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thefemmefatalexo · 4 days ago

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Toji SMAU - When love was always there

Chapter 9 - Behind closed doors

Summary: You see him again on your first day of college. Fuck. Toji Zenin has been the bane of your existence since your first day of kindergarten. Over the 15 years you’ve had the “pleasure” of knowing him, he’s made it his personal mission to make your life a living hell. From chopping off your hair in kindergarten to pushing you into a pond on your first day of high school, Toji has done it all. You’d always thought he would choose a college far away from you, but as it has always been, fate came to kick your ass. Hard.

warnings: cursing, sexual language, mentions of bullying

an: I hope you guys can understand him a little better now… (please stop telling me to just kill him off LMAOOO 😭). I also wanted to mention that none of the relationships I write about will be perfect because that’s just not realistic. Dark times are upon us my babies but things will get better…. one day…. hopefully…. Smooches 💋💋💋

{chapter 8} ; {next}

taglist: @jinxiewritings

࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

You knock on Toji’s apartment door, your pulse racing in a mix of nerves and anger. You don’t even know why you’re here. After everything he said—everything he did—why should you care about his busted knuckles or his bruised ego? But still, here you are, a bag of first-aid supplies in hand, waiting for him to open the door.

When it swings open, Toji stands there, leaning casually against the frame. His dark eyes sweep over you, and his mouth pulls into a smirk. “The hell you want?”

You push past him without answering, stepping into the small, sparsely furnished space. The smell of antiseptic and cigarette smoke hangs faintly in the air. You drop the bag onto his coffee table and turn to face him.

“You’re hurt,” you say simply.

“So what?” He shuts the door with a deliberate click and crosses his arms, leaning against it. “I didn’t ask you to come.”

“Someone has to take care of you,” you reply, already pulling supplies out of the bag. “Since you clearly won’t.”

He scoffs, sauntering over to the couch but making no move to sit. “You always gotta play the nurse, huh? Like you’re so damn perfect.”

“I’m not doing this to feel perfect,” you snap, glaring at him. “I’m doing it because you’re too stupid to take care of yourself.”

Toji snorts but finally sits down, sprawling out with a casual arrogance that sets your teeth on edge. “Whatever. Make it quick.”

You kneel in front of him, taking his hand and inspecting the bruised and bloodied knuckles. The silence between you is heavy, broken only by the faint hiss of antiseptic as you clean the wound. His hand is stiff in yours, tense but not pulling away.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” you ask quietly, not looking up.

“What’s it to you?” he says, his voice laced with irritation.

“It’s not like you to get detention. Not anymore, at least.”

He lets out a humorless laugh. “Maybe I felt like knockin’ Gojo’s pretty face in.”

You pause, glancing up at him. “Why?”

“Why not?” His gaze meets yours, hard and unyielding. “You seem real concerned about him, though. You two fuckin’ or somethin’?”

Your eyes widen, heat rushing to your cheeks. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m just askin’,” he says, leaning back with a smug grin. “Since he’s always all over you. Thought maybe you finally gave it up to him.”

“Shut up, Toji,” you snap, your voice trembling with anger.

“Why?” he taunts, his smirk growing. “You embarrassed? Or maybe you don’t like that I called it out.”

You stand abruptly, tossing the first-aid kit onto the couch beside him. “You’re such a dick, you know that? I come here to help you, and this is how you treat me?”

“I didn’t ask you to come,” he shoots back, his voice rising. “You just showed up like you always do, thinkin’ you can fix everything. Like you can fix me.”

Your breath catches, his words cutting deeper than you’d like to admit. “I’m not trying to fix you,” you say quietly.

“Bullshit,” he spits, standing to face you. “You’ve been tryin’ to fix me since we were kids. Always actin’ like you’re some kinda saint, like you’re better than me. Like you’re better than everybody.”

“That’s not true,” you argue, your voice trembling.

“Yes, it is,” he growls, stepping closer. “You think I didn’t notice? You think I didn’t see the way you treated me? Like some charity case you could pat yourself on the back for. Poor little Toji, right? Poor, angry, stupid Toji.”

You shake your head, tears stinging your eyes. “That’s not how it was. I just wanted to be your friend.”

“Friend?” he laughs bitterly. “You forced me to be your friend. I didn’t want you around, but you didn’t care. You kept comin’ back, smilin’ like an idiot, actin’ like everything was fine. And then one day, you just stopped. Guess you got tired of playin’ with your little project, huh?”

Your throat tightens, and you can barely get the words out. “I stopped because you made my life hell, Toji. You bullied me. You tormented me every chance you got.”

“Maybe you deserved it,” he snaps, his voice cold and cutting.

The words hit you like a slap, and you take a step back, your hands trembling. “You’re a selfish asshole,” you say, your voice breaking. “You’ve always been one.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I got my reasons,” he shoots back, his voice rising.

“Then tell me!” you yell, tears streaming down your face now. “Tell me why you’ve been such a goddamn nightmare!”

He freezes for a moment, his chest heaving as he stares at you, his jaw tight. And then, suddenly, he explodes.

“You wanna know why?” he shouts, his voice raw and shaking. “Because you don’t know when to leave shit alone! You don’t know when to leave me alone! I didn’t want your kindness, or your pity, or whatever the hell you were sellin’. But you kept pushin’. Kept actin’ like you were so much better than me, like you could fix me. And it pissed me off, okay? It pissed me off because I knew it wasn’t real. I knew you’d get tired of me eventually, just like everybody else.”

You stand there, stunned, as his words wash over you.

“And you know what the worst part is?” he continues, his voice breaking. “You did get tired of me. You left, just like I knew you would. So don’t stand there and act like you’re some innocent little angel, ‘cause you’re not.”

You open your mouth to respond, but he cuts you off with a sharp gesture.

“Get the fuck out,” he snaps, his voice cold and final.

“Toji—”

“I said get out!” he yells, his voice echoing through the small apartment.

Your chest tightens as you grab your bag and head for the door, tears blurring your vision. You don’t look back as you step outside, the sound of the door slamming behind you ringing in your ears.

53 notes · View notes

hobeemin · 9 months ago

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stop, kiss

🛍️ genre(s): romance, angst, drama, fluff, college au, 90s au (based on Can’t Hardly Wait)

🛍️ pairing: joshua hong x poc (f) reader

🛍️ summary: joshua wasn’t what you called popular back in high school, in fact, he was practically invisible. what happens when he runs into his childhood crush in college after growing into his looks? awhole lot of shenanigans ensue.

🛍️ rating: pg15

🛍️ warning(s): swearing, frat parties, drinking, bullying, fights

🛍️ word count: 5.6k

🛍️ credits: shout out to @wooahaeproductions thank you maren for looking this over at the last minute! 💜💜💜

banner resources found here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

🛍️ a/n: this is for the Now thats 90s SVT collab. Huge thanks to @beomcoups and @mingiblr

“This is it.”

Jeonghan side-eyed his friend as they walked across the grassy quad. “What are you going on about?”

Joshua swept his arms in a comprehensive motion. “This. College. It’s the start of our lives.”

“But that’s what you said when we were freshmen in high school.”

Joshua’s arms dropped as red crept up his cheeks. “Okay, but this is gonna be different. This is us being adults. Conquering obstacles–”

��Joshua–”

“–reaching goals–”

“Joshua–”

“–going the distance–”

Jeonghan closed his eyes as Joshua ran straight into a bench and flipped over, landing on his back. Instantly, the quad filled with laughter. He groaned as his vision filled with stars, trying to get his bearings. It wasn’t until a face appeared that his senses came back.

Was she an angel?

He blinked once. Then twice.

The worry on her face was replaced with relief when she noticed he was alert.

“Oh, good. You’re okay.”

“I think so,” he mumbled, trying to stand.

“Maybe we should wait for the paramedics to get here,” she mused.

Jeonghan nodded in agreement. “Someone’s calling for them right now.”

“Seriously. I’m okay!” A smile spread across his face as he began to rise. It faltered quickly as his legs wobbled.

Jeonghan grabbed his arm, guiding him to the bench.

“Sit. Now.”

“Yes, please do,” she said in agreement.

The paramedics arrived quickly, getting to work on assessing his injuries.

Honestly, he was okay. His head hurt a bit, but they were fussing over nothing. He didn’t need any more embarrassment on his first day as a college freshman. Jeonghan gave her a polite smile.

“Thanks for helping. He’s a little stubborn, but I know he appreciates it.”

“It’s alright. I’m just happy to know he’s okay,” she said with a smile.

“Y/N!”

She looked up at the sound of her name. A group of people were waving to her. She put her hand up and turned to Jeonghan.

“I have to go, but it was nice talking to you. I hope your friend feels better!”

Joshua heard the name from the stretcher, and realization crossed his face slowly. “Jeonghan!”

His friend ran over to him. “What?!”

“Was that Y/N?! As in Y/N Y/L/N?!”

“Uh, that’s a stretch. I mean, there’s a lot of Y/Ns–”

“No…I’m sure of it. That was her!”

“Joshua–”

“Humor me. What if that was her? It’s fate! We were meant to meet once more. It’s destiny–Ow!”

The stretcher dropped, making him bump his head against the bar. Jeonghan shook his head in disbelief.

“This is gonna be a long year.”

---

With Jeonghan in tow, Joshua walked into the student center, looking around. By then, a few months had passed, and everyone had forgotten about his blunder on the first day of class. He thought it best to keep a low profile during the semester.

Joshua was always hopeful of running into Y/N on campus. Occasionally, he’d see her walking around, but every time he tried to speak up, he got tongue-tied, or a group of people would surround her. It seemed like he’d never get a chance.

One breezy fall afternoon, Joshua sat against a large oak tree, strumming his guitar. Jeonghan joined him moments later, dropping down next to him with a plastic bag. Reaching in, he took out some snacks, crunching on some chips while Joshua played. He hummed a few bars before taking out a small notebook. Jeonghan noticed a worn folded piece of paper fall out and scooped it up.

“What’s this?”

Joshua yelped, trying to reach for it, but Jeonghan pulled it out of reach. With a grin, he opened it up and read the contents. His eyes widened as he turned to his friend.

“I can’t believe you still have that letter.”

His face warmed as he snatched it away, stuffing it into his pocket. “It’s not that serious, Jeonghan.”

“Oh, is it not? Cause keeping a letter you wrote countless times back in high school to a girl who didn’t know you existed is pretty strange.”

Joshua rolled his eyes before returning to his guitar, strumming the strings absentmindedly. Was he being delusional at this point? Should he just give up on his crush?

“Maybe I’ll give up. It’s stupid,” he mumbled.

Jeonghan frowned slightly, noting how Joshua’s mood had darkened. The last thing he wanted was for his friend to be down.

Joshua returned his guitar to its case and stood up. Jeonghan looked at him curiously. “You got class?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m done for the day. I might go back to the dorm to study. I’ll see you later.”

He waved before walking off, leaving Jeonghan alone. Leaning against the tree, he sighed heavily. He had to get Joshua out of this funk somehow.

But what to do?

Something fluttered in the corner of his eye. It was the letter from Joshua’s pocket!

An idea began to form in his mind, making him chuckle.

Yep, this might work after all.

---

Y/N sat there toying with the straw from her milkshake, bored and only half listening to the conversation around the table. Honestly, did they have anything worth talking about? There had to be more to life than when the next party would be or how many kegs they could drink. Still, she humored her friends, offering a laugh now and then.

“Right, Y/N?”

She blinked, looking up from her milkshake. “Huh?”

Her friend Irene rolled her eyes before sipping her diet Pepsi. “Were you even listening?”

She shook her head as a groan surrounded the table. She shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

Irene sighed heavily. “The party—the one the Sigma Lambdas have every fall for Halloween—is happening this Friday.”

“Oh,” Y/N said, distracted once more. “Oh, yeah. I guess I’ll come.”

“We have no choice. Plus, Mingyu is gonna be there,” Irene added.

Y/N’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “And I would care because…”

“Jeez, Y/N, get with the program. Your boyfriend is gonna be there .”

“Correction, ex-boyfriend, and that makes it all the more reason not to go.”

Irene let out a noise of exasperation. “I don’t get you sometimes. If anything, this is the perfect opportunity to go and prove you don’t need him.”

“Whatever. We’ll see how I feel,” Y/N grumbled.

It wasn’t like her friends would listen anyway. She dated Mingyu all through high school. Meeting him on her first day, they became the ‘it’ couple and were at the hip. While they seemed like the quintessential high school romance, Mingyu was relatively immature in many ways. It was too much their senior year, and Y/N called it quits. He took it so well, insulting her intelligence and saying she’d regret it, but that only solidified her decision.

Of course, this was after they promised to go to the same university together, and now she was stuck with him for another four years.

Again, she ignored her friends' discussions and stared out the window, sipping her milkshake. When three fraternity brothers from Sigma Lambda Theta walked into the cafe and approached their table, Y/N and her friends looked up with interest.

“Heard you ladies were coming to our party,” one said.

Irene nodded. “Yeah, wouldn’t miss it. Heard y’all have a lot planned.”

Seungcheol eyed Y/N curiously, nudging Soonyoung. He pointed his chin towards her. “You’re Y/N?”

Her brow lifted in interest. “I am. And you’re Seungcheol?”

“Heard a lot about you.”

“Is that a fact?” she chuckled, sipping her milkshake. “Can’t always believe what you hear.”

Seungcheol smirked with a nod. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Soonyoung grinned. “Don’t forget to wear your best costume. Masks included.”

“What are you going as?” Y/N inquired.

The shorter of the three shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Please don’t get him started. He hasn’t shut up about it all month.”

“Jihoon, lighten up. You’re just jealous.”

“Sure.”

Seungcheol cleared his throat, shooting the girls a smile. “Anyway. Gonna be a great time,” he shot Y/N a look. “Save me a dance?”

Y/N shrugged with a laugh. “Maybe. I like to keep my options open.”

“Sounds good to me. See y’all later.”

As the guys walked away, a glint flashed in Irene’s eye.

“What do you think about them, Y/N?”

“Them? Them who?”

Irene frowned once more, shaking her head in disappointment. “You acting clueless? The Sigma Lambdas! Isn’t Mingyu trying to pledge? Wouldn’t showing up with the frat's president as your date be funny?”

Y/N sighed in exasperation. “I’m really not trying to date right now. I’d rather focus on my studies–”

“All I hear is blah, blah, blah.”

“What do you want me to say? It’s not the end of the world. I mean, they are cute, but–” she argued.

“Whatever Y/N. If you want to be alone, that's fine, too.”

“Life isn’t always about having a boyfriend, Irene.”

“You worry about what you do, and I’ll worry about me,” Irene retorted.

Y/N stood up from the table, nearly knocking down the drinks. “I guess friendship isn’t the biggest priority either.”

Without another word, she stormed off, leaving the rest of them alone in the cafe.

---

The next few days passed without much drama. Even though Y/N and Irene made up, there was still some tension between them, regardless of their saying everything was okay. So many things ran through her mind that her concentration was off in class. Only one day after one of her lectures, the professor called her up as the class was leaving for her to notice.

Y/N slung one strap over her shoulder, gathered her books, and approached her professor’s desk.

“Yes, Professor?”

He pulled up a file, flipping through the papers. “I normally wouldn’t say anything, but you’ve been doing so well in class, Miss Y/L/N. Is everything alright?”

Damn it.

She nodded her head, trying to smile. “Of course. Maybe I'm just a little burnt out this semester with my credits, but I’m okay.”

He sighed, handing over a folder to her. “I’m going to give you a chance to work on this research paper again. I know you can do better than this. I’ll accept it next Friday.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Slipping the folder into her bag, she walked out of the classroom, her thoughts swirling. It wasn't until the last minute that she bumped into Joshua coming out of the building. She jumped with a start as her books fell to the ground. Joshua blinked, staring at her before scrambling to pick the books.

“Are you okay?”

She willed herself to smile, taking the books from him. “We have to stop meeting like this. How’s that bump on your head?”

Joshua sheepishly grinned as he rubbed the spot.

“I'm never gonna live that down, but I'm alright.”

Now that she was in front of him, he was too nervous to speak. Did she even recognize him from high school?

Clearing his throat, he tapped her shoulder politely. Y/N turned to look at him curiously.

“Yes?”

“Your name wouldn't happen to be Y/N Y/L/N, right?”

Her brow quirked. “Um, yes. Why do you ask?”

“Well

“Y/N!!!!”

She looked past Joshua with a frown.

Mingyu was walking towards her with Seungcheol. His smile faltered as he saw Joshua standing next to her. “No fucking way…Bambi goes here!”

Joshua’s face paled upon hearing that name. Of all the people who had shown up here at this very moment…Mingyu had managed to graduate and get into a university?!

His knees buckled as Mingyu’s hand slammed into his back in greeting. Joshua had to hold the wall to keep from dropping to the floor. Y/N’s eyes glanced from him to Mingyu in confusion.

“Bambi?”

Mingyu rolled his eyes with a laugh, nudging Seungcheol. “Dude always looked like a deer in headlights, especially when he was our mascot and got tackled.”

Seungcheol started to chuckle as Joshua attempted to back away slowly. Mingyu grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him into a headlock, giving him a noogie. Joshua grunted, trying to loosen his grip.

“So what you doin’ talking to my girlfriend, Bambi?”

Y/N scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “Ex-girlfriend, Mingyu. And let him go, please. Let’s be adults.”

A pout formed on his face as he let Joshua go reluctantly. “Seriously? Y/N–”

“Save it,” she snapped. Her expression softened as she took Joshua’s hand into hers. “Walk me back to my dorm?”

His eyes widened in surprise. “U-Um s-sure!”

“You’re sweet.”

She smiled, barely acknowledging Mingyu and Seungcheol, as she walked out of the building with Joshua in tow, still dazed by the unfolding events.

Mingyu’s eyes narrowed, watching the pair walk off.

“That geek is gonna pay,” he mumbled, storming out of the building.

---

Joshua hardly touched his drink as Y/N placed it before him. She removed the wrapper around her straw and stuck it in her milkshake. Her brow quirked in interest.

“Sooo. You went to our high school?”

Joshua finally grabbed his cup and took a generous sip. “Uh huh.”

Her lips turned downward, trying to recall his face. “I don’t know why I can’t remember you.”

He shrugged, trying to shake his disappointment. “I-It’s not like you would have noticed. We didn’t run in the same circles.”

Something about that statement made her stomach drop. Sure, she’d been what you’d consider popular, but Y/N was pleasant with everyone she came across.

“What were you into back then?”

Joshua sat back as the tension slowly drifted from his shoulders. “Band, mostly marching and pep. I was in the film club and tried out for the soccer team, but…yeah.”

Y/N nodded in understanding. “You seemed to have a lot of interests. I’m surprised we didn’t run into each other.”

“Well, Y/N, we have been in the same classes since freshmen year.”

Her cheeks felt hot, and Joshua fumbled as he tried to change the subject. “I-I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing. It’s just how life happens. Our school was big, so it’s okay.”

The relief passed her face. The last thing she wanted was for someone to recall her being self-absorbed.

A smile formed on her lips, which he returned wholeheartedly. “Well, it’s time for new beginnings.”

“Agreed.”

After a brief silence, she looked at him and asked, “Are you good with music theory?”

His brows lifted as he nodded. “Oh yeah! I took those in high school! Do you have any questions about it?”

“Do I?” she said with a laugh. Y/N pulled out her research paper and handed it to him. “I got an extension to write a better one.”

He flipped through the pages with a hum. “I see. Do you want help? I’d be happy to give some insight.”

Y/N beamed at him. “I’d owe you a huge one!”

Joshua smiled. “That’s not necessary. How about we meet Friday night at the library to discuss the details.”

Realization dawned on her as her smile faltered. Joshua’s brows knitted.

“Is something wrong?”

“N-No, it’s just there’s this party on Friday–”

“Oh. Well, you should go.”

She sighed, falling back against the booth cushion. “That’s the problem. I really don’t want to.”

“So don’t go,” he reasoned.

“It’s not that simple–”

“It kind of is. Don’t force yourself into things just because your friends want to,” he interrupted. His eyes widened again, and red crept onto his face.

“I-I’m sorry. That wasn’t my place to say.”

Y/N let out a genuine laugh for the first time in weeks. “Honestly, that was the most honest response I’ve gotten. People always try to hide the truth.”

“Some people suck,” he said matter-of-factly.

She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Why don’t you come to the party?”

“M-Me?”

“Why not? It definitely would make my night better,” she exclaimed.

He looked at her in astonishment. Y/N sipped her milkshake, trying to cover up her bashfulness. “I mean…the more the merrier, ya know.”

“I’ll see what's going on that day,” he decided. He was not ecstatic about the invitation but didn't want to get his hopes up. Being near her was almost enough for him.

“Okay,” she said, trying to hide her disappointment.

They returned to idle chatter the rest of the time, realizing they had much more in common than each had known. He eventually said his goodbyes, promising to give her the paper back after he made any edits. Walking back to his dorm, he thought about their time together. Y/N was amazing in so many ways. Joshua would have fallen even deeper in love with her if he hadn’t already fallen madly in love.

He stopped in his tracks.

Love?

Shaking his head, he unlocked the door with a scoff. What did he know about love?

The letter.

Damn it.

That letter.

Groaning to himself, he walked inside to Jeonghan, who was reading at his desk. Jeonghan looked up from his book at his friend's expression.

“You alright?”

Still in a daze, Joshua plopped on his bed, blinking. “Y-Yeah.”

Jeonghan hummed, going back to his book until Joshua spoke up.

“I spent time with her.”

“Her?”

“Y/N.”

Jeonghan placed his book down and faced Joshua with interest. “What? What happened?”

Joshua recalled the events the best he could, grimacing at the part when Mingyu appeared and his conflicting feelings about the party.

Jeonghan let it all sink in before talking.

“Well, now you gotta go to the frat party.”

“Yeah, but Mingyu’s gonna be there.”

“So? Y/N personally invited you. It seems she wants you there, and that’s enough. Who cares what everyone will say? We’ll have fun, you’ll see.”

Joshua sighed heavily, looking up at the ceiling. He was taking a chance. This could be the start of something great or crash and burn in utter disaster.

Time to take a gamble.

---

When Y/N and her friends arrived, the party was in full swing. She watched as people ran around the house throwing balloons filled with water. Irene screeched, jumping in place as one splashed by her feet, nearly getting her costume wet.

“Watch it!”

Irene let out a sound of exasperation. “Do I look okay?”

Y/N fought to roll her eyes.

“You look fine.”

Irene beamed as she twirled in the black, red, and white plaid two-piece. She adjusted the hat on her head. “We’re gonna be the popular people here. Clueless was a hit!”

Y/N adjusted the skirt on hers. She would have instead gone as Dionne, but Irene insisted she be the Cher. Arguing would have been fruitless if she wanted any attention on her, so Y/N just went with the flow. Heads indeed turned as they walked by. Seungcheol appeared out of nowhere, clearly red-faced from the alcohol.

“You made it!”

Y/N held back the eye roll from Irene’s giggles.

Seungcheol gestured to them with the beer can in his hand. “You’ll be the girls from that movie, right?”

“Like totally!”

He grinned, setting his gaze on Y/N. “Would you like something to drink Y/N?”

Irene pushed past; a Cheshire grin spread wide. “We’d love something to drink.”

He chuckled, watching Y/N’s reaction. Y/N held back the eye roll, threatening to appear.

“C’mon, I’ll show you where the drinks are.”

They followed Seungcheol into the kitchen. The entire counter was covered in various drinks, from malt beverages to cheap vodka, anything to get someone entirely buzzed. Mingyu stood near a silver basin, stirring the bright red liquid. He looked up, making eye contact with Y/N as he waved. Grabbing a few cups, he poured the liquid in, adding some pineapples, strawberries, and oranges.

Y/N stared at the cup in scrutiny as Irene happily sipped on hers.

“This is so good! What is it?”

Mingyu tapped his glass against Seungcheol’s. “We call it carat juice.”

Y/N’s brow raised, giving him a deadpan stare. “Wow, so clever.”

“I thought so,” Mingyu answered with a smug look.

She sighed heavily, looking around for anything to get her away.

“Just enjoy yourself tonight, Y/N. It’s the least you can do. You’re being so uptight,” Irene taunted.

What the hell was wrong with her? Irene had been doing too much lately, and Y/N was letting her ‘friend’s’ words get to her.

“Fine.”

She chugged the drink back, trying not to cough at the alcohol burning down her throat regardless of the sweetness in the cup. She wiped her mouth off and ran towards the dance floor. Maybe sweating for a few hours would help make her numb to the whole thing.

Joshua and Jeonghan walked inside, looking around at the scenery. Very few people were wearing original costumes. Most were dressed in bedsheets as ghosts or togas.

“You sure we got the right costume?”

Jeonghan shot Joshua a look. “No one else is gonna have it.”

Suddenly, someone shouted from across the room, " I'm a dude. He’s a dude. She’s a dude. So we’re all dudes!”

A snort passed Joshua’s lips, and he waved, giving a thumbs up. Jeonghan gave him a smug look. “See?”

“Fine. This was the way to go.”

He adjusted the paper hat on his head before smoothing the striped blue and white shirt. Okay. So maybe Jeonghan's idea of being a Good Burger employee wasn’t a bad idea after all. As he got more comfortable in his skin, he opened up more to talk with the people at the party.

“Oh, you play the guitar?”

Joshua nodded as he sipped his drink. The guy slapped his back, causing his knees to buckle. “We always have a jam session in the quad in the afternoon. You should join us.”

“BAMBI!”

Joshua let out an audible groan.

Shit.

Mingyu pushed through; cheeks reddened from the alcohol. Joshua tried not to recoil from the smell of his breath. Wrapping his arm around Joshua, he waved his cup, slooshing the liquid all over the floor.

“Didn’t think you’d show up,” he slurred.

Joshua removed his arm, sidestepping away from him. “Uh. Yeah. I was invited.”

“Who’d invite you?”

“I did.”

Both men looked up as Y/N appeared, the growing crowd parting for her to pass. Joshua felt his heart still as she smiled at him.

“I’m happy you made it, Joshua,” she said.

“T-Thanks,” he gushed out.

Y/N gave him a nod of approval. “I like your costume.”

“I like yours too,” he said with a grin.

Feeling neglected, Mingyu glanced between the two, not liking how the conversation was going. He managed to get Seungcheol’s attention. Both men nodded, and devious grins appeared.

Y/N smiled at Joshua, cocking her head in the direction of the kitchen. “Wanna get a drink? There’s this jungle juice–”

Red liquid splashed over Joshua, covering him from head to toe. Laughter erupted around the room. Y/N looked shocked as Mingyu and Seongcheol bent over, shaking with laughter. The empty red cups were enough evidence for her.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Mingyu snorted back a laugh, trying to look serious. “What? It was just a joke.”

Y/N shot Joshua with a sympathetic look as Jeonghan appeared, handing him a crumple of paper towels. Joshua tried to wipe off the liquid in vain, feeling the stickiness cover his skin. Trying to keep his cool, he walked up, heading up the stairs without a word. Y/N snarled as she punched Mingyu in the arm with a hiss. “You’re such an asshole, Mingyu!”

He shrugged, giving Seungcheol a fist bump. “Eh, what else is new.”

Shaking her head in disgust, she stormed off as everyone watched in awe.

Joshua found himself in a bathroom upstairs, trying to avoid getting the stain out of his shirt. Luckily, he ran into Woozi, who you called Jihoon before. That frat member was kind enough to tell him about the bathroom away from the crowd while he got himself together.

“Remember not to close the door all the way. The knob sticks.”

He threw the towel into the sink. It was useless—both the stain and possibly talking to Y/N.

“Maybe it’s just not meant to be,” he mumbled to his reflection. He couldn’t go back out there. It didn't look like that. He sighed heavily and sat on the toilet seat, a dark cloud hovering over him.

Jeonghan found Y/N quickly. She sat outside, away from the smokers, attempting to get some fresh air. He stepped closer until she noticed him standing near her.

“Hi. You’re Y/N, right?”

She looked up, guarded at first, as her brow quirked.

“Do I know you?”

Jeonghan stepped back, giving her some space. “I'm sorry. I’m Joshua's friend. You probably don't remember me, but we went to the same high school.”

“Oh,” she gave him a small smile. “Sorry, it’s just been kind of crazy tonight. What’s your name again?”

“Jeonghan,” he answered. “Listen, have you seen him? I’ve been looking for him for a while.”

“No, I was just about to go look myself.”

“He can’t be too far off. This house isn’t that big. Wanna help me find him?”

She nodded as he gave her room to walk. Just as Jeonghan turned, something fell from his pocket. Y/N paused, seeing the envelope with her name on it. She picked it up, twirling it between her hands.

“Jeonghan?”

“Hmm?”

She held up the envelope before his eyes. “Why do you have something with my name on it?”

Oh shit.

Jeonghan shrugged, letting out a scoff. “I didn’t drop that.”

Y/N crossed her hands over her chest, tapping her platform boots on the deck. “Oh really? So this just magically appeared before you?”

“Yep.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep.”

Her eyes narrowed, looking it over. “Well then, it’s no big deal if I open it, right?”

“Yep–wait! No!”

Jeonghan lunged forward, tripping as he tried to grab the letter. Y/N pulled it out of reach with a smug look.

“So obviously, this means a lot to you, but it has my name on it.”

“D-Don’t read it! It’s not mine to give!”

She stared at him, waving it in front of his face. “Then who did?”

Jeonghan dropped his head in defeat. “It was Joshua,” he mumbled.

“What was that?”

“It was Joshua…he wrote it.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. Suddenly, the envelope felt heavier than usual. Should she open it? Something was always there in the few times she ran into Joshua. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she felt so much at ease in the little time she spent around him. It wasn’t like with her friends. She didn’t need to put on an act.

“Should I open it?”

Jeonghan wiped off the dirt from his costume as he stood up. “Honestly, it’s up to you, but whatever you decide involves you and Josh.”

Biting her lip, she glanced from Jeonghan to the envelope before sliding her finger under the flap. The notebook paper was stained with age, and the creases were deep from constant folding. The black ink was partially smeared on the paper as the words looped along the lines.

Her eyes scanned the words, silently reading them to herself. Jeonghan watched the emotions change on her face with interest. What could she be thinking? Y/N cleared her throat as she folded the paper and placed it in her pocket.

“Excuse me.”

She ran off back inside the house. Jeonghan secretly patted himself on the back.

Joshua, you owe me.

Y/N ran up the stairs, looking for anyone familiar. Towards the end of the hall, a door was propped open. She knocked on it gently, waiting for an answer. When none came, she stepped in to see Joshua leaning against the window, eyes closed.

“Joshua?”

His eyes fluttered open as his head turned toward his name. His jaw dropped when he saw her standing in front of him.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah. Are you okay?”

“Uh–”

Y/N started to close the door, looking at him with concern. “Are you sure?

“Wait!”

Y/N jumped in surprise just as the door shut behind her. Joshua tried catching the knob to no avail. Groaning, he leaned against the counter.

Y/N violently shook the doorknob, but the stubborn door did not budge. She gave a few sharp knocks, pausing to listen for any voices.

Nothing.

Joshua shook his head in disappointment. “Told ya.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” she snapped, leaning on the door.

Joshua scoffed as he stared at her in disbelief. “What’s your deal? It’s not my fault. I tried to warn you about it.” She sat against the sink with a defeated sigh, looking anywhere but at Joshua. But he didn’t warn her.

“So we’re stuck?”

“Yep. I doubt anyone will come this way. The party is loud enough they won’t hear the knocks or us.”

“Lovely,” she said, rubbing her eyes.

He glanced at her curiously. “Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?”

Y/N gave him a stern look. “Duh, looking for you.”

“Why?”

“Well–”

“Felt bad about your boyfriend spilling his drink on me?”

She could hear the hurt in his voice. “He’s not my boyfriend, Joshua. You know that.”

“Do I? Wasn’t this some ploy to mock me?” His tone was accusatory.

Y/N’s jaw dropped in shock. “What? No! Why on earth would you think that?”

He shrugged, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. “I don’t know. People suck.”

“You think I’m like them?”

Joshua met her gaze, seeing the sadness in her eyes. He was projecting, and he knew it. In frustration, he ran his hands through his hair. “No. No, I never thought that. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay. I understand. People do suck. Maybe I was like them before, but I don’t wanna be like them anymore.”

He nodded in understanding. “That’s mature of you.”

“Hardly.”

The quiet fell between them, with only the muffled sound of the music in the background. Y/N pulled the letter out of her pocket and opened it up.

“It may sound silly, but nothing else seemed to matter when you walked into my life. I spent so much time wondering how or when I’d speak to you. If I ever shared a space with you, I’d thank the stars for this opportunity.”

Joshua felt the blood drain from his face. She had his letter! How? Why?

“Y/N–”

A small smile appeared on her face as she put the letter away. “You wrote this when we were in high school?”

Instantly, the blood rushed to his face as he tried to hide his expression. “It…embarassing enough as is. I didn’t mean–”

Her lips pressed to his, stopping him midsentence. Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise, and his limbs stiffened. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up when he finally kissed her back, wrapped his hands around her waist, and pulled her close. His heart hammered loudly, and he swore he could hear hers, too. It seemed like hours passed before they broke apart. Y/N blinked a few times, trying to catch her breath.

“I never do that.” does he mean he never would have done that?

“D-Do you regret it?”

She shook her head with a laugh. “No. No, I don’t. You’re a great kisser.”

“As are you,” he answered with a smile.

“Joshua–”

The door to the bathroom crashed open, breaking them apart. Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Mingyu stood in the doorway in shock.

“Thank goodness Woozi said where you were.”

Mingyu stepped forward with a snarl, pointing at them.

“So what's this?”

Y/N let out an exasperated sigh. “What are you talking about, Mingyu?”

“You two together?”

“Why do you care? We’re not, so anything I do has nothing to do with you.”

His jaw clenched as he stepped towards her. Joshua pushed himself between them as Mingyu stared hard at him.

“Bambi, move.”

“Don’t call me that, Mingyu. You’re being an ass. Stop while you’re still ahead.”

Mingyu shoved Joshua, who staggered back. Y/N grabbed Mingyu’s arm. “What is wrong with you?! Have you lost your mind?”

Mingyu yanked his arm away as Y/N was pushed back. Jeonghan and Seungcheol tried to grab Mingyu when Joshua swung, his fist connecting with his cheek with a dull thud. Mingyu fell against Seungcheol with a groan. Jeonghan looked at each man in surprise.

“Shit. Nice job, Joshua.”

He hissed, shaking his fist, and pushed past the group, walking away. Y/N placed her hand on Jeonghan’s arm. “I’ll go.”

It didn’t take long for her to catch up with him.

“Joshua,” she called.

He stopped walking and turned towards her. Looking down at the ground, he sighed. “Sorry. I just needed to get out of there. Are you okay?”

“I’m not glass. I’m pretty tough,” she answered with a smile.

He laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t doubt it.”

Y/N paused before speaking. “I like you, Joshua, before the letter. I was just too scared to say something,” she explained.

“And now?”

Y/N felt the warmth crept into her cheeks. “I think my kiss was proof enough.”

He took her hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I think we deserve to get ourselves some breakfast. What do you think?”