#conceptually not cause of anything gross

[viscasi]

Is it bad that I wish there was a matriarchy to support my feelings? im kind of jealous how cis men have that societal support and approval and how their roles are. it really hurts waking up and realizing my gfs would find that a little weird. I love ur blog btw!

I mean, I guess it depends on how serious you are when you say you wish there was a matriarchy (which would end up hurting people as much as the patriarchy), or if what you really want is for us to be less invisible.

I totally understand the frustration you’re talking about. When people are confused about me and my preferences and the way I am, sometimes I wish I could just tell them I’m trans!! I’m a man!! Because I think some people really can only conceptualize masculinity in men and that is what it would take for them to finally understand me.* Time and time again, growing up my mom always asked me “Why do you care so much about being tall? That only matters for boys,” or “Why don’t you like looking pretty?” or “Why don’t you like makeup? Why don’t you like dresses? Why do you take your boyfriend out on dates? Why do you buy your boyfriend flowers? Why do you act like the man in your relationship? Why…” etc etc etc etc. And every time, I have told her “I like it that way. I’m just a masculine person.” And… it’s one thing that I even have to explain it to someone who still doesn’t get it, but it’s another thing that the opposite of what I want is always what is expected of me. It’s tiring.

*note, obvious acknowledgement that trans men aren’t always readily accepted/respected for their masculinity and the reality is that many of them share this same grief with us. Also, not all trans men are masculine. But anyway, regardless, not everyone knows that and there are some specific people in my personal life I’m referring to who would understand my masculinity if they thought I was just a trans guy, which is frustrating for me to reconcile with.

This was one thing that led me to think maybe I was trans for a while (I ended up figuring out that I actually didn’t feel like I was a man, just that I wished people readily understood and respected my masculinity the way they would if I was a man.)

Not to mention, one thing that will never not infuriate me is the way mainstraight women talk about gnc men. All the “eww” and “pathetic” and “be a man” and “no one wants someone who can’t treat them like a lady” is just awful and I’m so sick of hearing it. I’m sick and tired of people treating gnc men like failures and gnc women like gross monsters, and imagining a world where we are the majority so that we can live in peace is obviously a tempting fantasy.

Even though a lot of the reason why masculinity is taken less seriously in women (and femininity is taken less seriously men) is because of patriarchy and misogyny etc which may take a long time to totally go away— honestly, I think the biggest cause is the fact that most people just don’t even know that het masc women / fem men even exist, so they’re trying to understand you through a gender conforming lens and erasing you in the process, usually fairly unintentionally. Buuut…

The good news is, I think once our community develops a bit more and we gain more visibility, there will be less resistance to our existence. Visibility may also pose new challenges, and not everyone is going to be readily accepting, but I think over all, at least, it would give those who do want to understand us the ability to do so.

In the meantime, I think staying connected to our community is incredibly important. It’s so easy to feel isolated when you’re hetGNC because most people don’t know anything about us and it’s difficult to get them to understand. Involving myself with likeminded people here has IMMENSELY alleviated the frustration I have about our invisibility irl— speaking of, thank you for being part of that! It’s so good to know I’m not alone. And I’m happy you like it here!!!

[kohakuriver]

I think that theory exists because ppl dont want to see romantic subtext between Chihiro and Haku because they see Haku as muchhh older than her.

However I think he's really ageless along with other spirits, especially as a river spirit. That even as the Kohaku River and his stoic nature, he is still around the same age as her spiritually like a preteen or so because he's a literal river spirit. Especially since of when he rescued her in that river, it was such an important experience to him. So I think in that bc rivers reflect, he is in a way a reflection of Chihiro. Water flows and takes shape and stuff. A river doesn't age, and the only way to "kill" it would be to fill it in like and I think that killed him emotionally and figuratively. Why he ultimately forgot his name. I also think her dropping her shoe in the river is another reason Haku is around the same age as her, and not a much older thing. I think his age is purposefully ambigious. And conceptually him being immature, even if he is stoic and composed, makes sense for the other aspects of his personally. That he's not old or young, he's a river. And, his ambigious age doesn't seem to be malicious or weird or anything, especially cause of Miyazaki's views. His age is ambigious in many aspects including emotional maturity, and he's intentionally a character that's hard to read and understand at first glance. So I assume it's like a very literal thing, that Haku is seen as old so ppl do not want to believe there was something between them or that there could be. Personally I think where the movie is, that their relationship is nor platonic nor romantic (transends that) but there is a potential for connection there, Haku just forgot who he was and Chihiro was worried about saving her parents. But when they see each other again I can see Chihiro falling for him and developing a deeper crush on Haku.

I think that's why they decided to cut the line in the English dub too, that they thought it would be wrong for Zeniba to tease her about that bc of how viewers would or might personify Haku as being an older person and be grossed out instead of thinking it's cute and funny.

(also more things 1. Howl is Haku theory is so weird 2. HMC is overrated imo and for some reason affects how people view Ghibli stories as like these cottagecore pieces despite most not being like that 3. I love your art)

First of all thank you so much for sending such a nice long ask about spirited away i think this is the first nice ask i got on here in like. 3 years? (originally anon was off because someone nasty was harassing me) And thank you for loving my art!! Alrighty moving on-

I agree on a lot of this actually! I don't think Chihiro and Haku's relationship is platonic or romantic (Though I have shipped them since I was a kid) and they have a much deeper connection just like most Ghibli duos. (Pazu and Sheeta, Ashitaka and San just to name a few) I also always personally saw Haku as a year or two older than Chihiro but ultimately being very ambiguous since these spirits obviously have a very different concept of age and time.

I would like to point out, despite Zeniba's dragon boyfriend line being cut in the english dub she instead says something along the lines of "Only love can break the spell" in a kinda teasing way which I think was supposed to replace the boyfriend part. She actually doesn't say that in Japanese at all! To me that line was meant to convey the same thing and was just placed at a different moment. (I wish I knew why though lol maybe because the boyfriend joke and her serious tone right afterwards didn't feel right? Your reasoning could also be the case though!)

In my opinion I think majority of english speaking fans ship them (and still do) But when that stupid theory came out sooo many people fell for it. I've seen some fans like the theory because of the reason you mentioned which is fine of course, I don't care what people headcanon. But majority of the people I've talked to were just victims to clickbait and misinformation because they always rejoiced afterwards and were like "I can ship them again!!" lmaoo.

TBH I think most ghibli theories just exist as some form of clickbait or because the fans run out of things to talk about in the movies so they just make stuff up based on conjecture. The sibling theory isn't even the first time this has happened with Spirited Away. (It has like 6 more wild theories that don't really make sense.) I'm usually ok with that even though it's obnoxious when it clogs up the searches... I just hate when people insist its canon!! It's like... did we even see the same movie?? and where are you getting your info from??? lolol

Also that part of you mentioning Chihiro's rescue as an important experience for him and it reflecting back on him... i love the whole Haku analysis so much!

AND THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT ABOUT HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!! Anon come out and be my bff I can't believe someone else thought the same thing. Howl's moving castle is a bit overrated in the way that i hate that it's used as like a "spoke person" for Ghibli. But at the same time it's so much more than its romance and pretty backgrounds but some fans only look at hot anime boy :') I wish more people talked about Sophie and her character (movie and book version) and how she should have kept her magic!

[nightcolorz]

i’m late but for the ask game: armand 6, 8, 25

YIPPIE!! Thank u sm for sending this, I’ve been pretty severely injured lately and I woke up feeling so shit and sad, so getting this notif absolutely made my day. Armand !!! He is my favorite character in anything ever. I have literally never been so insane about a guy before. U picked some great questions so I’m super excited about this.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I identify strongly with Armand for a lot of weird little reasons. I think the root of it is transgender and autism stuff if I’m honest 😭 Im going to try not to get tooo personal 👍👍 but I will let’s be honest, I will get personal. I can relate to being fetishized and characterized for my sort of androgynous/pretty/boyish appearance while I feel like how I look doesn’t truly reflect who I am as a person. I definitely get the struggle of being demeaned and treated like a child bcus of the juvenile ish appearance transitioning can give you. I also can relate to being demeaned and treated like a child because of my social awkwardness (due to autism) that causes many ppl to assume I’m unintelligent or immature, need to be treated gently or talked to slowly, etc. I see these parts of myself reflected in Armand ofc in different more vampiric ways, and having a character who is infantilized and talked down to while also fetishized and sexually exploited for a perceived innocence that isn’t reflective of who he really is at all, a guy who is also very strange and awkward and doesn’t act right, who is also simultaneously very bad ass (imo lmao) in his shamelessness and his overtly violent and freak of nature attitude, is weirdly very validating and empowering for me, lmao. He is like the weak shameful parts of myself if the weak shameful parts of myself had teeth. 👍👍👍 Yeah 😁😁😁😁 Armand 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

lmfaooo, I’m so happy u picked this one bcus I love complaining and being a hater 😍 I am sorry in advance if I say anything that ruffles any bodies feathers, just bcus I don’t like these things ppl do doesn’t mean I don’t like the ppl who do them, y’all do u I’m not stopping u. Anyways.

I don’t enjoy how a handful of amc exclusive fans characterize Armand, because you can tell they rlly only understand him based on Wikipedia reads and his brief appearance in the show so far, which results in this sort of glaring simplification of his character in fan content. This wouldn’t rlly bother me if not for how prevalent it is 😭 like it’s genuinely difficult for me to find interesting and in character fanfic about Armand bcus so much of it is uniformed. The amc fandom sort of dominates the tvc fandom, it’s just so big. I don’t like when Armand is reduced to Louis’s new scary hot boyfriend/Lestat replacement/potential villain. It feels like he’s often perceived through this lens of a role in the story, like “hm this guy seems like a potential villain”, “no I think he’s a new love interest”, which is a conversation I find no appeal in at all considering you can’t fit the Armand I love into any of these narrative boxes. This isn’t rlly smth I have personal beef with bcus there’s no harm in fans of the show characterizing armand based on there limited knowledge while they wait for the next season, but for me it’s a pet peeve you know, as someone who rlly rlly likes armand a lot 😭.

(This is the exception to my no hate to u if u do this disclaimer btw, all the hate to u). on the subject of amc fans, I also often see this hostility towards fans of book Armand, where I’ll see amc fans talking about how perverse he is conceptually in the books and how gross ppl who like him are, which REALLY makes me very mad, because ok. Listen. Show armand is not a character yet, any and all things you enjoy about armand as of now as someone who hasn’t read the books are 1. How he looks. And 2. Things from the books that you apply to him in a new context. Assad’s performance, the people working on the show, the writers, everything that you base your enjoyment of armand in, is from the books 😭 But god forbid someone enjoy the source material over the hypothetical character who barely exists yet? God forbid someone do the same thing u do (take smth arguably morally dubious and interpret it in a way that u find interesting and compelling while acknowledging the morally dubious source material) just not in the context of an adaption. Ok. God forbid I enjoy and identify with an adult character trapped in the body of a child who is misperceived for his youth and sexually abused, it’s not like this is the same concept of beloved amc Claudia anyway. It’s also not like I am capable of enjoying something while criticizing it and disliking it’s flaws, and coming to conclusions based on critical thinking and analysis of concepts that may have been executed poorly, that I still admire and enjoy, bcus I am capable of complex thinking, and I don’t need to blindly enjoy every part of smth and perceive it as flawless to enjoy it. We all know that’s fake ! Anyways sorry for the angry rant 😭😭😭 moving on.

On a separate note, I also sometimes have beef with how fellow book armand fans portray him. This is small and sort of petty but it bothers me when Armand is drawn as like, very small and skinny. Maybe it’s bcus I head canon him as chubby and sort of cherub-built, maybe it’s bcus in TVA armand describes himself as strong in build and “not waif-ish”, but either or it does feel sort of wrong and off putting when I see Armand drawn as like, so small and petite that it’s emphasized. To me this reads as a missing of the point, if you will. An emphasis on physical qualities representative of innocence and youth that aren’t reflective of Armand’s character, only rlly how some other characters see him. I can often tell when an Armand fan enjoys him for the superficial qualities (eternally young, angelic looking, etc) over who he is, and it always encourages me to steer clear. I hope I’m making sense lol. This is also sometime present in fic but it’s more subtle and difficult to describe. Anyways

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I was thinking about this yesterday! I was first introduced to Armand when I was maybe 11 or 12, my dad put on 94 interview with the vampire for me and my twin sister while he did work around the house etc. he started watching it with us (he loves 94 iwtv) but by the time Armand showed up at the half way point he got up and started doing other things, so my sister and I were alone in front of the screen. For some reason lost to time my sister and I were very excited about seeing Antonio Banderas, maybe because we knew him from Zorro, so in the aftermath of the buffoon scene with Santiago that we found really funny, when Antonio Banderas appeared on screen we were hyped tf up. We were so enthralled in the moment of his cunty ass entrance we started cheering and clapping and screaming 😭 I think shrieking ARMANNNDDD!!!! At the screen (with no knowledge of who armand even was) Till I started laughing to tears is in my top ten formative moments. My first viewing of iwtv was just like that 😭 there was smth in the water that had my sister and I loosing our fucking minds with excitement over that movie. Anyways, I only immersed myself into the fandom and got rlly into tvc just last year, when I read interview with the vampire (smth that’s always been in the back of my mind since my first viewing, I really did love that movie) and then the rest of tvc. When I was reading interview with the vampire I had that subconscious excitement over Armand’s half way point appearance brewing from the get go (every time my sister and I have watched iwtv together since we were 12 we’ve done the same screaming at the screen ritual for armand) so when I was re introduced to him I was instantly attached to him. I very quickly discovered how much I was enthralled by this guy, like by his first appearance and description it went from a weird little nostalgic affection to a “omfg I feel many inexplicably strong feelings for this guy”. He was just so magnetic and weird, I was intrigued by every thing about him, like Louis lol. I started drawing him a bunch b4 I’d even finished the first book, and by the time I was introduced to him in tvl he was my favorite character. Tvl really solidified my armand obsession, and queen of the damned made me the person I am today 😭 insane. I think my impression of him now should be obvious at this point 😔 he is my silliest guy every morning I wake up and he is the first thought in my mind I cry about him daily I worship him like he’s my god sometimes I see a blender and I am so overwhelmed with emotion I want to scream if a professional looked into my brain and saw all the armand in there they’d diagnose me with super mega autism. I like him a lot. 🫶

Thank you sm for sending this ask once again! I’m sorry it’s so long lol, hope my responses were interesting. This is the ask game in question for anyone who may potentially want to send me more asks: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/734243514562510848?source=share I would cry with joy if so.

[random-conspiracy]

One of the ideas I love more is the concept of conceptual disease. I explain myself:

Picture an infection. Something that grows and grows over something else, changing the characteristics of it. Until it's completely absorbed and changed.

Now, this is easy to picture with a lemon and some mold. Slowly growing, turning the bright yellow color of the fruit into a green and gross fungi ball.

Now, grow bigger! Imagine a disease growing over a body. Or even bigger, black mold growing in a house.

What happens if we change the infection for something "different". Imagine that instead of the fungi infection caused by the mold, the infection was "candy".

The infection starts again, in the lemon. Slowly growing. First as a dot of sugar, just a grain and nothing else. Then one more and another more. Now a little area of crystalline yellow matter replacing the organic zest of the lemon. A day later the infection is over half the fruit. A piece of lemon candy with stripes and reflective glossiness of sugar. At the end of the day, there's only candy. An nothing more.

And now, grow this idea! A house that's turning into candy and bread. With glass turned into clear pieces of sweet. Bricks halfway into the clay and to the taffy. An infection that grows and grows changing and mutating everything that touches into itself.

And you can go farther.

Remember Wandavision? Where everything is recontextualized and transformed into a temporal sitcom related item? Kevlar build and rebuilt into 70's clothes. Militar tents turned into a circus. “Wanda, you control even the wallpaper.”

In architecture, industrial design and almost every expression of art the Styles are a prominent feature. Everyone has recognizable characteristics related to shape, color, material, placing, etc, etc, ETC.

Imagine a stain that appears in the wall of your living room. A white stain in the middle of a wallpaper room. And then, when you go to look at it the next day you see something new. The wallpaper around the stain is now loosing its color. A point of nothing in a sea of color and texture.

The next day is even bigger. You can barely see the shapes of the flowers that yesterday decorated the area. You don't mind it, you don't care, and to bed you go again. And again, and again. And slowly, almost quiet the stain devoted the wall.

There's nothing left. An impeccable wall of white stucco. Without a single dot.

And now the infection creeps to the lamps in the ceiling, the tiles of the floor. Overriding the shapes and the colors into planks of pine painted gray. The house is sick, your plantpots are too, in your house a disease is tacking over the tables and the chairs bending their materials without their consent into abstract shapes of nothing and neutral colors.

It grows.

It bends.

It kills and it shapes.

It changes.

They found you in bed. A clean an well done bed, without stains or smell. Textures, colors, anything else that could scream anything beyond the endless white of the ironed sheets. The house is quiet, incapable of voice. Little succulents adornate the grayness of a shapeless door.

They found you but they're not quite sure who you are. Because as you can see or you could like to, if you saw yourself in a mirror (a rectangular mirror. In a colorless, unused bath) you couldn't guess it too.

Not a hair out of place. Not a sound in the place. Not a single recognizable feature in your face.

Just the eyes, the ears, the nose, the mouth; the case, of a live-love-laugh middle class white girl.

[carolinanadeau]

Embarrassing, ridiculous TMI under the readmore (not gross! just way too personal!)

I do not have PTSD and I don't want to be a part of the "flippantly using the word 'trigger'" problem at all, but I think I finally found a proper name for this harmful behavior I've wrestled with since at least high school, and it's called self-triggering.

Again, I don't have trauma... well, everybody has some trauma, but that's not the thing I'm triggering myself about here. And if I explained what I had actually been doing to myself (which may be obvious to someone who's reading between the lines but I don't want to talk about it for reasons I've stated before), it would sound laughably, mockably trivial. But the results are still an acute increase in depression and obsessive negative/angry thinking and distress and alienation from something that usually gives me joy... so it's still harmful to me, no matter how stupid and frivolous it sounds. Perhaps it's an OCD/depression self-triggering instead of a PTSD self-triggering.

I reiterate, what I'm discussing is not trauma, not EVER claiming it is, but:

In a similar vein, one set of case studies (De Young, 1984) conceptualized approaching situations reminiscent of the trauma as “counterphobic behavior” (i.e., an attempt to master anxiety by repeatedly approaching its source, resulting in a greater sense of control).  

I understand this, the "maybe if I keep looking I'll become desensitized", and "I need more information so I can better avoid this thing and people associated!" Or even "well maybe it wasn't really that bad, maybe I'm remembering it as worse than it was" (I'm not, if anything I've forgotten just how bad it was!)

Likewise, if trauma survivors perceive reexperiencing symptoms as inevitable, they may wish to decide the time and place of their occurrence, affording them a sense of control.

...is that the irrational "gotta get it over with" compulsion??  

Alarmingly, many users also report being unable to stop this behavior once they have begun despite the dysregulation and distress that it causes.

This is how it goes: I will read or even just skim through something that causes me serious emotional distress, whether that is a fanfiction with something horrible happening to characters I find comfort in, or a really nasty article full of harsh, baseless criticisms of something I love so much. (Again, these things sound laughable but to the way my mind works, it is not. Though I also do something similar with actual bad memories from my life [I think everyone does], well, you can't "reread" or refresh those. And I also have the power to delete/destroy any physical records I have of those.)

So, I will vow to never ever let this wretched thing enter my eyeballs again. I will ruminate about it and quietly seethe about the fact that it exists, and that some people even like/agree with it! I won't be able to get certain upsetting phrases out of my head and I will obsess and it will ruin my enjoyment of related things whenever I get reminded of it.

Maybe I will find ways to block or blacklist to lower my chances of seeing it. And I will be very vigilant about this for a long time and will successfully avoid it, even if I see reminders here and there that make me mad. Slowly, I'll only remember a few specific sentences from the thing, and even those may be unclear.

And then I'll suddenly develop the belief that I "have to" look at it again for some reason, and my heart will start pounding as I start bracing myself for this "inevitability".  And eventually the irrational, self-destructive side will win out and I'll do it, believing that it's like ripping a bandaid off for the greater good. Gotta get it over with, you see. I'll only glance over it, of course, because this time I already know how bad it is - I'll just read a few sentences here and there on my way to do something "sensible" like block the url or check who liked it so I know it wasn't my friends - but it will be enough to make me feel like absolute shit for days again, and now I have these fresh memories in my head to contend with and the cycle of trying to forget these bad bad thoughts and be able to freely enjoy the thing I love starts all over again.

and that's what you missed on Glee!

[superhousecat-once-again]

I’m back with more fic for @mindblindbard because I’m a sucker for the concept of Elliot and Sally being soft dorks and also because it’s too hot to do anything that isn’t laying in front of a fan typing away at my phone. 

This is where you and Sally always seem to end up during movie nights at her house. Her sitting on the actual couch, you sitting on the floor leaning back against it. Her enraptured with whichever mostly forgettable rom-com Netflix has released this month, you enraptured with how much black licorice you can eat before your tongue starts to feel numb. It’s comfortable. Safe. You’re not paying too much attention to the movie but you take it that whatever bland but moderately attractive couple you’re supposed to be invested in have done something sickeningly adorable by the way Sally sighs and pokes the back of your head with her foot to get your attention before asking, “Remind me again why we’re single?”

You twist your body so you can properly look up at Sally and prop your elbow up on the couch. “Well I’ve been told I’m dramatic, twisted, and not as funny as I think I am. Oh, and I’m constantly spewing noise from my brain which I’m sure doesn’t help.” You’re sure she can tell what you’re going to say next from the grin spreading slowly across your face, but that’s not going to stop you. “Nothing’s wrong with you though, except for your terrible choice in crushes”

She groans and attempts to whack you in the head with a throw pillow. “Shut up, I hate you, please get out of my house.” There isn’t any bite to her words though and you know her well enough to know that they’re just a bad attempt to distract you from her increasingly red face but all it really does is make you laugh and become more determined to tease her.

“So explain to me why you’re into Nick again? It’s cause he got the freckles isn’t it?” You sigh and press the back of your hand against your forehead, like a lady about to swoon in a period drama. “Stupid bastard took all the Ment powers and the cute freckles. It’s incredibly tragic.” It’s quite a performance. Maybe you should have become an actor instead of stubbornly trying to prove yourself as capable as the rest of your family. “And now I suppose he’ll take you too.” You could have swore you meant that to be melodramatic teasing as well, but instead your voice quivers with something closer to frustration.

Sally freezes in her windup of a second throw pillow and stares almost blankly at you. “Are you jealous?”

“No.” You answer too quickly for it to be taken as anything but defensive. “I mean, only like conceptually. Like of course once again Nick gets everything good in life. Meaning you, cause you’re great and also wow look at him not having to do anything yet still getting attention. And, just-“ Maybe if you babble fast enough she won’t notice you’re lying. It’s probably a vain attempt considering how Sally can feel your emotions, but it’s always worth a shot. Because it’s not really jealousy that’s gnawing at the base of your stomach. It’s fear. Because what happens if Nick actually figures out Sally is wonderful and they get together? And if they end up loving each other (which, gross), where’s that going to leave you? Who’s going to love you? And yes, you know that loving someone else doesn’t decrease the amount of love they can give you like it’s some finite resource to be used sparingly, but you also remember watching your dad drive away when you needed him most because his love for your mom was greater than his love for you. Who’s to say it won’t happen again?

You hadn’t realized you had trailed off, lost in your own thoughts until Sally flicks your nose. “You’re doing it again aren’t you?”

She’s slid down from the couch and is sitting cross-legged next to you, staring at you with a touch of concern. She’s watched your mind go off down depressing rabbit trails enough to know the signs.

“Am not.”

“Uh huh, you’re broadcasting so much anxiety right now I can practically taste it.”

One day it’d be nice to be able to lie your ass off. At least just once.

Sally leans closer to you, as if she’s going to tell you a secret. “You know I love you right?”

Well that’s not a secret. You’ve known that for years, but you nod a response.

“And I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“You can’t promise that.”

She flicks your nose again with a pout that makes you smile even as you roll your eyes.

“Fine yes, I know.”

“Then you shouldn’t worry,” Sally finally leans back with a bright smile, satisfied that her words have successfully soothed over your dark thoughts for now. “Besides Nick doesn’t like me anyways.”

You smirk and nudge her gently. “I mean, he doesn’t yet. Bet I could make him.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Elliot, and I mean this is the sweetest way possible, you are the least persuasive person on the face of the planet.”

“Rude,” you punctuate the statement by sticking out your tongue, to which Sally responds by gasping in mock offense, “And besides, I’m just gonna Pavlov him. It’ll be more effective.”

She sighs. “You know that’s what I really love about you, your upstanding moral code.”

“Don’t I know it.”

The two of you settle back into silence, while the movie continues to drone on towards its inevitable conclusion. It’s a good silence though. The kind that’s filled with comfort and reminds you there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. Or no one else you’d rather be with. 

(Elliot does quickly warm up to the idea of Nick and Sally together. Partially because she loves them and wants them to be happy, partially because she does recognize her fears are mostly irrational, and partially because it’ll really streamline her teasing if she can target both of them at once)

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: How the 2011 Tohoku Earthquake and Tsunami Influenced Anime Over the Past Decade

Image via Netflix

  In a single moment, everything changed; after one great shake of the earth, the world was never the same again. Today marks the 10th anniversary of the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, also known as 3.11 in Japan. At a magnitude of 9.0, it was the biggest earthquake to ever hit the island. The earthquake, and the subsequent tsunami that followed, also killed an estimated 15,899, injured 6,157, and was the most expensive natural disaster in history. The meltdown of the Fukushima Daini Nuclear Power Plant followed — rendering parts of Japan uninhabitable to this day — with many still unable to go back to their home even ten years on.

  The shaking was felt all the way in Tokyo and beyond, leaving physical scars on the world’s biggest metropolitan area. This was nothing compared to the devastation seen in the prefectures of Miyagi, Fukushima, and Iwate. For those who lived through the event, whether that be in Tohoku or Tokyo, the feelings of that day have left psychological scars that have influenced their daily lives. 

  Image via Netflix

  Aftershocks from the seismic event can still be felt even today: a magnitude 7.3 earthquake hit the region a little under a month ago, raising fears that another big quake could shake Japan at any time in the near future. 

  For creators living in Japan, these overwhelming emotions have manifested in their works. Creators such as Hayao Miyazaki, Masaaki Yuasa, Hideaki Anno, and Makoto Shinkai have internalized the events that transpired in their backyard and used 3.11 to help spread awareness, unravel some of the hanging threads, or even try and bring hope and happiness to fans. 

  Hayao Miyazaki looking at the debris leftover from 3.11 in an NHK documentary 

Image via NHK

  Hayao Miyazaki isn’t one to mince words and always just gets on with the job. A few weeks after 3.11, the Studio Ghibli director introduced his son’s latest work at the time, From Up on Poppy Hill. While Miyazaki tried to keep the press focused on the film, inevitably the topic of the tragedy from two weeks ago arose. Responding to why he felt it was okay to hold a press conference after the earthquake, Miyazaki spoke about his local bakery, explaining that “the old man at the bakery where I always buy dumplings and sweets has continued to make bread. That's why I think we should keep making movies.”

  At the time, Miyazaki dismissed the thought that 3.11 would affect how he made his next work. But in a 2013 interview with Jiji upon the release of his then “final work” The Wind Rises, the director said the film “has not been affected by the earthquake or the nuclear accident. [The idea] was there from the beginning. I think that the times have caught up with us and overtaken us.” The Wind Rises contains a very realistic – almost chilling – interpretation of the 1923 Great Kanto earthquake.

  The earthquake scene from The Wind Rises

  For Japan Sinks 2020, Masaaki Yuasa used some of his own experiences to highlight how characters would be feeling in the moment. In multiple scenes, the main characters are left worrying about what is going on without a clear line of communication – in fact, sometimes getting misinformation from sources not fully aware of the situation. 

  Yuasa himself explained in an interview in AnimeAnime that he felt like he didn’t know what was the “correct information” when he felt the quake in Tokyo in 2011. As he looked for information online, he heard rumors that Tokyo was in imminent danger. He was scared. Reflecting, Yuasa knew in his “heart” that he wasn’t as scared as those in the Tohoku region, but was “horrified” by what he saw on the news. Yuasa used a lot of those emotions he felt at the time to aid in telling the Japan Sinks 2020 story.

  Image via Netflix

  But it wasn’t just anime creators who were affected by 3.11. The 8th part of the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure manga series, JoJolion, debuted only a few months after the quake in 2011. Set in a town called Morioh (similar to the town in Diamond is Unbreakable), the location is based on manga creator Hirohiko Araki’s hometown of Sendai. The manga was being conceptualized when the earthquake occurred and Araki felt that he “couldn't avoid” touching on the subject in the series, he said in an Asashi Shimbun interview in 2014.

  Araki’s family home, which had been around for 14 generations, was also swept away in the tsunami. He added that was shocked at the loss of his childhood home and felt that he should draw manga to bring entertainment to readers and fans.

  Araki wasn’t the only manga creator to touch on the events of 3.11 in their long-running series. Tetsu Kariya’s long-running series Oshinbo touched on some controversial aspects of the aftermath of the tragedy, with one of the characters in the series suffering from a nosebleed after being in the town of Futaba – a town that is still not open to the public.

  This caused an outcry with government officials on the national and prefectural level, with Prime Minister Shinzo Abe saying that “the government will make the best effort to take action against baseless rumors” in reference to the manga. These protests saw the collected volume version of the arc change some of the wording slightly as to “clarify the intention of what was said," and that "some of the characters' lines have been altered.” The series has been on hiatus after the arc ended two chapters later in May 2014.

  Image via Netflix

  The Japanese government was also at the forefront of Hideaki Anno’s 2016 film Shin Godzilla, with many reviewers noting the similarities between the government in the film and what had occurred in the aftermath of 3.11. As Godzilla walks the neighborhoods of Kanagawa, waters rise, boats come ashore, and people are fleeing en-masse, meanwhile, the government is claiming that everything will be okay.

  This sharp social satire of the events may be skin deep as the film goes on, but exposes the fact that Japan has a recent event that is very real and emotive to reference. Shin Godzilla Producer Akihiro Yamauchi explained in a 2016 Nippon.com interview that 3.11 “changed Japan more than anything else in the past 12 years.” He went on to say that the film had the option of “escaping into fantasy...but Anno-san and I talked it over and we both agreed that an approach like that would be meaningless.” 

  Image via Netflix

  Makoto Shinkai’s 2016 movie Your Name, was directly influenced by the 2011 earthquake and the change in the psyche of the Japanese people. Taki, the male protagonist, at one moment in the movie says “You will never know when Tokyo could become like this,” vocalizing the fear that festers away in many people living in Japan. 

  Genki Kawamura, a producer on both Your Name and Weathering with You, explained at a discussion at the Aoyama Shachu think tank in 2019 that “Your Name is aware of the Great East Japan earthquake.” Shinkai later explained in a 2017 interview with Huffington Post Japan that the disaster aspect of Your Name is only the underlying layer of the film, and the film had to end the way it did for it to feel complete to both him and the audience.

  In a 2018 Makoto Shinkai Exhibition in Sendai, the first prototype sketch drawn of Your Name by Shinkai was shown to the public. It depicted the area of Yuriage in Natori City, Miyagi prefecture, which was completely wiped out in the tsunami. The population of the area only had 30 minutes to evacuate before waters overtook the town. There weren’t many survivors.

  Image via Asahi Shimbun

  Shinkai visited the area of Yuriage in July 2011 and drew the sketch shortly after, which later became the springboard for what then became Your Name. He said solemnly in a TBS program “This could have been my town.” 

  Shinkai explained in the Huffington Post interview that 3.11 changed the way people in Japan thought about the world. "Before they’d think that “somehow...Japanese society will continue as it is," he said. "But since 2011, I think that idea has collapsed. The town does not remain a town forever.” 

  Because of this, Shinkai decided to focus on the little things that made up life: A late train, cutting up food, texting. Shinkai thought it was “necessary to draw meaning from the monotony of daily life.” Nowadays these beautifully crafted moments from Shinkai’s works are shared online as some sort of social media anime ASMR. 

  In the end, Shinkai’s main driving factor for the film was to make the audience “happy.” And it struck a chord with a wide audience, as the film would later go on to become the third highest-grossing anime film of all time worldwide.

  Image via Netflix

  As we look back at how one event changed the world view of many, it’s good to know that despite the hardships faced in the unexpected, the desire to create and bring smiles to audiences perseveres. Many creators have used 3.11 as a chance to reflect, and it's only to be seen how the long tail of 3.11 continues to impact creators and their works.   

  The Tohoku region is still feeling the effects of the 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, with families torn apart and homes unable to be returned to. Japan NPO Center has a website set up with ways to donate to local charities and not-for-profit organizations within the Tohoku region that has been set up to serve affected communities.

    Daryl Harding is a Japan Correspondent for Crunchyroll News. He also runs a YouTube channel about Japan stuff called TheDoctorDazza, tweets at @DoctorDazza, and posts photos of his travels on Instagram. 

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features.

By: Daryl Harding

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

1) Regarding Aerys's 'liberties' at the bedding ceremony ... what is actually considered a liberty considering the whole tradition is normalized sexual assault. Literally anything is considered okay except actually 'taking the bride's maidenhood,' which is literally the tradition of first night smh. The whole normalized rape culture is so disgusting that when GRRM depicts Aerys taking liberties the readers don't even take it srsly considering how normalized rape is within the world. Given Aerys'

2) clear apathy towards consent and understanding boundaries, I've always wondered if he harassed either the POD or Elia considering both are also WOC (possibly racialized violence) and the hypersexualized stereotype prominent in Westeros. It's likely that the POD was already married w/ kids, but I doubt Aerys would care about that, and even w/ her power as the ruler of Dorne I'm still not sure. It's esp. scary thinking about how Elia was treated considering she was also married to his hated son

The ritualized sexual assault is just...really frustrating for a lot of reasons. Like, Edmure Tully, right? He’s legitimately one of the best people in Westeros. He prioritizes his responsibility to the people, even when it means being looked down upon by everyone in his family. He genuinely cares about other people. He’s a good person. But despite this, he lives in a society that normalizes and even ritualizes sexual assault. The bride and groom, who are often in their teens, are stripped completely naked by a roomful of people and harassed. In that setting, it becomes a lot tougher to grasp just how fucked up certain social norms are.

Edmure asked Roslin why she was crying. He did express some concern for her. It’s not that he’s a sociopath that doesn’t care whatsoever that his wife seems terrified. He’s not. But it says a lot about the society in which he lives that he, good man though he is, takes her explanation about “crying out of happiness” at face value. Edmure is not a bad person, but he just doesn’t get it. He is unable to conceptualize the bedding ceremony as sexual assault because it’s so normalized. It’s not that he’s a Robert Baratheon that doesn’t care about his wife’s consent. It’s that he doesn’t even understand the concept of marital rape and does not understand why Roslin might be afraid or that he ought to spend more time worrying about whether she’s crying because she’s afraid of him.

Catelyn, in contrast, can understand possible causes of Roslin’s fear and genuinely feels bad for her. But she doesn’t see that as a problem with the tradition at all, just something that Roslin has to go through and will get over, because it’s just so normalized. Catelyn herself faced the same kind of harassment and doesn’t even register it as fucked up! She was stripped and ogled and had a man turn to her new husband to tell him that her breasts made him wish he’d never been weaned. That’s gross! And I can’t help but think back to the first time I faced some form of sexual harassment - when I was maybe twelve, a boy in my class made a gross comment about the size of my breasts to some other boy. I didn’t stop to think, I just slapped him. And I never actually explained to my teacher or my parents or whoever why I’d slapped this kid, even when they were yelling at me, because a) it felt like a huge overreaction and b) I was embarrassed. But the comment had felt so violating that my immediate reaction was to lash out. And that’s pretty much the same type of comment that Catelyn faced and had been socialized to see as normal and acceptable.

All of this is a problem, because it might be saying something, but it...doesn’t really. There are a lot of instances in the text where I get the impression that Martin intended something to come across as consensual that isn’t really written that way. It gets worse by the fact that the abuse is so normalized that the reader becomes desensitized and it becomes impossible to tell what is intended to mean something and what is just poorly written or not thought out at all. All those things combined turn a potentially effective condemnation of rape culture into normalized rape.

Onto the Princess of Dorne. While it’s possible, I kind of get the impression that Aerys sort of wanted to impress the Princess of Dorne, actually. Before he became king, she would have been pretty much the only person in the kingdom on pretty equal terms with him. She was a fair bit older than him, a princess herself with power of her own, and was even distantly related to him. The one conversation they had where we know any of the details is of him saying that he would build a canal to make the deserts of Dorne bloom. While that is obviously an impractical plan that he didn’t follow through on, and he had other such ideas, this one stands out to me as a little different because if he actually succeeded, it would very much benefit the Princess of Dorne in a way that Aerys’s other plans didn’t really benefit any individual ruler. Coupled with how he didn’t consider her a servant in the same way he viewed Tywin and how she viewed the Rhaegar/Elia match as a success, I’m not inclined to think that he harassed or assaulted her. Elia, though...that’s a little more worrisome.

Aerys did swear off affairs and sleeping with women other than his wife before Viserys’s birth, and we have no reason to disbelieve he followed through. So even though he clearly didn’t have any compunctions against rape, I don’t think Elia faced that specifically at his hands. However...harassment and other forms of violence seem a lot more likely. We know he looked down on her for being Dornish, which I suspect is a racism that developed over time and was much less obvious in his youth. We know he held her hostage to control her family for the better part of a year. And we know sexual harassment and assault are about power. So Elia may very well have faced such things. I fail to see the point in it - she’s already been raped by the Mountain and almost certainly Rhaegar, too, as well as being forcibly kissed by what’s his face. What on earth would be the point in throwing in even more harassment by her father in law?

[boredinterview]

Audrey Patterson on glam, the economy, and ears.

H: hi Axe, how are you doing today?

A: I’m doing okay, how are you?

H: not too bad. thanks for the tea! what kind of tea are we drinking?

A: It’s autumn something and cardamom.

H: oh my god I just got an email from Neil Shusterman who wrote the book—not from him but I guess his like mailing list or something—ask me anything on reddit this Thursday. (laughing)

A: I’m gonna finish it this Thursday and ask him questions…

H: let’s do it.

A: great.

H: yeah, good news.

I guess to give context, what are you reading right now?

A: It’s this really niche series by Neil Shusterman called Unwind… (laughing) it’s good so far. It’s like young adult fiction. It’s been fun.

H: It’s a crazy series.

A: yeah.. it just seems very much like propaganda but I can’t tell on what side it’s going to fall. there’s definitely something to say about like abortion in it and the laws. I can’t tell whether it’s saying “this is why we should have access to abortions”.. or maybe it’s not that, I don’t know.

H: yeah. definitely like the concept of like “unwinding” is like… which I’ll just say for the record, the concept of unwinding in this book is like.. they have a second civil war over abortion and there’s a pro choice side and pro life side and what they come to is that you can’t abort your child from the womb but then from the ages of 13-18 you can have your child “unwound” which is like a new medical technology where every single part of the person gets distributed for transplants so they’re technically still fully alive but living in a “divided state”.

A: so crazy.

H: yeah. anyways, uh what are you wearing?

A: ha, what am I wearing? did you just ask me this? I’m wearing these sweatpants that are like ten years old. they’re like really old. they’re comfy, I wear them when I’m working on stuff at home being gross so they have a bunch of eyeshadow on them and then I’m wearing my hand-me-down—what is it? Ralph Lauren?

H: yeah that guy. zip up fleece. It looks comfy.

A: It’s really comfy, yeah.

H: and slippers. very luxurious.

A: oh yeah. I was wearing my robe earlier too, feeling it.

H: you’re set. so jumping off of that, define glam for yourself.

A: oh god. I…. don’t know if I agree with that word. (laughing) even when I dress up I’m not trying to look glam. that’s just not a word for me I don’t think.

H: maybe give me an adjective when you do dress up, what are you going for? cause I guess glam is like a specific aesthetic. or like very flashy.

A: yeah. and I mean it’s like.. I hate to adhere gender cause it’s like not that but it does feel very feminine to me, the word glam and like it’s association so I just like—

H: I like the flamboyance of the word.

A: yeah yeah. I don’t know if I can think of a word. I was gonna say tough. like whenever I dress up like I want to like feel powerful maybe.

H: totally.

Madison who is also on the couch: this is really good tea.

A: it’s my favorite black tea cause the cardamom gives it a little spice.

H: nice. yeah I really like it. so what’s your go to snack?

A: I feel like it changes. honestly right now I’m—Madison makes fun of me but I love apples and peanut butter as a dessert.

H: oh yeah, I love that too.

A: it’s just like when I don’t have chocolate I’m like—what’s something sweet—and I don’t know.. apples and peanut butter. It just makes me feel good. I’m like fruit!

H: I think we said last night that’s a very earth sign type of dessert. I don’t know why. I can’t articulate why, it’s just not decadent but sometimes that’s what you need.

A: it’s like.. fresh too.

H: it just hits the spot.

A: it does.

H: I get honey roasted peanut butter so there’s like a little bit of sugar there. so what have you been doing lately?

A: nothing it feels like.

H: yeah, okay.

A: going like a little crazy because of that, perhaps. I feel like I haven’t done any ceramic stuff because I’m trying to consolidate my clay now that I know I’m going to run out. I’m like, what am I going to do after that if I don’t have something to do with my hands?

H: yeah. maybe we can like get some sculpey or something.

A: yeah, I think that queen city clay said that they’re delivering but it sounded like it was businesses and schools for educational purposes so I’m not sure if they’re delivering to homes.

H: yeah maybe we can find out. well when you are doing clay stuff do you want to tell me a little bit about your process?

A: I don’t know if I have a process, it depends on what I feel like making that day. I make a lot of spoons cause they’re like a silly object to me. what I think I’m trying to do is figure out how many ways I can make the same object. I do have a lot of spoons that are pretty similar just for the purpose of maybe eventually selling them, people will want a certain kind, I don’t know. Lately I’ve been trying to make vessels. Just as a different process because it feels more fluid. I don’t have a goal necessarily when I’m starting, it just comes along.

H: awesome, thank you. what’s something you’re working towards? It can be anything.

A: yeah, I mean perhaps just like.. I don’t know how to answer that question. I feel like in a very weird place in my life for the first time where I haven’t really had a direction set and it gives me a lot of anxiety. I’ve been the kind of person since I was fucking five years old that’s had like a fifteen year plan. I’ve always known what I’m going to do and I think being in school my relationship to the institution has changed a lot and now I don’t have any trust in my degree or my artistic practice so I feel like I can’t do what I wanted to do so now I’m kind of lost and not necessarily working towards anything.

H: yeah, there’s so much up in the air. so much uncertainty like nobody knows.

A: and especially now.

H: nobody knows the end result and so you can’t plan for anything.

A: the economy… what the fuck!

H: this will maybe be a good transition. describe your concept of evil.

A: evil…. fuck. I’ve had some real personal encounters with evil and encounters with people that I definitely need to go to therapy for… so as I try and distance myself conceptually from them and think about evil generally, when I think of evil I think of manipulation a lot and the weird relationship between people that are evil that are simultaneously aware and unaware of their actions regarding other people. I hate it.

H: to switch it up, what’s something beautiful you’ve seen lately?

A: I’ve seen a lot! can I pull up a picture?

H: yeah! I can put it with the interview.

A: great. I feel like I always take photos which is why my Instagram is the way it is. this is a picture of my cake I made. this is the most recent image that comes to mind.

H: it was a beautiful cake.

A: these pickled radishes are beautiful too. It’s all food.

H: they are beautiful. pink medallions. I love that.

what has been a recent source of inspiration?

A: long term I would say being out of school, I’ve been getting back into poetry which has been very inspiring. especially I’m so glad I get to live with you cause I get to read your poems and read what you’re reading which is very nice.

H: aw! (laughing) I definitely love sharing recommendations. do you have any book recs?

A: I would say Imaginary Museums by Nicolette Polek. It’s very interesting to think about the interview that I listened to before I read the book with Brad Listi whose just talking about her relationship with religion. I remember listening to it and thinking “I don’t wanna read that book it’s about god!” and then I saw it in a book store and I really loved the cover and couldn’t remember where I’d heard the name Imaginary Museums and the author before, racking my brain but I bought it anyways. as I was reading it I realized it’s because I listened to that interview. It was when I was with Madison in Pittsburgh when I was trying to figure it out and I discovered that it was from the interview which was basically an epiphany because I was like “OH shit this is about God!” it was beautiful to discover that for myself, and the book is really really good too.

H: oh, I love that. maybe I’ll borrow it…

A: yes! you should.

H: okay, tell me a secret.

A: let’s come back to this one.

H: okay, what do you miss?

A: …

Madison: can I say a secret?

H & A: yeah!

M: retroactively, I’ve been getting Joe Rogan and Alex Jones confused this whole time… (laughing) I just fucking realized they’re different people!

A: I don’t know who Alex Jones is.

M: he’s the one whose like “the water is turning the freakin frogs gay!”

H: I don’t know Joe Rogan.

M: Joe Rogan used to be the host of Fear Factor! I was so confused! I’m sorry for derailing the interview!

H & A: (laughing)

H: so coming back, what do you miss was the question.

A: oh, what do I miss. I miss working. as an earth sign, a capricorn I need the routine of it and I need to feel—not even powerful but just that I’m doing something worthwhile. I work in a restaurant so it’s whatever but even then.

H: I sympathize with that.

A: this is very shallow to say but I think it has to do with the fact that I live with my best friends, I don’t care to ever go out ever again. people are talking about how they miss going out to bars and that’s just never been my cup of tea and I could go without it.

H: that’s not shallow! I definitely feel that. I miss working I think because—it’s so weird—I miss meaningless tasks. I miss opening and closing. I miss even interacting with customers. and my coworkers, I really miss my coworkers. It’s a strange way to feel.

A: especially with the relationship we’ve had with the restaurant industry in the past. we’ve all been like “the industry sucks blah blah” but now we’re like “I kind of miss it….”

H: and I like… like my job.

M: my thing is that I don’t mind working but I really hate management. I think that if I didn’t have mr. **** expecting things from me. something about having that looming presence lorded over you, it changes the entire thing. also not having management that is willing to back you up is really mentally taxing so most of the stress of my job was working around management expectations and that inhibiting my ability to do my job.

A: and like making coffee—you love that shit.

M: I fucking love that shit! I really like talking to people. It’s kind of exhausting but I like having conversations with people and I’m really good at sticking up for myself within reason.

H: It definitely hits super different to mostly work with people that are nice to you.

A: yeah.

H: tell me something stupid.

A: the economy comes to mind. It’s just stupid. It’s stupid.

H: for sure. If you made a commercial broadcast to the entire nation, what would you say?

A: I would say fuck commercials. this is a PSA, FUCK COMMERCIALS! that’s what I would say.

H: the commercial to end all commercials.

A: yes, that would be great.

H: what is your favorite body part?

A: is this like an ass man or boobs question?

H: the whole body is free game.

A: I think I like ears, ears are cool. I like them as a concept. they’re very weird.

H: yes, so intricate. little machines.

A: and the way that they’re sculpted too. like who decided that they need to be this particular shape to do their job?

H: I think the shape effects the sound? weird.

A: would be a good wiki search.

H: for sure. do you have any confessions to make?

A: not currently but I’m sure I will at some point. they’re coming, we all have confessions.

H: do we?

A: yeah.

H: okay I’m gonna ask you a series of one word questions to end the interview and you can answer them however you like.

hungry?

A: a little.

H: lucid?

A: hardly.

H: grease?

A: love it?

H: weather?

A: hate it.

H: wanting?

A: always.

H: waiting?

A: always.

H: anticipating?

A: always.

H: advice?

A: whatever.

H: wish?

A: yes.

[puraiuddo]

#People absolutely do take Accutane for cosmetic reasons tho#I get where you're coming from but they absolutely do it#I knew jackshit about this and I went to one of the most. Renowned dermatologists I could find#And she put me in this shit#I didn't have cysts. I only had acne ... #Gods I fucking hate dermatologists actually#I went to like three or four different ones and they all fucking sucked#Not one could fix my problem (a simple one to fix too!!)

So imma try to break this down into a few parts I guess...

According to literal FDA listing for Accutane (Isotretinoin):

" INDICATIONS AND USAGE: Severe Recalcitrant Nodular Acne: Accutane is indicated for the treatment of severe recalcitrant nodular acne. Nodules are inflammatory lesions with a diameter of 5 mm or greater. The nodules may become suppurative or hemorrhagic. “Severe,” by definition, 2 means “many” as opposed to “few or several” nodules. Because of significant adverse effects associated with its use, Accutane should be reserved for patients with severe nodular acne who are unresponsive to conventional therapy, including systemic antibiotics. In addition, Accutane is indicated only for those females who are not pregnant, because Accutane can cause severe birth defects (see boxed CONTRAINDICATIONS AND WARNINGS). "

(the bolded part is literally underlined in the official document)

And I totally understand that there are shitty doctors who don't want to put the time or effort into figuring things out and just want to throw meds at the surface problem—trust me—but it's never a good idea to blame a medicine when the problem is poor physicians.

Moreover, there is serious brain rot and ableism involved in sarcastically labeling something "cosmetic chemotherapy", because it's implying that it's not possible for a ~measly skin condition~ to warrant serious medical intervention. It's like people can't conceptualize that there might be something beyond someone being ~sensitive~ (or even vain) for wanting a skin condition treated.

And that's why I was also calling out the sometimes backwards nature of body positivity culture.

Because by saying "oh no this medicine shouldn't be allowed, because it's clearly just big pharma praying on vulnerable teens" people are simultaneously saying "i have no concept of dermatological health being anything more serious than a minor nuisance that people could just ~get over~ if society were different"

Like, yes, absolutely work to correct the perception that acne is gross/ugly and needs to be treated no matter what, but also remember that there's almost never been a medical issue that exists as a medical issue solely because of societal perception and not because the sick person said "this sucks for me personally".

Accutane (isotretinoin) is a medicine for severe acne. From time to time you see someone mention it, and it’s always in the context of its legendarily bad side effects:

An Everything2 user summed up their experience as “you get to pay $3500 over the course of the worst year of your fucking life”.

I was wondering why it’s so rough, but reading the Wikipedia article it kindof makes sense:

Mechanism of action

Isotretinoin’s exact mechanism of action is unknown, but several studies have shown that isotretinoin induces apoptosis (programmatic cell death) in various cells in the body. Cell death may be instigated in the meibomian glands,[30][57]hypothalamic cells,[58]hippocampus cells[59][60] and—important for treatment of acne—in sebaceous gland cells.[61][62]

We found this molecule that kills cells all over the body. And it’s great, because it kills the acne too! Taking a very big hammer to the problem.

[girlsbtrs]

Using Music to Regulate and Express Emotions

Graphic & Written by James N. Grey

I think I spent my entire childhood in a depression. And I think I spent all of the depression concurrently with anxiety. I say I think because I was never truly diagnosed, not until I entered my junior year of college. But my diagnosis isn’t new; it’s barely average. It almost feels overdone, actually. And to everyone else in charge, I’m pretty much just a statistic.

I’m alright with being one though because it’s just another way to say that my story is valid. And we should all receive validation for whatever it is that we’re going through, or went through.

And I think that lack of validation is what led me to turn to a lot of digital media, namely music, as a child. And I think that’s how I regulated whatever emotions I did have when alternating between feeling too much (anxiety) and feeling nothing at all (depression). No, I know that’s how I regulated my emotions.

Let me explain: I grew up in a house full of five other kids, three of which were my cousins, and all of our parents, and my grandmother. That’s eleven people in what I would consider a normal-sized house. It was a mother-daughter type home, so each family got a side. That did nothing to stop the rampant arguments and abuse, both physical and emotional.

It was chaotic and hierarchical: my dad and uncle at the top of the food chain, the sons next, the wives after, and the daughters last. I spent my early childhood years, from 3 to 8, being taught my place, so to speak. And from then on, I always knew I’d come out last, and was always put in my place.

But what about the music, you ask. When and where does that come in? Your life story is great, but I didn’t exactly ask for it.

Nah, you didn’t. But I’m gonna tell you anyway. Because it’s important. It’s relevant.

My family’s refusal to acknowledge the horror of the situation they put us all in and my inability to express myself due to my environment pushed me to find acknowledgement and validation in music, as I clearly wasn’t receiving it elsewhere.

I chose music that specifically communicated whatever emotion I was feeling at the moment and used mainly this coping mechanism to regulate my emotions. Studies have shown that people with a tendency toward depression were more likely to listen to sad music (Garrido & Schubert, 2013). Researchers have also found that depressed individuals listened to music more often than non-depressed individuals (Wilhelm et al., 2013).

Unfortunately for me, I also believe I innately had a harder time processing emotions due to being emotionally sensitive. Researchers have found that the temperaments of some children are just more innately capable of self-regulating than others (Schore, 2015). 

And using music to regulate emotions isn’t surprising (Thayer et al., 1994). Studies show that depression is linked with impaired emotional regulation skills (Campbell-Sills et al., 2006). And emotional regulation is defined as pinpointing which emotion you have when you have it and how you express and/or experience that particular emotion (Gross, 2014). Since I couldn’t name what emotion I was feeling, due to my depression caused by my chaotic environment and also possibly by my innate personality, I turned to music to define it for me. This actually led me to almost singularly use music to regulate my emotions, which isn’t bad, but it is when it’s your safest option. 

You’re wondering: Okay… So why didn’t you just find other ways to understand and express your emotions? 

Yeah, here’s the thing, here’s the kicker: based on my culture and religion, I was seen as a product of my father rather than a separate person, so I had to fulfill the requirements of a product. The core of it was this: I had to look like a doll and get good grades so they could improve their honor as a family and be able to sell me off to the highest bidder (another man) for marriage. Experiences and emotions would not increase my monetary value so they were actively snuffed out. 

And when you’re at the bottom of the food chain, you don’t want to get caught doing something you’re not supposed to be doing. The problem is that you don’t always know what’s forbidden. So you don’t want to get caught doing anything. If you do get caught, you’re screwed. Because now that they’ve noticed you, they’re gonna find ways to reinforce pushing you back to the bottom of the food chain/force you into acting like an object and they’re going to gaslight you and invalidate you.

This is how I lived up until I left for college. It was exactly like Daya’s song title, “Sit Still, Look Pretty.” 

BUT!

I knew that I could always get away with looking busy doing schoolwork. And I could totally get away with listening to music with earphones whilst doing so. Because it was quiet and unobtrusive.

So I listened to a lot of sadboi/emo/rock music because I was feeling very sadboi/emo/punk, and this music named what I was feeling and that it was okay to feel that way. Naming anything is half the battle sometimes. 

Although some studies say listening to sad music has a negative effect on emotional states (sad music makes you sadder) (Garrido & Schubert, 2013), there is a recent study that contradicts this finding which happens to be in line with my life experience and anecdotal evidence. This study found that those with depression may be listening to sad music for its calming effects rather than to maintain their sad feelings (Yoon et al., 2020). And that’s definitely what music did for me.

Music made me feel heard. It validated my existence, validated my experiences, and validated my emotions. Music was something that I could always turn to to make me feel safe.

I’ve since learned other coping mechanisms to regulate my emotions: I’ve spent a lot of time with only myself to pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling and noting patterns in how I express those emotions. But I still go back to music, this time with an expanded repertoire of genres and styles so I can express everything, and feel it too, with the freedom to be myself, breaking away from hierarchical constraints. 

Works Cited

Campbell-Sills, L., Barlow, D. H., Brown, T. A., & Hofmann, S. G. (2006). Effects of suppression and acceptance on emotional responses of individuals with anxiety and mood disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(9), 1251–1263. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.10.001

Garrido, S., & Schubert, E. (2013). Moody melodies: Do they cheer us up? A study of the effect of sad music on mood. Psychology of Music, 43(2), 244–261. https://doi.org/10.1177/0305735613501938

Gross, J. J. (2014). Emotion regulation: Conceptual and empirical foundations. In 

Gross, J. J. (Ed.), Handbook of emotion regulation (2nd ed., pp. 3–20). New 

York, NY: Guildford Press.

Schore, A. N. (2015). Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self. Taylor & Francis.

Thayer, R. E., Newman, J. R., & McClain, T. M. (1994). Self-regulation of mood: Strategies for changing a bad mood, raising energy, and reducing tension. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(5), 910–925. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.5.910

Wilhelm, K., Gillis, I., Schubert, E., & Whittle, E. L. (2013). On a Blue Note: Depressed Peoples’ Reasons for Listening to Music. Music and Medicine, 5(2), 76–83. https://doi.org/10.1177/1943862113482143

Yoon, S., Verona, E., Schlauch, R., Schneider, S., & Rottenberg, J. (2020). Why do depressed people prefer sad music? Emotion, 20(4), 613–624. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000573

[argentconflagration]

wondergirrl said:

what is this about. anti what?? am confused please aid me VonBond

This is pretty long and I apologize, but I feel like I need to go all the way back and talk about TERFs, for reasons that will hopefully soon be clear.

As I'm sure you know, TERF stands for 'Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist'. There are still TERF communities within feminism, but generally speaking, TERFs are far less numerous and their ideology has far less sway than it used to have. Part of the reason for this was people going out of their way to proactively explain why TERF arguments are wrong before their fellow feminists encountered TERFs, which made it a lot harder for TERFs to spread their ideology.

Which is great! But I think that for the most part, feminists have argued against the transmisogynistic aspects of radical feminism, and to a lesser extent the sex-worker-exclusionary aspects of radical feminism (SWERFs), but kind of failed to see the coherent whole that TERF-flavored feminism belongs to, what sort of thinking causes it, and why it's wrong. "Being anti-TERF" nowadays has largely been reduced to stuff like putting "no TERFs!" in blog descriptions and popular posts, and it rarely takes the form of scrutinizing TERF logic to understand how they went wrong and how we can avoid making similar mistakes against other people. Which is why I'm writing this now.

(I've tried very hard to articulate what I think are two distinct flaws in thinking that seem to me to give rise to just about every TERF position, but I do feel like I'm not quite right on the money, so if anyone has better ways to say these two things, I'm all ears.) In general, TERF positions are the result of 1) rigid, black-and-white, binary thinking and 2) ignoring people's consent, especially their 'yes'es. Take transmisogyny: they believe that trans women are men and therefore oppressors. Now, this belief is readily debunked by observing the world, but TERFs have divided the world strongly into oppressors and oppressed, and have a lot of rhetorical tools to dismiss and ignore anything said by "oppressors" or that seems to favor "oppressors". And because trans women are "oppressors", they justify violence and harassment that ordinarily common sense would never condone.

A lot of other central TERF positions have to do with ignoring people's 'yes'es. Sex workers say, "No, this line of work isn't without its problems, but I want to be empowered to address those problems, not kicked out of my livelihood." AFAB trans people say, "I'm not a woman, I'm another gender, and I want to transition." Subs (in BDSM) say, "I enjoy being submissive." Heterosexual and bisexual women say, "I want to date and/or sleep with men." And TERFs' response to all these people is, "That's just your internalized misogyny talking." (And when these people fail to stop wanting the thing they want, TERFs decide that they've taken the side of misogyny and are now valid targets for harassment.) TERFs don't pay attention to people's stated wishes and what they actually are or aren't consenting to. Instead, they decide what women must want, or what wishes would best further the cause of feminism, according to their views of feminism and patriarchy.

Which brings me, finally, to antis. Antis come from two main sources, and one is the anti-kink/anti-BDSM/anti-porn aspect of TERF-style feminism. The other is, as ridiculous as it sounds, ship wars. Ship wars have existed since the beginning of fiction, of course, and what's going on right now is that some people in fandom harass others using the intellectual framework laid out by anti-kink/anti-BDSM/anti-porn radfems. The targets are usually people who ship things (or create/consume other content) that's dark or unrealistic. (E.g. if you ship an abuser with his victim, that content is either going to be dark, if they have an unhealthy relationship, or unrealistic, if they have a healthy relationship. This also often includes non-ship-related dark content like characters getting killed.) The harassers believe themselves to be morally superior to their targets, based on the justification that "no one could really enjoy this content unless they were either enacting oppression or internalizing oppression".

This is particularly obvious when they talk about survivors of abuse and trauma. As you might know from debunkings of the "violent video games" moral panic, dark themes in media tend to be a way for people to emotionally process horrible things that happen in real life. There are lots of ways this plays out, according to the specific needs of the individual, but to speak from my own experience, taking things that were inflicted on me nonconsensually and fictionalizing them -- bringing them into a context where I have complete control -- is really important to healing and growing past that experience. Now, everyone, no matter their specific experiences, has fears that they might choose to process through fiction, but survivors of abuse and trauma are necessarily people who have experienced some of the worse things the world has to offer. Antis' response to this is the same as TERFs' response to people who want or need things that are politically inconvenient for them: "That's just internalized oppression." "That's an unhealthy coping mechanism." "You're taking the side of oppression, so it's okay to harass you."

Antis tend to have other beliefs that are inherited from radical feminism. For example, like TERFs, they tend to conceptualize heterosexism as "homophobia, which also hurts bisexual people because they're attracted to the same gender" rather than "heterosexism hurts people of non-heterosexual orientations in a variety of different ways". As such, they tend towards aphobia, biphobia, and nbphobia. Many of them are aphobes/exclusionists, and they tend to support a short list of acceptable non-straight identities (e.g. "LGBT") rather than accepting categories that are loose or flexible like "queer", "LGBT+", "QUILTBAG", etc. I've also found that, even when acknowledging NBs, they tend toward rhetoric that puts people into two categories based on their gender, like "men vs women/NBs" or "women/transfeminine people vs men/transmasculine people". Again, they have very binary thinking, and disregard people's stated wishes not to be put on one side of a gender binary.

They also have a particular way of talking that leans toward bullying and ideological abuse. They tend to interact with anti-antis even when they're not in a place to do so in a non-harmful way, and tell people who disagree with them to go kill themselves ("drink bleach", "jump in a fire", etc.). They tend to overuse words like "gross", "nasty", "scum", "garbage", etc. that provoke a disgust response, and generally exaggerate wildly ("literally advocating for child abuse", that kind of thing). There's a distinct lack of emphasis on anything that could potentially break the grip of black-and-white thinking, such as recognizing gradations of harm, or weighing the harm of something against the benefit it has.

I don’t want to go overboard and replicate the exact same patterns by implying that “calling something you don’t like ‘garbage’ is supporting ideological abuse” or anything like that. At the same time, I'm pretty sensitive to all this stuff, and pick up on it easily, even when I would rather ignore it. I can't stand to see people harassed for something as trivial as their taste in fanfic, and I also tend to be particularly vulnerable to ideologically abusive rhetoric because of some of the stuff I've gone through. An easy way to avoid interacting with people who harass others for their dark fic (or who support that framework of moral inferiority) would be to hang out with people who create and consume dark fic. But I actually find most of that content stomach-turning, so I wouldn't want to hang out around people who are posting it and talking about it all the time.

tl;dr: To avoid “TERFs minus (most of the) transphobia”, I might try hanging out with people who like fucked up fic, but I don’t want to do that because it would be unpleasant.

[garywonghc]

Maitreya’s Semtsema (Part 6 of 6)

by Khenchen Appey Rinpoche

This is the last part of the Semtsema, in which the infinite and unsurpassable qualities of the Buddha continue to be praised.

The elucidation of the Buddha’s qualities resumes with the description of the Fully Enlightened One’s Ten Powers, whereby the Buddha has dominion over innumerable phenomena.

The first of these powers is the power over rebirth. The Buddha is able to choose His own rebirth in the way most expedient for Him to benefit beings. He can choose to be reborn in any form and in any realm of existence whatsoever in order to carry out beneficial activities.

The second is the power over material objects, which allows the Enlightened One to effortlessly obtain and use any material object to serve His purpose. These two powers are referred to as the dominion over external phenomena.

The third is the power over one’s own mind, the power to practise and meditate at will. The Buddha’s mind has power over its wishes and desires, power over itself.

The fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh powers are the dominion over both external and internal phenomena. The fourth is the power over lifespan – one can choose to live as long as one wishes to, while the fifth is power over one’s actions of body, speech and mind, whereby one always elects to perform whatever activity is most beneficial to beings. The sixth power allows one to easily and successfully pursue one’s purposes by transforming phenomena and circumstances according to one’s wish. The seventh is the miraculous power over miracles, that of displaying miracles for the benefit of sentient beings.

The eighth power is the dominion over prayers and aspiration, the ability to create the correct aspiration and to recite the appropriate prayer in order to attain the desired result. The ninth is power over primordial wisdom, the wisdom that sees the nature of things as they really are with discriminating awareness. This gives one dominion over the knowledge of all knowable things. The tenth power is the dominion over Dharma. This means that one has mastered all the fields of outer and inner Dharmas, in particular the teachings of the Buddha contained in the Three Baskets, or Tripitaka.

With these ten powers, the Fully Enlightened One has the capacity to carry out every possible activity that can be of benefit to sentient beings.

The next set of qualities of the Buddha that are eulogised in these verses is that of the Enlightened One’s samadhi qualities. These are described as wondrous qualities, spontaneous realisation qualities and unhindered qualities. The Enlightened One carries out wondrous activities effortlessly and spontaneously and, due to His knowledge of all things through meditative concentration, these are free from all obstructions and mistakes.

Of these two forms of samadhi, one is accomplished samadhi, and the other relinquished samadhi. The first is called this way because samadhi is attained through the relentless practice of the Path, while the second refers to the relinquishment of faults. Together, accomplishment and relinquishment create a diamond-like samadhi, unshakeable and perfect.

A further set of qualities is now extolled, called zum in Tibetan. There is no exact English translation for this, but it might be described as ‘retentive memory’. It is comparable to what we call photographic memory. The Enlightened One fully understands everything without ever needing any explanation, and perfectly retains everything that His senses encounter. Not only this, but He is able to expound concisely and with the utmost clarity the rich and profound meaning of everything that His mind apprehends. This is what we call in Sanskrit ‘skatarani’.

So the verse “You, diligent custodian of knowledge, endowed with the firm retention and ability needed to dispense the teachings and to eloquently and concisely elucidate their meaning, by merely pronouncing a few words or even syllables, You are able to expound the meaning of numberless teachings, thereby revealing the treasure of spiritual knowledge that is otherwise inaccessible to beings. To You who are the giver of this treasure, I pay homage.”

The next set of qualities described in this eulogy is that which brings about the complete elimination of all the obscurations that are otherwise exceedingly difficult for sentient beings to overcome. Not only gross obscurations are eliminated by the Fully Enlightened One, but also the subtle conceptual constructs that uphold the belief in a separate self. The verse “To You who have eliminated the obscurations to knowledge caused by the conceptual structure of the three spheres” refers to the realisation of dependent origination, that is to say the knowledge of the lack of inherent existence of phenomena and of the interdependence of the three spheres of subject, action and object.

All the deep, subtle stains of the mind are gradually removed by the Enlightened One, even what are called bhakchak in Tibetan, the latent, deeply sedimented propensities that are hidden in the mind, until the ultimate relinquishment of all obscurations is attained.

Next begins a praise to the four stainless wisdoms. The first among these is mirror-like wisdom. Just as a mirror reflects reality as it is, likewise one who has mirror-like wisdom clearly and vividly sees the nature of things as they truly are.

The second wisdom is that of equality, through which the notion of self and others is eradicated, and with it all dualistic and extremist views of reality.

The third is the wisdom of discriminating awareness, which causes the Fully Enlightened One to be utterly free from delusion and completely realise ultimate reality and intrinsically know every aspect of relative reality with clarity and precision.

And the fourth is the wisdom of accomplishment, the manifestation of the Buddha’s enlightened activities, through which He spontaneously and effortlessly knows what is the most effective method to free beings from samsara.

The first, mirror-like wisdom, serves as a base for the three others. By seeing the nature of things as they truly are, the Buddha realises the non-existence of self and knows all aspects of ultimate and relative reality. Through this, not only is He free from delusion, but He knows exactly what skillful means are necessary in order to awaken beings from ignorance.

The next verse eulogises the qualities of the Buddha’s melodious speech and voice. The words “Your speech is the roar of the fearless lion and is endowed with the sixty melodious sounds of the Buddha” refer to the Enlightened One’s complete lack of fear of anything whatsoever and to His ability to expound the teachings with such melodious tones that beings are captivated by the sound of His speech.

The sound of the Buddha’s voice is soft and appealing and yet thunderous in the sense that it can make itself heard by all beings and awaken them from their delusion.

Next follows a eulogy to the Buddha’s qualities of transformation: “You have transformed the defiled stream of ordinary existence through Your realising the truth of the Path.” This expresses how the Buddha’s teachings show the noble truth of the Path that leads to the ultimate realisation of the noble truth of cessation. The mindstream of beings, otherwise tainted by defilements, is no longer defiled and their consciousness is transformed into the four wisdoms. Their physical body ceases to be ordinary and transforms into the rupakaya.

And then, “I pay homage to You who know the purity inherent in all beings” expresses how the Buddha sees through the apparent defilements of beings and knows how to transform them into wisdom.

The next verse praises the perfect possessions of the Buddha. “Homage to You who are consummately endowed with all the attributes that pertain to the gods of the worldly spheres and the sons of the conquerors, and with the supreme attributes of a great teacher.” This refers to all the qualities that pertain to the sravakas that are surpassed by those of the pratyekabuddhas, whose qualities are surpassed by those of the bodhisattvas, and these in turn surpassed by those of the Fully Enlightened One.

“Homage to You who are the refuge of all living beings in the world.” The Buddha is endowed with qualities shared with superior beings such as sravakas and pratyekabuddhas, but the text reiterates that He also possesses unique qualities, one of which is that of being a worthy refuge for all beings. Examples of the shared perfect possessions are the four immeasurables, the nine meditative absorptions, as well as the transformative qualities, which are shared with the first bhumi Bodhisatvas; the major and minor marks qualities which are shared by bodhisattavas dwelling on the 4th bhumi; and the four discriminating awarenesses which are shared with bodhisattvas of the 9th bhumi; and the eighteen unmixed unique characteristics and ten powers which are shared by those over the ninth bhumi. And finally the unique, unshared qualities that only the Fully Enlightened One is endowed with. And so, these absolutely perfect possessions make the Buddha the only perfect, unfailing refuge for all beings: “Because You are endowed with shared and unique qualities, preeminent qualities, inestimable qualities, wondrous qualities, powerful qualities, You create wonders and transformations, and thus You are a worthy refuge for all living beings.”

The next and last verse is the dedication of the merit obtained by offering these praises to the Buddha. Whatever virtue, however slight, derived from performing such a virtuous act is enhanced by dedicating its merits to the benefit of all beings. “By the dedication of illuminating the precious jewel of the doctrine of the Buddha and praising His perfect possessions, may all living beings perfectly see the ultimate reality of all knowable things”.

The merits accrued by expounding the Buddha’s teachings are incalculable. These are like a precious jewel because they have the ability to eliminate suffering and to bring happiness, and so their elucidation is extremely meritorious.

“May all living beings be able to see the ultimate reality of all phenomena as they appear in conventional reality and may they see reality as it is, ie ultimate reality, the underlying reality of all things.” Here, the author forms the aspiration that the virtue acquired by this explanation may be a cause of enlightenment for all sentient beings, leading them to reach their respective state of samyaksambudhaya.

[fidelishaereticus]

I was tagged by @legolasgoldy :D

Rules are the standard answer questions and tag 10 blogs you wish to know more about!

Age: o u kno, somewhere between 20 and 2000. it fluctuates.

Born: December 11th

Current time: 14:18

Last drink: keemun tea or water.

Easiest person to talk to: @thisbackworld 

Favorite song: ????? i do not comprehend this question i love way too many music. To pick a random song from my like top 40 or whatever (all tied) Slowly Comes My Night by Deine Lakaien marked an important turning point in my appreciation of music and i dearly love it.

Grossest memory: o fuck um,. a pizza. a pizza that was awful,,,,just.,,bad smells bad texture bad eveyrthing, but i thought i had to at least try to eat it, i was like. 8. i stopped eating it and walked away but the grossness lingered, haunted me, morphed a horrible nausea monster that c o n s u m e d my thought and being. i couldn’t bear the thought of food for the rest of the day. i have no idea why this was so awful but. it’s at least ONE OF my grossest memories.

Horror yes or horror no? yeeeeeeeeeeeee though, there must be sthg else interesting going on alongside the horror. I like horror as an addition to a great character dynamic or a setting or a conceptually fascinating topic. also, in addition to enjoying physical horror, i HERE for conceptual/existential horror (my brain cranks that shit out on a daily basis but i cope with it through explorations in literature/art/etc)

In love: YEes. well. im either in love or i’m depressed. whenever i’m in a good mood i’m in love with something or someone. its what make life worth living

Jealous of people? nope. with the caveat that i draw a HUGE distinction between envy and jealousy. To me, jealousy is “being possessive of the Good Things that one enjoys or possess,” perhaps even being paranoid that others will take them away. Jealousy is Feanor. In this sense, I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. So long as I can still enjoy the Good Thing, i’m more than happy to share. I want everyone to have the Good Things!!! Envy, on the other hand. I can not abide watching other people enjoy certain Good Things that are denied me. I’m absolutely horrible about this.

Ke$ha: her music is great fun, though it’s not the kind of thing i would usually  listen to on my own. she seems like a cool person tho

Love at first sight or should I walk by again: Not quite sure what this question is asking but in general, walk by again---and maybe show me something cool? Something you made? Idk, the human body, stripped of imagination, is not attractive to me. And in general i fall harder if my aesthetics are challenged and stretched rather than instantaneously catered to.

Middle name: Danger. >B)

Number of siblings: one, sister

One wish: uh,...*sweats*.,, I’m guessing that “omniscience” and  “omnipotence” are Right Out? More realistically, i just want the climate change apocalypse to stop. i want amurica run no dun dun to stop. I also want the facts of existence not to suck. i want to not have to watch my body and the bodies of my friends fall apart in slow motion while the world burns. haha none of this is realistic i don’t ever wish for anything realistic 

Person you called last: My dad

Question you’re always asked: uhhh....no idea.

Reason to smile:  MY KITTERS, MY FREENNSS, MUSHROOMS, THE SEAAA, and also the fact that a few people like my nascent stories

Time you woke up: 7am 

Underwear color: well if i had my way they’d all be deep prussian blue or ultramarine (or skintone, cuz some clothes require that) but instead they’re a v dumb fuchsia, bc thats what came in the Affordable Bag that was in my size, alas fund to buy fidelis fuckable!blue panties. no lace, just sexy color.

Vacation destination: i thought this said vaccination destination and had to stare at it for a good long moment there like ‘oh did i get the flu shot yet?’ um. aside from the olympic peninsula and mt rainier, which are just a few hrs drive away, uh,., boston, so i can visit my friends. thats all i want. but i cant because Money :/

Worst habit: lol im with you @legolasgoldy​ overapologizing is DEFINITELy one of my most annoying habits. Additionally i have a lot of chaotic/self-destructive/negligent tendencies that eventually pile up until i can’t contain the mess they’re causing anymore and then they effect other people & thats.....bad.

X-rays: ....*nods*....nice. looking at bones is cool. 

Favorite food: i don’t have favourites but uh.. FISH EVERY DAY 3X A DAY FRESH FROM SEA (i love raw salmon). 

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius. i don’t really believe this means anything but if you do that’s cool too

Tagging: imm....not tagging, buit if you see this consider yourself tagged!! EVERYBODY IS TAGGED. NOBODY IS TAGGED. 

[dynamics-of-an-asteroid]

I really would like to know your opinion about Sherlolly and Molliarty 💕

My opinion on Sherlolly grew as my opinions on fandom politics thankfully matured cause it’s really easy to make assumptions about M/F ships since typically they’re filled with everything Progressive Fandom supposedly hates.

But what I’ve come to realize is that Progressive Fandom is kind of full of shit.

It says one thing (“we want better material for this female character!”), but then proceeds to do the complete opposite (takes a male background character with exceedingly less material and creates mountains of fanworks to the point where even the creators start giving him more screen time over the female character). It’ll come up with all these tl;dr think pieces that seek to blame some other outside sources as to why this keeps happening (“men are just written better!”, “there’s just more male characters to choose from statistically!”, etc.), but there’s really no denying which types of ships and characters and dynamics and narratives it actually values when you see what kind of content dominates creative spaces that no one is controlling except the fans. 

So I realized a lot of my “concerns” were just the result of theoretically wanting the most subversive conceptualization for the ship as any good Progressive Fandom member prides itself on seeking, but then falling in to the same traps that reinforce a very biased hierarchy Progressive Fandom measures everything by and upholding ridiculous standards that I wasn’t holding everyone else to.

For example, I’ve done the typical “pOoR mOlLy :(( sHE dEseRveS bEttEr tHaN sHerLOcK” spiel everyone seems to say after watching ASIB since that scene is meant to elicit a reaction. She very clearly was in love with him and particularly series 1 & 2 Sherlock, despite whatever good he was doing or moments of ~humanity~ he had, was overall a pretty rude, abrasive dick. He wasn’t this way just to her, but Molly is a legitimately decent person on a show full of assholes so there was some part of me that wanted to protect that, you know?

However, my reaction shouldn’t have been “Wow, Molly deserves better than Sherlock”, it should have been “Molly deserved better from Sherlock because she deserves common fucking decency.” Her unwavering love for him is always considered a problem that needs to be either removed entirely or given to someone else more deserving. It’s never Sherlock’s behavior that’s the problem that needs to get checked because Progressive Fandom doesn’t typically criticize male characters for their actions. You excuse, you explain, you apologize, but you don’t with any kind of negative intention seek to frame their reaction in any given situation as the part that’s wrong. The feelings of white dudes are valued over everything and everyone.

So my reaction of “come on, Molly, let’s get out of here and find you someone better” sounds noble, but all I’m really saying is “Well he’s an ass and we can’t do anything about that, but your crush on him is definitely fixable!” Again, she’s not the problem here, her love for him is not the problem here. He is the problem here, his rudeness is the problem here. There’s absolutely something we can do to fix that and we know this because part of his character arc was about becoming warmer and kinder. “Molly deserves better” is such an empty, meaningless statement when you really get in to it and I cringe every time I see it now.

Plus, something I’ve noticed that seems to be exclusive to the ship is most people in fandom ship one of these characters with Sherlock or are invested in a dynamic that includes him in it. And I guarantee you there’s a scene or a moment or a line that Sherlock was the source of that you had to go fix with fic or meta or some AU gif set or something because you wouldn’t still care about it if you didn’t. He’s done some pretty horrendous shit to these characters that far surpasses what he did with Molly at the Christmas party. But we’re not saying poor John he deserves better (hell we’re not even saying poor Sherlock he deserves better), we’re not saying poor Mycroft he deserves better, or that poor little Lestrade deserves better. It’s always poor Molly, specifically, because Progressive Fandom isn’t about to micro-comb through her material like they do with male characters in order to flesh her out more and find ways to make her a person of equally nuanced value to Sherlock. Then it would be easier to see why he’d extend more than just common courtesy to her, which lays the foundation for potentialness (specifically romance cause no one is gonna flip their shit about friendship), and now you’re sighing in agony about having to deal with a love interest - and worst of all - yet another M/F ship existing.

And listen, I get it - M/F ships have everything and it’s obnoxious. They get the coveted title of being “most likely to happen”, they get all the exposure, all the juicy arcs, all the cast conversations when it comes to their expressions of sex and love and romance being treated as completely plausible and entirely normal, etc. But when Progressive Fandom notoriously doesn’t produce nor consume F/F media let alone at the same rates as M/M media, when Progressive Fandom deeming a female character “too awesome/independent for romance” is basically a death sentence in spaces where romance and pairing up characters is the name of the game - what are people supposed to do with Molly that doesn’t decrease her visibility or sideline her entirely in the name of what? Making sure heteronormativity doesn’t happen? Cause looking at tumblr’s most popular M/M ships that are full of exceedingly harmful gendered stereotypes about the characters then being further conceptualized in to gross top/bottom discourse among other issues, that pesky problem of not reinforcing heteronormativity shouldn’t fall solely on M/F ships cause they’re not the only ones perpetuating it.

From what I can tell, Sherlolly shippers are the only people placing her in multiple kinds of dynamics and narratives that seek to explore the depth of her character without treating all of her material with Sherlock like a joke or a predicament that must be changed (which is different from fixing some bumps or gaps or straight up missteps that may be present, and there are some, but no one is denying that). Sometimes it’s a reversal of expectations, sometimes it’s not, and that’s pretty standard summary of any ship in fandom, really. You don’t have to like what they’re doing, but the door is always open for these diverse, inclusive stories Progressive Fandom wants so badly to be brought to the table yet I get the feeling they won’t be walking through it any time soon.

so tl;dr - the ship isn’t bothering me and any faux-criticisms I had about it in the past I can easily say about other ships, including my own, so it’s not fair to condemn one but then bolster another with the same elements.  As long as they aren’t engaging in anything harmful or pushing any Ists, Isms, and Phobias, which they aren’t, I’m cool.

And I’m not even gonna lie, I could not stand Molliarty in the beginning stages of fandom.

I hated how Jim from I.T. was treated as a separate person from Jim Moriarty just to give Molly a cuter and more fun version of him to continue dating (to be fair, this ship isn’t the only one that did this, [don’t even get me started on the Richard Brook\twin thing omfg], but I loathed this trend regardless of who did it more cause particularly with Jim everyone would always push the ‘we don’t know anything about his private life!!’ excuse to justify wildly ooc shit [and still do to this day]).

I hated that narrative of Molly ~softening~ monstrous beast!Jim with her kindness and in return he became obsessed with having her love him, but she couldn’t cause he’s a bad person or whatever, so he’d protect her until his dying days instead (I recognize the trope, I personally can’t stand that trope, but I still don’t understand why it was applied to this dynamic).

I hated all the creepy undertones in a lot of the really early fanworks that were like “come with me little girl and you’ll never be hurt again” (look, MY ships are capable of creepy undertones, but particularly with this ship it felt more like an impending sense of doom that Molly was getting herself in to a really skeevy, fucked p situation which is gross).

I hated with a goddamn passion that still consumes me to this day that Little Red Riding Hood/Big Bad Wolf aesthetic cause it’s just piggybacking off what I just said of this lecherous devil ready to devour this unsuspecting and naive victim (as you can imagine I don’t like imbalanced dynamics so a lot of this one is just personal irritation too, but it still feels like you’re having to compromise their characters by bastardizing the shit out of them in order to get this to work).

I hated how Jim was treated like her sassy gay best friend who’d stay up at night watching Say Yes To The Dress with her and Toby, and gushing about cute boys when someone did a more platonic bff take on the ship (this was the biggest one for me because Andrew was walking a fine enough line as it was with Jim to not have everyone go ahead and throw his character into stereotype hell anyway and I hate most fanworks with Jim for this very reason, so again this problem isn’t exclusive to the ship).

And I hated how Molly tapping in to her inner darkness thanks to Jim awakening it somehow always took the form of her becoming sadistic and murderous to illustrate how strong she really is in an effort to put her on even footing with him so she’d get the love and respect and appreciation she wasn’t getting else where through being his faithful killing babe (besides having problems with women having to become badass and bloodthirsty in order to equal strength of any kind, the implication she can only be treated right through bad people is unsettling).

After making that list, I realized a lot of why I couldn’t stand it was tied to general misinterpretations of their characters that was floating around fandom, so putting those specific versions of them together to make a ship out of it was unforgivable to me. I’m gonna make an assumption here and say I’m willing to bet a lot of their earlier stuff wasn’t made by the shippers themselves and that it was people from other ships making material for it based off what they thought it was. So for all I know a lot of what I hated wasn’t even what the ship was about cause I know that’s the case for old stuff about my ships. None of us really had the numbers to change public opinion about how we perceived it, so there’s a lot of lingering misconceptions thanks to those works and I might have just listed all of them for Molliarty, I don’t know.

But a lot of this seems to have gone away now in any case? Not all of it, but it’s been replaced with lighter, more comical material which is still not the ballpark I’d personally place them in, but I’m not in that inner circle of shipping so I don’t know why it took that turn. They could be trying to counter fanon ideas surrounding the pairing, they could be trying to build up a more diverse selection of fanworks, I have no idea, but the ship doesn’t bother me in the same way it use to mostly because I’ve become too indfferent for most ships to even get a reaction from me anymore tbh

[vegspoblr]

Major difference and comparing, in this case, women to nonhuman animals is another level of gross I continue to see from vegans.

So, I’m comparing the way these two movements (veganism and feminism) are treated and conceptualized at a large scale, not women to animals, even though said comparisons are only harmful -in my view- when intent is too. Also “gross” is not a proper emotion to measure morality. Good to know you are not arguing in good faith from the get go, though.

1. People doing strenuous activism is cult-ish... How exactly? Are you aware that this type of activism -socratic method, showing pics and video, using striking clothing or slogans to catch attention- exist in almost all forms of street/real life activism, right? Like, this kind of stuff was not invented by vegans. So, when other social justice movements advocates do similar things, is it cultlike too? Just like conservatives say it is?

2. What exactly do you find offensive or wrong about that comparison, if I may ask? For the sake of understanding what your definition of cult-like is.

Also, why do you think explaining animal abuse is guilt-tripping? Fur is incredibly inhumane and it harms animals, saying how an industry works is not guilt-tripping, is pointing out a reality. Can you expand on why you think that is guilt-tripping?

3. Have no idea what that fennec thing is about though. Animals should receive appropriate, veterinary-approved nutrition. In any case, if you think feeding a pet wrongly is animal abuse, maybe you should do research on what happens in large scale animal farming -where about 95% of all the meat we consume comes from-, because you may not like it.

4. I don’t know exactly what the person from that screencap is referring to. Since they talk about veganism being a lifestyle and not a diet, I am willing to assume they probably mean just that, that veganism as a lifestyle, not a diet, can be practiced by anyone, by said definition. I don’t see an issue with anything else in that reply, but feel free to point out what bothers you about it and I’m willing to discuss it. Also “causing harm” here is not hypothetical or metaphysical, it’s real and a necessary step for producing animal products.

Denying your groups issues doesn’t make them go away you know.

I’m not denying any issues, I’m saying that I don’t think veganism is necessary any more cult-like than any other social justice movement, and I’m of the opinion that this talk point is not only fallacious but widely used by conservatives too.

Not to mention this is just the creepy stuff,

(Again, adjectives like “creepy” and “gross” are subjective and I don’t think they are good for expressing disagreement about morals. Disgust as morality is a very dangerous train of logic that I reject entirely).

I could write a ten page essay on the racism, classism, and ableism as well

Yeah, there’s issues of all kinds with vegans. There are also plenty of feminists who are transphobic, and LGBT+ activists who are racists, and BLM protesters who are sexist, etc, etc, etc. And yet, no one thinks abusing women, lgbt+ people, or poc is in any way okay, even if we disagree with the sexism/racism/etc that some of their proponents show... Those are particular issues within a movement, but they don’t discredit the actual message behind the movements.

Again, this is a very dangerous train of logic, and one that conservatives also love, so I stay far away from it when applying moral judgement.

If you wouldn’t discredit the basic ideas behind feminism just because some women (or even lots, hypothetically!) are racist, then you can’t discredit the ideas behind veganism as a whole because some vegans are [insert form of bigotry]. I mean, you can, but that makes your logic flawed/inconsistent, and you a hypocrite.

To end this reply, I have two major issues with your post:

I think this conversation can only go on if you are willing to discuss in good faith (which, from your initial comment, it seems to me that you aren’t) and if you can provide a consistent definition of what you consider cult-like.

Second, I see from your blog description that you are 16. That is very young, and it could be the reason why your post seems so out of touch about what conservatives have to say, because you haven’t really been able to point out behaviors that are unique to vegans that can categorize as cult-y that couldn’t be done or attributed to other social justice movements. I only say this because I think your young age might be making you lack perspective.

Snippet from a German show with vegans and non-vegans answering questions and debating those. I was impressed by Nico Rittenau’s calm response to a pig breeders “veganism is like a religion/cult” argument so I tried to translate it. (x)