [8:19 PM] Me: did he get gum in his hair what did I miss [8:20 PM] friend: well if his mustache is any indication his hair might have gotten... idk weird, so he shaved it [8:21 PM] friend: remember end credit scenes [8:21 PM] Me: ah mood [8:21 PM] Me: I'm watching the credits yes [8:21 PM] Me: I mean I feel like shaving my head would feel infinitely weirder so I just buzz it short but mood [8:21 PM] friend: idr if there was a thing at the very end of the credits [8:21 PM] Me: oh here we go some woods TAILS [8:21 PM] Me: NO [8:21 PM] Me: they had to redesign tails [8:21 PM] Me: too [8:21 PM] Me: wait [8:21 PM] Me: uh [8:21 PM] Me: that was [8:21 PM] Me: really fast for tails [8:22 PM] Me: I guess he's not as fast as sonic but he's not supposed to be that fast [8:22 PM] Me: aaand more credits [8:22 PM] friend: well he can be fast in the games [8:23 PM] Me: he was slow in sonic boom cartoon [8:23 PM] Me: maybe???

[neptunecreek]

Thank Laws Supported By AT&T and Comcast for California’s Broadband Monopoly Problem

If you, like a great many Californians, have shopped for high-speed broadband options (in excess of 100 mbps) and found that you always ended up with Comcast, it is because the state’s legislature has failed to promote broadband competition for more than ten years. That reality has resulted in the death of competitive access in many parts of the state with a disproportionate impact on low income residents and rural Californians. With the exception of last year's S.B. 822 (the state’s net neutrality bill) and A.B. 1999 (legislation that made it legal for local governments to build their own ISPs), the big ISPs have gotten exactly what they want out of Sacramento—which is for the state to abandon its residents to broadband monopolies so they can charge monopoly rents.

Take, for example, the debate this year regarding an AT&T and Comcast bill being moved by Assembly Member Lorena Gonzalez (A.B. 1366). Very few lawmakers in the state’s legislature have willingly opposed this bill, which will hurt consumers. The legislation’s premise is in lockstep with the Trump Administration’s FCC agenda to abandon all means of using the law to promote competition policy. The bill maintains a restraint on state and local authority to promote broadband access competition that was originally instituted in 2012 after heavy lobbying by the major ISPs.

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Don’t Let California’s Legislature Extend Broadband Monopolies for Comcast and AT&T

Commissioner Maria Guzman Aceves, a California regulator from the California Public Utilities Commission (CPUC) pleaded with the Senate Utilities Committee earlier this month to block the bill in its most recent hearing (see video below). She cited the fact that millions of Californians face a monopoly market that lacks any semblance of competition. The Commissioner further stated that the lack of access and lack of investment in the broadband infrastructure of California carries serious risks to public safety, as these are essential means for communications during emergencies.

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But, despite all of these facts and the realities on the ground, only three state Senators voted against the bill in committee— Sens. Hill, McGuire, and Wiener. The legislation is now heading for the Senate floor, when session resumes in a month.

Just How Bad is the High-Speed Market in California? Really Bad!

Thanks to help from the Institute for Local Self-Reliance, we have the latest data to show what the future holds if the state decides to do nothing—the outcome of passing A.B. 1366—broken down by Senate district. Literally every California Senate district is facing a monopoly broadband market in high-speed access—with the exception of San Francisco, which has enjoyed the advent of gigabit broadband competition. That is mostly thanks to one small regional ISP called Sonic Fiber, which was recently found to be the country’s fastest ISP.

Competition Maps and Charts based on FCC Form 477 December 2017 v.2, FCC Population and Household Estimates 2017. Assembled by the Institute for Local Self-Reliance for EFF.

Source: FCC Form 477 December 2017 v.2, FCC Population and Household Estimates 2017 

At the end of 2017, the most recent government data showed a vast majority of Californians did not have access to gigabit networks that can be delivered by fiber or another high-speed telecommunications standard, DOCSIS 3.1. 2018’s data is still being compiled by the government, but we know two things that have happened between 2018 and today, and would inform the data.

First, the cable industry has generally converted their systems across the board to DOCSIS 3.1, allowing them to sell broadband download speeds (not uploads) at the gigabit range. That means the percentage of Californians with no access to gigabit networks will drop, but the "one choice" monopoly percentage will grow for 2018—and not the green bar indicating at one competitor.

Second, large competitors are leaving the market, not entering it. AT&T, the only major national ISP in California that can rival Comcast, has abandoned its plans to build fiber to the home. and has started laying off workers that build those fiber networks. If the major national competitor to Comcast is not building infrastructure that will rival DOCSIS 3.1, it means they do not intend to compete with Comcast. Rather, what we have seen from AT&T is an intent to invest in their wireless products and promote (albeit falsely at times) 5G wireless access. Despite AT&T’s efforts to argue otherwise, wireless has never, nor ever will be, competitive with wireline services in the broadband market when it comes to capacity, reliability, and speeds. Choosing not to compete would normally prompt a regulatory and policy response. But if ISPs can strip the state regulator and local governments of their authority to promote competition, as envisioned under A.B. 1366, then they do not have to worry about any response, since the FCC also abandoned its authority in this area in 2017.

Our future does not have to look like this. Right now, each Californian has a chance not only to tell their state Senator to vote NO on A.B. 1366, but also to demand that lawmakers start doing their jobs and promote universal, competitive, and affordable access to 21st century broadband infrastructure. It is long past time the California legislature realized it has been too deferential to the incumbent ISPs, and their constituents are suffering monopoly rents today due to their unwillingness to act.

Rather than renew a law crafted by AT&T and Comcast —and handed to a willing legislator in Assembly Member Lorena Gonzalez—it is about time they start looking at states that are skyrocketing past California when it comes to broadband access. In Utah, people have a dozen choices in gigabit fiber broadband. North Dakota now has a staggering 60 percent of its homes connected to fiber networks, despite being a very rural state. New York retained its authority and expert state regulator over broadband, and was going to literally kick out their cable company for failing to deliver to its residents—forcing the ISP to invest in the state and upgrade its facilities as part of its settlement. California leaders can also learn from the EU, which adopted a gigabit-for-all plan years ago, or the advanced Asian markets that long ago surpassed the United States. The point is, doing nothing and passing a law that makes doing nothing the mandate of the state only favors the incumbents. That is why they wrote the legislation. The only result of renewing this law, via A.B. 1366, is that a vast majority of Californians will remain stuck with Comcast as their only choice for a very long time.

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[nofomoartworld]

GAMERZ: Digital tech ‘degenerated’ by craft and kludge

Trailer for the 12th edition of the GAMERZ festival

I’ve attended a fair number of editions of the GAMERZ festival over the years. The event seems to have found a formula that works, developed a personality of its own while always bringing to light new artists, perspectives and ideas that surprise me. Some of the performances are a bit mad and frenzied, a bit raw and totally at odds with the sleek and efficient aesthetics and atmosphere of many other media art festivals. And that’s why GAMERZ remains one of my favourite art appointment of the year.

Under its laid-back guise, GAMERZ is also sharp and subversive. It uses games, interactions and sounds as vehicles to observe a society re-shaped by technology and a technology challenged by artists and hackers.

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert performance at GAMERZ. Photo by Luce Moreau

Yann Leguay, Stück für Stöcke

This year, the festival was organized around two fairly different themes. Simulated Universe, curated by Ewen Chardronnet and D. Générer, curated by Quentin Destieu.

Today, I’m going to focus on D. Générer, an exhibition and series of performances that explored the aesthetic peculiar to the kind of “digital” artworks that is guided by craft, kludge and a rowdy DIY spirit. These works are (de)generated by the touch of the human hand. They don’t have the efficient and polished aesthetic of design products, but they have soul, vigor and warmth.

“Researchers an theoreticians have already demonstrated the role of art & science-inspired aesthetics in the service of innovation and industry,” Destieu writes. “But they tend to underestimate the alternative and subversive aesthetic potential of these artistic forms, reducing them to default prototyping. Contrary to American historian Fred Turner’s dearest « makers » movement, in which innovating prototypes are to be eventually re-designed to be mass-made and sold, artists claim a different end to their works.”

Each work selected for the show champions an ‘alternative’ aesthetic that values the glitches of the process and the imperfection of technology. Perhaps even more interestingly, these works present themselves as a kind of anti-Apple squad, they open up their guts and show the mechanisms that brings them to life. By doing so, they suggest that there is an alternative to our passive-impassive consumer attitude and that now has come the time to reconnect with the objects that surround us (no matter how high-tech or low-tech they are) and make them our own:

A quick look at some of the artworks:

Yann Leguay, Arnaud Rivière and Jérôme Fino, DIRECT OUT. Sound experiments in the streets of Mulhouse (France) during the Météo music festival

Arnaud Rivière, DIRECT OUT

Direct Out takes sound creation and sound distribution outside of the concert halls, galleries and other traditional venues for music. The artists behind the work, Yann Leguay, Arnaud Rivière and Jérôme Fino, DIYed their own instruments by repurposing existing gadgets and materials. They then walked around the city looking for street furniture, trees and objects that would make their autonomous modules beep, buzz and resonate. By hooking up onto existing infrastructure, the small devices adopt a parasitic behaviour but they do so while remaining low-key and unobtrusive. They never not attempt to compete with the existing soundscape. Instead, they quietly capture and reveal the untapped energy and confidential vibrations of the urban environment.

If you read french, poptronic has a great write-up of the work.

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Yann Leguay, Stück für Stöcke

Yann Leguay, Stück für Stöcke

With Stück für Stöcke, Yann Leguay replaced with a piece of wood the tablets and phones held by game players in youtube videos. All that remains is the player’s finger gestures. The removal of the usual visual references reminds us of that interfaces are of little use without our own movements. Something that has always been clear to a tech industry obsessed with identifying every single gesture that can be patented and monetized.

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert, Scratchette demo 2016

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert, Scratchette. Photo by Luce Moreau

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert, Scratchette. Photo by Luce Moreau

Scratchettes! The kind of work that cheers me up!

Since 1999, Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert has been subverting, dissecting and transforming audio tapes, tape-recorders and other ‘old school’ devices into nifty little music machines. His instruments are as bizarre and charming as a ‘turntable’ for cassette tapes, a music sex toy vibrator or a Walkman on wheels. It’s about hacking, creating new sounds with old ones, but also about giving new life and purposes to bits and pieces of metal and plastic that could otherwise have been discarded:

“We’re not obliged to stay abreast with the new developments that big industries thrust on us,” he told Motherboard. “We can transform what already exists so that we can live a new experience.”

Tapetronic DJing his tape settings during GAMERZ. The most important part of his noisemaking art is not so much the K7 itself but the magnetic fields that can be scratched like vinyl:

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert performance at GAMERZ. Photo by Luce Moreau

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert performance at GAMERZ. Photo by Luce Moreau

Tapetronic aka Alexis Malbert performance at GAMERZ. Photo by Luce Moreau

I think i need to warn you about what comes next. It’s Windows 93 and it’s wild!

Windows 93 at GAMERZ festival. Photo by Luce Moreau

Windows 93 at GAMERZ festival. Photo by Luce Moreau

Windows 93 at GAMERZ festival. Photo by Luce Moreau

Artists Jankenpopp and Zombectro‘s spoof project imagines what could have happened if Microsoft hadn’t skipped a step between Windows 3.X and Windows 95.

The Moss and Roy of French art made a rather convincing parody of an early version of Windows, complete with a 8-bit version of Solitaire called Solitude, silly silly keyboard music, a cat explorer, songs for potatoes, a bit of always on trend GIFs, and icons you’re not sure you should be clicking on.

The speed is not what i would call optimal and as i wrote above, it’s proper bonkers. But also very clever and hilarious, even if you’re everything but a geek and you might not get all the references and innuendos

For the GAMERZ festival, the artists gave a 3rd dimension to their hallucinating pixelated online world and turned it into an installation that takes the form of ’90s cyber-café. It was interesting to watch people sit down and play with the operating system. What i found most curious was that it seemed to appeal to children, teenagers and middle age guys. Some stayed there for the nostalgia factor, others might have been attracted by the (intentional) dysfunctions refreshingly at odds with everything that is meant to make today’s mainstream ‘user experience’ seamless and pleasant.

Benjamin Gaulon, ReFunct Modular. Photo by Luce Moreau for GAMERZ

Benjamin Gaulon, ReFunct Modular. Photo by Luce Moreau for GAMERZ

Benjamin Gaulon, ReFunct Modular. Photo by Luce Moreau for GAMERZ

Refunct Modular is a wall-mounted version of Benjamin Gaulon’s ReFunct Media project. It uses a set of modules, each one connecting to the next using custom made connectors, they share power (5 and 12v), audio signal, video signal and spare lines for misc connections.

The sculpture hacks and repurposes discarded electronic devices, both digital and analogue, combining them into a complex chain of interconnected elements. The possible configurations and appearances of the final sculptures seem to be limited only the artist’s impulses and imagination.

ReFunct Modular doesn’t pretend to be an answer to the questions raised by e-waste, planned obsolescence and lack of sustainable design strategies. Rather, as an installation it experiments and explores unchallenged possibilities of ‘obsolete’ electronic and digital media technologies and our relationship with technologies and consumption.

Benjamin Gaulon, KindleGlitched*. Photo by Luce Moreau for GAMERZ

Benjamin Gaulon, KindleGlitched*. Photo by Luce Moreau for GAMERZ

KindleGlitched* is a work that explores the (so far grossly neglected) aesthetics of Planned Obsolescence. The work is a series of glitched kindles donated, found or bought on eBay. They have stopped working and would have ended up on a dump somewhere in Ghana if the artist hadn’t seen their singular beauty, signed them and sold them on Amazon as an insolent gesture of Retail Poisoning.

Reso-nance Numérique, Chimères Orchestra at GAMERZ festival

Reso-nance Numérique, Chimères Orchestra. Photo by Luce Moreau

Reso-nance Numérique, Chimères Orchestra. Photo by Luce Moreau

Chimères Orchestra are drummer-robots that hook onto urban structures. The metallic creatures play with the sonic capabilities of the built environment by drumming onto them with their little legs. The work is playful but also a bit mysterious and worrying. The creatures live above your head, dance with a mind that seems to be their own and seem to combine traditional percussion with coding mechanic with surprising ease. If simple machines can already exploit our architectures and music traditions now, imagine how robots will surpass and humble human creativity in the near future!

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