#comp players may not read the story but they care So Little that they Never Mention It and I appreciate that from them

[loyally-unfaithful]

jjk characters as genshin players hc

word count: 2.6k

pairing: gen

genre: humour

characters: itadori yuji, sukuna, fushiguro megumi, kugisaki nobara

prompt: jujutsu kaisen characters as types of genshin impact players; exactly what the title says: the type of genshin impact players the first years (+ sukuna) are, their main and their team, their favourite region, and their spending level. along with just random headcanons about their genshin experience.

a/n: mk so this goes without saying but do NOT take this seriously and especially not personally. this is a joke, up for laughs. some of their thoughts and headcanons and peeves are obviously based on my own and my friend's genshin impact experience which may or may not be similar to yours.

with that said, hope you enjoy this silly little thing i wrote. lmk if you share the same peeves and opinions, or if you don't; it's always fun to listen to different takes lmao

(for ppl who have been reading my pacific rim!au, i still want to write the fic, but i wanna focus on my studies since they’ve started. updates will happen, just irregularly, sorry ‘bout that :p gonna write shorter stuff instead to just destress.)

itadori yuji

main: bennett main, but recently pulled an accidental sucrose while rolling for raiden so he started playing as her a lot :)

main team: klee, bennett, fischl, sucrose.

favourite region: mondstadt, because of the nostalgia factor.

spender level: light-spender. i imagine he bought battle pass once for a weapon and bought welkins a few times, but usually doesn’t spend more than that. sometimes he commits an act of hubris he never recovers from because he’s a bit impulsive with his money and buys crystal top ups for his gambling addiction.

he spent money sometime to get a 5* unit he really wanted like klee, but overall he’s not too concerned with getting every 5* or 4*. not quite dolphin level.

the type to pull on any banner when he has gems and doesn’t rlly keep track of his roll count. he doesn’t care if a unit is meta or not, when he gets a unit he does a happy little dance.

he’s happy playing whoever he has :)

his luck is quite decent tho! usually gets a 5* unit in soft pity or before that, and has won more 50/50 than lost it.

i just think yuji is a rlly wholesome genshin player.

he’s happy to play whoever in whatever wack fucking team he put together.

character builds? artefact farming? team comp and resonance? he doesn’t really get it, he just reads the tutorial for the free (1) primogem and moves on.

tries to build the units he really really likes, but doesn’t think too hard about it.

dies from drowning and running out of stamina while climbing a lot tho :(

he plays abyss sometimes, but the higher levels stress him out so he kinda stays away lol

the type to feel rlly bad when his unit dies or gets hurt :( especially when klee gets hit because she starts crying :( his big brother instinct...

his artefacts and weapons are ok, and he does ok to small pp damage but it’s alright because he’s having fun exploring the world and playing coop.

he lets randos join his world to steal his resources or go fishing :) what a nice guy :)

nobara and gojo probably go to his world to steal his resources and then dip.

he’s probably someone who enjoys the coop aspect a lot, and ppl tend to like him too because if you scorn your healer (bennett) you are left for dead.

not yuji tho :���) he’d still heal you.

but i’m not nearly as merciful as yuji.

he tries to solve puzzles because he likes exploring, but ends up having to watch youtube tutorials or ask megumi to join his world and help him.

sometimes if he struggles with open world challenges because of his underlevelled-underpowered team, he uses megumi as a powerful summon and he carries him.

he tries to pay attention to the story and lore, but he forgets it immediately as soon as the archon quest is over, bless his heart.

tries to make his teapot look cute as hell but gets distracted and overwhelmed so it kinda looks like a mess.

probably forgot about it at this point...

sukuna

doesn’t actually play genshin impact.

mf just barely grasped the concept of a phone, he’s too lost to know what the impact of genshin is.

he just knows it’s annoying as fuck because it’s 3 am in the morning and he’s trying to get some him time and luxuriate in his domin onsen when he just hears a sultry voice go « cool it! » « dodge this!» « what’s the hurry?» « dodge this!»

literally not a single second of peace.

whenever the brat plays ‘genshin impact’, voicelines constantly play and annoy him.

sometimes he watches yuji play thru the fish gill eye, but it’s pretty boring for him.

it’s funny to see him get absolutely destroyed in abyss tho

his favourite part of 3am.

he absolutely abhors inazuma.

he thinks it’s a blatantly erroneous and inaccurate representation, nay, caricature, of japan.

he sees yae miko and wonders why a miko is dressed like a harlot. he is scandalised.

nobara 🤝 sukuna hates the costume design of some of the inazuma units.

sukuna is baffled by what sara is wearing. he thinks it’s ugly and unsightly.

yuji tells him it’s a body stocking type thing.

sukuna continues calling it a body sock though.

that much leg?? in his feudal japan?? not on his watch.

only he's allowed to be a slut >:(

is lowkey irked by how inaccurate things are but yuji doesn’t know what he expected from a video game.

inazuma is probably a way to con sukuna into opening up about his past. or at least make him tell you lore about how life was in the heian era.

because he’ll interject and insert himself randomly by saying how back in his day it wasn’t like this but actually like that and so on and so forth.

he was intrigued by raiden ei at first because she’s a fellow deity who rules her nation with an iron first but then was absolutely disappointed when the game woobified her and pulled the “she’s not actually that bad” bit.

he will spit on her with no hesitation.

he will also spit on zhongli and venti with no hesitation because they’re weak and soft.

he wants an unapologetically evil character gdi

i know he isn’t out yet (or ever) but i feel like if sukuna played genshin impact he would main scaramouche.

there’s something about the way that their characters just intersect.

short angry little thing.

like, no one in genshin impact are mean enough they’re all so passive.

scaramouche would talk shit about his opponents.

truly has bastard energy.

sukuna 🤝 scaramouche fatfuck

funnily enough, i imagine sukuna actually has godlike rng luck.

when yuji learnt this he exploits it.

he just asked sukuna to pull for him cuz he was bored and sukuna happened to be equally as bored so he played along, and yuji pulled 2 5* units and another 4* unit in one 10 pull.

when i say his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

out of curiosity, he asked sukuna to do another 10 pull and he got 6 4* items.

what the actual fuck.

so now whenever there’s a banner, yuji asks sukuna to pull for him and bless his pulls.

sukuna makes him beg for it tho

fushiguro megumi

main: razor.

main team: razor, bennett, fischl, zhongli.

favourite region: is actually really excited for sumeru (nation of knowledge) and fontaine (nation of justice).

spender level: f2p. he respects himself so he doesn’t spend money on a gacha game. lowkey scorns and looks down on whales (especially gojo).

he has normal luck, he just happened to be really lucky during zhongli banner.

tried pulling in weapon banner for wolf gravestone, but ended up getting staff of homa.

was irked, gave it to zhongli, and never touched the weapon banner ever again.

the type of person who partakes in leaks so he can plan ahead on what banner he’s pulling or skipping.

he usually waits until the last few days of the character banner to pull because he waits for the reviews to come in to see if the units are worth it or not.

currently saving up for goro.

a hardcore min-maxer. he has made excel spreadsheets and done the maths to maximise his team dmg. his lvl50 razor with prototype rancour does bigger damage than a lvl90 razor with skyward pride (he thinks that sword is overhyped for razor and people who use it are on max dosage of copium).

an f2p that does whale damage.

but he puts a lot of thoughts into team comps (bennett for healing and buff, fischl for battery, and zhongli for mob phys res decrease) and is always open to suggestions to improve his setup.

probably in the razor main discord and reddit.

godlike artefacts. he farmed for a long time without ever spending money or using resin refresher. sheer will and determination carried him.

probably does lvl90 domain runs solo because he’s more efficient by himself than in coop. usually finishes a level in sub-1min.

will spit at people who share their artefact finds on discord and say “OMGJKDJF SHUITTING MYSELF THIS ARTEFACT IS SO GOOD” but then the artefact is a sands of eons with ER% main stat and def% and hp substat, with all of the boosts rolling into def instead of flat atk or crit%, and is given to diluc.

will either ignore or just straight up respond with:

« lmao »

« copium »

and doesn’t elaborate.

is actually decently helpful with giving character builds and team comps suggestions for you if you’re not a smug cocky piece of shit who flaunts a disgusting artefact that you delude yourself into thinking is good and then your little circlejerk clap and go « omg yes bestie your rng luck is so good. »

gives character build tips to yuji mostly. nobara only when she asks him.

likes to discuss findings with maki, another hardcore minmaxer, perhaps even more hardcore than him.

probably a recovering touhou player so he never gets hit in genshin impact. doesn’t actually need healers or shields because he’s that good at timing his i-frames.

does abyss every reset and usually beats it easily.

yuji gave him his account detail so sometimes megumi tries to do his abyss for him (with mixed result because of yuji’s lackluster units). sometimes yuji asks megumi to look at his artefacts for him and help him choose what to give to who.

megumi is absolutely horrified to see that his artefact inventory is nearly full and he hoards 5*-4* artefacts, even the shitty ones.

megumi asks if he can cannibalise/delete the shitty artefacts as they go through them together.

yuji’s like??

« oh… is that bad? it had crit dmg substat though… »

megumi is staring at the hp% circlet meant for klee.

he can’t relate because as soon as he gets an imperfect artefact he just immediately cannibalises it for something else.

he continues helping him with spring cleaning though.

he lets yuji join his world, but doesn’t let randos in. gojo is straight up banished from joining. usually it’s the other way around though: he joins yuji’s world.

yuji is replacing the bennett and fischl in his team comp, and he isn’t as efficient as if he was playing solo, but it’s ok because it’s not abyss.

megumi is definitely the type of guy to know every puzzle and chest locations so he likes leading yuji to those whenever he visits.

megumi probably solved all the puzzles in inazuma without using youtube tutorials. he 100% dragonspine in the first few days it came out, before guides were published.

yuji is just killing mobs and then suddenly in the chat megumi’s just « chest here. ».

yuji teleports there and he sees razor jumping up and down next to a luxurious chest.

yuji often goes to megumi's sereniteapot to buy from the merchant for his battle pass exp. the interior of his teapot is super neat and organised, the decor is simple and minimalist but it works.

it's very "megumi".

also, he’s probably into theorycrafting.

even so, he finds the story and lore intriguing, but he thinks the storytelling could be better because it’s pretty bland and bad. no, infodumping is not a good storytelling technique, in this essay he will

100% thinks baal should’ve received a bigger backlash for the shit she pulled in inazuma.

in a heated disagreement with nobara: baal is absolutely not girlboss, but she is indeed gatekeep and gaslight. she is war criminal (like the other archons).

kugisaki nobara

main: raiden ei.

main team: ningguang, jean, beidou, raiden.

favourite region: inazuma.

spender level: light-spender. similarly to yuji, she sometimes commits acts of hubris from which she will never recover from. she sees good looking female units and goes absolutely feral. next thing she knew she had c2 baal and spent over 500$ on genshin impact.

nobara is probably the type of person you could probably scam a lot of money out of by selling her skins.

she has the barbara skin and bought the jean skin.

if more skins dropped she will buy them with 0 hesitation.

her favourite thing is customisation, so she hopes other units gets alternate outfits too.

gets irked by the lack of windglider options. wished there were more colour schemes so she could give her units gliders that fit their theme more.

she’s currently saving up for yae as her wallet is recovering from kokomi.

she doesn’t care whether they’re meta or not, she’s here to collect the waifus.

skips male 5* banners and only pulls for female units.

that being said she absolutely fucking regrets skipping zhongli.

she is staring enviously at megumi’s (f2p) c2 zhongli.

no cap but she will never be not upset about baal’s lackluster synergy with beidou. nobara has more loyalty to beidou because her early game beidou carried her since the beginning (like how megumi’s early game razor carried him).

still puts the two of them in the same team out of pure spite.

but sometimes she swaps raiden out for rosaria.

this doesn’t stop her from using raiden as her genshin pfp and using her namecard.

day 1 of raiden banner and her raiden is already lvl90 and on the way to lvl10 friendship.

she prefarmed her materials and is now broke.

ended up spending more money on weapon banner for raiden’s 5* weapon.

nobara's teapot either looks super nice or it looks like someone who just moved into their new apartment and everything is on the floor with no rhyme or reason. nobara tries her best to make everything look good and pretty because she doesn't want her teapot to look ugly, but ends up overthinking and overplanning it so she's stressed as hell.

nobara is constantly beating up trees.

the type to implusively change the decor and layout every month because for some reason she suddenly decided she didn't like the current design anymore.

she picked lumine as her traveler.

but looks down on the lumine mains that keep demanding lumine official art from mihoyo, because she thinks they’re on heavy copium for thinking mihoyo will listen to them.

also highkey thinks they sound like bratty whiners and she’s not here for it.

but she’s a hypocrite because she is shouting on twitter and reddit for an electro element buff and baal buff ksljfslkdjfsfjkfsjd

that being said, nobara absolutely looks down on mihoyo and will not hesitate to talk shit about them. especially because of how stingy they are and how wack the rng is in the game. there’s so many bugs and translation errors and it fucks her up.

she definitely threw a fit at the anniversary rewards.

has a love hate relationship with the female costume designs.

she loves characters like fischl and ningguang. then she see ganyu’s and sara’s design and starts spitting.

she doesn’t know what the fuck they’re wearing; some shitty body stocking that is unflattering and leaves nothing to the imagination, but she thinks it’s so ugly.

the fucking?? boob pockets?? what’s up with that. ugly.

hates it.

yuji casually mentions sara sounds a bit like her, and it triggered her fight or flight.

she’s an ok player, but is prone to fits and ragequits, especially in abyss. her units are decently built, but nothing like megumi, so she still struggles (not as much as yuji though. she's still better than him lmao).

she’s not a min maxer, she just has a general idea on how to build characters.

also, unlike megumi, she also doesn’t have the touhou experience.

absolutely seethes when her units get caught in animation, so she can’t do a single thing as her units just stagger until they die.

people can tell when she’s playing genshin because you can hear her scream and shout profanities.

is a pc player and absolutely spits on mobile players.

until she learnt that maki plays on mobile.

suddenly she stopped looking down on mobile players.

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[relaxandlaughatyourself]

Recap of Dem and Ika’s IG Live, May 10, 2019

They did two lives, totaling about an hour and twenty minutes. They were incredibly happy and touchy. Constant laughter and playfulness.

Dem is going to take a shower, but Ika wants him to stay and talk to us as well.

Ika says her hair is growing back and feels thick, she has Dem feel it. Ika: “How’s it feel?” Dem: “Thick. Luscious. This is all you, this isn’t a wig? Oh my…”

She thinks she looks older with the wig. When seeing herself on the jury segment, she hated her makeup and thought she looked so old. She thinks she looked crazy. Mentions how people think she looked pregnant, and is offended people think she looks pregnant. “I know I gained some weight, but y’all are wrong for that.” Dem named her wig Shelia. She wishes she wore her own hair and did her own makeup. She facetimed Dem right after the makeup was done and “I said, babe, I look crazy. And he said I looked beautiful so I went on tv looking like a drag queen.” Dem hasn’t seen the segment yet. She thinks makeup makes her look old, and for tv they pile on the makeup, “so they’re piling on the oldness”.

She’s ranting about people calling her pregnant and Dem is texting, “babe, I’m going through a lot, what are you doing?” “I just can’t stop eating at night. You look good, you workout, you look fine.”

Dem: “The next rumors are going to be that you’re crazy.” Ika: “But those aren’t rumors, those are true.”

Dem’s trying to take a nap, “we’ll get him, I promise. If you fall asleep, things will happen to you.” Dem: “Don’t act up for the people.”

Thoughts on Adam and Sam. She loves them, huge Sam stan. Dem: “He’s lovestruck.”

Thoughts on Anthony. She doesn’t hate Anthony, off camera he’s super funny and super nice, but on camera… she’s silent lol. He makes people feel insignificant, that’s how she felt the jury felt above him. He played a great game though.

So much happened at the roundtable that didn’t make the cut. She was filming for three hours. The jury was very pro Dane at that point. She was most shocked at Cory, she was very bitter, acting like Anthony and her were married and he was having an affair and she found out in jury. At one point she did say that she was angry at him and he was treating her like everyone else, she thought she was special. She was not a fan of Mark while on the show, but she appreciated him so much at the roundtable because he was one of the only people besides Cory who gave her so much, he was taking her jabs and laughing; it changed her opinion on him.

Este and Kiki. She’s silent, and Dem is giving her looks off camera. Este is sweet, and knows that she didn’t play a good game. She has respect for Este for that.

Dane. Thinks he is an amazing winner, the best winner bbcan has ever had. Dem gives a thumbs up. He’s well rounded. Dem thinks he was the best social player and the best comp player, and Ika agrees. Dem says Anthony played well but didn’t win a damn thing. Ka: “Are you coming for my edges? Winning comps isn’t everything, Demetres.”

Ika doesn’t agree with people who say that her and Anthony played similar games. “It’s hard to not touch the block, but it’s hard to sit on the block with your ride or die and escape together. Twice.” Ika notes that she and Dem were the biggest threats in the house, Anthony wasn’t seen as that. Anthony is great, but they played similar but different games. Anthony controlled people in a wicked way, Ika didn’t control people that way, she had to work. Anthony played an incredible game, just wasn’t likeable.

Kyra. They survived, and was never really the target. They had a mentally hard time because they were pawns and their allies kept leaving. She mentions that they are nice. Also notes how she messes up on the pronouns sometimes and Kyra understands it’s a learning process, and appreciates the effort. Ika reminds everyone to correct people, but in a way that doesn’t make them feel bad, because almost always the person doesn’t mean it negatively or out of disrespect, it’s learning, “so you don’t have to give Demetres angry faces.” Ika notes that she doesn’t know what it would have been like going through the house alone, “I don’t know what I would have done without you, and having someone to laugh with, laugh at people with, drag with, make fun of people with. We did a lot of making fun of people in that house, we were so petty. It’s an easy way of passing time. And we wonder why no one likes us.” Dem: “Turns out they recorded all that.”

Damien. He’s a great guy, was Elijah’s fav player. Elijah says that he doesn’t say anything and that makes him smart because he has nothing to back it up. Dem: “Wisdom coming from the kid, eh.” Elijah also says his expressions are funny. “When people say he’s too nice for BB, what’s that say about us? He’s a nice guy… [Dem]. I’m a nice girl. […] I think my boyfriend is a really nice person.” Dem: “You’re nice too. You’re a nice person. It’s hard for a lot of people to see that but she is.” Ika starts yelling at him in a funny way asking why people think that, “I think it’s stuff like this” he laughs. Dem: “You’re actually the nicest person I’ve ever met. I’m not just saying that.” Ika says she’s nicer than Dem and Dem agrees. Ika says Dem is nicer in that he gives people more chances, Ika is kinder, more giving, more compassionate. Dem says he’s more ruthless; Ika says because he’s business, he’s not afraid of having hard convos. Dem has compassionate moments.

Ika says she wants to tell one of their jokes. She says he’s making a really big investment – “yay!” – (and they high five), and it’s going to take up a lot of money, “so I told him to stick both hands up cause I didn’t want any fingers crossed, and I told him to stick his toes up, I asked are you doing this big investment that will eat up a lot of money because you can say that we can put off getting married because the money is going into the business, into the investment. Instead of putting that money into a ring or a wedding. He says that never crossed his mind, he’s thinking of putting the money in our future, in that, it’s going to grow and do this and make more money.” Dem: “These opportunities, when they come up, you have to pull the trigger.” Ika: “But him and his trickeries. But this is why we work, I have these thoughts and I don’t keep them inside. Either way, you’re buying a ring.”

Dem says there’s a diamond mine in Kansas, and for $10 a day, you can go fish for your own diamonds. He said it’ll take him like a month, so that plus accommodations won’t be that bad. Ika: “We were talking – we were probably drinking because Demetres hates talking marriage, he gets red. We were talking about what kind of ring. Since we both love the number five, it’s special to us, I was thinking a 5 carat ring is only logical.” Dem: “So I said .5, move the decimal.” Ika said then that she thinks it would be nice for him to dig for the diamond so there’s a story, he didn’t just go to a store. So Dem googled it and came up with this $10 a day thing. Dem says Ika wants him to go to Africa and dig up a big rock. Ika: “Don’t say Oh I love you, I’ll do anything, but you won’t go!” Dem: “I’ll go to Kansas!” Ika: “Don’t come for me.” Dem: “Just kidding, we’re going to Vegas, I’m just gonna buy her one.”

Dem then asks how does the ring help their future life out. “What’s it good for? It goes down the sink.” Dem: “It’s about the sentimental value, it’s not about the price. It’s about the symbol of our love. What if I spend $3k, save the half a million, invest it in some real estate and we make some money instead.” Dem then googles how much a 5 carat ring is. Ika: “We’re not getting married, we’re just having conversations, this is what we do.” Dem says there is $50k one, but it’s probably crap quality, and Ika wants good quality. Dem says they can negotiate, maybe 1.5 carats.

Ika notes that they went to Wendy’s before they went home. Dem: “The marketing has worked on us.”

Ika says he’s a true Greek, all he cares about is money. They laugh. Dem: “I care about you too.” Ika: “He does. He does care about me.” Dem: “More than money?” Ika: “Hmph, I don’t know!” Dem: “I do. I’m not going into details… I care about you more than money.” Ika: “Really?” Dem: “Yeah.” Ika: “How do I know?” Dem smiles and nods a bit. Ika: “Because you moved here?” Dem: “No… uh, moving on!” Ika: “Why?! How do I know?” Dem: “Because, baby. Tell them how you ruined my nap earlier.” They laugh about him changing the subject.

They go back to the $10 ring, Dem: “These guys go to the mall. The mall! They went for a burger, left with a ring! I went to Kansas for a diamond. For you.” Ika says he only chose Kansas cause it was the first thing that came up. Dem: “So you want me to go to Siberia? There’s probably one on Mount Everest too, but I would die less often going to Kansas.”

Ika reads a comment if they’re done with youtube. Dem: “Yes! No.” He laughs while Ika scolds him for being mean. Dem says youtube is so time consuming, and Dem is putting more time into real estate. She says she’s blaming him, he’s fine with it, but it was actually Ika who wanted the break. Dem was a little mad at first because you have to be consistent but he agrees. They say it’s fun, but with their busy schedules, it wasn’t sustainable. They say they made some money, but Dem doesn’t think they’re youtube star material. Ika says she’s a star and shakes her boobs, Dem: “You are a star, especially if you do that.”  

They say they will make videos again. Dem jokes it will be a month long vlog of him looking for diamonds and then finding the one in Kansas.

Ika says she thinks Sam and Adam will be the first bbcan couple to get married. Dem: “You have no faith in me, do you?” Ika says no, absolutely not, but because her and Dem took their relationship slower and had a lot of hurdles, including long distance and moving, and Adam and Sam are already near each other.

Ika says that they talked about how they would get married and not tell anyone for a year or so. Dem says they’re not the type of people to flash their wedding photos everywhere, Ika agrees but says to not say that in case they do. Dem: “Someone 10 years from now will send us that clip from this live.” Ika: “10 years?!” Dem: “5 years…” Ika: “5 years?!” Dem: “2 years…” She pushes him and they laugh hysterically, she tickles him. Dem: “These diamonds are hard to find, I’ll have to make a couple trips.” Ika says they wouldn’t tell anyone then have people over for a bbq and say they’re there to celebrate their one year anniversary.

Dem mentions that the wig is named Shelia, and she says it’s her fav wig, which Dem questions since she just throws it down. She goes to put the wig on Dem, “I am not a pretty long haired person.”

Someone asks how Jamaica was and they say they vlogged it for us a bit. They may post it at some point.

They said Jamaica was really nice, Ika’s family showed Dem all of her baby pictures, and he kind of wants to do a video like they did with his. They laugh about the pictures, she had weird hair and teeth, and Dem says really big knees. Dem says she smiled really weird too, like tilted her head down, glared with her eyes and smiled. He impersonates it.

Dem went to Ika’s church while they were there, and he loved it. He kept saying it was a celebration, it was lit, he understands why they like going to church – he’d go every week if it was like that. “I thought those churches were only in the movies!” He said the guy would be telling stories, throwing hands and singing and then randomly should “hallelujah”. It was amazing. Ika says that a couple weeks before Jamaica he took her to a Greek church, Dem: “It felt like a funeral.” Ika: “Glad you said it and not me.” Dem said he was also singled out at the Jamaican church, “meet our new friend Demetres.” And they asked him to stand. Ika says they welcomed her too, but Dem says she didn’t stand cause she wasn’t really new.

After church he met people who knew Ika when she was little, who knew her grandma.

She mentions that everyone in Jamaica has a nickname, Ika says he can tell us, but he says to keep it to themselves.

Her aunt has a big backyard and she likes crab, so they caught some to make for them. But the crabs escaped from the bucket and Ika freaked out, was screaming, “it was the rat video all over again.” Dem did get a video of it. Ika says her brother’s friend also brought music to the dinner. Dem loved the crab. He then says Miss Pinky’s crab was the best; Ika says she made crabs when she was little, and they all still knew her.

They talk about how there was a bible school they went to, but it was hot and they didn’t love it.

His aunt would talk to Dem and be like, “when’s the wedding? I can’t wait until my teeth fall out for the pictures.”

Dem and Ika made their own souvenir, they bought rum, brought it to the beach, drank it, had a heart to heart, and then took the sand that was between them and put it in the bottle. Dem: “Just fyi, they’ll give you hell at the airport because they’ll think there’s alcohol.” Dem says the bottle of sand is sacred, it’s heart to heart sand. Ika mentions that they had another heart to heart, but this one was better, “we had a lot of heart to hearts in Jamaica.” Dem: “We did.”

They went to a party in Jamaica too.

Ika says she needs to get new boobs again, they’re getting deflated. She asks if Dem thinks her boobs are okay.

They’re going out to the wrap party, but Dem still has to shower; they’re not getting there until later. EFS is where the alumni are going, but they’re going to the actual wrap party. They may go to EFS after but they’re not sure.

Ika: “Dem’s not mad, he’s a little honey bunches.”

Dem notes that his dad mentioned that his mom refused to take photos, so he thinks it’s hereditary why he doesn’t like people taking his pics for IG. Ika: “That was like the stone ages though, your dad is 70, so that was a long time ago.” Dem says she thought it would take her soul.

They like Adam and Sam but they don’t like Sadam.

Dem says that he’s only met Dane. Ika says that the periscope was short today because she interviewed him right before and that will be aired at some point.

They note that they don’t watch tv, they stream BB, survivor, the challenge and sports.

Someone comments Dem’s hair looks like, he gets happy. Ika: “My little Demetres!”

Ika says that lives are more fun with Dem, there’s more to talk about.

They say bye, Dem throws his shirt on the couch to finally shower.

[rebeccaheyman]

reading + listening 9.21.20

The Bookshop of Second Chances (Jackie Fraser), eBook ARC (pub date May 2021). Four-star NetGalley review:

At first, THE BOOKSHOP OF SECOND CHANCES just seems like a charming tale of a down-on-her-luck, 44-year-old woman finding a new life in a small Scottish town. But in a neat trick of smart plotting deft characterization, Fraser turns the narrative into so much more.

Thea is a refreshingly direct, introspective, infinitely relatable woman who's been dealt two very different hands at once: she's been laid off from her job right around the time she discovered her husband of 20 years has been having an affair, but she's also inherited a house -- complete with rare book collection -- and a not-insignificant sum of money from a dear but distant great uncle. With little keeping her anchored to her old life, Thea travels to Baldochrie to see about the house. Once there, she finds life in a small town on the Scottish coast suits her rather well, and then of course, there's Edward.

Edward has, like too many of us I suspect, based much of his life on the hurts of his youth. He's a modern-day Heathcliff who's moved past the romantic fixations of yesteryear long enough to become a curmudgeonly adult with a rather dysfunctional sex life. He's at war with his brother, the literal lord of the manor in Baldrochie, and spends his days holed up in his rare books shop. Until Thea walks in, and something like friendship begins.

I savored the slow unfolding of these two characters, who I grew to care about immensely. Fraser's is a nuanced portrait of a woman in middle age, facing the necessity of beginning again. To say Thea is an "everywoman" discounts her uniqueness, wit, and rather special charm, but she's not *not* everywoman, either. She feels like someone I know, or someone who could, in another life, be me. So it's a particular kind of triumph to see her grow and change and find joy.

Comps to EVVIE DRAKE STARTS OVER are warranted only in the loosest sense; the storytelling and writing here are far superior. Readers who enjoyed WOULD LIKE TO MEET will appreciate Thea and Edward's later-in-life romance, and fans of Graeme Simsion will find a lot to appreciate in Fraser's three-dimensional characterizations and excellent dialogue.

Tall, Duke, and Dangerous (Hazards of Dukes #2), (Megan Frampton), eBook ARC (pub date October 2020). If you’ve been reading these reviews weekly, you’ll know that I listened to the first-in-series, Never Kiss a Duke, last week. The sophomore installation was... not good. Two-star NetGalley Review:

If you, like me, felt that the first installment in the Hazards of Dukes series was a knockoff version of Kleypas's DEVIL IN WINTER, you're going to feel more of that "recycled trope" vibe in the second book-in-series, TALL, DUKE, AND DANGEROUS. While Ana Maria and Nash, our main couple, were introduced in book 1, the characterizations here seemed to come out of nowhere; our heroine is a literal Cinderella -- a girl of noble birth, forced to act as a maid by her now-blessedly-dead stepmother, and newly restored to her proper place in society -- while our hero was the victim of parental abuse at the hands of his father, which has left him isolated from his emotions and hopelessly taciturn. Ana Maria is fluent in Grunting Duke, so she can decipher Nash's true feelings even when he can't. And lucky for both of them, he wants her to be a Regency-era MPDG, and she's totally fine with it: "I want you to help me find the good parts of being who I am, of using who I am to do better for everyone. Joyfully." In other words, "I'd like you to make me the best version of myself, because that should definitely be your responsibility, o ye of the lesser sex." 

I've given Megan Frampton a very fair shake -- in fact, I've read three of her books in the past seven days. Each has felt like a faint echo of better HRs I've read before. While the writing is serviceable enough, the storytelling is weak. Here particularly, the ending comes fast; there's no denouement, not even the Epilogue one expects in this genre. I'd wager my last crown that book three sees Thaddeus and Olivia making an unlikely pairing. All in all, I have to let go of my hopes for Frampton's work, which seems derivative and predictable at best, and dangerously familiar at worst.

Lady Be Bad (The Duke’s Daughters #1), (Megan Frampton), aBook (narr. Jilly Bond). Please let us never try to parse why I leaned in so hard to Megan Frampton this week. After NEVER KISS A DUKE last week, I just... wanted to see what she was about, I guess? Which makes no sense, because if we’re talking about HR authors I read for the first time last week, I should have latched on to Julie Anne Long, whose LADY DERRING TAKES A LOVER I actually really enjoyed. Like I said -- we shouldn’t overthink this. 

Here’s the deal with LADY BE BAD: If Sarah MacLean’s NINE RULES TO BREAK WHEN ROMANCING A RAKE (2012) and Tessa Dare’s SAY YES TO THE MARQUESS (2014) had a scandalous affair, this book would be the chaise longue they fooled around on in the drawing room. That’s it. That’s the review.

The Mighty Oak (Jeff Bens), aBook (narr. Adam Barr). You might be wondering what business I had reading a literary character study about a violent, drug-addicted hockey player, so I will tell you: Blackstone Audio, publisher/producer of innumerable aBook titles I have listened to and loved, started a GoFundMe to help those employees who have lost everything in the fires raging across the western US. I don’t personally know anyone at Blackstone, but I can hear the echo of Mary Jane Wells saying “Blackstone Audio presents...” on every intro track to The Ravenels series. This company is responsible, in part, for many hours of joy in my life, and now their employees are suffering, and if we’re not committed to small acts of kindness to help those who have totally, inadvertently helped us, what the hell are we doing with ourselves? Cutting this tangent short to say that Jeff Bens saw my tweet about the GoFundMe and very kindly emailed to say thanks for donating, so I said hey let me know when your forthcoming Blackstone title releases and he said actually it’s today and I think you know what happened next. Before I get to my review, I’m going to repost the link to the Blackstone Audio GoFundMe, and I truly hope you will donate even a single dollar. The book community is vast and beautiful, and for all its flaws, I want to believe we take care of each other. SECOND ACTION ITEM is to peruse the catalogue and buy or borrow a Blackstone Audio title. Might I suggest...

THE MIGHTY OAK is about Tim “Oak” O’Connor, a hockey player lauded for his violence and intensity on the ice. Tim’s body is breaking down under the stress of his lifestyle, which involves a lot of OxyContin, and it’s pretty clear his mind is likewise struggling under the weight of drug abuse and, probably, CTE. The thought that kept resonating with me while I listened to Adam Barr’s excellent narration was this: Tim O’Connor is a drowning man who doesn’t realize he’s wet. The portraiture in THE MIGHTY OAK is powerful, visceral, and heartbreaking, even as Tim’s journey resolves in something like victory. CW for drug abuse, physical violence, and -- no other way to say this -- an eyeball dangling from its socket. 

Ready Player One (Ernest Cline), aBook (narr. Wil Wheaton). I’m generally a sucker for books about puzzles -- even puzzles based on 80s pop culture and video games. RPO is what would happen if The Westing Game and Ender’s Game made crossover appearances on an episode of The Twilight Zone. The world-building is top-notch, if belabored at times; in a version of our world that has departed so completely from the reality we know, the temptation to narrate quotidian minutiae was too strong for Cline to resist. It’s not uninteresting, for example, to hear every painstaking detail about how Wade sets up the gaming system in his apartment, but it’s not exactly page-turning either. The story’s peaks more than compensate for its valleys, and you can’t beat Wheaton’s narration.