#come onnnn it's built in such a funny way

[sregnarkroywen]

My favourite German word of the week: Vokuhila

[kinsbin]

Babysitting

Title: Babysitting Ship: Alexys/John Doe [Joker] [Self Insert/Canon] Word Count: 2125 Summary: Bruce convinces Alexys to help him out with watching a couple of Selena’s cousins after he gets scheduled for an important gala event. John decides that he wants to help her out too.

A/N: A commission for @bad-blue-moon-rising with her and the Joker again! An adorable couple, honestly, I'm always happy to write for them ;u;

“No.”

“Alexys please-.”

“Bruuuuuuuuuuuce.”

Bruce rolled his eyes at the weak-willed whining of his best friend as she all but threw herself against the plush interior of his luxury card, limbs flailing as she stretched across the upholstery in an effort to take up as much room as possible. Bruce, unphased, leaned back in his own seat to avoid the set of limbs blindly flinging themselves around from a variety of directions. Alexys pouted back at him, as if upset she had somehow missed his form in her flailing efforts. She probably was upset about that, Bruce realized with a roll of his eyes as he held his hands up to try and continue his discussion with the woman before her.

“Selena asked me to help and I answered before I knew my full schedule,” He had explained in a last ditch plea towards his best friend, “But something came up on the day of and, now, I don’t think there’s any way for either of us to reschedule.”

“Why didn’t you just ask Xena then?”

“She’s out of town on a gallery conference in Metropolis,” Bruce’s voice echoed a more pleading tone as he practically pouted at Alexys, whose arms were now crossed hard over her chest as she leaned back in the seat in a proper, upright position, “You know I wouldn’t ask you unless I was completely out of options, Alexys, I really am sorry but…”

Alexys sighed and gave an accepting nod, her fate being sealed within a moment of her begrudging agreement. Bruce had rarely asked favors of her in their entire friendship, a sort of basis built up on trust and communication as any relationship, platonic or otherwise, should be. The favor was not the worst at any rate either. Selena had asked Bruce to help watch a couple of her cousin’s kids while she was away on business. Alexys was sure that the ‘business’ she was away on was either going with Xena to Metropolis (god forbid either of those two leave their girlfriend alone in another city) or a job of thievery that would prove to last a few days longer than she had expected it to. Regardless, there was trust in asking Bruce to do it. And more trust in Bruce asking her to do it and not spill the beans to the woman who had made her boyfriend promise he would take good care of them.

It was how she had found herself in the small, but homey area of downtown Gotham. The street cars roared at the bottom of the five-story apartment building, windows shut to muffle the endless white noise of the city as Alexys sat with the twins before her, their eyes wide and curious at her as she introduced herself with a wave and smile.

“I’m Alexys. Bruce sent me to take care of you both, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Why didn’t he come himself?”

Despite being seven, the words were eloquent. The girl, with short hair matching that of Selena’s, quirked a bushy eyebrow while the boy at her side nodded eagerly, hoping it was enough to back his sister up on her wording. Alexys was...perhaps moderately surprised at the wise indications of the children before her, but, it faded quickly. They were related to Selena, after all, and as such were bound to inherit some of her intense intelligence above all else. So she kept a smile on her lips as she shrugged, crossing her legs in front of them where she sat and sighed.

“He got busy with adult, rich, billionaire things and decided it was best to leave us all alone with his credit card.”

“What a jerk!” The boy quipped up at last, “Let’s buy a bunch of toys to make him pay for it!”

Alexys felt the laughter leave her before she could stop it, the giggles echoing from her mouth as the idea of putting several toys-r-us and target runs on Bruce’s credit card filled her with mischievous glee should it not promptly end their friendship in one way or another. The laughter was contagious, apparently, as the two before her began to giggle in unison. This increased Alexys’ laughs until the group of them were cackling together on the ground, clutching their chests as the banter of what they should buy with esteemed billionaire Bruce Wayne’s credit card continued in their group.

It was at that moment that her phone rang, the tune of a classic song that had come with her phone’s generic ringtone setup blasting on full volume through the entire household. Pausing in her fits of giggles, Alexys checked the caller ID to identify just who it was ringing her up in this moment. Her mouth only split into a wider smile when she realized that John’s name, displayed pleasantly before her with the accompaniment of hearts and a small flower, made her heart skip a beat. Answering it took no hesitation as she held the device up to her ears and vibrated as she spoke.

“Hey, John!”

“Alexys, hey!” The man cheered with delight upon her voice reaching his own ears, “Where are you, Doll?I was hoping we could spend some time together today, since you were free!”

Her heart dropped as she bit her lip, looking on at the curious children before her with an apologetic gaze before answering back into the phone with a tone that matched the look, “Oh John, I’m so sorry...But, Bruce needed my help last minute in watching some of his fiance’s niece and nephew, so, I volunteered and am looking after them. I can’t go anywhere today…”

The softest ‘oh’ of contemplation echoed against the receiver before silence enveloped the situation, the quiet filling her soul with guilt as she pursed her lips, prepared to apologize again and promise softly that she would make it up to him another time. Probably with a lot of kisses and a gentle encouragement of why she loved him so much for cure. Instead, her words were cut off by an echoed snap noise and then her boyfriend’s excited intonation practically yelping into through the speaker:

“Let’s watch them together! Where are you at?”

“Wh-What? No, John, it’s okay you really don’t have to take time out of your day to-”

“Come onnnn, I want to spend time with you! If it means helping you watch some of your friends kids then, heck, baby me up, Doll!”

The awkward way he litingly phrased the encouragement sent a fit of giggles bursting from Alexys’ throat as she rolled her eyes, looking on at the children before her as they gazed intently at her conversation, as if trying to hear through the phone to the other end so they could see just who she was talking to. With a smile, she gave them both a thumbs up before asking her own question:

“How would you both feel if I had someone over to join us?”

---

Truth be told, John was a bit nervous.

Maybe not a bit nervous. Maybe really nervous.

Children were...interesting. Not in a bad way, but, in a they held nothing back sort of way. In a ‘they would tell you your honest opinion of you’ certain way. Unlike adults who dodged questions and faded answers to other answers in a trained and precise way, children were always upfront with their opinions on the world around them. On the people around them. What if these children, in front of Alexys no less, disliked him? What if they hated clowns? What if they didn’t find any of his jokes funny?

The horror of reality caught up with him only after he had made the impulsive decision to drive down to the address Alexys had eagerly given him, his hand poised over at the door with a pale look of shock as he remembered just what he was about to do. Taking a deep breath, there was a moment where he lowered his hand to give himself a pat on the back, literally, his hand reaching over to caress what shoulder blade it could reach as he shook his head.

“Come on, John, it’ll be fine. It doesn’t matter what some kids say, she’ll still like you...Unless, well, she doesn’t-but-she always says that she does! Why would she change that over a nice and nephew she just met? It would be stupid...or honest...or would it? Hm-”

His self ramblings were shut off when the door clicked open. Alexys, having seen him standing in the doorway, rushed to pull it open before he could truly knock on it. Her smile sent his heart fluttering up to his throat as her beauty, as it usually did, took the breath away from him. His own smile creeped up against his lips as he gave her a light wave.

“Alexys, good to see you!”

“You too, John-” She leaned forward to hug him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before ushuring him inside, “Come meet the Kyles! They’re incredibly sweet.”

John ignored his clammy hands as the two children approached him, both eyes widening at the slicked back green hair he sported and pale source of makeup blushed across his face with careful application. When names were exchanged  (“This is Arthur and Mary. Arthur and May, this is John.”) a silence followed, disturbed only by the echo of the grandfather clock in the living room hall.

Arthur pointed to John first, his lips curling into a smile.

“You look cool.”

The words strung the guitar strings of his heart like a guitar, the music playing from the compliment in his mind like a melody to his psyche. Slowly, surely, a sheepish sort of blush spread across his chin as he let a hand raise up and rub the back of his neck with a bright laugh.

“Why, thank-you! The hair is all natural, I promise. And if anyone says otherwise, they’re just jealous because green is the rarest hair color in existence.”

The girl giggled now, May’s hands falling to her mouth as she laughed at the absurd way he spoke about it. The boy joined in soon, the two children laughing in delight while John leaned down to get close to them both, face flushing at the cute way they seemed to stare at him. Their eyes, full of curiosity for the new being who had entered their home, were ready to take in whatever he said next with the utmost attention. John felt his grip on his own palms ease and his straightened shoulders relax as he tilted his head, tapping a finger to his chin as he hummed.

“Hey! You kids wanna hear a joke?”

Alexys felt her heart flutter as they cheered.

It was how the rest of the night seemed to progress. Little by little, Arthur and May seemed to warm up more and more to the man they now affectionately referred to as ‘Mr. Green’. Jokes went smoothly, sending them all laughing as pizza was ordered and eaten along with video games acceptable for all four of them to play on. Mario Kart ended with John dramatically flinging himself onto the floor, as if acting the fact that he had come in fourth place was the death of him. Arthur jumped on him in return, sending his breath winding itself out of his stomach while May laughed through the events. Alexys felt something...warm in the center of her stomach as she watched John’s gentle hands move against the children he already seemed to consider family.

It wasn’t until they were asleep that she brought it up. Both had their heads in John’s lap, his fingertips stroking through their short locks as Alexys cleaned up the remains of a pillow fort long since collapsed.

“I didn’t know you were so good with children.” She mused with a smile, sending another blush on John’s face as he chuckled in a whisper.

“They find things funnier than adults...And, well, most people say I act like a child. Maybe it’s just who I fit in with best.”

Alexys paused to press a kiss to his temple, feeling the stretch of his skin as he smiled tiredly through the motion. A pause. A meaningful gaze. A whisper.

“You’d make a wonderful father, John...Do you think you’d ever want to be one...someday?”

John Doe looked at Alexys with shock in his gaze before his lips parted to a warm, honest grin. Reaching one hand up, he stroked her hair and brought her in for another close kiss, the soft snoring of the children on his lap echoing his decision as he murmured it against her lips.

“With you? Definitley.”

[radramblog]

VGC Series 10 Restricted Pokemon

So the new series of Pokemon Sword and Shield competitive is about to launch (as in, it starts on Sunday). The rules are pretty interesting, and as a result a lot of the metagame is being thrown on its head.

-Dynamax is off. They just up and got rid of the games’ gimmick. I’m sure Smogon DOU players will be right at home.

-Each team is permitted one Restricted Pokemon, as in Series 8.

There are 24 Pokemon listed as “Restricted”, just about all of them the intentionally overpowered “cover legendaries” the series has stuck with since Gold and Silver. Each of them is extremely powerful, and would be a worthwhile addition to any team.

But, which one should you run? Find out in this entirely serious guide.

(I was going to attach funny meme images to this like but I ran out of time sorry just imagine doge memes next to Zacian and stuff you get the idea i might edit this later)

Mewtwo

There are two types of people running Mewtwo. People with nostalgia, whether it be just because it’s one of their favourite mons or because the infamy of it being the “ultimate Pokemon” stuck in their heads too long, or because they know how good it actually is but they want to try it anyway.

I mean, it’s not bad? Obviously that Sp.A don’t quit, and Terrain-boosted Expanding Force is kinda nutty. Plenty of coverage, too. But without the Megas, Mewtwo just isn’t good enough anymore, I think. And unfortunately, there’s another thing on this list that kinda just does the same thing, but better.

 Lugia

While Mewtwo is unquestionably a fast offensive threat, Lugia represents the opposite end of the spectrum. It’s faster than I had assumed, actually, but most of why you run it is for that sweet sweet chonk.

I understand wanting to use Lugia. The second movie is my favourite too. But 90/90 offenses don’t cut it these days, you don’t want your Uber/Restricted to be a supportive mon, and setup strategies are both risky and done better by other things. Sorry? Aeroblast is a lot cooler when you can turn it into Max Flying, I’m afraid.

 Ho-Oh

I actually don’t have anything bad to say about Ho-oh. It’s actually kind of great, and possibly underrated- it is able to check some of the biggest threats in the meta, and is dummy thick enough to take hits and clear out the remainder.

It is in the 90 Speed group, which a surprising number of these Restricteds are, so you might suffer from speed creeping issues. Or just run bulk, because Regenerator and Recover make it nigh-unkillable if you invest hard enough.

Look I’m biased I just built a Ho-oh team what do you want from me?

 Kyogre

One of the two Weather restricted things. Just about everyone running Rain is going to want one of these, and it’s one of the most popular mons in the format as a result. It’s not quite meta-defining, but it’s the first of what I reckon are going to be the Big Four of the format.

Water Spout and Origin Pulse hit like an absolute tank off this thing. It doesn’t need much else. This is why you run Wide Guard, people.

Kyogre is very good, which is what makes it very boring. We will be returning to this concept.

 Groudon

The Other Weather Setter, and inexplicably a way less popular one. It might be that Eruption isn’t STAB and doesn’t come off it’s superior Physical Attack- Fire Punch doesn’t quite hit as hard.

That, and there actually is another solid Sun setter in Torkoal. But why not both, though?

I ran Groudon in Series 8 and I was pretty impressed by its performance. I mean, it’s Kyogre but awkward and Physical. You could do a lot worse.

 Rayquaza

I love Rayquaza a lot, as a result of both Emerald and the anime, so it’s with a heavy heart that I must say that Rayquaza is, like, not good in this format.

The key issue Rayq faces is that it’s statline is really awkwardly distributed. It has 150 in both offenses, but that leaves it’s other stats somewhat lacking compared to the other restricteds on the list. That and it’s ability, Air Lock, implies it’d be good at beating Groudon/Kyogre, but it kind of just loses to them 1v1. They’re bulky enough to live a hit, and don’t have to go out of their way to clonk it for SE damage. And what the fuck, it only has 95 speed? It feels like it should have much more.

 Dialga

I haven’t seen much buzz about Dialga, which is actually kind of surprising. Like, Steel/Dragon is a great typing, it’s a Dragon that isn’t weak to Fairy or Ice or Dragon, and it’s statline is pretty solid- 150 Sp.A and 100/120/100 defenses. What’s not to love?

Oh it probably just dies to Zacian doesn’t it. Or Landorus, of whom both forms are super popular right now. Sigh. One day.

 Palkia

Looking at the Pikalytics data, apparently a bunch of people are running Trick Room Palkia? Which makes zero sense to me, seeing as it’s actually a bit faster than a bunch of these mons.

It’s relatively less bulky, but BEEG DRACOVISH here is probably pretty decent. I’ve heard, however, that calling something decent basically just means it’s bad. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that turns out to be the case. Two of the Big Four just lay this fucker flat out, so.

 Giratina

Despite being bulkier than Palkia, it’s weaker to an additional member of the Big Four, which probably just makes it unusable. Whoops.

And as cool as noodle Giratina is, it dies to even more things, isn’t any faster, and means you don’t get to run a funky item to make it runnable. Prooobably just stick to Dragapult?

 Reshiram

Reshiram presents an interesting question, because it’s typing and moveset are kinda great for the format. It’s another Fairy-neutral Dragon, which is nice and good, and Blue Flare hits like an absolute truck.

I’m convinced Reshiram has a place in the meta. I just don’t quite know what it is yet.

 Zekrom

Zekrom strikes me as like, Reshiram but it’s worse against Zacian and better against Kyogre. It’s interesting, because Fire is a type you kinda want right now, but Electric is pretty good as well? Like, Regieleki cannot fucking touch this thing.

Zekrom also has a kind of insane moveset to work with, and if you want to try a Dragon Dance set, it’s a great spot for it. So, basically, maybe?

 Kyurem

I guess you could technically run Base Kyurem as your Restricted. I don’t know why you would, it’s kind of awful. Typing sucks, moves suck, stats don’t make up for it.

 Kyurem-Black

Kyurem-Black was given it’s greatest gift since its release- actually getting Physical Ice STAB off it’s ludicrous 170 Attack. Unfortunately, this alone does not a playable mon make, and it’s still weak to frankly too many types. Ice is just so completely awful defensively! Please fix this, Game Freak.

35% of people trying this format out early are running Power Herb Freeze Shock, and I salute you crazy, crazy bastards. But also that sounds awful tbh.

 Kyurem-White

Reshiram, but you trade a great defensive type for a bad one, and gain monstrous stats in return. If you can find a way to stop Zacian from hitting it, it probably one-shots it back. Also, it gets Freeze-Dry for Kyogre, though even with 170 Sp.A I don’t know if you one-shot that thing.

 Xerneas

 We’re finally getting to member two of the Big Four. Xerneas is an old standby of restricted VGC formats, and kind of a one trick pony. Er, deer. But that one trick is very solid, so fair enough.

If I’m honest, I think that One Trick is going to make Xerneas take a hit in usability, because the moment it gets good, people instantly know how to counter it and add that into their teams. The thing barely ever runs non-Fairy attacking moves, for fuck’s sake! Put a Steel in front of it and it just cries.

 Yveltal

 Yveltal is awkward, because it’s fighting for a spot with the Very Good Moltres-Galar, which doesn’t take up the restricted slot. But Yveltal does have a space to work within, I think.

It’s got an absolutely phenomenal support moveset, which again isn’t really want you want on your Restricted, but it’s natural offenses are good enough that you can probably just get away with it. STAB Oblivion Wing and STAB/Dark Aura Snarl are incredible for bulkier builds, and it even has incredible damage with a priority Sucker Punch. Basically, it’s got some things going on.

 Zygarde

Zygarde is the most awkward ‘mon on this list, methinks. It’s entire bit is trying to get to low HP in order to trigger Power Construct and get into it’s super mode, but the statgain…isn’t incredible? It’s HP doubles and it trades 10 Speed for Special Attack. Which you might not even be using? And this is all predicated on it getting to particular HP values, which is a lot harder now that you can’t Dynamax it.

This thing is scary as hell in the Max Lair, but not so much here. Signature moves are fucking wild though.

 Cosmog/Cosmoem

I know they’re preevolutions of two restricted species, but why are these restricted? Was Z-Teleport really that good?

You have to be a serious memelord to play one of these, and a very good player to actually win with them. In other words, if I see one of these on ladder or in a tournament, I’m going to start sweating.

 Solgaleo

Solgaleo has the same problem as Yveltal, but moreso. Because just about anything it can do, Metagross can do just about as well and without taking up a restricted spot. Sure, Meteor Mash is a bit worse than Sunsteel Strike, and technically Full Metal Body and Clear Body aren’t identical (FMB is immune to ability-nullifying effects, apparently), but come onnnn. Are you really running Sun Dog when you can run funy robot man and also your choice of restricted beastie? Come on now.

 Lunala

 As much as I love Lunala’s design, it’s not particularly good. It has the same typing as Caly-Ghost, and significantly worse stats, ability, and movepool. And conveniently, due to that shared typing, Caly-Ghost just lays this fucker to waste. A shame, for such a cool design.

 Necrozma

Similar to Kyurem, you could run this, if you wanted a worse Mewtwo. I guess it is better than the Ice Dragon, but like, don’t bother.

 Necrozma-Dusk-Mane

The other reason not to run Solgaleo is because this exists. Just, the same, but way better. It’s a lot slower, but that just makes it playable in Trick Room, so.

NDM over here is competing with Zacian for the throne of Nuts Steel/X Physical Dog. Unfortunately, because Zacian is, frankly, completely fuckbusted insane, and doesn’t require setup like NDM does, it’s not going to win that fight.

 Necrozma-Dawn-Wings

Again, Lunala but slower and bulkier and hits harder. If you can get a Troom up, it’s probably kinda nuts, since then it actually can just cap Calyrex in its dressage-looking ass. Plus, you’re probably already running Indeedee, so Psychic Terrain goes off.

I wanna see someone kill things with Meteor Beam/Power Herb on this. It’s probably pretty decent. But it’s still a lot of work, and I’m not convinced the payoff is worth it.

 Zacian

 I’m not even going to bother writing about uncrowned Zacian, even if it probably will see more play than some of the other things on this list.

Let’s run it down. Patently absurd stats- 92/115/115 are average defenses for a Restricted (maybe a bit above average?) but it has 170 Attack, and unlike the Kyurems it actually has the speed to back it up at 148. To be clear, that’s the second fastest Restricted, and only 3 other Pokemon in the game (Regieleki, Ninjask, Pheromosa- Deoxys, Electrode, and some Megas are faster but aren’t in Gen 8) outspeed it. It’s got fucking bonkers typing, arguably the best two in the game, along with an ability that effectively pumps that Attack to 255. Oh, also very good STAB and coverage moves.

Zacian is almost certainly the most important Pokemon in the entire format. It’s that good. You don’t have to be smart to use it, especially as you don’t actually get the choice of item. It’s an idiot beatstick, and that’s kind of all there is to it. Every team needs to have an answer to it, and since it gets Imprison, you can even just run it as an answer to itself. What a fucking joke of a mon.

 Zamazenta

And then there’s The Other One. Zamazenta is significantly more balanced than Zacian, being surprisingly bulky even without that +1 Defense, and having solid Attack and Speed to boot. Also, Wide Guard.

I’m going to be honest, I think Zamazenta basically only takes on a supportive role. The moveset is fine, Wide Guard and Coaching and Snarl, no Body Press though for some fucking reason. It’s probably a Pretty Okay mon. But I don’t know why you’d run it over another support mon like Hitmontop, which gets similar moves and a better ability.

 Eternatus

Like Zacian and Zamazenta, Eternatus technically got worse with the Dynamax ban, seeing as their signature moves effectively ignore the HP-doubling effect. The thing is, Zacian is still insane anyway, and Zamazenta doesn’t really care, so Eternatus is really the main thing getting hit by this “nerf”.

It’s still solid, though. Good HP, Special Attack, and Speed, functional other stats, and it’s a Dragon that can kill the shit out of Xerneas. I think Eternatus is just on the cusp of being good- maybe if they gave it an actual ability instead of Pressure.

Or just release Eternamax, because fuck it, why not.

 Calyrex

It’s Kyurem and Necrozma again but somehow worse, next.

 Calyrex-Shadow

The final member of the Big Four. It actually kinda looks a lot like Zacian- slightly faster, a fair chunk weaker, but the ability lets it snowball hard and it gets incredible spread moves in Astral Barrage and Expanding Force. Because the only thing worse than them beating the shit out of your Pokemon is them doing it to both at once.

The key difference between Caly-Shadow and Zacian is it’s less immediate threat. For one, it doesn’t have that immediate +1 that Zacian does, and it has two x4 weaknesses to exploit. And since it usually is running spread moves, it can have a harder time dropping a specific counter, let alone its weakness to Wide Guard.

But it’s still fucking nuts. So.

 Calyrex-Ice

 We took the Shadow one, put all it’s speed into bulk, and made it Physical. Oh, and it hits a bit harder typically, since Ice is better offensively than Ghost. Sure?

In all seriousness, Caly-Ice is a brutal threat…under Trick Room and only there. If you can set it up, it’s a nigh-unkillable threat that steadily bulldozes through the opposition, and doesn’t have to rely on Spreads like Shadow does. Ironically, the worse defensive typing is better here, because it’s less likely to get OHKO’d without a x4 weakness. And if you get TR up, they aren’t getting a second attack.

 And that’s the lot of them. So, which one should you choose? One of the Big Four? A spicy meme pick? An underrated champion?

None of them. Play none of them, coward, you won’t.

Okay but seriously just about all of them are playable on the right team so dw about it