#coelii.psa

[coelii]

When swimming, observe the liquid you are in. If it is thick, red, and extremely hot, you are most likely swimming in magma. Reconsider the location of your pool.

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When preparing for sex, be sure to wear protection. Some popular forms of protection include chain mail, banded mail, full-plate mail, leather, and ring mail. A shield is optional.

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Before taking a shower check to make sure your waffle iron and tesla coils are all turned off. In fact you might not want to even store them in the shower as water might damage them.

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When you are about to brush your teeth, look in your hands and make sure you are not holding a chainsaw. As you know, chainsaws can cut through most materials, including teeth. At that point, you could get a blood infection which would put you at risk of dying.

[coelii]

Many people like drinking soda, ginger ale or beer. However, you should inspect your can before drinking. Is your can covered in fur? When opened, does the can smell of blood and or feces? Is the can repeatedly mauling you? If any of these questions can be answered with a "yes" or "maybe", there is a slight chance that your soda or beer may in fact be a medium-sized woodland creature. Woodland creatures are not for consumption and may lead to health risks. Ensure that you purchase drinks from a grocery or convenience store, and not a state park or copse of trees.

[coelii]

When you are preparing to drink something, always be sure to check that it isn't hydrochloric acid. Look around you. Are you surrounded by men in white labcoats? Are they wearing eye-goggles? Is your glass actually a flask? If you've answered yes to these questions, then there is a risk that what you have in your hand is actually hydrochloric acid. A good way to test is by pouring it on a table. Is the table smoldering? No? Then drink up, my friend, what you have in your hand is not hydrochloric acid at all!

[coelii]

Just a reminder: they have manga at your local library.

[coelii]

Remember, when applying eyeliner, use proper make-up utensils, and not soldering irons. Soldering irons are made for applying heat to melt solder for soldering two metal parts together, and may cause cornea damage, which is bad.

[coelii]

[coelii]

When preparing to jump rope, it's a good idea to make sure that your jumping rope is not, in fact, a snake. Snakes are significantly less durable than a jumping rope, and that is a safety hazard.

[coelii]

As you are about to leave in your car, ask yourself: "Are my eyes really open?" Visual input is central to the act of driving. If you do not have your eyes open, you are more likely to be involved in car accidents. Please verify that your eyes are open except when you are blinking.

[coelii]

Kori’s relationship tip of the day:

Jerk her off in the morning before you get out of bed to start the day on a high note ♥︎

[coelii]

Before adding sugar to your tea or coffee check to make sure it's not in fact a narcotic. Many narcotics are illegal and often addictive. To check to make sure it is not a narcotic have a friend try some. Study them for the next few weeks. Have they lost their job? Do they seem to be sedated, or unusually relaxed? Has their mood changed significantly, especially when they are unable to gain access to your sugar supply? If you answered yes to any of these, don't use the sugar.

[coelii]

When you wake up and get out of bed, remember to make sure that there is a floor to step onto. There have been several reported cases of people stepping out of bed and falling into infinity. Always remember to look before you leap. It's especially important to do so when waking up, because one's judgements are impaired.

[coelii]

As you sit down to have a meal, ask yourself: "Is that rat poison or salt in that container?" Rat poison is dangerous. It has been found to cause cancer in mice during laboratory tests. It has also been found to kill rats for some reason. To know if it is salt in that shaker, just put some in your pet rat's food supply. If it dies, it's poison. If it doesn't, it's salt.

[coelii]

Before taking a walk through the park ask yourself "are there snipers in the building to the north?" Throw a stick, if it gets shot, walk around.