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pillatedcompills · 1 year ago

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Nobody hates you. People are concerned for you and what you have been doing online, and have blocked you because they don't want their reputations damaged. People are going to block you for your behaviour because it is frankly dangerous, both for them and yourself. Learn from it and move on. Stop digging your own grave with these constant accusations, and before you assume, this is nobody you know. So don't accuse them of more shit they didn't do.

Ahem I'm going to assume you're the same person from last time. People do hate me its clear and quite frankly obvious. Moving on is something that takes time anon, and I don't have time to sit here and listen to the advice of someone who's not actually willing to tell me who they are. I also am aware you are not who you say you are, Im heavily aware. I don't know you, but it seems you somewhat know me. But it seems this message is literally what I mean. "Dangerous". You do realize I'm 15 right? Its quite clear that my behavior is "dangerous" ofc. Send a anon ask to belittle me and act as if i'm not allowed to have feelings ofc.

The point is this fandom doesn't want to put up with me, and for that I say oh well. Im perfectly fine, and my behavior online is quite normal. Sure i could be a outstanding citizen, but that's not how life works. My behavior is something people don't want to put up with, I'm aware. Even if you are concerned, speaking to me in this manner is not going to help anything. No more baseless accusations, I'm not gonna assume and try to guess who you are.

Because I cannot sit here and try to knock my reasoning and the way I behave into your head. I don't have time to keep having a back and forth conversation. If you want to talk to me, dm me. But I'll say this, People have me blocked because of internet drama. Plain and simple, that's the point. I don't know if you understand that at a certain point I just stop acknowledging what I'm doing and just roll with it.

If you're not aware I'm not trying to start mess, hell the post was not meant to fucking go "oohh im upset at them". It was the fact that I'm upset in general. Sure whatever people don't want to associate with me, I'll sit here and mauld about it. Who's truly going to tell me to stop being upset because people don't understand me.

Imagine if you actually had to deal with me, It's not easy. I'm aware that I don't know how to control the things I do. Self awareness is key, and at some point I stopped caring. I care about many things, but online reputation is something I do not give a fuck about. Because at the end of the day, I'm barely a person anon.

If people dislike me then okay boo hoo, I'll cry and slice some more. Simple as that, no more to it. The outrageous part is that you still don't understand what I'm trying to say. It's not just because of this fandom that i want to fucking die. Its because of life, and because you people keep being concerned over things that shouldn't concern you.

Truly why would It matter if I was able to find a way? Who would actually give two shits? "There's people there for you". I don't want help, I don't need help , and the help I am receiving I don't listen to. So why in the world do you think I would sit here and listen to someone I don't know!??! How would you know they don't hate me, they see signs of someone not being well and resort to flames and pitchforks. I'm not going to sit here and act like this fandom understands me, because they DON'T.

If you truly see me as a dangerous person, then OH well. I can't change who I am, or the way I behave. People aren't supposed to be able to change anon, they can only grow. If you truly care then let it be, and leave me be. If I do find a way then oh well, I'm not worth saving nor am I worth trying to help. I'm not making it to 18, and I'm barely making it now.

I don't know if you know this, but I have several infected cuts. A shirt covered in blood, from every time I feel upset. I can't move or function without medication nor can I speak or think on my own. It's gotten to the point where almost every inch of my body is covered in scars. Do you really think that people care about what I'm doing? I sure don't. Numbers of employees carved into my legs, deep markings on my stomach that are sure to keloid.

I don't want to live, and that shouldn't be your concern. I will never look normal, I will never BE normal. I'm tired of you anons coming into my inbox and trying to talk sense into me, IM NOT WORTH HELPING. i don't deserve to be helped, I don't need it either. I know what I want, and what I want is to die. I can only stay so long anyways, so please if you really want to help come down and shoot me with a gun or something idk. -

Also I'm aware you're not them or at least anyone they know. They would not sit here and waste their time trying to talk to me, they don't give two fucks about me.

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pillatedcompills · 1 year ago

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Some people will like you, some people won't. You shouldn't take blocking personally. I'm sure there's people you have decided you don't like.

The point is people hate me. I don't wish to be hated, and I take a lot of things personally. I get your point, but like it's end game for me anon. Literally I have no will to keep trucking, things don't just get better out of nowhere. I don't have to keep pretending like everything is a-okay, because it isn't and it never will be. When I block someone, I will only ever block if I genuinely have to. Like if my life/ privacy is in danger, or if like they block me first. That is and will forever be the only reason I ever block people, I don't decide to hate or dislike people.

Because people are human at the end of the day, and I can only imagine that other people get hurt when they are blocked. Plus being blocked should only ever be a last resort. Not something to use pettily just because you don't like someone. If that's truly the case why don't you just kill em? You don't like em right? You want them 6 feet under body infested with maggots flies and other creepy crawlers right? NO? Then why go out of your way to block someone who literally did nothing to you.

People have their reasons to dislike me sure, but not to get everyone else to block me. Blocking should be used sparingly, not to use willy nilly. Imagine you've barely just joined a fandom, and literally so many people have you blocked over a single petty internet drama. You wouldn't like that either would you anon? The point is when I get the chance, when I get the right tools that won't just end me up in the hospital I will take my life. Idc if it's for the stupidest reasons, I have literally no reason to keep pretending shit is okay.

I'm tired of these positive affirmations, and the people telling me shit will get better. It won't and it hasn't, and sadly it never will. I don't have to plaster a fake smile on my face, or pretend that my life is okay. The internet should've been my only safespace. but sadly that is not the case anymore. I can't have a late night rant/ breakdown on this damn app without people acting like I belong in the darn nuthouse. I don't know if you understand why people don't treat me like a real person, but it's because I don't act like one

I don't fit the "normal" definitions or terms that people in this fandom have come up with. I have things I cannot control, severe schizophrenia, delusions, bpd, bipolar disorder and a LOT fucking more. No amount of medication will ever truly get rid of it, and therefore people here will not see me as a real person. They won't and they never will, and I have no reason to keep pretending that shit is okay. Because it isn't, and it will never be okay. I'm done and I'm tired of people telling me to get help or whatever else they tell me.

I don't need help, I don't want help, and I'm not ready for help. I will never be ready, and the help I get I don't even listen to. I'm tired and I'm done. Thanks for the ask ig anon?

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