#connie standing far left between the candles

[suchamiracle-does-exist]

Paul Körner within the audience applauding Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld for the lecture in Gesetze der Liebe: “Tragödie eines Homosexuellen” (1927, dir. Magnus Hirschfeld. Film scenes taken from Anders als die Andern, 1919, dir. Richard Oswald)

[oneofthosesimps]

Freak like Me

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 6230

summary: as soon as the reader enters levi's life, something changes in him. reader's madness spills over and he slowly changes

warnings: mention of blood (not yours), rough sex, dirtytalk, daddy kink, swearing, dom x dom, fight scene

authors note: although i wanted to write shorter stories again, this one somehow got longer again. i tried my hand at an action scene, but i still have to practice a lot. somehow i had strong harley x joker vibes and they had to come out, sorry.

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Lensar on DeviantArt

-----

Your gaze falls into the depths of the forest before you close your eyes. Bright rays of sunlight fall through the branches above you and warm your face. You hear birds chirping around you, the crackling of the wood beneath you, the rustling of leaves swirling in a gust of wind. You breathe deeply as your open hair blows back. You hear your heart beating quietly in your chest as the silence embraces you like an old friend. What does freedom mean? What does life mean? You are sure that this is pretty close to the source. The people behind the wall, who go about their lives every day hoping to see the next day, would never get to see this world. Especially not the people you left behind in the underground.

A grin plays around your lips as you hear the hissing far off in the distance. The trees groan behind you under the force with which the hooks bore into their bark. That took a long time, you think to yourself, as ropes speed past you. You hear the chatter and shouts of your comrades in fragments, shattering the silence around you. Blurred faces shoot past you one after the other.

You spread your arms and stretch them away from you. One last deep breath fills your lungs before you hold your breath. Slowly your body falls backwards before you lose your footing beneath you and plunge headlong into the depths. The air hisses loudly past your ears, your body spins around itself. You are weightless, the green blurs around you before your whole body is pressed full force into your harness and you are yanked back up. You hear the gas sweep around you as you fly through the air, trailing the others. Your hooks bore further away into the trunk of a thick, old tree. You take momentum, flying high into the treetops, letting the ropes come back to you. Unsecured, you fall through space. Your body does a backward roll, allowing you to observe the forest floor for a brief moment. The moss nestles around the roots of the trees, single brown leaves cover the forest path, bodies move forward beneath you, you can still see a squirrel quickly making its way to safety before your body returns to its normal position and you dig your hooks into a tree again. You zip between the trees, your cape flying behind you, your face brushing some branches that bore into your tender skin. You hear the pop of a cannon being fired and see red smoke in the sky northwest of you.

Immediately you change direction, sprinting forward, leaving behind other cadets who still haven't processed what is happening. Arriving in a clearing, you find your place on a thick branch high above. Further in the distance, you see the shaking of trees, the earth shaking slightly, making the grass dance on the ground. You hear heavy footsteps, still moving slowly.

The branch below you moves and you look to your right. Silver eyes stare at you from beneath tousled black hair, eyeing your small body.

"You really do have to keep pushing forward." You hear more bodies land on the trees behind you and the wood weighs down slightly. The rest of your squad waits for instruction from your captain.

"I guess this is why I'll never get my own Squad, sir."

You turn your gaze back to the direction the titan is coming at you from and grin.

"What do you think, fifteen seconds?"

"Mmm, more like ten," Levi guesses, and the tremor intensifies. A huge hand grips around a tree trunk, pulling out from between the trees, and big eyes stare at you. Nearly ten-metres high, abnormal.

"Let's see what you can do then, humanity's strongest soldier." He snorts and rolls his eyes before his whole body moves forward with a jerk. He pulls his swords from their holsters and places them close to his body. With an ease and without the titan even noticing him, he cuts a chunk out of his neck. Before Levi even gets back beside you, the giant falls to the ground and starts to steam.

That wasn't even seven. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, the blood on his face slowly disappears and he looks at you. A small smirk curls his lips, "Brat."

You snort and slam your fist against his shoulder.

Special.

That's the word everyone would use to describe your relationship.

Special.

The first time Levi laid his eyes on you, when he saw you among all the new, shitty cadets, his foot hit your stomach area shortly after. You lacked respect and you lacked punctuality and discipline too. Another pile of shit he had to deal with - or work on until it headed home in tears.

The day after that, he hit your face with his fist. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, panting, you looked up at him. Wiping blood from your lips, you grinned at him and looked at him with wide eyes, your pupils exploding. "That's all you got, sir." Just as he was about to grit his teeth and lunge with his foot to beat the living daylights out of you, Hange stopped him. He tore himself away from her and knelt down to you, looking at you with dead eyes, "I'm going to make your fucking life a living hell." Your tongue licked over your lower lip, wiping away the remaining blood and your grin widened, "Try me."

He kept his word, always picking you out, giving you more tasks, making you run round after round, cleaning the whole headquarters, beating up your little body several times, but to his displeasure you did it all flawlessly. Yes, you lacked respect and also punctuality and discipline, but your performance was amazing, almost close to his. And when he finally saw the potential in you that Erwin had been talking about all along, it suddenly stopped - he left you alone, saw you with different eyes. Something changed in him, as if a plug had been pulled. You watched each other across the field during training, in mess hall at dinner, every spare minute your eyes spent on each other and gradually butterflies crept into the pit of your stomach. And you had the feeling that behind the cold silver there was something deep and dark that you wanted to bring to the surface. Your exchanges were still kept to a minimum, however, until there was another bang.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you snort, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, brat?" You roll your eyes and stare at him just as coldly as it hits you. The temperature in the room drops noticeably and the others at the table hold their breath. No one dares to say anything. No one would dare say anything. The moonlight from outside shines in, the candles in the room flicker slightly and trace sharp edges on your faces.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you repeat louder, "Better, sir?"

Levi's eyes blaze and he stares at you. His eyebrows draw together, the corners of his mouth drop. You see Armin open his mouth speechlessly to your right.

Your hairs stand up, the electricity rises and you bite your lower lip, grinning.

"You doubt my plan?" says Levi low and monotone. Jean's hand lands on your shoulder and he grips it, pressing you into your seat to save you from your own stupidity, but it wasn't you who was stupid, it was the whole plan Levi had just explained to you.

"Not only do I doubt it, but I also have a better one," your grin widens as Levi's liquid silver darkens. "Let me fight on the front lines. Mikasa is good, but I'm better".

"For that, you're an incorrigible little bitch who won't listen to my orders".

"Yes, because my plans usually make more sense".

"You're not ready for that. Your cluelessness only makes you run from one titan to another. That statement alone shows me how small your brain is if you're not even aware of it and now shut your mouth."

Jean's grip tightens, but you just push his hand away from you. After your next blink, your heart jumps a tiny bit as you see Levi's annoyed face. He is always good at holding back his anger and it never shows. In fact, he almost never shows any emotion, but you see right through him. He has it bubbling up inside him. Never contradicts him and if he does, the person suffers a thousand deaths afterwards. But between you it is somehow different, tingling. It gives you the greatest pleasure to see him like this and you know, deep inside him, a voice is telling him that he enjoys it too. Others would describe you as crazy and full of the courage to live, but that's what makes it all so appealing.

"Maybe we can find a compromise?" suggests Armin and you see the sweat on his brow as he almost shits himself at the words. You roll your eyes and look back at Levi.

"I thought you wanted to make my life hell. So that's a good start," you remind him of the first words he ever said to you.

"Your plans are bullshit. If I let you keep fighting up front, you'll probably get yourself killed by your insanity, " he growls, almost at his limit. But only almost.

You lean over slightly, look at him, smile slightly, grin, bite your lip again, breathe, "I have a feeling you like this madness, Levi."

He tenses slightly, draws his eyebrows together again as his name passes your lips. Connie coughs and tries to draw attention to himself, but everyone ignores him. It seems like everyone is in a state of shock because you simply addressed him by his first name. Everyone watches spellbound as you literally eye-fuck each other. Do they like the show? Almost at his limit.

"Tch, what did you just call me, brat?" his voice gets louder and his hands form into fists. You lean back in your chair again and look at him, bored.

"Oh, I didn't know you had such bad hearing. Don't you like Levi? That's your name, isn't it? Do you prefer Sir? Or Captain? Or maybe," your eyes looked up at him, burning into him, "Daddy?" At his limit. Pathetic.

A deep dark sound comes from his throat and the others hold their breath again. His whole posture grows stronger and wider. You see the muscles working under his clothes, see veins popping on his hand and you feel butterflies in your stomach. His eyes are black. You all sit like that for a few seconds. You watch his gestures and his face change emotions. Without warning, his right hand hits the table flat, "Fuck off."

The sound cuts through the silence and the weaklings among you flinch. Confused, no one moves, while your eyes do not leave each other's. Armin is about to open his mouth and Jean is about to put his hand on your shoulder again when Levi stands up with a jerk, his chair tipping backwards and hitting the wooden floor with a thud.

"I said fuck off," he roars, looking around with a death glare.

Chairs squeak, footsteps run across the wooden floor, making it creak.

"What have you done now?" whispers Jean in your ear and you give him a look before he walks behind the others and the door closes.

The scene stops again and you stare at Levi. Both hands flat on the table in front of him, leaning on his arms and looking down, he stands there. You can no longer see his eyes as his long black strands fall into his face, but you notice his tense jaw. Your heart leaps again. He was so handsome. Especially when he was angry. Finally, you break the silence.

"Great, now you've scared everyone," you sigh and roll your eyes.

"What are you doing?", Levi hisses back at you, spitting venom and bile, finally raising his head. His eyes blaze again and your core drips.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know your place, so start acting like it, you piece of shit."

"I wish my place was naked in front of you." Before Levi has taken in what you've said, you stand up, pushing the chair back a little as you do so, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep too. The day was exhausting and I need to rest to be fit for the expedition. So, I can sit my ass off nicely in midfield."

You turn away from him and your heart slips slightly into your pants. Never turn your back on the enemy. "But of course, it makes much more sense for Mikasa to fight in front and me in the back. Makes sense."

You can take two steps as his hand wraps firmly around your wrist. He squeezes too tightly, hurting you, and you grin again.

"Repeat what you said." His voice is so low it sends a shiver down your spine. Your expression changes and, playfully annoyed, you turn to face him.

"Do you mean the part where I explained that I was going to sit my ass off." He growls and you almost groan. The tension was heavy and hot.

"Stop playing games. My patience is running out."

You lick your lower lip again, wetting it before biting down on it. "I know this isn't about the fucking mission," Levi looks at your mouth. You take a step closer to him, looking up at him from below. "I wish my place was naked in front of you, Daddy," you breathe.

In that split second, his lips land on yours. Two forces of nature collide and you almost topple backwards. His arm wraps tightly around your waist, pulling you against him, and you finally moan. He bites your lower lip hard and you open your mouth in pain. He takes the opportunity to dig his tongue deep between your lips. He presses himself against your body and you slam into the wall behind you. A pain runs through your head as your tongues circle each other, fighting to see who has the upper hand. Your hands go into his hair, reaching deep into his mane, and you pull his head closer to you. Big hands grip your waist and he lifts you up with ease so you can wrap your legs around him. His hands travel under your thighs, squeezing the flesh before he drills them into the fat of your ass. Your teeth collide as you drill your tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring his mouth cavity. He releases the kiss and a thread of spit connects you. You lay your head back and lick over your swollen, sore lips as he places his mouth on your vein, kissing your pulse before licking along it.

"Took you long enough to finally decide to fuck me."

"Shut your mouth, brat," he breathes against your neck before biting into it and sucking on it.

"I swear, if you leave hickeys ..." you groan.

"What then? Are you going to hit me with your little fists?"

"You mean like you did to me all those times? Nah, I'm not an asshole like you. But you probably secretly get off on it."

He bites your neck, just above your pulse, and your head slams back against the wall behind you, making you see stars. He smirks as his nails dig into you and you claw into his shirt. Your panties are completely wet and your juice leaks out of you incessantly. You moan loudly as his teeth dig deeper into your flesh. This was far too good to be true. Your left hand goes into his hair again, you pull at the strands and tear him away from you. He makes a face and you press your lips to his again, biting his lower lip until you taste blood. He gasps and pushes your head away from him, "You're crazy."

You grin broadly at him. "We've been over this," you lick his lower lip apologetically, "and I can see you like it." His gaze is on your face as you wrap your arms around him. "You like crazy, you will stick your dick in crazy." A dark sound escapes him and your nails run over his neck. "You can't even argue with me, you want to fuck this crazy bitch so badly."

His lips land on yours again and you grin against him before moaning into his mouth as he presses you tighter against the wall. His hands leave your ass, skimming up the sides of your waist before moving forward to your chest. Two of his fingers find their way along between the buttons, stroking the sensitive skin. Your belly grows warm with the butterflies inside him. You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and run your hand under the fabric of his shirt at the nape of his neck, running it over the muscles of his shoulders and it shakes you with pleasure.

His strong hands grip the fabric of your blouse and without warning, he rips the front apart, sending the buttons flying across the room. You bite your lip as his arms fall around your waist to hold you in place. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on my blouse," you moan as he kisses the bulge above your right collarbone and licks along it.

"Would you rather I took it out on you?" he murmurs as he bites into that thin skin too, sucking on it and sure to leave a hickey.

"Yes, I don't know you any different."

He continues to lick forward, kissing the ridge at the end of your neck, licking over a mole at the beginning of the mound of your breast. His right hand comes away from your waist, grips your left breast and kneads it. You claw into his shoulders, leaving marks as he pushes the cup off it and you feel his hand skin on skin. Almost painfully, he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger and you push your back through, coming to meet him.

"Mmm, you like that?" he murmurs and you can hear his grin.

"I never thought you'd be this good at it," you mock, before you make a grimace and groan. Pain runs through you as he bites down on your nipple and then his lips wrap around it and he sucks on it. The sensation extends to your fingertips and your toes, coursing through your whole body. You close your eyes, savouring and moaning his name as he bites into it again. He sucks harder on it, lifting his head slightly and releasing it with a plop. He circles your nipple with his tongue and licks it slowly and pleasurably. The knot in your stomach tightens and your head is fogged.

"More," you moan into the room. You tug at the piece of fabric covering him and press your core tighter against him.

"Don't be so impatient, idiot."

"I'm not impatient, you're just slow."

He pulls your whole body down a bit, pressing his bulge into your centre. You curse because the fabric between you is annoying and rub against him greedily.

"Slowly then?" he purrs against your ear and comes towards you, rubbing against you too, "I'll keep that in mind." He grips you again and lifts you away from the wall. You let yourself fall against him and moan against his neck, licking it as you continue to try and build pressure.

Shortly after, your bottom touches the table and he releases your weight. You seize the opportunity and do the same to him, yanking him out of his shirt.

"Tch, but I'm venting my anger," he leans over you, capturing your lips again. Immediately your tongues meet. Greedily your fingers touch his body, stroking his soft skin beneath your fingers, feeling individual scars over, which you let your thumb wander. You caress each and every muscle and gape at his well-built body. He surpasses every single one of your fantasies that you imagined while he was training or just cleaning. You follow his muscles down to the V of his pelvis and a deep moan comes over him as you undo the buckle of his belt. His hands also find their way to your trousers, undoing them, and he releases the kiss. He goes to the floor, kneels in front of the table where you are still sitting and looks up at you. Slowly he takes off your boots without taking his eyes off you. You watch him spellbound, a grin falling on your lips again. He pulls at your trouser legs and you lift your bottom, helping a little so that he can brush the fabric off your legs.

His hands run over your feet and you shake yourself slightly before he kisses them.

"Mmm," you moan, "I could see you like this more often, Captain." You bite your lower lip as his hands slide along your legs. Again, and again his lip or tongue hits your skin, caressing it and you are sure you would leave a stain on the neatly cleaned table. At the latest, when his lips lick the insides of your thighs, your hands clasp the edge of the table. You groan and your right hand goes into his hair, claws into it. His hands settle on your legs, pushing them apart, and his warm breath touches your core. He looks at the dark fabric separating his face from your lower lips and licks his lips. How will you taste? There is a distinct stain, your juice colours the fabric a shade blacker and his hard cock presses against his still closed trousers. He draws in the air around him and he groans. You smell so incredibly good, how much he'd like to taste you. How much he would like to fuck you.

When you notice his fingers gently stroking your pussy and he grips the fabric to pull it aside, you moan again and pull on his head.

Painfully he is pulled back and you close your legs.

"What are you doing, idiot?" he gasps in annoyance, his face contorting at the sting.

"I don't feel like playing this time," you murmur, grinning. "My patience is wearing thin," you repeat his words from earlier, "I don't feel like waiting anymore."

You press your toes against his chest and push him backwards. He is slightly off balance, staggers and falls into the chair behind him.

"Unzip your pants already", you stand up and your hands each rest on the back of the chair next to his head, your breasts dangling in his face, "Go ahead".

Completely caught off guard, he undoes the button and then the zip. You grin again and lean forward towards him. Your lips meet his jaw, kissing along it to his ear and you put your mouth to the shell of his ear, "And now you take out your big cock."

He growls slightly and does as you command. Your gaze falls briefly on his hard erection and a shiver comes over you, your butterflies dancing inside you.

"That's much better, isn't it, Daddy?" you see his Adam's apple dangle as he swallows hard and you look into his eyes. You place one leg on each side of his body. Your hands slide from the back of the chair to his shoulders and you claw into them. Still covered with a piece of cloth, you rub your cunt over his hard cock, which presses against it. You moan and he does the same, putting his hands on your waist and squeezing. His eyes close and he puts his head back in his neck, "Do it already."

"Anything my daddy wants," your hand grips the thin fabric and pulls it aside. Drops of your juice hit him, mixing with his precum and you rub it along your slit before gripping his shaft and sliding his thick tip inside you.

Never would you have expected him to be so big. Your walls press tightly against him as he slides inch by inch into you. Your eyebrows draw together because it feels so good. Levi gasps slightly beneath you as you swallow him slowly.

"You're huge," you sigh contentedly as he's fully inside you, and you twitch your walls, his fingers buried deep in the flesh of your waist. His jaw seems tense, but his eyes look at you half-closed. His irises are no longer visible. "God, so fucking huge. We should have done this so much sooner. I think it's tearing me apart," you grin wide and happy as you feel a slight burn.

"If I had known how good you looked doing that, I would have fucked you sooner."

"Yeah, would you have?" you look deep into his eyes as you move upwards, his cock sliding completely out of you and you lower yourself back down onto him, "Do you like the way I ride your cock?" Your movements slowly quicken and you hear the smacking of your cunt as it swallows his cock again and again.

"Do you like the way your thick cock keeps digging deep into me?" He growls out and starts to come towards you. His hips thrust upwards, hitting you hard. As he does, you don't part your gaze for a second and it feels like you can glimpse his soul.

"Do you like the way my cunt milks you?" Levi digs one hand into the fat of your ass, pulling on it and baring his teeth. You dig your nails into his back as he changes the angle and bumps against your G-spot. The sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the mixing of your fluids grow louder. You become incredibly hot and start to sweat.

"Do you like the way I moan your name?" you add a long Levi at the last word and he stares at you like you're a goddess. His goddess.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he murmurs in a dry, heavy voice.

"That you ever thought otherwise hurts my heart." You ram your fingernails deeper into his back and pull at the skin, leaving deep marks.

"I'll never think anything else again," he groans up at you. By now you are no longer riding him. Instead, he holds you in place above him, your feet no longer even touching the ground, and he thrusts into you with a brutality that leaves you breathless. The knot in your stomach gets tighter and tighter and you bite his shoulder to stifle a scream. He fucks you like a madman, pressing his body hard against yours and enjoying the feel of your hard nipples against his chest. He tries to get even deeper, to push against your cervix, but the position is too shitty for that.

"That won't do," he groans, suddenly lifting you up. With his pants at his ankles and you in his arms, he walks back to the table, lays you down on it ungently and buries himself in you again. He grips your legs with his hands, rests them on his shoulders and increases his speed further. He fucks you into the hard wood of the table and puts his head back, moaning your name loudly. He comes so far inside you, you feel pain deep inside you. Such good pain.

"God, your cunt is so tight. I never want to feel anything else ever again." You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Your breath has long left your lungs and your brain can't make anything up. Your little body is concentrating solely on how his fat cock is being pushed into you, how he is tearing your little hole in two and how incredible this feeling is. Because of this, you just mumble something to yourself, which makes him grin, "Suddenly I guess your mouth isn't so big anymore." Again, you try to say something, but it is in vain. Your head is full of fog and all you can think about is how he should thrust harder, even deeper, which is no longer possible, and how he should take you. You want him to ruin you, for everything and everyone. Every night he should do this to you so that you can never stand or sit again. You just want to be his little plaything.

"Good to know I can shut you up like this." His cock hits your G-spot hard and makes you see stars. You moan loudly and reach for something to claw into, but there's nothing. "Alright, I guess silent isn't quite the right word".

He's fucking you so well and you glare at him as he stares at you and you bite your lip, your breathing becoming more uncontrolled and you nod slightly at him to signal how close you are. He grins and you push your back through as he thrusts into you one last time and you explode, screaming his name and losing your grip on the earth.

That was probably the beginning of your death - and probably that of every other - but who knows for sure. The two of you were quite a force on your own, but as a duo you were invincible. Soon, word got out about what had happened. You could have tried to deny it, but it wasn't difficult to guess, since you were ever the only person allowed to disobey Levi and get away alive. Moreover, your loud moans could be heard throughout the building. Everyone should know that you now belong to each other. Your madness spilled over onto him. You had nothing left to lose - except each other and you swore you would only leave this hell together.

"Listen up, shitheads," Levi turns his attention to the people behind you and you follow his gaze, "we're going to do another round and secure the perimeter before we set up camp here for the night."

"Yes, sir," everyone but you shouts in unison and salutes. You roll your eyes.

Your gaze, on the other hand, averts and you direct it to the trees around you. The birdsong has died down and the wind has receded. The branch beneath you sways slightly again as Armin lands on it and turns to talk to Levi. You ignore them both and continue to look around. No wind, but the leaves sway back and forth. You close your eyes and concentrate. Far in the distance you can hear a river making its way through the ground. There is a faint smell of wet moss and it is all so peaceful. Far away you hear the tapping of a woodpecker looking for its food before it suddenly stops. You tear your eyes open and clutch the handles of your equipment. A moment later you see the bird fluttering overhead with a loud bird song. Your eyes fall on Levi and over Armin's shoulder he looks at you. He raises an eyebrow before your typical grin falls to your lips and his expression slips.

You shoot your hooks, which bore into a tree and you fly away. Behind you, you hear the shouting of others and more gas being consumed as you make your way through the forest. You build up speed and zoom past the many trees. You race in the direction from which you just heard the woodpecker. You hear a stomping sound that gets louder and louder the closer you get to it, before you see two huge figures running past you on your left. You didn't expect two, but that only means one more point on your kill scale. Your hands grip the handles of your 3DMG tighter and adrenaline rushes through your bloodstream. You draw in a deep breath through your nose as you suddenly change direction and race towards them. In the distance, you catch sight of your squad and see Levi racing ahead of them after you. He is stronger than you, but you are faster. He has left the squad behind with ease and does not look happy. His rage-filled face makes you feel like you're on fire and a shiver runs down your spine.

"Sorry," you shout loudly to them as you fly through the air and your hook bores into a titan's shoulder. You hear Levi yell your name, but you ignore him. Unfortunately, this distracts the two titans and they notice you. They stop and look around before spotting Levi.

The smaller titan is just under eight metres tall, the other about two metres taller, both of course abnormal. You whirl around the larger one and draw your swords, placing them against your small body, ready for battle. You hiss at his neck, but while he has not yet set his sights on you, the smaller one turns his attention to you and looks at you with wide eyes. He reaches out his hand to you. You curse loudly and drill your hook into a tree above you to get away from him quickly. It is just enough that when he closes his hand, you are not caught in it. Instead, your sole touches his huge finger and you push off against him in addition to putting more land between him and you. On the other side of the field, you see Levi whirling through the air, attracting the little titan's attention. He puts up his swords ready to fight, but you are quicker, get in his way and cut the titan's neck with a smooth slice. The first titan goes down, begins to steam and you are left with the larger one. As you fly through the air, you drill your hooks into his arm and pull yourself towards him. Just before you get on top of him you change direction and fly towards his shoulder. The titan looks around and tries to spot you again, but you are too fast. The next time your hooks hit a tree in the distance. You fly towards his neck, your swords just setting when your ropes suddenly loosen. The titan has lashed out, ripping them out of the tree. You tear open your eyes, more adrenaline finding its way into your bloodstream, your heart pounding against your chest. For the moment, your course is not altered, so your cut glides through him perfectly and he falls slowly to the ground. But you fall with him. You try to drill your hooks back into a tree, but apparently, he has damaged your equipment, so nothing happens. Panic shoots into your head as you get closer and closer to the ground. You close your eyes and brace yourself for impact before you hit the ground. Your air is ripped from your lungs, your body aches under the contact and the wind flies around your ears. You cling to the body against you and rest your head against its neck. Black tea and lemon. As soon as your feet touch ground, he sets you down and pushes you off him. You stagger back and see the faces of the rest of your comrades, who look at you in horror.

"What was that about, you retard?!" snarls Levi at you, and you see his tense jaw and the deep creases on his forehead, his lips pressed hatefully into a line, as he presses his eyebrows together.

"I don't know what you're upset about. I had the situation under control." You pat the dirt off your clothes, hoping he doesn't see your slightly wobbly legs. You take a deep breath and look up at him. That was more action than you planned. To be honest, the situation got out of hand, but you would never admit that - especially not in front of Levi.

"Under control?! You call that under control! You disobeyed my order!" he yells at the whole forest and you see Krista wince.

"I killed them, what more do you want? If you hadn't come, I would have finished faster."

"He almost killed you!"

"Right, almost," you grin at him and undo the straps of your equipment, letting it fall to the floor. It is no longer of any use and simply means more burden that you would have to carry around with you. You kick it lightly and it rattles. Everyone seems shocked, and Levi clenches his hands into fists. You bite your lower lip, "You were there, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always, maron!"

"Yeah, and I'm good at taking care of myself in those moments," you stride towards him and place your hands on his tense chest, "Daddy."

You wink at him and the others almost skin it at your words. Eren is probably already thinking about running away before Levi takes his anger out on him. You stroke his shirt and he stares at you. His anger is immeasurable, but you can see something else mingling in his gaze and he relaxes slightly.

"You'll pay for that later," he murmurs and you lick your lips.

"I expected nothing less."

[starlene]

Some Så som i himmelen Malmö thoughts from the top of my head to get them out before taking in the last performance of the original production today:

- Negatives first! My biggest problem was that personally, I did not feel the chemistry between Lena and Daniel. They were both really good on their own, but together, I just didn't feel it.

- Maybe it was because some of their key scenes felt a little off to me? The cycling scene felt really fast compared to all others I've seen, the private lesson scene didn't really have that strong vibe of awkwardness and romantic/sexual tension, and the Änglasång scene... it felt so weird to me how Lena told Daniel death's nothing to be afraid of, and then just left him there, alone and clearly terrified as hell?

- I also didn't get a sense of their relationship progressing much. During the 2nd act, it really didn't feel like Daniel was that into her, he seemed more weirded out about her kissing him than anything else?

- I guess that ties into the way the production frames Daniel as an outsider deep into the 2nd act. Before, I've always felt that by En sång till livet, he's more or less friends with the people in the choir and feels at ease with them (as far as it's possible for him to feel at ease anywhere, at least...) But in Malmö, it felt like he stayed on the outside observing them pretty much the whole time. Which I can understand and relate to; social situations can be really hard! But I don't know if I like the message it's sending, it sorta gives more weight to the "Daniel is a Messiah whose job is to deliver these other people" interpretation that I'm not quite fond of. Oh well! Personal tastes.

- There were a couple of changed lines. Two notable ones were that Lena doesn't mention Arne and Tore being related anymore, and Siv tells everyone it's really hard to be honest and maybe they should try it out for themselves sometimes after having her slutshame-y meltdown about Lena. Not sure I like her saying that out loud. I mean, yes, that's a big theme within the story, but I feel it's more rewarding to figure that out yourself without anyone having to say it out loud like that? Anyway, not a big change, I can deal with it. (Edit: apparently, Siv's line is a callback to the movie? I had forgotten about that. But no matter where it's from, my point stands: personally I think in the musical, the message comes across clear enough without having to spell it out loud.)

- I liked how they specified it's time to eat potatoes and fish when Gabriella arrives before En sång till livet. Very appropriate for summertime.

- Fredrik Lycke as Daniel! Oh, Daniel Daniel... chemistry issues aside, he was top tier, really. I liked the over-the-top Passionate Artist Burning The Candle At Both Ends energy he had going on during the prologue, I liked the social awkwardness, I liked the way he became more animated when dealing with music, his quiet sadness broke my heart...

- A little detail I absolutely loved was after 58 sekunder, when Daniel did this little shrug, like to say "but hey, it's nothing" – it felt so real to me, how he's just told about the most important experience of his life to someone, and now he feels a lil embarrassed and tries to alleviate that by downplaying it. Love.

- Also by far the saddest Den tid jag har I've ever heard, but it works for him. This Daniel is a very melancholic bean.

- Direction/choreography-wise, some bits felt a bit too static or clunky to me, but there were also some really nice and smooth scene transitions that absolutely delighted me.

- Maybe it's coincidence, but things like the way they staged Fråga Arne and Reser fast jag inte vill, and Little Daniel's presence made me think that someone involved had seen the show in Helsinki and taken notes of the things they liked.

- I liked how they didn't show a lot of violence. Conny seemed more... whiney and insecure and pathetic than he usually does, I guess. I liked that, I feel like that makes it more shocking when Gabriella arrives in act 2 visibly bruised – and also sorta more understandable that no one has intervened, because they know, but there's also plausible deniability since they (and we, the audience) don't really see it.

- Top tier Gabriella. Ugly cried during Stjärnorna. (Weird orchestration though, with the drums kinda cheerfully pounding away?)

- Also top tier Holmfrid and Arne. I think my mom, Arne's fangirl #1, would have approved.

- Stig and Inger, too. He's a hard character to get right, but I felt like this production got a pretty good grasp of him, plus talk about an impressive voice... and I liked her poise and charm. A fun little detail: before the Holmfrid & Arne hug, when Arne is stressing out, he almost lights a cigarette but Inger just takes it away from him without saying a word – and he doesn't protest. :D

- Pretty clever to do the orchestra reveal during Vienna, I think!

- The finale was pretty hard on the acoustics and/or sound system. From where I was sitting, it really didn't sound too good.

- Other than that, it did, though. I loved the short new orchestral overture. Not too many surprises, orchestration-wise, to me it sounded pretty close to the cast recording. Too bad they didn't do the exit music though!

- A fun detail: Lena and Olga dancing with a mop that kinda resembled Daniel's hairstyle during their duet. :D

Overall: pretty good! Not my favourite production and not without its problems, but definitely worth the trouble. So glad I got to see this!

[grazhir]

Midsommar Thoughts

So, yeah, bought it. Watched it again. This is the result.

Things I noticed (theatrical release, not director's cut):

Who sleeps like that?

I got up close for the scene where he comforts her. He almost looks like he's ready to cry, too. I mean, some people have said it looked like he was completely checked out, but he wasn't. Maybe completely out of his depth and desperate? Maybe? But not checked out.

Mark says Pelle as Pell, Dani says Pelle more like Pel•ley.

Interestingly, Pelle actually says "Hälsingland" in the party scene. Guess he's not worried about anyone there remembering or giving enough of a shit to wonder why the group was never heard from again.

(Also of interest, the "unofficial" flag for Hälsingland is blue, yellow, and red, which all feature heavily in the movie.)

I like that chair (the right one, wood).

The soles of Mark's shoes are way too clean in this scene. It's like they're brand new.

Mark puts the laptop down, then remembers he kind of needs it for his excuse to get Christian out of the room. Duuur.

And yes, he was drawing the table. Huh.

Christian hugs her in that scene. It's odd feeling. And then on the plane, he holds her hand when she sits down. Again, odd.

Josh has a tiny short nose. He's got a compact face.

99.9% of these young people are Hårga coming back from pilgrimages, so where are the cars? We only see the one Pelle drives. Has someone been ferrying them from the airport, back and forth, back and forth? (Also, I don't recognize that car make.)

Ingemar says Pel•luh.

Finally noticed Mark's socks.

Christian is surprisingly … attentive? at first. He even offers to walk with her when she starts flipping out over Mark saying "family". Is he playing to the "I gotta not look like a shithead to outsiders" thing? Or genuinely trying to be, uh, a decent person?

They're already laughing as she approaches, it's just louder when they notice her, because she notices them.

(Once again pause to appreciate that Dani looks completely void of makeup, and is wearing slouchy, comfortable clothing. And she's still gorgeous in kind of a girl next door way.)

Christian also makes Pelle's name two syllables. So far, only Mark is the odd man out. The … fool … if you will.

Father Odd says Pel•leh. (So yeah, Mark is just an asshole.)

On a side note, even their greetings to each other are alien, especially the non-verbal communication.

Favorites #1: "Hey, Pelle, can anyone just join in?", "You're an American, just jam yourself in there."

So yeah, Ingemar (in his wingman role) looks at Dani when he mentions Simon and Connie are engaged. Christian, on the other hand, immediately checks out with a sound that says to me, "fuck no, don't even talk about shit like that around Dani".

Again, wondering why some photos are B&W, some are colour. Also, clearly not in any real order given that the photo Pelle showed Dani is in one on the upper right, and she was last year's May Queen. Also, why are they different sizes?

Moving to the May Queen wall, to the left (the wall perpendicular to the MQW) shows the bottom half of a man, naked, standing on a mound? Cup or crucible in front of it. And flower vines. It's very odd. And is that the journey rune above it? Raidho, except not exactly.

Happy birthday. Huh… Dani already witnessed potentially suspicious behavior between Christian and Pelle, and suddenly out of nowhere he has cake, a candle, and a lighter (we've never seen him smoking)? And Dani is "what?" with a faint frown, and keeps getting distracted by the baby some people are rocking nearby. Yeah, not much investment there.

"You didn't think I forgot, did you?" [Her brows flirt up in a definitive yes.] "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I got fucked up by the daylight and I thought it was yesterday." So like, one of the few/only times she calls him on his shit, and he actually admits it. Except, he says "yesterday" after already saying when she wakes up from a bad trip that it's the next day. So what the hell is he saying here? Because… And the whole time she's just got this patiently resigned look (when she's not staring at the baby). I almost feel like she's thinking, "Seriously? You think I'm buying this shit?"

Ättestupa. For Josh, is this friendly teasing, or dickish? Also, if Christian doesn't know what it is, who does know how to spell it when he tries to Google it? I mean, it was pronounced … clearly? So I guess. But… Never mind, he's a dick (and possibly malicious). Dani asks, "Is it scary?" and he just smiles and shrugs, knowing that a mere six months ago her family died in a murder/suicide.

One of the napkins is literally on the joining between two tables. Awkward.

Those look like bread rolls, hunks of cheese, and … no idea what the discs with the center holes are.

Back to Ylva. She kept cool looking, right up until the toast, and then her expression just looks scared to me.

Why does that one guy stare at the camera briefly?

Why do four blues stay back after the escort up to the cliff? And what are all those stones that make me think of graves (and which make no sense given what happens later with the cremation fire)? Or, wait, they're the stones they blood, I suppose, which gives a very vague idea of how many people have done this? Yeah, cause just for the one second I can see blood on other stones, so I skipped back slightly and paused. Not every stone has the same markings, so I guess each one is unique to the person? (Does it not rain much? Because how is that blood not washed away?) Also, why does it look like there's a water reflection on the stone behind Dan?

Meanwhile, Dani is doing the breathing thing which says she's on the verge of having an attack.

Ylva does the hand thing, looks up, and we get a top-down camera. She's vocalizing in tune with the background music? But it looks like a scream. She looks wrecked when she stands normal again. Pain or fear?

Does she look at Dani? Or it just seems that way. Because Dani stops breathing for a second. But Ylva is back to being stoic.

Christian? He looks like he has heartburn. Or is about to throw up.

I can't tell if Pelle is breathing hard from emotion or what.

Siv's hair braid thing is loose in one section. Someone either forgot her hair pins or…

"Are you okay?", "Yeah, I'm fine," says Josh who was just as squeamish as Christian during all that.

Yeah, that really is a whole lot of dicks on the walls.

And of course, this is where Christian really, really starts showing as an asshole.

And yes, now that I see the Overlook Hotel carpet design on Dani's bed, I can't unsee it.

Yes, Pelle, completely ignore what she's freaked out about and dive right into her repressed trauma over her family! Way to manipulate the situation. And he succeeds with the epic questions.

Favorites #2: "Do you feel held? Does he feel like home to you?"

Still trying to figure out the system of who gets the tan woven shoes, and who gets the white cloth ones. Age? More men than women are wearing the tan ones, but not all women wear white. So yeah, dunno.

"That was really, really shocking." No, not (to me) said in a wooden or ill-acted bit, but rather almost condescending and playing to a role (oh hey, the girlfriend needs, uh, support here or something, so I should, yeah), almost like he was talking to someone much younger than him (and as far as I know, they're both 25 in this).

Maja does the ballet walk over. She's also very lanky (which is really evident when she "whoops, I done knocked myself out of the maypole contest" bit).

Here's Connie, looking to grab her shit (still wearing that ridiculous outfit). Why is she alone? "Simon is getting the truck with one of them now." You actually… With one exception those two have been welded at the hip. They're scared, they want to leave, and they split up? Wow, totally not genre savvy, these two.

And speaking of "the truck". Why a "truck"? Except for the obvious reason given of it only seats two people. What about the car Pelle used? Don't tell me all those Summers returned to Hälsingland and the commune by hitchhiking from wherever they were. Or did they arrive a day earlier so they could stage that whole scene? And hide any vehicles?

That day's only train leaves in 90 minutes and it takes about 35 minutes to go there and back. I've yet to see any evidence of a truck in the first place, so clearly this mythical truck is hiding in a building we don't have access to (and doesn't take the walking route they did at the beginning). So the time factor works out, but it's still a massive stretch. So it's really no wonder Connie is witnessed sprinting shortly thereafter.

Dani tells Christian. He poorly pretends to give a shit and immediately returns to his questions of one of the Hårga. While holding her hand, and shaking it as a counterpoint to what he's saying, like she's a prop. Naturally, Dani has a narrow-eyed, sorta WTF expression. I imagine she's thinking about what Pelle said at that moment.

Next scene, Dani has Pelle's scent thing (to calm you down). Interesting.

"What does it say?" Arne totally doesn't say what it says. Josh doesn't seem to care. Idiot? Or trying to be respectful?

"Well, uh, this interation is being written by Ruben." Except, of course, we only ever see Ruben fingerpainting, and not writing pages and pages of runes, never mind adding them to the blank pages at the back. If Josh had any sense, he'd be seeing through this bullshit Arne is shoveling immediately.

The temple, that no one is allowed into, is suddenly open, and people are moving in and out of it. Huh. Gee, I wonder why.

(Had to crank the volume way up to hear the scream in all three iterations. I never normally hear it.)

So, Christian's is the only meat pie with a leaf or sprig under it and peeking out? So they can tell which is the special one, I suppose. (Rather than a specific rune or something carved into the top.)

And how do none of them notice the colour of that drink?

Mark witnessed Connie sprinting, but never mentions in what direction because Hårga dude whose name I can't remember butts in. I'm sure they had people stationed down the path to intercept her. Couldn't be far, though, if Josh, Dani, and Mark all heard her scream. Well, I don't think they chloroformed her and her scream is the "fuck, I'm gonna be drowned like in that ceremony we saw during dark hours, that most people never saw because it's only in the director's cut".

Favorites #3: "I could see you possibly doing that."

Meanwhile, Pelle angles his head toward her, then away, then straight, and almost, almost looks like he's happy through a good part of it at the evidence that Dani is starting to freeze Christian out.

Clearly, Christian never saw what Connie and Simon saw, or he'd be a lot more weirded out by the pie/drink combo. (And damn it, it's an analog watch. I can't read those for shit, so I can't tell what time of day it's supposed to be. Like, 8.30pm? Fuck if I know.)

Some people speculate that scene is Josh putting clues together. I say he's not that genre savvy. He had just asked if Christian had learned anything about the Rubi Radr, and Christian gets whiffy, so he backs off. We then see him staring at his notes (which I could barely read). Then we cut to "sleeping pill" and him scrubbing his face in a "psyche myself up for this Mission Impossible" way. So yeah, I think he's feeling tense over having to compete for information with Christian, and that's why we see him sneaking out. Because really? If he was suspicious and worried about these alleged clues he's putting together, wouldn't he be sneaking out with his friends in an attempt to hike at double-speed away from the commune? Not to do exactly what he was told he's not allowed to do?

And conveniently, someone has been kind enough to ensure the door hinges are well oiled, so the squeaking doesn't wake anyone up when he sneaks out during the dark hours.

Where the hell was that person hiding? There was nothing over there when he walked up. True, I can't see if someone else slips in with "Mark", but… You only see "Mark" and Ruben when he turns around. And yet his attacker comes at him from the left, where there was nothing. Secret bookcase?

"Do you think Mark's still off with that girl?", "I wouldn't be surprised." Hah, right, sure.

"This morning, the 19th book of Rubi Radr was found missing from the temple." And yet, earlier, Arne told Josh, "We have many, many hundreds of these." So who is lying? Arne? And all those books on the walls are prepped for Ruben to fingerpaint in so the elders can "interpret" and only eighteen of them are "done"? Or announcement guy just pulls a number out of his ass?

"…we don't associate as friends of his…" as Dani and Pelle both look at him very oddly. Disbelief? Disgust? Christian is throwing his friend under the bus, and yet defended Mark. Must the thesis competition.

Why are the glasses so big, and why so few when there are two jugs of "tea"?

Yeah, hilarious. Just as Christian sits down near the Maypole after the "Siv says you've been approved to mate with Maja meeting" (which was longer in the DC, if I recall correctly), Maja, who just happened to be on the outer ring, has a "whoopsie" moment and is out of the competition for May Queen. How convenient. So she can draw his attention to her. Again. On another note, I think it's the first time I've seen her smile.

"It breaks down your defenses and opens you for the influence." She baldly states it's a drug, and he drinks it anyway, after glancing over at Maja. I guess he really wants to fuck the redhead. (And wants an excuse to say he wasn't in his right mind.)

I don't think Dani has long enough hair to get that much braid in. Must be a hairpiece.

Christian is isolated. Okay. Maja does an eskimo kiss to Dani and is smiling again. (Funny how Dani's May Queen photo has most of the commune packed around her, unlike every other photo.)

And yes, her flower goes spastic when Pelle kisses her (someone had mentioned that, but this time I was paying attention).

Ulf has a psychotic smile for some reason.

She notices Christian (who looks very out of place, but then again, he is the last of them), and bam! Interruption for the luck thing.

No no no, but she tries anyway. Ew.

Meanwhile, Reynor as Christian does a fantastic job of looking so deeply uncomfortable, especially after that clap.

It's a telling point that when "family" is said to her (twice), Dani doesn't flip out.

Amazing how quickly Christian looks away and notices the girl strewing a path with petals for him.

Yeah, still not getting if there's any pattern to who wears tan shoes and who white.

Christian's pupils look blown. And then they're not.

So carefully orchestrated to make him go to a specific place, where they have him cornered.

"You have brought outside offerings." Yeah, that only works for me if Ulf counts for having participated in killing those outside offerings that Ingemar and Pelle lured in.

Is that a polaroid attached to Connie?

Some of the pain sharers look just a wee bit too happy.

… So … at least now I can watch this whenever I feel like it.

[kumeko]

A/N: For the Gracefield Sun zine! I wanted to take a little walk through that dark time after Norman’s death but before the escape started.

…

…

…

…

Despite the dark shadows and poorly lit underbrush, the expansive forest hemming the orphanage was inviting. Emma rocked back and forth on her feet, staring into the cool shadows out of the corner of her eyes. She’d wandered the shaded paths more times than she could count, memorized the unruly tree roots and low hanging branches. Ray could immediately tell you the product of any two numbers, Norman knew every path to victory in chess, and for Emma, the forest was her domain. She could navigate it with her eyes closed, if she had to.

“Emma.”

At the sound of her name, Emma tore her eyes from the trees and returned her attention to her two best friends. Norman chuckled softly, his eyes crinkled just so, while Ray gave her a moody glare.

“Could you pay attention for two seconds?” Ray grumbled, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Sorry.” Sheepish, she flushed a bright red and rubbed the back of her neck. “What’re the rules again?”

“From there?” Ray’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“It’s fine.” Finally, Norman stopped laughing. After wiping the tears from his eyes, he squeezed Emma’s shoulder. “You’ve always been better at doing than listening, right?”

Emma burned a brighter red. It wasn’t that he was wrong, per se, but did he have to put it that way? “Y-yeah,” she admitted reluctantly, scuffing her shoe against the dirt.

“So, the simple version,” Norman decided, letting go. Gesturing at the woods, he explained, “Ray and I will hide, you’ll catch us. It’ll be a game to keep you away from the hidden kids.”

“Hidden.” Emma blinked and cocked her head. Now that she thought about it, the field was oddly empty. Not even the littles ones were running across the sloping lawn. “So they’re already in the woods?”

“Yep. We need to practice distracting our pursuers.” Norman straightened his posture, rolling back his shoulders. He glanced at the morning sun. “We’ll do it for an hour and then switch positions.”

“Remember to use that brain of yours,” Ray added scathingly, and she wasn’t sure if he meant to help or insult with that comment. Either way, it was rude, and she stuck her tongue at him.

“Guys,” Norman sighed, trying to placate them. He stepped in between them, “Come on, we need to start. We don’t have much time as it is.” With a gentle push, he directed Ray to the forest. “You’ll need the head start.”

“Like you don’t?” Ray scoffed, but he started to run into the woods nonetheless.

He shook his head, watching him go. As Ray disappeared into the woods, the white of shirt fading into the dark undergrowth, Norman turned to Emma. “Alright, you got this?”

“I don’t like being it,” Emma griped, frowning. She didn’t like chasing, being the demon, the scary monster. Crossing an arm across her chest, she clutched her forearm, her fingers digging into her skin. “But I’ll do it.” She turned away from the woods. “To a hundred, right?”

“Right.” Norman stepped beside her and gently removed her hand from her arm. Uncurling her fingers, he looked at her. “You got this, okay?”

His hand was warm on her skin. She studied it for a moment before looking up at his sorrow-tinged smile. Something didn’t feel right. “Norman?”

“Just…just remember that, okay?” Without waiting for her to reply, Norman let go and started to jog into the woods. “No peeking, okay?”

Her hand still felt warm. “Norman!”

He didn’t reply, giving a simple wave before disappearing. Fine. She’d just have to ask him after she caught him. Turning away, Emma glared at the orphanage and counted to a hundred. Somewhere in there, she was certain Mama was making her plans. Well, whatever they were, they couldn’t stand up to Ray’s and Norman’s smarts.

“100,” she uttered and like a lion on the hunt, she sprang forward. Running down the hill, she burst into the forest. It didn’t take long for her eyes to adjust to the gloom, for her ears to pick out every cracking twig and rustling leaf. Her feet automatically stepped over the gnarly tree roots, making sure she didn’t trip as she kept her eyes peeled for her family.

A fake set of footprints led to the right. Several more were hastily wiped away to her left. Another trick? Probably not—she’d seen Norman do set this trap before, playing with expectations until you didn’t know what was true or not. The breeze picked up, blowing through the trees, and Emma hastily looked up just in case her younger siblings were hiding up in the higher branches. Nothing. A flash of white crossed her vision and Emma looked down just in time to catch Norman sprinting away.

“Norman?” Emma stood stock still for a moment, bemused. It wasn’t like him at all to be so forward. Maybe he was trying something new. Well then, she was willing to test it out. Pushing powerfully off the ground, Emma chased after him. Down the forest path she ran, nimbly leaping over fallen logs and jutting rocks. Norman didn’t look back once, just straight on rushing through the forest.

Neither Norman nor Ray had her stamina and Emma started to close the gap. Just ahead, she could see a break in the trees, sunlight filtering through. They’d run in a circle, almost, and she pushed forward. “I’m going to catch you!” she shouted, forcing herself to pick up the pace.

Racing past the boundary between forest and field, Emma eagerly looked left and right for her prey. What she found instead was an empty field. “Norman?” How did she miss him? She looked back, but there was no one there. “Norman!”

A cup landed at her feet, a long string attached to the bottom. Immediately, she recognized it. The ‘phone’ she used to call Norman when he’d been sick. She looked up, but the string winded far into the distance, and she couldn’t see who was on the other side. “This isn’t funny!”

There still wasn’t a response. Not even a giggle from her younger siblings. Gingerly, Emma picked up the cup, not understanding this strange new plan. Holding it to her ear, she waited for a message.

“I’m sorry, Emma,” Norman apologized.

The string brushed against her arm and she looked down to find it was cut.

-x-

Emma woke up with a start. Her hand was above her, stretching for something just out of reach. Drenched in sweat, she stared up at the dark ceiling. A dream. It was just a dream. The bed beneath her was hard, the room dark, and it was just a dream. Around her, her sisters slept soundly, their breathing soft and steady. Someone snored, like a loud bee buzzing.

This was safe. No, even half-asleep, Emma knew that was wrong. It wasn’t safe, just manageable for the moment. Blinking her eyes awake, she slowly got up and glanced out the window. There was only the slightest sliver of moonlight spilling into the room, just enough light to make out people and nothing more.

A dream. Emma laid back down. It was a dream. Despite reassuring herself, her heart continued to race. Clicking her teeth, she softly sprang out of bed. There was an easy fix to all this—she just had to go to the boys’ room. A quick peek and she’d see that it was alright, everything was fine. There was nothing to worry about.

Quietly, she stalked across the hallway, keeping to the wall to prevent creaking. She’d done this often enough as a child, sneaking into the Ray’s and Norman’s beds when she didn’t want to sleep alone. This time was no different, they were just a little bigger. As she slipped into the boys’ room, it was easy enough to spot Ray. His messy bed hair stuck up at all angles, defying gravity almost. Emma smiled fondly at his instantly recognizably profile.

And Norman—

Emma stared at the empty bed. The mattress was gone, leaving behind only the box spring.

“No,” she uttered, sliding down the wall as she remembered.. “No.”

Norman was gone. Norman was dead.

Mama had won.

-x-

Seated under the big oak tree, Emma shivered as the breeze played with her hair. It was chilly this morning. She should pull her jacket on tighter. She should move back inside. She should do something. Anything.

It all felt like too much effort. Even without Mama watching her like a hawk, her body was heavy. The world was a dark cloud and whether she moved or stayed still, nothing would change the fact that Norman was dead. Norman was gone and, in a month, so would Ray. Emma thought she’d known sadness before this, but it didn’t hold a candle to the bottomless despair she felt now. Grief, she found, was an endless well, constantly over spilling.

“You’ll get sick like that!” Catching sight of her, Gilda ran over and admonished her.

Emma looked up at her, then back at the grey-greens of the lawn.

“Here, I’ll fix your buttons,” Gilda offered kindly, kneeling in front of her. She leaned forward to adjust Emma’s collar. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she continued, “We’ve almost got the supplies ready. Don’s just gathering some more food while he’s on kitchen duty.”

Emma stayed still. “It’s cold.”

“You should go inside,” Gilda added aloud. She dusted Emma’s shoulders once, twice, before gripping them tight. Quietly, she murmured, “We’ll be ready. Don’t worry. So just…take care of yourself, okay?” Gilda was staring at her, watching her, her teeth worrying her lips. Her hands trembled as they held Emma. “Please.”

It wasn’t good to leave her sister like this, scared and uncertain. There were words she should say, words she could say: Good job, I know you can do this, or even just Thank you. What had she said, before everything had fallen beneath her feet? How had she talked to Gilda without the layer of subterfuge and farce? At the very least, she wanted to reassure her, to give her some small piece of comfort as the clock steadily counted down to Ray’s birthday.

You got this.

Unbidden, tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Norman was good at that, at comfort, at keeping the pieces together. Even now, she remembered his hand in hers as they ran from Connie’s death, his warmth seeping through her clothes and grounding her. If there was one good thing about Mama, it was that it gave Emma an excuse to slip into grief. To let it wrap around her like a thick blanket.

An understanding look crossed Gilda’s face and she stood up. Holding out a hand, she smiled gently. “Here, let’s go in.”

“That’s…” Emma tried, but the words wouldn’t form. She leaned back into the tree, her back hitting the gnarled trunk. “You…”

Gilda offered her hand still. A few weeks ago, the position would have been reversed, Emma reaching out to drag Ray to his feet. This is the view he saw, she thought, following Gilda’s hand up to her face. This was Ray’s seat and Ray’s tree and the lump in her throat burned hotter.

It wasn’t just Norman she was missing.

-x-

Emma woke up with a start. Nightmares, again. Or should she call them sweet dreams—it the was the only way she saw Norman now. In the span of weeks, his presence had been completely scrubbed from the orphanage, as though Mama couldn’t bear to feel his lingering presence either.

Pressing her hands to her face, Emma moaned quietly. It hurt. It hurt. In the darkness of the night, with only the stars as her witness, she could admit the truth of her charade: everything was painful. Living. Breathing. Figuring out a plan.

You got this, Norman had told her. Be strong and keep moving forward.

And she would, she had to, her family was at stake. They’d all live, even if she had to fight off the monsters herself. As much as she wanted to curl up and give into grief, there wasn’t time for that.

Not by day, at least.

Now, in the middle of the night, she wearily swung her legs off her bed. Despite how painful it was to see Norman’s empty bed, the only way she could get any sleep was by checking up on Ray and the others. To watch the steady rise and fall of their chests, to hear the rustling of sheets as they turned in their sleep. To see Ray’s bed hair defy gravity, a rare source of levity in the otherwise serious boy.

She wondered if he smiled anymore. They had been rare enough even with Norman around; without him, she had a sinking feeling it was impossible. Not that it was any different for her. It took every effort to tug her lips into a smile, to look at Don and Gilda and let them know they were great.

You were right, Emma wanted to tell Ray. We can’t save everyone.

Don and Gilda are working really hard. Phil’s being brave

Do you miss Norman?

She stared at Ray’s sleeping face, her tongue heavy with the words she couldn’t say. Slipping back into the hall, she sat down next to the door and leaned against the wall. She didn’t have to ask that last question to know the answer to it. Closing her eyes, she steadied her breathing. What was she looking for, anyways, coming out in the middle of the night?

A soft clatter next to her and she snapped open her eyes, tensing as she scanned her surroundings for Mama or the sister. Nothing. No one. She glanced to her right and spotted a small paper cup, wire attached to the back.

A paper-cup-phone. Emma stared at the white cup, her heart in her throat. Norman? She thought immediately, but that was impossible, he was dead. Her fingers trembled as she picked up the cup, her fingers sliding against the rim. Unlike the dream, the string stayed attached.

A paper-cup phone. Hesitantly, she placed it against her ear.

“Emma.” Ray’s voice came over, calm and clear.

Emma tried not to cry at the sound of his familiar voice. It had been too long. Quickly she pressed the cup to her mouth, muffling her voice. “Ray.”

“Good.” He sighed on the other end and she marveled at the noise, at the sound of it all. At how his voice sounded just as worn and broken as hers. “You’re safe?”

It was a stupid question. “Yeah.” Before she could stop herself, she said, “I miss Norman.”

There was silence on the other end for a long minute, so long she thought he’d fallen asleep. A quiet voice, quieter than she thought possible. “Me too.”

Part of her wanted to poke her head through the door and catch the expression on Ray’s face. She was certain it matched the one she saw in the mirror. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she leaned back against the wall. “Sometimes, I forget he’s dead,” she confessed.

“I wish I could forget,” Ray replied blithely.

There was something soothing about that familiar scorn. Emma leaned back. “She’s still watching us.”

“Yeah. She won’t stop till I’m gone.”

Fear shot up her back. His birthday was soon, too soon. There was a creak down the hall and Emma sat straight, holding her breath. After counting to thirty, it was apparently that Mama had just rolled over. Still, she had to go. “You’re not joining him, she growled. “I’ll protect you. “

She didn’t want to know how badly it’d hurt if she failed again.

[chuffyfan87]

Priorities. Part 2a (NSFW)

Cowritten with @fairheads.

-x-

While Duffy was at work, Charlie set to making this an evening to remember. His mission: to remind her why she was with him and how much he loved her. He cleaned the house, went food shopping and began cooking. Before she arrived home, he showered and changed into a crisp shirt and jeans. He looked up as he heard her car pull up outside.

Checking his hair in the mirror, he grabbed the glass of wine he had just poured, and opened the door to welcome her home.

"Oh! Hi." She smiled as she looked up from digging around in her handbag. She'd not expected him to be at the door.

“Welcome home lovely,” He smiled broadly, passing her the glass of wine.

"Three times I was vomited on today. Three!" She grumbled as she took the glass and swallowed a large mouthful.

“That good hey!? I’ve run you a bath with bubbles, why not go and have a soak?”

"That is a very good idea."

Charlie watched her hang up her coat and drop her bag in the hallway, before climbing the stairs. He hoped she’d like what he’d done with the bathroom - he’d run a bubbly bath with rose petals and lit candles all around the tub. He’d left a fluffy towel ready for her afterwards on the heated rail.

Stepping into the bathroom she smiled at how inviting the bath looked. It had been a very long day.

Charlie continued prepping the dinner, sipping on his own glass of wine as he did and listening to some music.

About half an hour later Duffy arrived back downstairs wrapped in her dressing gown, her hair hanging in loose damp curls, an empty wine glass in her hand.

Charlie was at first oblivious to her return, he was dancing along to the song and wiggling his bum whilst stirring the food.

Duffy tried to hold it together as she watched him but couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped.

Charlie turned around and immediately went bright red, he was so embarrassed. “Oops! How was your bath?” He reached for the bottle and topped up her glass.

"Well I don't stink of stale vomit anymore." She chuckled.

“Well that’s something I guess!? Dinner won’t be long.”

"That's good. It smells delicious." She smiled as she sat down at the table. "Have you been having secret cooking lessons?"

He grinned, “It’s amazing what you can find online these days! It’s called a Morrocan Tagine or so the recipe said...”

"Very impressive."

“You haven’t tasted it yet!” He grinned, walking over to stand behind her and massage her shoulders.

"Mmm, that feels nice." She mumbled.

Charlie continued to massage her head, neck and shoulders. “So tense! Hope that’s not my fault...”

"Maybe a little..."

“Well hopefully I can help with that now.” Charlie smiled, adding just the right amount of pressure to ease the knots.

"Yes... Just there..."

“Just working my magic!” Charlie smiled, pleased that she was enjoying it and becoming more relaxed.

"So long as you don't get too distracted and burn the food." She teased.

“Oh yes... Focus Charlie!” He laughed.

She laughed as he dashed back over to the stove.

Serving the dinner, he carried the two bowls across to the table, which he had already laid. “Bon Appetite m’lady!” He laughed, placing it in front of her.

She giggled as he did a little bow. "This really does look amazing."

He settled in the chair opposite her and looked at her, smiling.

"I could get used to this."

“Well I’m hoping to make it a regular fixture.” He began tucking in, it actually tasted pretty good, he was pleased with himself.

"I like the sound of that." She smiled, taking a bite of the food. "Oh wow!" She grinned.

“Apart from the aforementioned, how was your shift? How was Connie..?”

"Her usual haughty self." Duffy replied, rolling her eyes.

“You stood up to her I hope,” He winked.

"Since when have I taken nonsense from snotty consultants?" She chuckled.

“Good!” He grinned.

"I learnt from the best." She smiled.

She knew just what to say to make his heart beat faster. “Well I have been very busy today,” He grinned.

"I noticed the bathroom, what else have you been up to?"

“There’s a few things in the lounge... I went shopping!” He smiled at her wholeheartedly.

Her eyes lit up at the idea of presents.

They finished their dinner and Charlie put everything in the dish washer.

"You can make that again."

“I’m glad you enjoyed it! Now do you fancy some dessert?”

"Ooh yes please!"

He stood up and took her hand, she stood up bemused. “It’s in the lounge,” He explained.

"Really?" She asked, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Yup!” He answered, holding her hand as he lead her to the lounge.

"Do I need to close my eyes?" She giggled.

“Ooh good idea!!” He grinned, waiting for her to cover them with her free hand.

"Its a good job I trust you..!"

“So you should! Now no peeking!” He opened the door to the lounge.

"Just don't let me trip over!"

“I’ve got you,” He used the excuse of her almost stumbling, to put his arm around her.

"Can I open my eyes yet?" She asked as she felt him ease her down onto the sofa.

“Almost...” He moved a few things on the table.

"What are you doing?" She giggled.

“Nothing,” He replied, giggling.

"I feel like a right dork sat here with my eyes closed."

“You can open them now!”

Charlie had set up on the coffee table little bowls of her favourite sweets and fruit and some of her favourite movies were stacked in the middle.

"Well you have been busy..!" She gasped.

“I thought after your shift, you could do with a chill out? What’s better than a romantic film and your favourite snacks!?” He grinned.

"But you hate romantic films..."

“But you love them and they make you cry happy tears!” He smiled.

"You must be really sorry if you're prepared to sit through one of these movies." She remarked, looking through the stack.

“You could say that...” He smirked. “Just thought it would be nice to cuddle. I’ll try really hard to stay awake this time!”

"That'll make a change!" She chuckled.

“Which one do you want to watch?” He passed her a jelly snake.

"Hmm..." She considered her options. "This one!"

Charlie went to put in on, returning to her making herself comfy on the sofa.

"I've haven't watched this for ages." She smiled.

“Room for me?” He smiled, as she’d stretched out on the sofa.

"I suppose."

“Only suppose?” He joked.

"Well if you're going to fall asleep and start snoring midway through the film then you can go sit over there." She pointed to the armchair across the room.

“I’ll stay awake,” He pouted, running his hands over her legs which were now in his lap.

"Hmm..."

They started to watch the film, and already Duffy’s eyes began to water. Charlie reached for her hand.

She snuggled up to him under the blanket.

Charlie held her tight as her tears flowed at a sad bit in the film.

As the credits rolled she blew her nose before reaching for the snack bowl and discovering that it was empty.

Charlie looked sheepishly at her, but luckily had a bag of replacements next to the sofa.

"I should know by now not to trust you around sweets!" She teased.

“I needed the sugar, I was trying to stay awake!” He joked.

"So long as you're not hyper all night as a result." She chuckled.

“I can’t promise that!”

"So what now Romeo?"

Charlie snorted at her name for him. “Well Juliet, what do you fancy? Another film? Some more wine? An early night?”

"I'm not sure I'd make it through another film awake." She giggled.

“I’m so glad you said that!” He agreed.

"You got to go back to sleep this morning..!" She pouted playfully.

“Very true, are you sleepy then darling?”

"I will be in the next couple of hours."

“Do you want to snuggle in bed?”

"That sounds like a great idea. Do you need me to stay down here while you run off upstairs?" She smirked.

He laughed out loud, “I think we’re okay.”

"OK, well lead the way." She smiled.

“Up we go!” He smiled.

She giggled as he took her hand and led her upstairs.

When he got to their room, he stopped. “You go in first,” He smiled.

She raised an eyebrow but did as he suggested, pushing the bedroom door open slowly.

“Hope you like it...” He whispered.

She gasped as she looked around the room. She hadn't expected this at all.

Charlie had put up little fairy lights all over the room, put clean covers on the bed, with a new throw and scatter cushions. He’d bought her some new pyjamas which he left folded by her pillow and next to them lay a new velvet bag.

"You have been a busy boy!" She giggled.

“I’m exhausted!” He grinned.

"Aww, well its a good job it's bedtime then isn't it?"

“I bought you some new pyjamas, if you’d like to put them on..?” He smiled at her.

She wandered over to the bed and picked them up, feeling the fabric between her fingers. "Silk?" She asked, impressed.

Charlie nodded, “Super soft, I thought you’d like them.”

"I do." She smiled, untying her dressing gown belt and letting it fall to the floor, leaving her stood in just her knickers.

Charlie gulped hard, he hadn’t expected her to do that. He watched her intently.

Fully aware that she was being watched she slowly dressed in the pjs, letting out a sigh as the silken fabric slid over her skin.

Charlie was award he was transfixed. “They look great,” He mumbled.

She smiled as she turned around to face him. "I'm glad you think so."

“Beautiful!” He breathed.

A slight blush coloured her cheeks.

Both of them stood there, taking each other in, as if for the first time. “I’ve really missed you.” He sighed.

"Its been far too long."

[sneezehq]

thanks for the excellent prompts, anon! sorry this took me so long. Season 3 has been giving me some serious feels. This is set between the strategy meeting after they rescue Eren, but before they actually take down the titan the next morning. warning for copious amounts of fluff and sap.

By the time the strategy meeting ends and they finally get to have dinner, it’s past midnight, the pale light of the moon casting odd shadows through the windows. They’re given some field rations, to Sasha’s very vocal dismay. “We’ve been working hard for days and this is the thanks we get?” It takes Connie and Jean to drag her away from the poor guy in charge of the food.

Aside from Sasha’s outburst, it’s a quiet meal. Between sheer exhaustion, apprehension about tomorrow, and the memories of what they’ve had to do to get here, nobody seems to feel like talking. The air is heavy as the rest of squad Levi munches quietly on the adequate, but not especially filling meal. Mikasa understands the others’ turmoil over the day’s events. She doesn’t regret what she’s had to do, not if it means that Eren is back with them, safe where he belongs, but that doesn’t mean that she likes it.

She casts a worried glance at Armin, but he seems to be coping better this time around, picking at the ration bar he was given with a thoughtful look on his face. He gives her a small smile when he notices her checking on him. With him and Eren at her side, Mikasa can breathe a little easier, at least for now.

Speaking of Eren, he’s staring at the wall across from him, picking absently at the empty wrappers on the table, his usually expressive face strangely blank. It’s unnatural for Eren, who wears his emotions on his sleeve, to be so expressionless. Plus, despite how exhausted and hungry he must be, he’s hardly touched his food.

“Eren?” Mikasa clears her throat. “Why aren’t you eating? Are you feeling okay?”

Green eyes snap over to her in surprise. Eren looks like he’s forgotten that he’s not alone. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, pushing the bar away from him. “Just tired. I think I’m going to turn in now.”

Mikasa frowns at his retreating back. There’s an air of defeat, of resignation to his posture that she doesn’t like at all. She pockets the abandoned rations before standing up and making her own way out of the room, ruffling Armin’s hair as she passes him. The gesture earns her another smile.

They had been told, in no uncertain terms, that they were supposed to go straight to bed after they finished eating. So naturally, instead of heading for the girls’ quarters that she’s supposed to be staying in, Mikasa squares her shoulders and finds the staircase to the basement where Eren’s room is. It’s dark, and part of Mikasa wishes that she’d thought to grab a candle before coming down here. Fortunately, her eyes adjust to the dark in time for her to avoid slamming into the door at the bottom of the stairs.

She raises her hand to knock. “Eren? Can I come in?”

His response is so quiet that she has to strain to hear it, but she’s pretty sure that there’s a yes somewhere in there. Besides, even if he said no, she’s not about to leave him alone right now. Opening the door cautiously to avoid the creaking of old wood, she makes her way over to the bed, footfalls as silent as if cushioned by the thick winter snow.

Eren is sitting on the bed, curled up in the far corner with his arms around his knees. He doesn’t say anything as she sits beside him. Mikasa is suddenly aware that this is the first time that they’ve been alone together since he caught her doing sit-ups back at the safe house. How many days has it been since then? Too many.

“Eren?” Even a whisper feels too loud in the oppressive silence of the room.

The bed shifts slightly under her as he fidgets. “. . . yeah?”

“I’m glad that you’re back.”

When Eren doesn’t respond after a few minutes, she glances at him. He’s resting his head against the wall, his bangs falling in front of his eyes. His hair’s getting long, she thinks to herself. It’s not a bad look for him. There’s a haziness to his eyes that she doesn’t like. Before Eren even has a chance to react, she sweeps his bangs aside and presses a hand to his forehead, the corners of her mouth turning down at the damp warmth that she finds there.

“You’re still feverish,” she murmurs, and sighs. Fortunately, a quick glance around the room, and her dark-adjusted eyes spot a bathroom that she originally mistook for a closet. She quickly wets and folds a washcloth before returning to Eren’s side and pressing it to his forehead. “You overdid it again today. Anything else that I should know about?”

For a moment, Eren’s face pinches with defiance, green eyes narrowing before he realizes that he’s not going to win this one. “The cut on my forehead is all healed up, and my wrists were rubbed raw and scraped, but I think they got fixed up too when I transformed. I’m just a little sore, that’s all.”

“Your arms?”

Eren nods gratefully as her hands find the aching spots on his arms and knead gently. “And my shoulders.” She motions for him to lay down so that she can get a better angle. “You don’t have to worry, really, Mikasa. They really didn’t do much to me. I was unconscious most of the time until I woke up in the cave.” He sighs, feeling tense muscles finally loosen under her deft touch.

Mikasa purses her lips, not looking terribly reassured. “Here.” She passes him his untouched rations bar that he left at dinner. “You should eat. You’re going to need your strength for tomorrow.”

Between the cool cloth on his forehead and the soreness finally fading from his muscles, Eren’s exhausted body seems to finally feel good enough to be hungry. He takes the bar without complaint. “Do you think we can do it? Take out that titan?”

“I have faith in you,” Mikasa replies. “I know you can do it.”

The absolute trust and conviction in her voice takes him by surprise; he has to swallow around the sudden lump in his throat. It feels like it’s been a long time since someone had that kind of faith in him. “What if something goes wrong with the plan?”

“Then we’ll figure something out,” Mikasa reassures him. “We’re scouts. It’s what we do. We’re not about to let that titan attack these people without doing everything in are power to protect them, are we?” She smiles at him. “As long as I’m fighting alongside you, I have no doubt that we’re going to win.”

Eren, for once at a loss for words, crinkles the empty wrapper in his hand. He hadn’t realized how ravenous he was until he started eating. “Hey, Mikasa?” he whispers. Her fingers still on his arm. “Thank you.”

She stares at him for a moment, delicate features tinged with surprise, before smiling at him, genuine and full of warmth like the sun. For a few moments they sit in comfortable silence, Eren with his eyes half shut as Mikasa traces patterns on his upper arm with her fingertips. “Hey Eren,” she says at last. He inclines his head slightly towards her. “Is it okay if I stay down here with you tonight?” She brings her scarf up to cover her mouth as she asks, the way she always does when she’s embarrassed.

Eren just grins at her. “Since when do you bother asking permission?” he teases. “Levi will have your head though.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes. “I’d like to see him try.” Eren groans when she shifts upright to pull off her boots, but sighs when she settles back next to him. If he closes his eyes it almost feels like they’re kids again, safe and happy before any of this mess started.

They lay in relaxed quiet for a while, Eren falling into a half-awake doze, breaths steadying out and eyelids growing heavy. Next to him, Mikasa sighs. “Eren?”

“Yeah,” Eren replies, still half asleep.

Mikasa pauses for a moment, as though she’s trying to find the words. “How long?”

“What?” For once, Eren’s absolutely clueless about what she’s referring to.

“How long have you been bottling this up?” she asks. Even though her voice is quiet, the question still feels like a gunshot in the silence of the room. “About wanting to die. Just since Annie, or was it before then?”

The last thing Eren wants to do is answer that question, but he knows from experience that lying to Mikasa or trying to avoid her is about as useful as trying to stop the rain. I’m not sure,” he sighs. It’s not something he likes to think about, but it’s not like he can deny it anymore. “I think that Annie is when I first realized that I felt that way, but I’m not sure when it started.”

Mikasa, to her credit, doesn’t flinch or act shocked, even though he’s sure that it’s not pleasant for her to hear. “Why?”

Eren sighs again. It’s hard for him to admit why, even to himself. Saying it out loud seems too daunting. “I just,” he swallows past the sudden lump in his throat, willing himself not to cry. There’s heat pressing at the back of his eyes, insistent and heavy, but he’s cried enough already. “I just . . . so many people have died in me, have believed in me, but I haven’t managed to accomplish anything.” Mikasa makes a noise like she’s about to protest, but he gestures for her to wait. If she interrupts him now he’s not sure that he can bring himself to finish.

“Sometimes it just seems like it would be better if I just died. Or if I’d never happened. No more people could get hurt for me. No one else would have to die because of me.” He shuts his eyes, not wanting to see the expression on Mikasa’s face right now.

“Eren,” she trails off, squeezing his hand. When he doesn’t open his eyes, she does it again, until he reluctantly forces his eyes open to look at her. Her expression is more gentle than he’s ever seen it, like when they encountered the smiling titan again. Her eyes are full of tears, and she’s not smiling, but he’s pretty sure that she’s not going to yell at him. “That’s not true that things would be better if you weren’t here. Or that you haven’t managed to do anything to help.”

“Sure, things have been shitty lately.” Eren snorts at the understatement. “But what about our squad? We’d be dead if you hadn’t saved us today. Or the people of Trost? They wouldn’t have a home if you hadn’t moved that rock to close the breach. And,” she takes a deep breath, tugging on her scarf as her hand finds his. “I’d be dead without you. I’m glad that you’re alive.”

Unable to stop it anymore, Eren feels the tears spilling over and trailing down his cheeks. Mikasa looks alarmed, but before she can freak out, he smiles at her. “Thank you.” He twines their fingers together. “I needed to hear that.” It doesn’t fix everything, but it definitely helps. Maybe it eases the near-constant pain in his chest whenever he thinks about all the ways he’s consistently failed to be Humanity’s Hope.

They’re both quiet for a moment, just basking in one another’s presence. He’s not sure who moves first, but somehow they end up side by side, Eren’s arm around Mikasa’s waist, and her head resting on his chest so that she can hear his heartbeat. “Goodnight,” she murmurs, nestling closer and letting her eyes fall closed, completely at peace for the first time in weeks.

She thinks she hears him mumble something in return before she falls into the comforting embrace of sleep. Whatever tomorrow brings, they’ll face it together.

[firegrilled]

I Need a Hero

Jearmin Week Day 1 Fantasy

Summary: Jean’s band of adventurers come across royal bodyguards of a kidnapped princess. Seeing an opportunity to line his pockets and finally live the easy life, Jean and his friends get more than they bargained for when they discover their kingdom’s most well-guarded secret: they don’t have a princess but a meek prince.

Next Part

A spark flew from Eren’s fingertips. The small light drew squints from the guards by the castle gate. Mere seconds later a ball of flames lit up the night sky along with the orcish guards. Their pained screams echoed around the ancient castle causing numerous bells to start clanging.

“Goddamn it, Jaeger!” Jean shouted, finally catching up to the rash sorcerer. “What part of stealthy don’t you get?”

“The part where my friend remains captured by Marley longer than necessary,” Eren crossed his arms indignantly.

Before Jean could attempt to tackle him, a knight clad in full steel plate stepped forward and placed him into a headlock. “Eren, we have to be careful. We don’t want to risk them injuring the princess.”

Letting out a sigh, some smoke blew out of Eren’s mouth. “No. But we need to hurry before they have a chance to escape with her. Let’s go!”

The rest of the adventurers caught up with them, all breathing heavily.

“Wait a minute!” Sasha held up a hand, bending over to catch her breath. “I need a minute... and some food.”

“We ate like thirty minutes ago,” Jean rolled his eyes. “Take a minute but we need to get going before they try and escape since someone alerted them to our pressence.”

Eren stuck his tongue out and face the castle. “Like they’re gonna escape me.”

“Look, I still don’t know what the fuck you are but we still gotta get across that moat,” Jean pointed to the gap between the gates Eren just clear and the wooden drawbridge.

“Oh, let me get that. I just need to sneak in and lower the bridge!” Connie offered, his face lighting up at the opportunity to break into a castle.

Unfortunately an even brighter flame exploded across the moat. The wooden drawbridge shattered into splinters and shrapnel as Eren snapped his fingers. “There, gate open-”

Mikasa proceeded to choke Eren while Jean ran a gloved a hand down his face.

“Don’t worry, I can fix this,” the final adventurer stepped forward, gracefully stepping towards the moat.

Marco knelt down and muttered words in a language only he and his kind understood. His freckles glowed a dull green, catching the attention of their flame sorcerer. Eren stopped struggling in Mikasa’s grasp, watching with curiosity as seaweed twisted upwards from the moat. The plants grew into a bridge.

“Thanks Marco. Come on!” Jean pointed forward. His group ran across the bridge with Jean leading the charge. “Where are they keeping Princess Historia?”

“The top of the tallest tower, duh. Are you even a real adventurer?” Sasha spoke, earning a scowl from the leader of the group.

“This isn’t a fairy tale.”

“Actually, she’s right. Prince Zeke’s room is at the top of the tallest tower and likely where he’s keeping his hostage,” Mikasa informed him.

“Told ya so!” Sasha pointed at Jean.

Ignoring the urge to hit his friend, he clenched his fist while Eren dashed ahead.

“This way, I know how to get there,” Eren stated.

“Wait!” Jean called back, quickly picking up the pace. The group sprinted through the castle, turning various corners. “Does he really know where he’s going?”

“Yes,” Mikasa replied until they found Eren brought to a halt at the end of a corridor.

Standing in the hallway was a petite blonde with icy blue eyes and clad in dark metal armor. Her hands rested on the hilt of a longsword.

“So the prodigal son returns... with company,” a cool voice greeted the group.

“Out of the way Annie. We’re grabbing the princess and leaving,” Eren snapped back.

The blonde knight quirked an eyebrow, drawing her blade.

“...I’m under orders to capture you on sight.”

Eren pointed a finger at Annie, but a black flash ran by him.

Mikasa swung her blade at Annie, who swiftly blocked it with her own. Exchanging glares the two broke out into a fight- metal clanging against metal. Both warriors made use of the ample hallway space and swung liberally, cutting through tapestries and pots. Mikasa looked back at the group.

“Go!”

“But-” Eren reached out for Mikasa, but Marco grabbed his wrist.

“Just go!”

“Cone on, Eren. Lead us to the princess. Mikasa can handle herself,” Marco gently pushed him ahead.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Eren nodded. He sprinted forward again. Leading the group up a nearby stairwell, Eren paused to take in his surroundings. Pointing to down a barren hallway, the adventurers made it halfway to another intersection before another knight and a group of orcish guards blocked the way.

“Called it,” the large blond knight in their path chuckled at the group. “Bertholdt owes me a round of mead. No one else is dumb enough to blow open a gate besides you.”

“Shut up and get out fo our way, Reiner,” Eren replied.

Laughing loudly, Reiner stepped forward holding a double sided ax. “You’re not getting through me.”

Jean’s eyes widened as Reiner sprinted forward. For such a bulky person he was quite fast. Reiner swung for Eren’s arm but Connie blocked the blow with two daggers.

“I got him, go now!” Connie said through gritted teeth.

“You?” Reiner balked at the thought. “I’m gonna chop a twig like you in half!”

A loud twang echoed around the halls as a lute slammed into the side of Reiner’s head. He rolled to the side as he recovered his bearings.

“Sasha?!” Connie’s mouth dropped. “But your lute?”

“I got you, baldie,” Sasha grinned. “Don’t worry about my lute, i’ll tune it once we get out of here. Besides I can smell the kitchen nearby.”

“Be careful!” Jean called back as he followed down another corridor. The thought of leaving his bard and rogue against a knight like Reiner sent chills down his spine but he had faith in the two. They made it this far in life after all.

Just as Jean began to recollect his thoughts he ran straight into Eren’s back, not realizing the boy suddenly stopped.

“What the hell now Jaeger?” Jean asked, rubbing his nose. he looked around Jaeger to see a tall but lanky man with dark robes in their way. “It’s just one guy. And he’s not wearing armor!”

“That’s Bertholdt the Black you dumbass,” Eren retorted. “He’s on the archmages of Marley. Why the hell are you in this ancient dump?”

“You already know the answer to that,” Bertholdt replied, stepping forward.

Eren took a step back into Jean, unnerving the adventurer. What about this man unnerved Eren Jaeger?

Before Jean could guess an answer, Marco stepped past the two.

“Rescue the princess,” Marco simply stated before his freckles glowed once more. The stone floor between Marco and his friends suddenly rose to the ceiling, separating them.

“Marco!” Eren shouted, slamming his fists against the new wall.

“Eren, let’s hurry! Marco can hold his own but I don’t know for how long,” Jean explained.

“Against someone like Bertholdt though?” Eren wondered as he sprinted down a nearby corridor.

At the end of the long corridor a spiral staircase lead upwards.

“Marco is stronger than you know but I don’t know that mage’s power. He’ll be able to last a little bit at least.”

A massive tremor shook the castle causing dust to fall from the cracks of the stone ceiling. Candles fell from their stands and put themselves out as they hit the ground. Eren and Jean barely maintained their footing.

“That wasn’t one of Bertl’s spells...”

“Oh shit. If Marco is shaking the castle we don’t have that much time,” Jean swore. “Is that the stairwell the tower?”

Eren nodded as Jean and him resumed their run. As they reached the end of the hallway, a gust blew from the tower. A few large stone fell downwards, causing Eren and Jean to stop.

Frowning at the sudden event, Eren turned to Jean. “The prince is here. Just run up and grab the princess like we planned, I’ll hold him off.”

“But I can fight too!” Jean geatured to his blade.

“Not against this kind of magic. He’s like me,” Eren let out a deep breath, releasing some smoke. “Trust me on this one and trust this spell.”

“What?” Jean questioned as Eren placed a hand on his head. He felt his head started to glow hot for a moment. The warmth spread over his body and relaxed his tense muscles. Before he could inquire more he saw his skin start to fade as the familiar invisibility took hold. Normally this was Connie’s schtick.

“Well, well, what an unpleasant surprise,” an older man stated as he floated down from the tower. He stepped through the entrance into the corridor. “What brings you home?”

“You took my princess,” Eren narrowed his eyes at Prince Zeke.

“That’s your princess?” Zeke scoffed, not noticing Jean scooting carefully along the wall. “Of course that’s your preference. If you want ‘em you can have ‘em. Assuming you can beat me, brother.”

“Shut up and fight,” Eren demanded, his eyes glowing red.

“As you wish.” Prince Zeke’s eyes glowed grey as one of the stone from before shot out from behind him and towards Eren.

Jean covered his mouth as he almost gasped from surprise. Quickly but nimbly he ascended the stairs at the castle shook again from the battles below. Flame and stone shot upwards as Jean circled the tower. Despite being in great shape, running up so many stairs left him heaving by the time he reached the top. Whoever the fuck made these things an architectural necessity for castles deserved to be shot with several arrows.

Reaching the door of the royal chambers, Jean opened it and suddenly felt very impoverished. Purple carpet extended from the door to the giant bed in the center of the room. Dark, wooden chairs were pushed into a desk in the corner with papers splayed out on it. A silver jug and wine glasses were set on a table near the bed. After being understandably caught up in the moment, Jean heard sobbing coming from the bed. From the doorway he could see a silhouette through the canopy in the bed.

Taking a step into the room, the carpet crunched under Jean’s weight. A gasp came from the bed and the sobs stopped. Jean swallowed the lump in his throat and continued forward. The carpet continued to make sounds as he made his way around the regal room. On the ground he noticed ripped apart.

The silhouette in the bed disappeared under the covers as Jean reached the side. As soon as he opened his mouth a pillow came crashing into his face. He stumbled backwards and into the table with wine glasses. The invisibility faded and the silver jug spilled wine all over Jean. Now he’d need a good bath after this.

“Ouch!” Jean reacted, rubbing the back of his head.

“Stay away!” A voice warned from the covers.

Before Jean could utter a barbed retort, his throat choked out his words. A beautiful blonde head poked from the covers, her expression a mixture of anger and fear. Jean’s heart pounded and his mouth ran dry. The rumors about the princess being the greatest beauty in the land did have some weight after all.

“Uh. That stung... I mean-” Jean cleared his throat and plastered the cheesiest smile he could muster. “Princess Historia, my name is Jean Kirschtein and I’m here to save you.”

The princess’ eyes widened. “What?”

“Well, it’s more accurate to say me and my friends came to rescue you. We found Eren and Mikasa on the way here and came to help rescue you, my lady,” Jean explained.

The princess’ face turned a deep red. “Eren and Mikasa came to rescue me?”

“Of course! Right now they’re fighting below but once I activate this scroll,” Jean gestured to a parchment on his belt. “We’ll teleport out of here and the others will get the signal to do the same. Shall we?”

“Uh... I don’t have any clothes...” The princess looked at the ripped pieces of cloth on the ground. “Prince Zeke isn’t known for his... temperament.”

“No fear, you can use my cloak,” Jean offered before realizing it was covered in wine. “It might be a bit damp.”

“That’s fine, that was my fault,” the princess raised her hands out of the cover, causing the duvet to fall. Before Jean could avert his eyes, he noticed the pale chest of the princess and that it lacked... “Oh my!”

The princess covered her chest but it was already too late. Jean’s face fell at the sight. “Y-you’re not a girl.”

“N-no. I’m not the princess. She’s in another castle,” the impostor frowned. “My name is Armin.”

Jean pressed his lips together as his hopes and dreams for a cushy life were dashed once more. he pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a deep breath. “So your friends mislead us?”

“I’m afraid so...” Armin’s face fell, tears forming on the edges of his eyes. “They kidnapped me by mistake. When Zeke found out a bit ago I thought he was going to kill me until an explosion rang out.”

Jean’s chest tightened again. Seeing the petite boy on the verge of tears made his stomach twist in knots. Resigning himself to reality, Jean stepped forward and wrapped his wine-soaked cloak around the poor boy. He offered a gentle smile. While not a princess, he did at least knock one thing off his bucket list; he rescued a beauty from an ancient, evil castle.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” Jean extended a hand and bowed a little.

Caught off guard by the chivalrous treatment, Armin’s blush deepened.

“Thank... Thank you,” Armin took the hand and stood up. His eyes darted to the desk and he ran over.

“What are you doing?” Jean tilted his head from confusion as Armin grabbed all the letters off the desk. Another tremor shook the castle. “We need to get going!”

“Making sure this humiliation wasn’t for naught,” Armin replied. he bent over and opened a drawer. he flung out some quills and and ink until he found a bag. he grabbed the bag and ran over to Jean. “I’m ready.”

Grabbing the parchment, Jean opened it. He glanced over the arcane text before muttering the words Marco trained him to say. The scroll glowed a dull purple. “Hang on!”

Jean hooked an arm around Armin and pulled him close, both of them disappearing in a quick flash.

Both boys were teleported to some plains far away from the castle. Armin landed on top of Jean, knocking the breath out of his chest.

“I’ve been saved,” Armin stated as he rolled off Jean, disbelief evident in his voice. “This must be what the princess feels like.”

“How’d you know that?” Jean asked, taking in a deep breath. While emotionally confused, he was glad to at least have his life.

“She tells me in between kidnappings. I swear Ymir let’s it happen just so she has an excuse to ravish her,” Armin answered as he sat up.

“Wait, you know the princess? And she’s repeatedly kidnapped?” Jean’s eyes widened. maybe this wasn’t a complete crapshoot.

“Yeah, we’re best friends,” Armin admitted, his eyes falling to his hands. “And she’s kidnapped enough that it’s pretty normal. If you were expecting a reward for saving her I don’t think you would’ve gotten it.”

“Damn it,” Jean cursed falling back into the grass. “I was hoping to at least get a kiss for all that bullshit.”

Before he could register what was happening, he felt a pair of lips press against his. It was a chaste kiss but it left Jean red faced, especially since the sounds of the others teleporting in rattled his nerves. He was going to have fun explaining why a he had a naked boy on top of him instead of Princess Historia.

To Be Continued tomorrow with Jearmin Week Day 2 Survival!