#connie and zozo

[kahran042]

Some good, insightful comments I found by violating the Second Corollary to Kahran’s Law of YouTube Comments:

“everyone says that this animatic is amazing because it shows that Zoe shouldn’t miss Connor because he was terrible to her, and she doesn’t miss him because she shouldn’t. But listen to the way she says “Don’t say it wasn’t true, that you were not the monster… that I knew…” and then it sounds like she’s crying. and she ends with “and my world has gone dark…” and doesn’t finish like she usually does. The purpose of this song is to show that despite everything her brother did, despite the pain and fear he caused her, she still misses him. This whole song is her finding reasons not to hurt, not to grieve, to not feel because why should she miss him? He was terrible to her.But she realised that she misses him because that was her brother. Maybe he ripped the heads off her Barbies, but he still played general and soldier with her while their parents fought. He still picked her a flower and said ‘it’s missing a petal, just like you’re missing a few screws upstairs’, yet the flower was beautiful.He was her first friend. And she loved him and she hates herself for it. That’s the beauty of this song. It shows Zoe’s true persona. A broken, grieving girl who lost her big brother. The first stages of grief, of course, are denial and anger.”

“I thought that Connor and Zoe were close as kids tho? Like, from what was said in the dialogue, plus how Zoe says "you've given me my brother back " it seems more like at some point Connor started struggling a lot with his mental illnesses and stuff and everything went downhill and no one in  the family really knew how to deal with it. So yes, Connor abused his sister with his outbursts and stuff, but their parents never fully committed to helping Connor get the treatment he needed, especially Larry, who used to say that Connor was just 'pretending for attention' and stuff, and during the time that we got to see Zoe interact with Connor at the start of the musical, she seemed to be teasing him a lot and stuff, which, I guess is fair, but it still makes me think about how their parents' careless attitude towards Connor might have rubbed off on her as well in some way, and, well, I'm just saying that it wasn't all Connor's fault. It was the whole family who was messed up, some more and some less, but they all could have handled it all better nonetheless.Edit: oh, also, the removed songs from the musical described how Connor used to be happy as a kid, and how he liked to tell jokes a lot and stuff, so yey, more evidence that Connor isn't an entirely bad person I guess :'>”

“All my hope is pinned on Zoe. That scene gets me every single time I watch this animation. She’s feeling the guilt of hating Connor, and she reads the note fully believing that Connor loved her deep down (He could’ve, but Zoe doesn’t think he did at all, and this note made her think again), and she also is realizing she’ll never be able to forgive him for what he did.”

[kahran042]

#nooooooo :( why cant they just be happy and functional siblings#i think the meanest thing canon did other thank killing connor (obviously) was making the murphy siblings hate each other#please canon just let them be friends. let them be happy. let them be stupid idiots together and not constantly fight#anyways love the art the texture is just *chef's kiss*

…And you and your brother would look for four leaf clovers.

going back to my roots. murphy sibs not knowing how to look at each other.

[gingerbreadmonsters]

stupid cupid

or: stop picking on me!

gn!reader, no content warnings, fun dumb fluff for the soul. sam collins, you’re a real mean guy! takes place inside the wonderful lexi’s prissy au, where alexis and christian are together - @autisticempathydaemon i hope i do your blorbos justice! as always, i owe everything to the discord girlies - i get the sudden feeling that @zozo-01 ​ might want to hear about this... oh, and all my love to my lovely dialect coach, the incomparable @sri-rachaa - without whom, you would all be subject to the most unholy combination of accents imaginable. be very very grateful! 💕💕 heavily inspired by stupid cupid by connie francis, which i demand you listen to while you read. spot the 五二零 reference! sam being absolutely, thoroughly to blame in just over 2200 words.

“Well. Fancy seeing you here, hmm?”

Sam Collins is an idiot.

Yeah, you’re not afraid to say it.

Sam Collins is an idiot, and you’ll tell anyone who listens, swear up and down it’s the honest truth. A bleeding-heart birdbrain who couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag. An empty-headed vamp with a talent for healing and an even bigger talent for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. Nobody else alive can put their foot in their mouth quite so quickly or obviously, and - despite Asher’s continued existence - he actually holds the state record for most dumb things said in a single minute. He’s a moron and a fool and the stupidest goddamn loser you’ve ever met in your life, and the worst part about it is that you’re absolutely, ridiculously, so so so in love with him.

It’s not fair!

What even is there to like about him? His stupid face and his awful smile and that horrible way he says there’s my darlin’, all relieved and deep and easy, when you come traipsing back through his door like a drowned rat because you hadn’t checked the forecast and it had started raining about twenty minutes after you left. His old-fashioned, ugly haircut that’s the perfect length to run your fingers through, all messy and falling across his face when he’s asleep in your arms, unfairly soft and pretty even though he barely takes care of it at all. That god-awful scruff around his jaw that you can’t help but kiss as he fills the kettle up with water, those strong hands that gently find their way around your waist as you’re listening to Milo’s tale of whatever bullshit he and his mate got up to last week, the way he likes to prop you up against his chest whenever you’re watching TV together…

…Sorry, what were we talking about?

Oh, Sam, right. Yeah, yeah. He’s an idiot. Have you mentioned that yet?

He gets back and finds you perched on the kitchen counter, elbow deep in the bag of crisps you said you didn’t like but he knows you do, because he pays too much attention to stupid shit like that for his own good. He lets you play your music in the car way more than the 50/50 you’d agreed on, which you know is true because you’ve started counting, because he’s a lying liar who lies. He always opens doors for you and pulls out your chair at the table and brings you flowers, but never lets you do the same for him, because he’s an enemy of goodness who hates things being fair.

He’s just so - he’s - the - he - aargh!

Stupid, stupid Sam Collins. It should be illegal to be so - so like that, you know? Who even let him get like this, anyway? Kissing your hand as he says hello with that damned smile, like some dashing hero out of one of those gushy romance novels Vincent’s always carting around - you know the ones, the cringy airport-duty-free types with the big cursive letters and a stock photo of some windswept white guy plastered across the cover. Your real life white knight, stepped right off the page and into your arms like it’s where he’s meant to be.

(It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, but sometimes you really do have to wonder. He gives Vincent shit for reading all those cheesy romance novels, but you’re starting to think it’s Sam who takes them to heart. He does know that those aren’t instruction manuals… right?)

He’s something else, that man. Unfortunately, you can’t say you don’t like it.

At first, you’d thought he was just playing it up - trying to be courteous, trying to be nice, and accidentally laying it on just a bit too thick. It seemed like the sort of thing he’d do, from what you could tell. He’s just so good - the kind of guy that you can’t help but admire in a sort of ‘oh, he’ll make someone really happy, one day’ kind of way. Does that make sense? Charming, really charming, even if he thinks he isn’t - and thoroughly, utterly, absolutely meant for someone a lot better than you.

You don’t say it. Never have, never will. It’s obvious. Larger than life, moonlight on the silver screen. He’s always been meant for more than this, more than you, and you won’t insult his intelligence by pretending you don’t know. He could do so much better, couldn’t he? To start with, you’d thought he must be more of an idiot than he’d seemed, to want you the way he says he does.

You know a little better now, but it doesn’t stop surprising you - he doesn’t stop surprising you.

Credit where it’s due, he’s stuck around, even when you thought he wouldn’t. The truth isn’t hard to see, but he does his best to persuade you otherwise, in as many words - and sometimes not so many clothes. More often than not, you tend to believe him. He’s very convincing, when he wants to be - that or he’s just stubborn, and you never learnt the difference. Whatever it is, it sounds so nice when he says it. If that’s what his version of persuasion feels like, you’re more than happy to, uh… to be convinced, if you will.

You don’t have to say. He knows. He already knows, and he stays anyway.

“...Darlin’?”

Oh, fuck, he - um-

“Uh - yeah, I - oh - yeah, I, um…” Startled out of your daydreaming, you’re caught off-guard by that foaming, fizzing feeling that bubbles up in your chest as he catches your eye, leaning down to prop himself up on the side of the sofa right next to where you’re sitting. “I was just, you know… sitting here…”

He laughs low and easy at your smooth comeback, shifting his weight to rest on one arm so he can reach out and take your hand gently in his. “Gettin’ comfy, are we?”

“Mm-hmm,” you mumble, trying desperately not to look as flustered as you feel. Fuck, does everyone feel like this when they see their mates? Or is it just the effect Sam has on you? You’d better start cutting Milo some more slack for that dumb face he makes whenever his mate walks into the room. “Got back early from David’s.”

“He alrigh’?”

“Seems it.” It’s always a bit awkward, going over to hang out at David’s house, but it’s generally a good time when you can pluck up the courage to actually go. “Ash spent half the time giving him shit for losing at Mario Kart, and the other half was mostly David beating him into the ground at Gang Beasts, so… yeah?”

The afternoon had been pretty good, all things considered - barring one minor mishap with a deck of UNO cards, a saucepan full of rice and some god-awful rhythm action game - and it had been nice to spend some time just relaxing with the others again. Everyone’s been so busy that it’s been hard to find a day you could all do, so it was a good change of pace.

Sam nods, thumb idly stroking over the back of your hand. “Seems like the pair of ‘em are settlin’ right in with this whole engaged business, then.”

“Business as usual, more like. They’re all lovey with their mates anyway, so it’s no different.” It’s not like it’s anyone’s fault - it’s just the way the bond works, you know? Not a compulsion, it’s not forcing you close or making you want to be all soft and touchy all the time. It just… it feels nice, is all. Like it’s good, like it’s true, like it’s right. You’d like to say you’re not as PDA-heavy as the really ooey-gooey ones like Milo and his mate, but… Well. Maybe most of the time.

“Mm, ‘spose you’re right on that front,” he muses, regretfully letting go of your hand as he stands up and starts walking off towards the kitchen. “‘Sides, ain’t David the one who proposed to his mate on solstice day? Guess he’s just the romantic type.”

“I…” When you think of romantic people, David Shaw isn’t top of the list, but maybe he’s right. When it comes to all that cheesy, cutesy stuff? Angel isn’t exactly the most subtle pet name, after all. “Yeah, I guess.”

You make to get up and follow him, but he holds out a hand to stop you before you can even properly stand.

“Nope - you stay right there, darlin’,” he says, grabbing the remote off the side table and tossing it lightly into your lap as he disappears out into the corridor. “Won’t be more’n a minute.”

“Everything alright?”

“Left my phone on the counter, ‘s all,” he replies, voice echoing slightly in the hall as you turn the TV on, idly flicking through the channels. “Vincent wanted me to take a look at some website or other - last I heard, he’s been makin’ plans for some Valentine’s Day thing?”

“He’ll be disappointed, then,” you snicker, readjusting yourself slightly to make room for Sam as he comes to sit next to you on the sofa. “He has realised that Valentine’s Day was, like, two weeks ago, right?”

A long-suffering sigh - which, to be honest, is most of the clan’s reaction when Vincent starts waxing lyrical about his partner again. There’s been a meeting at William’s all evening, something about making preparations for an event at one of the properties in a few months’ time, so Vincent must have got a hold of him there.

“Well, whatever it is, he’s got all sorts of ideas floatin’ around. He normally asks Alexis about this kinda thing, but she wasn’t there tonight so he came to me.”

“Huh.” That’s unusual. Alexis is normally really on top of these sorts of things - say what you will about her, she’s always on time and she never misses anything business-related if she can help it. “Maybe she’s just feeling a bit under the weather today.”

“Vincent said she had some ‘prior arrangement’ in town she couldn’t miss.” Sam shrugs, settling in next to you as you switch over to Netflix. “Guess she must’ve been double-booked tonight.”

Hmm. Why is that familiar? Playing truant, ‘double-booked’... You haven’t heard anything about Alexis being busy tonight before, so why does ‘prior arrangement’ ring a bell?

...Wait.

Oh, so that’s why Christian left early! You’d thought he was looking unusually dressed up. Their date night is normally Wednesdays, so it hadn’t even crossed your mind, but now that you think about it you remember Chrissy bitching about being on an out-of-town job all this week and having to miss it.

Oh, fair enough then. If someone had tried to send you out on some boring security gig for a week and you couldn’t see Sam until you got back, you’d probably be pretty pissed off too.

The conversation trails off a bit as you finally find a show you want to watch, and you’re just reaching for the blanket behind you when he - oh, when - um, when, ahhh…

“This alrigh’?” Curse his vampire speed! Before you really know what’s happening, he’s got you pressed right up against him, legs draped over his lap and curled in close under his arm, blanket over both of you. Not that you need it, anymore - your face feels like lava with the way he’s looking at you, impossibly gentle and kind.

“Yeah, yeah…” The spotlight of his attention, turned fully on you, and you’re practically blinded every time. “Good, yeah, it’s uh… yeah, ‘s fine…”

“Good,” he says, smiling softly like he has no idea of the effect he has on you. “Wouldn’t want my mate gettin’ cold on my watch.”

Fuck, does he always have to say it like that? Doesn’t he know what it does to you? Mate, mate, mate. Rattling around in your head, that firecracker-fizzing in your chest that runs through you at just the thought. He’ll end up giving you a heart attack one of these days, the way he’s going. And if it means he’ll heal you, hands all over you, holding you close as his aura cracks and sparks with healing magic? Maybe it’s overkill - but you can’t say the thought isn’t very appealing.

You hide your smile against his shoulder, burying your face in his chest in a vain attempt to play it cool - unfortunately his ridiculously-affectionate little laugh as you twist your fingers in his shirt tells you that it hasn't quite worked.

“Y’know, you seem a bit distracted, if I’m bein’ honest.”

The TV is long-forgotten as he gently tips your chin up, that idiot, idiot Sam Collins - dumb silver eyes and horrible smile and stupidly-handsome face just inches away. Is it just you, or is it a bit warm in here? In the arms of an evil, awful, wicked man whose favourite thing to do is make your stupid brain stop working, who sets your face and your heart and your soul on fire without a second thought, without even knowing he’s doing it. Honestly. What’s become of you? A house and a life and a mate that’s yours, it’s yours, he’s yours.

“Penny for your thoughts, darlin’?” A soft kiss, pressed lightly to your cheek, and all of a sudden the inside of your brain lights up a familiar shade of bright, bright blue.

He - you - oh, that’s - he just - aargh!

masterlist

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

[kahran042]

Encyclopedia of Kahranisms

Alternate title: Encyclopedia Kahranica

4S - My term for a shower taken for business instead of pleasure. Short for “Shave, Shampoo, Skin wash, Sing”.

µ2 - The Pokémon Mewtwo.

Ashram - The Magic: The Gathering Card Lim-Dûl’s Paladin, who looks sort of like Ashram from Record of Lodoss War.

Assifist run - A pacifist run in Undertale where you act like as much of an asshole as possible while still being a pacifist.

Baker’s foot - A unit of linear measurement equal to thirteen inches.

Bandit boi - A ferret, a.k.a. the critter in my icon.

Baroness von Cheaterpants - AI!Daisy in Mario Party games, who tends to cheat, at least when I play against her.

Beaving - Gnawing on wood like a beaver.

Birdcat - A griffin. Not to be confused with a skycat.

Bishonenizer - A safety razor, for its effectiveness at removing face kudzu (below).

Bob o’clock - 8:08, either AM or PM.

Breakfast soup - Cereal.

Calcucycle - Mettaton’s default boxy form.

Camels and Cacti - My name for the “All Deserts Have Cacti” trope, which happens to be a minor pet peeve of mine.

Can’t opener - A can opener that doesn’t work.

Capital 3 - The # symbol.

Carpet shark - See “bandit boi.” It should be noted that I didn’t make any of these terms up, but I do use them a lot, which is why they’re here.

Cat snake - See “bandit boi.”

Chamber of Plot Advancement - The great hall of Northwind Castle in Suikoden II.

Chess Queen Syndrome - My name for the “Too Awesome to Use” trope.

Circle - Maru the cat. “Circle” is a literal translation of his name.

Clambake - The female equivalent to a sausage fest.

ComeCen - Comedy Central.

Connie and Zozo - The Murphy siblings from Dear Evan Hansen (real names: Connor and Zoe). The names come from this fanfic.

Crapisode - A bad episode of a good show.

d2 - A coin of any denomination.

Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy: The Game - D*ng*nr*np* and its sequels.

Defrigeration - Thawing.

DigniFerret - My Tumblr icon, named because it depicts the wonderful paradox of a dignified-looking ferret.

Dobolts - Crullers, as compared to donuts, or “dough nuts”.

Face kudzu - My facial hair, which seems to grow just as fast as kudzu and is just as unwelcome.

Fanchild/Fanchildren - My gender-neutral term for fanboys and fangirls alike, so that I can rant about them without coming across as sexist.

FATAL Junior - The thankfully-defunct Tortallan forum-based RPG Daughters of the Goddess, due to the sheer amount of sexism and classism it includes in the name of “realism”.

Fatestiny - A portmanteau of “fate” and “destiny” for when I’m not sure of which term to use.

Fert - See “bandit boi.”

Flower - Maru’s little sister/apprentice/sidekick Hana. As with Circle, it’s a literal translation of her name.

Flying Yellow Barney - The Pokémon Dragonite.

Fool’s pyrite - Gold.

Frenmity - Like enmity, but between frenemies.

Fuzzbutt - See “bandit boi.”

Gaiapillar - A woolly bear caterpillar, due to their resemblance to my sister’s late ferret Gaia.

Geddoe Jagger - The Magic: The Gathering card Veldrane of Sengir, who looks sort of like Geddoe from Suikoden III, but with bigger lips.

Gisnep - Disney, based on the fact that the D and y in their logo look like a G and p, respectively.

Granny Sengir - The Magic: The Gathering card Grandmother Sengir, a.k.a. Ravi.

Gryffindork - My name for Gryffindor House, mostly used when I’m ranting and/or reblogging about Gryffindor glorification, especially when it’s at Slytherin’s expense.

Hamster - A cordless computer mouse.

Happy Ending Override: The Game - Alice: Madness Returns.

Hind party - A bachelorette party.

Human polish - Exfoliating cream.

Humannip - Marijuana.

imbecile.com - My name for genius.com, due to their repetitive and black-and-white annotations for the song Requiem from Dear Evan Hansen, which just take the lyrics at face value... that, and because they took down all my annotations on Chrono Trigger: The Musical for no apparent reason.

IOIAGDI - It’s Okay If A Gryffindork Does It. Used when a Gryffindork is praised for something a member of any other house would be punished for.

Jaywalking, Littering, and Murder - My name for the trope Bread, Milk, Eggs, Squick.

Jimmy the Scumbag - James Potter. The name comes from a minor recurring character on The Simpsons.

Jinx words - Minor curse words, like ass or crap.

Kahrant - A rant made or contributed to by my exalted self.

Kiwi syndrome - When a fruit tastes good, but has a gross texture.

L’Unpronouncabille - The final dungeon from Suikoden II (actual name: L’Renouille).

Laguna VI - The Ragnarok from Final Fantasy VIII. If you’re wondering where I got this, Ragnarok=ラグナロク=ラグナろく=ラグナ六=ラグナ6=Laguna 6=Laguna VI.

Land eel - See “bandit boi.”

Last fry syndrome - When you love something, usually a video game, but don't want to finish it because then it'll be over.

Les Verts-et-Argents - Slytherin House. The term comes from the AU fanfiction series “Slytherin Rising”, and literally translates to “The Greens and Silvers”.

Light drow - Surface elves.

Lip wig - A fake mustache, derived from the Bob’s Burgers episode “Flat-Top o’ the Morning to Ya”.

Macaroni - Ferret kits.

Mallory Pike Syndrome - The inability to get the fact that fiction is, well, fictional. The name refers to book #80 of the Baby-Sitters Club series, wherein resident bookworm and aspiring author Mallory Pike develops this condition.

Malphabetization - Incorrect alphabetization.

Marge vs. Everything - The Simpsons crapisode “Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays“.

Meat popsicle - A corn dog, or any other meaty treat on a stick.

Mongaggle - A group of mongeese.

Mpreg fish - A seahorse.

Mu Junior - The Sindar Ruins in Suikoden II, which are pretty much a scaled-down version of Mu in Illusion of Gaia, but with better music.

Nerb - A word that can be used as a noun or a verb.

NLOG - Not Like Other Girls™.

Not!Vector - Zaibach in The Vision of Escaflowne, which looks suspiciously like Vector in Final Fantasy VI.

Noodle bear - See “bandit boi.”

Ornamints - Candy canes.

Peru rat - A guinea pig.

Piano guts - A harp.

Pridegress - A group of griffins, so called because a group of lions is called a pride and a group of eagles is called a congress.

Pulling a Connor Murphy - Committing suicide.

Radiopassive - Not radioactive.

Sandbucks - Sand dollars.

Sea puppy - A seal.

Sicilian slush - The syrupy part at the bottom of an Italian ice.

Skycat - An owl. Not to be confused with a birdcat.

Slut-Shaming: THE EPISODE! - The South Park crapisode “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset“.

Springoween - Beltane/Walpurgis Night (April 30).

Stretch rat - See “bandit boi.”

Tesseracted - Raised to the fourth power.

TGIFXIII - Thank God/Goodness It’s Friday the Thirteenth.

The Anti-Fraggle - My OC Adrian Bernhardt, who is tall, grim, and hates radishes.

The Delaware of X - Something that’s only notable because it’s the first of its kind.

The Eugene Trilogy - The Hey Arnold! episodes “Eugene’s Bike”, “Eugene’s Pet”, and “Eugene’s Birthday”.

The Fourth Unforgivable - Obliviate.

The Green Wedge - Slytherin House. This refers to Slytherin’s official color being green while the colors of mana I most associate with them are blue and black - green’s enemy colors.

The Hogwarts Shitennou - The Heads of House.

The Rat Pack - Mr. Ratburn’s class on Arthur. The name comes from the defunct Arthur fansite ECDC (Elwood City Downtown Core).

The Sisterhood of the Rose - Oscar François de Jarjayes (The Rose of Versailles), Utena Tenjou (Revolutionary Girl Utena), and Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran High School Host Club), all gender-nonconforming female characters who are in some way associated with roses.

The world’s basement - Krubera Cave in Georgia (the country, not the state), the world’s deepest cave.

Threequel - The third installment in a series.

Trident of the Green Mallard - Edwards’ Trident in Odyssey: The Legend of Nemesis.

Trumpullet - A Trump supporter. The actual word is a reference to The Cleveland Show.

Tuxedo crow - A magpie.

Urthrax Killsteal - The dog in Secret of Evermore, due to his tendency to steal kills in the early game. The name is a reference to Urthrax Killspite, the Demon King from King’s Bounty.

Urza’s Shades - The Magic: The Gathering card Sunglasses of Urza.

Wacky water weasel - An otter.

Wizarding Gang Rumbles - The Wizarding “Wars” in Harry Potter, since that’s what they really were, and it’s not as if Wizarding War was ever a canon term, anyway.

Woofcat - A chihuahua or any other dog that looks like a cat.

Woozle - See “bandit boi.”

Zengurt - Frozen yogurt.