#condimentsrus

[riadark]

Chug! Chug! Chug!

I am writing a trilogy of sci-fi books called: “Incarnation”, “God”, and “Harvest”. Not to be confused with the EQ Mastery book that I am writing titled, “How To Make The World Your Bitch (and your karma will thank you). In the first book of the sci-fi trilogy series, “Incarnation”, one of the characters has an obsession with condiments. The inspiration? Well, it is hard to tell. 

There once was a guy named Johnny that I knew that loved condiments. He was one of the most animated and captivating speakers I knew; certainly, Coke and booze played a role. It turns I too have a strange relationship with condiments. Allow me to explain with some examples.

Some folks dip their chips in salsa, I chug salsa straight out of the jar. 

Soy sauce is sipped out of a ramekin when I eat sushi.

That green verdi sauce made at your local Mexican cozina? I buy the quart and it is gone by the next day. I drink directly out of that damn plastic container. 

At Chipotle, I request a heap of cilantro (approximately two solo cups worth) to be placed inside my burrito. I usually do a bowl, but on treat days, I will splurge with the wrap. 

Mustard drowns my fries. Drowns them. 

Don’t even get me started on pesto. Ok, I will launch in on pesto. I barter with my local farmers and get bags of basil. BAGS. I take them to my processor, add sesame seeds, lemon juice, salt, my dad’s olive oil, and turn on la machine. Then, I turn on the mouth machine and my version of pesto is gone by the end of the night. This leads to a very special edition of Montezuma’s revenge. 

And ketchup? Ketchup is gross dude. I don’t touch the stuff. Even I have standards.