#confektor

[askvectorprime]

Decepticon Catering Division? Seriously?

Dear Culinary Contemptous,

One of the many terrible weapons in the Decepticon arsenal is the euphemism. Their Hygeine Teams "clean up" any survivors of their attacks. The Justice Division brutalizes any who voice dissent to ensure compliance with their beliefs. The Seekers are hunter-killers that will no sooner find a target than destroy it. Likewise, Decepticon Caterers prepare fuel using fresh ingredients seized from conquered worlds and their denizens. And if you are one such denizen, there is little you should fear more than ending up as part of a dish prepared by the D.C.D.

Led by Megatron's personal chef Confektor, these cooks undergo rigorous training in "food safety"—that is, how to find food and remove it from a place of safety. And since Cybertronian haute cuisine involves such delicacies as filletted warwhale and whole roast machadron, only the most intimidating and creative chefs last long in Hell's Kitchen. These are bots who create energon garnishes using "pink alchemy" (another euphemism, for the slaughter of organics), who brew sanguis fulgur from the innermost fuel of Autobots, who dip oil drums in chocolate for Decepticon High Command. The Warriors Elite and the Decepticon Heavy Brigade may be unmatched in sheer brutality, but it is the stomach-turning cruelty of the D.C.D. that fuels nightmares across the galaxy.