#conflicting feelings of like. wanting to be seen but also terrified of it. jdshshhs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bewby · 2 years ago

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the urge to be seen so badly but also terrified of being perceived because you're always on edge because you are so convinced everyone will turn around to reject you anyway ALL The time because you're inherently annoying and unlikable 👍🏻👍🏻 i hate living like this i hate being so afraid of being judged for everything i hate knowing people see me but i also want to be seen so badly because i want friends and i want to be happy and not lonely. my brain is aboutto fucking explode oh my God

#everytime i see people i find cool i just am like. you would never truly deeply like me. and maybe that's ok but i wish i could be someone #who's smart and witty and cool too but i'm not i'm just a people pleaser and i have no personality of my own because all my life i just #used up all my time to escape my parents bullshit which explains the chronically online-ism. i'm fucking EMBARASSED about my entire existenc #i know life comes with like rejection and people will not always like you but how do i deal with that and how do i deal with these #conflicting feelings of like. wanting to be seen but also terrified of it. jdshshhs #there's so many layers to this i recognize how alot of this wanting to be seen stuff is because of my ex too because he had a crush on me #without us even knowing eachother personally like he liked me for just existing and then he loved me like. unconditionally even After he #got to me know alot and it's like. i can't fucking believe that that is even possible with someone like me and i'm 100% sure he just had a #savior complex like yes he loved me and he loved me despite that savior complex but like. i think people can only like me because they feel #bad for me. they don't actually like me as in like. who i am. what i like what i post about #i know i have friends on here who like me but i know all of you wouldn't like me if you talked to me more because i just .#think that i'm deeply unlovable and it's so bad to say that especially because i blame myself for struggling with bpd and adhd and like #i can be liked despite being likr this. despite being mentally ill obvioisly i love my friends and they're all mentally ill #but i feel like i'm a different case because i just feel like i'm so lost and i have nothing special about myself HDJDVSVSBJYY #okay. i'll stop i'm so fucking sad

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