#completely unrelated note but criminal by taemin is such a good song

[baekhyoris]

may i hear u ramble about insecure reader wanting to live up to the hyuga name after marrying neji … constantly feeling like they’re falling short or feeling like an outcast … neji comforting them … bubububu…

ANON YOUR BRAIN IS SO HUGE ILYSM 💙 everything's under the cut cause i have a lot of thoughts on this lol. i tried my best to make the reader gender-neutral but i think this may lean more towards fem!reader so sorry in advance if that's not what you had in mind. may or may not turn this into an actual fic someday so consider this an idea dump of sorts.

➢ the hyūga are a traditional bunch. i think we can all agree on that.

➢ you didn't come from nobility, being born into a small clan. and though you went onto becoming a respectable chunin later in life, none of your training and mission knowledge will ever help in navigating the intricacies of the most notable clan of Konoha. you certainly weren't the most graceful, nor would you call yourself elegant. and on top of that, you were an outsider. in a sea of lavender eyes, you stand out like a sore thumb and it's a constant reminder that follows you.

➢ there's a certain kind of pressure that comes with being married to neji hyūga—the genius of the clan. the whispered gossip looms around you like a ghost, people wondering why he wasn't slated to marry someone of greater standing when he became of age. after all, it was expected for neji to marry into prestige, not someone from a lesser family.

➢ the expectations to comform to the ways and traditions of the clan weighs heavily on your shoulders. To master the etiquette required of a hyūga spouse. to bow at the right times, to keep quiet, keep demure.

➢ a lead weight pulls at your stomach with each mistake made. a nagging thought that you're not good enough for neji. that he deserves to be with someone who wouldn't potentially embarass him.

➢ but you love him dearly and so, you try your hardest to uphold these standards—gods you do—but it's only a matter of time before the cards finally topple over.

➢ you were laying in bed one night while neji reads a book next to you. closing your eyes, you attempt to feign being asleep knowing that your mind wouldn't let you get much sleep. his hand rests on the side of your head and you can feel his eyes on you.

➢ "you've been quiet all day. is there something?" he asks, gentle fingers holding your chin and turning you to face him.

➢ "uh-no. everything's fine. just can't sleep is all." the reassuring platitude comes out a touch too quickly and the slight quirk of his brow tells you that he doesn't buy it. ever the perspective one.

➢ the bed shifts and Neji stands, taking your hand and urging you to follow despite your protests. "come, let me make some tea that will help you."

➢ some mixture of inadequacy and bashfulness curls within the base of your stomach as he instructs you to sit at the dining table. keeping your back straight, you keep your legs crossed at the ankles while your hands lay on your lap, stifiling the yawn that threatens to escape from your lips. an ache forms in your shoulders, it's exhausting trying to keep up apperances all day.

➢ your gaze follows your husband as he grabs two cups from the counter. he should be sleeping right now, you think. especially when he has training the next day, but here he is and a fresh wave of self-loathing washes over you. you close your eyes, feeling a sting behind them.

➢ "do you...ever regret marrying me?" the words slip out before you even process them. some part of you hopes he didn't catch that.

➢ "no, of course not," he says, voice incredulous. "what makes you think that?" you press your lips into a thin line at the loaded question and you suddenly feel small underneath his inquisitive gaze. a hot cup of chamomile tea is placed in front of you and the warmth somewhat relaxes your body.

➢ "well, it's just.." you reluctantly start, taking a deep breath as your fingere fidget with a loose thread on your shirt. "i think you deserve someone better than me."

➢ silence follows and all you want to do is go back to bed and pretend that you didn't say anything in the first place. but something keeps you seated. as usual, his face gives away nothing.

➢ neji would be equal parts confused and concerned. deserved better? you were the person he's wanted for so long. he wouldn't have married you if he wasn't fully certain that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and he tells you such.

➢ but that seems to have the opposite effect he intented, with the way your hands clench into fists and your body grows tense. instinctually, his hand reaches out to you but your next words stop him in his tracks.

➢ "i'm not good enough!" you snap, eyes shut.

➢ "nothing i do is good enough," the words tumble out of your mouth like a waterfall. "i've try to change, be perfect for you—make sure i'm someone who can stand next to do but nothing works. you jumped through so many hoops for us to get married and i can't even do the basics right. you deserve someone who can actually measure up." you stand up, turning away as the tears begin to flow. "no matter what i do, all i'll be is a fucking outsider and-"

➢ his arms wrap around you before the supressed sob finally breaks free. you tighten your hold on him as your body shakes from your cries. your rant quickly devolves into a string of incoherent apologies that spills from your lips.

➢ soft kisses were placed on the crown of your head and his fingers run though the strands of your head as a silent form of comfort. the elders' of his clan had been urging for neji to marry a member of the main branch, that such gifted genes couldn't go to waste. but he refused at every step. as far as he was concerned, it was either you or no one.

➢ "i don't know who told you such things," neji begins once your sobs calm, his thumb gently brushes the tears that cling to your waterline. "but that couldn't be further from the truth. there is no one else who'd i want to be with, especially someone as loving as you."

➢ many more things lay on the tip of his tongue—how dear you are to him, how you've stayed with him through thick and thin, how you've always been a source of comfort—and they all get put into the gentle press of lips to the center of your forehead. whenever words failed him, he can always count on physical affection to fill in the gaps when needed. "believe me when i say that i love you. i could care less about clan politics or expectations placed on. you're more than enough for me. you always will be."

➢ the sincerity in his voice makes your heart swell with relief and gratitude. your body relaxes at his warmth, at the knowledge that he's the person who you'll love for the rest of your life.

➢ "thank you," you whisper, the corners of your lips pulling to a small smile. neji mirrors the action, pulling you into yet another kiss, doing justice to the words that are left unsaid.

ask box is open. send me more neji related headcanons/scenarios <33