#concrete boxes made out of ticky tacky

[the-uptake]

Concrete Boxes Made of Ticky-Tacky

The Uptake, With Symbiotic Self-Indulgence. Book III, Chapter 9. Go to previous. Go to next. TW: Disaster area navigation. That’s not suspicious at all.

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A month after Central Day, Tri-City announced acceptance of the initial wave of returning citizens, public transportation filled to capacity which was dedicated to just the task of easing the displaced out of Manhattan Premier. On the triple-decker bus headed to Level 10, ‘Choly’s wheelchair wedged up close to Cecil’s seat. Albeit grateful to be rid of the impermanence of the Hillock Plaza and its Overflow, none of the bus’s passengers felt any reprieve from the dread of uncertainty ahead.

“There’ll always be another page of billing,” Cecil finally sighed. He glared at the screen in the front of their floor’s cabin, as it looped instructional clips how to proceed upon returning home. He shifted in his seat at ‘Choly’s slowly elongating face. “We’re increasingly tethered, through lack of choices otherwise, to federal aid programs. Billing is the least of my worries. How the rolling sector housing provisional care will pan out is a definite concern. But what we’ve been allotted is all we’ve got at the moment. We don’t even have a ‘who’ or a ‘why’ yet. So we’ve got to make do.”

“It’s a long time before we have to worry about moving,” ‘Choly offered unhelpfully. “Silver linings, that we were federal employees, I suppose. Surely five years’ provisions will be long enough for them to get Central repaired, or even replaced.”

“It’s less that we don’t have to move, and more that we can’t. That’s probably the one thing I’ve signed off on in the past month that I straight up can’t stand the thought of.” Cecil squirmed in place to straighten in his fiberglass seat. “Look. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s all we’ve been discussing for days, between getting packed up and speaking with the FEMA attorneys. I’m going to turn off my ears until we’re at the complex, okay? Try out your new reader’s headset, get used to it. Chill a bit. We both need a chance to unplug from this shit for a moment.”

Cecil put a hand to ‘Choly’s knee, then used his other hand to gesture along the surface of the thetic halo to free the handshake. The faint glowing of the circuitry within the translucent organometallic structure encircling his head went dark, and he slouched back with a slow grunting exhale to stare out the window.

With a pouting nasal snort, ‘Choly pulled the bone conduction headset from his diamond bag, unfolded it, and slipped it on. He had many ways in which he envied Cecil’s survivorship. Here and now, he most envied the feature of his boyfriend’s accommodations which enabled him the ability to unplug from unpleasant discussions. He did wonder if Cecil had any theories as to motive and perpetrator, but despite all the time they’d already had to discuss the Central bombing, Cecil always conveniently found the means to sideline the subject in favor of just about anything else. But this felt nothing like how Cecil had withheld from ‘Choly that the Fulton Mass and the Supermarket Geek had been one in the same, despite vocal interest in both Web sensations. He could chalk up Cecil’s behavior to the traumatic nature of such an experience: Cecil had, after all, survived an explosion which destroyed a majority of the building which housed the city’s largest concentration of servers, networks, and energy sources.

Maybe ‘Choly was being insensitive, forcing Cecil to talk about it any more than he had. It was one thing, to disclose secondhand information about a tragic event, but another entirely to have been directly involved and impacted to the extent as his other half.

So he focused on fidgeting with the new reader. The model nearly felt like a totally different type of technology compared to the reader ‘Choly had had for eight years leading up to Central Day. His last reader had been rooted and customized to his specifications, and he’d had all the settings just as he liked them and hadn’t had to adapt to a new model or interface every four months like the Levelers. This reader had nothing in common with his last one, barring the fact they were both readers. Last time he’d tried to set it up, to his chagrin he’d figured out how to handshake the cube tray wrist loop to the reader storage. It had no mounted cube tray, and he hated it, but he’d just have to deal. He still couldn’t figure out how to pull up the screen’s keyboard, and the Web settings were greyed out where he couldn’t edit them. The notifications reminded him on the regular that the reader’s operating system awaited pending updates. He couldn’t turn off these reminders, either. His jaw tightened.

A hybrid slasher sounded like an easy distraction at first, since he knew they had a long transit ahead of them, but he knew he couldn’t focus on a film in his mental state. As he set his music cubes to shuffle and adjusted the volume of his headset, he realized that the reason he couldn’t access Web settings was because Web in Tri-City had ceased to exist. Can’t pull up specs on a dead network. He swallowed and Cecil let him hold his hand, joining him in watching the cityscape flicker by around them.

He had to look at the time on his reader to be certain of the time of day, because the trichotomy of the rolling blackout made it impossible to tell just by the qualities of the neobrutalist building surfaces. Tesla Incorporated had divided the city into sectors five levels high and roughly one mile square. Primary sectors aligned with the first shift of midnight to eight in the morning, secondary sectors with the second shift of eight to four in the afternoon, and tertiary sectors four to midnight. The city already reflected the effects of the roll. Projected adverts and running lifts animated the active secondary sectors. Charged Wolfram concrete alone illuminated the stretches of yawning primary sectors. And tertiary sectors lay dark and silent, as they had not yet received any returning inhabitants. They’d have to get used to the Tesla employees, vehicles, and equipment now a present and constant sight in Tri-City for the indefinite future. Only emergency vehicles, public transportation, and ShipShop drones shuttled about the thoroughfares.

The denizens of the bus had all come from HP and HP Overflow. ‘Choly got stuck surveying the survivors. He didn’t often feel much camaraderie with strangers, and it dulled him to find himself reflected in the angles of others’ segmented thetic limb prostheses and cosmetic reconstructions, and the haggard fabric of their faces. He wondered if they, too, experienced the sense of this othering unity, like they all belonged to a new class of citizen altogether, when they regarded his wheelchair, and his leg brace. He shook his head of it and assumed no one else would entertain this brand of nonsense.

His eyes lolled in dismissal of his mentality, silently cursing out those living higher than Level 19. How dare they have access to solar energy? He had never really given the upper crust much thought or attention, but in that moment, his sentiment throttled him to tremendous jealousy. The disaster had all but not affected them. Besides the loss of Tri-City specific Web broadcasts, ‘Choly couldn’t think of a single way the Twentisomes didn’t simply go on as they always had.

He sneered. Except those in the Newark Bay area, of course. But somehow, ‘Choly was jealous of those evacuees most of all. They’d been affected by the bombing more than any survivor. Only the block directly adjacent to Central, Levels 5 to 19, had been evacuated until the reactor explosion. FEMA thought they had the nuclear facility under control, only for twenty thousand civilians to get irradiated by four of the nine reactors melting bottom-out. One of the four exploded outright, sending two reactors into the bay with it. The entire Newark Bay would be in a permanent state of phosphorescent excitation until federal employees could seal up the waste fuel and any irradiated debris. Newark Bay survivors would remain under the care of Overflow facilities throughout New Jersey and New York for indefinite supervision and medical care. ‘Choly had been glued to documentation of this nascent exclusion zone, and he endeared it as though some transcendental slurry of ghosts trapped in place for centuries to come.

The bus let out at its next Level 10 stop, this time in Journal Square. Everyone unloading here retrieved their luggage from the under-bus cargo, and besides those who lived on Level 10, they filed out to the public lifts appropriate to their final destination. Tesla operated the lifts with on-site generators dedicated just to this mode of public transportation, already acutely aware of not just the heightened necessity for vertical mobility, but also the varying injuries the returning population had sustained. Almost too graciously, the power company, cooperating with federal emergency agencies, had taken injury and disability accommodations into consideration, and extended all the help they could within the apartment complexes for those who could not simply take the stairs once they were on the right level.

‘Choly removed his headset, and Cecil turned his halo back on. Cecil pulled a piece rolling luggage behind them and put the smaller piece in ‘Choly’s lap, and pushed ‘Choly along inside the public lift. Once the lift was to its five hundred occupant capacity, the Tesla worker ordered the pocket doors shut and they were on their way to Level 15. Fortunately for the pair, they would exit on Level 12 about fifteen minutes later.

The facade of their apartment complex crawled with advertisements for ShipShop’s new drone program. They filed in with about a hundred of their technical neighbors, and waited in line for the Tesla-operated elevators. Many of those who had the option grew impatient and dragged themselves up the stairwells rather than wait ten at a time. When ‘Choly and Cecil rode, only eight could fit from the wheelchair, and the Tesla employee cited space and weight limits. At the last minute, a heavyset tall blond man in a white bodysuit and a thetic with insectoid quadrupedal limbs squeezed their way into the elevator, its ninth and tenth occupants.

Everyone in line yelled and groaned at him. The pocket doors shut, and the Tesla employee slapped him in the chest. The thetic’s heavily stylized mannequin-like holographic features swiveled around to apologize to the group in the elevator without turning its cylindrical head.

“Did you not just hear me, ShipShop?” the operator snapped. “You of all people should know better than to push capacity.”

“We just got off shift.” He rolled his eyes and slicked back his short sweaty hair. “Gimme a break.”

“Please forgive him, if you could,” the thetic insisted with hesitant posture. It telescoped itself tight up into the back corner of the elevator to occupy the least amount of space possible. “We’ve had a particularly dicey day of it.”

The Tesla employee ignored the pair and addressed the other eight people.

“Floors, everyone?” She instructed the elevator as indicated.

“–Wait.” ‘Choly couldn’t decide whether to stare at the ShipShop employee or the thetic, whose upper half very clearly had once belonged to some manner of public transit autopilot system. “You already got back home? You sure you’re in the right building?”

The blond shoved his gloved hands in his pockets with a matter of fact slouch.

“Never left. ShipShop associates weren’t allowed to evacuate. Ninth floor, by the way.”

The Tesla worker jammed the button a second time for emphasis. ‘Choly and Cecil both flinched that he lived on the same floor.

“That’s sure an interesting customization,” Cecil commented of the thetic, not making eye contact with either. “ShipShop approve that?”

“If you let me help you carry your luggage,” he sleazed, “I’ll tell you all about it.”

‘Choly flipped his sunglasses down and shrank in his chair. Despite obvious body language that ‘Choly disapproved, Cecil nodded and shrugged with a bored frown.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Not sure why you’re offering to lug anything after what you said was a particularly awful shift, but I imagine not too many of the neighbors we knew before all this are coming back. Might as well get familiar with our floor mates.”

The ShipShop employee tried to take the handles of the wheelchair to shuttle ‘Choly along, but Cecil shouldered the man away and gave him the luggage. Cecil pushed ‘Choly, and the blond let out a hesitant chuckle as he let the thetic carry both the rolling luggage and the carry-on from ‘Choly’s lap, trawling along on its four long spindly legs.

“A natural redhead, then, I’m presuming,” he grinned as he trailed along behind them.

“You were saying?” Cecil quipped, not looking back.

“Oh! Angel here?” It let out a digital chirp when mentioned, but said nothing. “It was the navigation system of the ShipShop delivery truck I was working on April Fools, but it crashed on the Lincoln Skybridge. ShipShop wanted to scrap it ‘cause they faulted its navigation matrix for the six-car wreck. Funny how I haven’t met a single person who had a good night on the First, right? Anyway, I smuggled it into the taxi that picked me up before crash collection could haul it off. Been working on it all month. It’s given me something to busy myself with, mostly alone here. The legs are a work in progress, but it’s pretty great, right?”

“Gives me the creeps,” ‘Choly blurted out with a sharp saucer-eyed sniff. “Fff. Franken-thetic.”

“Giving him the creeps is a good thing,” Cecil translated wryly. “I’d be lying if I said I weren’t a little impressed.”

“What are those legs even from?” ‘Choly continued, fidgeting.

“That’s my secret.” The blond grinned. “Name’s Jacob, by the way.”

“Cecil. And this is Melancholy.”

“Jus’ ‘Choly’s fine.” They got to Cecil’s door and ‘Choly glanced to Angel. “Hazarding a guess. Those legs are somethin’ salvaged from a yard on Level 2.”

Jacob straightened in place, not blinking for a moment while he processed the theory.

“Now that’s an interesting thing to suppose.” He whet his lips and pressed them together. “I guess I could say you answered one of many questions, by asking one of your own.”

“He’s on the level.” Cecil gestured for Angel to relinquish their luggage. “Though I wonder if you are.”

“What coy dialogue. I was right to help you along to satisfy my curiosity. Is it just the two of you here?”

“Yes– Wish I could say one way or another if it’s been a pleasure.” Cecil shrugged gratefully at the thetic. “Thank you, Angel.”

“Oh, don’t thank me. I was just acting on Jacob’s behalf.”

“I don’t like sayin’ stuff besides what’s meant,” ‘Choly started with a frown. He glanced both ways down the hall. “Why did you follow us? You didn’t just want our impression of your robot.”

“910-B. We’re down at 925-B.” Jacob eyed the apartment door. “You said it yourself, Cecil. What’s the matter with helping a couple of my floor mates get settled back in? We were going the same way.”

“Do let us know if you need a thing, will you?” Angel swiveled behind Jacob to the other side, trying to nudge him along, its features flickering anxiously. “Jacob keeps odd hours, but if we’re present, we’re more than happy to be at your beck.”

“Right. Y’all need help inside?”

“We appreciate the help, but I hope you’ll understand that we’re not inviting you in at the moment.”

“I’ll come borrow a cuppa glow later then.” Jacob kind of hopped in place and gave them a jerking salute with his left hand, his head askew. “I’m gonna go crash.”

“Goodnight,” ‘Choly called out after them jokingly as they walked off without further circumstance. He double-checked the time on his reader. Not quite three in the afternoon yet.

Jacob thoughtfully mumbled Melancholy under his breath, just loud enough to be heard.

Cecil already had the door open before ‘Choly noticed, and shoved him inside to use the wheelchair to prop the door open. He dragged the luggage inside. A good number of lights and appliances were still on. ‘Choly wheeled himself down the hall track to the kitchen, and spaced out in disgust at the thought of what the void of electricity might have wrought of the living space. He realized he was staring at the coffee carafe in particular. Cecil abandoned the luggage in front of his reading chair and joined ‘Choly in the back half of the apartment.

“I don’t like him,” Cecil remarked.

“I do. He’s just weird enough to get stuff. The. The coffee maker.” ‘Choly sniffed, and pushed his sunglasses lenses back up. “That half carafe’s been brewing for a month.”

“I’m not looking forward to investigating the fridge. We’ll deal with that later. Promise me if Jacob or that thetic come to the door, you won’t answer it. –Think it’s stuffy in here, or is it just me?”

“I promise,” ‘Choly echoed dully, registering the remark to the air quality. “Guess the HVAC hasn’t got working full swing quite yet.”

“Hopefully it’ll get circulating soon. It’s hot and… not dusty. Stale? in here.”

“Agreed.”

Cecil tried the faucet in the kitchen, eliciting a deep groan in the wall and little else. Then he tried the bathroom sink, and finally the bathtub faucet. A successful splatter of stale-smelling water spilled out into the tub, and he let it keep running, hoping to jog the plumbing a bit. He stared at the water for some time before leaving to fish through the kitchen cabinets, and returned to fill the one large resealable container they had on hand. He also filled a drinking glass and smelled of it before sipping it. When it passed his inspection, he filled the next two largest containers as well. All the while, ‘Choly had retrieved his cane from beside him and righted himself, leaving the chair in the kitchen to flop on the daybed. He pushed everything off the bed that he’d strewn about trying to quickly get ready to meet Augen for lunch a month ago, and readily dozed off. Cecil let him rest while he unpacked to distract himself.

“I’m thinking ordering dinner from ShipShop,” Cecil half-asked, half-announced from across the apartment. “Chinese?”

“Mm? Yeah. Sure.” ‘Choly took off his glasses and rubbed at his face. “Guessing that’s our main option until they get the lift situation hashed–”

The walls of the building hummed in decline, and everything fell dark. Only one of the two long walls of the apartment had exposed Wolfram concrete, and ‘Choly and Cecil just sat in place trying to accept this phase of the rolling blackout.

“–out.”

“Guess I’m done unpacking for now.” Cecil sighed. “We should buy some more Wolfram installments. One wall isn’t gonna cut it long-term.”

‘Choly got up and made the executive decision to open the blackout curtains over the window which took up the entire outer wall of the apartment. He stared out from where he stood with a difficult brow.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing the city only lit by the concrete,” he murmured.

“We’re inside. It’s fine. Come on, tell me what you want for dinner. The Web reception tanked with the power. I’ll go up to the rooftop kiosk and order in person. For once I’m glad we’re on the ninth floor of a twelve story building.”

“Let’s split something with shrimp.” ‘Choly started to walk toward Cecil, but stopped short. “I just put a finger on why that guy followed us. He recognized me.”

“From where?”

“The wreck on the Skybridge. He saw me and Augen walk away. Fuck–” He tugged at his sweatshirt in the twilight. “I’m even wearing the same shirt I was wearing–”

‘Choly could hear Cecil’s agitation mounting.

“…How were you two involved in that wreck?”

Go to Next »»»

[mcmansionhell]

Underground, Part 1

[Author’s Note: A year ago, when waiting for the DC Metro, I came up with an idea for a short story involving two realtors and the infamous Las Vegas Underground House, typed up an outline, and shoved it away in my documents where it sat neglected until this month. The house recently resurfaced on Twitter, and combined with almost a year of quarantine, the story quickly materialized. Though I rarely write fiction, I decided I’d give it a shot as a kind of novelty McMansion Hell post. I’ve peppered the story with photos from the house to break up the walls of text. Hopefully you find it entertaining. I look forward to returning next month with the second installment of this as well as our regularly scheduled McMansion content. Happy New Year!

Warning: there’s lots of swearing in this.]

Underground

Back in 1997, Mathieu Rino, the son of two Finnish mechanical engineers who may or may not have worked intimately with the US State Department, changed his name to Jay Renault in order to sell more houses. It worked wonders.

He gets out of the car, shuts the door harder than he should. Renault wrinkles his nose. It’s a miserable Las Vegas afternoon - a sizzling, dry heat pools in ripples above the asphalt. The desert is a place that is full of interesting and diverse forms of life, but Jay’s the kind of American who sees it all as empty square-footage. He frowns at the dirt dusting up his alligator-skin loafers but then remembers that every lot, after all, has potential. Renault wipes the sweat from his leathery face, slicks back his stringy blond hair and adjusts the aviators on the bridge of his nose. The Breitling diving watch crowding his wrist looks especially big in the afternoon glare. He glances at it.

“Shit,” he says. The door on the other side of the car closes, as though in response. 

If Jay Renault is the consummate rich, out-of-touch Gen-Xer trying to sell houses to other rich, out-of-touch Gen-Xers, then Robert Little is his millennial counterpart. Both are very good at their jobs. Robert adjusts his tie in the reflection of the Porsche window, purses his lips. He’s Vegas-showman attractive, with dark hair, a decent tan, and a too-bright smile - the kind of attractive that ruins marriages but makes for an excellent divorcee. Mildly sleazy.

“Help me with these platters, will you?” Renault gestures, popping the trunk. Robert does not want to sweat too much before an open house, but he obliges anyway. They’re both wearing suits. The heat is unbearable. A spread of charcuterie in one hand, Jay double-checks his pockets for the house keys, presses the button that locks his car. 

Both men sigh, and their eyes slowly trail up to the little stucco house sitting smack dab in the center of an enormous lot, a sea of gravel punctuated by a few sickly palms. The house has the distinct appearance of being made of cardboard, ticky-tacky, a show prop. Burnt orange awnings don its narrow windows, which somehow makes it look even more fake. 

“Here we go again,” Jay mutters, fishing the keys out of his pocket. He jiggles them until the splintered plywood door opens with a croak, revealing a dark and drab interior – dusty, even though the cleaners were here yesterday. Robert kicks the door shut with his foot behind him.

 “Christ,” he swears, eyes trailing over the terrible ecru sponge paint adorning the walls. “This shit is so bleak.”

The surface-level house is mostly empty. There’s nothing for them to see or attend to there, and so the men step through a narrow hallway at the end of which is an elevator. They could take the stairs, but don’t want to risk it with the platters. After all, they were quite expensive. Renault elbows the button and the doors part. 

“Let’s just get this over with,” he says as they step inside. The fluorescent lights above them buzz something awful. A cheery metal sign welcomes them to “Tex’s Hideaway.” Beneath it is an eldritch image of a cave, foreboding. Robert’s stomach’s in knots. Ever since the company assigned him to this property, he’s been terrified of it. He tells himself that the house is, in fact, creepy, that it is completely normal for him to be ill at ease. The elevator’s ding is harsh and mechanical. They step out. Jay flips a switch and the basement is flooded with eerie light. 

It’s famous, this house - The Las Vegas Underground House. The two realtors refer to it simply as “the bunker.” Built by an eccentric millionaire at the height of Cold War hysteria, it’s six-thousand square feet of paranoid, aspirational fantasy. The first thing anyone notices is the carpet – too-green, meant to resemble grass, sprawling out lawn-like, bookmarked by fake trees, each a front for a steel beam. Nothing can grow here. It imitates life, unable to sustain it. The leaves of the ficuses seem particularly plastic.

Bistro sets scatter the ‘yard’ (if one can call it that), and there’s plenty of outdoor activities – a parquet dance floor complete with pole and disco ball, a putt putt course, an outdoor grill made to look like it’s nestled in a rock, but in reality better resembles a baked potato. The pool and hot tub, both sculpted in concrete and fiberglass mimicking a natural rock formation, are less Playboy grotto and more Fred Flintstone. It’s a very seventies idea of fun.

Then, of course, there’s the house. That fucking house. 

A house built underground in 1978 was always meant to be a mansard – the mansard roof was a historical inevitability. The only other option was International Style modernism, but the millionaire and his wife were red-blooded anti-Communists. Hence, the mansard. Robert thinks the house looks like a fast-food restaurant. Jay thinks it looks like a lawn and tennis club he once attended as a child where he took badminton lessons from a swarthy Czech man named Jan. It’s drab and squat, made more open by big floor-to-ceiling windows nestled under fresh-looking cedar shingles. There’s no weather down here to shrivel them up.

“Shall we?” Jay drawls. The two make their way into the kitchen and set the platters down on the white tile countertop. Robert leans up against the island, careful of the oversized hood looming over the electric stovetop. He eyes the white cabinets, accented with Barbie pink trim. The matching linoleum floor squeaks under his Italian loafers. 

“I don’t understand why we bother doing this,” Robert complains. “Nobody’s seriously going to buy this shit, and the company’s out a hundred bucks for party platters.”

“It’s the same every time,” Renault agrees. “The only people who show up are Instagram kids and the crazies - you know, the same kind of freaks who’d pay money to see Chernobyl.” 

“Dark tourism, they call it.”

Jay checks his watch again. Being in here makes him nervous.

“Still an hour until open house,” he mutters. “I wish we could get drunk.”

Robert exhales deeply. He also wishes he could get drunk, but still, a job’s a job.

“I guess we should check to see if everything’s good to go.”

The men head into the living room. The beamed, slanted ceiling gives it a mid-century vibe, but the staging muddles the aura. Jay remembers making the call to the staging company. “Give us your spares,” he told them, “Whatever it is you’re not gonna miss. Nobody’ll ever buy this house anyway.” 

The result is eclectic – a mix of office furniture, neo-Tuscan McMansion garb, and stuffy waiting-room lamps, all scattered atop popcorn-butter shag carpeting. Hideous, Robert thinks. Then there’s the ‘entertaining’ room, which is a particular pain in the ass to them, because the carpet was so disgusting, they had to replace it with that fake wood floor just to be able to stand being in there for more than five minutes. There’s a heady stone fireplace on one wall, the kind they don’t make anymore, a hearth. Next to it, equally hedonistic, a full bar. Through some doors, a red-painted room with a pool table and paintings of girls in fedoras on the wall. It’s all so cheap, really. Jay pulls out a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket along with a pen. He ticks some boxes and moves on.

The dining room’s the worst to Robert. Somehow the ugly floral pattern on the curtains stretches up in bloomer-like into a frilly cornice, carried through to the wallpaper and the ceiling, inescapable, suffocating. It smells like mothballs and old fabric. The whole house smells like that. 

The master bedroom’s the most normal – if anything in this house could be called normal. Mismatched art and staging furniture crowd blank walls. When someone comes into a house, Jay told Robert all those years ago, they should be able to picture themselves living in it. That’s the goal of staging. 

There’s two more bedrooms. The men go through them quickly. The first isn’t so bad – claustrophobic, but acceptable – but the saccharine pink tuille wallpaper of the second gives Renault a sympathetic toothache. The pair return to the kitchen to wait.

Both men are itching to check their phones, but there’s no point – there’s no signal in here, none whatsoever. Renault, cynical to the core, thinks about marketing the house to the anti-5G people. It’s unsettlingly quiet. The two men have no choice but to entertain themselves the old-fashioned way, through small talk.

“It’s really fucked up, when you think about it,” Renault muses.

“What is?”

“The house, Bob.”

Robert hates being called Bob. He’s told Jay that hundreds of times, and yet…

“Yeah,” Robert mutters, annoyed.

“No, really. Like, imagine. You’re rich, you founded a major multinational company marketing hairbrushes to stay-at-home moms, and what do you decide to do with your money? Move to Vegas and build a fucking bunker. Like, imagine thinking the end of the world is just around the corner, forcing your poor wife to live there for ten, fifteen years, and then dying, a paranoid old man.” Renault finds the whole thing rather poetic. 

“The Russkies really got to poor ol’ Henderson, didn’t they?” Robert snickers.

“The wife’s more tragic if you ask me,” Renault drawls. “The second that batshit old coot died, she called a guy to build a front house on top of this one, since she already owned the lot. Poor woman probably hadn’t seen sunlight in God knows how long.”

“Surely they had to get groceries.”

Jay frowns. Robert has no sense of drama, he thinks. Bad trait for a realtor.

“Still,” he murmurs. “It’s sad.”

“I would have gotten a divorce, if I were her,” the younger man says, as though it were obvious. It’s Jay’s turn to laugh.

“I’ve had three of those, and trust me, it’s not as easy as you think.”

“You’re seeing some new girl now, aren’t you?” Robert doesn’t really care, he just knows Jay likes to talk about himself, and talking fills the time.  

“Yeah. Casino girl. Twenty-six.”

“And how old are you again?”

“None of your business.”

“Did you see the renderings I emailed to you?” Robert asks briskly, not wanting to discuss Jay’s sex life any further.

“What renderings?”

“Of this house, what it could look like.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Jay has not seen the renderings.

“If it were rezoned,” Robert continues, feeling very smart, “It could be a tourist attraction - put a nice visitor’s center on the lot, make it sleek and modern. Sell trinkets. It’s a nice parcel, close to the Strip - some clever investor could make it into a Museum of Ice Cream-type thing, you know?”

“Museum of Ice Cream?”

“In New York. It’s, not, like, educational or anything. Really, it’s just a bunch of colorful rooms where kids come to take pictures of themselves.”

“Instagram,” Jay mutters. “You know, I just sold a penthouse the other week to an Instagram influencer. Takes pictures of herself on the beach to sell face cream or some shit. Eight-point-two million dollars.”

“Jesus,” Robert whistles. “Fat commission.”

“You’re telling me. My oldest daughter turns sixteen this year. She’s getting a Mazda for Christmas.”

“You ever see that show, My Super Sweet Sixteen? On MTV? Where rich kids got, like, rappers to perform at their birthday parties? Every time at the end, some guy would pull up in, like, an Escalade with a big pink bow on it and all the kids would scream.”

“Sounds stupid,” Jay says.

“It was stupid.”

It’s Robert’s turn to check his watch, a dainty gold Rolex.

“Fuck, still thirty minutes.”

“Time really does stand still in here, doesn’t it?” Jay remarks.

“We should have left the office a little later,” Robert complains. “The charcuterie is going to get –“

A deafening sound roars through the house and a violent, explosive tremor throws both men on the ground, shakes the walls and everything between them. The power’s out for a few seconds before there’s a flicker, and light fills the room again. Two backup generators, reads Jay’s description in the listing - an appeal to the prepper demographic, which trends higher in income than non-preppers. For a moment, the only things either are conscious of are the harsh flourescent lighting and the ringing in their ears. Time slows, everything seems muted and too bright. Robert rubs the side of his face, pulls back his hand and sees blood.

“Christ,” he chokes out. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know,” Jay breathes, looking at his hands, trying to determine if he’s got a concussion. The results are inconclusive – everything’s slow and fuzzy, but after a moment, he thinks it might just be shock.

“It sounded like a fucking 747 just nosedived on top of us.” 

“Yeah, Jesus.” Jay’s still staring at his fingers in a daze. “You okay?”

“I think so,” Robert grumbles. Jay gives him a cursory examination.

“Nothing that needs stitches,” he reports bluntly. Robert’s relieved. His face sells a lot of houses to a lot of lonely women and a few lonely men. There’s a muffled whine, which the two men soon recognize as a throng of sirens. Both of them try to calm the panic rising in their chests, to no avail.

“Whatever the fuck happened,” Jay says, trying to make light of the situation, “At least we’re in here. The bunker.”

Fear forms in the whites of Robert’s eyes.

“What if we’re stuck in here,” he whispers, afraid to speak such a thing into the world. The fear spreads to his companion.

“Try the elevator,” Jay urges, and Robert gets up, wobbles a little as his head sorts itself out, and leaves. A moment later, Jay hears him swear a blue streak, and from the kitchen window, sees him standing before the closed metal doors, staring at his feet. His pulse racing, Renault jogs out to see for himself.

“It’s dead,” Robert murmurs. 

“Whatever happened,” Jay says cautiously, rubbing the back of his still-sore neck, “It must have been pretty bad. Like, I don’t think we should go up yet. Besides, surely the office knows we’re still down here.”

“Right, right,” the younger man breathes, trying to reassure himself.

“Let’s just wait it out. I’m sure everything’s fine.” The way Jay says it does not make Robert feel any better. 

“Okay,” the younger man grumbles. “I’m getting a fucking drink, though.”

“Yeah, Jesus. That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.” Renault shoves his hands in his suit pocket to keep them from trembling.  

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[rxnctus]

The Benefits of Building a Custom Home

Building a custom home is a labor of love. It’s awesome to get exactly what you want in a new home. Old homes have their charms. The architecture of a century ago still feels grand to us, and their durability relative to homes built in the past forty years reveals a society less willing (or able) to sacrifice quality for the ease of mass production than ours is. But the world changes quickly, and much of our existing housing stock does not meet contemporary expectations for efficiency, connectivity, and comfort.

That’s why building a custom home is a dream for so many people. You can pick from many different custom home styles or create your own completely. If you have the means to make it happen for yourself, count your blessings, and enjoy the process of turning your dream into a reality.

Building a Custom Home: Design to Fit Your Life

Building a custom home means getting the exact design you want. Rather than searching real estate listings for the home styles you like and hoping they’re the right price, size, and location, consult with an architect from limitless custom home styles or draw up plans yourself. Build a house that fits your dreams by incorporating studio or home office space. Make a house that fits your family, whether it’s a mother-in-law apartment or a gaming den. Build a house that melts into the landscape or draws the eye from miles away. Design a space that lets you meditate, or throw the most thrilling parties, or both.

Building a Custom Home: Better Quality

As long as you have the right budget, you can build a home that is higher quality than many homes on the market. By choosing your materials carefully, minimizing the square footage you need, and taking advantage of local conditions to reduce the need for climate control, you can make your home’s visual aspect, comfort, and efficiency rival those of the most expensive homes on the market without the attendant profligate costs.

Your Choice of Materials

Whether you want to recreate historical home styles or try to create something original, designing your own home allows you greater control over material choice. There are many exciting innovations in the field of construction materials, from self-healing concrete to mass timber; if early adoption is your thing, it’s a great time to be building a house. You can also save money and greenhouse gases by recycling materials from local sources. For example, a collapsing old barn may contain tons of usable timbers, copper plating, or slate shingles.

Building a Custom Home: Pick Your Location

There’s no guarantee that an architect or contractor will have the time and interest in your local geography, its seasonal exposure, and the terrain to match your home’s design to its milieu. If you’ve spent time finding the right spot for your dream house, it’s worth the effort of placing it thoughtfully. A mistake made too often, even by experienced designers, is to ruin a beautiful place by building on it. Professionals are vital to the process, of course, but their priority must be to minimize costs, not to avoid disturbing the natural beauty that drew you to want to build a home there in the first place.

Energy Efficiency

Although building codes have evolved in the past half-century to require increasing levels of insulation and energy efficiency in home construction and HVAC systems, these codes still generally represent the floor, not the ceiling, of available technology. Customizing your home is an opportunity to incorporate simple, yet incredibly effective principles such as passive solar design, or making use of innovative materials like ICFs (Insulating Concrete Forms). It’s also essential to incorporate the latest climate control and water heating technologies to keep lifetime maintenance costs low.

Building a Custom Home: Accessibility

Nobody knows when illness or accident may strike, now more than ever. Whether this is your forever house or not, it could be someone’s someday – possibly someone you care about. Although the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) does not regulate detached single-family homes, the benefits of universally accessible design – that is, “The design of products and environments to be usable by all people, to the greatest extent possible, without the need for adaptation or specialized design” – accrue to anyone who uses the structure and expand the choices for all those who live in it. Simple design elements like high contrast edges, wider doorways, and no-step entrances can mean the difference between moving out in 40 years vs. moving out in 60 years, or never.

Building a Custom Home: Character

Tired of those little boxes, all made out of ticky-tacky? You aren’t the only one, but if you’re thinking of building a custom-designed home, you’re in a position to do something about it. Add some variety to the neighborhood — unless variety isn’t your thing. Perhaps you want a place that doesn’t stand out as an obviously custom-styled home, but still embodies a level of quality above that of the typical mass-produced mansion. Either way, you’re adding character to your community.

Get Off the Grid

Feeling the need to protect yourself from the vagaries of international politics and commerce? If you’re willing to put in thought and effort, you won’t have to spend a bundle to build a wholly or partially self-sufficient home – one that goes beyond energy efficiency and generates its own electrical supply as a matter of course, or that purifies its own water. You can integrate air purification to your HVAC systems and firewalls into your home’s online network.

Building a Custom Home: Legacy

Most of us spend our entire lives inside buildings conceived, designed, and built by someone else. When you have a house custom made, it can be a family house that’s passed down for generations. Participating in the design of your house with pro-social design goals in mind means leaving a legacy for future generations that is thoughtful rather than accidental.

Humans have been building and finding shelters for thousands of years – it’s an ingrained impulse to create a safe haven for ourselves and the people we love. Every built structure is a time machine that connects its builders to its inhabitants: it’s time to make your mark.

Looking for the perfect build site? Browse our listings.

If you’re thinking of selling your home, contact us so we can help!

 Steelbridge Realty LLC  is a Licensed Real Estate Brokerage that utilizes cutting-edge marketing techniques and data-driven Real Estate solutions in today’s ever-changing environment. Our group of professionals have decades of experience and have navigated through many business cycles. Our diverse background gives us the tools to guide people towards successful decisions.

  _podioWebForm.render("1020721")

  Foreclosure

1 / 35

$469,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

3

BED

4

TOTAL BATHS

3,813

SQFT

Riva Del Lago #PH3114300 Riva Del Lago Dr Ph31Fort Myers, FL 33907

1 / 27

$275,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Pending With Contingencies

4

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,929

SQFT

18602 Spruce Dr EFort Myers, FL 33967SAN CARLOS PARK Subdivision

1 / 1

$7,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 41, Unit 5285Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 12

$10,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,900

SQFT

South Seas Island Resort #1504 week 381501 South Seas Plantation Rd 1504 Week 38Captiva, FL 33924

1 / 1

$4,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 48, Unit 5190lBonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 23

$675,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

3

BED

4

TOTAL BATHS

3,852

SQFT

Riva Del Lago #PH3214380 Riva Del Lago Dr Ph32Fort Myers, FL 33907

1 / 1

$6,999

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 43, Unit 5344l L LBonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$6,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 34, Unit 5265Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$5,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 37, Unit 5366Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$13,900

Land For Sale

Active

0.1842

ACRES

LEE

COUNTY

7030 Papaya- Was Penrose AveBokeelia, FL 33922SUNDIET VILLAGE Subdivision

1 / 1

$8,900

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 40, Unit 5248lBonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$9,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 41, Unit 5187Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

Price Change - 7 days ago

1 / 1

$8,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 51, Unit 5182lBonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$9,000

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 19, Unit 5366Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$8,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 34, Unit 5385Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$5,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 20, Unit 5284Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$6,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 35, Unit 5248lBonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 20

$944,242

Land For Sale

Active

31.58

ACRES

LEE

COUNTY

Access UndeterminedBokeelia, FL 33922FOSTERS MRS LENA SUBDIVISION Subdivision

1 / 1

$8,800

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 37, Unit 5364Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

1 / 1

$8,500

Single Family Home For Sale

Active

2

BED

2

TOTAL BATHS

1,000

SQFT

11720 Coconut Plantation, Week 29, Unit 5365Bonita Springs, FL 34134HYATT COCONUT PLANTATION RESORT Subdivision

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The post The Benefits of Building a Custom Home appeared first on Steelbridge Realty LLC.

from Steelbridge Realty LLC https://northfortmyersonline.com/2020/04/06/the-benefits-of-building-a-custom-home/

[the-uptake]

Book I: The 704 Book II: The world was beginning to fluoresce into wounds. Book III: With Symbiotic Self-Indulgence Book IV: The Sarpashana Solution

[[[[[ Table of Contents updated 2020.01.17 ]]]]]

As Tri-City adapts to the loss of its first four levels, it’s a futile struggle to remain entirely human. Only two constants stand fast: it’s getting harder to hide from the city, and things have got to change.

Abdications of Flesh (Revised 2018.08.30; 3646 words) Some outside perspectives of the consequences of the Stalkers’ Quarter quarantine. TW: Drugs and drug culture, police brutality, dysmorphia

Communion with Nimrod The stalkers establish the seven Communes.

Only the Vital Ones (Revised 2019.10.28; 5591 words) While ‘Choly tries to make peace with everything he’s done, Augen does his best to make peace with his humanity. TW: Substance abuse, alcohol, dysphoria, body horror, gore, societal cruelty mention.

Fluorescent Twilight (Last updated 2018.11.11; 5656 words) A delightful view of the quarantine, and an interrupted walk home. TW: Major public crisis and high death count, minor nsfw and drug use, violence and injury, multiple permanent main character disfigurements

On Good Terms and Conditions (Added 2019.03.02; 3600 words) The wonders of Hillock Plaza. TW: needle-related triage descriptions, and bombing mention.

Other Kin (Added 2019.03.07; 4952 words) ‘Choly and Augen finally get to Cecil’s hospital room. TW: Bombing discussion newscasts, major permanent disfigurement, ICU traction and life support stuff.

Medical waste and its real role in our lives (Added 2019.06.06; 5166 words) ’Choly and Augen’s afternoon in Manhattan Premier. TW: Is it body horror if it happens in complete darkness?

Faith in Higher Things (Added 2019.06.25; 5653 words) Reality starts bleeding. TW: Gore, stitches, metropolitan crisis onset

Concrete Boxes Made of Ticky-Tacky (Edited 2019.10.26; 3329 words) ’Choly and Cecil return home from the HP. TW: Disaster area navigation

Strange declensions of skin and musculature (Revised 2020.01.10; 5987 words) Melancholy arts and crafts hour. TW: Gore, stitches, needles, drugging, body horror, hard trypo warning

The 704, 1|4|0|SA (Revised 2016.09.09; 2684 words) The haze takes its toll on Torber and Galen. TW: Extreme mutilation, body horror, forcefeeding

Between You and Me (Added 2020.01.17; 4427 words) Cecil has a heart to heart. TW: Shaving, alcohol, drugging, hangovers of both kinds, bondage, epidemic, isolation, bombing survivorship mention, descriptions of lethal body horror.

See Black, See Bloom Tri-City’s denizens begin to grow things themselves.

Seasons of Derangement Let’s host Potluck. Likely to branch out into 3-5 chapters. TW: Drug culture

With the devotion of an earl marshal (Revised Feb 2015) When none of the Potluck can get tickets to Ivory Rasmussen’s gala, they aim to throw a lavish Potluck of their own. And despite an absentee Augen, Bernadette has something special. TW: Body horror, social drug use

MagicK Ultra The confectioner mastermind behind Resin throws a gala to celebrate his self-reinvention, and Augen aims to crash it. TW: Fetish party??? I don’t even know how to brand this thing. Heavy social drug use, body horror

So Watch As I Start to Smile Augen learns his lesson crashing the parties of complete strangers. TW: Body horror, gore

Dying by the roadside (picnic) After Bernadette jumped the shark, ‘Choly can only fatalistically aim to outdo her and the rest of the group TW: Voluntary abduction?