#considering literally yesterday (or day b4 time hard) I was talking to my mom about autism stuff

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

TW CW Body Horror (I think that’s what this is but unsure)

Had one of those nightmares that has (mostly) obvious meanings last night & I can’t stop thinking about how the way my brain decided to convey the message(s) was by being as gross as possible. Like warning this parts absolutely gross & I hate my brain for doing this. It’s a bit hazy now since I’ve woken up & there was several parts to the dream that mixed together & separate dreams that overlapped & w/ probably slightly different messages I have yet to analyze. But like, so I got sick right? Except it was like the most disgusting possible thing where I had like, a few lumps & holes in my body, & one specific one as I messed w/ it since I discovered it & was like what the actual fuck is this so it started like emitting/spitting out?? Like the lumps started coming out as weird white goop & the hole got bigger it was probably the most disgusting dream I’ve ever had. But so anyway I go to my mom talking about this obviously very concerning symptom. & she blows it off as oh that’s fine, it’s just like that sometimes. It’s probably nothing. You’re being over dramatic. & I think iirc I was thinking it was something specific? Can’t quite recall but I think she tried to say it was either a symptom of covid or I was saying it was & she was using it as a way to write it off I think? & then online there was ppl talking abt the exact thing I had & going hey this is really dangerous actually & smth about “it’s a disease!!” & no matter how much I was like hey this is obviously a concern & I need to something about this, I need help etc. my mom just continued w/ the “it’s fine. It’s nothing. That’s how it is for everyone.” Etc etc to where I just had like an entire meltdown screaming abt “why won’t you just listen to me?” & her reaction was basically just the :/ face it was weird. Meanwhile I was having to deal w/ dnd stuff, namely I woke up late I think? Or I was having tech issues? & I was talking to the dm about random fun stuff right before game & as it went on they were like “ok now I’m just encouraging your messaging habits lol” since they were also having fun talking & therefore contributing to me talking about infinite things lmfao. Except I wasn’t procrastinating/avoiding the game I think? Or I just prepped late on accident idk. Anyway I replied “no it won’t open” (the dnd site we use) bc of that. & I think there was also something about campaign issues but that part hazed out. There was also some other dreams like one where me & my dad went out to like this tiny mall shopping, & I kept seeing random jigglypuff things & then couldn’t decide between drinks to get so I got both & then while still at checkout I saw a silly lil sonic thingy as a real hedgehog that was knitted, & I wanted it except I was starting to realize “oh no I’m playing into my impulsiveness. I need to have more self control. But also...” & thinking abt how checkouts are literally built on last minute impulse purchases like candy but ya. Still fucked up about that gross part.