#connor is very sad

[gunstellations]

confessions

[k0libra]

I went to my first ever pride event today… feeling very emotional, because I find it so hard to believe that now I live in a place, where you can just be! Live and love whoever you want. I’m just so happy….

Have these fine gentlemen, I wish them a very good pride month. And everyone, happy pride, too!

Under the cut you can find a version without the magazine layout + a link to an artwork that inspired this piece (I go absolutely insane for their work)

*looks at the artwork by Saya*

*starts to cry*

[lionofstone]

my spotify wrapped this year is both funny & sad to me bc usually my wrapped is Overtaken by the playlist for whatever project i’m writing that year, but this year i wasn’t working on anything new :0!! bodyshare came out obviously but the writing part had already been done so i wasn’t listening to playlist as much & i didn’t start writing anything new until literally like three days ago lmao. so this year instead of it being a nice little record of what i’d been writing it’s like “remember. You Are A Pop Music Fan. also have like seven frank turner songs and some mcr.”

[dramas-vs-novels]

What is your favorite sex scene in Love Sand? Can you do an exceept??

Ooo...

My favorite is one that probably would be bad for excerpts, because it's actually a SA scene.

Before you think I'm a psycho, hear me out:

Khom falls in love with Conner, constantly fighting against this insecurity eating away at his mind that he's just a slut. Connor asks Khom to come back to Bangkok with him, Khom is absolutely elated, then Connor says Khom would be his personal whore (well, not exactly, but basically the deal Tongrak offers Mahasamut, except Khom would live separately).

Khom's world shatters, he runs away, Connor leaves, and Khom is severely beaten and outed as gay to the island, while the locals just watch him get beaten half to death.

Khom wakes in Mahasamut's shack, is terrified of how his parents will treat him, and flees to college. But he is still terrified, all the stress plus people just watching what happened, it drives him crazy. He's terrified of his own phone, of footsteps in the hall, etc.

He thinks at least getting past Connor will help, so he joins basically Grindr, meets a dude who is nothing like his profile picture, and is nearly assaulted before Connor shows up, hauls him to a room, and then they have extremely rough sex with extremely dubious consent bc Khom agrees to be his whore and no longer believes he has any right to consent or not.

The next day, he's exhausted, in pain mentally and physically, makes the trip to Bangkok, is left alone as Connor rushes to work at dawn after they arrive, and neither eats nor properly sleeps for at that point 2 full days. He also doesn't believe he has any right to anything he isn't directly and expressly given. So Khom doesn't bathe, doesn't eat, doesn't touch the TV or grab a blanket. He only curls up on the couch where Connor told him he could sit and lays there all day, crying.

The whole situation kind of gnaws at Connor all day. He can see Khom is much thinner than before, and there is a hollowness in his eyes. When he gets home and finds Khom curled up in a ball in the dark, he realizes Khom hasn't eaten or slept. And he knows it's in part because of his words before, how his Sugar Daddy offer was construed. Connor can see that Khom is falling apart mentally and physically, and feels extreme guilt.

He intends to spoil Khom as much as he can, heal his psyche, and clarify that he never thought of Khom as a whore or a possession. He had a place arranged for Khom (by Tongrak) in a university to help respect his desire for an education, wanted him to have his own space that was his alone (so a dorm was arranged), and basically Connor wanted to bring him to Bangkok so they could date.

But he fucked up on the island with the way he proposed the arrangement, and how that crashed into his and Khom's darker sexual dynamic, how Khom was internalizing his dirty talk instead of considering it just part of the sex acts.

Connor takes Khom out for a big dinner, buys him food (he already explained Khom has a right to anything in his home, including food, but he wants to give Khom food directly too so Khom sees it as 'his').

He also intends to explain, once Khom has a chance to actually sleep, what he really meant by the deal and that he doesn't see Khom as a sex toy.

But when they get back from dinner, he hands Khom a wad of cash (The intention is to give Khom some freedom to travel around Bangkok and explore the city, go to museums, cafes, etc.).

But giving Khom that cash only makes Khom think that is Connor paying him for his body.

So Khom forces himself to walk to Connor's room, strips, and even though his body is still in pain from the night Connor found him at the hotel, he chokes back a sob and tells Connor to get his money's worth.

Connor is horrified, but Khom won't listen to his explanations and keeps cutting off his attempts to speak. It makes Connor feel like some disgusting asshole, and makes Khom feel like worthless trash as he repeatedly begs Connor to use him until he feels like he has his money's worth.

Eventually, Connor loses his patience and forces Khom to roughly finger himself, even though Khom is so exhausted and sad and broken that he can't get hard.

Connor forces a TOE into Khom, and the pain does work (Khom is a masochist, make no mistake). Then, Connor starts roughly fingering Khom, Khom breaks down sobbing and tries to escape, but Connor forces him along until he cums. Connor is disgusted with himself throughout the whole thing. He punches the pillow next to Khom's head while Khom keeps sobbing, and leaves him there on stained sheets all night.

Connor is furious with himself for doing that to Khom and still failing to explain himself for every misunderstanding, and Khom is thoroughly broken after that. For Khom, the sobbing was because of the disgust in Connor's eyes. It was self-loathing, but Khom thinks it was directed at him. And for Connor, he is still disgusted with himself the next day and how he made Khom cry so horribly.

Khom already feels like he has no home because of his parents finding out he's gay (Mahasamut is smoothing things over on the island, not that Khom knows bc boy won't answer calls), and he both feels like he is dying being near Connor, and like he can't survive without Connor. He is absolutely terrified of being thrown out on the street.

So the scene is a complete shattering of Khom, and after that Connor is absolutely determined to fix things and be a better person. He makes sure Khom has more and more agency, brings him anything he could ever want (Khom was a wicked sweet tooth), and spends a month refusing to touch Khom sexually. In general, he won't touch Khom without direct permission, and always makes it very clear that Khom has the right to say no.

But that night is still very much a trauma for Khom, and Connor is still terrified of seeing that sadness in Khom's eyes. So he doesn't explain himself still. He decides he will show his sincerity through action (he does eventually explain everything).

And when they do have sex again, even though Khom is a masochist and by then really very ready for the rough and wonderfully painful sex they both love (Khom often refers to it in the novel as being a thrilling kind of violent), Connor is only agonizingly gentle and sweet to him. The softest vanilla sex he can possibly give Khom.

But I really love the darkness of the scene on the bed because of how many layers of things are happening to each of them psychologically, and how Khom is absolutely shattering mentally and emotionally.

It is such a well written scene, even with the horrible stuff happening, and sets it up for the back half of the story being Connor trying to pull the pieces of Khom back together and own up to the shit he's caused. A lot of the techniques Connor employs are ones you're supposed to use to help people recovered from captivity or abuse, and it was interesting to see that as part of rebuilding Khom.

So just because I don't think I've ever seen so much meaning and character development put into a scene, even though it breaks your heart, it's my favorite.

[crow-talks-hockey]

good morning beloveds. i spent most the time before i opened my eyes internally wrestling with myself and trying to comprehend that last night did in fact happen and i am still miserable. in my mind i'm sending all of you the lb and all the oilers hugs. we shouldn't have had to go through that fr 😕❤️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[itsalwaysdark]

sry for posting so much im like introspective or something

[tricoufamily]

judith has always had such an awful, fraught relationship with connor and jeremiah is her golden child, yet jeremiah has been a man to her since he was like fifteen where connor will always be a boy. they should all go to therapy probably

[themyscirah]

This may be a comic fan red flag to some but I have to say I genuinely do love Chuck Dixon's Ollie. Like yeah whenever I start thinking about it too hard I get pissed off about it and the way it goes against previous characterizations and important character beats presented in the same book etc etc but like by god is it funny. Like I'm sorry Ollie diehards I love him too but him calling Connor a bastard is probably a top 10 moment for me personally. I really do love it sm. Absolutely amazing, no notes, hypocrisy at its finest. V much like gee I wonder Ollie. Who's fault could that possibly be.

[thefabelmans2022]

i have two connor roy playlists, one is called "connor roy playlist" the other is called "connor roy playlist but sad".

[suddenrundown]

me reading one salt sea: oh my god connor go away

connor: *fucking dies*

me: oh no im--that’s not what i meant

[theonewhosnameshantbesaid]

its a sad reality :'(

Always the writer, never the reader.

[saggytitty464]

My dad hasn’t called me in almost 2 months…

[leclercari]

connor having ptsd over his wedding cake. connor finding out dead last that his father died, while they are literally at his wedding. connor’s very first instinct reaction being ‘he never even liked me’. connor knowing he has to be sad but also knowing his father gave him nothing. he has nothing to grieve. he’s empty. none of them even considered asking him to come say goodbye. he’s irrelevant. they are at his wedding. connor comforting his sister. connor not getting to be the supportive big brother. or the first son. he never was. connor asking the one person who actually has the power to hurt him by leaving if she’s only around for the money. she is honest with him. someone is finally honest with him. he marries her in front of no one. it’s not for show. it’s not for his father. it’s for connor and connor alone.

[snekdood]

lmao???

this quiz sorts through characters from like dozens of fandoms and finds the one you’re most like. I’m not even a little bit surprised by my result

[androidetwink]

From my point of view, the game leaves many clues that Connor is a deviant. In the scene where he is with Hank in the park, when he gets out of the car and walks towards the lieutenant, even though he can't feel the cold, what is the need for him to curl up in on himself for protection? from the cold and snow? It is a scene that can go unnoticed, but I feel that it is very symbolic.

The same thing happens in the scene where Hank asks him if he's afraid of death. If you choose the option where he is honest and admits his fear of deactivation, you will be able to see the traces of vulnerability in his features, as well as how he moves his eyes nervously and draws his eyebrows together.

The look he gives Hank leaves a lot to say; a vulnerable and sad trait. While it clearly hasn't gone missing yet, there are plenty of details in the game that give a clue.

There are also deleted scenes where they show it more clearly. It's a shame the creator removed it from the final game. Connor's characterization is impressive, and yet I was left wanting to see more of him.