#clownracha monthly

[hwatermelonsuga]

Do You Feel the Love?

° genre: friends to lovers, slow-burn(ish), non-idol AU

° warnings: slight language warning, alcohol mentioned, small talk about sex positions but not really explicit

° pairing: Joshua x Seokmin (DK)

° summary: The 3 times Joshua tells Seokmin he loves him, and the one time Seokmin says it back.

° word count: 10k

This fic was made for the Clownracha January prompt (self-indulgent). Purely based on the song Double Take if you could not tell from the title. I’m still obsessed with Joshua’s cover and I had to write this. I didn’t expect it to turn out how it did but it exists now. So, enjoy

Joshua isn’t the kind of person to spurge on anyone, not even himself. He tends to know where to spend his money and how much. Once in a while, he may buy something outrageous but that’s something rare. Blame it on his childhood. However, there is one person who he would buy the moon for. Someone he would give him anything he wanted, even if it cost him an arm and a leg.

Seokmin.

Joshua would do anything for Seokmin. He wants Joshua’s last fall collection for free? He’d get it. He wants to go to Beyoncé’s Renaissance tour? Joshua’s taking him to all of the stops and will find a way for Seokmin to meet her. Seokmin asks for the stars, Joshua will give him the universe. Joshua loves Seokmin. It’s that simple.

Well… kind of.

See, Joshua could do all of these things for Seokmin but it’ll only be seen as a friendly gesture. Seokmin doesn’t know his best friend’s true feelings and Joshua doesn’t plan on telling him. At least not now. He’s thought about it for a few years now, his crush starting when they first hung out in high school. All of those years of just watching Seokmin fall in and out of love with other people. All of those years of hoping Seokmin would notice, would eventually like him back and maybe even confess first. Deep inside Joshua knew it wouldn’t happen. He wanted to wait his turn, but maybe he was just waiting in the wrong line. So, instead of hoping, he settled. He settled for the best friend role. He settled for just being by his side. It was honestly better than confessing and not having Seokmin at all if he didn’t return his feelings. Regardless, Joshua let Seokmin know his romantic love for him subtly, disguising it as platonic love.

1

“Why are we here? I thought you said we were going to a small cafe or something like that.”

“Well, it’s not a total lie.”

Joshua ushered Seokmin to a two-person table in the back of the dessert bar, DejaVu. The place was clean with a rustic and cozy design. Seokmin didn’t understand why it was a bit dim inside, but he went along with it. Glancing around, he noticed the hanging plants and weird little knickknacks that littered the store, Fairy lights decorating some of the darker areas. From what he could see, the menu was that weird cursive font that’s kind of hard to read but clearly the owner didn’t care because it’s part of the aesthetic. Well to hell with aesthetics, how was he supposed to know what he wanted if he couldn’t even read the damn thing? Then again, Seokmin had no worries since Joshua made his way to the front where the counter was and ordered for both of them. He waited a few minutes until Joshua came back with his receipt and a slight smile on his face.

“How much was my order?”

Joshua waved him off, “Don’t worry about it.”

Seokmin sighed at that. Here they go again. Joshua buying things for him and not letting Sokmin pay him back. “No, tell me. I already owe you for dinner last week.”

“No you don’t. I told you, I’ll pay for you. Now, enjoy my company!”

“We’re not doing this again-”

“Seokmin,” Joshua called out with a stern voice. That was Seokmin’s sign to drop it. He knew Joshua wasn’t gonna let him pull out his wallet, not when he’s around. He rolled his eyes and looked around more. The place should’ve been cozy, but Seokmin couldn’t sit back. His right leg was shaking and Seokmin just felt out of place. The other customers around them looked rich, acted rich. They each had their own eccentric style and it just made him feel as if he was an outsider barging in on their rich people's space. He just didn’t belong.

Joshua noticed the look on his face and nudged Seokmin’s foot with his own. The man jumped up a bit and directed his attention to him.

“I know that look on your face. Calm down.”

“How Shua? I don’t even get why you brought me here. It’s expensive and the people here are kinda weird,” he whispered to the smirking man. He was right. DejaVu is not cheap, the lowest thing on the menu being more than what Seokmin makes in one vocal session. He may be exaggerating but who knows, there’s no price on the menu that he can’t read! And he was right about the people there. Joshua glanced a bit at the man at the table nearby, seeing him cut some weird dessert that he didn’t know the name of and eating the bigger piece. Who was he kidding, it was practically the whole dessert. Maybe they should’ve gotten it to-go.

“You may have a point,” Seokmin hummed at that, “but I’ve always wanted to try this place and I didn’t want to come alone.”

“Then why didn’t you bring one of your rich friends?”

“Cause you’re my best friend,” Joshua smiled at the man, hoping to cheer him up. “Also, I know you’ve been stressed lately, and I want to treat you.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. He hated that Joshua was right. Work had been stressing him, with rude people thinking that they were better than him and jumping the gun on their lessons and overbearing parents asking for him to go over the usual time so that their child can have the perfect voice. His job wasn’t hell, in fact he enjoyed helping others reach their potential and digging deep within themselves and producing the best sound they could, but there’s always that one person who ruins it. Or several.

Before he could speak, one of the employees delivered their desserts, carefully placing them on the table. They thanked the man and grabbed their utensils.

“Alright, this one should be the Golden Phoenix. It’s supposed to have Amedei Porcelana chocolate, Ugandan vanilla beans, and something that I can’t remember. This one is the Green Lady, it’s just a matcha green tea cake. Oh, and I got both of us a chocolate truffle each.”

Seokmin didn’t know what the hell those ingredients were and why they were needed for this small cupcake. Why not use store-bought ingredients? Hopefully the matcha cake wasn’t made of unnecessary ingredients. And don’t get him started on the truffles. He knew those were expensive, but he would leave it alone this time since he’s always wanted to try them. Seokmin looked back to the expensive looking cupcake and went to poke at it.

“Umm, what’s this on top of it?”

“Edible gold.”

Seokmin almost choked on his own spit. “Are you serious? Like real gold?”

“Yes. I don’t get why you’re surprised. You’ve had it before.”

“I have?” He doesn’t recall such a thing. Seokmin would definitely remember if he’s eaten a currency before. Is gold even used as currency anymore?

“Yeah, you had gold flakes on your birthday cake last year.” Seokmin’s mind was blown right now. He left that topic alone, now knowing that Joshua lied to him about how much his birthday cake actually cost.

“How much was all of this?”

“Didn’t I tell you not to worry about it?”

“I know but come on. I’ll find out eventually.”

Joshua playfully glared at him. He doubted it. He pushed the cupcake to him and took the matcha cake for himself. To distract Seokmin, he started up a conversation about a trailer for a movie he saw last week. It was a good distraction since Seokmin was eating the desserts without a second thought. Joshua eventually just listened to Seokmin talk the whole time, enjoying the glow on the man’s face as he talked about when one of his students brought their dog into his home studio yesterday. He wanted to put a smile on the man’s face when he talked about a restaurant getting his order wrong, but not saying anything because he was anxious to say something about it. He let him go on and on with no complaints. Yeah, he was whipped.

Whipped for the man who will never be his. For the man who will always be his best friend.

Joshua felt his smile almost drop at that thought. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful or selfish, but he wanted to be more with Seokmin. He didn’t want to be stuck in the friend zone. Is he willing to risk their friendship? Maybe. Confess and possibly lose Seokmin, or stay silent and just be glad that he’s in his life? These are the choices that he didn’t want to choose.

For now though, he’ll stay quiet. He’ll stay quiet as they finish their sweet treats. He’ll stay quiet as they walk along the sidewalks, enjoying the fresh air and the noises of the city. He’ll stay quiet as they walk along the cobblestone path of the city garden where the most beautiful flowers of different species grow and the butterflies roam.

He wanted to stay quiet, but he had to let one phrase out, one sentence that meant everything to him but not the same to Seokmin.

“Hey, Minnie.”

“Yeah Shua?”

“I love you.”

2

Joshua didn’t want to be here, but he had to. The music wasn’t too loud but that didn’t matter since there were a lot of people in the large event space. Sadly, there were no seats available except for the ones by the bar that were currently sat in. He squeezed his way through the crowd, getting stopped every second by someone complimenting him or congratulating him. He couldn’t properly thank who was complimenting him since the place was dim. Why is every spot he goes to dim? And along with that, he had to dodge anyone who bumped into him or almost spilled their drink.

Why did he even go to these things?

He needed a break.

Just a few hours ago, Joshua had a show for his new spring collection. The fashion show went great. The venue was amazing, it being held at his friend’s art studio (Thank you, Taehyung). There may have been a few slip-ups with the clothing, but that was quickly fixed backstage and no one in the crowd knew. Overall, it was a success and honestly he wanted to go home right after. It’s tiring planning a whole show by yourself. Well, not exactly by himself since he did have his team to do the difficult tasks. Still, creating the clothes and running the show is hard. He had to make everything perfect, not for the critics and other designers there, but for Seokmin. This was the first fashion show that he was able to make and Joshua needed everything to go right. Luckily it did because after the show, Seokmin found him packing up and the look on his face made Joshua’s night. He looked so proud of his best friend, showering him with praises until they made it to the after party. He was having a good time at first, Seokmin being stuck to his side since he didn’t know anyone there. The place was filled with models, designers, and celebrities. All there to get drunk and post on social media. They went around with flutes of champagne in their hands and people occasionally came by to say something to Joshua.

He only left Seokmin for a second to talk to his assistant, and he lost him. So now, Joshua was searching for him. He knew he should’ve had him come with, but Seokmin kept insisting that he would be okay alone. Who swept him away?

Joshua traveled to the outskirts of the crowd and found the person he was looking for. Seokmin was leaning on one of the small tables talking to someone. Tall, dark haired male. He was clearly flexing his biceps that were on full display since he had a sleeveless top on. His charming smile made Joshua sick. Coming closer, he realized who the gorgeous idiot was.

Mingyu.

Really, one of his models?

The betrayal he felt was immense, even though he shouldn’t feel that way. Mingyu doesn’t know about his infatuation, his love for Seokmin. He probably doesn’t even know that they came together. It’s not Mingyu’s fault that Seokmin was attractive. He was the flame and everyone else were moths, flying closer and closer to him. It’s not his fault that Seokmin could pull anyone from the party. He could take anyone home, and it looks like Mingyu will be the lucky man.

Maybe he should do something about it.

No, he shouldn’t. Seokmin looks like he’s having a good time. He’s laughing at whatever Mingyu is whispering to him in his ear. He’s letting the man hold his hand, touch his shoulder. The sight was making Joshua sick, to be honest.

Now, Joshua isn’t usually a jealous man. If Seokmin is interested in someone, then he leaves it alone and supports him. However, seeing a hand travel to Seokmin’s waist was the last straw. He thought about letting Sekomin have fun with the model, but for some reason he didn’t want that to happen tonight.

He’s drunk, that’s why. Joshua convinced himself.

With that in mind, he made his way over to the two. He placed a hand on Seokmin’s shoulder, causing the man to jump slightly and look to see who was behind him.

“SHUAAA, you’re back! Oh, you know Mingyu, right?”

“Yeah, I do. Thanks for being in the show by the way,” Joshua said the last part to the smiling man, putting out a hand.

“No, thank you! I’ve always wanted to model for you,” Mingyu excitedly told the designer, taking his hand and roughly shaking it. Clearly, he was unaware of his own strength. Joshua turned his attention to Seokmin. “I have to sadly leave early. I have a meeting tomorrow morning so if you’re ready we can go ahead and leave.”

Seokmin whined a bit, not wanting to leave Mingyu and the free drinks. “Do you really have to?”

He didn’t but he wasn’t gonna say that out loud. “Yes. Now say goodbye to Mingyu.”

“Bye Mingyu,” Seokmin grumbled and started to follow his friend out.

“Oh wait,” Mingyu caught his hand. “Can I get-” He was interrupted by someone he knew pulling him to god knows where.

Seokmin looked back for a second but was continuously dragged by Joshua. “Wait, but I didn’t get his number.”

“You’ll get it later.”

“How?”

Joshua rolled his eyes at that. Did he already forget that he knew Mingyu? Leaving that thought alone, he ushered Seokmin out of the venue and to the valet where the worker was fetching his car.

“Why are we going home so early,” Seokmin asked.

“I told you, I have a meeting tomorrow.” Joshua placed Seokmin’s arm over his shoulder and held his waist. He wasn’t exactly drunk but he was getting there. He didn’t count how many glasses he had, but he was sure that he probably had something to drink before the party.

“Ok then, why am I going home early?”

“I’m not leaving you alone with thousands of strangers.”

Seokmin pouted, “But I had Gyu and he’s not a stranger.”

“Ok Seokmin.” And Joshua left it at that. Truth be told, there was a small feeling in him that just didn’t want Seokmin to be with Mingyu. It’s not that he thinks the model is a bad guy or anything, but he just couldn’t leave Seokmin with him.

The valet arrived and passed the keys to him. Joshua carefully put Seokmin in the passenger’s seat, buckling him in. He tipped the valet and went to the driver’s side, getting in and pulling off. For the whole ride, Seokmin quietly sang to the playlist Joshua randomly put on. The windows were down, allowing cool air in the car and softly blowing Seokmin’s bangs out of his face. Joshua was tempted to take the longest route to Seokmin’s place. He didn’t want to disturb the serene scene next to him. Seokmin looked at peace, only minutes from falling asleep. At every red light, Joshua looked over to see if he was okay, and every time Seokmin would look over and smile, signaling that he was.

Joshua loved when he smiled. The outer corner of his eyes wrinkled up a bit, his pearly whites showing off.

If only this moment could last, Joshua thought. Technically, he could make it last. He just doesn’t know how Seokmin would feel about a 3 or so hour long car ride. Then again, Seokmin was always down for anything Joshua planned. But alas, the night had to end somehow. Also, he needed to get the tipsy man home to rest. Arriving at Seokmin's apartment, Joshua turned the car off and went to get him from the passenger’s seat. Before he could open the door, Seokmin was already taking his seat belt off and trying to push the door open without using the handle. Joshua laughed a bit and tried to cover it with a cough, opening the door for him. Seokmin looked up with worry.

“Are you getting sick?”

“No, just clearing my throat. Now come on, let’s get you up the stairs.”

“Are you sure? I can make a mean chicken noodle soup for you.”

“You don’t need to,” Joshua carried him out of the car and locked the door. He struggled a bit seeing that Seokmin kept trying to push him off, but he eventually got him to the second floor of his apartment building and unlocked the door. He left Seokmin to take his own shoes off as he did the same. He placed both his hands on each of the man’s shoulders and directed him to his bedroom.

“I don’t know why you’re helping me, I’m not drunk.”

“Yeah, but I know you’re getting sleepy.”

“Wrong.”

“I’m right.”

Seokmin was about to retort back, but Joshua lightly pushed him to lay on his bed. Seokmin grumbled but it was muffled by the covers on his bed. Joshua went to get the shower ready and picked out his night clothes. He left the room and headed to the kitchen to grab a water bottle out of the fridge and went back to set it on the nightstand next to the pain medicine he grabbed earlier. With everything ready, Joshua checked on Seokmin to make sure he didn’t fall asleep before he could get ready for bed. Shaking him, the man groaned and lifted his head a bit.

“Do you think you can get ready on your own?”

“Of course I can, I’m not a child.”

“Yeah, whatever. The shower’s ready and I already have pjs out for you.”

“Thanks mom.” Joshua cringed at that. Being mom-zoned is definitely worse than being friend-zoned. He hummed and went to leave.

“I’m headed out. Don’t collapse.”

“I won’t.”

Should I say it? It won’t matter… not in the way I want it to matter to him.

“I love you.”

“Mmmm,” Seokmin hummed. Joshua furrowed his brows. Did he fall asleep? He went over to the man and shook him.

“Mmm, I’m up, I’m up.”

Joshua made sure Seokmin got up and went to the bathroom before saying their goodbyes and he left the apartment.

Idiot.

3

“You sure I should be here?”

“Yes please. I’ve been bored just stuck in the house all day and since you won’t let me leave-” Seokmin stopped as he felt a sneeze coming, but was ultimately disappointed as it went away.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just trying to help you.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes as Joshua passed him a box of tissues and a warm mug filled with a cup of tea. For the past few days, Seokmin has been sick with the flu and because he’s a good friend, Joshua forced him to quarantine. Joshua hasn’t even been in his room, only dropping necessities off at his bedroom door. So now since Seokmin claims to feel better, Joshua decided it was a fine time to have a movie night at Seokmin’s place. That way, he can finally have some type of human interaction that he was deprived of. Also, Joshua was just tired of Seokmin constantly calling him, complaining and whining that he’ll die being holed up in his room.

“I swear.. if I get sick, I’m killing you.”

“You’re not going to get sick. I feel better, I promise.”

The skeptical man rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen to grab all of the prepped snacks: popcorn, various types of candies, and chips. He went back to the living room to see Seokmin scrolling through the romance section on Netflix.

Oh…

Joshua was very tempted to tell Seokmin to pick another genre. He doesn’t think he would be able to handle romance movies right now. At least, not with Seokmin right by his side. It would just make him feel worse about his feelings towards Seokmin. You’d think that they would be inspiring, allowing Joshua to get ideas on how to get out of the friend-zone, but they don’t. He only ends up with deprecating thoughts on how he’ll never get a happy ending. He ends up comparing himself with the male lead or the love interest in the movie. Sure, he’s as handsome as them and maybe even the same level of charming. Not to blow up his own ego, but he would be the perfect male lead. He has everything that others want in a man… but there’s just that one thing that’s missing and he has no idea what it is. Just that one thing that differentiates him and these characters. It could be the boldness or the audacity. Whatever it is that these characters have, he doesn’t have it and that’s, in his eyes, the reason why Seokmin will never be with him.

Wow, that was depressing.

Joshua ended his thoughts and laid all of the food on the long coffee table. He grabbed the extra blanket that lay on the armchair next to the couch and sat near Seokmin.

“Find anything yet?”

Seokmin sighed at the question. “Not really. Either I’ve watched it before or I’m not interested. Or my least favorite actor is starring in the movie.”

It took about 5 minutes but they finally found a rom-com to watch. From reading the synopsis, it seemed like a cliche movie, which worked since those types of movies are Seokmin’s guilty pleasures and Joshua will watch anything that Seokmin wanted to watch, even if the acting made him want to cut his ears off and claw his eyeballs out.

Yeah, it was that bad.

But Seokmin liked it.

And what Seokmin liked, Joshua loved.

Except for Mingyu.

Which reminded Joshua “Hey, have you heard from Mingyu recently?”

“Eh, not really. We haven’t talked since last weekend.”

“What’s going on?”

He was curious. At the party last month, Seokmin was all over Mingyu, his eyes in the shape of hearts as he laughed at every one of Mingyu’s jokes which probably weren’t that funny. The day after the party, Mingyu practically begged Joshua for Seokmin’s number. He was reluctant, but eventually gave in. The two went on a few dates and from what Seokmin told him after each one, it seemed like they were hitting it off. Seemed like Mingyu truly liked Seokmin. He expected them to be in a relationship by now, but things seemed to be opposite of his expectations.

“Nothing really. I mean Mingyu is great, but I’m finding out he’s not really my type.”

“Really,” Joshua gasped. He didn’t expect that. Mingyu totally seemed like a perfect fit for Seokmin: tall, muscular with a nice, firm chest, pretty smile, terrible jokes but somehow Seokmin found them funny. He also knew that Mingyu was a great cook. The last time Mingyu modeled for him, he generously brought lunch for him and the other few models that were there. Joshua couldn’t beat that. But since Seokmin said he wasn’t his type… then what the hell is his type?

“Yeah, and you’d think that he was. But yeah, I think it’d only work as a fling maybe.”

“Then… what is your type?” Joshua held his breath waiting for the answer. He swears, if it’s the total opposite of him, he’ll cause a ruckus. Then again, he can’t do anything about that. He’s not in control of Seokmim’s preference, of what he finds attractive.

“I don’t know. I guess someone who’s kind, charming, and I guess, like, someone who’s able to calm me down whether I’m too hyped or anxious.”

Joshua took in his words. “I think Mingyu could be that.” God it hurt him to say that.

“I guess. But I prefer someone down to Earth, someone who likes the same things I do.”

“And I’m sure he can be that if he isn’t already.”

“That’s true. Then again, I want someone older. I barely can take care of myself, you think I can take care of someone younger than me.”

“You’re not gonna be taking care of him. He’s a grown ass man, I’m sure he can take care of himself.”

“He’s also a bottom.”

Joshua froze at that, his brain processing what was just said.

“What?”

“Yeah, Mingyu is most definitely a bottom,” Seokmin shrugged.

“Ho-how do you know that?”

Seokmin rolled his eyes as if it was obvious. “I know a bottom when I see one. I know my people. He may be all tall and big, but he is definitely a bottom. Matter of fact I bet he’s a pillow princess.”

Joshua was speechless at Seokmin’s assumption. He guessed that made sense but it was still a bit shocking to hear from the man next to him. Now that Joshua thinks about it, he’s pretty lucky that Mingyu is younger than Seokmin.. and apparently a bottom. A pillow princess at that. If he was older and a top (maybe even a switch), Mingyu would be the perfect man for Seokmin.

Maybe he has a chance.

Maybe Seokmin was describing him. It was a long shot but one can hope.

Joshua kind of zoned out from the rest of the conversation. He really was thinking deeply on what Seokmin told him.

He’s kind and charming, at least he thinks so.

He can be down to Earth.

And Joshua is always there to be a rock for Seokmin. Always a call away when he needs him. Reliable.

And clearly they have a lot of things in common. They both enjoy similar genres of music. They both love anime, always binging a new show every other week. They both love the outdoors (However they like different activities. Seokmin would rather die than go biking or hiking).

And Joshua is older, by 2 years. He can take care of Seokmin. He already does and he’ll continue to do so. He’ll make sure that Seokmin never has to lift a finger, giving him anything he desires.

And Joshua is most definitely not a pillow princess…

All of this was making his head spin. Maybe he did have a chance. Maybe Seokmin was describing him the whole time. Maybe he was signaling to him to finally make a move.

All of these maybe’s.

He needed a definitive answer. He didn’t want to risk their relationship. He didn’t want to assume that Seokmjn felt the same way as he did. Just because some of the descriptors of Seokmin’s type matched up to who Joshu was as a person didn’t mean anything. It could just mean that he wants someone who’s similar to his best friend. Someone who his best friend will approve of.

Too bad for Seokmin because Joshua will approve of no one but himself.

Joshua didn’t even pay attention to the on-going movie. He was stuck in his thoughts, trying to figure out the hidden message, if there was one. Every once in a while, his doe eyes would glance over to Seokmin, wondering what was going on inside his head. The same thoughts circulating over and over again. Eventually, he kept his vision on the TV screen, the current movie’s conflict being resolved.

Was he in his head for that long? What was even going on in the movie? That didn’t matter and it’s not like Joshua wanted to go back to figure it out.

As the movie came to an end, Seokmin looked over to Joshua. “Ready for the next one?”

Joshua nodded. Seokmin went through the scrolling process again until he found the next enticing movie for the two to watch. Joshua picked up his phone to look at the time. It was close to 11. He could stay for this one. Honestly, he thought of just staying until Seokmin dozed off to sleep just so he could carry him to bed, tuck him in… and maybe try to find his journal (more like diary) that he knew Seokmin kept in his underwear drawer.

No, no he shouldn’t do that…

But he could.

But that’s an invasion of privacy.

But maybe Seokmin wrote somehow about him. About his feelings.

But then again.. what if he didn’t? What if there’s nothing in the journal about Joshua and Seokmin’s feelings for him?

And if he did try to go through it and there was something about Seokmin loving him back, what then? What would be the next steps? Confessing? Sure, but the thought of doing that made Joshua’s palms sweat. Made him a bit dizzy. What if he lost those feelings right that second? What if Seokmin rejects him out of sheer panic? It’s unlikely but it’s Seokmin.

Joshua sat there contemplating, missing another rom-com. Luckily he’s not attached to this one as well. In the middle of the movie, Seokmin eventually laid his head on Joshua’s shoulder. He knew he should be used to this but Joshua was almost panicking as if this simple motion, this simple contact would allow Seokmin to read his mind. He knew that was impossible, but sometimes the impossible can happen.

Alright, Joshua needed to get a grip on reality. Mind reading, really?

When will this movie night end?

He went to wipe his hands on his sweatpants but noticed how close Seokmin’s hand was to his. Fighting with his instincts to hold the man’s hand, Joshu eventually lost. Seokmin didn’t react much to it. Guess he was used to this type of affection, which made sense. He’s always cuddly and touchy with his other friends, specifically Seungkwan and Soonyoung. So why was Joshua a bit disappointed in the lack of response? This situation is just two best friends hanging out, cuddling on the couch…

Or this could be a sign…

Stop it Joshua. You’re a grown ass man, get yourself together and stop acting like a damn middle schooler with their crush.

As the movie was coming to an end, Joshua made a decision. Tired of being this sad, lonely man who can’t put his big boy pants on and confess. Yeah, they’re best friends and he didn’t want their relationship to change for the worse, but he had to get over that fear. No matter what happens, Seokmin will still be there by his side. They can get past the little awkward phase. Will Joshua be hurt? Of course, but he can get over it. If it’s not meant to be, he can’t force it. He can’t force Seokmin to love him the way he loves him.

It wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it would sure as hell feel like it.

…

Fuck it. Joshua thought. He can take a bit of pain.

“Seokmin… I just… I need to tell you something and I need you to listen. It’s not bad or anything. Well, I guess it depends on the outcome. Or maybe not, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just paranoid. But I want to tell you that,” Joshua breathed, ready to tell the man he loved what’s circulating in his head.

The thing that’s long overdue.

“I love you, and not just as your best friend. It’s more than platonic love, it’s just this strong feeling that I have. No matter what I do to forget these feelings, no matter how hard I try to push them away, you do something that just makes it hard to not love you, to not want to be with you. You’re always there to make me laugh, to cheer me on, to be a shoulder to cry on. You’re everything that I hope for in a partner. This sounds crazy, but I can picture our future together and I would probably do anything and everything to make it happen. Then again, you don’t have to love me back or anything, I just felt the need to tell you that you’re the love of my life and I don’t know what I’d do without you. And even if you hate me after this, I’ll still be there for you… I won’t be that crazy person that tries to prevent people from asking you out. Just whatever you say, however you feel about me, about us, know that I don’t want to lose you. Nothing has to change. It’d be great if you felt the same way, but if not, I’ll be okay. I’m okay with a little pain. Just as long as you’re with me, smiling that bright smile, I’ll be fine.”

As he finished his speech, Joshua balled his fist and became stiff waiting for Seokmin’s reaction. For a second it was silent. He was too afraid to look over to Seokmin and see either the awe or disgust on his face. He waited a minute but there still was no response. His vision started to blur as his eyes brimmed with tears. Oh no, this is it. This is the end of their relationship. Seokmin is too quiet for his reply to be a positive one. Joshua thought he’d be able to handle the rejection, but now that he was in the moment, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle it now. His hands trembled a bit as he went to glance over to Seokmin.

“It’s okay to say-” Joshua stopped his sentence as he noticed the man sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. A bit of drool escaped his mouth and finally quiet snores filled the silence. Joshua looked away and ahead of him. He silently let out the deep breath that needed to be let out, slowly relaxing his tense body. He dropped his head back and closed his eyes. A few drops of tears escaped his eyes and he let them run down his burning cheeks.

He didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed that Seokmin heard none of what he confessed. Maybe it wasn’t the time.

Maybe it’ll never be the time.

+1

Joshua buried himself in his work ever since the incident happened. He hasn’t seen Seokmin in person for about 2 weeks. To not make it suspicious, he has been texting him or video calling him, telling him every time that he’s busy creating his next collection and checking on his shops. He could just face him after his failed attempt to confess. That may be his last time confessing. It just seems like the universe is against him so why should he even try again? Again, maybe it’s a sign that they’re not meant to be together. That they’re better off as friends.

Joshua thinks that his ego has recovered for the most part and knows that he has to meet up with Seokmin eventually. It’s rare for them to be apart that long. Even if either of them are swamped, they try to meet for lunch or dinner each week.

Maybe he should do something for him.

Two weeks later, Joshua called up Seokmin and told him to pack his bags.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“You’ll see. Just pack enough stuff for a weekend.”

“Shua, please tell me-”

“And make sure you don’t have appointments.”

Before Seokmin could say another word, Joshua hung up and went to packing as well.

What Joshua was planning was a spontaneous trip to New York. He wanted Seokmin to have the best experience somewhere he’s never been before. And not only that, but he wanted to take him to his favorite musical, Wicked.

Joshua doesn’t know exactly why he wanted to go all out for their first in-person gathering after not seeing each other for weeks. Maybe deep down he still wants to impress Seokmin (even if Seokmin tells him he doesn’t need to). Maybe he still wants to confess and figured why not go all out. Whatever it was, he pushed the theories to the back of his mind and thought about everything that they should do for the short trip.

The next few days were filled with planning and buying things: hotel room, Broadway tickets, gifts, etc.

Finally on Thursday, Joshua stopped by Seokmin’s studio and found him finishing up a session with one of his students. Joshua admired the somehow stern but soft look on the man’s face.

He really did love his job. In fact, he was made for it. The joy the man had when his student’s smile lit up the room as they finally got the note down, Seokmin complimenting them. The gentle and comforting looks he would give if someone’s voice cracked. The look the student would have on their face when they got to hear Seokmin’s beautiful and powerful voice. The admiration, the amazement, the awe.

Joshua honestly thought that Seokmin would’ve been an artist. Sadly, his fear of judgment and rejection prevented him from stepping outside of his comfort zone. Just the thought of no one listening to his music was painful, or people saying that he doesn’t have stage presence or his shows were boring. That he has no range. All of those insecurities that Seokmin had were ridiculous to Joshua. No one is a professional so who are they to tell Seokmin that he’s not a great performer. And a bad singer, he could never get that insult from anyone, and one can obviously tell just by how his students look up to him. Just by how many people ask him for vocal lessons because of his ability. Sure just because someone can be a great singer doesn’t mean they can also be a great teacher/coach, but Seokmin is both an excellent coach and singer.

But enough of Joshua simping over Seokmin and his musical talent, they had a flight to catch. Joshua leaned on the wall next to the doorway and waited for the two to finish. Once Seokmin’s alarm went off, signaling that the session was over, he looked to see the man waiting and smiled. He walked his young student out the door and closed it.

“Ready to leave,” Joshua asked him.

“Almost, I have to take some things to my office and lock up the place. I also have my suitcase here so we don’t have to stop by my place.”

With that, Joshua left Seokmin to do what he needed and waited by the front entrance of the building. He only had to wait for a few minutes and once Seokmin came to the entrance, the two made their way to Joshua’s car. For the whole drive to their destination, Seokmin kept asking where they were headed. Joshua wasn’t going to tell him and Seokmin knew that, but he still wanted to try and see if he could get the answer out of him. Eventually they arrived at this small hangar which confused Seokmin. Looking around, he saw a few jets and noticed that there was one that was out in the open. The stairs leading to the jet was down with a man waiting at the bottom.

“Um, Shua, what the hell?”

“Minnie, you ever been in a PJ?”

“No, I’ve never been in a sandwich.” Joshua held himself back from smacking Seokmin and turning back to send him home.

“Bad joke.”

“I know, but you still love me.” Yeah, Joshua did.

“Answer my question.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes at the demand. “No I haven’t. How much money did you spend on this? We could've just gone to a regular airport and flew in a regular airplane.”

“Well for one, I didn’t pay a lot for this.” This was somewhat the truth. He did pay a concerning amount, but it was still reasonable since he got a deal from his friend, Wonwoo who actually owned the private jet. “And second, why fly on a regular plane if I have access to a private one?”

“Well, I don’t know, to save money?”

“Eh, it’s fake anyway.”

“To you.”

Before the conversation could continue, Joshua finally arrived closer to the man who seemed to be waiting on them. He parked the car and went to get out with Seokmin following. The stranger walked towards them and Joshua handed him the keys to his car. Seokmin kind of zoned out as he didn’t know what was going on nor what to actually do. He just followed Joshua and eventually got on the jet.

While Joshua was comfortable in his seat, Seokmin was a bit tense. Joshua looked as if he belonged here. Well, he did. He apparently had the money for it. Seokmin felt out of place. This whole private jet is for wealthy people, someone he is not. Sure, he makes a decent amount of money, but not enough to do all the things that Joshua is able to do, not enough to buy all of the things his best friend is able to buy. He felt lucky to still be friends with the famous designer. He didn’t understand how they’ve been friends this long. He honestly thought that they would have had a falling out a long time ago. That he would be left behind while Joshua became friends with all of these celebrities or rich people who always flock to him.

But Joshua never left him.

Never turned his back on Seokmin. He was always there for him. Always there to support him or help him. Seokmin felt warm at that, happy that he had a friend like Joshua.

Honestly, Seokmin felt that they could be more than that, especially with the way that Joshua spoils him. And he’s not just thinking about all of the material things that Joshua has gotten for him but also how Joshua spoils him with time and attention. With a caring attitude and love. He couldn’t believe that he had Joshua in his life.

He remembers when he first met Joshua. He was new to the area since his mother got a new job. Joshua was an upperclassman and Seokmin admired the boy. Joshua wasn’t exactly popular like those kids in the movies, but he was pretty well known. Both boys were in the theater club and would always talk after school or would acknowledge each other in the halls. Eventually, they started hanging out outside of school and club time. Seokmin’s admiration turned into a crush and he would always find a way to be with Joshua. He never bothered to confess, thinking that it was a simple crush that he would eventually grow out of. And also Joshua was way out of his league. So with that thought, he settled for being a friend, satisfied with Joshua just being present in his life, at least until he left for college. With Joshua’s time cutting close, Seokmin tried to hang out with him as much as possible, having game nights and sleepovers. When Joshua eventually graduated and left, Seokmin was a bit sad. He didn’t have Joshua by his side. Sure, they would text and call, but it just wasn’t the same.

Luckily, he had his other friends to keep him company during school. Jaehyun, Jungkook, and Eunwoo were his main friends that he made when he was on the soccer team for a year but ultimately left because he lost interest. He also had people in theater club that he would hang out with at times. With all that being said, he wasn’t totally alone, but with Joshua doing college things, he did feel a bit lonely. That feeling changed when he got accepted to the same university that Joshua attended. He wasn’t necessarily following his crush since the university had a really great music program, but it was a plus that his best friend and crush went there.

And with that, they went back to how things were before Joshua left. Some things may have changed, but Seokmin found that Joshua was the same old Joshua and that his crush never went away. Still, he didn’t want to confess. Not only did he want their friendship to last. He even dated people to get over his crush. Sometimes it worked, other times he wished that the person sitting across from him at the sticky table inside of the late night diner that was chosen as a last minute date was Joshua. Overtime, Seokmin pushed his feelings aside, and up until now he forgot about that need to confess, the desire to be more with Joshua.

Seokmin doesn’t really know why he’s thinking of this, of his life with Joshua. Maybe it’s some force reminding him of his still-there feelings for Joshua. Maybe it’s fate telling him that it’s time. That all of his time and effort using other people to forget his crush on Joshua was a waste. That the right person was in front of him the whole time.

Or he’s just crazy or overthinking things.

He’s brought out of his thoughts as the jet starts to move. He looked over to see Joshua getting comfortable with his blanket.

Guess I should do the same.

During the flight, Seokmin couldn’t get comfortable. He was usually like this anyway. Planes made him nervous, especially since he’s more than 1,000 feet in the air. He’s already afraid of heights, but putting his life in the hands of a stranger and a hunk of metal?

There should be better ways to transport.

After a few hours, they arrived in New York. They easily got their things and headed to whatever fancy hotel Joshua reserved a room at. They ended up at some high-end hotel called the Conrad. Apparently it was pretty much in the center of all the attractions in Manhattan. Joshua got their room keys while Seokmin observed the lobby. People were going in and out of the hotel, different types of weird ancient artwork decorated the open space, and it seemed hectic but somehow calm at the same time. He couldn’t really explain it. The place looked pretty impressive though, so he could guess how much a night would be.

Spoiler alert: a lot.

Joshua led him to the elevator that lifted them up to the top floors. They were led to their room which made Seokmin’s jaw drop. When they first entered, they were met with a modern design of the room and ceiling-to-floor windows with a balcony. The furniture had a sleek design. Beige, white, and navy blue made up the color scheme of the place. It truly looked like a nice penthouse apartment. To the right was a kitchenette and to the left were navy blue doors that Seokmin could guess led to the bedroom. He went to explore more while Joshua thanked and tipped the employee who carried their bags. When he got to the bedroom, he noticed there was one king sized bed with a flat screen TV across from it and nightstands on either side.

Oh…

Joshua also went to the bedroom and saw the reason why Seokmin was standing still by the door.

“God, I told them two beds. How did they mess this up? I’m gonna see if they have another room available,” Joshua sighed as he left the room.

“Shua wait, it’s fine! I mean it’s not like we’ve never shared a bed before,” he felt his face get hot as he said that. Luckily Joshua didn’t see. Joshua made sure that it was okay before taking his suitcase and placing it in a corner. He plopped on the bed and relaxed his body. Seokmin also set his stuff in the corner but didn’t know what to do next, so he awkwardly stood near the end of the bed.

“So, what’s the game plan?”

“Umm, today we can just relax and get something to eat for dinner. There’s a spa not too far that we can go to. If you don’t want to do that, we can go shopping, got to a few attractions that should still be open.”

“Ah, the spa sounds nice.”

“Ok then we can do that, get some dinner, and then whatever you want for the rest of the night.”

Why are you perfect? Seokmin thought to himself. They barely started the trip and Seokmin was already falling in love again with Joshua.

Woah, wait love? Seokmin didn’t think his crush would evolve into love. Well, he guessed it was love. Sure, he’s said ‘I love you’ to him a thousand times, but that was just platonic love, a friendly saying. What he felt now was more than that. Something that made him warm and fuzzy inside. Something that he had to sit with and he was fine with that. He didn’t expect to feel this way. He didn’t feel the typical butterflies in his stomach that people always talked about. Honestly, he never really understood that anyway. Right now, he felt content. He felt at home somehow.

Joshua felt like home.

Loving Joshua felt like comfort.

For the rest of the day, the men enacted their plans. Seokmin really enjoyed the bougie spa. It was relaxing and he came out a new man, glowing skin and all. They then went to a really nice restaurant. Nice as in it looked nice. The portions were too small for Seokmin and he was sure that it would probably take about four or five meals just for him to feel full.

After dinner, they took a walk around the area and just enjoyed the sounds of the busy city. It was a great night for the both of them and Seokmin couldn’t wait to see what the plan was for the rest of the trip.

As both men got ready for bed, Seokmin went back to the thought of them sharing the bed. He could just sleep on the couch, but he’s sure that Joshua would fight him for it. Also, it didn’t look that comfortable. They might as well share the large bed, it’s not like they haven’t before. Seokmin was the first to lay down and had his back to the other man.

“I can put up a wall if that’s more comfortable.”

“It’s fine Joshua.” He turned around to face him. “How many times have we been in the same bed without barriers?”

“That was when we were younger.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes. “Just get in bed. I can be your big spoon if you want,” he joked.

Joshua rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smile. He grabbed his pillow and hit the jokester. Seokmin used his arms to protect his face and laughed at Joshua’s reaction.

“For one, we all know I’m the big spoon. And two, shut up.”

“I can easily be big spoon. I’ve been working out.”

“That doesn’t mean anythi-”

“Yes it does! I’m strong now.”

“You still like being a baby.”

“Lies,” Seokmin crossed his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. The pout didn’t help his argument and Joshua noted that. Seokmin ended the conversation by turning his back to Joshua again. With that, they settled and let sleep take over.

The next day was a busy one. They stayed in bed for a while, ordering room service instead of going downstairs for breakfast. They eventually got ready close to noon and headed out to the stores. Seokmin had to stop Joshua from buying him stuff that he would pick up and put back. Some stuff he still bought him though.

After shopping, they got lunch and took him to his friend’s music shop. The place was filled with vinyls and CDs in the front, and instruments in the back. Joshua took him straight to the back and they played around. Of course, Joshua played Sunday Morning on one of the guitars. Seokmin jokingly told him that he would leave the store right now, but he would never since he loved Joshua’s voice. They stayed there for a while and then went back to the hotel to get ready for the night. Joshua didn’t say where exactly they were going, but to just dress nice. Did he have to wear a full suit? Hopefully not because he packed nothing that fancy.

The car taking them to their destination was outside when the men were ready. The place wasn’t too far and when they pulled up, Seokmin was confused but excited.

“The theater,” Seokmin asked as Joshua helped him out of the vehicle.

“Yep. Look up.”

As instructed, Seokmin looked up to see what they were going to watch.

He couldn’t believe it.

“YOU GOT US TICKETS FOR WICKED?”

Joshua laughed at Seokmin’s expression. Jaw dropped, eyes wide open.

“Of course I did. I know you’ve wanted to see this in person for a while. Now come on, let’s get our seats.”

Joshua had to drag him in and lead him to their seats after showing his tickets on his phone to get in. Seokmin couldn’t believe that the man sitting next to him took him all the way to New York just to see his favorite musical on Broadway. His whole body was vibrating with joy. As the show started, Seokmin was in his own world. The only thing he focused on was the show. The cast, the music, the set, everything. And he enjoyed all of it. The show was better than he could imagine. He’s seen others do the musical, he even had a chance to be a part of the musical in high school. However, seeing it on Broadway was different. Obviously, the production was way more expensive than what high schoolers could afford. They weren’t too far nor too close so he was able to absorb everything going on. Every song he mouthed the words to. He even knew every line of all the characters. This was probably the best experience he’s ever had.

After the show, Seokmin was still in awe of the musical. He sang all of his favorites on the way home and Joshua recorded some of the moments. He’s really glad that Seokmin loved his time, especially since this whole trip was not cheap, but anything for the one he loves.

They made it back to the hotel room and ordered room service. They stuffed their faces and drank up most of the bottle of wine they ordered as well. Seokmin kept recalling each moment of the musical, commenting on each and every detail that Joshua didn’t even notice. They migrated to the balcony, enjoying the cool breeze and the sounds of cars and pedestrians.

“If only I could go back to high school and do Wicked all over again. And just that moment cause the rest of high school was hell,” Seokmin sighed.

“What do you mean? I feel like I was there to make it more tolerable.”

“Yeah for like two years, and then you left me.”

“Did you want me to fail so you could catch up,” Joshua raised a brow.

“Not exactly.”

Joshua huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Well that wasn’t gonna happen. At least you had other friends.”

“Sure but they’re not you.”

Joshua looked at him. He didn’t know what to say to that so the two sat in silence. Joshua continued to stare at Seokmin’s side profile. The light of the city hit his face perfectly.

How can this man be any more beautiful?

He didn’t know if it was the mood or the wine (he doubts it since he has a good tolerance), but Joshua got the need to pour his heart out.

“Seokmin, what I tell you now, let’s not let it affect our relationship. I’ve kept it in for so long and now may not be the time but oh well.”

Seokmin looked over with a concerned look. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.. well not really cause I’m sweating bullets right now and my heart is practically trying to destroy my chest. But I have a confession.”

Joshua paused for a moment to calm down. Noticing this, Seokmin scooted closer to him and held his hand. He was patient with him and figured that whatever Joshua was going to tell him may change their lives. For better or for worse, he’ll have to wait to see. Joshua closed his eyes and let the words spill out.

“I love you.”

“Shua.. I love you too-”

“Well I don’t mean like that.. I mean like… I love you more than I would a friend. I said this whole speech like a while ago but you were sleeping. I’ve wanted to tell you for years but I was too afraid. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, we can just forget this happened and enjoy the rest of the trip. But I just wanted you to know that I’ve loved you for years and I still do.”

Seokmin was silent for a second, processing the words told to him. Joshua took it for rejection and looked away from him.

“Shua-”

“And you don’t have to love me back. I just needed you to know-”

Joshu didn’t realize what was happening until he felt something soft on his lips, a warmth close to his face.

Lips. That’s what he felt against his own.

He felt fingers caressing his chin and Seokmin’s other hand still holding his.

He couldn’t believe that Seokmin was kissing him right now. He felt like his younger self experiencing his first kiss. Just in shock, too frozen to kiss back. He really should kiss back or this would be awkward. Or maybe not because he did confess. But it still could be because he’s NOT KISSING BACK. With that realization, he went to kiss Seokmin back but before he could, the man pulled away.

“Wai-”

“I love you too.” This made Joshua’s freeze again, eyes going wide. Joshua’s heart grew in size, his cheeks and ear slowly turning red. Finally, he was able to tell his best friends his feelings and they were returned. He was a little speechless and prevented himself from grabbingSeokmin and showering him with love and affection. He could tear up right now. He didn’t but he could. He stayed silent to let Seokmin finish what he was going to say.

“I’ve also felt this way for a while. Honestly, I’ve had a crush on you since we met and there’s no telling when that turned into love. But I want to be with you. I’m sorry that you kept this in all this time.”

“Yeah. I’m kind of surprised you haven’t noticed.”

“Eh, I had a feeling until you set me up with your seatmate before Valentine’s Day.”

“Well, you kept talking to me about her, I had to.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes and turned away from the man, but Joshua turned his head and kissed his cheek. Joshua was amused at his attitude, knowing that Joshua had a point. He kissed his other cheek, then his nose, and finally his lips. Of course Seokmin returned it with the same energy. They pulled away and stared into each others’ eyes, the sounds of the city enveloping them once again.

“So, what now?”

“Well, I would say let’s go on a date, but technically this trip is one big date.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t say that. You kind of kidnapped me and we just confessed so you have to properly ask.” Joshua gave him a look at that, so close to leaving him out on this balcony. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Menace.”

tag you’re it: @sunnytaes @wooyussy @simpracha @bunnypig18

[decaffedthoughts]

Firsts and Flowers

pairing: non idol sana x gender neutral reader

word count: 4.6k

fluff and a touch of angst

summary: scenes from yours and sana’s relationship firsts, accompanied by the bouquets you bring to each, from introduction to anniversaries and beyond.

a/n: guess who’s back! i do have specific photos for what sana is wearing for every single scene lol, ask me if you’re interested. low/no plot, just me fawning because i am down horrid for sana. this is for clownracha’s may prompt, flower language

First date

Bouquet: white roses, calla lily, hibiscus

Her number had come through a mutual friend, Bang Chan. A former coworker of yours and a current coworker of hers. You'd heard her name a few times through him but not much else. Chan knew practically everyone in the damn country, or at least seemed to at times, so you trusted that he could tell who was similar and who would work well together, at least as well as one human could.

So, you sent a small "hello" to the provided number that night.

Hello

Is this Sana? Chan gave me your number

Sana speaking

And who might you be

The first tricky part of meeting someone was completed. Now it was just the other hard part of staying in touch. It was a Friday, so both of you were relatively free to text late into the night, not needing to worry about your semi-soul-crushing schedule ruining the night. At some point, you realized you'd never seen her face and decided to shoot your shot for a selfie. You told her to choose whatever she pleased, hoping it's not too glamourized to make you unintentionally feel wrong in your chip-dusted sweatpants.

In the end, nothing could have prepared you. Sana was clearly in lounge clothes, she might have even taken it right before sending it to you, but she was still the most gorgeous woman you had ever seen. Maybe it was because she was not some high-held celebrity that hardly seemed human, but something about her still felt otherworldly.

Your sleepiness allowed much of that sentiment to flow through your texts, which you could worry about later. For now, it was simply wondering how Chan could have set you up like that without warning. You'd be sure to get him back for that somehow. Your attention diverted from revenge plans back to Sana when she sent a simple question mark, and you realized that the effusive praise was simply a draft.

Sorry you broke my brain by being wildly gorgeous

Did you take that just now?

Mhm

Decided you were special enough to get a never before seen picture

Chan likes everyone, but he doesn't keep everyone around

It's almost annoying how many friends he has

I can barely have a public conversation with him, I swear

It was easy like that for weeks. One text every few hours, or on lucky days a spree of a few hours with just a minute or two between responses. It progressed to something other than simply friendship feelings for you. Could you continue to be friends if that invitation was rejected or didn't work out? Sure, but you wanted to try, and I hope that Sana feels that same feeling too.

Hey

Do you want to get dinner with me next week?

Are you asking me on a date? Spicy

Give me the details

You did, and she agreed. It felt unreal. Maybe she didn't have the same feelings yet, or maybe she did, but it seemed she was at least open to them. Next week was far enough away that it gave you enough time to adequately plan everything, but now the same date was too far away, and each minute of waiting seemed to drag on.

As time does, it passed, and the day arrived in front of you. Sana's apartment was closer to the restaurant, so you agreed to meet there and walk over. You ended up very early due to sheer nervousness and saw a flower shop not far away. Not wanting to show up that early, you headed over but only planned to look.

Almost immediately, many of the flowers caught your eye, and you rethought that "just looking" idea. Deciding that the cashier would likely know more than you do, you headed up to them.

"Hey, any good recommendations for a first date? Kinda impromptu, so I don't have much time." You explained to them, Dongmin, according to the name tag.

They nodded and took you around the shop, picking up a few flowers and explaining their meanings. You checked the time and had a few extra minutes, especially if you walked quickly. On the way out, you thanked Dongmin, and they wished you good luck on the date. You smiled, fresh white bouquet in hand. Maybe you could come back if all went well.

Steadying your shaking hand and knocking on the door correctly took you a moment. Before properly taking in Sana, you shoved the bouquet toward her. You knew you might end up stunned by her, so you took a moment before it happened. When you finally got the courage to open your eyes, you were more right than you knew.

Her hair was now a soft purple, tied up by a large black bow. She wore a shoulderless black sweater under her blue-gray dress, and, as predicted, you just couldn't stop staring. Silently, which may have made her a little nervous or uneasy, admittedly, but what words could you use to describe the practical angel in front of you? And she wanted to go on a date with you? She took the bouquet with gratitude and a smile, bidding you wait a moment while she put it in a vase. There wasn't much else for you to do or anywhere to go, so you inspected what you could see of her apartment from the doorway. When she returned, she held out the flowers in a large jar, notably not a vase.

She laughed sheepishly as you stared, "People don't really give me flowers, so I didn't plan for this. More about the flowers than the container, right?"

You didn't have an answer, so you just nodded because they looked perfectly fine in the jar. You were more surprised that people didn't give her flowers often. If you had to guess, you would have said she had a long line of suitors waiting to give her gifts. Maybe she did, and they just weren't partial to flowers. It was the only thing that made sense; Sana was too beautiful not to give gifts to.

You walked down the street together, unpopulated since it hadn't warmed up too much. Despite having only text conversations to that point, your conversation flowed well, and the silences were short but comfortable. Each of you had various ideas and stories to share. Walking down the street also provided plenty of distractions for you both, mainly in the form of cute animals needing the time to be outside.

It passed in what feels like no time at all. And the meal went just as fast. The food was acceptable, but you knew that wouldn't be what you remembered regardless. Instead, you noted how Sana's face lit up when she laughed or how shyly she reacted when you complimented her, among other things. Surprisingly, she retaliated on the compliments quickly, smirking when you responded.

Honestly, you didn't see the sun setting in the window, nor the number of people that entered and exited as you sat there talking. As expected, a waiter came over eventually, asking if you wanted to pay. You almost didn't notice them in the middle of a story of one of your coworkers nearly destroying the microwave.

For a few minutes, you gathered up everything and left, but the moment you were back outside, you began to laugh together again. That seemed to be the theme of that first date, and there was no reason you could find to complain about it. It was significantly darker that time, which removed your visibility of Sana's face, but it made it easier to step closer and feel the backs of your hands brushing as you walked. You didn't know who finally made the move to intertwine your fingers, but neither stopped to comment, simply enjoying the moment and letting it breathe. Her hand was soft, and you found yourself wondering what it would be like to be able to hold it as often as you wanted in the future.

You arrived at her doorway faster than you had expected and far quicker than you wanted to. After a few minutes of awkward and stuttered goodbyes, Sana took a step forward and briefly hesitated before pressing a kiss on your cheek. When she stepped back, she opened her mouth to say something, but you felt a small and uncontrollable smile spread across your lips. She must have seen it because she closed her mouth and gave you a small smile. Each of you whispered a final goodbye before you turned and headed back down the hallway.

First makeup

Bouquet: chamomile, zinnia, lotus flower

It wasn't a fight about something stupid; you had learned better than to minimize your own feelings by now, but it was something that didn't need to be a fight at all. One or maybe a few conversations, and you could have worked it out together. Instead, you held it in because of a misguided vision of being a "good" and "unproblematic" partner, especially this early in your relationship. Eventually, as should be expected, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

You felt that Sana didn't set aside enough time to text you or text you back during the day, and she was equally unavailable on some nights. On the weekends, she was much more active in calling or texting you. But other times, she could be virtually unreachable for hours.

You could hardly remember what had set you off just a few minutes later. The more you walked and thought, the more embarrassed you became. Here you were, with an adult job and living independently, yet you still didn't communicate properly with your girlfriend.

Without really realizing it, you had walked the reverse path you usually did. That time from Sana's door to the flower shop you often visited. You walked in, unsure if you wanted to buy anything, but simply being around nature was calming.

Ultimately, you decided it couldn't hurt to show up at her apartment with a bouquet. Along with a heartfelt apology and readiness to communicate, pretty flowers always help. So you asked the cashier if there was a common "after a fight" bouquet or flower they might recommend.

It took a few minutes of searching, in which you stewed in your thoughts even more, but they did come back. The chamomile and the lotus were instantly recognizable, even to you. And the other one was a white zinnia. Or was it a zinnia? You couldn’t remember, but it was a pretty flower and fit perfectly with the calm white theme.

You distracted yourself on the way back by constantly fiddling with the flower petals and placements, not wanting to think about what you'd do in a few minutes. What would you do if Sana turned you away or didn't open the door? You'd have to leave the flowers, text her that they're there, and hope she reads them rather than just swiping them away. You wouldn't blame her if she did, but you'd continue hoping for the best.

You knocked hesitantly and waited, scuffing your foot along the floor. Mercifully, she opened the door, but her face fell slightly when she properly saw you.

"You're not my kimchi jjigae." She said simply.

You winced. Kimchi jjigae was a spicy comfort food for her, so it must have hurt her more than you thought.

"I'm not. I hope you'll let me apologize anyways. I'm sorry for not talking about any of my problems before they exploded. I didn't want to cause any problems so early into our relationship, and I wasn't sure what you would think if I did. Clearly, this was worse, and now I seem immature as well. It doesn't have to be right now, but I hope you can forgive me."

You chewed and pulled at your bottom lip as you waited for her to answer, and her face was impressively smooth and impassive.

"I'll need more time to move on, but I forgive you. Come in, and I'll tell you how to make it up to me."

You perked up significantly and followed her inside as quickly as you could.

"Yes, ma'am! Thank you, baby. I'm sorry again."

"First step in making it up to me. Stop apologizing."

First birthday together

Bouquet: yellow tulip, yellow jasmine, dwarf sunflower

It was Sana's first birthday while she was with you, and it was a big moment. You wanted to get a gift that she liked and made the day worth her while. It was mid-winter, so flowers were generally out of season, but that wouldn't stop you. Quite the opposite even. You'd be going for a yellow bouquet to mimic a piece of the sunshine that you were so missing during these months. It included some dwarf sunflowers, which, despite the name, were still relatively large and perfect for your idea.

It was technically a late birthday gift and date, as her friends got the first pick for surprising her on the day of. Genuinely, it was more than worth it. You had shown up for a date as if you weren't taking her directly to them when they were simply waiting just around the corner, almost literally, just behind a curtain in the private area of the restaurant. She had left your side to greet them almost immediately, though not without a small kiss full of gratitude first. It didn't bother you at all, her friends were all wonderful people, and she looked radiant as she took in the whole scene. When you left for the night, she had complained about her cheeks hurting from smiling so much, but even the whole way home, she couldn't stop gushing and giggling about it all.

So, you simply sat back and listened, nodding even though you were sure she wasn't paying attention to you. You knew you'd get her full attention the next day regardless. Though when you returned to her apartment, you told her how beautiful she looked so happy, which only made her laugh again and jokingly swat at your arm.

She joked about it again the next day, asking if you were taking her on a date this time or if you'd secretly bring her to see her family. Honestly, it wasn't a bad idea for a future birthday, but you didn't say that, only repeating the idea in your mind to return to later.

The aquarium was rather crowded when you got there, with many people having the same idea. A weekend, insulated from the cold, and a generally nice place for a date. Of course, you had been expecting this, so it didn't ruin your experience entirely, even if it made moving around and looking at the tanks a little more difficult.

You'd been to an aquarium on a previous date, it was hard to come up with wholly original date ideas all the time, but this one was much bigger. That experience helped you know that Sana's reactions would be much more entertaining to watch than the fish ever could be. She had a perpetual curiosity and affection for the creatures of the world that you never got tired of. One of her many admirable and adorable traits. If you got into all that, you could be there all day.

The water shimmered and moved, entrancing patterns across the angles of her face, and you truly couldn't look away even if you wanted to. After watching the school of fish moving in inscrutable patterns, she finally noticed you staring at her and started pouting and whining.

"Look at the fish! Aquarium time, baby!" She took your hand and dragged you closer to the glass, forcibly turning your head with a pout every time you tried to rotate it back and look at her.

Eventually, you accepted the motion and stared at the fish, slowly separating your mind from all the people you knew were there and immersing yourself in the sight. Of course, Sana began to get impatient and tugged on your hand again after a while. You snapped out of your haze and followed wherever she planned to go next. Planning was evidently a generous word, as you were sure she was just walking to whatever caught her fancy as she saw it, but you would have followed her anywhere by then.

Much of the time passed like that: watching Sana and then watching the fish at her urging before she saw something new and exciting and dragged your stumbling self behind her. You wouldn't even dream of having it any other way.

You told her you wanted to take a slight detour on the way back. You didn't tell her where, but it wasn't like the florist was overly exciting by now. Or, it wasn't for you, but Sana's previously mentioned affection for the world often extended to plants as well. Especially very pretty plants like all the flowers hung up in that shop. You freed her to wander around as she pleased while you headed up to grab your pre-ordered bouquet. It was even prettier than you thought it would be.

"Princess!" You called out to her and heard Sana's shoes hitting the floor a moment later.

"Baby?" She asked before seeing the bouquet in your hands and running the last few steps.

"Oh, it's so pretty! My personal sunshine for the winter months, I love it." She took the bouquet from you and stared at it, sighing dreamily.

The walk back to her apartment was filled with her softly stroking the flowers, sighing, and several instances of her almost tripping. You very nearly teased her for it, but it was hard to when it happened because she was too busy staring at something you bought her.

She thanked you one more time at her door with a small kiss, and you were left staring at her door with a little dopey smile.

First anniversary

Bouquet: daisy, hibiscus, white jasmine

It was hard to believe a year had passed with Sana at your side. At that point, something very obvious first came to mind to commemorate the occasion. Buy a new bouquet. They were a nice way to celebrate big events and a reminder of you that Sana could look at every day, even if you couldn't be there with her. After confirming they would work with flower meanings, you decided to ask the florist for a bouquet meaning something like "love for a beautiful person." It was the one major descriptor that came to mind when you thought of your girlfriend. She was beautiful in every way, inside and out.

In the last few years, so much had happened, individually and together, but the excitement of knocking on her apartment door was always the same for you. Sometimes, between the moments of knocking and Sana answering, you daydream about when you wouldn't have to knock on this door at all. You would plan a day and simply see Sana emerge from behind a door while you waited. Or maybe you would make her wait for you. Whatever the situation, you longed for the day that you could share more time and space with her.

For now, the excitement remained. When Sana opened the door that time, you were more than excited, you were shocked. She opened the door, peeked around it, and you saw her hair was pink! You gasped and pushed in to get a proper look at her. As if the sight was unbelievable, you reached out and ran a small amount through your fingers, but the color stayed the same. It was a delicate floral pink, and it made her shine. Maybe you should go away for a few days more often if something like that was going to happen. As soon as you thought it, you knew that was unsustainable because you couldn't even imagine being away for that long now, and certainly not by choice.

"I love it. You're gorgeous. And happy anniversary, I love you." You stepped forward and rested your hands on her hips, practically hypnotized by the smile your words brought forth.

"My beloved," she crooned, holding you close. "Happy anniversary to us, the first of many, I'm sure."

You stood there for a few minutes, simply enjoying each other's presence before you had to leave and face the wide world once more. Thankfully, when you stepped back, you could survey her outfit. You didn't have to, as you could be sure she looked great, but then again, why wouldn't you? A simple black outfit, a skirt with a little pearl belt, and knee-high black boots. But you processed all that fairly quickly, though with some needed appreciation for her legs, because you were drawn back to her bright hair falling down her shoulders.

The way Sana giggled made you sure she noticed, but if she didn't expect that much reaction, you clearly hadn't shown your appreciation for everything about her well enough thus far.

Sometimes you thought your relationship became a little routine, which was comforting in its own way, and wondered if you and Sana could even surprise each other anymore. Well, this was proof that you most certainly could.

If it were someone else, or maybe some time else, you might have been concerned about someone trying to make a move on her. By then, you were confident and secure enough. She had told you that when she dressed up, it was for herself and maybe for you. And if anyone else had the gall to approach her, she was generally quick to rebuff them and point you out as her loving, doting, and sole partner. Although there had been a few times she'd let them keep trying for laughs as you looked on from a few feet away. It was mostly fun to watch the excitement dull as they realized she was not some doll to bend to their whims but a strong-willed and opinionated person.

Thankfully, tonight no one like that should bother you. It was a little cliche, but you returned to the restaurant of your first date, and it felt like stepping back in time. The place wasn't popular enough to have the money for major renovations, but it was popular enough that it was well-maintained and looked practically the same as you remembered it.

It wasn't private by any means, but that worked to your advantage as you and Sana spent about an hour scoping out passers-by and making up stories about what they might be doing. You both started pretty regular, but as time passed, you both came up with more ridiculous possibilities that sent you both into giggling fits.

The sunset, and eventually, you both had to leave. Not because you were disturbing people but because you had other exciting places to be. Or you might have planned for that, but Sana immediately turned back towards her apartment, pulling you behind her. When you wordlessly expressed your shock and confusion, she giggled.

"Listen, I had fun, but I'm tired and don't want you to leave yet. I mean, you can if you want, but I want you to come with me."

"No! I wanna go with you; we can do whatever you want at your apartment. It's our anniversary until I leave."

You walked the rest of the way back in happy, companionable silence. As soon as you got in the elevator, you drifted towards each other, pressing as much of yourselves together as possible. Of course, you reached her floor all too quickly, but Sana didn't hesitate to pull you forward, clearly excited as a puppy for whatever she had planned behind her apartment door. And you followed dopily, endlessly drawn into her gravity.

First proposal

It is the height of summer, but thankfully there is a light and cool breeze for your picnic today. Sweating through the heat is not generally attractive. Sana is wearing a rather casual outfit filled with bright yellow and pink for the summer, topped off by heart jewelry she had bought on a previous date. You've got a camera bag slung over your shoulder, with the excuse that it's just a nice day and you want some pictures. In reality, you want something like a proposal to be captured with something better than a phone camera. Which is all well and good if she says yes, but that inevitably leads to what will happen if she says no. No, you will not psych yourself out 2 minutes before you need to leave.

To your credit, it's a cute ass picnic date, even without the promise of a later proposal in your mind. You spend it talking about nothing, asking benign questions, and hardly paying attention to the answer because you could be entranced by your pretty girlfriend instead. It's a beautiful arrangement.

The sun is still high and hot in the sky, but when you look at Sana, it simply feels right. So you stand up and reach a hand out to her.

"Will you come with me, princess? I have a place I want to show you." You say.

The place is not the thing of importance that you want to show her, but she doesn't need to know that yet. A small clearing dotted by flowers and a surprising lack of weeds. You put the bouquet and the basket down while she looks around and peers at every type of flower.

"Baby?" You call, and she comes bounding back to you, her smile wide and eyes gleaming.

"Yes, darling?"

"The bouquet. The white roses you may recognize from our first date, where I ambitiously got them as a sign of new beginnings. I wanted so badly to know you better and hoped I could convince you to stay. I'm so glad that whatever I did or said worked. The little ones are yarrow for everlasting love. Which I hope we have because I can't imagine life without you now, and I hope I never see what it's like. Honeysuckle are the spindly ones poking out the sides, and they're for the bonds of love. For me, that is not a duty to stay but rather an agreement that we both have made and wish to stick to. And the firework-like ones are myrtle, but there's something else I have to do first."

There's no grand reaction, so you don't think Sana has caught on to you yet. Or if she has, she is holding her emotions in very well. You reach into a tiny pocket at the bottom of your camera bag and pull out the small blue box. There's no hiding what it is, so you turn and push out one knee. And the way her face scrunches as she bursts into a strange combination of tears and smiles is the picture that will be etched into your mind forever.

"The myrtle means love in a marriage, which I believe we could have for the rest of our lives if you would like. So, Minatozaki Sana, will you marry me?"

"Oh goodness, of course I will! I'm too in love to ever dream of saying no, and how dare you think otherwise."

You laugh through what may be your own tears; no one can confirm nor deny and wonder how you could have believed otherwise. You've never felt this happy before, and you won't likely have many moments better than this one, if any.

"I love you, princess. I love you so much."

"And you better keep loving me. You're stuck me to you now, and I'm not letting go."

"I would never want you to."

[sunnytaes]

saw some moots doing this and figured i would too bc hell do i need motivation to actually finish these shits. pls let me know what u think i should finish and feel free to comment or send an ask if u would like me to do more than one 😭 i have a preference for the first 3 but any of them would feel rewarding to finally complete. also the ballad of the phoenix will have an update soon and is not on this list bc that wip is separate from this list, aka the wip graveyard

[coupsie-daisies]

The Terrifying Ordeal of Being Known | Choi Jongho

Pairing: Choi Jongho x GN!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Established Relationship

Summary: Jongho subjects Y/N to the terrifying ordeal of being known. They love every second of it.

Word Count: 425

Warnings: Very self indulgent fluff, mentions of food, tiny mention of alcohol, Reader’s gender is not mentioned, no pronouns used, but they are said to have periods

A/N: Maybe cheese is my love language. This is my submission for the first clownracha monthly prompt of 2023. This month’s prompt was Self Indulgence, and when I say I took that to heart, I mean it.

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @sunnytaes // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18 // @ferrethyun // @tyungun // @brownieracha // @kwanisms // @snow-pegasus

Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any other platform without explicit permission is prohibited

There are few things more romantic than having someone know you inside and out, know you almost as well as you know yourself. You’d never had that before, not really. And learning everyone’s little quirks, the things that made them the person you fell in love with was exhausting when it wasn’t extended back to you.

But when you met Jongho, that changed. The way you remembered just the right temperature that he liked the room at when he slept mirrored the way he remembered which blanket you liked best when you stayed over at his place. When Jongho started blending your details with his, it was so natural that you almost didn’t notice.

He’d pick up your favorite from the coffee shop that you frequented whenever he came over, and he’d ask for extra cinnamon and an extra shot of espresso when he knew that your period was fucking you over, just like you did. On your best days, when you were feeling satisfied with yourself or brag to him over text, he’d swing by and pick up your favorite sweets from the convenience store as a little prize. You’d only mentioned liking them to him once.

The moment that you realized, the day that it fully sank in that Jongho was the one, was when he brought you brunch while you worked from home – the comfort of his home that is. He knew you never ate in the mornings, that eating too soon after waking up gave you a stomach ache, and that you were working too hard to wait for lunch.

He proudly presented you with a plate of your favorite foods. Pancakes, two sausage patties, a few strawberries, and scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs topped with shredded colby jack cheese. Your favorite cheese to put on eggs. He put down a glass of juice – apple, because you only liked orange juice as a mixer.

You looked at him, your jaw hanging open in awe. When had he taken the time? How had you gotten so lucky?

“It’s all how you like, right?” He asked, looking a little concerned by your reaction as he mentally ran through his little checklist. You absolutely beamed at him.

“It’s absolutely perfect, Jjong. You’re perfect.” You pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his middle from where you were sitting. He giggled.

“You deserve the best.” He mumbled into your hair, pressing a tiny kiss to the top of your head before pointing your attention back to the food in front of you.”

“I already have it.”

[inkedtae]

kill me slowly ⇾ bgc. [M]

⌁ pairing; mafia boss!chan x curvy!reader (f.)

⌁ genre; mafia au, s2l, angst, smut, 18+

⌁ word count; 34.5k

⌁ summary; upon being caught witnessing his criminal activity, notorious mafia boss, bang chan, warns you against exposing his business. however, you’ve never been one to walk away empty handed. 

⌁ warnings; dark themes: mentions and depictions of violence and smoking (cigarettes), usage and distribution of drugs, mentions and possession of weapons, mentions of addiction, slight gaslighting, explicit sex: dom!chan, sub!reader, brat!reader, unprotected sex, rough sex, semi-public sex, office sex, mirror sex, daddy kink, armpit kink, masturbation (f.), degradation, humiliation, exhibtionism, voyeurism, orgasm control, edging, fingering, clit worship, oral (m. and f. receiving), deep throating, spanking, choking, teasing, dirty talk, pain kink, size kink, cum play, knife play, breast/nipple play

⌁ le playlist

❥ special thanks to my love eva ( @nottodayjjk​ ) for reading this monster of a fic over for me in record time! 💗

❥ happy birthday to my channie! nothing i can write will ever truly encompass just how much you mean to me. still, i’ll try. 🐺🖤

!! this contains dark themes. please see the warnings prior to reading. if these themes scare or offend you, please do not read or interact !!

Premature spring mornings in Seoul are dreadful. Snow still blankets the little city, only it’s lost all its innocence. Once a shiny white, now stained with mud, it’s wet and slushy as it plagues the streets. Traffic moves both slow and fast, congested at intersections but flowing freely in between. And it smells of the earth– a heavily smoke-polluted earth, may it be from factories, or simply the citywide agreement to poison their lungs with chains of cigarettes (or anything else they can get their hands on).

You despise it, but are still somehow comforted by it too. It’s cold, wet, seemingly uninviting though you manage to fit in. Your eyes flit around the nearly demolished apartment buildings as you hop off your bus.  There– the crumpled mess of brick and debris in the middle– that’s where you grew up many moons ago. You used to sprint up and down that sidewalk, chasing after your neighbour’s dogs because they were cute and adored your attention as much as you adored theirs. In the false security of a rusted fence, you found an ignorant utopia.

KEEP READING

note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other reader. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work.

[ferrethyun]

When The Moon Met The Earth

Pairing: Moon witch!Lee Minho x Male!Moon God!Reader

Genre: Acquaintances to lovers?, Hurt not really much comfort (Absolute minimal comfort), Angst and some fluff

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Supernatural elements, minor slowburn but its 5k so its not that slow, angst oml, minho is a cry baby at the end, swearing at the end, Moon witch! Minho, Elemental witch! Chan, Eclectic witch! Changbin, Divination witch! Hyunjin, Healer! Jisung, Hedge witch! Felix, Witch! Seungmin, Shifter! Jeongin, Moon god! reader, Seungmin has a bit of a breakdown and thinks hes a failure, magical violence with consequences? (It was unintentional violence), hurt and basically no comfort whoops Please let me know if I missed any warnings!!

Notes: This was part of Clownrachas monthly prompts from october! (Very delayed i know) enjoy and if you have feed back id love to hear it!!

Tag list: @snow-pegasus, @wooyussy, @brownieracha

Having the god of the moon in your home was an odd experience and not one many would experience. Minho was sure of that at least. What he wasn’t sure about was how he felt having you watch his every single move. He hadn’t meant to summon you that night; what was supposed to be a simple blessing and offering ritual turned into having the physical manifestation of the moon watching him as he worked his way around the kitchen, spoons stirring pots on their own and herbs flying across the kitchen as Minho used his magic to bring them over. “You have a lovely home, Minho” You mused as you wandered around, opening cupboards and taking a peek as you saw fit.

“Don’t touch anything, please” Minho replied, voice echoing in the cabinet that he was rifling through, “Felix will have my head if his ingredients are even an inch out of place.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch a thing” Your eyes shimmering as they followed him, marvelling at the iridescent fabric of the skirt he wore as it flowed behind him, “It’s been so long since I’ve been down here. I’m simply a little curious.”

Minho's actions stilled “How long is ‘so long’?” He asked.

“Give or take a few millennia.” You hummed out, taking a seat on one of the bar stools next to the kitchen island. The kitchen fell into silence, the only noises coming from the stove as a pot bubbled away and the kettle next to it began to whistle. Clattering of cups caught your attention, eyes back on Minho as he placed two cups down on the counter and spooned in a few herbs.

“What are you making?” You asked, head tilted with curiosity as you tried to look around the witch.

“Chamomile tea,” Minho responded in a mumble, concentrating on making the two drinks, “It’s good for nerves.”

“But I’m not nervous?” Came your reply, confusion twitching in your brow.

“Never said you were. Besides, I’d imagine a simple herbal tea wouldn’t have much of an effect on a god” Minho sighed, placing one of the cups in front of you.

“You need not be nervous around me, dear starlight,” A soft smile blessing your features as you inhaled the sweet yet fresh scent of the tea, “You’ve been a devoted follower all these years, just like the rest of your family. Do you remember when you were younger?”

His nose scrunched, Minho couldn’t remember much of his childhood; an unfortunate mishap with a memory spell that he had tried when he was seventeen caused most of his childhood memories to disappear. The only things he could remember were important events and his family “I can’t say that I do.”

He watched as you took a sip of your tea and chuckled into the cup, the sound like gentle wind chimes in his ears “I remember the day you did that memory spell. Very unfortunate mispronunciation was your downfall with that spell, by the way-” Looking into the eyes of the other, mischief danced behind your own, “-When you were seven, your family were preparing to do a full moon ritual, you professed your love for me.”

Minho couldn’t help the scoff that tumbled from his lips “Absolutely not.”

“It's true, you know?” You grinned, “You looked up at me with such awe, turned to your family and started rambling about how much you loved me and that one day you were going to marry me. Of course, I understand at that age what childish words mean and that you only thought of me as ‘the moon’. You’ve been so devout all these years, dear starlight. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to finally come and see you in person.”

“Please, don’t call me that.” Minho frowned the cup in his hand suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the world.

“As you wish,” He could hear the way your smile dropped, “I want to get to know you better, Minho. I only have until the full moon till I have to go back; please, at least grant me one wish.”

The words from your mouth shocked Minho. A god asking for a wish? How absurd “What is it?”

“Let me get to know you as more than just one of my followers,” You replied softly, “Let me get to know you as Minho. As one of your coven. I want to know you.”

The following quiet days allowed you time to meet the other members of Minho's coven; what was unusual about the coven is that there seemed to not be one true leader. Instead, the coven was made up of witches from various paths of practice. First, there was Christopher, or Chan as he asked to be called, an elemental witch with a particular affinity for fire magic. Then there was Changbin, who identified himself as an eclectic witch, choosing to incorporate his magic into more mundane tasks such as working out or in his music instead of focusing solely on spells or rituals.

One evening you met Hyunjin and Felix. The two had faces that could not be easily forgotten, their high cheekbones and sharp eyes reminiscent of pixies. Having come from the same village growing up, the two knew each other very well. Hyunjin explained that while his magic was mostly utilised in divination, he would also consider himself a hedge witch much like Felix was.

As you spoke to the two, the feeling of something curling around your ankle startled you. Taking a few steps back, you looked down to meet wide black pupils and a mass of orange fur “Soonie!” Felix called out, crouching down to stroke at the cat's head. As he stroked the feline, two more cats came strolling past. You couldn’t help but wonder whose they were and where they had been the past few days; given that you hadn’t left the house at all, it was surprising you hadn’t seen them at all.

“That’s Soonie, Doongie and Dori,” Hyunjin explained, coming to stand at your side, “They’re all Minho’s but only Doongie and Dori are pets. Soonie is his familiar.”

Soonie turned away from Felix as you crouched down, padding over and sniffing at your stretched-out hand with curiosity. After a couple of seconds, the cat nuzzled its head into your hand, letting out loud purrs that rumbled through the living room. However, the moment of peace was short-lived as someone came barreling into the room, tripping on the rug and falling face-first to the ground with a loud groan causing the three felines to scatter in different directions “Oh stars! Are you okay?” You gasped out, a mortified look washing over your features.

The figure on the floor simply responded with a thumbs up in your general direction before letting his hand hit the floor limply “I think I’m just gonna lay here and die now, thanks.” They groaned out into the rug, voice muffled by the fibres.

“Please don’t. No one wants to clean up your dead body today.” Hyunjin deadpanned with crossed arms.

“That’s Jisungie. He’s our healer.” Felix explained, meeting your eyes with a grin. You could swear that his freckles sparkled under the sunlight for a split second “He’s been away on a trip that’s why you haven’t met him yet.”

“Trust me, with how loud he is, you’ll never not know where he is at any given moment,” Hyunjin spoke up, you could see his eyes roll from where he now sat on the sofa.

“Han Jisung, if you do not pick yourself up from that floor right now. So help me, gods, I will come in there!” An all too familiar tingle ran up your arms and down your spine at the yelling of Minho. Even though he had referenced multiple gods, he only ever honoured you in his practice; the link that this had created over time made you all too aware of whenever he called upon a god.

“We don’t need any more god's help if we already have one with us though.” A new voice chirped from the doorway. Looking up, you saw that it was Jeongin. You had met him the same day that you had asked to get to know Minho better. Granted, it wasn't a normal introduction, especially when a fox suddenly jumps up in your lap and then jumps back down with a squeak after finally looking up at who he had jumped on. That’s how you learnt that Jeongin was not a witch but instead a shifter, welcomed into the coven just as equally as the rest were despite not being of the same magical affinity.

Just over Jeongins shoulder, you could make out the face of the last member of the coven, Seungmin. Despite most witches his age having come to find their speciality, he had not. His magic was abundant, to the point anyone could feel it radiating off his body in waves, but it seemed to never get used outside of helping his fellow coven members with simple spells and rituals. Despite his neutral face whenever asked about his magic speciality, it was easy to tell that it was becoming harder and harder to talk about; the frustration mixing into his aura daily slowly beginning to unsettle your brain. This had already planted seeds of ideas into your brain, all you needed to do was find a way to initiate the plan that began to formulate “Seungmin,” Your words silencing the hubbub of the room, “Can I talk to you? Alone possibly?”

“Me?” Seungmins' features scrunched as he pointed to himself. You nodded in response and headed in the direction of the kitchen,

Seungmin almost tripping over his feet as he hurried to follow. Seungmin couldn’t help the way his hands gripped together and twisted in anxiety as he stood in front of you; the silence in the room was thick and suffocating “Seungmin, it is to my understanding that you don’t have a particular path of magic that you follow, right?” You began, watching as the other's head dipped in what seemed like shame, “There’s nothing wrong with not knowing your path at this age. I’ve known many followers of mine to only discover their path later in life. Most come to their powers naturally but I can feel the distress that this situation causes you. I want to help you.”

The young witch's head shot up in shock, his hands stilling their anxious actions “Help me?” His voice was quiet.

“Yes. Your magical energy is abundant and waiting to find its release and I’m hoping that, with my own powers and influence, I can help you.” You hummed in response, hand coming up with a delicate twirl. Seungmin watched in awe as white mist formed around it before shooting off around the room then dashing up to hit the ceiling; his jaw-dropping further as a starry scene took over the top of the room, the temperature dropping slightly.

“I- I don-” He started.

“Absolutely not.” A voice cut in from the doorway. You watched with a neutral expression as Minho stormed past his coven mate and into your personal space, anger flaring behind his eyes “You of all people should know that a witch's path is their own to find!”

“Minho, do you not understand the distress this causes Seungmin?” You quizzed, watching as the youngers head dipped again to avoid Minho's gaze, “I only want to help him, I’m not here to interfere with the path that he begins on.”

Minho could only let out a low sigh, he hadn’t realised that Seungmin would feel so upset about not having a path. He prided himself on being able to take care of all of his coven members but he had failed to miss this one small detail. How? “Fine,” He eventually murmured, “But I have to be there for anything you try. I don’t want him to go through this alone.”

The next day came the first attempt at trying to find Seungmin's path. You, Seungmin, Minho and Felix had gone out earlier in the day to collect some herbs and other medicinal plants, planning to create various concoctions and baked goods with what had been harvested; it was certainly interesting to watch the way Felix interacted with the nature that surrounded the covens home. The witch would take his time harvesting, leaving offerings and thanks after asking the earth permission to harvest its abundant goods. The forest seemed to sway with gentle winds and life as he laughed at a joke that Seungmin made, the rays that escaped through the canopy making the hedge witch's skin glow. With the way he interacted with nature and it responded, you could tell that mother nature favoured him and offered him her support wherever he went.

Eventually, as the sun began to burn in the afternoon hours, the kitchen filled with life. The counters were covered with various herbs and the smell of yeast began to fill the air as Felix and Seungmin focused on making dough, the two taking turns kneading when the other got tired “Hmmmm, I think it needs more flour?” Seungmin pondered, lifting his dough-clad hands from the bowl.

Felix looked into the bowl and then to Seugmins hands and let out a small huffed laugh “I think so too” He grinned, “Hey, Min? Could you grab the flour? My hands are kinda sticky so I don’t wanna get it all over the cupboard”

Minho ventured in the direction of the cupboard he knew was Felixes, rummaging through the plentiful ingredients as he tried to find the sack of flour “Felix, how many ingredients do you need in one cupboard?” Minho grunted out, his voice lilted with a teasing tone.

“Hey! You can never-” Felix cut himself off with a yelp, “Seungmin!” Minho closed the cupboard door and turned to find the two younger witches wrestling each other, Felixs’ cheeks covered in sticky dough and Seungmin grinning like a fool as he tried to get more over his coven mate's face.

“You two are unbelievable,” Minho sighed, placing the flour on the kitchen island in front of the two bickering males, “This bread will never be made if you keep it like this.” This caused the two to split with shy grins on their faces, though Seungmins held a more gloating look as he preened at his win. Minho's eyes flitted to your form, your shoulders shook gently as you tried to hide your laughter behind your hands.

“Come here Felix, let’s clean you up.” Your voice was warm as you made your way towards him with a cloth in hand. Minho watched as you wiped at the youngers cheek with a gentle touch, his eyes softening when he saw the gentle gaze your eyes held “There, all clean!” You grinned, ruffling at Felixs’ hair. Minho didn’t miss the way that Felix's head tilted into your touch, his heart warming at the sight of the interaction.

“Uhm… Moon?” Seungmin said, “You have flour on your nose.” Your face contorted in surprise, nose scrunching and wiggling as if you were trying to get it off. Felix and Seungmin couldn’t help the boisterous laughter that left them as they watched you go cross-eyed trying to look at the offending flour. Minho let out a soft huff before making his way around the island and towards you, thumbing the flour off your nose when you turned to him.

“There, it's gone,” Minho said, grinning at the surprise in your eyes, “Now, can we get back to the bread? We’re supposed to be helping Seungmin see if he’s a hedge witch you know?”

“Oh yeah! The flour, could you pass it over here, Moon?” Felix asked, grin never leaving his cheeks as he watched you move the flour across the counter. The baking continued with a warm hum, the kitchen buzzing with Felix’s magic; soon enough, the bread made its way into the oven and the kitchen was in the process of being cleaned.

“Hey, Moon?” Felix called out across the room

“Hm? Yes?”

��Do you have a name? It feels weird to just call you moon even though you are the moon, you know?”

“I haven’t had a name in a while��” You pondered in response, “How about you pick one for me?” Felix let out a noise at this, muttering to himself as he thought through all of the options his brain could create.

The room sat in silence for what felt like hours before someone spoke up “What about Y/n?” Minho’s voice was small as if he didn’t want to be heard.

You paused, eyes studying the moon witches form with a tender look “Y/n…” You tested, “I like it. Thank you, Minho.”

When the first attempt at finding Seungmins path came up fruitless, you moved to Hyunjin. Divination was a common aspect of many witches' paths but some, like Hyunjin, excelled in it. That's how you found yourself in a small room that was tucked away in the back of the coven's home; the room had no windows and relied on candlelight to light the space. The hardwood floor was covered with various rugs, cushions and blankets. In the centre of the room was a round low table, atop it sat a teapot and four cups with loose-leaf tea in them. “You know, when you said we’d be reading tea today, I imagined it would be Seungmin only.” Minho huffed as he took a seat next to the table.

“Just because my tarot cards told you the truth that you didn’t want to hear that one time, doesn’t mean you can be grumpy every time it comes to divination,” Hyunjin quipped while rolling his eyes “Besides, I think it will be fun to see what happens since it's been a while since I’ve done this with any of the coven.”

“I think this will be rather interesting.” You spoke up watching as Seungmin nodded in agreement.

Hyunjin grinned “You’re outnumbered Mr.grumpy gills. Now, let's read!” Hyunjin took his time explaining the steps that would occur as he poured out the hot water into the cups, taking his time to pour with intention. The four of you conversed as the tea steeped, Hyunjin eagerly recalling the story of Minhos tarot reading when you asked about it. Soon enough, the tea had steeped long enough and Hyunjin explained the steps once more, making sure to watch over the other two witches and make sure that everything was done correctly. Once the teacups had been flipped back over, Hyunjin peered into each of the cups, murmuring softly to himself but his face never budging from a neutral expression “Okay, Seungminnie we’ll start with you,” Hyunjin spoke up, clasping his hands together gently,

“What symbols can you see in your cup?”

The younger witches brow furrowed as he glanced into his cup, squinting at the leaves “I mean, not much?” His lips pursed in a thin line, “This one at the bottom kinda looks like a star? But other than that, none of this makes sense to me. I can’t even feel a stir in my magic right now”

Hyunjin hummed in response “That’s alright, divination may not be your path but the leaves still tell me a lot,” Hyunjin grabbed the youngers up and began explaining what he saw “You were right about the star at the bottom and at the top here you can see an axe. Things are looking good for you, Seungie”

“That’s amazing,” A smile took over your face, your voice calling attention to you, “You really are an amazing witch Hyunjin. Do you think you can see anything in my cup?” Hyunjin grinned at your praise, pink dusting his cheeks as he reached over and took your cup. The room was silent for a moment, breaths held as you all watched his brow furrow and how his eyes darted around the ceramic “Is everything alright?”

Hyunjins head snapped up as if he had been pulled from a trance “Y-yeah! Everythings fine, it’s perfect even,” he stuttered, “Your leaves are all at the top of the cup, which confused me a little but there’s nothing bad at least” You could feel the soar in the witches magic, a grimace taking place on your face for a fleeting moment before you smiled once more.

“I’m glad to hear that” You spoke softly, taking the cup out of Hyunjins shaking hands. Hyunjin could feel the warm pulse of your magic flow from his hands and wash over his shoulders, you had to know what was in that cup, there’s no way you didn’t. The witches eyes locked with yours, a small pleading look behind his own eyes as he glanced over at Minho and Seungmin and then back to you; your own eyes held a gentle sorrow as you subtly shook your head at him. He let out a soft sigh as he pulled his hands back, now reaching for the moon witches cup.

“Before you start, I don’t want to know what anything in that cup means” Minho grumbled, his eyes darting to your form, not missing the interaction that you had just had with Hyunjin, “Just read it and tell me what you see.” It wasn’t that Minho didn’t want to know, in fact, he already knew what his cup meant; he’d rather not acknowledge the truth that the leaves held for him.

“Well, I can see a few things.” Hyunjin started, “A broken wheel, an umbrella, rain and a question mark to name a few. Jeez…”

“Maybe it’s best if we stop?” Seungmin cut in, voice strained, feeling the rising tension in the room.

Murmur's agreement filled the room “There’s still some bread and other bakes from the other day, maybe we should have some?” You suggested, “Help take our minds off of things for now”

“This already feels like a terrible idea” Seungmins tone was nervous as he stood in front of the lit bonfire, “If I was an elemental witch, surely I would have figured that out by now?”

“Don’t be silly, Seungmin” Chan grinned as he shook his hand to put out the fire that lit the tips of his fingers, “I didn’t figure it out till I was twenty so there’s nothing out of the ordinary about it.”

“Still. I don’t think trying to control literal fire is the best way to go about this!” the younger witch exclaimed, emphasizing the words ‘literal fire’, “Maybe water would be easier to start with? or maybe even earth?”

Chan looked as if he was sulking “You and I both know that’s a terrible idea when I’m around”

“If worse come to worse, we can always seek out elemental witches outside of the coven” Your voice piped up from next to the bonfire,

“Being an elemental witch is another one that takes time due to how many elements there are”

“Hey! This’ll work, I know it!” Chan pouted.

“It’s best not to get Seungmins hopes up Chan,” Minho hissed in the elemental witches ear, “We spoke about this.”

Chan muttered a small apology before going back to the bonfire, the flames leaning towards him as if they were trying to hug the elemental witch. His hands waved over the fire, the flames turning a darker red instantly “The cooler flames are easier to control if it's your first time,” Chan began explaining, “You have to connect with it, feel the bond between the flame and your own inner flame. The fire will be attracted to your magic, let it get a sense of you first before trying to control it.”

You could see the hesitance on Seungmins face, his hands wringing together with anxiety; a habit he couldn’t seem to kick “Maybe, we should have started with a smaller flame?” You suggested, unsure of how this situation would turn out, “A bonfire is rather… much.”

“You don’t have to do this today, Seungmin,” Minho added, his voice softened by the tension.

“N-No, it’s fine! I got this” Seungmins tone was shaky at best, “It’ll be fine!”

It wasn't fine.

The moment that Seungmin had felt the flames' warmth under his hand, the flame spat ashes and embers at him; the young witch recoiling and falling to the ground with a rapidly approaching flame headed towards him. All he could do was watch in horror as he scrambled backwards.

“Chan do something!” Minho yelled out, panic racking through his bones as he ran towards Seungmin, “Fucking do something, you dunce!”

“I’m trying!” Chan grunted back, eyes aflame, “It’s outside of the boundary I set for it. It has to be extinguished!”

“What do you think I’m trying to do, Christopher?” Minho hissed, trying to snub out the flame with his foot.

Having heard and then seen the chaos that was occurring outside, it was no surprise when Felix came running over with a bucket of water; quickly extinguishing the flame, breath heaving from how fast he had run over “Are you guys alright?”

No one responded, the air thick and reeking of tension. Your heart was racing from anxiety and shame, you could have done something and didn’t “I think-”

“This is all your fault!” Minho cut in, having appeared in front of you, “I should have never let you do this to Seungmin. He could have died!”

“Minho, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He seethed, pushing you back with force, “I could have lost a coven mate and for what? Yet another failed attempt at finding his path?”

“Min-”

“Don’t! You of all people should know better than this! To think I was letting you in and-”

“Stop it! Just stop!” Seungmin cried out, now standing on trembling legs, “I get it- I’m the one failure in this coven because I don’t have a path!” Everyone stilled, no one moving even an inch. You watched as the young witch hugged and curled in on himself; shaking shoulders warning you of the impending tears.

“Seungmin…” You breathed out, taking a small step towards him only to be met with an arm. Minho blocking your way.

“Don’t even think about going near him” He gritted out, “You’ve done enough damage already.”

“Minho can you not see-” your words fell on deaf ears.

“Just be quiet! Both of you!” Seungmins hands were now covering his ears in an attempt to block out all of the yelling, “I swear on the moon if you two don't shut up, I’ll make you!” Everything seemed to slow at that moment; from Seungmins outburst of yelling and power to the cold feeling of magic that hit you square in the back after shifting places with Minho. Seungmin was once again on the floor, curled in on himself with black swirling masses surrounding him in a protective circle.

Minho couldn’t help the way that his jaw dropped open “W-What?” He stammered out, not attempting to move your hand that now lay on his shoulder, “Seungmin?”

You looked at the moon witch then at the younger witch on the floor and sighed “So it seems he does have a path after all” You grimaced, a shudder filling your body.

“What is it?” Minho asked, his voice now meek and shaken.

“That, starlight, is black matter-” making your way over to the black voids and holding a hand out to it “-It seems that your dear Seungmin is a cosmic witch.”

“Is it dangerous?”

“When handled correctly, it’s not” You let out a shaky laugh, “This explains why his magical energy was so abundant. In order for it to leave, he needs to calm down and settle his energy.”

The moon witch shook his head, trying to break the haze of shock that glazed over his brain “How do we do that?” His hands wringing together. Huh. So that’s where Seungmin got it from.

You pulled your hand back from the black matter, noticing the faint translucent greying at the tips of your fingers that was moving to creep up your hands. Looking down, you were greeted with a similar sight licking at your ankles “Well, it seems he got most of the energy out when he shot out his magic at us to protect himself. So, it shouldn’t be hard to do” You gave Minho a tight-lipped smile, watching as his eyes widened as they fell to look at your rapidly disappearing hand.

“W-Wait. What’s happening? What do you mean he shot at us? What’s wrong with your hand?” Minho's questions came at you rapid fire, your lack of answers doing nothing to quell his anxieties.

“Looks like I have to leave a little early, starlight” Your words were soft, so soft but swimming with sorrow.

“Leave? What- No!” The moon witch exclaimed, grimacing at the way his hands shook and the lump in his throat refused to go away “You can’t! I’ve only just-” He sucked in a breath of air “-Just started to know you. To care for you. To love you! You can’t…”

“Oh, starlight…” Your voice was soft, threatening to shake with tears

“You have to stay, please!” Tears started to flow down the moon witches face with no sign of stopping any time soon, “Please, please, please just stay…”

“Don’t worry, my dear starlight. I’ll tell the stars all about you. ”

A stuttered breath fell from Minho's tear-wet lips “You can’t go, not now. It’s not fair!” His hands grasping at the front of your shirt, the wrinkles deep with hidden pain.

“Life is not always fair.” your voice was soft. Minho let out another soft sob as he met eyes with your glistening ones, leaning his head into your faint hands as they came to cup at his cheeks. He could feel the way you wiped at his never-ending tears, your touch as gentle as the comforting words you murmured out; not that Minho could hear them, his head full of white noise and a dull thudding from trying to catch his breath.

Suddenly, he pushed forwards into your arms, head coming to the crook of your neck and arms now around your torso. Your hands stilled in the air for a moment before coming to wrap around the witch, one hand rubbing at his back and the other resting on his head. Even though they weren’t visible, you could still feel Minho's shuddering back. Looking up at the star-clad sky, you couldn’t help but sigh “It’s time for me to go, dear starlight”

“Please… No…” Minho's voice was weak now, all of his pent-up energy gone, spent on tears.

“I don’t have long my starlight, so let me say this” You breathed out, your own eyes shimmering when the moon witch lifted his head to look at you, “You’ve always been more than just a follower to me and being here has only developed my feelings towards you more. While I admit, I originally wanted them to stay solely platonic. I think we’ve both found ourselves a little deeper than we thought we would end up. Fate played her hand for us-”

“If fate was involved she’d let you stay!” Minho sobbed out, a fresh stream of tears cascading down his cheeks.

“Fate works in so many ways, starlight.” You murmured out, “Just as it was fate that you summoned me. It’s fate that I have to return early”

“Please… Don’t go.” Minho was now whimpering, “You can’t. I’m your starlight. You said it yourself”

“Yes, you are. Just as I am yours and always will be”

“My moon” Minho tested, his voice a little less shaken. His hand coming to cup at your cheek.

“Your moon” You confirmed, tilting your head into his hand. The next few minutes flew by in seconds. One minute you could feel Minho's lips on your own and then the next they were gone.

Minho could only stare into the empty space in front of him, hands grasping to a form that was no longer there.

[decaffedthoughts]

Just Follow

pairing: Ryujin x gn!afab!reader

Word count: 4.1k

Smut

a/n: only lightly edited, sorry for any mistakes you see. for january clownracha prompt, self-indulgent. smut warnings under the cut. oh highly inspired by boys like you (iykyk) and title from snowy by itzy

@wooyussy

content: semi petplay, reader is primarily called kitten/kitty but also good boy and baby, ryujin is called mommy, reader’s gentalia called hole and cunt once each, cunnilingus (f rec), light aftercare, established relationship, excessive kissing (to satisfy my oral fixation), slight possessiveness

It wasn’t a bad day at work, it was just stressful. Although, when every day is somewhat stressful, the end of the week somehow becomes the worst and best day. Full of takeout and laying on the couch with Ryujin hours later, it has certainly become the best day of the week so far. 

“Hey, babe.” You say, looking up at her from where your head is resting on her shoulder. 

She hums, not looking away from the tv but letting you know she’s still listening.

“Can we, um, can I- fuck.”

She giggles a little at your hesitant stuttering, and you jab a finger into her ribs to make her yelp and move away to playfully glare at you.

“This is how you treat your lovely girlfriend? You don’t deserve all this.” She gestures to her entire body dramatically.

Even though it is somewhat joking, you can’t help but stare. Listen, what else are you going to do when dating Shin Ryujin? 

“I know, baby. My pretty, pretty girl.” You simper, laying your head back on her shoulder. 

You can’t see it, but from many months of research, you know she is going to be silent for a few moments as a blush creeps over her ears and neck. Adorable.

“Alright, you sap. What were asking before?” She bites back, but as always you know it’s just a front. 

“Ah, right. Can we do, uh, mommy and kitty time later?” It’s so humiliating to ask, but someone has drilled communication into you at this point. How rude. 

Ryujin coos over you. One of her hands comes up to lightly scratch at your scalp, and one rests on your thigh. It’s almost an automatic reaction at this point to soothe the embarrassment she knows you had over asking this so directly from her. 

“I could never deny you this, not when you ask so sweetly either. One more episode? It’s the end of this arc, and I don’t wanna miss it.” 

Anime girlfriends, always roping you into binging the next arc with her. Though can you really complain when you like it just as much? 

25 minutes later, and you feel even more relaxed with the way Ryujin has absentmindedly had her hands all over you. The one on your inner thigh was the most distracting and caused you to lose an entire minute of dialogue. You can only hope it isn’t important, but by this point you don’t care. As soon as the screen fades to black and Ryujin stops humming along you clamber into her lap. 

“Your hands were driving me up the wall, Jin. Did you even notice you were doing it?”

She smirks, and that is how you know the hand rubbing all over your inner thigh was on purpose. An absolute vixen of a woman, so unfair.

“But that’s not what you call me, now is it, kitten? Address me properly first, and then we can move.” 

Her hand returns to it’s previous spot on your leg, and it’s awful how quickly that touch scrambles your brain. 

“I’m sorry, mommy.”

Her thumb trails even further up, and lightly moves the pants you’re almost soaking through to. You know she already knows that, the touch is just a reminder of her power over you. 

“Good boy. Kiss or go?” 

It’s always the most terrible choice she asks you to make. Both options are so tantalizing, and you just wish you can do both at once. 

“Kiss.” 

She rewards you with a quick and mumbled, “good boy”, before leaning up. 

If you are to set the pace, it will be hot and messy from the first touch. Instead, you are subject to the whims of your much more patient girlfriend. Unless you want to get punished, but tonight is not the night for that. 

Her hands burn from where she drags them up from your thighs to your waist. In the process, she pushes up the shirt you’re wearing just enough for you to notice but not enough to actually gratify you much. In contrast, your hands land on her tits and you knead them to make sure you don’t go insane for now. 

The slide of your lips together is wet, and loud in the now silent room. Every movement of clothing is heard as well as felt, and every noise you make when you separate is unavoidable. It only gets worse when she bites your lip and you open your mouth for her. Your tongue lolls out for her to suck on and play with as she chooses, and Ryujin is never hesitant to take the opportunity. 

Your hands on her breasts get a little more controlled and pointed now, as you otherwise pant and try not to grind down on her too much. Ryujin voices no opposition to your hands, and you take that permission and run with it. 

With uncoordinated fingers, you push her tight shirt up as high as it goes, gasping a little when you get your hands on all that bare skin. Her bra is still on and highly problematic, which you can only blame yourself for since you gave her no time to change when she got back after you.  Those same uncoordinated fingers have enormous difficulty trying to reach back and get her bra off, and you only manage a few clumsy tries before she pulls away, giggling at you.

“Poor clumsy kitten. You wanna touch mommy’s tits so bad, don’t you? Let me help you, honey.”

It is embarrassing that you are so eager to touch her that you can’t even get your hands to work right but you shall repeat. What else are you gonna do when dating Shin Ryujin? 

“Kiss again or go, baby?” She asks again, and now the decision is even more difficult somehow.

“Just, just one more kiss, mommy.”

Realistically, you know it won’t be just one more kiss when you say it. But her slick, red lips and the way her neck is flushed is too irresistible. 

Within seconds it feels like she’s eating you alive, and all of your senses are consumed. It’s all you can do to focus on your hands touching her as well as you can, and not the way she bites your lip and slides her lips around your tongue. 

At some point you have to pull away, gasping. “Go, let’s go.”

Her face lights up with lust as she looks at you, and watches you ungracefully get to your feet. She’s not slow to follow behind you, of course not. As much as she can pretend it doesn’t affect her as much, she comes up and squeezes your ass in her hands and urges you forward, belying her own impatience. 

You let Ryujin lock the door behind her, and kneel on the bed, waiting for her to turn to you. The exact moment she does, you watch her eyes scan up and down your obedient figure. Honestly, you do the same, but mostly focus on the way you can see her chest rise and fall as she breathes. Are they just fat, muscle, and skin like everything else? Yes. Are tits beautiful? Also yes. 

“My pretty kitty. Pants and shirt.” She speaks, just loud enough for you to hear and flush under the possessive compliment. 

In your haste to follow the order, you very nearly tip off the bed still half wearing your pants. You always find your close calls embarrassing, but Ryujin, for some reason, finds them incredibly endearing. She’s said so herself multiple times to try and make you understand. 

Right now, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the way her expression looks likes she’s ready to eat you alive. It takes you a moment to follow her eyes, but then you realize she’s looking at the sizable wet spot that has developed on your underwear. 

“How cute. You got so wet just from some kissing and touching me? Such a sensitive, needy kitten you are. I love being able to rile you up like that.” 

“Only you, mommy. Only you can do it.” You’re not even being hyperbolic, nothing gets you turned on and able to get off like Ryujin does.

It’s gratifying the way she doesn’t speak and just lets her actions do the work. With only two steps she goes from the door to the bed and sits. She grabs two handfuls of your ass and pulls you towards her, making you yelp and then groan as she bites down on the sensitive skin of your neck. 

It’s going to leave a very visible mark and you know that’s exactly why she’s doing it. 

“Anything you want to request tonight, kitty? I’m sure you can tell I’m feeling extra giving.” 

Her hands on your waist and her lips on your neck are slowly removing your ability to speak. But you will not, cannot, miss the opportunity. 

“I wanna- shit, wanna make mommy feel good. Please.” You whimper, rhythmically kneading her chest again. 

“One request and you use it for me? What a sweet thing you are.” 

Thankfully, she doesn’t tease and make you wait like you thought she would. Instead, she shuffles back and disconnects from you, which you sure don’t whine at the loss of heat and contact, and shucks off her pants. You’ll never say it out loud, but you take pride in the wet spot on her underwear as well, another sign that she isn’t as unaffected as she attempts to seem. 

You place one hand softly on her calf, looking up at her through your eyelashes and waiting to see if she revokes permission. 

“You can touch, babe. You know what happens if you tease me on purpose.” Before you can take that approval and go, she stops you. “Repeat the light system for me first.”

You are still more than conscious enough to rattle off the system, and are pleased by the head scratches she gives in return. Without another word, you grab the waistband and pull off her underwear, watching as she somehow gracefully steps out even when half sitting. 

Ryujin spreads her legs wide and you lay between them, squishing her thighs between your fingers. With a deep breath in, you dive in, flattening your tongue against her clit and spreading her wetness over your fingers. You alternate slowly with licks and sucks on her clit, watching to see which gets the bigger and better reaction. Meanwhile, your fingers explore. With just one finger you dip into her hole, easily pushing in as you suck harshly. 

“Ah, you’re so ready to get your hands on me, kitten. Flattering how much you like my body.” 

You know she doesn’t expect a real response, not this time, so you hum and continue your gradual movements. It doesn’t take long before one finger isn’t enough, and you don’t even stop to think when she tells you to add another. Feeling how coated your fingers are when you pull them out makes you want to stop and suck on them, but that will have to wait. 

When she begins to moan is when you change your approach, and is just enough at the edge of teasing that she doesn’t count it. You’re prolonging this as long as you reasonably can. For just a moment you do have to give in and suck your dripping fingers into your mouth, and her taste fills your mouth. When you do, Ryujin watches you with dark eyes, evidently satisfied with your actions.

You lean back in, placing your thumb on her clit, and letting your tongue roam free to taste her even more. All you taste is her, all you see is her, all you smell is her, all you feel is her, all you hear is her. It’s more intense than you thought tonight would get, but if anything is effective at relieving stress, it’s this. That’s why no matter how embarrassing it gets, you continue to come back and ask. 

The sounds Ryujin lets slip are small and infrequent, for now, but so significant. Each one lights up your brain like a Christas tree and pushes you to do more, to want more. Even so, you ask. You have to ask. To hear her voice strain and hear her struggle to complete the sentence without moaning.

“Does it feel good mommy?” 

“Yes, kitten. You’re good with your mouth by now, you know that.” The way she clips off the sentence with a shaky exhale is all the motivation you need. 

So, you keep your mouth quiet other than clear sounds of enjoyment, of enjoying her. With each passing moment, the slick that enters your mouth increases in volume, and Ryujin’s sounds increase exponentially. This is why you asked, because sure you enjoy being pleasured. But being able to do this, kneel for her and please her, listen to her become unable to hold herself back, is simply a different kind of want. 

You know what makes her feel the best, so you switch back, tonguing at her clit, and easily pushing two fingers in. The instant clench around your fingers is all the sign you need. So close to her, the slick sounds coming from the contact between her pussy and your fingers is so hot. Knowing that you alone can make this happen is a dizzying power to hold. All you can do is move your fingers faster, pushing harder, and all you want is to make her cum. 

Of everything that will happen tonight, that will be the most gratifying part for you. To take your girlfriend apart under your mouth and hands, piece by piece. The look on her face will be divine. Sure, it lives in your imagination rent free, but seeing it is always better. 

Maybe, you can even convince her to go for a second round after. To lazily finger her shaking body to another orgasm as you cuddle and kiss her wherever you can. It’s not impossible, but you have no idea what she has in store for you after, so you may just knock yourself right out. 

The thought of her tearing you down to make you cum, and then putting you back together afterwards, makes you shiver. Oh, how you wish that having to talk doesn’t require you to pull away. You can feel the wetness dripping out of you, and you wish desperately to touch yourself. But Ryujin hasn’t said you can, damn it.

The vibrations from the noise of frustration is enough to break her final string of control, and she starts grinding on your face and hand in earnest. You let a third finger join in her hole, and the stretch is significant enough to be felt now, you know. 

The second hum you let out is of pure satisfaction, a purr if you want to be too on the nose about it. Watching Ryujin curl and uncurl her fingers in the sheets, needing to do something with her hands, and the way she gasps between moans trying to get enough air. It’s addicting. You’ll be the first to admit it. You could watch this same sight all day and never be tired. 

“Ah, oh shit, yeah right there. I’m gonna cum, kitty.”

Her thighs clamp around your head, and the pleasing pressure makes you squeak a little from happiness. The sound draws Ryujin’s attention to you for a moment, but you know you must look a sight between her legs and she falls back with a moan. The moment her orgasm begins is so clear, with a loud oh and her legs sealing over your ears entirely. 

Regardless, you hear her well enough, and the way she jerks her hips to use your face like a toy is electric. You refuse to let up while she rides it out, and only when she gasps out enough do you stop and pull away. The sound when you remove your fingers from her pussy is obscene and you instantly take all three in your mouth, cleaning them with your tongue. 

“Oh my god, baby. You’re so hot like that. Yeah, clean your fingers off, let mommy watch you be a good boy.”

Praise from Ryujin is always so good, since she’s slowly learned just where to hit the spot every time. When you’re done you hold out your hand for her to inspect, and she nods, gesturing for you to get up back onto her lap. 

“Mommy’s so pretty when she comes, love making you feel good.” 

The kiss she gives you is so sweet that it makes your toes curl and your fingers grip her waist. 

“Is it time to reward my good kitten?”

Well, you don’t want to seem too eager to get your brains fucked out, but you nod before you can even think about it. Ryujin laughs and you duck your head down, so she leaves a lingering kiss on your neck in apology. 

“So cute how excited you are. I shouldn’t keep such a good kitty waiting for long. Underwear off, and then lay down however you want.”

You watch her go around the room, but only for a moment before making your decision. Face in the pillow, ass up. Something about this position is different, feels different, you swear. 

You hear Ryujin approaching, and her hum of approval before she smacks your ass twice in quick succession. You pitch forward with a gasp, and she rubs her hands soothingly over the affected areas. 

“Good choice. I think you’ll need that pillow to not wake up our neighbours. Kitty always gets so loud when I fuck them.”

The embarrassment burns, but only because you know it’s true. Something about this specific dynamic always loosens your mouth, and a particularly good night like this was the first time you screamed when you came. A night you’ll never forget. The soreness and hickeys made you horny every time you felt them for nearly a week, so your nights were fully booked with desperation. 

“Ready?” She asks, and you nod, prepared to beg if you have to. 

The bed dips as she sits on her knees behind you, and you feel the tip pressing against you as she waits. Thankfully, she isn’t actually planning something evil on you and she begins to press in, her hands holding your hips steady. 

“You take this one so well, such a pretty hole stretching around it.” Fucking you gives Ryujin ample opportunity to speak, and those two combined is always terribly destructive for you. Each inch is a stretch, but you take it and sigh in relief when you feel Ryujin’s skin on yours. She leans over you and leaves a small trail of kisses down your back while you wait for your body to adjust. It doesn’t take long, since you’ve done this more times than you really want to think about.

“I’m ready. Please, fuck me good, mommy.” 

You know the grin that’s surely spread across Ryujin’s face in an instant when she hears you say that. This is the perfect chance for both of you to let out all your stress on each other, it all just works out so well. 

“Oh you know I will. You won’t know anything other than me by the time we’re done.”

The first few strokes are long and smooth, and each time you feel stretched and filled so well. As she continues, there’s a quieter sound underneath, and soon enough you realize it’s the squishing noises from how wet you are. Sure, you knew, but hearing how badly you want it is another world entirely. Initially, you assume Ryujin won’t notice, but you know that nothing can escape her.

“Can you hear how wet you are for me, baby? Such a pretty little cunt, just waiting for me.”

“Mommy, please. Can I- mm, yes. Can I touch myself, please?”

Ryujin lets her hands ghost around and over your stomach and then down your thighs. 

“Yeah. Make yourself feel good, go on.”

Your own two fingers, combined with Ryujin grinding her hips against your ass has you shivering and whining. Soon enough she picks up the pace even more than before, and you shove your face in the pillow to muffle any sounds that come out.

“Face out of the pillow for a second, babe. I wanna hear those pretty noises for a minute.” 

That requires you to spend a second processing her words and then just barely propping yourself up on your elbow so you can be stable. The urge to slap a hand over your mouth before you get too loud is strong, but instead you use it to fumble for one of Ryujin’s hands. She takes it without comment, and it only makes her thrust harder. 

Without a layer over your mouth, your sounds are so much higher and louder, but if you try to speak you just stumble and interrupt yourself. The weight of Ryujin’s hand in yours is more grounding than anything else, and you squeeze it with every thrust and with every noise that punches out of your chest. 

Your other hand is moving erratically, pausing and hardly being able to make the movements you need. You let out a disappointed whine, and Ryujin notices, prompting you to try and speak.

“Can’t do it. Oh, Ohh! I can’t do it, brain too messy.” It’s the only way you can describe it, since most of your brain currently seems to be absent or occupied.

“Oh my poor kitten. You can lay back down now. Let mommy do the work for you, it’s ok.” 

It’s all you can do to gasp out thanks to her, before you let yourself fall back down. But as soon as her hand is between your legs, you know this is the better choice. She’s played with you enough times that she knows how you like it better than you do by now, and ruthlessly uses that to her advantage. You want to thank her, to tell her how good it is, but all that comes out is a wordless, noisy mess. That’s probably good enough, at least for now.

You can feel your pleasure rising, your hips twitching and trying to move back and get more, more, more. As soon as Ryujin opens her mouth again you know you’re a goner. But between her hand and her hips it seems that’s on delay. Until it isn't, until you start begging.

It’s just a constant stream of pleas, hardly even knowing what you’re really begging for.

“Such a pretty kitten, you’re so damn perfect for me. God, and hearing you beg is just so sexy. Knowing that I make you feel this good, that you’ll let me do whatever I want. I could listen to you all day, you just sound so good, I love fucking you. Be as loud as you want, I wanna hear you when you cum, baby.” 

Your orgasm hits and immediately your legs start shaking, trembling under the weight that your brain can no longer handle. As you collapse, Ryujin inevitably slows a little, but she regains herself soon enough, and your legs twitch with every movement from her fingers. If your brain was messy before, it’s now like a tornado has gone through you. Thoughts come through but they’re messy, disjointed, out of place. 

You lay there a bit longer to gather yourself, your legs still trembling slightly and your brain only mildly unfogging as a minute and then two go by. Ryujin hardly moves, only able to pull the strap off, mostly because you cling to her with all the remaining strength in your body. Which isn’t a lot but she’s still in the mood for indulging you. 

Everything good has to end at some point, but at least for you it ends with a butt pat from Ryujin. 

“Up we go baby doll, shower time.” 

“No, I don’t wanna.” You pout, and your tone is far more childish than you intend it to be.

Honestly, though, why shower when you can lay here comfortable and warm in your girlfriend’s arms? However, said girlfriend is not content to do so, which is just a tragedy. So, with initially shaky knees, you make it to the shower. The second round you’ve been dreaming of before almost came true right then and there, but a mutual agreement comes that this is not the best place. Speaking from experience of course. You’re allowed to be degenerates wherever you want in your own apartment.

It’s even better than you expect, too. Ryujin wastes no time with her hands roaming your still wet body, simply letting her hand fit between your legs. You follow suit, and the way her sounds vibrate through you is pure indulgence. 

[hwatermelonsuga]

Fool's Gold: ix. Desire

° Series Masterlist

° genre: pirate au, pirateez

° word count: 2.03k

° warnings: language, toxic relationship again (are we surprised no), alcohol, embarrassment

° pairing: seongjoong

° summary: Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, join Hongjoong and his crew on a quest to find Captain Avery’s hidden treasure as they come across traitors, lies, and a tyrant for a king.

“So you’re telling me Jones tricked everyone to join the crew?”

“Well that was obvious, Bull.”

“I’m just ‘a clarifyin’.”

The two pirates looked at each other.

“What does that even mean Bull?”

Bull shrugged and took a swig of his drink. The other pirate shook his head and turned his attention back to Jongho. The circle of crewmates were all anxious to hear the next story. They kept suggesting other members, some (probably newer ones) even suggested to hear Jongho’s story even though that was done already. To Jongho it just sounded like gibberish. He tried to calm the crowd down but they just kept going.

“Alright, alright! One at a time.”

Some of them settled down at that, scared of the deceivingly strong kid.

“I wanna hear about Yeosang’s story. I still wanna know what happened to his eye.”

“I told you he got burned.”

“AND I TOLD YOU HE DIDN’T!”

“Well what else could it be, huh?”

Jongho interrupted the argument. “Well, what actually happened-”

He was interrupted by other crew mates who announced that they’ve hit land. They were making a pit stop at the closest town before finishing their voyage to the island that possibly held the hidden treasure they were looking for. The members around Jongho groaned as they wanted to hear the rest. Jongho smirked at their disappointment and acknowledgement of the fact that he wasn’t going to tell them the story of Yeosang and his mark. They needed answers but they were never gonna get them. The men dropped the sails and anchor, making sure that the ship wouldn’t go into sea and leaving them there with no way out.

While everyone bustled around, a member went up to Hongjoong with the only two prisoners that survived the trip and the torturous interrogation.

“What should we do about them?” Hongjoong thought about it. He’s gotten what he needed from them and he’s sure that they wouldn’t come after them. Hopefully not since they are fingerless.

“Eh, do whatever.”

With that, the pirate went about his business, dragging the two off the ship. Hongjoong looked out to spot Seonghwa, but couldn’t find him.

Should he just give up? Maybe he’s meant to be a sad and alone captain, just like all the others. Just like Jones.

Ew, he didn’t want to be like Jones.

No one wants to be like Jones.

Maybe karma came and bit him in the ass? Sure, Hongjoong likes biters, but not like this. Maybe he should repent? Hongjoong laughed at that thought. There is not one religious bone in his body, and even then, he’s not the bad guy. There’s worse out there. He knows he won’t be the first person the devil would drag to hell (even if that’s what all the priests and kings say- filthy liars).

“Captain,” someone shouted, snapping him out of his thoughts. He turned to see San with Mingi and Wooyoung.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re headed to see Yeonjun, wanna come with?”

Hongjoong thought about it for a moment, should he? He thought why not, they had been at sea for too long and he needed something that wasn’t rum and pickled everything. The group went to the closest tavern where Yeonjun was waiting for them. Entering the establishment, there weren’t many people sitting down, a lad here or there. They easily found him at a table and headed over.

“Glad you guys got here in one piece,” Yeonjun started. “Everybody hasn’t come yet but they’ll be here in a bit. They got stuck at the market.”

The guys made small talk, San and Wooyoung talking about the voyage and Yeonhjun telling the story of how Beomgyu almost lost a leg to a pregnant lady. Hongjoong zoned out for the whole thing. He enjoyed being with friends, but right now he wasn’t really in the mood. The stress from people being after him, Seonghwa ignoring him, and just being a captain in general was getting to him. At this moment, he wasn’t present, just an empty vessel going through the motions of mundane life. Well as mundane as his life can be. The others noticed it a bit but didn’t say anything. They figured that he was just exhausted from the trip, so they didn’t bother with including him in every conversation.

The time went by when the place gained more customers. It wasn’t exactly crowded but there was a good amount of people there, enough to make Hongjoong feel like he was suffocating. This feeling confused him. It was something that he’s never felt before, the feeling of not being able to breathe. Something heavy in his chest, like a weight right on top of him that won’t let him escape. It could be the air in the room or the humidity, but he didn’t think those were the causes. He reached for his drink, hoping it would help. San looked over and was even more worried. Maybe it wasn’t exhaustion. He didn’t know what to do, he’s never seen Hongjoong in this state before. Matter of fact, he’s never seen anyone close to him in this state. He left it alone though, not wanting to make it worse. He knew Hongjoong would freak out if any one of them talked about it. He’s supposed to be put together, a strong and fearless captain. He shouldn’t be led by emotions, except for greed and anger.

“Hey is that Seonghwa?”

Hongjoong looked up when he heard that. Seonghwa? Where is he?

He turned around to see the man walking in with a group. Some of them were their crew and others he didn’t really recognize. He looked away to not make eye contact, even though they were way in the back.

This night couldn't get worse.

“Maybe we should invite him over,” Yeonjun asked.

“Nah, it’s fine. Looks like he’s with Ten away,” Mingi spoke up.

He froze up at that. Hongjoong couldn’t get mad, but he was a bit heated at that. Of all people Seonghwa decides to hang with, Ten? His ex? Or at least that’s what Hongjoong thinks they are. Seonghwa never really talked about his past with Ten, so he just assumed that they were together and broke up. Did he have any evidence for this? No, but who cares. Seonghwa never gave him details, so Hongjoong was gonna make up whatever.

He slightly turned his head to see where the two were but couldn’t spot them. He didn’t want to fully turn or the others would say something. How can he do this discreetly?

Should I just pretend I dropped something? No, maybe I should just go to the bar and order a drink. That could work… but I still have half a glass here. I can chug it, but that would-

“Cap, just go over there.” Hongjoong snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Mingi’s voice. He turned over to him.

“Huh?”

“Go over there. I know you want to talk to him, and since we’re in public he has to talk to you.”

Hongjoong wasn’t so sure about that. He was afraid that Seonghwa would just make an excuse to leave or something. Then again, he didn’t have any other option right now. He tried talking to him when they were at sea but all Seonghwa would do is make himself busy or threaten to push Hongjoong off the ship (and Hongjoong was sure he would actually do it). Maybe Mingi was right. Maybe with the amount of people here who know their reputation, Seonghwa will actually talk to him or at least hear him out. He can’t make Hongjoong look bad in front of everyone. He’s supposed to be the new big, bad captain who is still loved by his crew.

With a pat on the back from Mingi, Hongjoong got up to the bar and ordered another drink. Standing there, he glanced over to Seonghwa and Ten. They were getting a bit too close in his opinion. Ten was laughing and grabbing Seonghwa's bicep while the latter just smiled at the tiny man (Hongjoong really shouldn’t say anything about Ten’s shortness since they are around the same height, but he didn’t care). He didn’t get what was so funny but he had to put a stop to this. Who the hell does Ten think he is? No one’s replacing Hongjoong. Not today, not ever!

The lady at the bar gave Hongjoong his drink and he gulped it down. He gripped the handle of his knife on his side and walked over to the two men.

Seonghwa looked up for a moment to see Hongjoong walking over to them. He kept a sigh in and paid attention to Ten. Is he really about to make a scene? He really hopes he doesn’t.

Hongjoong walked up to the two and sat right next to Seonghwa, surrounding him by his past and present. Ten was a bit confused but didn’t comment on the captain invading their space. Maybe Seonghwa knew him? Or maybe he’s about to flirt with the man?

“Funny seeing you here Hwa.”

“Is it though? Literally every pirate comes here to drink.” The comment made Hongjoong pause, but that wasn’t gonna deter him from his mission… whatever that mission is.

“You make a good point. Anyway, uh… who’s your friend?”

Ten rose a brow. ‘If anything, I should be the one asking you that,’ he thought. Seonghwa rolled his eyes. He knew Hongjoong knew who Ten was. He could see through the captain and could easily recognize the jealousy in his eyes, his demeanor. They knew each other long enough for Seonghwa to spot it. In fact, they spent way too much time together for him not to. Did he want to play into his games? Maybe before, but right now he’s still a bit angry at Hongjoong.

“Cut the bullshit Joong.”

“What?”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes at him again. “Just.. go home. You’re drunk.”

“No I’m not.”

The two were about to start a staring contest when Ten spoke up. “Uh, maybe I should leave-”

“Yeah, you do that.” “No, don’t go.” The two spoke at the same time. Seonghwa sighed. Ten held back a grimace. He wasn’t really sure of what to do and it was getting awkward.

“Eh, no it’s fine. I have to leave anyway.”

With that, the man left, leaving a furious Seonghwa and confused but jealous Hongjoong. Seonghwa wanted to blow up at Hongjoong, but they were still in public. Sure he was mad at the man, but he didn’t want the still new captain to be embarrassed or lose his reputation. He knew he was probably going to regret this, but he grabbed the captain's bicep and dragged him outside, darkness surrounding them. He found a spot still close to the tavern where there was a torch lighting the space next to the building. Seonghwa turned to the other man and pushed him to where Hongjoong stumbled a bit.

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” Seonghwa yelled at him.

“Wha-”

“You’ve embarrassed me and then have the balls to act like you’re not doing this on purpose or whatever.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If anything, you did that on purpose.”

“DID WHAT?”

“Talking to your fucking ex right in my face!”

“I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE THERE!”

Hongjoong laughed. “ Yeah right, okay.”

“No, you don’t get to do this to me! You don’t get to make me look like the villain when you’ve been doing shit behind my back! Get over yourself Hongjoong and talk to me when you have some sense… and sober.”

Seonghwa turned his back and started to walk away. Hongjoong reached for the man, but got an elbow to his gut. He hunched over, trying to catch his breath. He looked up to see the man he still loved walk away.

“I fucked up.. again.”

After a minute, Hongjoong walked back to the place and sat next to the group.

“Well,” Mingi was waiting for an answer.

The captain was silent.

“Wanna go steal stuff?”

And with a nod from the captain, Mingi announced to the rest to follow the two.

feel like this isn't my best but it's out so

tag you’re it: @felixtok @sunnytaes @burningupp @honeyvocalhwang@bunnypig18 @wooyussy

[decaffedthoughts]

That Flower Was You

pairing: Son Dongju (Xion)/Kim Geonhak (Leedo)

word count: 8.2k

Equal fluff and angst, I'd say

summary: After an innocuous conversation with Hyunjin, Dongju begins to question what he likes to wear and what that means for who he is. What follows is a tumultuous period of internal self-discovery and change. At the same time, Dongju continues to deal with his feelings for Geonhak, and there are a lot of those. His roommates and friends are all very aware of all those feelings, much to his dismay.

a/n: Inspired by this fic on ao3 by gardenjins! Also crossposted on ao3. In the texting sections other characters will be bold and Dongju will be regular text. Fulfilling the clownracha quarterly prompt: new year, nugu

Dongju had plenty of friends his age at college. So many of them were so cool that he had to befriend at least some. Currently, his dearest of those was Hwang Hyunjin. Of course, Hyunjin had xyr own set of friends, and boyfriends and partners of all ages. Dongju was proud to say they had regular contact, so he wasn't surprised when he received a random picture with no other message attached.

He opened it, walking back from class one day, and was surprised to see Hyunjin in a pretty little skirt. Xe was clearly standing in a dressing room and was typing while Dongju stared.

do you think i should get it?

why me specifically

gc is 50/50 split, so you’re the chosen one

i totally think you should, it’s really pretty

that’s what i said! good financial choices mean nothing when i can have pretty clothes

And that was where the conversation ended for the day. For Hyunjin, at least. For Dongju, the skirt just never left his head. He had never seriously considered wearing a skirt before. In that photo, Hyunjin looked good, and Dongju wondered if he could pull it off like xem. Probably not exactly, because Hyunjin was somehow one of the prettiest people on campus, but in xyr own way.

So, the next day, he went back to their message thread.

hey hyunjin do you have other skirts too?

ooooooooh yes i do! good morning to me

Dongju breathed out a laugh, watching Hyunjn type, likely taking longer because xe was trying to type and take photos simultaneously. What followed was about an hour of Hyunjin going through their impressive skirts collection, some highlights from other closets, and a nice long tangent on Changbin's dresses. Dongju only sent a word occasionally commenting on a particularly nice item. Hyunjin always responded with "noted", but he didn't mind.

It culminated in Hyunjin finding xyr own only dress, to which xe assured Dongju xyr getting more soon. The picture immediately took Dongju's breath away. Hyunjin was wearing a gorgeous strawberry dress. Dongju was never interested in the dress while it was a tiktok trend, but suddenly, he understood why everyone else was. The original dress was a little expensive at $500, but Hyunjin found a silhouette they liked for a little less. More than Dongju would spend on a single clothing item in college, but that's what would happen when you had 2 rich boyfriends who loved to spoil you.

Dongju couldn’t stop staring that time, but it felt different in a way he couldn't explain. Hyunjin emphasized that clothing was just pieces of fabric and said little to nothing about your gender, but Dongju felt something different when he looked at Hyunjin spinning in a field in a dress. He both could and couldn't imagine himself doing it at the same time. It was an abstract feeling. Like he couldn’t because he hadn’t ever done it before, and it sort of felt like he wasn’t allowed to, for some reason. But he could, and he wanted to, to feel the freedom that Hyunjin embodied in that photo. 

All of that stayed inside for now until he could make a little more sense of it.

"Oh." Dongju breathed.

It felt better than anything he had ever worn, and he couldn't imagine anything else being even better. It felt so right. He spun, and the translucent layer hung long and brushed over his calves softly. Slowly, he looked up at the mirror he knew was there. It's hard because despite the pretty, flowing skirt, everything else about him is still distinctly masculine, or so he thinks. Maybe Hyunjin would say otherwise, but some things weren't meant to be spoken out loud yet. They'd just live in Dongju's head for now.

It was more apparent when it was on him that the gold pieces were meant to be little fireworks. It was pretty. Not a word Dongju thought he would ever be allowed to use to describe himself, but it felt good. He likes being pretty. Inside, his childhood self is clapping and watching with adoration. This could be the beginning of everything that child wanted.

Now, it was different. Because he'd thought that Seoho was pretty and Seoho was a man. He thinks Geonhak is pretty on a daily basis, and Geonhak is probably more secure in his masculinity than anyone else Dongju knew.

"Ju? You all good out there?" Hyunjin's voice came, muffled, through the door.

Dongju mentally curses, he forgot Hyunjin was here, how rude. But it's so easy to just keep staring at himself in the mirror and going over 50 arguments about why this is a good and a terrible decision.

"Yeah! You can come back now." Dongju said.   

Hyunjin flings open the door, only stopping it from slamming back against the stopper with the tips of xyr fingers. Dongju would be impressed with xyr reflexes if he wasn't otherwise occupied. And he certainly is, swaying back and forth and feeling it brush softly against his legs. A little bit ticklish but mostly pleasant.

Hyunjin squeals at both a pitch and volume too loud for what is meant to be happening in the dorm today, which is nothing. Dongju hurriedly shushes xem, and Hyunjin apologizes softly but kept xyr eyes on the skirt.

"It's like it was made just for you, Ju. Look at you." Hyunjin lifted xyr eyes to Dongju's face and practically melted at what xe saw.

Dongju was staring at himself in the mirror again, wholly entranced. "I look like myself. I feel like myself. This is incredible."

Hyunjin didn't have any words to answer with, xe just smiled at Dongju through the mirror, glad xe could bring this piece of joy to xyr friend.

"I'm gonna bring you so many pretty skirts. I don't think any of Changbin-hyung's dresses would fit you, though, sorry. His shoulders are stupid wide."

Dongju sighed, but he didn't expect much from that. And the idea of being small, smaller than Changbin is kind of nice. His group of friends was great for that because all but one were either the same height or taller than him. And what Hwanwoong lacked in height, he more than made up for in energy and feistiness.

They did this over and over again. Dongju suspects that not all skirts were recycled hand-me-downs but new gifts, but he didn’t say anything. It's not like he had a receipt or anything to prove it. Just a feeling. Either way, it's nice to be spoiled by someone else without asking. The last time he felt like that was when his parents would bring home the toys he wanted without asking. Or would the times that the others show up with food count? Either way, he felt spoiled in a way that he rarely did.

It happened so often that the others were not necessarily suspicious, just a bit confused. Hyunjin came in with a bag, stayed for an hour, and then left with nothing. No one knew what was in the bag or where they went because Dongju made them disappear.

Internally, he was becoming more confused by the day but said nothing to anyone. He'd noticed being out in public is a little more uncomfortable, and he didn't like people looking at him. Sure, he didn't really before, but it wasn't so visceral and uncomfortable then. There wasn't an apparent reason why in his head, so he just kept moving along and trying to avoid being around many people in public.

The other strange thing is the slight wrongness under his skin when someone calls him a man. At first, he just attributes it to not feeling like a proper adult despite being almost done with college. It lasts a few weeks until he googles it to see if anyone else felt like this and how they deal with it.

The results he got were... different. Reddit post after Reddit post, ranging from one reply to almost a hundred.

I don't feel like a man, but nothing else seems right. What do I do?

I feel uncomfortable when people call me a man or a boy, it feels wrong. Anyone else feel this way?

I have long hair, and someone behind me assumed I was a woman. Why did I like it so much?

Dongju had thought about growing his hair long once, and Hyunjin regularly oscillated between shoulder length and short hair. What if someone mistook him for a woman in public because of his hair? It didn't feel *wrong* per se, but that was probably just because it was a theoretical experience, and he wasn't actually experiencing it. If he was called a woman, he'd definitely be weirded out. Definitely.

The googling continued, and Dongju found other pieces he related to in some people's stories, so he kept looking. However, the more he looked, the more similar the results became.

Trans, egg, trans woman, trans femme, agender, non-binary

He'd heard some of the terms from Hyunjin, who also gracefully explained what they meant personally, but Dongju would never have connected them to his own experience. And he continued to be determined not to.

There was no moment in his childhood where he wanted to try on a dress or makeup or anything like that. Nobody teased him for being different like that. Mainly, they focused on him being nerdy or quiet or something. He never found himself wishing his body was different or that his puberty was wrong.

But... sitting in his room in the dark, Dongju let himself wonder for a little bit. What happened at 2am didn't count, so he ignored it until morning.

What would it be like if his voice hadn't dropped in middle school and stayed slightly higher? Or what if his body was smaller and rounder, rather than the muscle his roommates had encouraged him to build?

Dongju clicked his phone off and slapped it down, throwing both hands over his face as if to avoid looking at his thoughts. Surely, there was no way that he liked some of these thoughts? There was no way he would want a different body or a lighter voice or to be accepted in longer hair and skirts. No, this was just slight sleep deprivation and a sign he should stop staying up so late googling this nonsense. He silently resolved to get a better sleep schedule over the next few weeks, which would solve everything.

Getting more sleep was pretty good for him, but it didn't solve anything in thinking about what he'd be like as a woman. If anything, it was worse because it also started being in his dreams. Some were more like his current self and experimenting, but some looked completely different.

Dongju would wake up and lay in bed, turning the dreams over in his mind until he woke up more and realized what was happening, shaking it away and ignoring it for the rest of the day.

Eventually, it wears him down a little, seeing the same dreams and thinking about the repetitive results he got when googling such personal experiences. There were some queer clubs/groups on campus, so he went out to one of them.

Thankfully, Dongju hadn't met any of the people before, so they just nod and accept him. They don't ask him any questions, and he didn't say much in return and instead just listens. It didn't provide any answers but is a friendly little community.

He went for a few weeks, becoming somewhat of a new regular. It came to the point where they start asking him questions.

Name? Easy. Pronouns? Dongju hadn't properly admitted it to himself yet, but exclusively he/him didn't feel quite correct anymore, and he didn't know what to replace it with either.

"Um... not sure yet. That's why I started coming here. He/they, I guess?" That was the best answer he could get out.

The person, Moonbyul, just nodded and didn't question it. She seemed really chill. He kept going, talking to more and more people and becoming less and less sure of everything. At some point, Moonbyul and another girl named Yoohyeon. He was a little scared at first, and it must have shown on his face because both laughed and assured him they were committed lesbians.

One night, he texts Moonbyul impulsively before he could convince himself not to.

Hey

Hello there

Can you try something out for me? She/her pronouns. Not in person, just like. A short text

interesting. sure Dongju is a new friend of mine. I think she's kinda cool

Dongju stared at the text for a while without responding, internally repeating it again and again. I think she's kinda cool. She is. She.

You alive over there?

Oh, um yeah Just.... yeah

It felt good?

Hah, I guess so

Well, welcome to the club I guess

Lol the club of what? Womaning? Am I a woman? Oh god

Hah, I'll let you figure that out I can't answer it for you Want me to tell anyone, or are you doing it yourself?

No, I'll do it myself. Just... give me some time He/they for a while, if you don't mind

Yeah, whatever you need Just lemme know when it's gonna be okay

Dongju sends a simple heart before closing her phone and then her eyes. Now what? Seriously, how do people deal with this and then move on? Who should she tell first? What should she tell them? How long should she wait? Now she knew, and there was only so long she'd be able to handle the wrong pronouns now that she knew the right ones and what they feel like.

She picked her phone back up and looked at the time. Damn, no time for a crisis right now, she had an assignment due that night that she'd done hardly any of.

After submitting the assignment Dongju was so exhausted from several hours of adrenaline-fueled work that she was exhausted and went right to bed. It took her a while to fall asleep, but she had no space to think of much.

The next day, she had nothing else pressing, so she spent almost an hour wondering what to do. After she eats breakfast she just sits at the table and stared into space. Her other roommates seem to be out or asleep, so none of them were there to ask what the fuck is going on and she could zone in and out in peace. The clock on her phone ticked over to 11am, and she decided to get out of there before her luck ran out and she had to explain or find some excuse.

When she returns to her room, Dongju is struck with sudden inspiration. Hyunjin! Xe'll obviously be okay with it and might even have some advice on what to do now. It's not a 1-1 exact experience, but it's something, and god knew she needed anything right now.

Hyunjin answered fast, and she was there a 30-minute bus ride later. One I'm here text and a knock later, and Hyunjin is practically bouncing as xe lets them in. Most of their boyfriend roommates were also home, so it was much louder, and Dongju stared wide-eyed. She'd been here before, but usually, it was much emptier and quieter. It made it less likely that someone would hear them talking over all the noise, which was nice.

Minho, Chan, and Seungmin all nod at her, and Jisung and Felix take a break from intense Mario Karting to wave. It was nice because she'd hardly talked to any of them, but they accept her like it's nothing just because she knew Hyunjin so well.

Hyunjin closed the door behind them and plops down on xyr bed, looking at Dongju.

"So, what's up? You never ask me to come over, and it seems serious."

Dongju starts fidgeting with her clothes awkwardly. How the fuck should she do this? Ugh.

"Um... well. Okay, I'm not sure sure yet, but I think I might be uh. Fuck, I hate this. Why is it so hard."

Hyunjin snorts before slapping a hand over xyr mouth to stop anything else. Xe stands up and forcefully pulls Dongju over to sit next to them.

"Unless you say you're like... getting married or something, I'm not gonna judge you. You see the fucking circus of people I live with. You're so normal in comparison to all of that."

It's genuinely a little reassuring to be "normal" for a minute. Dongju had been so caught up in feeling alone and not knowing who to go to that she forgot she was not completely alone. Personally, or just in other people who have these feelings.

"Thank you. I'm... I think I'm trans." She lets it hang in silence for a moment. "But you know, I'm not totally sure! I just had someone call me she over text, and it felt really nice. Yeah."

Dongju waits, staring down at her hands in her lap and waiting for Hyunjin's response.

"Okay, I was waiting to make sure you weren't gonna blurt out anything else. This is so exciting, though, oh my goodness! Am I the first person you told? Other than the friend you texted, who I definitely need to know more about." Dongju nodded slightly, and Hyunjin clapped in excitement. "Ah, I'm so honoured!"

Hyunjin launches xemself forward into a forceful hug on Dongju, who freezes for a minute but melts into it. She wasn't the biggest fan of hugs and whatnot, but she felt like she needed it now. They pull back, and Hyunjin is seriously beaming. It made Dongju a little less nervous, that this wasn't a bad thing and that maybe she'd make new friends or get closer to other friends.

"I get to be your little trans fairy godmother, this is wonderful. So, do you wanna tell me more about all of this? How did it happen, what are you doing now, any of that?"

Dongju laughed nervously, biting the inside of her cheek. "I'm not sure there is much to tell. It was months ago I started looking online cause I didn't feel like a man and thought it was just because I didn't feel like an adult yet. Then I started going to one of those college queer club things. That's where I met Moonbyul, the friend I texted, and she's super chill and open. I just randomly texted her and was like, hey, can you do something for me, use she/her pronouns in a message about me. She did and I don't even know how long I sat there looking at it, and it felt good, so I thought I was actually going insane. Like, no way. Yeah, that was, like, a week ago. And now I'm here."

Hyunjin looked at her with this strange little look on her face, like xe was proud and upset at the same time.

"Oh, my goodness. Little trans egg Dongju, not knowing what's happening. So you said not a man, but do you know what you might be more comfortable with now? Like, are you a girl, a woman, or not quite all the way that way? I just don't wanna say trans girl or trans woman or call you girlie if you're not, you know. And you don't have to have an answer yet! It's only been a week, so we can just keep testing what you like."

Dongju sits momentarily and thinks about it because she hadn't allowed herself to do so thus far. Is she a girl or a woman, or is she closer to some of those other terms she had seen?

She didn't know yet was the honest conclusion she came to, and she tells Hyunjin as much.

"Yeah, that's so fair! You've only known for like a week. So just tell me if I say something weird, or if I say something good!"

Hyunjin's the best person Dongju could've asked for on this journey. Xyr knowledgeable but also accepting and often upbeat. Of course, xe had xyr own serious and sensitive moments, but in general, xyr is just kind of chilling.

She spends another few hours there, just hanging out with one of her good friends, and it's lovely. Maybe she should get out more often, like Seoho said. God forbid she tell Seoho he was right about something, though, never.

As Dongju heads home, she considers when and how to tell her roommates about this. They're roommates and some of her closest friends, so there's no world where she didn't tell them. For now, everything was going perfectly fine. Her marks were good enough to pass, she'd got good friends, and she'd been learning more about herself. What more could someone ask for? Well, probably a whole lot more money, but that's beside the point.

But something had to break eventually, and in Dongju's opinion, it happened in the worst way.

It was another day, another Hyunjin visit.

In the house, they weren't in the habit of busting into other people's spaces, and to be fair, Geonhak did knock first. Unfortunately, the two seconds of warning provided was not enough for Dongju to make any meaningful attempt to hide. Geonhak must be way more flustered than Dongju could have guessed because it took a solid few seconds before he noticed.

His face got all red, and he couldn't stop staring. Dongju would like nothing more than to somehow evaporate. Or turn invisible, or teleport, or literally anything to make Geonhak stop staring like that. It made her feel itchy, and wrong. Even though she knew she wasn’t doing anything wrong, it's a piece of fabric.

"Are you gonna say anything? I feel uncomfortable and I'm not even involved." Hyunjin speaks, breaking the tenuous silence.

Dongju couldn't tell if she should thank xem or smack xem. Geonhak flinches like he was hit and starts about 6 different sentences before he commits to one.

"You look good, Dongju. Seriously. But, uh, if my laptop isn't in here, I should go. Have fun."

Geonhak waved awkwardly and then closed the door behind him. Dongju breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Could he have been lying? Sure, maybe. He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't say something like that just to spare someone's feelings, and certainly not Dongju's. They'd known each other for too long to pretend like that.

She'd take what she could get because it was nice. Hearing it from Geonhak directly gave her a little confidence boost. Maybe she'd show him more pretty things in the future, if the mere thought of doing so didn't make her want to explode.

"That was good! I've been telling you they won't care. First guy down, and he was the one you cared most about!"

Now it's Dongju's turn to flinch, because she certainly had not told Hyunjin about her crush on Geonhak. She would remember that.

"Who said he was the most important one? Who are your sources?" Dongju raises one eyebrow, trying her best to look suspicious and not nervous.

It did nothing for her, so the effort was really just wasted.

"Oh come on. Whenever I brought up telling somebody you'd always mention him first. Every single time. I'm not that stupid."  

Dongju had no counter to that, unfortunately. She simply sighed, then nodded and watched as Hyunjin grinned in triumph.

After the Geonhak skirt fiasco, Dongju decided to move along a little more because clearly, things would come to light whether she wanted them to or not. And Dongju did not like being out of control like that, not about her own identity. So she planned, and she wondered, and she panicked, and she cried a little. Ultimately, she knew she couldn't control her friend's thoughts and reactions and would just have to trust that they would accept her.  

"Hey, uh, guys?" Dongju peeked around the door, and all their heads snapped over to her at her voice.

It's clear they're all anxiously waiting, because she gave them almost no information on what was happening. Just that she had an announcement. Geonhak looked a little more relaxed, he must assume he already knew what this is about. If it were any other situation Dongju might have laughed, but she was too stressed about this to even try. He was about to get the shock of a lifetime.

"Okay, first of all, this." She hesitated a moment before stepping out from behind the door.

Hwanwoong is the first one to say anything, "cute!"

Agreements from everyone else ring out after. Geonhak leaned back onto the couch a little bit with a smug smile.

"I already told you I think you look good in this one." He said.

It's true, and precisely why she chose this skirt specifically. Geonhak wouldn't steer her wrong, which gave her peace knowing he would be behind her for this part. The rest of them explode, demanding to know why he got to see before the rest of them. Dongju rolls her eyes, these guys never change.

"It was an accident! Stop all your complaining, my ears hurt." She shuts them up fast, but they still don't look happy. Hwanwoong in particular side-eyes Geonhak and if she didn't want to avoid another argument Dongju might have laughed.

"But you said first of all right? So I feel like there's something else still." Seoho said, turning back to her.

Ah, trust Seoho to pick up on and remember that. Oldest of the friend group, always paying too much attention.

"Yeah." Dongju sighed.

She went over her mental script and the answers for the immediate questions she had a feeling they'd have.

"This is really hard, so I'll tell you when I'm done. Just… wait." She pauses, trying to force the words out of her mouth. "I'm trans. I'm a girl. And if that changes anything between us I'm sorry, but I can't live like this anymore. Hearing 'he' is grating, and being called a man makes me want to claw my skin off. I'm sure you have questions, ask away. Unless you just wanna kick me out right now. Yeah, I guess that's all.."

A few seconds of silence pass as they all process everything she'd said. Geonhak got there first, his face twisting in displeasure.

"We're not kicking you out. If anyone wants you to leave just because of this, I'm telling them to leave, not you."

A few tears well up, but Dongju starts blinking them away, determined not to cry about this in front of them. They all agreed quickly after that, and Dongju couldn't be more relieved.

"It might be hard at first, and I'm sorry for when I say something wrong. But you're still you, and I still love you." Seoho said.

Damn you, Seoho. That did it. Dongju crouched and hunched in on herself, suddenly sobbing almost violently. An explosion of emotion that no one was prepared for. All 4 men close in quickly to try and comfort her, murmuring comforting words. What Dongju is even less ready for is Geonhak petting her hair. It felt so good that she leaned towards him a little, only realizing when her side hits his knee, and she jerks back.

He didn't push it, which Dongju was very thankful for. She could only handle so many emotions at once, and flustered embarrassment would not be one of them. It took a while, and at some point, they all have to sit down to avoid their legs and feet going numb. Eventually, Dongju's tears slow, and she begins to breathe correctly again.

Someone's warmth disappears from behind her, and half a minute later, Keonhee crouches in front of her, a large glass of water in hand. She took it gratefully and downed it, not realizing just how dehydrated all that crying made her.

She did feel a little more clear-headed now. No one was upset, they all rushed to comfort her, and everything was still okay. Nothing is perfect, but things should get a little easier now.

What did not get any easier is having feelings for Geonhak, but at this point, Dongju expects that. She wasn’t even sure if her gender complicates things because she'd never heard of him with someone else, and he didn't talk about it either, at least not with her. And she'd rather fling herself into space than ask him, so she did some information-gathering first. In the process, she learns some harsh truths.

"Oh, are you thinking of finally confessing to him?" Hwanwoong asked.

Alarming statements all around, considering she had not spoken a word of her feelings to him. Lying to Hwanwoong was useless, especially since she was sure her shock was written all over her face already.

"Who told you? I bet it was Hyunjin. I never should have trusted that snake." Dongju bit her lip and contemplates the best method of revenge for this betrayal.

"What? No. I figured it out because when he's not looking, you look at him like he's the best thing since iced americanos. It would be sweet if it weren't so awful."

What if she murders this guy one day because spewing such absolute nonsense should be a crime. Surely, she looked at Geonhak in a completely normal way.

"Like he personally puts the moon up every night. I think it's sweet, but you didn't seem ready to talk about it, so I didn't say anything." Seoho said, staring at her and shrugging.

"This may be the worst day of my life," Dongju declares, and Seoho sputters. "My roommates know I have feelings for this guy, but I didn't tell any of them. What am I doing wrong?"

"Are you always this dramatic? Or does Geonhak just inspire that in you?"

Dongju ignores him in favour of pondering how her life led to this point. If she was so obvious about it, did Geonhak know too? He wasn’t the most observant guy, but it wasn’t like he was completely oblivious. Now, she had to deal with a new layer of nervousness around him, as if she wasn't doing badly enough already.

Despite that, she manages to be reasonable and normal around him, or she assumes. It all crumbles when they're out one day. They're all just walking around together, being menaces and taking up the whole sidewalk. Suddenly, Seoho flinches and sidesteps into Dongju, who yelps and glares. Seoho defends himself very quickly by pointing to the kid attached to his leg, who looked to be on the verge of tears. Geonhak moved so fast, and Dongju took a half-step back in shock.

"Hey, little buddy. My name is Geonhak, what's yours?"

The kid hesitates, clearly heeding stranger danger warnings but too far from any parental figure to say no.

"Hajun."

"Nice to meet you, Hajun! These are my friends. Can we help you find your parents? I bet they're very worried. Where did you see them last?"

"Back there. But they were going that way. I just wanted to look at the cool toys." His eyes start welling up again, but Geonhak is faster.

"Very good! You wanna go up on my shoulders? Then you can tell us about them, and we can all look together."

That dried the tears quickly, and Hajun nodded so fast that Dongju worried for his neck. Geonhak crouched down, and Seoho leaned down to assist Hajun's little legs up. Hajun squeals when Geonhak stands, and he flew up. For a moment, Dongju relived the weightless feeling she remembers as a child. She snapped out of it when they started walking, and Hajun began to talk.

"My mommy is kind of short, and she says one day I'll be taller than her. I'm so excited. But I won't be taller than my dad 'cause he's tall like you, Geonhak-ssi!"

Incredibly cute but not helpful. Many women were short, and plenty of men were tall, like Geonhak. Dongju was hoping that Hajun's parents recognized him and come over because she wasn’t sure that he would be helpful in their search.

"I bet you'll grow tall like your dad, Hajun. What are your parents wearing? Some cool outfit just like you?" Geonhak asked, and thank goodness for him. Dongju didn't know where they'd be otherwise right now.

Of course, Hajun only locks on to the most important part of that message. "You think my outfit is cool? Thanks Geonhak-ssi! I think your outfit is cool, too."

Dongju had to admit the kid had taste. Geonhak had a monochrome outfit on, and Dongju had been staring. A black and white jacket, a white shirt with some indeterminate design, and lethal black skinny jeans. She had tripped several times today because she was staring at his ass. In her defense, it's a nice ass!

"Thanks, buddy. What cool outfits are your parents wearing?" Dongju mentally congratulates Hwanwoong on the seamless transition.

"They're not wearing cool outfits! Not like you, mister." Hwanwoong visibly preened at the compliment, and in Dongju's opinion, it was horrifying. "My dad is wearing his weirdo One Piece shirt, and my mom is wearing her nerdy Sailor Moon shirt. They always argue about which one is better. I think it's dumb cause Naruto is better. Obviously."

"Obviously." Keonhee laughed, and Dongju found herself laughing along, too, amused by this child's certainty about his opinions.

They walk, and they keep walking. Dongju was starting to get worried that Hajun's parents were behind them somewhere or crossed the street to look and that they weren't going to find them. But she didn't say anything, so they just kept going.

"Hajun!" They hear, and they all whip around to find the source.

Two people frantically pushed through the crowd towards them and shouted for Hajun. Hajun himself starts wiggling, and it took quick moves from Keonhee to avoid either Hajun or Geonhak getting injured. Hajun and his parents meet in the middle in a heartwarming moment. His mother looked near crying, clearly frantic about losing her son for several minutes. His father hardly looked any better, but Dongju could see the panic melting away into relief. After a minute or three, they stand and look at the group.

"Thank you so much for helping him. We were so afraid when we looked down, and he wasn't there anymore. I should have been paying more attention." Hajun's mother said.

"No, no, it was my pleasure. He's a very well-behaved kid, you're doing well with him." Geonhak said sheepishly.

"You're very kind, thank you. Okay. Hajun, buddy. What do you say to the kind people?" Hajun's father bent down and asked.

Hajun gasped, bowing to them all. "Thank you, Geonhak-ssi and friends! I had fun."

Hajun stands and beams at them all, and they all look back at him, smiling just as sweetly. Of course, Dongju is drawn to look at Geonhak's smile. He seemed to be smiling the widest of them all, and Dongju would bet 10 bucks that he was already attached to Hajun.

It was devastating, and Dongju is barely holding herself together. She was able to keep it together while searching because that was much more pressing, but now Hajun is safe, and she had nothing else to focus on. The family walks away, talking happily amongst themselves and moving on with their day.

Thankfully no one is paying attention to her, and she had a few moments to pull herself together while they all discussed Hajun's cuteness on a scale from 1-10. Or, she thought no one was looking at her, but she heard her name in the middle of one of her deep breaths. It's a tone so familiar that her eyes snap open and immediately slide over to him. True to form, Geonhak is looking at her, practically staring her down and analyzing her from head to toe. She knew the man better than almost anyone else and still found it intimidating.

"You okay, Ju? You seemed upset." Geonhak asked.

"Of course! Just a little tired and stressed from being surrounded by all these people, you know how it is." Dongju throws on her best little smile and prays it's good enough for him to believe.

It seemed to be, as Geonhak watched her for a few seconds longer, then nodded his head, seemingly seeing what he needed.

"Okay. Let me know if you need a break. We can go to the side, or I can take you home."

Dongju could kiss him on the damn mouth right now, but that would defeat the whole point of her holding her feelings in. Instead, she just nodded, and they kept moving on with their original plans for the day out. They still circle back to Hajun occasionally, talking about how cute he was or how it was good he found them and not some creepy people, but mostly how cute he was. It's mostly Geonhak leading that part of the conversation, and Dongju had to actively and viciously squash down the thought of Geonhak with his own children and what they would look like.

They enter some random store, and a few minutes in, Seoho pulls her over to the side and starts whispering before Dongju could even process what was happening.

"You looked like you were in pain while Geonhak talked about that kid. Are you okay?"

Dongju externally just sighed, but inside, she was crying and about to lose it. Was she really that obvious? Oh, god. Hopefully, Geonhak was too distracted thinking about Hajun and didn't notice. But he was so observant, so he probably did, and thought she was a total weirdo. It was over.

"Dong. Ju. Shut that head up and answer me." Seoho hisses.

"Fine, I'm fine. Typical crisis about how cute he is with kids, no biggie. I just have to pray he didn't notice me being weird." Dongju shook her head.

Seoho waved it off. "Not much weirder than you normally are, it'll be fine."

Dongju is about to ask exactly what the hell that is supposed to mean, but Geonhak decided it is the perfect time for him to appear.

"Why are you two hiding in the corner? You could've told us if you wanna leave." Geonhak tilted his head, and Dongju had to take a deep breath before she said something stupid. It was really a problem.

"Nothing, nothing. Our little Ju is just having some boy problems." Seoho grins wickedly and casually strolls off, leaving Dongju silently plotting how to murder him quietly but painfully.

When she looked over, Geonhak looked... strange. When he saw her looking, he smiled and put on his older brother face.

"Boy problems, huh? You know you can come to me for those. We gotta make sure he's good enough for you." Geonhak said seriously, and it took everything in Dongju's muscles not to react in any of the immediate ways she wanted to.

"Ah.... seriously. You'd like him. He's protective, kind, smart, and funny. Too good to be liking someone like me." Dongju sighed, staring at her feet.

Geonhak made some strange set of offended noises. When Dongju looked up, she saw his accompanying twisted face and knew what was about to come.

"He'd be an absolute fool not to like you! If he's that dumb, then you're too good for him." Geonhak said.

Once again, Dongju had to tamp down the ironic laugh that wanted to jump out. She wishes she could tell him not to be so mean to himself, but she categorically refuses to confess publicly. If she had to do it, it would not be in some tacky clothing store in the middle of the day.

"Thanks. Anyways, not like I'm going to do anything about it. So, if he likes me back then we'll never know."

Geonhak wanted to protest, she could see it in his face, but Keonhee popped up from behind a rack and told him to come look at something. How neither of them saw that man the size of a tree walking over was entirely unknown, but Geonhak smiled awkwardly and shrugged. Dongju laughed a little at him and waved him off.

It hurts to be so close yet so far. Was Geonhak's praise a platonic or, romantic or other type of praise? At least it was genuine, which always felt good, but it made her heart go wild in a way that she shouldn't know if she should be accepting or not. He didn't seem overly bothered by her so-called "boy problems," which told her nothing.

Dongju had always and would always go to her mother for help if she needed something. That bond hadn't broken through time and change, and she loves her mother through all of it.

The first piece of advice is entirely expected.

"Give him food, honey! Everyone loves food, and not having to make it is nice. You've always said that man of yours is like a vacuum for food, and you know he'll appreciate the effort."

Dongju felt herself light up like a fire truck at "that man of yours" and immediately starts whining. It's a good thing she remembered to put her headphones in before this because if anyone else is home, they do not need to hear this. They'd teased her about this enough as is. Her mother laughed and ignored all of Dongju's very valid complaints.

"I've seen that man, and I know you'll get him. Though, you should do it quickly, just in case. Someone else might come along, and he might choose them if he doesn't know you're an option." Her mother said wisely.

Dongju just sighed because she knew, but hearing it from someone else was scary. Sitting back and watching Geonhak fall in love with someone else would tear her apart. If she tried, she'd know it wasn't meant to be and could try to move on.

"Ah, yeah. I know."

"If you know, then why haven't you done it yet, my girl! Make him your man properly."

Dongju's heart warmed hearing "my girl" come so naturally from her mother's mouth. It had taken a bit of accidental slip-ups, but her mother was so proactive that it was over quickly.

"I should do it soon, right? Kick everyone out and then surprise him after the gym or something. Yeah."

"Yes! It'll be perfect, he'll be so hungry, and then you can get out of your own head and talk to him when he's done."

Dongju's jaw nearly cracks at how quickly it drops open in sheer offense at her mother calling her out. She might be correct, but damn, she didn't need to say it like that! Her mother just cackles through the phone and waves goodbye, hanging up before she could get upset. Dongju lets out a short yell and then groans loudly, flopping back into her pillow pile.

After a short moment, a knock came at her door and opened after she called out some strange, probably affirmative, noise. Of course, Geonhak peeked around the corner, smirking in amusement when he saw her body flopped haphazardly all over the blankets and pillows.

"Everything okay in here? Nothing seems broken." He cautiously looked around, searching for anything broken or injured.

"No, I'm okay. Sorry. My mom was teasing me when I called her, and then she hung up before I could get her back."

Geonhak laughed, and Dongju pouted at him until he noticed.

"I love your mom, seriously. Is she gonna come down again soon? It's been a while."

"Why do you like my mother so much! She's gonna adopt you as her own damn son at this rate."

Geonhaks clicked his tongue and shook his head at her. Dongju felt slightly offended by it but let him speak before she ripped his head off. He should have felt lucky that he was so pretty (and kind and funny and-) because Hwanwoong would absolutely not be given that grace.

"You gotta make good impressions on everyone's moms for 2 reasons: they would believe you about anything and give you banging free food." Geonhak nodded slowly, like he'd just told Dongju the secrets of the universe.

He wasn’t wrong, but it was a little lackluster. For now, he lived.

Dongju had planned everything out, and it would convince Geonhak that she was very dateable. Until that confession happened, Dongju's roommates would still have to deal with her rants regularly. She loved them, even if she'd never say it.

Today's victim was Seoho.

"Seriously, dude. Seeing him with that kid permanently rewired my brain, I swear to god." She groans.

Seoho looked at her for a moment. "I don't know how that's possible, given how down bad you were before."

Dongju sits up, mouth hanging open and glaring at Seoho. She flops back into his pillows when he simply raises an eyebrow, silently screaming and kicking her feet.

"1. Rude. 2. It is possible. My brain is losing it 24/7. Do you understand how hard it was not to say something like 'hi, Geonhak! After seeing you with that child, I can't stop thinking about having an apartment with you and seeing you wake up in the morning and you coming home to me after working your day as a teacher!' He'd have me committed to a fucking psych ward. I'd probably deserve it at this rate 'cause what is this."

Seoho opened his mouth to say something, but someone hesitantly knocked at his door before he could. Dongju immediately freezes and looked about halfway to passing out then and there. Seoho stands but waits a minute to ensure she won't be doing that before swinging the door open.

She couldn't see Seoho's expression from there, and there was no time to say anything before he went past the person in the doorway. And who else walks in but Geonhak himself. She couldn’t do this right now, absolutely not. Apparently, she was rooted to her spot by some freeze instinct and possibly some masochistic will to see what he'd say. Assuming he heard what she had said before and didn't just happen to come in.

"So. You wanna live in a cute apartment with me and see my horrible morning bedhead?" Geonhak asked sheepishly, playing with his fingers and not looking at her.

Internally, she wondered how he was acting like the nervous one right now.

"I mean. Right now I'd much prefer going to drown in the nearest body of water, actually." Dongju stared at the ceiling, wondering how her life had come to this point.

"Um, I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that. Taking a soaking, drowned body on a date seems like a pretty bad time for everybody."

She had to sit and blink for a good 30 seconds or so just trying to process what that man just said. Surely, he didn't say date. Surely, he just said... something that sounds like date and had a similar meaning but wasn't. She had to sit up and look at him when he said nothing else. He was still fidgeting with his fingers and not looking at her.

"Did you just say date? Like a romantic type of date?"

"Yes. And if you're not going to drown yourself, then I'd like to take your very alive self on one instead. If you want to anyways, we obviously don't ha-"

His nervous rambling gave Dongju the strength and rage to push herself off the bed and stalk over to him.

"How did you hear me telling Seoho that I want you to come home to me and still wonder if I want to go on a date with you?"

Geonhak stayed silent and just took one, then two, slow steps toward her, stopping just far enough away that she could feel his presence.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered.

She nodded before thinking and stared at him, waiting and not daring to move. He raises his hand and lays it lightly on her cheek before leaning in. Dongju's eyes flutter closed and she stayed in the dark for a moment for him. When their lips touched, he put his other hand on her waist, and all she wanted to feel was more. She couldn't tell him that, but she tried to push a little into his hand anyway.

Their first kiss is short, and sweet, and she pulls back less than a centimeter before going back for more. Her arms feel awkward by her side, so she put them on his broad shoulders. Finally, she got to feel the results of all his workouts instead of just staring longingly. And, presumably, she'd be able to do that a lot more now, too. Delightful.

It still wasn’t enough for her, and Dongju looped her arms around his neck and pushed herself closer, pressing their chests together. Geonhak made a surprised little noise, but it only seemed to inspire him to grab her waist firmer with both hands. Exactly the way she wanted. The half-second pull away to breathe quickly stopped being enough, and Dongju leaned back then laid her forehead on his shoulder.

"Fuck." She breathed, and then giggled a little at her own breathlessness.

Geonhak laughed with her, holding her close. It's perfect. Everything is warm and comfortable, just as Geonhak always had been for her.

[coupsie-daisies]

Silver Screen Soulmates | Park Jimin

Pairing: Park Jimin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers (one sided), Actor AU, kinda hurt/comfort

Summary: Being Jimin’s leading lady is a big task, and being in Park Jimin’s shadow is absolutely insufferable. Jimin can’t understand how you’re in his shadow when you shine brighter than the sun itself.

Word Count: 11.8k (I’m so sorry)

Warnings: Lots of alcohol, Reader gets hate online, lots of cussing, Reader is messy

A/N: So it’s a tiny bit late because the header was giving me problems, but here’s my contribution to the clownracha monthly prompt for July; Lights, Camera, Action. Enjoy!

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @felixtok // @sunnytaes // @burningupp // @bunnypig18 // @chrswolfie // @ferrethyun

This fanfiction and the header attached are property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited

"Cut,” The director called, and you sighed. Whether it was a sound of relief or frustration was still up in the air. You loved acting, it had taken over the depths of you. It was your co-star who always seemed to give you problems.

Jimin was a good actor, a great actor even. Not that you’d be caught dead saying something like that near him. There were a lot of things you’d learned about Park Jimin since you’d first met him, and if you were to describe him, it would sound like praise.

He was hardworking, the most dedicated man you’d ever met. He was a perfectionist, and that might be one of the biggest understatements ever. Actually, he was sweet, sickeningly so. He never wanted to see anyone frown, and he would do damn near anything for damn near anyone.

Park Jimin was, at best, an angel. And at worst, he was your worst fucking nightmare.

“Can we do that one more time?” Jimin asked with a charming smile. It was the same one he always used with the press when he tried to get on their good side or make a perfect impression. You groaned, not even bothering to hide your exasperation as you shot the director a pleading look.

“Again? We’ve shot this scene like a hundred times.” You said, completely ready to stand your ground on this one. You completely understood only wanting to put your best on the big screen. But you were already behind schedule, and it was because of Jimin’s perfectionism. “Please, there’s got to be enough good takes already.”

You heard Jimin scoff beside you, his hands landing on his hips. You shot him a side-eyed glare.

“I know we’re nearing the end of the shoot schedule, but we should still be putting in one hundred percent effort.” He said. Your jaw dropped. Surely he wasn’t implying that you were slacking off on your work.

“I’m putting in just as much effort as you are, thank you very much.” You jabbed your finger towards him. “I just don’t think it’s necessary to keep rerunning the same scene over and over. It’s a waste of everyone’s time, energy, and money.”

“You’re saying it’s a waste of time to film a good movie? Isn’t that what we’re here to do?”

You rolled your eyes. Low fucking blow.

“You know that’s not what I’m fucking saying.”

“Well that’s what it sounds like. I know you’re not a quitter, and you do too, so why are you acting like one?”

“Don’t talk about things you don’t know.” You snapped, hands curling and uncurling at your sides. The tension sparking between you and your co-star was becoming stifling.

“Alright, let’s all take 15. We’ll pick up with the next scene then..” The director dismissed everyone, and you glared at Jimin again as you turned to leave.

You were dialing your best friend’s phone number before you were even to your trailer. It rang a few times, and you dug in the back of your brain for what his schedule should be looking like. He was a model, so he tended to be busy, much like yourself. When he finally answered, you sighed in relief.

“You’re a go for Hoseok,” He said. On any normal day, you’d be teasing him for his dorky answer. Instead, you jumped straight into your rant.

“I hate him so much,” You announced. “Are you free for food tonight?”

You heard him laugh on the other end of the phone, completely used to your tense relationship with Jimin. It was hard not to be since the two of you had become a matching set when you were only kids. Ever since then, the universe had been dead set on making you deal with him.

“Uh, my night should be clear after my next fitting. That should be over and done with in a couple of hours. So yeah.” He told you. “Not having fun playing house with Jimin today?”

The teasing lilt of his voice only irritated you further. You probably would have said something about it had it been anyone but him. However, you were used to the fact that tormenting you was one of Hoseok’s favorite pastimes anyway, his way of showing his affection. Convoluted motherfucker.

“Understatement of the year, actually.” You said, letting yourself into your trailer and collapsing onto the sofa inside. “I know he’s the media’s golden boy, that’s all great and whatever, but I swear he’s out to get me. I’ve never even done anything to him, I’m just never good enough.”

You could hear voices in the background of the call, and you knew you were being childish, calling and disrupting Hoseok’s already busy workday over something as stupid as a little tiff with Jimin.

As previously mentioned, Jimin was the golden boy of the acting world. He’d made his debut when he was only nine, and he was a quadruple threat; He could act, he could sing, he could dance, and he was downright beautiful to boot. Saying something to the wrong person could cause an uproar and sink your hard earned career without so much as a second to rebut.

And that was yet another thing that had always bothered you. You were used to it, sure, but it was sickening and absolutely terrifying knowing that your entire career was riding on the way the media swooned over you and Jimin as a pair. At first, when you were much younger, it was flattering to be deemed Jimin’s silver screen soulmate. After all, he was perfect and had been acting for several years longer than you had. So it must have meant something that you’d managed to get tied to him so tightly. But the older you got, and the more you tried to branch out, the more frustrating it became to be pigeonholed like that. You were never praised on your own merits, only on your association with Jimin. The first time you acted on your own, in a movie with which he wasn’t even connected, all of the headlines only referred to you as ‘Park Jimin’s leading lady’, and maybe that left you more bitter than you’d expected.

“I know you’re busy, and I have to be back soon. I’ll text you when we wrap up for the night, okay?” You said. Hoseok made a small noise of surprise, clearly expecting for you to have carried on with your story about your ruined day.

“Oh yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Yeah. Bye, oppa.” You hung up, closing your eyes and heaving a heavy sigh. You were ready to be finished with this movie. Maybe you’d talk to your manager about taking a bit of a break.

Once your day was wrapped up, you’d made your way to Hoseok’s place. He’d gotten your favorites, a scattering of takeout boxes in front of you. You were both kicked back on his plush couch, a movie playing on the television that you’d both seen a hundred times before. It was what you’d both always put on after a hard day.

“So he made you shoot it again?” He asked, bringing his noodles to his lips to blow on them. You nodded, chewing your own mouthful of food.

“Yeah. And I know he’s talented, and he’s more experienced than me, but the absolute disrespect to accuse me of half-assing my job?” You said, motioning with your chopsticks and stabbing them back into your rice. “I don’t know why he’s such a little brat! I have never slacked off on set. And I actually worked hard to get where I am, unlike him.”

You knew you weren’t exactly being fair, you knew that Jimin worked harder than most, and he made sure to work extra hard to make up for the fact that he’d had it fairly easy in his career. His mother was a well known screenwriter, his father the head of a production company. It only made sense for him to end up in the industry as well. But you? Your parents had always worked overtime at mediocre, mid-paying jobs just to make ends meet and allow you to study and chase your dreams. You sighed.

“I’m not overreacting, am I? I mean to say something like that in front of so many people is just…it’s humiliating.”

Hoseok reached out, rubbing your leg and giving it a small squeeze of reassurance.

“It’s reasonable to be mad that he’d say something like that. I mean, I’ve never known you to half-ass anything, much less on camera.”

You raised your eyebrows, pausing halfway through bringing more food to your lips. Oh, you most certainly sensed a ‘but’ coming.

“But?”

“But…maybe he really is just trying to shoot a good movie. I mean, we both know that he’s never satisfied with his work, so maybe it’s not just about you. Maybe he’s, I don’t know, maybe he’s projecting or something.” Hoseok shrugged, stealing a piece of your steamed broccoli. You didn’t swat at him like usual, trying to take in what he’d said.

Projecting? You’d never considered that the words Jimin threw at you weren’t actually about you. And even if they were, there was something in you that refused to let that be a good enough reason to talk down to you. You were just as good as him, he’d told you once that you were the best actor he’d ever worked with in your age group. And as an amateur no less. So how could he look you in the eye now and say that you weren’t trying?

You huffed, setting your food aside. You really didn’t feel like eating anymore.

“I just can’t wait to take a break. Maybe I’m just getting burnt out.” You picked up your phone, deciding to shoot your manager, Seokjin, a text asking if he could work out a little time to yourself. At least a week before you accepted another role.

“You deserve a break. I’m pretty sure you work harder than anyone I know.” Hoseok agreed.

You relaxed, turning your attention to the movie and grabbing one of the pillows you two had moved aside to cling to. You were grateful for this sort of normalcy that you really only found with your parents or with Hoseok. He’d clawed and climbed his way into the top modeling agency from nothing, so he understood your struggles and your insecurities better than anyone else you’d met.

He didn’t judge you when you broke down after a hard day, or when you wondered if you even deserved to be as well known as you were. And in moments like this, when everything was upsetting you and there really was no answer, he was good at sitting with you and not trying to rationalize.

“Hey, you know that you’re a really good actor, right?” He said. You smiled.

“Thanks, oppa. I know,”

And you laid back against his couch, eyes turned to the ceiling. You didn’t know why you cared so much about what Jimin had to say when it came to you, or why you were so dead set on being good enough for his unreasonable standards, but your naturally competitive nature. and the way that he never failed to get on your nerves meant you had to do better. And you knew you could if you worked at it. You sighed, hugging the cushion tighter. Just a couple more weeks, and filming would be over. Then it was on to promotions, and eventually the premiere. Hopefully you’d have a breather between projects, a little vacation sounded nice.

A few more hours passed you by, and movies were swapped out. The lights had been turned off, leaving just the flickering light of the television screen and the glow of your phone since Hoseok had long since dozed off, sprawled across his side of the couch. You scrolled your social media, flicking between your personal accounts and your professional ones, keeping an eye on the tags for the movie you were working on.

Most of the time you enjoyed reading the newest tweets. It was nice seeing so many people from different backgrounds rallying around something you were pouring your heart and soul into. Seeing their excitement brought energy back to your weary mind. And even the hate comments usually made you giggle or spurred you on to prove them wrong. Especially since the support well outweighed the hate.

But maybe, and you really should have known this, reading hate tweets when you were already hating yourself wasn’t your best idea, especially in the middle of the night when you were tipsy and couldn’t sleep.

‘Y/N isn’t even talented, Jimin probably just felt bad and now he’s stuck carrying her dead weight’

‘It’s pathetic that Y/N Y/L/N has to be in movies with Park Jimin just to get publicity’

‘Jimin could do so much better, I don’t know why anyone thinks they’re together. She’s not even half as hot as he is’

You locked your phone and tipped your head back against the pillow you’d propped under you. Even with your social media put away for the night, the words spun in your head. Tryhard, social climber, talentless, mediocre. You choked on your own insecurity, your stomach turning sour. Maybe late night margaritas were a bad idea. You put your phone aside.

You knew better, or at least you told yourself otherwise. You weren’t worthless, you were a good actor, a good person, a hard worker. Everything you had you’d worked for. Your words didn’t seem to do you any good as you tossed and turned and tried to fall asleep. You wondered, though rather bitterly, if Jimin thought those things about you too? Had his words of praise throughout the years just been a smokescreen? A means of kindness regardless of honesty?

You threw your arms over your eyes, blocking out the light and forcefully counting your breaths in your head, determined to fall asleep, even if only to stop thinking about what everyone else may say behind your back.

The anxiety was easier to stomach in the morning than it had been the night before. You took advantage of Hoseok’s kindness and his couch, spending most of your day off lounging on the plush cushions and keeping up with your social media. Reading your socials was easier this time than it had been before when your emotions were running rampant. Still, Jimin was in the back of your mind. He usually was actually, so much so that Hoseok was half convinced that the media relationship the two of you had was infiltrating your actual emotions. But there was a vast difference, you’d always remind him, between admiring someone and seeing why the world puts them on a pedestal, and having feelings for them. He liked to argue that the line wasn’t nearly as wide as you were making it out to be. You wondered if his sweet nature extended to people he didn’t like, if he was pretending with you all this time. You sincerely hoped he wasn’t pretending.

The next week of filming had you wondering. Which was infuriating, quite frankly, because you really had been prepared to focus on yourself and muddle through. Over-analyzing your feelings wasn’t on the schedule, especially since you thought you’d left your stupid little schoolgirl crush in your teenage years. But the more you paid attention, the more you noticed the way Jimin hovered around you. The way your heart would skip a beat when he waved at you from across the set, or the way you’d find yourself smiling when he’d bring you coffee in the mornings, just the way you liked it. When he’d memorized your order for all your favorite places you weren’t sure. And when exactly you’d begun feeling like you were in the presence of the sun itself around him was another big question mark in your mind. But it all pointed towards one earth-shattering realization.

You were in love with your worst nightmare.

“Hey, are you with us?” Jimin asked you, and you shook yourself out of your daze. The director had been talking to the both of you, and you’d at least caught most of it. Confession, yada yada, something, something, chemistry. Yeah, you got it.

“Yeah, I’m here, sorry. I just need another coffee or something. But I’m here.” You told him, giving him a pressed smile when he locked eyes with you. You almost felt a bit uneasy being under his gaze, it was as if he were trying to see right through you down to your soul. You cleared your throat and looked away, passing your script to one of the assistants and asking if she could please have a coffee ordered for you.

A few adjustments were made, the director walking through where the scene was going to start, how he wanted you two to run it. You nodded, letting yourself fall into your comfort zone. This was natural, you were good at this. You were good, you realized, at pretending to be in love with Jimin.

You took your places, allowing yourself to reconnect with your character. She was different from you, less fiery and less unforgiving. She wanted to trust people and it got her hurt often. You tried hard to remember that as the cameras began rolling.

You walked to the table that was set up, sitting down and looking at your hands in your lap, feigned indifference. The scene pictured a quaint garden patio with only the two of you. Jimin was pacing, looking up when you sat down.

“You came.” He said in disbelief. You nodded slowly.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” You ask in response, letting out a soft laugh. “You said you wanted to talk, so I’m here to talk.”

He nodded, stopping in front of you. He took a deep breath, and you watched his chest rise, then fall.

“Why did you tell me to marry someone else?” He asked after a second. You paused, making sure to look taken aback by the question.

“I think that should be obvious. Your sister hates me, your parents tried to sabotage every opportunity we had.” You shook your head. “There are dozens of other women you could be with. People who could make your family shine much more than I can.”

He shook his head as you stood up.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come. But I know you can do better than me, and I know you’ll find someone better suited to….all of this.” You looked around at the garden, a show of wealth from Jimin’s character.

“Wait, please don’t leave me like this.” You felt a tug in your chest as he caught your hand in his, you both lingered there a moment before you turned to face him.

“Don’t make this harder. You’ll be fine, I’ve seen the women waiting for a chance with you. Your mother has a list as long as you are.”

Jimin reached up, cupping your cheek. The way his thumb brushed along your cheekbone made something unpleasant tug in your chest again, and you fought a wave of nausea.

“Don’t say things like that. It’s always been you, you have to know that. No matter who comes or goes, my heart is yours.” His whispered voice was sharp along the edges with desperation as he delivered his line.

A line, part of a script. Someone else’s words, not his own. On cue your eyes began to sting with tears, and you blinked.

“But if it was always me,” You began as a few droplets slipped down your cheeks. “If it was always me, then why did it feel like I always came in last? Like you expected me to be someone else?”

He hesitated, always the perfect actor, and you swallowed around the lump in your throat as you looked up at him. You desperately wanted to know if he could see through your tears, through your character. Could he see the way your chest was ripping open with every line he recited?

“I never meant to make you feel like that. I thought I was doing what was best for you, for both of us.” He said, shaking his head. You could feel your control slipping, tears coming faster and breath growing increasingly hiccuped.

“Don’t. Don’t act like you know what I want or- Or how I feel. It hurts,” You snapped.

There it was, a silent shift in the atmosphere on set. You went off script. That wasn’t unusual for an actor, but everyone knew how Jimin felt about improv, and you knew as Jimin’s usual scene partner that it was the fastest way to bring out his attitude. And you were a professional, you could practically hear your manager’s voice in your mind, gently scolding you for letting yourself crack.

Jimin stared at you, his hand falling away from your face and leaving your cheek feeling uncomfortably cold. You lowered your gaze, blinking a few more times to unblur your vision which was being obscured by your tears. Your stomach was churning anxiously, waiting for someone to call cut. But apparently the director liked what he was seeing. Probably the authenticity he’d been saying was lacking since day one of shooting.

“I don’t know what you want, you’re right. I just wanted to help and make this easier.” He attempted, clearly trying to get the situation back under control, but you were too far gone. The tone of his voice wavered, and you didn’t know if it was hurt, or irritation, or if it was all put on just like every other thing he’d ever said to you. A show for the cameras. You weren’t a huge fan of any of those options.

“Everything is always about you, isn’t it? It’s all about how you feel, what you think, what you want and I can’t–”

“Cut!”

You took a couple of steps back from him, your chest heaving as you fought to calm yourself down. It was hot, and your head was spinning.

“I’m sorry, can I…I need a break. Can I just, um…” You stumbled around the sentence, shooting Seokjin and the director a desperate look. They shared a silent glance of their own before waving you off.

You turned fast, booking it out of the building. You needed air, you had to pull yourself together. Never in all your years of acting had you ever done something so monumentally stupid. You sniffled, patting away your tears with a special care not to completely fuck up your makeup since your team had worked so hard on it.

“Stupid fucking feelings. What the hell, Y/N?” You hissed to yourself. You were so wrapped up in your own head that you didn’t hear the door open behind you.

“Hey, what the hell was that?” His voice caught you off guard, and you groaned, curling in even further on yourself.

“I really don’t need to hear it, Jimin. I know I’m wasting everyone’s time, I know I’m being unprofessional, okay? I know.” You snapped breathlessly, trying to ease the way your chest was aching.

“When the hell have I ever disregarded what you want?” He asked, continuing to press closer. You glared at him through teary eyes.

“When haven’t you? You never consider how I want a scene to go, how I want to deal with the media. I’ve never even had a chance to escape you because everything I do is all about how good I look with you. Dammit, Jimin, I’m just as important as you are. I’m just as talented, and I’m just as passionate. And maybe if you could see that, everyone else would too.”

It wasn’t the first time you’d ever snapped at Jimin, but it was the first time he’d seen you so worked up. He furrowed his brow. Did you think he didn’t know all of that? Did you think he didn’t respect you? Sure, you never saw eye to eye, not since you were both children, but if there was one person who was unwaveringly on Jimin’s level, it was you. It had never occurred to him that you didn’t know how far out of his way he went to work with you.

“You’ve never told me what you wanted. You can’t blame me for taking the lead when you don’t.” He said coldly. And then he was beating himself up because that really wasn’t what he was trying to say, but he wasn’t very good at letting it slide when his pride was hurt. He clenched his fists at his sides. “You shouldn’t come back until you’re ready and able to have an efficient shoot.”

He turned away, and your stomach churned. How was it that you could bare your soul to him, tell him how he’s been hurting you, and all he can give you in return is a scolding for being unprofessional and not stepping on his toes? You covered your face, blinking back tears that left a burning sensation behind your eyes. The sooner you could stop crying, the sooner you could move on with the shoot and leave all of this shit behind you.

You stayed outside for a while, allowing your tears to dry and your mind to calm down. You must have been gone too long, because they sent Jin out to come get you. He tried to calm you down and brush it off as if nothing had even happened, Jin was kind that way. And he was also good at pep talks, something that you found very helpful. So with one more coffee downed in a minute and a half, and a serious pep talk from Seokjin under your belt, you were shuffled off to get your hair and makeup touched up and then it was back on. The scene didn’t hurt as much the next time around, you had gotten your frustration out already. And the whispers on set about your outburst stayed behind closed doors. You wondered why, but you weren’t ungrateful for the calm.

The next week went by in a blur, and before you knew it filming was over. No matter how many complaints you had about the entire process, you knew you were going to miss it. Even the frustrating parts, or the exhaustion that kept you in bed on your free days. This was what you did, you weren’t even sure what it was like any other way.

As requested, Seokjin had managed to book you a couple of weeks of down time before your next project, and the spare time flew by. And your next project was a much smaller role, which was of course fine by you. Then you were accompanying Hoseok for a few events. The chaos of your schedule resumed, and for a long while you’d completely forgotten about the whole fiasco with Jimin.

Eventually your luck ran out and you were thrust into interview after interview. They were always your least favorite part of the process, dealing with probing questions, some horribly shallow and others diving way too deep into your personal life. And you were expected to always smile and laugh, flirt for the sake of looking sweet and charming. You were a good actor, but sometimes interviews just had you feeling fake.

You had a couple with Jimin, but not once did your slip up on set come into the conversation, during your interviews or behind the scenes. Actually, you were pretty sure Jimin was avoiding you. There were no snack or drink deliveries like there had been in the past, or check-ins after particularly uncomfortable interviews. As grateful as you were that he didn’t decide to bring up your emotional outburst, you found your heart sinking in your chest every time he walked past with nothing more than a smile or a nod of acknowledgment.

It was after yet another interview that you were sitting with Hoseok again, curled up on his sofa in the comfort of your pajamas and fuzzy socks. You and Jimin had both recorded interviews, separate but to be aired together, and you were reluctantly watching them now, sharing a snack bowl with your friend. So far the interviews were pretty average, if a bit boring, but your ears perked up at the mention of your name.

“How do you feel working so closely with Y/N given all the rumors that surround the two of you?” The interviewer shifted in her seat, leaning towards Jimin across the table they were sitting at as if they were sharing the juiciest gossip of all time.

Jimin laughed, that sweet sound that always charmed women and men alike.

“Y/N is great to work with, and we’ve known each other for so long. She really is such a wonderful person, easily the most caring and supporting actor on every set she steps foot on.” He said with a bright smile. 

Your heart nearly skipped a beat at his kind words. You knew that he was lying, especially after the way you’d acted before. But it still made you happy to hear.

The interviewer smiled knowingly, tapping her pristinely manicured nails against her arm before continuing.

“So you don’t agree with the opinions flying on social media about Y/N’s skill on the big screen? Or lack thereof?” She asked. Jimin tensed, a surprised chuckle passing his lips, but it was humorless.

“Any implication that she is untalented, or that I’ve had any hand in her success is ridiculous. She’s one of the most talented actors I’ve met, and she’s worked hard to be. If anything, I’m honored that she chooses to work with me on so many projects.”

You were admittedly surprised to hear him so quickly shoot down his own fans, or to raise you above him. You huffed out a shocked laugh. What was he thinking?

You grabbed for your phone as the interview continued on. He’d continued defending you, talking about your skill and the light you brought onto set. You couldn’t believe the confidence he had telling his own fans, telling anyone that they shouldn’t talk about you in a negative light. Didn’t he know that telling people what to think could damage his reputation? Didn’t he know that he was speaking too highly of you?

“What are you doing?” Hoseok asked as you scrolled through your contacts.

“I’m calling him.” You answered as if it were obvious. You pressed your phone to your ear, letting it ring.

“What? Why?”

“Because he’s being an idiot, that’s why. I can’t fucking believe-”

“Hello?”

“Park Jimin, what the fuck were you thinking saying those things about me?” You snapped. You heard him sigh on the other end, and you wondered if he’d expected you to call. Your twitter must be exploding with people speculating about his affections for you. If the dating rumors weren’t flying before, they’d certainly be ramping up now.

“I was just telling the truth.”

“I don’t need you to defend me! I can defend myself.”

“I know you can. You weren’t. There’s no point in yelling at me over it, it’s done now.”

“Fuck you, Jimin. Fuck all of this. I don’t need you to defend me, you didn’t have to do that.” You weren’t entirely sure why it was bothering you, maybe it was the way you hated being pitied, or maybe the fact that you couldn’t stand hearing him say things that you didn’t believe.

“I’m not defending you because I have to. I’m defending you because I want to. And you can say whatever you want to me, but I don’t intend to stop. Goodnight, Y/N.”

The silence after he hung up was deafening, and your stomach felt like a restless sea. You lowered your phone, staring at his contact photo. When did things change between you two? When had they gotten better? Or had they gotten worse? You ran your hand over your face, pushing your hair back and sinking lower on Hoseok’s couch.

“Good chat?” He asked. You shot him the sharpest glare you could muster, but he just laughed.

“Shut up. I hate him.”

You were grateful for the lack of interaction over the next several months. You did have a few interviews or promotional appearances with Jimin, but for the most part you barely had to talk to him. And you knew, if you pushed aside your pride and your own stubbornness that you were being childish again. You had overreacted, and he’d stayed ever calm and patient with you.

Now though it was premiere day, and avoiding Jimin for the entire evening (plus the after party that one of the other cast members had roped you into) was going to be damn near impossible. Especially with the way you were all but expected to play up your chemistry for the cameras. Luckily for you, you’d at least have Hoseok to drag along with you.

“How do I look?” You asked him, stepping out of your room where Hoseok was not so patiently waiting for you. Mostly because your driver would be waiting on the both of you if you took much longer. Of course you’d have stylists touching you up before you even faced the public.

“Like a goddess, can we go now?” Hoseok said, not even looking up from his phone. You huffed.

“Oppa,” You whined. “I need your opinion, you’re the one working in the fashion industry, not me.”

He sighed, looking up finally and smiling.

“You look amazing, you always do. You don’t really think I’d let you leave this house looking bad do you?” He asked, standing up to adjust the laces on your brand name heels – damned things were nearly impossible to tie on your own.

“Thanks. Come on, I know you’re itching to go.” You nudged at him once he’d finished fixing your shoes, grabbing your clutch and following him out the door and to the sleek black car awaiting you both.

Once inside, you sighed, wishing you could fiddle with your hair to relieve the nerves. You settled instead for toying with one of the rings that adorned your fingers.

“Why are you so nervous? You’ve gone to, like, a million of these things.” Your friend questioned, helping himself to a tiny bottle of champagne from the mini fridge. You shrugged.

“I guess that shit with Jimin is getting to me, and everything with people attacking me on the internet. I think I’m just ready to be done with this movie.” You tried to explain. And you wanted to go on to explain that you really were grateful to have been given the opportunity you were, but you knew that Hoseok understood without you tripping over your words to explain it.

“Well, you’re almost done. Let’s get this premiere over with.” He offered you a drink, and you greedily took it, thankful for something to smooth the nerves even a little bit.

The ride to the premiere was surprisingly long, plus you had to have your hair and makeup touched up before being delivered at the end of the media walk. Hoseok got out first, meeting you with an arm extended which you took with a smile. It wasn’t your usual smile, this was a smile just for the press.

The two of you walked the length of the carpet arm in arm, stopping to say hi to friends or coworkers and answer a couple questions for interviewers. This was always the most chaotic bit, everyone scrambling for everyone’s attention, camera flashes going off left and right. 

When Jimin arrived, everyone knew it, even just from the screams of fans beyond the barriers trying to catch a glimpse of everyone. You tensed, your head instantly turning to see him coming. You knew the cameras were focused on the two of you now, even more so when he rushed through the carpet to catch up with you.

And dammit if he didn’t look stunning in an all black ensemble, his makeup lightly done, and his hair styled perfectly away from his forehead. You swallowed, smiling as he wrapped an arm around you in greeting.

“I got caught up with some other co-stars, I thought I was gonna miss her.” He said, not to you but to the cameras that were trained on you. “Can’t walk the red carpet without my leading lady.”

The simmering irritation at his charm was still there, and the taste of playing up a flirtation for the cameras was sickening. He greeted Hoseok too, and when his arm slipped away from around your shoulders you nearly sighed in relief.

Getting through the rest of the media went quickly, you and Jimin bantering and answering questions as vaguely as you could about the movie. Yes, you were super excited to see everyone’s hard work pay off. No, you couldn’t imagine things going any better. Yes, you were very grateful to work with your crew. Obviously you were nervous. No, you wouldn’t say your parts were any better than anyone else’s.

Finally you were ushered inside by staff. You hadn’t seen Seokjin since you’d gotten in, and you desperately wished you would. Just one more person to play buffer between you and Jimin. But even inside, Jimin’s kind nature didn’t falter. He smiled, telling you both again how wonderful you looked.

“I’m gonna say hi to a few people, but I imagine we’re seated near each other. I’ll see you both in a while.” He flashed a smile, and then he was sweeping off towards where a few of your fellow actors were chatting over complimentary drinks.

“I think that’s the most he’s said to me in months.” You admitted, grabbing a drink from a waiter’s tray and flashing them a grateful smile. You took a sip, and it took a great deal of your self control not to down it all at once. You weren’t normally a heavy drinker, but you were entirely prepared to drink your night away. After all, what is a movie premiere if not a pre-after party?

Once you were surrounded by friends and peers, your anxiety lessened. So much so that you temporarily forgot that you were stressed about the shambles of your relationship with Jimin at all. You chatted and talked with so many people that it half became a blur, catching up with friends from projects you’d worked on years ago. But finally, the movie was set to start, and you had a chance to relax even for a moment.

The movie came out better than even you had expected, though you were hardly surprised by that. The applause and cheers as the movie came to an end and the credits rolled brought on a sense of joy that you couldn’t find anywhere else. Pride, and excitement, and relief all rolling into one big starburst that exploded in your chest.

Hoseok hugged you tight, and you hugged him back, and were given congratulations from many of the guests. One step after the next until, finally, you were all dispersing for the after party.

The after party was held at someone or other’s hotel, with lights dimmed low and music pounding through the speakers. It reminded you of the sorts of things your friends had thrown in college but on a much bigger scale and with much more expensive booze. Which you were admittedly grateful for as you were given a mixed drink by one of the bartenders serving everyone.

You’d lost Hoseok somewhere with some guy who you were sure you’d met before but couldn’t quite recall. So you were happy to be settled by the bar, your phone in hand and eyes scanning the crowd. Every once in a while you’d find yourself chit chatting with other cast members, like Sammi who was getting a refill and decided to chat with you about her on again off again relationship with a dancer from Europe who you’d met maybe once or twice, or Max who was desperately trying to get you on their team for a drinking game they were playing on the other side of the room.

Now, however, you were chatting it up with Namjoon, one of the assistant directors on the project and a film prodigy really. He was sipping a cola, you’d heard that he hardly drank. And it was a nice conversation, discussing your relief at how well the film had come out and how you hoped it would be received.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Namjoon asked you after a while. You were on your third drink just since getting to the hotel, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t walking the line of intoxication, nearly toppling headfirst into the deep end. You nodded, sipping from the margarita in your hand.

“Sure, I’m an open book.” You agreed. He nodded, still seeming to mull over the question in his mind.

“I don’t mean this to be taken the wrong way, but that day on set,” He began. You tensed on the barstool beside him, shifting and smoothing your hand over your thighs. “Where did that emotion come from when you went off script? It was so powerful to watch back, and I was curious if it was maybe something that could be harnessed and used in scenes.”

His question was innocent, a genuine question from someone wholly passionate about their work, and you could respect and appreciate that. It made you smile. You tapped your fingers against the stem of your glass.

“I guess…I’d had a realization recently about the way my relationship with Jimin works, and I sort of let the irritation I felt in that moment get the best of me. I’m not sure if that was because of stress or exhaustion, but I don’t usually let things bother me like that.” You took a drink, thinking over his thought process. “I guess it could be used in a scene, the intensity of it. But I think anyone who has ever been overcome with emotion can pull that out with practice.”

Namjoon made a sound of amazement beside you, and you laughed. You hadn’t meant to sound all wise or anything, so you waved it off.

“Okay, we need shots. Then you’re dancing with me. Yeah?” You pointed to him, already turning to get a bartender’s attention before he could answer. This night was supposed to be fun, and most of your friends – Hoseok included – were on the dance floor that took up a great deal of the room.

You would have known that three shots of tequila in a row was a bad idea had they not been chasing several other drinks. But the looseness in your body was nice, and so was the way that the drinks made your anxiety stop spinning in your head. The music was loud, and you’d probably have the worst hangover in the morning, but you didn’t care as you danced in the crowd, your back pressed to Namjoon’s front as you both moved to the steady beat of the song and giggled into each other’s ears.

Hoseok appeared in front of you after several songs spent in your own little world with Namjoon, and you beamed at him.

“Hoseok oppa!” You cheered, reaching to grab his arm. He smiled back, looking over your shoulder at the man who was still holding you tight by your waist.

“Hey, sunshine. Good to see you’re having fun.” He said, holding his drink out of your reach when you reached for it.

“Give.” You ordered sternly, and he laughed, this time in your face with all the scornful mirth of an older brother.

“You look like you’ve had enough. It’s getting late, maybe I should get you home.” He said. You shook your head.

“No, we’re dancing! Right, Joonie? I can’t go home now.” You said, dragging the older man into your conversation. He opened his mouth to speak, but Hoseok held up a finger to stop him.

“Can I borrow her for a bit, Joonie?” He asked with a charming smile. Namjoon looked at you for a second before nodding and taking a step back. Well, as much of a step as he could with the crowd of people you were in the middle of.

Hoseok grabbed you by your arm with the firm but gentle grip that you’d learned meant he meant business. You followed his lead, weaving out of the crowd into the open space along the wall. It wasn’t as stuffy in the open air of the room, and the music didn’t seem to pound as hard, but it sucked the adrenaline you were riding on with it, bringing instead a sleepiness that you weren’t fond of. Maybe it really was later than you realized.

“I was having fun. Party pooper.” You pouted. He pouted back.

“You wouldn’t be having a whole lot of fun if your arch nemesis decided to cause a scene. He’s been glaring at Namjoon like he wants to kill him for the past half hour.” He pointed out. You didn’t even process how quickly your eyes flickered around the room for Jimin, and you deflated when you didn’t find him.

“Seriously, Hobi, I’m fine, I just want–” You paused, swallowing and then turning to look at him. “Actually I’m gonna throw up. But then I’m gonna go have fun.”

He didn’t get a chance to speak before you were bolting through the crowd, and he was following after you as best he could. However he could only go as far as the restroom door.

Alcohol, you decided, was much nicer going down than it was coming up. And even then, it wasn’t great. You heard Hobi’s voice from the door, calling in to check up on you. And eventually you managed to haul yourself off the floor and rinse your mouth before going back out to meet him. Your stomach was churning uneasily, and your skin was a little sticky with sweat, but you were determined that this was not going to ruin your night.

“I’m fine, oppa, I just wanna go dance.” You begged as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You would have fought harder if you’d had it in you. But fighting was just wasting your energy, and the tiredness was getting harder to ignore.

“There’ll be other parties. You’re going home. And you’re gonna call me to thank me in the morning.” He said. You were still arguing as he herded you towards a wall you could lean on while he grabbed both of your jackets.

“Hey, is she okay?” A voice asked, and you looked up so fast that it made you dizzy. Jimin. He was standing beside you, looking more concerned than you’d ever seen, and it made you giggle.

“Yeah, she’s just really drunk. And we both know she doesn’t hold her liquor well.” Hoseok explained, moving to wrap your jacket around you. As you stood up away from the wall, your body began to topple forward a bit, and Jimin grabbed at your waist to steady you. You looked at him, eyes wide as you realized the proximity between the two of you.

“Right. I can take her home. If you want. She’s closer to mine than yours. And there were some people who wanted to talk to you inside.” Jimin told Hoseok, still holding you up. His grip wasn’t particularly tight, but it nearly felt possessive. And there was something in the shared gaze of the two men that you missed, a desperation on both ends. Jimin clearly wanted to help, and Hoseok knew that even if you hated him for it, you needed the opportunity to talk.

“You have my number. Text me when you get her in, call if you need anything.” Hoseok told him, slowly letting go of you just to lean down to your level. “Behave yourself, don’t give the kid too much trouble.”

You nodded. You could smell Jimin’s cologne, it was the one you’d gotten him for his birthday during filming. Did he wear it with the intention of you noticing? Did he even remember that you’d gotten it for him? You leaned into his chest, your eyes closing for a minute. You exhaled slowly.

“Come on, let’s get you into a car and back to your house.” He said. His voice was soft, and it made you smile dreamily. He cared. Somebody properly cared.

“Okay.”

Getting you out of his car and into your house was one of the most difficult tasks that Jimin had ever been faced with, but he was patient with you as you giggled and hung on him, settling you down on the edge of your bed and leaving you alone to get you a glass of water.

He’d only been in your home a couple of times before, but despite its size and the overabundance of name brand furnishings, it was pretty easy to find his way around. He returned to your room to find you clumsily climbing back into bed, having managed to wiggle out of your dress and into a t-shirt. He sat the glass down on your bedside stand.

“Hey, before you sleep, let me help you take your makeup off.” He said, pointing at you and waiting for you to nod so he’d at least know you’d heard him. He nodded back, heading for the bathroom attached to your room and trying not to find anything he shouldn’t as he dug through your drawers. Finally though he came out with a package of makeup remover wipes, sitting at the edge of your bed. By the time he came back, you’d already gulped down most of the water.

You blinked up at him as he leaned forward, his finger tucking under your chin to guide your face. You closed your eyes as the proximity began making you feel a bit sick to your stomach. You really didn’t feel like throwing up again.

Jimin was careful as he diligently wiped off every trace of makeup you had on your face. He’d seen you bare faced before, but this was different. Seeing you without makeup, in your pajamas, and curled up in the safety of your own bed was too intimate. Especially when you were drunk and probably would have told him to get out had you not been.

He watched as you grabbed the stuffed dinosaur that sat on your pillow, huddling it to your chest and curling up beneath your blanket. He reached out, smoothing the fabric up around you nicely. You smiled at him, and he had to swallow around the lump in his throat.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked you, carefully removing the hair pins that he could see with you laid down, setting them in a pile on your stand. You nodded.

“Mhm, ‘m so comfy.” Your voice was slurring, but you sounded happy at least, and he liked that.

“Alright. I’m gonna catch the light. You can call my phone if you need me.” He smiled affectionately as he flicked the light off. You made a soft noise at the change, rolling over to look at him.

“Jimin,” You called. He stopped in the doorway to look at you. “Will you stay with me?”

His lips parted like he was about to speak, but your desperate look was enough to shut him up. He nodded, padding his way over to your bed and sitting at the edge. You reached out, whining until he scooched close enough for you to touch him.

It was quiet for a while as he sat leaned against the headboard, your hand holding one of his arms in the dark. What was there to say anyway? He was just happy that you were making an attempt at resting, and you were happy that you were finally getting the opportunity to be close to him. A dream come true.

After a few minutes, Jimin was convinced you were asleep, your eyes had closed and your grip on his arm had loosened, but when he tried to move, you grasped at his shirt again, eyes opening to look at him like a kicked puppy.

“It’s really late, I should be going home.” He said softly. You looked away, slowly letting go of his shirt.

“You said you’d stay.”

“You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re doing right now. It wouldn’t be right of me to take advantage of that. I’ve been selfish enough with you.”

“I’m drunk, not stupid.” You huffed, curling up tighter on yourself. “You make me so angry, do you know that?”

Jimin chuckled.

“Everyone knows that, sweetheart. You don’t exactly try to hide it.” He said. You smiled. Yeah, you didn’t try to hide it, but he wasn’t understanding what you were trying to say.

“You don’t get it. You are so kind, and so talented, but you’re so insecure about it and it makes me angry. Then you take it out on me. Do you know that? You always have to criticize me.” You huffed as Jimin moved to stretch out on your bed, folding his hands behind his back. “You always criticize me and nobody else, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m the problem. Am I the problem?”

He closed his eyes.

“No, you’re not the problem. I’m the problem.”

“You’re too good to be a problem. You’re my problem. You make my head all stupid and I can’t focus when you’re around.”

“I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t tell if he was being serious. You didn’t really care at the moment.

“I like you so much and I shouldn’t. That’s not fair to me. I can’t like you when that’s exactly what everyone expects of me. I’m only popular because of you, did you know that too?”

He had heard, though it was impossible for him to actually believe. Not when you were talented and stunning and so ambitious it physically hurt. No, you paved your own way, he was grateful to even be associated with you at all. But you didn’t see it that way, he knew that. But other people didn’t know you, and you were never very good at giving yourself proper credit.

“That’s not true.” He told you.

“But everyone else thinks it’s true. So isn’t it true? That’s how that works, Jimin. If enough people believe it, then it doesn’t matter what is actually true. And everyone believes that I’m only where I am because of you. So I am. I don’t even know what it means to not be in your shadow. For as long as I can remember it’s been Jimin and his leading lady. It’s never been just me. I don’t know what it means to just be me.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t mean to think about that, it made your chest feel hollow.

“I hate all of it. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you, and that I want to impress you so badly, and I hate that I know I’m in love with you.”

Jimin stopped, his breath catching in his throat. Love. You love him, and you were hurting, and he was helpless in fixing it. You didn’t want him to fix it, and somehow that was the part that made him smile. He knew you’d rather fight your own battles, he’d always admired you for that.

“I think you should sleep now, it’s late.” He said. You nodded, stifling a yawn and scooting closer until you were pressing against his arm.

“You’ll stay?” You asked.

“You’ll be angry with me in the morning.” He said. That was just a fact, he knew that whether you remembered tonight or not, you’d be feeling a lot of things all at once in the morning. You didn’t answer, already sound asleep. He sighed, closing his own eyes. The morning’s arguments were best left for the morning. You clearly needed rest more than anything, and he wasn’t going to leave your side if you wanted him there.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” He whispered, not wanting to disturb your sleep. “I’ll try to make it up to you.”

The morning came with a terrible hangover, which was to be expected. It was early afternoon before you woke up, burying yourself in your blankets to hide from the midday sunshine filtering through your window. You didn’t really remember a whole lot of the night before, let alone how you’d gotten home. Hopefully you’d managed to not make a complete fool of yourself, but there weren’t many things you’d put past your drunk self.

You stayed hidden away under your blankets for some time before finally poking your head out and finding your phone. Your head was throbbing, but hiding wasn’t going to make that go away. There was a glass of water and a couple painkillers on the bedside stand, and you smiled a bit. Hoseok, you figured. He was usually the one to take care of you when you were intoxicated – not that this happened all the time. You took the pills, downing the whole glass of water in one go.

There were about a hundred notifications on your phone, most of them from your various social media, pictures and videos from the after party and the premiere. And a voicemail from Seokjin that you had every intention of ignoring for the day. There were also a few from Hoseok checking in on you and scolding you for drinking so much when you knew you couldn’t hold your liquor. But the one that caught your eye was a single one from Jimin.

I let myself out this morning, you seemed pretty well out. Sorry for intruding last night, let me know you’re okay when you wake up.

You stared at the words on the screen, trying to make sense of them. There was a brief memory from the night before, dancing with Namjoon while Jimin watched, preening at the fact that you’d managed to make him jealous. Then another; waking in the middle of the night to Jimin’s arms wrapped around you, your head on his chest. You swallowed. Had you gone home with him? Had things taken a turn for the worse?

You did the obvious and called Hoseok before you even read all of his texts. He picked up, sounding much more chipper than you were at the time.

“Did I go home with Park Jimin?” You asked quickly before he was finished with his hello.

“You know, you sure interrupt a lot for someone who is calling me on my only day off this week.” He scolded, and you could hear his smile. You rolled your eyes even though he couldn’t see you.

“Hoseok, please.” You said. You couldn’t hear him, but you imagined he was frozen in place given the long silence that followed your begging. He wasn’t accustomed to hearing you say please, not to him anyways. You’d both dropped that pretty soon into your friendship.

“He drove you home, you were really drunk.” He told you after a minute. You nodded. You weren’t wearing the same clothes as the night before, those had been discarded on your floor. You didn’t remember changing, and your stomach dropped at the idea that you and Jimin may have…

“I gotta go. Thank you.” You said, barely catching him asking you to wait as you hung up. You felt sick, partly from the anxiety, and partly from the hangover you were suffering from. You stared down at your phone.

You didn’t talk to anyone else for a while, just trying to wrap your head around whatever had happened the night before. You knew drinking so much was going to be a terrible idea, but you weren’t always the best with self control when you were as stressed as you had been. You considered texting Jimin, but you never did, too afraid to interact with him now that you were sober.

Whatever you’d been feeling for him was pointless, and you didn’t see any reason to embarrass yourself more by pushing the point. And maybe he had just harmlessly brought you home, you wouldn’t put it past him because even when he was tearing you to shreds, Jimin was so entirely good. He wouldn’t do anything you hadn’t wanted him to. Which was the reason you were worried actually, there were so many things you wanted Jimin to do. And sometimes people regret their actions in the morning light.

Later in the evening when you had finished eating your dinner and were forcing yourself to think about anything other than the empty space in your memory where the previous night should be, you listened to Seokjin’s voicemail. He’d been contacted about getting you on a new movie. And so soon after your last premiere. You texted him back. No promises, but you’d hear it out.

You should have known. You stared at the paperwork that had been passed to you and Seokjin. Mostly so you wouldn’t have to look at Jimin who was sitting on the other side of the long table you were sitting at with his own agents.

The role was one you could easily pass on, but the pay would be nice, and it was different from what you were used to. You wouldn’t be playing directly opposite Jimin. All in all, from your own experiences, it was a good deal. But there were still reservations in your mind, a nervousness that you couldn’t shake.

“I don’t think I’m right for this role. I’m planning on taking some time off anyway after my last big project, but I think you can find someone better for this.” He said after a few moments of quiet. The entire table looked at him in disbelief then. It wasn’t the first time Jimin had ever turned down a role, but it was certainly a surprise for him to turn down one that could be big for him.

“Jimin,” You said. He looked over at you, and your heart leapt into your throat at the look in his eye. You’d never seen this side of him before, the vulnerable part that he tried so hard to hide. “You should think this through.”

“I have. I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this role.” He stood, bowing his head politely towards the table, then turned to leave with his manager and agents hot on his heels. You stood quickly, shooting Seokjin an apologetic look, but he waved you off. You followed Jimin’s lead, apologizing quickly to everyone and heading for the door.

“Jimin, wait. Can we talk?” You called. He was stopped at the elevator down the hall, turning to look up when you spoke. “Get coffee with me? There’s a cafeteria downstairs.”

He nodded, turning to speak to his team before letting them step into the waiting elevator, leaving just you and Jimin in the hall. You felt small in such an open space, about to be open with him about your emotions. Not your favorite thing to do anyway, actually.

The walk to the cafeteria was silent between the two of you, neither one of you ready to broach the subject until you were sitting down and had something to sip at. You were actually sort of grateful for the couple of minutes to gather your thoughts in a somewhat coherent manner.

“You can find a seat, I’ll get drinks.” Jimin said as you both entered the room. You smiled a little bit just at the sound of his voice. He sounded more relaxed now than he had been in the meeting room. That eased your nerves a little bit, or maybe it was just being close to him that made your mind quiet down.

“Right. Thank you.” You found a table in the corner with a decent view out one of the windows. It wasn’t important to have a nice view necessarily, but the flowers blooming in the small courtyard beneath a stunning blue sky would make a good distraction from the uncomfortable conversation you were going to be having soon.

You watched out the window at the birds swooping through the sky, tapping your fingertips against the table. You wondered what flying felt like; being able to go, and do, and be without worrying about anything tying you down. You hadn’t had a taste of actual freedom in so long, and you wondered if you’d give up your career for it.

You looked up as Jimin pulled out his own seat, placing your coffee in front of you. You thanked him, bringing it up to take a sip and humming. Just the way you liked it.

“You wanted to talk.” Jimin said, half questioning and half reminding you. You nodded a tiny bit, training your eyes on the outside. If there was a choice between opening up like this to Jimin and death by 1,000 cuts, you’d take the cuts. Unfortunately for you, there wasn’t such a choice.

“You should take the role if you want it.” You said. That wasn’t all you wanted to say, but it seemed the most important at present. Jimin shifted in his seat, mulling over his words.

“It’ll be better if you take yours. And I figure…I mean, you wanted space from me. You don’t want it to seem like you’re relying on me to get ahead. So I’ll stay out of your way.” He said. You scoffed.

“I don’t need you to forfeit your roles for me.” You told him.

“It’s not my role until I accept it. And I didn’t accept it.”

“Stop arguing over wording. You know exactly what I’m saying.” You shook your head. “No, I’m not accepting the role. I didn’t want to anyway. I’m taking a break.”

“A break?”

You nodded, tracing your fingertips along the side of your cup.

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll give something else a try.” You laughed a little. “I’m not even sure what I like outside of acting. Maybe I’ll become a photographer. I used to want to be one when I was little. Before we met.”

“If this is about the whole ‘I don’t know who I am in your shadow’ thing that you said after the party, I’ll stay out of your way. Don’t quit your dream because of me.” He said, leaning forward. There was still a table’s distance between you, but having him press that little bit closer had you swallowing hard. Had you said that? That you were in his shadow, that you didn’t know who you were? It wasn’t a lie.

“That’s not…I don’t want you out of the way, okay? I don’t know what I said that night, or what you think I want, but I don’t want you to leave.” You told him firmly, meeting his eye almost desperately. After all of this, the last thing you wanted was Jimin gone.

“I don’t want to discredit you just by existing with you. And I don’t want you to think that I do.” He said, pushing away his untouched coffee like the thought of drinking it was entirely disgusting.

“I don’t think that, Jimin. I don’t think I ever really did, but I didn’t know who else to blame. It’s easier acting like you were the bad guy. At least then I had someone to take everything out on, and I think I was jealous. I was sick of everyone putting you on a pedestal and treating me like I wasn’t even good enough to be seen in the same films as you.” You rambled before stopping in taking a deep breath. “It was immature, I’m sorry. But I know you don’t mean anything bad.”

Jimin took a moment, watching as you rambled on about your own insecurities. He’d never realized you’d hated him so much, maybe because he was blinded by his own admiration for you. And now you looked so broken as you sat across from him, brimming with nerves and frustration at your own thoughts. He laughed.

“You didn’t ever change, did you know that?” He asked. You paused where you were in the middle of bringing your drink to your mouth again. “You still ramble on when you get nervous, and you get angry when you’re insecure. Just like when we first met.”

You glared at him, biting your tongue to keep from snapping at his unnecessary observation. No need to prove his point by getting an attitude.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I had just given up on you seeing me as anything more than a rival.” He looked positively giddy, and you were struggling to wrap your mind around what he was hinting at.

“Jimin, I…I don’t know what to say to that.” You admitted.

“Say you’ll go on a date with me. I know you love me, you’ve told me so. And you clearly respect me. And you know I would do anything to help you chase your dreams. As an actor or as a photographer. You could clean animal stables if you wanted and I’d still do anything to support you.” His confession was catching you entirely off guard. You hadn’t come here to confess to him, not exactly, but your heart was beating out of your chest. “Tell me what you want from me and I’ll do it.”

“I want you to do what you want.” You said after another few beats of silence.

“I want to be with you. No matter what the media, or fans, or anyone else has to say about it. At least try it out.” He said, reaching out to touch your hand. He brushed his fingertips along the back of your hand before intertwining your fingers.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’ve never been this sure of anything in my life.”

You couldn’t stifle your smile anymore, a swarm of butterflies erupting in your stomach and tickling a giggle out of you.

“I’m still not taking that role. I don’t need people thinking I get all my roles because you’re in love with me.”

Jimin laughed, and you swore you’d never heard a sound so pretty in your entire life. You smiled.

“I don’t care what roles you take, I just care that you’re happy.” He promised. And for the first time since you’d met him years before, you actually believed every single word, no hesitations. He wanted you happy, and you wanted him even happier yet.

[coupsie-daisies]

The Song of Persistence | Min Yoongi

Pairing: Min Yoongi x GN!Reader

Genre: College AU, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Yoongi will go to the ends of the earth, ever persistent for what he wants. That’s something that you learn from him.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Death mention, Alcohol, Yoongi is persistent

A/N: Y’all have no clue what I went through to post this. But here’s August’s piece for the clownracha monthly prompt. The classic, age old college AU. It’s unedited and the pacing is wonky, but I’m really proud of it. Let me know what you think!

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726​ // @sunnytaes​ // @wooyussy​ // @burningupp​ // @bunnypig18​ // @chrswolfie​ // @ferrethyun​

This fanfiction and the header attached are property of @/hobi-is-golden, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited

You were sat down at the piano in the practice room you used to use all the time, the same piano you’d been sat down at for the past forty-five minutes. Your fingers ran the length of the keys, not hard enough to make a sound but just enough to feel each one, every bump and ridge. You used to frequent the university music rooms, you’d composed most of your songs at this very piano. Sitting in front of it now felt like returning to a childhood home that someone else had lived in. It felt right, but a little tighter now, smaller and more rundown than you remembered. It was marked with traces of other people who had loved it when you hadn’t. It didn’t have the same shining draw that it had before, but it brought you comfort like none you’d felt in the past year. You sighed. Had it honestly been that long since you’d played? You missed it, but no matter how hard you tried, your fingers would freeze and your voice would get stuck.

But that was a year ago, and you craved the way it felt to create something from the depths of your soul. You took another deep breath, steadying your trembling nerves. What if you’d lost your ability to make music altogether? What if you’d forgotten how to play piano? Or if your voice had completely forgotten how to sing?

You tentatively played a few notes, your fingers falling back into the rhythm they’d always had, albeit a little clumsier than they had been before. You pulled your hand away once the notes had rung out and shook your head. It was time to grow up, your friends had told you, to take the reins back into your own hands and take a step back towards the thing you’d loved most in your life.

Once you began playing again, the anxiety melted away. The only thing you could hear was the melody you played, the curling, rising notes of your voice, and the heartbeat in your chest that pumped in time. Aside from the occasional stumble of your fingers, the song came to you as naturally as it ever had. The melody finished, and you pulled your hand away once more. You were shaking, just a little, and you heaved a sigh. The rush was subsiding, giving way to a tightness in your throat.

It had been a long time since you’d felt so alive, or so sick for that matter. You gathered your things, tucking all of your books and schoolwork back into your bag. One song was enough for today, and you would have to be meeting your friends soon anyways. You slung the bag’s strap over your shoulder, slipping out the door and into the hall, flicking the light off on your way out.

“Hey, your voice is amazing.” A voice said as you were closing the door behind you. You startled, pressing a hand over your heart and gaping at the man in front of you.

“Jesus, dude, you scared the shit outta me.” You hissed. The guy in front of you smiled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Sorry, I just heard you singing and I wanted to tell you how impressive it is.” He said. Your stomach dropped, and your palms became clammy. You clenched your fists tighter. “What’s your name?”

“You heard that?” You repeated back to him. He nodded slowly.

“Is that an original? I’d love to hear more of it.” It was your turn to nod this time, bobbing your head dumbly as you tried to process what he’d said. Nobody had heard you sing in so long, you’d made sure of that. And now this stranger was praising you for it.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” You said, moving to step past him. Hoseok wouldn’t be out of his dance team practice for a few more minutes, so you had more than enough time to meet him, but you couldn’t stand still and have this conversation. Not now. 

“Wait, sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I was just really hoping to talk to you for a second.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. You made a silent reminder to file a complaint about the lack of soundproofing in the practice rooms.

“Right, but you know what they say, stranger danger and whatever. So I think I should probably…” You nodded towards the end of the hall. He chuckled, appearing to be at a loss for words.

“Yeah, strangers. Well, I’m Min Yoongi. I usually hang around here…in case you change your mind. I’d really like to hear more of your music.”

“Listen, you've got it wrong. I’m not a musician, I’m studying film. I was just hanging around, killing time, you know?” You honestly felt sort of bad, he genuinely looked like he was stepping out of his comfort zone talking to you like this. You smiled, though it was a little bit forced.

“Y/N, there you are! Come on,” Hoseok called from the end of the hall, waving for you to hurry up. You nodded.

“I’m really sorry for wasting your time,” You told the stranger. “I’ll see you around.”

You jogged off to meet Hobi at the end of the hall, looking back over your shoulder to where the boy – Yoongi – was still looking at you.

“What was that about?” Hoseok asked. You shook your head at him.

“It’s nothing. He, uh, he heard me playing the piano.”

There was a long silence with nothing but your footsteps and the breathing between the two of you to fill the air.

“How do you feel?” He asked, carefully choosing his words. You knew what he meant, though. 

“Guilty I think.” You answered. He nodded like he’d been expecting that. You didn’t ask why, and he didn’t push you to talk about it any further.

Yoongi was left baffled, and a bit dejected actually. He didn’t have any idea who you were, just the sound of your voice taking over his every thought, and the name your friend had called to you. He didn’t have high hopes of seeing you again, the university was fairly large after all, and he didn’t know where to begin. But there was one person who just might.

Jin tapped a long finger against his chin as he thought. They were in the campus library where Yoongi’s most trusted friend worked during the school months. Jin turned back towards the books he was shelving.

“You said she’s a film major?” He asked. Yoongi nodded. Seokjin was something of a prince around the campus, handsome, intelligent, and well-off financially. Not to mention he was earning a business degree that was guaranteed to get him someplace in the future. Still, none of that measured up to his sense of humor and his unwavering loyalty in Yoongi’s eyes. Jin was the sort of man he could understand envying.

His friend took a moment to think, passing the book he held back and forth between his hands. Yoongi’s body mimicked the motion, anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Y/N Y/L/N, film major. She’s the same age as us I think, friends with the captain of the dance team. You know, the cute one with the smile.” Jin told him, waving a hand through the air.

“So you know her?”

“Well,” He put the book back where it belonged. “Not exactly. But I know her friend, which is essentially the same thing.”

Yoongi didn’t agree with that actually, but he wasn’t as good with people as Jin, so maybe it was true. 

“Come to the dance competition with me this weekend. I’m sure she’ll be there,” Jin said. Yoongi hesitated, then laughed.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s called stalking,” He pointed out. Jin rolled his eyes.

“It’s called killing two birds with one stone. Relax, will you? Don’t you want to hear her sing again?”

The question made him stop again. Of course he did, her voice was keeping him up at night writing a song that only she could do justice. But surely he was being creepy to even consider this, tracking her down like he was. Still, something in him was begging him to try.

Dance competitions were, as a general statement, not your favorite environments. It was always loud before the performances began, and there were always too many people for your liking, but you hadn’t missed a single one since Hoseok had joined the dance team in high school. You and Namjoon took your seats, already eagerly awaiting the beginning of the performances and flipping through the program that they’d been giving out. Some of these teams were incredible, having gone to nationals the year prior, but you knew Hoseok had been whipping the boys into shape, literally and metaphorically.

The lights were beginning to dim, and an announcement was called asking everyone to return to their seats for the first performance of the night. A bright voice caught your attention from the other side of Namjoon, and you looked up to see a handsome boy pointing to the seats next to you. With him was Yoongi, and your heart leaped into your throat. You were really banking on never seeing him again, but here he was only a couple of days later. You looked away.

“Are those seats taken?”

Namjoon spared you a glance, and you weren’t sure if he noticed your panicked expression or not, but he shook his head. You half hoped the stranger would sit by you, putting a little bit extra space between you and Yoongi and consequently sparing you the awkwardness, but luck was simply not on your side. Yoongi sat to your right, his friend on the other side of him. You met Yoongi’s eye, and he gave you a small smile. You smiled back, never more grateful for dancers to take the stage.

Even during the breaks, you managed to escape conversation, slipping away to the bathroom or grabbing a snack. Anything to put some distance between you and Yoongi, and you almost felt bad just because of the defeated look on his face. But soon enough the competition was over, and Hoseok had led his team to a thrilling victory, earning them a spot at nationals. You were headed back to congratulate him with Namjoon hot on your heels before the other pair even had an opportunity to stand up.

When you saw Hoseok, you shouted his name, nearly bowling him over with the force behind your hug. He wrapped his arms around you, lifting your feet off the ground. You wiggled out of his arms with a grin.

“We, you’re all sweaty,” You complained, wiping his sweat off of you as best as you could.

“You do this every single time,” He said, rolling his eyes. You grinned even wider.

“And it’s true every single time.” You said, poking at his chest. “Good job out there, twinkle toes.”

“Thanks, little canary.” He said, but his attention was drawn away by someone else. You let the name sink in. Little canary, he hadn’t used that for you in so long that it almost felt foreign, but you felt a bubble of pride rise in your chest. You looked over to see the two people you’d been trying to escape greeting your best friend. You looked to Namjoon for an explanation, but he looked just as baffled as you were.

“Jin, what the hell are you doing here?” Hoseok seemed to brighten even more, though you weren’t sure how that was actually possible. Leave it to Hobi to be friends with anyone and everyone.

“I came to see you win. I figured I’d come to say congratulations while I was here,” The man - Jin - told him, and you fake gagged at the absolute flirtation in his voice which made Namjoon and Yoongi laugh. For some reason, the sound of Yoongi’s laugh made your heart flutter in your chest. Annoying.

“Good to know you were watching me,” Hoseok flirted back. Ew. You didn’t remember the name Jin from Hoseok’s stories, but you assumed they were fairly well acquainted by the way their conversation was beginning to feel like something to be shared behind closed doors. “Actually, some of us were gonna go out for drinks after we get cleaned up. You should come with us. Your friend too.”

“For fucks sake,” You grumbled to yourself. Why couldn’t anything go your way? Was this your punishment? Your friends looked at you, but you just smiled tightly and shook your head. You weren’t really in the habit of making enemies in the name of personal grievances.

“Yeah, sure. Where should we meet up?” Jin asked. Yoongi didn’t look overly enthused at the prospect you noticed, or maybe he’d just checked out of the conversation entirely. It was hard to say when he was staring straight at you.

“I’ll text you an address, meet us there at nine?” Hobi asked. The two guests agreed and finally went their own way. You didn’t say much as all three of you returned to your apartment building. You split away from the boys, heading to your apartment and throwing yourself into getting ready for a night out.

You wondered as you did your makeup if you were being unfair. You’d developed a less than sunny disposition over the past year or so, and a distrust of…well, pretty much everyone. Your boys had been trying to get you to open up and let your walls come down, but it was slow going. Still, you thought you were beginning to see light filtering in through the cracks, and that scared you.

Once you were all made up, you headed to the boys’ apartment one floor above you, herding the two out to get a cab. The ride was the most peaceful part of the night, and that was gone the second you made it to the club Hoseok always chose. It was as loud as you remembered it being the last time you’d been. When you found Yoongi and Jin, they were already mingling with the other members of the Bangtan University dance team.

You greeted the younger boys with squeezes to their arms or affectionate ruffles of their hair, already relaxing at the familiarity of having your juniors around. They were good kids, you were grateful to watch them grow into young men.

You raised your hand in greeting to the newcomers, more of a peace offering than a friendly gesture. Yoongi was a friend of a friend (or rather the friend of a friend’s friend, but that was a bit wordy wasn’t it? You digress) and besides poking at a sore spot that he couldn’t possibly know existed, he hadn’t done anything wrong. So being hostile towards him wasn’t fair, even if it was instinct, but he had a long way to go before you’d call him a friend.

“Everyone’s here, we should do shots!” Jungkook said. You knew it was his favorite way to start off a night out with your friend group, so you seconded it which earned a loud complaint from Namjoon.

Jungkook headed for the bar, and Jin agreed to go with him, Tae following close behind. While they were gone, attention shifted to Hoseok again, as it usually did when there was a lull in the conversation. He was good at getting the ball rolling again.

“So,” You began. “How long have you and Jin known each other?”

There were a few excited agreements, everyone wanting to know more about this stranger and how he’d come to be invited to an oh-so-sacred night out. Hobi laughed.

“We met last semester, remember the study group I was in? Jin works in the library so he’d talk to us sometimes. That’s all, we’re just friends.”

“Right, just friends,” Joon laughed. “Because all friends have to emphasize that unprompted.”

“Let him have fun, hyung,” Jimin teased. “When’s the last time he was this relaxed.”

And you did have to agree with that statement. As much as you enjoyed teasing your friends about their love lives and the way they flirted, you were relieved to see him as happy and laid back as he was now.

The night went on like that, everyone loosened up with a couple of drinks in their systems and music pulsing through them like a heartbeat. You were grateful for your ability to hold your liquor by a few hours later in the night. You sipped your whiskey, looking around for your friends. You’d lost the youngest three among the crows, but you could see Jin and Hoseok, though you half wished you couldn’t with the way they were dancing pressed up against each other. It was just you, Namjoon, and Yoongi left at your table, and you were keeping to yourself more than you usually would have. You caught your name leaving Namjoon’s mouth, and you quickly pushed yourself to stand up.

“Gonna get some water, be right back.” You said. The boys nodded and you bobbed and weaved through the crowd of intoxicated strangers on your way back to the bar. You ordered your water, sitting down on one of the stools. You had a paper to finish tomorrow, and as much as you wanted to stay intoxicated, a hangover was the friend of no student.

“Can I get a water too?” A voice asked beside you. You didn’t have to look up to know it was Yoongi, which only served to irritate you. You didn’t want to recognize his voice, or his laugh, not even his pretty fucking face. You weren’t being fair, but life wasn’t fair, and you were even more unbearable with a couple of drinks in your system.

“What, are you stalking me now?” You asked, sipping your water. Yoongi didn’t respond, but he looked a bit taken aback by the hostility.

“I’m sorry if I did something wrong, I didn’t mean to make an enemy.” He said finally, tracing the rim of his water glass.

“Right. I wouldn’t say enemy, I’m just not sure why you’re following me around.” You took another drink.

“I was serious when I told you your voice was impressive. I write music, I’m studying production, and I really think you could help me make this song I’m working on better.” He said. The proposal sounded rehearsed, and you truly did feel bad for turning him down.

“I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to find someone else. I quit music.” You forced a smile despite the pain that saying those words brought.

“Please, I can’t stop thinking about-”

“Stop it. I really don’t mean to disrespect you, but I really can’t just…start singing again. You seem great, really, but you don’t know me, or my past. So please, just understand that I can’t sing for you.” You stood up, and Yoongi sighed, following your lead in getting to his feet.

“Then don’t sing. I won’t ask you to, just help me make something amazing. Give me your opinions, that’s all I ask. I can tell you have good taste, I just need your mind.” He gave it one last try, looking more passionate than you’d seen him before. You weren’t sure what to do with someone who loved the thing you’d cut out of your life just as much as you once had. Maybe as you still did. “Just think about it, text me when you’ve made up your mind.”

He handed you a napkin, his number scribbled on it. You stared at it, half wondering if he carried a pen everywhere he went.

“Right, I think I’m gonna head home. Could you let my friends know for me?” You folded the napkin, tucking it into the pocket of your jeans. Yoongi nodded, and you smiled. This time it was genuine. This guy was persistent, and normally that would irritate you. But with him, it was endearing. You had to admire that level of perseverance.

“So what are you gonna do?” Hoseok asked as you pondered the napkin you’d been given. You shrugged, poking at your meal, chasing a grain of rice back and forth across the plate. It was your weekly lunch with the boys, all of you just discussing the ups and downs of your week.

“I’m not…a musician anymore,” You said. Your friends both shifted in their seats around the table. You raised an eyebrow at them.

“It’s just that you’ve put so much distance between you and your music. You’re miserable, it’s like being friends with a zombie,” Hoseok explained, and rather bluntly at that. Your jaw dropped, but Namjoon interrupted before you spoke You settled instead for shoving a bite of food into your mouth.

“We don’t mean that you should dive headfirst back into it. But punishing yourself like this is killing you, and we can’t just stand by and watch you anymore.” Namjoon sighed and reached out to lay a hand over yours. You tried not to fidget away from the touch, feeling a bit put off with the attention on you. “Don’t you think it’s been long enough?”

There was a creeping sense of panic that had you becoming a bit sick to your stomach. You laid your free hand against your stomach

“How could it be enough?” You asked, looking desperately between the two of them. You were aching for an answer, hoping the two of them could make it all easier.

“Just try. You have to forgive yourself eventually. Please text him,” Namjoon tried again.

This time, you didn’t have it in you to argue. So you nodded and tried to ignore the bitter taste of self-loathing lingering in the back of your throat.

Sending the text was nerve-wracking, almost as much as receiving one back. I’m not going to sing you’d told him, but I’ll listen to what you’re working on. You regretted giving in right up until the moment Yoongi was welcoming you into his dorm room.

The space was small, a two-person dorm that appeared to be occupied by someone else as well, but who you weren’t sure. There were traces of Yoongi all across the small shared living space, posters, and pictures of him and his friends. There were a few notebooks here and there, and textbooks sitting out on the table by the small couch. All in all the space was fairly near. You wondered if he always kept the dorm clean or if he’d made it up just for you.

“Come on, my setup is in my room,” He told you. You nodded, following him into his bedroom. Honestly, there wasn’t anything particularly outstanding about his room besides the setup he had at his desk. His workspace rivaled the mini recording studio in your university’s music wing.

“Wow, this is amazing. Did you do this yourself?” You asked. He nodded.

“Yeah, I started buying everything back in high school, saved up for years. It’s still not everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m pretty happy with the results.” He told you. You nodded along as he gave you a little tour of everything.

“My mom used to have this makeshift studio in our spare room,” You said with a smile. “I’ve never really understood all this techy stuff, it's really impressive.”

 Yoongi watched you admire his hard work with a bashful smile of his own. You seemed less abrasive now than you had before, more relaxed as you made yourself just small enough to share his space. He liked it.

“I could teach you if you wanted. The techy stuff, I mean. Recording, producing.” You looked at him, and he had to fight off his laughter at how your eyes burned bright at the offer.

“Yeah, that would be cool. But let me hear this song first, I have to make sure you’re legit.” You told him, half teasing.

He sat down in the desk chair that was more or less wedged between the desk and the end of his bed, clicking through a few files on the laptop he had sitting there. There wasn’t enough room to walk between the chair and the bed, barely enough room to scoot up beside him.

“You can sit there,” He motioned towards the end of the bed, and you took your seat at his right, just slightly behind him. He handed you a pair of headphones, putting on his own and waiting for you to do the same.

You watched as Yoongi sorted through files with a practiced speed. There were tons of them, some labeled with titles, some with just dates. You wondered how many songs he had tucked away in those files of his. Finally, he clicked on one.

“I haven’t finished writing up lyrics yet, so it’s mostly just the backing track.” He said, voice quiet as he focused on loading up the track. “I added a rap verse. Might cut it from the final product, I haven’t quite decided,”

The more he talked, the more anxiety built up in your stomach. Who were you to judge his music? He clearly had more knowledge than you did, and an endless passion for the process. You on the other hand, well you were rusty at best. You’d hardly given music a listen unless you were with other people. Maybe you just weren’t ready for this. You focused instead on him. The curve of his eyelashes, the slope of his nose, and the hair at the nape of his neck that had begun to curl from growing a bit too long.

“Hitting play.” He said. You closed your eyes, pushing down the nerves as the music began. It was a sweet piano melody that was reminiscent of the one you’d been playing the day you met him. It was lilting, almost playful as it went on. Over it was a muted arrangement of strings and a pulsing electronic beat. It was breathtaking.

You could only imagine how pretty it would sound with a guitar dancing around the piano melody and a soft vocal line. You were getting lost in it when the rap verse came in. You were never a fan of rap, but Yoongi’s voice was clear and smooth in contrast to the raw intensity. It gave you chills.

When the song finished, it was as if the air was sucked out of your lungs. You blinked a few times, looking over at Yoongi as he took off his headphones. You didn’t say anything for a long moment, just wrapped up in how beautiful the work in progress was.

“It’s not done yet, it’ll get better.” He said, shifting a bit uncomfortably. You wondered how often he showed people his music if he still seemed so nervous about it all. You smiled.

“It can get better than this? It’s so good, Yoongi.” You promised, resting your hand on his arm. “Seriously. I have an idea though. If I may.”

He was quick to nod, and you shifted towards him, launching immediately into what you had been thinking about while you were listening. You explained your thoughts for a guitar addition, and what you thought the vocals should sound like. It was easy to get lost in this with him, in building a song up to everything you both knew it could be, everything that you both wanted.

The time was passing by faster than you imagined it would with the both of you brainstorming lyrics. It was late in the evening when you finally noticed the time, your stomach starting to ache with hunger and your brain running dry.

“Hey, it’s late, I should head out.” You said after a minute. Yoongi looked up from the notebook he’d been working in, a look of disappointment flashing over his features. You tried not to think too much about it.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks for helping me with this. It’s coming out really great.” He told you. You shrugged off the compliment.

“It’s nothing. Text me if you wanna get together again. Maybe we can grab food and work on those lyrics sometime.” You told him, gathering your things and shoving them back into your bag. Leaving was hard, and that made you worry, but it was also hard to worry with Yoongi around. He had a way of easing your mind now that you were giving him the opportunity.

A week or so had passed, and with neither of you managing time to meet up in person, phone calls and facetime calls had become a common occurrence between you and him. Usually just for a few minutes, bouncing lyric ideas or little melodies off of each other.

It had become so commonplace that your friends had grown used to you sneaking off to answer his calls. Which is what you’d just finished doing now, returning to the boys’ sitting area where everyone was hanging out.

“Have a good talk with your boyfriend?” Jimin teased. You rolled your eyes, flopping onto the couch between Namjoon and Jungkook.

“He’s not my boyfriend. And I did have a nice talk, thank you very fucking much.” You glared at the younger boy, but he didn’t say anything in response. You’d grown accustomed to the teasing from them over how much time you spent with Yoongi. It had taken you months to warm up to the younger members of the Bantan dance team, so for a complete stranger to waltz into your life and take up your time was unheard of.

You, on the other hand, made a conscious effort not to think about it. You didn’t like new people, and you weren’t a big fan of change in any setting, let alone one that could bring emotional distress. But Yoongi was harmless, he was a good person with a heart of gold, and all he was doing was giving you the inspiration that you’d thought was gone for good. Namjoon always said that despite their teasing, Yoongi was good for you.

“So how’s the song coming?” Hoseok asked as the teasing and cruel giggles died down. Your eyes shifted to look at him, then at the other boys who were watching you attentively. You didn’t often talk about the fact that you two were working on a song together, you had avoided the topic of music quite successfully up until this moment and you were not exactly grateful to be dragged back into speaking of it.

“It’s going well. Lyrics are slow going, but I think that’s because he wants me to take the lead,” You said, shifting uncomfortably. You knew full well that the boys just wanted you to do what was best for you, but that didn’t mean that it was easy, or that it always felt good. Especially when you were looking back on it and not living it actively.

“That’s good. You should play it for us when you finish it!” Jungkook said, playfully nudging your arm. He was a good kid, you were lucky he was there. Sometimes it felt like he and Namjoon were the glue that held the group together in tense moments like this when all you wanted to do was kick Hoseok in the head hard enough to knock him unconscious. You didn’t assault your best friend.

“Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure, that’s up to him I guess.” You said, shrugging it off.

“That’s true, but you should still ask him. Maybe you guys can perform it,”

Hoseok again. Sticking his nose where it didn’t fucking belong and pushing buttons he had no right. You huffed.

“Yeah, probably not.” You said. “I hate to cut things short, but I have some homework to do, so I think I should head out.”

You watched as everyone argued that you should stay, and you caught Taehyung sending a glare in Hoseok’s direction. You knew you weren’t being as level-headed as you would have liked to be, but you couldn’t help it. Hoseok knew better than anyone what you’d been dealing with, he’d watched the life drain from your eyes, and now he was putting you on the spot in front of all your friends.

“Sorry boys, I’ll see you later okay?” You said, grabbing your bag and heading for the door. You weren’t trying to leave on bad terms, but you figured it was best to distance yourself before you said something you didn’t mean.

You made your goodbye quick, slipping out the door and speed walking towards the stairs. Damn apartment building with its damn broken elevator. You had almost made it when you heard your name. You turned begrudgingly.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that back there.” Hoseok said, his hands shoved in his pockets. You scoffed.

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have.” You agreed. There was a long pause, neither of you knowing where to go from there. “I’ll get over it. But it was inconsiderate and I needed some space. So I’ll text you later.”

He nodded, and you gave him a pressed smile before turning to head back home. You hated leaving him like this, leaving on bad terms always made your stomach churn with anxiety.

“Hoseok?” You waited for him to look up at you again. “I love you.”

He smiled, and you smiled back.

You were home a few minutes, restless and frustrated. You loved Hoseok, and you would be fine. You’d been friends for so long and you came out of every confrontation just as close as you always were. But it was irritating to have him poke your sore spots and embarrass you in front of your friends. And you felt even worse that you were mad about it.

You weren’t sure when you’d become so reliant on Yoongi’s presence to make you feel better, but there you stood in the middle of your bedroom with your phone in your hand, dialing his number at 9 pm on a Thursday evening. But he picked up in no time, and the tension eased from your muscles.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked. You swallowed.

“Are you home? Can I come over?” You asked him in return. You heard shifting on his end of the line.

“Yeah, you can come over. Is everything okay?” Yoongi asked. You hummed a bit dismissively.

“I’ll be fine. I just need to…I don’t know, not be here I guess. I’ll be over soon.” You said, already hanging up so he couldn’t ask more questions. You gathered your notebooks and slipped on your shoes to head back to the dorms to see him.

The walk wasn’t long, you’d opted for the cheapest apartments just off campus, and you were grateful that Jin and Yoongi lived on the side closest to you. But the cool evening air was sobering. You ran through the lyrics you were working on, something to distract you from the emotions boiling beneath the surface that you always tried not to acknowledge.

Yoongi was waiting for you in his dorm, stretched out on the couch and scrolling on his phone. Jin wasn’t in the dorm, but you’d found that to be quite common. He sat up when you walked in, not bothering to knock - something else that had become a daily practice for the two of you.

“What happened?” He asked you.

“I had some lyric ideas, I thought that maybe we could work on it.” You said, sitting down in the space he’d made for you and opening up the notebook you’d been working in. It was true that you‘d come up with some lyrics, but mostly you just wanted to be close to him. You wondered if he could tell. But if he did notice that you were acting strangely, he didn’t say so.

“Okay, but come down to the laundry rooms with me, I have a couple of loads running, and the last time I left them unattended someone stole my favorite shirt.” He told you. You wanted to laugh, but you knew that college students were nothing if not assholes, so you agreed, gathering your things and following him downstairs through the building.

The basement where the row of washing and drying machines were lined up was cool and musty in the way that most basements were. Yoongi climbed up onto one of the machines, and you jumped up on the one beside him, making yourself as comfortable as you could be with the cold steel digging against your skin. There wasn’t any talk about your days, you just swapped feedback, constructing a few lines of the second verse while he worked on the rap verse that he’d written, trying to tweak it into the shape he wanted. You liked when he rapped, it was like you could see his entire being, like he was laying himself out bare and vulnerable before you.

“Hey, have you tried layering harmonies over the rap?” You asked him. He looked up, waiting for you to continue. “You know, like having a vocalist harmonize with this rap part here to give it more depth,” You tapped the eraser of your pencil against a few lines on his notebook.

“Would you try it with me?” He asked. You looked at him like a deer in the headlights, and he quickly followed up with a shake of his head. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready. I won’t make you.”

You nodded, looking down at your hands. It had been several weeks, and you’d never opened up to anyone about this besides your closest friends. But somehow you felt guilty keeping Yoongi in the dark. He was ever patient with you, always gentle in approaching the subject of music.

“Music was my mom’s thing. She was a music teacher, and she helped me write that song you heard me sing that day.” You told him. It was quiet aside from the chugging hum of the washing machine. You could feel him looking at you, but you didn’t look back. “And my mom died a little over a year ago. I hadn’t made music since then. I don’t deserve to.”

“Music isn’t something you have to earn.” He said carefully. You tried not to scoff.

“My mom was my favorite person in the world. She supported me through everything, no questions asked. But the night she died…” You cleared your throat in an attempt to push the lump forming there back down. “The night she died she had told me I shouldn’t go to this open mic thing going on. There were gonna be lots of scouts and people in the industry that could have helped me get a leg up, you know? And it was stupid, she wouldn’t have told me not to go if she thought it would be worthwhile.” 

You sniffled, your fingers spinning your pencil to focus the nervous energy building inside of you. You hated talking about this, hated thinking about what might have gone through her head. Hating that you had done the unforgivable.

“We fought about it. We used to fight a lot, but it was never really bad. We would always make up right away and move on. But I said awful things. I told her she didn’t care about me, that she never let me chase my dreams because…” You choked back a sob. “Because she couldn’t make it so she didn’t want me to. That’s the last thing I said to her.”

You felt Yoongi’s hand land on yours, squeezing your hand and rubbing his thumb over it. You sniffled, swiping away your tears with your free hand. You cleared your throat.

“I never got to say goodbye, or that I’m sorry. So I couldn’t let myself make music again. That was something that belonged to her, and it was the reason I turned my back on her.” You said. You didn’t feel that way as much now. You’d begun to think that maybe she understood, she’d always had a knack for understanding what was going on inside your head. Maybe she’d forgiven you. Maybe she could see you now and wanted you to be as happy as you once were.

“Y/N, I’ve seen how much you love music. And your mother.” Yoongi started. If it were anyone else you would have snapped. Who was he to talk about you, or your music, and least of all your mother? But this was Yoongi, and he was good to you. “I didn’t know her, but I’m sure if she was anything like you are she wouldn’t want you to suffer for the rest of your life without the thing you love to do. If anything I think this was meant to remind you to keep chasing what you love.”

“How can I follow this when I never got closure?” You asked, half snapping. He didn’t pull away from you, he didn’t even flinch. If anything his intensity seemed to double down.

“Make this your closure. Do you really think your mom is at peace knowing that you’re beating yourself up every second of every day for loving something so deeply?” He asked. You exhaled, the pieces finally lining up.

Your mother had never wanted you to change who you were or how you felt. Not for anyone but yourself.

“No…she’d never forgive me for giving it up,” You admitted quietly. Yoongi smiled, giving your hand another squeeze before letting go. You took a deep breath.

“Then don’t give up. Make this your closure, prove to her that you’re not going to let one thing you love outweigh the other.” He told you.

You nodded, and you swore she’d smile down at you now. You wondered, though you weren’t sure what you believed about heaven and the like, if she was watching over you. If she’d brought Yoongi to you for just this reason. Maybe it was finally time to be finished suffering. You could let your music prove to her that you loved her unconditionally, that you regretted what you’d said, that you were sorry.

“Thanks, Yoongi. For everything. And especially for not giving up on me.” You told him.

“I’m not gonna ever give up on you, you don’t have to thank me for that.” He told you before sliding his notebook your way. “So, about those harmonies you mentioned.”

[hwatermelonsuga]

Fool's Gold

° genre: pirate au, pirateez, angst, bit of humor

° warnings: language, violence, murder, alcohol(ism), possibly more in individual chapters

° pairing: seongjoong

° summary: Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, join Hongjoong and his crew on a quest to find Captain Avery's hidden treasure as they come across traitors, lies, and a tyrant for a king.

° started: 05/09/22

° ended: TBA (on hold)

index

i. (The) Pirate King

ii. First Night Back In Port

iii. We’re All Bound to Go

iv. On The Sea of Thieves

v. My Way

vi. Good Little Boy

vii. Once A Sailor

viii. Tyme Flyes When You’re Havin’ Rum

ix. Desire

facts

Chapter 1 & 2 and General

Chapter 3, 4, & 5

tag you're it: @felixtok @sunnytaes @burningupp @honeyvocalhwang @bunnypig18

let me know if you want to be on the tag list!! Also did I just title each chapter a sea shanty... yes I did..

pic creds: 1 | 2 | 3

[hwatermelonsuga]

Fool's Gold: i. (The) Pirate King

° Series Masterlist

° genre: pirate au, pirateez

° word count: 1.7k

° warnings: language, violence, alcohol

° pairing: seongjoong

° summary: Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, join Hongjoong and his crew on a quest to find Captain Avery's hidden treasure as they come across traitors, lies, and a tyrant for a king.

“You muse know, that I am Captain of this Ship now, and this is my Cabin, therefore you must walk out” -Captain Avery

The sun was high in the sky. Not a cloud in sight. The waves were as calm as they could be near the shore. The sounds of seagulls disrupt the atmospheric peace as sailors and merchants went about their days. A few ships were parked near the deck with their sails down. The breeze gave relief to those working hard at fixing them. It seemed like any ordinary day.

“Give it up Jones! It’s over!”

The clash of swords was heard as two men went head to head. The shorter, black-haired one had the upper hand as the older and taller male was inching closer to the water below them. Jones looked behind him to see he was only a step away from falling off the ship. What can he do? Before he could think of the next thing to do, the shorter one used his sword to knock Jones’s weapon out of his hand. He pointed the end towards Jones’s neck. 

“You only have two options. Let us turn you in, or drown. Either way I’m satisfied.”

There was a pause as Jones looked at his option. He couldn’t go out as a coward. Fear shone through the man’s eyes and he raised his hands, surrendering to the clearly skilled man. 

“Good choice. Tie him up.” Other men came over with rope and tied Jones’s hands behind him. They picked him up and walked him off the ship. The winner of the duel stood tall and faced a cheering crowd. 

“Today marks a new era. No more lies, no more tyranny. Today you’re free!” More cheers sounded out as the man tried to calm the crowd. “As of today, I’m your captain now, and I hope you put as much trust in me and I put in you all.” 

As he finished his speech and walked down to everyone, the crowd of men yelled and cheered as they patted him on the back. He made eye contact with a particular crewmate and made his way over to him. As others dispersed, the two met in the middle and looked at each other. 

“Congrats, Kim. You’re the captain now”

“Drop the formal talk, Hwa.”

The two laughed as Seonghwa clapped him on the back. “Let’s get you a drink.”

They passed crew members and random people as they made their way to the nearest tavern and called someone to get drinks at their table. A few others that they recognized joined them in the celebration. Rounds of grog and rum were passed around as the lot became a bit rowdy. They all recapped the moment when the Kim Hongjoong overthrew their former captain Jones with ease. 

“Hey Hongjoong, wanna give another speech,” one of the members, Yunho yelled out. 

“Nah, nah-”

“Aw come on,” the group all said. 

Clearly, they all admired the man and wanted to hear more of his promises and hope for the crew’s future. Two other members, Wooyoung and Yeosang, pulled him by his arms to bring him to his feet. Hongjoong was reluctant, but he had to give the people what they wanted. He looked back to Seonghwa for help, but the black-haired man only laughed and shrugged. Hongjoong rolled his eye and went to stand on a table. The music stopped and everyone in the place looked to the leader and waited for what he was going to say. 

“Ah, I don’t know what to say. We’ve been through a lot. With Jones’s bullshit and him almost getting us killed several times. I’m glad that you all wanted me to be your captain. I’ll make things right. No more stupid adventures and failed promises.” 

Everyone’s eyes shone with happiness and pride as Hongjoong went on with another speech. He was the perfect choice for the new captain. Everyone loved him (I mean really, how could you hate the guy?). Every crew member in that tavern knew that the future was bright for them. There was a taste of freedom that they never thought they would experience. Maybe they’ll be okay.

As Hongjoong finished his speech, Seonghwa stood and raised his mug. “To Captain Hongjoong!” And with that, everyone followed. Cheers rang as they all took a swig of the alcohol that warmed their bodies.

The sounds of shanties rang through the building as people went back to talking and laughing. Hongjoong came down from the table with a red face and embarrassed smile. He sat comfortably next to Seonghwa as he called a waitress over for more to drink.   

“How does it feel Joong, or should I say Captain,” Yeosang teased. 

“Guys stop, I may be Captain, but we’re all still on the same level.”

“Ah shut up! You have the most important role. You’re basically our boss,” Yunho stated and Hongjoong rolled his eye at that. 

“Well, I feel the same as before.” A hand hit his shoulder at that. “Well, it’s true! I mean, I’m no different than you guys. We all have an important role in this crew. If we didn’t have Yunho, we’d be lost at sea by now. If we didn’t have Yeosang, we’d have so much on our hands and everything would fall apart. If we didn’t have Wooyoung, we’d die of hunger or an infection. If we didn’t have Mingi-”

“Okay, okay we get it! We’re important and you’d be dead without us. ” Wooyoung stopped him, which earned him a look. 

“HONGJOONG,” someone yelled, running into the tavern. 

The men turned to see another member of the crew, San as he had a piece of paper in his hand and an excited look on his face. A huge smile was shown as his dimples were prominent. 

“Uhh it’s Captain to you,” Wooyoung corrected him but San pushed him out of the way before he could go on. 

“What’s going on?”

“Guess what I found,” San asked as he jumped up and down. 

“Don’t know what you found, but I know what you lost,” Yeosang commented.

“What?”

“Your mind!”

Hongjoong interrupted them. “What did you find?”

San slammed the paper on the table. “Captain Avery’s treasure is still out there!”

Some of the men were intrigued and others were annoyed. They were tired of hearing about this treasure. They weren’t even sure if it actually existed. 

“San, you know that that whole treasure is a lie right,” Jongho speaks up as he sits down in an empty seat, just arriving at the tavern. 

“Shut it errand boy,” San insulted him, but then flinched as Jongho gave him a look. “Look guys, why not just go for it. Why not take a chance? What if it’s real?”

“And what if it’s not,” Hongjoong stopped him. “I’m not risking any of our lives for some tale. People going there haven’t made it back and the ones that have didn’t even find the treasure. Just give it up, San. It’s only some silly children’s tale.” 

The ones that were hopeful sighed as they slumped in their chairs. On the other hand, San didn’t give up. 

“Captain, please.”

“You heard Hongjoong. We shouldn’t take that risk. And it’s probably not true. We all know that Captain Avery spent it all and died alone,” Seonghwa patted San’s arm.

“Oh, really? I heard him and his crew took it all and fled to a random island,” Yunho spoke up. 

“Who cares. Bottom line is we won’t need that treasure, trust me.” Hongjoong drank the last of his grog and stood up. “Alright let’s head out, where’s Mingi?” 

“Headed to the ship from Old Man Teach’s.” 

They all left for the ship. People who stayed on board made sure everything was fixed and ready to go. The men all boarded the ship and took their respective spots. Hongjoong watched as his closest crew ordered everyone around, making sure that their take off was smooth. The sails were out and the anchor was pulled up. At the wheel stood Yunho as he took them to their next destination, Misfit Island. 

~~~~~~~~

The next night

~~~~~~~~

The sound of a calm sea and flickering candles filled the room as Hongjoong and Seonghwa locked themselves in the Captain’s room. The two laid in Hongjoong’s bed for the night after some… activities.

“You know you should be out there with the others,” Hongjoong whispered into the dim but warm atmosphere. Tucked into the captain’s side, Seonghwa laughed.

“Trying to kick me out? How rude.” Hongjoong chuckled at that.

“No, no. Can’t seem like I’m picking favorites-”

“It’s not like they don’t know already, Joong.”

This silenced him. He didn’t think it was obvious, but he guessed that he and Seonghwa weren’t as discreet as he thought they were. They’ve had a thing going on for months now. The inner circle pretty much knew what was going on. Honestly, they made a bet to see how long it would take for them to get together (Yeosang and Mingi won). The inner circle supported them no matter what. It was somewhat rare but not unheard of, two male pirates getting together. At this point, no one really cared. They’re pirates. They’re worried about getting money and getting drunk, and that’s possibly why Hongjoong wasn’t as reluctant. In their world, no one cared about what others did (unless it dealt with them of course) and no one pushed into anyone’s business. People were free to do anything, and that was what pirate life was about: being free with no consequences. 

Huh, freedom with no consequences…

Even though they lived by that, deep down Hongjoong knew better. There was freedom but there were so many consequences. Diseases, kidnapping, lies, betrayal, pain, imprisonment, executions. These were the downsides of piracy. This was the reality that people ignored. They couldn’t avoid it. 

But even through all that, even with the consequences… Hongjoong kept his crew in a bubble of ignorance.. a bubble of bliss. 

Hongjoong wanted that for himself. 

He wanted to be selfish. 

So here he is, wrapped up with the man he adored. The man who was always by his side. The one who encouraged him every day and night. The one he knew who wouldn’t betray him. His first mate. 

His right-hand man. 

tag you're it: @felixtok @sunnytaes @burningupp @honeyvocalhwang @bunnypig18

[hwatermelonsuga]

Fool's Gold: viii. Tyme Flyes When You're Havin’ Rum

° Series Masterlist

° genre: pirate au, pirateez

° word count: 3.4k

° warnings: language, death, alcohol, manipulation, toxic relationship involved, toxic character, stabbing

° pairing: seongjoong

° summary: Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, join Hongjoong and his crew on a quest to find Captain Avery’s hidden treasure as they come across traitors, lies, and a tyrant for a king.

“He has come to be the great man he thought he wanted to be. If this is true, then he is not a man. He is still a little boy and wants the moon.” - Cup of Gold

4 Years Ago

“Hey Joonieeee, can you get me another one?”

The man who was called rolled his eyes as he prepared another beer for the customer. As he gave him the drink, the man winked at him and tried to grab his arm. Before that could happen, Hongjoon pulled out a dagger and stabbed it into the wood next to the man’s hand. He was frightened while Hongjoong smirked at him, leaving him to get back to his job.

Hongjoong was sick of it.

The men here were disgusting. He didn’t know how he could do it. They were always at the tavern to get drunk and to find someone or something to stick their dick in. Most of the time that someone was Hongjoong, seeing as they scared all the women off.

Hongjoong wished that he could’ve done something else with his life, but he had no other skills. And trust, he has tried every other job there is out there. He’s not that great at selling things, people piss him off all the time, and his parents didn’t have any particular skills… except for stealing.

Yeah, he wasn’t that lucky in life. So here he is, at a tavern… serving drinks to pigs.

“Joong!”

Hongjoong turned his head to see an old friend, Chan, walk into the building. Following him with puppy eyes was one of his crew members. He was a bit shorter with blonde hair and an innocent look on his face. Hongjoong was sure he was still dangerous, even if he looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly. Maybe he’d kill a man before he’d kill a fly.

“Channie! What are you doing here?”

“Well, I decided to stop by since we’ll be in town for a bit. Came to see how you were doing. Oh, by the way, this is Felix. Felix, Hongjoong.”

The two shook hands with smiles and Hongjoong showed them to a seat at the bar. He grabbed them something to drink and told the guy working with him to take over. He hopped over the bar to the other side and sat next to Chan.

“How’s it going?”

“Ah, it’s alright. Just came from this small town. They didn’t have much there so we left ‘em alone. Wasn’t worth it.”

“Still out at sea huh? Man, I wish I can live the life you guys are living. Making your own rules, so much freedom. And you’re not that miserable.”

Chan laughed at that. “Well, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.”

“There are some rainbows though,” Felix hopped in. Chan gave him a look, signaling Felix to hush up.

“I’m sure it’s better than being here,” Hongjoong scoffed. They all looked around to see drunk men fighting and laughing. One tried to come up to Hongjoong but saw the glares on the men’s faces and backed away.

“Is this a regular day for you,” Felix asked.

“Yeah, I guess. Sometimes it’s worse.”

“Well if you want to be a pirate so bad, why not join one? I’m surprised that you’re not,” Felix inputted.

“How do you know I’m not a pirate?”

“Trust me, I can tell.”

Hongjoong laughed at that. “Honestly I would, it’s just that… huh. I don’t know.”

Why is he not a pirate already? Why is he just serving drinks to these… men? He could be living the life he’s dreamed of for years, really ever since he was a toddler.

“Hey, how about you join us,” Felix offered. Chan almost slapped the man but he decided not to. He didn’t know.

“Ah, I don’t know.”

“Come on! It’ll be fun. You’ll love the crew-”

“Felix.”

“And you won’t have to do much. I’m sure everyone will love you-”

“FELIX! Calm down.”

Hongjoong had a look on his face. It’s not that he didn’t want to be a part of Chan’s crew. It’s just that… a certain person was a part of it. Someone he didn’t want to interact with.

“Why what’s wrong?”

“Eh.. maybe it’s not a good idea. Thanks for the offer though.

They sat in silence while Felix was trying to understand what was going on. Why didn’t he want to come with them? Felix was sure that he would be a great addition. Chan didn’t say anything. He knew why Hongjoong didn’t want to join.

“So uh anyway…” Chan tried to move the topic onto something else but nothing came to his head for him to spit out. Because of that, they sat in more silence.

Felix fidgeted in his seat. He wanted to know the reason. What was the reason? He didn’t want to push it though. Maybe it was a good reason. Maybe not. Who knows? Felix doesn’t but he wants to right now. His curiosity was eating him alive. He couldn’t sit still and the guy next to him was on the verge of kicking him out of his seat.

“Ok, I need to know. Why won’t you join?”

“Felix, stop.”

“No, Chan, it's okay. We haven’t been together for a while.” Felix leaned in to get the full story. “It’s just uh... My ex is in your crew.”

“WHAT? Who is it?”

“Don’t answer him,” Chan budged in. “He doesn’t need to know. Just want something to talk about when we get back.”

Felix pouted at that and Hongjoong snickered. He couldn’t believe this man was a pirate. After a bit, Felix let it go. He’ll find out eventually. The guys stayed at the tavern for a few more hours until it was dark out. Chan invited Hongjoong back to their ship but he was iffy on that.

“It’ll be fine. Not everyone will be on board. We don’t leave until the day after tomorrow. I’m sure the guys are either causing trouble or getting drunk.” Hongjoong was still reluctant, but hey, why not. He’ll risk it. And if he does see his ex, he’ll just run. Simple enough.

They traveled to the docks and reached Chan’s ship. He was right, there weren't a lot of men on board. He was able to recognize a few men but there was no sight of the one he dreaded to see. A few of Chan’s men were seated in a dimly lit area on the deck and were telling jokes.

“Hey guys, this is Hongjoong.” The men nodded and allowed the three to join in.

Hongjoong could name a few. Changbin… Jisung… Seungmin…

He relaxed knowing that he was safe here. He joined in on the jokes and was enjoying himself. It’s been a while. All this time he’s been on his toes, watching his back. Turning people away and not bothering to settle in one place. It was nice to chill.

It didn’t last though.

“Joong! Surprised to see you here.”

He turned around to see the one man he didn’t want to see right now. Actually, not ever.

“Long time no see, huh.”

Someone kill him now.

“Ah Yuta, Seungmin just told this funny story about this lady’s house he robbed,” Jisung yelled out and turned to Seungmin. “Go on, you tell it better.”

“Ah, nah. The moment’s passed.”

“The hell are you talking about?” Jisung looked genuinely offended at that.

Hongjoong blanked out on the rest. His focus was on Yuta at the moment. He was trying to make himself smaller but it was too late. Yuta’s eyes burned his skin, his attention was too much. Hongjoong wanted to claw at his burning arm.

He wanted to run away. He couldn’t though.

He was stuck. Frozen.

How the hell will he get out of this situation?

Chan looked over once he noticed Yuta, Hyunjin, and Johnny walking over their way. He didn’t think they’d get back so soon. Fuck! What was he going to do? He felt so bad. Hongjoong will never trust him. He promised him that he would run into his past, but look at them now. How can this get any worse?

“Uhh, Yuta. Hey…” Hongjoong finally snapped out of it. He didn’t know what else to say besides that though.

The others didn’t pick up on the awkward tension between the two. Well… Felix did. Currently, he was in shock. Yuta and Hongjoong? What was going on between them? Was Yuta his ex? Can’t be! There was no way. How did they even cross paths? Felix was so confused but he was all into this plot.

Jisung and Seungmin kept arguing about the story while the others watched, Johnny whispering “fight, fight” right behind them.

Yuta walked closer to Hongjoong’s space while the other man had nowhere to go. He didn’t want to make a scene.

“What’s been going on?”

He didn’t want to answer that. He was silent for a bit and looked at Chan. Chan could see the panic in his eyes. He shrugged and motioned him to talk to the waiting pirate.

“Uh, same old, same old.”

“Hongjoong, how about we take a walk,” Chan jumped in.

“Well actually, I wanted to talk to you quickly,” Yuta pushed Chan back and entered Hongjoong’s space.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Chan, calm down. I won’t hurt him.”

“Anymore,” Hongjoong whispered. Luckily no one caught it.

“I know, it’s just-”

“The past is the past. And I’m sure Joong’s over it. Right,” Yuta turned his attention to the quiet man.

Chan was still iffy on this. He trusted Yuta, but not around Hongjoong. It’s been a year or so since they’ve split. Was it a terrible breakup? Kind of. He did have to make Hongjoong “disappear” but Yuta caught on. Hongjoong had a feeling that Yuta knew where he was the whole time. Was it worth the trouble? Yes. The thing is Yuta was toxic. He wasn’t good for Hongjoong. All of the fighting, flirting with others to make each other jealous, all of the trouble they would get into. Yuta was a pirate, so of course, he was a bad person. They all were. But the things that happened between the two men… Chan would never do that.

If Yuta wasn’t such a good gunman, he’d be out of here. Honestly, Chan feared for his life. Yuta can be scary when he wants to be.

Chan looked over to Hongjoong to see his expression. He hid his emotions well in this silent moment. He couldn’t figure out what the man was thinking.

“Yeah sure,” Hongjoong mumbled. Chan couldn’t believe him.

The two went to find somewhere private, which was not easy since Chan was following them. He wasn’t about to let them out of his sight. He lost them though when they went into the town.

“Well shit,” Chan huffed.

The two found themselves in a tavern that was surprisingly not crowded.

“So… what did you want to talk about?” Hongjoong wanted this over and done.

“I see you’re in a rush. Why can’t we just think about the good days for a sec-”

“Yeah no. I’m not doing this, so if you have nothing important to say then I’m leaving. You’re wasting my time.” Hongjoong went to leave when Yuta grabbed his bicep, bringing him back.

“Wait wait wait. Stay. I just want to say sorry.. for everything.”

Hongjoong was listening, kind of. This was rare but he didn’t know if it was genuine. And also… it took him this long to say sorry? Sure Hongjoong was in hiding, but Yuta knew where he was. So why now?

“I’ll need a drink… or 4.”

The alcohol helped a bit… maybe too well. Hongjoong doesn’t remember a thing. The drinks kept coming and his feelings for Yuta were coming back. At least, he thinks so.

Hongjoong woke up the next morning with a major headache and no clothes. He rubbed his eyes and looked to see Yuta next to him. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know how he got here. What the hell happened?

He didn’t have time for all of these questions though. He got up and searched for his clothes immediately, even if his body was telling him to stop. He had to get out of here though. It took him a minute but he eventually put his clothes on without waking up the demon he laid by last night and left out the bedroom door. He found himself in a hall. Is this a random person’s house?

No! No time for questions.

As Hongjoong walked closer to where he thought was the front door, something wretched reached his nose causing him to back up a bit and cover it. He couldn’t describe the smell. He does know that he wants to get away from it… but he has to get to the door.

“Let’s see how long I can hold my breath.”

He jogged but came to a stop at what was in the living room.

Blood.

Bodies.

Three unrecognizable bodies lay on the floor. Blood covered the floor and splattered on the walls. A knife was still lodged in one of the person’s chests.

If Hongjoong had to guess, it was the family that lived here.

Did… did they do that to them?

He teared up at the thought.

How did this happen?

How could he let this happen? It was supposed to be only one drink. How did a bit of alcohol lead to murder? But this is normal right? This is normal pirate shenanigans. This is what it means to be a pirate: steal, kill, ask no questions.

But this isn’t him.

He’s not a pirate.

He didn’t do this.

Yuta did it. Yeah, this isn’t his fault. It was all Yuta’s doing. And Hongjoong wasn’t even sober enough to remember. Maybe this happened before he came. Yeah, that’s what happened.

And it’s not like Hongjoong hasn’t seen a dead body before.

This is normal.

“Mary, I- what? What the..''

The door opening caught Hongjoong’s attention.

Oh shit.

The man who came in looked from the crime scene to the suspect.

“Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY?”

Hongjoong couldn’t answer the man. He was asking the same questions. All he could do was shake his head and try to get the man to calm down.

The man stomped towards Hongjoong who started to back up. He started yelling but it was going in one ear and out the other. Hongjoong was just trying to figure out how to get out. Everything was happening so fast. He was getting chased around the house. Hongjoong tried to speak up but the words didn’t come out.

“COME HERE!”

He had to get out quickly. The man had murder in his eyes. Hongjoong tried to avoid him but the man was gaining on him. He looked back to see him pull out something from his side. Was that a knife?

“Shit.” That was the only word that could come from his mouth.

And the last thing he said before he was tackled to the ground. His head hit the ground hard, which only made his headache worse. The man jumped on Hongjoong and went to stab him. Hongjoong grabbed his arm and tried to wrestle his way out of this. All of this fast movement tired him out. His arms were starting to give out. Where the fuck was Yuta?

Speaking of the devil, the man came in clothed and wide-eyed. This caught Hongjoong’s attention, but that one second of distraction cost him his eye. The man forced his knife into Hongjoong’s face and got him right dead in the eye.

~~~~~~~~

“What happened to you?”

Hongjoong glared at the worker who questioned him. He doesn’t remember how long it’s been since the incident. Hongjoong ran away to hide from Yuta. He doesn’t even know what happened to him. Chan told him that he got rid of him but that was all he told him. Chan apologized a lot to Hongjoong but it wasn’t on him. Hongjoong could only blame himself for what happened. He shouldn’t have drunk so much. He shouldn’t have gone with Yuta. He should have said no.

But he can’t take it back.

He can’t go back in time to fix things.

Or would he be fixing things?

Maybe this was the big man’s master plan. Maybe his life was supposed to go to shit.

He hasn’t been able to forget that time. Staying up because if he slept, he would relive it.

The only thing he could do to forget is what caused this mess in the first place.

He drank… and drank… and drank.

His life was over.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit,” Hongjoong replied to the stranger.

“I hear ya.”

Hongjoong didn’t know what to say after that. It was kind of an awkward silence. The other man turned in his seat to stare at Hongjoong. What did this man want? Why is he being a weirdo? Hongjoong was ready to pull his knife out honestly. He kept looking at the half-empty cup in his hand.

“What happened to ya kid?” Hongjoong was silent.

“What if I told ya I can make your life better?”

“Look, can you shut the fuck up? Also, you look like you’re one step away from death and I’d rather not wake up next to a naked dead body, so if you can just not?” The man laughed at that.

“I like you kid.”

“Mmm please don’t.”

The man only got closer. “Look, I wanna show you something.”

“And I need you to back up.”

“Trust me, kid.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

The man pulled out a dagger and aimed to press it to Hongjoong’s neck. “Look kid, this is the last time I’m gonna say it. Come with me.”

Hongjoong pulled out his knife and pressed it to his neck. “And this is the last I’ll say this. No.”

The two glared at each other without moving. They were waiting for the other’s next move, nerves on high alert. Suddenly, the man laughed. Laughed? Oh, he was more than crazy.

���You’re funny! You’re perfect.”

Hongjoong was so confused. He wasn’t about to let this random drag him to whatever hellhole and take advantage of him. What were his real intentions?

“You wanna be a pirate?”

“And be a part of your crew? I’m not that desperate, you’re a terrible pirate. Exposing yourself to a stranger like that-”

“You don’t look important and you do look desperate. Just…think about it. Me and my crew are on the way to find some real gold. You look like you want to forget something. This journey can help.”

Hongjoong still didn’t trust him. Also, looking for treasure. HA, please. Everyone knows that finding treasure is just a child’s game. It’s a waste of time and will only lead someone to their death. But Hongjoong was a bit curious. Was it worth the risk? If the guy was actually just leading Hongjoong to bed then he could just kill him, right? And if he was telling the truth then Hongjoong can leave his life behind, and forget everything that’s happened.

Eventually, Hongjoong put down the knife and went to follow the old man. He was led to a ship and was slightly amazed at the size. It was bigger than Chan’s ship. It was beautiful and he can only wonder if the man stole it.

More than likely, he did.

The men stepped onto the ship and there were a few crew members still on board. He was a little suspicious of the mood on the ship. Some of the guys looked like they were on their deathbeds. For others, he could tell if they were drunk or not. He set his gaze on the most beautiful man on the ship. Black hair, sharp eyebrows, and features, plump lips. He didn’t belong in this crew. He can’t be a pirate. This was a joke right?

He was snapped out of his head when someone bumped into his shoulder. He turned to see a giant. The man looked back and mouthed something.

“Leave.”

Leave? What was going on? Before he could ask him, the guy already rushed off to where he was going.

What did he get himself into?

Well whatever was going on here, maybe he can die faster. Better than drinking his life away.

“Well kid, welcome to hell. You’re gonna love it.”

Shit.

tag you’re it: @felixtok @sunnytaes @burningupp  @honeyvocalhwang @bunnypig18

[hwatermelonsuga]

Fool's Gold: ii. First Night Back in Port

° Series Masterlist

° genre: pirate au, pirateez

° word count: 1.4k

° warnings: language, alcohol (seriously, these men might be alcoholics), insecurities, masculinity, men.. simple as that

° pairing: seongjoong

° summary: Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, join Hongjoong and his crew on a quest to find Captain Avery's hidden treasure as they come across traitors, lies, and a tyrant for a king.

“Now, treasure is ticklish work; I don’t like treasure voyages on any account….” -Captain Smollett, Treasure Island

“Captain,” one of the crew members called as they knocked at his office door. “We’re here.”

Hongjoong put down the letters he was reading and followed the member. Looking out, he saw the familiar busy port. It was dusk as lights were showing others the way to shore. 

“Finally home.”

After about a week at sea, the men were finally at a place where they belonged. A place that felt like home. A place that was home. Misfit Island, a town of outsiders, thieves, and pirates. This is the place where they all come. A place that’s free of judgment and laws and bullshit. 

No one really knows the origins of the island. Most just know that a group of pirates were fleeing to avoid execution and decided to live there. They stole a lot of supplies and materials that helped them survive and here it is centuries later. 

Hongjoong looked around and saw everyone getting to work. Seonghwa and Yeosang ordered people around to get supplies and men in the right place. Yunho directed his mate to keep the ship steady and on the right path. Mingi and San had their small team put away the ammo that was somehow on the deck. Wooyoung and Jongho were nowhere to be seen on the deck, but he was sure that they were doing their jobs. 

The ship was directed to a certain spot and Yunho directed everyone. The sails were down and the anchor was dropped. People rushed everywhere. Some were going around the ship to see what needs to be fixed, some were headed off the ship with empty barrels. Hongjoong was joined by Seonghwa as they walked off the ship. 

“What's the first order of business?”

“Well,” Hongjoong sighed. “First thing is, to get a fucking drink and some food.” And with that, the two headed to their favorite tavern, Dead Kings Tavern. 

The place was lively as the pianist played tunes and drunken sailors sang along, not really knowing the lyrics. The workers served drinks and kicked out rowdy customers. The air smelled of rum and musk, but alas, it was home. They got seats at the bar and ordered their usual. Once in a while, people came up to congratulate Hongjoong. Somehow the word spread fast that he was a captain and beat Jones in a battle. 

No one really liked Jones. 

“Congrats Captain Joong!”

“I feel like you’re the person for the job.”

“Watch out for the sirens, they took my leg trying to kill me. Sure they wouldn’t mind taking that other eye of yours.”

“Now that you’re captain, I’m sure all the ladies are over you.” Hongjoong has to laugh at that one. No woman was willing to date a pirate unless either she’s crazy or she found someone who’s charming and dateable. Even then, Hongjoong has his eyes set on someone already. 

Other men came up to Hongjoong to give him more useless advice on being a captain. He really didn’t need it but he knew he couldn’t really stop the drunk men from talking on and on. Seonghwa only watched in amusement as the man was starting to get annoyed at the constant interruptions. 

“You know, they’re only trying to help. They all love you here. Well, at least most like you better than Jones.”

“That or they’re trying to test me.”

“Calm down Joong! I doubt it.”

“No, no. I’m sure at least half of these pinheads are trying to take my crew. Maybe even my ship, but I’m not letting that happen-”

“You’re being paranoid.”

“No, I’m not!”

Seonghwa sighed. “Alright, say that they are trying to take everyone and the ship, what are you planning to do?”

Hongjoong paused for a bit, chugging the drink in his hand. What would he do? He cant’ fight everyone… well he could, but that’d be a waste of time. He’d have to intimidate them or something like that. He has to prove that he’s capable, that they’re not weak. 

…

He had nothing.

“Let me get back to you on that later.”

Seonghwa laughed at him. He knew he didn’t have an idea, especially with them just getting back and being exhausted from the trip.

“Capt’n Joong,” someone yelled, running into the tavern. At first, everyone looked at the man but then went back to what they were doing. Hongjoong and Seonghwa looked back to see it was one of his crew members.

“What’s going on?”

“Someone tried taking the barrels of rum… and the gunpowder.”

“Really,” Hongjoong huffed and with that they all ran out. 

~~~~~~~~

“That was a disaster,” Mingi sighed. The inner circle joined each other in Dead Kings Tavern. 

“Yeah, well at least we got everything back.”

“NOT EVERYTHING! They took my ring,” San pouted.

“Eh, it was fake,” Yeosang told him.

Hongjoong slowly walked to the crew. He felt it was his fault that someone tried to steal from them. Even since he took over as captain, the crew’s been vulnerable. Sure everyone knew him already, but Hongjoong felt that they all still had to get used to a new leader. So because of that, they haven’t been as secure as they were (well as secure as they could be under Jones). 

“Joong, it’s not on you. I hope you know that,” Yunho whispered to him. Hongjoong looked over to him with a confused look.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can see it on your face. Don’t blame yourself for something that happens almost hourly here. Take a breather and enjoy the time we have here.” Hongjoong nodded and paid attention to his food. Even with Yunho’s words, Hongjoong was still in his head. Sure this incident wasn’t on him, but this just shows to others that he doesn’t have full control. That he’s a rookie that’ll fail before the month is over with.

The guys fooled around and laughed as Hongjoong was in his bubble. They noticed that he was a bit distant but they figured that he’d be okay. 

“Did you hear about Laney’s crew?”

“No, what happened?” Hongjoong overheard the men next to their table and couldn’t help but tune in. 

“They tried finding Avery’s treasure, but no one’s heard from them since.”

“When did they go out?”

“It’s been a few weeks, I think.”

“Well, there goes another bunch. When will they learn?”

“I mean, it might be worth it. I hear that it’s a lot.”

“Yeah, well I still wouldn’t risk it.”

“Captain,” someone tried to grab his attention.

“Huh,” Hongjoong snapped out of it and turned his attention back to the people in front of him. They chuckled a bit as they noticed their leader being nosy. 

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt to actually go on this hunt,” San brought it up again.

“No, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we’re not doing it! End of discussion.”

Wooyoung huffed at that as he also wanted to find Avery’s treasure. “Come on Joong! Isn’t this the reason why we all became pirates? For the adventure? The freedom?”

“Don’t know about you but I was kidnapped,” Mingi spoke up.

“Same for me,” San also spoke up. Wooyoung gave them a look. They really weren’t helping his case.

“Ok, well for one we didn’t kidnap you two,” Seonghwa started. “San, you came because you got lost and just so happened to walk on our ship before we left. And Mingi… actually you were, but I’m putting that on Jones.” 

“I joined for the adventure,” Jongho raised his hand.

“THANK YOU!” Wooyoung had a bright smile on his face as he thought that he had someone on his side.

“But actually, I just needed money… and a home…” He finished off, causing Wooyoung to huff. 

“WELL WHATEVER! Just.. think about it Joong! If there is a treasure, we’d be rich! Set for life I tell ya.”

The two had a stare-down and it looked like neither was going to give up. The rest of the men looked at Wooyoung and Hongjoong. Who was going to look away first? A blink? They all knew Hongjoong wasn’t going to back down. Honestly, he had no choice. If he showed any sign of weakness, he’d be done for. Every wannabe captain would rush to take his place. 

The tension was broken with Hongjoong’s words. “I said no.”

And that was that.

tag you're it: @felixtok @sunnytaes @burningupp @honeyvocalhwang @bunnypig18

[hwatermelonsuga]

Race to the Riches

° genre: mafia au, humor

° warnings: language, violence, drugs, manipulation, more in individual chapters

° pairing: none... or is there?

° summary: Two agents, Minho and Han, are assigned a mission involving a secret among the main mafia groups of the city, otherwise known as the Big Three. Everyone is after the secret but no one knows what it is. The two men run into some trouble and figure out that it'll take a lot to get what they need. Let's see who can steal from the mafia first.

° started: 04/19/22 (on hold)

° ended: TBA

index

i. The Big Three

ii. Who the hell are you?

iii. Walk out

iv. Kinda sus

v.

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