#come to citeh my boy we are in desperate need

[thewrongblues]

get jude OUT OF THAT ESTABLISHMENT

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Happy Birthday to Me Pt 11

I thought this would be a great time to throw back another jar of wine. I’d almost made it to the tray of Emperor’s Smile when all of a sudden I was lifted BODILY FROM THE FLOOR AND CARRIED TO THE FUCKING STAGE AGAIN. 

DAGE I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL!!! :( :( :( :(

And apparently SangSang had shoved Lan Zhan up there too!?!

“Come on guys,” I said, trying to save us both because Lan Zhan looked positively mortified, “Clearly Lan Zhan doesn’t want to sing again!”

I started to walk off the stage, determined to throw a wrench in whatever scheme those blasted Nie brothers had concocted, but I was too late. 

DaGe stood in my way as that damn song from the end of Grease started playing. That fucking ‘you’re the one that I want’ song.

Y’ALL AIN’T SLICK 

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU ASSHOLES

YOU THINK YOU’RE CLEVER

YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART

I kept trying to get off the stage but I think DaGe might qualify as an actual landmass because no matter what direction I tried there he fucking was!!!!

And then

The wind up had finished and the song had gotten to the words. 

And I heard Lan Zhan start to sing. 

In that smooth deep voice of his (Which is nothing like John Travolta but ooooh so much sweeter).

I swear to god I almost passed out when I heard him singing “I’ve got chiiiiils. They’re multiplyin”.

Like HOLY FUCK

IS THAT ALLOWED?

IS THAT ALLOWED????????????

Well of course I had no choice but to join in now! If Lan Zhan wants to sing it with me then that’s what he’s gonna get.

But I decided that if I was gonna suffer, so was everyone else. 

I picked the highest register falsetto screech I could manage. 

‘YOU BETTER SHAPE UP! CUZ I NEED A MAAAAAAAN”

That’s what you get, Nie Brothers. I hope you’re satisfied. 

Dickwads.

Not gonna lie though. 

Once I got over the initial mortification, it was actually kinda amazing. 

I know they threw us up there as like a sort of weird pseudo confession on my part but what it ended up as was a beautiful disaster. 

(So Me in a nutshell)

In the end some of the girls started doing backup vocals for us from the crowd too! You know those parts in between where the background singers just go “Oooh Oooh”.

It was great!

I was exhausted by the time it was over though. We took our bows and I ran off to get the drink I’d been coveting. I wasn’t gonna let anyone stop me this time. 

Taking an entire bottle for myself, I went back to sit and watch the next performers. 

Wen Ning finally worked up the courage (or drank enough wine) to get up on stage himself. And of course he chose one of the absolute BEST karaoke songs ever. Bohemian Rhapsody!

Fuck yeah! You can’t just have karaoke and NOT sing Queen! It’s against the law of parties!

He started off so shy (which worked because the song starts slow anyway) 

But with our encouraging cheers he soon got past that. Soon he was screaming “MAMAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH” into the mike with all the passion his quivering body could muster!

It was amazing.

We all went in like he was singing the greatest performance ever. With lots of whoopings and “SING IT MY BROTHA!” from Wen Qing.

Apparently Lan Xichen took it as a personal challenge and decided to pull out the next obvious must have for karaoke parties and started singing Journey. 

I swear hearing that man rasp out “JUST A CITEH BOI!!” 

This one turned into everyone singing because how can we resist? 

Oh my favorite though had to be when the Nie Brothers went up and started singing “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast.

OH my god that was incredible. 

DaGe got up there with a chair and started sulking while Nie Huaisang chose the track. And Nie Huaisang went along with the perfect LeFou. 

He leaned his elbow on DaGe’s shoulder with this sycophantic pout on his face. 

“Gosh it disturbs me to see you, DaGe, looking so down in the DUMPS”

OH god it was PERFECT. He changed out every single “Gaston” with DaGe. 

And DaGe’s voice was PERFECT as Gaston! Sign the man up for Broadway!

He started that bit about eating raw eggs (gross) and just BELTED out the word “barge” 

Like Fuck. This man had to be taking singing lessons on the sly or something! 

(I’m gonna ask SangSang about it later if I remember. Because he HAS to be taking lessons.)

After that the party started to wind down a bit. After another couple songs I looked over to the cake, thinking about stealing another sliver, and was dismayed to find out how little of it was left!

So while everyone was distracted I snuck over to steal…. Well the rest of it. Haha. 

I hid it in the cafe’s fridge to be wrapped up more… securely later. 

It’s my party. I do what I want. And I wants cake!!!

Fortunately everyone was so worn out as we all started crashing from our party high that no one noticed my temporary absence.

Like a fucking ninja!

Well…. I say I took all of it. 

Evidently I missed a piece. The cakes that Lan Zhan had been holding had somehow never left the chair I’d apparently set them on. 

We discovered this by way of Lan Xichen’s ass. 

Sat square on ‘em. 

Never let this man have alcohol. Just. Don’t do it. 

Well he screamed, which made A-Lian scream, which made Lan Xichen cry. It was a mess. 

And that is the note my birthday party ended on. Lan Xichen started wailing in DaGe’s arms about how he’d ruined Lan Zhan’s cake and how sorry he was. For his part DaGe seemed to be handling it well with some comforting pats and quiet ‘there there”s. 

The kids looked dead on their feet by then anyway so it was probably best to end the celebration anyway. 

I couldn’t have had a more perfect birthday. 

 I watched as everyone started cleaning up. I tried to help a few times and got scolded again, so I just kinda sat there to people-watch instead. 

It wasn’t until the peacock went to get Shijie’s coat that I remembered!!!!

I can’t believe that we almost forgot the most important tradition! 

I launched myself up to her crying that we forgot!!

And Jiang Cheng being himself tried to shame me by saying I was too old, to which I proclaimed that I was absolutely NOT too old. Never too old!

Shijie just giggled at us before giving me my owed kisses. One cheek kiss per year I managed to not die. 

Except she miscounted! I only got 28! I didn’t want to be ungrateful, but birthday kisses are birthday kisses! And if I’m expected to live to 30 I’m gonna need all 29!

I pointed out to her that she still owed me one. 

“I know I know,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. (And people wonder where I learned it from. Pshh). She pulled a tube of BRIGHT red lipstick that I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen her wear before. She put it on carefully before pulling me in to leave the largest kiss she could on my forehead, no doubt leaving a perfect red kiss mark on it. 

She just laughed at me when I claimed that was cheating.

Cheating at what? Who knows. Still cheating. But she just booped my nose and kept giggling. 

That’s when we noticed A-Ling trying desperately to get her attention with big watery eyes. 

“Aw, A-Ling. Do you want a kiss too?” she asked sweetly, laughing again when he nodded with an even bigger pout. She knelt down to give him just as big a kiss on his cheek, leaving a bright red mark that surely matched mine exactly. 

And then she straightened up to kiss her husband who seemed to be sulking like he wanted one too but wasn’t willing to admit it. Looked like a bright red polkadot on his forehead. Right between the eyes. He looked ridiculous. 

A-Lian’s subsequent kiss was more pink than red at this point as she was slowly running out of lipstick. It was around this point that I felt a bump at the back of my legs. I looked down to see little A-Yuan peering at the display of kissing. His finger was hooked in his mouth, a habit we’re still trying to break him out of, and he looked so shy as he watched. I shifted a bit so Shijie would notice. 

Fortunately she did. I think he might have run away if I’d pointed it out verbally. She crouched next to him with that heart melting smile that only Shijie can do and asked him if he wanted a kiss too. He squeaked a little but nodded anyway and was rewarded with his own pink stamp on his cheek. He giggled and hid his face in my leg. 

She straightened up and the mischievous glint was back in her eye as she focused on Jiang Cheng who seemed to just be milling in the area, pointedly looking out the window rather than at the festival of smooches. 

“You want a kiss too, A-Cheng?” she asked teasingly. He scoffed and claimed he was too old. Clearly it was a ruse because he absolutely did want a kiss but his pride wouldn’t let him accept one easily. 

Too bad for him DaGe had no such issues. He pushed him aside and claimed he’d take it for him then. Shijie laughed then and gave him a nice big kiss on his cheek.

This set off a chain reaction as a rather disgruntled Jiang Cheng was forced further to the side by a still overly excited Lan Xichen who was whining that he wanted a kiss too! DaGe happily obliged, kissing his forehead (Much to Lan Xichen’s quite obvious delight).

Jiang Cheng, to his credit, did his best to look like he wasn’t sulking, but our Shijie can see through us no matter what front we put up. She’s magic like that. 

“You know you want one too, A-Cheng,” she said before snatching him and planting the biggest kiss yet on his cheek before he could manage to squirm away. 

He couldn’t quite disguise how happy this made him. Adorable. 

He’d better be ready for his 28 kisses when it’s his turn this weekend. 

After that it was all hugs and tears (the latter pretty much exclusively from Lan XIchen who seemed to remember his butt was full of cake). I’m pretty sure some people double back for more hugs. And Gamby and Aunty Yi each added to my collection of kisses, each taking a cheek. 

When Jin ZiXuan’s turn came for a second I thought he was actually going to hug me. I was ready to fight for my life, but it wasn’t needed .

“Oh look!” he said instead, “It’s WELL past 10:30 now. Wei Ying! Happy Birthday you dick!”

Cheeky bastard. 

He was immediately slammed by the consequences of this by his son tattling on him to Shijie, claiming his father had said a naughty word. 

I was still laughing as they shuffled out of sight when I got a solid smack on the arm.

Why do people keep hitting me????????????? Whyyyyyyyyyy

“Happy Birthday,” he said, not quite looking me in the face. You can’t expect Jiang Cheng to be sentimental AND make eye contact. Not possible. “Keep in touch, will you?”

I promised I would and pulled him in to one last hug, which he actually let me do without a fuss. 

The Wens were the last group to shuffle out but not before I caught Lan Zhan and A-Yuan sharing a big hug. 

Oh my heart. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

They seemed to be talking to each other about something but I couldn’t catch what either was saying. 

And then they were gone. 

Huaisang left shortly after them after some more birthday wishes and just like that I was alone with Lan Zhan. 

We looked at each other in the dim lights of the Cafe. I could look at him forever.

Once again this man had somehow managed to leave me speechless. Just… Everything he had done for me came washing over me all at once. We moved at the same time, each of us pulling the other in for a tight embrace.  

I thanked him again for giving me the best birthday I’d ever had. And he made my heart freak out again by telling me that I was worth every moment of it. 

I felt him place a kiss on the top of my head after saying that.

Fuck Lan Zhan! Do you want me to hit 30? Because if you keep this up I’ll die before I even get half way through my 29th year!!!

He told me to go upstairs while he locked up the cafe and finished the cleaning that wouldn’t be able to wait for tomorrow.