#combined with frustration shame embarrassment disgust etc

[confinesofmy]

i think if there's one thing i can impress on children and teenagers it's that it's pretty much guaranteed that acne is something that is simply happening to you. you are not causing it, you are not to blame, you are just in a time in your life where it's happening, or certain not-necessarily-controllable factors are occurring that are creating acne. there's a very good chance there's nothing you can do.

unless you are rubbing dirt into your face (and even then, i'm not sure. is dirt even bad for faces?) you are not getting acne because your face is "dirty." i used to break out from the simple act of washing my face, be it with avène, l'oréal, cerave, eucerin, anything. now i'm regularly rubbing the cheapest moisturising oil i could find into my face for 20 minutes at a stretch and then wiping it off with a hot rag (no soap) and my skin loves it. i honestly think i could get away with anything at this point.

what changed? hormones, maybe. i think i have papulopustular rosacea which can be aggravated by bacteria from mites, so it's possible i unknowingly had a huge mite die-off for some reason. maybe i quit eating something and that's why it stopped. maybe an unrelated antibiotic course knocked it out. i don't know. but it definitely didn't go away because i found the right product or perfected my routine or stopped touching my face, none of that shit worked at the time and now that it's over i use whatever products i want and i touch my face all the time. now when i break out it's a surprise.

[jplupine]

Beast of Sunagakure: Bonus

Pairing: Gaara x AFAB Reader Word Count: ~2k Date Published: July 28, 2024 WARNINGS: 18+ Minors/Ageless get blocked, Monster!Gaara, Exophilia, Feral Behavior, Scent Kink, Underwear Sniffing, Masturbation [Gaara]; Reader is AFAB but no gender is specified, Terms such as pussy/cock/etc. get used.

A/N: The art above was drawn by me! Gotta crop to make it Tumblr friendly </3 If you'd like to see the full image, you can follow the links here or read it on AO3.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Bonus You can also read it on AO3!

  There wasn't much for Gaara to do when you were gone. It was quiet without you talking away about your day or trying to have a conversation with him. He'd grown to like hearing your voice, hanging on to every word even when he had pretended not to listen in the past.

  When you first started talking to him, he was tempted to tell you to shut up and leave him alone. It was from a mix of shame and believing you were just like the rest of his caretakers who came before you. The shame also ran deep; how could it not after what had happened?

  Your scent on that day several months ago had made his thoughts unclear and his blood burn through his veins. His instincts and logic were at war, and you touching him dulled the clarity of his thoughts even further. When you held his face so gently, your much smaller hands cradling him with care, and said his name, he snapped and tried to get to you through the cage.

  After you ran away and he came back to his senses, Gaara was utterly embarrassed. He couldn't even look at you for a long time without remembering that incident. He'd never done such a thing before and he didn't know how to handle it.

  And yet you acted as if it wasn't that big of a problem. You kept your distance still but never treated him less than for acting like a stupid animal in heat. It was both a relief and rubbed his shame in his face even more.

  Then you dropped your headscarf after cleaning his cage, not even noticing that it had fallen from your pocket while leaving. Gaara noticed and was going to leave it there for you to find the next morning. But the colorful fabric drew his attention and curiosity.

  Gaara picked it up to get a better look at the cactus flowers, the colors faded with age and being worn. Holding it in his hand, he picked up your scent on the garment. The smell of your sweat and shampoo permeated every fiber and made his heart beat faster.

  When you first arrived, your scent had been bitter with stress and fear. However, the scent on your headscarf lacked both of those things. It was predominantly earthy and sweet. He kept it to sleep with, justifying it by telling himself it was just an attempt to help lessen his loneliness. He rationalized it was nothing more than that and nothing less.

  But then you found it in his bed just a few days later. Gaara was ready for you to be angry, disgusted, and possibly even afraid. Instead, you encouraged it by giving him the headscarf and bringing another one later that night. You thought he stole it because of the flowers; he wasn't going to correct your wrong assumption.

  You started talking to him more after that. Gaara never responded to you, but you never stopped. It was mostly idle chatter about what you did in your time away littered with questions in the hopes that he would somehow answer or acknowledge you.

  You thought he wasn't paying attention, but that was far from the truth. Gaara even noticed when you started gaining weight, looking less frail as time went on. It was a combination of having more stable access to food and working your muscles when you cleaned his cage and hauled around his heavy meals. It was especially hard to not notice when you would bend over and your clothes looked tighter.

  It had him salivating and frustrated to see your ass as if you were presenting yourself to him and unable to touch you due to the chains. You never seemed to have a clue just how close to the edge you made him feel. Gaara, on the other hand, could not remain as calm as you.

  He started shoving your headscarves into his face to breathe in your scent while palming his cock late at night. Gaara would get off to fantasies about you while trying to hide it all from you. If you found out that he did this, surely you would finally react with disgust.

  Only a few months later, you both were stuck in a cave during a sandstorm with your hands wrapped around his dick. He would never forget it. The way you drooled to make stroking him easier and how you looked with his cum splattered on your chest were branded in his mind. The scent of your arousal made him take a chance that ended up with your arms wrapped around him and his cock sinking into your wet heat while his balls were slapping against your soft ass.

  Gaara lost himself in you because he thought he'd never have the opportunity to again. That thought is also why he stole your underwear when you weren't looking. The garment was covered in your scent and joined the headscarves he had stashed away.

  That, too, you eventually found and didn't react how he had thought you would. That encounter ended with you letting him keep the underwear you had been wearing that was soaked with your arousal.

  They were a constant reminder of you. Gaara was embarrassed by his impulsive actions, but it wasn't enough to stop him from touching himself while fisting your clothes close to his nose. Especially not now that you encouraged it.

  There wasn't much for Gaara to do when you were gone, and it was quiet with you not there to talk to him....but he found a way to occupy some of his time. Even now, with the stars dotting the sky as Gaara tried to sleep, your underwear tempted him. His mind had slipped into thinking of you again enough to make his dick hard.

  Digging out your underwear from the straw bedding, Gaara was in human form to make what he was about to do easier. Bringing the garment closer to his face, he breathed in your scent. His keen nose could still pick up your musk that made his skin tingle and feel hot.

  Memories of that night in the cave replayed in his mind. Your little gasps and moans. Your smaller body beneath his. Your skin so soft, even more so on your inner thighs. The memories made his cock ache.

  Gaara spread his legs with his knees in the air while reaching down with his free hand. His fingers circled the base of his cock before ghosting over his length. The touch was only meant to excite himself more before his hand went back down, traveling through his pubic hair to his balls.

  His grunt was muffled behind a clenched jaw when he cupped his balls and ever so lightly squeezed them the same way you had. They were heavy in his hand, and he remembered how they had been smeared in your juices that night. From your drool to your slick, you had left his balls a mess of your essence.

  Each time he breathed in, the scent of your pussy filled his nose. Gaara buried his face in your underwear while groaning and fondling his balls. His hand was bigger than yours and calloused. His palms would never be as soft as yours nor could he exactly match your touch.

  Gently squeezing again, Gaara made his cock twitch. His fingers slid back to his dick, wrapping around the base with a firm hold. His skin was burning hot as he could feel his own pulse in his hand. He remembered how your mouth closed around his fingers and wondered if you would ever be willing to do the same to his cock.

  Thinking of how your soft lips had pressed against his fingers as you gently sucked and lapped at his fingertips made him groan. His hand moved up to the tip, gently stroking as he thought of how that might feel on his cock. Gaara's breath shook thinking of how you might look up at him with your pretty eyes and his length on your tongue.

  Gaara's mind continued to build fantasies of you while touching himself. His head lolled back while drowning in your scent as his thighs tensed. It made his mouth water to think of you spread and crying out his name as he dragged his tongue over your pussy. He wanted to devour your essence and have it dripping from his chin, but so far, his stupid dick didn't have the patience to allow him to do so.

  The way it ached for you made him feel close to exploding if he didn't get relief. Gaara tried once but only made it as far as kissing your stomach before he couldn't take the tight throbbing anymore. Maybe next time he could go further and taste you from deep within while your thighs shivered around his head.

  His grip on his cock tightened as he imagined feeling your pussy clenching around his tongue. Being able to smell you on your underwear made his fantasy more real; almost as if you were there and hovering over him. Gaara then thought of you straddling his head, allowing your juices to drip onto his tongue as he moved his hand faster.

  His hips bucked, driving his cock further into his hand. He moaned and it was muffled by your underwear. Gaara thought of how your fingers would run through his hair and tug as you moaned, encouraging him to keep feasting.

  'Do you want to please me?'

  It was a question you had asked him before that was easy for him to answer. He would do whatever he could to please you. His blood sang for you even when he didn't use his body to worship at the altar of your flesh.

  While not your original intentions, you still managed to make Gaara a drooling dog at your beck and call. He only fell deeper and deeper into you with every second spent in your presence. When he heard your voice shake and moan. Got to see that exhausted smile you'd get after orgasming. The way your eyes shined when you looked at him and your skin glistened with sweat.

  He groaned into your underwear as his toes curled and his thighs tensed. His body was buzzing and his moan shifted into a low growl that vibrated his chest. Gaara rubbed his fingers over his slit, wetting them and smearing his leaking precum across his skin.

  He was getting close while drowning in your scent. He did this with shame before, but now knowing you not only encouraged it but also had similar thoughts about him, he did it without restraint. Gaara remembered every time you said his name, whether it was a whisper, a coo, or a pleasured cry. You flooded his mind as his cock twitched in his hand.

  It wasn't quite enough, so he uncovered his face to spit in his palm. Since he had been drooling from your scent, it was plenty enough to wet his hand and have it gliding over his tip and along his shaft. Gaara's head fell back with another moan while covering his nose again with the thin fabric.

  With his thighs shivering and his fingers bumping over the crown of his dick with the slick sounds of his thick saliva, he was finally able to peak. He felt his cock pulsing as he continued to stroke, spurts of cum splattering on his stomach and dripping from his hand. Gaara whined into your underwear as he milked himself to the last drop.

  Panting and cradling himself, Gaara basked in the feeling of his orgasm. His muscles relaxed and his head felt light. With his balls not so full, he hoped he could finally get some sleep and dream of you without you keeping him awake and aching. He was eager to see your pretty smile in the morning and hear whatever you wanted to say to him next, hoping you would say his name again while you were at it.

[kingtycoon13]

bleh

I'm just so frustrated being who i am, I don't like any part of myself and there's just always going to be this problem with my autism never fucking understanding that I'm doing something fucking cringe or bad and thinking "hey it's ok to talk about this thing" when it turns out it never was ok esp when that thing further alienates me from most people. I don't feel like a human being and have never felt like one really, I'm just too fucking weird even for supposed groups of outcasts and rejects. Too fucking weird for fandom communities because of how I play games, how I relates to the characters and how I express that. Too fucking weird apparently for queer communities because I'm not just full on anti-Abrahamic religions and into witch-y stuff and also apparently now its bad to find real people attractive which I still don't fucking understand and etc etc etc I just DO NOT FIT IN ANYWHERE There's nothing more fucking shameful to me then the amount of times where I've thought I've been finally being accepted, where I can talk about some of my weirder feelings and thoughts, where I feel like I'm just making connections finally and then bam no turns out i've been doing weirdo creep things the whole time. I just don't want to live anymore. All I want is genuine connection with someone because the reality is I'm such a fucking lonely and sad man but I'm just too fucking weird and the "real me" that I'm supposed to show and will have people be into? Whenever I show who that Myles is there's always rejection and disgust and as someone who honestly needs a lot of love and support it's the worst combination to make me feel like absolute shit constantly. I just want to be a regular person but I'm not and probably never will be. So I just want to remove myself from this life so I'm not a menace anymore, I'm so sick of being not just lonely but finding out I'm being bad and not even knowing it just so fucking embarrassing and shameful and I hate feeling like that i hate feeling like that i hate feeling like that

[mister-brightside]

Oooo I would love to read your rant about the lovely bones

sorry this took so long anon, there’s just so much to unpack here. also please bear in mind that I read the book years ago so I might be a bit fuzzy on the details. but the fact that I can still go on about it speaks to the enduring nature of my vitriol. ok let’s begin

in case you’re still unburdened by the shitty experience of reading this book:

it starts off with a 13 year-old (white, american, middle-class) girl named susie being murdered. the rest the story is told from her ghost’s viewpoint in purgatory as she watches her family deal with their loss.

sounds interesting, hey? except it’s not. for the majority of the book nothing of note ever happens. susie’s murder is never solved. as you can expect, her family grieves then moves on. her parents split up for a while then get back together. her siblings go to college, get married, etc.

you know those young adult fantasy books where the protagonist is so bland, she’s clearly supposed to be a self-insert for the reader? yeah the lovely bones is like this. except you’re supposed to identify with this family, which has the combined personality of a white picket fence.

okay maybe it doesn’t sound too bad so far. but as you read on you begin to realise. there’s absolutely ZERO POINT in having susie tell the story. because the girl BARELY REACTS TO SHIT. like, she watches her murderer walk around like nothing’s happened and she barely feels any frustration. she watches her mother have an affair, and there’s no outrage. not even any embarrassment, at LITERALLY WATCHING HER OWN MOTHER HAVE SEX. that’s right, susie feels NO GUILT intruding on her loved ones’ most private and shameful moments.

also, have I mentioned? susie can READ PEOPLE’S MINDS. for NO GODDAMN REASON. again, she has no hesitation in violating other people’s privacy. you know what, I’m realising just now that this is (probably unintended) foreshadowing for the book’s crappy ending. but I’ll get there later.

my point is. a lot of the story just ends up reading like third-person omniscient. LIKE THE AUTHOR JUST FORGOT SUSIE EXISTED. people complain about one-dimensional characters in fiction, but I don’t think susie even qualifies for a single dimension. introspection? growth? what are those? there is literally no point in having her there.

my earlier statement that susie doesn’t react to shit is only half-true, she has no feelings UNLESS THE AUTHOR NEEDS IT FOR A PLOT DEVICE. and then it’s emotions galore. I’m sorry but the human brain just doesn’t work like that.

ok but what really rattles my bones, what really gets my gears grinding: oh god, let me talk about the terrible, terrible ending.

so back when she was alive, susie had a crush on a classmate called ray. years pass and he’s now grown up and hot. somehow, SOMEHOW, susie’s spirit is expelled from purgatory and she’s now possessing the body of another former classmate, a girl called ruth. and USING RUTH’S BODY, SUSIE GOES AND HAS SEX WITH RAY.

THAT’S RIGHT. YOU HEARD ME.

and as if that’s not disgusting enough: susie’s spirit is now able to leave purgatory and go to heaven. you see, she was only unable to move on BECAUSE SHE WAS SO SAD ABOUT MISSING OUT ON SEX AND ROMANCE.

*inhale*

alright, I could understand if this was a satire about society’s obsession with romance, but no. IT’S COMPLETELY UNIRONIC. that’s right, RAPE IS THE ANSWER. being so hung up to the point of violating another woman’s sexual autonomy is somehow supposed to be PROFOUND and MOVING.

there are legitimately no redeeming qualities to this book. it goes nowhere. the police never find susie’s corpse (you know, maybe that would’ve been a better reason for her being unable to move on). they never find her killer either, but he dies in a car crash eventually.

like I said, I’ve read worse. but with every other book I’ve hated, it’s like, you can see the author had heart. you can see why other people might find meaning in it, or why critics praised it.

I have no idea why the lovely bones got as much hype as it did. I’m honestly BAFFLED. it’s just so incredibly lifeless. you can’t even laugh at how bad it is. I wouldn’t ever recommend this to anyone.

that concludes my ted talk, thanks for your interest anon!